#* AND MY SLEEP SCHEDULE. WOW. FUCK. ITS ALL UP TO ME

[theintelligentfool]

you guys i love college so much

[skitskatdacat63]

There's this nearly 4 hour movie I've been meaning to watch for a while and I was like "ah maybe ill watch it tonight hehe 🥰" and then I remember...quali is at 9 🫠

[melodic-haze]

Jinhsi is glowing in the game..i for real thought it was a bug or something and then i open twitter and people be saying the same things..how can she looks so goddamn beautiful..Like she can go from all softie to a literal badass woman..i want her so bad.

Imagine we as her lover omg i can't. Jinhsi is a type of lover who caress your face in the morning and put our safety first GAHGH WANT HER SO BAD

☆ — DEMO TRACK: Jinhsi x Reader

☆ — TYPE: SFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: None :3

☆ — NOTES: I AM SO SORRY??? THIS WAS FROM FUCKING MAY OH MY GOD. I have another ask after that'll tie into this (more specifically, NSFW hcs for her 😊) saur yeah. Anyway GUYS LOOK A SFW DEMO....WOW I swear I'm multifaceted

☆ — PARTS: Part 1 (you are here), Part 2

She is like. Green flags all over idc idc I NEED HER man she's so sweet my baby 😩😩😩 I need her dawg just having this woman as your lover must be like. So nice as long as you accept that she's working with an extremely busy schedule

Even then though I DO think she'd make time for you. She's a very balanced girlie who's learnt how to balance between working and resting, preferrably with you :3

She makes a point to always ALWAYS wake up next to you. I'd say that she's an early riser as well so she probably just lays there on her side, brushing her hand on your face and your body as she waits for you to wake up. Could she just get up and carry on with work? Yes, and perhaps you've even offered that she could bc you KNOW being a magistrate means you're never NOT busy.. but she's always declined, saying that the first thing she wants to see in the morning isn't work but rather the joy on people's faces as a result of her hard work with keeping the peace.......and that is especially the case with seeing you alive and satisfied in her embrace 🥰🥰🥰🥰

The first thing you feel when you wake is a soft kiss on your bare shoulder, the contact warm and tender yet brief.. but then it comes back as quick as it went and you can't help but sigh in contentment as your eyes fluttered open.

The first thing you see is not Jinzhou's magistrate but rather a woman of pure elegance, her seemingly luminescent white hair flowing freely and expectedly unkept after a lovely night (and you could never tell if it was due to her connection with Jué or if it were a natural reflection of the light). Though to you, she was still nothing short of perfect, with the way the morning light had bathed her pale skin with such an ethereal glow.

"Good morning, dearest."

The first thing you hear is the sound of her soft voice, a groggy rasp to its undertone as a result of a good night's sleep with you.

"Mmm.. morning."

That was the only form of verbal exchange the two of you had for a while as you both laid on the bed without any intention of hastily diving back into the real world. You simply turned around to snuggle closer to your gentle lover, your limbs tangled together before you leaned in at the same time.

There it was, the first thing you taste and the first thing you smell being her, all five senses filled with nothing but her. And considering how busy her life is, you wouldn't have your mornings any other way.

You don't actually know how long you've spent there in silence, cradling each other and exchanging tender kisses without a need for words. You don't really care, and neither does your beloved girlfriend despite the responsibilities she has. But of course, you know better than to question her.

You could have stayed there until the end of time but alas, duty does call.. and so do your stomachs for a good meal.

The both of you sit up at the same time, as if attuned to each other, and give each other one more peck before parting.

"I can make something for breakfast," you offered, "though if you need to leave now, then that's fine too."

Jinhsi shook her head, "I have a counter-offer; let me do the cooking this time."

"You sure? You know you don't have to do that."

"Shh," she places a finger on your lips for a moment before dropping her hand, "I want to. You deserve to be treated every once in a while, so let me?"

"..You always convince me, even though it feels like you're wasting your time for me."

"I wouldn't, as you say, 'waste my time' in doing so if I didn't love you."

WIFE MATERIAL WIFE MATERIAL WIFE MATERIAL I LOVE YOU JINHSI

Throughout your day to day basis I feel like she likes to keep tabs on you to make sure you're okay. She isn't oppressive with it, doesn't have anyone directly guarding you and looming over you or stalking you at every direction, bc she knows you can handle yourself and function independently and she doesn't want you thinking she doesn't trust you!!! But she often asks people if they've seen you around and how you're faring. I think at some point, people end up doing it on their own bc they can tell (with much amusement, ESPECIALLY for Changli) how much she cares about you. Even Sanhua makes it a point to report to her if she sees you somewhere HAHAHA

Speaking of Sanhua, considering how you two are tied together then she's also technically your bodyguard by proxy 🫶 so expect to see her a lot. She'd have a soft spot for you as well, starting off bc you make Jinhsi happy but then over timr you'd probably bond anyway (and Jinhsi's cheery ab having her two precious people get along :3)

She also sends you gifts if she can't see you for the day or a certain period of time. A random courier delivers it to you personally with a knowing smile on their face and you're usually surprised with how it's either something you've wanted for a while now, something you thought about today as you passed by a certain store, or just something that she says in a note reminded her of you 🫠🫠🫠UGH I'M SO LONELY

Ofc being in a relationship with Jinzhou's magistrate also means suffering the downsides aka being basically the prime target for anything that may source as a way to get to Jinhsi with more.. hostile means. Doesn't necessarily happen much bc she takes safety SERIOUSLY but ofc it does happen. Not to mention in general as well, with all the tacet fields popping up left and right

She wants to be able to protect you 24/7 but she does know constant protection would suffocate anyone, with the way she's able to essentially assign the fiercest most intimidating people to basically surround you. But she does try, if not by having others to do so then by herself

Watching Jinhsi fight felt like nothing short of an ongoing art piece painted onto a canvas.

She was unfazed, unbothered and ever so graceful—her sword cuts through the Tacet Discords so cleanly as she executed each one without so much as breaking a sweat. Despite the chaotic conflict, however, it felt as if she were simply dancing through each Discord with their shrieks and screams as her very own orchestrated accompaniment.

..What a morbid thought, though your lover still seems to make it seem like a beautiful visage anyway.

The two of you had only wanted to venture beyond Jinzhou's city walls for a nice picnic, but of course the risk of encountering random dangers had caught up to you, hence the situation.

You knew you wouldn't have to wait for long though—and you say that with such jarring nonchalance because a situation like this is more than some random nuisance, except you have the Sentinel's blessed willingly protecting you—because Jinshi's making short work on the Discords like they're nothing. As expected, of course, though there was that valid twinge of fear mixing within your excitement and awe at her power and her fighting prowess.

A blink, and the final Discord falls to her sword, the metal of her blade echoing out a metallic, reasonating sound that announces the battle's finality. And with it, the Echoes of the last Discord she had felled is stood there, sparkling a glittering gold.

She looks back at you with a concentrated glare, the horns on her head and the aura surrounding her signifying the final fragments of her silent aggression, before she blinks out of her state and reverts back to the seemingly docile woman that you spend your days with.

The white-haired woman licked her lips before speaking, her gaze darting from you to the still Echo, "A see-through visage of you would make for a nice anniversary gift, no?"

You snorted, walking over to her now that the field's been cleared, "Are you implying that you'll kill me so that I end up like the Echo there?"

"Goodness, no! The Echo's presence simply sparked an idea within me." She laughs despite the fight she had just gone through, and the sound couldn't be more musical to your ears, "I simply want to immortalise your memory, perhaps with my presence as a cameo?"

"Even though you're arguably the more important public figure out of the two of us? Why not just have us together, on equal standing?"

"..Why, that possibility had slipped my mind. Perhaps I'm not thinking straight."

"Really?"

"Mhm."

"You must be winded, then... How about we find a spot to sit for our picnic, and then you can rest all you like? I did promise Sanhua that I'll have you back relaxed, unhurt and in one piece."

She raised an eyebrow mirthfully, "I still think she should have been more worried about you. I can take care of myself, as you've seen."

"Yeah, well-- ..wait, do you think she'd chew me out for having you fight for me?"

Jinhsi simply gives you a cheeky grin as she walks off, the playful expression a rare view on the Magistrate.. but extremely beautiful nonetheless. And you are left to chase after her, the both of you giggling as you stride through the now-peaceful plains.

And the whole thing has you thinking, that perhaps there is a more.. convenient way of immortalising your bond together, without a need for artificial Echoes or transparent tributes.

All you'd need is a ring.

And maybe better accompaniment instead of the screams of her enemies.

Idk how I ended up with a proposal teaser I'm ngl tk you what the fuck LMAOOO this is what happens when I don't plan anything. Contrary to popular belief I think marriage is a scam but this isn't about me 🫶

Dating Jinshi's obvs not gonna be sunshine and flowers with the risk and how busy she is bc she's leading an entire region, but surprisingly it's pretty close :3

[mako-neexu]

that manga fucking rules so much i didnt even care the handwriting made me slowdown reading what the kanji was and i stared at it 15 minutes per character. i messed up my sleep schedule by reading this but its worth it theyre uploading it gradually but its about 14 out of 89 pages so im looking forward to the rest hehe

im too lazy to typeset so i will describe it instead~ It's your average yakudou comic with guda getting hurt. But its a perspective that i love so far...so i want to ramble about it

but of course it starts with a fight: "Everyday life" "Fighting, getting hurt, healing, and-" then theres a beast approaching her, "sometimes, death"

then it cuts to guda in the hospital bed, waking up 3 days later from her injuries with rider vinci on her bedside in the infirmary, checking her vitals. then da vinci casually drops onto ritsuka that if it wasnt for medea lily she would be alive bc, THE ENTRETY OF HER LEFT HALF OF HER BODY WAS TORN APART BY THE MONSTER and shed have died <3

then she says "anyways, im glad your right hand (command spells) wasn't damaged/taken and your wounds was deep but youre healed now. anyways, you good to go on the next mission?" then we cut to the flashbacks of guda in their moment of "death" at this point i was eating all of my fist... then guda just says "yeah lets go" with a smile

theres so many things wrong with that scene in a single instant but its a drug to me to see this kind of interaction where someone says "thank god your staff is safe but anyways 3/4ths of yourself got blown away but thats fixable <3"

then next was oberon's perspective where he describes her as a self sacrifical idiot, that theres no other word for her as she always comes back with scars and wound from fighting, and he doesnt know just what drives her to come back again and again until shes satisfied. then oberon sees artoria being worried she confesses to him about today's events where "ritsuka and i were walking in town to run some errands but just when i heard screams from ritsuka i was too late to notice"

and when castoria turned around all she could see was Ritsuka getting attacked by the enemy from behind, smiling peacefully as if saying "Ah- this is where i die" and castoria is so distressed and worried and shes crying a little and she talks about hers and oberon's love for ritsuka about protecting her and about her not knowing what to do bc she just wants ritsuka to smile my heart was going to give out for the three of them😭 i love them really much

but then next scene fucks me up even more with obecas visiting ritsuka again in the infirmary, then i find out castoria was also the reason why guda is alive. then da vinci says, "no matter what i'll heal ritsuka as best as i can" then oberon says, "Wow, aren't you so desperate about whether she lives or dies?"

Da Vinci, exasperated but now smiling: What are you saying?? It's just natural, after all...

THEN THIS SCENE KILLED ME LIKE IT KILLED GUDA HHH IM GOING TO DIE TOO

"She is our Master!"

Then Oberon pauses. Then internally he goes, "Our Master?"

...Because isnt that saying:

"Precisely because Fujimaru Ritsuka is a "Master" that she is worth healing."

then the comic ends im dying over here bc its 14 pages so far but i need more to stuff it inside my guts

[dirtybitfic]

Company pt5

(last part to this series)

The next morning we had woken up and spent most of the day going to different wineries and vineyard tasting many different flavors and soaking up the sun and the beauty of France.

Me and Matt have grown so close over this trip and i'm so happy but I still have that small voice in my head telling me that this relationship is wrong and that it's not going to last.

The last couple of days we had left of our trip were spent lounging around on the beach , going on boat rides, eating delicious food at there most beautiful restaurants, amazing sex like A LOOOT of amazing sex , and deep conversations about life and past things we've been through .

Today we are headed back home and honestly i'm sad , if I could stay in France for the rest of my life I would . We're are settling in on the jet when I get an email from the producers of the campaign video . " Matt come here I just got an email from the campaign producer" I say patting the seat next to me. " That was pretty fast" he says kind of shocked how quickly they had pieced it together. " I know god I don't know why i'm so nervous to watch it " I say as I play with my necklace nervously. " It'll be great now come on I wanna watch my girl look beautiful in a commercial" he says making me blush and smile .

I open the email reading over it . The producer said it's almost fully done but wanted to get our input before finalizing all the details and releasing it . I watch in awe as Les filles desir by Vendredi sur mer plays through the speakers . We both watch as the video plays out , the scenes look so perfect I still cant get over how I actually pulled it off but I couldn't be more happy with how the commercial turned out. It ends and we both look at each other smiling " wow that was..." I say shocked " Yeah I mean wow its amazing" matt says and I nod in agreement . " I honestly have no feedback its perfect" I say and he nods " Yeah me neither I think its as perfect as can be" he says and I smile "great ill let them know its definitely ready to go" I say as I shoot and email back to him and thanking him for being an amazing producer.

We both fall asleep through the flight watching a movie . When we land we get our bags back into Matts car thats waiting for us and drive back to my apartment . The second I get in we both throw our bags down and I hop onto my bed laying down on the plush comforter smiling as I sink into it. " Im exhausted " I say as I yawn . " I know this jet lag is going to kill us both" Matt says as he flops down next to me . I look over at him smiling and he smiles back. " I really enjoyed being in France with you Matt it was truly an amazing experience " I say and he smiles wider " Im glad you enjoyed it and i'm glad we got to spend time together you're an amazing woman" He says and I blush burying my face in the comforter. " How about I order some food and we can watch some movies we won't be working for the next week so we can realign our sleep schedules " he says and I smile and nod " That sounds perfect" I say as I get up and start unpacking

Skip 8 months

Me and Matt are now fully dating , Ive sadly stopped working as his assistant strictly because of company rules and policies that would be effected and broken by our relationship. I've moved in with Matt and have a night job working as a bartender at a club . Matt said I didn't need to work because I mean obviously he has more money than he'd ever know what to do with but I said I needed something to keep me busy . I enjoy bartending its fun especially the people watching . I work with one of my best friends Ella which definitely makes it more enjoyable , we just fuck around and talk while working .

I just got off a shift when Matt pulls up in the parking lot opening my door for me to get in. " Hi gorgeous how was work ?" he asks I smile "Good my feet are killing me though these heels may look good but they definitely don't feel good" I say as I slump into my seat . " I'll give you a deep massage when we get home how does that sound?" he asks and I nod my head quickly " Yes please , but how was your day?" I ask and he shakes his head " My new assistant fucked up a couple of my meeting schedules today and it was a mess so I had to fire her " he says and I shake my head " i'm sorry I mean no one is ever gonna be as good as me you know" I say jokingly and he laughs " Your not wrong about that" he says making me smile .

We get home and take a long hot shower before we're in bed and Matt is rubbing oil on my body giving me the best massage Ive ever had. He slowly makes his way up to my thighs really working at the sore mussels . The higher he gets the more wet and horny I get for him. "Someones getting a lil excited " Matt jokes as his finger ghost over my soaked pussy. " Fuck sorry it just feels so good " I say and he smirks "Don't ever apologize for getting wet for me " he says before he slides two fingers into my entrance making me gasp . He finger fucks me as I hold a tight grip on his bicep moaning and whimpering in pleasure . I release on his fingers before he's shoving into me fucking me so hard I see stars. I could never get tired of this . Having Matt forever would be amazing I mean if he asked me to marry his tomorrow I would in a heart beat.

*skip 6 months

Today Matt and I are leaving for a 3 day trip to France . Im so excited I can barely sit still . Were going back to the place we stayed for the campaign shoot and i'm over the moon.

We land and i'm practically sprinting out of the jet to take in the beautiful scenery i've missed so much . I see the older man standing with a large smile on his face watching me practically bust my ass from excitement . " James its so lovely to see you" I say as I greet him in a warm hug. " Ahh belle fille ( means beautiful girl) i'm so happy to see your face again" he says as he places a sweet kiss on my cheek . James and Matt greet each other happily and talk to each other in French sadly I cant understand a word they are saying .

We makes our way up the penthouse suit and set our bags down and take a quick power nap before getting ready for a surprise Matt says he has planned . I just finished my hair and makeup when Matt comes waltzing into the bathroom holding up a beautiful dress . " wow matt that dress is beautiful " I say as I get up and glide my hand over the shiny material. " It'll look even more beautiful on you especially with these" he says holding up a pare of beautiful of jimmy choo heels." Matt ... my god these must have cost a fortune" I say in shock . " I would spend every cent I have on you , you know that" he says making me smile endearingly up at him . I give him a hug and thank him before I get dressed and walk back out into the room grabbing the last things I need and slipping them into my purse.

We hop in a car and the driver takes us to a helicopter. I look over at Matt who's just smiling and ushering me out of the car. " Where are we going?" I ask in excitement since he's been keeping it a secret all damn day. " You'll see , come on" he says smiling widely at me and ushering me into the helicopter. " Bonjuer" the pilot greets and I great him back. Matt helps me buckle in the gets himself buckled and then were off . Ive never been in a helicopter mostly because it always seemed so scary but its actually pretty amazing.

As we fly over the beautiful scenery we get closer to the ocean and i've never seen anything more beautiful . Matt grabs my hand and point over to something in the distance . I follow the line of his hand and look out to see what I think is and island . " Thats where we're going " Matt says and I smile . The closer we get the more I can make out home beautiful the island is . " Wow" I gasp as we get to the spot we're landing in. " Welcome to lies Lavezzi island" the pilot says and I smile and thank him for taking us here . I get out with matts help and he takes my hand leading me down further on the rocky train to a cliffside by the water. " Its so beautiful " I gasp as I let go of matts hand and look around at the crystal clear water surrounding us . I get confused when he doesn't say anything so I turn to look at him .

I turn to see Matt down on one knee smiling at me . I gasp as I out my hand over my mouth and tears start to form in my eyes.

" Y/n , when I first met you the day you walked into my office I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen . As time grew I slowly started falling for you , I knew it was unprofessional but I just couldn't keep you out of my head . The last time we were here I finally got to have you and ever since then I've known I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Every second I spend with you I find new reasons I love you and never want to let you go ... so y/n will you marry me ?"

The tears stream down my face as my entire body shakes with joy and my head nods so quickly it might fall off " yes yes yes matt " I say smiling as he gets up and slides the beautiful ring on my finger. He hugs me as we look out at the water smiling like the happiest people on earth. I take a look at the ring on my still shaking hands . " Do you like it?" he asks and I nod " I love it , it's beautiful matt" I say as I smile up at him and bring him into a kiss .

*skip 7 months

Our wedding was beautiful , having our family and friends all in one room was amazing . Ive never been this happy in my life , as I look around at everyone smiling and talking , having drinks and dancing the smile that spreads upon my face is so big my cheeks hurt. " Mrs. Sturniolo , may I have this dance?" Matt asks smiling I nod as I take his hand " Wow Mrs. Sturniolo ... I cant believer thats me " I say as we both laugh and dance close together to the slow song . " I love you so much" I say as I rest my head on his chest " I love you more" he says as he places a kiss on my head .

After a long night of talking , dancing and drinking . We're are finally off to our honeymoon . I chose Greece and our first destination so thats were we are headed . We sleep on the jet and once we finally reach the end of the flight I buzzing with excitement. We take a car into Skopelos , I watch out of the window taking in the scenery , I specifically chose this part of Greece because of my love for mama Mia and this is where they filled it. As I kid I dreamed of going to Greece after watching mama Mia , its crazy to actually be here it all feels so surreal.

After a lovely week in Greece filled with amazing food , people , boat rides and swimming we are off to Matts pick of a honeymoon destination Paraty ,Brazil . I was overjoyed when he chose Brazil since its so beautiful but especially Paraty becauseee one of my favorite movies was filmed there . It was specifically in the second to last Twilight movie when they were on their honeymoon .

The second we reach the house we will be staying at my jaw drops at how beautiful it really is here . The house is on a secluded part of land and we can walk right out onto the beach from the back porch .

We spend most of out time tanning , swimming , having a lot of rough veryyy rough sex and just enjoying spending our time with each other somewhere so beautiful.

We are finally heading back home today and to be honest Im sad but i'm ready to get back home and get back into the groove of things . Matt has insisted I stop working and this time I obliged , I love working but honestly I don't mind being a stay at home wife but only because Matt makes so much money on a daily bases that I genuinely do not have to work .

*skip 2 years

Today is our daughters first birthday , I've never felt so filled with joy and contentment . Our daughter is the light of our lives . Seeing Matt with Sage makes my heart flutter every single time . She got his eyes and nose, two of my favorite features on him but she got my wavy/ curly hair , my thick dark eyebrows and tan skin . She is truly the most beautiful thing i've ever seen and I cant wait to watch this family grow.

Crazy to think that my hot boss is now my husband and father to our beautiful baby girl but I couldn't ask for a better life .

The end.

( I know this shit has been long overdue trust i've been so busy this summer I haven't found much time to write but i'm getting back into the groove )

❤️💋

[hermioneismyrealname]

Ep 7: My role as drama gremlin

This week... hm. (mildly impressed noise)

Who am I kidding, this was how i was during the whole cousin shebang

So it begins.

I see giant bathtubs and not wasting power. Great. They really are using the shaky camera here.

And here we go with the permission thing. AHA! he got the go ahead to care about him. I honestly disagree. You shouldnt care about a child becuase someone else does - you should care becasue a child should never be in danger. i know mahasamut said that to drive home a point but yeah. And that is barely covering your ears.

And that marks the end of the fluff. Bring it on.

HAHAHAH the role of drama creators. Pft. Ah, its night. Dont be nightmares. Dont. Wow. Vie sleeps on her back. I dont trust her. What is this? Inner monologing. Mook, sweetie you are going to catch a fever. You are not romeo. OH. Is he leaving... Oh the mf is leaving. coward. Wait.. is it writing inspiration? nope. Its a safe. He has secrets. Tongrak.... He does not have this handled.

I dont think it's stupid at all that he believes he can solve everything with money. But it is a lot of growth to see him overcome his own hesitation and curl up in Mahasamuts arms.

For once, just for once, i want to see an actress on set in comfy clothes for their character. I dont believe that the series they are shooting in the drama are all ALL about rich times. Give me the wattpad messy bun. Also, this is the only "i cant reach the zip" trope i will enjoy. I would have enjoyed it more, IF VIE WOULD BE BLOODY HONEST WITH HER. Her lipstick is really distracting me. THAT WAS A QUICK CHANGE... WHAT WAHT

WHAT?

WHAT!?

hA? caufhsgfvhxkfhmsxdfzhfbcnxzkhlfdmkvzndvk! FUCK THIS NOPE! NOPE! WASNT THAT A CONFESSION! THE BGM ! NO NO NO AND MOOK GOES BACK TO THINKING ABOUT WORK!? AND VIE DOESNT EVEN CORRECT HER?!

Wait. wait. Wait. Ok. Let's get this straight (shut up i know i know.) But at 5 am Vie has a schedule. They (the set staff) decided that they arent going to work overtime and Vie's shoots are done. Two reasons, Vie doesnt have that many scenes becuase she isnt a major actress. 2nd, it's night time and everyone wants to go home. 1st is false because Vie is very well known. This is an established fact and therefore unlikely to infere she has only a small amount of scene. The 2nd reason is even more unlikely because who the hell would have a book event during the eveing. Mame... what is the time frame here?

That is a fair bargain, Mook.

And also, I agree with Tongrak. Completely.

Which is partly why I want to debut as a faceless writer. Nope. Nuh uh. I aint having my facing on people dartboards.

Typical wattpad girls. WAIT!? DID HE JUST SIGN ON THE COVER? IT WILL WIPE OFF! INSIDE MY GUY! INSIDE!!

OH THE WAY I CACKLED! wow...communication. Mahasamut went and told Tongrak immediately. I'm impressed. Oh wow!!! Should have locked the door. Seriously, I would have locked the door. It would have saved so much trouble.

End of pt 1

Pt 2 in the reblog.

[melissa-titanium]

hrng. the bane of my existence is decidijgnbetween drawing n slightly shorter than v OR slightly taller. i tjink J is the shortest so shes out of the question but making n tall is cliche BUT making v tall to me is like making myself short and i cannot be short. i cant be short id aftually rather get hit by a truck. v taller is funnier but n taller is Good for my brain + also works eith how i draw him. v is more stout and square while n is gangly as fuck and uzi is a happy medium being kind of short but SHARP with lots of tendrils/longer bits. also i feel loke as ive drawn doll & realized she looks like a twilight sparkle gijinka ive actually started to fall hard into that which is Undesirable. if shes a gijinka of anyone it better be maud pie on steroids. rules for my doll design; square. well kept enough that you aren't immediately weirded out but not well kept enough that suspicions dont start to arise when you look a little closer. doesn't smile enough for her teeth to poke out, but theyre longer than uzi's; she never had correction like uzi did. wearing a headband to be remniscent of dds. all her outfits are off-shoulder bcos she will overheat if not. two lines down her cheeks to look like "doll cheeks"??? cyn also has these but theyre meant to be more puppetlike. i usually try to dapple in lore elements in designs but thats just cosmetic. um. what else. AH OK. scarcely expressive, but when she is its ALL OUT. this is kinda canon actually. every time we see her express save for two instances that i can think of. shes totally deranged. killing the student @ the start of promening. fucking wit v. running away in dead end. like in every other instance sjes either :| or >:| but then when she ACTUALLY expresses shes like HHRHAHAHRRHWGWEORORWGGER. RABID ANIMALEWOROORIEUWWYGWG. hrng but then againnthis is a lot to think about when im. judt drawing & doodling. i need to find a good middleground between doodling and looking decent. NO I JUDT NEED TO FIND OUT HOW TO DRAW FASTER. i think too much WHEN im drawing but i ened to be doing the thinking BEFORE i draw. ugh i dont even know if this is artblock or not i think its my depression OK WOW majorly offtopic. i know ep 7 will make me insanely diseased 2morro so ill be good. dpring break too WOOHOO!!! i ended up clearing some dms today because. its. been lokg enough. but also i honestly dunnou if i will be checking shit during spring break. homework. maybe summer? not 2 far away. but then again thats when i will be taking drivers ed. hrrng. what EVAR. ill figuer it out :) i think im done. my head is most active when im forced to sleep so i need to ramble or ill go crauzysauce!!!!!! 2 say i am not a morning dragon would be tha understatement of the century. what 14 years of a sporadic peeper schedule and 2 years of no school does 2 a mfucker

ok anyways. ep seven. smile

[jeannedarkterraguard]

HoloAdvent Debut Reactions

So we're finally getting another HoloEN generation and Lisa and I decided to fuck up our sleep schedule (I mean not that there's gonna be much of a sleep schedule left once BG3 comes out next week) to watch the Debuts live and I'm gonna write down my thoughts about them so lets get to it...

first up Shiori Novella

-this loading screen is somehow comfy and spooky at the same time... weird

-wow... not the voice i was expecting from that model

-"Age: eye-don't-know"... oh god we have another Ina

-well that was... certainly a story...

-i literally never heard of any of these books... but to be fair i only ever read like 15 books if you don't count the ones that i was forced to read in school

-hey, i recognize some of these cartoons... well i recognize blues clues... and I've heard of courage and south park

-so she likes harvest moon huh

-i also don't recognize any of her husbandos, anime or games... am i old or are these just very niche (I'm old... the answer is I'm old)

-eating with scissors... why?

-story-driven games... that's interesting could we finally have another Kiara?

-would you look at that... my phone finally got the notification that her debut stream is starting... thanks YouTube...

-Lisa: "oh god she dresses like me when i was 16"

Me: "well, let's be real you tried that for like a week before you decided it was too much work and went back to wearing sweatpants and t-shirts"

-everything at 9pm CST... sometimes i hate living in Europe...

Koseki Bijou

-so will Shiori do the intros for all of them?

-she already sounds like a gremlin

-okay, cool little animation

-140cm? So we continue the tradition of every hololive member being short...

-dislikes mushrooms... i can relate

-what the fuck is interactive food?

-oh ok she means annoying food...

-man i really have no idea what any of these anime are... then again i haven't watched any anime that hasn't aired on TV here in Germany... and we only really got the absolute most popular ones like one piece, dragon ball and naruto...

-long streams... by what metric? Kiara long or Kaela long?

-oh 3+ hours... that's... just regular hololive numbers

-play as herself... pretty sure holocure will take care of that

-okay I'll admit it... i don't get this joke... are gems one of these things that people want to eat despite them being non-edible like cattails or sea-foam?

-interesting segment...

-those times are not better... why can't we have someone in hololive stream at European times?

So those two were pretty fun now back to sleep and then the other two Debuts tomorrow...

Nerissa Ravencroft

-okay I like her voice

-is it just me or can her model turn around pretty far compared to other vtubers... it almost seems like that already is a 3d model

-175cm... we have a new tallEST Hologirl... we still don't have a TALL Hologirl...

-pepperoni + pineapple pizza... i'm okay with either of those on its own but not both of them together you should never mix savoury, sweet, sour AND spicy (wait I just remembered americans mean salami when they say pepperoni... that's fine)

-doesn't like underwear... artist are gonna have a field day with this...

-doesn't like mushrooms... likes Zelda, Mario, FF7... she's quickly becoming my favourite

-she's also the first one where I know at least two of her favourite anime, Naruto and sailor moon

-i mean who doesn't like binge watching (if I have to wait a week for the next episode I will forget what happened in the last one)

-500.000 subs... well she's already halfway there...

-ah Keffiy-papa should have known

-aaaand there it is... 7 pm CST...

The Twins

-not sure about these overly cute voices

-okay maybe it's the sleep deprivation but i'm having a hard time following what they're talking about

-fuwa likes cute girls... I can relate...

-mococo also likes cute girls... oh and black licorice... again I can relate

-IT'S THE BGM! THE BGM IS TOO LOUD! That's why I can't understand them...

-okay what's a pon-de-ring?

-nice song... but that's all I can really say about that... i'm not really a big music girl

-wait 16:00 GMT... that's... almost a good european time... no wait that's just their morning streams not their main ones... Fuck

Well that was fun. Out of all five girls I think nerissa is my favourite but we'll see how that works out in the future... kinda hard to tell in just 45 minutes... anyway i'll need to get ready for work now so I can't write anything more detailed...

bye

[nizar-dreams]

If Only You Believe in Miracles So Would I Summary

"The Department of Magical Education has twisted Albus Dumbledore's arm and have required the Headmaster to get a second teacher for each core subjects at Hogwarts. Severus Snape almost weeps with relief at the news. But the school year is not without other far interesting events. With young Harry Potter starting his first year at Hogwarts, new (surprisingly competent) teachers, a suspicious Albus, and a rare and powerful artifact hidden inside the school, Severus wonders if he ends up trading less homework for even more stresses in his life."

Okay listen, this story was birthed for many reasons. My continued obsession with Severus Snape, my anger at Albus fucking Dumbledore, and the incompetency of (Wizarding) Government. But the biggest one, which bamboozles me the most, is the lack of teachers for Hogwarts.

Think. About. It.

If you have gone to a school of around 400 students, you and I are aware that at this many students, you still have at least two to three teachers per core subject. Why? Because it is a foolish notion to believe that 1 (one) teacher can even handle teaching all 400 students in one week without seriously sacrificing student education and how much you actually teach them and what they have to self study. Which, as someone who's already graduated high school nearly two years ago, self study was not my strongest suits at all unless I liked the class and teacher.

As someone who observed my own teachers and how they handled various class sizes (choir was the easiest to see as Jazz was the smallest, but we'd easily have 25+ students for regular choir and that was... ridiculous for my teacher to handle somedays.) I can confidently say, that teaching two Hogwart Houses that are easily 20-30 students per house, which means a classroom of 40-60 students, is absolutely bat shit insane.

And then you have to be a Head of House as well? Or if you're McGonagall, you're also Deputy Headmistress and having to cover for Albus bloody Dumbledore because the Headmaster has a second job as a politician and the current Minister Of Magic is an idiot? I would be sobbing and burnt out by the end of the first month. I would need a Time-Turner just to have some sleep and me time.

Or if you're Snape, you're trying to save a child from getting himself killed, while playing spy, while playing evil teacher who favours his snakes, while also having to deal with children trying to blow themselves or their classmates up in his classroom. Because potions is a dangerous art, and children, especially the first and second years, are idiots. And especially whoever decided that Gryffindors and Slytherins get to spend potions in the same classroom. Together.

Whoever makes that schedule is an idiot, or horribly optimisitc.

But as you can see that is such a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on a single teacher that teaches the core subjects at Hogwarts for virtually all 7 years. So. This story was created. The Department of Magical Education finally got the memo and were like "wow are kids are kinda... fucking stupid compared to Ilvermorny, Beauxbaton, and Durmstrang... that's mad embarassing" and told Albus that he had to get more teachers and that was not negotiable. Except for history. They don't exactly care about history it seems. (I also lowkey forgot about it, but I think it makes sense that they already have a 'nonpayed' teacher so why bother with an actual one? Don't worry some parent will make a fuss about it or something, and a good portion of the teachers are good with history anyway so its all finnneee)

Well. Here we are. I have thus 'hired' 6 additional teachers besides Quirrel. 6 competent adults who take their jobs pretty seriously. I actually love all of them, they have their quirks, and I tried diversifying the staff as much as I could without it being forced.

For instance, our new transfiguration teacher is an older gentleman, 61 years old, who studied at Beauxbaton, and from Denmark. Our Herbology teacher is a young Scottish woman, barely 28 with a boyish charm, and is subtley bisexual. Our charms teacher is 35, and they use neutral pronouns and have an otherworldly appearance with big eyes and bronzed skin. My main character, our additional potions teacher, is 41, Salvadoran-American, and gay. Our astronomy teacher is a striking Irish woman who learned at Ireland's school, Erehnoll. And lastly our other DADA teacher is a woman born in El Salvador, 37, and has lived a very interesting life since.

We're branching out, alright. Like yeah I could branch further, but already some of the canon characters who could be considered as simply 'British White' will probs not be just that. And this is just the first year with new teachers. Maybe another year if results are good, I could introduce more. (It's so many characters to jugle but I think I am doing admirably. But I think for now, the current cast is already better then years prior. If I do add more teachers, it'll be for history for sure.)

For now, this is why I made this story. That it was absurd to leave the 6 out of 7 of the core subjects to a singular teacher. I would be in tears, really. I do go more in details on the ridiculousness of this all in the story, but here I am giving you a sneak preview at a lot of my thoughts on the subject that get dramatic and also distorted through character POVs. I think it'll be fun to read it from one of the characters, it makes me smile. They seem the type to be sarcastic and dramatic in their thoughts while exasperated to the 10th power.

I can't wait for Janurary 1st. I'm so excited for you all to see the chaos.

[arthoure]

My psychiatrist told me once that the coming of spring often exacerbates anxiety disorders for people. We’re not exactly sure why -- maybe the extra sun jolts your brain chemistry, maybe Daylight Saving’s fucking everyone’s sleep schedule up doesn’t help, maybe we should fund more brain science and take those results seriously who knows who knows. 

But WOW is it so exacerbated in Germany, where the seasons go “winter winter winter win--SPRING!!!!!!!” Combined with relocation stress (it’s an extremely drawn-out and intensive process for this country) and work stress (I love my job but as a general rule video games are so hard to make oh my god), I’m fully in the stage where I stay up too late, and wake up and can’t get back to sleep, and my stomach hurts because there’s too much acid in it, and I’m itchy all the time and trying to cool my jets somehow before the stress hives come back. I have so much energy. I’m a maniac in the office, zooming through tasks, jumping in to help with other peoples’ work because I finish my own too fast. (This won’t be sustainable. Hopefully I adjust before my still-healing Burnout volleyball spikes me back down.) 

My brain continues to heal and spin its wheels. So much desire to write, so little direction. I get fits and starts of ideas, gone in flashes before I can put them to words, or even understand their vibes. It’s better than two months ago. I think what I really need to do is sit down with all my old ideas and chase leads, freewrite, feel out what feels fun for an outlet. But I’ll need a dedicated chunk of time for that. 

[theseaumie]

Out of the Blue

Hello again! so I've finished the third chapter, to the detriment of my own sleeping schedule lol. Anyway Kid is kind of a jerk in this one, but we all already knew that so. Let me know what you think!

-------------------------------------

(Chapter 3 - Hostage)

Zeirra's mind raced as she thought of an answer for the crazed pirate, her mouth seemingly moving before her brain could even comprehend what what was coming out. "I like your hair! Wait, fuck! I umm..". Not only was she fearing for her life right now, but she would also die feeling like an idiot.

Kid stared down at the woman in both confusion and amusement. For his entire life as a pirate, having pointed his pistol in the face of many idiots, he had never heard that response. He chuckled, pulling back the hammer as he narrowed his eyes at Zeirra. "Flattery will get you now where little girl". Just as he was about to pull the trigger, one of his lackeys yelled from the other side of the bar. "Boss, Marines are here!". Kid pulled back, looking over his shoulder at the window. He could faintly see the outline of a large group appearing outside the establishment. "What the hell? How did they get here so fast! I thought you said this island wasn't under the jurisdiction of the marines?!". Kid stared at the young ship hand, an angry scowl on his face. "You will be answering for that later".

As Kids attention was on his Lackey, Zeirra saw an opening, her arm barley moving towards the gun as his intimidating gave returned to her. He pressed the pistol harshly against her forehead, a smirk making its way onto his face. "Oh sweetheart did you think I forgot about you? How precious.. ". What he didn't expect was a gun shot from the other side of the bar, not realizing that the bartender herself hadn't left yet. the shot narrowly missed his face, shattering one of the windows on the other side of the bar. He turned his face towards the bartender, narrowing his eyes, as he motioned for Killer. Zeirra could feel the pistol relax against her skin, pushing it away before reaching up and biting his forearm. Kid yelled in surprise, grabbing her hair with his prostatic hand, trying to pull her off of him. "Dammit woman, let go!". Zeirra bit down harder, the sound of haki being activated catching Kids attention before he hissed in pain. She had used armament haki on her teeth as she bit down, biting him as hard as she could. Kid pulled harder on her hair, twisting it in his hand before yanking her off of him. Zeirra yelped in pain as her head was shoved harshly into the floor of the stage. "Oh you're lucky I don't put your pretty little head through the fucking wall woman. Once I'm  done dealing with them Ill be back for you". Killer returned with the gun the bartender had used, also caring a small transponder snail he had found under the bar.

" Hello? ma'am are you still there? We heard gun shots is everyone okay?!" Kid clicked his tongue, standing up as he did. The sound of footsteps surround the bar could be heard, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with an small army of Marines. Killer hung up the call, Tossing the snail behind him as he did, before looking at Kids arm. There was a little blood trickling down from the bite, and Killer was shocked. "Wow, she got you good. Did not think a little thing like that could actually make you bleed". Kid growled in annoyance, about to say something before a crashing sound could be heard. Gun shots began to ring throughout the pub as everyone ducked. they stopped before Kid could raise his hand to repel them.

"We know you're in there Eustass 'Captain' Kid! You and your crew come out and surrender, we have you all surrounded!". Zeirra felt a chill run down her spine. As much as she didn't want to die by the hands of this pirate, she absolutely did NOT want to get detained by marines either. Both options looked grim as she tried to think of ways to escape. ". Kid stood up, looking out the window as he did. "Alright men, it looks like they want a fight". Kid chuckled, before looking back down at Zeirra. Suddenly an idea popped in his head and a devious smile made its way onto his face. " Well... It looks like today might be your lucky day woman". He reached down grabbing her by the arm, before pulling her up to his chest. He walked over to the lackey who had misinformed him about the marines presence on the Island. "The two of you will now act as the decoy. Congratulations on your roles". Kid reached over, taking the pistol from another crew member and shoving it into the lackeys hands. He then shoved Zeirra into his arms harshly. "Make yourselves useful and go grab their attention would you?". He turned the two around before shoving them towards the door. " Don't let your captain down again, got it?". Zeirra thrashed against the new pirate, attempting to get free before feeling the barrel of the pistol rest against her temple. She sucked in a breathe, feeling almost numb at the overwhelming amount of things that had already just happened. She could feel the pirate shake slightly as he told her to stop thrashing. He slowly approached the door, yelling out before he exited. "I have a hostage! Don't make any stupid moves or ill blow her brains out all over this Pub".

Zeirra wanted to cry, feeling her hands shake as she grabbed the mans arm. She just wanted to play her music and enjoy her night, that was all she wanted. How could everything had turned out so badly? She closed her eyes, anger surging through her veins as she thought about how argent one person had to be to cause all of this. She wanted to punch Kid in the face, still struggling as the lackey pulled her through the door. "Let go of me! You and your crew can go to hell!". The marine's, pointed their guns at the two as they moved through the doorway of the exit.

"Hold your fire! He has a hostage!". Zeirra yelled out in anger, thrashing wildly, as he pressed the pistol tighter to her temple. She had had enough of this. She planted her feet on the ground, using all of her strength to Lerch forward, throwing the man over her shoulder and causing him to drop his pistol in the process. The marines and lackey where completely stunned, not even processing her actions as she reached down to grab his pistol. She took it quickly, making her way back into the bar as she did. The Marine officer, looked completely shocked as he ordered the men to secure the pirate. "Why the hell did she run back in! What is going on?????"

Just as they were about to pursue, all of the weapons and metal objects the marines held began to fly out of their hands, moving towards the roof of the pub. As they looked up, they could see the dark silhouette of a man, and what looked to be an enormous metal arm. Some of the men panicked, attempting to retreats as they watched their weapons fly up towards the arm and stick. They weren't able to get far though, as Kid jumped down, slamming the large fist into the ground causing it to shake. cracks also formed, causing the ground to crumble and many of the marines to get trapped before being buried under the pile of rubble. Kid stood up with a confident smirk on his face. " ALRIGHT MEN, ATTACK!". As he yelled, the other pirates ran out of the building, charging the unorganized marines as they did. the large arm kid had created was raised over his head. He laughed manically before crashing it down and crushing many of the unfortunate marines who survived the first attack.  

As the chaos continued outside, Zeirra had to make her way up the stares of the pub undetected. She had hid as she heard Kid give the order for the other pirates to charge. Somehow she managed to grab her bag, having to abandon her guitar to her dismay. She made it to the second floor, peaking out a broken window as she watched the chaos ensue. Though it had gotten dark outside, she could see Kids fiery hair as he continued to swing the enormous metal arm around. She could hear his laugh, cringing as she wondered how someone could feel joy from crushing others to death. She quickly shook the thought, continuing on her way towards the roof. Zeirra looked for any stairs that might lead to an an attic, finding instead a large whole in the ceiling leading to the outside. She didn't know what to expect, but she wasn't going to complain. jumping up through the hole, she landed on the roof of the pub. The sound of fighting could be heard on all sides, as she walked towards the ledge looking down. She sighed annoyingly, setting her bag down before slipping her long coat off of her shoulders. As the coat hit the roof, a large pair of wings expanded from her back, stretching as she took a  moment to appreciate their new found freedom. She leaned back down, gathering her items as she strapped her back to her chest.

"What the hell? Hey kid, look up at the roof... what is that?". Killer pointed to the edge of the roof, before rearing back and slicing through another marine. Kid glanced over at the roof, seeing a large silhouette of wings, before being forced to turn his attention back to his opponent. The marine captain had deiced to engage Kid directly, and his onslaught of attacks hadn't left much room for distraction. " I don't know, why don't you go investigate. I'm a little busy at the moment". Kid jumped back, narrowly missing a swing from the captain as he did. Killer nodded, scaling the building quickly before getting the the roof.

Zeirra had heard the exchange between the two, panicking as he secured her bag to her chest. She took a deep breathe, her wings expanding widely before flapping down hard. She was launched into the air, getting higher and higher as she attempted to get away. She had terrible night vision, struggling to see where she was going as she flew. Just as Killer had gotten to the roof, he was nearly nocked back by the strong gust. He got up, staring at her dark form as moved further and further away. He still wasn't sure exactly what he was looking at, but he had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the girl from the bar. He hadn't seen her body anywhere while fighting , and they would have known if she had been rescued by the marines. He sighed, resting a hand on his hip as he looked down at the group who were still fighting. The Kid pirates had completely overwhelmed the marines, and the only ones left alive where the captain and a few soldiers.

Kid continued his onslaught, finding an openings in captains defense and seizing the opportunity. He brought his fist down on the mans head, crushing him to death before leaning up victoriously. "That was almost too easy". He chuckled to himself, Turing to look up at the roof where Killer was standing. " Did you figure out what the hell it was Killer?". Killer shook his head, jumping down from the roof and landing next to his captain. "Not really, It flew off before I could see its face...". Kid sighed, then headed back towards the entrance of the bar. "Well if it were a problem I'm sure we would know about it by now. For now, I want everyone to grab as much alcohol and valuables as they can find, and get back on the ship. There's no telling how long it will be before more marines show up. The crew cheered, running back towards the pub as the completely ransacked it. Kid couldn't help but also notice the lack of a body, wondering where the hell the girl ran off to. He growled in anger, punching the wall as he made his way up the stairs. " Guess the little coward got away. How annoying".

[awrkive]

wow 3 hours of sleep I actually admire people who can live like that I cannot wakeup with just 3 hours of sleep I just wouldn't hear the alarm🙂someone needs to physically wake me up and I need atleast 6 hours of sleep to function properly

KDNXKDKS im honestly doing my best to fix my sleeping schedule bcs my circadian rhythm is absolutely fucked ten ways to sunday its not at all admirable 😭 coffee is the way to go tho when u didnt get enuf sleep which sucks because palpitating makes u feel like ur not real

[alienvauvva]

Read about atypical cardiac arrest /vascular disease symptoms and wow. Whose legs are fucking deceased after walking less than 1,5km??? I have ear pain with a pulsating rhythm and ear ringing also Jesus Christ the stabbing pain I feel in my back/chest area sometimes when I move my arm... Ughhhh... These might be explained by some other things too but also the article just kept mentioning how people just brush these symptoms off (there were many more and some rare diseases mentioned with their own set of niche symptoms [that don't seem like they might be cardiac]) and think of as the run of the mill pains or just something normal acting up.

Like ughhg I have a retainer and the pains of not having it were as horrible as these that I interpret as the healing pains and the jaw affects the ear and the balance sense. It's sucking the life out of me. But I have the leg symptoms !!!! Might as well be a fucking plantar fasciitis or whatever it was... But I don't feel the pain exactly where the point should be but they mentioned it as a side effect that the pain resides in the outer foot.

Ugh I don't have the knowledge of what to do like do I take these as the retainer doing its job and moving my jaw slowly to the right place and having the retainer out for the day and just sleeping with it is too little at this point and I need the new smaller retainer I can use at the day... Lord I hated taking those pressure point biting tests I almost threw up from those and not the mold making. I am disgusted. I would want the slimmer smaller retainer.. .but I immediately feel agony bc I have to use the public health care of course and it should've been scheduled like 4-6 months ago so that I would have some relief soon. I have eaten pain meds everyday now for more than a week bc I had the spiciest fucking menstrual pain and these migraines.

I have so many things to schedule and find out but it just doesn't help knowing it I completely get paralyzed from the information I should know for the appointment and scheduling it. Like yes they ask questions and I should be able to answer so the check up might go smoother but it's just pain I won't remember all the shitty nitty little things that should be looked up. Like my molars are really sharp? And I'm worried about the bruxism. And the retainer. I should exercise more all these muscles that's for sure.

Is it ADHD symptom that I don't remember all my symptoms and I usually feel like every little thing is just normal it will go away it's not something to focus on. And then it will get worse. And I keep the loop until it's so fucking bad. Idk maybe it's trauma response.

[fallinghorizontally]

I come here again hat in hand, sack hanging off a stick behind my shoulder, and praying for answers from myself lol

My anxiety is still so fucked. Feeling new symptoms that are just so fucking rude to me. Always related to my heart. I've been 2 cardiologists' guinea pig for the past 6 months and nothing has been found. I feel like I know its anxiety but I just cannot break through this illusion. Recently had a spell of panic attacks which are a lot rarer these days though. I feel like I have the answer right at the tip of my tongue like I just need an epiphany like those movies where everything falls into place when the asshole looks off in the distance when he hears the most ambiguous shit. I really wish shit was like the movies. Anyway I decided to write here again because of some dreams I've been having.

My sleep schedule has been so fucked this past week. I literally sleep during the day. Anyway, I've had really meaningful dreams these past two nights or days? idk whenever I sleep. Yesterday, I dreamt about my mom. I think we get into an argument? Something she says deescalates me or rather unlocks something in me, it makes me fall into a little boy again but not physically only mentally, I go to hug her, and I tell her how scary it was and I'm assuming what I meant was everything my step father put me through. I ask her why she didn't help me but she just continues hugging me. I woke up sobbing.

My next dream was about my father, only he wasn't actually in it. It was about my uncle, his brother and my grandma, his mother. I was in a home but it didn't belong to them, it was where I visited them at, though. I told them that I've been having trouble with school and that im struggling really bad. They begin to berate me and they become agitated and they ask what's wrong with? and why can't I try harder? Usually irl, they're very docile and quiet and reserved but not in this dream. The berating goes on for a while until I snap and yell and ask," why couldn't you say all this shit when I was a little boy? Why not try harder for me instead of watching me fail my whole life?" Anyway I started sobbing again but this time I cried harder when I woke up.

After I woke up and cried a bit an then came to my senses, I quietly said wow im actually pretty fucked. Always thought I was over everything, holding no grudges. Staying stoic or whatever the fuck kind of man the world wants me to be. But im not, im soft, sensitive, and really fucking hurt and I don't know what to do about it.

[uh-oh-its-bird]

I'm seeing all sorts of articles about how "some flight attendants confess to having to sleep in cars because they can't afford a home" and "flight attendants find out they qualify for food stamps" etc. Etc. And I keep going yeah lmao duh before I remember that like. Oh. Right. That's a bad thing.

The thing ab being a flight attendant is they say that they pay you 27-30ish an hour (american airlines numbers there) but they only actually pay you that specifically for flight time (aka once the plane door is closed and locked)

(Yes that means boarding time does not count, nor does it count the hour you're supposed to be at the airport before that, or the hours between your flights when you're still stuck in the airport waiting for your next job— whether it's bc that delay between work was scheduled or because had weather has you trapped somewhere for hours)

Otherwise you are literally making upwards of $1.50 an hour. That is an actual number. I, as a flight attendant, am payed $1.50 an hour for my time away from base.

They're actually very squirley about saying what you get paid for what— they like to brag about that 27-30 number but when you realize its for flight hours only and start asking stuff like, "Ok well then how much do I get paid for standby (staying at the airport as a potential substitute for flights if smthn goes wrong, usually either in 6 to 8 hour shifts depending on your company (mine does 8 hours rip)) or while boarding the plane" they just straight up don't fucking answer you. I had multiple trainers dodging this question and none of the flight attendants I've thought to ask know either.

On top of that they can legally make you work for 14 hours a day!!!! 14 !!! Hours !!!! Nonstop!!!!! And you might only get paid for 3 fucking hours of it depending on how that day goes!

Oh right! Also there are no lunch breaks. Nor are there mandatory periods of time where they have to give you some room to breathe within flights. Hahaha yeah. They can schedule you for back to back to back flights with literally not a single minute between boarding and you just kind of have to deal with it.

You can call in to request a lunch break to try to find food at the airport— but only for the big boy bases, like Dallas or Miami. That's bc they'll send people to board your flight for you, so you have the time to get your food. But oh, right, they will often keep you on hold for upwards of 20 minutes at a time, and again, only possible at the big bases, so even if you can do it it's often too fucking late bc now everyone's on the plane and if you leave it'll stall the whole flight from leaving and then your ass will risk getting fired

(Also there's this odd guilt of doing it?? Like you really have to go out of your way to beg them on the phone to send a pre boarder. It makes me feel bad and guilty even tho it SHOULDNT)

(ALSO also, that's considering the airport youre in even HAS food that's a) close enough to get quickly, b) affordable to your budget, or c) something you can eat if you have diet restriction)

That's not even STARTING on the hell that is trying to pack a lunch that can last you potentially an entire week (all while being safe to eat after days of being in a hot plane) that also isn't having to pack the same meal for every single fucking trip + having to deal with lugging it around + like, you're going to want fresh food. But that means money.

There's literally a joke about "the flight attendant dinner" where you eat literally nothing all day other than the chips and cookies in the snack basket because its all you fucking have and you aren't in the position where you can buy food (either bc there is physically no time or place to get it or you're genuinely too poor to afford it)

(There have been days where I've legit eaten nothing other than 3 bags of chips and some preserved olives and soda)

People are always like "Oh wow a flight attendant!! You must make sooo much money" girl I qualify for food stamps and if things keep going the way they are I think I'm gonna have to go for it

That's not even STARTING on the living situation, holy shit yall don't even want me to start on that trust me. I've heard so many horror stories about crashpads (flight attendant specific houses that usually rent out by the bed) and know multiple FAs who not only live in their car but brag about it, because "its sooo much better than a crashpad" (and honestly sometimes they aren't wrong!)

It's soo bad and when you complain about it or the actual physical pain it's been causing you to friends and family they just go "oh... but have you been to hawaii yet tho 🥺" GIRL IM TOO PHYSIFALLY EXAUSTED TO GO FUCKING GROCERY SHOPPING IM ABOUT TO FALL OVER AND DIE !!!!

The economy is in shambles and some of our most glamorized and romanticized jobs are in fact just as fake and shitty as the rest of the "good jobs" out there

Anyways, all of that is to say this;

As a flight attendant, they can have me work 14 hours a day, then only give me either 6 or 5 hours to sleep (depending on whether I choose to waste time eating dinner + shower and change) before I have to wake up at 3am for a 4am shuttle to the airport to work another 13 hours that day.

And then only get paid $200 for it.

(The worst days of my life have been working this job)

[osakiharu]

tbh.. STORY TIME ASAPPPP AT THIS POINT- lore update is so needed rnnn 🤧

♡

I WARNED Y'ALL THIS WOULD BE LONG SO BARE WITH I APOLOGISE

we're gonna call this man mikey because i dont fancy exposing him to all 1.4k of y'all x

am i writng this while hes sleeping with his face in my tiddies ?YES I AM don't question me guys

important things you gotta know

we live together at uni so he is my housemate (12 people in total in my house)

we are the exact same people just different genders its scary we literally think the same way, we have very few differences

in first semester we weren't very close we would make small talk in the living room and kitchen but i wanted to be friends with him SOOOOO bad 😭

i started liking him at the start of the second semester (feb 1st lets say)

so. when i came back after second semester he was just acting different? he was very flirty, he would always be in the kitchen or living room when i was there as if he knew my routine, he would always manage to find me on nights out ??, his friend would constantly tease him and tell mikey to invite me out to here they were going IN FRONT OF ME. so ofc i was a bit like ??

but i was also kinda happy because we finally became friends YAY

so i told my friend amelia how he was acting (who i also live with she was the first friend i made at uni <3) - and she was like GRACE I HAVE A THEORY THAT HE LIKES YOU

now i didn't believe her because the whole of the first semester he was seeing this girl. her name is also grace (i hope you know that is the most gut wrenching part of the story to me its so foul). and i didnt know what was happening with them, she was never his gf but yeah... so obvs i didnt want to assume they were over i didn’t wanna interfere if i wasn’t sure

fast forward to VALENTINES DAY... my friend went out to the club and i stayed home with mikey and a couple other people and he was sad because other grace told him that she didn't want to be with him and he'd have to wait 6 months to a year for her to want to be with him ??? i was like okay schedule

so me and my other housemate were like man it’s okay it’ll work out just chill out today (obvs i was a bit sad because i liked him but they were new found feelings for him so i was just like 🤷‍♀️) and at some point i said “i don’t wanna go to my 9am what if i just stay up and watch movies all night” and he goes “i will stay with you all night and watch whatever you want and i will come with you to your 9am” and that kinda ?? jumpscared me because we’d only just become friends so i was like wow alright

the whole night he was very touchy ?? not in a way that made me uncomfortable dw i was literally like 🤭

meanwhile amelia was at the CLUB and she found people we live with and she interrogated them and found out he liked me FR FR ?? so she came back and told me 😭 and then i let her go to bed and we spent the rest of the night together 😔 it was genuinely so fun ?? wym we went on a 5am walk and watched the sun rise. also he studies LAW and i do psychology but he stayed up all night and watched y fav movies and came with me to a lecture for a subject he doesn’t even study ????

but yeah if i typed out the whole night we’d be here forever but it was so fun 10/10 memory apart from when he said “i think im in love with you” because i showed him my manga collection that was doing too much LMAO

SO. fhe next weeks after that were 10/10 we’d talk and message everyday, watch movies, we’d literally stay up until 7am talking to each other and just ☹️ quality time yknow and he genuinely. started to act like my boyfriend. i’m not kidding it was like ?? opposite fwb 😭 it was all the things your boyfriend would do without anything intimate ?? like we could cuddle and walk places holding hands and i wore his clothes and slept in each others room ?? odd situation but yeah he made his feelings very obvious 🎀 wym i look ugly asf while im hungover and you wanna tell me i “look fucking beautiful” like actually die

and then suddenly he just stopped 😁 he still saw me and messaged me and spoke to me everyday without fail but he acted as just my friend and i started TWEAKING YALL 😭 so. i told amelia i was like girl what do we do im sad

she did what she does best and interrogated his friend on a night out again 😭 basically found out 😁 that he still liked other grace !! and was still talking to her !! and he also liked me !! and didn’t know what to do !! YAAAAYY 😝 (i wanted to cry in the club i was so sad)

so. we get back after said night out and he’s like GRACE COME WATCH DEATH NOTE WITH ME 🙂‍↕️. and i accidentally saw his phone OH LORD JESUS CHRIST he was just. telling other grace how he loves her and how he wants to be with her and how he wants her back 😭 did i get sad ? YES ‼️ and when i get sad i go very quiet and he noticed 🎀 eventually we ended up talking about it after a weird heart to heart convo ?? idk it was 5am and we were starting to get a hangover shit got deep

“alex (his friend) thinks he knows what’s best for me and he is right, for once. i should be with you and i want to be but im not going to do that and im sorry” THEY HIT THE PENTAGON WHAT THD FUCK DO YOU MEAN 😭😭🙏

and then he was just like “don’t be sad about me” what do you mean you have genuinely treated me as your girlfriend for weeks what the fuck do you mean don’t be sad i’m actually irate ? so i said i wanted to go to bed because i was sad and tired and he FOLLOWS ME TO MY ROOM AND PROCEEDS TO ASK WHY IM SAD ???? MIKEY DIE RN 🙏

i just said like. you know why and he pulls out. the most insane monologue i’ve ever heard. he sat there and said “im just so in love with her and im completely enamoured with her and it pains me to see her in every lesson knowing i can’t be with her because of my own behaviour it hurts so much” while im literally lying on my bed about to cry ? 😭

so drunk me asked him why i wasn’t enough (idk i got insecure lmao) and he pulls out another monologue about how much he loves me 😍 and everything he’s ever wanted to say to me since the day we moved in 😍 and he didn’t because he was shy 😍 and said the most. romantic things to me 😍 and i was like OH BUT YOU JUSY SAID YOU DINT WANT ME WHAT ARS YOU DOING ?

he then proceeds to ask if i want to come and sleep in his room because i dont like being alone when im sad. SO YOU JUST REJECTED ME. AND NOW YOU WANT TO CARRY ON AS WE WERE ? i said no and asked him to leave because gang do not lead me on whilst you still like other grace and then carry on acting like my man after you reject me

so. he behaved normally as my friend for a week. we messaged every day still and hung out but it was just friends.

guys. i am not kidding. from the start of march until now. he has been consistently flirting with me and acting the exact same way. ive had people ask me if he is my boyfriend because its not like he only does this in private he does it in front of other people too like he fully holds my hand and stands with his arms around me etc etc you get the idea and when i say no he isnt people are like girl wtf stand up LMAO

like we will go out and come back and sleep in each others rooms and he will like. do this thing where he’s like. i need to tell you something AND HE WONT DO IT AND HE’LL ALMOST BRING UP THINGS THAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US AND RHEN HE PUSSYS OUT AND ITS JARRING

he will say insane shit infront of people too ? once we were sat in the kitchen and he was like. HAVE YOU GUYS EVER FALLEN IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THAT IS THE SAME PERSON AS YOU ITS SUCH A DEEP CONNECTION ITS HAPPENED TO ME and he just stared at me and i was like please fuck off ?

he also saw my friend in the club a couple weeks ago and told her hes in love with me and how he wants to be with me ? and he has told about 5 other people that from when this all first happened to now ? but he still. messages. other grace. AND SHE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM ? his friends told me she doesnt want to be with him anymore so its completely one sided and im like. if you dont want me dont act like you fucking want me ? and if you do then please do something about it because im going insane !!

he will fully be like. i wanna kiss you and shit while he’s literally holding me in his lap and he just. won’t. abd i’m like guys am i ugly or something because what.

i really cannot put into words how he treats me its fully just. boyfriend through and through but oh yeah dw we're cuddling and you gotta check her snap score thats fine dw xx ik y'all are gonna giggle at me for this but im genuinely. i fall so hard for people and its so hard for m to get over them and to an extent it means its hard for me to call them out on disrespect esp like this.

but yeah key points

- other grace hasn’t wanted to date him since february (info relayed via his friend 🙏)

- he treats me like THAT. but won’t ever do anything more

- seems like he tries to talk about it but pussys out

- im going insane 🩷

- maybe he’s just an asshole because once i saw other grace in the club in first semester before all this and she was crying and told me he was talking to another girl and i forget that story all the time