#and my mom and i keep going out to eat
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you guys i love college so much
#i hate assignments.#BUT LIKE HOLY SHIT I THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT IM NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL#im an adult who is alive and has a life and does things as an adult and gets treated as an adult and i get to pick my own classes and#i can buy myself things if i want to.... and im active in my club and we're going to travel to another school to compete#I GET TO TRAVEL TO ANOTHER SCHOOL TO COMPETE AND HAVE A TEAM BONDING THING AND DO LONG ROAD TRIPS ABOUT IT#AND MY SPORT OF CHOICE IS LITERALLY LYING#IM IN MOCK TRIAL CLUB AS A WITNESS. I SIT AROUND COMFORTABLY AND WATCH THE LAWYERS DO THEIR THING AND THEN I SOUND SYMPATHETIC ON STAND#ITS SO#it's really fun.#and also i get along with my siblings so much better now that i dont live with them#im not getting mad at my sister all the time just because she Makes Sounds. im not getting annoyed with my brother for being argumentative#we just. hang out.#(frequently lmao)#and my mom and i keep going out to eat#and i visit my dad for lunch most weeks#and we all HANG OUT#and . fuck. i love life#and being an adult who gets to live it#and COLLEGE#next semester im going to take a couese on Detective Fiction#and probably get a job or internship to fuel my spending addiction 🤑💰#💸!!!#* AND MY SLEEP SCHEDULE. WOW. FUCK. ITS ALL UP TO ME#AND I DONT HAVE TO GET UP EARLY EVERY MORNING#AAAAAA#my grades aren't fantastic. right. i know they're not. but im not failing any classes. and i get along w my professors.#i like econ a lot more than i expected to
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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i hate going out . kms kms kms kms
#hate my mom for forcing me to go out and meet people#who constantly keep asking me if ive stopped eating leave me alone leavemealoneleavemealone#and she js loves bitching and telling everyone i dont eat like qhy why . would u broadcast it for everyone
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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you know what I’ve realized lately? that’s really helped? the axiom: it just doesn’t really make that much of a difference. Or at least it doesn’t when you’re talking about good things and not, like, doing good vs. doing evil. Big choices, little choices, decisions, decisions —it’s not just that they don’t matter in the grand scheme of things—because they do! —but just. It won’t make that big of a difference. Life will continue to be wonderful AND difficult, fascinating AND hopelessly mundane, full of roses AND thorns and all the other cliches whether you walk down one road or another. And you’ll get used to the joys and sick of the sorrows whatever they are, and you’ll be ungrateful and bored and dissatisfied in some measure some of the time and you’ll have to work on all the things you have to work on anyways and just. Yeah! It doesn’t make that big of a difference! Even the biggest things!
#as Maria once said to me iconically: marry the guy don’t marry the guy#life is hard and it sucks and it’s also great and little treats exist#and we have to practice patience and virtue and penance regardless of any other circumstances#and God loves us no matter the path we take#like I just. I am reflecting#you know what also made this click for me recently? the limits that can be reached with doing little things to improve your life#like YES. I need to get some exercise and eat some food that is not totally terrible for me and clean my space#but you know the fuck WHAT#(I’m so sorry for swearing)#it doesn’t !!! actually !!!!! dramatically alter my life if I do one thing or another or in a certain order#I could become a fanatical hiker (for some reason I have been seized by the vision of this lately)#and it’s just like. well. yes you could. and you know what it would keep raining sometimes and my anxiety would still exist#and people would still be irritating and laughter would still be real!#anyway I don’t mean to be dismissive over the ways choices can deeply affect our lives#but when the choices are good and the options are good it just doesn’t matter that much#I also realized this with makeup lol. like I reached the point where I was like I could spend more time and effort and money#to achieve a higher level quality of appearance and literally for WHAT#people would still not pay attention to me in the grocery store (lol)#and they don’t need to!!!!! and it’s fine they don’t!!!!!!!#but I just. that voice in my head that’s like if you do X you will experience happiness you have never known#and things will all work out and everyone will be in love you#to that voice I say: well no.#wow this is long but you know what I mean????? it all just sort of matters less in the sense that nothing WE do is going to really#change our lives? I know that’s insane#because people are so insistent that the opposite is true. but like. actually no the most life changing opportunities usually happen#without our control or our scheming or our planning#so of the stuff within our control it’s not that big of a deal!! do good avoid evil enjoy your lunch call your mom!!! but that’s all gonna#keep being the same on the other side of so many many different choices we can make#so yeah
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semester is almost over. im dying
#my oc#rune#mori#i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing#even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED#i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately#trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day#and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt.#and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom#a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere#and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man#i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH#but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week#this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail#and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont#i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i#how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project#my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that#so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work#because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it#but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO#anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again
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facing the fact that i am an adult and that if someone's behavior is bothering me and i would like them to change it, i am going to have to say that to them with my words, as opposed to just hiding in another room until they cease the behavior that they don't even know is bothering me.
#me @ me in the mirror: it's okay you can go ask your mom's boyfriend to play the guitar slightly less loudly in the communal#living space i know you can i believe in you#i just was hoping i wouldn't have to say anything because it wouldn't come up that often but literally every moment he's not#eating or playing a game he's playing the guitar. SO loudly.#so people keep asking if i want to play a game and i can't answer unless i know if he is going to play the game also#because if he is playing the game he can't play the guitar. which means i can also play the game#but if he's not playing then i won't want to be in the room because it'll be too loud#this is getting ridiculous. i am a grown person.#i just don't understand how no one else is bothered by this. we have to shout to have a conversation!#sometimes my sister plays the guitar in the room while people are doing other things but she plays it softly so it's just nice background#not like. a concert. we are minding our business can you chill out sir#ughhhhhhh#my posts#hashtag lived-by-myself-without-roommates-for-the-past-13-years problems#it's insane how quickly my social battery drains just from the background radiation of having people in my vicinity though
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i would’ve accepted a book 9.5 if it had been from marella’s pov and started where stellarlune ended (like unlocked did with legacy).
#kotlc#NO BUT THINK ABOUT IT#we’d see marella’s realization that she found what fintan wanted and now has the information necessary to find out what happened to her mom#and then she’s like. wait. i gotta get out of this elysian situation first whoopsie daisy. but we could find out WHAT HAPPENED TO HER MOM#more fintan content and more four horsegirls content and WE’D SEE MARELLA’S FAMILY DYNAMICS (ESPECIALLY HER MOM) THROUGH HER EYES#and also marella’s stuffed animal :) bonus i guess#could be like unlocked where it switches between sophie and marella to keep some amount of connection to the main series#shannon messenger i am outside your house don’t ask how i got here but#the pov choice being marella was so obvious literally who cares about what keefe was doing in the forbidden cities#i should be past this but i’m still cyclicing through the stages of grief and haven’t quite reached acceptance yet lads#hhhhhhhhhh grieving over the marella pov book we never had and were never going to have#am i going to read unraveled? absolutely. i will eat up any canon kotlc content i can get my grubby little hands on#will i like it? right now i’m thinking no but hey maybe shannon will surprise me
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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Just got called entitled bc sometime I put my name on my groceries before I put them in my fridge… ah
#thank u for that father of mine#he said this to my mother not to me#but also#no one is stopping you from putting your name on groceries that you buy for yourself#sorry that when I buy a $15 block of artisan cheese I don’t want to share it with 6 other people#and I make that known to them#his specific comment was about how#everyone is so entitled putting their names on their groceries but they can all help themselves to mine whenever#which#okay#I’m the only person with their name on anything in the fridge#and again this is because I buy specialty juices or cheese that isn’t in our normal grocery roster#and his groceries are for making dinner with usually#not to mention I make dinner on Thursday for my whole family and half of my groceries are for that#anything I need that we don’t typically get when my mom goes to the store is something I go purchase#any produce or leftover food from what I make for dinner is up for grabs#but my cheeses and juice r mine#so to prevent them from being taken my name is there#if u don’t want things you buy to get taken this seems like fair practice#no one is stopping u from doing the same thing I do so your stuff doesn’t get eaten#bc again there’s 7 people who live here and it’s hard to keep track of who buys what#so obviously my name is on things for me#sorry for ranting on a Tumblr post that’s just stupid#sorry you decided to have a family and now have to provide for them as a result#I am 23 and I pay rent and I (none of ur other kids) go out of my way to cook for everyone every Thursday#and I do dishes and clean the kitchen before and after and whenever I have time during the week#but no I’m super entitled bc sometimes I want to be the only one who eats the artisan olives I bought for myself
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I just spent like 20 minutes thinking about soup
#i need to move out!!!!#i love my parents to be clear they're great#i just want to be in charge of my own meals again#it's not that they're bad at feeding me stuff i want to eat it's just we like different things#when it's just me i can make my soup however i want and no one's gonna say anything#Because It's My Soup#i can eat japanese chicken curry for a week straight! no one cares!#i just need to get better at eating vegetables#i want my own kitchen soooo baaad.....#my mom's sensitive to garlic. do you know how much recipes fuck if you add garlic? severely. and i can't if she's gonna eat it#i need my own kitchen so bad so so bad pleeaase#really hoping that i get my degree within like two months#and then i have to. urgh. find a job. but then i find a job and i go there#and i get Paid! money!#and once i have some money in the bank and a long term job i can try and get a flat#and once i have a flat i have my own kitchen i can order stuff online if i want and i can adopt a cat#i can have friends over i can decorate#and if i can swing it i'll be a civil servant#and if i'm lucky enough i can perhaps. give up the next 30 years of my life to a bank so i can own my own flat#god i hope. i fucking hope. i really really want to own#like not for landlord bullshit. just so i don't have to worry about where to go in a year two years five years#i want a civil servant job because that's for life and i would love to do the same thing forever#and i want to own a flat because i could make the space fit my needs and wants perfectly#and i wouldn't have to worry about where to live or old age or whatever#good luck to me finding a well situated 2 bedroom flat in one of the if not the worst city of france in terms of housing :)#but hey i've been lucky in life. maybe it'll keep going#i know what i want early! that's good#i shouldn't have a realisation that i want kids at 30yo or whatever. I Shall Not Become My Mom#ANYWAY i need my own kitchen!!!!!#wow i have a ramble tag now
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Whatever the fuck kinda fuck ass hormones are happening in my body right now I'm mad at them. pmsing pre-period-ing whatever you wanna call it and I'm so mad. So grumpy. And I can't help it! But I'm aware that I shouldn't dump that on people so that means that I'm mostly just silent or making noises to myself. Also mad for other reasons but last week I was able to handle it somehow. Premenstrual me struggles to handle it much more tho
#also my knee hurts. that's a classic tho. my back hurts and my neck to the point that i cant read a book. or i can but its very painful#also im annoyed because if it my mom does get diagnosed with celiac then maybe i will too and i love gluten. maybe she won't tho but if she#will.....been thinking about diet and the fact that i really am fucked up when it comes to that because i 1 have food issues that are like#ocd sensory related 2 have disordered type thoughts will not get into that 3 don't eat meat hate it with every fiber of my being 4 if we ad#gluten to that...oof. im also a person who will bring a snack to the function i try to have something in my bag always because sometimes#there's just nothing for me and i do try to eat to be polite sometimes but sometimes when i do i literally gag. anyway i hate eating but i#also love eating#and also i have pimples i very rarely have pimples so thats a big deal for me and i actually don't care how they look its the fact that im#going to have to put on a band aid or something cause i keep picking at them#and i have another itchy thing under my eyes that comes out when i go too long without using these eye patches things but i bought a 60 pcs#pack and it turns out that the big pack is fake as shir because they're completely different different texture and so thin that they just#slide from under my eyes to my goddamn chin#also my grandmoms fridge got fucked up and i have to go over tomorrow to clean all that up how the FUCK will i transport a new one idk girl#my tiny car is too tiny to transport a regular fridge#so yes i am annoyed AND annoying. whateverrrr
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the food scarcity is in fact going to my brain
#genuinely fucking nothing#the stuff we do have makes me sick on account of chronic illness#ive been living off fucking coffee and frozen pizza and rice#im so constantly fucking brain fogged and my dad keeps taking money from us or cancelling the orders we do make#and like my mom and i still have no way of receiving money so i cant ask anyone for help if i wanted to !!!! lol#theres like this knot of dread in my chest that i dont think will go away until we get the court hearing over with#i am doing. the best that i can . on fucking fumes#sometimes the man of the house is a lesbian eldest daughter etc etc#my younger brothers barely have jackshit to eat let alone Me i cant fucking keep up with this shit#we're running out of toiletries and i cant get my father to buy more this week#gwext#whiskey is feeling better since he sprained her leg. shes off her meds so thats good#head in hands Anyway. back to it
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I hate making decisions
#Have to pick where to go out to eat tonight bc it’s for my birthday#n my mom keeps asking what I wanna eat n it’s like actually I don’t want to thanks#but I have to make a decision now n I’m panicking n googling menus n comparing cals on things I’d eat 💀#might just pick the same place my family always eats at n just get the same chicken strips o always do bc I can’t make decisions#screaming
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i know i’ve said that being able to do the stereotypical insane ao3 authors notes is fun and amusing to me but can the universe NOT take that as a challenge to add more shit to my list of things to add next time i post ???? like. fucking. Calm Down Please.
#situations keep happening and i am TIRED#had to restrain a kid at work today which was AWFUL but he was trying to run into the road so i literally had to#almost cried bc of it but got the situation under control#but then when on my way to meet w coworkers to carpool to a meeting#my tire popped#super fun times super awesome super great#i mean my mom helped and we got it all fixed and handled#but basically from noon to like 6pm my mom and i were dealing w it bc everything had to be COMPLICATED#so i only just got home like 45 mins ago ish and i am SO tired holy fuck#but im eating left over orange chicken and then gonna shower and then just gonna be lazy and read and maybe write#if i have the brain power i will work on hb chp17#but i also have a 4 hour training for work tomorrow so yeehaw#its 12:30-4:30 which isnt that bad but still#im also going to my dads afterwards to stay the night and visit him and my siblings#which is a good thing dont get me wrong i love visiting them#it just means i wont have a lot of freetime this weekend to work on writing and cleaning and stuff#not the end of the world and definitely worth it to see my dad and my baby siblings#but i wish it was a 3 day weekend so i could also have a day to just stay home and do things that i havent had the time to do yk#oh well. tis life. adulthood. having to handle situations and finding the best out of shitty circumstances. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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