#I’m better than someone who never learned it and didn’t encounter it’s use a lot. but I really don’t think I could have a real conversation

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.

You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!

[a-bottle-of-tyelenol]

caregiver midoriya izuku headcanons !!

— requested by @v4mpiirew1tch —

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

💚 - izuku is probably the only one of the class a kids (barring the regressors) who actually knew what age regression was going into it. he’s done way too much research into heroics and the kinds of people that he might encounter to not know the various kinds of trauma responses civilians (and villains who still need his help) might show. now, that doesn’t mean he’s exactly prepared when actually faced with someone he knows regressing, but he does have a leg to stand on and he finds it a lot easier than expected. it isn’t hard for him to look at someone who is emotional or sensitive and go along with whatever they may need and whatever that may entail. in fact, he’s always the first one to recover and handle a situation when someone regresses in front of him— or in front of the class, which has happened (many times) before.

💚 - predictably, he was really anxious in the beginning, unsure of how fragile his friends were in their headspaces and overthinking everything. his biggest fear was that he would mess something up and take this already precarious thing and shatter it. it didn’t take very long for him to get used to things (tsu knocked some sense into him) and he got really good at slipping into his own headspace, one surprisingly similar to his hero one. he acts as an anchor in unsteady waters, giving the littles someone to latch onto as a pillar of strength as the storm passes. once they’re calm (or if they just happily regressed), izuku is more than willing to slide into a big brother role, treating his friends as he always would— just a little more gentle.

💚 - he started carrying around an emergency regressor kit soon after, packed with juice, snacks, and clean soothers (chewelry, pacis, and teethers mostly), because he figured it was better safe than sorry and he never wants his friends to be caught without something to help them. when iida found out, he was inspired by such a great act of preparedness and heroics (he was only a little upset that he hadn’t thought of it himself) that he started carrying one as well. the two of them then spent a while coming up with different things regressors might need and petitioned aizawa to let them stash said things in the classroom and training areas. aizawa, of course, didn’t care what they did as long as they were the ones keeping on top of it.

💚 - extremely tactile! izuku loves giving hugs and head pats! growing up quirkless left him very lonely and he basks in having friends to shower in affection— and being able to receive it back. everyone knows that he’s open to hold hands or cuddle whenever, even if they aren’t regressed, and it’s so well known that it ends up surpassing class lines, becoming common knowledge even amongst the regressors in class b. it isn’t rare to enter the dorms and see him hanging out while someone naps with their head on his chest or babbles to him about their day while he plays with their hair. he gives strong hugs and everyone loves them, I just know it.

💚 - he has a notebook with everyone’s regression information in it and, I’m so serious when I say this, he would protect it with his life. he has so many notes on each of his classmates, even his fellow caregivers, on things they like and don’t like, what kind of personality traits shine in their headspace, and anything he’s been told that he feels is important— like the names of their plushies. he does memorize everything, of course, but he finds that having physical copies is always better (and he has this opinion about everything, especially media). he’d never show anyone this notebook either, but he does relay things he’s learned to other people when it’s necessary. it mostly comes up as him infodumping to aizawa, who is the only person he feels this information is relevant to and the main one he trusts with it.

💚 - generally, he’s just very good with kids and takes a lot of what he learns with eri and applies it to the others. one such thing is the fact that he is extraordinarily good at reverse psychology. every little thinks that izuku is a massive pushover that lets them get away with anything but, truthfully, he always manages to steer them away from any chaos they may want to be involved in without anyone really noticing it. he’s just very good at distracting and redirecting. that being said, he also can’t say no to a pair of puppy eyes so maybe he is a bit of a pushover.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

I'm gonna squeeze in a match up for my character if that's okay! I'm really interested to see how it plays out, thank you for the opportunity!

My character is a Tiefling Draconic Sorceress, more specifically Blue Ancestry. This defines almost everything about her personality, because while she does have a good heart and strives to do good, blue dragons are famous for their manipulative character, being the best of all dragons at deceiving, manipulating and plotting. That, combined with her infernal heritage, makes for a very dangerous combination, specially considering how close that heritage is (in my headcanon for my character, that is).

While her heart is in the right place, her mind is not. She prides herself as someone that has never lied, but she has mastered witholding information and choosing the right words when needed. She knows how to pass herself as an innocent, fresh adventurer that goes on her first adventure full of excitement, but the truth is that she has a constant mental battle against doing the right thing versus the logical thing.

Saving the tieflings is not logical-- she should just reach Baldurs Gate as soon as possible. But she does it regardless, and it takes a mental toll on her.

Despite all this, she does care about all of the people she has encountered and has made real friendship bonds with her companions, genuinely loving every second spent with them and every second spent helping others.

All in all, she has the heart of a hero, but the mind of a villain.

As for hobbies, she is a really good glass-maker, something she used to do a lot back at her home. She can't practice her hobby much out and adventuring, but she has made small trinkets and babbles for her companions.

She sports two long, curly blonde braids (her hair constantly frizzies due to a conatant static electricity around her), pink skin and short, sand-colored horns. Her eyes are golden and slitted, like draconic eyes are. Since she is such a goal oriented person, she hasn't really have time to explore much of romantic aspects, but she does know she is only attracted to men, and could be persuaded to enjoy both monogamous and polygamous relationships.

A/N: For you my Tiefling Draconic Sorceress Anon, I’m thinking you’d best be matched with: Astarion (and Halsin)! 

☆ Astarion is a good fit for your Blue Ancestry Draconic Tiefling Sorceress! The way you described her as having “the heart of a hero, but the mind of a villain”, matches Astarion to a T! 

Astarion does have a heart, and he cares deeply about things. It’s just that years of abuse and servitude under Cazador has beaten most of that out of him. What’s left is hidden under layers and layers of walls of aloofness and self-protection. I think deep down, he wants to believe he’s good- that he’s not bad like Cazador, or like all those people who used him. But he also struggles with that belief because a part of him wants to say ‘fuck it’ and be solely self-serving without a shred of guilt. Depending on where his mind is at the moment, I think he could be helped by your Tav. I think your Tav would enable Astarion to justify wanting things, which could be a very healthy thing so long as Astarion didn’t take those wants too far. On the other hand, it could be dangerous in that her self-indignation enables Astarion to become an evil ruler himself. The two of them could either end up learning how to truly be good with the other’s guidance or they could end up as a powerful, lawful evil power-couple. 

But by what you’ve told me about your Tav saving the tieflings suggests the former is more likely than the later. She’s striving to be good, and it’s difficult, but it sends the message that she does care, and more importantly, that it’s the right thing to care. This reiterates to Astarion, that it’s important to be better than the ones who have wronged or hurt us. The more time Astarion spends with her, the more he feels he can open up. It’s clear your Tav values her companions, and this warms Astarion’s heart. Her affection makes him feel as if he is worthy of a good life, of following a good path, even though he knows logically speaking, it’s the cutthroat who get ahead in this world. 

As the two of them grow closer, I think they’d reach a point where they could speak freely to one another about their innermost thoughts. And they could say them aloud without judgment. Even the darker things, knowing that it takes too much time to save everyone, or the idea that they are superior because they can calculate certain mental gymnastics others cannot- it could be shared in a safe space between the two of them. And the more they confront these thoughts aloud, I think the more control they’d start to have over them. Together they learn to listen to their heart instead of their mind. 

On top of all that, Astarion finds your sorceress very attractive. He thinks her pink skin and short horns make her look almost exotic- she’s different in a bold and alluring way. He especially loves her frizzy blonde hair and how it sort of matches her golden slit eyes. He thinks the color suits her especially because it’s the color of gold, of luxury. It’s sort of amusing with her having draconic heritage and all (since dragons hoard things like gold and gems). 

Neither one of them are particularly experienced when it comes to real romance, but that's okay. They can learn with each other without the pressure of embarrassment. 

(Plus, if your Tav was interested… I think this is where Halsin could come in.) 

ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ Halsin has a ton of relationship experience, and he loves very freely. He’s not ashamed to admit how he feels for those he loves, although he will respect their wishes should they not feel the same. 

I think Halsin, having spent years dealing with the shadow curse, would sense the underlying battle raging in your Tav’s soul: should she be more evil, but logical, or should she be more good, and act from the heart? Halsin himself is a big softie, for most creatures that is (goblins excluded lol). I think he’d be a good influence for her- reminding her by his presence and by example to listen to that heroic heart and not that villainous mind. 

Halsin is in awe of her knowledge and strength. He knows walking the path of light is not easy, nor do we ever ask for the burden of it, but here your Tav is, doing her best to do it anyway. He is especially grateful for her deciding to save the tieflings at the grove. He knows how risky it was for her to encourage the party to make such a calculator. He finds it brave and honorable that she chose to do, what he sees, as the right thing. Halsin thinks she’s incredible- far more than she could ever begin to know. And he spends much of his time reminding her of this. How she is a force of nature, and they are all lucky she’s on their side. 

Halsin is also happy to have another crafter in the camp. He’ll gladly listen to her describe her process of glassblowing, so long as she’s willing to listen to him tell her of his whittled works. He makes her a wooden ornament almost right away, giving it to her as a reminder of his affection and his support. If she were to give him a trinket or anything of that nature in return, I think his heart would soar. He would cherish the gift, and proudly display it, showing it off for anyone who asked. 

We know Halsin is open to polyamorous relationships, and that Astarion is willing to share Tav with Halsin, so I think if your Draconic Tiefling Sorceress found the arrangement agreeable, the three of them could be a poly couple. 

With both Halsin and Astarion, she’s sort of balanced more so in a way. Halsin represents the emotion, or the heart of the hero, while Astarion more so represents the brain, or the mind of the villain. The three of them fit together like puzzle perfect pieces, lifting each other up where the others may be lacking. 

Should your Tav continue down the path of righteousness, I could see the three of them living happily in the future, perhaps in Halsin’s new settlement outside of Baldur’s Gate. Your Tav could teach the future sorcerers and work as the local glassblower. And at night, when it’s safe for Astarion to be out, all three of them could lay together under the blanket of the night sky, with just cricket chirps and occasional owl hoots around them. It’d be the perfect night for three very unique adventures to unwind. 

[hellsingmongrel]

Trimax and possible Tristamp spoilers?

I’ve been thinking about the way they incorporated Meryl into the JuLai storyline in Stampede, and I’m beginning to wonder if that was their way of getting JuLai and Meryl’s kidnapping from Trimax out in one shot.  It has similar storybeats, including her finally seeing Vash going full Eldritch Angel when he rescues her.

I’m honestly not really sure how I feel about that, if it is what they’re doing.  I mean it makes sense, in that it will be helping condense the story down so that they can fit the important storybeats into the show, but in doing so, they would be losing the really fascinating character growth we saw between the two of them in the manga.  That event was a huge deal for Meryl, it absolutely terrified her and she was scared of him for a long time.  It was a whole subplot that wasn’t verbally addressed much by the two of them, but was absolutely shown in their interactions and the way she went from terrified, feeling guilty about that terror, and finally being able to overcome it and be there for him when he needed her support the most.  It was just so.  Good.  It helped show that while the reader might see his transformations and be like “Oh man, that looks cool!” it was actually legitimately horrifying for everyone involved, even those who were closest to him.

His transformations are scary, he doesn’t like it, Meryl doesn’t like it, Wolfwood doesn’t like it.  Nobody knows how to deal with it when it happens.  It’s a whole thing, so many people, Vash included, are just terrified of that power and what he’s capable of and how inhuman he looks and sometimes acts when he’s completely lost in his own head.  It’s an important part of the message of learning to accept yourself and live with yourself regardless of your failings, and of not judging people by what they appear to be, but instead to measure their worth by their actions, instead.  Learning to love those around you, learning to forgive yourself, etc.

IDK.  I can see where they would want to take this shortcut, and I’ve loved pretty much everything else they’ve done with the show, so I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they’ll handle it well.  I just think we’d be losing an important element of the story if they reduced the tension that existed between them because of Meryl’s trauma to the way the events in JuLai went down in episodes 10-12.  I think it could have an even better impact in Stampede, even, if they did have that tension now, because until now, she’s only ever seen him be soft spoken, sweet, gentle, only raising a hand to harm others when he absolutely had to and absolutely never losing control or killing someone.  He’s so much softer than Vash is when we first encounter him in Trimax, so to have him go from that extremely gentle soul to someone who’s so lost, has so much power, and is pushed so far over the edge that he’s reduced to this:

And at the same time, when he shields her with his wings earlier in this event, there’s a moment when she’s linked into his mind and seeing his memories.  I feel like that’s something that’s important, too, and damn if it didn’t take me rereading through the manga to find that page to realize what had happened.  (Though tbf, a lot of the action in the series is like that; you have to interpret the visuals, it doesn’t hold your hand and narrate what’s going on, so sometimes it takes multiple, multiple rereadings to figure out what exactly you’re seeing.  It’s both good and bad, tbh.  Nightow is showing the reader a lot of respect in expecting them to not need to be told what is happening, but there are still some times when a little tiny bit of direction might have been useful.  :’D)

All of that, plus just giving the viewer their first glimpse into the fact that even when he’s not being controlled by his brother, Vash can still go full Plant mode, can absolutely lose control and become a being that is a threat to everyone around him unless he manages to regain his senses, would be a very, very important scene to lose.  So honestly, I really hope they don’t condense the story the way it seems they might have, or that they find a way of showing these important beats in another way.  Vash’s Big Badass Moment in episode 12 was fuckin’ amazing, don’t get me wrong!  I was screaming and cheering him on from my couch the entire episode!  But it’s not the full story and there’s a lot that would be lost if that was all they took from this part of the story in Trimax.

[skylarmoon71]

Eobard Thawne - Extra (Flash)

“You’d look a lot cuter if you smiled.”

Eobard thought being trapped at Star Labs and inability to take out his arch nemesis was the worst thing that could happen to him, but he was terribly wrong. Because the woman who was attached at his hip was much more irritating than any master plan he’d been scheming all his life.

You always wore a smile. Insistent on getting him to become good.

How laughable.

The only reason he hadn’t taken down the entire building is his lack of speed. That and the little trinket Cisco created to monitor him. It tracked everything. He almost thought it could be his bad intentions, because he definitely felt a jolt when he was glaring at Barry a few days ago.

“I can’t believe you all are stupid enough to believe this woman is a cupid.” Eobard grumbled.

“We’ve literally seen talking gorillas, sharks and freaking aliens. Cupids seem pretty believable."

Cisco continued to lick at the popsicle as he swirled in the chair. Harry was not too far away, tinkering with some items. Discreetly stealing glances. Just to be safe.

When Barry not so casually walked in and whispered something in your ear, Eobard didn’t like the way your eyes lit up. The both of you left, and he could feel his mind reel at the possibilities of torture he was in for. Cisco snickered from his spot.

“Something funny.” Eobard pressed.

“Oh, you’ll see.”

He didn’t like the sound of that.

“So how do I win his heart?”

Barry was the last person to help with that question. So he’d just handed you a book.

“These are some ideas I got from a reliable source.”

Source meaning lots of google searches. You took it happily, diving into the contents. Barry was impressed at the way your eyes whipped over each page. In a matter of seconds you were done with the forty page journal he’d put together.

“Got it! Thanks Barry.” You threw the book and Barry caught it clumsily. When you entered the room, you were almost glowing. You marched straight over to Eobard who narrowed his eyes.

“Would you like to have a seat?” You pulled out a chair, but he merely folded his arms.

“I’m fine.”

“A massage?”

“Pass.”

“Chocolates?”

“I’m allergic.”

“Bath?”

“Took one thirty minutes ago.”

You were running out of ideas, and Eobard was sure with each word you would snap at him, but you were still wearing an almost contagious smile.

“Thank you, I think now I’ve learned more about you than when I started. “ It took him a few seconds to realize what had just happened. His hands unfolded slowly.

“You played me..”

Was this what it felt like when someone used a reverse uno card on you?

Before he could apprehend you, you were skipping off. Cisco was just sitting there confused.

“What did she just do?” He waved around his partially melted popsicle. Barry decided to explain.

“I gave her a book on studying human behavior. It was centered around romantic encounters. Some of that stuff is actually accurate when it comes to reading body language. She knows you're combative.”

Cisco’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape.

“Damn, she played you like a fiddle.”

With one look, Cisco was silent for the remainder of the day.

It was clear that the journey to change Eobard would be a tough one. While they were willing to try. There were still points that were a lot harder than most.

“Not that I don’t trust him, but it’s been a few weeks and I’m still afraid to fall asleep in the lab. We could keep him locked up in the pipeline, but (Y/N) might have a breakdown if we did that again.” Cisco was right.

“I can take him!”

The poof of your appearance startled both Barry and Cisco.

“Don’t do that!!”

You giggle bashfully.

“Sorry, I keep forgetting humans don’t teleport. I’ll do better.” When Cisco got his heart rate under control.

“You’re going to take him to your place. I just realized we’ve never asked where you’re poofing too all the time!”

“I have a place here. Cupid’s are very resourceful. This isn’t my first time in this city. I’ve been here many times, I’ve just never stopped long enough to do much. But now that I have my soul mate we can live together and cuddle all day long.” After that statement it appears you were off in your own world. So Cisco took that time to negotiate.

“It's not a bad plan. She’s the only one who’s not scared shitless of him. Plus she’s like all powerful. He’d be screwed if he tried anything. “

It was very appealing. Barry turns back to you.

“Are you sure you can handle him?”

“Yes!! Please, please, please!” Your eyes did that thing again and Cisco agreed.

“Alright fine you can have him just stop it with the cute freaking eyes!!”

Your grin was wide, and you gave Cisco a hug. He stumbled slightly at the whiff of pink.

“Thank you!” You were gone again, and Barry groaned.

“Barry, I love you bro.” Cisco was wearing a silly smile as he patted Barry on the shoulder.

“I know.” They supposed they would have to get used to this.

~~

“Here’s a blanket, and your bed is right here.” Eobard stared down at the king sized bed.

“Where is yours?”

“We can share.”

“Absolutely not. “

“Why not?”

Eobard assumed you were joking, but he should have known that at this point, he should take everything you say as it was. Because you were as naive as you were powerful. He’d put up with your constant flirting, inserting, pestering. But it was never ending. The worst part wasn’t your infatuation, but your view that if you invested enough, then you’d magically wake up one day and he’d be some good guy. He wasn’t as oblivious as Team Flash gave him credit for. It’s clear that was the only reason he wasn’t rotting in Argus right now.

It was aggravating.

“I’ll never change.”

There was a bit of contempt in those words, and all you offer is a smile.

“I don’t remember saying I was going to change you.”

Eobard squinted.

“It’s naive to expect you to become a hero overnight. Of course I’d prefer it if you didn’t go around impaling people. But I don’t want you to change everything about yourself. There are certain traits you have that are a part of you. You’re stubborn, combative, brutally honest. Even under normal circumstances, these are regular characteristics that make up a person. To ask you to change that would be wrong. That’s not love. Love is making a person better inside and out because you care. Not changing them because people expect it of you. “

Eobard didn’t have words to retaliate against that.

Deep down he knew that you were right in some aspects. Had he never met Barry Allen, his life would have been much different. He could have been a professor somewhere and maybe..

His eyes drifted in your direction, this time, he found himself enamored by the soft inviting smile you wore. He held your gaze for a few moments before turning away.

“I’ll take the couch.” With a laugh, you stack the colorful sheets.

“Have a good night.”

You murmur comfortingly.

For once, he felt like he actually might.

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 8

June 13th, 2020

The fantasy and the daydream never truly went away.

I’m so alone right now, so separated physically (because of COVID) and emotionally (because life) from whoever could show me any love or appreciation that I’ve begun to think deeply about myself once again, as I did when I was young.

My adolescence brings back very few memories of partying or drinking or sex or drugs, but lots of long hours listening to music and staring at the polystyrene ceiling of the side of the room I shared with my parents and siblings that was my “bedroom” (I didn’t have a proper bedroom until I was 24). And in those long hours I used to ruminate a lot about my life, my (lack of) friends, (the absence of partnerly) love, and many other things.

Aside: I don’t know how it surprised me—or anybody—that I fell deeply in love with philosophy when I encountered it a couple of years later. My predisposition/nature was already philosopically-oriented, I guess. One of my life’s greatest regrets is that I went back on my decision to pursue a career in philosophy because of my mom’s pressure—and my own insecurities, of course.

Back on track: I’ve been thinking a lot about that Friday morning I described on Day 1 (a week ago, but it feels like an eternity), reminiscing about it and almost savoring it, but the sensations are slowly but surely fading away. And, as they've done, I've become addicted to just think of myself as a woman whenever I can.

Now it doesn’t matter where I am, if I’m not engaged otherwise, in my head I see the world if I were woman. It may sound stupid—it probably is—but, although my rational part tells me that is impossible, I feel that I’m able to get completely immersed in the fantasy. That it actually doesn’t require much of me to become a woman in my head.

What’s even more outrageous (or telling) is that I don’t think my female version is that much different from my current self.

Call it hubris or delusion, but not only do I find comfort in those fantasies: I feel more solid, more myself—for lack of better words—than in “reality” in them. Things make sense. My feelings, perceptions, and even thoughts feel more coherent, less chaotic, and more focused. Am I losing my mind? Is this some kind of elaborate new way to deceive myself? I feel like I’ve always been looking for something, for an answer about myself and the world. That’s what interested me first about learning things when I was a child, and subsequently led me to fiction and then fantasy. At the same time I went from classical music to protest rock and then to heavy metal. From sports to RPGs.

I cannot but see myself in all these wildly varied circumstances looking for something, for a place to truly feel at home. To belong to. Relationships felt a little bit like that; as if I was looking for someone to complete me; my lost other half, as in the “Origin of Love” from Plato’s Symposium, which I first met in the wonderful Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Once again, self-delusional or egotistical much? Self-centered and oblivious to reality? I really just don’t know.

Maybe I should ask a therapist. Or get some therapy. Maybe that could help but, who knows?

For now, these fantasies are mine—and no one else’s. They’re my secret, my private paradise—and I’ll keep them as such for the time being.

Maybe some day—one day—they’ll be more than fantasies, but who knows? Maybe in a next life (if there’s any such thing).

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[azuisreading]

Born of Scourge by S. Jean

Legends say when the skies grow dark and scourge starves the land, a star will fall in order to save humanity. Only when the star is sacrificed at the end of their journey will light return. It's a cycle—one humanity refuses to break because stars are plentiful and their sacrifices easier than learning the true nature of the scourge. When Sol finally falls, it's not because of humanity. It's because he's had enough of watching his brethren be sacrificed. He has one goal: end humanity and end the cycle. Unfortunately, he has to pretend he cares before humans get wise. It doesn't matter how soft the princess who catches him is—Celena will be dead by the time his journey ends. Nor how kind his assigned companions are—the outgoing Mira with her ballads, the brave Nebora with her axe, and the hero Loren with his soft voice and friendly smile. For centuries, humanity has lied and their kindness is a ruse to bring about Sol's own destruction at the end of his tale. He will not be fooled. No one cares about the cries of the stars they've destroyed over and over again and Sol will make sure this time, humanity is the one sacrificed. At least, that's the plan until his traitorous heart begins to care for the humans he sought to eradicate.

Review

Following S. Jean from their web novel series «The Magician and The Bard» brought me this greatness. I was able to apply to join their ARC team to read this gem, even though I was a bit unconvinced about their writing, but this ended up being an amazing decision. I’m in love with Born of Scourge and their storytelling skills, and I’m already in for whatever she wants to tell in the future (and for what I’ve already missed in the past).

So, what are you gonna encounter here? A lot of angst. And a pretty dark theme. This isn’t a light reading, everyone knows the world is ending, but all of us rather play dumb. That doesn’t stop the passing of time and we’re unfortunately aware. Which I believe makes things worse. There wasn’t a moment in which I believed the story would end in a happy or positive ending, and I’m pretty good at leaning toward this stuff.

Why read it, then? Because it’s amazing. You can feel the bond between the characters and how, even when everything has an end and sooner or later it will come, things have meaning. What you do it’s important. How you decide to act will always be the key. You can help someone to have a better or a worse journey just with a few, usually not significant to you, words. Just by staying for a moment. Just being you.

You can go through the world wanting to end it and still spread hope. The world could not deserve you, but what you do will always be more than enough.

I think that if a book can make me this philosophical and positive about our existence and the way our world is working right now, then it deserves a shot. I never expected to find a book with such dark tones on my comfort shelf. I never expected to have fun delving into such themes. The prose is magnificent, incredibly beautiful. I took out a few phrases just because it was going to be a big spoiler (and highly illegal, hahah) to take the whole book.

I’ll keep its love story, because I believe that’s what is about. Even this dark, is a beacon of light and hope. You know how it goes: you only can appreciate the beauty of life when you have seen its ugly side.

Phrases that I liked so much that I marked them while reading

«She held the star as close to her heart as possible because he would bring back the light. She was sure of it.» — Prologue.

«All of it was rote, normal, and helped her ignore the fact the world was ending around them. Sol didn’t mind helping her forget. He liked the way she smiled.» — Chapter I.

«And besides, she harbored the belief the world wouldn’t end because Sol was there. He hadn’t the heart to tell her otherwise or about the promise he’d made as he’d fallen through the skies. Let her believe he’d save the world if it made her smile so.» — Chapter I.

«Early on, Celena had told Sol the names of every single plant they grew here, but only these two stood out because Celena absolutely loved them.» — Chapter I.

«It was calm simply existing together like this, arms entwined, and Sol wouldn’t have minded staying like this the entire day.» — Chapter I.

«For some reason, when she spoke his name, it made him want to smile.» — Chapter I.

«The smiles she graced him with were bright and dazzling and made him forget what he was.» — Chapter I.

«When he opened his eyes again, Celena had returned. Still radiated a softness in the world Sol couldn’t help but want to hold.» — Chapter I.

«Celena was so resplendent when she smiled. Sol wanted to memorize it and sought to trace it with his fingers, so he’d never forget. Even when darkness claimed everything that was and ever would be, he’d hold onto this smile. This afternoon as they swept each other through the gardens, their soft laughter mixing together amongst the whispers in the wind.» — Chapter I.

«“Part of me actually hoped they wouldn’t come. So then I’d have more time with you.”» — Chapter II.

«“Are you ready?” “As long as I am with you,” Sol said.» — Chapter II.

«Sol drifted off, simply listening to her breathe and the way her blood hummed against him, and part of him hoped morning never came because deep down buried in his heart, he didn’t want to leave her.» — Chapter III.

«Gareth looked between Nebora and Loren, silent with his eyebrows high in amusement. For once, he wasn’t the one being yelled at.» — Chapter IX.

«As much as he wanted it to be true, these were not those he’d once been nestled beside in the cosmos. They were echoes of who they’d been, hardened into scourge and then left behind when the light returned. They would never again be who they once were.» — Chapter X.

[ashereadsstuff]

'The Untimely Undeath of Imogen Madrigal' By Grayson Daly

I received an ARC from Nosetouch Press through NetGalley in exchange for a honest review.

Rating out of 5: 🌟🌟🌟🌟⭐(4.5)

Release Date: May 23, 2023

Content Warnings: Death, Body horror, Cursing, Drug use, Misogyny, Sexual content, Abandonment, Bodyshaming, Child abuse

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SYNOPSIS:

Death is Both an End and a Beginning.

On the island city of Lenorum, Maeve serves the Sisterhood of Good Death, a convent whose purpose is to shepherd lost souls from one world to the next. But her life of devotion to the unquiet dead is upended by an encounter with the haughty poet Imogen Madrigal, who has mysteriously returned from beyond the veil not in spirit, but in the flesh--and determined to obtain justice, whatever the cost. Maeve agrees to help Imogen solve her murder, which propels her headlong into the hedonistic and heretical world of the extravagant and influential Poets' Court.

THE UNTIMELY UNDEATH OF IMOGEN MADRIGAL delivers a metaphysical mystery in the richly imagined, darkly fantastic and urbane world of Lenorum, as Maeve comes to terms with her own path and learns what living a good life truly means.

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MY REVIEW:

I loved this book. I wish I had gotten to read it at a better time. I've been reading this book through my finals, which made the experience a bit tedious.

Anyway! I thought the characters were well thought out; each one had their own problems, and this book didn’t make the main character seem like a saint or anything, or someone who was impervious to trauma and the real world. The author also didn’t make the character afraid of the world, considering their background, in an annoying way. She had fears; she voiced them, but she went through it afraid, was on her toes, and handled each situation. I thought the middle ground between being stupidly brave and fearful was well written, and Maeve wasn't too much of either. Each character had an interesting backstory that gave them amazing depth, and no one was two-dimensional.

Maeve and Imogene’s relationship wasn’t toxic! They helped each other without being codependent; they learned from each other; they had their problems, but they talked them through. I do wish we got to see how Maeve navigated her relationship with certain characters (you know who I’m talking about), and seeing more of Maeve’s sisters and their interactions would be nice. I also really wanted to know more about Imogen and the other sisters backstories and experiences, as well as that one character I mentioned above (I hope you know who I’m talking about). I want to know more about what happened to them in general, considering their conflict and how they got to be okay with everything. But other than that, I give it 4.5 stars, and I will be buying the hardcover copy of the book.

The world described was amazing, It was very clear that the author put a lot of thought into how it should work. The explanations weren't annoying either. To me, the book never dragged on and on, which is very much appreciated as someone who doesn't have a great attention span. I loved the lessons that the book discussed, like how it's okay to go for what you want and to cherish what you've got; how change is a part of life and it must be embraced; how judging people isn't okay even if the person in front of you is your worst enemy; and never be afraid and when you are, do it afraid.

[crystalelemental]

Alright, day 2 of This Gym of Mine.  I don’t know how I feel about this game.

The Gym Team is Bronzor, Metang, and Smoochum.  I’m considering Drowzee until Smoochum can evolve, but eh.  If I need it, I have Butterfree too.  It can learn Psychic so it’s legally allowed in my Psychic gym, and more importantly, it’s fast and has Sleep Powder so it can fuck with people.  So we have a decent spread of options.

The main issue I take with the game is that wild encounters scale to your level.  I understand that the point of this is to minimize grinding to catch up with newer Pokemon, and to offer means of grinding levels as needed to over-prepare your gym.  But it’s unnecessary.  The areas you can travel have a pretty clear method of progression, if you mess around in the area.  Like, level 13 or not, a Stunfisk is going to be a problem due to stats early on.

Trainer levels, however, don’t scale at all.  So when you go somewhere, they’re kinda piss-easy to take care of.  I have encountered one (1) trainer that scared me.  It was a dude in the Cold Steel Cavern, who had 5 Pokemon all in the mid-20s.  I was maybe 20-22 at the time.  He had a Mawile.  It knew Sucker Punch.  I am a Psychic type.  We still won first try, though, all my Psychics still alive.  Thanks, Shroomish.

This is meant to be offset.  Having seen it, I now understand that progression is supposed to be show up in town, do two days immediately, and then move forward, because Leader Rank 1 is level 15.  Okay, great.  Problem: there’s no indication of that anywhere prior.  When you show up in town, you have no idea what you’re in for.  Moreover, when you show up, you probably don’t have three Pokemon with your type, or that know your Gym Specialty TM (in my case, Psychic).  I had to level up for Butterfree to qualify, and by then we’re already massively over-leveled.

The next phase feels like there’s some clear progression.  Going right out of the city is really high level, so I’m likely supposed to do more gym stuff before going over there.  But I could.  Nothing stopping me, really.  And going left, there’s now the really long road to the Badlands.  I assume that’s my next destination, since someone asked about it there, and if there’s sidequests, it’s probably an intended option.  But to get there, I have to go through two zones of constant random encounters, and fight exactly nothing.  Because every encounter scales to my level, and I can’t one-shot anything.  So it’s just getting into constant battles and running, to get into trainer matches with no teeth because I over-prepared.

The game just feels very...odd.  Despite the level scaling being intended to save time grinding, it actually is worse than usual.  Because again, every encounter is a threat, and you’re constantly hauling your broke ass back to the center.  It would honestly be a lot better if they didn’t.  If you needed to ensure new stuff was caught up, there’s this super neat modern mechanic called EXP All that I know people shit on, but that is in fact it’s intended use, and you could make a good case for it in a shorter game like this with Gen 5 style EXP scaling.

I dunno.  I’ll keep going but I can’t say I love it yet.  I think I’m just antsy for new options, and to not feel like exploring is such a chore.  The curse of Quiet Bronzor is never being able to run away successfully.

[canon-can-fight-me]

I am here again with more questions!! For the ship ask game,

pre-relationship; 2, 3, 4, 5

General; 1, 2, 5, 6 & 8

Love; 1, 9

(Hope these aren't a lot, if they are just feel free to answer the ones you want!)

(Don’t worry about the amount! I appreciate the questions!)

(Note: Even though the asks are not in takeover format, I’m going to answer everything from Yelan’s POV)

What was their first impression of each other?

Yelan: My first impression, hmm? I would say I can tell a lot about a person when I first them, especially if they have their guard down. But my first encounter with Rina was from a distance, so we didn’t actually meet face to face. At first, I thought it was strange for someone to be out so late at night, away from the city. But, after I saw how she handled those Fatui, let’s just say I was…intrigued. As for Rina’s first impression of me? I can only guess.

Who felt romantic feelings first?

Although we’ve never explicitly discussed this, I’m sure Rina did first. I’m not one to fall easily, and I’ve never been very interested in deep romantic attachments, at least before her. I’m also basing this on the fact that her tells of a crush were very obvious to me when they appeared.

Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

*sigh* From past experience, I’ve learned that resistance doesn’t last. For me, it was more denial than anything. But I had to be honest with myself, because if the truth was that I cared for her, it would affect my life and hers. Mostly, I was worried about people using our interest in each other against her. Fortunately, we’re both good at keeping secrets.

What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Hmm, I’ve never thought about it. Well, I’d imagine that, to put it plainly, my life would be the same, just…without her in it. But…*looks around quickly* I really like coming home to a warm apartment, smelling freshly brewed tea, and being greeted with a hug and the scent of glaze lilies. It’s…nice. I work solo most of the time, but I enjoy having a partner.

Who initiated the relationship, and how did they go about it?

Rina did, and she was very forward about it. It was during Lantern Rite, while the fireworks were going off and everyone’s attention was on the sky. They pulled me into a darker corner and handed me a glaze lilly. She said something along of the lines of that she planned to ask me out for weeks, on the day, and that it would make her very happy to try a relationship. As expected, the flower wilted the next day, but we’re together now.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

With Lady Ningguang’s permission, Rina took me up to the Jade Chamber. Imagine my surprise when, as we’re up there, fireworks in the shape of a heart start going up. Rina got noticeably flustered and muttered that someone named Yoimiya was probably responsible, but I found it cute. Afterwards, we sat together, looking over the city and talking for hours.

What is their height difference? Age difference? Do either matter to them?

(Rina: Honestly there is no canon information, so I imagine they’re around the same age and height. Yelan is around 5’9”, Rina is 5’7”. And no, it doesn’t really matter to them.)

How do their personalities complement each other? How do they clash?

I’ve been told that I’m more aloof and unapproachable, while Rina is more friendly. I simply think being a little suspicious of people’s intentions right off the bat is necessary in my line of work. However, having a relationship like ours has been beneficial to our work, not just personal life. While I often use threats to extract information, Rina has the ability to make people let their guard down, lure them into a false sense of security. This, however, has led to us having small disagreements on our methods. But we’ve agreed to disagree. She has her methods, I have mine.

Who takes the lead in social situations? How are they around each other's friends?

We both handle our own, though I’m better at handling strangers, and Rina is better with friends. Mostly because in my line of work, the relationships I have aren’t as simple as “having friends”. Rina has met a few of my colleagues as she works with them too. I’ve met quite a few of her friends, and they seem to respect me, not necessarily like me. Although, that could be because I’m introduced as “co-worker”, not “girlfriend”.

Who said 'I love you" first, and what was the situation?

…I felt love before I said it. Rina was assigned a solo mission, and, seeing as at that point she was an important part of my life, I expressed that I wanted her to return safely despite how capable she may be. She smiled, said “don’t worry about me. Worry about them.” I may have not said it in the moment, but I know she knew.

What reminds them of each other?

Whenever we go to the beaches of Liyue, we collect starconches. One time, Rina found one that she claimed “looked almost like a heart” (it didn’t) and she gave it to me. I…may or may not have said starconch on my nightstand. Even though it definitely doesn’t look like a heart.

[park-jaechan]

The Galleria Magazine February 2025 Issue - Jaechan's Interview

The drama Check in Hanyang is currently airing with great popularity. You played the character "Go Sura"—could you introduce him to us? Check in Hanyang is a story about four friends who enter Yongcheonru, the best guesthouse in Joseon, comparable to a modern five-star hotel, to become official apprentices. My character, Go Sura, joins Yongcheonru as a trainee with the ambition of reviving his fallen noble family. At first, he is filled with a strong desire for success, but as he shares a room with the other friends, known as the Haona Four, he matures and grows through their friendship.

How did you develop the character of Go Sura? As filming progressed, I got to know Sura better than I did when I was first cast. Initially, I portrayed him as someone who was solely focused on success and worked hard to achieve his goal of restoring his family's honor. However, as he builds friendships, he realizes there are things more important than success. I tried to show this gradual shift, making him more relaxed and natural.

You worked with senior actors like Kim Minjung, Kim Euisung, Han Jaeseok, and Jung Eunpyo, all of whom have diverse acting styles. As a younger actor, you must have learned a lot and gained inspiration. I remember being nervous when I first attended the script reading because so many esteemed senior actors were there. What amazed me the most while watching them act was how they expressed everything effortlessly without trying too hard. It became even more evident when I monitored their performances—they were so natural, and I learned a lot just from observing them.

That must be the power of experience! (laughs) On the other hand, working with actors your age must have been really fun. I had a great time working with Kim Jieun, Jung Gunjoo, and Bae Inhyuk, who played the Haona Four. This was the first project I’ve done where so many actors of a similar age were involved, and they treated me like a friend. Gunjoo and I had previously worked together on Bitter Sweet Hell, and since we both love working out, we often exercised together in our free time. Jieun is incredibly thoughtful—she always made sure to share food with everyone and remembered every cast member's birthday. I was touched by her kindness multiple times. Inhyuk has a great personality and made the set atmosphere comfortable from the start, which helped all four of us bond tightly.

This is your first historical drama in your filmography. I’ve always wanted to try a historical drama because it offers a chance to experience something we can never encounter in real life. Of course, since it’s a unique genre, I was concerned about the historical speech patterns and mannerisms. However, my character, Sura, is not someone who lives in the royal palace; he spends most of his time conversing with friends, so I didn’t feel too much pressure. Thanks to this experience, I’d love to challenge myself with a traditional historical drama in the future.

I’m already curious about how you’d look in a classic historical drama! (laughs) You must have many memorable episodes from filming. Historical drama sets are usually located in breathtaking places, so just being there was healing in itself. Playing a character from the past also gave me the unique feeling of escaping reality, like stepping into a time machine. Of course, wearing hanbok in the middle of summer was tough, but when I saw the final footage, I was satisfied because the hanbok and the scenery looked so beautiful. (laughs) Oh, and there was a scene where I had to dress as a woman, so I had to grow my hair out in advance for the wig. The women’s hanbok was surprisingly heavy and tight under the arms, which left a strong impression on me. There was also a bath scene where my upper body was exposed, so I worked out for almost six months to prepare for it. Since I enjoy exercising, it wasn’t difficult, and after seeing the results on screen, I felt relieved that my efforts paid off. (laughs)

What if you hadn’t pursued acting? Actually, since elementary school, I’ve wanted to act more than make music. Although I debuted as a singer, I was fortunate to receive opportunities to act in web dramas one by one. Balancing both fields has helped me grow in each of them. Acting requires portraying a character with great detail over several months, while music demands pouring everything into a three-minute performance. Experiencing two completely different artistic processes is an incredible blessing.

You debuted with DKZ in 2019 and have been active for about six years. How do you think you’ve changed the most over time? As a trainee, I thought everything would be fine once I debuted, but that wasn’t the case. (laughs) My first two years after debut were filled with anxiety and intense effort. Now, I no longer force things to happen. After experiencing so much, I’ve realized that letting things flow naturally is the best approach. Maybe it’s because I believe in fate, but I think that if I keep moving forward naturally, one day, I’ll find myself exactly where I’ve always dreamed of being.

Once the drama ends, what can we expect from Park Jaechan next? Right now, I’m working hard on my solo album. This time, I want to do everything I truly love. The central theme of this album will be what I enjoy listening to and what makes me happy. I’m putting a lot of thought into what excites me musically and visually so that I can create something meaningful. I hope to share my music with everyone within the year.

Scanned Source: ᰔᩚ ㅉΙપ on X: "더 갤러리아 the galleria 2월호 #재찬 단지 인쇄된 이 사진을 보고 싶었던 건데🥹🥹 https://t.co/fVGZT5HGyY" / X Translated By Park Jaechan Updates

[denimbex1986]

'...This movie was among my most anticipated releases of 2024. I instantly went to see it the moment it was out. And only when looking at the credits did I realize that All of Us Strangers is based on a book. So, of course, I need to do a book vs movie post about it! However, since I saw the movie first, that is what we begin with today.

I had not expected this to be such a gut punch. Just right in the fucking feels. Sure, I had expected a few things based on the trailer, but I really didn’t think All of Us Strangers would make me feel so many things, would make me feel them so deeply. In a way, it reminded me of the time I went to see Aftersun in theatres (which coincidentally also stars Paul Mescal). That movie made me feel a similar way. Not a concrete thing you can put your finger on, but still it leaves you with a profound sadness that you can’t seem to shake for a few days.

I have never seen a cinema as quiet as it was during this movie. And even after it had ended. You could have heard a pin drop. So, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only person who experienced the movie the way I did. There is something so raw about it, the relationships it depicts. The uncertainty you are left with as the audience. The questions that are never truly answered.

If you think about it, All of Us Strangers is a very simple movie. There are so few people in it, so few places. No surprise every scene is packed with so much intensity. A movie like this lives and dies with the cast. All I can say is that the acting performances were stellar. I cannot tell whether I liked Andrew Scott or Paul Mescal better, the both really got me this time. Their scenes together were great, I wasn’t expecting them to be such a brilliant match.

I guess you can tell by now I greatly enjoyed the movie, even though it was not what I was expecting. At all. Let’s take a look at the book the story is based on now.

I have to say, my feelings about the novel are very conflicted. I think I would have enjoyed this more had I encountered it independently of the film. The book has a very different vibe than the movie. Although so many things are the same, so many parts are different. I want to talk about a few of those things, so beware of spoilers from here on out.

I recommended the movie to someone and after he had gone to see it, the first thing he said was “I didn’t know it would be this gay”. The characters Scott and Mescal play become involved and some of the scenes are a tad graphic. And mind you, this is irrespective of the gay part – I just not what you would necessarily expect, even if these had been heterosexual encounters. The only reason I’m mentioning this is because the book is very much not gay. Here, the main character just divorced his wife and is now staying in this building where he encounters a young woman. While the author does mention a few sex scenes, the relationship here comes across as a lot less intense. By a long shot. I don’t know why, but this already threw me off a bit. Maybe because the relationship between Scott’s and Mescal’s characters was my favorite thing about the film.

In the movie, Adam (Andrew Scott’s character) has been visiting his dead parents for a while. We never learn how that started or why, or get pretty much any sort of explanation. As he’s been doing that for some time, those interactions feel more comfortable in a way. In the book, we follow along as the very first encounter happens. So, the vibe – again – is very different. There is a lot more confusion, a lot more trying to understand, to figure things out, a lot more disbelief at first. And most importantly, what happens to the protagonist is completely different. In the book, the “ghosts” seem to be sapping the life force from our protagonist, maybe maliciously, maybe not. What is important is that he himself can’t see it, yet everybody around him does. And what they see is that he is wasting away and looks like he’s about to die. We find out that the woman he became involved with is dead (same as in the movie), however, her “ghost” came back with bad intentions. She’s angry at him and wants to see him dead. So, this sort of turned into a horror story, a haunting one with a malevolent spirit that needs to be sort of exorcised.

You can tell now that even though they share the basic idea, book and film are super different. They made me feel different things. I liked the novel, but it really threw me for a loop that it was so different, I just wasn’t expecting that. Especially because I had greatly enjoyed the film, I think I was disappointed to some degree that the book to some other paths. Again, the story was good, but I kept constantly thinking of the film. This is what I meant when I said I would have liked this more had it come to me completely independent of the movie. Because as is, you can’t help but compare them. Usually, I would love the story the book told.

Long story short, both takes on this story may share similarities, but they are *very* different. I preferred the movie because it was so much more intense, it made me feel so many things. The adaptations affected me after I had left the cinema, whereas the book I put down and didn’t think about much again. Still, a good novel!'

[im-gonna-draw]

Name: Akren

Affiliation: Eclipse

Alignment: Chaotic Nuetral

Key Personality Traits: thrill-seeking, cheerful, mischievous, arrogant, carefree, obnoxious

Likes: gossip, inserting himself in people’s business, partying, playing pranks, giving himself important jobs, being the “hero”, teasing Kieran, scandals

Dislikes: boredom, monologues, being ignored, meetings, politics, being alone, sappy talk

Strengths: has a special ability that allows him to find anyone he desires to see through any reflective surface

Weakness: very difficult to like, struggles to learn new things due to lack of patience

Bio: A changeling who was discovered in the dungeons of Emerald Park. A free-spirited young man who believes he’s destined for greatness. His origins are shrouded in mystery, but he’s somehow developed a spell, named Eye Scry, that allows him to see anyone’s location by using his magic on a reflective surface. However, he’s in no way generous with this gift. He never intends to teach this magic to anyone, as that would make him less valuable. Despite this, he can be persuaded to use his spell to help others…..usually if his interests are met.

Despite his less than noble attitude, he decides to join Eclipse, as he wants to be close to where all the “excitement” is. He rubs many changelings the wrong way, as he truly has no interest in equality or making the world better for changelings or humans. His unique ability, however, makes it impossible for anyone to discard him. A fact he often takes full advantage of.

In the end, Akren is a selfish changeling, seeking a life of excitement and adventure, without having to worry about any diplomatic details. On the other hand, one can’t really say he’s evil. He may try to start drama now and again, but he’s not out to hurt anyone. In fact, if someone wanted to use his spell to cause serious harm to innocent people, he’d more than likely reject them, no matter how exciting their plans would entail.

Knowing he’s under Jack’s protection, Akren loves to screw around with Oleander and Kieran in particular, thinking them to be the stuffiest, moodiest fae he’s ever encountered.

Quotes:

“Eye Scry! It’s a spell I invented! Please, hold your applause!”

“I know! Brains AND stunning good looks! It’s just not fair!”

“Hey Prince K! Have you finished brooding for the morning?”

“Wait, you haven’t bedded her since she lost her heart? Sir, she didn’t lose her lady parts! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Sorry, Eye Scry and I are a package deal. You think I don’t know you’d ditch me the minute you could use the spell on your own? Then what would I do?”

“I’m bored. Don’t let me be bored. You won’t like me if I’m bored.”

“Oh gods, do you people do anything besides give big speeches on politics?! Your rambling is going to be the death of me!”

“Yes. I am THAT much of an ass.”

“Hey Ollie, your makeup is running! Haha! Made you look!”

“Okay so…..I got a little drunk, and hired you a tavern wench. No, hear me out! Say you bed this woman….it’s not like Ellie will care, being heartless and all! I’m doing you a favor! You need a good coupling!”

“Wow Ellie, you’re a bitch. And we’re all thinking it, I’m just the only one with the big enough cock to say it!”

“You sure do mope a lot for a guy with money.”

“……So would you guys judge me if I asked LC if she wanted to bed? What? I’m half-rabbit and….really, I just want to say I fucked a bear.”

“Of course I care! I’ll be the first to admit I’m an ass, but seeing those guys die like that….that’s not funny. That’s just sick.”

“Don’t you dare walk away! Don’t you leave! Don’t leave me…alone…”

@leafkingofbirds

[justa-rat]

The Woods. Pt. 1

May 5th,

Word Count: 858

Momma had always told me to stay away from the woods, but momma told me to stay away from a lot of things. I was never very good at listening, though. Each time I would disobey one of momma’s rules, she would become absolutely irate with me. She was never cruel, maybe a slap on the wrist at worst - she had always been worried. Maybe that’s why she had so many of them. Rules, I mean.

The rules themselves would vary, but a decent portion of them was about how I was to interact with strangers. Some of them were the standard fare: Don’t talk to strangers, don’t eat any of the food they give you, and absolutely don’t follow them into the woods. They got a bit… More specific as I aged. 

When I was eight, she told me to never say ‘thank you’ to a stranger. It took me off guard, she had been so adamant about my learning of manners - I had never known the same rules didn’t apply to anyone I didn’t know.

When I was thirteen, strangely enough she warned me to never, ever dance with a stranger.  This one boggled me more than most. After all, how was I to ever get to the point of dancing with someone, if I never was supposed to talk to them anyhow?

The most confusing set of rules she ever imparted, however, came when I had turned fourteen.

“I need you to listen to me, Claire, and I need you to listen well.” I remember how intently her eyes looked into mine, the expression on her face telling the severity of her words.

“Okay, Momma.” I would gently mutter, and she would continue.

“You have to be careful out… In that world. It’s full of terrible people who want to do us nothing but harm. No matter what, though, you have to be polite to the strangers who threaten us.” My mind was once again flipped on its head, the contradictory nature of her rules turning my head into a mess of thoughts. I should have simply let her continue, but I could no longer hold back my question.

“But why, Momma?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter why!” Snapped her immediate response, before she took a deep breath. “I’m… Sorry, pumpkin. It’s just extremely important that you… I just… I need you to trust me, okay honey? As long as you do what I say, everything will be fine.”

“I just…” I whimpered, lip wobbling as worry twisted my stomach, “I-I just dunno how, Momma! None of this makes sense. I’m not supposed to talk to strangers, but I’m also not supposed to be rude? But-But I also have to never say thank you? Which is rude… and the rule about the dancing, Its… Its-“ my eyes filled with tears, sobs building up in my throat. I painfully swallowed the heavy lump forming, trying to keep down my emotions.

“Shhh, shh, baby.” My mother sighed, pulling me into her arms. “I know it’s confusing. I know all of this must be so confusing for you.” She gently stroked the back of my head. “Let me try to explain a little better, okay?” She pulled away to look me in the eyes as she spoke, and I lifted an arm to wipe my leaking eyes. “O-okay, momma.”

“Alright, dear.” She smiled sorrowfully. “You must never, under any circumstances enter the woods. Whenever you are away from home, and encounter an adult you’re unfamiliar with - I need you to try and get out of sight before they notice you. Run straight home after. Now, if they do notice you before you notice them - do not run. That would be considered rude, especially if they call out to you. Engage in friendly conversation; but tell them NOTHING about you. Not your name, not where you live, not even your favorite color - do you understand so far?”

I nodded, and she continued.

“Now, if they offer to take you somewhere, offer to give you food or candy, or offer to do you some sort of favor - always find a way to politely decline. Do NOT outright apologize, but you must let them down gently… Say… Say something like, ‘Unfortunately I can’t, I have to be home for dinner.’ Do anything you can to end the conversation, and come straight home.

Never dance with them, never apologize to them, never thank them. You NEVER want to be in their debt, do you understand me? They will take your words as meaning that, they will expect you to return the favor.”

My stomach twisted, was everyone out in the world truly so scary, would I really be able to live up to her expectations? What would really happen just from saying a few words? I couldn’t fathom.

Yet despite how I claimed I understood, despite how fervently she warned me - I didn’t listen. I was only fourteen, I had just barely begun my transition into adulthood… But worst of all I was curious..

Maybe things wouldn’t have ended up this way, had only I listened.

[purplesurveys]

1656

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? Anyone who still reads this already knows at this point that I hate checking my texts, so I’ll use my Messenger history instead – last message I sent was “People pt. 2 live perf!” to Angela and Reena.

B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?  “Woozi also reposted” from Reena in our groupchat as a reply to Angela who was sharing that SVT Hoshi posted about People pt 2.

C) What time do you wake up most mornings?  My body clock has slightly shifted recently, waking me up at 6 AM.

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night? Yes, I will very very rarely do so.

E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? I just immediately go on YouTube and click autoplay on any one of my favorite channels. Background noise calms me down more than anything.

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?  It was with my partner at the time, right outside my house if I’m not mistaken.

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?  Never did. I never liked to make my presence known in school in general; meaning to say I didn’t get in trouble, and I never recited or asked questions either.

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?  I’m content and I’m continuing to learn, I’ll say that much.

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?  Sure.

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?  I will occasionally get offered the brownie kind but have always said no.

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?  Not met, just encountered. BTS turned my life entirely for the better starting 2021 and I’ve adopted much better and healthier ways of thinking since then.

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?  Once.

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.  Smoking is a gross habit but people look good doing it, lmao.

N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?  Years ago, and yep.

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?  Mostly just worrying about the Yoongi concert and wanting to make sure all 4 of us get to attend.

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?  A few weeks ago when my mom forced me to put a jacket on because she believed my top was too ‘short.’

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?  Depends on the person. I will only do this with close friends.

R) Are you a very affectionate person?  Only with Angela.

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?  Nope.

T) What are you looking forward to?  My birthday, which also happens to be the same day as D-DAY drop!

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?  I don’t have any. I have a couple designs in mind but don’t really have any plans to act on them because...needles.

V) Are you mentally strong?  For the most part.

W) Are you physically strong?  Nah.

X) Do you think you’re a good person?  I try to be.

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.  I WISH ALL OF US HAD THE DAMN TICKETS

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?  I prepare a cup of coffee and that’s it.

[cerastes]

There’s always talk about how two of the most important skills one could possibly have on the internet, “Curating Your Own Space” and “Pirating”, are lost upon newer, younger internet users, and it’s true, but I sincerely think it should have a less aggressive, mocking tone.

Us internet old timers organically learned this on a younger, wild west internet, when there weren’t streaming services or centralized social hubs. In the old internet, we were all spread around pretty much all across the webspace, in music forums, game forums, RP forums, chatsites, the works. We knew who we knew, and it was a very common occurrence that, if someone were to one day leave any given website and you didn’t have their e-mail, that was likely it, you never saw them again. The exchanging of e-mails, in fact, used to be almost like an intimacy test, something saying more or less “we’re tight now, if you leave one day, I want to still be able to be in touch with you”.

I’m not romanticizing the old net, it’s gone, it’s the present now, that isn’t the purpose of this post, the purpose of this post is to make it clear that times have changed, and we need to understand newer internet users’ first encounter with the internet is immensely different from what our first encounter was. There’s a paid service for everything, and humans will naturally gravitate towards the convenient option instead of learning a skill. We learned the skill to pirate and curate not because we were all just grizzled keyboard warlords back in the day, there simply was no other choice. Nowadays, there is a choice, and don’t try to get smug with me, I know a lot of people that should know better than use Spotify and all sorts of other convenience software even though you should, by all right, know better. Convenience is a fundamental pillar of mankind, for better usually, and for worse sometimes.

And this is a worse sometimes.

You’re not going to convince anyone by smugly telling them “oh? you don’t know how to pirate?” if you don’t follow that up with some instructions or advice on how to do it. If you’re the kind of cunt that just wants that little serotonin boost from lording over someone clearly younger and less experienced, godspeed, get the fuck out, if you would actually like to keep “the old ways” alive, for the sake of these new users, consider appending a little advice on how to torrent or where to get started.

Yes, it’s annoying when people don’t just google something or complain about things that are very much non-issues if they just did something trivial, but consider this: You aren’t a sagely genius looking down on a drooling idiot, you are a seasoned internet denizen seeing someone obviously less experienced than you struggle with something not out of ineptness or stupidity, it is simply ignorance, and ignorance has a very easy cure.