#and it turns out that I forgot how much some of my issues affect learning new languages

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I don’t get why people feel like the Duolingo owl is threatening, if I ever feel like he is I just get mad at him. I could fight an owl. I don’t know if I’d win, but I don’t think I’d lose (two things that can apparently coexist). I think I’d survive at least and that’s not really winning but also not losing.

You wanna be so threatening? Da bør du drepe meg!

[fieldofdaisiies]

Azriel x Reader | Lose You to Love Me?

type: angst warning(s): this is a heavy piece: mentions of depression, self-doubt, self-sacrifice, anxiety/panic attack; please don’t read the story if you struggle with these topics!! And if you want to talk to someone about it, my inbox is always open!!

word count: 2.2k words summary/request: Not exactly the request, but close to it: Hey going through some stuff rn and really wanted a sad fic. Like an azriel x reader where the reader puts on a happy face but really just wants to end it? Using a song for this was inspired by @moonlightazriel’s song week. Please, check it out here. She is an incredibly talented writer and the song week was so beautiful and contained many different and amazing stories.

-all rights reserved- 

This dancing is killing me softly. 

You forced a smile to your lips when Azriel turned you to him again after yet another swirl. The feeling of just wanting to leave, of wanting to go home and bury your head in the pillows was so strong. It made your throat burn, the back of your mouth ached, tasted bitter and tears slowly brimmed your eyes. Quickly you snap your eyes close, hoping to catch the building dampness. The smile, or rather this weak attempt of a smile, stays on your lips so you don’t worry Azriel. 

You don’t want to worry him. And you don’t want him to worry. 

I put you first and you adored it.

Azriel has been through enough. You want Azriel to be happy. And you know that he can only be happy if he is with you. That he can only be happy when you are happy, so you have to desperately try to be happy. Or at least seem like it. He has to see you like this, because seeing him anything else than content destroys you.

And you desperately hold onto that belief. Of putting him first. Of wanting him to be fully at ease. Of being fully happy. Azriel is your number one, you priority. He has done so much for you, this is the least you can do for him. 

The shadowsinger gives you another spin and you move with it, lean into him, hoping to find comfort and peace in his solid body. In his warmth. But why is the warmth you have always felt suddenly no longer there? Why does your whole body shudder? Why does it feel so cold all of a sudden? Why do you feel so cold all of a sudden?

Your knees feel wobbly, your breathing is ragged, your heartbeat unsteady. Your chest feels so tight, like you can’t get enough air into your lungs as the space is too narrow.

We'd always go into it blindly.

You have once loved this male so much. He once was your everything and he still is. You still love him, but what about yourself? You feel like you are slowly losing yourself. You no longer know what you actually want, who you are, who you once used to be. The moment the bond snapped you were head over heels, both jumping into the bond with some much love for the other. You forgot about yourself, wearing those rose coloured glasses that made everything seem so light, so easy, so beautiful.

You somehow now think that back then you were a little naiv, a little blind. You have never fully opened up to Azriel about your own issues, your own struggles, what you were and still are dealing with. You have accepted the bond because you so desperately wanted to feel loved, the type of love you have never shown yourself. And it was so good, it felt so good to be so unconditionally loved by someone else. Azriel has showered you in affection, admiration and of course love. And you reveled in it. 

But now, now that you have been mates for quite some time, you realise that something is missing. That you have never fully healed. That you have never fully learned how to love yourself. And that now comes crashing in on you. You feel this emotion of not being enough or not having done enough stronger than ever before and stronger than anything else. It is there — poignant, gripping, strong.

Your gaze momentarily moving from Azriel’s upper arm through the crowd, you meet with Nesta’s eyes. 

I gave my all and they all know it.

The cool blue of her eyes clashes with yours, locking, in them the understanding of how you’re doing, the reflection of pain from your own eyes. You couldn’t stand it one night, Azriel was away and you were alone. You had a breakdown, a breakdown Azriel still does not know about. 

Nesta found you, took care of you, comforted you and you opened up to her, knowing she was the one person who truly understood you, having gone through similar things. 

Biting the insides of your cheek, you blink your eyes rapidly as water once again has started to build up. You cannot look at her any longer. Yes, Nesta is your best friend and she just wants to help you, just wants to be there for you. But how? You don’t even know yourself how you would want help. What would help you? Sometimes you just want to be alone. Sometimes you just don’t want to do anything. You just want to sleep. And sleep all the time. You don’t want to eat, or drink, or talk, or do the most simplistic things, like brushing your teeth or hair.

And it is not even about not wanting to. It is more about not being able to. You lack the will-power, the strength, to do them. But you force yourself to do those things and the problem is, you don’t force yourself to do these things for yourself, but for Azriel.

You don’t want him to see you at your worst. You don't want him to…worry. You never want him to worry. You want him to think that everything is good. And obviously —the clever spymaster your mate is— he has noticed that something is off with you some days. But you have always assured him that everything is fine, that it is just a headache, a stomach ache, your cycle or whatsoever. It comes in handy that he is going on missions a lot. You use this time of solitude to…to do nothing. To stop pretending. To stop pretending that everything is good. 

You promised the world

Azriel has given you the world, has put the world at your feet and this makes the whole thing even worse. You feel so selfish, so idiotic that you are now wanting to push the one person away that has given you everything. That has loved you so unconditionally, that you have loved with your whole heart. And that you still love with your whole heart. But something hinders you from finding comfort in this love. From finding happiness. Because you know that the fight against whatever internal battle you have is long not over. And you also know that you can’t pull anyone else into this. Foremost all, you cannot pull Azriel into it. He has gone through so much in his own life already, you don’t want him to feel bad, to hurt or have any worries, never again. He deserves to be happy, and giving your all for his happiness seems like the right thing. 

Made me think I deserve it.

And maybe your life is just so good and you are ungrateful? You have everything you can wish for and are not happy with it. These cruel, dark thoughts often cloud your mind. What if this demon inside of you is what you deserve for being so ungrateful. This demon that will never allow you to be fully happy?

The room feels too crowded all of a sudden. The breath gets stuck in your throat and you feel like you want to claw at your dress, hoping to rip it off your body. Rip it into shreds since you cannot breathe anymore. Your mouths drys, you try to swallow, but your throat is scratchy. Your eyes meet Azriel, air wheezing in and out of your lungs when you feel your body lose control over its actions. It is too much. Too many people. Too many people looking at you. Azriel stands too close. Your dress is too tight. You need to get out. You need to be alone. 

“I cannot do this anymore.” It is a whisper, but it is filled with pain, with fear, with panic. Horror ripples through you when you meet Azriel’s gaze, afraid of his reaction. But Azriel does not seem to understand, he looks irritated. Shadows appear in his eyes when his brow raises just an inch.

“The dancing? I thought you loved dancing.” “Us. The bond. I need to get out.” Anxiety makes your voice quaver, your knees wobble, your legs feeling like jelly. It feels like someone is squeezing the air out of your lungs, drowning you in water,  pointing a knife at your heart. 

I needed to lose you to love me.

“I cannot breathe anymore,” you say, and push Azriel away by his arm. “It is…it is suffocating me.”

You brush past him, through the crowds of dancing people, not minding at all if you bump into someone. You don’t care, giving way to your tears that you have been holding back for so long. 

You push through the crowd, feeling your lungs squeeze and finding yourself in desperate need for fresh air. It feels like you have been under water for hours, drowning in your on sorrow and despair.

Grumbling and muttered curses follow you until you finally reach the end of the big hall, pushing through the large marble doors to eventually reach freedom. You don’t stop running. Not until you are really outside. Outside in the dark of the night under a sky-full of stars. Stars that you once used to look up to and dream. Now you just want them to disappear, to not glow so brightly. You feel so exposed underneath them. Feel like you are the worst sort of people, leaving your mate behind. Saying goodbye, without actually speaking the words, pushing him away in front of everyone when he does not even know what he has done. When he has no idea of what battle you are fighting. When everything he has ever done was love you. And you cannot handle this love?

It hurts. It hurts so much that this truly had to end in you breaking his heart. 

You have wanted to shield and protect him from everything and now you are are the cause for his pain. Because you know he is hurting. You can feel it through the bond. This bitter feeling of disappointment, rejection, pain, conflict is reaching you through a bond that once used to be lively, happy, warm. Is this how it all should have gone?

You need to let go to find yourself?

Maybe this was how it should all go? Did you really have to draw this line? What this how your life should continue? A life without Azriel? Not opening up to him has slowly suffocated you. But imagining a life fully without him…it is a worse feeling than anything else. 

Cold air wheezes in and out of your lungs when you come to a halt at the bridge over the Sidra, bracing your hands on the cool railing. You give room to a loud, sobby scream that you have been holding back the whole evening. You are crying loudly, your whole body shaking, knuckles turning white from how tightly you hold onto the icy cold railing. You are thankful that it is already later that night and not many people are out in the streets anymore. You couldn’t deal with their pitiful gazes now, or worse one of the asking you how you were feeling. Because you have now idea how you are feeling. Dull, blank, empty. You don’t even feel sad. You just feel…nothing really. There is just this plain indifference inside of you, filling every fiber of your body. 

“Y/N!”

You head turns first, then your upper body, your feet frozen in place, rooted to the ground. He is so close already, lashes damp, his lips trembling, hair ruffled, wings tightly tucked in. Azriel looks disheveled, shattered almost. He halts in front of you, bracing one hand on the railing to stop himself from falling to his knees, from breaking down. 

“No, Y/N.” Azriel is out of breath, his heart hammering against his rib cage. “I am not letting you do this alone. I know you say you have to do this alone. Nesta told me. I am not leaving you alone. You should have talked to me. I know you were trying to protect me from hurt or pain, but not being able to help you, not being able to be there for you, is the worst pain I could ever feel.” Azriel reaches for your hands, pulling you to him. Tears stream down your face when you lean onto his chest.

“In good and in bad times, you remember? I will never leave your side, it will always be us against the world, us against the demon inside of you we have to get rid of.”

His hands brush over your back, your head, his chest rumbling just like yours, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“We can do this. You can do this. Because you are so strong. Stronger than anyone else. You can fight this battle and you will fight it. And I will by your side every step of the way. Not because you are my mate, because I love you and because I need your power, that power and the strength you have shown and given me every day, in my life as well. I need you in my life.”

“And I need you in mine,” you say through tears, your voice muffled by your sobs and his shirt. In good and bad times and always at each other’s side. “But right now….right now, I need to do this alone. I need to go the next steps alone. I have to do this for myself…” You voice breaks with the last spoken syllable and you leave Azriel’s embrace. “I love you, Azriel, with my whole heart. But I cannot do this to you. I cannot pull you down with me. This is a battle I have to fight alone.”

You cannot stand the pain on his face, how his shoulders hunch even more, how his lower lip trembles. You turn sharply and before you know what you do, black mist wraps around you and winnow away, leaving the one person who has been your whole life, your anchor behind. 

And now the chapter is closed and done. And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us.

~~~~~~~~~~

To be continued? 

~~~~~~~~~ tags (crossed-out I couldn't tag) : @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii @nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbabyg @cityofidek @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22  @valeriedarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthian  @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen @marina468 @topaz125 @illyrian-dreamer @azriels-mate123

[kwamiwayzz]

BroooooI wanted to do the question thiingingintinf that u reblogged ifydm <3

Okaokay so JECKA (My baby) withhh 2,3,5,12,13,16 and 22 (is that too much?? Sry if it is 😭)

Lol it’s no issue, these are actually kinda fun. It took me a bit to come up with some of them:

2. Favorite canon thing

While some people see it as a headcanon, it's referenced in-game that Jecka is book smart (all the AP classes that she takes, and I think she's mentioned to be a straight-A student somewhere, but lol someone correct me if I'm wrong). I just like the idea that she's a secret nerd.

I also like how she has a good head on her shoulders, trying to keep Nicole out of trouble, despite her own problematic issues (letting Nicole get away with some things as long as it doesn't affect her).

3. Least favorite canon thing

Her in-game art sprite, excluding the promo art for Flip Side--that art made her look so good that I forgot her game was a flop.

I'm sure other people have noticed it too, but it's not just Jecka's sprite art I dislike, it's all the female characters. Their chests look too big to a point where it feels like the creator sexualizes them. But I guess that's not surprising coming from someone who projects himself onto Jeffery.

5. First song that comes to mind

I actually don't have a song that comes to mind that makes me think of Jecka, but if I did, I'd probably say maybe a few R&B songs (mostly because of Flip Side's intro song).

12. Headcanon for this character

I have quite a few, but some are headcanons that the general fandom has had:

Has anger issues stemmed from her tumultuous home life (learned from her dad)

Neurotic and probably a control freak over a lot of things in her life, which can be seen from how she reacts to things going wrong (Nicole getting shot, breaking down in front of the school therapist about her dad's abuse and side job stepping on men for money, dating Mr. Katz just so she could get an A in the class)

More toned and works out a lot compared to Nicole's noodley body

Her form of self-harm is typically overworking herself to keep herself from overthinking

Constantly thinking about the future (and things hopefully getting better after high school) keeps her from giving into her depression

13. Emoji

Sometimes I think of this one 💅when it comes to Jecka. But I think she probably uses this one 😘 ironically at first when texting Nicole.

16. Least favorite ship for this character

I was going to mention a femslash ship, but it's already super niche and rare anyway that there's no need to even bring it up. I don't really dislike it, but I'm just not invested all too much in the other character Jecka is shipped with.

Other than that, all the men in the game.

22. Like/Dislike from fic

I don't think I've come across it, but I'm not really the biggest fan of when a fic makes Jecka out to be the "good guy" or morally better than Nicole, which isn't a high bar when we're thinking of the games. She can be pretty naive and let morally corrupt things happen (White Pride Ending from the first game) even if it's not to the same extent as Nicole. I mostly bring this up because I've seen some YouTube comments make Jecka to be a completely flawless person (again, in comparison to Nicole).

Things I do like in fic is when more of her character is expanded upon with what little we got in the first two games (actually, throw in Flip Side too because that game barely went much about Jecka's character).

As much as Flip Side was a flop, there was a comment in one of the gameplay videos that mentioned how Jecka seems to have a shorter temper than Nicole (immediately yelling at Crispin to tell him to fuck off). It made me think of wanting to see more fics that expand on Jecka turning out to be just like her dad even if she doesn't mean to.

[nausikaaa]

WIP Wednesday

thank you to everyone who has tagged me these past few weeks, though I haven't had much to share! I'm still fiddling around with part two of my Trojan War novel, so here's some more Briseis.

Lyrnesses was not a rich city by any stretch, but every slave had their own room, handmade clothes, and went to bed at night with a full belly. To some that may have meant nothing. They were still slaves, and that was its own indignity that no amount of kindness could lessen, I had learned. But my own father, born to a wealthy family in Ethiopia, was taken by pirates as a child and sold as a slave. He arrived at Lyrnesses as a young man, where he was freed, eventually attracting the attention of my mother, who fought for her right to marry him, dismissing every wealthy suitor her father offered her to until he relented. They were a rare love match, and I grew up hoping to model their affection in my own marriage.

My father never forgot his mistreatment, and understood how quickly and startlingly a person’s fate could change, and so he was always kind to those less fortunate. I wondered if he ever could have anticipated how my life would turn out to echo his own, to be free, enslaved, and then freed again. But as a woman, I was never as free as he became, and knew I never would be. I would be forever tethered to that part of my life by the children I carried within me.

I thought of my mother. Her deft hands braiding my hair, her clear voice singing along to a bard’s lyre as she did so. My father crooning back to her, making her very name a song. “Hippodamia…”

“Briseus…” She would reply, and tug at one of my curls. I was named after him, and the reminder always made me grin.

a long discussion of Briseis's appearance, plus tags, under the cut:

Briseis is an interesting case when it comes to visualising her. Most greek myth characters are depicted as roughly the same as they're described, but Briseis is so inconsistent! she's described by Homer as fair, and by Ovid as incredibly pale. most renaissance depicts her as blonde, and Natalie Haynes describes her as such in A Thousand Ships. but plenty of more modern art makes her brunette, as she is in the film Troy and the series Troy: Fall Of A City.

and then there's Madeline Miller's The Song Of Achilles, one of the most popular books to feature Briseis, where she is black. I have issues with the writing of all the women in Miller's book, and dislike Briseis being presented as a commoner, who can't speak greek and worships foreign gods, when she was a Queen, and the Trojans had the same gods. not to mention that Miller also kills her off (spoilers? the book is over a decade old) when we simply don't know what happens to her after the Iliad. the entire point of my writing is to fill in that gap in her story.

anyway, i don't mind her being black, and like the art the book has inspired. though i've seen some people say they dislike this choice, as Briseis was a slave, but ancient Greek slavery was a very different concept from the slavery of America and the colonies, and less about skin colour than simply being on the losing side of an invasion or war. that isn't to diminish what those people must have gone through, but there are more slaves in the world right now that there were in any period of ancient history. my Briseis is also given her freedom before the story kicks off.

so in the end, i decided to combine elements of all these depictions. i like Briseis having African heritage like so much art depicts. i like her being pale and looking good in dark colours like Ovid says. so, my Briseis is half Anatolian, half Ethiopian, and has albinism. a mix of this sculpture and this model is pretty much exactly how i envision her.

as for the people who get up in arms any time any person with more than a slight tan is depicted in Greek myth tellings, quite frankly, i don't care to hear it. it's fiction. there are gods meddling in people's lives and you're critiquing the accuracy of someone's ethnicity? anyway, there was an African man in the Trojan War, Memnon, the son of Eos, the goddess of the dawn, and presumably he brought other African soldiers with him. freaking Aphrodite is an evolution of Inanna, a Mesopotamian goddess. Andromeda, the wife of Perseus, was from Ethiopia, and Poseidon is also said to be visiting Africa at the beginning of the Odyssey. the ancient Mediterranean was a melting pot of cultures that was well aware of northern Africa long before the Romans conquered Carthage- which is also visited by Aeneas and his fellow Trojans!

tags: @forabeatofadrum @j-nipper-95 @artsyunderstudy @that-disabled-princess @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @imagineacoolusername @ic3-que3n @aristocratic-otter @larkral @hushed-chorus @ivelovedhimthroughworse @shemakesmeforget @fatalfangirl @ebbpettier @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @cutestkilla @youarenevertooold @alexalexinii @shrekgogurt @bookish-bogwitch @thewholelemon @supercutedinosaurs @shutup-andletme-go @theearlgreymage @ileadacharmedlife @alleycat0306 @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @comesitintheclover @blackberrysummerblog and @orange-peony

[mermaidsirennikita]

Could you rec HR with the hero having a...idk, I don't want to say disability (?) Idk if that's the correct word, but the hero has a limp, or a backache or he can't walk that much without getting tired, he needs a cane, can't see properly, something like that, he ain't that healthy like the usual males from the romances

I'm not an expert on the terminology, but I do think "disabled romance heroes" is an acceptable term based on what I've seen in discussions. However, it's not universally agreed upon (nothing is) and in real life it would obviously very case by case. Gently, I would suggest not using terms like "healthy", etc--I have a condition that qualifies as a disability, but I'm not really comfortable with identifying myself as disabled (at this time in my life) and physically I'm overall pretty "healthy". I wouldn't begrudge anyone with the same condition for feeling otherwise, etc. Like I said, things like this are super individualized! But I appreciate you wanting to use the correct terminology, there isn't a single right answer but we can (and should) always try.

But yes! Historical romance heroes with disabilities. I'd check out:

Rules for Engaging the Earl by Janna MacGregor. The hero is a veteran with chronic pain and a limp/mobility issues. He uses a cane, and this is something that affects his sex life with the heroine--not a lot, he just can't do certain positions, and it doesn't negatively impact them. They get more creative (it's hot). It's a really sweet, gentle read; there's a lovely scene where she takes care of his leg when I think he's initially anxious about it. Obviously, this turns into a BJ, because... why wouldn't it...

My Darling Duke by Stacy Reid. Super romantic one here, with top tier tension. The hero was injured years ago in an accident, and though he can technically walk, ride, and stand, it's very difficult and he uses a wheelchair most of the time. He also has it in his head that he's impotent--I'll add that Reid does make it clear that one of his more progressive doctors is like "yeah I'm pretty sure that you have a mental block and CAN have sex" but, what with the mental block, the hero is like "NO I CAN'T WHICH IS WHY I CANNOT BE WITH HER".

Surrender to the Devil by Lorraine Heath. The hero has progressive vision loss; he will eventually be completely blind, and he's really upset about it. I will add a TW--this book does deal with childhood sexual abuse experienced by the heroine, as well as the domestic abuse of a supporting character.

Flowers from the Storm by Laura Kinsale. Probably the best example of this! The hero is a famous rake, but he has a stroke at the beginning of the book, which leaves him in a state the people around him call "madness". He initially can't speak and has some mobility issues. Mentally, he's totally there--he has issues processing language. The heroine ends up seeing him in a asylum (they met before his stroke) and ends up helping him. It's super romantic, and Kinsale writes his experience in an incredible way.

Dearest Rogue by Elizabeth Hoyt is known for the heroine being blind, but the hero actually has a mobility limitation due to an injury he got on the job. I forget exactly what it was, but it took him off said job, so.

Edit, silly me, forgot:

When The Earl Met His Match by Stacy Reid. Hero was born unable to speak--he's verbal, but he lacks speech, so he writes and signs. The heroine ends up learning how to sign and it's super romantic.

Still haven't read these yet, but Joanna Shupe's A Notorious Vow has a deaf hero, and Romancing the Duke by Tessa Dare has a blind hero.

[lucky-ladybugs-lovelies]

Five Characters who have changed my life

I have been pondering a lot lately on the top characters who have changed my life. So it’s not like just a list of favorite characters or characters I like. It goes much deeper than that. One’s life truly can be deeply affected by amazing characters. I wanted to list the ones I felt have been most influential for me and why.

(Also, WTH, Tumblr, I forgot that if I make a numbered list, it turns everything into ones! And it won't let me edit that!)

Yugi Muto, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters

Now, this is actually a bit of a curious choice because I wouldn’t say it’s Yugi himself I have seriously gravitated towards, but it’s his whole franchise in general. Yugi was the original protagonist along with Atem, and therefore, because YGO DM has changed my life more than any other franchise, I decided to give Yugi a position on the list even though there are other characters on the show who have intrigued me more. Seto was the first one I seriously fell hard for, but I ended up having a lot of issues with him by Battle City. Marik was perhaps the YGO character who was most important to me as a character alone, but he hasn’t influenced or fueled all or even most of my YGO works. YGO DM is Yugi’s show overall, and this show has inspired and shaped me like no other. Because of YGO, I learned how to seriously improve both my drawing and my writing. I could not draw a decent human before I discovered anime! And I have found so many friends because of my fanworks. Some of these people only stayed for a time. Others are still around now. I role-played, talked, shared so many things with these friends and their affect on my life can never be overstated. YGO DM was the gateway to so many wonderful things for me that as a sheltered home-schooled person I didn’t have a lot of access to before that. I think Kazuki Takahashi would be happy about that.

Radley, Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds

While Radley was not the first who interested me in 5Ds, no one else has seriously captured my imagination as he has. I love characters I can flesh out and characters I feel are or could be good, and he qualifies for all of that. But it’s not just a matter of loving to write about him. He, and Kalin, have helped me through some very serious rough places in my life. I first became interested in writing about Radley right before I learned that my friend of 20 years had died of cancer. I had so many wonderful ideas for stories about Radley, and focusing on those was really a balm for that grief. Later that same year, it was the love of Radley and his love of motorcycling that finally helped me conquer a fear of driving I’d had for almost ten years after nearly getting in a horrible wreck on the freeway. I wanted to have fun driving like Radley did. That longing was finally greater than my fear. Nothing else had gotten through. Because I was finally able to drive again, I’ve been able to do many things to help my family as we have been going through challenges the last several years. I believe God brought Radley to me at a time when I desperately needed him and that I would be remiss to not give Him the credit.

Sephiroth, Final Fantasy VII/Kingdom Hearts

I remember when I first watched Advent Children, I loved it but wasn’t impressed by Sephiroth’s limited screentime. I can’t even exactly remember how or why he finally captured my imagination and my heart. Maybe it was spending hours reading the entire game script since I had no access to the game and could not play it even though I desperately longed to do so. I definitely remember seeing in the flashbacks that he was a good person. I fell in love with that person. I know when Crisis Core came out and there was suddenly much more sane Sephiroth content, my heart was absolutely enraptured. I loved him, I loved Zack, I loved the beautiful friendship they could have together. But I know I already loved that before Crisis Core, most likely from reading some intriguing fics. I was disappointed that Crisis Core didn’t have them as close as the fics made them and that Sephiroth hadn’t been the one to train Zack, but there was so much to love anyway and I found ways to make their friendship work even with things being somewhat different in Crisis Core than fans had thought.

Because I loved Sephiroth so much, and also Zack and Cloud and their complex interactions with him, my imagination soared again as it had with YGO. I’m not sure I’ve loved any characters as much as them save for YGO ones. I wrote many fics for both FF7 and KH verses, I drew for them, and I made more friends. It was the YGO experience all over again. It was magical. I also used Sephiroth as my email address, with a name based on KH Sephiroth. That is still my main account today.

Now, finally able to play the game at long last due to having a Switch Lite and it being available for that, my imagination is soaring again. My muse has woke up. I’ve been doing new things with the characters in both verses, including finally investigating KH’s Birth By Sleep and starting a timeline that uses its vital information on the KH Sephiroth—information that fits with what I wanted to think about him all along. I’m playing KH Sephiroth in role-plays. I’m also playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, a game I honestly hadn’t ever planned to buy, because seriously, even though I don’t like fighting games, I can PLAY as Sephiroth! I don’t think any other game to date allows that.

Eevee, Pokemon

No one can deny the immense influence Eevee has been on my life (and my wallet!) over the last years. I always loved Eevee, but Radley turned that love into something life-changing. When I decided to play Radley in a Pokemon RP online, I chose Eevee as his starter. I quickly fell in love with the little darling, as did Radley, and he and I both soon wanted more and more of them. My room is an Eevee colony! But it’s not just a matter of loving collecting Eevees. I love it because of their sweetness and innocence. I am not exaggerating when I say that looking at their adorable faces has actually helped my emotional well-being more than once. Things have been very difficult in real-life for the last several years and I’ve clung to Eevees as something bright and beautiful when things have been falling apart around me and not making sense anymore. Last year I had an absolute meltdown in June. It was seeing my sweet Eevees looking at me with their innocent, happy smiles that calmed me down and helped me start to heal. I don’t think I’ve gotten that bad again since then. I believe God has allowed me to collect so many Eevees because He knew they were actually important medicine for me.

Tony Ferano, The Monkees.

Now most people will probably look at this and go “… What? Who?” Tony was a supporting character in episode 25 of The Monkees, Alias Micky Dolenz. He was absolutely hilarious, mostly because of his expressive reactions to all the nonsense going on around him. I just couldn’t get enough of him, to the point that I started following his actor Jimmy Murphy from role to role. It wasn’t the first time I’d done that, but no other excursion has led to so much. Because of Jimmy, I followed him to Kolchak: The Night Stalker and got interested in Darren McGavin and Simon Oakland. Then I followed Simon to Perry Mason, a show I’d loved before. I got obsessively interested in it and some of the actors, including William Talman. Because of William and wanting a Hamilton Burger plush, I started making my own plushies using plushie bases from Joann’s. I’m still doing that now. Then I followed William to The Wild Wild West and fell in love with that show and it became one of my most favorite classic TV shows of all time. Mom and I shared so many happy hours watching it, and most of these other shows. Those are memories I will cherish forever. I liked Christopher Cary in his WWW episode and his character Snakes Tolliver has been hugely inspirational to me. He had less than ten minutes of screentime, but I worked with that, fleshed him out, and developed him over many fics, both for WWW and for other series I crossed over with. I’m still using Snakes today, in RP as well as fics. I just posted something with him a couple of days ago. And Christopher was also hugely influential when I followed him to The Rockford Files and ended up fascinated by Ginger Townsend and Lou Trevino and their relationship. And so on and so on. I’ve written fics, tried drawing non-anime people again (albeit they do have anime influence in the style), even made a webcomic.

All because of Jimmy Murphy and his character Tony Ferano.

[atom-sys-reblog]

the dividers are very nice /gen

[ this post is/has turn into a notes post. noting what kind of things change between headmates instead of relying on collective terrible memory ]

[ adding this after the fifth paragraph, we are rambling. just listing random notes for later ]

differentiating between headmates is one of the hardest things to do for us. a lot of us are influenced by the others [ likely because of extremely low amnesia barriers and our notes/high unconscious communication ] so opinions and such are very similar.

another thing that a lot of us have in common is an accent that is not natural to our body. me [ aspen ], sage, apricot, and probably another headmate all share a british accent.

fortunately [ ish ] is that only two headmates have a typing quirk. though i think some others are catching on and unconsciouly choosing to type differently. [ two original typing quirk headmates being myself, aspen. ( short note-i forgot my name for a moment ) and lightbulb ]

lightbulb and suitcase are both objects so that gives them a sense of confusion in our body [ suitcase more-so. ] mainly in the form of not knowing how the body works or being uncomfortable with the way we look. [ typically we generally avoid mirrors so the second part usually shows up while they look at our hands ]

three of our headmates have partners. stephen and kiwi are together and lightbulb has a partially-canon partner in source. both kiwi and stephen rarely/never front without each other and are very distinct in their fronting patterns. lightbulb searches for her partner through the actual source, fan art, and through her own drawings. [ recently our papers have been filled with her drawings ]

sadie is the only headmate with a distinctly different art style. she is also the only age regressor and the youngest regardless. her presence in front is decently obvious because of the way she affects the body.

the most recent time sadie fronted was during a period of overstimulation. [ which turns out is a common pattern for her and is likely why we feel physically and mental small while overstimed ] she appears significantly more autistic [ masking is not easy while overstimed and its also not something we want to force on her ] even when not overstimulated.

sadie hasnt been forced to mask so she never really learned the purpose so she will: ramble on and on, excessively and very outwardly stim, and regardless of "social acceptability" she will find a way to calm herself down

for example, during class we arent allowed to listen to music or anything but we were overstimulated and sadie started fronting so she immediately put music on and rocked in our chair hands as close to our chest as she could get them

the bodys abilities [ particularly drawing this case ] often carry over to all headmates. while its terribly unreliable, we do occasionally use our most recent drawings to identify headmates. things like "did we draw our self" or "this is --- favorite character, are they fronting right now" and other questions come to mind when we look at them. [ along with that is the desire to draw, some of us want to or dont want to significantly more or less than others ]

finally, i think, is phantom shifts. this has a similar issue that voice does because many of us have the same kind of shifts [ almost all of us have some kind of wings, ears, and/or a tail in headspace ]. apricot and myself have pretty much the same shifts, cat-like ears & tail and large fluffy wings [ which makes sense since we are very similar in appearance ] stephen has deer like ears and tail. kiwi and avery have nothing. suitcase has a short incredibly bushy cat tail [ and, partially unrelated, no arms ]. lightbulb is most distinct besides stephen as she has wings on her head [ ? ] along with a long sharp tail and a pair of wings on her back [ which she described as being made of sea glass ]

-aspen [ and a hint of Apricot ]

[ like she said, identifying headmates is a pain ]

Ways that we tell each other apart that may or may not work for some of you:

One thing we noticed about ourselves is that our voices are very different from each other. Mine (Barbed Wire) is a lot deeper than Kandi's (who is very high pitched because they are a child). While it may come naturally to us, admitedly it is hard to seperate my voice from Sargent's or Lupus (other alters we have). So Think of what your voice is supposed to sound like and emulate it with the body's voice.

Name tests. Self explanatory. Go through he lost of names of alters you suspect you might be. Often times if you refer to "yourself" in third person (Example: I just don't know if I'm Vezzel or not) then you probably aren't them or you're co-con

If you have another relationship (, familial, platonic, or romantic) with another alter, then see if you are willing to be affectionate with them like "you" usually are. Vezzel is dating X, I am not. Vezzel would shower X in love and affection and would say they love love love them so much, but I wouldn't. Thinking of saying the things Vezzel would usually say evokes hesitation and discomfort. You'll want to look out for that.

If you're a system who has at least a few items you keep seperate for their members, then it's important to see which one you're more comfortable using. I'd rather not use the system blog unless I'm making system advice posts like these. This also works with our playlist's because of our different music tastes. NOTE: it is important to not use your alter's seperate spaces while they aren't fronting.

Writing down or remembering your opinions on things. Vezzel and I have differing opinions on things like Syscourse (We're both pro Endo, but it's the minute things) and how we should respond to people. Even if all of your system has similar opinions, there should be at least one that is slightly different from your own. (If there isn't that's okay.)

We are still a fairly new system, but this is what works for us. Might be easier for some, might be more difficult for others. Feel free to add on more things. Dividers and borders were used to make blocks of text easier to read.

Written by: Barbed Wire (Pronouns: @pluricfag )

[thisisgonnafuxkinkillme]

Hiya! I was wondering if you could do some Dadzawa fluffy/angst-ish stuff where he finds one of his students having a panic attack and he just helps comfort them and they end up just clinging onto him for dear life and just sobbing into him? And could their personality be quiet/shy, friendly, and it seems like they are mentally stable but their mental state is literally deteriorating?

If you don’t want to do that, it’s totally fine tho! Hope you have a lovely day :)

Done!

Lemon Drops

Warnings: panic attack, anxiety and depression mention

Your pencil shook as you pressed it to your paper with ever increasing pressure in order to get your mind off of all the swirling thoughts within. You weren’t doing well this semester. Your grades were fine, sure, but that wasn’t the issue here.

You’d been able to keep up the act of ‘quiet but good, hardworking student’ for long enough.

Long enough, in fact, to have grown quite close with one of the strictest teachers at UA. Mr. Aizawa.

By close, he’d give you a tiny nod whenever you’d be the last one to leave class, still hurriedly writing one last note as he’d yell out reminders to ‘get this work done by Friday. I don’t want to be grading all weekend.’

And he’d learn not to call on you when you weren’t raising your hand. That was a practice he’d often used to find out who was truly paying attention. For you, though, it was a total nightmare. Even if you knew the answer, being called on so unexpectedly would cause you to go totally blank, stammering and stuttering while turning red in the face.

After seeing that from you, he kept you after class and softly apologized to you.

That is how you knew he thought of you highly. He knew that you weren’t just an inattentive student, and that you probably had social anxiety like he did when he was your age.

“I don’t mind not calling on you,” he said, “but just don’t let anyone else know. Let them think that I just forgot about you or something.”

Of course, that was so that other students wouldn’t pull the same act. Plus, he didn’t want anyone to think he was giving you special treatment.

Today, though, was your breaking point. None of the ‘special treatment’ he gave you could help you now. Tears were pushing their way past your eyes as you squeezed them shut. Your hands were slick and clammy with sweat and your heartbeat was so loud that you were sure everyone else could hear the pumping in their ears like you did.

The world around you faded away as your brain screamed at you, attacking you from the inside out.

Suddenly, a hand gripped your shoulder firmly.

You jumped, looking up to greet a stony faced Aizawa and an empty classroom.

He handed you a sour lemon candy.

“Eat this,” he ordered. You looked up at him questioningly, to which he added, “trust me.”

You did so, assulting your senses with the overly sour morsel.

It was so overwhelming, in fact, that you couldn’t hear the shrieks coming from your mind. All you could hear, now, was your own breathing.

“Are you okay?” he asked, nearly at a whisper. He knew that having a breakdown like this was bad enough on its own, but other students knowing about it made it even worse.

That question was all it took for you to snap. Tears poured down your face and you finally let out the sob that you’d been holding in for what felt like centuries.

Now, many coworkers and students of Aizawa would think that in a situation like this, he’d kick you out of his classroom, chiding you for making his next class wait.

But he didn't.

He'd locked the door so that no other students could come in and make things worse.

Screw the next class. You needed him more than they did. Plus, who wouldn't be happy to have a few extra minutes of chatter?

When the tears began to flow freely down your cheeks, and the sobs were impossible to contain, he approached you. Gently, he placed his hand on your shoulder, as you clutched onto his chest.

“I-I...I can’t do this anymore. It’s all too much,” you whimpered. Even though your words were muffled by hiccups and by his shirt, he understood all too well.

“You’re good at hiding your struggles. Stop that.”

He allowed you to hold onto him, surely wrinkling his clothes and staining his shirt with tears, without any scolding or reprimanding.

“Take your time,” he murmured comfortingly. He wasn’t big on physical affection, but he was happy to do what he could to help alleviate everything that’d built up for so long.

He added, “Don’t ever let things get this bad again. I care about my students. You may stay after class and talk to me any time. Any time.”

Soon, your shuddered breaths slowed and your tears dried. Your fingers loosened around his shirt, returning back to you as you returned back to reality.

Somehow, things seemed a little brighter.

[ray-ray-writings]

Okay but like SBI family with a goat hybrid reader? Also may I be the 🔍 anon if it's not taken? Thank you!

(Of course!! Welcome to the Rayders 🔍 anon!!!) 

Yesss more hybrid tings. I hope you enjoy. (P.S. Imagines won by a landslide so I posted the Punz one but I am just not in the right headspace to write for Techno rn lol. So have this as my apology)

Alright. Let’s start with this. You have two horns that stick out on your head. They are very cool but also very sensitive. Whenever you’ve done something good or you are cuddling someone, they will rub your horns as a form of affection/petting you and it always feels really good and if you could purr like a cat, you would. Because of your horns, you and Tubbo are very close. You two hang out all the time and share tips and tricks for taking care of your horns and stuff like that. 

So to kind of go along with affection, the way you most often show affection is by head butting. Nothing too hard or jarring, just a soft little head tap. Like Techno bring you food, headbutt against the arm. Wilbur sing you a song, headbutt his shoulder. Tommy isn’t annoying for once, headbutt against his chest. Philza cuddling you, also gets a headbutt to the shoulder. Tubbo compliments you, headbutt his head. I feel like you don’t headbutt other people’s heads because sometimes your horns can hurt them, but Tubbo doesn’t mind and he can handle it. Eventually once you learn how to be more careful, you give headbutts to everyone. As for who likes them the most? My money is on Techno. I just really think that Techno is the type to love silent short bursts of affection like that. And I just think that he would really love and appreciate the soft head taps that you give him and so much so that I think at one point he starts giving them back to you. Like just will walk by you, gently headbutt you and move on. You two never mention it its just something soft between you two. 

Something funny that I have found in my research is that when goats get over excited or scared, they will faint. They don’t actually go unconscious but their body tenses up and their muscles lock up and they fall over. So I imagine you do the same. I think you found out one day because Philza surprised you with something you had wanted for a long time and you let out a loud squeal and then you felt your body lock up and you fell over. It scared the hell out of the sleepy boys, but after talking to Schlatt, who sometimes acts like an older brother or a mentor to you on this hill I will-.... Moving on, after talking to Schlatt you find out it’s perfectly normal and that it’s nothing to worry about. Tommy uses this knowledge to his advantage. He thinks it is the funniest thing ever so he makes it his mission to at least once a week scare you so bad that you ‘faint’. He does everything from jump scaring you to literally somehow getting a zombie in your house to make you do the thing. It if genuinely bothered you though, he would stop but if you didn’t mind he would literally do it all the time. 

You are so good at jumping and climbing, it scares the crap out of people sometimes. Like you can climb vertically on certain blocks without ladders or vines or anything, you can just get yourself up there. Like Tommy’s cobblestone towers? One time he forgot something in a chest at the top and he had no way of getting up and you were like “I’ve got it” and you just walk up the side of the building and begin scaling it. Tommy is for once in his life speechless as he watches you scale the building. When you’re about halfway up, Philza walks out with Techno and Wilbur and they catch sight of you and run over. “Y/N!” Philza yells up at you, “What is going on?” You don’t respond, you’re a little busy. So Philza looks over to Tommy who snaps out of it and looks back at Philza, “Did you know they could do that?” “Do what? Aren’t they stuck?” “No, they’re climbing… Like actually climbing the building” And so the four of them turn their attention back to you and just watch in utter amazement as you get to the top, grab the things needed, and then climb back down with no issues. You are bombarded with questions while you hand Tommy the thing that he needed. Once they all died down you just give them a little shrug, “Schlatt told me I might be good at climbing. I put it to the test one day and turns out I am” From then on, you they don’t get as scared when they see you hanging off the side of the building, but it doesn’t mean they don’t get scared.

OKAY WAIT I HAD THIS REALLY FUNNY IDEA! Like one day Tubbo is grounded and his room is like on the third floor or something and Philza wouldn’t let you up the stairs to go see him “Like you cannot go up these stairs and see Tubbo” and you’re like okay bet so you go outside and you literally scale the wall and tap on the window of Tubbo’s room. He comes to the window and is like “Philza said you couldn’t see me!” And you grin and are like “He said I could not go up the stairs and see you…. I did not go up the stairs to see you.” Tubbo laughs at that and helps you in the room. And when Philza catches you later, he can’t even be made because damn…. He did say that didn’t he?

Contrary to what some may think, goats are actually very clean eaters. They won’t eat things that are like rotting or things that have just gone bad. So you are a very picky eater. You will only eat good food that has been prepared that day. You have a good diet that you follow and that your family knows about because you have definitely thrown a fit and refused to eat something and have started whole ass food fights to get what you wanted. That being said, you will absolutely put anything in your mouth to give it a test nibble. You and Philza cuddling on the couch and his hat is right in reach, you can bet you’re chomping. Techno’s cape dragging behind him as he walks by you while you’re seated on the couch, you bet you’re reaching forward and nibbling on the end of it. Wilbur has absolutely found you with a part of his guitar in your mouth. Once you even chewed on Tommy’s discs… You were very lucky you had not ruined it because he was very upset… You were sorry but that did not stop you from biting other things of his as well. Just literally everything and anything becomes a chew toy for you and after a while the boys just learn to deal with it. They even actually learn to set out things that you can chew on and learn to hide the things that they don’t want you to chew. 

So these weren’t very good but I still hope you enjoyed them!!

[fivelakesinwriting]

can you do a barry one where you’re rafe and sarah’s sister and you’ve been sneaking barry into your room every night while you’re home from college bc your friends with benefits but when ward goes to give barry the money that rafe owes him he says something like “why don’t you ask your daughter who’s she’s been sneaking into her room every night. so ward comes home pissed to wake you up and ask you about it so you go to barry’s house and confront him and it leads to smut

Author's Notes: I wrote her as the Littlest Cameron from Ward's first marriage - because I kinda love that idea. All characters are 18+

Warnings: OBX Spoilers - Only for Season 1 (I assume we've all been there done that..) Swearing, Mentions of drugs/ drug debt, Guns, Sexual references - Sexual innuendos, Smutty.

Requested? YES! Requests for OBX are OPEN!

*My work is not to be transferred, copied, translated or reposted to any other sites without my permission. Please see my masterlist for all other works and warnings. Thank you! xoxo

For almost six weeks he had been sneaking into her bedroom at night, completely unseen to anyone. Not even the boy who spent the majority of his days on his couch, passed out or begging for a fix.

This time it was his turn to beg.

He crawled through the window - left open like always for him - and tossed his legs through in to her bedroom. He grunted when her body collided with his in the dark, sending him backwards towards the wall.

"We said 11pm. It's 11:17pm." She mumbled as she pressed on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck.

"Sorry. Got wrapped up in some shit. Thought I forgot?" He smirked as he hitched at the waist to wrap his arms around her, reciprocating her affection.

"Yes." She whispered into his shoulder as her fingertips curled into the material of his coveralls.

Barry only lifted her up in response, always amazed that a girl with a brother the size of Rafe Cameron could be so tiny. He carried her over to her bed and laid her on her back, crawling on top of her to take up the space between her thighs. He placed feather-light kisses down her neck, a smile on his face as she pulled at his coveralls.

"Hey, Tiny. I need to borrow some fucking cash. You don't still have that stupid piggy bank or some shit - what the fuck is this?" Rafe came stomping into her bedroom without knocking and flicked the lights on, his hands pushing all the trinkets and books off her dresser as he searched.

"Rafe, what the fuck! Knock first, asshole!" She screamed as she tossed a decorative pillow off her bed and towards her older brother who stood dumbfounded on the other side of her bedroom.

"The fuck is this? Why is he here?" Rafe questioned as he pointed his index finger at the older man on top of his younger sister.

"What's up, Country Club?" Barry smirked as he turned his face to look at Rafe, as if he weren't on top of his little sister.

"T.C, he has to leave. Now. I'm fucking serious." Rafe grumbled with a stern look, a pinch of his nostrils and then exited her bedroom with a slam of the door.

"T.C?" Barry grinned as he propped himself up on his arms above her and looked down at her embarrassed face.

"Tiny Cameron." She sighed as she pressed one hand to his lower back and the other to her forehead.

"That's cute. Shit's real cute. He take money from you a lot?" Barry asked as he leaned his weight on one forearm to run his fingertips over his top lip.

"Not a lot. Sometimes. Mostly takes it from dad, but he asks for money a lot more often now. I'm assuming it's to pay you." She replied softly.

"Some of it. Your brother got a nice new bike out there and he still runnin' up a tab with me, so..." Barry trailed as he placed his hand back down beside her on the bed.

"Don't get me started on that stupid dirt bike." She sighed as she rolled her head back on the sheets.

"Listen, I'm gonna go. I can hear him pacing outside that fucking door. But don't let him take your money, T.C." Barry winked before he gave her a quick kiss on her lips and pulled himself off the bed, heading back towards the window.

"Fuck you, Barry." She whined with a pout, sitting up on the bed to watch him leave.

"Next time." He grinned, flashing her his gold tooth.

*

It had been close to one week since the night Rafe had caught Barry in his little sister's room, and since then his debt had grown exponentially. Rafe felt overwhelmed and reckless as he entered the combination to his father's wall safe. Perhaps that's why he got caught.

"Dad, I swear I learned my lesson. Okay? Let's not do this. Please." Rafe begged from the front seat of his father's S.U.V as they idled out front of Barry's house.

"Stay in the car." Ward ordered as he unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door.

Ward Cameron walked up the dirt path, lit by the lights of his vehicle and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He saw the young man sitting at the fire pit, a bottle of liquor in his hand.

"Are you Barry?" He called as he opened his wallet and began to count the bills.

"Might be. You lost?" Barry asked as he took a swig of the whiskey in his hand and looked over the clean cut older man standing a few feet in front of him.

"No. My son Rafe owes you money. I'm here to pay his tab." Ward replied with a shake of his head as he pulled out the wad of cash, and folded it in half.

"Big Daddy Cameron, huh?" Barry smirked as he stood up from his chair and took a few steps towards Ward.

"That should cover it. Don't sell my son drugs anymore." Ward growled as he tossed the cash on the ground at Barry's feet and turned to walk away.

"Got no problem not selling drugs to your delinquent son. But it's your daughter who might have a problem staying away from me." Barry replied his stance strong as he watched Ward Cameron stop dead in his tracks, his back rigid.

"Sarah?" Ward asked as he turned around, his eyes wide as he looked the dealer up then down.

"You forget you have more than one daughter, don't you? Talking about the little one. Think Rafe calls her...T.C?" Barry replied as he pushed his hands into his pockets.

Ward Cameron ran a shaky hand over his beard as he continued to stare at Barry. He turned to leave, but changed his mind and stalked back over to him, and stood directly in front of the shorter man.

"Stay away from my family. My son and especially my daughter." Ward growled a finger pressed into Barry's chest before he turned on his heel and stomped back towards the S.U.V.

"Big Daddy Cameron." Barry scoffed with a shake of his head as he crouched down to pick up the bills on the ground. He knew he had just lit a match under the Cameron patriarch, but he was fine with it.

Back at Tannyhill Rafe walked quickly into the house and up the stairs, his head hung low as he blinked back tears. He walked passed each of his sisters' rooms towards his own, stopping at the one of the left.

"T.C, better gear up. Dad knows about Barry. He's coming upstairs. Fire is lit." Rafe grumbled with a sniff and then made his way towards his bedroom with a slam of his door.

"What do you mean dad knows about - Hi, daddy." She mumbled as she scrambled off the bed after her brother, only to be met in the doorway by a livid Ward Cameron.

"How long?" Ward asked as he tried to keep his voice even, despite the way his body shook with pure anger. He had one daughter running around on The Cut, a son stealing from him to pay for his drug habit, and now his other daughter - his baby - was sleeping with that drug dealer.

What had he done wrong?

"Since I got home from school. Rafe introduced us at a party." She replied softly, avoiding her father's gaze.

"Are you snorting that shit like Rafe is?" Ward asked, his voice just a whisper and terrified.

"No, dad. I'm not. I swear. It's not like that with Barry. He likes me. He likes me a lot, and we're just hanging out together." She replied quickly as she reached for her father, her hands on his wrists that hung at his sides.

"But you're sleeping with him." Ward scoffed with a glare down at her. So tiny. Just like her mother. Everything about her reminded him of his first wife.

"I...I mean, yes. We're sleeping together. I go and visit him, and he comes over here sometimes." She nodded with a squeeze of his wrists.

"T.C, he comes here? To my house?" Ward glared down at his daughter.

"Dad, I -"

"I can't look at you right now." Ward grumbled as he pulled his wrists from her grip, rubbed his face and walked out of her bedroom, down the hall to his office.

"Shit." She whispered, pushing her hands through her hair. She walked back into her room, over to her desk and grabbed her bag. She walked over to her window, slid it open as quietly as she could and climbed out.

The knock at Barry's door was a surprise. He was expecting no visitors. He slowly raised his body up from the tattered couch, grabbed his gun from the waistband of his pants and walked cautiously to the front door.

"What you want?" He yelled, gun raised.

"It's me, you ass." Her sad voice sobbed back with a slam of her fist against the door once again.

"Fuck." Barry sighed as he reached for the several locking mechanisms on his door and let her in.

"What the fuck did you say to my dad!" She cried with a push of his strong chest.

Barry stood in the doorway and took each hit to the chest. He knew he may have overstepped a boundary or two that night, telling Ward Cameron he was sleeping with his daughter. But, he didn't like to have people come up to his home uninvited, telling him what to do and who to see. So he bit back.

"Stop. Listen to me. He came over here with your brother in the car, tossed money at me and told me to stop selling to Rafe." Barry muttered as he grabbed her wrists then held them against his chest to keep her close.

"And what did you say?" She struggled in his arms and looked up at him with those eyes that were all Cameron. He wished he didn't like them so much.

"I told him that was fine, but he might have an issue keeping his little girl out of my bed." Barry replied with a slight smirk, his gold tooth taking hold of his bottom lip.

"That isn't funny, Barry." She pouted up at him as she struggled to pull her wrists from his grip.

"It's a little funny."

"My dad is livid, Barry! Rafe is holed up in bedroom doing and thinking who knows what. And I - " She pulled her wrists from his grasp and stepped into his small home, beginning to pace.

"They ain't an issue for you anymore. Rafe's tab is paid, and now Big Daddy Cameron knows about us. So, I don't know what's got your panties in such a twist. But you should take them off if they're bothering you so much." Barry muttered as he ran his fingertips over his top lip, and leaned against the door frame as he watched her.

"No. I'm mad at you." She whispered as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him with a furrowed brow.

"Nipples say otherwise." Barry muttered with a point to her chest, pushed up under her forearms.

"Don't!" She whined as she covered her breasts from his view.

She was mad at him. It was the first time in the few weeks they had been dating she had felt angry with him. She scowled as she looked him up then down as he stayed leaned up against the door frame. The both of them challenging the other to make the first move.

"Well, are you staying the night or did you just come to yell at me and flash your nipples in my fucking face?" Barry grunted as he pushed himself off the door frame and slowly made his way towards the back of the house, slipping his gun back in the waistband of his pants.

"They aren't in your face." She mumbled but followed him towards his bedroom with a shuffle of her feet.

Barry sat on the edge of the bed, pulling the gun from the waistband of his pants and placing it delicately on his nightstand. He spread his knees and beckoned her over with a wave of his hand.

"I'm mad at you." She stated with her arms crossed over her chest still, looking him over. She did as instructed, though, walking over to his slowly and stood between his knees.

"Well. I don't wanna be mad at you." Barry replied as he placed his hands on her hips to pull her against his chest.

"You shouldn't have said those things to my dad, Barry." She whispered as she uncrossed her arms and placed her palms on his shoulders.

"I was right, wasn't I? You busted out the house and now you're here with me, ain't you?" Barry grinned up at her as his fingertips pushed up the hem of her shirt to touch her skin, still warm from her bike ride over.

"Well, yeah. But that doesn't mean you have to say it to my dad. Asshole." She pouted as she slapped his chest playfully before she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I could have said way worse shit to him than that. Like how you liked to be tied up." Barry chuckled as he placed his hands on her backside and raised his eyebrows at her. He grabbed at her elbows, lifting her arms from around his neck and held her arms behind her back.

"Barry." She whined as she dropped her forehead to his.

"Guess I'll save that one for next time." Barry muttered as he kept his grip on her arms behind her back strong, but leaned in to press his lips to hers.

"Be nice to me." She pouted against his lips as she struggled weakly in his grip.

"No. You gotta make up for your dad coming in and fucking up my night." Barry smirked as he held her wrists behind her back with one hand as the other reached to the front of her shirt, pushing it beneath her breasts.

"I knew you had a daddy kink, Barry. But if you wanna fuck my dad that's a deal breaker for me." She grinned as she squirmed in his grip.

"Get on your hands and knees. Tiny Cameron." Barry growled as he let her wrists go and slapped her backside firmly.

"Ow! Fuck you." She whined as she crawled over his lap and onto the bed.

"About time." Barry mumbled as he stood up, turning the face the bed to see her back arched the way liked. He ran his thumb over his top lip and smiled softly to himself.

He wasn't going to stop selling to Rafe Cameron, that was something Rafe had to decide for himself. And he certainly wasn't going to stop seeing or sleeping with the girl currently in his bed, wiggling her ass at him for his attention.

Ward Cameron would have to kill him first.

Hottie List: @starkey-babie @sodasback @fashion-fasting @barrysjumpsuit @beauvibaby @professional-busboy @soph0864 @vinniehcker

*tag list still open if you'd like to be added - just let me know! Please let me know what you think if you have a moment! Thank you so much! xoxo

Requests for OBX ARE OPEN!

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

[fulltimecatwitch]

I have talked a lot about how much i love Resistance and why, but today i wanted to talk about some of its flaws ( because like every show it does have some flaws).

I think the one big issue with the series is that they tried to make it too kid friendly, but at the same time they brought up this super heavy issues like the destruction of Hosnian Prime, the massacres of Aesos and Tehar, or Kaz's difficult relationship with his family, etc, and instead of making the characters deal or face these issues they sort of just forgot about them ??? There are some instances where we can sense that the characters are hurt from these issues or that they have grown or learned from them but they are so so brief.

Another issue i have is that they relied a little too much on Kaz as the comic relief of the series (again this might be to keep the tone kid friendly) and i think his character suffered a little because of this.

For example, throughout the series he is constantly mocked for being terrible at shooting, but the very first episode he scores a hit on Mayor Vonreg's ship and when playing darts he hits the centre every single time. These are just a few of the many other instances when we see that he is indeed competent ( i mean he was trained in the navy and was top of his class), but for the sake of humour they just turned him into this "goofy character" when clearly he is much more smart and complex than that

So yeah this are my two big issues with Resistance, but i understand that the show was created for a very young audience, plus Dave Filoni had to drop out of the project mid season one, which probably affected some of the writing

[treesandtheirberries]

Dad!Harry talks to his daughter about her questioning sexuality

A/N: might make this into a blurb series? so presh. if you have any concepts around this, send them my way. 

wc: 2,249

June was Harry and Y/N’s first baby, their biggest accomplishment before they were soon having another child. June was currently 13, the awkward age of Middle School, puberty, and overall questioning of identity. Y/N and Harry wanted this weird stage to be a smooth transition. They always encouraged her to express herself, with clothes, in hobbies, with their conversations. Although their first child, they both felt as though they managed to get through the difficulties of becoming a parent easily (thanks to the massive amount of parenting books, from birth to adolescence, that Harry kept buying while June was still in the womb). 

Yet, there is only so much you can prepare your child for, and surely you can’t be there to guide them through every difficulty. Harry and Y/N weren’t sure if June would question her sexuality as both of them weren’t straight, they didn’t know if the process was the same for heterosexuals. But they never skirted around the topic. If anything, they encouraged watching same-sex couples in movies and such, even having many friends who had families with someone of the same gender (or a partner that was non-binary). 

Harry hoped that this would be an excellent way to acclimate their children to the varying diversity of the world. Y/N grew up with racial diversity, but anything deviant from heterosexuality or cisgender was heavily frowned upon. They hoped that with their lack of omission of the varying aspects of identity their children would have the opportunity to understand themselves easier rather than constantly question their identity. 

They forgot to take into account that this was simply a stage in adolescence they had to endure though, as Eric Erickson put it: a fight between identity and role confusion. And June was currently right at the center of it.

June, even as a child, was usually calm and they rarely had problems with her being fussy like they do with the twins, Mazzy and Mick (named after the artists constantly playing on their home turntable). Thus, any changes were quickly noticed in her behavior. 

-------

Picking up the kids from daycare and June from school was on the top of Y/N’s list of things to do for the day. She adored seeing everyone’s faces after a day at work and seeing their warm smiles and tight hugs always brightened her mood. 

Today, things seemed different. 

June jumped into the front seat with a grunt, a frown, and even went as far as throwing her bag onto the floor of the car forcefully. This was generally out of character, except Y/N and Harry have noticed these bursts of anger more recently. 

“What’s eating at ‘ya bug?” Y/N calmly asked, wanting to maintain a balance of emotions although knowing June was perhaps all over the place as most teenagers are. 

June rubbed her hands on the top of her thighs and noticeably took a few deep breaths; a calming tactic her father taught her when she was younger to calm herself. She took a few more breaths until facing her mother to talk. “Sage didn’t want to hang out this weekend,” she finishes, the frown being found on her face once again.

“Oh, is she busy? Thought you two were having a sleepover at home?” Y/N inquired. She knew Sage and her daughter were best friends since the beginning of sixth grade, and she hoped they would maintain their friendship although she knew the ups and downs adolescents faced it might not be possible.

“She said she’s going to the mall with Rye.”

“As in the bread?” Y/N chuckled, trying to lift the mood.

June rolled her eyes, another behavior that has risen in frequency. “No mom. A boy. That she likes.” She grumbled crossing her arms and sinking further into the seat.

“Oooooh I see what’s going on here, Sage is going on a date!” She rose her voice to a pitch of puppy love, which didn’t sit well with June. 

“We promised we wouldn’t date boys in Middle School. They’re all so stupid and ugly. I don’t get why she’s ditching me for him.” 

Y/N was a bit surprised by this. Harry and she have talked about the day they’d have to worry about June’s infatuation with others and they were dreading it. Hearing that June didn’t have interest in it now was a relief, but of course, this whole conversation was concerning. 

“I understand, not the nicest to make plans with someone when she already made some with you. But June-bug, you guys are teenagers. Of course, she’s going to take an opportunity to go on a date with a freaking boy!”

“Language momma!” Mick yelled, the three-year-olds’ well acquainted with naughty words.

“I guess. Just rude s’all.” June finished with another grumble. She wasn’t known for throwing huge fits, and her outbursts were usually this short. 

Still, Y/N knew that this would be something that would affect her for the rest of the week. Her daughter is calm but incredibly sensitive, and the two parents have learned how to work through her internal struggles. She decided to ask the usual question during June’s turmoils: “wanna talk to dad about it?” 

“Yes please.”

--------

Harry was finishing washing the plates as Y/N was getting the twins ready for bed. The small domestic moments like these reminded Harry of how lucky he was to have a family like his. He noticed June’s mood as soon as everyone entered the house, and once Y/N confirmed they would need to talk later, Harry was preparing himself to support his daughter through her problems. Y/N and he were definitely lucky with their firstborn being like June. Sometimes he’ll credit his efforts in teaching June meditation early, and depending on the day, Y/N agrees. 

As he dries the plates to put back in their cupboards, June walks in. 

“Hiya bug. C’mere give Poppa hug.”

June rolls her eyes (he’s having a hard time adjusting to these teenager habits) and walks closer to her father. Although she’s extremely close with both of her parents, there is a timeless connection she has with her father. “Not a child anymore dad. And please, do not call yourself poppa again. You’re not that old yet.” She mumbled in his chest, clearly needing the affection.

“Mom said you wanted to talk? Want her there?”

“Uhm. Maybe we could just talk in my room please.” 

“Of course, let me just put these plates all back” Harry smiled, only letting go of the hug once he felt June move away. A small trick he learned from his mother after she attacked him with countless parenting trips: never let go in a hug with your child, let them determine when the hug is over. It gives them more comfort and stability in their lives and although he saw this as minimal, he understood its significance.

“I’ll help.”

----

As they walked to June’s room, they caught Y/N walking back from the twins’ room. “Hey baby, twins are done for. I’ll be in the room. “ She pecks Harry quick on the lips and turns to June to wrap her in a hug. “Love you cutie,” she winks at June as she goes to her room.

“Love you momma” June smiles, happy that she has a supportive family like this one. 

“I’ll be there in a bit,” Harry smiles, his arm going back to June’s shoulders, giving it a squeeze. 

Once they get to her room, both take a seat on June’s bed. Her back is on the headboard while Harry sits at the edge facing her, cross-legged. Every once in a while June would request to speak to Harry, Y/N,  or both of her parents on the issues bothering her. Harry and Y/N were proud of having a daughter that felt comfortable enough to communicate with her parents, and they always were looking for new ways to enrich themselves with the issues kids have a different ages. 

“Speak to me June, what’s on your mind lady?” Harry starts, initiating the push. He can tell that she’s struggling to bring her thoughts to words.

“Did you....well. How did you ... realize you didn’t like ... uhm, just girls?” She hesitantly asked, too flustered to look at her father on such a strange topic. 

Oh, it’s happening, Harry thought. “Well, I was pretty young, I guess around your age, and I realized that I just wasn’t fully straight. It developed from there I guess, I talked to a few friends about it, spoke to your grandma, and eventually met a boy I really liked. It was really scary, I’m not going to lie, figuring out my feelings at that point. After that, it wasn’t a big deal and everyone in the family understood. I just knew something like gender wasn’t a big deal to me, and if I liked someone I liked them. But it’s different for everyone. Your mom can tell you how she found out she’s bi.”

June was soaking in the information her father gave her. She knew both of her parents weren’t straight, but hearing how they found it out was something entirely different. It wasn’t that she was foreign to the concept, but in personal terms, it was utterly confusing. 

She finally looked to her father, giving him a small smile at the personal information he shared. They were a very open family, but something about this felt even more personal. “But, did you ever think you were faking it?” 

“Not really, but you already know how pretentious your father is,” he chuckled, lighting the mood. “Your mother, as she’ll tell you, had a completely different experience. Said she struggled for years thinking she was either faking it or actually completely gay! She once told me that she just couldn’t disclose it with anyone, and that led her to a lot of contemplation. But if you’re feeling this way too, I need you to know your mother and I are here to support you in any way we can.”

“Dad,” June scrunched her eyes looking down at her crossed legs. “I think I might like girls. Or at least, I think. After Sage told me she’d ditched me I just realized I don’t like her just as a friend.” 

At this moment, tears began to form in her eyes from all the confusion. Instantly Harry brought her into aa encompassing bear hug, keeping her safe in his chest. It hurt him to see her going through this dilemma, the inter-workings of adolescents were never fun. 

“It’s just,” June suddenly choked on a sob, grasping her dad’s hoodie. Harry began to rub her back for support. “I like her I think. Like really like her dad. I don’t want her to date a boy, I want to date her. But she won’t like me and...I don’t know! Why did this have to happen to me!” She continued, clearly soaking his hoodie.

“Oh baby, please don’t ever think this is a bad thing. Sexuality is a spectrum, many of our friends are somewhere on it, and you already know Elizabeth and Mary are married. This is a beautiful thing to discover baby. But yes, I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be hard. There may be times you like someone who doesn’t like girls but bug, that’s simply life.”

“What if I am dad. I don’t know if I like boys at all.”

“Then you are. As simple as that. You can label how you feel or not, it’s all about what feels most comfortable to you. As you know, your mother and I will be here to support you in any way we can. If you like girls, so be it, you’re still our daughter and you know that. If you like boys, which I mean yuck,” he imitated a gagging noise, rising a laugh out of June “then okay. Both or everyone? It’s all okay bub. I do want you to think about it, It might take some time to accept it but we’re accepting you any way you are. You’re so beautiful and strong, and your sexuality doesn’t diminish that in any way.” He made sure to hug her tightly as he said this, expressing his full support. 

“Dad, thank you.” June exhaled, releasing herself to wipe her tears. 

“Of course, June. I’m so happy you were able to tell me this, I know it must’ve been hard.”

After a deep breath, June looked calmer after her small crisis. “I knew you guys would be okay with anything but it’s just, much harder than I expected to really like your friend who doesn’t like you.”

“It’s hard, so so hard. Ask your mum, seriously I swear she told me she also liked one of her friends at your age. Universal gay experience perhaps?” Harry pondered. 

June gave a small laugh to that. “Yeah, I’ll ask. I don’t want her to think I left her out of this, it’s just that I’ve heard about your sexuality in the media more.”

“Pesky things, but I understand. It was so hard for your mom in comparison to me. Do you want me to let her know first, is it okay that I let her know you might be questioning?” He gave her daughter a sincere inquisitive look, valuing consent over everything. 

“Yeah, of course. Probably talk to her tomorrow after we drop the twins off. I really appreciate it, dad.”

“No problem bug. Let’s get you tucked away.” 

__________ part 2

OH MY GOD this is my first I HOPE YOU LIKE. please any feedback would be so sexy. 

[many-but-one]

Day One: What is DID/OSDD?

I'm going to be honest, I totally forgot about Summer System Education Week until I saw some other folks posting about it. I'm mostly going to talk about my personal experiences with finding out I had the disorder. Each day when talking about alters, system communication, memory loss, etc, I will mostly talk about personal experience, as I feel there are so many people on this website that are way better at explaining scientific research than me. Not to mention, most of my research I've done personally is pretty bare-bones, as while I did suspect I had DID in 2016, I didn't do extensive research and therefore kind of rescinded my thoughts on having the disorder. (Also thought I was endogenic, which is a whole different issue.) I wasn't diagnosed until March of 2021, at 22 years old, and I was diagnosed by my current therapist who is a trauma specialist (as well as a DID specialist, though I didn't know that she was the latter at all) and was able to tell I did indeed have DID. She actually suspected it pretty early on in our therapeutic relationship (I started seeing her in December of 2019) as I showed a LOT of what she would constitute as DID "red flags" but she did not make the diagnosis until she was absolutely certain, by which this time I was showing a lot of signs that were affecting my quality of life pretty extensively. So pretty much all of my DID research has come from her, and the group therapy she runs for DID systems in her care, which began as a psychoeducation group (to learn about DID and how to cope with it) and then turned more into a support group. All of us in the group are now friends outside of group, and let's just say having these people in my life has changed it for the better.

I actually wrote an article for a website called "The Mighty" about what to do if your partner is diagnosed with DID, which has been approved, but not published yet. In it I explained DID like this:

"DID is a trauma-based disorder, characterized in the DSM-V (diagnostic and statistical manual for mental disorders, fifth edition, published in 2013) as a “Disruption of identity characterized by two or more distinct personality states.” Part of DID also includes a discontinuity of behavior, consciousness, memory, perception, cognition, and sensory-motor function. Amnesia for daily events, important personal information, and past traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetfulness is also a criteria for the disorder. For myself, this included forgetting several days at a time, blacking out conversations with people at work and school, and not remembering any of my life before the age of 8-9 years old. 

Something that is not considered a diagnostic criteria of DID, but is required for the disorder to form, is repetitive childhood trauma before the age of around 7-9. In an effort to explain this briefly, prior to that age, children have separate “ego states” that make up their personality. When they are younger, this includes things such as needing to go to the bathroom, being hungry, or wanting attention. When they get older, children start to form personality traits within these ego states, and around that 7-9 age, all of these ego states coalesce and become one solid personality. Children that experience trauma that is often severe and repetitive over a long period of time, will form amnesia barriers between these ego states. For example, if a child is going through a form of abuse, their brain will form amnesia barriers between the normally functioning child and the memories of the abuse. One ego state will have those memories, while the other ego states will be unaware. This allows the child to function normally and allow them to survive what is often extreme trauma that they would not be able to handle if they lived with the trauma memories in daily life. 

So what happens with these ego states that are separated by amnesia? As a child experiences more abuse or more of the world and its dangers, these other ego states will “switch in” and handle those difficult moments. These ego states that experience trauma are often referred to as “EP’s” or “Emotional Parts.” This does not necessarily mean they only hold emotion, this just means that they hold trauma memories. Ego states that (generally) do not hold traumatic memories are called “ANP’s” or “Apparently Normal Parts.” They function in the day-to-day life such as going to school, going to work, doing chores and homework, etc, that the EP’s would not be able to handle. They often are unaware of the system existing and therefore unaware of the trauma, but not always. The ANP that is “out” most often is generally considered the “host” alter. In a statistically large portion of systems, all other alters will pretend to be the host (often referred to as “masking”). This can make it difficult for outside people to know that a person is a system. This is called remaining “covert” and is sometimes considered essential for a system’s survival in the real world, where a majority of people are not a system. 

(Side note: a system is a group of alters, also known as a “system of parts.” I plan to write another article talking about DID vocabulary and the different alter types in a system.)

When these ego states experience the world, they will form personality traits that encompass their experiences. They will have different names, ages, appearances, tastes in food and clothing, and even different allergies or vital signs to other alters. Some systems even document having alters with different eyeglasses prescriptions or reaction to medication." (Quoted from the rough draft of my article "My Partner Has DID! What do I do?" published for "The Mighty," which may later have edits or be shortened, but keep the same topic and writing style. This article is not published at the time of this post, which means the title may also change in this publishing process. I post every so often on this website, but have focused most of my attention on creating articles to help people learn about DID/OSDD from someone with this disorder. If you want to see more of my stuff on The Mighty, here's the link to my profile, Many But One.)

The discovery of our system (I use "our" system because I am not the owner of the system, and it feels weird to say "my" system. Other systems do this and that's totally fine, but our preference is to use "our." Same with "our" alters) was pretty rocky and I'm learning more pretty much every day. I've been pretty open about sharing my diagnostic story on here. Essentially I've shown signs of being a system for a very long time, as early as middle school, according to my mother after telling her the symptoms of being a system and her telling me things she noticed about me growing up. Even as early as being a young child she noticed shifts in behavior that seemed unexplainable at the time. She didn't have access to resources that explained any of my bizarre behavior, so she just did her best to raise me the way I was. When things started really rearing their ugly head was around 16-17 years old, when I was living with my father primarily and he was being very abusive to me. It caused a lot of splits, including folks like Alice, April, and Aeron--and an abuser introject of my father who will remain unnamed. As I've gotten to understanding the system, I realized that the person I thought was me, [legal name], split as well. [Legal name] split into Aeron and the person I know as myself, Jules. I had always thought I was [legal name] but never felt any association with that person. She had been a cis female, had a lot of memories and stuff I don't have anymore, and many other likes/dislikes that I don't have either. I didn't identify with our legal name or being cis female at all. After discussing with Aeron after she came out of dormancy, she holds all of the stuff that I thought I had lost in some kind of brain injury during that time. (Spoiler alert! There was no brain injury.) I was splitting and doctors had no idea what the fuck to do with me. I was having such excruciating head pains that I couldn't see, and was often passing out from the pain. I grew so weak that I literally fell out of my car when I arrived home from school one day and my mother rushed out to take me to the hospital. She essentially had to carry me into the hospital because I was practically brain dead at that point. Not literally, just had no idea what was happening. I was dissociating very very heavily and NOT having a good time. I don't remember a lot of the details during that time period, but I was sleeping almost non-stop for 2 weeks straight, had the most excruciating headaches I've ever had in my life, and had several other incidents that made my mother get a lot of brain tests done. CT scans, MRIs, I even saw a neurologist that wondered if I had MS (multiple sclerosis). Lol nope. Just splitting from trauma. I actually missed so much school that the courts were threatening to court order me to go to school. It was hell.

That was during my junior year of high school (around 2014-2015) and I have only just learned what that was all about, and that Aeron is actually the parts of [legal name] that I had thought I'd lost in that brain incident. Things only escalated from there, and in 2016 I believed I was a system, as I could hear distinct voices and had all the symptoms. Extreme amnesia, dissociation, identity confusion, etc. Except I was certain I didn't have trauma, so I thought I was endogenic. After quickly realizing that wasn't possible, I decided there was no way I was a DID system and that was when we essentially had a "system reset." Not literally, in the endogenic way of thinking, but our gatekeeper essentially threw up very strong amnesia walls, yeeted any thoughts of systemhood out of my mind, and became a permanent co-conscious observer. This was shortly after a su*cide attempt that was stopped by him. You can imagine my confusion when in the middle of the attempt, someone else takes control of my body and fixes everything and literally saves my life. Didn't really know how to explain that one for a really long time. That was in late 2016.

In 2017 I transferred colleges and James, our gatekeeper, was a permanent part of my life. I started thinking I was transgender since I always felt male. (James is a cis male.) But I'd randomly not feel male, so I was confused. Also identified with several different names, one coincidentally being the name of one of my abusers, which I didn't know was an abuser at the time because I didn't know I had been abused.

I got through several years of college under the guise that I had rapid cycling bipolar type one with psychotic features. I didn't. Medication never worked. The voices never went away, they were only slightly muffled. I'd still dissociate and lose time. I started at this college wanting a pre-med degree and promptly switched to teaching after my first semester despite loving science and doing amazing in all of my medical related classes. Not really sure why I did this and I regret it all the time. I love art to pieces, but making myself an art teacher was not a good decision in the slightest!

In mid 2019, I started seeing my school counselor primarily for my anxiety and negative thinking patterns. As in, never feeling like I was good enough. She was absolutely amazing, but she was not equipped with the complexity of my issues. We never got into childhood trauma, but I did talk about my issues with dissociation and PTSD symptoms. When I ran out of sessions with her, she gave me a list of therapists in my town. A couple months ago I realized every single one she gave me was a trauma specialist. She clearly knew, but didn't know what to do, so handed me off to someone more qualified. Which was amazing and literally changed my life. Late 2019 I started seeing my trauma specialist and things continued on. I look back at old journal entries and it pains me to see how confused I was all the time. Losing time, losing control over myself, dissociating, struggling to finish my degree when all of my colleagues seemed to find their work easy. I almost didn't make it past my senior year, but I did by the grace of my professors. I ended up having to take a fifth year.

Then in 2021, I was student teaching and two months before I graduated I was diagnosed with DID. It was...shocking, to say the least. At that point, I knew I heard voices but that seemed so out of the blue. My sister later told me (after I came out as a system...she was one of the first to know other than my wife--then fiancé) that she tried showing me Anthony Padilla's documentary about DID and someone literally told her "DID is fake and anyone who has it is faking, do not EVER show me this again." like VERY rudely. She had been stunned because she knew I had interest in mental health stuff, but vowed to never mention DID again. Turns out this was James still trying to cover it up. Smart man. He did an incredible job, truly, and there were times when we were doing Telehealth during COVID that he would literally MUTE our therapist when she started talking about the possibility of trauma or a dissociative disorder and PRETEND he couldn't hear her or that the signal was out. It was so funny to realize he was behind our "connection issues" later on. (I mean, the fact that it just so happened to "go out" RIGHT when she started mentioning trauma was a little sus, so she wondered if someone was purposely hijacking our conversation to keep things quiet. At this point she was very certain DID was on the table and was pretty much just waiting for the right time to say it, as she was positive she had talked to other parts before who had tried to pretend to be me.)

In the very beginning all I knew was Alice. Then Brett and a child part came out. Then Foster, and finally, James. I thought that was it!! HAHA! I met one trauma holder a couple months later and figured she was our only trauma holder. Oh, if only. Almost a year and a half later and we know of around 29 parts, and James and Valentine have said there are more.

The diagnosis was so hard. It took a very long time to get off the denial train. I still have denial, but not so much for the alters existing anymore. There's so much evidence that they are real, but the hardest thing to accept is the trauma. How horrible it really was and how it essentially ruined us. It's fucked with my head ever since the reality of it began to unfold, and I know that it's only going to get worse, unfortunately. However, as hard as it is to know that this happened, the system existing saved my life. We are very helpful to each other and most of us care very much for one another. We are a good team on most days. While I would rather have never been traumatized and would rather be a non-system, I wouldn't trade our system for the world. We are many, but one, and I will love every part of myself. No matter how scary they seem. There was a line that my officiant in my wedding said that sticks out to me. (She knew about the DID). It goes like this:

"May you honor the complex dimensions of one another in ways that reflect your commitment to loving every part of one another, even the parts that may seem scary or unrecognized."

This hits home not only for our wife honoring us or us honoring our wife, but also us honoring and committing to ourselves, to achieve wellness.

That's all I've got for day one. That was a lot! Sorry for the ramble, I just think that sharing how my experience with diagnosis went might be able to help other questioning systems. If you have any questions about anything, please let us know! We would be happy to answer. And thank you to @system-of-a-dumbass for hosting the Summer System Education Week!

-Jules

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to SIMPLEMAN

A day late but that's what happens when good subs aren't out until the next day, and you're busy that day. This episode is so sweet and wholesome that it was worth it, for sure. I'm still not sure which one is Ella and which one is Etta. They're always addressed together so I just don't know, but I'd like to. ;-; (Note: Looked it up on Wikia, the one in pink with seafoam earrings is Etta, the one in seafoam and pink earrings is Ella) See Nino knows. Nino's concerned about Marinette babysitting three kids already. He lives with one all the time, times that by 4 and WOO that's crazy. Sweet of her to want to ensure her best friend has some time to relax with her boyfriend. Oh. OH those poor Kwami! Especially Fluff and her ears being pulled like a game of tug-of-war! I can see it now, Fluff now traumatized by young kids. So if Alix ever has any in the future, they better grow up knowing about Fluff right away or she's in for a horror show. PV TRAILER AND MUSIC! I'm such a fan of the music and the PV that when my sister told me about it, it made me even more excited for this episode than I already was. And I was very excited already! Manon: So? Aren't you going to answer it? She knows what's up. So Adrien's calling asking Marinette to help sew on a wing? Because nobody else there can do it? I dunno, sounds kind of sus to me, Adrien. Are you sure you're not using that as an excuse just to see your "friend"?

Marinette's biggest problem is thinking so far ahead in her brain that when she goes to speak, she's either way far ahead of herself or gets everything mixed up as it comes out of her mouth. If she just lived in the moment and didn't plan (which being Ladybug that's probably very hard not to do outside the costume), she'd be able to do this and overcome that fear of rejection as well. She seems to have that part fairly taken care though. When Gina said she was in China to learn Kung Fu and met a girl that reminded her of Marinette, instantly thought about Fei. How could it not be her? Rolland gets asked to babysit, immediately is like "Let's do something fun and dangerous!" Tom must have had an interesting childhood with Rolland and Gina. o.o Clearly Rolland doesn't realize who the heroes are based on. Or just completely forgot he met them when Bakerix. xD Adrien's so sweet with Marinette, even if he can't understand a single thing she says. That's adorable. But a really good way to thank her could've been "Would you stay and watch the photoshoot, and then maybe we could go do something fun/get something to eat after?" BOOM. Problems solved. But I have a feeling this may come back later, and maybe that would turn out better. Marinette's grandparents tend to give Hawk Moth/Shadowmoth the most sass and trouble in comparison to other Parisians. XD Rolland is so sweet to these kids, and they are so caring towards him. It's so wholesome! Just think: if that helicopter wasn't crashing behind her, she would've screamed she loved Adrien. So close. Simpleman is the chillest akuma. Being all "Hey kids, even though I'm akumatized, let's go out into the city!" and the kids are like "Yeah, okay. Hey let's get ice cream!"

Him protecting them from all the flying pizza boxes that guy was throwing around everywhere was super sweet too. LB and CN: Things are complicated. So we should find Shadow Moth directly. Let's run around the city screaming for him to come find us so we can fight him! I seriously think if Chat Noir or Ladybug brought up the fact that their identities made things complicated, they would've revealed themselves right then and there. LOL at the old school fighting and them behaving like young children xD "NO!" "I'm NaNa, ClaCla is no longer with NaNa! Paris is really messy! BuggyBug, KittyKity, help us!" Oh this is going to be so hilarious in the English dub with the voice actress who also voices Nathalie. XDDD A bouncy ball is very complicated for Ladybug. That a literal 5 year old can figure out. Wow this villain's power sure did a number on her. xD I find it all the more stressful actually, that Chat Noir and Ladybug can remember what they were doing the whole time they were affected by the akuma. That means if Marinette said she loved him, or they revealed their identities, there would be no going back or being able to make an excuse for it. Can we just talk about how those kids could understand that the reason he wants things to be simple and is upset that the world is so different, is because it scares him and he doesn't think he's capable of learning and changing with the world? A majority of adults these days can't even take two seconds to try to understand someone else's situation(s) before judging and being outright nasty people towards them. Yet these kids were able to do so. And a lot of kids actually are like they are in real life. Some may see this as an episode just for kids to appreciate, but there's a lot in here that's aimed at adults, too. Adults need reminders and these lessons just as much, if not more so than young kids. It's adults that lose their way and needed to be reminded of it, as they have a greater immediate impact on the world. I've seen so many people judge Rolland, make assumptions about him which is almost always the very worst things they could think of. But this episode shows how caring and willing to learn and understand he really is, he was just hiding behind his fear of change and not being able to keep up with it. Some lessons in this episode for the adult viewers are: -You're never too old to learn, get over your fears, try new things, become a better person, and see things through new eyes. -Don't over-complicate or overthink, but don't be lazy and think keeping everything simple will actually in reality be the answer, sometimes it can make things worse! -Kids tend to see the world as things are, not what they think it should be, or believing they're the center of the universe like adults tend to do. -Being wise means knowing that regardless of your field, educational background, age, or lived experiences, you don't know everything, there is always more for you to learn about everything out there. The kids in this show are quite wise, as they know that there is so much they don't know and how they treat learning new things. They also know how adults tend to understand, or act like they understand everything, so we as adults aren't used to it when we don't and react negatively to that because it scares us when we don't know. In that way, this episode was very brilliant! Also that hug at the end, oh you can bet these kids are going to want to go visit Grandpa Rolland, and honestly I'd love to see bits of them here and there, their bonds are adorable and they've changed his life in such a positive way. Also the pure Ladynoir without another hero or Alya or any kind of upsetting situation was honestly such a breath of fresh air! Maybe not the kind of Ladynoir people wanted, but it made me happy. Marinette acknowledged her problem is she's scared of Adrien rejecting her. First step is admitting it! Can't blame her for not being able to do what she wanted, she only just realized the issue after all. It's going to take a little time now to work on it! Is it just me, or

does it seem Adrien's almost trying not to laugh when she was messing up and then asked if he liked fishing? XD Maybe it was the actors tone with the facial expression but it seemed that way! But the way he just watches her run away and does that adorable little chuckle... Oh Adrien, we really need you to start realizing why you keep doing that. "She (Ladybug) reminds me of your grandmother and you know what? You look exactly like her (Ladybug)." Well. Oop. He's onto you! Apparently Rolland isn't blind, as not a single character suspected her from her personality or appearance to be Ladybug so far. Even Adrien only began piecing it together due to circumstances (and his own personal wish that Marinette is LB, you can't convince me otherwise this isn't true). This is going to come back later, possibly Dearest Family? Overall such a good episode with a lot of things in it, if you decide to watch without high expectations or biases. After all the angst lately, it was certainly needed as a nice change of pace.

[sweetestlamb]

Let's Play A Love Game

Author's note: this one is rated 😈 so yeah. There was originally more angst in my mind but once I got to that part I was over it lol I'm the worst at angst I much rather make it naughty. It's more rushed than I wanted but I don't really have time to write 10k fics right now. But hopefully soon.

Summary: it's just pretend, right?

She hadn't meant to push the event in the corner of her mind until she forgot about it completely, so much so that when the e-vite showed up in her inbox she stared at it in wide eyed shock not even noticing Mi-Seon creeping up behind her.

"It's already time for that? I usually know it's coming because you start buying expensive dresses you can't afford and crying at your credit card bill. Maybe country life has really changed you hm?"

False. Inaccurate. Utterly wrong to the every core.

She lets out a shrill scream letting her head fall painfully on her desktop.

"I'm an idiot! Just kill me now, I deserve it." She has nothing to wear, okay the mountain of boxes in her living room, bedroom and some hidden in the linen closet beg to defer but none of that is worthy of this event. The annual dentist convention in Seoul, it's a week long getaway. It's meant to be an opportunity to build connections and attend professional learning classes, but that has long been abandoned. Now it is a fashion show and chance to show off your success and this year more than ever she has to impress everyone. They all look down on her and her cute little practice. Those judgemental snarky bitches.

"Do we have anymore patients?" She absently asks her best friend, only friend already getting up and walking away.

"No that was the last one. Do you want to call it a day?" She doesn't give a verbal reply lost in her phone and the disease that is online shopping, in the span of three minutes she has already added seven dresses to her cart.

"Chief Hong is going to have a long day."

It's just as Mi-seon says the next day the nosy know it all shows up glaring at her over the handful of packages in his arms.

"Don't tell me you're doing this again. What more could you possibly have to order? How much things does one woman need?" His voice is an air warmer than the last time they were in this very same position, but she tries not to think too hard about it. Their relationship is too confusing these days, as temperamental as the sea.

"Are delivery men allowed to complain this much when they're doing a job they are getting paid for?" She snarks back, snatching her packages from his arms with a huff. Ignoring the grin on his face as she disappears into her house.

"That better be all you order. I'm not coming back."

He comes back. At least six more trips, more boxes each time on the last day he doesn't simply leave after making his delivery.

"I'm coming in for tea because of you I've been working too hard." She squeaks indignantly as he pushes past her, their shoulders brushing in the tight space of the doorway.

She should wait until she doesn't have an audience but she's too impatient so while he's making the tea in her kitchen (so rude and intrusive), she starts to open a few boxes pulling out the contents. Dresses, blouses, shirts, hair accessories, lipsticks in all shades and hues, and of course shoes; heels, flats and everything in between.

"Your house looks like a department store." She jumps at his voice glancing up at him, almost laughing at the hedgehog mug that he's drinking out of that Mi-seon gave her as a joke. Leave it to him to pick the most ridiculous mug.

"Hurry up and go so I can try everything on." She starts to take the objects out and organize them, putting together possible outfits lazily.

"Why not have a fashion show?" He slurps loudly at the tea, sighing and smiling down at the warm beverage. Acting like he's never had tea before, such a plebian.

"A fashion show?"

"Yeah, model all that", he motions to the new boxes littering her bedroom floor, "and I'll let you know what looks good."

She scoffs, loudly looking at his lackluster outfit; a simple white tee tucked into dark cargo pants with suspenders.

"What do you know about fashion?" She replies meanly, despite the little voice in her mind that reminds her that while his outfits are more practical than fashionable there is something distracting about the way his shoulders fill out his shirts and the way his long legs sit in his pants.

He shrugs looking down at himself, "I'm the town handy man I have no need to look good. But I'm still a man I can tell you what I think looks good on a woman."

Oh. It's a nonchalant statement said with no real heat but the implications make her skin warm up, she's never once thought that he saw her as a woman; nor considered looking at him like a man. (Lies.)

"I--why woul--why?" She stutters through an answer, tongue heavy in her mouth. He looks back nonplussed, sitting down pointedly on her couch.

"Never took you for the shy kind. You growing bashful now Ms. Dentist?" His eyes twinkle with mischief and she knows that she's being played but she wants nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face. Slamming her room door, she pulls off her casual house clothes and grabs the first thing that catches her attention- a buttery yellow dress that grazes her knee, pairing them with white heels and a high messy bun. A swipe of lip tint completes the look and she confidently opens her room door.

Du-sik is staring aimlessly at his phone and doesn't notice her reappearance at first, so she coughs loudly folding her arms and when his eyes land on her, a chill runs down her spine at the look that lands on her body. It's been a long time since a man looked at her in this way, his eyes are undressing her even though he was the one who implored her to dress up in the first place. She hates it. At least she should hate it. But she can't ignore the satisfaction that washes over her at his dumbfounded look, that smug look obliterated by her very first look.

"Well?" She pushes harder, twirling to give him the full look. His gasp is loud behind her, she knows exactly why. The deep revealing plunge that travels all the way to the small of her back. There's no way she would wear this to the convention much too suggestive but that's her business.

"Wher-" his voice cracks and this time she can't contain her smile, dimples flashing now at her clear affect on him, clearing his throat he tries again, "Where exactly are you going again?"

She hums turning back around, gleeful at the vibrant blush on his cheeks. So he is just a man after all.

"A dentist convention." She answers cheekily and he guffaws loudly, eyes narrowing at her like he knows exactly what she's trying to do. They stare at each other for a long moment and she ultimately breaks the stand still, realizing what's happening. It feels a lot like flirting.

Collecting herself, she barrels back into the room.

"What the hell are you doing?" She whispers to her reflection, face too flushed for her liking.

A hard knock at the door pulls her from her self chastisement, "You didn't even wait for my rating."

She sighs loudly covering her face in embarrassment at her own action. She doesn't even have alcohol to blame this time.

"I don't care. This was stupid, let's stop."

Of course he ignores her.

"I liked it. But it's too...sexy for convention. You should wear that for someone special. I doubt anyone with a beating heart would be able to resist you."

What the fuck.

This isn't who they are, when did they become comfortable enough for conversations like this? They despised each other, right? Confused and annoyingly flattered, she peels the dress off her body trying her hardest not to think about the fact that only a door separates him and her naked body.

"I would love to see the others. But I have to go, but if you want my opinion. Red is definitely your color."

"What?" She replies, but she can hear the too loud click of the front opening and then closing and just as capriciously as he arrived, he leaves. 

Burying something that feels a lot like disappointment she flops onto her bed, head fuzzy like its been wrapped in cotton.

"What is going on?"

They don't see much of each other the next day and it's unusual given how much they see each other on a regular basis but she refuses to think about it or even consider that he's avoiding her. He's just busy and she doesn't care anyway, they have nothing to do with each other.

The convention is in two days now, she has her overnight bag packed with all her new purchases and the messages have been pouring in their group chat. She's mostly chosen to ignore them but on a whim she decides to check what they're so excited about, only to feel her stomach drop.

Why isn't Hye Jin answering?

Maybe she's busy with her mystery man 😉

Oh! She has to bring him, we need to interrogate him!

Yoon Hye Jin don't pretend you don't see these messages!!

That she had forgotten about.

"Why did you tell them that he's interested in you? Has living here altered your brain, you idiot." She berates herself.

"Who's interested in you? Why are you an idiot?" Mi-seon looks curious from the doorway, without waiting for an invitation she hops onto the bed with two cans of beer. She grabs one, drinking it in a flash.

"Oh it's that kind of night." Mi-seon says excitedly running to grab more beers.

"So let me get this straight, you told them that Chief Hong is interested in you and that he's been chasing you but you're not interested?"

She nods meekly, wishing the floor would swallow her up.

"Why did you lie?"

That's the brunt of the issue, she's a liar. She should have sent her initial message and told them that there was nothing between them but how could she when they were all calling him handsome and acting like she finally did something right? She'd spent that entire dinner feeling like her teenage self on the outside looking in, wanting nothing more than to be someone worthy of being included.

"I know I should have told the truth."

"Yes, you should have told them that you're interested in him too."

Huh.

Time stops as she processes the words that her best friend just uttered. There is static in her head as she tries to make sense of it.

"What are you talking about?"

Mi-seon looks at her unimpressed.

"You can both keep lying to yourself but the rest of us aren't as stupid. You're both interested in each other. It's mutual."

She wants to ardently deny the accusation but the words are caught in her throat and all she can manage are refusing sounds.

"You've been wearing red all week." Mi-seon says accusingly and she jumps up in huff, "So what? I'm allowed to wear colors!"

"You hate wearing red. You said it makes your skin look too pale. You hardly ever wear it. So color me surprised when I learned that red is the favorite color of a certain part timer."

That damn town chat. There has to be a way to get Mi-seon out of it. Maybe it was a mistake letting her live here. She was learning too much.

"Don't even bother to deny it. I won't believe anything you say. But I think you should ask him to go with you, you'll get some time alone to figure this out."

There's nothing to figure out. They are..... acquaintances who can admit that the other is vaguely attractive at times. His face isn't all that bad and she's pretty, so it's natural that there is tension at times, like he said they were still humans.

So she doesn't tell him about her fib, pretending everything is fine until it's the day of the convention and her anxiety has all but smothered her and her hands have a slight tremble in them as she starts to drive.

"It's going to be fine. Everything will be okay." She doesn't believe a word she's saying to herself, her heart is thumping in her heaving chest. She doesn't want to go alone. Convincing Mi-seon to leave was a failed endeavour, her and that police officer becoming inseparable. She knew what that smile meant when her best friend had realized that she would have the house to herself. She could barely get a word in as Mi-seon started frantically shaving her legs then pushed her out of the bathroom to "shave her wild cat".

With a sigh she starts driving, the car too quiet despite what she'd told Du-Sik and the Gongjin grannies. Uncharacteristically she turns on the radio, kpop blaring from the speakers. She recognizes the tune, never before has something as mundane as butter seemed so interesting but the kitchen essential was given new life by the song. She bops her head to the catchy beat, trying to ignore the fact that she's driving to the lion's den.

Some time later, she pulls into the hotel a valet already coming over to get her car. Grabbing her overnight bag, she exits the car handing her keys to the waiting hands of the valet.

Everyone is here and none of them had come alone, she was the only one without a plus one. They haven't noticed her yet so she watches as they all laugh at a joke she can't hear, unnecessarily stroking at their husband's chests as if to show off their exorbitantly priced wedding rings. Everything was always a competition here.

She shouldn't have come. Their was nothing about her life that they would be envious of. She was going to make a fool of herself. Impulsively she starts stepping back but it's too late, Hong In-A spots her and points her out and immediately all eyes are on her, they all start walking over to her and she wants nothing more than to run far, far away. Get on a bus and go to the beach and never see any of them ever again. But she's no longer a child, no longer that scared little girl; worked too hard to shed that skin.

Fortifying herself she puts on a fake smile. Ready for war.

"Hye-Jin ah, there you are. We were beginning to think you wouldn't come. You never responded in the group chat." Ye-Ri states with an attitude, looking around her as if searching for someone and eyes brightening when she sees no one. "Did you come alone?" This makes all of them perk up, looking around like chickens with their heads clucking. She swallows the shame the question elicits, "Who would I be with? I told you in already, it's not like that."

They all look at her with pity, it makes her want to slap them all across the face. Who were they to make her feel like shit, she didn't need anyone that didn't make her pathetic.

Finally one of the husbands cracks the awkward tension by introducing himself, she tries her best to ignore the pervasive way his eyes run down her body. Instinctively she crosses her arms, feeling naked under his stare. Nobody else notices her discomfort and after all the introductions, they all walk away as if she's no longer worth their time.

Lump in her throat she walks into the hotel, determined not to show them that they've gotten under her skin.

There's a scheduled lunch and she tries to find a new table but Sung-Mi waves her over and she doesn't see anyone else she recognizes or wants to sit with.

He hadn't been wrong, she has no friends besides Mi-seon.

"You were looking around, were you looking for someone? Are we not good enough to sit with?" The question is asked with a bite and sneer as if the idea is laughable that she would ever be better than any of them.

She swallows her pride, "No nothing like that. I was merely looking around."

Sung-Mi looks satisfied as if putting her in her place has righted her world.

They begin a conversation that completely excludes her, regaling drama that she knows nothing about and doing nothing to bring her up to date or invite her to join. It's the polar opposite of her experience in the countryside and with shocking clarity she realizes that she wishes she were there, it's only been a few hours but she misses it. Nobody looks down on her there, no usually she's the only doing that she notes with shame.

"I'll find the restroom." She says to no one because none of them are paying her any mind except the husband with the wandering eyes and she would much rather not have that attention.

Thankfully the bathroom is empty and she has to stop herself from splashing water on her face, her make-up was done perfectly it would be a waste to ruin it. Pushing her hair behind her ears she takes a deep breath and then another until her head is clearer, the noise lessening.

"It's only a day and a night. You've suffered far worst."

With that lacking pep talk she exits the bathroom, almost colliding into a wall. Wait, no it's just a person- a chest to be specific. She looks up ready to apologize when a familiar face stops her in her tracks.

"What are you doing here?" She stares flabbergasted at him, more dressed up than she's ever seen him. In a white suit with a white vest, the tee-shirt peeking under the only thing that feels like him to her. And his white sneakers. She can't hide her surprise at his sudden appearance and without thinking she starts to pull him to the side, to avoid being seen but she's not fast enough and soon they are swarmed by her colleagues, before she even has a chance to talk to him.

"Aren't you the man from the picture?" Yoo-Jin asks blushing way too much for a married woman if her husband's cold stare means anything.

"The picture?" Du-sik replies, clearly confused.

"You're the guy that's chasing after her. She told us that you liked her and you were courting her." Sung-Mi answers for her, she wants to vanish. It would be better if she had never existed. Even non-existence would be better than this embarrassing moment. "I got a picture of you two last time, when you followed her."

His eyes ping-pong between the group and her and she realizes this is his chance to ruin her. After everything she's done, all her rude comments and snobby remarks about the town and people he cares for so much, this is his chance for revenge. He can laugh and deny any feelings for her, tell them all that she's a liar and he's never been interested in her, not even once. This is what is going to happen. She prepares herself for the fall out, surely after this she won't be able to show her face in Seoul again.

He starts to laugh and her stomach tightens, her palms are so sweaty.

Here it goes.

"Oh I guess she wanted to keep me a secret."

Wait. What. That doesn't sound like denial.

"We're together now. I finally bulldozed those walls and made her mine. Nice to meet you all I'm Hong Du-sik, Hye-Jin ah's boyfriend."

Her eyes widen as he bows and starts to shake hands with the husbands, the one that stared at her looking disappointed. Their handshake goes on for a second too long, eventually with the latter pulling away with a pained look. She's too confused to consider what that means.

"And you were so cold earlier saying you had no one. Did you want to make a fool of us?"

He answers for her, "It's nothing like that, my honey is still getting used to us. I'm sorry I'm so late I had something to take care of."

Her head is spinning too fast to keep up with everything happening and she's grateful when he excuses them and guides her outside with a large hand on her hip.

Fresh air is much appreciated and she takes in huge heaps of it as soon as they're free.

Then reality crashes down on her.

He knows about her lying.

He had called her bluff.

But he didn't out her.

"Why didn't you tell them the truth?" She finally manages to say, head still reeling.

But instead of answering he's staring at her legs, then slowly his eyes swivel upward cross her thighs curving around her hips, past her breasts (a bit too slow there) before moving to her collar and settling on her face.

"You look great."

She feels the heat rushing to her face. What was he doing to her?

It hadn't been in purpose but she finds herself in red again, an a line dress with criss crossing straps over her shoulder and a middle slit. It was conservative without being too formal or professional. She'd felt comfortable in it but now seeing that look on his face, comfort is the last thing she feels.

He was distracting her and she couldn't afford that with those harpies inside waiting for her downfall. They needed to get back on track.

"What are you doing here?" She tries again, but he responds with his own question, "Why did you tell them that I was chasing you?"

"It was a mistake. They thought we were together and I just....said that for no reason." It's half the truth.

"They don't seem like your friends. You looked like you needed someone on your side, so I just found myself saying we were together for no reason."

She looks at him blankly, heart pounding now. In her moment of weakness instead of kicking her, he'd lended a helping hand. What kind of person did it make her for expecting the former?

"So what now?" She asks still in disbelief that he's here and that he'd told people that there were dating, she would be angry and offended later that they had readily believed it. Perhaps it didn't seem too farfetched now with him looking like that right now.

"Well, don't look but they're watching us through the glass."

This time she finds herself turning to look and he's the one that has to stop her, he does so by suddenly grabbing her hand and tugging her into his body. She squeaks at the collision. Leaning down so his lips are level with her ear, he speaks, "We can give them a show. I'm happy to be your pretend boyfriend."

Why?

She yearns to ask him why he's willing to go this far for her? Why was he even here when she had never told him where the convention was taking place? But his words were hot on her ear and she's tired of being their source of entertainment so she nods looking up at him, "Just this once. I'm going to lean on you. Let me borrow your eraser and copy your homework."

He stares before a blinding smile graces his handsome face.

"Let's go then." His hand is heavy on her waist as he walks back towards the hotel, taking his role very seriously it seems.

He fits in perfectly. Able to talk about a plethora of topics to anyone he's introduced to and even she's impressed by him. Be it travel, philosophy or poetry he seems well versed in everything things that even she is ignorant to and it makes her regret the way she looked down on him before, he was anything but a country bumpkin.

She leaves him to his conversation to get a drink, a whiskey on the rocks. Needing something hard tonight.

Not that. Down brain.

"Yoon Hye Jin? I would recognize that face anywhere."

Twisting to face the voice, she sees a familiar face- old classmate. Rung Do-Bae, they weren't anything more than classmates despite his many, many attempts.

His eyes sweep over her hungrily. She swallows her drink, painting on a shallow smile.

"Sunbae, how nice to see you here."

Invading her space he grabs her hand, "There is no need for such formalities. You can just call me by my name, Hye Jin ah."

As if she ever would.

Gently she tries to extract her hand but he won't let go and she doesn't want to make a scene.

Suddenly she's warmed by a body pressing into her, she knows who it is without even looking, her body relaxes immediately.

"Sorry I got lost in conversation honey. Who might this be? Another friend of yours?" He thrusts his right hand out and Do-Bae has no choice but to release her hand to return his handshake. Scarily enough she's starting to become used to his nickname, barely reacting to him using it again.

"Yes, this is my sunbae from school. Sunbae this is Hong Du Sik my....."

She knows that this is all an act, they were doing this to help her but she can't bring her tongue to form around the word, boyfriend.

"Her boyfriend." He finishes for her, pulling her tighter to his body.

But Do-Bae looks suspicious now.

"Boyfriend? I thought you were still single. You never changed your status on SNS. I've checked."

"Why are you so curious about that?" Du-sik challenges in return, doing a great job of sounding like a jealous boyfriend. She's almost even convinced.

"Hye Jin ah and I have always had a very special relationship. Beyond that of a hoobae and sunbae. Isn't that right?" He directs the last bit to her and she feels Du-sik stiffen next to her, seemingly believing these lies. So she clears that up.

"I have no idea what you're referring to honestly. We have never had anything that would constitute as a "special" relationship. I would appreciate if you didn't spread such lies, especially to my boyfriend. Enjoy the rest of your night."

She tugs Du-sik away, not waiting for a reply from the other man. The conversation was over anyway.

When they get far enough he speaks, "You have a lot of admirers."

She raises an eyebrow at the non-sequitur.

"Are you surprised?"

He brushes a hand across her cheek, making her freeze.

"No. It makes sense."

She blinks slowly before laughing, it sounds fake even to her ears.

"You should have been an actor. Your acting skills are incredible." He doesn't laugh, doesn't move before they're pulled into another conversation and she tries not to think about how tightly his body is pressed against her own.

"How is he in bed? He hasn't left you alone all day, I bet it's passionate." As soon as lunch had ended they had invited her to a spa, she'd considered saying no but she knew they would talk about her even if she wasn't there so it was best to at least know what they were saying.

Du-sik looked sad to see her go, but she told herself that she wasn't good at reading his faces. They hardly knew each other.

"I can't remember the last time I had a passionate night of sex. Kids and a full time job, leave no time for that. I'm pretty sure he's cheating on me and I'm too tired to even care." Sung-Mi confesses and she's shocked when the others nod in agreement instead of threatening to castrate him, as she'd done when Mi-seon told her about her ex boyfriend cheating.

"I have no complaints. He's... attentive. He's always touching me and pushing his way into my space. He's gentle but passionate, and I like...that he's so much bigger than me." She knows she should stop, this is definitely taking the lies too far. But that night bleeds into her thoughts, making everything she's saying feel true. He'd been so gentle with her, those huge hands cupping her face. She wondered how they would feel on other parts of her body.

"Damn. Look at you getting horny just from remembering. I'm so jealous."

Jealous. There were envious of her, it was all she'd been hoping for but the happiness she expected to erupt never comes. Instead she feels cheap, like she'd used Du-sik for her own benefit. She had tainted that night. This wasn't what she wanted.

As the day had gone on she found herself looking at him too much, he'd come all the way just for her and regardless of her brain trying to minimize that, it was huge. He hated snobby people like them who based a person's worth in their monetary success and yet he put on a smile and chatted with everyone, letting them mock his way of life and call people like him useless dreamers. All while she did nothing to defend him and drank wine, happy that they were being accepted.

He was the perfect gentleman all day and he was getting nothing in return for this. It was all just to help her.

Would a friend truly go this far to help? Was she being naive or was it like Mi-seon said, was she lying to herself?

"I'm such an idiot."

Without another word, she flees the sauna rushing to the locker room and changing back into her clothes. Nobody follows her because they aren't her friends. Why had she wasted so much time trying to impress these people who aren't even truly happy in their own lives?

The drive back is long, and she doesn't know what she's going to say but she knows that she's tired of being scared.

Leaving the key in the car she rushes past the valet, into the hotel elevator pressing their floor and waiting impatiently.

It takes three tries to get into their hotel room but once the door opens, he's right there. Sitting in the seat by the window reading a book.

"You're back early. I thought you would be gone until three?" He looks up, dog earring his book and giving her his full attention. Her heart skips a beat.

"Why did you agree to do this for me? Why go through all this trouble for me?"

It's the same question he's been asking himself since he first met her. Why was he was interested in her and why did he keep wanting to save her?

It was the desire that led to him being here.

He had accidentally overhead Mi-seon talking to Eun Chol about being worried about her, the convention was overnight and everyone would be bringing someone and she'd be all alone. The thought of her alone and isolated, made him race to her without a plan. Only stopping at a store to buy his outfit so he would fit in with her crowd, he'd spent more in that shop then he usually did in a week. But it was worth it for her.

It was a miracle that she hadn't questioned his presence more, he knew it was shameless and deceiving but none of this felt like pretending to him. His jealousy had been real, he'd had to strangle the urge to kick the pervert husband with the wandering eyes and then the insistent sunbae who wouldn't take a hint. She was a vision in the red dress and it wasn't a surprise that men found her enchanting, he just didn't like them looking at her. But she wasn't his, never would be because he couldn't confess.

They weren't right for each other.

"Do you like me?"

That question again. Last time he had laughed it off, called it absurd. But it wasn't. Not liking her would have been absurd.

"I don't know why you're asking me that."

"Because I'm tired of us lying to ourselves. Don't laugh and don't you dare say it's absurd again."

He can't respond, he's stuck on the word "us". It wasn't just him, they were an us?

Hearing that gives him courage he had long thought had been most forever.

"I wasn't pretending today. Nothing was fake to me, I meant it all." It's terrifying, unchartered land for them and he waits to see which one of them will chicken out first. It's sure to happen.

"I'm going to kiss you." She says instead of running like he expected and secretly wished for.

And then she's crossing the room and leaning down to grab his face, she watches him giving him a chance to pull away but he does the opposite, this time he meeting her half way. As soon as their lips meet the kiss is already too much, she's sliding into his lap and he wraps his arms around her tugging her closer until their chests are squished together.

He hasn't kissed anyone like this in a long time.

Hasn't been this close to losing control in a longer time.

"You're dangerous." He whispers into her mouth and she giggles at the statement, wiggling in his arms and rolling into him forcing a punched out groan from his lips.

Carefully he lifts her shirt watching her face closely for any signs that she wants to stop but finding nothing but her palpable lust.

Her skin is unbelievably smooth and soft and he can't stop himself from stroking her, rubbing at her back his hands resting right above her butt.

"How long have you felt this way?" She asks softly seductively nipping at his neck and running a hand over his shirt to caress his stomach, he physically aches for her.

"I wanted you the moment I saw you. But I didn't feel this until you convinced grandma to get her implants. That was when it became more for me."

She looks surprised and he is too, that they're speaking so candidly about feelings they've always denied.

"What about you?"

She stops licking at his neck to look him in the eyes. He's nervous to hear her reply.

"I.... don't know."

He tries to hide his disappointment. Maybe she was starting to retreat back into her shell. Maybe he shouldn't have been so honest.

He's about to untangle them when she continues, "It wasn't at first sight but one day I found myself looking for you. Seeing you become the best part of my day, I started to count on you to be there for me. To expect it. Just like this, I've been scared to lean on anyone until I met you."

Now that's a confession.

Impulsively he stands with her still on his lap, forcing her to to latch onto him so she doesn't tumble to the floor. Not that this would ever happen because he would never let her fall.

"I could have fell!" She cries, clinging to his shoulders and wrapping her legs around his waist. Her half naked bra clad body so close to him is causing another biological crisis in his pants.

Walking to the large bed in the middle of the room he falls backwards, enjoying the view of her on top of him a little too much.

It's all probably too soon and they should probably slow down, but his body is strumming and he wants nothing more than to break her apart.

"I'm all sweaty. I should take a shower."

Instantly an image of her wet and naked under the downpour of a shower flashes in his mind and he has to twist away from her.

"Pervert." She accuses but he can hear how satisfied she is with his reaction. Damn tease.

"Do you want to join me?" She teases some more, having fun now that she knows her power over him.

He looks at her helplessly.

"Are you having fun? Remember what I told you before? I'm still a guy. You're sitting here in your bra taunting me, do you think I'm that much of a good guy? Do you think I don't want to throw you down, rip your clothes off and eat you alive? I'm so hard right now just seeing you naked would be enough to push me over the edge. So don't make propositions you can't follow through on."

She looks dizzy from his words, eyes hooded and glossy. He watches her gulp and then stagger off to the bathroom, without a word to him. It's probably for the best, everything is too charged right now.

A shower for her and many glasses of water for him later, she's back and it's almost time for dinner.

"I think they said dinner starts at 6. Should we head down?"

She glances at him, while opening her bag and pulling out skin creams and some fuzzy socks.

"Would you be opposed to ordering room service and staying here?"

It's the best offer he's heard all day, only second to her asking if he wanted to join her in the shower.

"What about your colleagues?" He asks to make certain that she's really okay with this.

"What about them?" She replies with a shrug and he grins picking up the room service menu.

They order too much food and not enough alcohol but neither of them want to forget this night. She tells him stories about her time in dental school and he's happy to get to know her better, chuckling at the funny stories and commiserating at the sad ones.

Before he knows it night has fallen.

And he realizes that they'll be sharing a bed. Unless she wants him to sleep on the couch.

She's wearing a big shirt and loose shorts and he still can't believe he gets to see her like this.

"Are you coming to bed?" She's already getting under the sheet and that answers his question, this is really happening. He starts to follow her lead, getting under the sheets but keeping a respectable distance between them.

"I'm cold." She announces suddenly and he starts to look for a thermostat in the room or an extra blanket, before realizing that she's looking at him over her shoulder, he stares back confused before she lifts an eyebrow and oh, he gets it. Carefully moving closer he feels her warmth surround him as they meet, forth to back.

"Took you long enough." She grumbles, pulling his arm over here body and settling back into him moving until she's comfortable.

She's so close and warm and her smell is all around him and he feels his restraint dissolving and when she presses back into him, her hip rubbing against his crotch he bites down on his bottom lip.

It's too much for him to resist and without warning or preamble, he's turning her to face him and swallowing her moan of surprise eagerly. He grabs her head firmly holding her in place and slips his tongue into her open mouth, her unique taste exploding on his taste buds. He's hungry for more. So he starts to tug down her shorts, heart beat thundering in his groin. She kicks the shorts away, and he groans at the sight of her panties she was trying to kill him, he was certain.

"You're the devil." He chokes out staring at red lace, he'll never be able to see the color again without getting a raging hard on.

"You haven't seen anything yet. Honey." The word drips from her tongue just like the real thing.

Forgetting all reason and logics he lunges at her, devouring her mouth and sticking his hand in her panties. She's so warm and fuck, wet drenching his fingers.

Simultaneously he thrusts his tongue into her mouth and his fingers in her wet folds, groaning as she melts like butter under his touch. There's no resistance, as he plunges two fingers inside her experimentally before picking up his place when she clutches onto him and grinds back on his fingers, begging the whole time.

"More, more, please!"

As if he could ever deny her anything, with one hand he grabs her ass and the other he thrusts into her opening over and over until her voice gets breathy and she starts to stutter, squirming wildly in his arms and he knows exactly what's coming: the beautiful end. So without warning he pulls back the sheet and slithers down her body, throwing her legs around his head and pushing his tongue in to the brim, hungrily drinking at her until she shakes and combusts in his arms. Sweet on his tongue, he swallows it all greedily.

He strokes her as she recovers from her high, climbing back up her body. So much for taking things slow, but he can't even think about regretting it when he sees the blissed out look on her face. He wants to imprint it in his mind. Nobody else will ever get to see this face but him.

"It's your turn." She says sounding loopy like she's drunk and he laughs as she reaches for the tent in his pants but misses his bulge and instead falls into him.

"You're tired. Go to sleep. That was enough for me, seeing you like that fulfilled every fantasy I've had. "

He truly means it. He's a giver. And it's not like he can't tug one out later in the bathroom with her face and moans playing on repeat in his brain.

She starts to argue, but her phone vibrating on the nightstand distracts her. Reaching over she picks it up before chuckling and flopping back into the bed.

"What?" He asks curious, jealous of whoever is making her smile like that.

Ignorant to his inner thoughts, she thrusts her phone into his face. The room is so dark it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the bright lighting of the phone, but once he can see he reads the message on her phone and starts to laugh too.

"Dusik is missing! Nobody has seen him all day!! We started a search party."