astonmartinii

[astonmartinii]

let me at em' | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem albon reader

alex’s sister goes on love island and has a horrible time… good thing there’s someone waiting who knows how to treat her

MASTERLIST | OSCAR PIASTRI MASTERLIST

loveisland

liked by alexalbon, georgerussell63 and 302,099 others

tagged: yourusername

loveisland: meet another one of the new islanders! y/n albon is a fashion designer from london… and yes she is the baby sister of formula one driver alex albon!

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user1: finally some good fucking casting for love island

user2: i mean she looks good but like is she going to be good tv?

user3: i’ve just deepdived on her tiktok and it seems like she makes her brother’s life hell when he’s with her

user4: f1 fans know she’s an icon and a menace

alexalbon: take care of my baby sister itv or else

alexalbon: i’d threaten you with lawyers but i’m the broke f1 driver

maxverstappen1: you can have mine!

alexalbon: thank you max

alexalbon: let any crusty man fuck with my sister and you’ll have max verstappen’s lawyers to deal with

user5: can the f1 fans like fill us in on her personality and stuff!!!!

user6: she’s very much like alex in that she’s very playful but also very sarcastic - she’s close to a lot of the grid, having known a lot of them for a very very long time!

user7: oh she’s such a lovergirl it’s insane

user8: her last relationship was so cute on her side, like she’s very much a gift giving person and puts everything into the relationship - you can tell because she was destroyed by the breakup

user9: ^^ this makes me a little scared because love island do not have a good track record with men who treat women right

user10: i am not looking forward to them fumbling her - especially when they find out who she’s connected to

user11: i hope she keeps her brother to herself so none of the boys try and take advantage

alexalbon: can yall stop you’re freaking me THE FUCK OUT

alexalbon

liked by oscarpiastri, georgerussell63 and 520,045 others

tagged: yourusername

alexalbon: me watching crusty, dusty and musty men treat my sister like trash

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user16: we need a PROPER gentleman bombshell in there right fucking now

user17: i feel so bad watching her cry… i can’t imagine how it feels with her being your actual family

user18: production need to be doing WAY more in my opinion

georgerussell63: it’s nearly over alex, don’t worry

alexalbon: IT SHOULD BE OVER NOW

alexalbon: she should legally be allowed to beat their asses

alexalbon: if i see one of them laughing about her while she’s crying again i WILL lose my shit

georgerussell63: let’s go back to the dart board buddy

user19: the … DARTS BOARD?

georgerussell63: he’s got a darts board set up with print outs of the the boys fucking with y/n and he’s been throwing darts at their faces for hours

user20: anyone else think this is a bit too far?

alexalbon: they deserve worse for what they’ve done to y/n

lando: slay

oscarpiastri: speak on it

lando: why are you in family business?

oscarpiastri: can i not be angry on y/n’s behalf?

lando: angry for y/n or angry at the boys for having a chance with her?

oscarpiastri: ERM?

lando: shut up we all know you’ve got a big fat crush on her

oscarpiastri: LANDO THIS IS NOT ALEX’S PRIVATE ACCOUNT???

lando: i know!

alexalbon: honestly can mclaren lend you to itv???

oscarpiastri: kinda have a world championship to win?

alexalbon: oh so you don’t want a chance with y/n?

oscarpiastri: i’ll let her make her decision

user21: too much happened in this comment section

user22: and yet i need even more

loveislandnews

liked by user23, user24 and 31,049 others

tagged: yourusername & loveisland

loveislandnews: there were over 48,000 complaints to ofcom last night over the treatment of y/n albon in the love island villa. since arriving in the villa, y/n has been verbally picked at by all of the male contestants, has been manipulated in a love triangle and has been isolated from nearly all of the girls and in the last couple of episodes has only been shown crying and being alone.

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user25: the producers have really let her down this season

user26: all the fuss about them being better since the past and they’ve let this bullying go all season

user27: kinda crazy since y/n brought such a big audience this season

user28: i say we let ALL of the albon pets in for family day so they can BITE THEIR ANKLES

albon_pets: don’t give us an idea

user29: i think it’s fair game after the boys laughed at the names of you guys

user30: we should’ve known they were bad news at the first old cat lady joke

user31: i mean is it really that deep because a load of f1 drivers make that joke about her all the time and she gladly laughs then

user32: baby girl it’s all about intention - they love her love for her cats, these boys genuinely couldn’t give a fuck

this comment was liked by oscarpiastri

user33: i’m sorry why is oscar piastri lurking in love island news instagram comments

lando: he’s checking in on his boo thang

oscarpiastri: she’s not my boo thang?!

user34: but if you hadn’t have been a pussy she would’ve been and NONE OF THIS NONSENSE WOULDVE HAPPENED

alexalbon: they make a compelling point oscar

alexalbon: that’s it you’re being added to the darts board

oscarpiastri: ???? WHY ???

oscarpiastri: you guys are all saying this like it was a done deal she doesn’t even like me hence why she WENT ON LOVE ISLAND

user35: tbf even i know that’s bullshit because that girl LIGHTS up when she talks about oscar - even on love island

alexalbon: see !!!!

oscarpiastri: i am really not comfortable with you guys all speaking for y/n - it’s her place to reject me not you guys

oscarpiastri: now can we all please delete these comments PR are blowing up my phone

user36: how can we do the tweet challenge just with this whole exchange

user37: i know ian stirling has the NASTIEST joke lined up for this situation

user38: don’t let this tomfoolery distract you from the fact that these men have absolutely destroyed this girl - i don’t think we’ve seen her smile in episodes

oscarpiastri: they need to die

user39: i thought PR was on your ass

oscarpiastri: but this needed to be said

oscarpiastri: they can’t silence the TRUTH

f1

liked by oscarpiastri, georgerussell63 and 1,983,920 others

tagged: yourusername & alexalbon

f1: a hot new bombshell has hit the paddock

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user41: oh look how she’s GLOWING already

user42: it really was them and NOT her

user43: we been known

user44: the way oscar was in the likes before me… does he just have a sixth sense for y/n content

alexalbon: idk does he ? @ oscar piastri

oscarpiastri: woah it was bad enough baiting me out when she had no access to her phone but i know she’s back to at least 14 hours of screentime

yourusername: is it allowed when most of the hours were on facetime to you?

alexalbon: exsqueeze me

yourusername: we had to catch up on the hot gossip

lando: they were shit talking me real loud

oscarpiastri: no ?

yourusername: and fucking what

lando: nothing!

yourusername: exactlyyyyyyy

user45: she’s making fun of lando again she’s got her spark back

user46: she looked very, very happy to be by the mclaren garage

alexalbon: she’s such a loser omg

user47: so how is this any different to what the boys in the villa said?

yourusername: that’s my brother bozo not a random electrician with a hair transplant and misogyny problems

maxverstappen1: i’m bored and the car is shit so like oscar can you make a move i wanna watch something 🍿

oscarpiastri: MAX?

maxverstappen1: bro that girl is just as pathetic as you

maxverstappen1: she basically went on a dating show just to get your attention

yourusername: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED?

maxverstappen1: but you were pining once you were in there and you realised that 99% of the male population are not as good as oscar piastri

oscarpiastri: i am right here!

yourusername: you guys are both meant to be getting ready to get in the car???

maxverstappen1: you can’t avoid this forever….

user48: why am i in the same trenches as max rn

alexalbon: they’re freakishly bonded… they’ve got a 700 day streak on duolingo and she treats their text thread like a diary

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, maxverstappen1 and 1,458,304 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: i heard that i had an admirer on the outside

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user49: OMG THEY’RE SO CUTE

user50: why did i have to suffer through her being tortured on love fucking island if we knew the whole time these idiots liked each other

alexalbon: THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING

yourusername: have you guys considered i needed to kiss a couple frogs to get my prince

alexalbon: gross

oscarpiastri: my patience payed off - i’ve got myself a queen :3

loveislandboy: rude?

oscarpiastri: i actually think you should cease to exist

loveislandboy: excuse me?

yourusername: gosh that’s so hot

maxverstappen1: i am so happy for you guys… they grow up so fast

georgerussell63: idk who you think you are max but as her other brother i am HAPPIER for her

oscarpiastri: and not me?

georgerussell63: be quiet oscar, max and i are arguing here

maxverstappen1: put your duolingo streak on the table bozo

georgerussell63: well only one of us were asked to go in for the family and friends episode

maxverstappen1: oh he doesn’t know…

yourusername: max don’t !!!!!!!

georgerussell63: what?

maxverstappen1: there never was an invite

georgerussell63: i can literally show you the email rn

alexalbon: max….

maxverstappen1: it’s not real LOL

maxverstappen1: alex, oscar and i got asked and we didn’t want you to get your feelings hurt

georgerussell63: BLASPHEMY

user52: i’m crying - y/n was going through psychological torture but they had to fabricate an email to placate george

alexalbon: let’s just say both i and itv were glad when y/n tapped out before the episode

oscarpiastri: anyway…

oscarpiastri: i do admire you… a lot… too much

oscarpiastri: actually i don’t think i can admire you TOO much

yourusername: you’re the cutest ever omg

yourusername: i admire you too

yourusername: if my ramblings weren’t making me obvious enough

oscarpiastri: dinner after the race…?

yourusername: only if i get dessert afterwards

alexalbon: GRIM.

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, maxverstappen1 and 3,209,493 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: get your ‘i told you so’s out now i’ve got a date with a girl who’s just my type on paper

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user53: bro getting all big for his boots now he got gentle-parent-ed to asking out a girl

user54: he’s such a virgin loser

yourusername: gOOD

yourusername: i don’t want anyone else to have touched him

oscarpiastri: yes ma’am

user55: oh so he really as pathetic as they said

yourusername: i didn’t lie when i said my type was pathetic on love island

lando: you gonna take that bro?

oscarpiastri: yes? highest compliment in my opinion

alexalbon: i think i’m allowed to say i told you so for the rest of my life

alexalbon: even during a best man speech…

logansargeant: woah … stealing my car that one time wasn’t enough for you? you gotta steal being best man too?

oscarpiastri: we’re talking weddings already?

yourusername: you don’t want to marry me?

oscarpiastri: I DO !!!!!!!

yourusername: say the words baby

alexalbon: gosh you guys are gross

yourusername: bruv i saw the pics of you crying over how i was treated in the villa… i know you’re happy really

alexalbon: i am!!! but like surely me and lily aren’t this annoying …

yourusername: whatever you wanna hear babe

lando: bro my culture is not your costume

yourusername: i knew you got a hair transplant

lando: no ???

oscarpiastri: so that’s why you’re always ‘exploring a connection’

lando: why has he started talking back to me?

oscarpiastri: i fought the love island demons - i can fight you too

yourusername: let me be your ring girl xxxx

user56: so they’ve just always been like this? and they kept it from us?

yourusername: it’s called we were both horribly pining and didn’t want to embarrass ourselves… so i went on love island and embarrassed myself

oscarpiastri: no - you’re the purest of heart and they didn’t deserve you - thank god

yourusername: UGH I LOVE YOU

oscarpiastri: i love you too :3

user56: way to flex on me thanks guys

fin.

note: it be like that... i'm celebrating summer break :((((

[astonmartinii]

many thoughts about today’s race … none of them can be vocalised for fear of #cancellation - hungary is cancelled in MY HOUSE

[astonmartinii]

i know what you did last summer….

you voted in my poll! i recently went to see the new one (2 stars if you’re curious) and had some ideas for a fic (it’s not about a fisherman killer don’t worry) but need some help narrowing down the drivers involved!

as you will know i love me some drama in my fics so the two drivers tussling in this … well it needs to be juicy. so democracy is upon us (although this account can be a dictatorship…)

feel free to add your own choices in the comments if i’ve missed a potential rivalry for this fic lol

[astonmartinii]

my girls, our girls | carlos sainz social media au

pairing: carlos sainz x fem head mistress reader

with a private school full of girls the last thing she wanted was for them to find out just who her husband is…

note: can you tell i went to an all girls school and am obsessed with st trinians and wild child…

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR | CARLOS SAINZ MASTERLIST

yourusername

liked by yourstudent1, carlossainz55 and 13,092 others

yourusername: it’s september and the girls are back! time for a great school year.

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user1: i’ll be bad if it means she’s the one disciplining me

yourstudent1: that’s my headmistress????

user2: i mean he has a point

yourusername: please leave my students alone, i can see how old you are based on your profile… i’d cease my actions before i call the authorities

yourstudent2: that’s MY head mistress :P

yourstudent3: clocking and blocking nonces since 2022

carlossainz55: i told you that you should just kill these men but i was the bad person apparently…

lando: what are you doing here i thought this was meant to be a secret?

carlossainz55: LANDO?

lando: how am i the one in the wrong here you commented first

carlossainz55: that can be perceived as innocent?

lando: you told her to kill a man in front of her students… this is not her private page

yourusername: do you guys have any respect for my job? what are we doing here?

lando: he clearly started it?

yourusername: and now you sound like one of my students

lando: well you bang carlos so that makes you a nonce and by carlos’ rule i’m sorry you have to die

carlossainz55: ummmm so this is so much worse than anything i’ve said

carlossainz55: and we’re not banging we’re married ???

yourusername: CARLOS?

yourstudent4: MRS Y/LN IS MARRIED TO CARLOS SAINZ ???

yourstudent5: so that’s where that ferrari came from…

yourstudent6: no wonder she’s always the sub for spanish and italian…

yourusername: @carlossainz55 @lando look what you have done… secret of three years… GONE

carlossainz55

liked by charles_leclerc, lando and 2,493,043 others

tagged: yourusername

carlossainz55: meet my wonderful, amazing, talented and beautiful wife. so many accomplishments that i simply can’t name them all but my biggest accomplishment was being given a chance by you. i love you and can’t wait to retire to be like the librarian or something, anything to be by your side.

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user6: this post shot me in the face

user7: this retirement you speak of is many, MANY years in the future, right? RIGHT?

yourusername: f1 can keep him for as long as he wants

carlossainz55: omg my wife hates me

yourusername: it’s your dream?

carlossainz55: you’re my dream?

yourstudent7: please let him retire so we can… learn from him?

yourstudent8: can he like be the PE teacher with uniform optional

yourusername: my office. tomorrow morning.

user9: tbf i respect the grind

lando: yay a big post so that means the grudge against lando is lifted!

yourusername: not so fast mr

lando: you can’t summon me to your office too

yourusername: i think jon would approve of some summer work… there’s many acres that need to be mowed

lando: honestly i’d rather you spanked me

carlossainz55: die?

lando: you can’t have all of the spanking time

carlossainz55: JUST STOP

carlossainz55: students present ????

lando: if they’re old enough to have a phone they know what spanking is

yourusername: my 11 year olds are better behaved than you

alexalbon: wait so this is why you suddenly want to play hockey instead of padel?

carlossainz55: kinda?

yourusername: you’ve been playing hockey???

carlossainz55: yes my love

yourusername: with ALEX?

alexalbon: don’t appreciate the tone but whatever

yourusername: he’s hockey cheating on me?

carlossainz55: no he’s just practice… it doesn’t mean anything like our games!

alexalbon: i’m right here?

yourusername: wait - are you practising with alex because you’re embarrassed that i whip your ass every time?

carlossainz55: no…

yourprivaccount

liked by carlossainz55, alexalbon and 34 others

yourprivaccount: the girls haven’t SHUT THE FUCK UP about carlos it’s doing my head in. they’re strongarming me into showing the race on sunday in the great hall… all to see carlos out of the points in that fuckass williams - he can’t embarrass me like that

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carlossainz55: excuse me?

carlossainz55: just because they have been particularly unruly these first few weeks

carlossainz55: don’t take it out on me!!!!

yourusername: you don’t know how many times i’ve heard smooth operator this week alone

yourusername: they requested it as the MORNING HYMN

carlossainz55: i mean it is a banger

yourusername: i KNOW it is

charles_leclerc: you’re a strong soldier queen

yourusername: i’d say i’d prefer to deal with girl drama but i hAVE HAD THAT AS WELL

charles_leclerc: i’m gonna need you to spill now

yourusername: two girls, two sets of box dye… suddenly i have to give them a trim and give them a lift into the town to see the hairdresser

charles_leclerc: at least it wasn’t someone cutting someone else’s hair?

yourusername: i had to wrangle two bereft 15 year olds into the ferrari and then find parking in the town

yourusername: I GOT A PARKING TICKET

yourusername: they were super sweet and brought me their emergency jammie dodgers as an apology

charles_leclerc: they’re your kids really

yourusername: which is why carlos can’t work here… he’ll get too attached

carlossainz55: nuh uh

yourusername: you cried over the christmas cards they made me

carlossainz55: THEY WERE CUTE AND HANDMADE YOU KNOW THATS MY WEAKNESS

oscarpiastri: so like it’s st trinians right?

yourusername: the cultured one has arrived

oscarpiastri: i wish my head was as cool as you at boarding school

oscarpiastri: it’s so isolating as an international student as well

yourusername: they’re my girlies and they know they can come to me with everything

yourusername: which does mean i’ve heard about way too many nightmares and snapchat relationships

yourusername: but i love them anyway

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, carlossainz55 and 102,493 others

yourusername: the hockey senior girls squad are through to another semi final, all of the mock exams went without a hitch and the year eights put on an impressive halloween fundraiser for the nearby horse sanctuary!

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user13: omg this is everything teenage me wanted when i watched wild child

user14: i’d actually study if those were my surroundings and she was my head mistress

user15: do we think she’s actually as nice as she says on instagram?

yourstudent9: she’s AMAZING - we love her !!!

williamsf1: mrs y/ln, james would like to know whether the halloween bake sale is why there were orange sprinkles found all over the tables in the meeting rooms at the base

yourusername: i can neither confirm or deny…

williamsf1: show us the items and the evidence will clear everything up!

yourusername: MY GIRLS ARE INNOCENT

williamsf1: sure…

yourusername: watch your tone with me mr vowles

williamsf1: so ‘your girls’ didn’t sell carlos 20 cupcakes for over £500

yourusername: my girls are entrepreneurs NOT thieves

yourstudent10: we did do that though…

williamsf1: see!

carlossainz55: i was wilfully sold those cupcakes and it was mostly a TIP !

user16: i mean when a man has that much money they deserve to be caught out like that

user17: “caught out” bro probably arrived with £100 notes

user18: bro is the father who stepped up for like hundreds now…

lando: so are we thinking another grid trip for the semi finals or ?

yourusername: NO DISTRACTIONS

lando: what if we’re distracting the other team???

carlossainz55: this is serious business lando

lando: don’t tell me you have legitimate beef with a girls school hockey team…

carlossainz55: THEY CHEATED LAST YEAR - I SAW IT, THEY SHOULD’VE CALLED A FOUL

yourusername: how do you know that? i just told you we lost …

carlossainz55: a dedicated fan has his way!

yourusername: so that’s how you were at the house so fast…

carlossainz55: whoops?

f1

liked by yourusername, lando and 1,642,039 others

tagged: carlossainz55 & pierregasly

f1: whoops! carlos sainz is taken out from behind by pierre gasly and the two find themselves in the barriers!

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user19: carlos is so hot when he’s angry i am so sorry but i am no better than a man

user20: y/n is a lucky woman

user21: jealousy is a disease and i am terminally ill

yourstudent11: BRING THAT CRUSTY, DUSTY FRENCH RAT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW

yourstudent12: the GALL to blame mr sainz - i might sue him for emotional damages

yourstudent13: @pierregasly you lost me three packs of biscuits and a red bull on a bet count your days

pierregasly: @yourusername HELP?

yourusername: you kind of brought this on yourself…

pierregasly: THEY’RE ATTACKING MY NATIONALITY

yourusername: even less reason to care!

yourusername: however, girls? name calling and gambling? not on. we’ll talk in my office tomorrow

pierregasly: finally, some discipline

yourusername: how about you get some personal discipline and KEEP YOUR CAR AWAY FROM CARLOS

pierregasly: eh???

yourstudent14: you did crashout her husband

pierregasly: LEAVE ME ALONE

lando: thought this was going to be cinema and the girls delivered

yourusername: don’t encourage them!

lando: you just yelled at him?

yourusername: my husband was thrown into a concrete barrier at like 250mph i am allowed to

carlossainz55: i am fine though!

yourusername: you also have to say sorry to the girls though

carlossainz55: i am the victim here?

yourusername: you scared us!

yourusername: sign of life call as soon as you can

yourusername: the year sevens won’t sleep until they have proof you aren’t dead

carlossainz55: i’ll tell james to hurry up

carlossainz55

liked by lando, fernandoalo_oficial and 839,204 others

tagged: yourusername

carlossainz55: i’m all good but thank you for all the well wishes - especially from the girls who made me about a hundred get well soon cards. they might be slightly feral but we love them <3

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user22: euthanise me i’m being so serious

user23: the card made me feel something in my ovaries

user24: i know the other teachers HATE carlos because of how loved he is at that school

user25: i just know race days are insane at that school

lando: where was the celebrations for my podium?

yourusername: they don’t care about you <3

lando: HOW?

yourusername: not cool enough

lando: i am literally half of carlando?

yourusername: carbono is the real duo loved on campus

alexalbon: RESULT

lando: this is a scandal

yourstudent15: step your pussy up

lando: GASP !

yourusername: young lady… you know the deal.

yourstudent15: fine.

lando: your students are so badly behaved

yourusername: excuse me?

carlossainz55: carlando is dead.

lando: EH?

carlossainz55: you heard me. they’re not badly behaved they’re … spunky???

user26: lando just always fighting a losing battle with them

user27: bro will be in detention with the girls leaving hate comments before we know it

yourusername: he’s on mowing duty this summer whether he likes it or not

yourusername: we love you baby, but please stay in one piece for all of our sakes

carlossainz55: my apologies

carlossainz55: let’s see if i can cook up a podium rather than a trip to the hospital

yourusername: thank you my love

yourusername: we can’t have you missing the hockey finals

fin.

note: work is killing me and there's nowhere to watch st trinians i want to die

[astonmartinii]

lipstick stains | isack hadjar social media au

ASTON MARTINI'S ESPRESSO SHOTS: a smaller fic!

pairing: isack hadjar x fem reader

that lipstick did not pass the kiss test … and sue her if she wants people to know her man is locked up

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR | ISACK HADJAR MASTERLIST

f1

liked by olliebearman, kimiantonelli and 1,034,288 others

tagged: isackhadjar & liamlawson30

f1: well! i guess someone was impressed with isack’s fourth place… liam’s face says it all

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user1: OMFG

user2: i know admin was BEGGING legal to post this

user3: isack be that guy for the socials teams this year

liamlawson30: never in my life have i seen such shamelessness

yourusername: shut the fuck up

yourusername: lonely ass

liamlawson30: i literally have a girlfriend

yourusername: and she’s not here to give you kisses?

yourusername: or can you not get up to fourth

isackhadjar: y/n!

isackhadjar: as hot as this is… be nice

yourusername: fine! just for you <3

liamlawson30: whatever. i guess?

user4: oh she’s down DIABOLICALLY

user5: she’s THE lover girl i fear

user6: she kisses that vcarb like it’s a plane going to war

yourusername: and i’d do it again.

yourusername: that’s my man and you’ll do well to remember that

isackhadjar: i’d tattoo them on me if i could

yourusername: you could!

yourusername: but i don’t want anything messing with my beautiful boy’s face

isackhadjar: oh!

isackhadjar: thank you bebe

liamlawson30

liked by pepemarti, jackdoohan and 403,954 others

tagged: isackhadjar & yourusername

liamlawson30: thought i meant something to him, but turned around and saw who he was actually smiling at

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user10: why are the rookies so freaked the fuck out this season

user11: how long have these freaks been together? they can’t be this insane without serious lore

pepemarti: TOO LONG

yourusername: halt your slander mr marti

pepemarti: you guys have been together for FIVE YEARS and are still in the honey moon period hOW

yourusername: it’s called being in love with the most wonderful boy in the world

isackhadjar: and having the opportunity to be with the most beautiful, talented, funniest, wittiest and cuntiest girl in the world

user12: must they keep flexing this relationship on us

user13: they actually can never break up

user14: putting my faith in love on a bunch of 20 year olds

isackhadjar: STOP POSTING SUCH PRETTY PHOTOS OF MY GIRLFRIEND

liamlawson30: right how do i answer this correctly

liamlawson30: i am sorry?

liamlawson30: all photos of her are pretty?

liamlawson30: i’ll just kill myself?

isackhadjar: i’ll go with option three please liam <3

liamlawson30: EXCUSE ME?

isackhadjar: i’m joking! but also option two is too flirty … but ultimately the objective truth

yourusername: this really does it for me i fear

user15: the whole paddock be their victims at this point

yukitsunoda0511: they’re actually quite cute but like i don’t want to inflate their egos

yourusername: TOO LATE

isackhadjar: i knew you loved us really yuki

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, isackhadjar and 389,304 others

tagged: isackhadjar

yourusername: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! my first ever lipstick - paddock kisses - is here thanks to the lovely people over at dior. you can see the shade swatched on the cheek of my beautiful boy and get your own (lipstick) at your nearest dior store xoxo

view all comments

user19: and if i want to purchase myself an isack

user20: pray i guess

user21: @yourusername what prayer did you use for isack?

isackhadjar: oh i prayed for HER

isackhadjar: and my prayers were heard

user22: oh so this was my 13th reason

liamlawson30: so now he’s going to be PAID to be pathetic about you?

yourusername: oh liam he gets paid regardless

isackhadjar: in many ways!

liamlawson30: you keep that filth to yourself

user23: please share !!!!

yourusername: nuh uh - for my eyes only

maxverstappen1: and mine apparently!

user24: WHAT ?

user25: bro doesn’t want the second seat but will fuck in front of max verstappen?

isackhadjar: HE WALKED IN ??? HE SHOULD LEARN TO KNOCK

maxverstappen1: i mean the fridge where the extra red bull is stored was not a smart place to get it on

yourusername: you should still knock

maxverstappen1: ON A FRIDGE?

isackhadjar: yes!

maxverstappen1: you know what - i don’t care! just keep your exhibitionism to rb please and thank you

user26: just so you know i wouldn’t have complained …

user27: i would’ve paid for the pleasure

liamlawson30: WE JUST MANAGED TO SHIFT THE TOPIC FFS

isackhadjar: so so so so so proud of you bebe!

isackhadjar: never a prettier face to wear red lipstick

yourusername: not even yours?

isackhadjar: only looks good because it came from your lips

yourusername: gosh i love you

isackhadjar: i love you too

fin.

note: WHO AM I ? idk how i wrote this i am so tired and so busy so i guess this is procrastination - but i do also just LOVE isack so do enjoy

[astonmartinii]

polite cat | oscar piastri social media au

ASTON MARTINI'S ESPRESSO SHOTS: a smaller fic!

pairing: oscar piastri x fem reader

since you guys wanted to insist

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR | OSCAR PIASTRI MASTERLIST

oscarpiastri

liked by lando, alexalbon and 489,209 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: where did you think i got it from?

view all comments

user1: i hope he only saw the polite cat tweets like that and not… the other insane things we’ve been saying

user2: girl they taught us all about digital foot prints

yourusername: you all need to touch some grass i’m being so real

yourusername: osc does NOT suit cat ears

user3: how do you know this?

yourusername: none of your business

user4: i think she’s lying to keep it from us

yourusername: so what if i am - you DEPRAVED PEOPLE WILL NEVER KNOW ANYWAY

user5: so their baby being a calico makes complete sense

user6: the orange comes from y/n and the black comes from oscar

yourusername: OMG THAT’S SO CUTE

oscarpiastri: not sure that i like that it implies you birthed buttercup

yourusername: i would’ve if necessary

lando: so…. i wasn’t invited to this baby reveal party

oscarpiastri: it was hardly a party

yourusername: you didn’t reply to my paperless invite so idk what to tell you

lando: well if i knew everyone else was going i would’ve read the invite better !

alexalbon: your loss bro the finger food slapped

maxverstappen1: can confirm

oscarpiastri: and we appreciate the gifts!

yourusername: not sure what we’re going to do with THAT many mechanical fish in a highrise but we appreciate the thought

user7: the paddock has needed some new pets…

user8: the girls have gotten stale

roscoelovescoco: watch your mouth

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, logansargeant and 201,493 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: he’s actually not a polite cat at all he called me fatty when this arrived 😞

view all comments

user12: not reading the caption he’s fine as fuck

user13: need him to eat me like that bbq

yourusername: WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER? BUTTERCUP PIASTRI-YLN MEANS NOTHING?

yourusername: zero morals around here anymore

user14: i am sorry but ‘buttercup piastri-y/ln’ is wild

oscarpiastri: THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID ???

yourusername: and now he’s raising his voice at me

yourusername: this is your ‘polite cat’

oscarpiastri: why are you slandering me?

oscarpiastri: i can hear you giggling in the bathroom ???

oscarpiastri: is this because i didn’t go out and get the ice cream you want?

oscarpiastri: it’s 11 on a sunday baby what do you want me to do

liamlawson30: i would’ve found a way but that’s just me

oscarpiastri: back off.

yourusername: YEESH

oscarpiastri: i think you like it when i’m prickly

yourusername: maybe i do. sue me.

oscarpiastri: i don’t think you could handle me in a suit and delivering a closing statement

yourusername: DON’T TEASE ME

user15: what is happening

lando: just leave them to it at this point

oscarpiastri: follow your own advice please 🙏

lando: i stay as far away from you people as possible

yourusername: you literally asked to come cuddle LAST WEEK

lando: god forbid a guy was a lil vulnerable

lando: also saying that like yall didn’t say yes - i got photographic evidence

oscarpiastri

liked by alexalbon, danielricciardo and 782,942 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: okay maybe you guys did have a bit of a point

view all comments

user19: THAT SHOULD BE ME

user20: i actually need to be detained for my own safety

user21: i think i’d sleep as much as oscar if i had HER to constantly cuddle with

yourusername: I LOVE YOU

yourusername: YOU’RE SO CUTE

yourusername: and such a good papa

yourusername: my little polite cat 🐱

oscarpiastri: i love you too !!!!!!!!!!!!

oscarpiastri: thank you for always letting me be the little spoon

oscarpiastri: and for not breaking up with me when i dribbled on you

user22: how am i meant to believe that this guy could win the championship

yourusername: GO FUCK YOURSELF

user22: i mean… if i had oscar lying in my lap i would also shout at anyone being mean to him

user23: perhaps she should’ve even been meaner !

oscarpiastri: don’t give her a challenge

yourusername: but i’ll always defend you baby :3

oscarpiastri: <333333

lando: way to expose yourself

oscarpiastri: BOO ! I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I LOVE WHEN SHE LOVES ME

yourusername: ooooooooooo we’re instagram official … does that scare you lando?

lando: you guys are so mean on here to me when i KNOW you’ll fold if i send you a sad text

yourusername: well can you at least be a little more polite about it all

lando: oscar was just mean to me

yourusername: oscar can’t be mean?

yourusername: i think you are going crazy

lando: STOP GASLIGHTING ME

oscarpiastri: y/n can’t gaslight? she doesn’t even know what that is

yourusername: teehee

lando: so much for polite.

fin.

note: bro writers block is KICKING MY ASS SO BAD RN SO THIS IS ALL I GOT

[astonmartinii]

CHRISTIAN HORNER? FIRED? i’ve prayed for days like this

also objectively funny if they do all of this and max still leaves (i think he will)

[astonmartinii]

the kimi and max hug after this podium might (MIGHT) get me through my other side of the moon writers block … we can hope !

ALSO, i’m sorry the mclaren battle… i had to chuckle! send george to the shadow realm for that brake test actually !!!!

[astonmartinii]

feel you | lando norris social media au

pairing: lando norris x fem blind!reader

a long awaited reveal is more than meets the eye

MASTERLIST | LANDO NORRIS MASTERLIST

kymillman

liked by user3, user4 and 45,281 others

kymillman: a new pup in the paddock … and they belong to this mystery woman? she’s been seen in and around the mclaren hospitality so could she been the super secret girlfriend of one lando norris!

view all comments

user5: …. that’s it?

user6: yeah i’m kinda underwhelmed after this long of a soft launch

user7: does he know he’s lando norris? that he could get anyone he wants?

user8: well isn’t this comment section a barrel of laughs

user9: people on the internet be normal about f1 drivers challenge (failed)

user10: i mean she’s brave as fuck in my opinion because the way people are insane about him, oh i know her DMs will be horrifying

user11: also - yall actually don’t know these f1 drivers you know? your opinions on their love lives actually have no impact whatsoever

user12: shush you’re making too much sense for them

user13: hiding behind a bush i think she looks cute!

user14: also they’re clearly somewhat serious if they have a dog together

user15: i mean i wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been together a lot longer than we think - he knows some of his fans are crazy, it would make sense if he waited to show her off

user16: i feel so bad for them honestly

user17: since no one else is saying it… stunning!

user18: seriously how did he get her?

user19: maybe the lando norris charm does really work?

user20: as much as those sunglasses slay… did she take them off at any point this weekend?

user21: not as far as i have seen with like the broadcast and fanpage posts

user22: does this rub anyone else the wrong way?

user23: no i think it’s real snobby to not even take your sunglasses off to greet your boyfriend and his family

user24: also the way she just walked past everyone in the paddock, like not even turning her head to acknowledge fans or workers ???

user25: ugh i thought lando had gotten better with his love choices

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, oscarpiastri and 182,943 others

tagged: lando

yourusername: finally decided to turn up to ‘bring your gf to work day’

view all comments

user26: SLAY

user27: ohhh the unseen pics of lando… we’re being fed

user28: i need her to unleash the files

lando: love you baby

yourusername: i love you too !!!!

lando: i promise i’ll be out of this boring debrief soon…

yourusername: how boring can it be? you won?

lando: any room without you bores me

yourusername: oh!

yourusername: i’m sat next to your momma, she can see all of these comments

lando: whoops! eh, they’ve heard worse

yourusername: just hurry up, peaches is getting sleepy

lando: anything for my two girls

user29: they’re so stinking cute

user30: her being with his family constantly + peaches… how long have they actually been together

user31: well we can defo deduce that she’s been to the norris family home plenty of times

user32: too many times by the sound of it, poor cisca

carlossainz55: why have i been deprived of my peaches time?

yourusername: she’s been working mister - not everything is about you :P

carlossainz55: god forbid a guy wants to cuddle the cutest dog in the world

charles_leclerc: you are no longer welcome back in the ferrari garage

yourusername: but i am?

charles_leclerc: can peaches teach leo to actually listen to me please ???

lando: she’s not a miracle worker…

user33: is she ever gonna take those damn sunglasses off?

user34: ZERO respect for those around her

user35: and those comments about peaches 'working' ... omg reeks of those girls who claim emotional support animals because they think the rules don't apply to them

user36: yeah something weird is going on here

lando

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and 1,094,388 others

tagged: yourusername

lando: weekends like this

view all comments

user39: the fucking sunglasses… yall are going to have to sedate me

user40: it’s a crime to be stylish now guys

user41: god a girl gets with an athlete and all of a sudden they’re ‘stylish’

yourusername: bestest weekend ever!

yourusername: after your race wins of course

lando: nice save there

yourusername: i didn’t save anything, you know i love being with you when you win

lando: and i love seeing your beautiful face when i get out of the car

lando: and the fact that you get all up in my sweat

yourusername: dude…

lando: sorry, it just slipped out after hiding for so long

yourusername: worth it in the end though

lando: anything is worth it for you

user42: yeah there’s something wrong with this girl

user43: “being with you” instead of you know watching him race… way to expose you’re with him for one reason and one reason only

user44: ding ding ding gold digger alert

user45: imagine being that desperate for a person and still being rude as fuck to his family/coworkers - not even taking off sunglasses or making eye contact

yourusername: omfg you people are pissing me the fuck off

yourusername: I’M BLIND?

yourusername: i prefer to wear sunglasses in new environments?

yourusername: take ‘be kind’ out of your bio because as soon as someone doesn’t conform to what you think lando deserves you are so fucking hateful

oscarpiastri: FUCKING FINALLY

oscarpiastri: obviously i wanted you to share your business but i was so ready to fight the people in these comment sections

lando: awwwww osc so protective

alexalbon: he’s not the only one

alexalbon: coming for y/n was bad enough but PEACHES AS WELL?

yourusername: the jobless hate to see a working girl

lando: oop.

user46: YALL ARE SO FUCKING DUMB

user47: peaches being a guide dog makes so much sense and the sunglasses thing was such a non controversy to like normal people ?

user48: y/n should’ve been allowed to shoot yall idc

mclarenf1

liked by oscarpiastri, adamnorris and 1,754,034 others

tagged: lando & yourusername

mclarenf1: look who’s back in the garage! y/n always has a unique race day experience, due to her visual impairment, y/n cann’ watch the race but she sure knows what’s going on! instead of having the commentary in her headset, she has the noise of lando’s car. based on the sound of the engine, upshifts, downshifts and braking, y/n knows exactly where he is on the track!

view all comments

user49: so she’s basically a superhero is what you’re telling me

user50: imagine being so in love with a boy you learn the sounds of his engine i can’t

lando: erm actually she loved the sport before she loved me

yourusername: but i love you even more now

lando: i know you do because you learnt the sounds of the … MCL36 for me

yourusername: guilty!

user51: THEY’VE BEEN TOGETHER THAT LONG?

user52: oh so they’re locked in for life?

lando: 100%

yourusername: we threw away the key a long time ago

maxverstappen1: this is so freaking cute

lando: you’ve known the whole time?

lando: you helped teach y/n to do this

maxverstappen1: still cute as fuck

yourusername: not as cute when i hear a big whack to the side from a certain red bull

maxverstappen1: just because I think yall are cute doesn’t mean I’m gonna give lando a break

user53: i’ve known about this couple for a couple weeks and i would already die for them

user54: they’ve raised the bar FAR too much for the remaining dating pool

user55: the men or women on hinge would NEVER do something like that for me

user56: yall speaking all about this like y/n isn’t moving mountains for lando… wtf does he do for her?

yourusername: not that i need to prove that he’s a good boyfriend to you guys but he does way more than you all think, including learning braille and completely rearranging any rooms i go into for optimal movement

user57: this comment just shot me in the face

yourusername: thank you guys for being the loveliest ever!!!

mclarenf1: anything for our no 1 fan

yourusername: not this peaches erasure

mclarenf1: i think she only likes us because everyone keeps slipping her treats…

lando: STOP BRIBING MY DAUGHTER

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, georgerussell63 and 406,345 others

tagged: landonorris

yourusername: my beautiful boy shot by me (yes i know he’s beautiful, a man with a soul like his has to be)

view all comments

user61: user61 found dead, cause of death: this post

user62: the way this is not dramatic at all lol

georgerussell63: you sure you want to be stuck with … that?

yourusername: i don’t like your tone mr russell

georgerussell63: does lando … have a soul?

yourusername: you’ve got ten seconds to delete that tweet before i strangle you

yourusername: and don’t think peaches won’t lead me to you

georgerussell63: bullying george russell… you people are made for each other

lando: ‘you people’? i’ll put you in the barriers

user63: i love how all of the photos are clearly taken by y/n because they’re slightly off centre

user64: omg i didn’t notice… if you go through loads of his old posts they all look like this :0

user65: they’re so in love

alexalbon: oh how i remember coaching lando to ask you out - how times fly

lando: when you’re having fun!

alexalbon: i was having fun, you were a trainwreck

lando: no i was SMOOTH

yourusername: you did your best

lando: but i didn’t even stutter?

yourusername: i could hear you shuffling constantly and wiping your hands on your trousers…

lando: but you love me now so WHO CARES

yourusername: yes i do!

lando: you what?

yourusername: i love you

lando: i love you tooooooooooooo

user66: they’re parents for real

user67: can’t believe some people wanted them to break up over SUNGLASSES

user68: at least there’s silence in these comment sections now

oscarpiastri: as much as i love you guys… y/n can you turn off the feature that reads the texts from lando aloud in my vicinity

yourusername: how was i meant to know what he wrote?

oscarpiastri: i’m not blaming you i’m blaming hIM

lando: my bad… winning makes me horny

yourusername: just winning?

lando: any you too. mainly you. just you

yourusername: HEHEHEHEHEHEHe

oscarpiastri: free me omg

fin.

note: AHHHHHHH I HOPE THIS IS FUN !!!

[astonmartinii]

I swear to god, if Lando’s drink isn’t a fruity cocktail like a piña colada, I’m unfollowing /j

omg yall were clocking me while i was redoing it 😭😭😭 im just gonna say that took an embarrassing amount of time but im glad we’re all on the same wavelength when it comes to what cocktail lando would be …

also i’ve written 126 fics????!!!! someone get me help rn

[astonmartinii]

ollie bearman masterlist

kir royale: £1

the kir royale is the berry sister of a bellini. it can be more reserved on first impressions but still packs a punch

I STILL MISS THE SMOKE

where there’s smoke, there’s fire and maybe we miss the warmth

[astonmartinii]

lance stroll masterlist

mojito: £2

the mojito is fresh and minty. it may not be everyone's taste, but for those it is... well it's treasured

BROTHER'S BEST FRIEND

there's something about the guy your brother tells you is off limits...

HEAD OVER HANDLEBARS

some can be described as head over heels for their partner, lance just loves to go the extra mile

[astonmartinii]

logan sargeant masterlist

daiquiri: £2

the daiquiri is fresh and a delight of the south. mostly fruity and one that keeps you on your toes

PICK OF THE CROP

sometimes opposites attract so much that a city boy is willing to get mud on his trainers

A CASE OF THE CUDDLE BUG

someone check his temperature, he's got a serious case of the cuddle bug

[astonmartinii]

yuki tsunoda masterlist

espresso martini: £2

the espresso martini is classy, but she's also a bit of a kick in the balls. it'll energise you and get you ready to dance.

GUESS WHO?

wait, who is y/n's special guest?

MATCH MY FREAK

there's only one person who can match the yuki tsunoda radio freak...

[astonmartinii]

toto wolff masterlist

whiskey on the rocks: £1

who orders a whiskey on the rocks? a well-put together man... too put together

FALLING FOR YOU

the mercedes team principle takes a bit of a tumble, and god forbid he takes advantage of the extra attention from his wife x hamilton!reader

[astonmartinii]

mick schumacher masterlist

mimosa: £2

the mimosa is the perfect clean cocktail. you can whip her out at any point and it'll satisfy anyone

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

they say opposites attract, so when mick is linked to a girl no one would expect, safe to say no one expects it. (mick is still on the grid in this cause fuck you haas i dont care)

one - two

SUMMER BREAKING

mick and y/n spend the summer break together

[astonmartinii]

fernando alonso masterlist

sangria: £2

sangria, what more is there to say? a glass is never turned down, but is also best enjoyed in the sun

DAY TWO: I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS

first he tries to take him out on track and now he takes his MOM?

MAMMA MIA (SERIES)

what the hell is in the water in greece? why are pregnancy tests so expensive and why does seb name his vehicles like that?