#I don’t ask for socials first bcos it feels like I’m begging them for it and then we won’t even talk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

paradisaeidaes · 11 days ago

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drawing something for a mutual and she will never see it bc I’m scared to show it to her but now I just feel like crying bcos I know she doesn’t mean to forget but at the end of the day people just forget me much easier than they do others and I tried pushing that feeling down for as long as I can remember but now it’s like I’m crumbling down under the imminent weight of that idea.

#she doesn’t mean it and she’s quite busy but #it’s easy for her to remember others #or like #reach out to them first #I grew up and continue to grow up denying everyone’s attention and insisting I loathe attention and stuff #and even denying any attention and getting uncomfortable when people give it to me #but I just want *her* attention #just one person #I’m so confused . .#𓏲 𝐍 ܀ᬊ #let’s distract myself by continuing to draw it for her #even tho I’m gonna delete my blog soon so now we would have zero contact #I don’t ask for socials first bcos it feels like I’m begging them for it and then we won’t even talk #I don’t know why ppl ask for others’ socials if they don’t end up interacting anyways #but I don’t want to ask her bc I don’t want her to think I’m annoying #in truth I don’t think she likes me much #but that is okay I suppose #it’s no one’s fault but mine because all I do on there is stupidly be sad how can anyone even find anything worth liking if all I am is just #sad all the time on there #what is worth missing of a miserable person #honestly this is for the best for everyone #even tho the reason I was sad is bc I felt left out and other life problems . .#@bunveh was the cutest ever blog name but I ruined it bc of my stupid mental illnesses and my foolish brain and this stupid anxiety that #leaves me paralysed #I’m so tired bro I just wanted her to like me #and maybe be closer friends or something I don’t know . .#I just thought maybe it’ll be kinda cool to have an online presence where people could talk and maybe someone could like me or smth and then #we can be friends or wtv and be like besties idk but I was a fool that will never be my reality my mum was right who could ever want to be m #my friend . . how could one willingly want to be my friend out of their own free will this is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

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