#and its a very seasonal job so im not doing the same thing all around the year. spring is the busiest but i fucking love spring

[perilegs]

shoutout to people working their dream jobs doing something mundane

[81folklore]

i can do it with a broken heart - f1 grid

parings: gn!driver!reader x platonic!f1!grid x ex!jacob elordi

summary: after yn and their ex break up, they carry on as best they can and no one had any idea how bad they were struggling

type: social media au (smau)

notes: george is in this but he does not drive for mercedes, yn does. i also used a mixture of fem and masc pictures because i couldnt decide and thought you could just imagine whatever you wish!!

notes 2: probably the longest fic ive done so far but im pretty proud of it. the time stamps above each section are semi important so i would keep an eye on them!! also i know ive been gone for so long but i do not promise ill be back. alsoooo i know i only included a bit of the grid but i kept getting distracted and then couldn’t figure out how to include everyone!!

masterlist

march 2024

twitter

charles oh my god i cant believe my cat is finally the pfp

i have been waiting for YEARS

max yes well you better enjoy it because it’ll change soon and you’ll be back to waiting again.

lando jesus max do you have to use punctuation???

alex be glad he doesnt use captials

oscar one thing at a time lando, we dont want to scare him

max ???

lando anyway

yn mate you ok?

yourname im fine? ur scaring me you never ask how i am

lando yeah but usually your not single

lewis oh no! you and jacob split?

yourname yeah, wasnt working anymore

charles ah im sorry, that must suck😣

yourname i mean it does but its been coming for a long time so its not surprising

fernando hello! yn what is wrong? you always use emotes!

yourname theyre emojis nando, and im fine just a bit lost

fernando do not worry, i will come and find you!

yourname no, i dont mean literally just..we were together for so long i dont really know what to do now you know?

lando i get it, you wanna play tarkov with me???

yourname cheers ill get on now

george let us know if you need anything!

may 2024

yourusername

liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and 814,583 others

p✌️ was just what we needed this weekend!

thank you to everyone who came out and supported myself and the team and huge thank you to the team for working so hard all weekend⭐️

view comments

mercedesamgf1 mega job this weekend yn👊 *liked by author*

landonorris nice to share the podium with you mate

yourusername same time next race?

user33 loved seeing you back on the podium

user2 absolutely smashing it this season

user21 more podiums please🤲 *liked by author*

user3 fourth podium of the year first p✌️*liked by author*

twitter

*pretend it says after march i changed dates around last min*

august 2024

yourusername

liked by lukehemmings, charles_leclerc and 1,124,642 others

did some reading, painting and writing

baked some good food and spent time with some good people, also got a cat…not bad for summer break☀️

view comments

user66 AHHHHHH

yourusername ahhhhhhh

user26 cats name plsplspls

yourusername norman🐱

lukehemmings nice music👍

yourusername woah arent you the guy who wrote mum?!

mercedesamgf1 ready to see you back on the podium

yourusername always!!!!

user74 have you had funnnn??

yourusername yesss!! ive been doing lots of things i enjoy, basically treating every day as my birthday😋

twitter

*was supposed to write them instead of her sorry!! was doing two stories at once and kept getting mixed up😅*

october 2024

yourusername

liked by mercedesamgf1, gracieabrams and 1,291,638 others

p☝️ for the 3rd time this season, very very pleased

huuuuuge thank you to the team, every single one of you who worked tirelessly over the summer break and every moment since then, these have been for you⭐️

view comments

user55 what a good season to be a yn fan *liked by author*

user6 these races have been incredible to watch, so proud

yourusername ⭐️⭐️

gracieabrams woop woop!!!!

yourusername 😝😝

user2 gracie??

user41 why have we not had any personal photo dumps yet😕😕

user88 right we miss seeing you yn!!

yourusername sorry guys😣ive been suuuper busy working on something i just honestly forgot

user41 NEW PROJECT?? WHEN?? (also pls dont feel bad we love u)

yourusername soon!! (and i love u guys too)

twitter

november 2024

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 3,689,921 others

tagged: taylorswift

i cannot believe i get to say this, but my new friend taylor just released a new album and i was able to write a song on the album

im honestly not sure how this came about but i had so much fun writing this and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way ive never done before

i poured my life and soul into this song and im so glad taylor is the one who is singing it and really bought it to life

send some love to my friend and go and stream THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (most importantly i can do it with a broken heart😉)

comments have been limited

taylorswift thank you for trusting me with this song, so much love🤍

yourusername NO THANK YOU!!! i will be forever grateful⭐️⭐️

twitter

yourusername added to their story

seen by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 729,282 others

charles i feel completely betrayed yn

fernando oh no😟! what did yn do?

charles THEY DIDNT TELL ME THEY WERE WRITING A SONG??

AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT HOW COULD YOU☹️☹️

yourname sorry charles, surprise?!

charles ill forgive you because its a good song

yourname thank you my life just got infinitely better!

yuki very good song yn! has been on repeat☺️

yourname thanks yuki, glad you like it!!

lando I LOVE IT TOO

but seriously are you ok?!

yourname yeahhh im better now

was just a lot to navigate

lewis glad you found an outlet! but remember you can always talk to any of us

yourname i know and i appreciate it, i really do

alex yn was that twitter thread right?

yourname mate youre going to have to elaborate

alex user56tweetlink

yourname oh pretty much yeah

some things were changed with taylor but not much

fernando just listened to the song yn! very nice👍well done!

yourname thank uu

max good song yn!

now

lando can you please tell me what you meant on your twitch stream!

oscar max is kind of scary

max dont make me talk about that interview next oscar!

[wandasaura]

https://www.tumblr.com/wandasaura/760270354350538752/ducklings-graduation-i-feel-like-wanda-and-nat?source=share

(not the same anon) was scrolling through your asks & answers aft rereading yail (one of or my most favourite fics by the way, so thank you for that! It's so gd… wonderful a mix of tooth-rotting fluff and smut. I feel like you've spoiled a lot of other fics for me now).

Saw this and was wondering if ducky has decided what she'd do aft graduation? (also read in one of your answers from so long ago https://www.tumblr.com/wandasaura/743960989904568320/what-does-duckling-study-could-we-maybe-see-a?source=share that ducky studies compsci, wonder if that's still the same or it's different now?)

Or how she'd balance work and being w WandaNat cause ppl you work w are more permanent than those you study w (and I can envision some ppl being mean to ducky and being made to regret it)

hii, thank you so much for reading my stories and loving them so much. it truly means so much to me that you still care about these characters and plotlines even though im not writing for them as actively as i used to.

and, not to say ducky's entire plan changed after graduation, she's still very passionate about computer science and would love to secure a job in that field one day, but directly after graduation 'party planner' basically fell into her lap and its apparently something she really enjoys. enjoys enough to put her hard-earned degree on a shelf and become one more permanently.

it truly was unintentional. ducky wouldn't have even needed to apply to work as head for wandanat's tech department after graduation, the job was practically hers already as natasha prepared to promote darcy to another field, but it just so happened that wanda fired their usual event coordinator the week before the annual gala the company holds for their partners and employees, and ducky happened to be home between her last two finals when wanda was sitting at the kitchen island stressed beyond belief. ducky shoved herself between wanda and the counter and took over, only occasionally asking if wanda liked a particular color story more than any other. ducky even managed to somehow expedite an existing order of center pieces that wasn't meant to come in until the day of the gala. and after that, wanda repaid her with an earth shattering orgasm over the island counter and went about her night as normal. it was the next morning when she was telling pepper about ducky's help that pepper took initiative and hired ducky as their event coordinator 😭 natasha found out through being cc'd in an email that ducky had accepted the position and was now a member of their staff. natasha, overjoyed with the news of seeing ducky every day, of course snuck into the bedroom after one of her meetings and gave ducky some of the best head she's ever received, and then natasha went all boss mode on her and ducky decided that was the hottest thing ever.

but! they do have very good working relationships! ducky was honestly very skeptical about how they were going to balance their multiple dynamics and keep the air clean now that all three of them were tied up in the same drama all day long, but wanda and natasha are seasoned professionals, and ducky has an inability to ever preform less than stellar, so everything runs smoothly. and ducky loves getting to be apart of their world. not the criminal justice legal jargon this man is not a murderer world, but the 'i built this place so nobody ever felt as alone and unsupported as i did' world that it all stemmed from. she loves getting the summaries for different events, like the january event wanda hosts every year that meets and recognizes members of her staff and partners that have either served in the military, or lost a loved one in the military, and putting together something that just truly resonates with the message and theme. she also likes getting to boss natasha around and tell her that by no means should she show up to the mid-spring banquet in a maroon suit when the color theme is blues and pinks. honorary mention of the fact that pepper is absolutely overjoyed that the banquets and gala's actually have color stories now. the last event coordinator was too scared to push back against wanda and natasha and therefore every single event was just red and black. pepper is so glad she gets to wear the pink heels tony got her for their anniversary now.

everyone loves ducky! but its hard not to love her when one time wanda was scolding the tech department and ducky marched her ass into the room and pulled wanda out by her pinkie finger, shaking her head and muttering under her breath about how 'sometimes you should breath before you storm in guns blazing, maximoff'. nobody had ever dared to pull wanda maximoff away, let alone interrupted her in the middle of a lecture. but here's ducky, who comes to work every day in different colors leggings and a crewneck, pulling wanda away by her pinkie while she holds a pink smoothie in her hand that everyone knows she stole from natasha because theres a big NM on the front of the plastic cup. like she's so powerful to them, but also all of them know she's literally the sweetest girl and not a singe one of them can understand how she does what she does and gets away with it.

(also to address the leggings thing. ducky definitely wore a suit for the first week and then complained to natasha about how much she hates it, and one day she just decided to show up in red leggings from lulu and a black crewneck that admittedly was within dress code, but anyways, wanda lost her mind over the leggings which definitely led to office sex, which then prompted natasha to reach out to lulu and have them make ducky different pairs of leggings with the company name embroidered on them so at least they could claim she was advertising their company instead of just blatantly breaking the rules because she doesn't like suit pants or 'ugly old people dresses'.)

[suethesocks]

Egyptian Ben 10 AU!!

A long while ago i got the idea of making an au where ben is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian (the idea entirely spawned off a joke my friend made about a hypothetical ben like that having to explain his fasting to rook)

At first the idea was gonna be that his parents are Egyptian immigrants and he was born and raised in Bellwood, but last second before finishing his character bio i decided to flip everything over and make this AU *in* Egypt

The timeline i have in mind for these bios are all at around right after the highbreed arc, but also before season 3 straight up starts. I feel like thats a good jumping-on point

In terms of aliens mostly i just get to explore what the aliens would look like as teenagers since uaf and ov didnt really do much with that (they didnt even bother giving wildmutt a tail) and have fun trying to make his flannel into outfits for the aliens. Hoever if i get any cool ideas for entirely revamping aliens id definitely do it

I tried to make fourarms darker skinned not sure if its showing. Id have done the same with stinkfly but the uniforms colorscheme wouldve crashed. I wanted to try giving wildmutt black fur because this ben has darker hair but nothing really quite worked hsjhds wildmutts obnoxious orange is just too iconic

Prep school is mostly an american thing, here the closest equivalent for the early 2000s would be an international school. Also i changed lawyer to doctor as thats the sort of "go-to" job that makes a lot of money, lawyers in egypt arent usually as fortunate

Here she doesnt wear her uniform this is just how she dresses. I tried to fit the cat motif like OS but i couldnt really think of something that fit. If i were drawing UAF or OV gwen in my own take id have given her cat imagery but i think for Jwanas personality it actually makes more sense for her to be boring and lose the cat

Jwanas also a lot more angsty about her magic (and it is magic) since her parents and basically entire surrounding community both Muslim and Christian are very against magic and consider it sin. Shes also a lot more angsty in general because like the bio says shes under alot of stress and is very jealous of ben, which is conflicting because ben is also her best friend and she doesnt wanna feel this sort of animosity to him. She also doesnt realize how much he looks up to her as someone who is a lot more intelligent and disciplined than he'll ever be (for example the concept of jwana having the spark isnt here, ben just can never learn magic because he doesnt have what it takes)

Kevin much like ben is more or less the same as he is in the show. With jwana i went with my own take but Ben and Kevin are more of, culminations of what i think are their best parts in the series and then just fleshing that out more

I felt like the outfit he has in earth-prime works best with a few touchups. Prime kevin has consistently had that rugged guy-who-lives-in-a-garage look so despite being the most basic outfit it works the best with a few touchups

I did change his anatomy, i wanted to make him look like a mutant freak. I gave him this sort of frankenstine's monster posture (a small reference to him being an amalgamation in os). He also has these stretch marks all over his body since his material absorption doesnt just create a coat around him but also alters his skin itself (so these markings arent there for os-era kevin) He also has a lot of weird bumps over his body

This kevin is 100% mutant no alien shenanigans. If i do aggregor i'll uhhh think of something else for him to be. His transition to the lightside is a lot longer and for the majority of the highbreed arc hes not even there hes more of an occasional ally if he feels like helping

Was his dad a plumber or not im not sure tbh, im leaning towards not though

Next post is gonna be a bunch of villains for funsies

[xaeyrnofnbe]

HOW ID REWRITE ANGEL: THE SERIES

(bc i liked the show but i feel like things should have played out VERY differently) (i'm very biased towards certain characters also)

changes start around when cordy ascends to be a higher being and connor throws angel in the ocean

her boredom as a higher being leads to her coming back to earth (on her own accord!!) and giving up her godhood to do so, but retaining outward, physical demonic traits (themed around her brief appearance as a god bc i think the imagery there was very pretty) and this acts as a full circle moment for her character, mirroring doyle in season 1. whereas once she was disgusted by a half-demon, now she is one herself and couldn't be happier. she still has visions and some minor abilities but now she doesn't pass for human and doesn't get to be space-demon-god

connor and cordelia DOESNT HAPPEN. GIRL THAT IS YOUR SON. BOY THAT IS YOUR MOM. PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER

more lorne. idc what happens with him i just want him to be more of a main character

cordelia and angel have some brief awkward flirtations(?) which are super weird and uncomfortable and they conclude that they love each other dearly, but aren't into each other Like That (they only thought so to begin with bc all their friends kept saying it) (but they're buddies :]]])

connor seriously struggles with holt's death, and has to grapple with the emotional confusion of trying to live with and cooperate with the very man he was raised for the sole purpose of killing. but angel investigations really want him to be ok so they take good care of him throughout, even if he is hesitant to accept

uhhhh eventually wesley does get apologetic about betraying his friends. it takes him a while but he does recognize and regret his wrongdoings

i don't know what the big bad should be in season 4 since i'd fully retcon everything needed to make that plot happen. i like to imagine it would be better though

they DO end up running wolfram & hart. since i think it's funny. and spike's arc remains the same with him returning as a ghost, coming back to life, etc etc. he'd be a smidge different though, a TAD less antagonistic. not because i think he wouldn't but because i'd like to see more of the spike we saw at the end of btvs (it'd be hard to justify with buffy not being present, but i still think it's doable)

harmony gets to be more of a character also!!! she and cordy hang out :)) she also takes her job as angel's assistant VERY seriously, but in that way that only harmony could be, which is to say: not very serious at all actually, but she's very determined about whatever the hell it is she's doing

more hints that angel and spike banged when they were evil because 1. i think it's funny, 2. the implications for their characters and dynamic are EXCELLENT. i would also like a few more friend moments for them. and maybe they kiss idk whaaaat who said that. no but seriously the werewolf girl doesn't happen and instead that plot is taken over by spike. imagine. i mean whattt

more of angel acting silly bc he was adorable in the first season and i'd love more of that

fred doesn't die suddenly and horribly. preferably not at all

gunn gets to care about literally anything other than himself in s5. more emphasis on his resilience? his will to survive? and how that makes him more loyal to the people in his life? pretty please? and he hangs out with wes because they were friends once?

with cordelia not gone maybe they could somehow move dennis to wolfram & hart? or maybe cordy has a new apartment he could stay at? idk i just thought he was fun and SURELY there's a spell for that

basically there's road bumps for sure but at the core of the show is a band of friends. they LIKE each other, because i genuinely believe that's where the show is strongest. i never really cared for the dramatic plotlines, im really only in it for the characters i adore and their (ALMOST ENTIRELY PLATONIC UNLESS ITS FUNNY) relationships to one another. and it's at its weakest when everything's all gloomy and dramatic. so let it be lighthearted and let them be FRIENDS

[yelenabelovasbxtch]

Crush On An Archer PT.1

a/n: Hey! Omg long time no see! I kinda maybe lost interest in writing for a bit there but tbh I think I'm back. No promises because I don't want to promise and then break your hearts but also I realllyyyy enjoyed writing this and I hope you all enjoy reading it! Will def be making a part two in coming days so stay tuned. LMK if you want to be added to the taglist, I am going to put some tags of past taglists below just in case they are interested in reading :) ALSO! Special shout out to @scmg11 because their writing is honestly what made me wanna get back into it. So,,I hope you enjoy!

Kate X Fem!Reader

Concept: Reader has a crush on Kate (school/Uni setting) and she doesn't know how to tell her.

Warning: Cussing, mentions of smut, IM TRYING TO WRITE SLOW BURN BUT BEAR WITH ME ITS NEW!

Word Count: 2.7k

You’re a month into your summer vacation and things couldn’t be more…boring. You love and appreciate your parents dearly for putting out the money so that you could attend a prestigious school in New York with a kick ass archery team but does it ever suck to be this far from all your friends for four months. To make the situation work, your dad had to transfer jobs to another state that pulls in a little more money annually with slightly more affordable housing but that means you aren’t even near the people you grew up around. Rural Mississippi is a fairly big step from living in Boston. Boston at least had people, out here it’s like you’re lucky if you get to meet a neighbour because the land has us all so far apart. In all honesty, although it’s boring, you really have one specific reason for being so bummed out. Towards the end of your last semester, you got started getting closer with one of the girls a year younger on your team, Kate. Typically the older girls competed and practised together and the younger girls did the same. Although you two were only a year apart it’s just how things worked out, so you didn’t cross paths very often. However, one day you were walking home from class, stopped to get coffee and basically bumped into her. The meeting was really brief but it was enough to make you catch feelings almost instantly. 

Your interest in her grew as you followed her on Instagram and she followed back. Obviously you took a peak at her page and scrolled to the bottom laughing at the really cringey posts from 2015 she had still up. All you wanted to do was talk to her again but you didn’t know how, although she was a year younger than you she intimidated you so much. Her deep blue eyes were honestly enough to make you stutter whenever you had the chance to talk to her. A month had gone by already and you could not wait to get back to school so you could see her again. Luckily, coach has yearly “team-building” days before the season starts and they’re about half way through the summer so hopefully you can talk to her before then and maybe convince her to hang out when you come back to school. 

Over the next week or so you liked a few story posts that she’d upload every now and again but the day finally came where you felt like you could swipe up and respond to it…y’know…maybe spark a little conversation. 

“Damn Bishop, is this a new bow?” In response to a story post of her showing off some of her off season training. 

“Haha yeah it is, flips out and everything…it's really freakin’ cool.” She replied almost instantly and that made a giant warm smile come across your face. 

Shit– what do you say back? Your main goal was honestly to keep the convo going so you could subtly mention down the line hanging out with her. 

“Yeah that’s sick, wow I’d kill to try something like that out.”

“Well next time I see you, please by all means give it a shot” She replies back.

“Might just have to take you up on that. How’s your summer going anyways?”

“It’s alright, kind of boring though. All my friends from school move back home and I am working for my mom’s company over the summer so it all is just kind of dull. I miss going out and having fun. Wbu?”

“Yeah, I hear that. I am SO bored here. I would kill to fast forward to the fall, I miss being at school honestly. There’s only so much I can do by myself here during the summer.”

“Ugh right! I want it to be school again too but don’t get me wrong, I love the summer, the weather is great here recently and the nightlife is amazing too. I just have nobody to go with, you know.”

“Yeah I get it. Trust me, if I could be there to go out with you I would, there is definitely no nightlife here haha.”

Shit. That wasn’t too forward was it? She is taking a while to respond to you. She hasn’t even opened the message yet. 

*4 minutes later*

“Well, you’re going to be around for that team-building thing coach has us doing in a couple of weeks right?”

“Yeah, I should be.”

“Well, we can go out then if you want? Me and a few friends had plans but they’re all on the team and I’m sure they’d love to have you there too.”

“Yeah, that sounds great I’d love to!”

The conversation pretty much ended there and your contact with her was fairly limited, just a small comment here or there until you finally got to fly back to school for summer training. You settle back into the apartment you left a couple months ago, everything is still a mess where you left it but the kitchen and living room are even filthier since you are not around to clean up much after your roommates. You decided to wait until your team practice to talk to Kate about hanging out again. You didn’t want to come on too strong but also a small part of you feels like she forgot what she said months ago and you won’t end up seeing her, not outside of team stuff at least. 

You grabbed your gear and headed to the field where practice was being held. You saw some of your friends from last year and decided to catch up with them before coach pulled you all in to start practice. You were trying your best not to make it obvious but your eyes were tracking all around you looking for Kate but she was nowhere to be seen. 

*Whistle* “Okay team! Let’s bring it in. First, I just want to say thank you to everyone for making the effort to come back to campus for this, meeting I–”

“SORRY SORRY SORRY!” You hear the coach interrupted as footsteps are fast approaching the circle of archers. 

“Hi Kate.” Says coach.

“I am SO sorry. My driver was running late and then there was traffic because of a giant accident, I think there was some battle in the streets again, I don’t know, either way, my bad coach, won’t happen again…I promise.” She says with the most adorable grin that is absolutely saying she will be late again. 

“It’s alright Kate, it happens, I was just telling the team how thankful I am that everyone could make the trip back to campus for this.” Coach went on to talk about the drills you were doing for the day and man was it hard to not be in awe watching her. You tried your best not to stare all day because the last thing you wanted to do was make it obvious but fuck it felt impossible. The day came to an end and you packed up your gear, Kate was talking with the other seniors on the team as they were gathering their things and started to head out. You could feel your window closing to talk to her but interrupting her conversation with her friends and “inviting” yourself out with them just felt too weird and uncomfortable. If it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be but you would kill to be able to just spend an hour with her. 

You watched as she started to walk away towards the parking lot with her friends when all of a sudden she motioned for them to hold on a minute and she turned around and jogged over to you. 

“Hey y/n! Sorry we didn’t get to catch up much during practice, I saw your shooting though it’s looking good.” 

Yeah…your face is bright red. Control your shit. 

“Anyways, me and a couple friends are going out later tonight to a party that one of their friends is hosting. It’s like a Hawaiian beach summer nights themed type of party so if you have something like that to wear, that would be great.”

“Yeah, I might have something, I’ll take a look when I get home.” 

“Cool! I’ll text you the address once I get it off my friend and I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah, sounds good!” 

“Here, why don’t you put your number into my phone, I don’t like using DM’s that much.”

You take Kate’s phone out of her hand and fill out a contact for yourself, praying that she can’t hear your heart beating out of your chest. 

“Cool, thanks, I’ll send you a text in a bit.” She says with a smile and then runs off to re-join her friends. 

It seems silly sitting by your phone and literally watching the minutes tick by waiting for her to text you but that’s all  you could do. The anticipation felt like it was killing you. 

Your phone finally buzzed with a mystery number attached, “Hey y/n! It’s Kate. So…slight change of plans.”

Fuck. Is she bailing? Your eyes were glued on the three dots as she typed and you watched as they disappeared and reappeared. 

“Turns out the party is actually around the corner from my place so if you wanted to just come here first, we could pre-game and shit and then walk over together? My friends said they were going out to get their hair done so they’ll be running late.”

“Hey Kate, yeah no problem that works for me just send me your address and lmk what time you want me there.”

Kate dropped a pin of her location to you with the text attached telling you to come over at 7pm. 

7pm rolled around and you were already there outside but you kind of felt like you should wait another minute or two so you weren’t RIGHT on time. Or is it weird to be a minute late? But wouldn’t being on time be weirder? Whatever, you decided to just wait a minute and then knock on her door. 

Knocking on her door was the most nerve wracking thing you ever did, you were genuinely shitting bricks. 

“HEY! Come in come in!” Kate eagerly yells at you as she swings the door open. She’s wearing shorts with a bright purple bikini top and a button down Hawaiian shirt over top that doesn’t have a single button done up. Are you starring? Yes. Probably? Absolutely you are. 

“Make yourself at home, feel free to grab a drink from the fridge, my roommates are out of town and left all their alcohol so help yourself.” She said with a laugh. 

You heard that right? Her roommates are out of town. Just the two of you…you never know. 

You grabbed a drink from the fridge and took a seat on the couch next to her and yeah…the drink started going down faster than usual because of all the nerves in your stomach. The two of you made small talk for awhile but the conversation started flowing a little more naturally about 2 drinks in. Were you still kind of awkward as hell? Yeah…a little. But at least you warmed up to her a bit and weren’t acting so weird. About an hour later, her friends showed up and grabbed you guys to head over to the party. Honestly, things were going so well with just the two of you that you didn’t even want to go to this party but if it meant you got to spend more time with her then there you were. You got to the party and you honestly knew practically nobody. You weren’t exactly a social butterfly but Kate clearly was. She was talking to EVERYBODY. The boys at the party especially loved her. There was lots of laughing and flirting going on, you could feel the jealousy building but acting out was definitely not an option. You ended up socialising with a few of the other people at the party but for most of the night you stuck by Kate’s side, the two of you got pretty drunk together, pouring shots for one another and dancing in the pit of people to extremely loud music. There was a point where it felt like it was just you and her and nobody else was there while the music was blasting into your ears and the two of you were jumping together to the beat and singing out the lyrics to whatever song was on at the time. Kate got really close to you until some guy would come and pull her away in an attempt to make a move on her. Although, it never actually happened. Kate always ended up finding her way back to you. At one point she grabbed your hand and pulled you into the middle of the crowd as the two of you sang (screamed) the lyrics to “love story” into each other's faces. The party, as all do, started to simmer down. You guys actually ended up being some of the last people at the party, you stuck around to the point where the music was gone and most people were just sitting around chatting halfway sober. 

“Hey, I think I’m going to go home, I am super tired right now.” Kate says to you. 

“Okay, I’ll walk with you, I left my bag at your place anyways so I have to grab it.” 

“Right, sounds good.” 

Although the two of you had been singing and dancing for hours, she looked just as perfect as when you left and you were trying your hardest not to stare at her while the two of you were walking side-by-side. 

The walk back to her place was pretty quick, when the two of you got inside you went to grab your bag and get your things together. You were desperately trying to figure out what to say to her while you were organising your stuff. You didn’t want to come on too strong but you also want to make sure that she knows you had a good time…I guess just tell her exactly that?

“I had a really good time tonight, thanks again for inviting me.” You say as you’re leaning against the wall in her hallway. 

“Of course, anytime. And I did too. We should really hang out more when we come back to school.” She replies. 

Kate walks towards you and stops about a foot away leaning up against the doorframe to her bedroom. The hallway is super narrow and all you can think about is pinning her against the wall while you kiss down her neck and pull her tight by her waist. 

“Yeah I think so too. I guess I should probably head out.” You say as she looks at you with the softest eyes that you swore said “please stay”. You lingered for a second longer as the two of you were looking at each other, tired, kind of tipsy and on the verge of ripping each other's clothing off. All you wanted was for her to actually ask you to stay a little longer but before she had the chance you were already walking towards the door. 

“Have a good night y/n.” She says. “Text me when you get home safe.”

“I will. Sleep well Kate.” You reply as you turn to look at her with a smile and step out the front door. 

That goodbye felt different. It felt like there were still feelings in the air and lots that wanted to be said that wasn't. It felt like the perfect opportunity with nobody around after an amazing night together has passed but you regret none of it. Although you weren’t able to get a confirmation on whether or not Kate even likes women like you do, you knew there was definitely a type of tension between the two of you that she definitely noticed.

-- END OF PT 1 --

Taglist: @yelenaslyubov @youreatotalposer @jeyramarie @flosbelova @bridgecitybrad @justthis-stuff @chloe7076 @ailenepuff @ravenclawbitch426 @mellowladyangel @amcg0605-blog @kassies-take @yelenaswife1996 @wandanatchick @lilroachsworld @inluvwithfictionalwomen @x666hours @natashaswife4125 @onetruwhore @karmasgxrl @hopelesslyfallenninlove @setsuna1415 @swiftdazer @imobsessedwithmilfss @madamevirgo @louisprettybab @splatalia-jumpanova @jediluka @t00manyfand0ms

[pumpkinsy0]

Autistic cherry hcs pleek :3 + any other mental illness’ + neurodiversity you can see her have if you have any in mind. basically just a deep dive on her psyche but also autistic cherry #real

im ngl i barely rlly think about her so my thoughts may change but aye,,,lemme cook,,,

yknow i could actually see cherry havingg 3 major things, anxiety, imposter syndrome, and seasonal depression

BUT FIRST THE AUTISM!!!

when it comes to cherry, theres two ways u can see it, either she gets diagnosed as a kid or she doesnt, and since i feel like i would be going down the same rabbit whole as before talking about her not being diagnosed, ill just say she is!!!

she was diagnosed as a kid and her parents dont look too highly on anything that goes against the norm, anything that “makes them look bad” they want to have the perfect life and the perfect daughter, so they just tell her to “act normal”. cherry had basically been masking her wholleeee life, partially bc shes forced by society and her parents, part bc she wants to. any yknow what??? she does a damn good job of it!! when it comes to her stims, theyre things ppl write off, clicking a pen, her humming, and her chewing gum is just her trying to keep it together when shes overstimulated.

is her autism something shes open about??? nope, i dont think so, nobody outside her immediate family rlly knows about it and she would like it to stay that way cause she doesnt want to be knows as “the girl w that condition” she wants to be seen as herself, yknow??? i dont think thats something she grows up to rlly accept about herself either, the ppl around her never taught her how to accept it, so it would b very hard for her to do it on her own</33

when it comes to her special interest btw, i can totally see her like french history!! especially when it comes to the fashion (specifically rocco i would think) and the revolution, i cant explain it, she just gives off the vibe. maybe its bc i hc her as half french??? perchance????? POINT IS, shes super into it!!! she has some old letters from past family members from france around that time she looks at allllll the time, its like her prized possesion

when it comes to cherrys anxiety, its comes from a multitude of things, ive already mentioned the societal pressure shes under so i wont go into that, but what also runs along w her anxiety is her impostor syndrome!! cherry is a girl who genuinely wants to work for what shes got, she doesnt want it handed to her on a silver plater. but she never knows 100% if shes actually working hard for something and got it all by herself bc of her own skills or if she was just pushed to the top for being a pretty soc. and it was only worse when shes in hs, bc all shes known as is a result of her family being popular in town and or her being a cheerleader, noticed mainly bc of her looks, both r superficial reasons. she has no room to show who she truly is and thats suffocating to her, making her question if the relationships around her r genuine, she will lowkey quiz ppl close to her about herself to see if they really listen to her and the only two ppl who passed was marcia and bob

nowwww w the seasonal depression to b fair, she did get better. she got depression, got TECHNICALLY better, and now shes got seasonal depression. not much i can say for this part tbh and thats bc a lot of ppl think she isnt depressed. she keeps on pushing like eveythings ok just to get ppl off her back so they ask no questions, but when shes alone, she clings onto this sweater of bobs and his cologne and wishes he was there. she keeps pushing for his sake though, she knows he wouldnt wanna see her all down in the dumps, no many how many times hes upset her.

[iraprince]

I adore all your art with cookie and was interested in Sapphicworld- but I’m curious (so plz don’t take this as a negative-) what exactly in your opinion sets it apart from other Queer PBTA hacks like Thirsty Sword Lesbians?

I’d just really like to hear your thoughts about it as a system and world especially given you are a indie developer yourself?

hi!! thank you!!

so, a few caveats before i start off — one, i actually haven't played many other pbta games (like for example i know Of thirsty sword lesbians + own a copy that i've poked around in but im not very familiar w it), so i honestly can't provide much in the way of comparing/contrasting it w other pbta stuff in the same vein, and my impressions of sapphicworld are pretty much just contained to the game as its own thing, not so much sapphicworld as a Type Of Game

and two, while i am a dev myself, i'm a huge novice! like, i'm proud of the stuff i put out and i love doing it, but i personally feel like my lack of experience is such that like, i don't think my opinions in this case are particularly informed by my own work as a dev or anything. all this to say im happy to answer this question, i think i just gotta tackle it from a different frame than what ur specifically asking!

BUT ANYWAY. i can still talk abt why im so excited abt sapphicworld in a way that has kind of outstripped other stuff in general, and for me it's about the world 100%. like i honestly spend close to no time thinking abt the fact that sw is even pbta to be honest. not that the mechanics + gameplay aren't important, bc they are thoughtfully crafted and well done and fun, and i'm saying that from the perspective of someone who playtested earlier versions that have now been reworked! it's just like, not what comes to mind first for me — what's exciting and fresh and irreplaceable abt the game in my mind is like. it is fully committed to immersing you in an extremely lush, strange, richly fleshed out world, one with a long history and folklore/mythology and a TON of really fun npcs who all have different subcultures and its own calendar with seasonal holidays and regional terrain with specific fleshed out dungeons/towns/etc to discover and even like, specific FOODS typical to each different region and and and and —

and maybe at first that seems kind of overwhelming, and tbh it is. when i first got into it and i was going thru the playtest document (which if im remembering right was like. ~300 pages shorter at the time than the current playtest doc) i DO remember anxiously thinking to myself "god this is a LOT and idk if i'll be able to retain enough of this to rp convincingly" etc etc. but like... it's just really compelling, and it does an incredible job of mixing humor and gravity and horniness in a perfect ratio that always comes across as intensely earnest and makes it equally easy to have a fun goofy time or a really emotional time, which i think is REALLY hard to do.

and while normally it's hard for me to get thru something that dense and long all i can really say is that i just straight up like it enough and was charmed by it enough to pick away at it until i grasped it and felt like i understood a bunch about the world, which also has a curve to it bc in structure and tone its very different from any of your... idk more Standard fantasy or sci fi worldbuilding, so it's not like u can immediately slot in ur expectations from other settings and just learn some new vocab words, it's a world that from my perspective also Functions differently than a lot of other fictional settings in a way that's a little hard to describe succinctly. (none of this is succinct to begin with but ykwim). it makes me want to gm my own campaign, really really bad, when usually i have always been absolutely Terrified of the idea of gming! idk man. it has a Flavor. it's full of Vapors. u get transported somewhere else reading it and playing it in a way i haven't experienced in a while and a lot of times after a playtest session i felt like my brain stayed behind in sapphicworld for a pretty long time.

i feel like i am sounding a little melodramatic and incoherent but like. genuinely sapphicworld is just a fictional world that i am really bone-deep charmed by and interested in and when i WAS reading thru the rulebook for those first days it did not take me long at all to find myself constantly thinking "i want to play in this world, i want to play in this world, i can't wait to play in this world," and i just think that's really special. and like — just as your curiosity abt comparing sw to tsl was not intended as a diss or a negative, what im abt to say is similarly neutral — im a person who sometimes finds it a little difficult to click with or feel excited abt a lot of the Queer Indie Stuff that i see get popular with other people, bc it just doesn't connect w my specific lesbian + trans experience; not that it feels inauthentic but that im like, oh, idk, i think these guys are just. not My Zone, ykwim. on the flip side so much of the humor and heart and transness and sex in sapphicworld is something that really resonates w me and just Clicks in a way that i have also found really special.

rounding myself off before i ramble for like five more paragraphs but just as one more morsel of something i like abt sapphicworld that is a little more concrete than me spinning around the room yelling "I JUST LIKE IT OKAY": one of the most fun parts of character creation is getting to mix and match your kind (sort of like ancestry/species, the form ur physical body takes) with a subculture. so u get things like a werewolf babe (cookie! babe being a subculture that focuses on being Like, Totally Hot), or a centaur knight, or a minotaur debaucher, or a vampire cowboy, or an organist (cthulu-y tentacle guy) scenester, or a skeleton wizard, etc etc etc etc — there are SO MANY to pick from that when i was trying to bait my friends into playing w me i couldn't find a convenient way to list them all so ppl could start thinking abt their characters. and every possible combination basically is interesting and amusing and fun and practically THROWS a great oc into your lap and i literally think i could amuse myself endlessly just Making Characters in sapphicworld and never actually playing w them.

[panting, disheveled] so tldr. i like it. uh. what sets sapphicworld apart from other ttrpgs to me is that i have fallen balls to the wall in love with the very soul of it to the point where i don't even really think about it in comparison to other games at all and it has just become an Experience to me and i suppose i cannot guarantee anyone else will fall into insane homosexual hysteria in the same way but here we are. HOPE THAT HELPS

(ALSO PSSST. idk if this is just perfect timing or if ur curiosity was specifically prompted by this but the @sapphicworldttrpg patreon DID just launch and if any of this has been intriguing u should check it out. okay mwah bye)

[junee-e]

A NEW PENUMBRA EPISODE HAS RISEN!!!! TIME TO THROW MY THOUGHTS INTO THE ABYSS!!!! random thoughts and ramblings follow :D

I AM SO READY FOR DETECTIVE RITA YOU HAVE NO IDEA

OH SHIT WILL SHE BE NARRATING PLEASE TELL ME SHES NARRATING

HER DETECTIVE VOICE IS SO FUN IM SO DEAD

why is she better at this than juno this is going so much better than his attempt

‘WATCH THIS’ * keyboard tapping noises* (i love her)

of course she gets paid in cereal i dont know what i expected

oh ok no junos still narrating

‘THE MAN I LOVED WAS ON THE LINE’ (this will never get old for me)

‘my name is juno steel and *usually* im the private eye’ i am enjoying this way too much

ok why do i love skipper they’re so fun?

‘he just ruins the *peaceful vibes*’ so real so real

HE TOOK THE FUCKING FLOWERS I SWEAR TO GOD

rita. had. dinner with them. oh my god. she is the best.

the mother speaking for the grandfather in like such an annoyed voice and then being so calm with ‘or so father says’ is so funny to me

skippers so dramatic i love them

‘SHUT UP DEAREST’ LMAOO

ooooooo did skipper help nureyev?? wait no thats too obvious….or it is just obvious enough to be right????…..no its isnt….or is it???? (im going insane)

‘he makes friends or.. more than friends and he uses those connections to his advantage’ OH SHIT (skipper???? skipper?? skipper kinda makes sense???) (but like yknow…obvious option)

‘watch skippers reaction in particular’ AHAHA!

OOOO ARE WE GONNA GET RITA NUREYEV INTERACTIONS PLEASE OH MY GOD

‘mostly i was thinking about nureyev’ *cue me falling off my chair at the instant romantic soundtrack that apparently follows nureyev’s name everywhere now*

roomantiic moonoolougueee tiimmee

GRIMMS MASK EPISDOE CALL BACK OH I AM NOT READY

‘another love’ ITS FOR HIS JOB ISNT IT ISTG

OH ITS FOR FUCKING HYPERION CITY OHHHHH SHIT

why does this remind me of the monolouge at the end of final resting place (end of the first season)

‘it wasnt a very nice city but hell im not a very nice lady’ vs ‘this is my city. im not proud of it but that doesnt mean its not worth saving’

there are so many things this season that are setting up to be broken (probably not the right word) but like so many things that have potential for a really sad/angsty pay off. like nureyev and slip or juno telling nureyev he’ll keep following him untl he says he doesnt want him to. or juno and missing hyperion city. i’m so scared.

oh ritas so dramatic its making me so happy

HE TOOK THE ORCHIDS !!!!!

ITS THE MOTHER????

of course she had an inflatable couch in her hideout spot

ooooo its juno detective-ing explain-ing time

juno obsessing over detective stuff is so fun

a CoNfEsSiOn

‘im tired of you people…and also just tired’ skipper being way too relatable

OH SHIT NUREYEV DIDNT TAKE THE FLOWERS???

SOMEONE TOOK THE FLOWERS FOR NUREYEV WHAT IS THIS????

OH IT WAS THE GRANDFATHER WHAT???

‘he sent me up to bed early’ ma’am, you are a probably-around-40-or-something-year-old woman

the gibberish is still funny

WHAT HE WAS FUCKING IN LOVE WITH NUREYEV HUH WHAT THATS SO FUNNY

‘we know how this theif operates he grabs you by your heartstrings and never lets go’ yeah rita would know about that with all the agnsty monolouges

WHAT THE FUCK HES TALKING????

WHO SAID HE LOVED HIM??? NUREYEV???? WHAT???

OH FUCK OH SHIT OH NO OH GOD ‘he said hed come back for me he said we’d run away together’ OHHHH NO NO NO NO NO. NO LONGER FUNNY

‘well it looks like my work here…is done’ *very fast tapping of rita walking away*

OH WAIT SHE CAME BACK TO ACTUALLY HELP JUNO LMAOO

awwww they’re all back together!

A TRACKER A TRACKER HE GOT IT ON NUREYEV AHAHAHA

THEY KNOW WHERE THE DOKANA GROUP IS LETS GO

oh ok fuck i thought we were done how foolish of me there hadnt been a sad speech yet

‘i knew he hadnt done the same to me’ OH THANK GOD OKOK

‘he meant the promises he made me’ AWW YAY

wait no its sad oh god oh no

‘problems for another day, i thought’ best coping method fr fr

‘the rest we’d just have to figure out together’ yay ok happy-ish ending :D

okok so alot of thoughts. i’m so scared of all the set-ups for angst and honestly i’m kinda just waiting for the episode that it all comes crashing down and everyones really sad. but also! hopefullness! juno saying that he’ll figure it out with nureyev! yay! i honestly don’t know how the big climax finally thing with jupeter and slip and the dokana group and everything is going to go i’m just really hoping for an eventual happy ending with happy jupeter (and rita there too :D)

anyway! loved this episode can’t wait for the next one with (i’m assuming) stuff with the Dokana group!!

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[shi-kyuu]

hello 2025,

you might have noticed last year i haven't been very active here since starting my new job. well i got hired for full time right in the middle of the holiday season, so i've been more than pushing my weight around getting things done with that, my home and life in general. i HAVE been very active on my more low-key blogs (mostly due to people burn out, it's way less demanding being there vs here, and me muse for those characters have been insane vs everywhere else), but i haven't totally disappeared. this year is going to be very busy for me as i have a lot of plans coming up this year! i have a few trips planned, and aiming for my very first promotion (hopefully! i'm so so so so excited to be moving up within my first year!!) and doing a lot of adult stuff that i feel like i should have achieved a long time ago sksksksksks.

despite bing busy in my personal life, im always up and active on discord. i dont rlly rp there bc im so busy and i would rather talk to my mutuals and make friends than focus on rp there most of the time, but i dont mind plotting stuff there or talking about rp and things of that nature. every year i tell myself im going to reach out to more ppl and then like.... i quit fjnfjnjnf but i try and try every year, so its the same this year too. by all means if you'd like to chat more reach out to me in discord (rubiinoyubiwa) and lets be friends <3

i do plan to be more active here on suguru and yuji @keiteiken as my love for jjk never went anywhere, so feel free to catch me there on my off days! i did a very huge overhaul on this blog recently, making this my suguru only blog! looking for people to interact with as i slowly get this blog up and ready for interactions

from, rubii

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[ridiasfangirlings]

if you had to introduce someone to k project with the intention of getting them into the series, where would you tell them to start from? im honestly torn between LSW, the side:red novel or MOR

Honestly? The first season of the anime. It’s uneven but it does a good job introducing the world and the main cast, and it’s a good jumping off point to get into the other side materials based on which characters a person is most drawn to. The issue that I think comes up when you start with the side materials is they don’t all do as much to explain the larger ‘world’ of the series because it’s assumed the reader already knows about the basic Slate and Kings thing, most of that is just given a quick ‘as you well know’ nod. Season one can definitely be confusing (I think it holds up much better on second watch when you know what to look for and can see some of the more subtle stuff they’re doing) but it does at least make most of the worldbuilding stuff pretty clear. LSW I think is probably the weakest of the ones you mentioned on this point, it pretty much assumes anyone reading knows what kind of setting this is and mostly just nods at the parts that are relevant for the story, which could be troublesome for a new person going in blind.

MOR has a better sense of worldbuilding but I think still has a general ‘feeling’ of assumed knowledge, to me that one feels very much like a companion series that won’t hold up as well on its own (it also spoils the whole thing with Totsuka’s death in the final chapters, I feel like it works better reading this one after you’ve seen season one so the end scene of episode one with Colorless hits better). I also think MOR doesn’t work as well as a jumping in point because the early chapters are focused almost entirely on minor characters who barely have any lines in the series proper, I think starting with that one would give someone an incorrect idea of what/who the series is about — even DOB would technically be better here because its focus is a bit more narrowed, Awashima gets a chapter early on and Fushimi remains a consistent focus throughout and he’s at least more of a main character than the alphabet squad are. I also feel like the emotional heft of the last couple chapters doesn’t work as well if you aren’t already attached to these characters, I think it’s just stronger when there’s already a base to work from. 

Side Red I think would actually be a good entry point outside of the anime though, the main drawback probably being that as a novel it might be seen as less accessible than the anime. Actually if we were going for ‘best entry point besides the anime’ my pick would probably be read Side Red and then watch the Seven Stories Side Blue. Side Red I think works really well as a prologue to the series, it brings in the worldbuilding elements and hints at future developments without outright spoiling them and gives good characterization to the Homra top three as well as Anna, Yata and Fushimi, all of whom are main characters, and it brings in things like the state of Mikoto’s Sword and the previous S4. Side Blue then makes a good prologue of the ‘other side,’ though I think the anime actually manages to do better than the novel on this one. Side Blue was written very early in the game and I think it shows, I feel like Munakata is written more manipulative and antagonistic than he is in the rest of the series and the novel has the same issue as MOR where it spends a lot of time with Hidaka and co., who then go on to not really matter all that much in the anime proper. The Seven Stories adaptation narrows that focus more around Munakata, smooths out some of the characterization issues without completely softening them, adds some flashbacks for additional world building and hints at the wider picture with the Greens at the end. If we’re not starting with the anime I would probably say start with Side Red and Blue and then go into season one, and then from there choose where to go next based on which characters caught the viewer’s eye the most.

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Pyramid Job

Well either we're going to Egypt (not in the budget) the louvre (not in the budget) or a Bass Pro Shop (in the budget, unlikely). That or its an MLM. --- Woman is telling her MLM bosses about how she needs to leave the MLM. They tell her success is definitly on the way.

Huh an MLM that has a return policy. (i mean its definitely a shit policy that scams them but thats better then most MLM's)

And they reverse psychology the woman back into the pyramidcult. --- Scene opens with a person in an old london flat-cap getting thrown into a container of hay by Elliot. (this guy is so london that i'd be suprised if this doesnt somehow tie into the "Sophie Backstory" that is being slowly woven into the season-arc.)

Pick London Tweeds pocket full of diamonds, fund a school, pay off debts. Denouement for an off-screen adventure.

Huh, im right. Its just not the same guy but this "Billie the Gent" fellow is also wearing a flatcap (and this guy is even wearing something tweed-like) So i assume this scene is taking place in a London warehouse (the beautiful thing about warehouses, they're pretty standard regardless of geographical location. No need for expensive on-location shots)

Billy is worried about his daughter (she was a baby when Sophie sent him and Arthur to prison)

Elliot dated someone who bought the product.

Billie is doing a bit of a guilt trip, and Elliot doesnt trust him. So expect a third-act betrayal of some sort. --- Con starts in-medias-res. Breanna is an accountant. She does not like how much firewalls they've put around comic sans slideshows of babies.

The point of the Con (at least for now): Get a virus on the server. Automated "return true" to all attempts at a refund.

I dont think that the people working at the datacenters of an MLM are usually in the "level"-based structure. So we need a Diamond key... well if they're all on the funky little wristwatch-drives like Saphire here has? Thats a simple Parker Pickpocket. (seems that she's thinking along the same lines).

Also daily, streams from the boss bitch? Thats gonna make a return, and knowing the standard Leverage MO: That is gonna be her Confession Cam

Sophies scheme for Richard: Divide and conquer by convincing him he needs some more Toxic Masculinity in his life. But like, only a smidgen. So its a Harry job, not an Elliot.

--- Sophie arrives at the cult-fundraiser thing. (Parker is in situ as waitstaff) Thank god this show is willing to drop the C word. (Cult. Though though the other one might be apropriate as well) Ok so apparently the company just steals downlines whenever they want?

Richard exists stage to let Debra shine. Do some pseudo-inspirational brainwashing. We have found Billies daughter Miranda. Parker offers up the Venezuela Protocol. --- Operation Bromcom is initiated. I do not like the Tom Selleck stache on Harry.

Bromcom makes it into Phase 2 no problem. --- Debra reads through Sophies accent and really puts her on the spot, also she puts the spots on her. Cut for comercial as if Sophie doesnt have an earpiece. --- Ok we're not even bothering with the earpiece, Sophie is just gonna StageCultBS her way out of this.

But yeah Debra is onto Sophie. Which isnt really a problem? (Sophie is only here to keep an eye on Miranda and create an opening for Parker to do her thing. Being in the spotlight is kind of the point) --- Back with Breanna, Saphire very much is starting to see the dawning light Re:Pyramids. It's far from noon yet but its definitly twilight.

Ronald has a real "they've got skulls on them" moment when he sees the Teletubbies sunbaby on a giant pyramid in the logo. --- Sophie has Parker feign a pregnancy. (she named the kid after Hardison)

And we've just (temporarily) screwed over Miranda. (look there are no stakes here)

Seriously how many glass pyramids are on this table Miranda is standing at?

"I dont have a tissue but you can use my sleeve". 10/10. Well looks like Parker has succesfully convinced Miranda to leave. --- Meanwhile Billy is talking on the phone with someone in a foreign language. Meanwhile Elliot, not involved in our Con, is keeping tabs on Billy. Turns out Elliot can see a narrative throughline when its in his face and is gonna punch it out of Billy before the concequences of Sophies past come to blow our heroes' faces off. --- Back with Harry, Parker tells him to play the "manly emotional insecurity card". ("If only my dad had been able to tell me he was proud of me when he was still alive") Richard has a safe and Parker is ready to go. (so we're switching Diamond-bracelet targets from Debra to Richard) --- Back with Elliot, Billy is remniscing about old times. (turns out food works just as well as punches)

He doesnt trust Sophie, but also he doesnt have any grudges against her. (he understands that she didnt sell him out, he was going down anyway and he doesnt resent her, unlike Arthur) --- Back at Cultcon, Sophie is being politely interogated by Debra. (Debra sees a kinship/rivalry i think?)

Oh i see. (perhaps a bit late). its a maternity cult, about parenthood. And Sophie was always very maternal basically taking all of 2 episodes before becoming an all-out mom to Parker in the OG run. We're about to drop the "you abandoned your child" revelation aren't we? The narrative throughline of the season isnt the Duke she married, its the current duke/duchess that's gonna be the season finale. --- Back to Breanna and Robert, turns out the cheap bracelets cost 200 USD. Also he wants to play Jazz. Breanna knows where the Yes Virus needs to go (penthouse computer) --- Parker tells Harry to move it like a madagaskan lemur. Gold bars, land title deeds in Uzbek... (close enough to russia that it might have been a something Billy was covering up. Except then a reveal that Elliot knows he wasnt speaking russian cause Elliot speaks Russian.)

Oh god he's working with Billy. Thats our 3rd act complication isnt it? (yes a "sophie had a child" reveal would be a twist but it wouldnt be a complication to the con. But a betrayal by Billy...)

Richard challenges Harry to a duel. (who has spotted the bracelet. its in the mancave.) --- Oh Sophie is doing exposition about Nate, i thought we were gonna get into the Duke. (Or it could be both)

Richard just knocked Harry's earpiece out (quick, tell him its a hearing aid. You've spent too much time around loud cars and payed the price. He'll fall for it!) --- Back from commercial, It seems Harry is going for the lie i came up with (im starting to really get feel these writers)

Parker is compromised with her fake belly, and unfortunately Richard isnt buying the hearing aid story (worth a try) --- Breanna is so pissed that Harry's sword-fighting a viking and she's stuck as an accountant. (Ronald has gone home, grabbed his trumpet, returned to tell Breanna and now he's off again) --- "your brandy is watered down and your cubans are fake" hitting him where it hurts him most.

Harry gets to catch punch out a guy with a sword and catch a thrown axe with his shield. He's really getting into Phase 4. --- Meanwhile back at Sophie, we're she's stalling for time with expositiondumps to Debra. And the clock strikes (i think it was 4?) and Sophie turns the tide from reluctant admisions of past trauma to goading and baiting Debra into a confession. Oh she's calling for security after she just confessed to her actions on her own daily livestream? I do wonder what'll happen when we get back from commercials --- So yeah she was on broadcast (cause of course)

Breanna used Harry as a distraction to put her virus on Richards Wristband (man, if only Debra hadnt insisted on a Nuclear Missile-type 2-key situation she could've stopped all the returns from happening right now)

Harry runs into the Denouement looking like a fool because someone has to explain the logistics of the financial fallout (also he put in a call, the repoman works fast) --- Back at the theatre the Selleck Stache has been glued to a mixer. Parker is keeping the baby, and Harry is keeping the armor (it reeks but its probably expensive)

Richard spilled some beer in the car (which, is anticlimactic as far as "you ruined my car for the mission" jokes go), and Richard is playing jazz outside the theatre. ---

YES I KNEW THAT IT WASNT RUSSIA! It was the Uzbek deed after all! So our next mark is presumably this Ramsey guy. (if he's into runways, he's probably a plane-based smuggler) Final camera pan upwards to a devil-like statue. (not a Gargoyle as it isnt a waterfeature, and its mouthes and orifices are closed so it also isnt a grotesque)

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

I guess its the Summer Solstice so here we are again! 6/21/23

Wow I knew I neglected my last pot but here we are back even later than the last one! Like i say everytime it is wild to see how much has changed in my life the past couple of years. Ups down and everything in between I come back to this spot everytime and see the growth I’ve made. All by myself. All for myself. I cant always see it but moments where I read back on the past I am brought right back to those moments and never lose sight of how I felt in the past. 

I keep seeing on TikTok that today is a Summer Solstice meaning it is a great opportunity for manifestations so lets try this out why not! I guess I’ll start by giving a quick synopsyis of my life from the past 10 months or however long (wow sorry I abandoned this for that long!!!!)

Lets start with Work. I am still at the same OI job and feel like I have grown sooo much. I cant say im perfect at my job, but I know I have made a shit load of progress that i’m very proud of. I shifted off of working with my mngr which has made the biggest impact on my happiness at the job. I was going from having weekly panic attacks to not even having to review a single email anymore. I am really proud of myself for treading through the mud and getting to the point where I am at now. Now for the manifestation segment. I am going to get a promotion soon. This SUMMER! I FEEL IT. I am such a hard worker and really have gained the experience to move up in the company. I am confident it will happen in the next couple months. I cant wait to come back here and tell you all about it. It will be my first real promotion at a job which is something that I’ve really wanted to achieve since I havent gotten to this point at any of my previous jobs. You got this Case. 

Now for relationships. Tricky subject and yep you guessed it D is still around. I have tested a coupe other relationships with E and A and C... but somehow D makes it through the motions of every single season. I do want to touch on E for a sec. I have grown to build an amazing relationship with him, but I havent seen him for a few weeks and I feel like the relationship is starting to fade. Im sick of getting 100% and then a week later not even 1%. I am fully aware it has nothing to do with me and more so his own struggles, but I do need to realize at the end of the day that its ok to want more from someone and he cant give me what I need as much as hes shown me how I can be treated in a healthy way. He’s the boy Ive always dreamt of how someone can treat/care for you, but this story just isnt ours at this point in time. Who knows what the future holds. Now D. Oh boy. As we all know its been a fucking roller coaster. I have felt the highest of highs w him and the lowest of lows. I do hold love for him (but not so sure ive ever been in love... idk what that even is lmao). We’ve gotten to a point where I feel like I have been holding my power for quite some time now. I don’t have the same anxieties as I had for him in the past and i don’t prioritize him over others. We’ve tried not speaking (jan 2023) for a couple weeks and ultimately he just came back and I allowed it. I cant cut him out of it killed me. It’s so fucking hard. I am working on figuring out his place in my life and how we can carry on without hurt, but I feel like I am slowy falling back in the trap/cycle. We had a really nice day together the other weekend and I felt those anxious attachment feelings creeping in... I need to remember the things that have happened and try to prepare for the worst, but is it crazy to say that what if we are meant for each other? The other day I was able to imagine being in a relationship with him and it shocked me how I felt so good the whole day. Idk prob the worst thought ever but.. idk.. why are we magents to each other? Lastly I wanna touch on friendships and new york life. My friends here are still the same (but Karina now lives in Miami) and I love them so much, but I’ve been feeling myself longing for my relationships in LA. There are many weekends where my friends here are out of town and I feel left alone many times. In LA I would have the comfort of my family when friends arent around, but theyre 100s of miles away from me. I really miss them so fucking much it hurts. I think the longer I am away the more and more I realize how special my family is. I especially feel bad being away from my mom. She asks me nearly everytime we talk when I’ll come back and little does she know I’ve been toying with the idea of returning once my lease is up. If not that I think I have 1 year left in me. It still shocks me to say it and feel confident in that, but I really miss my family. Thats truly the only thing pulling me back bc I love this city and who I have become here so damn much. Im not putting too much pressure on the decision as I still have 10 months on my lease, but it is in the back of my mind. I feel like I’ll lead myself to the right choice soon though. So much would change though. I told D the other day about the idea and he said he would be so sad which kinda surprised me. It would be the end for us if I did move back which im not sure is a good or bad thing. Sometimes I tell myself the love of my life is not here and I wont meet them till I move back lol. Im not sure where the future is gonna bring me, but im confident in myself to do what is right for me. Leaving my friends here would also be horrible, but at the end of the day if they are the friendships I believe them to be, we will still be as close as ever and planes exist!! I guess thats kinda it for now. But this is still the start to an amazing summer with so much fun in store I can feel it!!! I have a trip to the shore coming up next weekend and then im going back home for my bday end of july - aug. Later in the summer I am going to portugal with my family!!! and something BIIGGGG is gonna happen in the fam :o Cant write it in words here till it happens. Until then, I love you. Im proud of you. and life is always working out in my favor. <3  Love,

C

[krispiecake]

hiii tell me about your show pls!!!

1) i love you. we should kiss

2) before i get into this because im #scared ppl will make fun of me, I’m aware that my show is a teen drama and deserves criticism in some areas, i am actually very interested in having long conversations about this criticism bc i think that its genuinely interesting and i have a lot of thoughts about how some themes such as (and especially) class could/should be handled going forward in the final season. However, i also think that it is a very well made show and also very well written (99% of the time lol) and explores very interesting lgbt+ themes and is the first show in a while that ive seen that portrays first/new/young lgbt relationships really well. That is my disclaimer.

3) so. its called young royals on netflix. and its my favourite thing in the entire world. Its a swedish show centred around the prince of Sweden, Wilhelm (diagnosed autistic by me. bc i said so.) Key facts about him are: anxiety disorder, lame, sometimes I wish i could smack him upside the head but with love. Wilhelm is sent to a private boarding school after getting into a very public fight in order to punish/straighten him out (pun intended). At this boarding school we are introduced to Simon (my fave character), who is a non boarder/scholarship student along with his sister. When we meet Simon for the first time its when he is singing a solo in the choir for the prince’s welcome ceremony/celebration thing. During this, Wilhelm basically um. falls in love. Well maybe not love but the boy is down BAD and it’s embarrassing for him. Key facts about Simon: i love him, has never done anything wrong ever, I love him. While Simon’s main ‘role’ as it were is love interest, I believe that the show does a fairly good job and creating depth for him as a character, providing a lot of context and information about him as an individual and as part of a relationship. He has his own plot lines and scenes completely separate to Wilhelm. HOWEVER I would also like this to be explored further in the 3rd season, and I hope we see a more emotional side to him too, because while we do see him express both positive and negative emotions, I still feel like he holds the especially negative ones back and away from other characters like Wilhelm - which is in character, however I personally would like to. see him cry or something idk because he deserves a breakdown. like a proper one with shouting and throwing things.

ANYWAY. We get to see their relationship grow over the episodes and honestly there is a little bit of flip flopping from Wilhelm, bc while Simon is confident in his sexuality, its implied that this is the first time Wilhelm has ever really acknowledged his attraction to the same gender, meaning we watch him learn how to (sort of) accept himself and be comfortable in liking Simon. PERSONALLY I think the way this is portrayed is quite authentic and at least somewhat similar to my own experience in coming to terms with being a lesbian specifically (although i never rlly got to kiss any girls about it so. that sucks). I think a really good example of this is their first kiss scene at the end of s1 ep 2, where we see Wilhelm making the first move when he initiates handholding (im aware of how juvenile the sentence sounds i just couldnt think of another way to put it lol) as they are watching a movie (its movie night so the two main dorms are all present, Forest Ridge (boys) and Manor House (girls). They have a cute little handholding moment until Wilhelm becomes flustered/anxious over people noticing and runs out of the room. Simon follows after a moment and this is when we get the first kiss. Simon is the one to initiate it the first two times and Wilhelm just kind of 🧍. He’s not good at this yet okay. After the second kiss, shocked back to reality by a noise from the movie down the hall, Wilhelm starts with ‘I’m sorry I’m not-‘ and Simon starts to leave, obviously sensing rejection. However, rejection does not come because Wilhelm grabs his arm and pulls him back. He’s clearly very anxious about the whole situation and running through his head is what I assume to be a million different thoughts of ‘am i allowed to want this? is this okay? do i want this? what will my mother say? this would be national news. What would my brother say? am i allowed? i dont think this is allowed.’ Simon does not say anything, allowing Wilhelm to take the time he needs to organise a coherent thought. And despite his anxiety, despite every thought in his head, he pulls Simon closer by his shirt and this time, Wilhelm is the one that kisses him.

I like this scene bc 1) its cute, like rlly cute 2) as I said i think this is a good example of the whole ‘coming to terms with it’ aspect because I remember that anxiety, I remember those ‘what would my mother think?’ thoughts and most importantly, I remember my lesbianism (or in Wilhelm’s case, his queerness and attraction to Simon) winning. I remember the way that once it popped into my head that ‘hey, you might be a lesbian’ it literally never left until i sat up one day and confronted it. And I think that this is a really sweet and probably true to life for some people way of showing this on screen.

Now. I actually have so much more to say about this show Like i could talk/type for HOURS. about it but I won’t. Know that there are so many details about this show and the casting choices and the writing and directing and acting choices that i am OBSESSED with throughout BOTH seasons. All that i typed literally only got us through 2 episodes and i didnt even talk about the other important bits. I really cannot over emphasise enough how much there is to this show. Anyway, I’m gonna leave it there though, but feel free to ask questions/for my opinion on any aspect of it. I will say if you havent watched it and somehow this has convinced you to do so, there are a few triggering subjects such as drug + alcohol addiction/misuse, death and grief, and MASSIVELY child exploitation material from season 1 ep 4 onwards - this is because a, if not THE, major plot point/conflict in the show is that a ‘sex tape’ (as it’s referred to sometimes) is filmed of Wilhelm and Simon (both 16yrs old in the show) without their knowledge or consent, and is then leaked to the public. I have some personal grievances about how this is handled in the show, however, I also dont think its handled ‘badly’, as the way the characters handle it is part of the plot and is ultimately part of what the show is criticising. If you want me to explain this further I can do as well, as i know this subject can obviously be very triggering and its best to know what youre getting into to decide if this show is right for you.