#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now
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penisbilt · 7 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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hobies-princealbert · 1 year ago
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Head Empty. Thinking about high!plug!fontaine n high!reader. He’d def be the plug that flirts with her and gives her deals and one day he asks her to smoke wit him for free and they just start making out in his car listening to music. 😱😱😱
gurl the new pfp frightened me a bit ngl 💀💀
but coming right up! i took some creative liberties cuz i kinda forgot to double check what your ask said. im srry its just once i got that ball rolling, i couldn't stoppp ( ´,_ゝ`)
plug! fontaine x high! reader | (the nsfw is below the cutting off)
▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎♤▪︎▪︎
♤ taine wasn't exactly your first choice for a plug. he was a well known dealer in the glen, but the things he was known for made you hesitant. he was a no nonsense type dealer, he gives a price, you pay on time. if you can't do as simple as that then you wasting his time. and knowing you were tight on money sometimes, you decided it best to stick to the plugs you knew.
♤ but twelve wack ass joints later, you found yourself sitting in a certain green cadillac that you never thought you'd set foot in. both of you sat in silence for a few seconds, only a few feet away from each other.
♤ you patiently watched as he tried to light his spliff with the faulty lighter. growing more frustrated, he soon tossed the lighter onto the dash, then turned to you expectantly. and as if you could read his mind, you pulled your lighter and held it up for him to take.
♤ he stared at you for a bit, you felt as if you body was on fire. he had a pair of the scariest eyes you've ever seen. and he kept those eyes on you the entire time. not once looking away.
♤ you felt him wrap around your wrists. he pulled your hands closer to his face. your entire body became solid rock. all you could hear was your heart beating in your ears. the grip on your wrists were slack, giving you enough leeway to pull back if you wanted to. but something about the way he looked at you, made you stay still for him.
♤ he motioned for you to light the joint. you obliged. the orange glow of the flame made his eyes even more sinister. god he's terrifying. hot but, terrifyingly hot. once it was lit, he leaned back and let your wrist fall from his grasp. he took two puffs before he passed it over. " 'ere. take it. ' tell me if 'sgood enough."
♤ your breath was shaky as you inhaled the smoke. it was strong, definitely would get you fucked up in less than a minute. you handed it back to him. "you barely took tha' shi'. come 'ere."
♤ he placed the blunt back between his lips, as he settles one of his hands behind your head. "was he gonna gimme a shotgun right now. he's not....is he?" you let your brain rambled for bit till a low "open" brought you back.
♤ taine never does this, especially with cilents. but he took an interest in you. you seemed nervous, unlike most of his clients that just want their quick fix. and it helps that you weren't bad looking either. kinda cute in fact.
♤ but that didn't mean he wasn't fed up from watching your pretty little lips not taking his blunt properly. that shit ain't cheap. but you took the shot gun gave you pretty well. he saw how the smoke made your eyes a little teary, so he wiped a couple away before he let you go.
♤ you stared at him for a bit. he found you amusing that's for sure. and while he was trying to subside a smirk, you were trying to calm the ache between your legs. god you needed to get out this car before you did something you regret. but would you regret it? from the way his pants seemed to be stiffening, he probably felt the same way.
♤ reaching into his jacket he pulled a small plastic baggy,,that looked to contain at least 5 grams. your eyes went wide. this was way more than the agreed amount, that's at least $45 bucks, you didn't have that much on you. shit shit shit.
♤ "easy ma, this one's on the house" and with that you became one of his regulars. and his favorite at that.
♤ of course you became his favorite. i mean he'd never let a customer come over his house. much less one sit on his couch, smoke his blunt and watch a show on his tv.
♤ he certainly wouldn't let a customer stretch their legs across his lap either. or let one inch closer to him than appropriate, to the point where they made it onto his lap. he didnt mind, it definitely did help him relieve the ache between his legs. and he wasn't opposed to the way you let him kiss alongside your jaw, and even suck a couple marks into your skin.
♤ no regular of his ever let him pull down their shorts and toss them to god knows where. he's never gotten on his knees and licked a fat stripe along over their panties. never has he had to pull said panties to the side just so he could finally get a good look at how at your cunt.
♤ you were the only one who's clit he's mouthed at till his jaw ached. he didn't stop till he had to wrap his hands around your hips to hold you still.
♤ never once as taine let a regular, eagerly lick his precum from the slit to the point where he'd lull his head back everytime he felt their tongue dip into his slit. or had one force his cock into their mouth till the tip hit the back of their throat. and they stayed deepthroating him till he finally released. or had one lick up every last drop of cum that could find. no matter if it some was on his stomach, chest, thigh or on their face. he's never given a regular a couple puffs of his joint as a reward for sucking him to completion.
♤ he wondered if his weed made you like this. was it so good that it made you do your best to take him to the hilt, even though you could barely take a proper breath. probably it was the reason he'd take a minute or two cause the way your walls squeezed him, he swore he was gonna cum inside you right then and there.
♤ was his shit so good that it made you cry out his name and claw at his back with every thrust. had him having to slap your tits whenever you looked too far gone. make him tell you to how good you were, or that from the way your walls started to push him out, you were close. make him coo at you whenever you finally came, so you knew how proud he was. maybe it was why you bared the overwhelming sensation that your release brought so he could reach his edge. maybe that what made you mumbled about him cumming inside you.
♤ tempting but he preferred to release on your cunt so you could reach your hand down and desperately collect his droplets into your mouth. god he loved when you did that. he especially when you parted your slit so he could get one last lick before he let you suck it off his tongue.
♤ never had he had a regular make him feel that good to the point he gave them free weed.
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fyodior · 2 years ago
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FLORA please . . . thinking abt dazai n fedya locked up together makes mi think of a threesome w them 🤭 how rough do u think they would be :O r they fighting over who gets to fuck ur pretty cunny ! ! giv mi all da deets teheheh :3
coco!! hmmmm ok i've been thinking a lot abt this hehehe sorry for how long it got 🤭
okey this could go so many different ways i could write an actual dissertation but. im going to come at this as if u are fyodor's lover hehehe
so. fedya is typically very gentle and sweet with his lover, esp in bed (unless you ask for otherwise) but... he hates dazai, and would rather die than let him have anything of his, especially u. so if u somehow stumbled into a threesome with them, it would be a lot djfjsjdj the way i see it happening is dazai purposely pushing all of fyodor's buttons abt how beautiful and sexy you are and how bad he wants you, probably taunts fyodor and says that he doesn't satisfy you ,,, and usually fedya can ignore dazai easily but when it comes to u and saying some shit like that he absolutely loses his SHIT and is like you're gonna watch and see how good i fuck her, how she falls apart over my cock
and he's very right!!! u do you def do. plus you've always thought dazai was kinda sexy so u agree to go along with their stupid game
so it starts out as just u and fedya while dazai watches, likely starting out w just missionary/ nearly mating press. he immediately jumps to what he knows makes you whine and moan the most, like fucking u right at the angle he knows feels the best, not too slow but not too fast, hips meeting flush with yours as he massages your clit and presses sweet kisses all over your face and lips. bc to him, this isn't just abt showing dazai how good the sex is, anyone can make sex feel good, he wants to rub it in his face too how much u just fucking love him and want him to be inside u not just cuz of how heavenly it feels, but bc u need to be that close to him. dazai fists his angry red cock, massaging himself to the sounds of your whimpers and cries and just how hot u look getting fucked.
when fyodor spills his cum inside you is when he decides its ok for dazai to take u next, smirking bc now he has to deal with the fact that he'll be fucking fyodor's cum right into you. u cant lie tho, dazai is really fucking talented. he's taking you from the back, ass high in the air as he shoves his desperate, needy, neglected cock so deep inside you it kisses your cervix and makes ur eyes roll back in your head. dazai is kinda losing it himself, absolutely mesmerized by the way ur cunt stretches and pulls with each thrust of his cock, the cream that's dripping down ur thighs and gathering onto his length. fyodor's the one watching now, irked that dazai's making you moan but is confident enough to know he could never be as good. he can't stay away for too long tho, sidles up next to u as dazai continues to fuck u as he sticks his hand in between ur thighs to rub your clit and suck on your nipples, and to say you were overstimulated was an understatement. your senses were so overloaded and on fire as they both had their way with you, but goddamn did it feel fucking amazing. it was the best orgasm you had had in a long time.
one of the hard and fast rules fyodor set was that dazai was by NO means allowed to cum inside u, and if he did it would result in very unsightly consequences. dazai doesn't rly listen to rules but he knew fyodor did not fuck around when it came to u. so he settles for flipping you over so he can cum all over ur tummy, using his fingertips to spread the seed all over you and squeeze your breasts. fyodor slaps his hands away. ur incredibly out of breath and fucked out at this point, a tiny bit of drool pooling at the edge of your mouth as you tried to catch ur breath, but things weren't over yet.
dazai wanted to know what ur mouth felt like, and weirdly, fyodor was ok with that. let him experience how good you suck dick and have to live knowing that fyodor is the only one who'll ever get to experience that. sat on fyodor's lap with your back to his chest now, his cock buried deep inside you as a reminder of who u rly belong to, dazai is sat on his knees next to you so you can suck him off. now he's the one whimpering and moaning as you take him into your mouth and skillfully use your lips and tongue to give him the best head of his life, and fyodor only smirks as he watches and feels u very slowly rising and falling on his own cock, subconsciously chasing the familiar feeling. and with a good massage of dazai's balls, he's cumming down your throat with a hearty groan -- he almost immediately gets hard again when he watches u swallow every single drop easily, licking ur lips afterwards with a smile.
in the end, fedya is right. dazai would forever be jealous that fyodor is the only one who ever got to have you. and that's how i think a threesome would go :)
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midwestemoismid · 2 months ago
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Do you ever love a character so much you sorta steal your entire personality from them,,
<autism rant>
Cuz like I'm obsessed with Nicole from class of '09, if sorta stolen my whole humor from her, Which isn't really a good thing because shes kinda a piece of shit, the game revolves around her being a horrible person or trying to kill herself or something like that, I'm not like as mentally ill as her, but my humor has evolved to be similar to Nicole and ive sorta had this not care attitude. I've also been really jokingly mean to one of my best friends (he knows its a joke, thats our humor) but I accidentally did that to my little brother and felt SO bad lmao,, (he said something very obviously and I loudly go "yeah no fucking shit bitch" then started apologizing profusely) This other time I was playing blooket w/ that same friend and I did something that made him eat a fake burger and I went really loud "have this fucking burger you fat ass bitch" and hje just stared at me like wtf,, and the other person on the call (who I just met) was SHOCKED.
i'm not a bad person,, hes okay with me making those jokes btw
well im sorta a bad person but i'm working on that
i sorta hate having obsessions over character because i want to BE THEM. and it sucks even more when theyre a horrible person--and when theyre a girl,, cuz like i want to de-transition and become a terrible person and chane my name to Nicole WHAT THE FUCK WHY I DONT KNOW and like i had an alt acc on tiktok where i used she/her and named myself nicole and it was like a class of 09 fanpage sorta. and like i dont wanna be a bad person nor do i wanna hurt people feelings or be addicted to drugs AT ALL but like NICOLE🙏🙏🙏
this always happens when i have some sort of obsession. i dont typically have favorites but when i do its like an obsession
and like one other problem with being obsessed with nicole is i accidentally obsess over mental illness and (stuff i shouldnt obsess over), wich is really bad and unhealthy.
I gain little obsessions over certain things, like right now im REALLY obsessed with a game called "bad parenting" and it's a really really sad game. I wont spoil it but its genuinelly depressing and made me cry. after i saw it i wanted to hug my dad and tell him i loved him for being a good dad. ive been listening to the backround song on repeat for a bit, i might even draw fanart of it idk,, but i feel like i shouldnt be hyper obsessed with it
as a kid i also was really obsessed with "salad fingers" wich had a sadish theme to it, i kinda forget the plot but i thought it was interesting and how the main charecter was kinda messed up.
I also really like "little miss fortune" wich was also really sad. again i dont remember the plot my childhood is sorta a blur and i dont remember it well
"Sally face" is another sad game i liked. not gonna spoilt it but i loved the supernatural bit and there was a lot of death.
I also really love horror movies, ESPECIALLY horror movies that go into psychology. Like for example, saw is pretty interesting because its cool to see if people would rather cut of an arm or die. I know it's fake but it's still really cool.
Theres a lot i find interesting but i dont wanna sound like im actually insane lol
This ran went in so many placed i forgot what the original post was about😭 took me abt 2 and 1/2 class period to wright
If you read this all, thanks! If you relate reblog or comment (or make a new post and tag me) and tell me what charecter you relate to/obsess over
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k2ntoss · 11 months ago
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so my day literally just started, like im on my way to uni for my classes rn (which btw kinda sucking rn cuz its literally -40°C out), but i have so much jason brain rot i need to share
- jay absolutely would get a kick out of flirting like hell but would also immediately go redder than his helmet if it got turned around on him (he'd be so cute, i love flustering men lmao)
- i am in love with your idea of him just utterly messing around with constantine's sidekick!reader like yes, peak comedy right there, but also i think he'd be so so just heart eyes, fully entranced watching them do their magic especially for the first time
- i keep having this image of messy haired jason just curled up in bed, reading his favourite book and it's golden hour and he's wearing glasses (for actual sight purpose or for aesthetic only idk) but the sunset's making him all glowy and majestic and ugh i wanna play with his hair so bad
anyway that's it from me for now lol
-🦊
i kinda miss going to uni MMMM but anyways how tf are they making you go with that weather????? i would def throw myself on fire, in my country 24° C is already a bit cold....... (we do live in hell, yeah)
now thanks for sharing now i feel the urge to kiss your brain, please
i can totally see jay being all shy when he is indeed flirting with you because he does likes you so as soon as you call him "pretty boy" for the first time he's about to explode !!!! does he even needs the red helmet to be called red hood???
AND FUCK YES, HE WOULD BE SO STUNNED AND UHHHH i can totally picture jay sitting there listening to every story you have, to every adventure you've lived with constantine and he's so into listening to you he smiles widely because you sound so passionate about it i want to cry i need him so bad to be my bf and i– 😭
okay........ okay i can can i mmmmmm i can get why, just him being all cozy and calm, reading because he's so into the book almost as if nothing else around him existed besides you, he enjoys reading while your fingers brush his hair and your nails scratch his scalp, he can even feel himself getting sleepy but the book is just so good and your company makes it even better
dear 🦊 anon, please keep the jason brain rot strong, do this for all of us make the world a great place (plus have a good day, hun)
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boxwinebaddie · 3 months ago
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Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?
d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~
-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')
BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3
i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!
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okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!
as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )
tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.
PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.
i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…
please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.
it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.
all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.
HYH.
-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish
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selineram3421 · 2 years ago
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Could I request some platonic relationship headcanons of Angel Dust with an asexual reader? If you like the concept (cuz I haven’t seen this anywhere else) I would love some one shots too! Like reader’s 18th birthday, a comfort/reverse comfort scene. It would just make me so happy to see more asexual representation! I also just love the way you write the characters! (P.S. maybe we could get some cameos from the also-asexual Alastor? Could be a fun dynamic!)
Ace buddies, lets goooo!
Headcanons for Ace Reader
Platonic: Angel Dust X Ace Reader
You're both chill. Sometimes he'll flirt with you but you know its all jokes.
No judgement. He does his thing and you do yours.
You go shopping together a lot. Picking out each others outfits or helping each other find the right accessories.
He'll tell you about his day, leaving out the details that you don't wanna hear.
The first time you met Angel was behind the bar in the alley way. He was pretty beat up and looked like a kicked puppy.
"Here.", you offered him a bottle of alcohol.
"The fuck is this for?", he takes the bottle with a scowl. "Do I look like someone who needs handouts!?"
"No.", you take out a box of mints and quickly pop one into your mouth. "But you do look like you wanna forget. At least a little bit."
He doesn't say anything else after that, opening the bottle.
Then the spider wouldn't leave you alone, dubbing you his new friend.
You're my friend now. We're having soft tacos later. Lol.
He grows on you and eventually you both end up at the Happy Hotel.
There's days you don't mind his weird shit but you step in when it gets too far or hurts friends.
Kinda like now.
"What the fuck Angel!?", you say after dragging him off to the side while Charlie stepped out. "Why would you do that? Don't you want to try and get out of this dump?"
"We don't even know if this shit fucking works. Why not mess around a bit?", he says and continues sucking the popsicle.
You sigh and rub the side of your forehead. "Its worth a damn try. Messing around is only gonna keep you here."
"Listen to your friend asshole.", Vaggie said and sat down on the couch.
"I listen..sometimes.", Angel says and goes over to the moth demon. "It wasn't that bad anyway."
You have to hold back from punching the idiot, lifting up your hands to make a point with your fingers that touches your nose. "Angel, It was so bad I was cringing. I don't cringe unless I remember my middle school years from when I was alive."
Then things get weird..
Some guy in red shows up, smiles and laughs about the great depression. A whole musical number and then some casual destruction of an airship.
Totally normal.
At some point "Red", you started calling the Radio Demon, walks over and asks you a question.
"Excuse me if this is inappropriate but are you and the arachnid together?"
"Together?", you raise a brow. "Did you lie about not being interested in my friend?", you ask.
"No.", he says quickly and scrunches his nose a bit.
You laugh. "Ace, got it."
Angel, who was sitting next to you, gasps and places his lower hands on his hips. "Am I not good enough?", he says to you in a joking tone.
"Honey, please. I would rather eat dirt than sleep with you.", you stick your tongue out. "Bleh."
"I'll have you know my dic-"
You quickly cover your ears. "I don't wanna know!"
~
Why can I imagine Angel trying to gross out their friend with work stories?
I'll get around to that oneshot sometime.
~Seline, the person.
ML for Angel Dust🕸
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rabdoidal · 1 year ago
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tag game! 🎧🎶 tagged by @theocannibalism shuffle your music library and share the first 10 songs that come up.
Thanks bud! Shuffling my liked instead of my playlists for fairness ✌️
Waiting For The Weekend by San Cisco: a decent song! I liked it more in uni but it's certainly still musically pretty - it's a little trite to write a love song about drugs being personified, but San Cisco can make anything a sexy indie jam (7/10) Favourite line: And when she's standing right next to me / She's never quite as close as I'd like her to be
Your Dog by Soccer Mommy: a STELLAR song by a band truly so close to my heart - my fav combination in music is a clean voice and dirty bass. also this song also has a fucked up relationship dynamic and its. very Izzy Hands to me sorry (10/10) Favourite line: Forehead kisses break my knees / And leave me crawling back to you
Pulaski at Night by Andrew Bird: another top tier banger but also (shout out to artificial ghost radio listeners) this is my NBC hannigram song its so. like the classical instruments and delusional sweetness makes it feel like a candlelit waltz in a blood splattered suit (10/10) Favourite line: I write you a story / But it loses its thread / And all of my witnesses / Keep turning up, turning up dead
Paint It, Black by The Rolling Stones: truly wild that this is in my likes because its a great song but its like. I don't think I've ever intentionally listened to the rolling stones apart from this? anyway bangers only I always love how dramatic and goth it is (8/10) Favourite line: No more will my green sea / Go turn a deeper blue
Androgynous by The Replacements: this song honestly makes me tear up sometimes, even tho its purely joyful, because it makes me think about how its a song from the 80s that has more kindness and love for genderqueer people than most people do 40 years later. It makes me love being t4t (9/10) Favourite line: Now, something meets boy, and something meets girl / They both look the same / They're overjoyed in this world
Cinnamon Spider by Jack Off Jill: nothing wrong with an alt/goth song about revenge and guilt with weird voice modulated screaming and creepy whispering (7/10) Favourite line: Consumed by hate and guilt, she'll never retire / Too old to fix, too dead to ever acquire
Human Fly by The Cramps: I've been listening to a lot of rockabilly/oldhead goth rock recently and I'm loving the cramps! I've only really heard the big hits until recently, but Human Fly is definitely my stand-out favourite, I love songs that are kinda nasty and maggoty or more conceptual or goofy! It makes it stand out to me (10/10) Favourite line: And baby I won't care / 'Cuz baby I don't scare / 'Cuz I'm a reborn maggot using germ warfare
The Price Is Right Theme Song by Antarctigo Vespucci: I'm a little over listening to indie emo at the moment so I do frequently skip this when it comes on shuffle, but the lyricism is honestly heartbreaking (5/10) Favourite line: Oh my lord, I wish that I didn't know they'll still make TV shows long after I go.
Big Bird by AJJ: I have thoughts feelings comments and critiques of AJJ, but I can't deny that if you want to be in a dangerously bad mood it hits. it completely hits. and I think its interesting that they make songs about taboo intrusive thoughts and criticisms they have of the world, even if i dont always love the song they make in the end (6/10) Favourite line: So I bought a knife / I am a knife / I am a Knife Man
Arty Boy by Flight Facilities ft. Emma Louise: a real vibey party song about being inexplicably into the guy taking photos and smoking at the function instead of dancing - to me it reads as a little comphet, or a little bit bisexual, because the way Emma Louise is singing about the ladies is a lil sus (7/10) Favourite line: And all the girls must be models here, sipping up on margaritas / Twist their bodies so beautiful, making shapes with the music
idk who to tag but if you want an excuse to do this, go with my blessing and pretend I tagged you
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kavalyera · 9 months ago
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Someone said headcanons? (Most of these are John cuz I'm literally him in the same way you're Marquis) I guess some of these are not really queer specific but it's the John Wick universe so everything is queer by proxy. - In my hc John is bi but I mean any interpretation that is not straight is correct in my mind. All the sexualities exist in him simultaneously. He's everything. - Helen is also bi btw so these two are this type of couple that appears straight at first and then you learn Helen had a girlfriend of five years and John used to go to bars to suck di- - I'm pretty sure people have said it already or at least partially, but I'll repeat because JOHN IS A SWITCH. He also gives of service-top so yeah do with that whatever. - They would tell each other their past experiences and fuck afterwards. I don't know does it count as swinging if it's memories?? - I can see John being into choking, on both sides. Something about working with your life constantly on the line and then having enough trust to let someone have control over your literal source of life is...kinda hot. - John still has a leather jacket full of old queer pins somewhere in his closet. By old I mean something you'll see when you type "vintage queer pins" into google yes he probably has those. - John is good at pick-pocketing, he just doesn't do it much anymore. Although he would sometimes steal a friend's wallet and give it right back to be cocky. - He probably listens to Soviet punk rock like "Grazhdanskaya Oborona" and "Kino". - A bit of a reach buuuut. Marquis tried fencing to hit on someone he liked. - And she fucking FAILED because of course. - So now he's not only alone but is not good at fencing either. Failed at both. - Also I imagine Caine had some sort of existential crisis, because for most seeing people loosing sight is terrifying. So he would touch John's face as a way to calm himself because he can't look at him anymore. - He stopped with the face touching but he will still grab or at least try to touch someone next to him when stressed - That probably also applies to sex somehow. This bitch will grab you and REFUSE TO LET GO. - Also power-bottom vibes, do with that whatever.
Okay I should stop or I'll break the website bye bye
John is good at pick-pocketing, he just doesn't do it much anymore. Although he would sometimes steal a friend's wallet and give it right back to be cocky.
Bro changed for the better i fear😭😭 imagine being john’s friend when he was younger you reach into your pocket and the wallet is NOT there whatsoever. this man is a menace even when he was YOUNGER he just grew more refined and professional
John still has a leather jacket full of old queer pins somewhere in his closet. By old I mean something you'll see when you type "vintage queer pins" into google yes he probably has those.
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brother needs to drop where he got these because damn i need this in my life like actually
A bit of a reach buuuut. Marquis tried fencing to hit on someone he liked. And she fucking FAILED because of course. So now he's not only alone but is not good at fencing either. Failed at both.
STOPPPP😭😭😭😭 her villain origin story fr😭 how are you gonna be a FRENCH NOBLE and be bad at both RIZZ and FENCING⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ this is insane pls get him a wingman
He stopped with the face touching but he will still grab or at least try to touch someone next to him when stressed. That probably also applies to sex somehow. This bitch will grab you and REFUSE TO LET GO.
Its CAINE so i would let him hold onto me and idk like grab my arm because my oh my papi😍
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seongminiz · 7 months ago
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yesss omg gl with android!minhee i’m looking forward to that!!!! take ur time of course!!
so.. i teased biker!hee.. subby! biker! hee or i’m thinking like street racer hee .. the point!!! is just that either he’s a racer of some kind but then he melts in the palm of his partner’s hand when he gets home, needing to be taken care of<333 or.. that’s fun, but im also thinking of like.. rival street racers heeseung and y/n, and blah blah, lots of badmouthing and poor sportsmanship that turns into hate sex <333 cuz i just desperately!! need to humiliate and degrade him because he’s too much all the time, he thinks he’s all that and he needs to be put in his place fr.
so like, i’m thinking post race while the adrenaline is still buzzing in both of you, heeseung shoves u a little or something and he’s getting angry cuz you cut him off around the last corner (idfk anything about racing ok but listen!!!) and ur like no fucking way, that was just you being really bad at what you’re trying to make a living off of :) and idk i don’t rly feel like writing anything happening in an alleyway so maybe like idk work with me here, he’s at ur apartment. somehow. and just. i’m not being creative rn ok but imagine with me, ur now straddling him on the couch and swiping your thumb over his bottom lip, “how about you use that pretty mouth in a way that’s more fun for both of us? hmm?” and of course he would squirm a little, parting his lips to protest but u don’t push your finger inside.. you don’t need to, because you grind your hips a little against him, running your hands over his firm chest and he’s sucking your thumb into his mouth on his own, moaning around it <33333 and again there’s too much detail to think about but just, i think i literally said all of this last time i talked about sub!hee but riding him, with his back flat against the mattress, i wanna degrade him so bad so just all the dirty talk would be, “look how pathetic you look like this, so cute”, or “if only your other opponents could see you now, nobody could be intimidated by you if they saw you like this,” and caressing his cheek, and pressing your palm against his throat 😵‍💫 also like you said last time 1000% spitting in his mouth, “open up, slut” and then spitting into his mouth, pushing his jaw shut, and commanding that he swallow, “you’d do anything i’d tell you to, isn’t that right?”
idk how it got there but yeah. that’s what i was thinking.
- 🧁 anon
aaaaaaaaaaa all of this is so .. :( /pos
putting hee in his place is not a want its a need‼‼ especially when he acts like hes so much better than everyone else , better than you ,, even if u both know at the end of the day behind closed doors he'll always do whatever u ask of him without a second thought :3
(srry i dont rlly have much to add to this rn :')) but i swearrr what u wrote is so so so good omg)
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hotchs-big-hands · 10 months ago
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Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.
I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.
Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.
I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.
As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.
They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".
Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.
*********************
They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.
They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.
*********************
I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.
We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.
Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.
*********************
Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.
*********************
In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.
One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.
But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖
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baekhvuns · 4 months ago
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HIIII BAEKSSSSS I missed you 😔 how are you? Wsp? How's everything?
Man, I've been pretty peaceful I'd say..kinda idk. Maybe the calm before the storm but that's besides the point. I miss your work so so so much 🥹🥹🥹 like rlly, not wanting to pressurise you just GIRL RLLY MADE 2022 SUCH A GOOD EXPERIENCE.
Anyways I've been watching a ton of stuff ofc, found a new pakistani drama 😈😈 well it's kind of the same plot as u wld guess, but I like this one it's like if not a lot then a bit diff frm the same ass dynamic. It's like a first daughter x youngest son the fun part is it was supposed to be, first daughter x first son but he was a jerk and a red flag. So yes...it'd be fun, it's a silly dynamic imo ik for sure there are going to be a ton banters.
ALSO dude these asmr Rps be getting Outta hand 😭 Nah cz i cried. I CRIED. THE ANGST OHHHHH. Some asmr artists are just so fucking good like alanakamakwk i felt like I was in a movie.
Lemme tell u a bit abt it, so the concept was basically, an old bsf comes back into the listener's life not in a bad way or anything just cz the bsf lived farrrrr away.
"do you wanna see the new tattoo i got?"
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LIKE OKAY and then we did trace them too and a while later the convo goes deep "i got this tattoo bcz u told me seven years ago, what you don't rmr?" And then he sort of reminisces over the old times
"and that day..I went home, and texted you how much I liked you. And wanted to hang out with you a bunch.."
"that didn't happen I never texted you."
BRO OMG OMG ONWKWJWKW IM TELLING YOU THE FREAKIN TENSION BW ME AND MY HEADPHONES.
And then the best part was the listeners bf calls who also used to be friends with the bsf, and goes "i love you."
In hopes of hearing it frm us too. "Dear...?" Silence.
NO CUZ IMAGINE STANDING IN FRONT OF SOMEONE U ACTUALLY LOVE AND U GOTTA SAY ILY TO YOUR BF WHAT??? OMG.
And then when he comes out to go run errands he talks to the bsf AKA THE ASMR ARTIST I TELL U HIS VOICE *melts*
"we'll see you right?"
"... farewell"
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That's the visual representation of me I'm not even kidding. And....he just leaves. LIKE THAT?? WHAT ABOUT US AHHHH *dies*
Nah but yes, I've been obsessed now. At least it makes me feel something 😮‍💨
Ok also no way my old Bollywood obsession is dying anytime soon *listens to bol na halke halke*
Anyways bye bye baeks MAKE SURE TO TELL ME ABT YOURSELF HOW U DOING AND STUFF OK?? OK MWAH ILY 🤭
YOU SENT THIS LAST WEEK AND I JUST KIND OF LOGGED INFBWNDBSK SO SORRY
i hope you’re doing well!! i’m currently sick bc of a heatwave i caught at a wedding 🥰🥰
i’m glad you’re feeling peaceful! AND DHSKDHKW DONT MENTION IT FNDMSKC ITS BEEN 2 YEARS 😭😭😭 maybe my writing bug just dimmed LMFAOOOO haven’t been on here or read anything, ive been in my drafts just giggling and reading but never like posting or writing fbdndb but ive kind of, maybe wanting to write something for fall time which i’m not sure ill post but it’s got me smiling a bit!
WHAT IS THE SHOW TELL ME 🔫
omg i can never get behind asmr, i have this thing called misophonia, i just despise the way the arm sounds make my ears feel fmandksb i just feel triggered BUT U CRIED BC OF IT WHY 😭😭
u gotta send me the link of it bc the voice actor u say… 👁
does our bollywood obsession rly die 😭😭 the new tauba tauba got me going a bit crazy,,, heard the jannat bgm but sad version and iM OBSESSED WITH IT, it lowkey inspired me to think and write <3 got me giggling and imaging stuff <3 in my pillow fbwndbsj
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greasydumbfuck · 6 months ago
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TRIPLY WHAMMY: The Monstrous, 🕸, and then I couldn't decide on the cat one so Tabby AND White Cat :3c
I guess that makes this a QUADRUPLE WHAMMY but that rolls off the tongue less good
math was never our strong side lets just say its cuz its from three different games. thanks for the ask babes xoxo The Monstrous this one is funny to me because as far as i know canonically frank gets to be at least two supernatural creatures. collecting that shit like he does other men's wives. anyway im not gonna be creative here and ill just say werewolf. big hairy often commits murder in a messy way and ends up covered in blood. but also there are so many long texts about how misunderstood the werewolf is as a figure. so like it fits in my mind. maybe if i got a long list of all mythical creatures and spent an hour reading it id come up with something more creative but this works too no?
🕸️
(song that reminds you of your ship) LIKE THREE actually none of them very extraordinary brave choices but im gonna go for the funniest one out of them black and white by kombi. the polish one. yeah. because okay listen. one thats just his color palette. haha. the song itself is about seeing the world in only those colors which is also very him. "life has no middle ground // love rule and divide" like okay do you hear me. please. i love assigning polish songs to fictional characters.
Tabby (are they snuggly?) right so i think meta menardi gets very cuddly and affectionate with frank because shes overwhelmed a little......... by what she feels. and now this is where it gets tricky for me because like. its not that he doesnt like it. its not that he exactly likes it either. its weird. its unusual. it takes up so much of his time for no reason and hes always got better things to do than this. but also once shes hugging him he doesnt really want to leave because as much as he dislikes it and he hates how soft she always is with him, its so... nice. so uh i guess point being meta is snuggly as hell, maybe less so when sleeping, frank isnt for the most part at least not actively but as time goes on both his enjoyment of and how bad he feels about the affection grow. ARGH i have a lot of thoughts about this specifically but i cant put them into words ever. their whole thing is just a bit complicated but in an entirely different way than frank is used to by that point. plus the more he genuinely likes her in any way the less he wants to stay because yeah sure she has some powers but she is NOT used to the level of danger he brings (the place she's a spider-person for is relatively chill) and hes reminded of that every time she holds him in any way. he likes having his arms around her in some way (standing behind her, keeping her by his side etc) and her favorite is cradling his head to her chest. like a baby. he doesnt like when she puts it like that.
White Cat (are the f/os eyes striking?) i said it once under some post but like hes got that fucking. blue-eyed people stare. so in that way yes. but also since its frank the look in his eyes is almost always a little unsettling. because of the uh you know. the war trauma and the murder trauma and the violent tendencies overall. but meta likes them, she likes the little changes in them depending on what hes thinking. subtle but there and shes always soo proud of herself to catch them. also to me (and by extension to her ahaha) hes just. in some strange way. real pretty. in turn frank doesnt think metas eyes are "striking" exactly but he does thing they fit her a lot. theyre round, warm, and with a look of naivety. like they are by all logic so common and so unremarkable really (which is fitting because nearly everything about her is - she is the common cave spider afterall!) but theres this softness in the way she looks at him that makes it special. shame she doesn't like him seeing them though.
sorry for yapping this came out longer than i wanted it to but im just so desparate to share things and do things and have them be percieved. yeah
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magnuficent76 · 1 year ago
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Ermm Pokémon for Nan and Mewmew?
Also optionally for Lassi (or Siru) if you want
YES !!!!!! MEWMEW IS ACTUALLY WHAT PROMPTED THE POST SO LETS GET IT. Also I'm gonna do all of them. Because >:3c
MEWMEW - (Either Normal/Steel or Fairy/Steel, but the Steel has to be there. I like to think m was an elite 5 trainer until mew decided to retire and settle down.)
- Blissey/Clefable [Most obvious picks imo, but these thangs are TANKS while still being very sweet, much like Mewmew :] Aggressive healing and Metronome just sounds like a strategy m would use tbh.]
- Klefki [Listen. M is a cat. This is the key jingle Pokémon. M can and should have one of these bad boys]
- Togekiss [Vibes-wise I think Togekiss is THE Mewmew Pokémon. Its round, its smiley and its AWESOME ok. Trust me I am Pokémon expert, Mewmew would love this guy]
- Tinkaton [Listen.......its THE big hammer cute little wee face Pokémon. It's Mewmew coded]
- Snorlax [Same reasoning as togekiss, but with the added bonus of being on the tankier side so it balances it out more. Very beautiful very powerful. Also the little ears it has just makes me think of ms own lil' ears :]]
- Magearna [I know its a little op to give m a mythical Pokémon....but have you considered that Mewmew is the world's specialest kitty. Also these two give me the similar vibes tbh, especially with the Moon description being "Its mechanized body is merely a vessel. Its true self is its Soul-Heart, an artificial soul".]
NAN - (Flying, because she's the silly birt :] also, I think she's a gym leader of some kind)
- Pidgeot [Nan strikes me as the kind of person who'd catch her own Pokémon without the help of professors tbh, so I think her starter being a pidgey makes sense ! They're easy to catch, are everywhere and are still pretty dang solid as Pokémon. I like to think she and this pidgeot grew up alongside each other, and although its not much of a battler anymore, they used to have glory days together :] ]
- Unfezant [Same reasoning for pidgeot, but also, it just has SO much sass. I think Nan would love Pokémon with attitudes, so she would deliberately catch hard Pokémon to train just for the challenge]
- Swablu [It's a little bird.......its blue.... I think she deserves a little guy Pokémon that looks exactly like her /silly]
SIRU - (Dark, cuz you just know she's seein' the horrors <3 maybe Ice too. Probably a regular trainer, long past wanting to be an elite 5 gal, but still has a theme bc she has STANDARDS)
- Sneasel -> Weaville [Probably her starter tbh, I can see it. Its her Permanently Smug Emotional Support Guy !! It loves fighting, but Siru is So So Sleepy and Tired she just gets dragged around by her Pokémon <3]
- Froslass [I just think it fits her really nicely !! Also, the singing thing.......I think Siru would find comfort in it, in a fucked up way. I too sing songs of death lil guy, do you wanna be my travel buddy*]
* not so subtle glance at Pesticinger
LASSI - (Water/Grass, I just couldn't pick one, he gives both vibes !! He's the Haru (Pokémon sun and moon rival) to Siru in my humble opinion)
- Bulbasaur/Squirtle [Look at this man's face and tell me right now he wouldn't be charmed by one of these little guys. Honestly I think if he could, he'd get both.]
- Quagsire [I just think he would be so enamored with the goofiness of it. He doesn't even know if it's very good for combat, he sees it the first time and doesn't even hesitate in catching it.]
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megamindsecretlair · 1 year ago
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heyy pretty gal 😩💞 been a min! can I plz have ur advice??
So i recently had sex for the first time. p.s. ate that shii DOWN 🏆👀 But it’s embarrassing cuz that mf got me sick .. Iykyk. 😐
I’m so heart broke ONLY cuz it felt so good & I’ve wanted that for so long.... Just for it to negatively affect me emotionally/physically. 💔 And intimacy is so addicting* (especially with childhood traumas.)
So it’s kinda like I played myself. Or did myself a disservice. By giving in, being intimate, & giving chances to someone who didnt deserve it. Damn i feel like a statistic.
But still, why are Black men so.. hurtful.. to Black women?? Should I have kept my promise & waited longer? How do you recoup after experiencing sex? especially after a person/situation like that.
I want to move on.. but idk when I’ll feel that closeness again. And as a Black woman? Im tired of using work/responsibilites as a “healthy” distraction. I just want an emotional break 💔 these niggas piss me off .
~ ik its a lot, but this a safe space right? <3
Hey girl. I am by no means a sex expert or mental health expert, take what resonates, leave what doesn't, but this is indeed a safe space and I'm absolutely honored you trusted me with this.
Having sex is a deeply personal decision, but you should never feel like you did yourself a disservice. FUCK THAT MF 👏🏽👏🏽 HE AINT DESERVE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Unfortunately, theres no way to know that for certain when these mfs are scheming from jump. Black men are conditioned to be coddled. Family, especially Black moms, will cater to and coddle the hell out of their sons. Fix their plates, wash their clothes, etc. So when they get out into the streets, they're looking for that in their partners. Conversely, Black daughters are conditioned to overchieve to the point of perfectionism. They have to be cooks, doctors, therapists, maids, etc and outclass their counterparts in every way possible. So if a man don't get what he thinks he deserves, he feels no qualms about dogging someone out.
I'm sorry your first time sucked. Im so, so, sorry that it wasn't full of love and safety. Do not beat yourself up about this. Sex should be enjoyed safely with consenting partners. You WILL get there. One day, you will be screaming glory to the ceiling. I know this will happen for you 👏🏽
This is only one bad experience. But it cannot color your future experiences. My best advice is to listen to your gut. When you are in tune with the right person, you may not feel butterflies or anxiousness or feel that die hard passion that TV likes to lie about. The right person? Will make you feel safe. You will feel calm around this person. Your worries will melt away because his/her/their priority is to put you at ease. They will listen to you. They will communicate with you. They will never pressure you into something you're not ready for.
They will wait 10 years to have sex with you if you're not ready. And will gladly wait those 10 years to make sure you're safe in their arms. I cannot stress this enough. Communication is your best friend 👏🏽 if you can't open your mouth and communicate your needs with someone you're willing to hop in bed with, why are you hopping in bed with them 🤔
Sex is a journey. A long, complicated, stressful, wonderful journey. The intimacy will come, the love will come. You gon get there, I promise 😚 even if its casual sex and youre not in love with the person, fight that instinct to retreat. Fight that instinct to close yourself off.
You dont need distractions right now, you gotta sit with this feeling. You gotta live with it. You gotta identify what it is youre searching for. And never compromise on that.
Black girls are never afforded opportunities to be soft. To be vulnerable.
Fight it!!! And keep fighting it!!!
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almalvo · 2 years ago
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STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E5 "Choose Your Pain"
[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------
yeah i still dont like a black woman being "someone to fear burnham" idk guess we'll see. hmm i feel like there could be something in that telescope oml this view into the bridge and other facilities onboard discovery at the start of this episode is SO PRETTYYY let me LIVE. there. oh this is weird oh so space bear gets the titty stab but not burnham XD ofc ofc awww space bear depressed let him outttt id be depressed too, stuck in there with only a slop bucket and no moss in sight :/
ayyyyeee vulcan aboardd also why katrina's eyes are so red is she ok? bruh i been preoccupied by tardigrades too um ok lorca, mr. isaac clarke over here with your eye stabbery i kinda like lorca's face. hes so "f everything idgaf" oh my god the scale of the ship next to the shuttlepod
beat em up oh crap hmm hes gone so acting captain'll be saru thatll be interesting ugh i love this intro theres this feeling of utter suspension hearing and seeing it ugh seeing discovery fly through all these things and spin its so nice ugh the handssssssssssss i love the measurements and all these things and the constellations left behind ugh so much to see look at saruuuu cant wait till he frkn understands burnham's previous decisions and can stop treating her so blah i love his eyes WHO ARCHER JONATHAN AAAA PIKE CHRISTOPHER OH FUCKKKKK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AND THEN IT WILL BE you know. you know. YOU. KNOW. oh my god ok shaking okokokokok MUDD DID YOU JUST SAY YOUR NAME IS MUDD MUDDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA oh my god this is so cool
oh dang. this poor guy. he was just in there to get foot in face. you sure are mudd. you sure do do that survivin. hi stamets. lmaooooo he knows hes brilliant - get it stamets own that shit it is kind of odd hearing burnham say such praise haha oh yeah its all BURNHAMS fault uhuh. cool to see some lone captain scenes its so odd to see such serious lighting in a trek production. listen. this is still all so NEW to me k. this guy ash tyler is pretty what is that its cute but also id be way to scared to come anywhere near that thing ughhh this outside shot of ncc discovery is so PRETTY thats so interesting? warp freeways because of space shrooms. damn. im with it.
DI DID DID DID THE THEY USE THE F WORD ON S T A R T R E K ???? DID THEY FUCKING USE THE FUCKING F BOMB ON FUCKING STAR TREK, ON THE FUCKING STAR TREK ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME RIGHT FUCKING NOW HOLY FUCK I DID NOT I DID NOT HEAR THAT. my fucking mandible fell off when i heard that. i cannot believe what i just witnessed. i cannot believe my ears. not even AOS did the "fuck". oh my god "fuck" is canon in trek. that brought tears to my eyes hang on yall holy. shit… ima table that cuz i cant get over that idk when i can wow
saru has the perfect voice its so saru. its really cool to see his face like this the prosthetic is so great. it looks more real than (almost) anything pure cgi. cuz it IS real. i love it. beautiful example of practical effects. beautiful execution. also sorry but "predator"? really…? i dont appreciate burnham's treatment at all when its already bad enough that black women are almost always represented racially or with such a societal disdain cuz fucking EVERYONE hates black women. it is what critically annoys me in this series above all else so far :/ also sorry but WHAT THE FUCK DID STEWART DO HOW DARE YOU FUCKING THROW IT FUCK. YOU.
#LorcaNotMyCaptain
ugh not again with the titty stabbers. dude. this is slavery. let the fucking space bear go. look what you did to it. he shriveled up to survive. i HATE the treatment of other lifeforms in this series so far. CRACK IT OPEN? fuck you saru. fuck you too stamets. man everyone is so unlikeable. thats another issue i have in this show so far almost everyone is unlikeable af.
i didnt get to know phillipa that much so not much to say. burnham is so standoffish, idk if we have anough time to unravel her dimensionally. sylvia is kind of more annoying than endearing. lorca is lorca. ofc i dont like him (except i DO like an unperfect captain - i just wonder if hes redeemable). stamets is so catty like i get it yes be proud of your ideas that people might be ignorant towards but bruh still theres not enough good quality to counterbalance it so far. saru looks cool sure but hes so blatantly crass towards even other non-human lifeforms when he himself is non-human, cuz sry all that "crack it open" bullshit is gross af, desperation or not. i would NOT want him as my acting captain, ill say that, no matter how pretty he might be. i like ash tyler the most so far. i mean i get it its only episode 5 of 15 in s1 of 5 seasons - but still maybe im not too used to this many characters simultaneously being difficult to connect with. im gonna wait and see if this all develops. saru's feet. are hooflike his hands are so expressive his shape is so hes so lank. im SO impressed with how amazing he looks up close. i can SEE the subsurface scattering of his skin and the blood in his veins yeah please. we need this small talk with saru. thanks. k. i needed to see this redemptive quality in saru and co. cuz the getgo, everyones so adverse to alignment and connectivity
poor space bear i really hope you will be happy out there, mossie. youre FREEEE oh my god. space bear just warped. oh my god WARPING space bear. i need a plushie of it. mossie. stamets and doc. they gay for each other. they hubbies. they are literally brushing teeth together. yeuip. they gay. mhm. for sure. wow. first ever fucking explicitly gay couple in star trek. and it took this FUCKING long. i aint talking about TOS yall, we all know the love story that is the first 4 seasons + 6 classic films + 3 alternate reality films of Star Trek k - i just mean very literal and established archetypically, that makes sense. about fucking time. IDIC is literally mother gay but this took half an entire century to fucking show a gay couple onscreen. fuck me. k well. SNW Season 2 and 3, dont let us down. Im going to fucking die if theres even a wisp of something near Lower Deck's "K+S" carving scene. i digress.
alright DISCO, ima see how you unpack all this universal animosity, cuz damn are you thick with it in the first entire third of your first season.
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