#i want to never feel guilt and shame

[tttoluca]

ah yes. john borderline. the inventor of borderline personality disorder. and bill majordepressive. the founder of major depressive disorder. oh yes and of course, ronald generalanxietous. the innovative mind behind general anxiety disorder. fuck you

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[malaierba]

Been thinking, there's an issue with how creators and readers often approach the theme of "coming back wrong", since so much of the emphasis ends up being put in the "they came back part". Especially on the readers' side, the idea that someone would do whatever it takes to bring you back is parsed as romantic and devoted, which it can be, but it overlooks a big element of the concept.

Coming back wrong, or even just performing forbidden rituals etc in general, for it to be impactful needs to place a big AND constant focus on the in-universe equivalents of Do Not Resuscitate & bodily autonomy when one can't consent.

It's not just the coming back. It's that you don't know what type of body, what type of mind you're coming back to. It's the dysphoria, if it can exist (and it should), and the expectation that you'll be okay with whatever was done to your inert body when you couldn't decide over it. You're back, you're alive, surely you can get over the circumstances under which it happened, be thankful.

You don't even need to get abstract with "the inherent feeling of wrongness that comes from being brought back from death", most humans can't relate to that, it's vague to the point where it isn't real stakes. It's just a non-issue mentioned to give a fake sense of stakes.

But if you take inspiration on DNR, from people whose lifestyle was changed radically from being saved from a situation where they may have preferred to be allowed to pass on. Like, say:

You come back, and you gotta learn to use your body from zero, and you'll be reliant on others forever. Or you come back and you look so different you feel disconnected from yourself, and every waking moment is uncomfortable. Or you come back, and too much time has passed, you feel like the life you were meant to live got away from you. Or you come back, and what was done to your changes you so fundamentally you end up isolated even if it's no one's intention. Or the ones that brought you back didn't do it selfishly but out of entitlement to your life.

The wrongness needs to be acknowledged often to the point of tediousness, only then would the spectator get a real sense of "okay, I see now why that'd be an issue, and why many would hate it".

[bylertruther]

if will has to be the one to teach el what homophobia is when she asks him why he lied or didn't tell her about mike or even something as innocuous as the painting then please know that i WILL be passing away because noah is going to put his entire schnappussy into channeling the bone-deep ache of every repressed gay kid that grew up in a conservative environment, was abandoned by a parent for their sexuality, and that has had to hide who they are if they wanted to survive, to deliver the performance of a damn Lifetime

[timothylawrence]

finding out Ulder was distant from pretty much Wylls birth has left me only capable of thinking abt how lonely all of Wyll’s childhood stories are. he’s always alone in them and if his father ever makes an appearance, it’s to scold him.

no wonder he searched for mermaids and lead such a fantastical imagination. he was always alone and the only person he ever craved love and attention from was unreachable- even if he was physically there.

And now I’m reminded of a quote by Dennis Nurkse: in the park the child says: watch me. It will not count unless you see.

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[sacrilegiousoul]

tired of feeling like this world isn’t meant for me. Or i wasn’t meant for this world.

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[cobble-stone-butch]

being a butch and realizing that you're attracted to other butches feels like Coming Out To Yourself 2: Electric Boogaloo

[beautifel]

seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

[blujayonthewing]

desire to roleplay authentically when my character has traits that can come across as difficult or frustrating vs irl intense fear and terror of ever being difficult or frustrating FIGHT

[severin-photocopy]

my ankle is doing significantly better so now I don't have to live my life like a feudal lord anymore

[frogathy]

childhood was spent thinking i’d go to hell and men would not love me if i swore so now to heal from that i am swearing as much as i fucking can until i come to my own fucking conclusion about how i feel regarding the usage of such crude vocabulary

[thehardkandy]

Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove

[sirenemale]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

[martyrbat]

👍👍