#me so that im not misinterpreted or misunderstood or whatever Which is an impossible thing and i need to get over that and i shouldnt be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

itsalwaysdark · 14 days ago

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okay sooo 1. once little man is done with my laptop i need to do the ssn shit bc i have the letter 2. in an hour i need to switch my laundry to the dryer and at Some point i need to sleep preferablyyyy i oush as long as i can its been 28 hours i Think? since i woke up i dont avtually remember its all kind of a blur i do have a headache and my fuckshit tooth is bothering me but whatever . once i get the ssn login thing done im pretty sure i can get a new card like right away and then once that gets here i can go and get my permit And by then my new glasses will be here which is epics and ummm at some point not today bc im tired and have a headache aka not at my best. so once those 2 things r not the case i need to do the science and math ged practice tests ive been putting them off bc im scared ill do bad SKULL.but i need to get those done ... and omce i have the permit and everything thennnnnn i can go do my actual proper ged tests and once those r done ill have my ged and an id and thus can start applying for jobs again And ill be so brave and ask my mom to teach me how to drive . YIPPEE

#im not a tually very tired i kind of just want to scream nd explode and run around the neighborhood or something. but its okay #and once i get a job and i e saved up umm i think my rule is 1000 then im allowed to go to the dentist for my fuckshit tooth and im allowed #to go to the um whatsit called for my fuckshit hormones and im allowed to maybe find a psych again and see if we can get things cooking up #there as in i think i rly srsly need medication . bc i dont think im going to go for talk therapy like ever again bc its kind of useless to #me which is funny bc god if theres one thing i do its fucking talk . but whatever.i think i need to see a proper psych and not one that im #like. going to With my mom and thus am obviously not honest #and i can get a gp of course probably thatll be the first step but irs so like. i dknt understand how yr supposed to get a gp #not a gp is it. pcp thats what i meant #primary care physician i need to find one I tried in wa but i didnt like. idk i think im a tually deeply atupid and not made to livenin the #world but also rhere was a lot of shit working against me up there LOL .so yeah omand then once i do all that i will work and work and work #and work and save up money i wanna save like assssssss much money as i can b4 i move out just in case theres like. issues. + like ill be #buying furniture and stuff and itll be lotsies like. since i dont rly have any furniture i think will be coming with me or nothing ....#so yes . this is connors 8000 step plan for being a person again and once i get all of this done then i will maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe #maybe be stable enough to start making friends again. so see me in like 1-2 years and we will see how its going #thats probably dramatic. but like idk i think itll take me at least a year or so From now to like. save up minimum amt for apartment #not that i have a ton of expenses or anything but some of my mkney will probably be going to my parents just to help with everythang #and idk how much ill be making of course. less than wa one presumes bc its umm #cheaper here . you know...#ok. i just wish i could do it all today and i didnt have to wait its always always always waiting i hate it #why cant the world revolve around when i get my sudden bursts of energy #ohhh but whatever. ill have my apartment and maybe even a car depending on how the whole driving thing goes and i can name my car and #get like stickers or something from my car Probably not a tually that a tually scares me quite a bit bc the idea of somebody seeing my car #and being able to think something abt me from it scared me quite ferociously i dont rly know why its not like a Oh what if they FIND ME !#im just a control freak and i hate that ppl can see like #a thing abt me and then make an assumption abt who i am as an entire person bc i need everybody to understand every facet of everything abt #me so that im not misinterpreted or misunderstood or whatever Which is an impossible thing and i need to get over that and i shouldnt be #reaking out abt a sticker on a car oh my goddd.#but also like this may be a lie but i was told it when i was like 10 soive been assuming it was true but when i was 10.somenody told me #car stickers r like permanent and like logically im thinking abt it idk how true rhat is but they do seem kind of a bitch to remove and what #if im like oh ill get a picture of like idk smurfette or something and then like idk smurfs company comes out and theyre like I actually

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