#im so tired of being the one to plan things but like thats a whole other issue omfg
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im gonna actually fucking lose it
#im texting like three different ppl#none of whom are replying to me#and its occured to me that the thread im hanging on by is unbelievably thin#literally one more thing happens and im attempting. i dont care. i dont.#maybe theyre just busy#i know one of them is probably just busy#but the other#i can see you online! i can see it!#youre ignoring me! youre tired of me i knew it#i knew itd come around eventually#did you know thats why im going to a different college?#i know what we planned. but i can die somewhere new#i miss my whole arms being destroyed#theres not even proof anymore#im so tired. i want to die
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So I'm an area director at a summer camp, but yesterday my boss called me and asked if I'd be down to be the director of two areas and I said yes without thinking about the consequences. So now I'm the director of two areas? That means two groups of staff to train and lead, two sets of lesson plans, two areas to teach at and make the schedule for and make the lesson plans for, two physical areas to set up. They're right next to each other, but this is going to be fucking insane
#the reason this is happening is because we dont have a dining hall director anymore because the first decided to take summer classes#and the second got a research position. so the director of the area that my area is right next to. volunteered to switch#so the camp director called me yesterday and was like 'this is all happening would you want to take on another area?'#so i would be director of both. with kind of a concentration in the new one. while my assistant director concentrates on the first one#but id still have to lead both staffs. teach at both. be available to both. do records for both. set up both#i start thinking about it and i always realize another thing thats gonna be weird about it#but on the bright side ive decided i cant do the 5 mile hike requirement for my old area#every thursday we do a five mile hike for our class because its for requirements. and i hate it cuz its hard lol#but i realized that it wouldnt really work out for me to be across the lake with one area and leave the other area directorless#so guess i cant do that! oh nooo /s#but i have to make two teaching schedules.whoch i started last night#i have to both teach a suitable amount in both areas but also have enough free time to be flexible and available for both#i am so tired already. and i just got this news yesterday#i was up until 5am because i was planning shit and then i layed awake anxious for another hour#also i watched the disruptors which admittedly got me to stay up pretty late too. the grant obrien and ally Beardsley movie#its very good. but mostly i stayed up late because i was trying to figure out being the director of two areas#i think about it for two seconds and i realize another reason itll be super hard. i have to introduce two staffs at the campfire#i have to talk about two areas at the leaders meeting. i have to learn a whole bundle of new merit badges#im so tired
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okay sooo 1. once little man is done with my laptop i need to do the ssn shit bc i have the letter 2. in an hour i need to switch my laundry to the dryer and at Some point i need to sleep preferablyyyy i oush as long as i can its been 28 hours i Think? since i woke up i dont avtually remember its all kind of a blur i do have a headache and my fuckshit tooth is bothering me but whatever . once i get the ssn login thing done im pretty sure i can get a new card like right away and then once that gets here i can go and get my permit And by then my new glasses will be here which is epics and ummm at some point not today bc im tired and have a headache aka not at my best. so once those 2 things r not the case i need to do the science and math ged practice tests ive been putting them off bc im scared ill do bad SKULL.but i need to get those done ... and omce i have the permit and everything thennnnnn i can go do my actual proper ged tests and once those r done ill have my ged and an id and thus can start applying for jobs again And ill be so brave and ask my mom to teach me how to drive . YIPPEE
#im not a tually very tired i kind of just want to scream nd explode and run around the neighborhood or something. but its okay#and once i get a job and i e saved up umm i think my rule is 1000 then im allowed to go to the dentist for my fuckshit tooth and im allowed#to go to the um whatsit called for my fuckshit hormones and im allowed to maybe find a psych again and see if we can get things cooking up#there as in i think i rly srsly need medication . bc i dont think im going to go for talk therapy like ever again bc its kind of useless to#me which is funny bc god if theres one thing i do its fucking talk . but whatever.i think i need to see a proper psych and not one that im#like. going to With my mom and thus am obviously not honest#and i can get a gp of course probably thatll be the first step but irs so like. i dknt understand how yr supposed to get a gp#not a gp is it. pcp thats what i meant#primary care physician i need to find one I tried in wa but i didnt like. idk i think im a tually deeply atupid and not made to livenin the#world but also rhere was a lot of shit working against me up there LOL .so yeah omand then once i do all that i will work and work and work#and work and save up money i wanna save like assssssss much money as i can b4 i move out just in case theres like. issues. + like ill be#buying furniture and stuff and itll be lotsies like. since i dont rly have any furniture i think will be coming with me or nothing ....#so yes . this is connors 8000 step plan for being a person again and once i get all of this done then i will maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe#maybe be stable enough to start making friends again. so see me in like 1-2 years and we will see how its going#thats probably dramatic. but like idk i think itll take me at least a year or so From now to like. save up minimum amt for apartment#not that i have a ton of expenses or anything but some of my mkney will probably be going to my parents just to help with everythang#and idk how much ill be making of course. less than wa one presumes bc its umm#cheaper here . you know...#ok. i just wish i could do it all today and i didnt have to wait its always always always waiting i hate it#why cant the world revolve around when i get my sudden bursts of energy#ohhh but whatever. ill have my apartment and maybe even a car depending on how the whole driving thing goes and i can name my car and#get like stickers or something from my car Probably not a tually that a tually scares me quite a bit bc the idea of somebody seeing my car#and being able to think something abt me from it scared me quite ferociously i dont rly know why its not like a Oh what if they FIND ME !#im just a control freak and i hate that ppl can see like#a thing abt me and then make an assumption abt who i am as an entire person bc i need everybody to understand every facet of everything abt#me so that im not misinterpreted or misunderstood or whatever Which is an impossible thing and i need to get over that and i shouldnt be#reaking out abt a sticker on a car oh my goddd.#but also like this may be a lie but i was told it when i was like 10 soive been assuming it was true but when i was 10.somenody told me#car stickers r like permanent and like logically im thinking abt it idk how true rhat is but they do seem kind of a bitch to remove and what#if im like oh ill get a picture of like idk smurfette or something and then like idk smurfs company comes out and theyre like I actually
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#im gonna say smth and no one is allowed to say a fucking Word. i need to . type this out bc i cant Say It Out Loud#but . it is slighrly disgusting and patheyic (imo) and just . huh .#anyway . the tightening in evety inch of my body at the idea that . i might not get what i want (*) . but that even if i dont get that#ill get Something somewhat better n its just .#hard to swallow. bc im so tired for settling for what i dont want .#like letting go of shit ivrlly want for smth thats supposedly better for me#letting did not look like a real word just then what the fuck man#anyway . it is awful bc like . having so many realisations n realising that . ive forgiven a lot less and a lot worse .#n its a whole thing i cant get into bc im figuring out what exactly . thst sys abt me and where it stems from#it feels Okay . like its coming grom a Good Place. n not one of low seld worth#but like . having to possibly actually settle for less than what i actually want . is awful bc i dont like doing that and im tjred of doing#that. even if its good / better for me?#i cannot think of any other situstion simular rn other than yhe job fuckery. but . never wity a person#have i felt like this. n i dont know where or why its a Thibg. butcit is. ajd i dont know why hes fucking different.#but so much is out of my control !!!! and idk what to do anymore except just . keep pretendinf he doesnt exist#and moving like i did in high school: just zignoring how i feel bc i see the fucker constantly#it genuinely does parallel to hs rn how do i keep .#but also how is this a conpletely new situstion ive Never Exprrienced. how is this haopening to me.#i keep thinkibg abt the letter j wroye to my 21st (on my 18th) n i havent opened it#bc i missed opening it actually on my 21st. so i decided to live out actually being 21 before i#opebed the letter just to see how much had actually changed.#gonna open it aroubd my birthday. im terrified. bc i reread that letter 5x vefore wrappibg it uo. and ive thought abt it Constantly#to rmber its contents bc im Obsessed with it somehowm butbi still dont know .#i plan tocwritr another for my 25th. n 27th thrn again my 30th.#theyre fun lil time capsules . n its nice . i used to do 6montg to yearly ones but . shit got so bad i did Not wanna keep writing abt it .#so . this Will be fun . it was the 1st attemot at that too like . its why i started the 6mth letters bc i wanted to see the gradual sgifts#n reread them on my 21st but life had other plans apparently.#anyway.
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#I WANNA GO BACK TO COLLEGE GAHHHHH#i'm so bored back here like i have three friends i stayed in touch w from high school#and like everywhere i gotta drive and i just dont wanna leave the house#but even if i do wanna leave and i make plans my friends and i r always like where tf do we even go???#like in our immediate area its just so boring#also like being in my okd bedroom. is so weird??#i feel like very time im back home i feel all these emotions and things from being a high schooler again#and its more so annoying than anything bc that stuff is just not a part of my life anymore#byt when im back home thats all that is there to think abt idk#and i mean my parents r just tooooo much like......#its just annoying going fron living my life indoeendently to being back under their roof i think#idk im just gonna keep rotting this break tho maybe try to plan a small trip w friends#im so tired of being the one to plan things but like thats a whole other issue omfg#idk good thing is tho ive got my dog :3 hes so silly like hes over the moon everyone is back home rn#bro is living his best life my little smelly baby boy I MISSED HIM SM 😭😭😭😭😭#glow gabs
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DCU from a Marvel fans limited perspective
recently i've accidently been sucked into the DCU universe, mostly Bat family, if i'm being honest, and although i've never watched a single movie/episode, this is what i have gathered from purely reading the occasional fanfiction/lots of tumblr posts
SPOILERS i guess
There are A LOT of batkids
Bruce Wayne adopts these motherfuckers like they're some kind of limited edition pokemon set
no one is actually sure how many there are but if you have black hair and blue eyes and live in gotham, Batman doesn't care if you've got parents or not. you're coming home with him
There appears to be five Robins and Batman goes though these children like a chainsmoker with a pack of cigarettes
people die a lot
Thats okay though because people come back to life a concerning amount as well
Jason Todd died and came back to life by being dumped in a pit of magical water
Damien Wayne is the only biological child of Bruce and he mentions this a lot
Dick Greyson was the first Robin and the first adoption and i think he and Bruce got in a fight and he left to become Nightwing
Jason Todd stole the Batmobile's wheels and became the second Robin. after he came back to life he became Red Hood
Tim Drake was not an orphan, he just fit Bruce's target demographic and was conveniently close (I mean come on, it's like express shipping) He is also some kind of super-genius. He was the third Robin but became Red Robin/Drake
Stephanie brown(?) was the fourth robin(?), not sure for how long. People get upset when other people forget. I think she's called Spoiler or something
Damien Wayne is the final Robin. Hes this assassins son and im pretty sure Talia dropped him off at the Wayne Manor and said, "I had him through the terrible twos, you get the teen years'
Not entirely sure if Tim runs Wayne enterprises
Brucie wayne is the funniest fucking thing i swear
He's so stupid
not sure is Tim, Dick and Jason follow Bruce's lead and become absolute airheads as well
Alfred is a butler
Alfred has guns
There's someone called Duke and Cass knocking around
The Justice League think Batman works alone
someone in the JL is allergic to the colour yellow
there is a concerning amount of Danny Phantom x DC crossover fics
sames goes for Miraculous
Tim Drake is Bi and for some reason people don't like that
internet is divided on whether of not Batman is a bad dad
#OnlyInGotham is a thing?
Gotham is like an australian NYC
the Riddler is a not funny, less aggressive version of the Joker
apparently Alcatraz and Arkham are different prisons but thats on me
there's a whole group of superheroes out there, each have strong powers and they decide to leave the most dangerous city to the member that has no powers and dresses up as an anthropomorphic bat and runs around the city causing copious amounts of property damage with his children
there is a girl called barbra? Gordon
there is a criminally small amount of content for the girls
for some reason people ship the bat kids together, ike, anytime you have to remind yourself 'its TECHNICALLY not incest is Not Good'
Clark Kent is running round acting as if his reading glasses are the only thing standing between a normal life and CHAOS and the worst thing is that he is right
i am a MCU fan and i was SO sure that Deadpool was MCU but now i'm not so sure
Fandom likes to have this troupe that Bruce wayne doesn't believe batman exists when obviously the superior troupe is that Gotham is pretty sure they are exes
teen titans and young justice are a thing but i cant figure out which robin is who.
Damien Wayne has enough animals to open a zoo
who tf in the batfam are metas?????
Batman has definetely used the Tired Dad voice on villains and the Brucie Wayne voice on the JL
Bruce Wayne has contingency plans if someone discovers his contingency plans
THERES A PLACE CALLED THE FUCKING BAT BURGER???????
it took 2 robins until batman realized that a small child running around in a vest top and speedos was not the greatest idea
Someone needs to tell me, like right now what's going on, where to start and what to read. bc rn im LIVING on chaotic fics
#bruce wayne#brucie wayne#batman#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#dc robin#dc comics#dc universe#someone pls tell me what DC means im actually loosing my mind here#batfam
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HELLOOO CAN I TALK TO YOU ABT DOLL
do you think that like, her being at school let her have some escape from her home and her revenge plans, like in this picture she is smiling and it looks way more like a happy smile than here
SHE IS HAPPY TO GET HER REVENGE, BUT SHE LOOKS SO TIRED, EVEN HER LAUGH IS TIRED
its like shes getting worse from the kills, in her house there was enough oil for her to not kill any other drones, yet her plan had to work, but it didnt, and only let her feeling more guilty
EVERYONE IS ALLOWED TO SEND ME SHIT ABOUT DOLL ALWAYS AT ANY TIME EVER FOREVER AND EVER. I LITERALLY NEED HER. SHES SO FUCKING COOL. BUT OMG HI YES HOLD ON
thats such an interesting take on pilot doll omg HI???? YES I CAN TOTALLY SEE THIS CONSIDERING WE DONT SEE DOLL IN SCHOOL OUTSIDE OF THE PILOT. HIIII YES OMG ok ok.
i havent actually thought this much about this. i personally think her in the pilot vs her in promening was like. not really a Whole big difference but like...the fact that lizzy now has access to v set her off. shes always been a little unsettling, a little fucking deranged but maybe something happened between ep 1 and 3 thatr was like. lizzy came to her like... hey, one of the disassembly drones came by my bunk the other day. was this the one? (shows doll a pic) and doll just FUcking Loses it . i think she was actively vengeful during the pilot too but YES like ur saying its almost a .grounding thing. everyone here is real and alive. and then at the end of the day she has to go back and face dozens upon dozens upon dozens of corpses that are there because of HER and its liike. idk i imagine shes 18-22 . shes young as hell. and that FUCKS WITH YOU. this is doll to me:
they know damn well her parents are dead but she's just under being eerie enough that no one really suspects her for anything going on. she's relatively normal around lizzy & not aggressive but not outgoing with other students. like to everyone, shes just a normal kid who lost her parents. plenty of kids have lost their parents, considering the murder drones lurking *right outside the bunker.*
i think she would get tired. yeah. she held onto the all consuming debilitating hatred for these genocidal war machines that killed her parents and countless others. then heartbeat happens, and suddenly people are Okay with them??? that would fucking set her OFF. so long, so fucking long shes been holding onto her anger and not being able to do anything about it . BUT NOW SHE CAN. ough ok but then theres those conflicting feelings bcos of uzi. u can see in promening she has SOME sense of... for lack of a better word, humanity in how she treats uzi (hell even tossing lizzy out of the way when she started killing people.) i think she picks and choses who she cares about and then is usually consistent in how she treats them. basically; dont get on her bad side. she's conflicted at the end of ep3 after learning uzi has the solver; but uzi is siding with the murder drones and thats HER loss for being SCHTUPIDDDDDDDD!!!! but then again, she finally has someone who understands what shes going through... but also AUGH..! i have to kill v i HAVE to kill v ive gotten so far i cant give up now FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! i think there would be so much of her being conflicted between uzi knows what i feel. but also uzi is siding with the bitch who killed my fucking parents. i think she would just spiral and spiral until dead end comes along and she has a decision to make. and she makes it. and uzi is Fucked and v is Fucked and n and tessa are FUCKEd AND OK TYHIS IS GETTING LONG IM DONE
doll jumpscare
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tokyo revengers characters when they see you cry and they comfort you
ft; mikey, kazutora, rindou
genre; partly angst?? with very comfort fluff
tw; mention of abusive parents (kazu), period one (is tw needed? idk but in rindou part)
♡ manjiro 'mikey' sano
it was another hard day. school, people, emotions, everything was overwhelming you today. you thought that at least you would meet your boyfriend in the afternoon, but he already had plans with ken, so you were left alone. comfort series and sweets did nothing good, but they caused you to get a mental breakdown. you started to cry, overloaded with the day and the lack of any happiness today. manjiro finished meeting with the draken, and he promised you that you would meet today, so he came to your place. he knocked on your door a few times but you wouldnt open it for him, being too tearful, so manjiros got a bit confused and he used the spare key you once gave him and went inside. he immediately heard the sound of crying coming from your room, and after a while he appeared there, seeing you all tearful, tears streaming down your face, red cheeks and shaking body. He immediately came over, sitting next to you and lightly stroking your back with his hand. 'what happened, honey?' he whispered, wrapping his arm lightly around your waist and hugging you. 'tell me, ill listen and try to help you..' he said softly, all the while stroking your back and shoulders. you finally calmed down enough to tell him about what a hard and overwhelming day you've had. manjiro listened to you the whole time, wondering how he could help you. when you finished speaking, he cupped your cheeks and wiped away the tears with his thumbs, looking into your eyes. 'i love you so much, you know? You are really strong and i believe that youll be able to overcome this and tomorrow will be better. remember, im here for you' he said, leaning back slightly and laying on the bed on his back, pulling you in and hugging you tightly. you felt his body heat, the smell of his perfume and just closeness and comfort, so after a while you stopped crying completely. manjiro said sweet things to you all the time, complimented you and talked about how much he loves you and how important you are to him. he decided to stay here for the night so you can rest in his arms. he lightly stroked your hair, which made you feel safe and after a tiring day you fall asleep in the arms of your most wonderful boyfriend
♡ kazutora hanemiya
you were just at school, coming out of your math class. you couldnt believe that despite studying for so long, you got another F. you were disappointed in yourself, fact, but the most stressed thing was what your parents would do after discovering your another bad grade. they were strict and always yelled at you for bad grades, they also hit you sometimes, you were afraid of them and thats why you spent so much time studying, which didnt always work. you were stressed that once again they could raise a hand on you for another F, so tears came to your eyes. you saw kazutora, who was walking towards you with a smile, wanting to show you something after the end of the lesson. but you were in bad shape now, so you ran away from him, ran upstairs to an empty auditorium, where you sat in the corner of the room and cried. you curled up, burying your head in your knees and crying silently, stressed out by the grades. kazutora ran after you, and when he saw you, his heart broke. he sat next to you, he didnt touch you, just looked at you. 'hey, what.. what happened?' he said quietly so as not to scare you. all you could whisper was that you got another F. kazutora knew what your parents were like, you told him that, and he saw how stressed and scared you were. he didnt quite know what to do, but he got up, taking your hand and gently pulling it to get you up. he walked out of school with you and put you on his bike, he sat in front of you and off you went. after a while you and him came to an empty place by the river, full of grass and flowers, you could see most of the city from here, it was really quiet and peaceful here. kazutora got off the bike, giving you his hand, and you sat down on the grass together. still not saying anything, he started picking the flowers, making a wreath out of them, and put it on your head, smiling slightly at the sight. 'you look beautiful, darling' he said, placing his hand on your cheek and stroking it with his thumb. 'i cant help people, but remember that im always here, ill always find time for you to sit with you and take your mind off the bad' he said softly, looking into your eyes. you were thankful to him for not continuing the topic. you two sat on the grass for a while, and then he took you on a bike ride around the city, and finally he took you to his house, where he made you stay the night, where you watched cartoons and laughed all night. you were very happy that you have such a great boyfriend who will always help you take your mind off the bad things
♡ rindou haitani
you were just at your boyfriends house when you felt you had to go to the bathroom. you just got your period, so you use your pad and went back to his room. rindou was sitting at his desk, looking on the computer for something he wanted to show you, and you sat on the bed. suddenly you felt very painful cramps, that you lay down, slightly cringing from the pain. it was so strong that after a while tears flowed from your eyes and you cried silently, unable to bear the pain. when rindou heard your cry, he immediately turned to look at you. 'baby, why are you crying?' he asked softly, and when you told him that you had just gotten your period and were having terrible cramps, he got up, took some painkillers from the cupboard and gave you along with water, then lay down next to you, hugging you tight from behind and stroking your belly with his warm hands. it helped you so much, just his warmness and closeness. he started telling you a story about another 'dumb' thing that ran did, and how stupid he is, because we all know that rins favourite thing to do is teasing ran. after a while the medicine kicked in and you felt a little better and rindou kissed your hair. 'i dont like it when you cry, it makes you look ugly. you look prettier when you smile or laugh,' he said, and immediately had an idea of how to make you feel better. yes, you spent the rest of the evening teasing and arguing with poor ran, who tried to defend himself, but it was 2vs1 battle so he was loosing, which of course kept a smile on your face, you were really grateful to your boyfriend for being there for you and rindou was pleased with himself that his favorite activity gives you a lot of pleasure too
~ vani's note
first writing here! im not very proud of it, but i guess its not that bad, hope that youll like it! you can request your things, and please tell me if something was bad or just tell me your thought about it!
see you next time!
~vani ♡
#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers headcanons#tokyo revengers#tokrev x reader#tokrev x you#tokyo revengers x you#tokyo revengers comfort#tokyo revengers fluff#tokrev fluff#mikey#manjiro sano#mikey x reader#mikey x y/n#mikey x you#manjiro sano x reader#manjiro sano x you#manjiro sano x y/n#kazutora hanemiya#kazutora hanemiya x reader#kazutora hanemiya x you#kazutora hanemiya x y/n#kazutora x you#kazutora x reader#kazutora x y/n#rindou haitani#rindou haitani x reader#haitani x reader#haitani rindo x reader#rindou x you#tokyo revengers hcs
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i would like to say that ozzie COULD have been better as i do love his character but MAN did they fucking butcher him in the new episode
he is the embodiment of lust, making him the WEAKEST sin is well a sin and also since he’s apart of the seven deadly SINS he should be ya’ know POWERFUL because in that episode he just feels like some rich guy akin to every other rich guy in this show, he should be a guy that the whole cast are afraid of(and honestly the same thing happened to bee where she’s a deadly sin and NO ONE is acting like she of any importances)
how i would fix him personally is well not make him soft uwu boy i do like the fact he cares about fizz but well he’s powerful we should FEEL how powerful he is make some imps or succbi be cowering near him, fizz not sprouting jokes and blowing a BLOW HORN in his ear give us the feeling that he’s not to be mess with, and the stolas and ozzie team up honestly should be studied on how to kill a character, they shouldn’t made ozzie just be the same hight as stolas and i mean that IN EVERYWAY POSSIBLE because stolas seems to be scared of him thats good but ozzie ya’ know is chill about everything i mean stolas didn’t cause anything but him being chill is very stupid. thats my take of everything about ozzie and honestly im curious on what your take of fixing him is
So I’m not against Ozzie being nice and soft to Fizz, but him in general being the nicest sin and a cool “chill” dude does bother me. Again, these characters are supposed to be the rulers of Hell and I refuse to believe they’re just nice, it’s how I felt for Beezlebub. Same for Leviathan since Viv confirmed she wants him to be a chill surfer dude and so far the only sin she plans to be an asshole is Mammon. In Ozzie’s case, it’s also weird seeing him say how “lust shouldn’t be forceful” when I feel like the writers are confusing love and lust again. He’s also called the “deadly SIN” for a reason, he’s normally supposed to represent the sin itself, how sinners let lust consume them, in a bad way.
For Viv’s interpretation, I genuinely have no idea. Despite being called the “sins”, I feel like the seven sins in this show aren’t connected to the sinners at all, since they’re all in the Pride Ring and Lucifer was the one confirmed to be ruling over them, so we’re only left to believe that the sins tend to the hellborns. We know that Ozzie rules the Succubi’s, I guess you could say those are the types of demons for his ring, but I thought that the whole reason he gave the succubi’s crystals in the first place was to let them tempt those on earth….and yet he’s saying “lust” shouldn’t be forceful. See how it kinda doesn’t make much sense for his character? Then again there’s not a lot we know about Ozzie, outside of Viv describing him as chill and nice. For his job, all he seems to do is handle the sex objects that hellborns use. I’m not against the idea of him being an inventor/tinkerer either, these are interesting concepts, I just feel like not much is done with them. There’s still tons of empty gaps for this character, even after the new episode we still barley know him, so it’s kinda hard to say on what I think would “fix” him.
All I can say is just make him more threatening and intimating, which is funny because Stolas CLEARY was intimidated by Ozzie in S1E7, but Oops really makes you wonder what he was afraid of in the first place, especially if you’re going to paint him as the “weakest sin”. What if…as a better contrast to Blitz and Stolas, what if Ozzie was nice to Fizz, but mean and threatening to everyone else? His workers, other demons, basically a guy you don’t want to mess with, a person who takes his business seriously (whatever that would be lol). And while Fizz loves him, he questions their relationship and if he should be getting involved with a sin. There’s a lot you can do, I’m just kinda tired of characters in Helluva being “just good” and “just bad”. It’s very black and white and this is Hell.
#vivziepop critical#spindlehorse critical#helluva boss critical#helluva boss critique#helluva boss criticism#helluva critical#reply#ask
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(The following is age regression related, if you dont like it dont read it, please and thank you!)
Caregiver Billy x Agere Fem Reader
(Post star court billy)
A super long, Hella fluffy, drable
TW: cursing and uh idk cigarettes (i mean its billy hargrove)
(I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF A GOOD WRITER SO SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE LONG ASS DRABLE)
✨sleep tight little bunny✨
You feel like You’ve hardly slept in the last 3 days. The nightmares were back again, To be fair the coming of cooler weather brought the fear that the residents of the upside down might return. It had been several months since the star court incident. Although Life for the most part was..well….normal again? The group had now gained a new member, Billy, which…definitely took some getting used to.
Needless to say the near death experience and learning about the horrors of the “upside down” changed him. Billy was no longer a complete ass to steve or max, hes still a bit cold and stand offish but nowhere near the levels from before. With Billy now in the group that ment one more classmate got to learn about your…um quirky tendencies? Well thats how you’d like to put it to others who dont know, but to the group of teens you hang out with…they know it’s a coping mechanism. Steve, Robin and dustin deal with your age regression the most, although the entire group of kids know and occasionally set up “little days” just being carefree.
Billy however is still a bit confused by all this. it’s definitely weird, not as weird as being attacked and nearly killed by a giant monsters, and being around a girl with superpowers but still odd and new? His summer experience had completely changed him, the old billy would have made your life a living hell. Hes tried to be sweet and brotherly, believe me it peaks through, but he also knows you tend to hide your “little side” if hes around (Steve and a couple of kids let him in on that part). Hell he used to be a bully, he gets it, the fear was still there….though He’d be lying if he wasn’t curious as to why group was so fond of “little” you
But here we are…..
Somehow you found yourself being picked up by none other than billy hargrove.?? Uh what?
All you wanted was some fresh air.
You were just sitting on your front porch steps, head down in a sleepless daze with your leg bouncing from being just overall tired and jittery. When a familiar car stops out front.
“Hey!! You seen Harrington?” You slowly looked up and shook your head.
“nope sorry hes still at work”
“Damn it”
“hes not off work for a couple hrs, what do you need?”
“Nothing…it’s personal, you ok? You look like hell.”
“Oh fuck you, it’s also personal” you groan and rub your temples looking up at the grey clouds that gathered above.
“Uhhuh, ya sure about that?”
“Look im ok I just haven’t slept much in a couple days.” You didnt even bother looking back down but You could tell Billy’s blue eyes were just staring you down, and after a few moments you heard his car door open. “Get in” Billy had leaned over to open the passenger door. You didn’t want to go with him, but you didn’t want to feel like a sitting duck in your own home either so you groaned, made your way over and plopped down on the seat. It was pointless to argue with him, so you sank into back of the car seat and looked over, “uh ..so whats the plan here exactly?” “Gonna kill two birds with one stone” he mumbled as he took off in the direction of Steve’s place. “Umm ok? And why do I have to go along?”
“You get to nap at Harrington’s place and i get grab the stuff he borrowed from me.”
You looked out the window and chuckled “damn is it that obvious? Do i look that bad?” You tried to sound sarcastic.
Billy glanced down, noticing that you were back to anxiously bouncing your leg again Unfortunately yeah” you felt a hand press down on your knee causing you to jump as u gave billy a panicked look. He raised his hand to back off and huffed “easy with the leg thing, it shakes the whole car, and yeah i know you tend to sneak off to his place to nap anyway..” his brows where knit with concern “you sure your good..? Look i can stop and get you something or..” “no im ok” you cut him off and turned your gaze back to the window.
The curly haired blonde took a deep breath and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, trying not to get angry with your short attitude. He bit his lip for a moment thinking of something to say to bring you back to your normal self. You definitely have seemed off for about a week now, and dustin had mentioned something of importance a few days before? But what exactly was it? Was it maybe needing a regression day?
“Y/n…doll, when was the last time you, ya know..?”
He shifted in his seat following a short pause
“Uhh? U wanna finish that thought or what?” You glanced back, looking irritated and exhausted.
He took a deep breath and softened his tone “when was the last time you were small?”
The car fell silent and You simply shrugged and mumbled. “Hell idk few weeks maybe? Why exactly does that matter to you?”
He knew where this was heading, the inevitable “push back”. But he still wanted to give it a shot since both main caregivers would be at work for several more hrs and you clearly needed some TLC.
He pulled into Steve’s driveway and killed the engine. Billy tried to keep his tone nonchalant to avoid making it feel weird and looked at you from the rear view mirror “i mean i dunno ..Just seems like you might need it?”
“I dont need shit from you” you mumble, as you got out and slammed the passenger door. Yep just as expected. Hargrove bit his lip again and stepped out behind you, as you grabbed the spare key the family kept hidden and stepped inside, practically collapsing face down on the familiar couch in the living room.
‘This is gonna suck’, billy thought.
Steve had already given him a heads up that gaining your trust wouldn’t be easy. It required a-lot of compassion and understanding, but Billy was determined to try. Plus It kinda got under his skin that even Nancy and Johnathan had talked about baby sitting moments. What exactly was it about all this that you have everyone wrapped around your finger?? How hard could it be? He’s taken care of some kids before.
Billy slipped upstairs to search for two things, 1. The cassette tapes he lent to Steve and 2. The baby bag. Steve had mentioned beforehand Having an essentials bag stashed away if anyone ever needed it, although the dumbass never actually told him WHERE it was though. Of course the idiot had it buried in the back of his closet. He pulled it out and went digging through everything the bag included:
☑️A blanket
☑️A couple over sized shirts, and pjs
☑️coloring books and crayons
☑️Baby lotion, powder and wiped
☑️A couple pacifiers
☑️A stuffed bunny
☑️A mix of baby bottles, sippy cups and cups with straws
☑️And a couple pullups
Billy did a bit of a double take of its contents, somewhat confused (and amused). He sat there for moment contemplating how to go about this, pushing his hair back and pacing for a moment before slinging the bag over his shoulder and going back downstairs for a cigarette. He looked over at Y/n still sprawled out face down on the couch. “You still alive little bunny?”
“Omg just leave me alone” you groaned. Billy sighed, “sorry doll but you’re stuck with me until steve gets off work” he called out from the kitchen and stepped outside to get quick smoke break in. Lightning the cigarette, and only taking a few puffs and pulled a few things from the bag, unsure of what you might actually need.
Blanket? Yes always
Stuffed animal? Yup
Sippy cups? Maybe?
Pacifiers? …Ive seen her nap with them in, but she probably wont take it willingly, but sure.. cant hurt.
He slid one into his pocket and somewhat anxiously took a couple of long drags on his cigarette before putting the rest out and slipping back inside. Doing his best to be as quiet as possible.
He took a deep breath and walked over to the living room, gently placing the bag on the floor and sat down crisscrossed in front of you. It was barely audible but he knew he could hear sniffling, he sighed again And reached out rubbing your head for a few moments. “Hey you need to try to sleep, look im gonna stay with you till steve gets home”
You didnt even bother look up, but shook your head.
“Billy im fine, just go home…please?”
He tried placing his hand under your chin in an attempt to get your attention. “Y/n, look at me?” His voice was soft but stern. You still refuse, trying to bury your face back. Anything to avoid eye contact.
Billy placed both hands around your cheeks, resulting in a whimper that almost made his heart drop. Your eyes still refusing to open, but a damp face and tear stains dont lie. He ran his thumbs along your cheeks trying to wipe away the new tears that were forming. “i know im the LAST person you want to deal with right now, but i also know you NEED this, im not judging you, i will never judge you for this. Do you understand?”You continued to fight his hold on your face, but the resistance was all for not. He was intent on getting through to you, in one way or another. “Y/n its fine” You took a deep breath Finally meeting his gaze, tearful (🩵💙💚🤎 colored eyes-)stared back. You whimpered again as a few more tears welled up. Again billy wiped them away and inhaled deeply, almost testing the water, he softened his tone “babe listen, im watching after you until your daddy gets home, but you HAVE to let me in ok?” Whimpering, again you shook your head trying to shake off billy’s hands, you could just feel the heat rising to your face. This felt like a cruel prank, billy would never!
“im not doing this today!!” You cried. With soft sobs making your breathing ragged
“Yes you are sweetheart, you’re exhausted and you need it now please just come here.”
He Finally let go of your face. While still sitting on the floor he opened up the bag next to him pulling out a few items. “Please little bunny, just let me help you get to sleep, look we’ve got some comfy clothes, your blanket, and i can grab you something to eat or drink while you change ok? Sound good?” His voice went from stern to pleading.
In horror You glanced at everything in the bag, damn it, thats why he brought me here!!!
“Jesus christ Billy you went through all my stuff?!” You shoved your face back into the couch pillows, as more hot, angry tears welled up, you just wanted to curl up and die.
Completely humiliated that all of your little stuff was sitting right in front of both of you. Billy stared you down for a few moments before pressing his forehead against yours “nuh-uh, enough, right now your under my care, so NONE of that, now go get changed,” he got up in huff and walked back towards the kitchen “and while youre at it, pick out a cup, im making sure you get a snack before your nap!”
“Ya Grouchy little shit” he mumbled the last part under his breath
In a daze and still softly crying You sat up. This couldn’t be happening right?
The former school bully actually trying to play babysitter right now?? And what was with his tone? What kind of fever dream was this? Hes never been this…gentle???
But damn it if he wasnt right.
You needed little time.
LIKR FUCK Wrong place wrong time,
….but You gave in.
Hesitantly you pulled up the duffle bag your momma and daddy kept hidden and dug out one of the oversized shirts, a soft pair of pj pants as well as one of the brightly colored sippy cups with a straw. You pushed yourself up off the couch and paused for a moment, nervously glancing at billy, whose back was now turned towards you and placed the cup on the counter before going to the bathroom to change. ‘For the love of god Steve better get back asap’
Billy scrounged around steve’s kitchen trying to find something simple to make. Finally settling on a pb & j (sweet boy has no cooking skills, bless him). He looked over at the cup you’d set on the counter and grinned pressing his tongue to his cheek, of course you picked one with a straw. Although he would have been happy to try to give you a bottle. Maybe a bit embarrassing for both of you but he’d do it. Billy thought as he filled cup with apple juice from the fridge.
Oh shit, i should probably turn on the tv too while im at it.
Going back to the living room he laid a blanket on and the floor in front of the tv and switched it on. He flipped through a few channels leaving it on some kids show (insert any old 80’s kids show) He looked around somewhat proud of his baby sitting skills and grabbed the plate and sippy cup gently setting it on the floor. A few minutes later you shyly peeked around the corner still trying to wipe away some tears.
Hargrove tried his best to sound sincere “hey kiddo, made you a p&j and got some juice, that sound good?” You wouldn’t meet his gaze, but just shrugged, your face felt hot and more tears threatened to fall. Just feeling ashamed and utterly embarrassed.
“Ok Angel c’mere” the pretty blonde made his way over to you and scooped you up causing you to squeak in surprise.
He chuckled and sat you down on his lap a few feet away from the tv. He could feel how shaky you were.
“Can u at least try to eat for me? Its not like it’s poisoned” He picked up the plate and set it on your lap.
You just looked at it for a moment. Seemingly dazed, then shook your head, you could feel billy exhale in frustration or maybe it was concern but he tried again. “Kay, how about i take half and you take the other?”
You didnt say anything but simply took the half closest to you and tried your best to munch on it. Billy on the other hand quickly downed his half and tried to think of some way to get you a bit more calm. He was more used to doing …umm things a bit more adult rated?? so in a slight panic his best effort was to comb his fingers through your hair. Surely that would be ok, Girls like that stuff right?? If that didn’t work maybe rocking would help??
He lucked out, it didnt take but a few minutes before he could feel you press the back of your head against his hands. he grinned, “ooh? You like head scratches huh?” He cooed
There was a soft whine in response, as he kept going, and he could feel slowly you sink against him. He bit his lip and tried not to smile this normally wasnt his thing, but you’re oddly adorable in this state.
“Ok cutie, ya feelin any better?” He murmured while still running a hand down the back of your head.
You shrugged and grabbed the sippy cup sitting next you, and billy took the opportunity to move the plate off your lap when he felt something his hand. More tears? Had you really been silently crying this whole time?
He looked down, your eyes were still red, and tears were silhouetted in the light of the tv. He took the sleeve of his shirt and tried wiping your face, which only resulted in a soft whimper and you stubbornly trying to turn your head away. It was all billy could do to keep from laughing. You really were being an overly tired toddler trying to fight sleep huh? “Sweetheart” he cooed “im just trying to clean your face, can you sit still for bubby?” With eyes clamped shut and Still whimpering you try your best to comply. He did his best to dry your face, but your eyes and cheeks looked still looked so red. He looked at you for a moment, sighed and reached over. Grabbing the duffle bag still sitting on the floor he pulled out a stuffed rabbit and a blanket. Billy practically threw the blanket over his shoulder and picked you up with the bunny still in the other. “Alright cotton tail, plan B, i know ive seen your daddy do this a few times” he gently toted you over to the recliner in the corner of the room. Sitting you both down.
You didnt even fight him at this point, only more soft whimpers of protest remained as you pressed your face into his neck. He wrapped the blanket over your shoulders and offered you the stuffed bunny tucking it under your arm. Billy tried softly rocking the both of you, he had seen Steve do this on 2 occasions, (not that you would know though since you had already been KO’d for awhile and He’d be lying if he ever said he wasnt jealous of steve for it either.)
Your eyes were tired but they still refused to shut, and you softly whined again as You turned your gaze back to the tv.
Even in this state with Soft whimpering And sniffles it was all he could do to not smile. Billy rested his chin on your head and tried shushing you while rubbing your back. How are you still fighting sleep? The soft smell of baby powder wafting from your blanket would probably be enough to lull even him to sleep on a normal day. Surely its comforting scent should be doing the same for you? Wait, Billy mentally slapped himself, duh he did put a pacifier in his pocket earlier. He gently shifted you to one side and he tried to fish it out of his pocket. “Shhhhh sweetheart, here would this help?” He opened up his hand to let you take it. You feebly took it but instead of putting it in your mouth you played with it between your fingers. “Too shy? Go figure” billy thought to himself.
He took it from your fidgety hands “no baby, open up” there wasn’t even a sound of protest you simply opened your mouth just big enough for him to pop it in. “Oh good girl” he whispered and kissed your forehead, causing you to press your face back against him.
Billy chuckled and shifted you again so you were lying completely against his chest before going back to lazily rocking the both of you.
With both of you now fixated on the tv He watched out of the corner of his eye as the pacifier softly bobbled up and down, following the soft occasional suckling sounds. He grinned and pressed his chin against your head, inhaling the scent from your blanket that was still draped over your shoulders. This was blissful. He’d admit it, he could now understand how you had Harrington wrapped around your fingers.
As far as billy was concerned The horrors of Hawkins could fuck right off. At the moment the teen would do anything to make this last. He’d fight off anything if it ment you’d still be in his arms.
He closed his eyes for a bit but continued rocking you. He could tell your breathing had slowed,though there was still the occasional sniffling, but at least the pacifier has stopped the whining. “Shhhh little bunny, you need to sleep” he murmured and combed a strand of hair over your ear, gently stroking your cheek. Glancing back down at down at you with one eye open it looks like you finally may have crashed. Eyes closed, still softly suckling on the paci.
Fuuuck that’s adorable. Billy thought as he continued rocking. A few minutes passed until he was certain you were asleep. He finally decided it was safe enough to recline the chair back so both of you could get a nap in before steve got home.
——— later on————
Steves pov
“Oh no, no no no, what the fuck is HARGROVES car doing in my driveway??
Jesus Christ not again!!” He groaned as he pulled up to curb in front of his home.
He got out slamming the car door and mumbled under his breath the whole way to his front doorsteps.
“We talked about boundaries, but noooo of course none of that got into his thick skull” he muttered loudly as he opened the door. He was immediately met with loud shushing which caused him to jump.
“WHAT IN THE HE..”
“SHHHH!!”
He snapped his head towards the direction of noise only to see none other than billy hargrove with a finger to his lips and the other hand over your head.
Steve blinked in confusion then lowered his tone as he went into the living room “what happened!??” He whispered.
“Long story, but i took care of it” billy grinned sleepily. “Shes been out for about an hour n’ a half, but do you think you can take her, i gotta take a leak?”
Steve laughed as he carefully pried you off billy’s chest careful not to wake you.
There was a soft whine but you must have known it was steve since you buried your face in his neck and hummed “baba” in relief.
“Hi baby, daddy’s home” steve cooed
“And thank god cuz bubby has to pee”
billy chimed in as he finally got up off the recliner and booked it down the hall. Steve decided the best thing to do was get you upstairs and in bed before he questioned billy further.
He made his way up the stairs and into his bedroom, trying as gently as he could to lay you back down without (completely) waking you.
You let out a soft whine of protest before you were hushed again by a pacifier and the soft worn covers of your daddy’s bed caressing your body.
“Shhh baby, daddys here,” steve cooed as he laid down next to you, rubbing your back in hopes that you’ll drift off again.
Moments later there was a soft knock on the door. Steve glanced back to see billy pulling out a carton of cigarettes and mouthing “ill be outside” steve gave him a thumbs up and rolled back to attend to you. He waited until there was soft snoring before he rolled out of bed and crept back downstairs.
Meeting billy out by the backdoor, he crossed his arms. “Ok so what the hell happened exactly?”
Billy took a long drag and exhaled “she was in a mood and I handled it? Also next time it might help if you actually TELL ME where the emergency bag is.”
“Wait u went through my room?!”
“Not the first time Harrington.” He chuckled. “Besides your girl was exhausted and hadn’t been sleeping, so yeah, I stepped in, and handled it just fine”
“She fight you on it?”
“Eh not really,”
“Are u shitting me? She bit me the first couple times!”
“Guess ya wore her down for me, or she just likes me more” he flicked the cigarette butt and smirked at Steve before heading back inside.
“Yeah fat chance” Steve murmured following him.
“Just so you know, if you ever need me to watch her last min, i dont mind” billy said looking back over at the recliner he’d been stuck the last two hrs. Steve grinned following his gaze then glanced around the living room at the various contents of the diaper bag that had been thrown about. “Not that weird anymore huh?” He said crossing his arms
Billy grinned and just shrugged “Never said that..just seeing it differently now thats all”
#little space#age regression#agerespace#age regressor#sfw agere#billy hargrove x y/n#billy hargrove x agere#agere stranger things#agere billy Hargrove
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the boys is such a good fucking series to watch, and i enjoy it so much. i do have some complaints or dislikes to it though.
like, the constant racism towards black people specifically is so annoying, but i get that it’s realistic and that actual celebrities just dont give a fuck about black people who are still famous. its more of that its just annoying mostly. im pretty sure thats the whole point of it though and i dont really mind it too much to stop watching it.
second, why the fuck is the deep still existing and why do it feel as if they’re trying to make us feel bad for him? he’s a literal rapist and also racist too. he also fucks sea animals. there’s nothing but that shit to understand about him. no one cares about him and his existence anymore, so why is he still on the show? unless they’re planning to destroy that man in the most brutal way possible, then who gives a fuck about him?
next is firecracker, when is she dying? im already tired of her weird pedophillic homophobic transphobic racist ass. 6 episodes of her is too much already. i need her gone.
then there’s mother’s milk. WHERE THE FUCK IS HIS GODDAMN BEARD?? GIVE HIM BACK HIS OLD MAN BEARD. HE LOOKS NAKED PLEASE.
also with butcher, is he actually supposed to be written as a complete dumbass on purpose or are they running out of ideas for him? they make him constantly do the same things over and over again, face the consequences, learn his lesson when his friends wag their lil fingers at him in shame. then repeat the whole thing again. im kinda getting tired of it, and im just wondering when im watching if he’s ever gonna get a proper character development, cause im not seeing it at all.
+ adding on about butcher, did he really threaten a male victim about being touched as a child by soldier boy? cause thats honestly what i got from that, and that made me really scratch my head. but also make him really disgusted with him. i get he’s supposed to be a pretty bad person as well, but goddamn? i thought he would understand and taunt the guy for being touched as a child — which he didnt consent to and was also ignored by everyone else — since his wife is also a victim herself.
really, i enjoy the show a lot and will keep watching, there’s just somethings that just make me off putted by. its just a simple opinion and thats it.
so far my favorite characters are hughie, mm, a-train, stan, and victoria/nadia. the white people besides the boys scare me ngl. they’re always just fucked up people
#nyxtalks#the boys#the boys tv#the boys critical#the boys review#the boys series#the boys spoilers#the boys mothers milk
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Anon Advice Asks - February 6
24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon
24 anon
hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas
Hi <3
Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.
I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.
I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3
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Outlet anon
Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.
So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????
Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.
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Spoon Anon
hi cas it's spoon anon
well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.
and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.
i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.
Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.
As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.
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8 years anon
This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.
So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.
For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.
Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??
And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.
lots of love cas ❤️❤️
Hi!
I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?
And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.
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lawyer anon
Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!
I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.
Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3
For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.
I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.
My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.
I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.
He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.
Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.
It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.
This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."
I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.
Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?
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Guess anon
Hi Cas
Guess Anon again
He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)
I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)
Ill keep you updated!!
Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!
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as an alternative to "if you have writers block, kill a character", may i try (likely in vain, i am aware 💀😔💀) to give you my professor's advice that's helped me??
he said "you can only be affected by writer's block if you believe it exists" which, at first, made me go "bitch? ive felt it?? youre so wrong?"
until he continued and said "writer's block is a nebulous problem with no consistent or reliable solution. and when we eliminate that as an option, we are forced to be specific about what is wrong. it can be burn out, fatigue, stress, Depression, a lack of discipline, time blindness, ADHD or autism, some medical or pharmaceutical variable, a mixture of multiple reasons, or any meriade of any other reason or reasons to justify and validate why writing needs to go on the backburner for a bit or even several years. but the big difference is all those specific things: unlike writer's block, they do have treatments, cures, and/or accommodations"
and to that, i do agree, i see his logic in "take writer's block off the table". though i see it moreso as We Should Reframe Writer's Block As A Vague Symptom Of Something Instead Of As A Diagnosis, kind of like how chronic pain as a symptom could mean ANYTHING in regards to diagnoses yet is still an important puzzle piece to finding that diagnosis
that is specific to me though. but i was told that re-framing back in 2018 or so(?), and ive never had writer's block since. i HAVE not written for months at a time, don't get me wrong, im not churning out pages everyday with writers block no longer in my life. but i do feel like i am making progress in dealing with my Other Stuff which then is me maintaining an opening to write (as opposed to cleaning up a block) and just being too tired by said maintenance to often indulge in writing. and not the stagnant "this is how itll be forever"-maintenance, but rather more like the kind of maintenance you have to do after a natural disaster for relief, bc i got a Lot Of Diagnoses who eould normally give me the symptom of writers block that im still in the early stages of unpacking and accomadating and etc. so, hopefully soon, ill have less and less maintenance to do and more and more energy to write. but yeah, thats just me. idk whats going on in your life, in your head lol
and this is, in fact, me hoping and praying and begging that you go "i prefer this" and not killing a beloved character
bc i wont lie. would sure love you NOT to kill someone i love in your game lmao
uhhhhhhh, alternatively kill the dad instead. itll fuck us over about learning timey-wimey stuff, add more plot-conflict as a result, and we get the weird feelings of grieving a parent you didnt know/like. idk. i just want my faves to live and he is Not One Of Them lmao ill give you a $20 to, if you GOTTA kill someone, have that one soul be his lol
i appreciate the advice and yeah, i can get behind this explanation of things. i mean it makes sense; motivation or simply just the ability to write doesn't just grow legs and walk away from you, there's gotta be other contributing factors.
i do feel the need to say though that how ever and when ever i kill off characters, i don't mean in game lol. i already have the whole game plotted out, adding in an unnecessary death would make things messy and we don't want that. so while i do have some deaths planned, some literal others not, any new deaths would only take place in drabbles.
atp i just need to get words on paper. or google doc ig.
#sorry for messing with your emotions like that#im just a girl :3#but you can rest easy now#mirror mine#message received☎️#anonymous
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STUPID ASS FUCKING SOUTH PARK THEORY!!!
South park meth pipeline -The first time it is hinted at is in S2 E17 when mr tweek does not want other more successful coffee shops in town (because hes drugging the customers) and in S15 E14 we can see that kennys parents are making meth in their backyard (they are the first part of the pipeline) we can comfirm it is being made not for them because in S7 E6 When they walk into the strip club the italian guy from tfbw say "and we will have the Mccormicks make the meth" We know this guy has a lot of power because he is running a whole strip club and he is working on a project to drug the whole town in tfbw. And in the stick of truth we get "coffee beans" from meth dealers which later goes into tweeks and the customers. We know the cumstomers are drugged because in tfbw they say stuff like "aw man, this coffee is really gettin' me buzzed". Another thing is that we know the meth dealers arent just some idiots because they too are working on the plan to drug the whole town because when we fight them in tfbw they often talk about getting the cat pee to "boss" (Mitch conner who is technically working with the Italians) So it would make sense for te meth dealers and the italians to work together on the same projects. (cat pee and meth) However I do not think the police are in on the meth pipeline because again in S15 E14 The police are ARRESTING kennys parents for making meth and i dont think they were lying and actually were on the Mccormicks side because if they were i think they would also fake arrest the meth dealers working on the cat pee project (which they are in on) It is my theory that the meth goes from the Mccormicks to the meth dealers who give it to the meth dealers who gives it to the Tweaks who deals it to the customers which the italians are all organising.
i made this like. 2 years ago and got too scared to post it anywhere and i know that i updated it a while back to due the creators doing some shit?? idfk. but it was on an old account that i cant access so if you can nitpik at this im assuming thats the stuff i forgot about man. its. been forever since i was like. disgustingly obsessed witb south park. definitely please read. 2022 me probably took like 10 minutes to write this 🙏
ALSO. urm this theory has made me come up with so many fuckin cool concepts when it comes to tweek and kenny. cause. no one else sees it like i do ong. both their characters are so well done and im tired of pretending theyre not.
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anyway havent had the wearwithall to finish a post or lay stuff out With Proof. in some way yet but. Just lets play our favourite game. This story from someone elses perspective.
the very funny stone pov. ur the oldest coolest strongest guy around doing ur tasks and also lookig to bring home a guy/polictical tool for ur granddaughter. u see a alone consort guy and ur like okay. interesting. but when he sees u watching he gets SO SCARED and runs away. then u see him sentenced to death via the elements.so u save his life. and turns out hes the most neurotic lost puppy in the whole world. and he doesnt know anything. and he thinks your going to kill him for the weirdest things. and hes an asshole. but also probably sometimes he looks at you and your like. jesus. this fucking kid. all through it all ur still mostly considering using him politically/setting him up with ur granddaughter. and not telling him.
and then get in the shit at this place u were going to that got all destoryed and ur fighting for ur life and all that. and the little idiot followed you in? and saves you and you save him. and then hes looking SO SCARED but different scared and hes all banged up and ur like. jesus. kid. and its like... okay well what if we did sometime crazy ur not gonna like it AT ALL. and he would have to trust you. AND HE DOESNT TRUST U. but he does it.
and u show him more of you and The Lost Neurotic Puppy factor has just gone throught the roof. cornered prey AND homesick dog. and he finds out the other part of the plan. and he HATES that hes NOT gonna do that... but he keeps hedging whether hes gonna run away now. while reaffirm his commitment to 'helping temporarily'.
likeee do u get my point just like. that moon is NOT actually able to hide whats going on for him and like. damn. thats insane. whats wrong with this guy (his pathetic and abrasive nature has charmed another grandfatherly figure)
OR. and this one sends me into hysterics. from jades pov i think this turns into a DIFFERENT genre eh? like ur grandpa was supposed to bring you a politicial/royal match but he brought... a dark brooding stranger... hes a little Wild. he Hunts or Runs off by himself, he doesnt know the customs blah blah. He's illusive and wont accept ur gifts what are you doing wrong!!! and u travel off with him and its like. right hes neurotic and shy and he maybe doesnt wanna stay. oh but hes so good at solving problems in excepted ways. he nearly dies saving ppl. and u gotta like. hold his weak shivering form <- take a shot every time. and anyway he WONT commit to you... he MIGHT CONSIDER giving u some kids tho... but its complicate. and he DID seem interested for a second but breaks it off... but u have gotten the faint impression he does likes being lead/bossed/pushed around a bit.
including up to. getting attacked and he kills and enemy but not b4 u hear stuff where its like. Woah. did he betray you all. can he be trusted. but no its actually just. His Tragic Backstory, THE SECOND PART. oh and another, ah thats why hes like that. in general and about ur advances. but anyway he tells you all that be hesssss freezing to death.... wont someone keep him warm 👀. and NOW finally. he wants u back. cause he just really needed to be seen and acceptected that bady. oh and... He does. Like being pushed around. btw.
insane. insane. his stray dog rizz. his. horrible everything going on that is impossible to resist. as long as where INSIDE moons head the story is filtered thru his 8000 layers of social calculus and his constant mantra of 'what the fuck is going on and Are you going to kill me and fuck this shit honestly im so tired' but thinking NOT seeing his thougths its hard to imagine it makes it less obvious that his whole. shit. is fucked like that. it would just instead be. ppl reacting to the scrappiest little weirdo in the world. my little freak. what do the kids say. pookie?
#some shit#dragon book place holder tag#NOW am /I/ gonna be killed for voicing a HUMOUROUS light heart interpration of a book series when im only 1/2 done the FIRST ONE.#cause i know now theres multiple bloggers who know more than me. one even seemed to follow me home tho i havent seen em yet lol#wipes my brow. no its probably fine this is comics fandom i dont need 10 billion sources.#O_____O RIGHT?
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hiya zak!!! it's 2am and i can't stop thinking about it- but if you had the chance to write how luke gets cured of his illness in canon, how would you do it? (eg. via "surgery, but there's risks"/"oh we found a magical anecdote to your illness, yippee!...etc etc)
hiya "anon" hehe >:3c!!!! first off, thank you for this ask cuz it's super interesting. my answer to this is rather specific and looks bad at first but Trust Me and hear me out on this alright
if i had the chance to write how luke gets cured, i wouldnt make him 100% cured. medically (and this is very vague because im not a doctor), i would make it so that maybe new medication or a new treatment plan is found that makes his illness no longer terminal, but chronic. the new treatment has to be taken regularly as maintenance, along with regular diagnostic tests like EEGs and regular check ups with aaron. the new treatment would also come with a lot of side effects like mood swings, fatigue, nausea, etc.
basically: i dont want him to be cured, but i obviously dont want him to die. however, i want him to have to fight this for the rest of his long life.
it'll be an arduous process, one that never ends, but one he has to get through. and one he dedicates himself to do every day, because it's worth it, because it's worth life,
because he's worth life.
why do i want this? well, first off, it's because i'd love to see more chronic physical illness representation in fiction. it's not always clear cut with illnesses, and sometimes there Isnt a grand cure and it's more like an endless slog of maintenance
second off, i will repeat something i said in a previous ask i answered about luke's illness, but a sudden and 100% cure feels like a too-neat deus ex machina to me, narratively. his illness has been shown to be as Very lethal and Very painful and Very hard to treat, so for all of that to suddenly go away, well....the writing would feel a tad cheap to me if it were that easy.
and third off, because it'd fit well with the themes of luke's stories and luke's character
actually, let me go back to that previous ask i linked because im gonna copy paste a whole lot from it HAHA since my view hasnt changed since i wrote it. in that last ask i say:
in general with stories, i am less drawn to super neat resolutions and im more drawn to resolutions that are more like “and things werent perfect and they never will be, there will always be problems, but our characters will be okay and theyll keep getting better and better, and it’s in this push and pull of struggle and learning and progress and getting through where their happiness lies” ever since luke was a kid, even before he developed his condition, hes had the fear of being a burden to his loved ones. and when he does get his terminal condition, this fear is worsened and he starts to see his existence in other people’s lives as a whole as a burden of pain and grief that isnt worth the trouble. and…i dunno, i just like the idea of him continuing to live but also continuing to have these problems that still spark fear inside of him and still take so much work to manage every day. and out of habit, he braces himself for pain, not just for the kind his condition gives him but from Life because Surely, His Loved Ones Will Get Tired Of All Of This, Of Him and The Problems He Comes With, Right? but surprise surprise, they dont. because they care about him. because this should not and is not a dealbreaker for them continuing to care about him. aaron creates treatment thats more on the preventative maintenance meds angle so luke doesnt have to just wait for a pain episode to pop up and then dry swallow painkillers every time. it’s not infallible , but sometimes luke can have hours, even a whole a day sometimes where the pain hes bracing himself for doesnt come. mc always reminds luke to take his meds whenever luke gets too busy or caught up in a case. he worries at first that it’s an inconvenience to her for her to have to remember his routines for him just in case, but that worry becomes quieter as luke realizes she reminds him in the same tone as she says “good morning” or “have you had lunch yet? wanna join me?”, just this casual and loving thing thats now integrated into both their lives the team are always ready to help too in their own way. when luke gets a pain episode in hq, marius offers distraction in the form of idle chatter on (harmless) internal pax gossip while luke waits for his painkillers to dull down the stinging. when luke feels uncomfortable tingling crawling across his whole body while out with vyn, vyn subtly helps luke move from a crowded area to a quieter one where outside stimuli cant further overwhelm luke’s senses. when it’s a bad grip strength day and all luke wants to do is punch something and fuck his useless hands up even more, artem tells luke about custom silicone grips that exist for things like pens or knives or such and that they could look for some next time they go shopping. it is not perfect. but luke’s life, even with the pain, is still worth living. everybody is trying to help and eventually, luke learns how to start helping him self along with them too.
in summary: i think luke is a fighter. i do wish he had less battles to fight, but one battle that is important for him to fight is the fight to believe that he is worth living and worth joy in spite of it all
so if i had my way, i'd write him having to manage his illness for the rest of his life
and i'd also write him having a full and happy life while doing that anyway
thank you for the ask!! :'D
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