#i want to have a social presence but i am not a social person
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patchofhope · 2 years ago
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WHERE THIS BITCH BE
AHAAAAA i rise from the dirt i intentionally buried myself in to make an update post. Yeah cus i make those now i guess? So where the FUCK have I been? I know 0 people have been asking that but im on some hotgirl shit and my world revolves around me so im making the explanation post anyways because this bitch needs to live a little and stop assuming the internets gonna tear me apart if i show emotion. SO. the short answer? Been working on a toyhouse account to unleash my blorbos upon the world cus i kinda realized that if i dont DISPLAY my ocs noone knows how to fuckin ask questions about them. so i’m doing that. the long answer? drama. sooo much drama. i watched a polycule form and crumble and that aint even the most interesting thing. So i kinda got tired of ppl and just wanted to stop existing for a bit (yknow, typical reality detachment shit.) and i’ve been focused on improving my physical health the best i can because currently thats whats preventing the mental health from improving. I have a fuckign severe caffeine addiction and am working on cutting back on it. So I am CONSTANTLY plagued by brain fog that makes me sorta forget that things exist. which includes this and the ask blog. but to be CLEAR the ask is NOT DEAD i just. need to actually get it to the point where i can TAKE QUESTIONS. which means WORKING ON IT. but rn the toyhouse is number 1 priority because i need something to focus on and it’s keeping me grounded. nor is this blog dead. I just keep doing this thing of ‘i like a post so i can reblog it later when my brain isnt mush that laughs at funny words but i end up forgetting about it’ which is a problem in and of itself but WHATEVER what matters is im gonna start actually USING THIS BLOG and probably SHOUTING A LOT because i do that. whether or not im gonna post art is entirely up to how i feel in the moment, so a lot of this is gonna be sporadic and impulsive because that is how i live my life and i need to stop reigning it in so bad to the point where i sit and do nothing for 10 hours a day because the mortifying thought of ‘what if you end up regretting it’ is seared into my brain from years of being the gifted kid with nothing to show for it. so yeah whos ready for my multifandom crossover bullshit because i am 2 steps away from just dumping it out there
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wormchaser · 5 months ago
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you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.
i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.
#every time i try to reach out or talk to someone it goes nowhere. i dont have any social skills anymore and have no clue how to keep a#conversation going. half the time even when i do people stop replying to me. which is fine theydont owe me a reply but still feels likeshit#when i tried to make one new irl friend it just didn't work because they have better options for friends. we spoke occasionally but never#messaged online like ever and would only talk when we happened to be in the same place. i tried multiple times to organize a time to hangou#none of which came to pass. i dont understand why this one didn't work because i thought this person was interested in being my friend but#i guess i was wrong or thought they were more interested than they really were.#i have a problem with reaching out anyway which has been a problem i have had since i was like 11. reaching out to people first doesnt come#easily to me - in the beginning when i was a lot younger i didn't want to bother people with my presence & thought if i were to come to#someone first they would feel pressured into talking to me when they didn't want to. this is stupid of course. but has still not left me as#something i feel is very core to the way i act today. waiting for someone to come to me first feels like my only option because i do not#know how to reach out effectively (my evidence being i have failed every time i have tried) & i am convinced people dont like me in the#first place and do not want me to approach them.#i dont really even know who to reach out to in the first place. my world is extremely narrow. the number of people i know has shrunk#significantly and my standing in their eyes collectively has also shrunk significantly in the past few years. i feel like every person i#was once friends with wants nothing to do with me. i feel as if i have burned every bridge possible.#when it comes to the fact i complain all the time . which i know of course is annoying. its because i cant find any kind of joy in anything#i do or see or whatever. nothing makes me happy - i only see things to complain about. all stimulus seems grating and the world seems#specifically catered to make me miserable. all i can really do is complain. i treat this blog like a stream of consciousness and when most#of that consciousness is occupied with how much i hate being alive the blog will mostly be complaining. its a vicious cycle lol .#anyway . i guess the key theme is low self esteem begets low self esteem in many ways. mental illness begets mental illness.#i am not really saying this to anyone least of all to you anon. i just felt compelled to recount i guess for myself the reasons that came#to mind for why i am like this. i am talking to myself here
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icewindandboringhorror · 4 months ago
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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jackienautism · 1 year ago
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trying so hard to cope rn🙏
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hxvphaestion · 6 months ago
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posting art on twitter is the single most humiliating experience ever because it really is like. Oh ok. One person will see this.
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dandyshucks · 11 months ago
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yall this old lady craft group is the best thing ever and i want to cry thinking abt how grateful i am to have it fjfkdl i think this might be the one group that i feel wholly welcomed into and actually a real part of for the first time in my life ;-; ♡
the group leader always seems to want me to sit next to her and her daughter is always interested in seeing what im working on when she comes at the end and she also tells me abt different crochet patterns she's seen on fb marketplace or she brings in old patterns for me to look through and take what i want, and then the card maker lady is offering to give me this big old crocheted clown doll that her mum made her years ago and she immediately offered to give me a ride home without me even saying anything (so that i wouldnt have to try take it home on the bus fjdkdl), and they were all super excited for me when i told them I was able to fix my accordion, and they just... treat me like an equal and a human person and fjdksl man ... it's so nice
AND IM JUST 😭💗 about it all !!!! it all feels so foreign to me !!!! i do not know when I've ever felt so fully part of a group and an equal to everyone there !!!
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muu-kun · 2 years ago
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#; ♡ ; okay to reblog#muu has admittedly been describing is self perceived melancholy and isolation regarding it#as being comparable to the circle drawn around Sadness in Inside Out due to others finding his emotions to be Too Much in capacity#and that as such he has thus been persistently trying to make himself very very small in spaces#so that maybe perhaps someone would soon be able to reside in the circle with him just until he gets to where he feels he is supposed to be#muu has also stated on numerous actions that while he is adamant about self healing he is not necessarily of preference#to not have the assistance of peers and their feedback and he tends he show it most predominantly in asking them to hear Everything#about himself in the form of the big box because one he wants assurances at the end of it all but also because he Has to be explaining#his processes of thought and general state of where he is now to people so that they may go Oh so that why you do the neurotic shit you do#but it really be hard out here when you don't know how to self advocate for a persistently emotionally present romantic partner#you don't really have any friends and you are either God awful at making new ones or you don't want to try for reasons of either#feeling scorned past close friends of yours have left time and time again OR#because you don't know what version of yourself is the Real one or the Good one or the Authentic one so you avoid socializing#until you can properly answer that dilemma but in turn you've left yourself with 1 person to seek out and talk to#but with that comes the existential dread of either a this person is also going to leave me or#b I am in fact so totally codependent on them that it isn't fair to be my sole research for assistance that I ought to fend for myself#but what do you even do to fend for yourself when you don't even know how to Advocate for yourself??#you devise a plan to shrink down and provide no indication to those around you that you are struggling with anything#that perhaps shriveling yourself down like that will allow for people to find you tolerable enough to be around#and that their presences will patch up every interpersonal wound in your system until eventually what you are faking has come true#; ♡ ; inner thoughts
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inlovewithifsvns · 2 years ago
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Did I make this blog just so I can post a wallpaper I made for my MC for @infamous-if? Maybe
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Phoenix Cadence: he/they
(The large quote is from the Given movie, just adjusted to be related to Phoenix!)
(More stuff in the tags)
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paradisaeidaes · 1 month ago
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drawing something for a mutual and she will never see it bc I’m scared to show it to her but now I just feel like crying bcos I know she doesn’t mean to forget but at the end of the day people just forget me much easier than they do others and I tried pushing that feeling down for as long as I can remember but now it’s like I’m crumbling down under the imminent weight of that idea.
#she doesn’t mean it and she’s quite busy but#it’s easy for her to remember others#or like#reach out to them first#I grew up and continue to grow up denying everyone’s attention and insisting I loathe attention and stuff#and even denying any attention and getting uncomfortable when people give it to me#but I just want *her* attention#just one person#I’m so confused . .#𓏲​ 𝐍 ܀ᬊ#let’s distract myself by continuing to draw it for her#even tho I’m gonna delete my blog soon so now we would have zero contact#I don’t ask for socials first bcos it feels like I’m begging them for it and then we won’t even talk#I don’t know why ppl ask for others’ socials if they don’t end up interacting anyways#but I don’t want to ask her bc I don’t want her to think I’m annoying#in truth I don’t think she likes me much#but that is okay I suppose#it’s no one’s fault but mine because all I do on there is stupidly be sad how can anyone even find anything worth liking if all I am is just#sad all the time on there#what is worth missing of a miserable person#honestly this is for the best for everyone#even tho the reason I was sad is bc I felt left out and other life problems . .#@bunveh was the cutest ever blog name but I ruined it bc of my stupid mental illnesses and my foolish brain and this stupid anxiety that#leaves me paralysed#I’m so tired bro I just wanted her to like me#and maybe be closer friends or something I don’t know . .#I just thought maybe it’ll be kinda cool to have an online presence where people could talk and maybe someone could like me or smth and then#we can be friends or wtv and be like besties idk but I was a fool that will never be my reality my mum was right who could ever want to be m#my friend . . how could one willingly want to be my friend out of their own free will this is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago
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just a few little bits from the past few days
#both the word count screenshots are from the same day - just different sections of the text. so that was like 4000 words in#one DAY.. huzzah!! (< making up for the fact that I did 0 words the 3 days before that lol.. so its not actually an accomplishment ghjjh)#In renpy I think you can have multiple separate texty cody whatever documents and still jump between them so long as they;re#labeled properly. Rather than like... having one extremely long 60.000 line file where in some places youre in a menu within a menu#within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu within a menu jhbhj#But that was the way I started doing it lke 5 years ago when I actually made the base of everything so I feel like it'd be too much#work to change it all that dramatically now. But that means I cant just get the word count for the whole document I just have#to jump around to the few sections I worked on and highlight them to get the word count for only that portion#.. the one tiny fraction of the whole monster text wall. Though it is of course spaced out and organized into#clearly labeled sections within that because otherwise I have trouble discerning text on a screen. still.#Resuming a project that's been basically abandoned for 4-5 ish years is just always finding weird stuff like.. why did I do this that way..#why did I write that... why did I organize that in this manner... what the hell am I referencing in this note... etc. lol#Anyway... also......................cat with plum on his head.#everyone point and laugh at mr. plum head boy..!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:3c#I've been obsessed with Calico Critters' social media presence from afar (like how I mentioned one of my possible dream jobs would#be to be the person that sets the scenes and arranges all the toy animals at a tiny little table and etc. to take the type of pictures they#post on their facebook page and stuff) and I see all their photos of them posing the rabbits as if they're in a swimming pool#or on a nature hike or etc. etc. BUT I have never really seen them in person. Recently I was at a store (in a KN95 mask and not staying#very long still of course. wastewater covid levels are still high where I live (and most of the US truly)) and it just crossed my mind#to actually go to the toy section and see if I could find any....wow.... Its like meeting a celebrity.. the Latte Cats....#Of course I didnt buy them because they're like... very expensive?? like $25 - $40 just for one little pack of a few critters like#what is shown. but.... I still got to see them................ my beloved.. I want their outfits... T o T#Oh and then lastly just a pot of purple clover looking things. I just think theyre neat lol#photo diary
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twowivestwoknives · 1 month ago
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astrow1zar6 · 2 months ago
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Big Slay placements pt 2
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Mars in the 1st house (on men): these dudes are HOTTT. They give manly man vibes, the “I’ll jump in a burning building for you” vibes. These guys have big sex appeal and are usually walking red flags (but people dig that lowkey). They are usually very confident and aren’t scared to make the first move. If they want you they will have you (even if it’s only for the short term). These people however can be very cocky & sex obsessed if not careful. This placement is also hot in women but I notice in women this placement has a tendency to crash out a lot or start arguments a lot. I’ve also seen they can come off too strong (for a woman according to society) creates more of a Tomboy vibe/masc vibe in chics they aren’t traditionally “feminine”. (But I still think these people are soooo sexy regardless of gender) girls with this placement give Revvy from black lagoon. Ifkyk 😏 their self assured/ warrior like essence can intimidate weaker men a lot & many men can try to control their fire… (good luck lol). (Ps I am not misogynistic I swear I just prefer this aspect in men nothing wrong with the women in this🫶🏽)
Jupiter in the 1st house/ on the ascendant (positive aspects): these people are just overall a pretty good vibe. They can make even the gloomiest of mfs laugh I swear. These are the best people to have around during holidays or parties they really know how to spread good vibes around. I notice they have really good social graces & are really good at social cues which is why so many people want to be their friend. It almost looks like nothing can get to these people.. they can be hit with so much bs but still be able to keep a smile on their face. Very generous with their time and resources as well. If they love you best believe they will do anything for you. Usually attracts good luck in their lives because of their happy go lucky attitude. Others can feel more lucky being around them as well. Tend to have very attractive healthy bodies.
Leo degrees on the ascendant (5,17,29): every person I’ve met with this degree on their ascendant are super pretty & have so much appeal. Their presence is just so loud (even if their rising sign is more lowkey like Scorpio or Capricorn) the minute they enter a room people stop and stare. I feel like the 5th degree is more of a beauty degree and the 17th & 29th are more charismatic star born presence. (Regardless tho still all bad b*tch placements). These people just give AURA. You also have a higher chance of becoming famous if you have any of these degrees (not just on the ascendant).
Having a sign in their home planet (ex; sun in Leo, moon in cancer, Venus in Libra/taurus ect..) having planets that are in their home sign can make themes around that planet flow easier in your life. For example if you have a mars in Aries you might find it easier to be active & chase after what you want compared to other mars signs, you can have a surplus of energy and can handle challenges thrown at you with a lot more ease than lets say someone with a mars in Pisces or cancer.
Aries sun: shocker right… but the sun in exalted in Aries so it’s able to express itself in full throttle. Aries suns I notice tend to have a really strong sense of self & no one can shame them. I notice a lot have the ability to do what others would seem as “embarrassing “ and not give a flying fuck. This is such a freeing placement when mature. These people are the definition of idgaf and I adore it. If they get those anger issues under control they can be big power houses.
Venus in the 10th house: a lot of really famous people have this placement. Most celebrities or big business people have this. Gives this worldwide beauty that’s everyone adores. Can have a very big “fan group” even if they aren’t famous. Whatever comes out of these people’s mouths others see it as the gospel. (They can have a huge impact on the public). People can become obsessed with them easily. For example Billie Eilish & Donald trump have this placement… look at their fan base 👀 can leave a very iconic/legendary imprint on the world & many will remember them. They have a tendency to pick their career & public image over loved ones and relationships if not careful. Usually find love once they are settled in their career.
Lilith conjunct ascendant: oh the power these people possess is off the charts (especially for women) if you have this in your chart you are probably used to others trying to dull ur shine down because your aura is so strong! I’ve seen people with this placement get shamed a lot by others (mostly women) because they aren’t ashamed about what most women are taught to be ashamed about. So it’s almost like a mission for others to bring them down to their level. That’s how powerful you guys are!😳 men and women will try to control you cuz others can see your potential usually well before you see your own. Once these people step into their confidence however it’s really over for everyone. They have the potential to be beautiful & powerful. I think of Daenerys Targaryen when I think of this placement.
Pluto/venus: fucking with these people will feel like they did voodoo on you.. but fr tho it is very easy to become addicted/obsessed with these people’s energy. They have the ability to put a trance over people that can lead you to acting crazy over them. (This is especially true with hard aspects CONJUNCTION, opposition, SQUARE). These people hold the power to truly break ur heart. They can use their bodies & sex appeal to get you hooked (most are very good at the act if uk what I mean😏) can use a lot of mind games and manipulative tactics to keep you interested in them if they feel ur attention is drifting anything to get you attached and them in control they will use😳 the square placement can especially be bad with this. Gives a dangerous hotness like you know they are a huge red flag but you can’t resist. With easier aspects (sextile,trine, quintile) they aren’t into mind games as much and value genuine deep connections.
Mars/venus soft aspect (trine,sextile, quintile): usually super charming & have a really healthy libido & self esteem. They are big flirts & are usually amazing with their timing in terms of seduction. They know to give just enough without being overbearing or too detached which can get their object of desire hooked in a healthy way. These people are also super easygoing and have no problem admitting when they messed up (which only adds to their charm even more). Usually physically really fit/attractive. I didn’t add the harder aspects (conjunction, square, opp) mostly because although they can be extremely charming & have great sex appeal I notice their seduction techniques can be a little overbearing? They can come off as way to strong sometimes and scare off their object of desire (especially in the conjunction & square). They can be more selfish & get really aggressive when they don’t get what they want. They can struggle with getting bored in relationships easier than those with these in a softer aspect (trines & sextiles can keep healthier relationships). Harder aspects can become very forceful with their affection if denied. Especially in the SQUARE/opposition.
Jupiter in the 2nd house: most millionaires/billionaires I see have this placement. I notice they could’ve also been raised with money which gave them a push in life compared to others. I’ve also seen people who came from poverty with this and became super successful. This is a huge entrepreneur placement. Business comes very naturally to these people & are usually money driven from a very young age. They usually have a talent that gets them a lot of money in their life. Can have a big fear of losing money however and being in poverty.
Sun/venus: these people are usually pretty likeable. I notice these people have the ability to mold into whatever crowd they are involved with which usually wins them a lot of admirers. They can either come off as super charismatic or super phony but regardless people still eat them up. They try hard to be agreeable and tell people what they want to hear to boost their egos. So regardless if it comes off a little fake they know how to make others feel really good. This can be a big fame placement as well since a lot of celebrities have this. A lot dreamed of being really well known or popular from a very young age.
MC in aspect to Venus (conjunct or trine): these are usually considered the prettiest people in the workplace. Could get a long well with coworkers & many people can have crushes on them. I’ve seen these people get huge tips at work for just looking good. Has more of an opportunity to get hired or promoted because of beauty. They are that coworker that makes more than you and barely does any work😭😂 being so pretty and likeable people tend to give them more leeway than with others.
Mars in 8th house: this gives witch girl vibes. Similar to Pluto/venus people can become very obsessed with them. They tend to have a lot of stalkers or exes that still hit them up after years. These people are SUPER magnetic & their sex is very addictive. It can be extremely hard to move on from these people. I’ve seen people with this get hexed from spiteful lovers or have love spells be put on them, I’ve seen people break into their house (mostly exes or sneaky links). Be careful when dealing with someone with this placement it’s very hard to let go of them once you’re hooked.
Beauty asteroids on the ascendant (Apollo, Aphrodite, Eros, Cupido, Casanova) the people I’ve seen with any of these aspects look like they’ve been carved by the gods. They are so beautiful to look at. Apollo gives a similar vibe to having a Leo rising but gives a more glowy and godlike effect, people can easily become in awe of the individuals & see them as really cool. Aphrodite on the ascendant is kinda a no brainer gives an otherworldly like beauty a lot of famous models have this placement. Cupido & Eros on the ascendant give a more flirty typa vibe and enjoy games of seduction. They are able to seduce anyone with just a look in their eyes, their eyes are their weapon to pulling.. I kid you not how they look at you will make your knees go weak they flirt thru their eyes. Casanova on the ascendant is the king/queens of sweet talking.. they can talk their way out of anything & talk their way into your pants quick😩 they give a sorta bad boy/girl vibe but it’s so hard to say no to them they are so darn charming!
Sorry it took so long to make a part two been working a lot lately😩
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whorelaud · 2 months ago
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OFF LIMITS – rafe cameron ¡ (07)
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social media & irl AU !
pairing brother's best friend!rafe cameron x brat!reader summary you slide into a random boy's dms on instagram, anything but expecting him to end up being your brother's best friend, let alone the person you'll be spending your summer vacation with. while resisting Rafe and his lingering gazes was an option, you found yourself in the constant loop of crossing the line; said line being your brother. ch content mature content, nsfw (nothing too explicit, it gets interrupted), suggestive, making out, pet names, unresolved tension, fluff, sexual jokes, desperate rafe (mhmmmm), brief mention of cocaine
NAVIGATION. series masterlist | 06 ! 07 ¡ 08
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↳ yourusername replied to your story: hey… that’s not very nice :( 
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Rafe kissed you. 
It wasn’t a dream, nor was it accidental. Rafe Cameron, whom you marked off limits, kissed you, and hell, did you enjoy every second of it. 
From that moment on, every minute you spent within his presence felt like living on edge; sneaking behind your brother’s back to enjoy his company, aware of the consequences, and the heartbreak that would result out of the truth. 
Liking Rafe was like a calm after the storm, the moment your eyes land on him, time stops, and you forget all your worries. How were you supposed to resist him, when he’s your only escape from reality? The only person who’s ever made your heart rate increase in pace within a span of seconds. 
Getting a casual conversation out of a guy, without it oscillating to something sexual was difficult in this society, however, with Rafe, it was easy. His eyes bloomed with more than just lust, it made all your doubts about finding the one fade, and that alone, would have younger you screaming. 
Because what do you mean there’s a man out there that lines up with everything you’ve dreamed of and more, the puzzle you’ve been missing your whole life, merely for him to end up being your brother’s best friend, someone so forbidden, it burns when his touch lingers.
A bob formed in your throat, one hard to swallow down, that as much as it stings, you chose to bear it, even if it goes against the trust you formed with your brother. You told yourself it was okay, Ryan won’t overreact if he found out, right?
With a few touches, you managed to head downstairs, with everyone rushing you to come out, starting with Ryan, who somehow managed to call you fifteen times in the span of a minute. To your surprise, it wasn’t him driving, though, but Rafe? 
You slightly halted when he greeted you with a smile, one hidden from everyone else’s eyes. A pair of sunglasses hugged the bridge of his nose, covering the glint of cockiness swelling through his gaze. 
Reaching for the door handle, you quickly smiled at the sight of Sarah as she perked up from her seat once she seized sight of you. A grin formed on your lips, joining the girl’s side, completely forgetting yourself in her embrace, that Ryan’s scoldings barely registered in your system.
“Your brother is such a dick,” she joked, eyebrows furrowing with fake annoyance. “I couldn’t even properly get ready ‘cause of him.” 
“Me?” He gasped, irritated by the ‘false’ remark. “You’re the one busy eating your boyfriend’s face!” 
“Why am I getting involved?” John B chimed from Sarah’s side. “I was helping her out.” 
“Yeah?” Ryan muttered in a mocking tone, “How so?” 
“I do not want to know that.” Rafe clicked his teeth, dismissing Ryan’s question with his statement. 
“You shut the fuck up.” Ryan scoffed, a sour expression smeared over his face. “Lending JJ my car? God knows what will happen to it.” 
“JJ’s not a bad driver…” you trailed off, earning a dirty glare from your brother. “What?! Unless he’s drunk off his mind, then you’re good. He was always in charge of Twinkie.” 
“That horrendous Van?” Ryan asked, voice filled with disbelief. “My baby and that ugly thing are two different things, don’t you dare compare them.” 
“Alright man,” John B started, “At least it gets the job done.” 
“Why are you picking a fight with everyone?” Rafe chuckled, pulling out of the driveway. “Sit back and relax, don’t stress your pretty lil’ brain out.” 
“Gross.” Sarah muttered under her breath, nose scrunching with disgust. 
“Can I get aux?” You asked, earning Rafe’s attention as he seeked the chord plugged to the speakers, immediately offering it to you from over his shoulder when it was within his reach. “Thank you.” 
“Mhm.” He hummed, the grogginess in his tone rattling through your chest. 
“Why is she in control of aux?” Ryan perked up at the act, addressing Rafe with his question. “I thought we agreed I’d be in charge.” 
“That’s in bed, baby.” Rafe flashed him a tight-lipped smile, sparing him a glimpse for a second, before his attention was back on the road. His fingers found the curve of Ryan’s jaw, using the tip of the digits to scratch the latter’s chin. 
“Move!” He slapped Rafe’s hand away, lips jutting into a frown. “Why’s everyone ganging up on me today?” 
“‘Kay, stop acting like a bitch.” You started, further getting on your brother’s nerves. “Should’ve stayed home.” 
Rafe’s arm blocked Ryan from shooting off his seat, a glint of amusement smothering through his expression. If one could calm Ryan, it was definitely Rafe. Considering their differences, they get along quite well, perhaps why they’ve made it together far this long. 
The rest of the car ride filled with havoc, as both you and Sarah sang along to the lyrics, while John B sat back and watched, admiring his girlfriend with so much love, you were envious. Oh to openly stare and have it not be a problem; was that too much to ask for? 
A pit of jealousy laid low in your stomach, gaze shifting back to Rafe, whose eyes were glued to the road. Or so you thought, as his pupils caught you staring through the rearview mirror, not breaking the contact in hopes of you noticing him, even for a mere second. 
The action was cut short when Ryan took notice of the situation, eyebrows furrowing with puzzlement as he directed his attention to you in a swift movement. His face pressed to the leather seats, reaching over the dashboard, and flicking your arm with the intent of capturing your focus. 
“Where’s your wallet?” He asked, voice muffled due to the melody playing in the background. 
“My wallet?” You repeated, afraid you heard the phrase wrong. “Why do you need my wallet?” 
“I put my ID in there,” he explained, searching for the object with his gaze. “Figured you’d have it on you.” 
You rolled your eyes, patting around your seat, in an attempt to grab your wallet, instantly coming to a halt as realization washed over. “Wait.” 
“What?” Ryan mumbled. 
“Did I get my wallet?” You asked, the question mostly to yourself. “I think I forgot my wallet.” You stated, peeking down the seats, in case it fell by accident. “You idiot, this is all your fault!” 
“How is it my fault?!” He shot back, “Who forgets their wallet? That’s totally on you!” 
“Yeah, own one then come talk.” You stifled out a sarcastic laugh, crying out with frustration. “This is so annoying, can’t we go back?” 
“That’s a twenty minute drive from here.” Rafe answered, “I’d go back, but that would delay our plans.” 
“Yeah,” Sarah agreed, rubbing soothing circles to the blade of your shoulder. “It’s fine, you can jus’ use my card, baby.” 
“It’s okay Sarah,” you groaned, falling back in your seat. “That’s not necessary.” 
“Oh come on, are you scared I’ll put you on a budget?” Sarah teased, attempting to ease your discomfort. “Don’t worry, I’ll sugar mama you.” 
A giggled escaped your throat at her words, mockingly sticking out your tongue when Ryan flipped you off. While Sarah strived to comfort you, worry yet washed over your expression, contemplating how you were going to spend the next few hours, with nothing but your phone on you. 
The passing few minutes felt like an eternity upon your arrival, quickly joined by your friends once Rafe was all parked. It was fun, despite your friends insisting they’d pay for you, you still refused, shaking your head anytime they offered to buy you something that caught your interest. 
Rafe noticed your shift in mood, cracking a joke every now and then, for a mere reaction out of you. And surprisingly, it worked, the latter managed to squeeze a giggle out of you, ridiculed by the horrible dad jokes he added in between conversations. 
“Is it hot?” Rafe questioned, eyebrows furrowing with concern at the droplets of sweat trickling down your neck. 
“Hmm?” You hummed, lips jutting with confusion. “It’s not bad.” 
“Yeah?” He teased, gaze flickering to your hand, as you patted your neck dry with the gesture. “Want something to drink?” 
“What? No.” You shook your head, admiring while your friends observed the handbags displayed on the counter. “I’m fine.” 
“Hey uh,” Rafe’s voice suddenly broke out, earning everyone’s attention in the process. “We’re grabbing drinks, do you guys want anything?
Your gaze fixed on Rafe with disbelief, taken aback when he tugged your wrist, nodding along to your friends’ requests. Ryan took in the scene with confusion, mind racing with all sorts of thoughts, over why he shouldn’t reach over and yank Rafe’s hold off, forcing the fact that he was his best friend, he wouldn’t do such a thing, and betray his trust. 
And if Rafe saw, he didn’t say a thing, choosing to not acknowledge it as he dragged you with him to the main lobby surrounded by different varieties of fast foods’ restaurants. Rafe let go of your hand, upon standing in line, with you already missing the warmness of his touch, breath hitching when he stood close enough for you to take a whiff of his musky cologne.
“Hey, how are you doing?” Rafe flashed the cashier a polite smile once it was your turn, eyes hovering over the menu displayed on the screens. “Can I get a uhh…” 
You took Rafe's side while he listed your friends’ orders, stiffening when he turned to face you, with the purpose of asking for what you wanted. “I’ll get a milkshake.” 
“Okay,” he nodded, observing the milkshake options on the menu. “What flavor would you like?” 
“Whatever that’s available.” You stammered, clearing your throat as your eyes flickered to where Rafe was looking, trailing off before you muttered your next sentence. “Chocolate’s fine.” 
“We’ll take one chocolate milkshake, then.” Rafe informed the cashier, flashing him a tight-lipped smile as he handed him his card. 
The cashier passed Rafe the receipt, politely asking you two to step to the side, while waiting for your order to finish. You obliged to the request, following in Rafe’s steps as he took a corner, snorting when he plopped his arm over the counter, for the mere purpose of supporting his weight. 
“What?” He chuckled, toying with the straws presented in the cup. “What’s so funny, Bug?” 
“Don’t call me that.” You jokingly huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. 
“Is this about your wallet?” He cooed, poking your side with one of the straws. “Why are you upset?”
“I’m not upset.” You repeated, denying the assumption, though the boy had you practically figured out. “You’re annoying.” 
“Yeah, and you’re grumpy.” He scrunched his nose, the gesture playful, teasing you in a way. “Whatever you want, buy it, I’ll pay for you.” 
“I spend a lot of money, Rafe.” You uttered, ridiculed by his words. “Sure you can handle it?” 
“Well,” he leaned down, voice dropping barely above a whisper. “Can you spend as much as I can earn?” 
That earned a scuff out of you, rolling your eyes as you lightly smacked his shoulder, the action rattling a chuckle out of Rafe. Your face flushed with heat , remaining silent to suppress your flustered state from taking over your expression. 
It didn’t take long before you were heading back, with the drinks ceased in your hold, as well as Rafe’s. Your friends were quick to help out, handing each person their order, while they offered you a smile of gratitude in return for your act of kindness. 
Conversation with Rafe flowed like water, lifting your spirits, and cracking a smile of you every time he’d lean down and whisper hushed words into your ears. The action was subtle, you were sure none of your friends picked up on the way you’d tense each time Rafe stood too close, or made his presence known, shamefully letting his gaze flicker to your parted lips while your brother stood a few inches away, unaware of the latter’s intentions, and the tension seeping through the thick air. 
Speaking of Ryan, the boy wandered off, leaving you and your friends behind, though that swiftly oscillated as each of you split into pairs, leaving you with Rafe, who did everything in his power to cut through the silence building up. 
You brushed off his statements with short sentences, your dry responses settling a pang of guilt through your chest, intents far from hurting the latter, only realizing the switch in Rafe’s mood after you glanced up, and noticed the look of disappointment smothered all over his face. 
Your attention fixed on the several fragrance bottles splayed on the shelf, misting the aroma over the paper samples to sniff each one. Rafe stood and watched, whirling your shake (God knows how that ended up in his hold) around with a lack of enthusiasm, failing to hide the fact that he wasn’t interested in what you were doing. 
One of the perfumes piqued your curiosity, spraying it on your wrist to take another whiff, the soft vanilla scent intoxicating your senses. You suddenly turned to face Rafe, a smile spreading across your lips when he halted, lips extending with confusion at your sudden burst of excitement. 
“What is it?” He mumbled, brows pinching in a knot. 
“This one smells so good,” You uttered, taking a step forward, then pausing to ask your next question. “Do you wanna smell?” 
“Sure.” He instantly straightened up, a sly smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. 
Without thinking, you moved your arm ahead, offering the boy the patch of perfume sprayed on your hand, the action deemed innocent, catching Rafe off guard as he froze. He took a moment to process how close you were, now merely separated by your wrist as it blocked his vision from landing on your face, and hell, did you look pretty up close, though the majority of your features were covered.
Rafe hesitated, processing the risky ponders wandering through his head with haste, letting his impulsive thoughts take over as his fingers seized control of your wrist, inching it closer to his chin before he planted a gentle peck to the palm of your hand. 
His hold lingered around your wrist, his mouth burning hot over your flesh, and spiraling a rush of adrenaline through your veins. A shuddered sigh barely escaped your parted lips, fluttering your eyes up at the latter, your flustered expression not much of help; smearing a mischievous smile across his lips.
“What are you doing?’You stuttered through a breath, hastily retrieving your hand from Rafe’s hold.
“Smelling it,” he explained, acting as if the action was the most normalest thing ever. “You asked me to smell it, did you not?” 
“I did,” you shot back with frustration, pupils narrowing with the flutter of your chest, feeling your pulse quicken under Rafe’s gaze. “I said to smell it, not kiss it.”
“What’s wrong?” He chuckled, pointing his finger in your direction. “Are you shy?” 
“What?” Your face twisted with fake annoyance, glimpsing around before you lightly kicked his knee. “No, Rafe. What if someone saw you?” 
“I don’t care.” He stifled out a sarcastic laugh, amused by your reaction. 
“Yeah?” You forced your lips into a fake smile, ridiculed by Rafe’s lack of worry. “And how will you explain whatever that was to Ryan, Mr. I don’t care?” 
“He’ll understand.” Rafe mocked, grabbing the perfume you sprayed from the shelf. “How can I hold myself back, when you’re this beautiful, baby?”
There it was, baby. The pet name only made your heart race more, the sound so loud, you heard it echoing through your ears.
A hitched breath knocked out of your chest, taken aback by the sudden boldness seeping through Rafe’s tone, your shyness only encouraging him more. You cleared your throat, grabbing the drink from his hold before facing away, afraid you’d crumble if you stared any longer. 
“Shut up.” You dismissed, faking interest in the purses displayed on the shelf. “Don’t do that again.” 
“‘Won’t make any promises.” He clicked his teeth, grabbing a packaged perfume from next to the various ones on display. “Do you want to get it?” 
“No.” You shook your head, politely refusing with a glimpse over your shoulder. “It’s okay.” 
“Alright,” he nodded, streaking past you, and heading straight towards the line. “We’re getting it.” 
“That’s not necessary, Rafe.” You muttered through gritted teeth, avoiding the weird looks you received when Rafe dodged your attempt at snatching the boxed fragrance. 
While you were stubborn, the latter was twice as stubborn as you were, insisting on buying it, despite you refusing. And true to his intentions, Rafe ends up purchasing the perfume for you, a defeated scoff exiting your throat when he flashed you a sheepish grin, proud of his accomplishment. 
A sigh of relief tumbled past your mouth when you spotted Cleo, along with Pope, taking the scene as an opportunity to escape Rafe’s side; though that wasn’t a choice, with the blond practically gluing to you, following in your steps like a lost  puppy. 
It didn’t take long for the rest to join in, deciding it was a good time to leave upon the stores closing, one followed by another. Ryan contently retrieved his keys from JJ, fetching Pope, Cleo, and JJ, while the rest of you stuck in a group, the ride back filling with chaos, as yet, another karaoke session broke out, excpet this time, it involved lots of heartbreaks. 
A new category. 
The majority of your evening was consumed by the ocean waves rocketing, while you and your friends messed around. You let your worries go for once, heart swelling with happiness, one you didn’t think could be ruined.
Things were perfect, as you reunited with your friends, got to spend your summer vacation with them, and you met Rafe. You haven’t been happier since, it terrified you, heart stinging with horror, because you refused to believe this wasn’t ending on a bad note, hence it was a little too perfect.
The night ended off quite earlier than you had expected, with your friends excusing themselves to bed after movie night. Rafe subtly sneaked a smile your way, mouthing ‘goodnight’ before disappearing off to his room. 
That being said, you strived to fall asleep, resetting your progress every time you’d accidently unlatched your eyes, a huff of frustration escaping your throat in the process. You were too overwhelmed to sleep, unable to suppress the foolish grin masking your lips as what happened earlier stumbles across your mind, the vivid image of Rafe’s expression creating a flustered mess out of you. 
You tried not to think about it, being as quiet as physically possible, to avoid stirring Kiara’s slumber, anything but wanting to disturb her sleep. A random video played on your phone, a mere background noise as your brain, yet wandered back to the situation, zoning out, and fully abandoning the device in your hold. 
Your thoughts were interrupted by a ping, attention shifting back to the bright screen, almost gasping when you caught the contact of the sender. 
It was Rafe. (not one person is surprised)
rafe 👍: You awake?
Sent, 12:55 am
You: ?? hello
rafe 👍: Hi baby
Your face flushed with heat, unfamiliar with the latter constantly using pet names, the act surprising, never failing to make your heart flutter. 
You: why are you awake?
rafe 👍: Hmm
rafe 👍: Probably the same reason you are
A laugh stifled out of your throat at the message, hurrying to type back a response.
You: yeah 🤨
You: and what reason must that be
Rafe’s text bubble appeared and disappeared, fingers hesitatingly hovering over the screen, while you awaited the latter’s answer. 
rafe 👍: I 
rafe 👍: I can’t stop thinking about you
rafe: It’s driving me crazy
Oh. 
Oh. 
You: stop being an idiot
You: go to sleep its late
rafe 👍: I’m not fucking around
rafe 👍: Wanna see you so bad
Your eyes fluttered with utmost desire, digging your teeth through your bottom lip, merely to confirm this wasn't a dream. 
You: we’ll see eo tmr 
rafe 👍: You think
rafe 👍: I can wait til’ tomorrow? 
rafe 👍: I can't Yn
rafe 👍: Can I come to your room
You: Huh
You: what
You: for what?
rafe 👍: Js’ wanna see you baby
rafe 👍: Am I not allowed to do that?
You nervously gulped, well aware he wanted more than to just see you; both of you did. 
You: kies asleep
rafe 👍: Okay 
rafe 👍: I’ll be fast
The desperation in his tone squeezes a shy snort out of you, sitting up in bed as you typed out a reply. 
You: don’t come
You: stay in your room
rafe 👍:  What
rafe 👍: Why? 
You: i’ll
You: come to you
rafe 👍: Shit wait
rafe 👍: Are you serious?
rafe 👍: Don’t fuck with me 
You: is anyone by you
rafe 👍: NOo
rafe 👍: No one is by me
rafe 👍: I’m all alone
you: alr
you: im coming
You don’t know whether it was the sleep heaving your eyes, or the desire engulfing your insides,  however, you felt sure of your decision, leisurely pulling the covers off your figure, before you hastily made your way out, with the purpose of seeking Rafe. 
A knock is all it took, with the latter quickly unlatching the door, chest rising and falling with a breath once he caught sight of you. His gaze trailed down to your satin sleep set, perfectly adorning your figure, that holding himself back felt far out of the picture. 
“Hi.” You sheepishly greeted the latter, growing nervous under his gaze. At that, Rafe’s head shoots up, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat. 
“Hey,” he shot back, clutching the doorknob with force. “Come in.” 
You accepted the invitation, steps slow as you let yourself inside, observing the plain furniture, so boring,yet screaming Rafe’s name. “Your room is nice.” 
“Thanks.” He mumbled, scratching the back of his head once he shut the door, eyes roaming everywhere but your face. 
He was starting to regret this, tempting himself when he knows he can’t handle another minute with you this far away, wanting nothing but to seize the distance, cross the now invisible line and fuck it. 
“You’re welcome.” You hummed, lips pursing into a thin line. 
Tension seeped through the air, heaving the atmosphere with lust, desire; all your wants and needs. 
“Why did you want to see me?” You abruptly asked, approaching the door once again, a few feet down from Rafe. A chuckle escaped your lips, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “In the middle of the night, too? You’re not slick, Cameron.”
Mhm, that made things even worse. 
“Do I need a reason to see you now?” He answered you with another question, casually, but deliberately approaching you. “You think I’m that bad?” 
“No.” You whispered, fingers clutching the fabric of your shorts, reminiscing over the memory of his lips colliding with yours after your back firmly pressed to the door, chest immediately swelling with Deja Vu. “It was a joke.” 
“Yeah?” He mumbled, voice dropping to match yours. “You think that night was a mistake?”
“What night?” You stiffened, prior to acknowledging his question, as you’ve done nothing but avoid it over the past few days. 
“The night I kissed you.” He further clarified, his figure swallowing yours as he hovered over you. “You regret it?” 
“Why are you bringing that up?” You nearly choked on your own spit at the confrontation, goosebumps breaking out across your arms when the tip of his fingers lightly traced over your forearm, the sensation like feathers to your flesh. 
“Don’t know,” he replies, vision going blurry. “Wanna know how you feel.” 
A shaky sigh managed its way past your lips, mouth gaping to speak, but instead met with utter silence in return. Rafe’s eyes glinted with keen, seeking an answer out of you; a response to all his problems and more. 
But nothing. 
“I’ll leave.” You started, words far from what you wanted. “It’s getting late.”
Rafe’s face fell at that, chest swelling with disappointment as he shifted to step back, giving you enough space to squeeze through. “Right, you should; ‘s totally my fault for keeping you up.” 
One word. That’s all you wanted to hear; don’t. 
However, you were both idiots, too afraid to express your feelings for each other, hesitating over the possibilities of what if’s.
So what if Ryan found out? 
You like Rafe, so much it stings knowing you can’t have him, your said brother being the reason he’s forbidden. He’s your blood, though, him of all people should know how much this means to you, hence he’s witnessed all your horrific experiences with dating. 
Telling Ryan wasn’t the problem, it was you all along; teetering to make the first move, let your impulsive thoughts win and claim him, move forward and crash your lips on his, it was all on you for putting other people’s priorities over yours. 
Putting yourself first spoke like no other, and that’s exactly what you did as you grabbed Rafe by the collar of his shirt, wasting no time before you collided his lips with yours. 
Rafe’s eyes widened with shock, arms awkwardly hanging to his sides as you captured his bottom lip in between your own, proceeding with the gesture when you angled your head to the side, intending to deepen the kiss. 
Rafe didn’t do anything though, he froze in his spot, not daring to move, even after you mustered up the courage to kiss him. Panic immediately washed over as you pulled away, mouth moving faster than your brain while muttering your next words. 
“Shit, I’m sorry.” You apologized, guilt evident in your expression. “I thought you wanted this– I didn’t mean to force anything on you, we can jus’ act like this never happened, I don’t m–”
Your rambling cut short, interrupted when Rafe sweeped you in an eager kiss, the action desperate, seeking closure through it. You contently kissed him back, yelping when his arm found the curve of your waist, applying enough pressure to seize control of your body. 
The latter almost stumbled over his own feet, nearly falling in the process of leading you to the bed. Rafe took action when he noticed your struggle to keep up, hands traveling to the back of your thighs, and before you knew it, the boy scooped you in a swift movement, your legs latching to his sides for support.
Your arms wrapped around Rafe’s neck, moaning as he nibbled the plump of your lip with the graze of his teeth, using your parted lips as an opportunity to slide his tongue in your mouth, letting the warmth of your spit coat his own. 
His tongue swirled over yours, managing to plop himself on the edge of the bed, all while squeezing and kneeding your ass, chasing after your pleasure with each time you squirmed in his hold. 
“Fuck,” rafe muffled in between kisses, “Taste so fuckin’ good, baby.” 
A moan rolls off your tongue at the praise, mind hazing with despair as Rafe’s hot breath fanned over your face, the warmth tickling your skin, and sending shivers down your spine. Rafe wasted no time, fingers finding the hem of your shirt, the tip of his digits teasingly toying with it.
You whined into his mouth, protesting to the wait he’s putting you through, hips unintentionally rolling down over his crotch in the process, almost folding when you felt him twitch at the gesture. Rafe hissed at the contact, swiftly pressing your hips down in place, the hardon in his pants not being much of help. 
“Don’t fucking do that.” He grunted, lips ghosting over yours. “God, you’re killing me.” 
“Rafeee,” you cooed, throwing your head back with the intent of arching your back, panties now soaked with your juices. “Feels s’ good.” 
“You’re a mess.” Rafe teased, stifling out a laugh. He purposely halted, testing your limits, and how far you can go without crumbling in his hold. “So desperate for me, aren’t you?.” 
“Fucking do something.” Your nails dug to his shoulders with force, well aware your hold would bruise, already forming red marks with the touch. “Don’t jus’ tease me.” 
“You’re being a brat.” He chuckled with amusement, gaze landing on your cleavage, now half exposed from him groping the delicate flesh. “Thought you were a good girl, baby.” 
At that, your breath hitched, forehead leaning against Rafe’s when his fingers lightly traced over your breasts, the sensation like feathers to your skin. He licked a stripe of your tit, the warmth of his spit coating the outer shell of your boob. 
Rafe took your chest in his hold, action falling short as a knock suddenly erupted through the door, startling both of you out of your haze and despair. You instantly froze, pushing Rafe off to spare him a glance, almost as if to ask what the noise was. 
“Aye Rafe.” The familiar voice echoed through your ears, causing your heart to sink to the pit of your stomach. “Are you in there?” 
“That’s Ryan.” Rafe beat you to speaking, words stating the obvious. 
“No shit it’s Ryan.” You sarcastically whisper-yelled, “What is he doing here?” 
“I don’t know!” Rafe shrugged his shoulders. “I thought he was asleep.” 
Both of you turned with panic when the doorknob twisted back and fourth, indicating the latter was trying to open the door. “Aye come on, open up; I know you’re awake.” 
“Shit, we’re in trouble.” You nervously bit your lip, scrambling to get off his lap. Rafe fixed his shirt, adjusting his position to hide the hardon visible in his pants. “What do we do?” 
“Okay– shit, wait.” Rafe took a breath, observing the room with frustration. “I’ll hide in the closet, you open the door and shoo him away.” 
“It’s your room, dude.” Your face scrunched with disbelief, “I’m the one that should be hiding.” 
“No, yeah, right.” The latter nodded, pacing back and forth. “Where should you hide?” 
“Not the closet,” you shook your head, checking under the bed. “I’m claustrophobic.” 
“Under the bed?” Rafe suggested, eyeing the somewhat narrowed place, though it was slightly bigger than the said closet.
“Okay–” you winced as another thud erupted through the door, rushing to bend down, and slide under the bed. “Be fast, please.” 
Rafe nodded, flashing you a reassuring smile before fixing up the covers, vision now glistening with dimness. You perked up at the sound of the door creaking, groaning when Ryan’s footsteps practically shook the floor. He plopped himself on the bed, with Rafe hissing at the gesture, knowing your brother probably startled you with the action. 
And he did, but that wasn’t the point. 
“What are you doing here?” Rafe asked, sprawling himself next to Ryan. 
“I got some yayo,” Ryan whispered with a chuckle, probably already high by the tone of his voice. “Figured we could smoke it together.” 
“At one past midnight?” Rafe argued. 
“So what?” Ryan shrugged, ruffling his hand in the plastic bag he spread out on the bed. “You’re actin’ as if we’ve never done it before, this is not– wait, what?” 
Rafe paused before responding, face turning pale. “What?” 
“Is that Bug’s phone?” Ryan questioned, smile fading off his lips. “What is my sister’s phone doing in your room?”
Shit, your phone.
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a/n all support is v much appreciated!! i honestly have no idea how i got this out bye literally stress wrote almost the whole thing and im surviving off three hours of sleep mind you for the past two days AND i also finished most of this on the plane so feel special... i cherish my plane rides but i put you guys first since ily 😣 that being said i spent the past like eight hours finishing it up HELP yeah sorry to disappoint mama tried her best 💔 nsfw part is not detailed on purpose i want to put my badussy for their first time yeah (it wont be explicit dw) 💪💪
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stellarsecrets86 · 2 months ago
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Powerful Placements In Astrology
Other posts you might like:
Masterlist
{PS: These are my own interpretations. For entertainment purposes only. Have Fun💚.}
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★Capricorn rising and the Capricorn Moon exudes power wherever they go doesn’t matter if they want it or not.
★Mars in the 1st house, you love "Imagine Dragons", don't you?😄
★North Node represents the karmic debt of this life, but that does not mean it’s bad or something. The sign of the north node represents where you are the most interested in and will work the hardest for.
Ex: Elon Musk has his north node in Aquarius. His life is all about the aquarian theme as it should be.
★If Pluto is in the same sign as your Sun or Jupiter or both, (doesn't have to be a conjunction) this specific sign becomes a very strong part of your identity.
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Ex: Nelson Mandela has cancer Pluto with Sun and Jupiter. Mandela is loved the most because of his ability of forgiveness and bringing peace to his people.
★Taurus Stellium can make someone cold blooded.
★Lilith in the 1st house or conjunct asc is a strong/intimidating placement to have. Though these people will accumulate this undeniable confidence and dark aura later in life.
★Pluto in the 1st House creates an intense, transformative personality. These individuals have a magnetic presence and an innate ability to rise from challenges stronger, embodying resilience and personal power.
★Saturn in the 8th House is known for mastering fears and understanding life’s mysteries.
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★Chiron in the 6th House is the "wounded healer". This placement emphasizes growth through overcoming health or work-related challenges. It often leads to a career in healing or helping others.
★Uranus in the 4th House can bring innovative changes to their homes or communities.
★Venus in 12th, people love you much more than you can imagine but they just can't show it or don’t want to show it.(Blame your 12th house for that.😄)
★If you have Mercury in the 9th, you are a natural philosopher and seeker of wisdom. You can have interests in foreign languages and cultures.
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★ Sun conjunct MC individuals are naturally drawn to leadership roles and often leave a lasting legacy in their field.
★ Mars in Scorpio people is one of the specific placements, I have seen that make individuals(Men and Women) very strong physically.(You don’t have to have six packs for that 😂)
★Lilith or Pluto in the 5th individuals challenge societal norms in art, romance, or how they approach their passions.
★Mars in the 11th house creates natural leaders in social movements or innovators in technology and networking.
★Jupiter in the 12th house is under the hidden source of luck and divine protection. These individuals often find blessings in moments of solitude or helping others selflessly.
★Moon is in the 8th, you will never know their emotional depth and psychic sensitivity.
★Mercury/ Moon / Both in Pisces will read you like an X-ray machine.
★Jupiter in Sagittarius is such a powerful healer placement.
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★Pluto in the 10th house is a placement for immense power and influence in the career.
★Mars in the 3rd House is a fiery and assertive business owner. They are afraid of nothing.
★ Moon is in Mars Sign (Aries, Scorpio), you are a brand yourself. (Am I surprised? 😃)
Ex: Kylie Jenner, Selena Gomez, Rihanna.
★ Whole chart is important to see if someone has a powerful screen presence. But boy, Cillian Murphy has Mercury in Taurus and North node in Scorpio. (If you know, you know😄)
1K notes · View notes
astonmartinii · 7 months ago
Text
match my freak | yuki tsunoda social media au
pairing: yuki tsunoda x fem rugby player reader
there's only one person who can match the yuki tsunoda radio freak...
MAIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
.・゜゜・ part of the aston martini summer olympics ・゜゜・.
yukitsunoda0511
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liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo and 384,098 others
tagged: yourusername
yukitsunoda0511: spa was fine i guess, time to spend my summer break in france (ew) supporting the love of my life (yay)
view all comments
user1: 'fine i guess' as if we didn't get YOINTS
user2: tbf if my gf looked like that, points also wouldn't matter to me
pierregasly: FRANCE (EW)??? DID OUR HOMOEROTIC TENSION MEAN NOTHING???
yukitsunoda0511: oh so when i diss france we had homoerotic tension but when i said we were boyfriends i went too far 🤨
pierregasly: diss me all you want but not the homeland?
yukitsunoda0511: fine, i will from 5pm tomorrow
pierregasly: ???
yukitsunoda0511: because y/n will be there and therefore it will be the ONLY country in existence
pierregasly: i give up
user3: i need a man this down bad for me asap
user4: maybe it's time to lower my height requirements :(
yourusername: it's not how tall you are but how you are tall
user5: idk what the fuck that means
yourusername: IT MEANS SHORT KINGS PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT WHY DO I HAVE TO SPELL OUT EVERYTHING? WHERE IS THE MEDIA LITERACY? THE READ COMPREHENSION?
user6: okay i think i now know ^^ why y/n and yuki are so good together
user7: i need someone to edit together their most iconic on field and radio moments together please for my mental health
yourusername: that's a crazy coincidence because the love of MY life will also be in paris 🤨
yukitsunoda0511: well i bet i love my love of my life more than you love your love of your life
yourusername: NUH UH
yukitsunoda0511: yep :PPPPPPP
yourusername: u wanna fight?
yukitsunoda0511: yes actually!
yourusername: well soz babe i can't get all hot and bothered before competing 🤷‍♀️
yukitsunoda0511: BORING
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yourusername
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liked by danielricciardo, pierregasly and 318,905 others
tagged: yukitsunoda
yourusername: seeing yuki again: 10/10 ... realising he's not allowed in the olympic village and there's only cardboard beds anyway -100,000/10
view all comments
user12: so i suddenly understand why they give out so many condoms at the olympics
user13: why do they all go so feral?
yourusername: have you seen my man?
yourusername: AND THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION TO SHOW OFF MY HANDSOME LITTLE MAN NOT AN INVITATION FOR YOU BITCHES TO THIRST
user14: noted 😔
pierregasly: i'm the one with a bad digital footprint but you're out here being just as horny as me on main
yourusername: i am allowed to ?
pierregasly: and i'm not allowed to?
yourusername: no
pierregasly: so fuck me i guess?
yourusername: let me be a woman in a male dominated field (being gross online)
yukitsunoda0511: yeah pierre stop trying to minimise womens' voices
pierregasly: how am i the bad guy again?
yourusername: man ❤️
pierregasly: yuki is a man?
yourusername: he's MY man which means he's been closely vetted and is basically one of the girls now
user14: i know visa cashapp rb or whatever the fuck they're called hate to see them coming
user15: it's the fact she's taller than most of the mechanics and she is always watching over them
yukitsunoda0511: i missed you so much but i can't wait to watch you beat the shit out of the competition
yourusername: for you, anything
yukitsunoda0511: a gold? so at least one of us can be world champion 🥺
yourusername: i'll win gold for you and then schedule in a friendly visit to see helmut
yukitsunoda0511: i think your mere presence could give him a heart attack
yourusername: oh well
user16: so real of her
olympics
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liked by yukitsunoda0511, landonorris and 1,209,678 others
tagged: newzealandrubgy
olympics: the women's rugby final saw gold go home to new zealand!
view all comments
user17: okay yuki i am SEEING THE VISION
user18: i watched this game to see her and i am a changed woman
user19: i am no better than a man
danielricciardo: my personal favourite moment was when y/n clotheslined that poor girl, laughed in her face and said if she tried to get past her again she'd make trinket dishes out of her knee caps
yourusername: why thank you, i think my wit is my least appreciated part of my game
danielricciardo: i think we should honestly get you in the commentary box
yourusername: i'd make mince meat of crofty, he'd never say anything about yuki's radios again
danielricciardo: can you tell them to stop telling me to retire while you're at it?
yourusername: sure, i'm feeling generous
danielricciardo: a gold medal will do that to you
user20: so they weren't joking when they said that her and yuki are just the same person in different fonts ?
user21: my commentary team apologised about 20 times for her swearing on the broadcast but then they kept bursting out laughing whenever she said anything
yukitsunoda0511: HOLY FUCKING SHIT
yukitsunoda0511: GOAT GOAT GOAT MY GIRLFRIEND IS THE GOAT
yukitsunoda0511: i'm so proud, i love you y/n 🫶🏻🥹❤️‍🩹
yourusername: i love you too boo
yukitsunoda0511: can they let me in the room now? i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(
yourusername: of course, i can't celebrate properly without you
yukitsunoda0511: 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
user22: picturing yuki waiting outside the team room is so cute
user23: the nz team instagram posted a pic of it on their story he had flowers and balloons (∩˃o˂∩)♡
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yukitsunoda0511
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liked by pierregasly, maxverstappen1 and 893,401 others
tagged: yourusername
yukitsunoda0511: she matches my freak :)
view all comments
user25: oh believe me we know
user26: i'm like a confusing mix of scared AND turned on
yukitsunoda0511: you keep that to yourself
user27: okay sir 🤨
yukitsunoda0511: you can look but you can't touch :P
yukitsunoda0511: actually don't even look
yukitsunoda0511: don't even think about her ( 。 •̀ ᴖ •́ 。)
user28: this man is insane, i love him
yourusername: you LIKE HIM YOU APPRECIATE HIM FROM AFAR YOU MAYBE HAVE A PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP YOU DON'T LOVE HIM THAT'S FOR ME AND ME ONLY
user29: oh they weren't joking about matching each other's freaks
yourusername: there's no one else i'd like to be a lil gremlin with :3
yukitsunoda0511: gremlins forever with you <3
yourusername: sounds like paradise to me !!
yukitsunoda0511: i'm on it ✍🏻
user30: is he going to propose ???
user31: hopefully (ㅅ •᷄ ₃•᷅ )
pierregasly: yeah i guess you guys are kinda cute
yukitsunoda0511: kINDA?
yourusername: i know this man ain't speaking on us
yourusername: kika is the face economy in that relationship
yourusername: her back must hurt from carrying the style in this couple
francisca.cgomez: well 🥹
pierregasly: WHAT ? HOW ?
yukitsunoda0511: don't call my girlfriend kinda cute then 🤨
user32: good lord
fin.
note: she's back !!!!!
1K notes · View notes
povlnfour · 1 year ago
Text
ੈ✩‧₊˚ CONTENT CREATION (CL16)
pairing: charles leclerc x f!reader
summary: when ferrari hire a new content creator to help their social media presence, fans start noticing a certain friendship developing between her and their star driver.
*face claim: dina denoire (but please imagine her as you see fit)
scuderiaferrari just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by 209,885 people
scuderiaferrari we’re all smiling and relaxing on media days📸
view all comments
user who is taking such good photos when did ferrari care about their social media
user okay loving all this content we are getting lately but what changed admin
user charles wearing white jeans gives me anxiety
user ferrari cooking something
ferrari just posted a reel ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by 451,209 people
scuderiaferrari charles’ comments after the race have left us craving something 🍕
view all comments
user SO THAT WAS A GIRL’S VOICE RIGHT.
user IS THE NEW HIRE A GIRL
user so you DID hire a new media person… i knew all this content was too good to be true
ferrari just posted a tiktok ੈ✩‧₊˚
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84k likes, 1.2k comments, 1k shares
video captions:
[carlos: is my person attractive?
charles *laughing*
carlos: that tells me everything!
charles: yes she is!
carlos: is it y/n then?
charles: i’m saying nothing]
ferrari charles and carlos play who am i featuring the members of our ferrari team!👀
top comments
user CHARLES WHAT DO U MEAN UR SAYING NOTHING.
user WHO IS Y/N AND WHY DOES SHE HAVE CHARLES LAUGHING LIKE THAT
user okay but carlos knowing he was immediately y/n from the way charles blushed👀 what does he know that we don’t she must be hot
user admin give us a y/n reveal💳💳💳
ferrari just posted a tiktok ੈ✩‧₊˚
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39.8k likes, 415 comments, 890 saves
ferrari what time do our team arrive for our meeting?
top comments
user THIS IS THE FAMOUS Y/N???? SUDDENLY I UNDERSTAND CHARLES
user UMMM WHO IS THE GIRL
user double checking their team on the website it would appear she’s the content creator👀
user the one charles keeps mentioning???
user wait what time did the meeting start😭
yourusername 5… some of us were late
user IS THIS HER ACCOUNT BC IF SO…???? IM PANICKING SHES SO HOT
yourusername hi😭😭 yes this is me!!!
user oh my god she’s so hot
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 56,408 others
yourusername first few months of many travelling the world have been a dream. grazi ferrari❤️
view all comments
user FINALLY FOUND UR ACCOUNT IVE BEEN WANTING TO SCREAM ABOUT HOW HOT YOU ARE FOR AGES
user was so focused on you i didn’t even notice the photo of charles
charles_leclerc no photo credits?
yourusername WAH WAH WAH
user how does it feel to liVE MY DREAM
yourusername pretty incredible tbh
ferrari just posted a video ੈ✩‧₊˚
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[video captions:
CARLOS: who is most likely to be late because they overslept?
CHARLES: *laughing* probably y/n. she’s always late. i don’t think i’ve seen her be on time to a single meeting yet. she’s also notoriously hard to wake up and sleeps through her alarms and being shaken!
CARLOS: *teasing* you speak from experience, no?
CHARLES: *laughing* i’ve definitely struggled to wake her up a few times!]
twitter reacts ੈ✩‧₊˚
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charles_leclerc just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 561,356 others
charles_leclerc enjoying the summer break
view all comments
user IS THAT Y/N?
user so ferraris content creator gets to see charles shirtless ? where do i apply
yourusername nO pHoTo CrEdItS?!😤😤😤
user GET HIM
user not to be that person but if they went on holiday together that means they probably shared a hotel room right…
user oh they’re totally doing it
user can’t blame her at all i would too
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 98,406 others
yourusername some well deserved time off🫶
view all comments
user UMMM THE SECOND PHOTO??? ITS GIVING BOYFRIEND
user BESTIE WE ALL KNOW UR TOGETHER JUST MAKE IT OFFICIAL‼️
user this is confirmation in my head
formula1 just posted a video ੈ✩‧₊˚
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[video captions:
CHARLES: y/n how do i look?
Y/N: you look alright.
CHARLES: just alright? oh my god my heart is broken.]
top comments
user WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR HEART IS BROKEN CHARLES WHY IS HER OPINION SO IMPORTANT TO YOU👀
user oh so they spend the whole summer break together and now they’re in love????
user charles and y/n just announce you’re dating already i beg
user a whole formula 1 video and the first thing charles thinks of is to ask for y/n’s opinion… yeah we’ve lost him guys
user fr and i can’t even blame him have you SEEN her
yourusername just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by charles_leclerc and 98,406 others
yourusername thanks idiot for mentioning my name constantly on the internet. glad to know i’m always on your mind (you’re on mine too)
view all comments
user OH MY GOD I KNEW IT
user TEARS THEYRE SO CUTE
user not ferrari playing matchmaker😭
charles_leclerc i love you. sorry i had to scream about it, glad i can do it double time now
charles_leclerc just posted a photo ੈ✩‧₊˚
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liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 561,356 others
charles_leclerc shout out to ferrari for introducing me to the girl of my dreams and only being minorly annoyed when i decided to make her mine
view all comments
user SO REALLLL
user MOTHER AND FATHER!!! ITS OFFICIAL
user when will I have my fanfic worthy love story
carlossainz55 i can’t wait to third wheel for the rest of our career together
yourusername you love us really
carlossainz55 i do. i really do
—————
taglist (found here): @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call @skatingiswalkingincursive @peqch-pie @m0cha-bunny @ironmaiden1313 @champagnelovers101 @alessioayla @hobiismyhopeu @mingkyungseokie @woozarts @he6rtshaker @iluvvmeeee @goldenalbon @lucyysthings
as always, comments, likes, reblogs asks etc etc etc always greatly appreciated🫶 had a lot of fun w this one hehe
- giselle xx
4K notes · View notes