#if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced

[irrealisms]

every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan

[woodchipp]

A CRITIQUE OF OMORI, PART 3: MARI AND THE TRUTH

NOTE: Reader discretion is advised. By clicking on “Keep reading”, you willingly choose to continue reading the post.

OMORI spends a considerable amount of time trying to ingratiate you to Mari as a character. In Headspace, she plays a motherly role to Omori and the gang, providing endless positivity and advice to the party whenever they take a break at her picnic blanket; at one point, Kel even begs Hero not to tell Mari about him and Aubrey knocking Basil over the same way a child would beg someone else to not tell their mother after messing up. In the real world, everyone who knew her only ever speaks of her as being kind and gentle, and the official walkthrough guide even calls her “the glue that holds everyone together”.

As wholesome as all of that may seem at first glance, this is one of the main problems with Mari’s writing: the game tries to get you to love her so hard that it comes off as overly aggressive character shilling. For instance, during the second picnic Omori and his friends can have with Mari en route to Basil’s house, Basil wishes to be more like Mari and notes that she always seems to have everything under control, Hero compliments her on how she always makes everything look easy, and Aubrey describes her as "effortlessly graceful". As with Basil summing up each of the characters via flowers, the game spells out the character’s personality for you right at the start rather than allowing you to parse it for yourself over the course of the story.

[Pictured: complex and nuanced characterization.]

[How should I know? I literally just met her a few minutes ago.]

If the shilling had been limited to Headspace, it could’ve been a powerful narrative tool to show how much Sunny idolizes his big sister and foreshadow that his perception of her is unreliable. The problem is that what we learn about her in the real world reinforces said unreliable perception; as with the photo album and the main characters’ childhood, the narrative paints the real Mari as too impossibly perfect of a person to be remotely believable. Not only did she switch beds with her brother when the latter started to have difficulty falling asleep, she also let him sleep with her when he had nightmares, took the blame for him breaking one of their mother’s vases and even saved him from drowning once. She also bought Basil his signature photo album, bought Sunny a giant building block set as a gift for one of his birthdays, carried Sunny back home after he fell asleep on the bus, pitched in along with Sunny's other friends to buy him a violin for Christmas, was the perfect match for Hero and generally served as the group’s caring mother figure in the real world as well. C’mon, love her already!

Of course, such a flawless angel is too good for this sinful earth. That is why, after spending the entirety of its runtime building up to Mari having killed herself due to her own mental issues, the game pulls a last-minute plot twist and reveals that Sunny accidentally killed her by shoving her down the stairs during an argument they had over Sunny breaking his violin on the day of a recital they were to perform at. As evidenced by the datamined text from the “Truth” photo album, the game gives no consideration to Mari’s perspective on the matter and only focuses on Sunny’s feelings. It’s all about how he was overcome, how his fingers were shaking in pain and how he was sick of practicing over and over. How did Mari feel when she saw her brother destroy the fruit of her and his friends’ hard work in one fell swoop? How did she feel being perpetually dissatisfied with the waltz she obsessively practiced, trying to reach the unreachable standards she set for herself? These are questions the game doesn’t bother answering, because Sunny and his feelings are of central priority to the story at all times, even if it comes at the expense of other characters, their own feelings or even logic. 

(speaking of logic, the game never explains why Sunny and Mari were arguing at the top of the staircase in the first place. the piano room, which is most likely where the two practiced since Mari's piano is located there, is on the first floor of their house, while Photo of an Argument shows them them having said argument on the second one. peak writing)

Additionally, the story fails to properly establish just how strenuous violin practice was for Sunny. The only bit of set-up for the argument the game provides during the main story is Lost Library's “Saturday morning cartoons” book, which isn’t much and requires the player to make a giant leap from “Sunny doesn’t like violin practice because he misses out on watching cartoons with his friends” to “violin practice physically hurts Sunny and he resents Mari for her perfectionism”. Likewise, the narrative’s prior and consistent portrayal of Mari as flawless is incompatible with the plot twist’s insinuation that she overworked Sunny and was harsh on him when he made mistakes, which makes the twist feel even more inorganic than it already is.

If the game left the twist at Sunny shoving Mari down the stairs, that probably would’ve been enough. However, it subsequently inserts Basil into the scene, him having bore witness to the argument and Mari’s murder. This doesn’t make sense on a logistical level because the game never explains how Basil managed to get inside Sunny’s house and why he was there in the first place. Not only does Basil not try to call an ambulance/find the nearest adult to help, he comes up with a plan to cover up Mari’s murder by framing it as a suicide. Basil’s multi-step plan is not something one would come up with in a situation of high anxiety and stress: it feels nearly premeditated, and at no step of the way does Basil seem to have had second thoughts, like one would if they were acting irrationally. Furthermore, the sheer tonal dissonance created by the fact that Basil of all people came up with an idea this demented isn’t disturbing as much as it is absurd. It reeks of the writer assuming that a topic like murder instantly makes a story Deep and Complex without putting any thought into it, and it seems Basil was written into the twist solely to absolve Sunny of any responsibility for the cover-up. 

Finally, the game inadvertently implies that Mari's suicide wasn't investigated properly, if at all. The clues indicating that she didn't hang herself are obvious, such as the fact that she seemingly used a jumping rope and her stockings being clean as opposed to stained with grass and mud from the ground around the tree. Such a break from reality isn't much of a significant problem, but it does become rather conspicuous once you notice it. Fans tend to theorize that Sunny's parents somehow knew the truth and possibly bribed the police into dropping the case, but there isn't enough concrete evidence to support this theory.

The knowledge of the twist is imperative to understanding just how aggressive and transparent the shilling becomes. Some of the most notable moments that explicitly demonstrate what the player is meant to think about Mari include divine light shining down on her grave in the town’s cemetery, her farewell to Sunny at the end of the North Lake segment, where she is briefly shown walking on water, and her brief conversation with Sunny in his house's piano room on One Day Left, where she apologizes to Sunny for “pushing him too hard”, implying that her brother killing her was somehow her fault.

Mari isn’t a character in her own right - she is the quintessential fridged woman, existing purely as the object fueling the main characters’ grief and being important only when the game needs to assure the player that Sunny killing his sister wasn’t much of a big deal. After all, even the person he killed is shown to forgive him for what he did.

Speaking of Sunny, his actions in the aftermath of the incident paint him as rather reprehensible. Not only does he vandalize Basil’s most precious belonging and then leave him alone, but he also chooses to lie by omission to his friends and his parents, letting them believe that they failed her because of the assumed nature of her death as a suicide. On top of all that, the game seems to heavily imply that Sunny blacked out the photos due to Omori’s influence; considering that Omori is apparently meant to be the personification of Sunny’s depression, this reads as a convenient way to absolve Sunny of any responsibility for his horrible actions by making his Evil Mental Illness the culprit.

It’s time to talk about this game’s depiction of mental illness, then.

[chronicbeans]

I hope this doesn’t come across as pushy, but would you ever consider doing Lucifer for your rewrite series?

I'M ACTUALLY DOING THAT RIGHT NOW! I'm not finished, yet, but I'll give you a little detail where I'm going with it.

Lucifer, as well as the rest of the angels, do not have an innate knowledge of what is good and what is sin. Many believe they do, but that is because most angels listen to God for advice, because the angels love God and trust Him. After God cast Lucifer out, he no longer has a guideline for good and evil, viewing actions as only actions. He now acts on what he wants, and what he wants is oftentimes sinful. He indulges in all of the Seven Deadly Sins, as his pride feeds into his lust, sloth, wrath, greed, jealousy, and gluttony.

He genuinely hates God, because he viewed God's love and attention towards humans as Him loving humans more than the angels. That, and he found it unfair that God's words were the final say and wanted more control, which led to his rebellion.

This hatred for God has now been extended towards Charlie. Charlie, despite being half fallen angel, inherited some level of knowledge on good and evil from her human mother. She knows what is good and evil, but is unable to differentiate between levels of evil (ex: a literal war crime is as forgivable as thievery to her because she can't see the difference).

This knowledge, alongside how she loves humanity, wants to help them reach forgiveness, and acts nothing but kind reminds Lucifer of God. Who, as we all know, casted him out of Heaven. It's only made worse by how he is unable to see how his rebellion was wrong, resulting in him believing he was cast out of Heaven for no big deal.

That's what I have in mind, so far. I want to make a more nuanced idea for this series. A lot of people have God as either good or evil and Lucifer as good or evil (nowadays more sympathetic). So, I have decided to try to make both sympathetic in their own ways and flawed, and while Lucifer is sympathetic he is still a bad person.

[lunar-years]

I could possibly have stomached James being back and forgiven apparently, if it wasn't for the casually dropped in statutory rape, what on earth?? The writers were probably trucking along with their "everyone deserves forgiveness" train, meanwhile anyone with a jot of common sense had air raid sirens screaming "DO NOT LET THAT MAN NEAR JAMIE". I'd have been angry with the forgiveness side anyway (we see no signs that James is trying to be a better person or even that hes not going to try and beat the shit out of his son again, for all we know thats a court mandated rehab), but I could have sort of understood it. Adding in that fun little fact made James go from terrible horrific abuser to just completely unforgiveable.

honestly i completely agree with you. I know this is a very divisive arc and there were people who genuinely loved where they took it because it resonated with them in some way, especially for some people who have been through similar experiences and appreciated the recognition that someone like James could successfully change. I really try to accept and understand fans who have that opinion and I want to be very clear that I both recognize addiction is a disease and think there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to or actually forgiving your abuser. Each situation is different! People suffering from addiction can absolutely recover! Individuals need to do what is right for them in their real actual lives, etc.

That said, the parts I loathe about the Jamie & James arc, from my own personal opinion, are:

any sort of relationship Jamie and James may have moving forward post-canon is inherently a complex one, but the writers did not address the conclusion of the arc complexly. At all. Instead it was "oh everything conveniently worked out and here they are happy and together" wrapped up in a 10 second flash-forward which is just...no.

there is absolutely no evidence that James' violence stems directly from his addiction. there is nothing to say a sober James isn't every bit as abusive as a drunken James. There is no indication that Jamie isn't putting himself back into a situation that is downright unsafe, or that he isn't at risk of coming into harm and being deeply hurt all over again. there is nothing to say James hasn't tried rehab before, and relapsed.

James never apologizes or owns up to his actions onscreen.

Jamie's decision to forgive his dad comes at a time when he's in a very vulnerable place mentally, having just come off a canonical depressive episode. He consults no one about forgiving his father apart from Ted, who is quite literally the worst person on the show he could have consulted (no offense, Ted, it's just that the man is incapable of being objective when it comes to Jamie and the father&son of it all). The decision isn't being made in a healthy state of mind and Jamie hasn't rallied a support group around him before taking the leap. From what we see on screen, he seemingly doesn't tell anyone that he's going to visit his dad in rehab.

there's a way that all of this can make sense. I can make sense of why Ted, with his own heaping helping of daddy issues, would give Jamie the advice he does. I can see why Jamie (again, in a vulnerable place) would take it! why he decides the right thing to do is to reach out to his dad! I can see him going to visit. I can imagine that visit going well or going poorly, can see James' stint in rehab being mandated, or also him checking himself it. But at the end of the day, those scenarios are all imagined! none of that nuanced context is provided on the show. Rather, the presentation and messaging are hasty and in my person opinion, flat-out dangerous. They lead the casual viewer to read Ted's advice as good (it categorically isn't), and Jamie as Doing the Right and Responsible Thing, when it's a hell of a lot more complicated that that.

it is also weird and complicated to have Jamie take Ted's advice over his mum's, who in the same episode, mind you, told him James was never ever going to change. again, we can jump through hoops to make sense of it, but we shouldn't have to.

there's absolutely a pattern of abuse being weirdly minimized on ted lasso/victims forgiving their abusers and i think that's gross. you can't claim to be a comedy show that dares to tackle real, tough issues in one breath and then expect us to laugh off abuse (Jane/Beard) in the next. Sometimes it's like they change what kind of show they want to be scene by scene, lol.

as you point out, in my opinion it is completely batshit on the writer's part to have introduced "btw Jamie's dad, who we've previously established beats him and verbally abuses him, ALSO proxy raped him when he was 14!" in the same season in which you plan to have Jamie forgive said father (with next to no buildup or context) just a few episodes later. Like, yes, let's add even deeper layers to Jamie's tragic backstory before we wash it away in feel-good reunion tosh! just, ew. what on earth were they thinking.

So all in all, I think the arc could have been successful if the writers had known where they were going with it from the beginning of the season and given it the kind of care that sort of storyline demands. However they didn't do that, and the end message is incredibly harmful as a result.

[kaigarax]

How To Find Love

Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

Quote: "Fall in love by following a simple step by step process."

Kuroo falls in love like drops of dew in the morning. So simple and often going unnoticed to the average passerby. A beautiful reflection of the world around him. A crucial part to life.

---

Step 1. Meet someone.

If you have (for some bizarre reason) decided that you are ready for love then you will have to willingly (or unwillingly) put yourself in situations where you can meet someone who shares your interest. If someone shares your interest (big IF), try to do things together like go on a walk in the park (boring) or chat in a cafe (cliche). You can also consider making a profile on an online dating site (but let’s be honest, if you’re reading a how-to page then you’re already a lost cause).

Kuroo Tetsurou had never been an unpopular kid, in fact there was always some guy trying to be his buddy or some girl gushing over him, but he was yet to actually have a girlfriend. It wasn’t that there had never been girls interested in him, just that he never really saw the need. Not when volleyball took up most of his time. And, usually this wouldn’t bother him but the insistent teasing from his classmates was starting to great on his nerves.

First, it was an off handed comment from someone passing by him in the class. A whisper and pointed fingers when people thought he wasn’t looking. Then it was giggling from the back of the classroom and boisterous laughter from his supposed friends. Eventually it had gotten so bad that he found himself here.

In theory, he didn’t think it would have been that hard to find someone that liked him enough to date him. Of course, this was real life; not some cliche romance novel of cringey fanfiction. Girls were suddenly much more nuanced than they had been in middle school. Suddenly they started caring about things like who understood their feelings and different perspectives instead of how they were the cutest or fastest in a race. So now he’s…

Sitting alone in the back of the stands.

In the middle of a volleyball tournament.

Reading up on how to fall in love.

Really it was quite the laughable sight.

Oh how the mighty and great Kuroo Tetsurou had fallen. From being the guy all the girls gushed over to the one people teased for never having kissed.

“Hey, you play for Nekoma, don’t you?”

Kuroo sighs, “who’s asking?” He doesn't bother to remove his eyes from the screen, instead trying his best to make sense of the cringey advice he’s been reading up on. Has he really fallen on such desperate times that he has to resort to this?

This!

There’s a gentle laugh from the newcomer, “I’m (L/n). Though I doubt that makes a difference considering you don’t know who I am.”

He peaks an eye over the screen, “oh.” You’re cute. Dressed in a sweater with the name of a school sprawled over the left side of your chest and your hair loosely falling around and over your shoulders. There’s a cute smile on your face and there’s a volleyball held tightly in your arms. “Can I help you with something?”

You smile, “I was just curious. I thought your team was really good! A ‘never give up’ kinda attitude, ya know? Well, of course you know. It’s your team after all.”

Kuroo clicks the side of his phone, quickly putting the device to sleep, before holding his hand out for you to shake, “Kuroo Tetsurou.”

---

Step 2. Flirt.

To indicate your interest in someone, (don’t be a creep) you will need to demonstrate your interest through facial expressions (ahegao face), body language (get that bump and grind), and comments (like ‘hey there sexy lady~’). Using things like body language, eye contact, and flirtatious comments can help to show the other person that you are interested in them (as long as you aren’t a total weirdo about it). If you are a novice at flirting (then get ready to die alone), keep it simple to start. Some simple ways that you can flirt include:

Smiling (but only in a cute and attractive sorta way). Smiling is an easy way to flirt and it can also make you seem more attractive (sources not cited).

Kuroo gives you his best devil-may-care sorta smile as you shake his hand in greetings.

You raise a brow. It’s a cute sorta action but leaves Kuroo feeling as though he’s suddenly grown a second head or something of the sort. He’s suddenly fighting the urge to run his hand through his hair but forces them to linger at his sides at the end of the short handshake. The voice of his mother scolding him for being so fidgety seems to have manifested a pace in the forefront of his mind at the exact worst time possible.

You lean back, ever so slightly, but the pleasant smile never leaves your face. Kuroo would almost find it admirable how you’re able to tough it through such an awkward situation if not for the fact that he’s the person it’s happening to. Actually, he might even find it more admirable right now.

Making eye contact (staring directly into their eyes~). Keeping good eye contact is another simple way to indicate your interest to your date. Research (sources once again have not been cited) has shown that prolonged eye contact can increase feelings of attraction between two people (but please tell me if this works).

Kuroo, who has never been someone to back down from a challenge, bares his eyes into your own. Almost as if he’s trying to capture your soul. He isn’t, of course, but it wouldn’t be too surprising if he suddenly did turn around and declare that his true motive.

At least your eyes are pretty. There’s a bright gleam in them. Something akin to how someone might look when they’ve suddenly been struck with inspiration. No, perhaps not that exactly but they do seem to shine. Stars maybe?

You tilt your head to the side and let out a little embarrassed laugh.

Yes. Kuroo thinks it’s definitely stars.

Mirroring body position. Stand or sit in a way that mirrors your date, For example if your date is leaning in towards you with one arm on the table, you could do the same. (This one is perfect the way it is~)

Kuroo follows your actions, tilting his head to the side as well. But he happened to tilt his head in the same direction as you and since you were standing across from him it ended up with the two of you looking over each other’s shoulders.

---

Step 3. Go on thrilling dates.

Research has shown that putting yourself into a thrilling position can increase feelings of attraction between two people (ah yes, the ol almost dying produces the same chemicals as falling in love trick). Make sure that you plan some exciting dates when you are first getting to know someone to increase feelings of attraction. Go to see an action movie together (10/10 would not recommend), spend a day at an amusement park (but only if neither of you had anything too heavy to eat), or go bungee jumping (instructions unclear. Law suite currently pending).

Ah yes.

Kuroo knew that he would hit a blockade at some point.

Looks like his plans would be halted.

It’s not as if he thought getting a girlfriend would be easy as cake but… ugh. Why did things always have to involve so many steps? Why couldn’t the world just be like volleyball? A place where anyone can succeed as long as they’ve put in the practice and effort.

“What do you keep looking at?” You ask, leaning in close towards Kuroo.

The boy jumps back, his face suddenly flushed a bright red as he attempts to hide the contents of his phone from you. He is, of course, a second to late as you happen to catch a glimpse of the ever familiar light green How To page.

You let out a soft laugh.

Anyone else and Kuroo would’ve packed his things and left you standing there alone. But you’re being polite about it. Covering your mouth and trying to muffle your laughter. Plus, it helps that you’re cute. Especially when you’re trying to laugh at something stupid he did.

“What?” Kuroo huffs.

“Sorry!” Your voice is still shaking as you smile teasingly “you’re quite the heartthrob aren’t you?”

“And you’re so good at picking up dates?”

“No. But I have been in love before.”

“Really?” The words are leaving Kuroo’s lips before his brain can even process them. It’s as though his subconscious interest in you has suddenly skyrocketed and his own mind is racing behind his interest like a dog after a treat that’s been thrown. He’s taken a step towards you which leaves barely enough distance for the two of you to converse properly without one person bumping into another.

Kuroo, strangely, notes that you have a strange mix of deodorant and perfume. It’s actually a rather pleasant smell. Maybe a mix between something you’re wearing and what the girls around you must’ve been putting on at the time? Either way it’s a pleasant smell and you're a pleasant person.

And because you are a pleasant person you don’t make a fuss at the distance between the two of you. And Kuroo appreciates that. He may not realise it now but he will… eventually.

---

Step 4. Take it slow.

When you are first getting to know someone, it is important to avoid sharing too much about yourself too soon (no info dumps…). Some people share too much of themselves in the early stages of a relationship because they want to seem honest and forthright (which is never a bad thing). But sharing too much can be overwhelming for the other person and also makes you less mysterious (and who doesn’t love a mysterious man or woman~). For example, you should avoid discussing topics like your (dreaded) ex, family conflicts (who doesn't have em?), or your personal finances (but don’t we all swoon after a man or woman that shares their credit card information though - just kidding, don’t do that!).

“You don’t think so?” You ask.

Kuroo shrugs, trying his best to seem nonchalant and cool, “I mean you do look pretty young. Have you ever even gone on a date with someone?”

“Why?” Your voice has a teasing lit as you lean back, “wanna ask me out on one?”

The boy brings an arm to the back of his neck, smiles sheepishly, and tries his very hardest to summon whatever semblance of courage he recalls having at one point, “yeah.”

“Oh,” your eyebrows raise and your jaw seems to drop ever so slightly. It takes you only a second though as you quickly recompose yourself. Or at least try to recompose yourself. There seems to be a flush rising in your face as you look away from him and attempt to clear your throat, “I definitely didn’t see that coming.”

That makes him grin, “so, would you say yes if I did happen to ask you out?”

“Probably a no.”

“What! Why?”

“We’re strangers.”

“And?”

“People usually don’t just randomly accept going out on dates with strangers they just met. Especially when they meet in a place like this. Never know when someone could be planning your muruder, ya know.”

“Wait a minute, you came up to me first. And second, what's that supposed to mean? ‘A place like this.’”

“Yeah!” You laugh, “you never know if I could be planning your murder. Why ask me out without all the facts?”

“Ah,” that makes his grin widen, “I’d let you murder me any day of the week.”

“Well anyways, whoever meets their future significant other at a sporting tournament?”

“Me, hopefully.”

“Slow down there, lover boy.”

Kuroo smirks, “so it’s lover boy now?”

“Oh goodness,” you sigh, “you’re insufferable.”

Kuroo, despite seeing the shadow of a smile on your lips, leans back. Wouldn’t want to overwhelm you. Much better to dance around the topic of conversation than move headfirst into something he’s a little unsure of.

---

Step 5. Be curious.

It is important to find out if you are compatible with the other person in order to fall in love, so ask questions to get that information (but what about opposites attract?). The questions that you ask should not be invasive or too personal (define too…). They should be friendly and fun to discuss (people like small talk right?). For example, some questions you might ask on a first date include:

Do you have any favourite movies or TV shows? (Na, too boring.)

Are you more of a morning person or night person? (Too personal.)

What sort of vacations do you like to take? (Just, na.)

“So,” Kuroo, out of options, asks, “are you passionate about anything?”

“Passion, huh.” You tilt your head to the side in a cute manner, “I guess I am passionate about things.”

“What kinda things?”

There’s a cute smile on your face as you answer, “volleyball.”

His heart skips a beat, “really?”

“It’s a little cliche, isn’t it?”

Kuroo smiles, “I don’t think so.”

Fall in love by following a simple step by step process.

[linkspooky]

Bungo Stray Dogs, Chapter 105 Thoughts

Akutagawa once again proves himself to be the one who knows Atsushi the best. Even when he’s just a hallucination inside Atsushi’s head. (I kid, I kid). The advice Akutagawa gives though is not only incredibly telling of one of Atsushi’s greatest character flaws and the reason he shows so much indecision in this recent arc, but also the key to overcoming it. In short Atsushi is always stuck inside of his own head, and his head is a scary place. We can talk more about it underneath the cut. 

1. I Need An Adult

Atsushi is no longer hallucinating the headmaster telling him what to do, in their place is each member of the detective agency. 

What’s most telling about these words is none of them necessarily have negative connotations. Kyouka said something along the lines of You don’t have to do anything to Atsushi in Dead Apple, but only because she was trying to protect him from harm at the time. Kunikida’s words can be taken as a sign of determination. Ranpo is that condescending with everyone. However, to Atsushi they may as well be looking down on him or belittling him, because Atsushi bases his entire ego and self image on how other people perceive him. 

This unhealthy fixation on other people’s opinions on him means that it’s not really about what any of these three individuals mean from their words, but rather how Atsushi perceives them. You can’t base your self image around what other people think, and still have a strong sense of self, because humans are not mind readers. Atsushi especially, is not good at reading people or their feelings. He doesn’t understand that Kyoka is just trying to protect him, that Kunikida wants to motivate him, that Ranpo does not mean to insult him. He can’t see those things because Atsushi does not really have a stable enough sense of self to believe these people even can have such positive feelings towards them. He’s almost looing for the most negative interpretation in their statement possible, because he’s eternally waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

When I say sense of self, I mean Atsushi’s ego, his thoughts and feelings, his wants, his desires, his morals, etc. etc. These are all things that make up identity. if Atsushi were confident in himself, he would be able to interpret the feelings of Kyoka, Kunikida, Ranpo and also the detective agency as a whole with more nuance. After all, if you know who you are, you don’t let other people tell you who they think you are. 

Our sense of our selves are formed in our developmental years. When we are young, we learn about things like boundaries, how to treat other people, and how we should be treated, but Atsushi spent most of those formative years being deprived in a horrific fashion. 

As noted in the textbook, Essentials of Life-Span Development, attachment is "a close emotional bond between two people." Relationships play a key role in healthy human development and influence multiple aspects of the individual's life. A person's style of attachment can help predict their likelihood to develop healthy relationships and help identify obstacles they will have to overcome to achieve this outcome

Atsushi says he has no sense of self almost word for word. When he had no one to  interact with, he did not know who he was. Except, Atsushi was not completely deprived of interactions back then. He had one person who not only dictated every aspect of his life, but also tried to teach him some form of morality. 

Of course Atsushi’s tragic backstory is well tread ground, but it’s important to remember if relationships are what define who you are, Atsushi went from age one to age eighteen with no relationships with children his own age, and the only human being he regularly interacted with being someone who would occasionally help him, but at other times cage him up, and order him to harm himself. Not only does this traumatize Atsushi, it also incorrectly models for him what human relationships are supposed to be like. 

Atsushi does not just want to please the director to get his ghost out of his head, he’s haunted by the director because he thinks at any moment, if he doesn’t please the people around him his relationships can turn into that. If he is not useful enough he will either be (1) mistreated or (2) abandoned. When an abusive attachment is literally the only relationship you’ve ever learned, then it takes a lot to unlearn that, something Atsushi has not really done even after moving to a much safer and healthier environment. 

Why does Atsushi base his entire sense of self around what others, think? 

It’s because that is what he was taught to do. He was raised more or less by a man who dictated every aspect of his life, who made Atsushi think it was his job as a child to please him. 

This gives Atsushi the double whammy of issues of crippingly low self esteem, but also the expectation he must continually please the people around him in order to keep them. Which is why the implication that he might have disappointed Kunikida, Kyouka, or Ranpo is so devastating to him because this is confirmation to him that he is doing something wrong, that there is something wrong with him. 

Atsushi on one end realizes how barbaric the Headmaster was in his treatment of him, on the other hand he internalized more or less everything the HeadMaster said so is caught in the behavior loop of thinking he was still the one who did something wrong by not pleasing him. 

If anything you could say that Atsushi clings to what the Headmaster taught him, after getting out of the orphanage, even after he’s dead, because Atsushi had literally nothing else, and no other source of guidance. Children can’t grow up in the dark all alone after all. The headmaster at least tried to teach him something, unlike his birth parents who abandoned him, or everyone else at the orphanage who treated him like he didn’t exist. 

It’s not even really the headmaster that Atsushi clings to, because Atsushi does acknowledge his barbarism more than once. It’s a fantasy version Atsushi conjured up in his head. A teacher who would have praised him and acted like a proper adult if he had just done the right thing. 

Atsushi craves the adult he should have had, and deserved to have. An adult who raised him with care, and guided him, rather than one who continually punished him with violence. The problem is that Atsushi is essentially, already an adult now and never really had that. Rather than coping with the reality of that, he keeps trying to get someone else to be that adult he needs them to be. 

Atsushi has absolutely no trust or faith in himself, so he keeps seeking out someone else to tell him what he is supposed to do. Other meta writers have pointed this out, but Dazai’s contact with Atsushi has been very minimal this arc and yet when Atsushi is in a crisis situation he continually imagines the ghost of Dazai showing up to tell him what to do. 

Unless Dazai has some secret psychic powers no one told us about (which I doubt) then at these points Dazai is actually doing nothing, it’s Atsushi himself who is figuring things out, or helping himself along. Atsushi’s not a Ranpo level genius, but he’s not unintelligent. At this moment when everything looks lost after dropping Sigma, Atsushi is able to figure out the location of the page with just the information Sigma gave him.

It’s unclear how much of that was Sigma giving him information, but Atsushi figured out the next thing they all needed to do entirely on his own, stepping out of necessity and showing he can do these things. Atsushi is capable of using both deduction and problem solving, almost like he’s some kind of detective. 

The problem has never been Atsushi is useless or incompetent, but rather he has no confidence in the abilities that he does have. Atsushi is unable to take a serious look at himself. His failures and his habit of freezing up start precisely when he is fighting against Fukuchi, and the central reason why him and Akutagawa failed during that fight was because they both treid too much to be like their mentors. 

Of course this is a problem for both of them, because Atsushi needs everyone’s acceptance, and Atsushi lives and dies by Dazai’s praise. They both share the same issue of this underdeveloped sense of self that prevents them from seeing their own strengths. They look in and they see absolutely nothing. Of course Atsushi takes what the detective agency says in the worst way possible, because to him they are repeating things he already thinks about himself. 

Atsushi is so stuck inside his head he has this strange paradox, where everything he does he does for everyone else’s approval, but at the same time that approval doesn’t mean anything because he’s so fundamentally insecure he can’t really let himself believe they might actually like him. How could they when Atsushi doesn’t like himself? 

This is where we get to Akutagawa’s advice. “Look outside.” 

What Atsushi needs is to step outside his own head, and look at other people, really look at them. We are taught about ourselves through our relationships with other people. The only way for him to change even a little bit is to step outside his own head to begin with. 

Which is what we see in this chapter. Atsushi could have just stayed in that room, done nothing, and not had to take responsibility for anything. When he steps out of the door, he is the one making the decision to do so. 

You could say his decision to tell everything to Fukuzawa is a small step in the right direction, because even if he’s still trying to leave the decision to the adult, Atsushi is still making himself an active particpant. He is admitting, and this is something he’s had trouble admitting before that he has a contribution to make. That is also the number one reason why instead of realizing that he is a smart kid in his own right, every single time a problem has been thrown up for Atsushi this arc he imagines Dazai figuring things out for him and telling him what to do. Because Atsushi himself believes he’s such a small person that nothing he could do could have an affect on the world around him and that’s just not true. 

Because Atsushi himself doesn’t need to be an exceptional or an extraordinary person. He doesn’t need to become someone special to matter. As cheesy as it is Atsushi really only needs to be himself. To have confidence in himself and his own decisions. Even if he’s just a completely average human being, even without the tiger, there are still things he can do to contribute to the greater whole, and Atsushi stepping out of the room is really his first step in acknowledging that. 

[waldorfhistoria]

Man, this wonderful Jenny meta I reblogged has me thinking SO many thoughts, especially about the Dan-Jenny dynamic and this line in particular:

“one scene that stands out to me is when jenny steals the dress in season one and dan goes into talk to her and it’s so clear he’s had to take on somewhat of a parental role with her since their mom has been gone? and i’m sure that’s frustrating for both jenny and for dan. but despite taking on this role of care, he doesn’t treat her condescendingly or with any ire, he tries to be understanding and careful and thoughtful where rufus couldn’t be.” - @buffyspeak

And one of the things that’s so fascinating to me about the relationship dynamic between Dan and Jenny is that they essentially have about four different styles of sibling relationships, all nestled into their one.

At times, especially towards the beginning of the show, Dan and Jenny have a fairly “typical” big brother/little sister dynamic - Jenny is teasing and affectionately annoying towards Dan, Dan is teasing and affectionately exasperated towards Jenny, but they ultimately look out for and try to protect/take care of one another the way that siblings do. But there’s a shift, I think, when Alison leaves - Rufus is suddenly acting as a single father, and Dan is put in the position where he not only needs to look out for Jenny as her big brother, but as a pseudo-mother of sorts - he’s the one who ends up playing mediator between Rufus and Jenny’s growing conflicts, who tries to give her the advice and guidance that she’s not getting from either of her actual parents, and is even the one who Rufus, at times, turns to to talk out the parenting decisions he makes in relation to Jenny. Which brings up another facet of their dynamic that only grows as the show goes on and Jenny starts to struggle more and more - the golden child and the “problem” child.

One thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of the Rufus discourse really hinges on whether a fan is paying more attention to Dan as a character or to Jenny, because the Rufus in Dan’s story is often a very different figure than the Rufus in Jenny’s. Dan’s Rufus is a compassionate, loving, fair-minded dad, who affords Dan a level of respect and independence while also upholding strong moral values he expects his son to live up to. Jenny’s Rufus, on the other hand, is a far more controlling and at times almost immature figure, sometimes fighting with Jenny like a peer rather than a parent - a father who fails to offer his daughter the same respect and understanding he affords his son. And while none of this is Dan’s fault, how can Jenny not be a little resentful of it, of him - that Dan is treated like a person while Jenny is often made to feel like more of a project.

And yet, in spite of that, I would argue there’s another dimension of their relationship that probably plays a key role in keeping them close as the series wears on - Dan and Jenny as childhood friends. This is something that I feel doesn’t come up in the show enough but is still interesting in light of the way their dynamic evolves - based on what we know of their upbringing, it doesn’t seem like Dan and Jenny had a lot of other friends coming into the Upper East Side. I mean, we’re told that pretty explicitly with Dan, given that Vanessa seems to be the only other person he’s really close to outside of his family, prior to dating Serena. But it seems like Jenny didn’t really have any other close friends herself - at least no one close enough to stay in touch with after she moves from public school to private. It seems like - especially in the space of time that Vanessa was living in Vermont - Dan and Jenny were likely each other’s two closest friends, and I think considering how enmeshed their later social circles become, that adds an interesting nuance as well. Dan isn’t just Jenny’s big brother, he’s also her sister and sometimes her mother and kind of her rival and always her longtime friend.

[thesinglesjukebox]

KELSEA BALLERINI WITH NOAH KAHAN - "COWBOYS CRY TOO"

It's time to be a cowboy nooowwwww / and cowboys DO cry...

[5.78]

Julian Axelrod: Noah Kahan's email inbox must look crazy these days. After securing a string of Stick Season features from his famous friends, I can imagine him slowly working through a stack of requests for verses like he's Ty Dolla $ign in 2016. Kelsea Ballerini is among the first to cash in on the Kahanaissance, and she's not fucking around: Nothing says "I, too, would like to sell out arenas in Vermont" like an earnest folk ballad about fragile masculinity and the complicated relationships between fathers and sons. Unsurprisingly, Noah rises to the challenge, and their voices come together beautifully. But coming off a year of promoting her most "personal" work yet, it's telling that Kelsea feels most comfortable fading into the background. [5]

Katherine St. Asaph: A surprisingly tender, nuanced lament on toxic masculinity. Both Ballerini and Kahan are credited; perhaps they're to thank for the empathy? [7]

Will Adams: A comment on the lyric video by one darrensawyer-ju9bn: "Thank you for bringing attention to the fact that men have emotions too." I genuinely cannot tell if this comment is facetious or sincere. My cynical, too-online brain wants to cast off "Cowboys Cry Too" as obvious and self-serving, but there's a little seed in there that truly believes Ballerini and Kahan pull it off. It helps that their take on toxic masculinity acknowledges the generational aspect ("I grew up wishing I could close off the way my dad did") and the woman's perspective ("when he's showing his skin... that's when he's toughest to me"). It's pretty, too, which also helps. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: “Cowboys Cry Too” would like to signpost changing expectations of masculinity, but it underestimates the terrain: country music since its inception has offered an arena in which men were permitted to be more emotional and more sentimental than they can outside the honky tonk. Cowboys are complex: as well as weepers, they are creatures mommas should not want their sons to grow up to become, but they’re also frequently secretly fond of each other. Noah Kahan is not a cowboy or a country artist, but his folk ballads offer something like a Vermont corollary to the genre’s implicit Southernness. Kahan can’t deliver a melody as expertly as Ballerini, who here attempts empathy but ends up sounding stunted (boys have feelings -- who knew?), but his first-person narrative of fathers and burning “too many miles trying to ride out the sadness” paints a more nuanced portrait. But there’s also the ghost of Reba McEntire; if cowboys cry, Brooks and Dunn told us cowgirls don’t, and using that song’s motifs puts into relief how emotionally austere this one is. There’s too much Yankee stoicism here and not enough tears. [6]

Taylor Alatorre: I'm okay with country music existing in this imaginary space where everyone's either a cowboy or cowgirl, regardless of their suburb or exurb of origin. But when used in a song title like this, and especially when paired with "I never knew," the effect is rather infantilizing, like your therapist giving you advice from a Pixar movie. However, Ballerini's decision to buck the Western imagery and reach all the way to Vermont for a duet partner was improbably the correct one. If Noah Kahan has any misgivings about being typecast as a weepy folk balladeer, he doesn't show them here, as he pins down the kitschy platitudes into a more concrete narrative about fatherhood and fears of abandonment. Notably, though, he doesn't make any reference to rural life in his lyrics, suggesting that he too might be quietly ashamed of working under this banner. A good illustration of a case where keeping one's feelings bottled up really is the best option. [6]

Nortey Dowuona: Alysa Vanderheym once co-wrote a song called "Talk You Out of It" for Florida Georgia Line. Hence why, when she got to be part of a good song, she went hard in the paint with the steel guitar. [9]

Ian Mathers: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn Kelsea and Noah's overpriced-sounding milquetoast pop country song and turn its Jukebox score into the 4th of Shit [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Give me my "Dawns" back. [3]

Alfred Soto: The fusty tropes don't smother Kelsea Ballerini's lack of affect; she knows how to weigh her feelings by sticking to the script. Noah Kahan isn't there yet, but in a fictional world where a song about cowboys a-weepin' enters the Hot Country Airplay top five his pathos is a glass of fresh iced tea.  [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[6okuto]

Hi love! Do you open req? I just want to req main 3 last legacy (if you want to include rime idm) with assassin mc?

M3 WITH AN ASSASSIN!MC

gn!mc | meoww. will probs not be doing much more LL in the future unless it's. modern au? didn't realize how much my brain would struggle. woah. i forgot most of the plot ..lol.. if my characterization is awful Don't Look At Me. 😁🫥

anisa

this a Morally Complex Situation.

i imagine this pair would have the most to work through. like it'd have the most tension at the reveal of mc's job because of anisa's job, seeing herself in them, etc. etc. especially if they've built some sort of relationship/trust at this point .

^ because well now there's questions of why did they choose to stick with her rather than the others. what do they think of her, do they have ulterior motives, etc etc. and i'm Sure this will come up with the other two, but i see it the most emotionally hard-hitting in anisa's case :')

though as anisa's route continues and she's thrown into a position of really questioning loyalty, rules, etc. mc is probably one of the best people who can offer a thoughtful nuanced take.

Something Something, finding out the LoS is her father, choosing to believe in and support her, anisa opening up. something something joke about going after him for her while both knowing it'll be anisa's choice what happens something something

wow sorry but in a world where LL. was here. and anisa had the time to develop and accept(?) mc's career properly (Sorry.) i think she'd want to know more about it. maybe when she's looking for help and mc would be able to share not just advice but the story behind it

on a lighter note :) again,, in the Good timeline where we've gotten canon development for both of them,, i do think anisa doesn't let the whole "i'm / i was an assassin, i'm fine" thing slide if mc tries to brush off her concern. like sorry, are you not victim to basic needs and exhaustion be serious

also ! think of the strategies they could come up with ! both of these people bring knowledge and so many skills to the table. I'd trust them with an important mission🤷🏻‍♀️!

she knows they're perfectly capable of taking care of themself and vice versa, so it's heartwarming when both check on the other. so real

sage

under the assumption that mc would hide their career, the M3 treat them as an average person. but sage is perceptive, and would probably pick up on minute details that'd tip him off that mc is more skilled than they let on

externally internally says i knew it when he inevitably finds out. maybe not that they were an assassin, but someone definitely trained

just to make sure there's a little angst(??) for all three! sage is a smart guy! he is!! he'd be suspicious of mc if the m3 find out early on and they haven't developed a strong relationship.

mc and sage not trusting each other, not sharing info either to break that ice, sage wondering why they'd choose to stick with him, etc. he manages to make some kind of flirty joke the first... meeting? after the reveal, but they both know they're watching each other LOL.

anyways. hey guys. at some point when that trust is built,, no amount of deadly energy will stop this man from flirting. "are you my assassination target? because i really want to take you out." sage my brother in christ you would be the target

sage asks where they learned everything, why, when, etc. but he understands if they try to evade his questions. if/when mc does open up about it, he listens intently and tells them that hey,, it's not like he's going to just Hate/stop caring about them

there's always a base level of concern since sage, evidently, hates the idea of anything bad happening/losing them, but he's still aware and grateful that he can trust mc to take care of themelf !

god. assassin!mc giving sage a look when he tries his whole isolation, working alone thing. you and i are Both experienced with this so try again.

felix

being an assassin is a very different career path than a barista like lets be fr.

mc so easily lies about working and making coffee and awful customer experiences when they first meet that when they show they're capable of taking down an enemy,, felix is like ? have i greatly misunderstood the job expectations of a barista ?

being both trained as an assassin and in magic by felix is a stacked deck (theoretically if things go well.) and while the skill set isn't really the same, mc's ability to pick up on things, focus, etc. is definitely applicable in their lessons

necromancy and assassination go two opposing ways tbh if u think about it. but both end up with Complicated (nonexistent?) Relationships With Others, so he can sympathize in that way

but also it's still. different. felix does find himself wondering what kind of people they've been assigned, whether asking would be rude, whether that should Really Be His Main Concern considering his company, etc.

if they've spent enough time together, he trusts that they have no ill intentions toward him at least. and a guy's got to appreciate promised protection

and does he want to know the kinds of people they've assassinated ? maybe. yes. intrigue. he shares magic and stories from astraea for tidbits of mc's career. depending on who exactly their targets were, felix is about to become very knowledgeable on some of earth's politics and figures

also would mc's stealth and stratagem come in handy for ...pranks and evasion... Who's to say? felix might,, if the opportunity arises. probably after they use it against him. smth smth you and stella teaming up against me smth smth

[dumplingequivalent]

hey I think I know why old people are insincere assholes the essay

Yknow when you're trying to connect to someone from an older generation, and they gloss over your attempts at genuine connection?

Like when a family member got you a gift that really meant something to you, but when you try to express your genuine gratitude, it seems like they don't really give a shit?

Or maybe you open up and share something personal with an older coworker or family friend along with some advice on a concern that you've been actively worrying about for them, but they don't acknowledge it or even act like they heard you at all?

Something clicked for me today, and now I think it's bigger than Poppop's Just An Asshole Sometimes.

I think there's been a huge shift in western culture around authenticity and genuine expression in the past two decades or so - the way we as a society and culture view it, express it, present it, and respond to it - that's causing minor intergenerational conflicts in our personal lives, but more importantly, major conflicts in our shared public spaces.

Hear me out.

1. Authenticity Then VS Now

2. Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells The Boomers

3. Boomer-Meta and Why It Matters

1. Authenticity Then Vs Now

If you're on tumblr you probably understand nuance -

- so I think the concept of "authenticity" meaning something different to Boomers than it does to Millennials or Gen Z isn't baffling to you. it probably feels really familiar.

If you went to a US school in the 2000's, you probably remember the DARE program and anti-smoking and anti-drug ads on TV. And if you don't, you probably already have an idea of what I'm talking about. Things made by adults that felt embarrassingly out of touch to the children they were designed for.

As we all know, these all flopped immediately yet lasted the whole decade. (flopped except for the anti-smoking ads which I'll come back to) In retrospect, these marketing attempts says a lot more about the generation of adults responsible for them.

Things like the DARE program were, pretty transparently, designed to resemble what boomers remembered was "cool and interesting" from their own childhoods. My favorite example is Yello Dino and his video on "Tricky People" that's a painfully obvious homage to Fonzie from Happy Days crossed with Barney that's just as painful to watch.

Watch from 8:03-15:30 or so to see Yello Dino appear and sing a stranger danger song with the Local Kids™.

It's easy to look at this kind of thing and the DARE program and say "of course kids didn't fall for any of this, it's so poorly made; blatantly trying to sell an idea;" etc. But I think the core issue is authenticity.

Remember the anti-smoking ads? Those worked in the end because they featured people who looked like people we knew in person, with real problems from actions they really regretted. And that stuck.

But the Boomer "How Do You Do Fellow Kids" bullshit was never grounded in reality.

The approach they were trying to replicate only worked back in the boomers childhoods because everyone was seen as being genuine by default.

People in real life told the truth unless proven otherwise. Comedians on TV said things to make the audience present laugh. Singers appeared on TV so you could see them as well as hear them. People in ads were selling you a product.

Actors acted like their characters to portray that character "genuinely".

Why would they lie? Their job is to be that character. If they say they like Big Coffee Brand™, you might laugh as it's obviously an ad,

but you also then believed that to be true.

No, really. The section on Fonzie's wiki page bout Henry Winkler's involvement in social issues, titled "Civic Involvement," reads like a social commentary in a dystopian horror. There's little to no distinction between the character and the actor. Henry Winkler is Fonzie, and Fonzie is Henry Winkler.

So if you wanna be like Fonzie, you wanna be like Henry Winkler. You wanna smoke and drink and say what Henry Winkler does, because that's what Fonzie does.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, flash forward to the 2000's.

The police officers doing DARE were (mostly) never thrilled to be there. The anti-weed ads were so exaggerated that they seemed cartoony. Hell, some of them were cartoons, just unfunny ones. And most importantly, we were taught from a very young age that everyone is always lying.

"Never reveal personal information about yourself to strangers or online to protect yourself" turns into "Everyone is lying to you to get something from you" really, really fast.

People in real life aren't to be believed until they can prove what they say is true. Comedians on TV say things to keep themselves relevant and in the rumor mill. Singers appear on TV to sell concert tickets and promote albums. Ads use social issues that affect real people as marketing. Actors are people who are pretty and pretend to be other people in a way that's never convincing, but sometimes if they're feeling generous they'll let you know what they really think and feel.

So, why would anyone tell the truth?

Why should you?

2) Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells Boomers

(Thank you for reading this far and I promise I'm don't with the edgy "everything sucks" poetry now)

So now we've all grown up into jaded adults who've been taught to not trust but to strive to "be your unique self" and that creates some weird social dichotomies.

If you want to be truly happy, you must accept yourself and do what you want to do.

....but then you risk being seen as a cringey fuck that gets laughed at on Facebook by your highschool classmates and all of your previous bosses.

All jokes aside, modern society prioritizes a readied public face now more than ever, and that's really exemplified in the Internet celebrity experience. Taking a mild stance on anything generates tabloids attention, and doing something the public frowns upon can ruin a person's career permanently. you're on tumblr, this isn't news to you. you get what I mean.

This consequently makes moments of genuine emotion and expression from these celebrities inherently risky - and thus, a much more rare occurrence. Moments of streamers getting scared by spiders or cockroaches blow up constantly because, I mean yeah sure it's funny, but it's also really REALLY difficult to stage a believable reaction to something like that. And that carnal reaction draws out the desire for connection in all of us. That moment of unfiltered response feels special - a brief glimpse behind the curtain.

And celebrities online know it too. Apology videos, let's plays, streaming - all of this media has a built in sense of authenticity that is vital to making it work. Authenticity is a premium social currency in this space, and that bleeds into our everyday lives as well.

If the most badass and brave thing your idols can do is to be sincere, then eventually, you'll probably feel that way too. It makes sense - sincerity is vulnerable. Choosing to be deliberately honest and emotional when you have no expectation to be is a powerful thing. At least, to most of us it is.

While this is all happening, there's an entire generation of people who are still experiencing the world like when happy days was airing.

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Rachel Ray.......whatever other bullshit they put on TV, all of it begins to make more sense when you focus on their target audience - the middle aged and elderly.

Yes, really. Think of who you know in real life who absolutely loved The Big Bang Theory.

I mean, come on. This image makes me sad, dude.

Humor me for a moment. let's just run with my theory and say middle-aged and older people are all walking around as if everyone is always telling the truth to them.

Is it really that surprising that Dr. Oz was/is?? as successful as he was? As it turns out, believing everything to be true until proven otherwise is incredibly dangerous when applied to medical practice!

While we were growing up, the middle aged and elderly were spending their time being constantly self-absorbed and, just, unapologetically themselves. Which doesn't sound bad in theory, but it's really not as straightforward as it sounds.

3. Boomer-Meta And Why It Matters

So boomers are gullible. the sky is blue. why should you care

The point to all this is that authenticity is very important to modern society, and the difference of what authenticity means and how it's expressed matter drastically when understanding each other is vital.

Boomers were raised to always be genuine. If one believes themself to always be truthful, that lends to forming a bias in their own favor. And breaking the mentality down further, "I always say what I mean and I mean what I say" implies that what was said is what is true. And further, someone changing their "story" is an indicator of deception.

I've met plenty of older generation people who act like sharing their opinion is a gift in and of itself i.e. unwarranted comments on cooking or food, interjected advice about the conversation subject. Similarly, questions about the validity of a statement seem to often be taken as questioning ones morals.

This personal bias is very apparent in interpersonal situations. An attempt to be more genuine with someone who thinks this way would come across as staged and more insincere, and conversely, speaking with a clear bias appears superficial and ignorant.

But the real conflict is how this affects our news and politics. A core misunderstanding of what sincerity is and what it looks like, from either side, is dooms any conversation before it ever begins.

The lack of literacy in each other's values adds so much unnecessary conflict into already divisive matters. The stagnation in the legal progress of important social issues is probably worsened with so many of the US lawmakers being elderly themselves.

I don't have a great way to end this thing, but thanks for reading my weird essay.

The slow realization that a misunderstanding could be at the center of most major political conflict in the US consumed me for like 12 hours today and I appreciate you taking time to read my ramblings.

[fluffybutt-7]

Hey fluff do you have advice on dating when having a um preferance like this? Im really bad at getting to know new people and im horrid at small talk unless it is something I am interested in. I tried grommr but had the experience of people wanting hook ups and or i would just get cold feet. Im almost 30 now and I realize how short life is and how much i want to at least try out being a feeder/mutal gainer with somebody, but its hard to get somewhere due to being in a bad location and not feeling really connected/ having friends in the gainer/encourgement space. It being kind of "taboo" to most people also kind of stresses me out. How did you get over your fear of being a gainer etc?

Hey there!

Sooo I’ve been trying to think of how to answer this. I think I’ll do it in two parts, one about dating and one in general.

When it comes to dating, I feel that it’s best to just be upfront about it IF it is something you feel safe doing. Wild things can happen, you never really know who you’re talking to when just meeting someone. So there’s a lot of nuance to the “just be upfront about it.” I often wait until I feel there could be a genuine chance with the person to bring it up (assuming they’re not part of the community), and even then I try to be careful with it. People can have all kinds of assumptions about this kink, so I always try to approach it while making the other person feel like they can ask questions about it and genuinely have a conversation about it. Sometimes I’ll kinda tease the idea before that point, it just depends on the vibe I’m getting from the person. But a well placed and ethical feedist comment can sometimes give insight into how the person would feel or possibly already feels about the kink. And honestly? More people are into it or at least open to it than I would expect. Be safe, and be clear in your communication when you feel that it is time to tell them. That’s how I approach it at least, I am certainly not the end-all-be-all and if anyone has something they would like to add, leave a comment so we can all learn how to navigate dating with this fetish/kink better. 🥰

Now - how did I get over my fear of being a gainer? That’s a pretty solid question. The answer I have may not be wholly relatable, but it’s the one that I think will convey my feelings best. I think it’s similar to when I came out as gay. I grew up in a verrry small, verrry conservative Midwest town, and I was the only out gay kid in my high school when I came out. It was fucking terrifying, but for once……. I was me. And holy FUCK I was happy. I felt untouchable, because at last there were no more secrets, no reason to hide. It didn’t matter if someone said shit, because I knew who the fuck I was and I knew I fought for my own happiness. I also knew that the people who really loved and cared for me would have my back, and they did. Well, most of them. But I guess those were the ones who didn’t really care, weren’t they? At the end of the day, we deserve to fight for our own happiness, whatever it is (as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else or yourself, etc. I don’t wanna miss the nuance to that statement), and the people in our life who are really our people, the ones who will love us and accept us and celebrate us, will support us (see above parentheses) and have our back.

I also very much understand the struggle of being in a bad location and not feeling connected - I think maybe that’s one of the reasons I made this blog, so that those of us who feel isolated in this community can start to feel like… a community. You can certainly count me as a friend. ☺️ I hope somehow this helped, and I apologize for rambling a bit lmao. Feel free to message anytime! I may not respond right away but I always try to respond to my messages here. Hope you have a good night. :)

[mini-and-mighty]

🎁💕🦋📚🔮🎨 for the writer ask game

Bailey! You're always so sweet, seriously makes me smile every time I see one of your messages.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

So this is actually from my 2023 NaNoWriMo project; our protag Hadley has accidentally summoned a demon and decides to introduce it to her best friend, Beth.

Hadley rubbed the back of her neck anxiously. “No, but it’s…” She wracked her brain for something to say but there was no way to explain it without sounding like a crazy person. “Just, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

“Alright then. You can show her.”

“Show me– achk!” The choked off shriek that came from Beth was about what Hadley expected, although she was grateful that the girl hadn’t screamed outright.

She turned back to her roommate and held up both hands in a placating gesture. “Okay, okay, so I can sort of explain but the most important thing is that it’s not going to hurt us.” 

“Probably not.” Avorsael said. 

“Oh how is that helpful?” she demanded, watching the panic and mixed emotions play out across Beth’s face. 

“Who said I was trying to be helpful?”  

💕 What is your favorite fic that you’ve written?

Omg this one is basically impossible. I think my favorite would have to be 'Gentle Repose', since that one started out as a very short scene idea and turned out into a really sweet, fully formed fic. But it's hard to pick one favorite, even the cringey ones I posted at 12 y/o have a special place in my heart.

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

Really Bailey? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. 😂

Of course it's Ahsoka Tano.  I've always said that I basically grew up alongside the character, but looking back at my writing, I can see that the version of her in my fics "grew up" too. I'm able to convey a lot more nuance and depth of detail (I think) that was really challenging as a young writer. 

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Gods, there are so many amazing writers out there and I am continually blown away by the talent and passion, people writing entire novels simply because they love it.

Limiting myself to just five, as hard as that is: @dells-bells , @anxiety-banana , @lynnpaper , @webtrinsic1122 and @jedimasterbailey

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

Write badly. Be self indulgent, be cliche, dig out your OCs from middle school that were really just thinly veiled self-inserts. Write absolute utter nonsense and then rewrite. Writing is just dragging the ideas out of your head kicking and screaming, rewriting is where the real magic happens to turn them into a story.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Well if someone made fanart of any of the fics I've written for my D&D character, Maggie Marigold, I'd probably lose my mind and frame the damn thing.

I would love to see anything from 'The Forging' or specifically the scene of Ahsoka and Barriss sharing a cot in 'That joins the Sky and Earth' because I put as much sapphic energy into that as humanely possible.

.

Ask me anything or reblog the original game so I can ask you questions too!

[kuwdora]

om nom nom - Cooking/Baking shows I've been watching

Usually my go-to comfort show and things to have on in the background is Star Trek. I’ve been rewatching Lower Decks and want to start rewatching Strange New Worlds but my mind has not been able to relax and I feel like I've needed to try something new to occupy the weary brainmeats. So! I’ve fallen for cooking/baking competitions over the last two months. These are all things I found on Netflix.

The Final Table - a dozen teams of two chefs from across the world compete in country-themed challenges. I haven’t been up on cooking shows for awhile so I was surprised and fell in love with the depth and nuance that some chefs bring to their work. The sheer artistry and love of their craft! But also a lot of these chefs were thrown into the deep end when they haven’t had Japanese food before or their partner had more ideas/ability to pull off the idea for their dish for the challenge. It was very exciting. It also was filmed on the biggest soundstage and the most fake sounding studio applause and cheering but I had a great time following the chefs around the world.

Cook At All Costs - three people are given $20,000 each to bid on secret boxes of food and ingredient add-ons to create a dish for specific challenges. Whatever people have left in their bank is the money they get to bring home. There’s a lot of bidding wars and strategic haggling going on in the show and the set’s got a cute conveyor belt that brings out the ingredients and other competitive quirks that I quite liked. Very refreshing and fun.

Bake Squad - this is basically capturing the feel-good vibes of Queer Eye and puts it to baking feelings! Instead of competing against each other, their competitions for the chance to make a guest’s Big Event with a magnificent cake. It features four bakers who have different specialties and everything is so gorgeous, sweet and funny. Really really fucking heartfelt and delightful. 10/10 will watch again.

Baking Impossible - this show pairs baker and an engineer and gives them a challenge that requires both amazing design and flavor. There are cake robots! Cake cars! Cake buildings!! Their work is judged on the engineering/design merits as well as aesthetics/flavor/presentation. It’s hilarious and gripping and extremely outlandish and FUN.

Pressure Cooker - Top Chef meets Big Brother. 12 chefs enter a house. There are no celebrity judges. The chefs judge each OTHER’S DISHES and votes them out of the show. The ego! The mind games! THE FOOD! I was engrossed in a way I haven’t been with reality shows for ages.

Snack vs Chef - chefs/food scientists compete against each other for money. The challenge?? They are given classic snacks and are asked to recreate them and then also recreate their own version of it. Pringles. Oreos. This was fucking brilliant and tasty.

Drink Masters - Basically a bunch of bartenders/mixologists are putting together the most delicious concoctions I’ve ever seen. I want to drink almost everything I saw, even when I thought it would probably be personally offensive, because damn. The presentation and ingredients were so beautiful and interesting. There was a whole challenge where they made like, alcoholic boba pearl things. Molecular Gastronomy!! It's a whole chemical thing! Fucking wild stuff. Crazy Delicious - This show is not... good, I don't think, but it is entertaining enough for me to turn off my anxiety brain for a half hour. It's your usual 3 contestants and a cooking challenge with certain ingredients. Except they've designed a set on a soundstage to look like a magical forest where contestants will go and 'forage' for their ingredients. There's random shots of parrots and fluffy bunnies chilling out in the forest, and a delightful host with gorgeous bright dresses and colorful eye shadow. The food judges on the show are cast as 'gods' so everyone is cooking to 'please the gods.' The gods are all dressed in white and bestowing judgment and advice. Some of the contestants are really, really terrible home cooks but some of have managed to make goodies worthy of the show's title. It's definitely ridiculous.

Fried, Fresh, and Crispy - not a competition, but a travel food show featuring Daym Drop touring all the fried foods in the US. Daym is amazing and I am losing my mind at every episode and all the fried delights he’s bringing to my screen. I want to eat all the non-seafood/crispies please. Daym has me howling because he's so much fun and a delight to watch.

Got any cooking/baking shows that you’ve enjoyed? I’m also going to probably get into all the glass blowing/metalsmithing and flower decorating shows on Netflix at this rate. Also probably the interior design shows, too.

[evansbby]

I don’t think the anon that said the part about Bucky SA-ing omega meant it in a bad way. I don’t think they meant it as an attack or came across as aggressive. Yes, it’s a dark fic but you can still not like violence in it - it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I also didn’t like that part. That’s not an attack on you or your writing or lack of tags (like I said it’s nuanced) I just meant it in the sense of fuck Bucky for doing that and trying to “win” at one thing in life. It was definitely unexpected and I think it was such an important addition for multiple reasons partly bc we get to understand Bucky a bit more and his thoughts towards Steve but also the fact that Steve showed a lot of character development. I was honestly v surprised he didn’t kill him. The main reason I think it’s a great addition is because we see omega really fight back and give Bucky what he deserves. She showed so much physical strength and wasn’t afraid to talk back to an alpha. I was honestly v proud of her and was rooting for her! The part where she kicks him and she runs away only to be just dragged back was so well written I could literally just see the scene playing in my head as I read it. You’re an amazing writer. I absolutely LOVED poyt5 I literally cried while reading it which is very rare especially when I read fics. You didn’t waste your time writing it!! I was so surprised when I saw the last chapter dropped bc it was like the middle of the week but I am extremely grateful you did because I was having such a bad week and it lifted my spirits. I know Steve is still bad or at least the actions he’s made are bad but I really really loved how much he changed. I loved the part when omega retreats into herself again and Steve tells her to snap out of it right away. I also lowkey felt bad for him when she didn’t say she loved him right away even tho he absolutely did not deserve it. I loved that we got to see the home life of both omega and Steve to understand them more just like they grew to understand each other more. The addition of Sarah was lovely and I’m so glad you decided to add her in especially with how much wisdom and advice she passes on to omega especially bc we see that Steve is absolutely weak for omega. Now I need to read POYT 5 again lol

Girl I GET that it’s not an attack. I’m just saying what does that person want me to do about it? I can’t go back and change it and I justified why I added it in. Look if I was a reader and i read a super long 37.7k long fic and didn’t like some aspects of it, that’s fine. That’s normal. What I wouldn’t think of doing is telling the author what I didn’t like and why. It’s just unnecessary and lacks tact??? Idk maybe that’s just me. I even thanked the person for their other comments??? Like what more do you want me to do??? Never in my response did I say it was an attack or say it was aggressive so idk where you’re getting those words from. Just try and see it from my point of view for a second.

That being said, I really appreciate your review and I’m happy you liked it💖 I’m sorry you were having a bad week but glad that the update somewhat lifted your spirits. Also BAHAHA I wondered whether people would feel bad for Steve bc omega didn’t say I love you back to him when he expected her to like MULTIPLE times throughout the fic. I know some people deffo felt satisfied with that, but it’s interesting to see that people felt sorry for him too! That’s honestly what I aim to do as a writer, make everyone confused with how they feel about Steve hahahaha thank you so much for reading bestie💖💖

[adhddbt]

Nuance, yes. A lot of the above and other comments lead me to two conclusions well, just one, because @lilliaace already said the main part. The best solution is to fuck them up. Try not to draw blood, and do not break anything. Even if you get into trouble, it'll blow over before you're an adult. (Okay, don't do this after 10th grade, I guess :/

The more that messing up bullies becomes a thing, the less they'll all do it at your school. We/ you can fundamentally change the culture in a specific place. We do that by standing up for ourselves, supporting those close to us (or at least suffering from similar things), and empowering each other. Punch them in the stomach not the nose. Kidney. Ribs, risky. Once you break something, that's more heat on you. Be quick. Kick them once more to drive the message home. If possible, bring backup, otherwise just go ballistic. *Just please don't draw any blood.*

Okay, that wasn't anything new. Now, here I've got something, though.

Make a sign that *looks* like whatever your school posted, or would post. But the advice is to hit back and make them hurt. Laminate your posters if possible. Sneak them in one by one over time.

We change the culture.

People hammer on and on about maintaining "traditions." "When we were kids..." And some do say, "We stood up to bullies," /under different circumstances...

Make your own thing happen.

Yeah, see if your parent or guardian can straighten it out. If that doesn't work, then go for it. Pick your time. That "psyching yourself out" thing? It works. Surprise is good. *Act* like you're not about to do something. They're in your horror movie now. And you're gonna give everybody and example of what they can do to stop their bullies.

Heck, if you can scare them enough without touching them, that's the best. It's just not always possible.

Also, do talk to different people you trust. And when somebody disappoints you, yell them that. And tell the next person that you're disappointed in the previous one. Tell your story until someone has a fucking solution that makes sense, that can get the real job done.

We should be teaching kids in grade school not too take any shit from bullies. NO MORE TOLERANCE FOR BULLIES! I'm going to make stickers, fuck it.

[vesselsart]

I wanted to get your advice on something, it might be kinda weird but you seems to have good friends and I have nobody else to really ask.

So a few years I used to have a friend who I was really close with and I cared about them a lot and I thought that they felt the same way.

But after a few years of hanging out most days, we drifted apart slowly until they completely out of the blue stopped talking to me and started talking about me on social media, really negatively and talking about me like I was a terrible person when I don’t understand what I did that made them hate me so much. (I’m autistic so maybe I missed something but I was never rude or mean or anything).

Do you have any advice?

Hi!! I will give my thoughts on this situation, but I do want to preface it by saying that it is entirely my opinion and that my knowledge on the circumstances are very limited and subjective!

First things first, I presumably don't know you, or the person that you are discussing, so I'm not well positioned to speak on the nature of your friendship. That being said, I would advise caution against making any assumptions that they didn't feel the same way as you during your friendship. If you guys were talking regularly and what have you, I'm sure that they cared for you in a similar vein to how you cared for them! Just becuase the nature of a relationship changes over time, that doesn't diminish the strength of it as it was in the past!

Another thing that I think it's important to remember is that relationships do change over time, and this is normal and okay. People grow and change, people's lives change, and people drift - everything is an ebb and flow, and that's healthy and okay. It doesn't mean that it's not difficult when relationships change, and it doesn't diminish any upset (or other feelings) that might accompany its changing. Things are just a tide.

As for the talking negatively about you and being unkind about you online, that's difficult and I'm sorry that that's something you've been experiencing. Without knowing the nuances and specifics of the situation, I will do my best to try to give some helpful advice. The first option is ultimately to make good use of blocking their accounts, if the things that they are saying are actively harming you, or are something you are seeking out as a means of harming yourself. You are not responsible for someone else's behaviour, but you are responsible for how you engage with their behaviour. It might be good to just limit your access to their words if they are hurting you. Another option, depending on your mindset and comfort level, is to potentially open up a conversation with this person and ask for some clarity on the situation. If you're not sure what lead to their behaving this way, it might be helpful to ask them and try to understand. I would say that if that's something you are open to, try to be empathetic, gentle, and understanding, rather than having it be more of a fight or something bitter, and if it does turn in that direction, potentially disengage at that point. (If engaging with this person would be dangerous and/or detrimental to your health and well being, I absolutely do not suggest taking this option)

What the majority of my advice on things would boil down to is this - you are (presumably) an adult, with the capacity to navigate situations in a responsible and mature way. Have empathy for yourself and for them, and don't intentionally harm either party in any capacity, and you should be okay. I hope that things work out in a way that serves you well <3