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A deep rumble awakens from the earth. The wander, staffguy and bare wizard look with horror as the terra firma rips open. An old being, an _ancient_ being, crawls out of the flaming fissure with a body twisted by centuries of meddling with the arcane and the eldritch.
It's voice carries with it wisdom and terror, an echo of eons past and knowledge not meant for mere mortals.
It says
"What's vim? I use ed"
I'm a big fan of wizards-as-programmers, but I think it's so much better when you lean into programming tropes.
A spell the wizard uses to light the group's campfire has an error somewhere in its depths, and sometimes it doesn't work at all. The wizard spends a lot of his time trying to track down the exact conditions that cause the failure.
The wizard is attempting to create a new spell that marries two older spells together, but while they were both written within the context of Zephyrus the Starweaver's foundational work, they each used a slightly different version, and untangling the collisions make a short project take months of work.
The wizard has grown too comfortable reusing old spells, and in particular, his teleportation spell keeps finding its components rearranged and remixed, its parts copied into a dozen different places in the spellbook. This is overall not actually a problem per se, but the party's rogue grows a bit concerned when the wizard's "drying spell" seems to just be a special case of teleportation where you teleport five feet to the left and leave the wetness behind.
A wizard is constantly fiddling with his spells, making minor tweaks and changes, getting them easier to cast, with better effects, adding bells and whistles. The "shelter for the night" spell includes a tea kettle that brings itself to a boil at dawn, which the wizard is inordinately pleased with. He reports on efficiency improvements to the indifference of anyone listening.
A different wizard immediately forgets all details of his spells after he's written them. He could not begin to tell you how any of it works, at least not without sitting down for a few hours or days to figure out how he set things up. The point is that it works, and once it does, the wizard can safely stop thinking about it.
Wizards enjoy each other's company, but you must be circumspect about spellwork. Having another wizard look through your spellbook makes you aware of every minor flaw, and you might not be able to answer questions about why a spell was written in a certain way, if you remember at all.
Wizards all have their own preferences as far as which scripts they write in, the formatting of their spellbook, its dimensions and material quality, and of course which famous wizards they've taken the most foundational knowledge from. The enlightened view is that all approaches have their strengths and weaknesses, but this has never stopped anyone from getting into a protracted argument.
Sometimes a wizard will sit down with an ancient tome attempting to find answers to a complicated problem, and finally find someone from across time who was trying to do the same thing, only for the final note to be "nevermind, fixed it".
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Spoilers for mag 92
Jonathan Sims please try to get some sleep 🫶
#tma#no he's not okay#neither am I#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#this podcast has me in a death grip#the brainrot is real#side note#I would protect admiral with my life#no I will not draw a background#I would cry#tma fanart#tmagp#tma podcast#digital art
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Redrawing one of my favorite drawings from The Book of Bill
God! These bitches gay! Good for them! Good for them!
#the book of bill#bill cipher#stanford pines#billford#Gravity Falls#i stayed up until 3am last night so that i could finish the book#and then i was awake for a full hour (probably) trying to digest what the fuck did i just read#oh Gravity Falls it is good to be back#side note#the ARG that's currently going is amazing#i have never seen the community this invested in something since... probably Lost Legends
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jandy. you will be missed.😔
#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#wwditsedit#wwditsdaily#wwdits fx#kayvan novak#i was gonna stick some of these together#to space space#but nah#it's also like 1am#and i don't have the brain for that#side note#IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY YOU CAN SEE HIM SMILING ON THAT LAST GIF#;-;#!mine
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Literally, a good chunk of Dragons Rising's episode titles feel like they forgot they had to make episode titles, and so rushed to fill out the season list in the last ten minutes before their deadline.
There was one guy who had an actual idea for a title, and he named Wyldly Inappropriate, and then he left.
I get the episode name "The Shape of Nya"* - it's a reference to the film The Shape of Water and in this episode, Nya literally is water. But what is "The Shape of Motion"* referring to? (beyond the fact that the Motion Source Dragon appears)
*(Crystalized E3 and DRS2 E11)
#honestly maybe they should just have numbered the episodes#like they did with the seasons#if they're gonna be pointless anyway#why bother pretending like they matter?#side note#shape of water is a real weird movie to be referencing in a kids show
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Astarion Jealousy Part 2
The graphic extension to this but a lil less serious and definitely not sfw.
CW: Jealous spawn astarion who is still a sweetheart, but the drow twins get under his skin. graphic sex scenes, oral, relatively tame honestly. The sex part will be under the cut btw which is m/f. Also vampire man drinks blood. mentionable incorrect language for sex workers
~
It was odd, being home in Baldur’s Gate without the threat of Cazador always looming. Odd, but equally as wonderful. It had been so thoughtful, if not a little idiotic for Cazador to end up being your first stop in the city. The fight itself had been a blur, a barrage of intense emotions and bloody violence. Astarion had come so close to losing himself back there, losing everything that made him better than the man who almost ruined him. But then… you stopped him. You saw something more in him, a chance for a better life. A more meaningful life, away from the shackles of vampiric power obsessions.
He was officially free. Now he could exist without any fear of his disgusting master’s retribution. He could just… be. Well… not including his darling’s own myriad of enemies that seemed to follow them about everywhere. And there was still the matter of defeating the elder brain, and lord knows if any of you made it through that alive. But at least his personal demons were slain and out of the picture.
Every little step counted after all. Perhaps some of your delusional hopefulness had finally started to rub off on him, but Astarion was actually starting to look forward to his future. Your future, together. All he had to do was get through a few more perilous adventures and then he’d really have you all to himself.
All that said, Astarion could really go without the frequent visits to the local brothel. Was it the best place in the city for gathering information? Yes. It seemed that every walk of life in Baldur’s Gate found their way into Shar’s Caress and if you were going to find alternative passage to the underworld, this would be the best place to find it. But that didn’t mean he had to like it. For one there were the unwelcome advances to his own person, the concept of grace and personal space apparently left at the door. He was so very close to breaking the hand of the next person who thought it was appropriate to grab his ass. And if they could afford to get kicked out he would have by now. Your verbal, angry tirades in his defense could only scare off so many.
But as terrible as his own discomfort was, it was nothing in the face of how often you were being fawned over. What was it about you that seemed to drive everyone mad? Yes you were objectively attractive, but this was frankly getting out of hand. First there was the green skinned druid doing something sensual to your mind, then there were the general stares and whispers as you walked by, and now a pair of gorgeous drow twins trying and failing to proposition you.
It was getting tiresome. There were only so many times a man could take his lover being offered “free” services before he snapped.
On one hand, he could respect the dedication they had to the craft. He could be considered something of a hired whore himself in his time, the old, “the first one’s free” was a tried and true trick. And he also knew, vaguely, that no one was actually trying to steal you from him. But on the other, he couldn’t help the fact that he wanted to claw their eyes out for looking at you so brazenly.
He hadn’t expected the eyes of the woman to wander over to him, like she was just noticing the possessive arm he had wrapped around your waist, “Is that your partner with you? How would you both feel about having a little fun?”
Absolutely fucking not. Maybe the old Astarion would have smiled and nodded, ready to do whatever was asked of him. But the man from that wretched era had died, or at the very least was dying. And he would be damned if he let you lay with another, never less participate in it.
Astarion interrupted your overly-polite attempts stuttering of a refusal. He glared at them both, a sneer painted on his face, “We’ll be passing on that. You’d think the first no would have sufficed, but I suppose it’s not fair to expect everyone to have basic language comprehension. Now as illuminating as this conversation has been, we have places to be. Excuse us.”
Then he was pulling you away, happy to ignore the offended huffs of indignation he had left in his wake.
“We’re supposed to be investigating, remember?” You said with a giggle, not even questioning him as he dragged you to the second floor, “Being rude is not the way we’ll find travel to the hells.”
“I highly doubt they would have been of use,” Astarion said as he pushed you into the first empty room he could find. He felt off, maybe even a little crazed as he turned to you, “Tell me darling, what is it about you that makes you so irresistible, hm?”
He crowded you against the closed door, ducking his head into the crook of your neck to breath you in. You smelled heavenly, you always did. He could trace the barest whiff of your blood from beneath your skin, always calling to him. You were the sweetest thing he ever tasted. Delicious even, for more reasons than one.
“T-They just wanted my coin,” You gasped when he started to suck bruises into your skin, “That’s all.”
“I think they wanted a bit more than that,” Astarion bit out as he shoved his thigh between your legs, “What will it take for others to realize you’re mine.”
His hands were wandering, resting low to grip your hips. He was using them to move you, forcing you to grind against his thigh. You grasped at his shoulders, trying to bite back a moan as you stared at him with wide eyes, “You want to do it here? Does that door even lock?”
It looked like it didn’t, not that Astarion cared. Maybe walking in on him ravishing you would finally start getting the point across of who you belonged to. Astarion shrugged, "There are less appropriate venues than literal whore houses."
“But-”
“But I can tell you want it,” Astarion interrupted with a smirk, his hands barely working to move your body anymore. But that wasn’t stopping you from rubbing yourself all over him, “Just look at you darling. Desperate little thing. But if you really don’t want to…”
Astarion made a lazy attempt to step back, laughing out loud when your desperately pulled him back, your desire finally winning out over your common sense. But you were glaring at him, obviously annoyed that he was so good at riling you up. He had seen that look before, the one that just screamed that you were scheming something.
He just hadn’t expected you to drop to your knees in front of him, huffing as you started to undo the fastenings to his pants, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit of a shit?”
“Maybe,” Astarion said with a strained laugh, his breath catching when you pulled his half-hard cock out, “But it seems to keep getting me the things I want.”
You rolled your eyes before licking a wide strip up his cock, like you weren’t directly proving his point. You looked amazing own there, you’re half-hearted glare morphing into a blissful haze.
Gods, how were you real? Astarion wasn’t quite sure why you were such a fan of getting him down your throat, but he knew that he was a lucky bastard for it.
“Sweet girl,” Astarion sighed, letting a hand drift down to tangle in your hair, “Sweet girl with a perfect mouth. And you’re all mine, aren’t you?”
You made a small, affirmative noise around his cock, taking him in deeper as you clutched at his thighs. You were so good at this, so well-trained after months of being together. He loved the soft, wet sounds that would escape your lips as you swallowed him down, the pretty way your eyes would water as you encouraged him to fuck your throat, how you would squirm in place on your knees, no doubt ruining your panties with how wet you were getting.
And no one else would ever know. No one would get to see you like this again, feel you like this. Needy, desperate, and his. Oddly enough, that thought was what sent him over the edge. He came down your throat, groaning as you eagerly swallowed around him.
You pulled off of him slowly, panting while you smiled up at him. There was the smallest string of spit mixed with his come, connecting from the head of his cock to your lips. You licked it up, still clinging to his thighs as you hazily stared up at him. Sweet enough to make his heart skip a beat, and his dick give a valiant twitch.
He pulled you to your feet, not wasting any time in smashing your lips together. He spun you around, pushing you towards what he prayed was a clean bed.
He pushed you back onto the sheets, making quick work of tearing your pants down your legs as he grinned down at you, “Your turn.”
He kneeled in front of you; spreading his hands over your splayed thighs to peel off your underwear. The core of you was already glistening, slick enough to make Astarion’s mouth water. He licked his lips as he spread your legs further apart, shameless as he feasted on you with his eyes.
You were shaking in his hold, biting your bottom lip when you whined, ��Stop staring already…”
“But you’re so pretty here my sweet,” Astarion cooed, tracing a single finger over the seam of your cunt, “And you’re dripping. Poor thing, have I kept you waiting too long?”
You nodded excitedly above him, your hips bucking when he let his fingers dip in further between your pussy lips. He lightly traced your clit, softly laughing at the way the simple touch made you whine.
It was his own fault that you were so needy, a fact that brought a smirk to his lips. You always got so wet after you had him down your throat, soaked and gorgeous.
Astarion dove right in, loudly moaning as he licked into your folds. He dragged his lips upward to suckle on your clit, basking in all the cries and whimpers escaping you.
He licked back down, teasing your hole with his tongue as your legs quivered around his head. He let the sharpness of his fangs scrape against you as he started to fuck you with his tongue, threatening your most intimate places.
He knew you liked that; little minx that you were. The slight risk of pain that was always looming. It made him want to sink his fangs in you for real, a hunger that he'd sate after he had you gushing into his mouth.
You were already close, he could tell from the way your cunt was tightening around his tongue; too worked up from the thrill of being in public and the taste of him still lingering on your tongue. Astarion trailed talented fingers up to rub against your clit, his tongue still curling inside of you as you cried out. Finally falling over the edge. But that wasn't stopping him from continuing to play with you.
You had to tug on Astarion’s hair for him to finally pull away, too over sensitive to handle his talented tongue. You were still trembling by the time he leaned back, licking his lips. He rested his head on your thigh, obviously pleased with himself as he grinned up at you. He could feel your heart racing against his cheek, the sound of your blood pumping singing through your veins. It had his mouth watering for a completely different reason.
He let his fangs drag against the delicate skin of your inner thigh, looking up at you through his lashes, "Can I?"
A superfluous question. Not when he already knew the answer before it escaped your lips.
“Y-yeah," You mumbled, lovingly gazing down at him. He would never tire of seeing that look on your face, "But be gentle? Please?”
"Of course my love," Astarion murmured, before promptly sinking his fangs into your flesh. He had to hold you down from the way you were still trembling, your quivering only getting worse at the pleasure mixed with pain. He didn’t let himself go rabid, just enough to get a taste. He was pulling back too soon, smiling to himself at the little whine you let out. He gently licked over the wound before standing, not yet swallowing the last drops on his tongue.
Instead he leaned forward to kiss you, more than happy to share the sweet taste of your blood as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.
“Thank you my dear,” Astarion sighed as he pulled away, “That was exactly what I needed. Now I think that’s enough investigating for one day.”
You sighed, taking the time to card your fingers through his hair, “Agreed. Though you might have to carry me out of here now.”
Wasn’t that a wonderful idea?
Astarion hummed as he pulled your clothing back on, “I think I like the sound of that," He didn't give you time to respond, too busy sweeping you up in his arms with a grin, "I'll be taking you up on that."
You squeaked when he hefted you up, bridal style, “I wasn’t being serious!”
But it was too late, Astarion was already kicking the door open. He shrugged at you, completely shameless as he winked at a few onlookers, "Then you shouldn't have suggested it."
You groaned, hiding your face in his shirt as he happily took you outside, “I’m going to get you back for this. I hope you know that.”
Astarion laughed as he kissed the top of your head, “I’m sure you will.”
It was a childish stunt, borderline on par with a jealous tantrum, but gods, did it feel good. Good enough to sate Astarion's obsessive tendencies for an impressive amount of time. Under normal circumstances.
But what about your lives were normal?
#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#you'll pry my long posts out of my cold dead hands#long fic#spoilers#and thats how later astarion found himself on stage with a killer clown#whoops#still fluffy i'd say#I got a soft (in comparison to cough alternatives) jealousy trilogy in mind so one more dirty part. Also#side note#in reality everyone in your party is attractive and probably gets flirted with an equal amount at the caress#but I love the idea of astarion being hyper focused on you.
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You know what makes me particularly happy? GET ROMANCED LIAM O BRIAN! Seeing him just sitting there al red and shy getting a bucket full of love dumped on him was good for my soul.
In campaign one he was the trail blazer of romance and did most of the heavy lifting with confessions and general romancing.
In campaign two he said "I'm not doing that again, been there done that". We all know how that went ... But it did mostly happen behind the curtains, off game, so he didn't get to experience it.
But ROBBIE WENT ALL OUT with this declaration, he really said I'll do romance and I'll do it good and Liam really deserved to be on the other side of that. I'm glad Orym couldn't gather his courage first, I think that was just right
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr#cr3#critical role campaign 3#bells hells#dorym#robbie daymond#liam o'brien#dorian storm#orym of the air ashari#side note#what really made it for me was Matt who somehow turned out to be the captain of the Dorym ship... I wasn't expecting that but#good for you buddy#he enjoyed it the most
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18+ minors dni
★・・・★・・・★・・・★
bartender!dick grayson who spots you leaning against the bar one night in a tantalising red dress, trying to shrug off some drunk loser who keeps insisting you let him buy you a drink. dick steps in to suggest that maybe the guy’s had enough for one night, and it’s time to head home. he pauses there, but his eyes finish the sentiment—leave, or I’ll make you.
bartender!dick grayson who gets to chatting with you once the asshole’s gone, quickly realising you two have some pretty serious chemistry. he offers to make you a dirty vodka martini, claiming it’s his specialty. “it’s on the house,” he promises with a wink.
bartender!dick grayson whose eyes darken slightly as he watches your lips tease the rim of the glass, barely noticing the way you’re staring at his black t-shirt pulled taut over his muscular frame. your skin is hot, and you don’t think it’s from the vodka. he tells you he’s off at 11:30, a suggestive smirk on his face.
bartender!dick grayson who leaves sloppy kisses down your neck as soon as you’re through his apartment door. his large hands roam your body and squeeze the soft flesh of your ass, holding you flush against his muscular torso.
bartender!dick grayson who has your legs around his head within minutes of getting you sprawled out on his bed, your pretty red dress crumpled up around your waist as he devours your needy cunt with all the ferocity of a starved lion.
bartender!dick grayson who turns you over to fuck you from behind, just so he can watch your glossy pussy grip his cock like a vice as he pulls out of you slowly, before sinking back into you hard. he groans at the filthy sounds you make for him, gripping your hips to ground himself.
bartender!dick grayson who gives you the best orgasm you’ve ever had, even though you’ve known him for less than three hours. he talks you through it as you tremble around his length, his tone almost cocky—“fuck, look at you, sweetheart. feels good, doesn’t it? all for me, huh?”
bartender!dick grayson who grits his teeth as he pulls out of you to cum over your pretty ass, knowing he’d much rather fill you up and watch you drip instead. maybe next time, he tells himself with a smirk, knowing you’ll be back again for more.
#this au has been consuming me I had to share#side note#is there a sluttier job than male bartender?#the answer is no#dick grayson#dick grayson smut#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson x you#nightwing#nightwing smut#nightwing x reader#nightwing x you#dc comics#batman#batfam
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The way Mulder says "and my report will reflect that, in case you're worried." to Scully in 7x7 makes my brain fuzz out. Like it's so obvious. Like how could she be scared about that. Like 'of COURSE I'm going to lie on an official FBI document about you killing someone in order to protect you, silly. Don't even worry abt it.'
And her reaction is perfect too because she almost looks like she wants to chide him, tell him that that's against policy (and probably a crime??) and it's not the right thing to do. But she knows she would do the same thing for him and that she has before. So who is she to talk?
#side note#the episodes where scully believes something and mulder doesnt are#SO GOOD#because hes so much more gentle with her than she ever is with him#because he understands how rarely she puts out an unexplainable theory and how vulnerable she feels while doing it#to him its second nature#but to her its still scary#and he takes great care to make sure she never feels like hes making fun of her or dismissing her#the x files#x files#mulder and scully#fox mulder#dana scully#msr
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Despite popular belief, I dont think that Miles' parents would hate Hobie right off the bat:
Rio and Jefferson meeting Hobie but it plays out like that episode of Daria where Trent and Jane lived with Daria's family and they didn't know what to do because they've never really lived in a household with two parents that are at least semi involved in their lives
Like imagine by circumstance Hobie gets manipulated into staying at the Morales'-Davis household for a few days after Hobie accidentally says that his parents aren't around after Rio and Jefferson say that his parents are probably worried about him being out at their house late.
Rio insists because Hobie obviously doesn't eat enough and could use a few days of good meals and the bags under his eyes have bags and Jefferson agrees because Hobie needs someone to show him "guidance" and to help him "get his life together", and Miles is just shocked that his parents not only love his boyfriend, they basically made him a part of the family.
Hobie tries to be grateful at first but then he gets overwhelmed when Rio and Jefferson actually scold him for staying out too late because he's never had a curfew and they sit him down and talk to him about going to college and shit.
He gets so overwhelmed because their need to parent this boy is so strong, he makes up some bullshit about his "uncle" taking him into his custody just so he can go back to his universe.
#punkflower#spider man across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#spider man atsv#hobie brown#hobart brown#miles x hobie#miles morales#rio morales#jefferson davis#side note#i have not seen the movie yet#so if you come into my mentions#with spoilers#i will block you
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I love this line because he’s so unsure of everything because of the stress he’s under but he does recognise that he’s closer to Dylan.
#he’s in love ok#side note#ryan is so beautiful#the quarry#the quarry edit#edit#ryan erzahler#dylan lenivy#ryan x dylan#dylan x ryan#radioheads#rylan#drylan
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I wanted to post this again without the old art. Just bc I’m so happy with how this one came out.
#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#homestuck#homestuck fanart#rose lalonde#kanaya maryam#rosemary#homestuck rosemary#rosekan#side note#I love drawing kanaya with wispy hair it’s my favorite thing
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i was a kid in the "girl power!! 🌼💖 girls can do anything boys can do!!" era. i was told many many times "you could be the next president of the United States! you could be the first woman president!" and now those same people are like. hmmm idk kamala is a woman :/
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some sketches of my guy
#original character#angel oc#monster boy oc#wings#winged oc#for those curious he is the main character of this serial comic i have planned after my short film and one shots are#finished called “Mayflies”#Basically its a slice of life/fantasy comic about a world where “angels” are these huge insectoid-like entities that exist in a symbiotic#relationship with humans#They spend the majority of their life cycles in a juvenile state similar to mayflies#where they inhabit the bodies of dead humans#so every once and awhile when someone dies they will come back as an angel spontaneously. Denny was walking to work one day in the#dark and rain and got hit by a car. lucky for him#an adult angel appeared at that moment and triggered the angeldeath and he Came Back#hes like the same guy though angels dont have a separate conciousness from their host. its like#he is the angel. like a lichen. from his POV he can't tell that anything's changed inside his brain only now. he feathers#so yeah. i love him#side note#he has a GNC boyfriend named Ruth
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Dream angel appreciation post because she’s the best everyone should love her
#world angel handbook#my art#side note#you will be seeing some inconsistencies with dream’s legs#sometimes is above knee sometimes is below knee#her design is still work in process#*progress
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*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it
#I just want to draw them wearing fancy stuffs#I love problematic women#cithis#otta#dungeon meshi#side note#otta is NOT leonardo dicaprio#like#have you seen how giddy she gets when she talks about her girlfriends?#she’s just a girl in love!!! (aside from her horrendous crimes against basic morality ofc#and she is literally the only elf who doesn’t infantilize half foot#also#I somehow see cithis’ character as holly golightly but bloodier and instead of romcom she’s in freaking Game of Thrones#I just find the fact that she came from poverty really intriguing#like she’s regal and elegant but she also committed crimes out of jealousy and spite#she hates high class but still drawn to their power
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