#im so fucking annoyed at myself
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mellifera38 · 2 years ago
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Still trying to push past all this built up Art Burn-out. Its taking longer than I expected idk why I thought I'd just need a week. Keep opening photoshop, stare at it, close it. Over and over. All day. Hhhh. There's so many things I wanna draw I HAVE the ideas so why cant I just fucking DO IT. Why am I nervous???
JUST START YOU IDIOT.
PICK UP THE PEN.
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aka-indulgence · 22 days ago
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Why do they do this
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dandelion-roots · 4 days ago
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[ID: a digital drawing of riz gukgak from fantasy high. in the front is a relatively small drawing of riz juggling books that are falling out of his hand and a phonecall, and he has a huge backpack on. he looks a bit overwhelmed, hair flying in all directions, and has a nervous smile on. in the background is a large shadow of riz, only one glowing eye and a shining gun visible. the background is red, giving an eerie feel. End ID]
Kill your best friend
Cheat your way to your rogue teacher
Announce your presidential campaign
Don't let them know how angry you are
LEARN TO RECOGNIZE A MONSTER
#riz gukgak#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year spoilers#ik the 'uh oh i fucking miscalculated big time' applies to all the bad kids BUT riz is my little blorbo so#and he was the first to go full brutal in s1 and was likely the one ppl would've seen it coming from the least#i dont need to justify myself i love all their dichotomies. my homicidal blorbos who're on a slippery slide to becoming the villains#as they grow more powerful but still react to threat with a 'no holds barred' approach#wait wait this isn't an analysis post jskdjsdjk art! had a lot of fun with this one#have the funniest 'sketch' for this that i did that was me drawing w my laptop touch pad (? the touchy mouse thing) w notes so i dont forge#the idea back when i didnt have the juices to draw it and was also in the armchair writing fic and didnt want to move stations#im still experiment with colours and now im also figuring out gradients which is super fun! correction layers my beloved <3#also didn't use my usual canvas size and had to keep making it bigger and bigger so its unfortunately compressed#such is life#did some warmup before this for once bcs i felt like working on my no-underdrawing drawing skills#have this beautiful pen brush and a new big (for me) sketchbook so i went to town with some references open#also working on tackling the wretched face angles. why do our faces Do That#anywayyyy the list is from kipperlilly's pov in case it wasn't clear#im looking forward to eventually rewatching s3 and giving her another chance#like i COULD get sick abt her. theres potential there bcs i do love angry annoying women who stick to their shit#im leaving now i simply have to hydrate its been hours#eyestrain tw#sorry for the late tw i work with so many layers of eye protection on my laptop that it took looking at this on my phone to go uh oh
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dakotac0le · 2 months ago
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god the thing is. even if i dont even care abt 'going nonverbal' , even if i find the discussion about it nonproductive and annoying , even if i think it takes up WAY to much space in nonverbal nonspeaking communities , and is just stupid whatever terminology discourse. it literally doesnt matter. "nonverbal" as a word has been taken and twisted so much by speaking people that it literally doesnt matter if im exhausted by stupid terminology debates . cause the impact of it is always there ! ! ! !! i cant talk about my experiences without 700 speaking people taking my thoughts and words and making it about them. i cant use the label nonverbal without the disclaimer that i mean !! ALWAYS ! FULLY !! and its frustrating because there ARE similarities between speech loss and being nonverbal, there ARE similarities between being semiverbal and nonverbal and etc etc. and i WANT to be able to celebrate the commonalities and solidarity and everything !! but its so frustrating trying to talk about very specific parts of my identity !! who i am !! my life !! and always having to over explain and justify and im just very tired of online disabled spaces its so disheartening and frustrating
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thelambthatkilledthewolf · 28 days ago
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The sibling relationship between Sherlock and Mycroft Holmes is so incredibly important to me. By the way. If you even care.
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maria-ruta · 3 months ago
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I'm having a bad mood today
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Would you draw my blorbo for me please?
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susieandhobbes · 1 year ago
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I can't explain this, but Black women looking young is somehow being added to the convenient excuses to not ship Black women with popular white leading men but ~not in a racist way~
She's strong and independent, she doesn't need him
He's a mess, she can do better
She should be gay! or with minor Black side character!
NEW: She looks so young :(
I'm obviously picking on this particular person but I've seen several people dismiss SydCarmy because "he's a much older, mentor figure! that'd be inappropriate!" And like??? HUUUUH???
Sydney and Carmy are an absolute MAX of 5 years apart in age. And while Ayo looks beautiful, 19 she does not look! Sydney went to culinary school and has worked at several fine dining establishments before launching her own business, common sense says she's at least in her late 20s. And while Carmy has more restaurant experience, he was a literal prodigy who started young.
ALSO, this is kind of an aside but where the fuck is Carmy mentoring Sydney in any real capacity?
S1 - she gets hired, 2 days later she was like "hey I redid your entire business plan because your shit is fucked, a day later he asked her to lead the brigade and then ditched her. He went to cater Cicero's party with Richie and once again Sydney was in charge DURING A POWER OUTAGE. She quit mid-service, comes back, and he's like want to start a restaurant with me?? Not as a fucking mentee, as a partner
S2 - Sydney is making the construction timeline decisions and present and participating in financial/loan conversations with the literal owners of the Beef/Bear. Sydney is part of designing the menu. Sydney is hiring. The only mentor-mentee relationship she's in is with TINA!
Does Sydney look up to Carmy because he's in many ways accomplished her culinary dreams? Absolutely. But people acting like she's some bright eyed student he's teaching to dice onions is fucking crazy.
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altschmerzes · 9 days ago
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seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.
the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.
#gav gab#sex ment#there's a running thread in the L2L cinematic universe shower sex fic#about consent and checking in and like. being cautious and careful and Aware of the other party#and whether they want to be doing what they're doing#and it is there for a reason and it is extremely meaningful to the context of what's happening#and if i see one more post mocking the entire concept of addressing consent in a fic#i am gonna heap my lid#i really do think 'consent posturing' is one of the most enraging phrases i've ever seen online tbh#and there's some stiff competition#like. wrow. lot going on THERE.#i just hate that i'm so anxious about this part of this fic#i mean im anxious about the whole thing for various reasons but#seeing those posts some of which have been reblogged by people whose opinions i do respect#has made me really embarrassed and worried about honestly one of the most Meaningful parts of this fic#and i feel like i need to pre-emptively go on the defensive or else people will think it's Bad and Stupid and He Would Not Fucking Say That#etc etc etc#like i have to pre-emptively defend myself against accusations of bad writing#and i know the answer is just to care less about Posts On Line but i would like to cordially suggest perhaps the answer is also#stop being an asshole about a preference and asserting it like it is not in fact a preference#but is instead you speaking some kind of Good Take onto the stupid brain rotted puriteen masses or whatever#i am doing better about not letting the ocd win and caring less about Posts#whatever it may appear lmao i Am doing better with that#but that doesn't mean those posts arent still mean and shitty#and generalizing a lot of weird shit into things like#'establishing consent in a sex scene' which apparently is Inherently Boring And Annoying
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oifaaa · 1 year ago
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Made up a reason for myself that tim doesn't age because of shenanigans when he went looking for Bruce when he got lost in time. Makes no sense but keeps me sane a little 👍
See I just say Tim is a chronic liar (bc you know he is) so he's just keeps saying he's 17 years old bc if people find out he's actually 19 they're also gonna ask questions like "what are you doing with you're life?" "Got a job yet?" "Why are you fighting with a twelve year old?"
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ganondoodle · 1 month ago
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11 pm again and i spent my evening trying to draw but ending up deleting like 5 attempts again and i just want to cry
cant even get upset anymore, i just sit here looking at the wasted time and just kinda going 'yeah ... what did i expect' and the tears are already back :I
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bucephaly · 6 days ago
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Amazing take on the dash tonight. 'I think most people actually don't want or value or need romantic affection or attachment and that most people are aro' uhhhhhhhhhhhh????
Also like. I'm p sure what constitutes the difference between romantic and platonic and sexual affection and attraction is purely cultural and different to everyone. I wish people would stop focusing so hard on the idea that these labels are like actual objectively true things about people. Like, would some people probably be happier without feeling forced to pursue relationships by society? Sure. But saying that most people are Actually Aromantic and that 'very few' people actually want or value romantic attachment ???? I'm honestly kinda tired of these like 'most people are Actually bi lol' 'most people are at least a Little ace!!' Etc etc type takes. 'No one is Actually cis' like can you shut upppppp these words are just WORDS for extremely abstract cultural concepts that mean different things to everyone yall do not need to take them this seriously. And im just so tired of people being like 'man knowing about this identity helped me, im sure Everyone feels like this and Everyone actually secretly hates this common thing' like uhhhh no. They don't. Lol.
#like. identifying as aroace in highschool [starting at 14] and then continuing for years#actually royally fucked up my perception of myself and stunted my social development??#because like. i was under the impression that i Discovered my Actual Identity and No Its Not A Phase!!! etc etc#and so i stuck with it for like 4 years#and sorta subconciously convinced myself 'this is who you are' and so actually maturing and getting out of high school and#discovering that i did have interest in these relationships Fucked Me Up and it took me literally another 4 years to get over it enough#to actually explore it!!#idk! sometimes these mindsets can be actually damaging!!#the idea that these labels are something intrinsic about You and are immutable and Who You Are#like. i get why these concepts exist but that isnt how this stuff works these labels are just words awkwardly taped on top of#a completely undefineable human experience that morphs and changes constantly#IDK IDK idk i just dont get why people get so caught up with labels and especially try to say 'well actually everyone else is actually#my label too like. everyone actually is like this' like you cannot fucking assume that ! oh my god!#its so weird and annoying !!#idk i really love my boyfriend this guy asked me out freshman year of college and i was like im aro#and he stuck around and was my best friend for another 4 years before i finally chilled the fuck out about the concept#of being someones boyfriend#i had convinced myself that Thats Not For Me and so Im Just Not One Of Those People#so yea seeing someone say 'actually no one wants romantic partners lol' yea it kinda pisses me off
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just-null · 1 year ago
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I just discorvered your blog and whilst I am primarily a choso enjoyer I do think noritoshi is also a really cool character, and I really hope he and choso get a chance for a proper interaction at some point! I'd love to know what your opinion is of choso and how you think he would interact with noritoshi :) also your art is really pretty
[UPDATE] this post was made before Gege revealed that Choso was a shit teacher and before the Kamos ever interacted. This was just my assumptions at the time.
I also want to see them interact... strap in fam, bc I never shut the fuck up
I may describe Choso as a bit OOC since I don't know much of the manga, but I do know bits and pieces!! also what the wiki told me, heh.
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[Choso thoughts]
Choso feels like that big brother who's stricter when training/teaching, but lenient when doing literally anything else involving his younger sibs. Although he's wearing a bored expression the entire time, he's actually super happy when around them.
I really like big brother characters so he might climb up my favorites when I see him in action. from that one popular screenshot of him giving Jogo a goofy smirk, I can tell he's got this tiny side of playfulness to him. He can be annoying if he wants to, and he sometimes does that with his brothers. 10/10 guy!
I've seen fanart and some headcanons of Choso, and I can firmly say that he's a green flag. He's the guy who would fix you without trying. HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER FOR HIM.. OR SO I HEAR
[more details under the cut!]
[Choso + Noritoshi interaction thoughts/headcanons?]
Choso and Noritoshi are like super distant cousins/uncle/nephew right?? They came from the same jujutsu hitler, so Noritoshi is like Choso’s many greats cousin/nephew. Be fr though, if there's someone younger than Choso and is related to him in some way, that's an instant lil sibling of his. WHICH IS WHY, their relationship has two sides to it. (imo)
First up is the teacher/student aspect. 
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It's no secret that Noritoshi is weaker compared to Choso, therefore, he'd want to train under him. Choso is a strict teacher, he wants his lil bros to be able to protect themselves if he's unable to be there for them, which is perfect since that's Noritoshi's comfort zone. He wants to hone his abilities to reach or even surpass Choso, so he needs someone who'd nitpick him. 
I can see them sparring, and Noritoshi having an awe struck face every time he gets taken down with a new move Choso has yet to teach him. "How did you do that? You must teach me that next, sensei!"
Choso would probably chortle and lightly nudge Noritoshi with his foot, but internally, he's screaming. Imagine your little brother saw you do something cool, and he's shouting at you to show him how to do it. That's the same feeling Choso would get. Of course, he'd show him eventually, but Noritoshi needs to get the hang of the moves he's tasked with right now before adding more to his plate.
They're both beaming with joy when Noritoshi shows progress. Well- as much as two guys who barely emote can beam. Noritoshi is proud of himself for constantly improving and Choso proud of his lil bro for getting stronger!!!!!!
I imagine they bicker often but when they're in teacher/student mode, they rarely cross each other. Noritoshi knows he's training under a teacher and Choso is teaching his lil bro how to beat ass.
The second half of their relationship is the.. older brother/older(?) brother aspect.
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whereas Noritoshi is getting little brother treatment from Choso but doesn't want it and Choso annoys/coddles Noritoshi like the best big brother he is... also my favorite aspect, as shown
Noritoshi is independent. He likes his space and prefers to do things on his own. Because of this he involuntarily became the big brother of Kyoto Tech. People go to him for advice, criticism, help with assignments, and when needing to make a responsible decision, they think, "What would Noritoshi do?" You can say he got comfortable with the role of "big brother." 
So when this new guy comes along who's revealed to be family, Noritoshi deems him as a higher authority. Noritoshi's quick to go back to his old ways of respecting his superiors and it's not that difficult. Choso is older, stronger, experienced, and generally a lot more capable than Noritoshi. However, the downside is that Noritoshi would never grow a close bond with Choso if he kept this up. You can't tell your boss your worries, that's not proper! Choso, knowing this, told Noritoshi to knock off the formalities pretty early on.
I imagine this is the first time they'd ever bicker. Choso tries to get Noritoshi to loosen up a little because they're family, but Noritoshi protests that it's because they're family that he should show extra respect!
Choso probably told Noritoshi to call him brother/uncle or something so they can grow comfortable around each other. Let's be honest, Noritoshi calls his mom "mother," you won't catch him dead calling someone who he currently sees as a superior "brother." They compromise by just using each other’s name without honorifics.
Now that the introductions were out of the way, Noritoshi was now stuck with Choso coddling him. Sure it was nice at first, someone in his family who doesn't yell at him for every mistake he makes and genuinely cares for him, but.. Noritoshi feels… annoyed. Choso reminds Noritoshi of a more tolerable Todo, but he feels like Choso still treats him like Noritoshi needs him. He doesn't need Choso around, but he keeps seeing him everywhere! 
It'd be entertaining to see their dynamic. Noritoshi, the younger brother who doesn't wanna be the younger one and Choso, using that to his advantage to grow close to Noritoshi, by being the annoying older brother. He never takes it too far. just far enough that Noritoshi is saying stuff like “Preposterous!” or “This is slanderous!!” I imagine Noritoshi takes it as a personal defeat when Choso brings him food or treats him to an outing. He allowed himself to get little bro’ed..
Noritoshi would try to take the leadership role again and "big brother" Choso back in a respectful way. Maybe suggesting things he should do. Choso probably lets out breathy laughs and pats Noritoshi's head when he tries this. Then promptly goes back to doing whatever he was doing. Choso sees this as "my little brother scolding me for something." Another defeat for Noritoshi..
I can see these two bickering about the smallest things. And by bickering, I mean Choso annoying Noritoshi because he wants to take care of his little bro!!! and Noritoshi getting upset because he's not!!! little!!! he can do it himself!!!
I feel like Choso and Noritoshi would get comfortable with this though...
Choso would get a side of Noritoshi he doesn't often give to most people. They have a special bond that unites them both. Whether it be their cursed techniques or their similar childhoods or some other third option, they stick by each other. The same is true for Noritoshi, he finally has someone that cares about him and not his status. While yes, Choso can be annoying at times, Noritoshi is growing used to having him around. It would seem too quiet if Choso wasn't making him annoyed in some way.. 
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of course, they'd have their calm moments. Having siblings is both a hurricane and shallow waters.
These two are stoic fucks, so I can see them communicating wordlessly. The full fucking package like nodding, shoulder shrugs, huffs, BLINKS, you fucking name it and they just had an entire conversation. They say they make it obvious on their faces, but literally, no one can tell. Some people (Arata) think they speak telepathically..........
I hinted at it in the little doodle above, but Choso would probably help Noritoshi with calligraphy. Choso is OLD so he's got to have seen some old old Japanese cursive... He'd use his knowledge to help Noritoshi improve!!!
The whole thing with Choso cooking for Noritoshi.. Its what older siblings do to coax their younger sibs out of their shell. Who doesn't like free food? Choso learns pretty quick from what i've seen and with coffee being Noritoshi’s favorite drink, he's using that.
Choso: there’s a coffee shop downtown.
Noritoshi: what
Choso: we’re going together
Noritoshi: I never agreed to this
Choso: don’t forget your jacket, it could get cold.
And then they go.
Noritoshi enjoys company if it doesn't bother him. So if Choso walked into his room and sat down to do something quietly, Noritoshi wouldn't bat an eye. and That's how they hang out sometimes, just in the same room and they both have a blast.
this one is just me fucking around but I can see Choso asking for advice on how to approach Noritoshi like a father asking how to approach his teen kid. Noritoshi is similar, but he's asking why this guy is doting on him and being annoying. They ask around because I doubt either of them know how to use a phone. Noritoshi is old-fashioned while Choso is just old.
hmm... I can't decide whether Choso would use Noritoshi's name more often to attach the name to a better person or give Noritoshi a nickname to avoid using it....... I want to lean into the former but hmm......
that's all I got! This could be so ooc but fuck it! I like it. Sorry if this was all over the place, i was throwing spaghetti at the wall!!!!
[my ranting, its not important skip this. theres also slight spoilers]
im sitting here analyzing your wording. youre implying they HAVENT met properly?????? ITS BEEN A FUCKING WHILE. LET THEM MEET AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK IM PUNCHING THE WALL. WASNT THERE AN ENTIRE REVEAL THAT YUJI WAS HIS SUPER DISTANT LIL BRO implying that he also has some relation so to noritoshi too which is super cute now that i think about it.. stoic bitch with a sunshine guy who wont shut the fuck up... wait i love that sm..... but regardless WHAT THE FUCK??? LITTLE BROTHER MY ASS.GEGE YOU HAD NORITOSHI RIGHT THERE. FYM NEW LITTLE BRO YUJI. NORITOSHI IS GOING THROUGH IT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE BUT THIS GUY IS ALONE... I JUST WANT HIM TO HAVE SOME FAMILY BRO. GEGE WHAT THE FUCK. AND CHOSO HAVING THOSE DREAMS AND FANTASIES OF HIS BROTHERS TOGETHER. PUT NORITOSHI IN THERE. BRING NORITOSHI BACK YOU ONE EYED CAT FUCK..... I WONT FORGET THIS GEGE, WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE.....
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aphroditaeon · 25 days ago
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trying to name the fic i wrote bc i wanted to get plowed by a very angry Levi like 🙄
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sophiethewitch1 · 4 months ago
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chapter 8 literally has like 3-4 more paragraphs what am i doing... im sitting at my desk rereading this thing and just staring staring staring like. geniunely have slammed my desk a couple times like a little baby throwing a tantrum <3 <3
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mushed-kid · 2 months ago
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#tw vent#tw suicide#this is my diary#i cant stop crying its so annoying i start tearing up every other minute#nothing in my life is the way i want it to be#and i cant fix any of it#and i just feel horrible all of the time#i wish i would just die already#like.#im done here. ive nothing more to do#i wouldn’t really mind#i think i might be doing way worse than i have ever before because i cant stop or ignore things anymore#like i cant stop myself from saying it i cant bottle it up like before#i mean. i didnt even mean to admit to it but i fucking slipped up and said it earlier todsy#and suddenly the words ​‘im doing bad’ slipped out of my mouth. which is crazy because i would never admit to anything like that.#its so scary to think about that im doing bad because that means im doing bad#wdym i would just give up wdym wdym wdym im. like thats not me its not me. its not me its not me thats not me#i feel like theres two uh idk brains inside me and the one that wants to live is being completely overstepped by the other one#i have so many feelings all the time and i still do but its also like. i dont care. like theyre somehwat muted or number now#and i dont think thats a good thing#also i feel horrible for admitting im doing bad because i know myself and i would never do that so im not me i cant be because me woulndt#and i feel bad that that worries people because as much as i feel like dying i wont do that and i know it sounds like i will but i wont#but i feel bad about making people worry#so pls dont worry because i Am doing fine. well. enough to live but like#i sound mentally ill
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gil-notskajla · 4 months ago
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AUs were meant for independent fanworks by fans who cant coordinate and agree upon all details like a studio or singular author would. They weren't meant for corporations.
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