#im probably not going to be active in any of them I just like to sit around until someone mentions me lmaoooo

[kinki-cami]

Nah because i would FLORISH being an independent in affini society

Like first off, im not isolated immediately that brings me up by like 45% like i can go see that forest, hang out with the (hopefully not going to bite me or give me rabies) animals pet some squirrels say hi to the hummingbirds, i can go into public and walk around, id honestly probably start skipping bc thats what ive imagined so far considering i wouldnt be as depressed as i am now

Secondly, FULL customization of what i wear just be able to look how i want without fear, probably wear my denim look but with some extra like, an ACTUAL denim skirt that looks nice, maybe makeup if i was feeling up to it

Thirdly, just exploration. This is pretty much the miscellaneous second of this post. Because theres probably no money (i assume i need to do more research) before i get to that i fuckin love research i would know every fuckin affini custom by year 5, anyway because of presumeably no money, fake shop at the mall bc hell yeah fuckin love the mall its like a mini city, youd go in like you were going to the mall and like fake "check out" with like a fake credit card or something and yahh fun but also id just like go get coffee, possibly some matcha, skip around town wearing heels WITH my denim outfit, looking all fuckin cute, go see the plants (not affini like houseplants like mint) fuck id grow some bleeding hearts, some mint, make sure to pick up plant food, bc even tho i CAN do it in the hab unit, its more fun leaving to pick stuff up, it gives you a sense of accomplishment like "yahhhh i did something today 🥰 (its a crime theres no 'fist pump' emoji, i swear there are more useless emojis than practical ones)" and because i wouldnt be in one location for 6+ hours a day (excluding sleep) i would have time to do things that i WANNA do, like finish that pokemon book that im only on kakuna out of pecharunt. And i could drink my coffee/tea and go to the game store and play magic with peoples or pokemon, i could go play some dnd, write my damn books, skip around in heels bc skipping is happy but i wanna wear heels soo yahhhh

Yeah i may occassionally get harrassed but like if im polite and express boundries im sure theyll leave me alone or at least relatively along

By the way im going based off of the two stories ive read so far aight, so if this is very biased aight. Too bad i need to read more. But also like, i can express myself two 2 stories ok? Like a girl can fantasize anyway back my fantasy

Eventually id want an affini to adopt me but like, god id be pretty happy without drugs theyd need to actively make my life miserable to make me want the drugs, like, damn. Also with the number of times im cursing in this post any and all affini rp blogs are gonna be like "stop fucking cursing little indie" and to be fair i dont like cursing at people the only time i do is when im expressing myself or am pissed off i never call anyone curse words because its mean and i dont like being mean 🥺

Uhh and i think thats all my thoughts god i had Sadistic glee read the bonus chapters of hdg a bit ago anyway gotta gp finish those, then go finish the other one that im halfway through then go read more, if anyone has any not emotionally wrecking stories feel free to send them via asks or something like i dont wanna see characters despairing but i dont mind seeing their personality erased, as long as the struggle isnt super visible or is minimal

[rockeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

tbh i feel like the best case scenario for benrey would never include gordon stepping in as some kind of therapist or guide for him. neither of these people are good at communicating, ESPECIALLY not with each other, and realistically if that situation ever occurred they would end up exploding each other with their minds within the first week

[irrealisms]

every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan

[theintelligentfool]

you guys i love college so much

[unproduciblesmackdown]

(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this

[downsteepy]

i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure

[intotheelliwoods]

I have the urge to join some random discord servers to lurk around in who wants me in their server

[sidesteppostinghours]

having a normal time this fine morning <- is making up an au for an au

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

i keep starting posts abt death note and then stopping to start a new post about some other death note opinion like fuck i have so much to say. i need to relax genuinely. jts just a vaguely misogynist yaoi anime like i need to remind myself that in a year or even probably a few months something else will feel like its encompassing my entire life an dn literally will not matter to me. i know this to be true because this is how i do everything all the time always but its so unbelievable like. autistic obsession rly does make me a little bit delusional every single time. im always like "well THIS art/story/subject is DIFFERENT and clearly of unique importance and significance compared to that last thing i was obsessed with (an every thing ive been obsessed w ever)" like no matter how much i understand that logically to not be the case i genuinely cant convince myself to actually believe it. like ik this time last year i was just as much if not more obsessed with moomin valley but it just. doesnt feel true like it feels unique and special every time its so strange. death note is a story its pretty good its silly its fun its camp its suspenseful like i can acknowledge these things to be true in a normal way but it is also the most important thing on earth to me right now and i need everyone else to know all of the time. its enormous in my mind its radius expands to so many other Important Things to the extent that whether its actually objectively good or significant i could not tell you right now because it is eclipsing my entire mind. i can talk abt its objective value and significance all day but it does not matter bcz i will not stop being able to think about it regardless. fuck man. being autistic is crazy. my most consistent hobby is being in the throws of obsession. also the way im phrasing this sounds like its distressing me but i love it i love being in the throws of obsession i love it every single time it happens i just love it so intensely that the idea of it having less significance to me or to others than it has right now seems incredibly strange. what do other ppl even get out of watching tv shows and reading books if not this. i need to relax i need some coffee

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up

[jnpje]

sigh. so it's come to this has it. my life has arrived at the stage in which i am an absolute Tolkien nerd. alright then

[perilegs]

i was watching a reality tv show that had someone from my hometown in it and oh my god how can hearing your own dialect sound so much like home 😭���� i live like an hour away from my hometown so the dialect there and where i live now dont really differ that much but it makes all the difference to me especially since i know the longer i live in here the less i start sounding like im from home

[gaytoddhoward]

i kind of need to be like skinned or put into a meat grinder or something . lol .

[autisticlee]

no one on the bumble friends app is giving me what I need/am looking for. so it's making me want to give up and delete the app. it exhausts me to do small talk with one person a week even if it only lasts for less than a day before they stop responding. I don't know what to do after that or when i'm allowed to move past it??? I know small talk is important to people so i'm trying to please them with a "proper" first impression but i'm still failing. no one ever told me what to do after that. I don't feel connected to them at all! and they obviously don't feel connected to me at all with the way they don't seem to be trying.

none of these people know how to lead. they don't do what I need them to do. maybe they're in the same predicament as me? they barely respond and don't initiate things. I need people that will lead and guide me through things since I don't know what to do! the type of people that know what they're doing and get you hyped because you just need to follow along and know everything will work out and be fine because they got this! the problem is, these types of people always already have a ton of friends and make them easily. they aren't the ones on these friend making apps. they don't need them! it's only us awkward, lonely weirdos who don't know how to interact with each other.

it's supposed to be an app to try to meet up with people irl. can any of these people plan a meetup for me?! why do I have to do all the work when i'm not capable of doing it in the first place??? I made two groups and a few people joined but I have no clue how to plan a meetup. that's much responsibility and don't have the spoons for that. someone needs to help me organize everything, but no one volunteered when I asked. i'm so lost and confused and exhausted and don't think i'll ever make friends 😭😭😭😭

[piplupod]

mistakes were made. should not have gone to library today. i will be leaving the house all five days of the week now (plus we went to a waterside on sunday for several hours) and uhm... i feel like i need to go hibernate for several weeks to feel even remotely okay again fhdkdl i am so tired i can barely think enough to string words together in any comprehendable way 🧍<- upset

[pepprs]

hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.