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AU: Here's How Billford Can Still Win
(part 1: make that triangle miserable)
tl;dr: i want bill to have his ability to live in denial about what he did shattered by several important figures from his past BEFORE he can enact weirdmageddon. this way the yaoi can be messy and toxic (at first) but NOT doomed. it's self indulgent for sure but i'm doin my best to keep it IC as i can 🫡
this first post is just me figuring out how i think things would have to go down on bill's end for billford to have any chance of working out. take my hand. come away with me to my autism world
i'm still figuring out all the details of what would have to change to like. weaken bill's mental defenses enough because he HAS been able to shove his guilt down for so long. i do think everything with ford would be one of the key factors cause he had never connected so much with any of his prior human partners and obviously things souring fucked him up enough to have a turbo breakdown. (i know it's also because of the amount of times the plan has failed but i think he's also feeling rejected by so many humans not liking him lolll)
i think his breakdown after getting wasted at o'sadley's would happen like in canon, save for its repercussions. once bill starts thinking about his mom and everyone else from euclydia around when he's about to be arrested, maybe it would open the door for thoughts of them to keep slipping through his defenses. and suddenly thinking about weirdmageddon and hearing himself and other people talking about it could have a chance of triggering him.
i know personally that trauma can jump in and completely drag you back in time regardless of any logic, and i think him having that kind of episode sooner might be the key to getting him to face that he doesn't want to keep repeating what he did to euclydia because it's never going to be enough to convince the small, small voice in his head saying 'stop'.
because that's just the thing. bill has forced himself down a path of destruction to Prove to himself that its actually for the best to tear down "miserable reality" and replace it with his own vision. his drive and impatience to get weirdmageddon going is BECAUSE he wants to permanently cement that narrative in his mind with the ultimate "proof". because if the narrative fails, not only will he not be able to mentally cope (without help) he'll completely fail the henchmaniacs, who he promised a new home, and look vulnerable and weak, which he's TRAINED them to view as what should be destroyed.
i think the o'sadley breakdown and my proposed worsened repercussions of it would destabilize him, but it wouldn't be enough to stop him. what would push bill over the edge in this hypothetical would be several powerful entities from bill's past like the axolotl, the oracle, and time baby working together to somehow target his mental weak point. cause remember, time baby canonically KNOWS bill's weak point.
also like. To Me. the axolotl and the oracle are people bill was close to and has seen himself in at one point* but they matured and he didn't, and that's why he's SO hostile towards them.
*the oracle being an ex-henchmaniac is canon but i say this about the axolotl because of xolotl. look him up, it'll freak your bean.
alsooooo... ford not being as immature and vengeful as bill hoped he was is probably why bill broke down so hard - because it reminded him of the axolotl and the oracle. all the people who he actually connected with on a deeper level have left because of the same reason. but bill was always too terrified to confront everything he's done, which would be necessary to follow them.
so ends part 1... next, i think i'm gonna try to figure out how ford and bill would meet again (haha). ford is sucked into the portal right after (maybe even during?) the whole o'sadley's deal iirc sooo... fun point in the timeline to play with!
also hopin to draw stuff for this AU in the future :]c calling upon the power of my newly aquired ADHD meds lmao
#i'm finally sharing my gay little thoughts again yippee#i mean what else is tumblr for right#billford#bill cipher#gravity falls#the book of bill#amp.txt#gf#HHBCSW AU
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stupid comment abt andrew
"Oh, I leave quite an impression Five feet to be exact"
stop why was andrew the first thing i thought of when i heard this lyric
#aftg#all for the game#andrew minyard#i am super new to tumblr and have no idea how this works but there's no way i'll allow this post to be found by sabrina carpenter fans#that aren't aftg fans#cause imagine normal people seeing this?#like oh yes totally make everything about this 5 foot fictional character#am i doing the tagging thing right?#from what i've seen i think i'm doing this perfectly#lyric is from taste by sabrina carpenter#also wait i hope no one else made this connection#if so i'm so sorry i did not mean to take this idea
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bylers when over 350k people don’t have the exact same thoughts and opinions as them
#byler#stranger things#byler tumblr#i know some of us have been singled out or humiliated by others on here insisting we’re delusional for our theories#and so you compensate by doubling down and telling everyone else their theories are actually headcanons and yours aren’t#or maybe you are someone on the other end who is fed up with bylers reaching and are sick of group think having a place here#some advice: just let the show be whatever YOU want it to be#if you think everything you analyzed is right and everyone else is wrong#congrats#you are as pathetic as the rest of the fans who think the exact opposite and also think they're right and you're wrong#we are one of over 350k ppl with differing opinions and thoughts and experiences guiding us to coming to the conclusions we do#i don't mind ppl giving different perspectives to things even if it goes against my analysis (just don't be an asshole about it)#i have changed my mind about certain aspects of the show bc of this and i have changed other peoples' minds as well#without all of us being able to say what we think we would not have near the evidence we do now#but what comes with over 350k people in one space also comes with some semblance majority that feels a certain way about certain things#it's never going to be perfectly even across the board#what is believed and what is agreed upon will always be shifting as different people say their peace and as the show itself progresses#and hell even if you're the 3% that feels a certain way about something and think the other 97% are setting themselves up for disappointmen#bask in your perceived glory WHEN that time comes#but in the mean time... me personally?#i think it would be quite embarrassing if i devoted my time on here to telling everyone else their theories are wrong and mine are right#only to end up being the one that was wrong#let ppl set themselves up for disappointment#save the celebration for when you actually secure that win#for now#id rather be on here discussing my theories/reading others' theories that aren't rooted in tearing everyone else's down to feel superior#all of this is to say it is never worth making ppl feel like shit over a fucking tv show… I’ll never get that#and this is coming from someone who has no (current) plans to say i told you so (not even to that redditor that has a 2 year timer)#bc until s5 comes out...#crazy together
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you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum
#literally the only prerequisites i have for someone to be my friend#like if I love you legitimately everything else is a non issue. it doesn't even occur to me to get mad#and it's not even in a “sigh i will look past this for you” way. genuinely there's very little you can do to bother me if you're my friend#ill just assume you had good intentions#because i trust that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me if you're my friend so getting angry is pointless#but i genuinely don't know how to handle it when people i care about get mad at me. it scares the shit out of me#ugh i can't explain what i mean#but god some people really just don't give a shit once they dont need me anymore huh#it's the way they go out of their way to make me feel like a helpless 13 year old who can't do anything right again#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i swear if you manage to lose ME as a friend 9 times out of 10 there's smth seriously wrong with you#because i virtually have no standards and will put up with everything#and am the person who cares too much in almost every relationship in my life
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SpOiled for uehhfhh uhh neck crackalackin ?
OOOO MOVES MOVES GET EM OOO GET EM BEAT EM DOWN !!!!!!!!
KAPOW !!!!!!!
#I really wanted to do this leave me be#CRAZY episode#Aiden goes ham Ruh roh raggy not good#Actually scratch that VERY good beat ‘em DOWN !!!!!!!!!#Kidding !!!#Leave Alex alone 😿😿#I mean it makes sense he’s acting that way he’s worried#Anyway sure hope nothing bad happens to them ever again 🥰🥰#What if they use Lily as bait or a ransom to the parents ? Like either her or the kids#work for us or die kinda thing idk#I came up with it with isen at one point#HIDIDIII ISEN#Don’t know if your on here anymore but I’m tapping about it anyway#I really want to play Roblox rn it’s eating me#But I also want to work on my gacha channel cuss so ahvent uploaded in like a year#FOSH THIS IS SO HARD#I WANT TO DO 50 THINGS AF ONXE#I BLAME EVERYTHING ELSE#tee hee anyway#School Bus Graveyard#why is my tumblr tweakin out I’m gonna kms#AnywY#School Bus Graveyard Webtoon#Ashlyn Banner#Sbg#sbg webtoon#did I spell that right ????? Idk#school bus graveyard#pops my knuckles
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I watched Avengers: Age of Ultron (apart from I skipped some overly long action sequences) and I am not sure so can someone tell me whether or not Tony Stark was the baddy in that film? Because about halfway through I was sure he was but then it was maybe just an evil robot after all and I am confused because either this film was surprisingly subversive or it was about robots hitting each other.
#I CANT STAND THE CONFUSION IN MY MIND#also i get why people wrote wanda/sylvie. they should go on a wholesome chick-flick revenge-quest together. and also they should kiss.#also i am now only *half* joking about thor being in love with mjolnir#it kept doing Christianity Bits which was quite awks.#not sure why it used the bit about building the church on a rock for some metal i mean wasn't jesus making a pun there? about peter?#i think Vision might be Jesus? or else he's Dr Manhattan who's done a first year philosophy course. could go either way on that tbh.#BUT TONY WAS THE BADDY RIGHT? WAS HE? WAS TONY THE BADDY OR NOT????#with the homocidal glitches in what he thinks is his winning personality?#and all the weapons he's made and is in fact still making but now he only sells them to The Good Guys?#except look how easily they fall out with each other and also don't a lot of innocent bystanders die in their overly long action scenes?#also i need to write fic about whether mjolnir does in fact obey some unknown code that can be cracked if you set your mind to it#she does like Robot Jesus so apparently we can rely on her to make the major decisions from now on#the ending's a bit ominous - apparently someone's collecting those TVA paperweights to do... something? Oh no! :O#yeah i watched the MCU in the wrong order shut up this was inevitable and Marvisney should just embrace that at this point#(i know 'Marvisney' will never catch on but that will not stop me using it)#the loki series ending is but the latest installment of “unlimited power with no oversight is fine as long as the Good people have it”#UNLESS TONY WAS ACTUALLY THE BADDY. WHICH AS I MENTIONED I AM NOT AT ALL CLEAR ON.#maybe what i mean is was tony stark the baddy *on purpose*?#i only picked this one to watch next because tumblr gifsets told me thor wears a nice coat in it#which he does! but only for a small fraction of the film :(#journey into the mcu#the avengers (the marvel ones not the other ones)
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i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.
#bpd#like i dont mean to hurt anyone else with having my breakdown on my vent blog on tumblr...#like the stuff i say isnt aimed at anyone in particular#and it's abt MY feelings which are so confusing i get a headache#my thoughts is my enemy and im such a broken and confused little girl inside fr T-T#but like yeah im sorry for upsetting ppl???#but really i feel so suffocated bc im constantly terrified of saying smth that will upset this or that person#or reblogging the wrong thing and making someone im attached to hate me#like idk.... genuinely my blog is supposed to be a vessel? a tool? smth for me to be able to put my emotions and thoughts down#and try to make sense of them. even when i cant. it really only concerns me. i dont mean to attack or hurt anyone else :/#but i mean i really shouldnt and i shouldve learned this lesson so long ago....#being confused and broken and mentally ill and not knowing or understanding things and being messy and#saying the wrong things or phrasing it incorrectly or anything like that#or like sometimes i have one thought tied to a certain emotion but it's only there in that moment#like when i feel so lonely i could die.. yes i do have kidnapping fantasies. bc i dont.: whatever i dont owe anyone a psychoanalys of mysel#but that doesnt mean i want want to be kidnapped by a stranger who doesnt care abt me... i know that would be awful and traumatizing and no#what i *want*. bc what i desire is love#but like i feel so much pain and just venting abt it or reblogging a post helps me solidify my overwhelming emotions#idk what to say like..... ☹️☹️☹️☹️#i cant even fucking blog or do tumblr right im worthless. and yeah i know i have a victim complex.. sorry 🥲#hmmm. yeah idk what to say like when i have breakdowns i have to get myself thru them without any support#and i dont mean that to attack anyone else.: we're all alone i know.#but idk how to deal w it so i just type it out. its not to attack anyone else its to try to make sense of my emptions i dont understand ☹️#anyway.. maybe i should just accept that im too fucked up and too contradictory for anyone to actually like me#there will always be smth that will make everyone not like me anymore. thats that.#thank u for the time u do give me tho i always appreciate thay#and im sorry i really truly dont want to hurt anyone else#i just dont have .. idk it doesnt matter im sorry for what its worth and if anyone even reads this#i hope not bc i dont want anyone to perceive me and stuff like i dont wanna exist to anyone#and im not on tumblr or post stuff for attention. im just in pain and have nowehrre to put it. im sorry if im lashinf out and hurting other
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Does no one else check to see when posts were vaguely posted? Especially when they relate to dates or "trending"? Am I going to have to start putting little datestamps on my posts?
#its fucking insane#the amount of zionists and pro israels in my notes trying to “own” me#by saying shit like#ha the israel tag isnt even trending#well it was#like a week ago#when i made that post#i know its not trending now#also does no one check the notes before commenting on relatively small posts?#like is it just a me thing to see if anyone else mentioned what i was going to say and see if op responded?#im probably just expecting too much from people who support genocide and refuse to do basic level fact checking#side note#biased isnt interchangeable with jew/zionist#saying someone is displaying a bias doesnt mean that theyre automatically a jew#or a zionist#saying theres a bias within tumblr staff isnt antisemitic or anywhere near a 'jews control the world' conspiracy#its a statement of fact#gods im being driven insane#between zionists pro Israels fucking swifties and vegans/animal rights activists#and also the jw friends of the family trying to lure me back with the promise of not havinf to wear a dress
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"Star Wars isn't dead y'all are just haters" "Disney saved Star Wars" "It's the Woke Agenda that ruined Star Wars"
My mans, Disney single-handedly destroyed the Sequel Trilogy despite the Force Awakens being the gateway to something potentially fantastic; MCU'd the Mandalorian (a story which originally had nothing to do with the Prequel and OG Trilogy aside from sharing a universe and exploring a sect of a completely different culture/ideology); ego-boosted both Filoni and Favreau to the point where their OC Verse is not only canon but openly disregarding the Star Wars Universe Bible/Lore; gave us a snippet of what an extremely misunderstood indigenous culture is actually like (instead of portraying them as the savages one of the white leads mislabeled as animals that deserved to be slaughtered) only to then wipe out the tribe we got to know for no reason other than shock value thus alienating indigenous/poc viewers in the most disrespectful way possible; completely threw away the entire message of TCW (that being a clone does not make you incapable of being your own person who has their own thoughts, ideals, moral compass and overall identity) by making TBB (a show that does have it's strong points in set design, soundtrack orchestration and overall sound design, but is extremely weak on both characterization and storytelling because they either make the meaningful plot points stretch too thin or focus on the wrong character completely) their go to show marketed for kids instead of the actual kids programming that people shit on for being for, surprise, kids; constantly disregards valid critique from their consumers (to the point where infighting in the Fandom has gotten extremely ugly) that people either give up on interacting completely or simply vanish and take all their things with them (because no one seems to understand where these critiques come from, or how being unable to admit your special little show is imperfect is actually not a good thing for both you and others).
This isn't even accounting for the fact the Fandom seems to have doubled in it's overall toxicity since Disney took over. Which is par for the course when a mega corporation takes hold of something that started out extremely political in nature anyway. The Cash Cow machine needs feeding after all...
#Eps Talks About:#Funny enough this started as an argument between my sisters#One of which isn't a Star Wars fan and the other who is an OJ and Prequels fan#My mom (who was the one to introduce us to star wars mind you) and I watched from the sidelines#Mom didn't care because she doesn't like Modern Star Wars stuff but I ended up putting an end to the argument#My younger sister is right that Disney put too much emphasis on SELLING Star Wars to newer generations to a detrimental degree#but that doesn't mean they invalidate what came prior to their shitshow or the message SW was created to uphold#in fact Andor and SW Visions S2 made a point of being the best homages to the OJ trilogy thus far by being very political in their messages#But my older sister is also right that the state of Fandoms these days is very much a US vs THEM situation in terms of how people make#themselves heard and how meeting in the middle is virtually impossible which is very much a product of social media and how people conduct#their personal image via either genuinely expressing their feelings on certain topics or simply using them for clout#It is a case of locking yourself in a room with an 'adversary' and trying to see who can scream the loudest until someone loses their voice#I love star wars but that doesn't mean I'm blind to the fact star wars also kinda sucks lmao but oh well these are just my thoughts that#I'm letting loose because I'm already pissed off from something else going wrong today and have no patience for some of the rancid shit#that keeps cropping up in either tags or posts I find in and out of Tumblr Dot Com
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wink blink look !!
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#sona#ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhgghhhh#am i RIGHT guys hfhvs#:33#//not many thoughts recently#not many thoughts for a while actually lol#must've talked myself weary! huh!#/let me try at this though - i feel like i have some little part of my brain that's all stopped up#it's been like that for a minute !#/ah but a question - do you ever stand by a bit of forest and hear what are distinctly Whispers ?#i know it's definitely the wind but it's fun to think it's anything else lol :>>#ghosts or fairies or the road down the hill for whatever reason#/oh and speaking of hearing i got a weird + shrill + loud tone in my ear the other day and it just didn't happen again#a sudden EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then it stopped lmao#funky stuff man. wonder what's up with that hfhs#//anyway i'm working on my artfight references rn lol :)#i've finished one! what a miracle!! hfsh-#it looks a lot better than the one last year like Wow. don't think the same person made these you know what i mean hfh#//ah i've also started using padlet for realsies this time :>#it's a neat spot - it's gonna be great to just have the palettes i need on another device loll#that's the biggest problem i have on this planet! having to scroll my blog for palettes is not the most fun thing hfsh#/anyway gonna get back to it!!#i'm sort of tired but i Really wanna make kira and hid's this yearrr#they are very ~+~+~ <3 ~+~+~ to me lol :>>#so toodles ! here i go again hfhsv
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chat i think this is why they say that social media is bad for people
#i usually get like 1 or 2 notes and this flood of them is kinda making me nervous#not to mention all like the sorta pointless negativity its generating#you know how people say its better to put positive stuff out in the world for transfems then to say fuck terfs??#thats kind of how i feel right now#i kind of wish i couldve had something else blow up like maybe my epic fursona or smth#or like fanart of this#i couldve redrawn it so people would know i was being silly#i mean not entirely i still think terfs r stupid#but like theyd know im not really trying to start a conversation on that one specifically#i would love to talk about like the subtle ways they prey on vulnerable people#and like drag them down into their self destructive worldviews with them#but that wasnt really what i was shooting for#maybe ill just draw cool vivian and mario hanging out and being pals or something#tumblr dot com is kind of stressing me out more than usual#okay well no its epic to say fuck terfs#but i dont want to focus *just* on that#ok rant over
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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hey if you're scrolling through the tsats or any other related tag rn, just remember: it's just a book, just a book. Deep breaths. We all have our opinions, they're all different, and that's okay. No need to yell at people, no matter what they think of it.
This especially goes for anyone 16 or under. There's no reason to get angry in people's notes, I promise, just enjoy what you want to and you'll be way happier than if you spend time ranting in replies. They're not worth your rage. And if you're an adult, maybe remind yourself who you're talking to.
Your opinions on it can be important to you, and do write about them yknow that's still important, but we really don't need to be assholes to each other about it. Don't insult people for liking it and don't insult people for disliking it.
In the end, it's a book. It'll be okay
#Tsats#anti tsats#Will solace#nico di angelo#the sun and the star#solangelo#PERSONALLY. I have not finished it yet#But this has nothing to do with what I think of the book itself!!#I just keep seeing people get so harsh over everyone else's opinions and it makes me sad#Cause like. If you don't like it#let them be?#And if you do like it#Let them be??#Srsly people are getting worked up n it's like#It is so not worth the time pleasee#rick riordan#It's also just mean#like yall realize people can have different opinions right? Neither of you have to be angry about it#Sigh. Tumblr amiright#(It's not just tumblr but yknow)#This isn't about shipping wars either btw#Dont come for me akdjdks I literally don't care about your ship or anti
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aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)
#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now:#i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three#classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an#its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don#im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my#hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow.#i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is#putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator.#i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here*#*here meaning the state i live in.#i am so Alone here.#i feel little and stupid
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idk how to phrase this but like does anyone else feel like they forcibly age regress when certain bad things happen? not in a fun recreational way whatsoever it’s like if my mind gets under enough stress i feel like my carrying capacity in my brain is reduced to that of a child and i feel very drawn to more childish behavior (but also feel like i can’t physically do anything else). it’s very weird
#delete later#this might be too vulnerable for the TL#and i’m trying desperately not to let it spiral into worrying abt my childhood trauma#i don’t do like a baby voice or play anything up but it’s sort of like idk. i feel like my mind puts up this wall#and it can be sort of novel because i can truly enjoy playing with toys or kids media in a more engaged way#but also i feel very limited in the scope of my abilities and my emotional regulation so it can also be very anxious#i should clarify i’m not someone who’s interested in recreational’age regression’ as there is a community on tumblr here for#idek if i’m using the right term because i don’t mean it in the same way. but i do feel as though i am retreating inwards and backwards#so the term regression fits here. idk what else i’d say.
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0 days since bringing myself to tears writing something for Overmorrow
#roadie rambles#(a LOT. the brainrot is winning today)#overmorrow#project E#oh you beast of a project you. already causing me pain this early on…#sat down and hashed out a bunch of dialogue without really planning to today#since I write out of order I don’t always know what I’m gonna end up working on/having inspiration for#so I just let my head go at it#and whaddya know. it was one of the emotional scenes#I worked on some other parts too but this was a /very/ important scene so it was nice to get some of it down#so anyway I cried 💅 again 💅 which is really great bc I was so immersed I didn’t even realize how emotional it made me#(having the playlist on Did Not help)#I think this is the kinda story that needs to move me first before I can even think of showing it to anyone else#and by that I mean I need to pretend I didn’t write it and see if I’m able to feel the weight of it still#as long as it’s making me feel deeply and making me /think/ that’s my indicator that I’m on the right path#…then again. it doesn’t take much to make me feel and think so we’ll see if this idea of mine holds any merit 😅#did I mention that I. still don’t quite know what I’m doing#I’ve only got the pieces of this puzzle…but each day the picture becomes a lil clearer#okay that’s it for my word vomit; writing tumblr tags is so cathartic#thanks for reading! 🫶#overmorrow misc
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