#someone with the same problem as me but reversed language wise

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.

You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!

[amethystina]

"Han fattas mig."

One of the compliments I often get on my writing is just that — my writing. My word choices, my sentence structure, my imagery, my rhythm, my originality, etc. Now, I never thought I'd reach a point where I’d become that good at the craft itself, especially not in a language that's not even my native tongue. Partly because of imposter syndrome but also because I'm usually such a perfectionist that I never thought I’d dare to write something that doesn't strictly and stiltedly follow the rules.

Sentence fragments? Words used in unusual contexts? Odd or highly specific imagery? No can do!

Except, clearly, I can. I should, even.

And I want to share one of the monumental pieces of writing that made me realise that. And it’s not even a whole work. It's just one sentence, really:

"Han fattas mig."

Now, that probably looks a bit weird to those of you who don't understand Swedish, so let me explain.

That's a quote from the children's book Ronja the Robber's Daughter written by the famous Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. It was published back in 1981 and while I didn't actually read the book as a kid, I DID watch the Swedish live-action movie many times. But, even then, it took until my adult years to fully grasp the utter and heart-breaking brilliance of that quote.

For some context, the book/movie is about Ronja who, surprise surprise, is the young daughter of a robber chief. That quote is said by her father, Mattis, when one of the old robbers of their clan suddenly dies. Now, this old robber, Skalle-Per (uh... I guess the translation would be Bald Pete?), is clearly a father figure for Mattis. A wise old man who, while gloriously snarky, is also incredibly nurturing and emotionally mature. Which stands in stark contrast to Mattis who is the somewhat traditionally dominant, macho man. He HAS to be, on account of being the chief for a clan of rough and tough robbers. They, in many ways, complete each other, where Skalle-Per is kind, thoughtful, and sensible while Mattis is brash, violent, and impulsive.

Now, predictably, when Skalle-Per dies, Mattis throws a full-on tantrum. The kind that shows just how inexperienced he is with dealing with emotions without Skalle-Per to help him work through them. And, since the whole problem is that Skalle-Per is now dead? Mattis has absolutely no idea what to do.

He starts pacing back and forth, crying, flailing his arms, and yelling things like: "He's always been here! He's always existed, and now he doesn't!" And no amount of calming words from his wife soothes him and, eventually, he says that line:

"Han fattas mig."

And there is no direct translation I can give you that fully conveys the amount of raw, almost childlike, grief in that one sentence. This sentence was the one that made me realise that following the rules doesn't matter because, strictly speaking, this one doesn't. The words used are unusual to the point where they're even a little odd at first glance but, once you look deeper, also so incredibly impactful.

The rough translation would probably be "I miss him" but, as said, that doesn't convey the sheer desperation that those words do in Swedish. First of all, it throws the words around, completely changing the focus and weight of the sentence. "Han" is "he" and "mig" is "I." So saying "I miss him" reverses the order where the emphasis SHOULD be put on "him" but the main subject of the sentence now becomes "I" (i.e. less about the loss and more about how "I" am feeling). In “Han fattas mig” the “he” is the most important part.

Second, you have the word "fattas" which, yes, directly translated means "missing." But not the kind of missing that we Swedes normally use for grief. We have another word for that called "saknar." If you miss someone who has died, you'd say: "Jag saknar honom." Which is basically the same as the English “I miss him.” The word "fattas" is for a completely different context — a much more mundane one, with almost no emotional stakes. It's what we use when a piece is missing or something is lacking a required component. Kind of like you would say: "This stew is missing something" when it doesn't taste the way you want it to. But it can also mean "lost" as in "there's one puzzle piece missing."

So when Mattis says those words, he doesn't say "I miss him." He's saying: "He is a part of me and he is now missing," and "he is a part of me and I lost him," and "he is a part of me and now there is a hole where he used to be."

He is saying: "I will never be complete again."

Because "fattas" is also the word we use when something is missing and the thing won't be complete until you add it/return it/get it back. And, in this case, since the man in question is dead, you know Mattis will never get that chance. He will never be whole again. Which, sure, is a rather terrifying take on grief, but also not an untrue one. Grief will lessen over time, but the loss will still be there.

And this isn't me doing some sort of complex linguistic analysis — I don't have to. Because it's all there. It's so simple yet so effective. And yet, somehow, no one had really thought to use the word "fattas" to describe grief before. Because it's just a simple and mundane word we use for entirely different things, not big, painful emotions, right? Except Astrid Lindgren did. And while she no doubt did so to make it easier for children to grasp the concept — since most kids can relate to the feeling of losing something in the context of "fattas," which is much more direct and real than the elusive emotion of "saknar" — it also changes how an adult can view grief and loss.

Not even "I lost him" can fully encompass the absolute BRUTALITY of the grief found in the sentence "Han fattas mig."

And that is why I give fewer and fewer fucks about the rules. Now, obviously, I doubt I'll ever come up with something as brilliant as this sentence (it honestly rocks me to my core sometimes) BUT it's worth trying. It's worth being creative and experiment with the words you know and in what order you place them. Just maybe, you'll end up with something really cool. That's not to say you should ignore any and all rules, but it's okay to play around. It's okay to do the unexpected.

I think it's important to remember that. Writing is creative. We write to express things — to find ways to describe and explain complex emotions, grand adventures, and sweeping love stories. It connect us and gives us a way to share our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. And, sometimes, the set boundaries won't be enough. Sometimes, we might just need someone to look at how we describe grief and go: "I can make it simpler and, at the same time, so much more painful."

And it doesn't always have to be complex. It doesn't have to be difficult words and purple prose. Sometimes, all you need is three words so easy that a child can understand them and, somehow, you will describe a sense of loss so deep and so fundamental to that character that you KNOW that they will never be the same ever again.

So experiment. Be bold. And, above all else, have fun.

And, one final heart-wrenching fact to wrap this all up: The actor who played Skalle-Per — Allan Edwall — was in almost ALL of the movies/shows based on Astrid Lindgren's books. He played different roles, of course, but he was a staple — synonymous with her works. And, when the actor died back in 1997, Astrid Lindgren was asked how she was handling the loss and her reply was the same as Mattis’s:

"Han fattas mig."

[bratz-kitten]

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby. 

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it.  intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR. 

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone  mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed. 

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it. 

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists. 

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him. 

Mikasa Ackerman 

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger. 

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation. 

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined. 

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING 

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.  

[skylarmoon71]

Reverse Flash x Reader- Oneshot (Flash)

Dealing with this yellow suit wearing maniac was not how you thought you’d spend the night. As an ex citizen from Central city, you knew just about every villain that came out of the tragedy of the explosion. Every day a new one seems to arise, and since you liked having all your body parts as they were, you stayed caught up with the news.

That’s why you’d left the place for some much needed peace. 

Rockstone was quiet, and still pretty populated. It wasn’t that far away from Central City either, so you could still visit your family every now and then.

“You seem awfully calm for someone being threatened."

The dark haired male raised his vibrating hand, hoping to urge at least some kind of reaction. After being brought back and wiped from existence so many times, this time around he’d just been looking to have a little fun. Chasing Barry around was starting to get redundant. And then he supposed the hero had his own problems to deal with right about now.

He planned to stay as low key as possible until he could figure out what his next move was. So kidnapping an unsuspecting victim and forcing them to provide him shelter seemed like the best way to go.

“Not gonna lie, scared the shit outta me when you appeared out of that little portal. Really thought I dodged a bullet leaving CC. Just my luck.” you grumble. Sipping at your coffee, you adjusted your bag strap. “Sorry old man, got a job to get to so if you’ll excuse me.” you walk around him. It was already dark, and since you had a night shift at the university today, you really weren’t in the mood for this.

Your hair is taken with the whip of the wind, and it feels like a blink. Drink discarded on the ground, you stare in shock. He has you pinned to the wall, snare on his face, blue eyes emitting so much raw agitation. “I’d advise against mocking me.”

He’s started to vibrate, the red light overtaking his eyes.

“It’s not wise to test me.”

The echoing of his voice would bring any person to their knees in fear. The look in your eyes shifts from shock to annoyance. Your free hand is hanging at the side of your waist. You raise your palm, and he looks down just as a blue light shoots out. He’s gone once again, obviously not anticipating this. No longer forced up on the wall, you shrug your shoulders, straightening your shirt that was ruffled.

Eobard is now standing at a distance, intrigued. He halts his speed for a second to observe you. He’s positive he has no recollection of you. Being the evil genius that he is, he’s pretty much recorded all the villain metas in Central City. All those years travelling through time also played a big part in it. So why does he have no profile on you?

“Who are you?” He narrows his eyes, and all you provide is a smirk.

“I think you mean what.” You open both your palms, and your eyes are now emitting the same glow as your hands.

“Great.”

What in the world did he get himself into. He really had a knack for picking bad situations.

~Three Months Later~

“I could have just. “ He makes a hand motion, and you don't need to even guess what he means. This guy. You'd just been telling him about your experience yesterday with one of your peers.

“Now now, don’t make me put you to sleep again Bardy-poo. “ You could tell from his facial expression that the name was anything but desired.

“How long do you intend to keep me hostage?” you scoffed at his statement.

“Hostage, I’d like to think of it as a gracious service to society. “

Eobard was still glaring in your direction.

Running into you that night was such terrible luck on his part. He really thought he’d be lucky this time around, but he was dead wrong. You were unlike anything or one he’d ever met. Certainly not a meta. Since you weren’t exactly forthcoming about your origin, there wasn’t much to go on. What he did know is that every time he attempted to do something even remotely evil, you knew about it.

His powers also had very little effect on you. Trying on many occasions to drill a hand through your chest with no luck. You had him mentally and physically subdued. What’s even worse is he was trying to avoid time travelling, cause that would catch Barry’s attention, and the prospect of the male finding him was even less appealing. With nowhere to go, and you keeping him on a tight watch, his only option was to stick around.

It wasn’t like he was completely stranded. He had means to get by for moments like this. With his abilities he could take whatever he wanted without so much as a flinch. You apparently didn’t care much for his little adventures as long as no one got dead. For all intents and purposes, he was a free man, minus the unnamed being keeping him on a leash.

“I can feel you plotting from all the way over here. Something you’d like to share with the class?”

“Will you remove the bind?” He asked. You click your tongue.

“You know I can’t do that. Evil villain and all. I wouldn't sleep very well if I knew you were out there impaling civilians. “

His eyes were still marking you, and you shifted, brows knitting.

“Well...I’m gonna go because that look is a bit off putting.”

Moving to pick up your cup of coffee and head for the door, you’re once again trapped between the speedster and the wall. You’re about to give him another snarky retort, but you become a little distracted by how deliciously rosy his lips are.

You divert your eyes quickly before your mind can stray any further. He doesn’t speak for a moment, and for a second you almost think he’s trapped in the same haze you are. He’d obviously prepared something diabolical to say, but like some of your most recent interactions, his usual malicious intent is missing.

“So, you're gonna say something or are you trying to relive some Korean drama scene."

He blinks, then takes notice of the position. You’re a bit confused at the lost look on his face. If you didn’t know any better you would have said he didn’t intend to do that. Taking a step back, the coldness returns to his eyes, and just like that he takes off. You release a breath.

“It’s getting harder.”

This little ploy was becoming difficult to keep up. If he ever figured it out you’re not sure what his reaction will be. Your reason for doing this has greatly changed from the beginning.

~~~~~~

The little mental battle has been going on all day.

You could barely focus on anything even when you were teaching your criminology class. That night walking to your door, you felt heavy. Not just from the secret you were keeping from Eobard, but also the feelings you’d lectured yourself not to grow.

The dark haired male is not a good man. You keep telling yourself that. But you’d hope that these months being around you would change that. He hadn’t hurt anyone since his arrival. You honestly thought that you could change him for the better. Opening the door, you step in. The area is silent, and it sort of makes you a tad bit suspicious.

“Eo-”

“Good evening.” You jump, glaring in his direction as you push the door close. He’s sitting on the couch casually like he didn’t just scare the shit out of you.

“Geez don’t do that!!”

He’s once again strutting that stupid smirk.

“It’s uncomfortable isn’t it, when things happen that we have no control over. Surprises.” you squint.

“Why do I feel like that has some alternate meaning."

He’s dressed in dark clothing, glasses perched on his nose. Everything about his body language tells you something is up. With his attention now fixed on you, the bag in your hand is placed on the counter. You’re preparing for anything. As you’ve realized Eobard is very unpredictable.

“I’m done playing your game, release me at once. “

Trying not to pay much mind to his request, you walk past him.

“Come on, we've been at this for months. I can’t let you go on a rampage. Innocent lives and all. If you really wanna blame someone then blame yourself. What are the odds that out of all of the people here you decided to grab me right?” you laugh, but you don’t receive any in return.

“You’re under the impression that this is a game.”

Eobard knows there’s no harm he can inflict on your body, doesn’t mean his actions don’t make you nervous. He approaches slowly, but with purpose. With your back now to the fridge, you try to move to an area where you won’t feel as trapped. Eobard in no way allows this. His hands press into the cool surface of the fridge.

“Y-You know this fetish you seem to have with pushing me against stuff is getting kind of old.” Who were you kidding, shit was driving you mad.

“You can’t keep me here.”

There was no humor in his voice. Just flat out hostility. Yet he wasn’t emitting the anger you knew he had inside. Just because he couldn’t kill you didn’t mean he couldn’t hurt you. You’re positive he’s realized that by now. The prospect of him leaving, somehow it caused an ache in your heart. Eyes connected, it was impossible for you not to look so vulnerable.

“I-If you really want to leave then just go.” you willed your body not to shake, but it was becoming difficult to even keep your tears at bay. “Are you toying with me?” He clenched his fist.

You shook your head, lowering your eyes. Why did you have to feel guilty for keeping the truth from him. The guy wasn’t exactly an upstanding citizen. “I’m not. You can leave Eobard. “

His eyes grew a little wide at the information. 

“I’m not a witch, or a metahuman. I’m just a mutant.” you state. 

“It’s how I’m able to produce barriers like the one I placed on you. It can only be sustained for a maximum of three weeks. It’s taken me years to get to that point of control. You just assumed I always had the barrier up after a month, and I never corrected you because I was trying to keep people safe.”

That wasn’t your only reason.

This entire time he’d been trying to solve your mystery when the answer was right in front of him. It still made no sense. Why didn’t he leave?

“The only reason you’re still here is because you want to be.” Eobard took a step back.

“That can’t be right, why would I want to be stuck in this wretched town.”

All you offer is a smile. At the back of your mind you hope it’s because he’s grown closer to you than he wants to admit.

“I’ve been wondering the same for weeks now. “

You aren’t sure what else can be said. Thankfully you haven’t started breaking down. You sort of want him to leave so you can have the privacy to do so. You take a breath, forcing a confident smile on your face. “Well the cat’s out of the bag so I guess this is goodbye. Just because I can’t hold you doesn’t mean I won’t know when you’re causing mayhem. Better not fall back to your old ways.”

You refuse to look him in the eye, so you have no idea what kind of expression he’s wearing.

Eobard steps forward and grabs your arm.

“Wha-” your swept right off your feet, and you grunt when your back suddenly comes in contact with the softness of your mattress. Eobard is hovering over your body, and you realize he’s just taken you into the bedroom without so much as an explanation. Not just that, but the hunger behind those dark rimmed glasses is enough to turn you into putty.

“W-What are you doing!!”

“Testing a theory.”

“The fu-” His lips collide with yours and your eyebrows shoot up. If you had expected something, it wasn’t this. His entire body is now pressed into you. You’ve held your breath, whimpering.

This is bad, wrong even. His hands are pressed into the mattress, as he shows no signs of moving, or slowing down. His lips are moving eagerly against yours, and at some point your body has started to respond. You reach up, grabbing a fistful of his black shirt, forcing him closer. Your kisses are desperate now, and raw. One of his hands lands on your thigh, trailing up your leg. Because you’re wearing a dress, you can feel his palm against your skin. You moan, and he takes full advantage, slipping his tongue in.

“So good..”

He tastes amazing. His kisses are even more incredible. If you never came up for air that would be too soon. Eobard parts for the breath you are both in need of. Sapphire orbs have changed to navy, and it elects another needy moan from you. His hand is still on your thigh, caressing the skin teasingly. He’s so close to where you need him the most. Eobard takes pleasure in your soft cries. Now it all makes sense. The reason behind your need to keep him there, his apparent unconscious reluctance to leave you.

“Delicious.”

He licks his lips, pulling off his glasses and tossing them overhead.

“I hope you understand what you’ve gotten yourself into. “ You gulp.

Did you?

His lips hover over yours and the logical part of your brain has vanished. You lean up to connect, but he’s keeping you at a distance with that stupidly sexy smirk on his face."

”It appears I’m the one who has you bind now. “

What an unusual turn of events.

Not that you’re complaining.

[skylinesnsunshines]

got7 reading: youngjae & yugyeom ideal type + as a boyfriend

hi friends! today i’ll be finishing my got7′s ideal type + as a boyfriend series with our sunshine and dandelion!! for now requests are CLOSED since i have a lot of them and i’ve been starting to get assignments/essays so please be patient with requests as i’m doing my best, you all know the drill so let’s get into it :)

DISCLAIMER: this is all speculative and for entertainment purposes only, so take it with a grain of salt :)

decks used: ethereal visions tarot, archetype cards by caroline myss, heavenly bodies astrology, the wild unknown animal by kim krans

(italicised is the card on the bottom of the tarot deck which is meant to represent the subconscious/blind spot of the situation + rx means reversed)

YOUNGJAE☀️

IDEAL TYPE

5 of cups, 8 of cups, 8 of pentacles rx, the world | engineer, teacher, mouse, earth: persistence, patience, practicality

i got major scorpio vibes when i was shuffling for his ideal type (the two 8 cards) and it’s unsurprising due to his scorpio moon. with the 5 of cups i do feel youngjae wants someone with two contrasting sides like himself, one side is someone who’s incredibly empathetic and feels for others whereas the other is someone who’s optimistic and doesn’t let setbacks slow them down. with the 8 of cups it’s possible that he likes someone who’s very hard to get to know and a bit mysterious cause fire venuses in general find intrigue in people who are a bit difficult to figure out and youngjae’s leo venus can be the type to like the “chase”, i do get the feeling youngjae likes someone who plays a little hard to get. the 8 of pentacles rx tells me youngjae likes someone who’s a bit of a workaholic and very independent, this card can also describe someone who’s always working to improve themselves and aren’t satisfied with mediocrity, just like jackson’s reading i do think youngjae likes a little bit of healthy competition in relationships as it motivates him to be the best version of himself especially when it comes to work (smh fire venuses). with the world card, youngjae wants someone who’s very cultured and is experienced in different aspects of life, i feel like his ideal type would be skilled in different languages and has a high level of intelligence when it comes to different topics, someone who’s multitalented wether it’d be with practicality or creativity would catch youngjae’s eye. his leo venus can make him attracted to the showman types and people who stand out, i do also get the feeling that he wants to have someone who’s very balanced and uses an equal level of emotion and logic to solve problems, his scorpio moon wants someone who’s intense behind closed doors whereas his leo venus wants someone to be outwardly enthusiastic and energetic. 

the engineer card tells me youngjae likes someone who’s able to handle pressure and doesn’t let setbacks dictate their actions, this card also talks about someone who gives creative energy a practical expression so it links back to the points i made earlier about the world card. the teacher card talks about someone who has the ability to communicate knowledge, experience, skill or wisdom which basically reiterates my points from the world card again, i do also get the feeling youngjae gets a lot of energy from those around him so if he has someone to look up to and advise him when he needs it he’ll be incredibly motivated. the mouse card talks about someone who’s organised, resourceful and prepared, since youngjae’s venus and mars is in his 10th house which is ruled by capricorn it’s unsurprising he wants someone who’s reliable and practical, i think spontaneity will work for youngjae at times but due to his fixed placements he prefers to have a schedule and stick to it and would prefer if his partner is the same. earth card basically reiterates the points i made earlier, but he does want a long-lasting relationship and will do anything to keep his relationships lasting for as long as it can, he’s very into to building a firm foundation with his partner however long it takes them as he wants a love that lasts and continues to evolve.

AS A BOYFRIEND

judgement, 2 of cups rx, the sun, 10 of wands rx | scribe, liberator, starfish, jupiter: grow and expand

with the judgement card being the first card i do get the feeling youngjae is an incredibly dedicated boyfriend, in youngjae’s case i feel there’s a few people who catches his eye but only a select few who keeps him engaged so once someone intrigues him he’s gonna be very persistent/dedicated, due to his scorpio moon and leo venus youngjae definitely leads with his heart more than his mind in relationships. the 2 of cups rx tells me youngjae loves very deeply and sometimes struggles with putting up boundaries due to him wanting a very intense love (unsurprising cause of his fixed moon + venus), i feel that there’s also a tendency for him to put his partner on a pedestal and idealise them but it definitely comes from his scorpio moon (i can vouch for this). the sun for our sunshine!! youngjae’s gonna be the happy virus in the relationship and will love messing around, his leo venus and mars can make him someone who loves joking around and have a lighthearted romance, he’s gonna love laughing and having a lot of fun with his partner and he’s probably gonna act like a big kid with them. the 10 of wands rx tells me youngjae could hide a lot of his sadness/burdens from his partner, he’s the type to be a serial optimist and would hate dwelling on negativity for too long which is why he would hide his more somber side cause he doesn’t like burdening other people, he’ll definitely be the type to cheer others first before himself, a true sunshine. 

the scribe tells me youngjae could write a lot for his s.o, wether that’d be poetry or songs youngjae has a way with words due to his scorpio moon, leo venus and jupiter in 3rd, he’s naturally gifted with his words and loves sharing his gift with others as a form of affection. the liberator reiterates the points from the 10 of wands rx card, he’ll definitely try his best to serve others before himself and try his best to make his partner feel as comfortable as they can. the starfish card describes someone who’s uplifting, artistic and expressive, with youngjae’s chart ruler being his leo venus it’s unsurprising that he is incredibly charming and the descriptions fit him perfectly. with the jupiter card i do feel youngjae’s always looking to grow materially, emotionally and spiritually with his partner, it’s possible that he’d be the type to always think about the future and plan where he wants to go and what he wants to achieve, his love has no boundaries.

YUGYEOM🌼

IDEAL TYPE

the empress, page of swords, queen of wands, 6 of swords rx | rebel, rescuer, nightingale, house ten: structure, discipline, life mission, accomplishments and career

with the empress card, yugyeom wants a nurturer and someone who’s able to take care of him since this card describes someone who often ‘mothers’ and takes care of others because of their innate nature, i also get the feeling yugyeom wants someone more mature age-wise but most importantly emotionally and mentally. with the page of swords however, i do think yugyeom also wants someone who has a childlike wonder/spirit to them due to his gemini moon (gemini represents twins) so someone who’s able to match his level of enthusiasm/curiosity will steal his heart for sure, this card alongside yugyeom’s sagittarius mercury tells me he wants someone who’ll be able to match his humour and even poke fun as sagittarius mercuries love teasing as a form of affection. the queen of wands reiterates my point of yugyeom wanting a mature character but this also tells me yugyeom wants a partner that can hold their own and someone who people see as a leader, i also get the feeling that he’s attracted to the charismatic social butterfly types, he definitely loves an independent individual and will find them even more attractive if they have their own goals they aspire to achieve, his ideal type is someone who uses their strength and their sensitivity. the six of swords rx tells me that his ideal person is someone who has gone through lots of personal hardships and transformation, but instead of acting out of revenge and resentment they’re very gentle and always wants to protects others cause they don’t want to anyone else to experience the feelings they experienced. his ideal type is someone who has a lot of love for themselves and is always willing to give to others, someone who’s very genuine with sharing their love. 

the rebel card definitely gives me queen of wands/page of swords energy, someone who’s willing to stand out and not let have anything/anyone sway them when they have their minds set on something. the rescuer reiterates my point of someone who wants to help others without wanting anything in return, this card also makes me feel that yugyeom is very attracted to leaders and when he sees someone who’s independent yet gentle his heart swoons. the nightingale describes someone who speaks their truth and is unafraid, their way of communication is very direct but it comes from a place of kindness instead of authority. of course yugyeom and his capricorn venus would get the house ten card which is ruled by capricorn, basically reiterates all the points i made but additionally i do feel like yugyeom wants someone who’s well respected in their field, he craves stability and wants to build something with tangible his partner so he’s in it for the long ride. 

as someone who grew up with 3 capricorn venuses i can confirm that these people are more attracted to those older than them

AS A BOYFRIEND

4 of cups rx, king of cups, the magician, high priestess | damsel, companion, unicorn, capricorn: ambition, realism and methodical steps

with the 4 of cups rx i feel yugyeom has a tendency to rationalise his emotions a lot (unsurprising since his only water placement is his sun) so occasionally he might seem a tad detached in relationships, this does tell me however yugyeom often thoroughly analyses his own actions and his partner’s actions (which something cap venuses do often) and then decides on what to do next from that, due to his air moon and earth venus yugyeom’s love language can range from something more action-oriented or something more verbal. king of cups tells me yugyeom’s very mature when it comes to his emotions and has a very nice balance of logic and emotion, yugyeom’s very kind and sensitive but he’s not a pushover so he’ll definitely be the type to check up often and be there for his partner emotionally, i do see him being the type to try his best to make his partner comfortable and let them vent to him as much as they need, he definitely loves emotional intimacy and is very romantic in this sense as he wants to always make sure his partner is loved. the magician card tells me the reason why yugyeom wants someone who’s accomplished is so he can learn from them, yugyeom’s capricorn mars makes him incredibly determined towards his goals and he often feels motivated when those around him are so he’s an incredibly supportive boyfriend and will always be curious when it comes to different things he can learn from his partner. the high priestess tells me yugyeom relies a lot on intuition in relationships, his capricorn mars and venus makes him only act on a situation if he feels it’s right, once he’s committed i also feel he won’t verbalise it as much due to the fact that if he feels like he knows and his partner knows he doesn’t need to say how much he loves them. 

the damsel tells me yugyeom’s a romantic at heart and could occasionally romanticise his relationships, he could also have a tendency to want to be “saved” and rely a lot on his partner when he’s in a relationship. the companion crd does tell me though that yugyeom’s incredibly loyal, dedicateed and unselfish in relationships as once he’s committed he’ll hold on to them for as long as he can, his life can easily revolve around his relationship if he’s not careful. the unicorn describes someone who relies on their intuition a lot as they feel that often a higher power is the one that’s commanding them, i think this is also a major reason why once yugyeom’s committed he’ll do anything to make the relationship work cause his romantic nature believes in “soulmates”. the capricorn card for the capricorn mars and venus i cannot make this up lmao anyways, this basically reiterates my point of yugyeom’s level of loyalty and dedication in relationships, yugyeom only gets into relationships when he feels he and his partner are working towards a mutual goal and he will be incredibly persistent once he has his eyes set on someone and will make sure they know. 

that is all! if you have any feedback, comments, queries or requests please don’t hesitate to reach out to me my ask box is always open. sending you all love, light, positivity and abundance <3 much love

[letteredlettered]

hi! ive been following your writing for a few years now and i drop by periodically to check if you have anything new posted, and im really surprised that you seem to be enjoying the untamed? im curious what you think about the show - its story and characters, the acting, the production, etc. idk if you know, but the untamed is the most successful example of a current trend in chinese entertainment, where popular online novels centered around a gay romance is adapted into a 'safe' drama.

continued:

due to the many explicit and implicit restrictions imposed on creative media in china, many crucial plot points have to be changed (often badly) or removed, including the nature of the relationship between the main characters. the untamed is considered the most loyal adaptation so far, but like all other works in the genre, it received criticism for weak acting and queerbaiting. that's why im really curious about what you think of the show as it is, as itself, free from its context.

if you're interested, you could also check out guardian! it features much better performance and chemistry by the leads imo, but the story was heavily botched bc the original incorporates and reinvents a lot of classic chinese folklore beautifully and stuff like that is considered disrespectful and not-pc. i think it's really sad how so many great pieces of writing with complex world-building and plotlines are simplified into... idek what to call them, but just, less than what they are.

im sorry this turned into a rant. as a mainland chinese person with oh so many frustrations about our current society, it's hard to comprehensively describe my feelings about the untamed's popularity. it's the first mainland chinese show/movie to gain this much organic interest abroad so i should be glad? but, but. anyway, yes, im sorry.

There’s no need to apologize for ranting, but I admit to some confusion as to whether you want your question addressed or the rant. Because I’m me and tend to be thorough, I’ll address everything, in reverse order.

First of all, I’m sorry that this show is sad to you. I’m sorry that the popularity of it is difficult. I’m also deeply sympathetic to your frustrations about your society, as I too am deeply frustrated by my own.

Secondly, yes, I’m aware of the context of The Untamed. I’m aware that the book it’s based on is a BL novel, and that, in order to align with Chinese politics, overt queerness was erased from the adaptation. I’m aware of the censure laws of gay media in China. I’m also aware that some aspects of necromancy and morality were adjusted to make the show more palatable for general audiences, but I’m fuzzier on those details. Lastly, I’m aware that the popularity of the show calls attention to certain things, such as fanfic, and that attention results in more censorship,

The fact of this erasure and this censure provokes a lot of questions: by consuming this product, which contains erasure and censure, do we engage in the erasure and censure? By posting gifs and writing fanfic and talking about this product, do we increase its popularity, thereby encouraging additional erasure and censure? By increasing the popularity of this product, do we diminish the popularity of the original gay morally gray canon, thereby decreasing representation? Do we discourage other authors in China from writing explicitly gay morally gray material? In short, are we allowed to enjoy this media?

I don’t know the answer to these questions. However, I do know that boycott is a very effective tool when it can inflict economic pain on the producer, or when it can exert pressure on an entity to change. That said, I feel like a lot of the calls to boycott certain media these days are a lot like telling people to stop driving their cars to stop climate change: it’s suggesting that individuals can solve the problem, which presupposes individuals are the problem, and therefore fails to address the scope of the problem, or present the possibility of a real solution. Not watching The Untamed isn’t going to change laws about portrayals of homosexuality onscreen in China, partly because the laws in China are a much bigger problem.

The other part of it is that The Untamed is coded queer, so if you run a successful boycott against it, you end up with . . . less queer TV. I know a whole lot less about China than I do about the Hays Code, but if you had told gay people during the Golden Age of Hollywood that they couldn’t enjoy movies that were coded queer because they weren’t explicitly queer, they’d have said you were crazy. In fact, many people will tell you that media that was coded queer was a big reason we got more explicit queer stuff later. And as I’m sure you’re aware, the US is still fighting that battle . . . partly because it wants to sell movies to China.

So then there’s a question about whether me, an American in the US, liking something coded queer from China but not explicitly queer--does that encourage Chinese censorship? Should I only support texts that are explicitly queer? But the answer is the same--it’s not addressing the scope of the problem, and by supporting texts that are coded queer, you could be paving the way in the future for something brighter.

But you weren’t talking about boycott! You were talking about your discomfort with the popularity with this show, which I accept. I understand feeling uncomfortable. I can only hope it makes you a bit more comfortable to know that plenty of fans are deeply aware of the context and do wrestle with the question of what liking this show means in the context of a society that would never allow aspects of the original to be portrayed onscreen.

Thirdly, I’m not against trying Guardian at some point, but by comparing the acting and chemistry of the leads to The Untamed, I feel like you prove our tastes are very different in these regards. I love the acting of the leads in The Untamed; I found their chemistry off the charts. It’s okay you don’t feel the same.

Lastly, you asked my opinion of The Untamed: its story and characters, the acting, the production, sans context of the canon upon which its based and censorship laws in China.

a. I love the overall story, but the plot has deep plot holes. Quite a few segments do not actually make sense to me, because the plot is so haywire. However, I’ve never cared that much about plot, except when it gets in the way of characters and themes, and for the most part, this plot serves its characters and themes, except when the parts they leave out are so confusing that I cannot follow the story. As for the story, it feels like it’s built for me, because ultimately it’s about moral decisions and how to make them; it’s about guilt and paying for mistakes; it’s about learning, changing your mind, and remaking yourself. Really, I’m not sure there are many stories I love more--except they killed my favorite character, and I almost quit. So, that certainly put a damper on things.

b. I love the characters most of all, although the villains are really two-dimensional. However, large parts of the plot are not Hero vs Villain, they’re Hero vs Society, and then some Hero vs Himself in a way that suggests the Hero is no longer a hero. I could talk about the characters forever, but suffice it to say I think they’re really strong. Also, the relationships are really exquisite, particularly when it comes to family dynamics. Unfortunately, they killed my favorite character off. Also unfortunately, there are six women in this show, only two of them are main characters, and every single one of them dies. It disgusts me.

c. I think the two leads are exceptional, in particular Xiao Zhan . . . when he’s not being too broad, which he is quite a bit. However, I do wonder how much of this is direction and production style, because in many instances, he’s quite subtle, and the choices he makes are astounding. Then there are times where it’s like they needed more footage, or wanted to drive home a point, and he turns on the extra, and it’s awful. It could just be him, but I actually feel it’s the case with most of the actors, which does make me think it’s a directing issue. Meng Ziyi never really has that problem though, because she is the most perfect of all. But then take He Peng, who I actually thought could be incredible, but every scene was just SO BROAD that I began to feel sorry for the poor dude having to act that part. But there is nothing to be said for Wang Zhuo Cheng, who really is just terrible, which is sad, because it’s a great part.

d. Production-wise, it’s really hit and miss. So much of the locations are truly beautiful. A lot of the costumes are too, unless the shot is too close. I actually don’t mind the wigs; I love the long hair. The CGI is terrible. And then while a lot of the shots are beautiful, some of them are awkward, and the pacing is really difficult, imo. It really seems like they wanted to drag it out, and there are so, so many scenes where I’m sort of embarrassed that we’re in the same scene or that we’re still looking at someone’s face, or that everyone is just standing there waiting for the shot to finally end.

I will say that film is a language that does differ from culture to culture. It could be that both the broadness of the acting and the awkwardness of the editing are my cultural lens based on American and a lot of western film. When I watched older Hollywood films, the acting is a lot more broad and maybe a little less “true” feeling, but I understand that it’s not the case everyone in the past was a bad actor. It was just a different style, so I’m not sure I’m equipped with the cultural knowledge of Chinese acting, cinematography, and editing to be able to really judge the value of these things.

I do know how I feel, which is that the editing is the biggest hurdle for me while watching the show. However, I feel that the beauty of it makes up for a lot, and the strength of the characters and themes really carries it.

I hope I addressed your points adequately, and I wish you well.

[vroenis]

Part 2

This is part 1.

Can you tell how tired I was getting by the end? This is life under meds, but given the other benefits (I think?), I’ll take it for now.

When I woke up the next morning, I had a whole lot I was thinking about and it’s stuff I want to say given I said a lot, but didn’t cover this stuff. I’m still happy with part 1, I think that’s just how I write, moving from subject to subject more or less organically and it does show me to more unstructured even if there is a vague plan for how I want the piece to go.

Anyway let’s get going.

As always, mild spoilers for well, everything. If you haven’t seen this stuff and are mildly interested in watching them then ah, you may have a lot of catching up to do. I don’t think I’ll drop any real hard spoilers for anything but you never know.

Ghost In The Shell is an Outsider story

There are whole stacks of lore you could dive into with Stand Alone Complex in particular, with Motoko having been in an aircraft accident and getting her first shell (cyber-body) at a very early age, what that means, the thing with Kuze (avoiding spoilers here), and the extended cast - not that Paz, Boma and even Ishikawa get a whole lot of time anyway - but it’s not really that important.

Looking at just Mamoru Oshii’s 1995 film, and even more-so his 2004 film Innocence (not really a sequel but usually regarded as such), the narratives cast the characters very much as Outsiders. In the first film, Section 9 is already at odds with the government in general and while it’s subtle, Aramaki as a department head is certainly different from his contemporaries, even if we don’t see much of it - again, so much more of this in Stand Alone Complex. Motoko’s early conversation with Togusa in the first film is probably the most telling as far as playing it loud. She speaks in pragmatic terms to why he’s there, but this is a precursor to what will ultimately transpire for herself at the conclusion of the film, something very intentionally written into the film. Batou is also an Outsider in more ways than one, not only in the role he plays in the department but in the very clear personal boundary between him and Motoko. There are boundaries between Batou and everyone and they become more apparent in the second film. Togusa is easy pickings so I’ll leave him alone, suffice to say if the film needs one, he���s the audience’s window of ignorance which is why he’s discarded so willingly half way in. He gets his time in the spotlight in Stand Alone Complex and it’s pretty amazing.

As for Motoko... I admit it is difficult separating my understanding of her character from Stand Alone Complex and attempting to just isolate what’s shown of her in the first film but I’ll try.

I mentioned the film’s centrepiece montage in my previous journal, in which we might say Motoko is the centrepiece but if so, she probably shares it with the city itself, and I feel much more is being said about the two together rather than separated simultaneously. This would be one of the first indications of Motoko’s sense of identity, of otherness, isolation, questioning. Again the scene that plays it most loud would be diving on the boat and her speech to Batou. There are other moments tho; single frames of her face, looks, movements that are lingered on, I feel like Oshii is constantly telling us about her and what she’s going to do, but more important than that, why she’s going to do it and how she feels.

Ghost in the Shell is a film about great emotion, and not like I’d know because it’s been a long time since I’ve looked into the discourse around it, but I suspect no-one really talks about it as a film about feelings.

I realise these days I talk more and more about moods and art being mood pieces. I labelled my Instagram account as being “A catalogue of moods” and I’m very fond of the use of the word in vernacular. It might seem flippant but it’s immensely empowered, especially for me as an individual when I understand my moods and can translate them into, via and thru art. I do appreciate many struggle with Oshii’s cinematic language as it can appear cold and detached and that’s fine, but it’s anything but for me - it’s immensely emotionally charged, it just appears differently to what audiences are perhaps accustomed to seeing. It’s a different language that perhaps takes time to learn, but it’s all there.

This couldn’t become more evident than in Innocence (the Ghost in the Shell 2 moniker I think was a western addendum). Batou takes centre stage and is  immediately presented as bluntly as possible as an Outsider, reaffirmed later by Aramaki who also cements Togusa’s position in limbo.

I should pause and say that within the GitS canon, I feel Togusa is definitely embraced by Section 9, so he’s not wholly an Outsider to the department, but for obvious reasons, he doesn’t fully share all of their daily or philosophical concerns - hence not wholly. He would also definitely be an Outsider to most other members of the force after joining Section 9, but unfortunately I’m not here to love Togusa, poor guy - I feel like he’s always a bit unloved. Someone write a giant essay in service to his greatness. He actually is great.

But I adore Batou in Innocence. I love his story, his struggle, his emotion. I love how present Motoko is without ever appearing on screen and then when she does, the impact she has on everything, especially with the lines she delivers, one of which I quoted to open the last journal. Batou is in many ways a shadow of what Motoko was and is/has become, just in physical form, mirroring her in a real world manifestation with the natural physical limitations that comes with.

For some reason I feel like I need to inject a comment about Batou putting the jacket/vest on Motoko’s body. I don’t know if people perceive this as an act of masculine modesty but it’s not how I read it. I did stumble on this action for years but as I began to interpret the films as Outsider stories, I realised that he does this as an act of inclusion, and that Motoko consents, permits him to and doesn’t immediately react with violence or technological recourse we know she is well capable of, indicates it’s mutual. Their inclusion isn’t just about the boundaries of the Section 9 department but extends beyond that, an inner circle that may only contain the two of them - inside which there are still boundaries between them Batou can never cross. Those boundaries become infinitely more apparent after the final events of the first film, and the second film effectively is all about how he feels about them. He is an ultimate Outsider, but so is Motoko in the state she now is in.

Section 9 is a department of stray dogs. Individuals who haven’t quite fit in where they belong, and found belonging with one another. Then, after a time, one of them moves on - at the conclusion of the first film, and then another feels an almost permanent and ultimate sense of separation - more or less the duration of the second film.

Ghost in the Shell isn’t about technology and sentience and hacking and corporations at all. It’s about loneliness and belonging and acceptance and affection. It’s about how that feels.

I’m Not Sure Why People Struggle With David Lynch Films

I need to stop talking about anime. Honestly I looked at the list at the start of the last journal and thought hell yea Sky Crawlers, Jin-Roh, Haibane Renmei and Lain let’s unpack some shit! but honestly I’ll run out of time and I should really draw from a variety of mediums and sources.

OK I’m not being facetious when I say Lynch’s films are fairly straight-forward narrative-wise. Again, it’s hard for me to position myself in a place where I’m not into the stuff I’m into and maybe that’s what gives me the cinematic language familiarity to parse them but that just sounds like wanker bullshit to me. I don’t mind if folks don’t like Lynch films, that’s fine. But they aren’t difficult.

So in the context of everything else, even on that short list on the last journal, plus how I keep trying to shift the discussion of works from the pragmatic reading of them to an emotional reading of them from a mood perspective, I feel as tho the same process can be applied to Lynch. So much about his films are about how they make you feel, or I’ll say - how they make *me* feel. It might be grandiose to assume I’m feeling the correct emotion, that these are the moods that David Lynch himself is attempting to create and evoke and thus, I am interpreting them correctly but hey - I enjoy the hell out of the films, feel I understand them and watch them over and over again so that’s all I’m basing it on.

That’s not to say there are things I dismiss as meaningless or that I don’t understand in his films, it’s just that I don’t have to parse them immediately at first watch and perhaps that’s the audience’s problem. I don’t know if reverse-diagnosis is appropriate but looking at how much hand-holding there is in other directors’ films might be just as telling. I mean I saw Nolan’s Tenet and was about the least confusing thing I’d ever seen in my life but apparently *that* confused people, and you know hey that’s fair I guess, but I mean Nolan did a whooooole lot of audience hand-holding in that film, I mean, the dialogue was terrible. There was so much unnecessary exposition, which I generally find in all of his films, so if an audience can’t follow that then OK sure, Lynch is going to be a problem.

The thing is popcorn cinema is totally OK. I watch it. I really love it, I’ve written about it before, it’s good Industry. There’s a lot of great creativity in popular cinema, I don’t at all think poorly of it and I love seeing a really well produced, Hollywood picture... but I guess if that’s all you consume, and I guess if folks’ short-format episodic media (aka series - think Netflix, HVO etc.) is more or less to the same standard, then it begins to make sense that anything outside of that isn’t going to make sense.

Long story short - Lynch films tell simple stories where the feeling of the film is as important as the narrative of the film. To understand the story, you have to understand the feeling, and vice-versa.

Surprise surprise, it turns out independent and deemed “fringe” film-makers... aka Outsiders... make films about Outsiders.

Now I wouldn’t know if any of the Marvel films thematically are about Outsiders or Outsider culture, they probably are and very loudly at that, but the reason I’ve never included one in my catalogue of moods is they all read the same way. Not only are Marvel films mostly indistinct from one other to me, they’re also mostly indistinct from much of popular culture in general. That doesn’t make them bad, some of them still have some pretty awesome stunts, visfx, even parts of the narratives, funny jokes etc. in them, but on the whole they’re not useful to me as things I deem truly valuable in the long-term.

It’s OK, I’m not at all going to lament the proliferation of Marvel films, a lot of them have been pretty cool and they keep people in work. Meow meow meow “the death of cinema” mate, sure - I find it more difficult to find the sorts of films I like but that’s always been the case. Humans will do what they do, it’s not a read on cinema, it’s about being an Outsider and what that’s all about. True, maybe weird shit like Lynch and Noe might be more difficult to make, but the weird-indie corner was also dominated by white men and that needs to change, so who knows what the future holds.

Can you detect the point at which I took my meds and started getting tired?

Ghost in the Shell // Innocence // What We Want // What We’re Left With

Growing up as an Outsider, I feel as tho the first Ghost in the Shell film carries the weight of isolation, questions of identity and belonging, ultimately of acceptance, empowerment and liberation. Then Innocence brings to bear very similar moods but states that things may not necessarily change for the better, they simply change state. I love that in both narratives, the main texts of hacking or corrupt corporations, crime etc. are the least common denominators and barely relevant to heart of the films. I think about the theme of icons in Innocence, icons operatively being the dolls throughout the film, and the final image of Togusa’s daughter’s gift. As humans we assume we’re to take the position of biological humanity as representative of sentience, taking moral priority over all other beings. Earlier in the film we think Togusa is in limbo, but  at the conclusion Motoko asks the question, or perhaps states that perhaps we’re all in limbo together.

I think that’s a significant part of what growing up as and being an Outsider is like, what it feels like. Christians have this saying about “living in the world but not of the world” (derived from a bible verse) and honestly I don’t think they know what it means because they just operate like a cult, but I think queers and folks with long term mental health conditions have a better idea. We are pushed out to the fringes of our social groups from an early age, long before we know or understand what’s different about us. Our peers and the adults around us do this to us because their social behaviours are so well hard-coded, even they may not even know precisely what’s different about us, they just do - and they’re right. We are different. And they don’t accept us.

Maybe I am starting to get a little more upset that weird/different art is becoming more difficult to fund and make, because it’s for us, for me. It speaks to me. You already have so much, and representation and inclusion is so important. I don’t just need queer cinema, I need weird cinema, I need moods. I need quiet, introspective, pensive, reflective, Outsider moods.

I still feel like an Outsider. I have a few people who understand more about me, but I don’t think I have a place, not in a real sense. I have never felt that. Art is one of the few places I feel any connection with anything, and connecting with people is a very odd thing to consider - honestly, I actually would really like to connect with people but the unique combination of being queer *and* autistic comorbid with bipolar makes it really tough, more difficult the older I get. And now all you want to do is fund Marvel movies. I can’t feed off of that.

I’m getting tired, I’m not making any sense. It’s time for bed.

[rametarin]

‘Super Straight’ is a terrible thing.

It fails conceptually to convey the argument it’s trying to make, and as a result, it serves as having the same sociological vulnerability in the discourse that, “reverse-racism” had back in the day.

The entire concept of reverse racism came about because for a brief window there, the radicals had groomed the shallow liberals into more and more extreme in what counted as racism, whom the term applied to.

So eventually, someone complained and argued they were being focus fired and their motives questioned, not because of the outcomes or their intentions in doing it, but because they were being accused and attacked for being white. And that was, “reverse racism.” The discourse of the era really hammered down on racism, but always using language, much like how domestic violence would always gender the abuser as he and the victim as she, that incriminated the white people of racism and bigotry and prejudice, never using examples of a black, or Asian, or indigenous American, as the perpetrator of racism.

This deliberate shaping of the discourse from people above was obvious. But, they also pretended, while deliberately using examples and terms of white bigotry and prejudice against other groups, that racism was just racism. That universally, racism was a problem, and the phenomenon was just bigotry and prejudice based on race.

You needed asterisks and clarification and to actually ASK whether that applied to people that weren’t white, and people either were afraid to ask, or if they asked, they were ignored, or if they demanded an answer and determination, were brushed off. Because it became obvious SOME so-called “progressives” believed racism was exclusively the phenomenon of white oppression against non-whites.

And if you pressed further and harder for clarification instead of “just putting the pieces together yourself” and taking your conclusions for granted, without questioning or making trouble, sometimes you’d get the liberal definition and sometimes a radical feminist would give you the real definition. Depending on if they felt they were in a place of impunity where there’s nothing you could do about it whether you knew or not, or they trusted you and believed you were on their wavelength.

If someone naturally concluded, by reading the room and seeing the examples in action, just coming to the conclusion themselves that racism was only considered racism when levied BY whites DOWN on black people, Asians, indigenous people, etc., then they’d say, “You’re just picking on me/antagonizing me for this because I’m white!! That’s racism!”

It’s at this point the radicals, if they were feeling bold and empowered- and many times, they were. Because they select and choose their social battles wisely, would pipe up:

“It’s not racism. You don’t get to say it’s racism. There’s nothing racist about trying to change a racist society by advocating this.” When, yeah, if you antagonize and harass and overindulge in haranguing the shit out of people in little Struggle Sessions, embellishing the offense caused by the background of a person, not based on the crime committed, you are being a racist shithead. It is racism to consider the background of the person that did the crime as to whether the crime was especially heinous, or not.

“FINE,” said the person being accused, “Then it’s reverse-racist!”

And it was. They’d been called out. The early Intersectional Feminists that belied something was exclusively and only ever racism when it was either white individuals or white society levied down on black, Asian or Indigenous People of Color, knew that something was happening. People were becoming aware that this discrimination was coming for white people, in specific and exclusion of anyone else. And while they were absorbing the sentiment in the void of actually indoctrinating them in plain english, they were rejecting it and created a word for their rejection.

Rejecting the idea racism was only racism when and if it was specifically BY a white person, TOWARDS anybody else.

Then came Liberal Progressive Damage Control.

The Liberal and Radical Progressive both said, in unison:

“There’s no such thing as reverse racism.”

The Liberal then clarified: “Racism is simply the phenomenon of racial discrimination and prejudice and bigotry, levied BY anybody on the basis of race, TOWARDS anybody on the basis of race! It applies to everybody equally!”

And they had to. Because these people’s reputations and ability to infiltrate and influence live or die based on how well other people are willing to tolerate them preaching their social doctrines. If their messages are rejected, they can’t control them.

The Radical Progressive/Feminist, however, maintained: “Racism is purely the phenomenon of white people or white society oppressing or discriminating detrimentally towards someone for being black, or Asian, or indigenous non-white. A non-white person cannot be racist, and a white person cannot experience racism.”

But the radical that said and believed that in the 80s and 90s, slunk away to the halls of academia. And they kept quiet, while liberal progressives breadcrumbed the people closer to university, where they’d have to pay to be steered further along in their, “social development.”

But the radical definition was always going to be the end-game for them. Liberal anti-racism was, in their eyes, just a step towards advancing society towards their radicalism. Not about actually ending racial discrimination and equality on a civic level, irrespective of race.

So. ‘Reverse Racism’ became a faux talking point, where liberal progressives would take this term, act as if it was a misconception purely born of overcompensating and insecure white people, and then speak as if the truth was, “it’s not reverse racism.. It’s just racism! Reverse racism doesn’t exist.”

Wholly ignoring the fact that people had experienced this nameless phenomenon of supposedly anti-racist people being intolerant or accusative towards those that had never committed any actual racism or bigotry, but were being singled out, focus fired and made public example of by their peers. They were experiencing SOME form of racial intolerance that treated them as if they were either perpetraotrs of racism by action, or by their background. Which is no different from expecting that a black person, just by being black, has either committed crimes like theft and assault, or will, because they’re black.

It was just generally accepted that if white people could be guilty of racism, then so could anyone else. Liberal progressivism, much the same way as they dissent when hate crime legislation is used to punish people for attacking white people on the basis of their race, “because those laws are meant to protect at risk minorities from white oppression,” didn’t like it. But, they had to maintain the illusion of impartiality and benignity. And so, they smiled and nodded and approved of the idea that racism was able to be applied universally to and by anyone. Even if, internally, they disagreed.

And so, they spun the discourse that had introduced “reverse-racism” purely as something insecure white people made up to squeal bloody murder about if they were getting called out heavy handedly or they felt unfairly for perpetrating racism. Speaking as if it only existed as a blubbering cope against the mean ole people that, “just liked equality and fairness and justice.”

Do you see how the evolution of this term and its perception shifted throughout the course of this story? How it came about, how it was created and why, how it was received and responded to, and ultimately what it became?

They took a word and concept used to define the outrage of the heavy handedness and made it into a point of mockery and profiled those most likely to use it as people like Rush Limbaugh.

After that, they used it as a tool of assumed intent and mockery if a situation ever arose in which a white person was talking about a situation in which they felt like the other person was being short or dismissive of them, and their assumed intentions, because of their race.

“Ohh? Am I being ‘reverse racist’ at you? Awwwww. Waaaaaaah. There’s no such thing as reverse racism. Cry harder.”

etc.

No one even had to accuse someone of it. But if you tried to explain the very real and very probable phenomenon where a person was treating you like shit or assuming the worst of your intentions on the basis of you being a white person doing it, and you attested the other person was discriminating against you racially for it, they whipped that out as if just by anticipating you were about to say it, you fit the profile of someone that was guilty of it and just trying to feel oppressed and outraged.

I see this exact outcome happening with the term, ‘Super Straight.’ Only, rather than the subject being racism and race discourse, it’s transgenderism and social constructionism.

And to be honest, it feels like this was surgically implanted into 4channer boards and perpetuated to make it LOOK like a “neckbeard altright dudebro” meme. The fact many are perpetuating it doesn’t help, but it feels... ingenuine.

It almost feels like those fake egg accounts on twitter and other social media that supposedly sent Sarkesian and Zoe Quinn that hate. And those 4chan posts that they oopsied over posting, revealing it was them giving themselves anon-hate and trying to get the mob to attack them just for victim clout points.

Super Straight as a concept and a joke feels like weaponized, “It’s Okay To Be White,” but put into 4channer mouth specifically to then use against them.

First, Super Straight cedes the idea that being straight includes any context in which a cishet man wants to suck a penis. It goes, “Okay, we will accept being straight includes sucking the penis of transwomen and seeing them as women sexually, so obviously to be SUPER STRAIGHT means to not do that!” Inherently doing that, you admit defeat and bow to social constructionism that says to be a man or woman is purely gender, and sexuality hinges upon gender, not sex. To be Super Straight creates a new definition that says straight isn’t exclusive to cishetero, but Super Straight is.

If you wanted to mock their expectation that all gender not just shift its definitions to make room to validate and legitimize the trans, but redefine sexuality and gender itself to make both cis and trans equally validly male and female with absolutely no credence or relevance paid to biology or chromosomes whatsoever, then this is not the way to do it. It’s not clever, it’s not succinct, it doesn’t force them into a logical or linguistic dead-end.

The argument put forwards by those giggling about, “super straight,” is that a cishetero person, in this case, a man, won’t be attracted to a transwoman, and creating a word to make that a valid thing is no different than using words to validate other things. Such as, “Grey ace demiguy.” Trying to use the same system of assumed validation for sex and gender against itself, without the tangential institutional control in place in academia, just doesn’t work. For it to work you have to assume whatever absolutism coming out from on high from the academic class can be respected equally without coming from that academic class, whom insist they define standards and norms, now.

Instead, they should be arguing for something like, “Cis-orientation.” If a homosexual is a term for a valid sexuality where a person is not attracted to the opposite sex, be they male or female, and that’s not considered, “heterophobia,” and arbitrarily acceptable just.. because... then obviously there’s SOMETHING that makes sexual attraction to the same sex valid, but sexual attraction to only someone of the opposite sex regardless of their gender somehow invalid and a phobia.

Yet, these people will defend homosexuality as valid, while arguing to not want to see transgendered people as viable candidates for romance or sex are transphobes.

They miraculously will not insist a lesbian just has, “phallophobia” or “cisphobia” if she won’t even at least ATTEMPT to, “get used” to it. They will acknowledge to be gay is simply to be unchangable oriented how they are, and they should not try and make them straight.

But bizarrely they WILL expect a lesbian to suck girldick, as, “that’s a female. You’re a lesbian, you like girls, so you should consider sucking female penis.”

Lysenkoism but for socio-sexual theory. That you can use words and self-identification to ignore or bypass someone’s sexuality. And it’s, “totally not -phobia or oppression, because it’s not being used to hurt a minority and you can’t oppress the majority.”

If there was any genuine interest in the rights and fairness and equality for the respect of people based on their gender orientation and sexuality, they would not be so queer-centrist in execution.

Instead, they would recognize that they cannot just redefne the universal words of man, woman, gay and straight, to suit an agenda that treats there as being no distinction between a trans or cis person. We simply cannot have that, unless of course the intention is to invalidate the biology of all parties involved, and remove the material, physical components for consideration.

That would mean devolving all gender and sex and orientation merely to arbitrary classes, which are imagined, not real. That would mean there being no difference between thinking you can forcibly convert someone’s sexuality from gay to straight, or straight to gay, as those things no longer would be considered to be concrete based on indivisible aspects of your biology and self, merely attitude and beliefs.

Not only would it do that, but it’d insist that chromosomes and reproductive role are arbitrary and absolutely detatched from a person’s identity, no different than assuming their blood type or astrological sign was attached to their gender.

This is quite literal denial of science and physical reality in the name of ideology. This isn’t trans rights, it’s masquerading as such. And keeping very tight lipped about anything outside the purview and real meaning behind how they’re selling their model of trans rights.

For Super Straight to be a recognizable talking point, it basically just creates a sacrificial lamb. Something that any social constructionist can attack in effigy and then say, “Well I’ve already debunked the popular idea that ‘super straightness’ exists, so stop clinging to the idea a cishetero person that DOESN’T date trans people is anything other than a bigot.”

Something they can “totally PWN with LOGIC and REASON”, broadcast how they’ve “defeated” the argument that a straight man would not suck a penis, no matter how much glitter and perfume on it, and invalidate any suggestion to the contrary by saying it has already been thoroughly debunked so they’re just going to yell “KUNG POW PENIS LOL” until their opposition gets bored and leaves.

I can’t help but feel like the whole concept was deliberately constructed allegedly by their ideological opponents in order to perform smugness and superiority over them.

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 4.1 Planning

Libi: Okay, so my basic premise for who Libi is going to be at her core, WOO; I was thinking about how we said that she is Tess' second (lowkey third but I'll let you live gal) chance at 'getting it right' and raising a child well, which, OBVIOUSLY, she's never told or anything but there's an innate pressure in that that you'd know on some level, likewise her mum AND dad died so everyone would be quick with those comparisons always, this family and Liam's mum when that contact is made because her daughter died as well as; Then that made me think of the pressure Ro felt because you know, bad shit happened to Bea (Edie and Liam in this case) and then she got saved by McVickers and felt like she owed everyone to be great and do great things; so my vibe is that BUT COMING FROM A LESS SELFISH, WEIRD, PERFECTIONISM ANGLE soz not soz Ro, we know what you did; I see her being better behaved as she grows up, far more than her parents obviously but lowkey better behaved than any of the mcvickers or cali kids ever were because she thinks everyone deserves that, her not causing any more problems, but again UNLIKE Ro, she wouldn't be different to a degree of not fitting in because she'd make a massive effort to be there for everyone and every event, be likeable and get along with as much of the fam as possible, obviously some of that is natural charm but it's also putting in the time ahem Rosaline; like, she's a people pleaser, to a fault, and all she cares about is making everyone else, Tess, Fearghal, Ali, JJ etc etc, happy and making sure she's being what she thinks they want her to be/need her to be, and like that is what makes her happy because she is doing it out of love and respect not obligation but she doesn't know she's doing it, you know? Again, it's innate, how she is, but that's where the arc can come in, in realising that she goes with what makes everyone else happy, is who they need, but what does SHE want herself, and what does SHE need? A way I thought we could make this a Bobby/Libi storyline if we wanted (but we do not have to) is if she does have feelings for him, could be any point on his timeline gfs and kids wise whatever, but she lets him go and have whatever gf or do whatever thing because she's like that's what he wants he doesn't like me or want me like that etc, because she doesn't let herself want things selfishly or do anything just for herself Bobby: we should totally have them be together as little bubs because they are and it's like a running joke that they are gonna get together/get married like we've lowkey already said but more so but maybe the vibe is he is really shy how he is and lowkey it's like a my sister and me vibe where she does all the talking and socialising for him and like all their friends are joint friends Bobby: not in a creepy Ro and Ali way but Bobby: and we will let you outgrow that sir Libi: it makes sense because obviously we're learning sign language so simply Bobby can't communicate with most kids by himself, that's facts, and it's easier to have another kid help you than Jimmy always being there, or whoever he has helping him at school, you know Bobby: oh snap maybe I flip reverse what I said and Cammie's mum is the deaf one too and the vibe could be that like Libi pushes him to get some deaf friends as they become like tweens/teens so he can communicate himself so he does and does become more outgrowing that way but maybe he lowkey leans too hard into deaf culture for a while there and she feels like pushed out by it because it's something she can't be a part of Libi: ooh yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bobby: it adds something to Cammie's character as well being hearing but having two deaf parents so that's interesting Bobby: and also makes sense why JJ have to help them so much as well as them just being young Libi: right, there's a lot of shit Cammie would have to do from a young age if not for JJ lowkey 'cos it's just easier for a hearing kid than it is a deaf adult in this world Libi: her mum could maybe be more partial for ease but yes Bobby: and like it makes sense that Libi would push her feelings aside when those two grow closer/happen because she'd be like well they're both deaf that's something I can't give him and something I want him to have Libi: exactly, it'd feel really selfish to wreck that even if you didn't have all the ingrained shit she does around it Bobby: and obviously he actually wants to be with her as well but thinks she doesn't want that and before you now it there's baby Cammie so it's like well now I gotta try and make this work because don't wanna be a shit father like I had Libi: oh the drama of it all Libi: love it Libi: and we've not really got (that I can think of) a never mind I'll find someone like you type deal Libi: because usually it's like JUST SAY IT but it actually makes sense here to pine and long but let him go Libi: hence I'm here for it Libi: So, what I'm thinking right now is, that they're like never officially together, like it just keeps being an in-joke kinda vibe and like we're JUST best friends and then kind of like family, but obviously as they get into tween/teen years it's beyond a stage you can pretend you're just a kid playing at being girlfriend and boyfriend and as you said boo, that will coincide with JJ wedding and kids roughly so then it'd be more obvious like it's not going to happen seriously, then she can encourage him to get deaf friends etc, but I feel like he should only meet Cammie's mum just before or at uni (or whatever equivalent he's doing after school) so then it is quick and not like they were even mates before so it's less of a shock for all, you know? Bobby: I totally agree because I strongly pictured him being best man at the JJ wedding (soz Pete) and her being one of the bridesmaids and all the bants that go along with that and them both being SO 😳 Bobby: and yeah he could live the cliché that Jac was mocking and literally get with this girl freshers week I'd believe it Libi: Right? it then mirrors the Jameson/Cammie thing except they literally are just BFFs and there isn't anything going on Libi: there's actually weight to this but we're just like haha no don't be silly Bobby: and we've literally not done that trope with childhood boy girl best friends before really because baze are probably the closest but they were always so clearly in love and refusing to fight it so it's fun Libi: exactly, because unknowingly or otherwise, we're fighting against all the cliches and tropes that come with this family Libi: like I'm going to not do any of those things that caused drama for everyone and this is clearly too close to home, even though I don't think anyone would actually be that bothered, we've just really internalized and gone with it Bobby: like how nobody cares Jac is gay except Jac herself Libi: right Libi: but obviously she's good at keeping this all internal because no one can or is gonna clock it and be like, babe, it's okay Libi: like JJ might be a bit like oop, keeping it in the family but as long as you're both happy they really don't care, and same for mcvickers even if Tess is suspish of everyone that comes into any gal's life 'cos trauma lol Bobby: Bobby wasn't trying to make deaf culture happen for himself but Libi would have been so excited for him to get out there and do it that he would've been excited too and then it is literally like a new world opening up because who has he ever interacted with that's deaf before Bobby: didn't mean to lowkey leave you behind gal but Libi: it's kinda her own fault, not to blame you but clearly literally what we do like okay he's happy now mission accomplished Bobby: and maybe Cammie's mum is like the deaf equivalent of those gays who make it their whole identity so she's really selling it and so he also thinks okay this is who I should be with Libi: we know the vibe, like it's more excusable but still, I get you Libi: I see it Libi: a bit of a baby gay equivalent like go too hard and you're like I need to calm this down Libi: UNRELATED BUT Libi: think it will please you Libi: Jay is born 32 like Bobby, I'm pretty sure, and I thought Libi and her would also make for interesting content because Jay obviously feels she owes a lot to the fam for not being stuck with Chloe etc etc and the very little we did with her gave off a similar energy to me Libi: and she has her commitment issues in relationships because of her mum situation so they can bond over the shit that holds 'em back even though it's different stuff Bobby: and her relationship with Ava being her mum but also not being is something I feel like Libi can relate to because of how she was raised and the Rio and Buster-ness of it all because they wanted to raise her and obvs they wanted to raise Jay for a while there too Bobby: plus all the travelling she does is something that Libi could potentially join her in doing if she needs an escape so that's nice Libi: 100% it makes for a strong friendship there's a lot of parallels if not total similarities Libi: it makes a lot of sense, it's coming together baby Bobby: if you need to get away from seeing Bobby literally playing happy families, I can offer you that gal because I'm gonna have her go to uni/live in new york probably now that Nancy isn't because her face actually did live there idk if they still do or what but Bobby: we know the vibe is that she goes everywhere and can't settle so you'll have lots of chances to run away in a way that won't upset anyone Bobby: and when she gets her man and it works out we could totally coincide that because she can be like if I can do it so can you Libi: a mood a moment Bobby: all I know is Bobby is gonna be more chatty because neither Jimothy or Jesse are so I must but not to Jude levels of !!! Libi: a nice middleground Libi: which is kind of what I see for her honestly Libi: less in your face than 1. we were as a little bub 2. a lot of the fam but still sociable enough that it jives well with most of 'em Bobby: I'm so happy about all of this and honestly Cammie's mum being deaf makes so much sense in terms of what we were already thinking about her being more distant and working a lot Libi: if she doesn't give up the fight, she could be some kind of advocate vibe Libi: 'cos then Cammie can't even call her out really Libi: like soz this is important, maam your child Bobby: exactly what I was thinking we're in sync rn boo Libi: because it all makes sense, you gotta follow one thread and then the story shows itself tbh Libi: because tying in Astrid too, obviously that makes sense because she loses her mum too, and she'd ultimately be a really good influence because after Ro dies Astrid is kind of freed to do whatever she wants for herself Libi: and how much happier it makes her, how much she improves...well Libi: sips tea Bobby: I LOVE THIS Libi: and who else is taking the autistic girl that seriously and letting her teach you things Libi: love that for you Libi: she's living her best life and we can see that Bobby: she can be in their friend group, I'm happy Libi: ALSO, I feel as if she couldn't lie to Astrid Libi: because she says how she sees it bluntly and we're not going to feel comfortable fobbing her off because of that insistence, so that'll be good for you even when we're hiding it from everyone else Libi: everyone else you've just got to be vaguely like oh no no and it's dropped and like okay Bobby: we're gonna get to show so many different sides of Libi, I'm always here for that Bobby: and however far we go down the Astrid and her gf eating disorder rabbit hole, we''ll have Libi not treating her like a kid which is great Libi: yeah, there's loads we can do with the end of gen 4 for them all it's a mood Bobby: okay so what or who would you like to throw Libi at first Libi: that is the question Bobby: just so we know Bobby is going to Trinity and studying Business, Economics and Social Studies (B.E.S.S.) which is business, economics, political science and sociology basically so he can end up working at that advertising place with Jimothy after he has done this 4 years Bobby: Cammie's mum is there doing deaf studies which is also 4 years Libi: do we wanna do a rough timeline for these people mentioned here Libi: Jay born 32, we find out about her when she's 7 in 39 Libi: Bobby is born 32 and comes into the story 38 Libi: Libi is born 34, Edam die 35, we know this situation, is 4 soon to be 5 when she meets Bobby vias JJ Libi: Astrid is born 35 and Ro dies in 44 when Astrid is 9 Libi: JJ can get married 46, so Libi is 12 and Bobby is 14 Libi: doesn't have to be when we intro the deaf friends to the point of exclusion obvs but it's timed so we never have the 'real' relationship chat of it all obvs Libi: so Bobby would go to uni in 50-51 and Camie is born 51 start of 2nd year Libi: that gives us this good 4 year period before uni to play with, then obviously we know the vibe of when she's born and making that work etc Libi: Hmm, I think it would make the most sense to do a gap year then stay local, like that's the ideal Libi: because I really think she'd struggle being away from the fam Libi: but I'm kinda thinking maybe to be cruel she DOES go away because it seems like something the fam are like yay about Libi: 'cos she'd try really, really hard to stay but they should at least notice that and she can transfer for a reprieve Bobby: that's really nice actually Libi: she should do her first year in Liverpool, the rest at Trinity Libi: okay, so film studies, it was only 3 years in Liverpool but we're changing to trinity and you do years 1 and 2 (aka whilst Bobby is still there at least for year 1 but I need to check anyway) there and years 3 and 4 at Columbia uni in new york, aka where Jay is Libi: **remind me to check the times but we need to give him a solid bday and I'm changing hers up too Libi: this is just roughly Libi: but this way we can be cruel with it lol

[meta-squash]

So a criticism about Ian and Mickey’s relationship I see a lot in fic, if not elsewhere, is that Ian is, generally, rather shitty to Mickey after Mickey has done so much for him and sacrificed a lot for him etc etc. Now, I don’t necessarily disagree with this criticism, but I also think it makes absolutely perfect sense for both of them, character-wise.

Because here’s the thing. In the beginning of their relationship, Mickey was the asshole. Mickey was the one dismissing Ian’s feelings, trying to convince them both that their relationship meant nothing, freaking out and hiding things, etc etc. Afterwards, it was Ian cheating on Mickey, running away, rejecting/insulting his support. Now, Mickey’s behavior doesn’t excuse Ian’s actions later on but it makes sense when you compare/contrast their actions.

Because Mickey clearly grew up in a house where it was everyone for themselves. Yes, he and his brothers sometimes did jobs together. And yes, Mickey and Mandy had a closer bond with each other than with the other Milkovich siblings, but it’s clear they’re still very separate. Mickey’s entire life growing up was a lone wolf situation, fending mostly for himself, always looking over his shoulder for threats, whether that’s his family or outsiders. So his behavior the first few seasons is dictated by that, by that fear and that independence and that self-preservation instinct that meant he was absolutely not ready for what Ian wanted out of him. Because young Ian does expect kind of a lot from emotionally-constipated young Mickey. So he pushes Ian away by insulting him, yelling at him, pretending to ignore him, etc etc. And you see that part of him breaking down as the seasons go on, until you get the Mickey of season 5, who still has some walls up, but Ian (and to some extent at first Svetlana and Yevgeny) are now included in those preservation instincts. Mickey grew up in a house where it was every man for himself, and everything was a potential threat, even family. So when he finally found someone who was comfortable for him, who made him feel good and safe, he settled down a little. Having Ian around (especially after he came out and that fear was gone) made him relax because he didn’t feel like he had to watch his back around Ian. And I think the flipping of that switch from being completely independent to finding someone that felt safe made Mickey so, so loyal. Loyal almost to a fault; he will do almost anything for Ian because Ian is the only person that has made him feel safe and loved and good. (I do, however, think Mickey is Gay, not “Ian-sexual” or whatever. It’s just that Ian is someone he’s both sexually and romantically into, not just sexually.) Suddenly, it’s okay to make caring, loving gestures and act in a way that helps someone else besides himself. Mickey goes from being a lone wolf, growing up alone and scared and angry and seeing nearly everyone as a threat, to finding someone that makes him feel safe and being willing to give everything for that person.

Which is exactly the opposite to Ian, and that’s why their behaviors make sense. Because Ian grew up in a family that absolutely depended on each other. The siblings all lean on each other heavily for support and love and backup and advice and everything. Now obviously there are times where that splinters or distorts, but there’s never a point where they’re all seeing each other as potential threats the way the Milkovich house is. Everyone depends on each other and definitely, obviously, openly cares about and for each other. But this also means Ian’s behavior makes sense as well. Now, obviously, a lot of it can be attributed to his first manic phase, but there’s other factors as well. Once Ian gets out of the Gallagher house and starts living with Mickey, he’s a lot more independent. He’s not necessarily seeing his family every hour of every day. So this new independence makes him push back a little. He’s grown up in a place where everyone leans on each other. Now he wants to stand up on his own, but this comes up alongside his manic phase and so he goes running with it instead of walking. He cheats on Mickey and insults him etc because suddenly leaning on everyone for a Real Reason is scary and weird and he wants to be independent. And because he’s manic he goes to extremes and freaks out. Probably if he wasn’t manic it would just be more arguing, more kinda stupid reckless decisions and “don’t tell me what to do” moments, but not to the extent that he does act.

This makes sense later on, too. Because I think Ian and Mickey’s journeys are like weirdly opposite. Mickey going from angry, independent, lone wolf, to this caring person who will do anything for the people he cares about and who genuinely wants to like, be stable and shit (though his sorta thug personality still stays). And Ian going from someone who is there for his family to depend on, who’s part of this tight-knit team, to needing his space and wanting independence and wanting to be able to do things without his family’s input or whatever.

And this makes sense because I think Mickey never had a good, stable, solid relationship before and so he holds tight to what he has. But because he’s Mickey, the little gestures are actually big gestures, like buying Ian vitamins or whatever, while the big gestures are just like “of course I’ll do that, it’s the right thing to do” actions, like coming to Ian in prison, or tattooing his name, or saying I love you. But Ian, who’s had fairly stable relationships and love his whole life, doesn’t see those little gestures for what they are because he’s so used to everyone taking care of everyone else in those sorts of ways. His family has always been the type to buy each other vitamins or take care of each other’s problems or whatever. Doing things for people is just expected, rather than a gesture of love and care the way Mickey sees it.

And Ian definitely and absolutely loves Mickey, but his love language is different. He’s a talker, and Mickey isn’t. And I think actions freak him out just a little bit because it feels like someone doing something for him in a “you can’t do this yourself” way rather than an “I care about you” way. He pushes back against them because he wants so badly to be his own person making his own decisions instead of “a Gallagher” doing Gallagher things or instead of being seen as someone who can’t do that because of his bipolar. But Mickey does the same thing, picks dumb fights when he feels freaked out or whatever.

I think by the end of their prison stint together they were kind of starting to meet in the middle. Every time they reacted poorly to something, whether arguing or dumb actions, they started to work it out and reverse the problem. No idea if it’ll stay that way, but that’s how it seemed.

Anyway, I don’t think that excuses either of their actions, but I really do think it makes sense. Someone who comes from complete independence and instability suddenly finding someone comfortable and wanting stability during/after a traumatic situation (coming out, Ian’s mania) makes sense. And someone coming from a group where everyone depends so intensely on each other suddenly wanting independence and autonomy, especially during/after a traumatic situation (bipolar disorder, arrest, etc) makes sense as well. And while they understand each other pretty well, I think there are some fundamental aspects that because they grew up in such opposite environments, they’re a little hard for the other person to really understand and accommodate for. So they act and react in a way that makes sense to them, that feels right to them, but that hurts or freaks out or generally messes with the other person.

Idk if this was necessarily coherent, but it was a thought I had at work today and I wanted to write it down.

[bakubabes-and-ramble]

Opinion: What went wrong with the brawling in Bakugan?

Short Summary: I believe the reason, why the brawling started to go south and became boring to watch up from the second season, is that the ‘thinking’ behind the game started to flip and slowly disappear. What I mean here is the lack of strategy, planning, setting up and general depth, which the first season lay out and taught about. Ability spamming. And this stems from cutting back in some of the impactful game elements. The game got streamlined.

(Warning: Huge Wall-Of-Text under the cut)

I actually wanted to write a veeeeery long and detailed essay on this topic, but I realised, that would have been a huge cake for me to bite, so I am only going to go around the topic relatively superficially.*

*Maybe this came out more detailed than I had thought, thanks to Me sitting on this thing for weeks now. It was time to let the steam out.

(This is probably going to swing between the tones of ‘personal opinion’ and ‘objective criticism’ and is a bit ‘ranty’ so please forgive the inaccuracies and the fluctuation. I just felt I had to get this out of my chest, and promised myself to write this out as soon as possible, so I can get on back with the BakuBabes comic.)

Clarification: This is about the original anime series including Bakugan Battle Brawlers, New Vestroia, Gundalian Invaders and Mechtanium Surge. Language: English dub.

Side note: This piece of writing was inspired by the last time I rewatched some episodes here and there from the first and last season, and the quality of the brawling scenes showed a HUGE contrast.

When the first time I tried to write about this, I specifically wanted to look into the second season’s fighting system (and comparing it to the first season’s matches), because I wanted to have a picture of what I intend to fix/change in the BakuBabes AU exactly with the first teamfight. (I hope I can pull off what I would like to..). This is what that rant had looked like (before I decided to scrap it) :

As much as I admit, the second season is my favourite from the original Bakugan series, there are a couple of issues, which always bugged me.

Compared to the first season’s game mechanics and ever-ongoing tactical tinkering, the second season’s brawls just feel a bit ‘shallow’ strategy-wise.

In the first season there were a lot of tactical elements (multiple gate cards/bakugans and their physical placements, reverse thinking with tricky cards, generally more diverse card effects, the throwing itself as an important part of the game, the different non-Gpower related aspects of the monsters mattering more…), which added a more ‘strategy-game’ feeling to the fights. This started to go into a more ‘dog fighting’ direction (dropping the calculations with numbers and strict rules) with the final battle against Naga and his minions and returned in the second season and continued on to the further seasons. This in itself wouldn’t be much of a problem, moreover, at least it differs the seasons from each other and gives seriousness for what is going on in New Vestroia. The stakes are higher, and so do the Gpowers rocket into the sky. But at the same time, there are many aspects, where things got simplified and cut off: The reduction in the gate card usage and effects (seriously, I can not recall more than like three gate card effects, which were used throughout the whole season), and most of the abilities weren’t unique or special, they just reduced Gpower from the enemy or added to their own (or both at the same time). The biggest portion of the Bakugans’ and the brawling’s ‘power’ got locked behind ability cards, and this resulted in a ‘snowball-Gpower racing-ability card spamming’, which annoyed me out of the Universe. To counter an ability, you had to activate another ability and so on, spiraling into a snowbally mess, and the only deciding factor to win was ‘to be the last one to pull an ability card’.(I don’t rememeber there being any regulations regarding the limitation in the number of activable ability cards.)

Ironically enough, in S2 Ep40 (where they pulled the ‘cheating-field trick’), it just showed, what was the weak point of the battles:

Volt: “The only thing, that’s going to decide the battle in here are the Bakugans’ original base power levels, which means…” ( it doesn’t matter how many abilities you activate, you’re going to lose anyway… )

That means: The monsters and players without their ability cards are effectively useless. That’s it. This shows how the abilities overweight everything else. This wasn’t really a thing in the first season, you could play around it… It was more about setting up situations to your advantage and counter your opponent through different means…

Retrospectively, I had the feeling, that everyone was just throwing around abilities randomly just for show-off. But ^that^ was the reason why the fights got a bit boring. The spamming just made it seem like activating an ability is no longer something big or flashy. It’s a ‘must-move’ and anyone ‘silenced’ (= denied to activate any abilities) can be instantly shutdown by their opponents. Gatekeeping the power this way just pushed everything into a boring and monotonous direction. The only reason you didn’t know, who would win, is because you didn’t know where the snowball would end.

For diversity they added Trap Bakugans, but these were just extra summoned units and to function properly, they required ability cards as well.

Yeah, it isn’t finished and I just tried to set-up a rough summary for myself.

But rewatching the first few episodes of Mechtanium Surge is what gave the answer to the ‘where did the whole brawling system go’ question.

Compared to the first season - during the 2nd-3rd-4th seasons - the whole game got streamlined and simplified, reducing it into ability spamming and sometimes opening a gate card. It finally hit a deep point in the last season, where activating an ability meant either pulling up some shield or shooting a laser beam /projectile out of one’s mouth/hand/stomach… (Looking at you, Mechtanium Surge…)

I know, that every season brought in something new to play with (Traps, Gears, Bakunanos, Weird Bionicle Thingies Mechtogans..), but none of these brought back the depth of the game, because all of these were just ‘cake-topping’ elements. They didn’t change the game fundamentally, the lack of different basic core mechanics remained problematic and untouched.

Abilitiy spamming

Lack of planning

Lack of explanation

Without strategy: skill = ?

1.The ability spamming roots in the weight ability cards gained over everything else.

Quotig this from the early version:

“The biggest portion of the Bakugans’ and the brawling’s ‘power’ got locked behind ability cards, and this resulted in a ‘snowball-Gpower racing-ability card spamming’, which annoyed me out of the Universe. To counter an ability, you had to activate another ability and so on, spiraling into a snowbally mess, and the only deciding factor to win was ‘to be the last one to pull an ability card’.(I don’t rememeber there being any regulations regarding the limitation in the number of activable ability cards.)

Ironically enough, in S2 Ep40 (where they pulled the ‘cheating-field trick’), it just showed, what was the weak point of the battles:

Volt: “The only thing, that’s going to decide the battle in here are the Bakugans’ original base power levels, which means…” ( it doesn’t matter how many abilities you activate, you’re going to lose anyway… )

That means: The monsters and players without their ability cards are effectively useless. That’s it. This shows how the abilities overweight everything else. This wasn’t really a thing in the first season, you could play around it… It was more about setting up situations to your advantage and counter your opponent through different means…”

2. I definitely miss the thinking and the tactical mid-brawl break-downs, which explained, why did the players do what they did. It gave an insight of their strategy and showed, how differently each brawler played, how many strategical options there were. Reducing the available gate cards’ numbers to one instantly removed the weight of setting up and thinking in advance.

The same goes for introducing life gauges instead of the limited amount of playable monsters.

Getting your Bakugan knocked out had it’s strategical impact, it was important not to lose 3 times. But the G power level difference didn’t matter within one round, you didn’t have to sacrifice extra abilities into a lost battle. You could risk it regardless, but that is what tactics is all about. On the other hand, the opportunity of chunking as big portion of your opponent’s health bar as possible just induces the spamming even more. To make the power difference bigger, the players throw an unnecessary amount of abilities into the game - but only swinging the match back and forth - until someone decides not to / runs out of cards (?). ( This is going to be half-answered in the 3rd pointˇ )

Talking about strategical impact, in the first season there were a lot of special effects, which could backfire if you didn’t use it right. Like ‘The monster with lower G power wins this round’ card for example. It wasn’t ensured, that the person gets the benefit, who activated it, there was a background risk-reward system going on. You could play the tricky way, a high risk-high reward style. Or going a traditional straight-up way, with less planning and more predictability. This is why you had to be cautious and mindful playing your cards, thinking before doing and not just throwing them in a pile to boost the numbers (Which they later on sacrificed on the altair of ‘We must make the fighting look EPIC and big and LASER BEAMS!! What are the G power numbers even?’)

Quoting this from earlier:

“But at the same time, there are many aspects, where things got simplified and cut off: The reduction in the gate card usage and effects (seriously, I can not recall more than like three gate card effects, which were used throughout the whole season), and most of the abilities weren’t unique or special, they just reduced Gpower from the enemy or added to their own (or both at the same time).”

Not only the card effects lost their versatility, even the Bakugan had the same set of streamlined and one-way abilities. Visually everyone had a shield, a laser beam, 5 different projectile attacks regardless of attribute or range type…

Not even attributes seemed to play any kind of role anymore. I remember something about the elements actually countering / being weaker against each other in a circular rotation, like in the Defenders of The Core game: For example Pyrus being weaker against Aquos, but stronger against Darkus attribute enemies. I couldn’t find sings of this either in the later seasons. But this was hard to figure out, because…

3. Half of the rules weren’t even explained in the show later on for my confusion. Just as an example: for a long time I’ve had no idea, how much HP the players’ life gauge had in the second season, simply, because no one stated it anywhere. I had thought, life points were randomly reduced from the opponents. Until one day, I had figured out, that a. The power level difference marked the quantity and b. The total life points were 500 points (once calculating back from 300 G power difference worthing 60% of the life gauge).

It’s not neccessarily bad, if there are things you have to find out on your own or by the help of others. My problem was, that this wasn’t stated in the very first source anyone could get about the game. ( Realising this life gauge thing was such a ‘wow! now it makes sense!’ thing for me, but it turned out to be a basic thing, and felt so dumb about myself for not noting this earlier… )

The same goes for actually noticing, that each ability was used only one time per round. But it wasn’t stated anywhere again. First I didn’t even pay attention to it, because up from the second season monsters started to have so many abilities in their kit, I thought it had been whatever, because they had enough to still spam it. Let alone, the numerical depiction of the battle was slowly neglected (and finally dismissed in the last season), so I had no idea anymore, what the heck was going on. And even if they showed the numerical changes on the ‘bakupod’ screen, those either weren’t explained as well, or didn’t show any kind of consistency to me. Without the numerical values, the sometimes seemingly random match-outcomes rendered the relative power level difference of the monsters nonsense. (^Talking about Gundalian Invaders here) The only sure thing we had known in the end, is that Drago is ‘the best’ and beats literally everyone else.

(With this in mind, it just gives me the feeling, the reason Dan could constantly faceroll literally everyone in the end and still remain ‘the best’, is because he had Drago, who was overpowered as heck. I believe Dan was a good brawler but otherwise he couldn’t have been ‘the best’ if not for Drago. He had the heart and fierceness to fight, they had the mutual respect for each other with Drago, but he was reckless and wasn’t known about planning or being too tactical about things. I also can’t go over the fact, that Drago was unbalanced and generally oppressive to play against, and I didn’t like how they made him and Dan the story’s ‘chosen one’s, which totally goes against the message of the whole show about ‘being stronger together with your friends’…But this is a topic for another day. I tried to focus here on the fighting system itself and exclude my problems with the plot or other elements…)

4. What is skill anymore?

In conclusion of all the above, I just get no sense of difference regarding the players’ strategies later on. Mostly, because the reduced room for tactics doesn’t allow them to have any options. There is just one way to play the game and it became uninteresting to watch. Streamlined ability spamming.

Nothing from the first season matters anymore. Strategy, forethinking, setting-up… skill is something, which could play around with these things. With these gone, what remains? The order, you put down your abilites?

(I even found it funny in the third season, when someone activated a random ability, their opponent went ‘Wow! That was so skillful!’… Activating an ability in itself without any context is just like pressing a button… I am confused, where is the skill in this?)

Probably this is where I end my monologue. I kind of ran out of thoughts for now. I talked more from a personal view as a viewer of the show, trying to understand, what they attempted to do with the brawling system. I hope at least I could say something relatable. If not, that’s okay too: This meant to be a rant/opinion post anyway.

If I got something regarding the show wrong / somebody knows about it better, feel free to correct me.

For those, who actually made it to the end of this mini-essay, I leave my respect and some fun facts here about the header drawing: The headline Alice-half was originally made to go with this Alice-Masquerade headcanon/opinion post, as an illustration, but I ended up forgetting to use it there. And the other half with Dan pouring abilities like my salt was innitially made to be a joke for myself, but it ultimately fits the comparation of season one vs. season four, so I put the two together and Voila! A perfect depiction of the situation.

A random thought for the end:

(Okay, I have to be honest here: After I had watched all the seasons to their ends for the very first time, I realised, that up from the second season I had less and less memories of each seasons, and didn’t get, why.. But now after rewatching Gundalian Invaders and some episodes from Mechtanium Surge, I understand why my brain used to shut-off during every battle scene possible: the only impression I will ever have of the last seasons fights is ability spamming and flashy laser beaming, nothing else…)

Thanks for coming to my TED rant!

[ticklikeabomb]

Birth in Reverse : Part 3

Pairing : Avengers x Fem Plus Size Reader (ships coming later)

Warnings : Language 

Word Count : 3.3k

"We need to jump", you told them and stood up before  sprinting into the air, knowing well that Stark would catch you. They did the same seconds before the apartment exploded. The Falcon caught Bucky, while you and Rogers continued falling. You felt a metal hand push you up, while Rogers was caught by Vision. You looked up and saw Iron Man already looking at you. "I got you", he said.

__

He landed in front of their Quinjet and let you go. You rubbed on your wrist, the firm grip he had on you forming into a small bruise. He walked your way and looked at it. "Does it hurt?", he asked. "No", you simply answered. He apologized and you shook your head, "I'm fine. You  saved me." "Let's say we saved each other", he smiled. Your posture tensed when you saw the other Avengers arrive, movement noticed by the most observing of the team members. "Why did you run away?", asked Bucky, his eyes showing anger but also pain. "Why are you looking for me?", you replied. "This is not the place my friends. Let's go back home", commented Thor and pointed at the crowd of people filming and taking pictures of their heroes. "After you", Tony told you and pointed at the entry of the plane. You took a seat and tried to calm down but Steve handcuffed you to one of the engine's metal ramps. "What are you doing?", you hissed. "I'm sorry but we can't risk losing you again. We need answers."

"I just saved you from a certain death and this is how you repay me? I should have let them shoot you in the head !", you replied fuming and turned your back to him. "You saw it didn't you?", asked Natasha. You didn't answer and ignored them, not really understanding why you were so cold to them. You felt someone sit beside you and looked at the intruder. It was Thor who was polishing his hammer. He caught you looking at him and gave you a bright smile. "This is Mjolnir. Odin gave it to me because I'm worthy. There was a time where I wasn't but then I learned from my mistakes and became worthy again. Whoever lifts Mjolnir becomes the true ruler of Asgard", he explained. Your tensed body relaxed at his southing voice and listened to his tales. "Do you wanna try and lift it?", he asked. You shook your head, refusing and focused your gaze back to the window.

You felt someone fiddling near your handcuffed wrist and tried to put some distance between them, your body ending up bumping against Thor's side. "Hey calm down, I'm just getting this off of you", said Bucky calmly. As soon as you were free, you rubbed your even more bruised wrist. Your eyes landed on Steve who wasn't happy by his best friend's action. "Can I?", asked Bucky while presenting his hand. You frowned before letting him check your hand. His cool metal fingers carefully rubbed the contours of your wrist, goosebumps surfacing all over your body and a sharp heartbeat pulsing through your ribcage. "Thanks for saving us", he commented with a small smile, the sort of smile cutting your air supply short. "You're welcome", you stated while gulping harshly. "We're here", said Clint.

At the corner of your eye, you saw Bruce and Steve have an animated conversation. "All I'm saying is that she might be hurt", mumbled the doctor. "Last time we left her in the medic bay, she ran away and jumped through a window. We can't let it happen again." "But Steve.." "Bruce can you certify me that she won't escape?", the Captain stated with authority. Banner looked at his feet before he lifted his head up about to answer. "He can't but I can. I wanna know what the hell is happening to me", your statement getting everyone to turn to you. "I just keep seeing these things and I don't know how and why", you mumbled more quietly. "Bruce check if she's hurt AND after that we ask the questions", firmly stated Tony while giving a knowing look towards Steve. 'Are you sure you know what you're doing?', you thought. You shook your head and your eyes landed on Wanda who was eying you intensely. 'Why is she looking at us like that?', your voice continued. You took a deep breath, your eyes closed tightly together so that the others couldn't see the forming tears. You were loosing your mind.

You followed them to the medical bay and let Bruce see if you had any injuries. Besides one of the wounds that reopened, you were physically fine. You thought that they would take you to a conference room but didn't. Instead you all walked to the kitchen. Steve looked at you and pointed at one of the chairs. You sat down confused while they took their own places around the table. "Here you must be hungry", said Wanda and dropped a plate with a sandwich. 'It must be poisoned', your voice kept playing tricks on your mind. Wanda scoffed and said, "It's not poisoned Y/N. Why would we do that?". "My mother always told me to not trust anyone, no matter who they are", you replied. "Wise woman", commented Rhodes. Bucky leaned down and took a bite of your sandwich, proving you could go ahead without problem. You saw him chew and waited another 5 minutes before starting eating.

"So how does that usually work? You can see the future or only small parcels of it?", dived Steve right at it. You chewed the rest of the sandwich before answering him. "I don't know. The first time it happened was during class and now people are saying that I'm responsable for it." "Why are you running away?", asked Natasha. You scoffed, "I know what they did to some of you after your little Civil War. The Raft. We studied it in class. They would do the same to me because they're convinced I'm a Hydra member which I'm not. Hell, I only know about the organization because we studied about it."

"Alright, I believe in you", stated Tony. "You say that the first time you had those visions were a couple of days ago, right?" You nodded, "Yes and the one a couple of hours ago, where Rogers and Barnes were supposed to die." "Have you been in contact with anyone, any substance, a strong trauma these few days that could have triggered your mutation?", asked Bruce. "No I was just stressed because of the finals." You took a gulp of the water bottle they provided you and your mind drifted to the explosion. "I should have died", you mumbled between gulps. "What did she say?", asked Clint to Natasha. "Could you repeat that dear?", added Tony. "I said I should have died. I saw the missile going through the window. I had no chance in surviving. How the hell am I still alive?" You noticed some of them shift on their seats and their wandering looks. "What? Is there something I should know?" "It seems Lady Y/N that your blood is not like everyone else's", commented Thor.

"What do you mean 'not like everyone else's'?", you replied confused. Bruce cleared his throat before answering. "When you were here and during the surgery, I tested your blood and you have super soldier serum running through your veins, just like Steve and Bucky." Dumbfounded you collected your hands on your head, not believing what you were hearing. "We think it's thanks to it that you survived", added Sam. You kept shaking your head, panic invading you and stood up, pacing around. "This is a fucking nightmare", you breathed out heavily and the tears beginning to slide down. "I..it can't..be", you sobbed. At the corner of your eye you saw Natasha about to put a hand on your shoulder but before she managed to do so, some sort of defense mechanism kicked in you and tackled the Redhead to the ground, snapping her gun on the way. Coming back to you, you let her go and dropped the gun, your hands covering you face in shame. "I..I'm sorry", you said with a cracking voice. "I don't know what's happening to me."

You hugged yourself rocking your body back and forth. 'It will serve her well' That's what she gets for putting her hands on us.' Your mind was about to explode, unable to keep the voice inside your head down. "SHUT UPP! SHUT UPP", you screamed at yourself, your body trembling. "Y/N I'm gonna step closer ok?", commented Stark, his hands outstretched. He kneeled in front of you, slowly stepping next to you before carefully putting his hands on your shoulders. You looked at him, panic written all over your features and it was all it took for him to hug you, providing a sense of comfort and understanding. "It's gonna be alright, I promise." You hugged him back while he looked at the rest of the team, everyone feeling for you but still reserved. "Come on let's get you cleaned up. I'll show you your room", he added. You stood up not being able to look at anyone. As promised he showed you an inhabited room, the strict minimum in it. "You should rest a little. You have nothing to be afraid anymore. If you need anything just let F.R.I.D.A.Y our AI know." You nodded before whispering "My backpack." 'I'll ask someone to bring it up", he commented before leaving you alone. You sighed heavily, cleaning your face with your shirt sleeves and dropped on the bed, exhausted. Eventually after what felt like an eternity, you stood up and decided to take a shower. Your plan was interrupted with a knock on your door. Marching towards it, you opened and saw Bucky with you bag. "Here. My room is next to yours if you need anything." You nodded and thanked him before closing the door and heading for the shower.

After the shower you dropped once again on the bed to catch some sleep. It was useless. You checked your watch indicating 3AM and sighed. You stood up and rubbed your temples. Grabbing the backpack, you took out its components : the cash, the documents and gun which you managed to put inside before tackling the two super soldiers. You re-read the note left behind by the mysterious person. "Sunday? No what's the name again? Ehm Monday? Of course not. He would never name his AI by the most hated day. Friday?", you spoke up. "Yes Miss Y/L/N how can I be of your assistance?", the voice ringed in your room. "Can you do me a favor?" "It depends."

"Could you track this handwriting without telling it to the others?", you asked. The voice didn't reply. "Nevermind", you mouthed. "I could", she finally said. You thought the cons and pros of the situation and gave the green light for her to track it down. "Right away Miss." "Thank you."

You decided to leave the room and explore the compound. On your tip-toes, you quickly found the common room who was next to the kitchen. You pressed the elevator and pushed on the last floor's button. It was the roof. You sat at the edge and looked at the vast landscape separating the compound from the city. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn't hear someone walking at you. "Can't sleep?", his voice making you jump. You looked at him and he smiled that smile again, "Sorry." You frowned pretty sure he wasn't but let it slip away. "What are you doing here?", he continued. "What are YOU doing here? Shouldn't you get your beauty sleep?", you counterattacked. He chuckled beside you before replying he had a nightmare. It caught your attention and you looked at him. "You?", he repeated his initial question. "I don't know just couldn't sleep. I mean I did see bullets go through two war heroes' heads", you replied. Bucky looked at you intently until he heard your question. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Why wouldn't I?", he asked. You shrugged, "I don't know I never really imagined you talking this much. Some of my classmates saw you in a club once with Rogers and Wilson and they said you weren't very approachable." He meditated your words and said, "I don't know, I guess I feel like I can talk to you." "You don't know me", you commented. "I hope I get the chance to." "Do you often get nightmares?", you asked intrigued. He shook his head, "Not as much as before but they're still there." You nodded and locked your eyes with his, "I'm sorry it must be exhausting." He gave you a weak smile and confirmed it was. Your gaze turned back at scenery while his were locked on you. "Do you want some ice cream?", he asked with a small smirk. You chuckled and replied "Yeah why not, let's be crazy." You both made your way to the kitchen and you saw Bucky's eyes lit up. "You know what we should do? Eat Sam's special ice cream. It will piss him really off." You chuckled and shook your head, "I don't think that's a good idea. He could be mad." "Don't worry Doll I'll handle the consequences." The nickname made your heart beat faster and you agreed. You enjoyed your ice cream, well Sam's, in peace before walking to your respective rooms. "It was indeed a great treat", you smiled at him. "Hell yeah", he laughed. "Thank you Bucky." "You're welcome. See you tomorrow."

You woke up the next morning feeling a little better. You managed to sleep for a few hours which was a good thing since you had to face the Avengers once again. Putting on the only clothes you had, you made your way down the kitchen, well aware that by this time they would already be awake. Approaching the kitchen, you heard commotion, everyone talking above the other. You entered inside and saw them argue, except for Thor. You sneaked beside him and asked what was going on. He smiled brightly before exclaiming, "Someone ate Sam's ice cream. He's accusing Bucky and things escalated."

"I'm sure it was you Tinman. You've been hawking around it for days now", spat Sam. "Oh come one what makes you think it was me. This is ridiculous. It could have been Clint or Steve, they were as interested in it as me", counterattacked Bucky. "It was me", you declared ending the fuss. "I'm sorry Sam, I couldn't sleep and saw the ice cream. It looked really good." His eyes narrowed and he pointed at you, "I knew you were trouble" before leaving the room. Bucky gave you a knowing look but you looked away, your eyes landing on Wanda whose gaze traveled between you and Bucky. You exited the kitchen, went to the room you were staying, grabbed some cash and your coat before heading out. "Where do you think you're going?", asked Steve in a firm tone. You rolled your eyes and turned towards him, "Well clearly that ice cream had a sentimental value to him so I'm going to try and find it or at least the necessary ingredients to make it myself. If you're so scarred that it's just a ruse to leave again then grab your shit and let's go", you stated firmly not in the mood for his bullshit. "Wait here", he finally said. He came back 2 minutes later accompanied by Natasha and Wanda. "We're coming with him. Moral support", said Natasha.

The ride was quiet, no one daring to say something but then Wanda cut the tension. "You don't need to do this you know?" "I don't want to owe anything to anyone", was the only thing you answered. Quickly enough you arrived at the supermarket, making your way to the baking area. "It was Barnes wasn't it?", Natasha whispered in your ear. "I already said it was me", you stated. She smirked but didn't pressured. You grabbed the essential ingredients and then decided to grab some more stuff to prepare diner. It was the least you could do knowing how much a pain in the ass you were being. You were contouring an alley when you bumped into a man. "Oh I'm sorry", you both said at the same time. "No it was me. I should see where I go", he answered. "I apologize I should have payed more attention", you said.  "Enyo ; Eris ; Peitho ;..", he whispered and you felt light-weighted, your mind burning. "Artemis ;A..", he continued but was pushed aside by an old lady. "Oh I'm sorry", she apologized to him. Wanda was next to you and looked at him with piercing eyes. He gave you a fake smile before leaving. "Are you alright?", she asked and examined you. "Yeah just my head hurts but it's nothing." "Come on let's go", she followed you closely still trying to find the man who was in front of you. Natasha and Steve noticed Wanda's tense shoulders, her defensive stance and began checking their surroundings. You paid for the groceries and returned to the compound.

You didn't waist a second and began the preparation of the ice cream. The first tests were a failure. "They taste exquisite to me", commented Thor. "It's not this flavor", you mumbled back. 'Add more rhum bitch', you thought. You prepared another recipe and added more rhum. As soon as the new dash was done, you tasted it and that was it. It was the same flavor. Your eyes caught Bucky's and he winked in agreement. "Shit, this is really good", said Clint. "Hey hands off, it's not for you", declared Steve. "F.R.I.D.A.Y where is the Falcon?", you asked. "In his room Miss." "Ok thanks." You grabbed a pen and paper and wrote 'I'm sorry. It won't be your special but hope you'll like it anyway' on it. "Where's his room?", you asked the others. "Our floor, second door", replied Steve. You nodded and made you way to the floor. You left the container in front of his door, knocked and hid. You saw him get out of his room ready to punch someone before his eyes landed on the peace offering. "Yeah right. You think you can reach me with this", he mumbled under his breath. He took a spoonful of ice, still cursing you under his breath before you saw his eyes widen in pleasure. "Well I'll be damned", he said before checking his surroundings and enter his room with a big smile.

You entered you room and laid down for a moment, rubbing your temples. You emptied your pockets, placing the remaining fines with the other cash and saw the gun. You checked it, managed to open it and noticed that one bullet was different compared to the others. Confused you made your way back to the kitchen, gun in hand. They tensed when they saw you with it in hand and took defensive stances. "Y/N drop the gun", said Natasha. "There is something weird", you replied. "Y/N ! Your gun, put it down", exclaimed Tony. You shook your head, "It's not mine. Someone left it among other things but look, isn't it weird?", you said and showed him the bullet. He took it from you and extracted the bullet, scanned it and said, "It's an USB Drive." "F.R.I.D.A.Y call everyone. Conference room now", ordered Steve.

Inside the room once everyone was seated, Tony plugged the drive in. A close-up shot from a man was seen. It was dark, the only light on the room illuminating his face. "Hello Y/N. If you see this, it means I'm dead. I know you must be confused right now and you don't know who to trust anymore. One thing is for sure, don't trust anyone." There was a small pause where he would check his surroundings. "The first thing you have to know is that you're part of Hydra." You gasped and shocked your head "No", feeling all the Avenger's eyes burning holes in your skin.

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[aphrodicted]

Hi. I’d like to request a shell spread and will happily leave as much feedback as possible. Initials: GC, sun sign: Leo, question: I have a lot of confidence internally but I let some insecurities play over that, particularly in work settings. For example, I know that I am smart and hard working and yet I let insecurities shadow that and look for reassurance externally even when I don’t actually need it. What parts of me do I need to work on or change to get past this and let my confidence flow?

Hi, GC!

1. Who I think I am? Four of Pentacles (reversed), Four of Wands (reversed), Knight of Wands

You don’t describe yourself as a person at all happy today. I think this situation is making you something unhappy, since you can’t shine everything you should shine. Don’t worry, GC, this is a temporary situation that has a solution. I see you, also, celebrating very little with friends or family. Are you going out less with your friends or other people? I see you locked in yourself on some occasions. You aren’t too secluded, but neither do you lock yourself for too long.

Being a fire sign, you can be someone very impulsive and doesn’t plan what you want to do. You are someone passionate, although at the moment I don’t see so much passion in you, and you must have confidence in you. Especially, Leo you are people with a lot of perspective for the future if you are able to balance the ego. Balance those fears that are drowning your security, GC!

2. Who I really am? Two of Cups, Three of Swords, Ten of Swords

You are someone full of love. A person who wants to receive and deliver love from others. My cards consider you someone who is easy to make friends, meet people, partner with co-workers and/or studies… Have you had any kind of betrayal in the past that has marked you? It doesn’t have to be a romantic betrayal, but it can be a betrayal or disappointment by friends, family… The cards are very aware of some pain that has marked you a lot and there may be the core of all your insecurities. If you have not suffered any disappointment, the cards may be talking about yourself. At present you may be betraying yourself by not having security in yourself or in your abilities. Lastly, don’t worry, GC. The situation is temporary and the solution is in your hands, but you must find what to do to end it. You may feel somewhat tired of living this, but the happy ending is very close.

3. How others see me? Three of Wands, Five of Swords (reversed), The Hermit (reversed)

The others see in you a lot of learning ability, your desire to always know more, and you are someone intelligent who knows how to use the acquired knowledge. Also, those around you see you as a wise person and that you can give good advice. On the other hand, those around you think that you are a person who looks to the future and that, in addition, this future of yours is successful. The others view you as someone who doesn’t like fighting with others and doesn’t play dirty when yo want to get something.

4. What I contribute to others? The Tower, Five of Pentacles (reversed)

You are able to deliver success and recovery to others. I don’t know if you’re aware, but you can “heal” people. I don’t feel it is in an emotional way, but a social success or helping them achieve what they want. You are someone who creates opportunities for others. Getting to know you means new beginnings. You are someone who brings change or renewal in others. You “force” them to renew themselves and leave the past behind to make way for the future.

5. What should I accept about myself? The Star, The Chariot

Accept the moment you are living in this moment. I find you very insecure, unstable and you don’t see possible recovery to your situation. You may be believing that your life has stagnated and you don’t know how to get out of the moment you are. The first thing you should do is accept what you are living and not block the pain or insecurity you feel. It isn’t the same to accept and seek a solution to negative feelings or emotions that block them and make it appear that we don’t feel them. It will be useless to try to change if the inner transformation you must do is not sincere. 

Check what motivates you to do what you are doing right now: Are you happy? What you do makes you really happy? Would you change something of your life? It’s necessary to accept that everything changes, be filled with courage and patience and be guided by the signs of the universe. The instability that manifests you leads to fatigue, depression and stagnation. With which you cannot free yourself from fears and dependencies, nor achieve true realization. Therefore, you must accept instability and look for the solution to it.

6. What do I need to forgive myself? The Desire (reversed), Knight of Cups, The Emperor (reversed)

Don’t force yourself in those moments where you cannot become a leader or take the initiative. On some occasions we must respect our insecurities and look deeper into what motivates us to find ourselves in this situation. If you ask me what is causing this feeling in you, I think it’s a mixture between lack of leadership and self-confidence caused by the lack of passion in what you do. You must find a balance between logic and emotions. What do I mean? This problem cannot be solved only from logic, but you will need the use of emotions to accept the negativity around you and put an end to it. Don’t take this situation personally, but learn from what is happening. Therefore, forgive yourself for finding yourself so “weak” right now, and don’t be too hard on yourself.

7. What should I learn from the past? Nine of Wands

You must learn to heal the wounds of the past, GC. You still need strength and energy to overcome the struggles that await you in the future. The conflicts of the past can continue to appear in your present, and you must be alert to be able to put an appropriate end. However, don’t be too alert. Don’t believe that everyone approaches to fight or that everything that happens to you is to hurt you. It’s important to get rid of insecurities that were born in your past. The insecurities that persecute you now have their beginning in the past. You could have gone through a difficult situation that caused these insecurities. We must find what happened and solve these insecurities and limits that you provoke yourself. It could be a situation, a person… you are the only one who can know.

The cards recommend you balance your inner energy: meditate, pray, read, seek peace and quiet to find the answers inside. You have the strength to get what you want.

8. Positive points about myself? Ace of Cups, Six of Swords, Six of Wands

My cards see several positive points about you, GC! You are a person who carries success under his arm. Everything you intend to do you get, so you shouldn’t have any kind of insecurity when it comes to life. In the end, you are the only one who can create obstacles to achieve the happiness you want. You have the success within you and you must be the one who gives you permission to return to your life. Also, my girls represent you as a person capable of sacrificing you for what you love (both people and dreams). However, be careful, GC! Sacrifice is necessary to achieve success, but don’t sacrifice yourself too much. Just sacrifice for what you think is important. Finally, my cards tell me that you are someone capable of using your emotional side correctly. That emotional side can help you connect more deeply with others and with yourself. On the other hand, my girls recommend that you use that emotional side to create art. Let the imagination fly!

9. What should I improve on myself? The Moon, The Strenght, Four of Cups (reversed)

Pay attention to your dreams and their messages, so that you know or recognize your shadow and prepare for the necessary change. Sometimes it is very difficult, if not impossible, to decipher the messages of the unconscious, because we try to do so with the logic of the conscious side of the mind and both levels speak different languages. The unconscious may seem capricious or meaningless. It is expressed in images, emotions and feelings that belong to us, even if we do not recognize.

Do a creative, psychotherapeutic or mystical work to unleash what your subconscious mind wishes to reveal. Recognize the fears, resentments or pride that stop you or set you back. You are in an intensely emotional and sensitive period. You can feel receptive. You should not force anything in this cycle. Let things happen and watch. From your inner jurisdiction you will know when to act.

More than “physical strength”, we speak of “mental strength” and is the ability you have to manifest the mastery of reason, and even of the spirit, over the passions, emotions and thoughts that limit you and consume your energy. The Force reminds us that we achieve more with gentleness and prudence than with imposition and authoritarianism. The keys are in our inner clarity, decision, perseverance and authority.

10. How to become the person I want to be? Queen of Wands, Ten of Cups, Seven of Swords

Turn the skills of the Queen of Wands into yours. Trust yourself and be true to your emotions and convictions. That doesn’t mean that you don’t listen to the opinions of others, but that you defend your experiences with conviction and know how to get the good out of everything around you and help you grow.

Find what and who makes you happy and set aside everything that causes you otherwise. Don’t waste energy in living with people who don’t contribute anything or waste your time doing things that do not cause any feeling in you. You have a very strong attraction power and you should know how to take advantage of it: use the power of the law of attraction.

11. Advice: Ocean of eternal love: Healing, creativity, fertility.

It’s said that love conquers everything, and this is especially true for you right now. Something is resolved and healed thanks to love. What was once arid now becomes fertile. A seed is planted and you are the co-creator. The conditions are favorable, the weather is perfect, a new creation awaits you. The birth of something new gives you joy and excitement. The endless changes of this season of eternity turns its invisible wheel and a new cycle begins. A new image is born.

Love heals. Love brings determination. Love conquers. Love creates. Love is eternal

Good luck, GC!

Please consider leaving feedback to know whether or not my reading has resonated with you.

[junker-town]

Secret Base reviews: The Darien Scheme

A colonial venture so inept that the perpetrating country ended up getting taken over by someone else.

[I]t may be doubted whether, even now, after the lapse of more than a century and a half, feelings hardly compatible with temperate examination will not be stirred up in many minds by the name of Darien. In truth that name is associated with calamities so cruel that the recollection of them may not unnaturally disturb the equipoise even of a fair and sedate mind.

I’m not much of a historian, but I (pretend to) have a well-tuned sense of tragicomedy. That sense went into overdrive when I read Thomas Babbington MacCauley’s introduction to one of the most bizarre and ill-conceived episodes in history: the Darien scheme.

The late 17th century was a strange age for European colonialism. The New World had been parcelled up long before; the Scramble for Africa was still centuries away. Foreign expeditions were fragile things, highly vulnerable to disease, logistical mishaps and war. It was clear, however, that colonies could be forced to yield up enormous wealth.

One country in desperate need of enormous wealth? Scotland. The crowns of Scotland and England had been united in the person of James I for generations, but there was as yet no real political union. What there was on this ‘sterile crag’ was a mess: Minor civil wars, climate-induced famines, declining trade and industry, a capital-M Massacre at Glencoe. The government was more or less broke and the overall population wasn’t much better off. They cast around for a magic bullet, and they eventually settled on ... this:

Ok, so a settlement in Panama wasn’t the Scottish Government’s first choice. The Company of Scotland was chartered with the intent to trade in “Africa and the Indies.” The problem? England, of course. The East India Company had exactly zero interest in enabling the growth of a Scottish competitor, and contrived to block funding for any such project from south of the border.

A trimmed down mission — it was now the Company of Scotland for Trading to Africa — still managed to raise a significant amount of cash, despite the population being broke. £400,000 was invested in a matter of weeks. That might not sound like a lot now, but the total amount of capital in Scotland at the time is estimated as on the order of £2,000,000. In other words, 20 percent of the available money in the whole country was marked for this project.

When one fifth of an entire country’s capital is invested in a scheme, one would expect that said scheme wouldn’t immediately change in every detail. But that reckons without my good and dear friend William Paterson. Paterson was one of the most influential men of the age, a slave-trading (ergo shithead) co-founder of the Bank of England. Here’s what MacCauley has to say about him:

The great projector was the idol of the whole nation. Men spoke to him with more profound respect than to the Lord High Commissioner. His antechamber was crowded with solicitors desirous to catch some drops of that golden shower [ed: lmao] of which he was supposed to be the dispenser ... His countenance, his voice, his gestures, indicated boundless self-importance. When he appeared in public he looked — such is the language of one who probably had often seen him — like Atlas conscious that a world was on his shoulders. But the airs which he gave himself only heightened the respect and admiration which he inspired. His demeanour was regarded as a model. Scotchmen who wished to be thought wise looked as like Paterson as they could.

When Paterson had viable ideas, such as founding banks and kidnapping random Africans for a hellish life in the colonies, this level of blind admiration was, perhaps, fine (as long as you weren’t, you know, one of the thousands of people he helped enslave). Slightly odd, but fine. But blind admiration was about to lead Paterson’s admirers blundering madly into the Darien Scheme.

The English and Dutch controlled the route to the East Indies. In Paterson’s day, that involved a long trip down Africa’s Atlantic coast, around the Cape of Good Hope and up through the Indian Ocean. But a simple look at the map gave another possibility: go west.

This was, of course, what Christopher Columbus was attempting to achieve when he stumbled upon the Americas in 1492 and launched a chain of events that virtually annihilated the human populations of two whole continents. By 1698, the geography was far better known. Weathering Cape Horn from the Atlantic was a nightmarish venture, which ruled out a purely oceanic route west from Europe to the East Indies.

Paterson’s mega-brain realised, however, that a route need not be purely oceanic. The Isthmus of Darien (you know it as Panama), for some reason not yet properly colonised by the Spanish, was narrow enough to transport goods overland. If rival powers controlled the eastern route, Scotland’s response, the strategic thrust which would reverse their economic misfortune, must be to forge a western one. They would colonise Darien.

Strategically, this was a brilliant, visionary idea, which would eventually result in the Panama Canal, one of the key trade arteries of modernity. But strategy does not exist in the abstract, divorced from opportunity and operational constraints. If you are, say, Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, attempting to prop up Austria and Poland as a bulwark against possible Russian aggression makes a great deal of strategic sense. If you are, say, me, it would not.

Paterson was convinced that Spain hadn’t touched the isthmus because they were blind to the possibilities of global trade, instead obsessing over relieving their possessions of material wealth. Darien, he insisted, was perfect:

[The harbours], he averred, were capacious and secure: the sea swarmed with turtle: the country was so mountainous that, within nine degrees of the equator, the climate was temperate; and yet the inequalities of the ground offered no impediment to the conveyance of goods. Nothing would be easier than to construct roads along which a string of mules or a wheeled carriage might in the course of a day pass from sea to sea. The soil was, to a depth of several feet, a rich black mould, on which a profusion of valuable herbs and fruits grew spontaneously ... the isthmus was a paradise.

Scotland threw itself into Paterson’s scheme in a sort of mania. July 1698 saw five ships outfitted and sent to the Caribbean with twelve hundred colonists (and several more desperate stowaways) aboard. It took them four months to cross the Atlantic and make landfall off what they christened the land of ‘Caledonia.’ The Company of Scotland’s rising sun had a home.

All appeared to be going well. The colonists entrenched themselves on the peninsula of New Edinburgh, building a town, fortress and watchtower. The natives, enemies of Spain, happy to encourage any rival power, supplied the new arrivals with food. Letters sent home talked of plentiful provisions, a healthy climate and the unexpected discovery of gold mines in the interior. In August 1699 four more ships were dispatched to join burgeoning colony.

They couldn’t find it.

The Darien Scheme had been doomed from the outset. While Spain didn’t have an active presence on the isthmus, it controlled the area and was totally unwilling to tolerate a foreign presence threatening its colonial wealth. The Dutch and English, meanwhile, were totally unwilling to provoke the Spanish in support of an enterprise that was actually aimed at themselves. The colonists had to face the Spanish response alone.

Meanwhile, the reports of New Edinburgh’s paradisical qualities had been vastly overstated. The anchorage in the Bay of Caledonia was nowhere near as good as had been reported. There was not enough food, and what little there was didn’t agree with the colonists. Natives of the actual Caledonia suffered in the tropical heat and perished daily from malaria. The letters home were an exercise in denial and misdirection. The colony had failed with great loss of life, and the survivors had evacuated to the English colonies in North America.

All of this came as a surprise to the ships sent to join New Edinburgh. Eventually the reinforcements discovered the ruins of those who’d gone before them, rebuilding as best they could. Since this expedition was intended to resupply an existing colony rather than creating a whole new one, they were not equipped to do so, leaving New New Edinburgh even worse off than it was before. Everyone had a pretty bad time.

And then the Spanish showed up.

In Charles II’s opinion, which counted for a bit, the isthmus was rather less available than Paterson and his hangers-on had believed. Spain had been in possession of Darien for hundreds of years. It was from the isthmus that the Pacific had first been sighted, in 1513. The reason that there wasn’t an actual colony there is because it was a malaria-ridden hellhole which would almost certainly kill any European stupid enough to try living there.

Just to make sure, though, the Empire sent 11 ships and a whole army to stamp out the scheme once and for all. The besieged, succumbing to the same afflictions which had wiped out the first wave of colonists, had no strength or stomach for a fight. They opted to surrender. Here one more problem manifested itself: despite the aim of planting a colony in the heart of Spanish America, nobody involve thought it would be a good idea to bring along a Spanish speaker.

The Darien Scheme was dissolved as it deserved, in broken and barely comprehensible Latin, against a background of farce and death. The fallout of the collapse was so severe that within ten years Scotland had been forced to acquiesce to the Act of Union, joining itself to England to form the United Kingdom. In partnership with their new colleagues, they got more competent at the whole ‘colonialism’ thing.

1

[codyrichards91]

Reiki Master Gifts Amazing Cool Ideas

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Reiki Master Online

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Reiki Master Orlando

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[thebigladjake]

AX2002 - Dimensions Group Project: Storyboard and Script

The Dimensions project is an animation where each 30 seconds, the animator switches. The aim of this brief is to get us to communicate with one another and be able to present a cohesive chase sequence with a clear narrative.

When it came to planning this out, we needed someone to be at the front and set up the narrative clearly. Before anyone could, I put my hand up. I was starting this off, I had the perfect idea that established Vasyl as a strong no-nonsense character and Skip’s more easy going and laid back approach. I knew how to set up these characters, so the rest of the class would know what to do, understand the relationships and mechanics of the characters.

First Storyboard Draft

The first impression I got for an introductory segment was to set up a tense narrative with multiple things going wrong at once. Setting a tone where our characters HAVE to get Guffyn back or it’s absolute disaster for everyone! So, immediately the ideas came flooding in and I scribbled down a rough storyboard. The visuals came to mind first, linking them up with a loose narrative. There wasn’t a definite script yet at this stage.

So, this animation “begins” with Guffyn opening a portal in time and arriving into a quiet alleyway in the night. Here Guffyn is rather confused, giving the impression that Guffyn doesn’t really know where it’s going. This was supposed to be the ending shot to the whole animatic, where it loops back to the last frame of the film will mirror the first.

This is where my segment really begins, with Guffyn looking off at the moon for a few seconds before a portal opens to Guffyn’s side with them looking at it in confusion. I always wanted this shot to be the opening shot, have the alleyway there with a little entrance and the moon in the sky.

A foot zooms through the portal, hitting Guffyn and slamming them into a wall! This violence was to establish a more urgent tone because who would want to stomp on a small cute creature like Guffyn? Not unless it was absolutely necessary, showing the audience that this character means business.

An aggressive hand came in, grabbing the Guffyn tight causing it to let out a squeak! A huge gun is then pointed in Guffyn’s face, with a closeup of Guffyn’s shock! This was to make Guffyn look that much more innocent and small in comparison to the huge hand and gun. 

Finally, we see the aggressor, Character A! Not named at the time. Pointing the gun at Guffyn in a POV shot, we get to see their rather intimidating appearance and are only left with vague answers on who these characters are. Then, a hardcut to Character B! Taking out some boxes, the designs here are both simple just to block out the scene and what’s happening. We hadn’t finalised any designs or even discussed them before this, so kept it to know what I’m doing. In hindsight, not a fan of how little Character B is actually in this, and so this was changed in the next scripts and storyboards.

Character A shoots out a portal to take Guffyn back. This establishes the whole narrative of things going wrong when Character B trips up and accidentally stumbles into the portal, much to Character A’s dismay.

Seeing a chance to escape, Guffyn transforms into liquid and melts out of Character A’s hands.

Guffyn then flies into the portal as Character A tries to grab them before they go, but fails... Character A groans saying something like “Not again...”

Summary

This storyboard was a perfect foundation to build upon, the setting was something I really liked and Character A’s reactions where perfect for setting up that there’s more to this story, however this draft has several problems.

My biggest being the portal Guffyn escapes into, would not have been a random dimension as Character A shot the portal, it would have been to go back to the facility which Guffyn had escaped from. Thinking from a story standpoint, Guffyn would have gone back to where he escaped from and Character A would follow, catch them without a chase and also return Character B home without any mad chances between dimensions! This would have also meant that Bee would have to have set her animation in the WTF facility and that wasn’t exactly fair in my opinion.

That was my major problem, but I also didn’t like how Character B hardly interacts and I don’t get a chance to set up Character B’s personality. So, back to the storyboards, I had to find a way where Character B plays just as much of a role in the setup, where Guffyn manages to escape by it’s own rules and an animation that won’t conflict with Bee’s aims and wants in her own segment.

Second Storyboard Draft

So, working on my problems with the first board. This version actually begins with Character B taking out the trash, the same sort of shot of the alleyway with the walls, entrance and moon in the background. Suddenly, a portal opens up that catches his attention.

Guffyn flies out and into the arms of Character B, very fast and conveys the impression that Guffyn is escaping. A small level of urgency established as Guffyn takes comfort in Character B’s arms and we get to see that Character B is a kind and caring character...

While Character B is preoccupied with Guffyn, a gun points into view which causes them to jump and look up in shock! It’s Character A! Looking all intimidating and menacing while pointing an alien device into Character B’s face! Quietly and calmly telling Character B to let go of the Guffyn...

Character B turns away, claiming that Guffyn is harmless and that it likes him! Character A establishes that Guffyn is actually capable of many things and that it has the capacity to destroy dimensions, not once lowering their gun. Showing how contained and composed they are.

Character B steps back claiming that it might not want to destroy worlds. As they argue, Guffyn melts through Character B’s hands.

Character B reacts in disgust, letting Guffyn drop to the floor giving it a chance to escape! I’m quite a fan of how I got to keep the melting effect.

I’d noticed how flat this might have been laid out, so I decided to do this high angle shot to show the portal forming under Character B. Not only to be visually interesting, but to challenge myself by drawing at that angle. It also shows where the portal is formed and also accidentally brings Character B into the adventure!

Now alone, Character A reflects on what just happened and simply wonders why their job can’t be easy.

Character A quickly jumps after and my segment ends...

As you can see, it’s almost the same. However, just simply rearranging certain aspects to make a much more refined film. Elements like Character A being left alone and Guffyn melting away to escape. The violence and urgency much more toned down and in a sense reversed, since Guffyn is all cute and cuddly until it’s revealed that Guffyn can be weaponized. Making him more of a threat rather than make him innocent throughout and making Character A the aggressor.

With this rough draft done, I then began to write a script and create a much more refined product.

Script Development

With my new foundations, I began development on the script and storyboards. This time however with my artstyle in mind and something that will be much much closer to a finished product. 

When writing the script, I had to keep in mind the character’s personalities. Character A, a headstrong, determined figure that has no time for nonsense. Character B, a lighthearted and accepting guy that won’t hesitate to show kindness to the most dangerous creatures. 

With these attributes in mind, I gave Character B the name, Skip. His last name was going to be Anajump because what I was originally going for was a name based on the phrase, “A hop, skip and a jump away“. But, that wasn’t necessary.

Character A became Vasyl, a name in some languages that means leadership and independence. I felt it was important to give them a foreign sounding name since they are an alien.

When I pitched these ideas forward in the group discussions, nobody seemed to object and the names stuck!

These characters went through a bunch of developments, character-wise and visually. Both Vasyl and Skip had lines where they swore in initial scripts, while it felt in line with Vasyl’s character, it didn’t feel right for Skip, plus it made him less endearing. He just seemed like any old teenager than a kind hearted youth!

Their personalities remained the same, but when the brief asked for a sudden detail to be revealed that changes the dynamic, it definitely got me thinking. A rough idea I came up with was have Vasyl grow a bond with Skip because she knew a relative of his who had died on their adventures, seeing those key traits she saw in them. Specifically in regards to his kindness. And just before they part ways, Vasyl would make a comment like “The boy’s just like you”. This idea was soon shot down as it was a little complicated and to keep characters down to a minimum, I didn’t want to restrict people into including certain details. 

Another idea I entertained was Vasyl knowing everything that was going on while Skip had no clue, so when she first appears it’d be like “Not again! No time to explain, follow me!” This didn’t really work for me and I preferred having them meet for the first time.

Storyboard Development

Now I had names, designs and direction for the story to go in. All that was needed was to rebuild my vision and get it more clearly across...

So, we establish that Skip is just a regular human with a regular job in his regular routine. Just having him sigh establishes he is a little bored of his usual life.

Skip’s reaction to the portal opens also establishes that the wacky adventures that he will embark on throughout everyone’s animation would be completely new and mind-boggling to him.

Guffyn flies out, straight into Skip’s arms. Making it seem defenceless and innocent.

Skip’s reaction to Guffyn is nice, we see his open-mind and kind heart. His and Guffyn’s shock when confronted with a big tall alien woman with an unusual device gives the audience the initial expectation of Vasyl being the antagonist.

A small pause to let the bizarre-ness sink in, building tension as Skip refuses to answer her. We see Skip takes a few seconds to pluck up the courage to say know.

Vasyl’s gun was changed to look more like a taser and device, make her look like she’s using a tool rather than a weapon.

Vasyl’s rant and expression shows the audience that there’s more to Guffyn than it seems, maybe it is not to be trusted.

Taking advantage of the situation, Guffyn melts into Skip’s hands in an attempt to sneak away unnoticed. This is set up into the ending of Alex’s animation, where Guffyn takes advantage of the situation to escape.

Skip notices Guffyn leaking through his fingers and reacts accordingly! Vasyl jumps back in surprise due to Skip’s sudden recoiling. 

Vasyl’s attempt to save Skip is the start of their alliance, showing the audience that Vasyl doesn’t want to drag innocent lives into her job.

But, alas, Skip falls into the portal. Getting dropped feet first into the conflict, Vasyl can only react in disappointment...

Her casual reaction sets up a drier side to her personality, showing how these unusual situations are a regular occurrence to Vasyl.

Vasyl jumps in after Skip and straight into Bee’s animation with them falling down. Which further goes onto establish Skip’s kindness and Vasyl’s casual attitude to this situation.

Summary

Being sure in my vision, I simply continued in this direction and made some animatics with test audio. Hardly anything story-based changed from now until my final animation unless it was purely visual. I was really happy with how this turned out and I was even more happy about bringing this to life.