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tfw goes bowling and dean is having the time of his life, tipsy and throwing himself into a subpar game where sam gets overly competitive and mary kicks everyone’s asses

dean laughs himself sick when cas -inexplicably-rolls three gutter balls in a row (he demands the poor teenage boy in the next aisle over teach him proper technique)

he improves, but only just, and then he sits down in the booth with his legs sprawled and arms crossed, and such a grumpy look on his face that dean, without thinking, slides into his lap and swings an arm around his neck

then his brain catches up

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i always thought sam garnered more of john’s pride cause i could see john as the type of man to be proud of sam’s rebelliousness even if he didn’t like it/support it, and then dean got his trust and more softness (not very often still but still more than sam). could you elaborate on why you think dean gets john’s pride?

context

So I think we're talking about some of the same things but assigning them differently as pride versus love? I see the trust that John gave Dean as a sign of pride rather than love, and I think I disagree that Dean received more softness. I think it's more that Dean typically made himself malleable to avoid confrontation and played peacemaker, while Sam didn't. This can come across as John being softer with Dean, but their calmer interactions are down to Dean's choices in how he interacts with their father (until the end of the season). John actually gets on Dean's case quite a bit when they're working together (which I will get into more).

John and Sam clashed all of the time, but John demonstrates love by worrying and checking up on Sam at school (1.08). He focuses on Sam's safety in a way Dean felt John would not and did not with him. We we build on the notion that John protected Sam in a way that he didn't protect Dean as we move through the season, and Dean needs help and is not answered when he cries and begs (1.09) and when he is dying (1.12). Dean references both of these moments when he reacts with rage in 1.21 when John dares to get on his case for not telling John that Sam was having more powerful visions that came with headaches (but he didn't answer when Dean's heart was giving out). We also see this in 1.20, when a conversation where John explains in a heart to heart that he feared for Sam's safety and it consumed everything (see how soft John is capable of being with Sam here) is immediately followed by John using Dean as bait for vampires. Dean also knows that John checked up on Sam while Sam was at school (1.08).

When John speaks with Dean fondly, he always centers pride. He says to Dean "I am so proud of you" in 2.01 right before his death. He also tells Dean he is proud of him again in 14.13. Later, he tells both Sam and Dean simultaneously that he is proud of them and loves them, but in their separate, private conversations, John emphasizes for Dean that he is proud of him, while John and Sam's conversation centers their fight before Stanford, and Sam saying that he knew John loved them and did his best.

In his speech to Dean in 2.01, John also speaks of the burdens Dean shouldered both apologetically and with (I think) a certain amount of pride. Then he asks Dean for more, asking him to save Sam or kill him. He places responsibility for hunting and for Azazel on Dean's shoulders in his stead. When John becomes unavailable to hunt, he leaves a voicemail message that tells anyone looking for help from him to call Dean. When he turns himself over to Meg in 1.21, it's with the understanding that Sam and Dean will face Azazel in his stead, and he hands the Colt to Dean, making it clear that it's his responsibility. All of this speaks of trust. (Also see: My big post about Sam wanting so desperately to be trusted).

John could also be very hard on Dean in ways that he wasn't hard on Sam. From a young age (as young as 9), he trusted Dean to be home alone taking care of Sam for days with a gun (1.18, 2.22), while he waited longer to let Sam hunt (and Sam was jealous) (11.08) and Sam seems to have had the secret of hunting kept from him until a longer age (2.22, 3.08), though part of this was possibly Dean's influence. John's expectations of Dean were higher, and he shifted blame for his own decisions onto Dean: He blamed 9 year old Dean for Sam nearly being killed by the shtriga, when John was the one who left his two young children alone with a child-eating monster on the loose (1.18). He felt guilty when he learned Sam's visions had worsened and blamed Dean for not calling to tell him about them (1.21). He fights with Sam in 1.20 and then lashes out at Dean in the aftermath over the car (Sam arguably learns this pattern of projecting onto Dean from their father). John punishes Dean for disobedience and losing their poker money by leaving him in jail (9.07). He punishes Dean in some way when Sam runs away, but Sam doesn't seem to remember being punished for running away at all (5.16). Bobby and John also clash over whether a young Dean should practice shooting or play catch in the park (7.10). We can pair John lashing out at Bobby for taking Dean to play catch with John keeping Sam's soccer trophy in storage because he couldn't bare to throw it away (3.03). This is further juxtaposed with Dean finding in the same storage unit that John had saved the sawed off shotgun Dean had made when he was a child. These moments center John's expectations were higher for Dean, which demonstrates a belief in his potential for success, but also given the context, a level of disposability relative to Sam. So [in terms of aptitude] Dean is respected (or is seen as having the potential to be respected) while Sam is not, but Sam is sheltered (therefore seen as precious) and Dean is not... and they're both a little jealous of each other because of it.

Sam notes in 1.08 that John was disappointed in him because Sam wanted to go to school and play soccer instead of focus on sharpening his hunting skills (here). This points us toward Sam feeling John was never proud of him. The episode concludes with Sam realizing that John does care about him and wanting to apologize for his part in their fight, but I think the feelings about lack of respect and trust persist. Sam's feelings here certainly play a role in his rage at John's vague directions throughout the season, culminating in Sam and John's screaming match in 1.20. Sam doesn't like being treated like a child—he wants to be treated as a partner and John won't give him that, and it drives Sam crazy.

In terms of love, from Dean's perspective, one of John's kids was allowed to be a child, and the other was not. Dean makes it quite clear that he sees the pressure John put on him as a sign that he was trusted (but too much, with burdens that were too big) and was considered disposable in a way that Sam was not. By season 5, Dean so bitter at John over his abandonments that he repeatedly calls him a deadbeat (5.16, 5.17). There's his resentment when "Adam" talks about John racing to town to see him, something Dean does not believe John would ever do for him (4.19), based on experience. Dean's whole Dean vs. Dean encounter in 3.10 centers the pattern of Sam's safety being taken seriously and Dean being treated as disposable. From Dean's perspective, John sheltering Sam proved that he loved Sam, but did not not love Dean. When Sam pissed John off, they would shout at each other; when Dean pissed John off, John would send Dean away (14.12). This gifset re: Dean's disposability will also be of interest.

Many of these things I have written long posts about, so feel free to check out my Sam and John tag #we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone and my Dean and John tag #i dont deserve what he put on me.

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the small moments of intimacy where cas and dean share a look because they’re checking in with each other are everything to me. sometimes it’s because they wanna see how the other is doing and sometimes it’s because something happened and they wanna gauge each other’s reaction and sometimes it’s just because they’re in the same room as each other but no matter the reason it’s so good every single time

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Dean’s hideouts in the bunker

When he needs some time alone to think and process, to relax and unwind, to keep his mind busy so he can escape unwanted thoughts, or to work off some energy.

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Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?!

Supernatural | 1.22, 1.18, 1.01, 3.03, 1.08, 1.20, 1.09, 1.12, 3.10

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in Regarding Dean when Dean talks to himself in the mirror and tries to recall important facts about his life, he doesn’t say like, oh I was born in Kansas, I’m a hunter, I’m 30 something years old, etc. Instead he just starts listing off all the people he loves

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something something emo boy something

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Crowley wanting Dean to be a demon because he thought it was his chance to be with him romantically, then breaking up with him once he actually became a demon because he realized the thing he loved about Dean was his humanity

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dean is fundamentally good to his core is the thing. and good people can and do have flaws and behave imperfectly and make mistakes or say the wrong thing sometimes. and they can have issues and trauma that cause them to react in unhealthy ways. and those things still don't take away from someone's goodness. people are allowed to be flawed and complex and still be good. a bad moment or a wrong action does not automatically strip someone of their ability to be good.

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the affection i feel for dean winchester deep in my heart. he likes star trek! and lord of the rings! he wears jewelry! and loves everyone around him way too hard cause it’s the only way he knows how! the only man <333

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from: Supernatural: Bobby Singer’s Guide to Hunting

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i don't know if i can be in this fandom anymore, especially with all the queerphobia and aphobia i've been seeing in it recently. i do truly love this show, the characters, and the people that i've met and developed relationships with. but i just don't know...

i'm sorry that you're experiencing so much queerphobia and aphobia :(

i think it's really wise to assess the situation and realize when it's not feeding you; or when dealing with the issues in the fandom outweighs the benefits of hanging out with friends etc. one of the hardest but most important lessons i've learned in my life is when to stop hoping a situation is gonna change into what i want or need and realize when it's time to just walk away cause other people are gonna keep making the choices they're making.

all that said, i certainly feel there are spaces within this very large and diverse fandom where queerphobia and aphobia are not tolerated. but, yeah, like probably all fandoms, but especially large ones, it does take a lot of work to curated and cultivate the space you want to engage with and straying out of that can definitely be unsettling and frustrating.

best of luck as you work through these feelings and this decision! i am sure the people you've met in this fandom would want you to do what's best for you! <3

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when i even start to think about dean wanting to be and BEING at his core a caretaker a homemaker someone that lacked so many small comforts throughout his life and who finds joy in providing those things for his loved ones. well i explode

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dean has so much fucking love in him it makes me insane