#I’m better than someone who never learned it and didn’t encounter it’s use a lot. but I really don’t think I could have a real conversation

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.

You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

I'm gonna squeeze in a match up for my character if that's okay! I'm really interested to see how it plays out, thank you for the opportunity!

My character is a Tiefling Draconic Sorceress, more specifically Blue Ancestry. This defines almost everything about her personality, because while she does have a good heart and strives to do good, blue dragons are famous for their manipulative character, being the best of all dragons at deceiving, manipulating and plotting. That, combined with her infernal heritage, makes for a very dangerous combination, specially considering how close that heritage is (in my headcanon for my character, that is).

While her heart is in the right place, her mind is not. She prides herself as someone that has never lied, but she has mastered witholding information and choosing the right words when needed. She knows how to pass herself as an innocent, fresh adventurer that goes on her first adventure full of excitement, but the truth is that she has a constant mental battle against doing the right thing versus the logical thing.

Saving the tieflings is not logical-- she should just reach Baldurs Gate as soon as possible. But she does it regardless, and it takes a mental toll on her.

Despite all this, she does care about all of the people she has encountered and has made real friendship bonds with her companions, genuinely loving every second spent with them and every second spent helping others.

All in all, she has the heart of a hero, but the mind of a villain.

As for hobbies, she is a really good glass-maker, something she used to do a lot back at her home. She can't practice her hobby much out and adventuring, but she has made small trinkets and babbles for her companions.

She sports two long, curly blonde braids (her hair constantly frizzies due to a conatant static electricity around her), pink skin and short, sand-colored horns. Her eyes are golden and slitted, like draconic eyes are. Since she is such a goal oriented person, she hasn't really have time to explore much of romantic aspects, but she does know she is only attracted to men, and could be persuaded to enjoy both monogamous and polygamous relationships.

A/N: For you my Tiefling Draconic Sorceress Anon, I’m thinking you’d best be matched with: Astarion (and Halsin)! 

☆ Astarion is a good fit for your Blue Ancestry Draconic Tiefling Sorceress! The way you described her as having “the heart of a hero, but the mind of a villain”, matches Astarion to a T! 

Astarion does have a heart, and he cares deeply about things. It’s just that years of abuse and servitude under Cazador has beaten most of that out of him. What’s left is hidden under layers and layers of walls of aloofness and self-protection. I think deep down, he wants to believe he’s good- that he’s not bad like Cazador, or like all those people who used him. But he also struggles with that belief because a part of him wants to say ‘fuck it’ and be solely self-serving without a shred of guilt. Depending on where his mind is at the moment, I think he could be helped by your Tav. I think your Tav would enable Astarion to justify wanting things, which could be a very healthy thing so long as Astarion didn’t take those wants too far. On the other hand, it could be dangerous in that her self-indignation enables Astarion to become an evil ruler himself. The two of them could either end up learning how to truly be good with the other’s guidance or they could end up as a powerful, lawful evil power-couple. 

But by what you’ve told me about your Tav saving the tieflings suggests the former is more likely than the later. She’s striving to be good, and it’s difficult, but it sends the message that she does care, and more importantly, that it’s the right thing to care. This reiterates to Astarion, that it’s important to be better than the ones who have wronged or hurt us. The more time Astarion spends with her, the more he feels he can open up. It’s clear your Tav values her companions, and this warms Astarion’s heart. Her affection makes him feel as if he is worthy of a good life, of following a good path, even though he knows logically speaking, it’s the cutthroat who get ahead in this world. 

As the two of them grow closer, I think they’d reach a point where they could speak freely to one another about their innermost thoughts. And they could say them aloud without judgment. Even the darker things, knowing that it takes too much time to save everyone, or the idea that they are superior because they can calculate certain mental gymnastics others cannot- it could be shared in a safe space between the two of them. And the more they confront these thoughts aloud, I think the more control they’d start to have over them. Together they learn to listen to their heart instead of their mind. 

On top of all that, Astarion finds your sorceress very attractive. He thinks her pink skin and short horns make her look almost exotic- she’s different in a bold and alluring way. He especially loves her frizzy blonde hair and how it sort of matches her golden slit eyes. He thinks the color suits her especially because it’s the color of gold, of luxury. It’s sort of amusing with her having draconic heritage and all (since dragons hoard things like gold and gems). 

Neither one of them are particularly experienced when it comes to real romance, but that's okay. They can learn with each other without the pressure of embarrassment. 

(Plus, if your Tav was interested… I think this is where Halsin could come in.) 

ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ Halsin has a ton of relationship experience, and he loves very freely. He’s not ashamed to admit how he feels for those he loves, although he will respect their wishes should they not feel the same. 

I think Halsin, having spent years dealing with the shadow curse, would sense the underlying battle raging in your Tav’s soul: should she be more evil, but logical, or should she be more good, and act from the heart? Halsin himself is a big softie, for most creatures that is (goblins excluded lol). I think he’d be a good influence for her- reminding her by his presence and by example to listen to that heroic heart and not that villainous mind. 

Halsin is in awe of her knowledge and strength. He knows walking the path of light is not easy, nor do we ever ask for the burden of it, but here your Tav is, doing her best to do it anyway. He is especially grateful for her deciding to save the tieflings at the grove. He knows how risky it was for her to encourage the party to make such a calculator. He finds it brave and honorable that she chose to do, what he sees, as the right thing. Halsin thinks she’s incredible- far more than she could ever begin to know. And he spends much of his time reminding her of this. How she is a force of nature, and they are all lucky she’s on their side. 

Halsin is also happy to have another crafter in the camp. He’ll gladly listen to her describe her process of glassblowing, so long as she’s willing to listen to him tell her of his whittled works. He makes her a wooden ornament almost right away, giving it to her as a reminder of his affection and his support. If she were to give him a trinket or anything of that nature in return, I think his heart would soar. He would cherish the gift, and proudly display it, showing it off for anyone who asked. 

We know Halsin is open to polyamorous relationships, and that Astarion is willing to share Tav with Halsin, so I think if your Draconic Tiefling Sorceress found the arrangement agreeable, the three of them could be a poly couple. 

With both Halsin and Astarion, she’s sort of balanced more so in a way. Halsin represents the emotion, or the heart of the hero, while Astarion more so represents the brain, or the mind of the villain. The three of them fit together like puzzle perfect pieces, lifting each other up where the others may be lacking. 

Should your Tav continue down the path of righteousness, I could see the three of them living happily in the future, perhaps in Halsin’s new settlement outside of Baldur’s Gate. Your Tav could teach the future sorcerers and work as the local glassblower. And at night, when it’s safe for Astarion to be out, all three of them could lay together under the blanket of the night sky, with just cricket chirps and occasional owl hoots around them. It’d be the perfect night for three very unique adventures to unwind. 

[hellsingmongrel]

Trimax and possible Tristamp spoilers?

I’ve been thinking about the way they incorporated Meryl into the JuLai storyline in Stampede, and I’m beginning to wonder if that was their way of getting JuLai and Meryl’s kidnapping from Trimax out in one shot.  It has similar storybeats, including her finally seeing Vash going full Eldritch Angel when he rescues her.

I’m honestly not really sure how I feel about that, if it is what they’re doing.  I mean it makes sense, in that it will be helping condense the story down so that they can fit the important storybeats into the show, but in doing so, they would be losing the really fascinating character growth we saw between the two of them in the manga.  That event was a huge deal for Meryl, it absolutely terrified her and she was scared of him for a long time.  It was a whole subplot that wasn’t verbally addressed much by the two of them, but was absolutely shown in their interactions and the way she went from terrified, feeling guilty about that terror, and finally being able to overcome it and be there for him when he needed her support the most.  It was just so.  Good.  It helped show that while the reader might see his transformations and be like “Oh man, that looks cool!” it was actually legitimately horrifying for everyone involved, even those who were closest to him.

His transformations are scary, he doesn’t like it, Meryl doesn’t like it, Wolfwood doesn’t like it.  Nobody knows how to deal with it when it happens.  It’s a whole thing, so many people, Vash included, are just terrified of that power and what he’s capable of and how inhuman he looks and sometimes acts when he’s completely lost in his own head.  It’s an important part of the message of learning to accept yourself and live with yourself regardless of your failings, and of not judging people by what they appear to be, but instead to measure their worth by their actions, instead.  Learning to love those around you, learning to forgive yourself, etc.

IDK.  I can see where they would want to take this shortcut, and I’ve loved pretty much everything else they’ve done with the show, so I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they’ll handle it well.  I just think we’d be losing an important element of the story if they reduced the tension that existed between them because of Meryl’s trauma to the way the events in JuLai went down in episodes 10-12.  I think it could have an even better impact in Stampede, even, if they did have that tension now, because until now, she’s only ever seen him be soft spoken, sweet, gentle, only raising a hand to harm others when he absolutely had to and absolutely never losing control or killing someone.  He’s so much softer than Vash is when we first encounter him in Trimax, so to have him go from that extremely gentle soul to someone who’s so lost, has so much power, and is pushed so far over the edge that he’s reduced to this:

And at the same time, when he shields her with his wings earlier in this event, there’s a moment when she’s linked into his mind and seeing his memories.  I feel like that’s something that’s important, too, and damn if it didn’t take me rereading through the manga to find that page to realize what had happened.  (Though tbf, a lot of the action in the series is like that; you have to interpret the visuals, it doesn’t hold your hand and narrate what’s going on, so sometimes it takes multiple, multiple rereadings to figure out what exactly you’re seeing.  It’s both good and bad, tbh.  Nightow is showing the reader a lot of respect in expecting them to not need to be told what is happening, but there are still some times when a little tiny bit of direction might have been useful.  :’D)

All of that, plus just giving the viewer their first glimpse into the fact that even when he’s not being controlled by his brother, Vash can still go full Plant mode, can absolutely lose control and become a being that is a threat to everyone around him unless he manages to regain his senses, would be a very, very important scene to lose.  So honestly, I really hope they don’t condense the story the way it seems they might have, or that they find a way of showing these important beats in another way.  Vash’s Big Badass Moment in episode 12 was fuckin’ amazing, don’t get me wrong!  I was screaming and cheering him on from my couch the entire episode!  But it’s not the full story and there’s a lot that would be lost if that was all they took from this part of the story in Trimax.

[deckerroosevelt]

Chapter 4, part 2

 I put my pencil down and eyed my text. Good enough, I thought and hid the notebook under my pillow again. I got up to open the window. Now that I know where I am, I can’t unsee it. It’s nice living in Hyde park, but I haven’t stepped out since. I took up people watching instead. And in case the man in white appeared again. Not that I would be scared, but my fingers have bandages and still are quite sore. And the naked feeling on them with no nails. Why didn’t I stop after the first grape? Haven’t eaten them after either. 

   Someone knocked on the door and I went to open it. I take a peek at who it is before letting them in, but it’s Treacher, so I let him in.

   “Evening”, he greets with a sarcastic tone. 

   “What are you doing here?” I ask. It is a bit late and this is only the second time ever anyone has come into my room with me.

   “I live here silly! And why not? Do you have something better to do instead than hanging out with me?” Treacher questioned me.

   “Well, not particularly, but… Okay, touché”, I give up. I don’t have a valid excuse and I honestly don’t mind spending time with him. It’s better than people watching.

   “Thought so. Anyways, I do have something I’d like to talk to you about”, he started with a more serious tone. “Did you know that after two weeks of living here, you will get a… how to put this. Well, some kind of a job”, he explained.

   “A job? What kind?” I asked. This came out of the blue for me. Of course living wouldn’t be free here, what did I expect?

   “Well, not a job job, but… I don’t know! Missions, tasks, whatever. So, Decker investigated stuff like the man you encountered last week. The most dangerous things he deals with, but smaller jobs he gives us. We can say no if we want to but, they are quite intriguing sometimes. And we don’t go alone, so don’t worry. As I understand it, Decker is like the police’s supernatural section and all reported stuff like that comes to him. And we help as we can. Most of them are of course unreal, but I have seen some messed up things myself and, well, I am a bit of a messed up thing myself”, he covered. 

   Yeah, he is a messed up guy, but I’m used to it by now. And I can’t say I wouldn’t be messed up myself. But more importantly, I was honestly interested in the “job” thing. Over the past week I have become more curious and I would like to learn more. I have never been to school, and never wanted to go to school. But now I do and this “job” seems like the closest to one.

   “So, next week? Do you have any tasks at the moment? How often do you get them? And what exactly do you do?” I started listing questions that popped into my mind. 

   Treacher stood there for a while staring at me confused. “You are actually interested? Damn. I freaked out when I heard. After last week I figured you’d try to escape and I was ready to help, but ok”. I was quite sure I heard some disappointment in his voice.

   “Well, at the moment we are trying to locate the one that attacked you. And trust me, it’s easier said than done”, Treacher complained. 

   “Actually, he did not attack. I took the grapes by free will”, I clarified.

   “He just made you think like you wanted to eat them by your free will. Trust me, if Decker didn’t come, you would be a pile of limbs in pieces”, he disagreed. 

   “How do they form? I mean, what are they?”

   “It varies a lot. I was created, but I don’t know how she did it. Neda knows more, but she still grieves for her and refuses to mention her. Neda lived with her for years before I was made. She doesn’t blame me for her death. The only thing I know is that the creator was dying and made me as her last deed. Or Neda built me, because she was too weak at that point. She only had to make the sacrifice”, he explained. 

   “What was her name?”

   “I don’t know. There are many things I don’t know. Anyways, I have informed you about what I came to inform you about and it’s getting late. I can show our progress on the thing tomorrow. See you at the archive after breakfast. And no word to Decker about any of this”, he said with his index finger on the mask and walked out of the room.

   “You can trust me!” I shout after him. 

   I tried to fall asleep, but I was too excited for tomorrow. I would get to be an investigator and technically work for the police as Decker’s helper. But not officially yet. 

[skylarmoon71]

Eobard Thawne - Extra (Flash)

“You’d look a lot cuter if you smiled.”

Eobard thought being trapped at Star Labs and inability to take out his arch nemesis was the worst thing that could happen to him, but he was terribly wrong. Because the woman who was attached at his hip was much more irritating than any master plan he’d been scheming all his life.

You always wore a smile. Insistent on getting him to become good.

How laughable.

The only reason he hadn’t taken down the entire building is his lack of speed. That and the little trinket Cisco created to monitor him. It tracked everything. He almost thought it could be his bad intentions, because he definitely felt a jolt when he was glaring at Barry a few days ago.

“I can’t believe you all are stupid enough to believe this woman is a cupid.” Eobard grumbled.

“We’ve literally seen talking gorillas, sharks and freaking aliens. Cupids seem pretty believable."

Cisco continued to lick at the popsicle as he swirled in the chair. Harry was not too far away, tinkering with some items. Discreetly stealing glances. Just to be safe.

When Barry not so casually walked in and whispered something in your ear, Eobard didn’t like the way your eyes lit up. The both of you left, and he could feel his mind reel at the possibilities of torture he was in for. Cisco snickered from his spot.

“Something funny.” Eobard pressed.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

He didn’t like the sound of that.

“So how do I win his heart?”

Barry was the last person to help with that question. So he’d just handed you a book.

“These are some ideas I got from a reliable source.”

Source meaning lots of google searches. You took it happily, diving into the contents. Barry was impressed at the way your eyes whipped over each page. In a matter of seconds you were done with the forty page journal he’d put together.

“Got it! Thanks Barry.” You threw the book and Barry caught it clumsily. When you entered the room, you were almost glowing. You marched straight over to Eobard who narrowed his eyes.

“Would you like to have a seat?” You pulled out a chair, but he merely folded his arms.

“I’m fine.”

“A massage?”

“Pass.”

“Chocolates?”

“I’m allergic.”

“Bath?”

“Took one thirty minutes ago.”

You were running out of ideas, and Eobard was sure with each word you would snap at him, but you were still wearing an almost contagious smile.

“Thank you, I think now I’ve learned more about you than when I started. “ It took him a few seconds to realize what had just happened. His hands unfolded slowly.

“You played me..”

Was this what it felt like when someone used a reverse uno card on you?

Before he could apprehend you, you were skipping off. Cisco was just sitting there confused.

“What did she just do?” He waved around his partially melted popsicle. Barry decided to explain.

“I gave her a book on studying human behavior. It was centered around romantic encounters. Some of that stuff is actually accurate when it comes to reading body language. She knows you're combative.”

Cisco’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape.

“Damn, she played you like a fiddle.”

With one look, Cisco was silent for the remainder of the day.

It was clear that the journey to change Eobard would be a tough one. While they were willing to try. There were still points that were a lot harder than most.

“Not that I don’t trust him, but it’s been a few weeks and I’m still afraid to fall asleep in the lab. We could keep him locked up in the pipeline, but (Y/N) might have a breakdown if we did that again.” Cisco was right.

“I can take him!”

The poof of your appearance startled both Barry and Cisco.

“Don’t do that!!”

You giggle bashfully.

“Sorry, I keep forgetting humans don’t teleport. I’ll do better.” When Cisco got his heart rate under control.

“You’re going to take him to your place. I just realized we’ve never asked where you’re poofing too all the time!”

“I have a place here. Cupid’s are very resourceful. This isn’t my first time in this city. I’ve been here many times, I’ve just never stopped long enough to do much. But now that I have my soul mate we can live together and cuddle all day long.” After that statement it appears you were off in your own world. So Cisco took that time to negotiate.

“It's not a bad plan. She’s the only one who’s not scared shitless of him. Plus she’s like all powerful. He’d be screwed if he tried anything. “

It was very appealing. Barry turns back to you.

“Are you sure you can handle him?”

“Yes!! Please, please, please!” Your eyes did that thing again and Cisco agreed.

“Alright fine you can have him just stop it with the cute freaking eyes!!”

Your grin was wide, and you gave Cisco a hug. He stumbled slightly at the whiff of pink.

“Thank you!” You were gone again, and Barry groaned.

“Barry, I love you bro.” Cisco was wearing a silly smile as he patted Barry on the shoulder.

“I know.” They supposed they would have to get used to this.

~~

“Here’s a blanket, and your bed is right here.” Eobard stared down at the king sized bed.

“Where is yours?”

“We can share.”

“Absolutely not. “

“Why not?”

Eobard assumed you were joking, but he should have known that at this point, he should take everything you say as it was. Because you were as naive as you were powerful. He’d put up with your constant flirting, inserting, pestering. But it was never ending. The worst part wasn’t your infatuation, but your view that if you invested enough, then you’d magically wake up one day and he’d be some good guy. He wasn’t as oblivious as Team Flash gave him credit for. It’s clear that was the only reason he wasn’t rotting in Argus right now.

It was aggravating.

“I’ll never change.”

There was a bit of contempt in those words, and all you offer is a smile.

“I don’t remember saying I was going to change you.”

Eobard squinted.

“It’s naive to expect you to become a hero overnight. Of course I’d prefer it if you didn’t go around impaling people. But I don’t want you to change everything about yourself. There are certain traits you have that are a part of you. You’re stubborn, combative, brutally honest. Even under normal circumstances, these are regular characteristics that make up a person. To ask you to change that would be wrong. That’s not love. Love is making a person better inside and out because you care. Not changing them because people expect it of you. “

Eobard didn’t have words to retaliate against that.

Deep down he knew that you were right in some aspects. Had he never met Barry Allen, his life would have been much different. He could have been a professor somewhere and maybe..

His eyes drifted in your direction, this time, he found himself enamored by the soft inviting smile you wore. He held your gaze for a few moments before turning away.

“I’ll take the couch.” With a laugh, you stack the colorful sheets.

“Have a good night.”

You murmur comfortingly.

For once, he felt like he actually might.

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 8

June 13th, 2020

The fantasy and the daydream never truly went away.

I’m so alone right now, so separated physically (because of COVID) and emotionally (because life) from whoever could show me any love or appreciation that I’ve begun to think deeply about myself once again, as I did when I was young.

My adolescence brings back very few memories of partying or drinking or sex or drugs, but lots of long hours listening to music and staring at the polystyrene ceiling of the side of the room I shared with my parents and siblings that was my “bedroom” (I didn’t have a proper bedroom until I was 24). And in those long hours I used to ruminate a lot about my life, my (lack of) friends, (the absence of partnerly) love, and many other things.

Aside: I don’t know how it surprised me—or anybody—that I fell deeply in love with philosophy when I encountered it a couple of years later. My predisposition/nature was already philosopically-oriented, I guess. One of my life’s greatest regrets is that I went back on my decision to pursue a career in philosophy because of my mom’s pressure—and my own insecurities, of course.

Back on track: I’ve been thinking a lot about that Friday morning I described on Day 1 (a week ago, but it feels like an eternity), reminiscing about it and almost savoring it, but the sensations are slowly but surely fading away. And, as they've done, I've become addicted to just think of myself as a woman whenever I can.

Now it doesn’t matter where I am, if I’m not engaged otherwise, in my head I see the world if I were woman. It may sound stupid—it probably is—but, although my rational part tells me that is impossible, I feel that I’m able to get completely immersed in the fantasy. That it actually doesn’t require much of me to become a woman in my head.

What’s even more outrageous (or telling) is that I don’t think my female version is that much different from my current self.

Call it hubris or delusion, but not only do I find comfort in those fantasies: I feel more solid, more myself—for lack of better words—than in “reality” in them. Things make sense. My feelings, perceptions, and even thoughts feel more coherent, less chaotic, and more focused. Am I losing my mind? Is this some kind of elaborate new way to deceive myself? I feel like I’ve always been looking for something, for an answer about myself and the world. That’s what interested me first about learning things when I was a child, and subsequently led me to fiction and then fantasy. At the same time I went from classical music to protest rock and then to heavy metal. From sports to RPGs.

I cannot but see myself in all these wildly varied circumstances looking for something, for a place to truly feel at home. To belong to. Relationships felt a little bit like that; as if I was looking for someone to complete me; my lost other half, as in the “Origin of Love” from Plato’s Symposium, which I first met in the wonderful Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Once again, self-delusional or egotistical much? Self-centered and oblivious to reality? I really just don’t know.

Maybe I should ask a therapist. Or get some therapy. Maybe that could help but, who knows?

For now, these fantasies are mine—and no one else’s. They’re my secret, my private paradise—and I’ll keep them as such for the time being.

Maybe some day—one day—they’ll be more than fantasies, but who knows? Maybe in a next life (if there’s any such thing).

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[azuisreading]

Born of Scourge by S. Jean

Legends say when the skies grow dark and scourge starves the land, a star will fall in order to save humanity. Only when the star is sacrificed at the end of their journey will light return. It's a cycle—one humanity refuses to break because stars are plentiful and their sacrifices easier than learning the true nature of the scourge. When Sol finally falls, it's not because of humanity. It's because he's had enough of watching his brethren be sacrificed. He has one goal: end humanity and end the cycle. Unfortunately, he has to pretend he cares before humans get wise. It doesn't matter how soft the princess who catches him is—Celena will be dead by the time his journey ends. Nor how kind his assigned companions are—the outgoing Mira with her ballads, the brave Nebora with her axe, and the hero Loren with his soft voice and friendly smile. For centuries, humanity has lied and their kindness is a ruse to bring about Sol's own destruction at the end of his tale. He will not be fooled. No one cares about the cries of the stars they've destroyed over and over again and Sol will make sure this time, humanity is the one sacrificed. At least, that's the plan until his traitorous heart begins to care for the humans he sought to eradicate.

Review

Following S. Jean from their web novel series «The Magician and The Bard» brought me this greatness. I was able to apply to join their ARC team to read this gem, even though I was a bit unconvinced about their writing, but this ended up being an amazing decision. I’m in love with Born of Scourge and their storytelling skills, and I’m already in for whatever she wants to tell in the future (and for what I’ve already missed in the past).

So, what are you gonna encounter here? A lot of angst. And a pretty dark theme. This isn’t a light reading, everyone knows the world is ending, but all of us rather play dumb. That doesn’t stop the passing of time and we’re unfortunately aware. Which I believe makes things worse. There wasn’t a moment in which I believed the story would end in a happy or positive ending, and I’m pretty good at leaning toward this stuff.

Why read it, then? Because it’s amazing. You can feel the bond between the characters and how, even when everything has an end and sooner or later it will come, things have meaning. What you do it’s important. How you decide to act will always be the key. You can help someone to have a better or a worse journey just with a few, usually not significant to you, words. Just by staying for a moment. Just being you.

You can go through the world wanting to end it and still spread hope. The world could not deserve you, but what you do will always be more than enough.

I think that if a book can make me this philosophical and positive about our existence and the way our world is working right now, then it deserves a shot. I never expected to find a book with such dark tones on my comfort shelf. I never expected to have fun delving into such themes. The prose is magnificent, incredibly beautiful. I took out a few phrases just because it was going to be a big spoiler (and highly illegal, hahah) to take the whole book.

I’ll keep its love story, because I believe that’s what is about. Even this dark, is a beacon of light and hope. You know how it goes: you only can appreciate the beauty of life when you have seen its ugly side.

Phrases that I liked so much that I marked them while reading

«She held the star as close to her heart as possible because he would bring back the light. She was sure of it.» — Prologue.

«All of it was rote, normal, and helped her ignore the fact the world was ending around them. Sol didn’t mind helping her forget. He liked the way she smiled.» — Chapter I.

«And besides, she harbored the belief the world wouldn’t end because Sol was there. He hadn’t the heart to tell her otherwise or about the promise he’d made as he’d fallen through the skies. Let her believe he’d save the world if it made her smile so.» — Chapter I.

«Early on, Celena had told Sol the names of every single plant they grew here, but only these two stood out because Celena absolutely loved them.» — Chapter I.

«It was calm simply existing together like this, arms entwined, and Sol wouldn’t have minded staying like this the entire day.» — Chapter I.

«For some reason, when she spoke his name, it made him want to smile.» — Chapter I.

«The smiles she graced him with were bright and dazzling and made him forget what he was.» — Chapter I.

«When he opened his eyes again, Celena had returned. Still radiated a softness in the world Sol couldn’t help but want to hold.» — Chapter I.

«Celena was so resplendent when she smiled. Sol wanted to memorize it and sought to trace it with his fingers, so he’d never forget. Even when darkness claimed everything that was and ever would be, he’d hold onto this smile. This afternoon as they swept each other through the gardens, their soft laughter mixing together amongst the whispers in the wind.» — Chapter I.

«“Part of me actually hoped they wouldn’t come. So then I’d have more time with you.”» — Chapter II.

«“Are you ready?” “As long as I am with you,” Sol said.» — Chapter II.

«Sol drifted off, simply listening to her breathe and the way her blood hummed against him, and part of him hoped morning never came because deep down buried in his heart, he didn’t want to leave her.» — Chapter III.

«Gareth looked between Nebora and Loren, silent with his eyebrows high in amusement. For once, he wasn’t the one being yelled at.» — Chapter IX.

«As much as he wanted it to be true, these were not those he’d once been nestled beside in the cosmos. They were echoes of who they’d been, hardened into scourge and then left behind when the light returned. They would never again be who they once were.» — Chapter X.

[ashereadsstuff]

'The Untimely Undeath of Imogen Madrigal' By Grayson Daly

I received an ARC from Nosetouch Press through NetGalley in exchange for a honest review.

Rating out of 5: 🌟🌟🌟🌟⭐(4.5)

Release Date: May 23, 2023

Content Warnings: Death, Body horror, Cursing, Drug use, Misogyny, Sexual content, Abandonment, Bodyshaming, Child abuse

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SYNOPSIS:

Death is Both an End and a Beginning.

On the island city of Lenorum, Maeve serves the Sisterhood of Good Death, a convent whose purpose is to shepherd lost souls from one world to the next. But her life of devotion to the unquiet dead is upended by an encounter with the haughty poet Imogen Madrigal, who has mysteriously returned from beyond the veil not in spirit, but in the flesh--and determined to obtain justice, whatever the cost. Maeve agrees to help Imogen solve her murder, which propels her headlong into the hedonistic and heretical world of the extravagant and influential Poets' Court.

THE UNTIMELY UNDEATH OF IMOGEN MADRIGAL delivers a metaphysical mystery in the richly imagined, darkly fantastic and urbane world of Lenorum, as Maeve comes to terms with her own path and learns what living a good life truly means.

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MY REVIEW:

I loved this book. I wish I had gotten to read it at a better time. I've been reading this book through my finals, which made the experience a bit tedious.

Anyway! I thought the characters were well thought out; each one had their own problems, and this book didn’t make the main character seem like a saint or anything, or someone who was impervious to trauma and the real world. The author also didn’t make the character afraid of the world, considering their background, in an annoying way. She had fears; she voiced them, but she went through it afraid, was on her toes, and handled each situation. I thought the middle ground between being stupidly brave and fearful was well written, and Maeve wasn't too much of either. Each character had an interesting backstory that gave them amazing depth, and no one was two-dimensional.

Maeve and Imogene’s relationship wasn’t toxic! They helped each other without being codependent; they learned from each other; they had their problems, but they talked them through. I do wish we got to see how Maeve navigated her relationship with certain characters (you know who I’m talking about), and seeing more of Maeve’s sisters and their interactions would be nice. I also really wanted to know more about Imogen and the other sisters backstories and experiences, as well as that one character I mentioned above (I hope you know who I’m talking about). I want to know more about what happened to them in general, considering their conflict and how they got to be okay with everything. But other than that, I give it 4.5 stars, and I will be buying the hardcover copy of the book.

The world described was amazing, It was very clear that the author put a lot of thought into how it should work. The explanations weren't annoying either. To me, the book never dragged on and on, which is very much appreciated as someone who doesn't have a great attention span. I loved the lessons that the book discussed, like how it's okay to go for what you want and to cherish what you've got; how change is a part of life and it must be embraced; how judging people isn't okay even if the person in front of you is your worst enemy; and never be afraid and when you are, do it afraid.

[crystalelemental]

Alright, day 2 of This Gym of Mine.  I don’t know how I feel about this game.

The Gym Team is Bronzor, Metang, and Smoochum.  I’m considering Drowzee until Smoochum can evolve, but eh.  If I need it, I have Butterfree too.  It can learn Psychic so it’s legally allowed in my Psychic gym, and more importantly, it’s fast and has Sleep Powder so it can fuck with people.  So we have a decent spread of options.

The main issue I take with the game is that wild encounters scale to your level.  I understand that the point of this is to minimize grinding to catch up with newer Pokemon, and to offer means of grinding levels as needed to over-prepare your gym.  But it’s unnecessary.  The areas you can travel have a pretty clear method of progression, if you mess around in the area.  Like, level 13 or not, a Stunfisk is going to be a problem due to stats early on.

Trainer levels, however, don’t scale at all.  So when you go somewhere, they’re kinda piss-easy to take care of.  I have encountered one (1) trainer that scared me.  It was a dude in the Cold Steel Cavern, who had 5 Pokemon all in the mid-20s.  I was maybe 20-22 at the time.  He had a Mawile.  It knew Sucker Punch.  I am a Psychic type.  We still won first try, though, all my Psychics still alive.  Thanks, Shroomish.

This is meant to be offset.  Having seen it, I now understand that progression is supposed to be show up in town, do two days immediately, and then move forward, because Leader Rank 1 is level 15.  Okay, great.  Problem: there’s no indication of that anywhere prior.  When you show up in town, you have no idea what you’re in for.  Moreover, when you show up, you probably don’t have three Pokemon with your type, or that know your Gym Specialty TM (in my case, Psychic).  I had to level up for Butterfree to qualify, and by then we’re already massively over-leveled.

The next phase feels like there’s some clear progression.  Going right out of the city is really high level, so I’m likely supposed to do more gym stuff before going over there.  But I could.  Nothing stopping me, really.  And going left, there’s now the really long road to the Badlands.  I assume that’s my next destination, since someone asked about it there, and if there’s sidequests, it’s probably an intended option.  But to get there, I have to go through two zones of constant random encounters, and fight exactly nothing.  Because every encounter scales to my level, and I can’t one-shot anything.  So it’s just getting into constant battles and running, to get into trainer matches with no teeth because I over-prepared.

The game just feels very...odd.  Despite the level scaling being intended to save time grinding, it actually is worse than usual.  Because again, every encounter is a threat, and you’re constantly hauling your broke ass back to the center.  It would honestly be a lot better if they didn’t.  If you needed to ensure new stuff was caught up, there’s this super neat modern mechanic called EXP All that I know people shit on, but that is in fact it’s intended use, and you could make a good case for it in a shorter game like this with Gen 5 style EXP scaling.

I dunno.  I’ll keep going but I can’t say I love it yet.  I think I’m just antsy for new options, and to not feel like exploring is such a chore.  The curse of Quiet Bronzor is never being able to run away successfully.

[canon-can-fight-me]

I am here again with more questions!! For the ship ask game,

pre-relationship; 2, 3, 4, 5

General; 1, 2, 5, 6 & 8

Love; 1, 9

(Hope these aren't a lot, if they are just feel free to answer the ones you want!)

(Don’t worry about the amount! I appreciate the questions!)

(Note: Even though the asks are not in takeover format, I’m going to answer everything from Yelan’s POV)

What was their first impression of each other?

Yelan: My first impression, hmm? I would say I can tell a lot about a person when I first them, especially if they have their guard down. But my first encounter with Rina was from a distance, so we didn’t actually meet face to face. At first, I thought it was strange for someone to be out so late at night, away from the city. But, after I saw how she handled those Fatui, let’s just say I was…intrigued. As for Rina’s first impression of me? I can only guess.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Although we’ve never explicitly discussed this, I’m sure Rina did first. I’m not one to fall easily, and I’ve never been very interested in deep romantic attachments, at least before her. I’m also basing this on the fact that her tells of a crush were very obvious to me when they appeared.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

*sigh* From past experience, I’ve learned that resistance doesn’t last. For me, it was more denial than anything. But I had to be honest with myself, because if the truth was that I cared for her, it would affect my life and hers. Mostly, I was worried about people using our interest in each other against her. Fortunately, we’re both good at keeping secrets.

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Hmm, I’ve never thought about it. Well, I’d imagine that, to put it plainly, my life would be the same, just…without her in it. But…*looks around quickly* I really like coming home to a warm apartment, smelling freshly brewed tea, and being greeted with a hug and the scent of glaze lilies. It’s…nice. I work solo most of the time, but I enjoy having a partner.

Who initiated the relationship, and how did they go about it?

Rina did, and she was very forward about it. It was during Lantern Rite, while the fireworks were going off and everyone’s attention was on the sky. They pulled me into a darker corner and handed me a glaze lilly. She said something along of the lines of that she planned to ask me out for weeks, on the day, and that it would make her very happy to try a relationship. As expected, the flower wilted the next day, but we’re together now.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

With Lady Ningguang’s permission, Rina took me up to the Jade Chamber. Imagine my surprise when, as we’re up there, fireworks in the shape of a heart start going up. Rina got noticeably flustered and muttered that someone named Yoimiya was probably responsible, but I found it cute. Afterwards, we sat together, looking over the city and talking for hours.

What is their height difference? Age difference? Do either matter to them?

(Rina: Honestly there is no canon information, so I imagine they’re around the same age and height. Yelan is around 5’9”, Rina is 5’7”. And no, it doesn’t really matter to them.)

How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

I’ve been told that I’m more aloof and unapproachable, while Rina is more friendly. I simply think being a little suspicious of people’s intentions right off the bat is necessary in my line of work. However, having a relationship like ours has been beneficial to our work, not just personal life. While I often use threats to extract information, Rina has the ability to make people let their guard down, lure them into a false sense of security. This, however, has led to us having small disagreements on our methods. But we’ve agreed to disagree. She has her methods, I have mine.

Who takes the lead in social situations? How are they around each other's friends?

We both handle our own, though I’m better at handling strangers, and Rina is better with friends. Mostly because in my line of work, the relationships I have aren’t as simple as “having friends”. Rina has met a few of my colleagues as she works with them too. I’ve met quite a few of her friends, and they seem to respect me, not necessarily like me. Although, that could be because I’m introduced as “co-worker”, not “girlfriend”.

Who said 'I love you" first, and what was the situation?

…I felt love before I said it. Rina was assigned a solo mission, and, seeing as at that point she was an important part of my life, I expressed that I wanted her to return safely despite how capable she may be. She smiled, said “don’t worry about me. Worry about them.” I may have not said it in the moment, but I know she knew.

What reminds them of each other?

Whenever we go to the beaches of Liyue, we collect starconches. One time, Rina found one that she claimed “looked almost like a heart” (it didn’t) and she gave it to me. I…may or may not have said starconch on my nightstand. Even though it definitely doesn’t look like a heart.

[im-gonna-draw]

Name: Akren

Affiliation: Eclipse

Alignment: Chaotic Nuetral

Key Personality Traits: thrill-seeking, cheerful, mischievous, arrogant, carefree, obnoxious

Likes: gossip, inserting himself in people’s business, partying, playing pranks, giving himself important jobs, being the “hero”, teasing Kieran, scandals

Dislikes: boredom, monologues, being ignored, meetings, politics, being alone, sappy talk

Strengths: has a special ability that allows him to find anyone he desires to see through any reflective surface

Weakness: very difficult to like, struggles to learn new things due to lack of patience

Bio: A changeling who was discovered in the dungeons of Emerald Park. A free-spirited young man who believes he’s destined for greatness. His origins are shrouded in mystery, but he’s somehow developed a spell, named Eye Scry, that allows him to see anyone’s location by using his magic on a reflective surface. However, he’s in no way generous with this gift. He never intends to teach this magic to anyone, as that would make him less valuable. Despite this, he can be persuaded to use his spell to help others…..usually if his interests are met.

Despite his less than noble attitude, he decides to join Eclipse, as he wants to be close to where all the “excitement” is. He rubs many changelings the wrong way, as he truly has no interest in equality or making the world better for changelings or humans. His unique ability, however, makes it impossible for anyone to discard him. A fact he often takes full advantage of.

In the end, Akren is a selfish changeling, seeking a life of excitement and adventure, without having to worry about any diplomatic details. On the other hand, one can’t really say he’s evil. He may try to start drama now and again, but he’s not out to hurt anyone. In fact, if someone wanted to use his spell to cause serious harm to innocent people, he’d more than likely reject them, no matter how exciting their plans would entail.

Knowing he’s under Jack’s protection, Akren loves to screw around with Oleander and Kieran in particular, thinking them to be the stuffiest, moodiest fae he’s ever encountered.

Quotes:

“Eye Scry! It’s a spell I invented! Please, hold your applause!”

“I know! Brains AND stunning good looks! It’s just not fair!”

“Hey Prince K! Have you finished brooding for the morning?”

“Wait, you haven’t bedded her since she lost her heart? Sir, she didn’t lose her lady parts! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Sorry, Eye Scry and I are a package deal. You think I don’t know you’d ditch me the minute you could use the spell on your own? Then what would I do?”

“I’m bored. Don’t let me be bored. You won’t like me if I’m bored.”

“Oh gods, do you people do anything besides give big speeches on politics?! Your rambling is going to be the death of me!”

“Yes. I am THAT much of an ass.”

“Hey Ollie, your makeup is running! Haha! Made you look!”

“Okay so…..I got a little drunk, and hired you a tavern wench. No, hear me out! Say you bed this woman….it’s not like Ellie will care, being heartless and all! I’m doing you a favor! You need a good coupling!”

“Wow Ellie, you’re a bitch. And we’re all thinking it, I’m just the only one with the big enough cock to say it!”

“You sure do mope a lot for a guy with money.”

“……So would you guys judge me if I asked LC if she wanted to bed? What? I’m half-rabbit and….really, I just want to say I fucked a bear.”

“Of course I care! I’ll be the first to admit I’m an ass, but seeing those guys die like that….that’s not funny. That’s just sick.”

“Don’t you dare walk away! Don’t you leave! Don’t leave me…alone…”

@leafkingofbirds

[justa-rat]

The Woods. Pt. 1

May 5th,

Word Count: 858

Momma had always told me to stay away from the woods, but momma told me to stay away from a lot of things. I was never very good at listening, though. Each time I would disobey one of momma’s rules, she would become absolutely irate with me. She was never cruel, maybe a slap on the wrist at worst - she had always been worried. Maybe that’s why she had so many of them. Rules, I mean.

The rules themselves would vary, but a decent portion of them was about how I was to interact with strangers. Some of them were the standard fare: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t eat any of the food they give you, and absolutely don’t follow them into the woods. They got a bit… More specific as I aged. 

When I was eight, she told me to never say ‘thank you’ to a stranger. It took me off guard, she had been so adamant about my learning of manners - I had never known the same rules didn’t apply to anyone I didn’t know.

When I was thirteen, strangely enough she warned me to never, ever dance with a stranger.  This one boggled me more than most. After all, how was I to ever get to the point of dancing with someone, if I never was supposed to talk to them anyhow?

The most confusing set of rules she ever imparted, however, came when I had turned fourteen.

“I need you to listen to me, Claire, and I need you to listen well.” I remember how intently her eyes looked into mine, the expression on her face telling the severity of her words.

“Okay, Momma.” I would gently mutter, and she would continue.

“You have to be careful out… In that world. It’s full of terrible people who want to do us nothing but harm. No matter what, though, you have to be polite to the strangers who threaten us.” My mind was once again flipped on its head, the contradictory nature of her rules turning my head into a mess of thoughts. I should have simply let her continue, but I could no longer hold back my question.

“But why, Momma?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter why!” Snapped her immediate response, before she took a deep breath. “I’m… Sorry, pumpkin. It’s just extremely important that you… I just… I need you to trust me, okay honey? As long as you do what I say, everything will be fine.”

“I just…” I whimpered, lip wobbling as worry twisted my stomach, “I-I just dunno how, Momma! None of this makes sense. I’m not supposed to talk to strangers, but I’m also not supposed to be rude? But-But I also have to never say thank you? Which is rude… and the rule about the dancing, Its… Its-“ my eyes filled with tears, sobs building up in my throat. I painfully swallowed the heavy lump forming, trying to keep down my emotions.

“Shhh, shh, baby.” My mother sighed, pulling me into her arms. “I know it’s confusing. I know all of this must be so confusing for you.” She gently stroked the back of my head. “Let me try to explain a little better, okay?” She pulled away to look me in the eyes as she spoke, and I lifted an arm to wipe my leaking eyes. “O-okay, momma.”

“Alright, dear.” She smiled sorrowfully. “You must never, under any circumstances enter the woods. Whenever you are away from home, and encounter an adult you’re unfamiliar with - I need you to try and get out of sight before they notice you. Run straight home after. Now, if they do notice you before you notice them - do not run. That would be considered rude, especially if they call out to you. Engage in friendly conversation; but tell them NOTHING about you. Not your name, not where you live, not even your favorite color - do you understand so far?”

I nodded, and she continued.

“Now, if they offer to take you somewhere, offer to give you food or candy, or offer to do you some sort of favor - always find a way to politely decline. Do NOT outright apologize, but you must let them down gently… Say… Say something like, ‘Unfortunately I can’t, I have to be home for dinner.’ Do anything you can to end the conversation, and come straight home.

Never dance with them, never apologize to them, never thank them. You NEVER want to be in their debt, do you understand me? They will take your words as meaning that, they will expect you to return the favor.”

My stomach twisted, was everyone out in the world truly so scary, would I really be able to live up to her expectations? What would really happen just from saying a few words? I couldn’t fathom.

Yet despite how I claimed I understood, despite how fervently she warned me - I didn’t listen. I was only fourteen, I had just barely begun my transition into adulthood… But worst of all I was curious..

Maybe things wouldn’t have ended up this way, had only I listened.

[purplesurveys]

1656

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? Anyone who still reads this already knows at this point that I hate checking my texts, so I’ll use my Messenger history instead – last message I sent was “People pt. 2 live perf!” to Angela and Reena.

B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?  “Woozi also reposted” from Reena in our groupchat as a reply to Angela who was sharing that SVT Hoshi posted about People pt 2.

C) What time do you wake up most mornings?  My body clock has slightly shifted recently, waking me up at 6 AM.

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night? Yes, I will very very rarely do so.

E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? I just immediately go on YouTube and click autoplay on any one of my favorite channels. Background noise calms me down more than anything.

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?  It was with my partner at the time, right outside my house if I’m not mistaken.

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?  Never did. I never liked to make my presence known in school in general; meaning to say I didn’t get in trouble, and I never recited or asked questions either.

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?  I’m content and I’m continuing to learn, I’ll say that much.

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?  Sure.

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?  I will occasionally get offered the brownie kind but have always said no.

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?  Not met, just encountered. BTS turned my life entirely for the better starting 2021 and I’ve adopted much better and healthier ways of thinking since then.

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?  Once.

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.  Smoking is a gross habit but people look good doing it, lmao.

N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?  Years ago, and yep.

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?  Mostly just worrying about the Yoongi concert and wanting to make sure all 4 of us get to attend.

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?  A few weeks ago when my mom forced me to put a jacket on because she believed my top was too ‘short.’

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?  Depends on the person. I will only do this with close friends.

R) Are you a very affectionate person?  Only with Angela.

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?  Nope.

T) What are you looking forward to?  My birthday, which also happens to be the same day as D-DAY drop!

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?  I don’t have any. I have a couple designs in mind but don’t really have any plans to act on them because...needles.

V) Are you mentally strong?  For the most part.

W) Are you physically strong?  Nah.

X) Do you think you’re a good person?  I try to be.

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.  I WISH ALL OF US HAD THE DAMN TICKETS

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?  I prepare a cup of coffee and that’s it.

[halcyonights]

By Blaidd’s count, it had been almost a year since his departure from the Lands Between. Almost a year since leaving Lady Ranni’s service, by her own request. Blaidd was meant to be her Shadow, her sword and shield, sworn to defend her till his last breath. He never looked upon the position with anything but pride, for he loved Ranni like his own sister. But the newfound freedom in the wake of her ascension left him feeling a bit… abandoned. Protecting Lady Ranni was his reason for being, literally, and now that she no longer required his service he didn’t quite know what to do with himself, and Blaidd was not a man who admitted his faults so easily. Ranni knew this, as her last request of him was to find his own purpose in life, to explore beyond the lands between. She’d had a twinkle in her eye at the time when she said that, and Blaidd could only wonder what that could have meant. His mistress was prone to mischief at times.

Er, his former mistress. That would still take some getting used to.

Blaidd had traveled since then. He’d been to a few places already, taking work where he could to feed himself, and hunting when he couldn’t. There were benefits to being half-wolf. Not now, though, if he was asked. The sweltering sun and the itching sand that frequently got into his fur and under his armor made him wonder how the people that lived in this land survived. Rabanastre, he believed the city was called. Located in the middle of a vast empty desert, the city had seen war. Buildings made of sandstone that looked to have been damaged or destroyed entirely greeted Blaidd when he first entered the city, looking for work and shelter from the sun. Though clearly having been through much, the city felt more welcoming than the desert outside its walls, and people took notice of Blaidd. Hard not to, he supposed, since he was on the large side. Though here he was taller than even the tallest folk he’d seen, carrying an equally large sword on his back as he was, and he turned heads as he passed. He couldn’t fault them for staring, he’d learned he was an oddity outside the Lands long before coming here, and even in his homeland he was a rare sort. The stares didn’t matter to Blaidd, so long as everyone remained civil.

He spent a few days doing odd jobs while in the city, spending most of that time in its Lowtown. Lots of people had no issue sending a beast like him down into the darkest depths to deal with some creature nuisance or another. He was big and intimidating, and quite adept with his sword. It wasn’t exactly what he was used to, but work was work. He had just about made up his mind to move on when a notice caught his attention returning to the tavern he’d been staying in. The notice board was something he’d taken to scanning whenever he passed, just in case something caught his interest, and this one just so happened to be in his wheelhouse. Capable and driven warrior? Blaidd could definitely say he was such, though if they expected a bloodhound they’d be disappointed. Couldn’t find his own nose if it wasn’t attached, a friend once said to him.

Blaidd grunted and walked back out the door of the tavern. He had to ask around, but eventually he managed to find his way to the Guilded Cactuar Inn. The name made him chuckle; he’d only had one encounter with the little beasts, and he’d spent the better half of a day picking the needles out of his fur. Not one of his better moments. The moment the half-wolf stepped inside the room went silent, the patrons of the Inn taking him in with shock and surprise, unused to someone like himself. If he wanted, he could reach up and press his hands flat to the ceiling, but he figured that wouldn’t be polite. Instead he bent his head low and approached the figure manning the bar.

“‘Scuse me. I’m looking for someone called Amalia?” Blaidd asked gruffly.

“Serious inquiries only!” The barkeep immediately snapped before turning around and craning his neck up to meet Blaidd’s eyes.

“Ooh, you’re a big one!” The man gasped, looking up at the half-wolf in front of him, “Look like you’re ready for battle! Yes, she’s up in Room 3… but like I said, serious inquiries only! I hear you makin’ a ruckus, you’re out!”

Blaidd chuckled and nodded, “Aye, whatever you say.” At least the man had spirit.

Blaidd left the barkeep to his business and headed up the stairs to the rooms. Searching until he came upon the right number, he knocked gently on the door.

“Here’s hoping…”

The Burden of the Last || closed with halcyonights

@halcyonights

Two years, she’d lived this way. Scraping by, meeting in the shadows, staging attacks on supply stores, intercepting information, and paying off the weak to divulge the secrets of the Archadian Empire. For two years, Princess Ashelia B’Nargin Dalmasca had been Amalia, the leader of the Resistance in Dalmasca’s Royal City of Rabanastre. Nothing remained of House Nabradia since Ashelia’s husband and his father the king were slain. So, too, did nothing remain of House Dalmasca since all eight of her brothers died fighting in the war and her own father was slain those two years ago… except for her.

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[cerastes]

There’s always talk about how two of the most important skills one could possibly have on the internet, “Curating Your Own Space” and “Pirating”, are lost upon newer, younger internet users, and it’s true, but I sincerely think it should have a less aggressive, mocking tone.

Us internet old timers organically learned this on a younger, wild west internet, when there weren’t streaming services or centralized social hubs. In the old internet, we were all spread around pretty much all across the webspace, in music forums, game forums, RP forums, chatsites, the works. We knew who we knew, and it was a very common occurrence that, if someone were to one day leave any given website and you didn’t have their e-mail, that was likely it, you never saw them again. The exchanging of e-mails, in fact, used to be almost like an intimacy test, something saying more or less “we’re tight now, if you leave one day, I want to still be able to be in touch with you”.

I’m not romanticizing the old net, it’s gone, it’s the present now, that isn’t the purpose of this post, the purpose of this post is to make it clear that times have changed, and we need to understand newer internet users’ first encounter with the internet is immensely different from what our first encounter was. There’s a paid service for everything, and humans will naturally gravitate towards the convenient option instead of learning a skill. We learned the skill to pirate and curate not because we were all just grizzled keyboard warlords back in the day, there simply was no other choice. Nowadays, there is a choice, and don’t try to get smug with me, I know a lot of people that should know better than use Spotify and all sorts of other convenience software even though you should, by all right, know better. Convenience is a fundamental pillar of mankind, for better usually, and for worse sometimes.

And this is a worse sometimes.

You’re not going to convince anyone by smugly telling them “oh? you don’t know how to pirate?” if you don’t follow that up with some instructions or advice on how to do it. If you’re the kind of cunt that just wants that little serotonin boost from lording over someone clearly younger and less experienced, godspeed, get the fuck out, if you would actually like to keep “the old ways” alive, for the sake of these new users, consider appending a little advice on how to torrent or where to get started.

Yes, it’s annoying when people don’t just google something or complain about things that are very much non-issues if they just did something trivial, but consider this: You aren’t a sagely genius looking down on a drooling idiot, you are a seasoned internet denizen seeing someone obviously less experienced than you struggle with something not out of ineptness or stupidity, it is simply ignorance, and ignorance has a very easy cure.

[500days-of-autumn]

28th of august ‘22

I was browsing over one of my favorite artists’ newly released album and I stumbled upon this. It has been a week and I am still as obsessed as ever with her song ‘Backburner’.

To be honest, I never really knew about the word backburner until I encountered it in her album. I searched it on Google, and it said:

“If something is on the back burner, it is temporarily not being dealt with or considered, especially because it is not urgent or important: We've all had to put our plans on the back burner for a while.”

I couldn’t imagine being on someone’s backburner, or their second (or maybe even third) choice, or being put to last because you’re not the priority. But actually, it’s not being someone’s least priority that made the song devastating to me.

For me, it’s how we still feel joy and settle for the less despite them treating us like that.

I can't lie, it feels nice that you're calling

You sound sad and alone, and you're stalling

And for once, I don't care about what you want

As long as we keep talking (as long as we're talking)

If the old version of myself learned about this song then, I know she would bawl her eyes out for a night. And then, after that night, I know she would still choose to go back to someone.

Actually, if someone were to read this, especially when they knew me before, they would think that I’m being too cheesy about a moment in my life that happened 5 years ago. I don’t know, I feel that people won’t actually get where you’re coming from because they didn’t experience it themselves. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) blame them though. It’s my choice and my experience to begin with.

It's pathetic, but at least you are, too

I don't know what to do

I don't like anyone except sometimes you

Oh how I love to be self-aware (that we’re pathetic.) Yet, despite knowing, we still make ugly decisions, right? Is this in our nature as humans or what.

After everything you put me through

I somehow still believe in you

Just why are we settling for less… really.

Someone Great (2019)

I watched Someone Great for the third time 3 days ago. I was crying at 2 AM as Jenny read her letter-slash-monologue directed to her boyfriend of nine years.

Nine years.

Imagine knowing someone head-to-toe to the point that you’re able to recognize their side burns, the length of their legs, or their nape. Created memories with them that every street and sidewalk you’ll pass by has a corresponding moment of you and them together. Nine years was a lot for two people.

I was reminded of Backburner as I was watching Someone Great. The odd thing about it is that they’re not actually related to each other at all. Jenny was not on Nate’s backburner, neither is Nate was on Jenny’s. They were always each other’s priority. Again, for nine years.

But I guess what makes this heartbreaking is that despite picking each other and being their own first choices in those years, they still aren’t made to be together.

Now the question is: Would you choose to be someone’s then-priority or to be on their backburner?

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried

'Cause maybe you'll finally choose me after you've had more time

I thought I was a fast learner

But guess I won't ever mind, guess I won't ever mind

The common thing about the two is we are all being faced with possible choices, right? But honestly, what’s the better choice between the two—or better yet, what’s the less devastating decision?

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride

Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes

(It's their fault that) I'll always be in your corner

'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner

Niki’s Backburner also mentioned something related to her (although I don’t want to assume) parents’ relationship. For me, it posed how her settling for the bare minimum is related to how her mother did. And yes, this is why some people stay with someone who gives them the least amount of effort; because even if we are not the priority, this is, by far, the most amount of love we have ever gotten. It reminded me of a quote from a movie that I love:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012)

The song ends with the word backburner being repeatedly said. Like it’s haunting us… backburner, backburner.

I hope one day we’ll all realize how we all deserve the better things in life. Even if we think we don’t deserve it, but honestly, we do.