#but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

irrealisms · 2 months ago

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every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan

#can /some people/ do this and have it be healthy for them? sure #but this is the overwhelming pressure both in a relationship and from society #and ime at least it has fucked me up a lot #to have sex i technically gave uncoerced consent to #where i was uncomfortable and unhappy and doing it to try and make my partner happy #bonus points for ‘it’s just like any other activity! just like you can watch a movie you don’t like for the sake of your partner #you can take a few hours to have sex you don’t like for them’#like come on now.#sex is not in fact psychologically identical to movies for most people #when i was a kid my school often made me watch movies I didn’t like or want to watch #you can say this isn’t ideal but #surely you can see. how this is different. than if they had made me have sex i didn’t want.#whatever WHATEVERRRRRR i know the sentiment is helpful for a lot of ppl #and i probably go too hard in the opposite direction #but im not framing myself as a wise advice giver im just rambling in tumblr tags abt my issues #if i were giving advice. well personally i would try to be more nuanced #than ‘don’t worry about it! it’s fine and normal to have sex you’re uncomfortable with and if you disagree you’re acephobic’#but that’s just me.#therapists dni #oh also I agree that people shouldn’t have to fake ‘normal reactions’ to sex #or to try and have orgasms if that’s unrewarding for them etc #im stone! its complicated! i get it!#but you gotta be careful to give the message ‘it’s complicated’#and not just. encouraging ppl to do things they’re genuinely uncomfortable with to make their partner happy.

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