#also does no one check the notes before commenting on relatively small posts?

[sky-daddy-hates-me]

Does no one else check to see when posts were vaguely posted? Especially when they relate to dates or "trending"? Am I going to have to start putting little datestamps on my posts?

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n, Tommy, Jack and Tubbo

Requested:yes/no

Pairing: Platonic jack/tommy/tubbo/reader

Summary: another day another adventure

Content warning: cursing / I didn't proof read

An: reader has bright unnatural hair I wrote a lot, I can't figure out how to add read more on mobile I'm sorry

The music you were currently listening to was interrupted by the discord group notifying you that you have a new message.

Tommy: Y/N HOW BUSY ARE YOU TUBBO HAS COME TO VISIT AND JACK IS HERE

y/n: I mean I've currently got hair dye on but it’s being washed off and dried in around 20 minutes, why?

y/n: WAIT TUBBO?!?!

tubbo: oh yeah I forgot to tell you

y/n: how did you forget you know what nevermind, I’m glad you’re here :]

jack: we should be here in an hour so you have plenty of time to get ready

tubbo: what colour dye y/n

y/n: you’ll see soon enough as apparently, you’re all showing up at my house

Tommy: I suggest you wear comfortable shoes

y/n: I am terrified

Tommy: you have nothing to fear... for now

•••

luckily it had only taken you just over 40 minutes to get ready giving you roughly 20 minutes to prepare for the adventure ahead. or so you thought, as soon as you sat down ready to check your phone the sound of Tommy and tubbo laughing could be heard from your room, jack sent a message “hey we got here extremely early I’m sorry there’s no rush the others have been distracted by dreams music :)”

grabbing a backpack from next to your bed you had quickly chucked your phone and purse into the bag unsure as to what you’re going to need today.

•••

as soon as you opened the door you were met with an ecstatic tubbo who instantly pulled you into a hug unable to contain their excitement of seeing their friend

“I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES YOUVE CHANGED SO MUCH LOOK AT YOUR HAIR”

“I look exactly the same”

“Now I’m no genius y/n but last time we spoke you didn’t have unnatural hair”

you paused for a moment as tubbo had a point the last time you and tubbo were on face time your hair was classed as a natural colour however today as a fuck you to your school which didn’t allow unnatural hair you decided to dye it your favourite colour.

“you raise a fair point now if you don’t mind releasing me from your grasp I have to lock the door so no one gets in”

•••

“Tommy unlock the door let tubbo and y/n in”

“Y/N YOU'RE HERE- HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR! JACK ARE YOU SEEING THIS”

“Hello to you too Tommy”

“well if we weren’t going to get noticed at the shopping centre earlier y/ns bright fucking hair will definitely cause people to notice us”

“oh I’m sorry I didn’t expect to be going shopping with a bunch of Minecraft streamers today”

“don’t you stream Minecraft?”

“This isn’t about me jack”

the trip to the shops was surprisingly relaxing y/n sat at the front listening to jack sing along to songs playing on the radio, however, it was clear the boys had something they weren’t telling y/n which became evident through Tommy and tubbo bickering in the back of the car about who was going to tell them. it was a relatively short journey due to the fact you lived close to the city centre

•••

“let’s go shopping boys” Tommy practically yelled to everyone, tubbo held his phone in your direction then looked towards you, nodding at him you grabbed his phone and began recording

“I'm vlogging”

Tommy walked over “YEAHHHHH”

walking past cex you had to put up with Tommy making sex jokes until you made it to game, you stood holding back your laugh as you filmed Tommy and tubbo fighting about who’s paying whilst jack went off to buy a Minecraft squishy and mug despite everyone’s arguments against it. soon enough fans came over asking for photos with you all once the group of fans left jack took over recording for tubbo whilst you went off to quickly buy some games that you could play on stream.

•••

“want a wig bro? jack!”

the four of you walked into the shop, you couldn’t help but stand in awe looking at all the bright colours already questioning what colour to dye your hair next the sound of Tommy and jack being amazed pulled you out of your thoughts

“Gogy goggles, I’m actually buying them”

“i wan’t a pair”

“no, you’re getting a wig jack”

“I don’t want a wig I want George”

“y/n has bright hair and they’re not complaining”

“what do you have against people with colourful hair jack hmm?”

•••

“I'm not happy”

“you look lovely jack”

“we’re getting so many looks”

tubbo stopped everyone to ‘fix’ jacks wig which resulted in everyone laughing once you had finally stopped laughing you noticed tubbo had walked off and you were convinced jack had randomly decided to record strangers until you saw tubbo going up and down escalators

“oh there he goes again”

“pov you’re thinking about bees”

“where to next boys?”

Tommy pointed towards the lift

“Is this a lift for us”

Tommy noticed the safety sign and automatically made comments about it

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if I wasn’t carrying a knife”

“oh same Tommy”

“look you can see me”

taking that as an invitation to join the vlog you stood behind tubbo and pointed at the sign again and looked at Tommy and jack

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if we weren’t about to do this-“

the three of you went to jump up and down

“NO”

the four of you quietly left the lift however you were convinced that the public heard Tommy comment on having a knife and you threatening to jump as once the lift opened everyone was staring at you but it could also be due to the fact you had brightly coloured hair and somehow convinced jack to keep the wig on, you all spent a long time trying to convince Tommy to get a new outfit, eventually you went into another shop a certain keyboard caught your eye

“I’ve found my home, ill stay here at the gamer bunker”

you decided now was the perfect time to sneak off to buy the keyboard that had caught your eye, once tubbo noticed it was too late you stood holding the bag with your purchase leaving you stood in the middle of the shop defending your purchase to him claiming that it was a business expense and not just because you thought it looked cool.

“you told me you wanted to save your money”

“it lights up tubbo and it fits the vibe of my room”

Tommy placed his arm on your head treating you as an armrest as you were shorter than him and he knew it annoyed you

“they have a point tubbo it lights up”

once the recording ended you made your way back to the car

“say y/n you wouldn’t mind if me Tommy and jack stayed the night as tomorrow we were thinking-“

“sure thing”

“YESSSSSS”

•••

the next day you were woken up at 9 am by Tommy stood at the foot of your bed

“hi y/n”

“WHAT THE FUCK- oh hi Tommy Jesus christ do you know how horrifying that was to wake up to”

“Sorry bout that but if I didn’t wake you up now you’d only wake up in the afternoon and we need to go soon I’ll leave you to get ready”

you noticed a note was next to a jumper on the floor ‘hi, thanks for letting us stay the night I really liked your hoodie so I decided to wear it today here’s mine in exchange- Tubbo :D’

normally you’d be concerned that someone stole your hoodie as you live with your parents however today was an exception once you were all ready you set off jack pulled into a McDonald's drive-through so you could all get breakfast

“nice hoodie y/n”

“Thanks, someone took mine and decided to make a trade”

“you’re welcome”

the journey was quiet again you sat next to tubbo in the back Tommy sat at the front screaming at jack and trying to distract him and people around you decided to took a picture with tubbo who now had his arm wrapped around you as it was rather cold in the car and posted it to Twitter ‘@ ranboosaysstuff wish you were here :D’ less than a minute later you received 2 notifications ‘ranboosaysstuff replied to your tweet: same’ ‘ ranboosaysstuff has tweeted: *the spongebob gif*’

•••

soon enough you all arrived at mint golf to say you we’re excited would be an understatement

“can I get the shortest club you have”

you stood hiding your face in the jumper tubbo left you whilst you laughed a few minutes later you received a call from ranboo the others said they’d sort everything for you whilst you answered

“what’s up tall one”

“stay safe okay”

“ranboo it’s mini-golf I’m not fighting criminals”

“yes but I know how clumsy you are”

“first of all rude second of all fuck you third of all jealousy isn’t a good look on you” you managed to say through laughter

“jokes aside please come to the UK boo”

“oh sure I’ll go book a plane ticket now” *ranboo ended the call*

ranboo made jokes like that before however this time sounded a lot more serious and you had no idea why he called you so you made a mental note to call him again later. once with friends again you were met with Tommy telling the worker all about you all

“yeah we’re big on the influencing”

“What on earth did I walk in on”

“no time to explain let’s go golf”

you were handed a club and a ball and were dragged away by jack

•••

tubbo joked about getting a hole on one as soon as it was his go, you bet £10 with jack he wouldn't

“hand over the money y/n”

you looked at Tommy who was now recording you handing jack the money “so today we have learnt to not underestimate your friends and that gambling is bad. you lose your money to a tall bald guy”

to put it politely you and Tommy found out that mini golf is not your calling in life

“ill stick to streaming“

“you’re both losing by the way”

“yeah well- why and how does tubbo have soup”

tubbo stood cradling the soup as though it was a child

“Some things I can’t explain to you”

you stood tilting your head to the side questioning where the hell he got soup from

“eh”

“soups like a small child I take care of it as if it was my own”

you couldn’t contain your laughter at this point the confused faces of your friends alongside tubbos happiness of soup sent you over the edge so you decided to just sit down before you fall as your knees were already weak from laughing too much

“where did you get the soup from”

“I manifested it”

•••

after a few solid minutes of arguing over soup you and Tommy dropping the phone you all continued with bowling.

“tubbo get out of the way of my dream ball”

you stood recording jack cheering him on tubbo had different plans and kicked the ball away resulting in jack giving up and copying what you had been doing most of the rounds, after missing the hole 3 times each go, picking up the ball and placing it in the hole however again he missed

“you can’t be serious”

“golf isn’t for everyone big man”

Tommy took the phone from you to record “pov you’re me golfing”

•••

“how do we get across there”

“probably the bridge”

Tommy pulled to rope moving the bridge across the gap

“Why thank you, Tommy, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you”

you laughed

“you're extremely welcome y/n it was extremely easy because I’m a big muscly man”

golf was finally going well till you hit the ball a bit too hard causing it to go over the fence tubbo was able to get the ball back

“I’ve been watching a lot of doctor shows” you stood amazed at how far you made the ball go

“see the issue is its mini golf. if this was regular golf I'd have got a hole in one I'm telling you”

•••

“I'm never being in your vlog again”

jack looked at you and tubbo who was now laughing at you pretending to worship the can of soup in the hole

“Tommy please come back”

the rest of the game was chaos, you kept missing the hole then claiming to rage quit golf tubbo and Tommy kept making jokes jack left his drink somewhere then had to go back and find it, no one had been paying attention to you which allowed you to take the score sheet and make it so you had won the game eventually he game was over you had declared yourself the champion of golf despite the fact everyone was better than you including Tommy

•••

the journey back was chaos you called ranboo who claimed he only called you to plan a video/stream with you however it was clear that wasn’t the reason tubbo whispered to you so no one could hear

“I think he wants to be here with us I think he’s jealous”

you laughed and nodded

“of course”

eventually, you all made it back to yours, ranboo said goodbye to everyone then ended the call now it was time for you to say your goodbyes. since your love language was physical touch you hugged everyone. As you walked into your house Tommy yelled “Y/N HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PLANES”

[titleknown]

“Fuck the Republicans, fuck the centrists, socialism and landback now!”

-Bighead, when asked if they had any comments wrt the 4th of July.

-----------

Who is this slightly scary ray of sunshine? More on them past the break!

The latest and greatest of the creations of scientist/activist Bighead, Sunwright is a bold new frontier in ambition for the creator. If only in how gargantuan they ended up.

For, while other kaiju of his like Ipomo, Sargasso, Punchabello and so-on are relatively small as far as kaiju go, Sunwright is massive and lanky, towering a head over most kaiju. And they are fast too, able to run at immense speeds, even as they can root themselves to the ground to stay standing after a devastating blow.

Most notable in combat is the fact that they have an extensive command over the sun, able to charge their melee strikes with solar energy or blast it out in devastating rays from their face, but also able to use the rays of the sun to heal others or even increase their power (A fact that Blue Bull is very interested in) .

But, as Bighead is quick to point out, they also have utilitarian purposes too. Their seeds can feed many, many people, and the same sun-powered nature that makes them good in a fight also allows them to regenerate said seeds extremely quickly. And, more relevantly to recent events, they can leech out toxins from areas around them, collecting them safely within itself and away from harming other lifeforms.

And they also point out they can use said collected toxins as a weapon because “Nature never wastes anything,” so there’s that too.

Though, it does have its weaknesses. Their greater power and size compared to his other kaiju, that means they take significantly longer than Bighead’s other organisms to grow. Meaning that there’s usually only one “active” at a time, and if they are destroyed, it will be a while before another can grow.

They are also weakened by a lack of sunlight, again similar to Blue Bull, though their capacity for retaining it is significantly lower. But the biggest flaw is their tendency towards having a… temper.

While most of the time they are kindly and caring (think the robot from Castle in the Sky), when pushed to their limits, they have a tendency to go feral. In the sense they actually use those solar-charged teeth of theirs to start biting and eviscerating their opponents, mind clouding so they do not recognize friend from foe.

While they can be halted in these by either that iteration overexerting itself to shreds, Bighead’s intervention, or even a good slap from a teammate, what’s disturbing is the observation of what happens to them when they do. Because, when they start biting other kaiju, their healing cranks into overdrive, and they begin to start growing in… unsettling ways.

Bighead, needless to say, is disquieted by this, though he can’t quite find the flaw in the organism that causes this...

----------

So, I figured I'd make one last surprise for a post-Kaijune kaiju, if only because I came up with this idea and by god I was gonna show it before the moment passed! 

On that note, as per usual with Kaijune, this solar titan is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator! 

And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon (Tho it's more of a tip jar for now as I transfer to my new dwellings to focus on it), or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!

Or, if you wanna commission me for a pic like this, my commission info is thisaway! 

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

Note: this was a commission I got from a supporter on ko-fi. I hope that you’ll read it with the same enjoyment I had while writing it. If you want to commission or support me check the pinned post or the hyperlink, you’ll find all the details there. If you have questions, my DM is open 🤗. Also, your comments are always welcomed.

Promt: Wesker forgets about the reader’s birthday.

Pairing: Wesker x F!Reader

Word count: 2K

Type: fluff.

Wesker placed the samples with care on the table, starting his day as usual. He’s been spending his last few years, stuck in the lab researching all over again in order to achieve the wanted results. Since Uroborus is a high importance plan, he’s very meticulous about his schedule, respecting every minute precisely. Not a minute early, not a minute late. The only thing that he tries to put outside his schedule is you because he doesn’t like limiting the time he spends with his sweetheart. He cares so much about you that over the years he sees you as his equal, so he plans to inject you with the progenitor virus, a weaker strand because he can’t risk killing you. Because of this, he wants to do it on a special day, but the many opportunities that arrived didn’t fit in his schedule. The greatest gift he ever received was the power he got after breaking the confines of humanity, so he wants you to experience the same joy. Wesker kept thinking about it but he would get distracted by his work, so his present would always be in the planning stage. He doesn’t want to do it suddenly, he wants to introduce the idea slowly to you because he respects your boundaries.

Once you earned his respect, Wesker can be a very carrying partner, human even. He knows every little detail about his sweetheart, from her birthday to what she last ate. It can seem creepy when you put it like this, but this is nothing more than a lover who deeply cares about his partner and seeks to make her happy. Wesker is not the greatest at showing it though because of his work life. He has little to no time to show his affection. He still shows you that he is there for you, but not as much as he wants, making him more frustrated. Sometimes when he comes home from work he is so tired he barely sees you, let alone talk with you. He either collapses on the couch or bed and falls asleep as you talk with him because he is just too exhausted to carry the conversation. This doesn’t sit right with him because he gives all of his attention and energy to his work and doesn’t have any left for the only person that matters to him, making him wonder if it’s all worth it.

The relationship didn’t have a great start, since you expected Albert to be with you at least 8 hours a day but you’re lucky if you catch him once a week. He’s not the type to express himself and constantly expects others to read his mind, so you two would end up fighting. You have mistaken the lack of presence as rudeness and indifference, basing your reasoning on all the rumors you heard until you realized they were all stupid. Wesker proved to be the contrary, talking so nicely to you and not belittling you at all even if you piss him off. The amount of respect this man offered you even from the beginning is astonishing. He was so transparent with you and with all he does and he had so much patience until you understood. He was just a working man with probably burnout syndrome, so you took the responsibility to take care of him.

His phone buzzed since he started his work. Calls, messages, idiots without brains, as he calls them, needed help doing their job. When he had enough he picked up his phone and started to scroll down through notifications. Some of these people make him curse like a sailor, especially the one who texted him the most. As useful as Excella is in helping with his projects, as annoying she can be. Hundreds of messages and calls, some related to work some not. A particular question caught his attention.

“Do you think y/n would like this?” A picture of a purse was attached. Excella can’t stand you for obvious reasons, but out of respect for Albert, she tries to be friends with you. Still, why would Excella buy something for you out of the blue?

“Is something special today?” He thought.

The horrifying grimace when the realization hit cannot be described. Today is indeed a special day, your birthday. To be honest, he doesn’t care about birthdays. He despises them because they are a reminder of our mortality, but he knows how much you care about such occasions. Every year you got him something even if he insisted not to buy anything for him. Seeing you care and how much you enjoy receiving gifts he changed his mindset. Usually, he would give you something common, just as others would, but then he began to put more effort until there wasn’t anything material in this world to give. That’s how the progenitor virus gift arises in his head. However, he’s been so caught up with his research on Uroborus that he completely forgot to make the preparations. You don’t feel the days pass when you’re stuck in a lab all the time. He puts the phone aside, grabs his coat, and rushes out of the building ignoring the people that are trying to talk with him. If not the virus, he will have to find something common.

He’s not a fan of last minutes gifts but he has no choice. The guilt crushed him further as he remember he hasn’t talked with you all day. The ride to the jewels store felt like ages, even if it was relatively close. Luck was on his side since he found the store open.

None of the jewelry in front of him caught his attention because it wasn’t something he hopes of giving you. He already buried you in gold. You have the finest, unique, and expensive jewels in the world. He wouldn’t have been injected you in a lab of course. He wanted a special place for your rebirth. All of his ideas were put on paper, but probably got lost in the pile of reports. All he wanted was to see you smile on the most important day of your life, perhaps looking at him with the same eyes as his. He wanted to make you feel as you were the center of his universe, his queen, but he failed miserably. Maybe if he had gotten any outstanding results today he wouldn’t be so upset, but it was just another ordinary day. The lady tried talking with him but he was lost in his thoughts. Knowing it’s late and that you’re waiting for him, he bought a pearl necklace and left in hurry. On his way home he tried thinking of what to say, what excuse would be the best but he concluded that all of them were outdated.

Before opening the door, he hid the small package in the inner pocket of his coat. That lady was in hurry to close the store and didn't want to wrap the necklace if gift wrap. Wesker will remember that.

“I’m home!” He shouted once he entered. He may screw up, but he is not a man who runs away from conflict or a man who doesn’t own his mistakes.

“I thought you’d spend the night in your lab.” She said while giving him a peck on his cheek. “You need a vacation dear, you’ll be worn out before your time”

You were so carrying with him, so kind, but he couldn’t enjoy it. He didn’t deserve your kindness.

“There is something I need to tell you.”

“About?” You were starting to get worried. He left in hurry this morning and you didn’t hear anything from him all day. Excella told you briefly about him, but she talked more about the purse she bought for you which was more for her taste, not yours. Judging by his face you realized he had something on his mind, but you would never think it was because he forgot about your birthday. You expected him to talk about an outbreak rather than your forgotten birthday. To your surprise, he started apologizing.

“I was so caught up in my work I-“ he considers apologies a waste of time since we could do better things with our mortality and limited time, but for a reason, humans care about these.

“It’s alright my love.” You caress his face as a reassuring sign. “I understand.” You’re not upset at him. He genuinely cares about you and you can’t judge him, not after all the good things he has done for you. And besides, you know he doesn’t fully mean it, but you appreciate that he still does it for the sake of your feelings.

You began to caress his cheeks, to place small kisses all over his face. You see him rarely so you make sure to show him how much you love him as well. You hug him and he instantly hugged you back. After a while, you broke the hug and lead him to the couch so you can talk about each other’s day. He’s thankful you both moved on.

Eventually, you two got more comfortable. You let all your weight fall over his body as his strong arms were wrapped around your torso. His big hands were caressing your back while you found your peace in that small, almost suffocating, clasp. You almost fell asleep when a gentle squeeze woke you.

“I almost forgot.” He said, almost whispering, before handing you your gift. “It’s not what I had planned, but I hope you’ll find it enjoyable.”

Hazily, you took the small box Albert handled to you. It was a normal, jewelry box with the logo of the store on it. Inside there was a beautiful, shiny pearl necklace. Your delicate fingers touched the pearls with care, feeling their gritty texture and small bumps here and there. It weighs heavy in your hands. You fell in love instantly with the accessory. Seeing how happy you are, Albert offered to put it at your neck. Its elegance enhanced your natural beauty. It looks like it was made solely for you, like an extension of your body.

“I bet it was a lot.” You said with a somehow sorrow in your voice. You don’t want Albert to spend heavy money on you, because it’s his presence that you enjoy and value the most.

“Don’t worry about it, I like spending money on you.” And it was true, he loves dressing you in the most expensive clothing to flatter your body. You’re a goddess to him. Not to mention it strokes his ego to know that he’s able to provide such beautiful things to you. “At least this is what I can do.”

“And it’s perfect this way.” You can see him relax a little.

“I’ll make it up to you, I just need some time.” Time, mortality, death. Once again he was reminded of his plan that was supposed to fix humanity's greatest flaw, and his expression suddenly changed. That didn’t get past Y/N’s attention.

“Albert sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, some problems I need to solve.”

“Are they urgent?”

“Yes, very.”

“I’m sure they can wait until tomorrow.”

He scanned your body carefully. You weren’t getting any younger. Time left its mark on you. Not in an unpleasant way, but still noticeable.

“There something I need to tell you.” He said while sitting on the edge of the bed, watching you how you admire your new necklace. In the lights of the vanity mirror the pearls shine brighter, being more appealing than before making it impossible to take your eyes off them.

“What is it?” You said while gazing at your own reflection.

He choose his words carefully, but no matter how he put them, it could scare you. It’s not the time or the place. He doesn’t want to ruin your happiness. His actual surprise might not sit well with you, but it’s not your choice after all. If he considers it the best option for you he will do it regardless of your opinion. Still, this day came out better than he expected.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Tags: @xx-sectumsempra-xx @residentzero2028 @heisentitties (dm if you wanna be in the tag list)

[viastro]

second life | xu minghao

ミ★ synopsis: in which jun and jeonghan pick out a book titled, Second Life, and find a message written to someone on the title page. it’s only then that they learn the untold story of two lovers who met at a library 35 years ago.

ミ★ genre: soulmate!au (kinda ?), multiple lives!au, fluff, light angst

ミ★ warnings: major character death (it’s not bad i promise)

ミ★ word count: 4,219

ミ★ pairings: xu minghao x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys! when i wrote this oneshot, i couldn’t think of any other published book, so i decided to reference @sunlightwoo​‘s series, Second Life, which is really good so make sure to check it out ! i’m going to be a bit busy these upcoming weeks because i have finals soon, and i also just got a job as a boba barista ! i’ll try to post a oneshot at least once a week, but we’ll see how that goes HAHAHA as always, make sure to give lots of love to minghao <3 i hope you guys enjoy this one !!

“Who would wanna go to the library over the amusement park? And why is it you instead of Minghao?” Jun rolls his eyes at Jeonghan’s questions as the two of them step into the city library. They bow their heads in the elderly librarian’s direction, before walking further into the pretty empty space.

“Minghao keeps telling me to read more cause he’s tired of me bothering him.” Jun mutters as his eyes trail across the numerous books on the shelves. Jeonghan purses his lips, before nodding his head in agreement, knowing that Minghao is on the verge of possibly committing homicide if Jun barges into his apartment one more time unannounced.

“This looks nice.” Jun says quietly to himself as he pulls out the story titled, Second Life. He opens the cover, only to tilt his head at the writing scrawled on the title page. Jeonghan raises an eyebrow at Jun’s confused expression, so he leans in close to check out what he’s looking at. 

for yn,

as a reminder for a fairly wonderful day. i hope for many more to come. 

affectionately yours, 

xmh

“I guess this book was donated?” Jeonghan asks, glancing down at the page to see that it was published long before the two were alive. Jun nods his head, and they head over to the front desk to rent the story. 

“Ah, no one’s checked out this book in a long time.” The librarian says softly, hand grazing slightly over the written words. Jun and Jeonghan share a glance, before turning back towards the elderly woman. “Do you perhaps… know the person who wrote that message?” 

She glances up at the two handsome men, seeing their curious expressions on their faces. The librarian lets out a smile, nodding her head as she stamps the sticker in the book and slides it back in Jun’s direction. 

“They were a beautiful couple. I was just a young girl starting my first job as a librarian when they first met here, actually.” Jun finds himself growing more intrigued, as does Jeonghan since the two appear to be holding onto the librarians every word. 

“Can we hear their story?” Jeonghan asks, and they watch as the librarian smiles, before nodding her head. She gestures for them to move towards the couches, and she walks out from behind the desk and sits in front of the two. 

“It’s a bit of a long one, if that’s okay.” The librarian warns, and Jun and Jeonghan shake their heads, telling her that it’s no problem. She lets out a sigh, glancing out the window to see the yellow rays from the warm, summer sun shine into the library. 

“It was a beautiful spring day when they first met.”

Fucking hate pollen, you think grumpily to yourself as you rub your nose in an attempt to hold back the monstrous sneeze that threatens to escape if you inhale one more breath of the spring air. You notice the library around the corner, and quicken your pace as you walk over to escape from the allergy infested air. 

Once you’re there, you practically rip open the door and jump inside the quiet building. You let out a sigh of relief once the door closes behind you, and you pause, realizing how loud you must’ve been when you entered the library. So you turn your head slowly, just to find the relatively young librarian standing there with wide eyes, and you let out a small smile. 

“I’m so sor-” The words die in your throat when you feel that familiar feeling in the back of your nose, and you quietly try to fight it back. 

god, please. I’m in the place that’s supposed to be quiet, so if you humiliate me and make me sne-

You let out a loud sneeze that resembles the sound of the large stampede of wildebeest that killed Mufasa in the Lion King, and it makes you want to shrivel up and die right in the entrance of the library. You wouldn’t mind, really. It’d be a peaceful way to go out, just right here. In this library. Actually, it’d be rather pleasa-

“Do you need a tissue?” You turn your head to see the young librarian holding out a tissue box from her desk, and you let out an embarrassed smile. Shaking your head, you lift up your hand to tell her that you’re fine, only to stop and turn when you hear the door open from behind you. 

A tall man walks in with long red hair that’s parted down the middle. He’s wearing a black turtleneck with a sheer blue button down over it. Running a hand through his hair, he glances up from the floor and locks eyes with you once the door closes.

Love at first sight. You never believed it, didn’t understand the concept, really. Even thought it was stupid. How could you fall in love with someone just from a first glance? 

So why is it that you can’t seem to be able to breathe as you stare up into his deep, brown eyes that seem to hold millions of thoughts as they bore into yours. Feeling heat rush up to your cheeks, you turn away first, and he quietly coughs into his shoulder. 

“Sorry.” You mumble as you step to the side, feeling embarrassed for just staring at the ethereal man with an awed expression. You’re sure that he thinks you’re weird, and you debate on ways to escape the library while also being able to handle your allergies.

if i just shove the pieces of tissue up my nose, then i won’t sneeze every five seconds. brilliant.

However, the thoughts come to a stop when you find his hand outstretched towards you. Slowly, you glance up at the man, just to find a small smile on his face as he stares at you. 

“Hi, I’m Minghao.” Biting the inside of your cheek, you slowly reach out and grasp his hand softly, letting out a grin when you do so. You watch as his eyes seem to twinkle in the sunlight, and you wonder how someone can be so ethereal as you say, 

“Hi, I’m yn.”

“This book is taking a rather tragic turn.” You mutter as you turn the page, and Minghao glances at you out of the corner of his eye. He bites back a smile when he sees you upside down on the beanbag chair, reading Romeo and Juliet as you do so. Letting out a breath he responds, “You’ve read that book three times already, you should know that it’s not a good story.”

Rolling your eyes, you close the book and shoot the pretty man a glare. Minghao giggles when he sees you grumble to yourself about him always attacking you whenever you pick up any work of Shakespeares. You don’t blame him, Romeo and Juliet sucks, but you read the story for entertainment purposes. 

“Always ruining my fun.” You complain as you move to the aisle to pick up another story. Minghao grins, placing his book down after marking his spot and following after you. 

It’s been three months since you and Minghao met at this library, and the two of you have been meeting here almost every weekend just to read together. You’ve discovered that Minghao is not only physically pretty, but his talent and personality is truly unmatched. While Minghao has noticed that you shine brighter than all the stars in the sky whenever you speak of a book you’ve come to love. 

Secretly the two of you have developed feelings for the other, but as always, neither of you have made a move.

“Are you going to pick out another boring story?” Minghao teases from beside you, and you shoot him a glare, “You stink.”  

Minghao smiles, about to poke fun at you again, only to stop when he takes notice of the young librarian standing at the end of the aisle, holding up two glasses of water. You turn to glance in the direction Minghao is staring in, and immediately grin when you lock eyes with Areum.

“Areum! Are you going to read with us today?” You ask as you and Minghao walk over, quietly thanking her for the beverage as you both take a sip. She grins, shaking her head, and you immediately pout. “Why not?”

“I’m still on my shift, and I know how much you two enjoy your time together.” Areum says with a wink, and you feel the warmth rising to your face in an instant, quietly cursing Areum for her comments about you and Minghao. 

Minghao clears his throat when Areum wiggles her eyebrows at him, and she smiles brightly at the two of you. “I’ll try and join you guys when I finish my shift, but just come to the front desk if you need anything.” 

You both nod your head and watch as Areum turns and leaves the aisle. Letting out a breath, you turn and pull out a soft yellow book from the shelf, before walking back over to you and Minghao’s designated reading spot in the back of the library. 

“What lame book did you get this time?” Minghao asks, and you scoff as you sit back down in the comfortable chair. You turn over so that you’re upside down, and he giggles at your strange position. “You’re lame.”

“Rude.” You grin at his response before holding out the book you chose, watching as the silver letters of the title reflect back at you. “It’s called, Second Life, I actually haven’t read this one before.”  

Minghao purses his lips at the unfamiliar name, and you turn the book around so that he can also get a good look at it. Nodding his head, he pulls open his book again, “It seems interesting.” 

“Wow, that’s the first time you didn’t call one of the books I chose, lame.” You joke, and Minghao chuckles. He shrugs his shoulders, turning to glance at you, only to find you already staring back at him. 

Feeling the air shift between the two of you, you turn away after staring at each other in silence, and open up to the first page of the story. Minghao bites the inside of his cheek, before looking away and going back into his book as well.

The three unspoken words are left lingering in his brain as he glances over his book to take a peek at you, only to look back down.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” You ask as you watch Minghao look through the numerous books on the shelf to try to figure out what to read. He halts his movements, turning to glance down at you. “Do you?” 

Shrugging your shoulders, you glance down at the book you hold in your hands as you recall what you felt the first moment you and Minghao locked eyes. The pretty man purses his lips, feeling his heart thump within his chest as he finally pulls out a book he decided to read. 

“I didn’t, originally.” Minghao begins, and you raise an eyebrow. He stays quiet for a second, debating on whether or not he should continue as you tilt your head to the side at his silence. Running a hand through your hair you ask, “What happened that made you change your mind?” 

Minghao turns towards you, and your eyes widen slightly when you take in how nervous he looks. He bites the inside of his cheek, rethinking his decision one more time. 

you can back out, there’s no reason to say anyth-

“Then I met you.” Minghao says softly, completely ignoring his rampant thoughts, and the two of you stare at each other in silence for a long time as you let his words soak in. He lets out a sad laugh at the shocked expression on your face, running a hand through his pretty red hair as he nods his head with a tight-lipped smile. “It’s okay, I understand-”

You take a step forward and wrap your arms around his waist, making the rest of Minghao’s words die in his throat. A smile forms on your face when you feel his arms tentatively wrap around your body, his hand moving to cradle your head. 

“You love me too?” Minghao asks, sounding breathless due to the shock of the feeling being mutual. You nod your head, closing your eyes when you hear his rapid heartbeat against your ear. 

“At first sight.” You mutter softly, and Minghao smiles at your words. He rests his cheek on the top of your head, and the two of you stay like that for a while in the library aisle. Books that are in your grasp now forgotten as you hold each other.

Areum glances up when she hears the doors to the library open, and lets out a small smile when she sees you and Minghao walking in, fingers intertwined as you both immediately head towards the front desk to greet the young librarian. 

“Hi Areum!” You whisper excitedly, and Areum greets you and Minghao with just as much enthusiasm. Minghao watches with a fond smile when the two of you begin to discuss any strange customers walking into the library, and Areum grins when she catches sight of this.

You and Minghao have been dating for six months, and still manage to come to the library almost every weekend. Areum is sure that the two of you have read every single book in this library by now, but she doesn’t question it. She enjoys your guys’ company. 

“I’m going to set up our spot, are you gonna talk to Areum?” You ask Minghao once you and Areum finish your conversation on the guy who walked into the library just to look for any dust. Minghao nods his head, and you shoot him a thumbs up, before walking over to the reading spot. 

“Did you need something, Minghao?” Areum asks as she begins to sort through the books atop of her desk. Minghao nods his head, glancing over in the direction you walked off to see if you’ll hear anything. She raises an eyebrow when Minghao pulls out a book from the pocket on the inside of his jacket, watching as he places it in front of her. 

“Second Life? Are you returning this?” Areum asks, and Minghao shakes his head. He purses his lips, before pointing at the book with his finger as he grabs a pen. “I was wondering if I could buy it. It’s the book yn was reading when I confessed to her, and I think it’d be ni-”

“Of course!” Minghao’s eyes widen slightly when Areum scans the book, having not expected it to be that easy.

“Really? Are you sure I don’t have to go through a process to get the book or like-”

“Nope, just pay the cost and the book is yours. It’s not a big deal.” Areum reassures with a smile, only to internally slap herself when she realizes she’ll have to order another one later in her shift. 

Curse Minghao and yn for being the most precious couple ever.

“Thank you so much, Areum.” Minghao says as he hands her money to cover the cost of the book. She grins, nodding her head as she hands back then leftover change. Once the transaction goes through, Minghao open the book to the first page and clicks the pen. 

“Are you going to write a message?” Areum asks, and Minghao nods his head with a small smile on his face. She watches as the words make their way onto the page, and she feels her heart warm when he places the pen back down on the table. 

“Thank you so much for letting me buy this. I’m gonna go head to the back with yn, are you gonna join us to read later?” Areum nods her head with a smile, and Minghao shoots her a thumbs up. He turns and walks to the back where you are, and Areum lets out a happy sigh. 

“Never thought soulmates could be real until I saw those two.” Areum mutters to herself, chuckling when she hears you let out an awe, most likely due to Minghao handing you the book as a present. 

“Maybe I should leave the painting to you, huh?” You say as you take a step back to stare at your canvas, and Minghao hums when he turns around from his own creation to take a look at yours. He lets out a smile at the numerous smiley faces and flowers you painted, thinking that the painting is rather endearing. “I think it looks nice.” 

You scoff with a playful grin, pointing over at his painting that numerous different colors, all splattered onto the canvas. You don’t understand how he was able to make paint splatters look beautiful, but this is Xu Minghao we’re talking about. The most talented man you know. 

“Says the reincarnated Picasso over here.” You joke, and Minghao rolls his eyes. He places his paintbrush into the cup and walks over to you, wrapping his arms around the back of your shoulders and resting his chin on the top of your head. 

“Yours is sweet, it speaks volumes on your personality.” Minghao explains, grinning at the excessive use of yellow. You squint at the painting, turning to glance up at your boyfriend, causing him to smile down at you. “Which is?”

Minghao purses his lips, glancing back at the painting once more to think about his response. He giggles, looking back down at you with a teasing smile on his face. 

“Someone who doesn’t know how to paint.” You reach out and slap his stomach, making him double over in laughter as you chuckle in response. Minghao lets out a happy sigh, finally calmed down from his joke as he stands back up at his full height. He leans over and presses a soft kiss to your lips, before pulling away and grinning. “I’m kidding, art is whatever you want it to be. I’ll hang this up in my room when it dries.”

You roll your eyes with a smile, watching as Minghao walks back over to his painting to start cleaning up. You watch as he quietly hums a song to himself, and you let out a content sigh, ignoring the pain in your head in order to enjoy what’s going on in front of you. Minghao feels your eyes on him, and he turns back to see you smiling softly at him. 

“Mmm, you’re staring again.” Minghao murmurs as he places the paint tubes back into their container. You shrug your shoulders, a sad smile on your face as you stare at your pretty boyfriend, “I just like seeing you.” 

Minghao pauses, a slight blush rising to his cheeks as he proceeds to continue cleaning up. You grin, before turning back to start cleaning up your area as well, grimacing from the growing pain in your head that you’re trying to ignore. Minghao turns and catches sight of the sunlight casting a glow on your face, and he smiles softly. 

“I like seeing you too, yn.” 

Areum walks over to the front desk, moving to check back in the books that were returned, only to hear the bells of the door. She raises an eyebrow, only to let out a smile when she sees Minghao walking in. 

“Hey Minghao! Where’s yn? The two of you haven’t been here for a few months.” Areum says cheerfully, only to feel her heart fall slightly at the sad smile Minghao sends her way. He bites his lip as he walks over and rests his hands on the top of the desk. 

His long red hair isn’t styled like it usually is, instead just laying over his forehead. She takes notice of the dark bags under his eyes, and the slight hollowness to his cheeks. Areum opens her mouth to ask if everything’s alright, only to stop when Minghao places the soft yellow book face up on the desk. She stares at the cover, and slowly looks up at Minghao, trying to see if what she’s thinking isn’t true when she locks eyes with the pretty man whose face always held a smile when he was in the library with you. 

“Yn’s gone.” Minghao mutters softly, thumb grazing over the letters of the title on the book. Areum clenches her fist tightly together at her side, refusing to believe his words. Minghao bites the inside of his cheek harshly, before pushing the yellow book he bought towards Areum’s direction. 

“It’s yours now. Thank you for the kindness you showed yn and I whenever we came here, I know she appreciated it a lot.” Minghao tells Areum, before turning around to walk out. Areum’s eyes widen slightly, and she walks out from behind the desk and stands right behind the tall man.

“W-why does this sound like goodbye? You’re coming back, aren’t you?” Areum asks, eyes frantically searching Minghao’s when he turns to glance at her. He reaches out and softly pats Areum’s shoulder, giving her a smile that no longer holds any light. “Maybe if my second life is kind to me, then I’ll be back.” 

And with that, Minghao turns and walks out of the library, leaving Areum to stand there, sadness overcoming her heart as she watches his figure slowly shrink until it disappears.

“His name is Minghao?” Jun asks once Areum finishes the story, and she nods her head, taking a sip of water to fix her parched throat. Jeonghan and Jun share a glance, before turning back towards the librarian. “Did you ever hear from him after that?” 

Areum nods her head again, letting out a small smile. “He sent me a letter from Singapore a few years after he left the library, but I learned that he got into a car accident a month prior to when I received it. He passed at an early age, but I’m glad to hear that he was doing alright. It’s been maybe, 25 years since he passed.” 

Jeonghan purses his lips, glancing at the book Jun grabbed. He leans forward in the seat, and Areum glances up at him. “We actually have a friend named-”

“I didn’t think you guys would actually go to a library.” The three turn to glance at the sound of the voice, finding Minghao standing at the doorway with a bright smile on his face. Areum’s eyes widen, and she slowly stands up from the couch in shock at the sight. 

It’s Minghao, she thinks to herself as she stares at him. His hair is now its natural shade of black, a contrast to his long red hair years ago, but it’s still a similar length. He looks up and locks eyes with Areum, and he tilts his head to the side, a smile still on his face as he bows in her direction. “Hello, I’m Minghao.” 

Jun and Jeonghan glance at each other when they see the shocked expression on Areum’s face, and the pieces of the puzzle slowly make their way together when suddenly the bell on the door rings again. The three of them glance at the door, and Minghao slowly turns his head, just to feel his breath get caught in his throat. 

Your eyes widen slightly at all the people crowded near the door, and you stop when you realize someone is right in front of you. You glance up and lock eyes with the prettiest man you’ve ever seen, and all the thoughts in your brain disappear at the sight of him. A familiar feeling floods your senses, one that you can only relate to the feeling of coming home. 

Unbeknownst to you, Minghao is feeling the exact same thing. Except he feels more emotional as he stares down at you, heart pounding against his chest when he catches the sparkle in your eye.

Areum’s mouth drops open when she sees the exact same scene she saw 35 years ago when you and Minghao first met. Her heart thumps against her chest, and she slowly raises her hand until it rests against her heart as she stares at the two of you. 

“You look familiar, have we met before?” You ask in a small voice, letting out a smile when you catch sight of the redness to his ears. Minghao clears his throat, smiling when he sees the brightness to your eyes. “I was going to ask you the same thing.” 

The two of you stare at each other for a moment longer, before you extend your hand in his direction. You tilt your head to the side with a shy smile on your face, “Hi, I’m yn.” 

Minghao bites the inside of his cheek, grinning when he reaches out and grasps your hand. He feels warmth flood his features at the contact, finding you both beautiful, and familiar. It’s as if he’s experiencing deja vu when he says, “Hi, I’m Minghao.” 

Jun and Jeonghan turn and look at the soft yellow book resting on the table, and Jun let's out a breathless chuckle. He runs his hand over the title, smiling when he looks back towards you and Minghao. 

“His second life. He found you again in his second life.”

[ashketchup119]

Four Years To Get There

If you or a loved one remember when I used to write regularly for hypzag/zagnos, you may be entitled to a senior citizen discount-

I didn’t want to post all of my hades stuff, but I think this one is really cute. My fanfiction writing and my original story writing are two different styles, because fanfic is my domain to go crazy go wild.

“So, four years stuck with my brother? I don’t envy you.” Thanatos commented airily as he made coffee.

Zagreus, who had woken up ten minutes prior and was staring morosely at the countertop, looked up when Than started speaking, and frowned. “Hypnos isn’t that bad, Than. He’s actually nice to be around. And he hasn’t made ‘morning person’ into a personality trait, unlike other people.” He smiled after saying this, in a teasing manner aimed in the direction of Than’s back.

Than hmph-ed and said nothing more. 

The rest of the morning passed by as usual- Than went to work, Zag went to the gym and to walk Cerberus, Than came back for an early lunch, and the two of them exchanged pleasantries at the junction between their personal schedules- Than half out the door, Zag on his way in. The two of them had been roommates for two years, and had become comfortable with this routine.

Earlier that week, though, Zag had gotten an email saying he’d been chosen to work as a bodyguard for a diplomat headed on a mission to a planet where rumors of attack had been swirling, with instructions on how to get to the port and what to bring. In total, it was meant to last about nine years- four years to get there, a year on the planet, and four years to get back. It was quite the commitment, but he didn’t mind overmuch. It’s not like there was much waiting for him on the planet he lived on currently- just his friends, who assured him they’d text and video call, and his dog, who had already been approved to come with him.

The evening before, Zag had found out the name of the diplomat he was supposed to work for. It was Hypnos! His roommate's twin brother! The two of them weren’t very close, but he was kinda relieved to know there’d be another friendly face on the ship.

After greeting Than on the way in, he began packing, using the sheet he’d been sent. He put music on in the background, and hardly noticed the passing of time, only breaking out of his reverie when Than came to remind him to eat.

A couple days later, he was ready to leave, Cerberus waiting patiently at the door. He gave a quick goodbye to his friends and his father, the former of whom gave promises to contact and the latter of whom just hmm-ed under his breath.

After the ship had taken off, he sat on his bed for a while, taking it all in. He was going somewhere new- how exciting!- but he knew he was going to miss his friends and family.

A knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts.

“Coming!” He said as he went to get the door.

On the other side of the door stood Hypnos, in full regalia. His departure had been much larger and more public, and Zag hoped that his brothers and mother had shown up. Charon he was almost certain of, and made a mental note to check his social media for pictures Hermes had most likely posted about his “almost-little-brother-in-law leaving us behind!! 😭😭.” Nyx and Than, though, were a little colder, and Than had made no move to leave when Zag had gotten on the ship.

“Hi!” Hypnos chirped, trying not to show the exhaustion he felt. It had been nothing but endless briefings for months prior to this, and the next four years were sure to be a nice, long break before doing it again for a whole year.

“Hi!” Zag replied, feeling slightly awkward in his far less formal tank top and shorts.

Cerberus came up between them and nosed at Hypnos’ cloak.

“Hi to you too!” Hypnos bent down and pet Cerberus to the best of his ability, mentally thanking the powers that be that he was a rather tall Doberman and not a small dog. 

Zag knew that Hypnos was his friend and his roommate’s brother, but he still was at a loss of how to act. Hypnos was, for all intents and purposes, his boss now, and he wasn’t sure whether or not he’d be expected to act accordingly.

Hypnos ended all pretenses of formality by stepping into Zag’s room and quickly shedding all jewelry and reminders of his station, leaving him in a long, elegant dress that crumpled beneath him when he flopped on Zag’s bed.

Hypnos yawned widely, and shifted to where he had a view of Zag still awkwardly standing in the doorway to his own room. Cerberus climbed on the bed next to him, and laid his head on Hypnos’ stomach.

It was a scene which made Zag vaguely want to join in and rest, but he was too wired to do so. Instead, he pulled the chair out from the desk facing the bed, and sat down with the back of the chair pressed to his chest.

“You excited?” Zag asked Hypnos, lightly drumming his fingers against the cool plastic.

Hypnos made a noncommittal noise and seemed to settle into the bed more. “You don’t mind if I nap here, do you?”

Zag shook his head, and Hypnos nodded slightly before falling asleep so quickly it startled Zag. He waited a few minutes before beginning to unpack, trying his hardest to remain quiet so as not to disrupt Hypnos. After dropping an exercise weight rather loudly and realizing that Hypnos hadn’t even stirred, he abandoned all attempts at noiselessness and just began placing things, noise be damned. 

He was so wrapped up in it he failed to notice when Hypnos woke up, studied him from behind for a few seconds (it was a nice view! sue him!), then rolled over and went back to sleep.

Zag was in the middle of organizing the desk when his communicator pinged, alerting him that dinner was being served in the cafeteria. 

“What time is it?” Hypnos mumbled from the bed.

Zag tilted the communicator to turn the screen on and told him.

Hypnos sighed and sat up, yawning as he stretched. He sat and blinked for a couple of seconds, then said, “We have to go to a special dinner with the other politicians and stuff. After today we’ll be able to go to the cafeteria, though.”

“When does it start?” Zag asked, trying to remember where he’d put his formal clothes.

Hypnos smiled guiltily and responded, “Five minutes ago?”

Zag’s eyes widened and he sprung into action, grabbing his clothes from the drawer and stumbling slightly as he went into the bathroom to change. Hypnos began to reluctantly put his own uniform on. By the time Zag came out, striking quite the figure in the fitted vestments, Hypnos had managed to pull everything on, and was fiddling with the clasp of the cloak.

“Here, let me get that for you.” Zag offered, and went to stand in front of Hypnos, where he reached up slightly and fastened the cloak.

The two stood in front of each other for a couple of seconds, Hypnos mentally preparing himself for human interaction and Zag trying to recall his training. Then, Hypnos sighed and moved around Zag to get to the door, and Zag fell into position beside him.

A week passed with Zag at Hypnos’ side almost constantly (even in sleep, to an extent, as their rooms were next to each other) before Hypnos once again came to his room for a nap. Then, over time, this became a regular occurrence. Hypnos would nap on Zag’s bed almost every day, and when he wasn’t napping, the two of them talked. Zag told Hypnos about growing up with a father who simultaneously ignored and expected everything from his son; his mother, who he had only met again recently, who used to worked as a diplomat but had retired to a small, idyllic, relatively unknown planet; the important people in his life, like his mentor Achilles and his friends. In return, Hypnos told Zag about growing up in a family that seemed to excel at everything; days spent sleeping because he couldn’t disappoint people in his dreams; going to school to learn how to talk to people and accidentally gaining importance. They talked about loneliness and happiness, highs and lows. 

It brought them closer together, and as weeks turned to months, Hypnos found himself looking forward to talks with Zagreus. He would wake up, giddy for their next interaction, and anticipate what he might say today. Maybe he’d make a comment about Zag’s haircut or a joke about how Cerberus like him better than Zag. Thinking about Zag made him smile involuntarily, and when the two of them talked, Hypnos sometimes felt his cheeks warm at Zag’s laugh and demeanor.

About four months into their voyage, he realized what this meant.

Oh.

Oh no.

It’s not like he hadn’t talked to Zag before- he did live with his brother- but the close quarters made everything… different. It felt like it was just the two of them, an island floating in a ship of 200 people. Maybe that was it- he just wanted to feel close to only other person on board he interacted with regularly. It couldn’t possibly be like, an actual crush, right? Yeah, no. It wasn’t.

That’s what he told himself, at least.

Zag, on the other hand, was oblivious to Hypnos’ internal struggle. He liked hanging out with Hypnos. They’d gone from acquaintances to best friends quickly, and Zag came to treasure their (many) moments together. He liked the teasing and jokes, and came to find his little yawn-stretches after a good nap rather cute. 

He had a crush on Hypnos.

He didn’t try to deny it or push it out of his mind, but he also didn’t really acknowledge it either. Hypnos was funny and adorable and really, really disliked tomatoes but always got an extra helping of pasta or whatever food with tomatoes was being served so he could give it to Zag, who he knew loved tomatoes. Zag couldn’t imagine not having a bit of a crush on Hypnos. He figured most people who met him did, because how could they not? With his unruly curls and dimples he was classic crush material.

So the first year passed. 

The second year began with a party, a celebration of “making it one year without any major incidents” (the ship captain’s words). Hypnos and Zag attended, once again in their stuffy formal wear, but ditched halfway through in favor of grabbing any food they could stuff in their pockets and talking in Zag’s room until long after the partygoers had trickled back into their rooms.

With the second year came new responsibilities. Hypnos’ monthly meetings turned into two, and he began to attend refresher courses on the language he’d be expected to use once the ship landed. Zag found himself standing outside rooms more often than not, and poor Cerberus’ walks went from three times a day to two. Their hang out time was cut in half virtually overnight.

So… why did Hypnos’ crush on Zagreus only worsen? 

They were both interacting with other people, and he had work to do. Why couldn’t he seem to pry Zag from his mind? He had to focus! But all he could focus on was Zag’s smile, playing on repeat in some sadistic part of his brain, and he wondered idly if someone had invented some sort of “cure” for a crush. Zag was his brother’s roommate! Than probably had a crush on him or something, because there’s no other way he’d let anyone live with him. He’d barely tolerated Hypnos when they’d shared a room as children!

(Than did have a small crush on Zagreus, but was finding out quickly that distance did not, in fact, make the heart fonder.)

Hypnos didn’t sleep a lot at night. Normally, sleep wasn’t a problem for him; he’d always been one to fall asleep easily and deeply. Now, though, his thoughts played on an endless loop, and he only really slept when he was in Zag’s room, surrounded by the noises of Zagreus and Cerberus.

Zag found that his crush on Hypnos was quickly blossoming into something much deeper, and didn’t really mind it. He wondered, idly, if there was a chance of Hypnos feeling the same, but didn’t want to jeopardize the mission (they still had eight more years together!) or their friendship. Besides, there was something beautiful in just the feeling of spending time with someone you l- cared for. Cared for, and he figured it was better to enjoy it.

For a short while, anyway.

It was difficult to deny the dreams he had of holding hands with Hypnos and going on dates (among other, less wholesome things), and he began to wonder more and more often if those dreams had a chance of becoming a reality.

Probably not. Hypnos was busy and important; he probably didn’t think about Zag half as much as Zag thought about him.

Three years came and went, with the budding feelings between the two only deepening. It caused some slight frustration, but neither of them was willing to talk about it, and behind their backs, the rest of the ship began to take bets on when they were going to get together. 

It didn’t happen in Year Three, when they were shoved into a closet “on accident” and spent the time talking about the things they had to finish that day.

It didn’t happen in Year Four, when Cerberus got sick and the two of them squished themselves into the same chair with Hypnos’ formal cloak draped on top of them like a blanket. It had been a cute scene, and was trending with #zagnos on social media for an hour before another diplomat had requested it get taken down. 

Finally, the day came for them to land. The whole ship was abuzz with people hurrying to and fro in anxious attempts to make sure they and their belongings were ready to depart. They’d been told to leave the bulk of their belongings on the ship, as it was the same one they’d be returning to and they would still have access to it, but this left people unsure as to whether they should over or underpack. 

Zag had decided that one backpack would probably be enough, seeing as they’d been told that decorations in the rooms they were to be provided were forbidden. He also had a tote bag with Cerberus’ things packed, and was more or less just waiting for the ship to be cleared to unload.

Hypnos, on the other hand, had three pre-packed, unopened suitcases filled with various clothes of the local fashion (enough to make sure they wouldn’t repeat; the higher-ups wanted to make an impression of their wealth); a bag of cosmetics and hair products (no longer would the unruly mess of curls reign); five briefcases with information he’d studied front to back multiple times during the trip; another duffle bag with sleep clothes; and a bag with all of his electronics. 

Zag picked up as much as he could, and the rest was carried by an envoy sent from the local government, leaving Hypnos free to smile and shake hands and generally do the job he’d been sent there to do. 

It was a stark difference from the Hypnos Zag had gotten to know, and it shocked him somewhat to see how quickly he’d changed from Hypnos, Zag’s best friend and the guy he’s in love with, to a charming diplomat with a winning smile that anyone would be hard-pressed to dislike.

Zag must’ve been hard-pressed, then, because he found himself disliking this version of Hypnos. There was something… insincere about it. It was all fake, a show put on to help Hypnos do his job better.

Well, he was only here to help Hypnos do his job, right? It wasn’t for him to like or dislike things. 

There was to be a party for those who had finally touched down on solid ground, and as Zag changed into a less formal outfit for the event, he heard a knock at the door. He opened it, then frowned, realizing that there was no one there. He turned to go back to getting ready, but not even five seconds later, the knock sounded again. Again, he opened the door, only to find no one there. He went outside and walked around a little, but didn’t see anyone. He went back to his room, where the knocking sounded again, and realized that the knocking was coming from somewhere not the front door. 

Five minutes later, he found a shallow dip in the wall, and when he touched it, a smooth voice asked, “Name?”

“Uh, Zagreus?” He answered.

A beep sounded, and the voice once again asked, “Name?”

“Zagreus… Plutonic?” He replied again, questioningly.

A ding sounded, and a portion of the wall swung outward to reveal Hypnos, still in the same outfit he’d been wearing earlier. Hypnos smiled widely at him- that same smile that he wore during their hang out sessions, not the one he wore as a diplomatic mask- but quickly flushed purple.

Zag raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“You’re uh, you-“ Hypnos stammered. “You’re not wearing a shirt, silly!”

Zag looked down and realized Hypnos was right. He smiled as he teased, “And? Do you like what you see?”

Hypnos just giggled, a high-pitched, somewhat frantic noise. 

Zagreus put on a shirt as Hypnos moved into the room, sitting daintily on the edge of the bed because his ornate clothing stopped him from doing anything else. Cerberus came up to him and wagged his tail expectantly, and Hypnos reached out and pet his head, making sure to scratch the area behind his ears that he knew he liked.

Zag watched them fondly. He’d always taken it as a good sign that Hypnos and Cerberus got along so well, and had told his mom such. She’d agreed with him, with that bright look in her eyes that hinted she knew more than she let on. 

When Zag was ready, the two of them left together, Cerberus asleep on the bed. 

At the party itself, the two of them basically stuck to the edges, chatting with other people occasionally. Eventually, an alcoholic drink was thrust into their hands. Zag looked questioningly at Hypnos, who nodded slightly as he put his own drink down. Zag grinned and drank it all down in one gulp, to the cheers of the other partygoers. He began to mingle with the crowd, leaving Hypnos standing awkwardly in the corner. Some other diplomats joined him, and they spent time murmuring about upcoming responsibilities and travel memories.

About an hour later, Hypnos felt a tug on his arm, and looked up to see Zagreus, cheeks flushed, smiling widely as he pulled him to the dancefloor. Hypnos made half-hearted excuses to the other diplomats before turning and anxiously following Zag to the dancefloor, leaving several knowing faces in his wake.

The two of them danced for a while, laughing wildly and holding each other’s hands in turn, high on the music and each other’s company. Eventually, the two of them ended up in a different corner than they’d started off in, smiling widely, faces flushed with exertion. 

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Hypnos was smiling widely and giggling breathlessly, staring down at Zag. Zag was looking up at him brightly, fondness crinkling the corners of his eyes. Zag pushed up, slightly, onto the tips of his toes. Hypnos leaned down, unconsciously. 

Their lips met.

After a second, Hypnos jerked back. Zag was drunk, and Hypnos felt like he was taking advantage of the situation. 

He cleared his throat and turned around, mood suddenly soured. “Let’s go back to the rooms, I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

Zag wrinkled his nose and slurred, “Nuh I haven’t.”

Hypnos grabbed his arm and led him out anyway, exchanging goodbyes with those who came to talk to them. When they got to Zag’s room, he watched him go inside, then went to his own room.

He slept, exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

When he woke up, he was still tired, but he got out of bed and forced himself to get ready for the day, even though he felt like sleeping for the next decade at least. 

Zag woke up with a slight headache and a feeling of embarrassment. He really just�� HAD to go and kiss Hypnos, huh? And Hypnos had clearly not felt the same and what HAPPENED to “I technically work for him so this is a bad idea”?

He really should’ve just… stayed sober.

“I fucked up, Cerberus.” He told his dog morosely, who just stared back at him.

He sighed, took some medicine, fed his dog, and put on his uniform, feeling slight dread as he exited his room. Hypnos was standing outside, and didn’t look at him as he began to walk to his first appointment of the day. 

It was hard for Hypnos to muster up his usual charm, but nothing went sideways, so he took that as a win. Meals were awkward, what with Zagreus sitting in front of him but neither of them talking. 

It continued like this for a week before one of them decided to break the silence.

Zag knocked on the door separating their rooms late one night, and opened it after hearing a returning knock. He walked into Hypnos’ room, noting the fact that it was messier than he’d ever seen it.

“I,” He began, then paused slightly. “I just wanted to apologize. It was wrong of me, and I can only-”

“Apologize for what?” Hypnos butted in, confused.

“Well… the kiss?” Zagreus responded, just as confused.

“Wait.” Hypnos said, eyes narrowing slightly as he continued, “I’m the one who should apologize to you, I took advantage of the fact tha-”

“Why are you apologizing to me? I’m the one with the-” Zag made a vague hand motion, “feelings.”

Hypnos stared at him. “I thought… I was the one with feelings?”

The two of them stared at each other for a while before breaking into laughter.

“We’re so stupid!” Hypnos exclaimed between fits of laughter, and Zag just laughed as he sat on the bed so as to not fall down. 

After a while, their laughter ceased. 

Hypnos leaned into Zag’s shoulder, and Zag put an arm loosely around Hypnos waist. Then he pulled away slightly, and asked, “Should we try this again?”

Hypnos nodded, purple flush rising in his cheeks, and the two of them kissed.

[shinjukuspiritcommittee]

Sunrise With You Too

I’m unoriginal and this is two weeks later than when I wanted to post it. I got in the habit of procrastinating when there are things I really wanna be doing. Also please forgive my lack of creativity but this is the addendum to the first sunrise with you but with a smaller roster this time around to just try and lessen the workload when it comes to projects like this and there have also been characters I’ve been drawn to as of late. Regardless I hope you all enjoy my sappy renditions of these small snippets!

~~~

Sunrise with You (Peace)

~With the endless game finally at an end, and the past behind you everything felt… fresh. Everyone in your life was no longer bound by the rules of any game and could live as they wanted. Even the wall that closed you all in no longer stood in your way. Weirdly enough you couldn’t sleep so you had stayed awake staying off at the night horizon. The Tokyo skyline seemed to go on forever with no boundaries to hold you. Just what did lie out there in the world? It was all so exciting. But then, the door to the roof opened and you turned to find…

Sunrise with You (part 2)

Yasuyori

~“There you are, Summoner.” Yasuyori calls out to you as he stands to attention by your side. “A lovely night, isn’t it?” You agreed with him and asked if Yasuyori came to get some air too. “Yeah. I was also curious where you ran off to once your friends had all claimed you wandered off on your own.” So he was looking for you. “Y-Yes…” The therian admitted bashfully. The blush becoming readily apparent through his fur. “I just wanted to spend a bit more time together. That’s all…” What did he mean by that exactly? It felt as though he wanted to say more but stopped himself ahead of time. “Let’s not… focus on those sorts of topics.” You and Yasuyori were engaged in small talk for quite some time. Yasuyori just seemed relieved all the fighting can be over and done with and you were glad that cycle was over and done with.

~“I’m just glad we can go where we want now. Uh…” Yasuyori averted his gaze away from you and fixated on the ground below. “This isn’t exactly easy for me to say but… once I graduate I plan to take some time to travel.” Is that why he’s been fidgety? “You noticed…” He seemed disheartened that you saw him in a more vulnerable light. His expression was more solemn when he turned to face you as a result. With a deep breath he continued, “I… I want to know what a life without conflict was like. What was it for all those going on outside these walls? What was happening after all this time? I want to understand that better.” You definitely thought it was a valiant effort and made note of all those excited to leave the city. You did have some concern about Yasuyori leaving so suddenly. He seemed taken aback by this. “I-It’s not like I won’t come back! I’ve still got to make sure that fool Ashigara keeps himself in check after all. And…” He blushed and scratched himself nervously. “Y-You’d still…” The Therian gave a low growl and looked back to the ground. “Nothing. You’re still you…” You took a moment to process what he was trying to say before asking something of him. A… promise of sorts. “Y-Yes? No matter the request I’ll do my best to fulfill it while I’m still here!” You took his hand in both of yours with the intent of making a promise to him.

~At first Yasuyori was speechless. When he finally spoke up “That’s… that’s a ring!” He brought the ring to eye level to confirm that it indeed was a ring. “You… this isn’t some stunt you’re trying to pull on me, right? T-This isn’t some cheap ploy to make me stay, right!?” After freaking out for another moment he got a grip over himself and sighed. “No, of course not. That’s not you.” You asked Yasuyori that when you graduate, that he’ll come back for you and you both can experience the world together. Maybe even show you all the things he’s learned while he was gone. With the ring now on his finger his hands interlocked with yours and the two of you stared into each others eyes as the sun began to rise… “I swear on my heart that I will come back for you and more. I also promise to call often and take proper care of myself. I…” He hesitated, gulping his words before continuing. “I promise once I come back to officially make you mine. Just as you’ve promised me. I-I love you.”

Ziz

~“Oh thank goodness. This is where you were.” You were surprised to see Ziz and asked what she was doing here. “I was only concerned about where you had wandered off to. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” You told her it was fine- you were just shocked. “Oh! I didn’t mean to startle.” You once again reaffirmed everything was fine. You asked if she wanted to spend some time watching the sky together and just… talking. You could really use some company, you figured. “Oh, I’d love to! It’s a shame I didn’t prepare any snacks beforehand…” You and Ziz spent a moment together just resting on the roof top under the gaze of the stars at peace with yourselves…

~You and Ziz spent that time in relative silence. You weren’t quite sure how to break the ice with each her so asking how she was feeling was the best you could come up with. “Oh, I’m fine. Thank you for asking. Is everything alright with you?” Aside from being tired after feeling a heavy burden lifted from your shoulders, you were… unsure. You opened up a bit about not knowing what was gonna come next. “I see… you wouldn’t be the only one.” Ziz admits. “You may not want to hear it, but I’ve always worried about today. There’s simply so much out there I don’t understand. It does scare me knowing I won’t be able to protect those I care about from all the dangers from within Tokyo- let alone outside…” You expressed concern for Ziz now with her concerns and finally realizing the size of the world you knew against the world you didn’t know. It was intimidating. You proposed that maybe there was a way to face each day somehow. “W-What?”

~You held out your ring to Ziz and claimed you always want to be side by side. She gasped unsure of what to say. “B-But…!” Ziz stammered. “I’m your- This isn’t-! Oh goodness…” You made a comment about how cute she was when flustered. “I-It’s not polite to tease your teachers like this!” You both laughed together as it turned to daybreak. “Oh… the sunrise is especially beautiful today…” Ziz commented. You agreed and said how glad you were to see this with her. “You know… what you asked isn’t such a bad thought. We could watch plenty more sunrises together… side by side like we are now.” The two of you inched closer and closer to one another until finally your head was resting on her shoulder. “I’ll consider what you’ve asked me today. There’s still so much I want to see and experience. When I have you I feel I can do those things. I just hope you can look out for me all the times I can be rather careless… okay?”

Shennong

~Shennong let out a sigh as he was relieved to find you. “I figured you’d have a hard time sleeping…” Surprised and concerned, you asked Shennong if he had spent a long time looking for you. “Of course not. I was just making sure you kept yourself out of trouble for at least one night.” The bull gave a chuckle as he scratched the back of his head. You denied being a troublemaker while bashfully chuckling with him. “You really expect me to believe that? You’re always the one in everyone else’s problems by choice or chance- you really can’t help yourself.” Your school’s doctor cooed and doted on you in that teasing manner as you tried to deny being as much of a troublemaker as he was painting you out to be.

~It was then Shennong realized something was off about you. “Hey, you’re not sick or anything right? Nothing out of the ordinary?” You felt perfectly normal. In fact, you felt even better with him around to keep you company. “I see… that’s good.” He winked. “I can’t have you getting ill on me now. Or… well, that doesn’t matter.” Suddenly he looked gloomy. As if he was recalling something unwelcome. You said his name out of concern. That snapped him out of his stupor and he laughed awkwardly again. “Concerned for me, are you? You’ll make me blush if you keep doing that.” You took his hand in yours and told him not to hide things on his mind from you. “You’re really sweet… I… don’t want you running off again and putting yourself in more danger. I need you to stay healthy, otherwise… I wouldn’t know what I’d do with myself to let you get hurt again…” You squeezed Shennong’s fuzzy hand as you offered one way he could keep you safe. “Huh?” Without hesitating any longer you showed Shennong the ring.

~“Ah!” He was stunned. “Wait a second here!” Do you have any idea how serious this is!? You’ve made plenty of dumb jokes before but something like this…! This isn’t a game!” You agreed and replied that it wasn’t a game to you. You’ve never been more serious before about anything until now. Shennong makes you feel… safe. After a moment to collect himself, Shennong sighs. “What am I going to do with you?” Rather than just take the ring from you the bull pulls you in for a hug and your eyes lock as light shines over the roof thanks to the sun. “I hope you know what you’re getting into. I can be quite stubborn and overprotective…” You both smile at each other.

Gyumao

~“Ah, there you are my esteemed partner! What are you doing up here? The celebrations are still going on downstairs!” Gyumao claimed with joy as he immediately approached you while on the roof. You said you just wanted to take a break and came out for some air and noticed how nice the stars were tonight. Gyumao looked up right alongside you. “They certainly are a lovely thing. It’s important to slow down and enjoy the smaller things- I’m glad you remembered something as important as that. Mind if I join you?” You told him you would appreciate the company and the two of you shared thoughts about the future.

~“So… that’s it, hmm?” The Therian sighed suddenly. “Once tomorrow comes it’s back to work for me… actually scratch that- It’ll be more than work. It’ll be full on duty to ensure Public Relations with the outside businesses go smoothly, ensuring that the company expansion is well tempered and all sorts of other things. Nothing we can’t handle, right?” You asked him what he meant by that. “Well, I’m going to need my business partner after all. I do depend on you…” He stopped as he realized this was his chance. “Say, what were your plans for the future again?” You told him you were open to a lot of different possibilities so you weren’t quite sure yourself. Gyumao laughed. “An open ended answer for an open ended person!” His laughter quickly shifted to a more serious and passionate tone however. He looked at you with a gentle expression of yearning. You noticed this. “If you don’t mind, I have a… proposition for you.” Oh?

~Gyumao presented a ring box as he got down on one knee. He opened the box to reveal an engraved ring. “I… I would like to ask you to be more than my business partner one day. Of course, that’s only if-” You stopped him right there. As your answer you revealed your ring for him. The bull was taken aback at first, but quickly got onto his feet and was grinning from ear to ear. “That’s my partner for you! I swear I’ll never know what you’ll do next!” The two of you slipped the rings onto each others’ fingers. “A perfect fit…” He sighed with relief. Gyumao wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a wink as the sun began to rise. “When the time comes you and I will spend the rest of our lives together. I swear with all that time you’ll be happier than you’ve ever thought possible. I just know thinking about spending a lifetime with you… that gets me all sorts of excited. Let’s reach greater heights of happiness than ever before!”

Benten

~“So this is where you ran off to.” Benten teased. “What are you even doing out so late? I thought you said you were too tired from all the fighting.” You just told her you couldn’t sleep and wanted some air. What about her? She pulled her weight the last couple of days and then some after putting on a show for everyone. “I, uh… look don’t sweat the small stuff, kay? I wanted to take some selfies under the stars! Yeah, some night sky pics for my medias! That’s all!” You tried to raise the argument it was dark but you immediately stopped once you realized she was glaring right at you. You felt as though her gaze was going to burn a hole right through you so you stepped out of her way and let her do her thing.

~You tried to shift topics in the meantime while she fussed over getting the perfect selfie to start the next stage in her life. You asked what she wanted to do now since the walls are down. “I’m taking my internet fame to the next level. Duh!” Benten said confidently. “I’m thinking of doing a world tour or something when I finally graduate. I’ll be amassing followers if I do that, yeah?” It was always about followers with her, wasn’t it? “You say it like it’s a bad thing. There’s plenty of career potential being an online celeb! I figured a… a normie like yourself wouldn’t understand.” A… normie? Benten blushed. “Ugh, geez. Don’t go asking me things like that! It’s way too cu- wah… waaaah! Not cute! Definitely wasn’t about to say that!” She suddenly snapped defiantly. “I’ll become an internet star! You’ll see!” You had no doubt about that since she already won you over a long time ago. “Wh-What…!?” You presented your ring for her and said you hope to be her Number 1 follower. Benten was speechless for a moment before she couldn’t hold it back and started snickering.

~“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” She belted out through laughter. “Geez, what kind of cringey soaps have you been watching lately? Totally going in the cringe comps later!” She guffawed even harder, making you incredibly red in the face and a bit frustrated you weren’t being taken seriously. Benten just laughed in your face after expressing your feelings. However her tune quickly changed when she noticed your tears forming thanks to the rising sun. “You’re…” She became red herself and a look of shame washed over her expression. It was then she realized something. “Uh, hey! I think I found the perfect spot for that picture!” Benten awkwardly took a place next to you and locked your arm with hers. She held the camera of her phone out while using the dawn’s light as her light source. You were a bit confused. “I just… don’t ever wanna be forgotten. And I also don’t wanna forget all the times we had together. It would suck if I forgot the person I lo- ah, hmmm…” She faked a cough. “The person I stan.” You were just confused about her sporadic behavior. “Look, I just… don’t wanna let you go. Not yet anyway…” She seemed upset about saying something a bit cliché but held her tongue back. “Just promise you won’t forget either. Otherwise I’ll make you remember…” She took the photo when you promised not to.

Typhon

~“There you are, my master~!” Typhon greeted you gleefully. “What’s a cutie like you doing so far out from the rest of the party huh?” He wrapped an arm around you as you asked why he left the party so soon. “Well the cutest one in the room went off somewhere, duh! Glad I found you.” The shark therian winked. “You’re the life of the party!” You blushed at all his compliments noting that they were more frequent than any other instance. “Well…” Typhon blushed and scratched the back of his head. “You are the ‘hero’ of Tokyo after all. Can’t let the good you did go unrewarded…” You and Typhon laughed a bit about calling you a hero.

~You asked him if he had any plans now that you all were no longer locked within the confines of the city. “Hmm, maybe take a vacation?” He suggested. “I’ll level with ya, I haven’t thought that far ahead. Sure it’s exciting but… I like the idea of just finding a partner and just settling down. Then again, the world must be full of beautiful babes so I’ve got time~.” You were a little disheartened he would treat love so casually. You felt it was something that he really should stop messing around with. “I-I know… It’s not easy to find your soulmate ya know. Things like that take time and effort.” You pondered aloud that maybe your soulmates were with you right from the start. “Hmm, what do you mean by that?” You admitted that you had been worried for a while that he might disappear so suddenly again. The thought of losing him scared you for some reason. “R-Really!? Master, I’m sorry for worrying you all the time like that!” Suddenly Typhon pulled you into a tight embrace. You were shocked as he pressed you into his large frame. “See, I’m here now! You don’t gotta cry about me anymore! I-I’m not going anywhere anytime soon!” You gasped saying you couldn’t breathe despite how elated you were to be hugged by him. “Ah- Sorry!” He loosened his grip enough so you two can look at each other. You noticed the distraught look over Typhon’s face and apologized for making him feel that way. “N-No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should never have scared you like that.” You both processed each others apologies before slipping into conjoined laughter. “Of course we wouldn’t leave each other for so long!” He was right, but… you had to get the burning question off your chest.

~You presented Typhon with a ring that really didn’t seem like it’d fit on his finger, but suggested it’d make for a great necklace one day. “Is… Is this why you were asking all that stuff before?” Typhon’s face turned deep red as he stared at your smaller hands with the ring. “You know I can’t say no, Master!” Typhon’s smiled gently. This time Typhon knelt down and delicately placed his hand on your back as he whispered. “For a long time, I knew we were soulmates. I was just too afraid to admit you were the one…”

Tetsuya

~“Seriously, this is how you’re spending your last night as a free bird?” Tetsuya scoffed as he came up to you and stared down at the city. He got comfortable and leaned against the edge which made you a bit nervous about two things. Tetsuya has rarely been the one to initiate conversation and you’re often the one striking it up. “Everyone was making a fuss over you, so they sent me to look for you. I figured you’d be doing something out there like stargazing.” There wasn’t anything wrong with wanting to gaze at the stars in the night sky you elaborate. You also made a bit of a remark about how he’s looking down all the time which seemed to have irked him. “Cheeky tonight, aren’t you?” Tetsuya grumbled and took a deep breath. It was always awkward to try and talk to him after getting on his bad side, but still something was bothering you. Tetsuya seemed… despondent almost.

~So in order to try and get him to open up a bit you asked if he had any plans at all now that the city was freed. “Well, I was hoping to sleep in since I’ve got my shift tomorrow night. I was lucky enough to get tonight off-” You denied that those were real plans. “The hell are you talking about? Of course they are.” Sure, but no aspirations for the future? The whole world is out there and he’s gonna act like nothing’s different? “For folks like you, yeah. Things are different.” He said while still staring at the city. “For someone like me the red light district is where I belong. Trying to fantasize about a future that can’t come true is just cruel.” You countered that it was more cruel to deny a dream outright because it seemed impossible. You instinctively moved closer until you were side by side with Tetsuya. You looked down at the city and commented on how the street lights way down there were almost like the stars in the sky in there own way. He sighed and actively looked away from you. “Do you always gotta come up with some corny shit to say?” Silently, you put a hand to his back and asked him what his dream would be. He can be as extravagant or as absurd as he wants. There was no need to hold back. “Whatever I want, huh?” His voice quivered. He coughed to readjust his voice. “Fine. I want…” Tetsuya pondered for a moment about what he would want.

~“A big mansion and a lotta cash. That way I could live the easy life and never have to lift a finger ever again unless I wanted to.” You admitted that was something easier said than done, but also pressed to hear more about this fantasy. “You’re just actively trying to annoy me today, aren’t you? Okay then.” Tetsuya turns to face you face you finally with a scowl on his face. “I wouldn’t be all alone in that mansion. I… I’d need butlers and maids to weight on my every whim of course.” You both laughed. “And… someone to share it with.” Tetsuya sighed. “There, ya happy?” You told him you were very happy when you scooted next to him and wrapped your arms around his. “H-Hey!” You told him there was one dream you had ever since coming to Tokyo. It was to find someone to be with to fend off the loneliness. “H-Hold on!” Tetsuya shot up. “What the hell are you even talking about right now!?” It was time when you decided the jig was up and revealed the ring. It wasn’t meant to be anything serious right away, but a promise for right now to have each other’s backs. “T-This isn’t just some off color partnership… this is…” Tetsuya glared at you as his face burned bright red in the rising light of the sun. “You’re a real piece of work, ya know?” You said that you wanted to be the one he would share his riches with. “You… You could have anyone… so why…?” Rather than reject you any longer, all Tetsuya wanted to do was wonder why. Why would you choose someone as garish as him? All you said was that you cared about him, and no amount of circumstances was gonna change that.

Tadatomo

~At first you were convinced you were imagining someone coming to check on you, but then you noticed a familiar sensation of being watched. You laughed and called out to Tadatomo to stop hiding. From beside you, he spoke “You’re noticing me a lot more now. Good.” You jumped a bit as how suddenly he appeared besides you. “Of course I’ll come to your side. Just say the word and I’ll be right here.” You asked if that meant all the time or when he wasn’t busy seeking revenge. “Ah… right. Forgive me, I’ve lied to you once again… The culprits responsible are still out there. I can’t simply leave it be. However…” He stopped mid sentence and you tried to get him to talk about it again. “I’ve… had a change of heart as of late.”

~A… change of heart? “I refuse to give up my pursuit of them. What they did to my father and old master is unforgivable and a disgrace to my family as a whole. I intend to make them suffer a slow and cruel death through and through and I still look forward to the day I can relish in their agony.” Tadatomo grinned almost devilishly as he no doubt fantasized about one day gutting the people responsible. Nervously, you asked what’s changed. “Well… I thought about it more and… I don’t want them doing something like this to anyone ever again. My time with you and the other warriors helped me realize that I still have a sense of justice…” You really asked him if you inspired him that much? “In a sense.” You were still a little lost but you understood that he was no longer seeking retribution for himself, but rather to protect the weak. You really admired him for that…

~Tadatomo realized how long the two of you had been standing outside. He apologized. “I must be off.” You stopped him before he could melt back into the shadows and asked him for something important. “I’ll do anything for you, you’re aware of that.” You asked him to come back in one piece. Revenge or not, he was still someone who won you over in the end. You place in his hand the ring you were entrusted with. You asked Tadatomo to swear to come back alive, no matter if he accomplishes his goals or not. If you had lost him… “Please, don’t cry for my sake…” The therian took the ring and placed it on his finger, then grabbed your hands. When the sunlight finally reached the roof you could see the smile across Tadatomo’s face and the tears that were brimmed on his eyes. He took notice of your forlorn expression as well. “I promise to return here. Though it pains me to leave now, I swear to you I will come back. I won’t let my… my love down ever again.”

[utilitycaster]

as a fellow member of the tribe lol i think jewish caleb hc get a bit uncomfy given the zemnian = d&d german connection and liam explicitly stating that he took a lot of inspiration from the german student resistance to the nazis. i dont think itd be fair to matt/liam to call the volstruckers d&d nazis but when you start throwing jewish hc in there it gets a bit awkward

So the OP of that post is Jewish, I believe, and iirc Liam actually said that he explicitly tried to distance from the Nazis specifically because he was doing a character with a German accent [which, and this came up as a fandom discussion relatively early in the campaign, is itself complicated; growing up as an American-born Jewish person in an Ashkenazi synagogue, the first German accents I heard were primarily from survivors, and I happen to have a very German-sounding last name for a combination of Yiddish/Ellis Island name change reasons despite being of more eastern European Jewish descent]. I believe he stated the inspiration was more from the KGB (though there are definitely some parallels with Nazis, particularly the Vollstrucker final exam). So that’s actually not what made me say “this doesn’t make sense!” I fully get if other Jewish people are somewhat uncomfortable, but based on how the Empire and specifically the Vollstruckers act I actually agree that a Cold War secret police model (KGB/Stasi) seems much more in line with the depiction in the show.

Jewish headcanons make me kind of uncomfortable in fantasy media not set in the real world because of a couple of reasons I’ve stated before. The main one is that Judaism is an explicitly monotheistic religion; it flat out does not make sense in a world that canonically has multiple, objectively real gods. It makes sense in a setting like the Unsleeping City, which is modern day NYC except there’s magic (and the only cleric is really more a cleric of a concept than a god) and I think that was fairly well-done representation, but in Exandria it’s the same idea as having an atheist - a monotheist in this world is just an idiot. So you end up with cultural markers, and there are plenty of people irl who are culturally but not religiously Jewish, which is entirely valid - but those people exist within a backdrop of Judaism being an ethnoreligion and the culture comes from that, and if you take away the religion you cannot really have the rest of it make sense. At this point I should note I’m probably thinking about this more than anyone asked, but I’ve never had a taste for headcanons that aren’t consistent with the worldbuilding because the worldbuilding is the framework on which I build everything else.

Culturally speaking though Caleb just doesn’t strike me as having a Jewish approach to things! I think it’s an older post - it just crossed my dash so I’d have to check to see where it lined up with the main campaign - but Caleb talks about being irredeemable and damned in a way that strikes me as, especially if you get into the meta-narrative of the actor not being Jewish, very culturally Christian. I have a lot of thoughts that probably belong on a different post but I find a lot of the discussion on redemption arcs in fandom to be super culturally Christian, too, which is fair! I think someone raised Catholic is going to feel very differently about the concept of redemption than I do. I see it as a very positive term that is highly subjective, and a process, not a binary state, but I also think that my view of it is influenced by my religious and cultural upbringing.

Meanwhile I do actually think a case can be made for Jester’s morality to fit Jewish philosophy - that she tends to judge people on their current actions rather than any general ideology, for example - but I have to say I don’t get how tieflings are supposed to be Jewish-coded in Exandria, at all, unless we are either dipping into some pretty unfortunate stereotypes; tieflings are pretty heavily based on like, the mythology of hell and devils, which is explicitly very Christian.

I guess while I’m explaining myself, I’ve found Caduceus’s arc, of someone raised within a small minority tradition, who is still deeply connected to it but is starting to question quite how he fits in, to be very resonant with me - I was raised moderately religious and became less so as an adult, but still find a lot of meaning in some religious rituals. I also find the Wildmother approach to death and dying to be much more in line with Jewish traditions (specifically simple burial, “you are dust and to dust you shall return” as a neutral or positive concept, and an emphasis on the people left behind by death vs. the dead person) than the Raven Queen who always struck me as having a view of death I just could not connect with on any sort of philosophical level. Like, again, I don’t headcanon Jewish characters in traditional D&D settings; it always kind of feels awkward and token-ish, but Caduceus has by far been the character I could relate to the most in terms of religion.

I suspect OP was just having fun with a modern AU or something though; I just found the part about Caduceus so weird because I had the exact opposite feeling that I had to comment.

[4328fox]

Sweatshirt-Related Blues

summary: Alternatively, Yuri thinks about the routine that's setting in his life when it comes to dating Flynn.

notes: This was a drabble I did a month ago trying to work through my handful of writing ideas. I wasn't initially going to post it, especially not the second chapter, but I still feel relatively proud of both, so here they are. I mostly wanted to poke at Yuri (modern au setting) about thoughts he would likely deny of every having passed through his mind.

2k words. link to AO3

both chapters are also on the read more below!

SIDE A

Another calm afternoon goes by. Yuri continues typing on his computer as he strings his thoughts along, thoughts among the lines of I don’t get why you just don’t note these stuff down, while some from Brave Vesperia lament their loss in some scavenger-hunting video game. Yuri played a bit of it himself, but took to just watching Karol, Rita, Estelle and Patty mess around. He chuckles when he reads Rita’s clearly annoyed reply, and types up a quick one of his own. And then Estelle asks, isn’t it five in the afternoon now? Yuri sneaks a quick glance at the time on the monitor.

“Shit. I’m gonna be late.”

Yuri almost jumps out of the chair to get ready, but as he gets up, he decides to shoot a quick goodbye to his friends. Have fun lol, is how he finishes up the message, before he rushes back to his bed, where Repede has been resting.

“Come on, buddy, we can’t keep Flynn waiting.” Though Yuri very well recognizes that the fault will fall on him more than on his sleeping companion. He discards the sleep wear he put back on after running some morning errands, and grabs the clothes he dropped over the bed. Some bermuda shorts and a sweatshirt that is too light for the drizzling weather. At the very least, he feels good wearing those, so why pick a new outfit? Flynn’s definitely going to comment that I’d get cold. As if that really bothered Yuri to begin with.

He does a quick pat over his pocket, for his wallet. There. And he slides his phone comfortably into the other one. Repede just then has awoken fully, attentive to Yuri’s haste.

“Okay, let’s go.” He tries to comb a hand through his hair, but he instantly gets stuck on a painful knot. Yuri hisses a bit. “Or maybe in a minute.”

After a quick brushing session, Yuri slid his sneakers on and left the apartment, with Repede in tow. That’s when he gets a text. He opens it up, and as suspected, it’s from Flynn. Asking him if Yuri’s late again. That’s all routine.

The time they have together ends up amazing. To think they could make a competition out of bowling. As a result, Flynn paid for both their meals at the local restaurant. They spent longer than expected just chatting and eating, cooling down from earlier. They’d been sitting across one another on the table, exchanging the occasional grins between one another. And Yuri continuously stole glances from Flynn as they talked to one another, without being self-conscious of it like he used to be. That’s one perk in finally getting together. Their feelings are laid out on the table, there is no need to dance around excuses.

Flynn checks the wristwatch on his free hand, and Yuri just then realises he was entirely too focused on the hand itself. Their eyes meet.

“Yuri, it’s getting a bit late. Should we go?”

Yuri sips the remainder of his milkshake as he thinks. “Yeah. We can. I don’t have anything to be up in the morning for, though.”

“I have something from 10 in the morning.”

They both stand up, ready to head out. Yuri reaches for Flynn’s hand, taking it tentatively. It’s warm and slightly rough to the touch, but Yuri knows it’s as rough as his own. Flynn squeezes his hand and looks at Yuri to smile.

“I take it that you enjoyed tonight?”

“Hell yeah,” Yuri replies, “I beat you at bowling, I got free food. I think I got it pretty well.”

“I see that our date was just another contest to you.”

“Not my fault you lost.”

They continue bickering all the way to Yuri’s apartment. Flynn goes up the elevator with him, all the way to the entrance to Yuri’s apartment. This is routine, as dates with Flynn have been. Usually the outings would come and go, and one would escort the other and go home. They would hold hands. They kissed a few times.

“I’ll text you later.” Flynn says, quieter than his usual. He sounds so soft, it makes Yuri think that the sudden pounding in his heart is louder.

But he tries to keep it cool. “What, you don’t want to sleepover? Like the usual?”

“I didn’t bring any spare clothes with me. Or cleaning utilities. And I have classes.” Flynn laughs sheepishly. He takes both of Yuri’s hands in his own, but only for a brief moment.

“Aren’t the ones you’re taking in particular online? You just login in from my desktop and you’d be set.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, though I do hold to my lack of spare clothes.”

“Fine, fine.” Yuri rolls his eyes as they continue smiling. Yuri feels like they’re both the dazed fools from some picture-perfect storybook.

And then they look at each other. Yuri watches how Flynn suddenly grows nervous, swallowing a bit. It makes Yuri want to be just a bit selfish… To place one kiss on Flynn’s neck, where he knows it would tickle, to feel Flynn chuckle because Yuri for a fact knows that neither of them are very well-versed in being openly affectionate at all.

He leans in, hand lifting to cup Flynn’s face. The gentle press of their lips reminds Yuri of the static he would feel back when he dreamt of kissing Flynn, back when he was clueless of how bad he got it. And just like in his dreams, the kiss lasts for seconds, before one or both of them inevitably pull away. Yuri feels Flynn’s hand over his own.

But what if this were different from the dreams? What if Yuri pressed their lips again, chasing the feeling of Flynn being close? They’ve only ever had these short and sweet kisses, the types to make any hopeless romantic jealous. Yuri never thought he would be here like this, but there is always an exception when it comes to Flynn.

Both his hands are now on Flynn’s face, stroking his cheeks with thumbs. The kiss is slow, yet it quickly renders them breathless. They bump noses, they don’t really know where to put their hands, it’s not a smooth sail. But it was never meant to be elegant to begin with, given they’re in some old apartment complex corridor. Yuri feels Flynn kiss with the same amount of reluctance out of inexperience, but the very fact he’s wrapping his arms around Yuri’s back makes Yuri’s heart swell.

They part, but they’re still holding one another. Yuri, expecting to see the same face and the same blue eyes he loves, finds that it’s Flynn who's buried his face in Yuri’s neck. It makes Yuri feel adrenaline rush instantly, his cheeks feeling fuzzy and pulling at the corners of his mouth. It takes another second or two for him to realise that his boyfriend isn’t trying to kiss his neck, like he expected, but is instead just hiding his face.

Yuri finds it incredibly endearing. He should have expected this. He hugs back, not as tightly, but his hands rub Flynn’s back. “It’s gonna get cold for real if you stay out here any longer.”

Muffled through Yuri’s sweatshirt, Flynn says: “Your fault if I go out and get a cold.”

“You’re the one wearing a polo like you’re a divorced dad.” He slowly breaks off the hug, because he still wants to give Flynn a quick look over. Not entirely because their kiss just now woke thoughts in Yuri that he is desperately trying to keep dormant.

“Now it’s “divorced dad”? I would appreciate it if you stuck with one name when it came to my fashion sense.”

“It’s all atrocious is what it is.” Yuri grins, crossing his arms as soon as Flynn steps out of hugging range.

“And yet you still date me.”

“You’re lucky I like you, yeah. Now go home, if you cherish your special shower gel more than video game night.”

“I wouldn’t want to wound your pride after the amount of gloating you did over bowling.” Flynn chuckles at the thought, before his smile settles to something softer. “Goodnight, Yuri.”

It takes Yuri a beat to remember he’s supposed to go inside his apartment. “Yeah. Night.”

He fishes out the keys from his shorts’ pockets and unlocks his door in a swift move. After a quick wave from them both, Flynn turns his back to leave, while Yuri (and Repede, who was waiting diligently), are within the comfort of their home. Yuri sighs, a bit breathless, as he drops his keys and wallet to the side.

------------------------------------------

SIDE B

Yuri daydreams more, as of late. When he and Flynn spend time together, the urge to be closer lingers on his mind. How much closer can he get to Flynn anyway? They go on dates somewhat regularly, they chat, they hang out with their friends. There’s sleepovers where they play video games to an ungodly hour, days where Yuri sits Flynn down just to help him recite whatever he was meant to study for a test.

And then there’s affection. Words of endearment, lingered in small doses of insult toward one another, there’s the occasional hand-holding, and there’s standing close at times. And then there’s Flynn’s different ways of showing his love, the tight embraces, the kisses…

Yuri wants more. And it’s such a selfish and such a strong urge forming itself in his brain and not leaving. Now that they’ve been dating for closer to a year, Yuri lays after dates in his bed, agonizing over himself. What more is there to want? Isn’t this calm in the sea much better than chaos contained within the waves? Yuri is lucky enough that their feelings ended up being mutual, because he never even imagined he would get this far with Flynn.

But that is a vice of itself, Yuri thinks, because it makes him dream. The deeper kisses he and Flynn shared in rare instances could not satisfy all urges, the parts of Yuri he would much rather purge out of existence.

Yuri wishes Flynn were here. That they were embracing over Yuri’s bed, that they were kissing. He’d probably been the one to push Flynn toward the bed, he realises. He’s the enabler in many ways, even if it’s something deemed so selfish. Yuri turns to lay on his side at the thought. Bodies pressed closer, warm feelings contained between them. Yuri thinks about Flynn’s hands, and how they would move to pull Yuri closer, while the gentle touch would leave him longing for some sappy words, some sappy expressions of love.

They’ve yet to settle comfortably in love declarations too. Yuri implies it with words, actions, never using the word itself. Flynn is a bit better about this, though he is just as skittish. If nothing else, he is much better at expressing his affection just through his choice of words than Yuri is. It isn’t that Yuri would mind saying the three words, because he imagines them escaping between him and Flynn, between hushed kissing. But he has yet to find the strength to say them. Yuri can only hope that he is at least able to express them.

He wants to make Flynn feel the same things Yuri is feeling now. He wants to move his hands, his lips, to lay over Flynn, to cup his face and to kiss him harder, until they both are breathless, laughing tired, basking in each other’s comfort. He doesn’t want one of them to have to go home after a date, he doesn’t want them to end on sweet kisses only. He wants them to spend the night, less as best friends still navigating their relationship, but closer to lovers who have been waiting for too long...

The moment Yuri realises he’s gotten too lost in his thoughts, he sits up, almost abruptly. His heart beats hard, it’s all he can hear in the darkness of the night. In the wake of it all, Yuri isn’t sure he is able to accept how he gets about this stuff.

He shuffles his hand through the night stand, until he picks up his phone. A little past 1am. Yuri supposes it’s fair. There aren't any text-related notifications, but he still opens the app for his group chats. Still no notification he happened to miss. Yuri taps the chat with Flynn, the latest message being some reply from Flynn over a meme Yuri sent. It says he’s online, so he’s probably studying.

Yuri begins typing, and he can feel his heart pound through his hands, making them feel weirdly clammy. Yuri pays little attention to it, but to think that he would feel like this… To be honest, it’s nice. That Yuri isn’t immune to something like the fluttering feelings of dating meant that all his thoughts that he can’t say out loud are normal.

He stares at his message for Flynn. He swallows, and he reads through it again. His thumb hovers over the send button. But he presses backspace.

i wish you stayed the night. i love you.

[badwolf-in-the-impala]

~I Let You Down~

Gif found on google and it wouldn’t let me see who the original poster was. So credit to the original poster if this is your gif!

JP ‘Rook’ Cappelletty x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4,660

Prompt (also found on google): “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending they’re you!” 

3rd person POV x Lyric oneshot

Song: Clumsy by All Time Low

‘Some say it’s true, that true love never dies...Even when it’s five years later and you’re still dead set on trying to hate the person who broke your heart and left you behind to pick up the pieces.’

Authors note: It’s been ages since I’ve done a lyric inspired oneshot, or a oneshot, or any writing really for that fact lol But I’m trying to get back into the swing of things, so I hope you guys enjoy it! This is also my first time writing for and actually posting something for Rook. So I hope I did it justice. Let me know if you guys would be interested in reading more, or even possibly reading a part 2 if this one does well enough! 

Y/N (Your name) Y/F/N (Your full name)

------------------------------

‘I flew too close to the sun Fell back to Earth like a stone I got too high on myself Too young and stupid to tellI was bound to make a mess of things Mixin' fireworks and gasoline Never meant to make you fall with me’

The words blasted from the speakers of her old ‘68 Chevelle as she whipped into a parking spot beside her favorite Cafe. Taking a moment to extinguish what was left of her cigarette before cutting the engine and climbing out into the sweltering LA summer heat. Taking a moment to adjust her aviators and check that she had everything she needed before making her way inside, the door chimed softly as she stepped into the building's relaxing atmosphere, the air condition a welcome feeling as she made her way up to order a much needed coffee.  

The line was relatively long, congested by the usual late morning rush, but Y/N was happy to wait as long as it took. It was Friday, and she finally had a day off too herself for the first time in ages, and she would be damned if she let anything as trivial as waiting a few extra minutes in line ruin her good mood. So there she stood, patiently scrolling through some messages on her phone while she waited. Moving slowly with the flow of the line of customers, as she listened to the song that played from the shops speakers overhead; The same radio station she'd been listening to in her car.

‘I let you down I've been clumsy with your heart again I guess you figured me out Now here's a taste of my own medicine (I let you down)’ 

The door chiming softly behind her was nothing of significance. It had chimed at least four times prior to her arrival as more customers filtered in from the heat. Y/N unfazed by the sound at this point as she closed out an email from one of her clients managers. Making a mental note to herself to write a reply later when she arrived home before she stuffed her phone into her back pocket and looked up. A startled squeak escaping her lungs as she was suddenly rushed by a blur of curly hair. 

“Aunt Y/N!” 

A smile taking over Y/N’s face as she recognized the girl's voice. It was a voice that she’d recognize anywhere, even if Y/N hadn’t seen in her almost five years. “Hey, Casie.” Y/N smiled brightly as she hugged the girl a little tighter, happy to see such a familiar face.

“Dad! Look who I found!” Casie exclaimed excitedly, both her and Y/N turning at the same time to watch as Colson approached them through the small crowd that had formed inside the small Cafe. 

“Hoooooly shit!” Colson chuckled as he approached the pair who were still locked in a tight embrace. One that Colson was quick to join in on. “Now there’s a face I never thought I’d see again. How the hell have you been, Cash?” 

Y/N rolled her eyes at the silly nickname she had been given ages ago by the man before her himself. A nickname that she hadn’t heard in ages, something that tugged at her heart, sadly, as it brought forth a rush of memories she had long since kept buried...And for good reason.

“I’ve been doin’ alright.” Y/N chuckled softly as they finally broke away from the embrace to move up with the line. “How about you guys? It’s been ages -- When did she get so big?!” The words all came rushing out at once in a wave of excitement that overtook her, making Colson chuckle as he wrapped a long tattooed arm around his daughters shoulders, and pulled in for a tight side hug that had her squirming to escape before she punched his arm playful with a glare.

“I keep askin’ myself the same question.” He answered with a soft rumble of a laugh. Flinching a little as Casie punched his arm a little harder. “Ow.” Colson chuckled as he rubbed his arm lightly, moving to pull his wallet out of his back pocket before handing it to her as the line shortened once more. “Why don’t you grab us all somethin’, Princess, and we’ll grab a table--” 

“Already on it!” Casie said excitedly as she rushed off to take Y/N’s spot in line as Colson motioned towards an empty table near the windows. 

“I can’t believe how grown up she is...” Y/N admired as they took a seat, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she turned to watch Casie, who had finally reached the counter, place an order. “God, what was she, five, the last time I saw her?”

“Sounds about right.” Colson nodded. “Was right before you left Ohio for LA...”

“Yeah...” Y/N’s brows knit together tightly as she frowned, a wave of guilt crashing into her like a freight train. “Sorry I’ve been so shit at keeping in touch.” She apologized softly.

“Hey--” Colson reached out a hand to give her own a brief, reassuring squeeze. “Don’t do that to yourself. What happened, that wasn’t your fault and you know it. We were all young and stupid. Shit, even Rook knows that and how bad he fucked things up...You made your choice, and clearly it was the right one. I mean look at you--” Colson paused to lean back in his seat as he gestured at her proudly. “Ms. big time music producer over here.” 

“Oh stop it.” Y/N waved off the comment playfully with a roll of her eyes. “But really, I mean it Colson. I always meant to come back and see you guys, especially Casie...But I just...I don’t know. I guess I just feel guilty that I disappeared from her life like that with nothing more than a few short video chats here and there, ya��know?” 

“I get it.” Colson nodded. “Still not your fault. And if it’s any consolation, Rook still beats himself up for what happened.”

“Good!” Y/N replied harshly, her frown returning at the second mention of that name. “I hope it haunts the bastard for the rest of his life.” She muttered under her breath, though it was still loud enough that Colson heard it and gave a chuckle. About to say something in reply when Casie approached the table, drinks in hand, and took a seat beside Y/N, passing over her favorite drink --an iced chai latte-- before giving Colson his own coffee and returning his wallet. 

“I ordered some breakfast sandwiches too.” Casie smiled.

“God I’ve missed you!” Y/N beamed as she hugged her tightly for a moment before letting go. Having to stave off the tears that built in her eyes when Casie refused to let go from the embrace. Torn away only by a sudden idea as she shot up and looked at Colson excitedly.

“Can she come over for the party tonight?!” Casie rushed out, bouncing in her seat a little as she waited for Colson’s reply as he turned to look at Y/N, giving a small shrug. 

“I think I’ll leave that one up to Cash, Princess.” Colson chuckled softly as he took a sip of his coffee, thanking the waitress as their food was delivered.

“Please Aunt Y/N?! Please, please, please?!” Casie all but begged, hands clasped together as she gave Y/N that all to familiar puppy face. The same one she used to use on her all those years away when she wanted something. Eyes sparking with a level of adorableness that she knew Y/N would never be able to say no to; No matter how badly she wanted to.

Y/N groaned softly, knowing what this would entail, and exactly who she would be faced with having to avoid. But knowing that it was almost Casie’s birthday, Y/N didn’t have it in her heart to refuse. “I suppose I can’t really say ‘no’ to that face, now can I?” 

“Yes! Oh my god, you’re the best Aunt Cash!” Casie exclaimed as she hugged Y/N tightly, melting what was left of her cold, icy heart a little as she hugged the girl back.

“Only cause it’s you.” Y/N chuckled softly with a smile. Even though she was a raging ball of anxiety on the inside now as every single worst case scenario suddenly played through her head as she thought about what the evening would hold in store.

~

‘Caught at the end of the lifeline The catch of a lifetime (I should've known, should've known, should've known) Oh we were destined for danger Familiar strangers (I should've known, should've known)’ 

The party had been well under way for more than an hour when the sound of a vehicle nobody recognized was heard pulling into the driveway at Colson’s. A black Chevelle that found it’s parking spot beside the row of motorcycles nearest the front door. Everyone exchanging a few confused glances as Casie made a beeline straight for the door, flinging it open before whoever it was even had the chance to knock...Rook’s heart dropping somewhere into the vicinity of his stomach as she stepped into view, just as Casie flew in for a hug. Almost knocking Y/N over in the process.

“You made it!” 

“Of course I made it.” Y/N chuckled softly, that all too familiar smile that haunted every single one of Rooks dreams, curving those beautiful lips of her upwards into a smile. A smile he never thought he could miss more than he did right at this very second. 

“Holy shit, is that Cash?” Slim exclaimed as he came around the corner and out of the kitchen, wrapping Y/N in a tight embrace. “I thought Casie was pulling my damn leg when she told us who was comin’.” 

“Surprise!” Y/N exclaimed with a nervous laugh as they broke away from the hug to extend the gift bag in her hand out towards Casie. “Happy Birthday, kiddo.” 

Casie all but squealed as she moved back in for another hug, barely giving Y/N an chance to wave a hello to everyone as she thanked her for the gift before dragging her through the house for a tour and to catch up. Rook frozen to the same spot, just staring after the two, completely oblivious to Colson’s presence as he leaned up against the counter beside him. 

“You alright?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Rook’s head snapped around like it was on a swivel as he faced Colson. His tone sharp, but not one of anger. In fact, it was filled more with hurt than anything. His eyes drifting back towards the stairs where Casie and Y/N had disappeared just moments before. Colson held up his hands in defense as he shook his head lightly.

“We ran into her this morning while we were getting coffee. Case was so stoked to see her, man -- She didn’t wanna risk ruining anything. So she made me swear not to say anything. But I mean look, if you’re not cool with it and wanna take off, I understand--” 

“No...It’s alright.” Rook cut Colson off as he shook his head. “It’s Casie’s day and I’m not gonna ruin that. We’re both adults.” He swallowed harshly as his mouth suddenly went dry. “It’ll be fine.” At least he hoped. Colson nodding, remaining silent as he watched Rook’s gaze wander once more as he sipped stiffly at the amber liquid in the glass he held. His grip on the glass was so tight that Colson thought it might shatter.

‘We were bound to make a mess of things Mixin' fireworks and gasoline Never meant to make you fall with me’ 

Time seemed to slow as the night drug on for what felt like an eternity. An eternity that was filled with awkward avoidance and sour glances that were periodically thrown in Rook’s direction whenever he was caught staring for just a fraction of a second too long. Midnight came and went. The whiskey was going down like water, and there wasn’t a joint strong enough to make this night any easier. The only thing keeping him from disappearing completely, was the constant reminder that this was for Casie, and he’d be damned if he was going to ruin that for her...Not that it made it any easier.

Left to watch from the side lines as Y/N joked and messed around with the rest of the guys, just like old times...Only this time around, Rook wasn’t a part of it. And knowing it was by his own wrong doings was like a dagger straight to the heart. A dagger that was slowly being twisted a little deeper into his chest with each passing hour that he was subject to someone dredging up a memory here and a memory there. 

A soft sigh fell from his lips as he rubbed a tired hand  over his face before standing, passing the joint he’d forgotten he’d been holding, back to Baze who had been eyeing him with a concerned look. “You alright, man?” 

“Fine.” Rook waved a dismissive hand as he headed for the backyard. “I just need some air.” He added quietly. But the change in his demeanor didn’t go unnoticed as Baze gave a sigh of his own as he stood. Watching as Rook pushed through the small crowd of people and disappeared out the back door. 

“Hey, Cash.” Baze waved her down as she came out of the kitchen with another beer, offering the joint he held out to her, which she gladly accepted. Taking a hit and holding it for a few seconds before she let the sweet trail from between her lips. “So now that you’ve had a decent hit, I’m gonna go ahead and say something, so don’t fuckin’ hit me, ok?” 

Y/N’s gaze narrowed as she stared up at Baze, already knowing where this conversation was about to head. “I don’t wanna hear it, Basil.” She held up a hand. “He made his bed a long time ago, he can fuckin’ lay in it.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” Baze held up his hands as he shook his head, not wanting to start an argument. “I agree with you a hundred and ten percent. We all do, Y/N, but you have to understand something--”

“I don’t have to understand shit!” Y/N snapped before she took another puff from the joint she now held. She wanted nothing more than to walk away, yet for some reason, she felt compelled to hear what else Baze had to say.

“You’re right, you don’t.” Baze shrugged. “But Rook’s not the same person he was back then...None of us are; Not even you, Y/N. We were a bunch of stupid kids, despite the fact we were all fucking adults. And I can assure you, that not a day has gone by since then, where that kid hasn’t beat himself up over what happened. I’m not saying you have to forgive him, Cash...But at least let the guy have peace of mind enough to forgive himself.”

“Unlikely.” Y/N scoffed through the exhale of smoke she had been holding in, having finally heard enough as she moved to step around Baze. Pausing only to pass the joint she held back to him before she headed for the back door. “Thanks for the hit though.” 

‘I let you down I've been clumsy with your heart again I guess you figured me out Now here's a taste of my own medicine And for all this pain, that I can't explain There's a black flag wavin' tonight You know I let you down I've been clumsy with your heart again’ 

Y/N all but stumbled through the backdoor as that last hit from Baze’s joint hit her a lot sooner than she had anticipated it would --her tolerance wasn’t shit anymore-- and she suddenly felt like she should probably sit her ass down somewhere before she tipped the fuck over. Making sure that she paid extra close attention to where her feet were going as she made her way over to the edge of the pool and took a seat. Dipping her feet into the water immediately, having ditched her converse hours ago while dancing with Casie; Blissfully unaware of Rook’s presence as she kicked her feet back and forth gently, watching the ripples the movement created on the surface of the water. Rook watching her quietly, remembering how they used to sit and do that together at the hotels on tour. The memory caused the ache inside of his chest to worsen as he tried washing the feelings away with a sip from his drink as he hung his head in his free hand. 

The distinct ‘clink’ of ice against glass alerted Y/N that she wasn’t alone, as she tensed up. Turning slowly to glance over her shoulder, only to find Rook sitting no more than a few feet away. A frustrated sigh left her lips as she turned back to stare at the water. Her first instinct to get up and leave, and she wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the weed in her system, but she didn’t have it in her to move. She had been running away all night, whenever he would enter a room, Y/N was gone the second he’d notice her. It was tiresome. And truth be told, no matter how much she still wanted to hate him right now, her heart simply wouldn’t let her...And she hated that even more.

She hated the fact that she had never stopped loving him, no matter how hard she tried to deny it and move on with her life, or how many times she had swore up and down to herself that she could never even possibly think about forgiving him...It just simply wasn’t possible. Not too say that it didn’t still hurt after all these years, or that it didn’t mean she wasn’t still angry. Because she was angry, and with every passing second that she thought about it, that anger rose to the surface, bit by bit, until it was too much for her to handle anymore. Y/N pushing herself up to her feet, trying her hardest to maintain her composure as she swayed slightly from the head rush of being inebriated. Her conscious all but screaming at her to keep her mouth shut and not start shit, but it was already too late as the words came pouring out of her mouth like word vomit.

“So that’s it then?” She hiccuped slightly as she stalked over to stand in front of Rook, her arms crossed tightly across her chest in an attempt to make herself appear angrier than really was. “Five fucking years, and all I get is a bunch of stolen glances and some forlorn fucking pouting? You’re not even gonna try--” 

“Cash, please don’t...” Rook spoke softly as he tried to defuse the situation. 

“Don’t you fucking DARE ‘Cash’ me, JP Cappelletty!” Y/N snapped. “Five fucking years! Five.Fucking.Years, JP, and you never even once tried to reach out, never tried to apologize! You just -- You just let me fucking leave with no more than a shitty ass excuse as to why I caught you sucking face with some random fucking half naked slut--”

“What the hell do you want me to say, Y/N?!” Rook’s head snapped up as he made eye contact and stood. His gaze boring straight into her own as he continued, his voice steadily growing heated, but he never raised it to the point of yelling. Not even once. “You want me to fucking apologize? When you and I both know that sorry doesn’t even begin to fucking fix what I let happen?! I’m sorry! I’m fucking sorry, Y/N! I’m sorry I fucked up so bad! I’m sorry I was a stupid fucking kid who got so wrapped up in all of this,” He paused to gesture around them. “That I didn’t stop to think it would even fucking matter. That there wouldn’t be any fucking consequences to my actions? I fucked up, Y/N, I know that, and I have to live with it every goddamn day! Sorry doesn’t even begin to fucking cut it, but if that’s what you want to hear, then I’m fucking sorry!”

Y/N remained quiet, her arms falling away to her sides as she watched Rook turn away from her. His hands scrubbed over his face and into his hair out of frustration as he tried to reign in every last shred of emotion that was threatening to pour out. “I’m sorry that I lost you...I’m sorry for that everyday that I wake up and remember that you’re not a part of my life anymore.”

“JP, don’t--” Y/N’s voice was barely above a whisper now, Rook’s  back still to her as she spoke, but her words went unnoticed as he continued. Tipping his head back as he looked up at the night sky as the words continued to pour forth from whatever depths of his soul they had long been hidden away in.  

“I wish that I could take it back, Y/N, I really do, but I fucking can’t. I’m sorry, and I’m sorry that ‘I’m sorry’ is never gonna be good enough to fix it...But I can’t do this anymore, Y/N. I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending they’re you!” Rook sighed as he bowed his head in defeat. The silence between them was heavy, even if only for a moment before it was interrupted by the broken sob that fell from Y/N’s lips, the sound catching Rook’s attention immediately as he turned, watching as her hands flew up to her mouth as she tried to muffle the sound of her own body betraying her, as another sob followed close behind; Tears streaming down her face as her body shook. 

“Y/N--” Rook was hesitant as he took a step forward and reached out, almost afraid that if he moved too quickly she might run; Or at the very least try and take a swing at him. Not that he didn’t deserve it. But as his outstretched fingers made contact with Y/N’s skin, it was all he could do to stay standing as she all but collapsed into his arms. Her face buried against his chest as she sobbed uncontrollably. “Hey, shh. It’s ok...I-I got you.” Rook murmured against her hair softly as he held her. Doing everything he could to blink back the tears that formed in his own eyes as every last ounce of pain and regret that flowed through her flowed through him as she cried.

“I-I’m s-sorry...” Y/N sobbed against Rook’s chest, causing him to glance down at her with a confused expression, as he was unsure why she felt the need to apologize, least of all to him. But before he could think to speak up and ask, Y/N continued. “I’m s-sorry that I’ve been a c-cold hearted, i-insufferable bitch! I’m sorry f-for how I’ve treated you. And not j-just in the past, b-but tonight to. I-I’m sorry for trying t-to force myself to h-hate you for the past f-five years--” Y/N paused, pulling away slightly as she tried to wipe away the tears that blurred her vision as she looked up at Rook. “I’m s-sorry that I never stopped loving you...But I’m not sorry for that as much as I try and hate you, that I’m still hopelessly in love with your dumbass!” 

Rook was left looking like a slack jawed fish as he opened and closed his mouth a few times, searching for the right words while simultaneously questioning if he had even heard her correctly to begin with. That she was in fact still in love with him. Reassurance came in the form of her lips crashing into his before he could say anything at all that might possibly ruin the moment, and for that, among other things, he was incredibly grateful for, as he moved his hands to gently caress her face. Her own hands drifted up his chest to find their way around his neck, one settling in his hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer, as he deepened the kiss. 

That familiar spark of electricity igniting between them once more, just as it had with the very kiss they had shared all those years ago. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to break away, but eventually, they had to come up for air, Rook pressing his lips against Y/N forehead gently as he pulled her closer, and made a promise. Afraid that if he let her go now, if he didn’t speak his truth, that he’d wake up from some sick dream and none of this will have been real.

“I swear to you, Y/F/N, I swear to you on my own goddamn life, that if you ever give you me another chance, even though I know I’ve done nothing to deserve it, I promise you that I will spend everyday making it up to you; Even if it’s the last thing I ever fucking do.” Rook’s voice trembled with emotion as he tilted Y/N’s chin so that she was looking up at him. “I love you, Cash. I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you for the rest of eternity; Even if you won’t have me. You will always be my girl, and I will do everything in my power to never let you down like that again. Not ever.”

Y/N pressed her lips back to Rook’s, not knowing how else to reply at that exact moment. Knowing this wasn’t something that could be as easily fixed as they both wanted it to be...But at least for tonight, they could pretend. Knowing that come morning, when they were both sober, this conversation would be a lot harder as they worked on figuring out how to try and make this work again. Rook’s lips were eager against her own in response as his hands drifted down her waist, stopping only when they reached the back of her thighs and he lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. 

“Get a room!” Colson hollarded with a chuckle from the back door as the rest of the guys joined in with cheers and whistles, the pair now fully away that they had an audience. Both reaching a hand out to flip them all the bird. Too wrapped up in the moment to be bothered to care. “I love you.” Rook panted out when they finally did manage to break apart sometime later. The love and adoration in his eyes as he gazed up at Y/N, was almost too much for her to handle as she placed her hands against his cheeks and pressed her forehead against his own.

“I love you too, JP.” She whispered, keeping the last part to herself. ‘More than you could ever know.’

~

‘Turn the desert all to glass Droppin' bombs on future's past Nothing left for us, shadows dancin' in the ash Turn the desert all to glass Droppin' bombs on future's past Nothing left 

I let you down I've been clumsy with your heart again I guess you figured me out Now here's a taste of my own medicine And for all this pain, that I can't explain There's a black flag wavin' tonight You know I let you down (let you down) I've been clumsy with your heart again 

 Turn the desert all to glass Droppin' bombs on future's past Nothing left for us, shadows dancin' in the ash Turn the desert all to glass Droppin' bombs on future's past Nothing left for us, shadows dancin' in the ash’

------------------------------

Tagging: @jacksonroseroth

If you would like to be added to any of my future Rook fics, please feel free to let me know! ^-^

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MaybeAmanda

MaybeAmanda has been a longtime participant in X-files fandom. She has 29 stories at Gossamer, the earliest being archived there in 1998 and the latest in 2012. I've recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including "Malus Genus" and "Snow in Alabama." Big thanks to MaybeAmanda for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

It does, in a way.  The feedback I get nowadays is either of the "I read this like 20 years ago and I just read it again" variety or the "I was too young back in the day but I have been watching the show in reruns/on XYZ streaming service/on the full-series of DVDs I got for $3 from the thrift store and I was THRILLED to discover fanfiction was being written even in the Dark Ages!" So it's a bit of a surprise, but it's a pleasant one. I answer every mail/comment because my mama raised me right!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

It was great. It was fun. It was educational. It was a godsend. Even with the occasional bouts of back-stabbing and flame-throwing, it was mainly a welcoming, inclusive place to be. I made so many online friends who have turned into meat-friends (do they still call them that? Probably not).  During the first run of the show I had small children and we had relocated for my husband's job.  I had very little social life, but the fandom gave me a chance to meet and connect with people who liked what I liked. Then I discovered online fanfic, and it was even better!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

ATXC I think.  A lot of email lists - 5 or 6 or 7 or so over the years. Gossamer, of course, Ephemeral when that came into being.  Haven discussion boards. My own websites.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

More than anything?  I am a fangirl.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I have always been partial to sci-fi and speculative fiction, but it rarely makes it to the screen - large or small - without being trite, clichéd, or just plain bad. It's easy to forget that The X-Files was groundbreaking - smart, scary, funny, insightful, intriguing, complex plots, on-going mythology. It looked great. It sounded great. David Duchovny was pleasant to look at, too, and damn! Gillian Anderson is/was one hell of an actress.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I found XF fanfic - somehow - probably by accident, or by way of a recommendation - and it blew my mind.  I had written fanfic (of a sort) with my friends in highschool, so I was familiar with the beast, but to find what amounted to excellent story after excellent story for free within (relatively) easy reach (because dial-up, right?) written by people who, for the most part, were thrilled you read their story and were happy to talk to you about it, about writing in general, about your shared obsession - that was amazing. As I am sitting here typing this I am feeling that thrill again - discovering Karen Rasch, Madeliene Partous, Paula Graves [Lilydale note: AKA Anne Haynes], Sheryl Martin and all the other early BNFs was, well, the only word is exciting. I felt like I was a member of a secret society and that I was sitting at the popular kids lunch table, all at once. (Don't forget, in the early days, shippers were considered delusional outliers - seriously!)

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Good?   It's not as lively a place as it once was, but I haven't renounced my citizenship or anything. If I get a rec, I check it out. I know there are those who like to pretend they never had anything to do with the fandom, but why? I am still a proud XPhile.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Angel (a teeny tiny bit) while XF was still running, but those fans were - I don't know the word.  Hardcore does not begin to do it justice. I wrote two short pieces at a friend's request then backed away slowly. Sherlock (a bit) - it is/was very LJ centred and that made it hard to find things. A lot of it moved to tumblr which made it harder, then to twitter, which - no.  I was involved in one of the less fashionable facets of the Sherlock fandom, so I was really a fringe-dweller there, too. It seemed clique-ier than XF, and they all seemed so young, and they all knew EVERYTHING about everything, and every damned thing was political, and, and, and... GET OFF MY LAWN!

But maybe I am remembering the XF fandom wrong. ;)

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

Like, all fiction? Mulder and Scully for sure. Arthur Dent. Sherlock Holmes in most of his incarnations. Spock. Winnie the Pooh. Why do I like them?  They speak to me, I guess.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I haven't watched an episode in probably two years (back when it was on regular tv).  Yeah, I think about them surprisingly often.  Story ideas, weirdly.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic?

I finished re-reading The Iolokus Series a couple of weeks back, so yes.  It's excellent comfort reading.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Lots! But as far as authors go, I hate playing favourites. I will miss someone I shouldn't and feel like crap.  The Iolokus Series by MustangSally and Rivka T. is probably my all-time favourite fic because it's so very well-written, and so very fucked-up. Kipler's Strangers and the Strange Dead is also terrifically well-written and clever. For complex, interesting case files, you can’t beat syntax6 - pick any of them.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Oh geez. Seriously? I wrote a lot of collaborations and I love them - and my co-authors - all!  Stuff I wrote on my own: Anniversary Waltz (first XF fic I wrote so it's sentimental.) Or Blue Patches. Or Epiphany. Or The Gifts of the Magi (On a Kaiser Roll). Or 221XF.  Gonna stop now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story?

Every time I thought I wouldn't, I did. I would never say never.

Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Nothing finished ever went un-posted. All the unfinished stuff remains unfinished.

Do you still write fic now?

Haven't for a while, but it's not as if I have said "I SHALL NEVER WRITE FANFIC AGAIN!" I just have nothing in the works at this moment.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

With fic, it's usually from canon - some question unanswered, some road unexplored, some "what if?" that needs iffing.  With "original" fiction, damned if I know.  A snippet of overheard conversation, an interesting photo, something a random story generator spit out at me.  Sometimes things just click.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Okay so...many years ago I was on a (smallish) fic list with a friend.  There was a challenge posted - a bad fic challenge. We knew we could write some truly bad fic if we really tried.  One of the rules of the challenge was to post under an assumed name so no one would know who they were voting for. Well, my friend and I wrote something truly, painfully horrid and we were very proud of its ghastliness, so were brainstorming possible pseudonyms. She hated everything but had no real suggestions of her own.  I knew that she was a bit of a Trekkie (like me) and I said - What about Amanda Greyson and Joanna McCoy?  And she said  - What?? Huh?? Why?? And I said - Spock's mother and McCoy's daughter and she replied, "Maybe Amanda is Spock's mother but on Star Trek there is not a Joanna." By this point, I was SO DONE, and I became MaybeAmanda and she became NotJoanna. Really.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

It took years for me to admit it, but yeah, they know.  They didn't entirely get it.  The reactions I most often got were:

"Ew! You write stuff without being forced?? Ew!!"

or:

"Is it smut? I bet it's just smut. You write smut, don't you? Pure filth, right? I can't believe you are wasting your time writing pornography! That's disgusting! You sicken me! Um, can I read some of it?"

And of course:

"If you are going to write anyway, why don't you get published and become fabulously wealthy?"

which is really two questions, neither of which is easily answerable.

Anyone who tracked my work down (because I told them I wrote, but not my pseudonym) usually said something like, "Hey! You're an okay/passable/decent writer! Why don't you get published and become fabulously wealthy?"

Yeah.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Same old email (maybe_a@rocketmail_dot_com). Gossamer, my site, my LJ and probably some other places.  I can't lie - it's a bit scattered.

(Posted by Lilydale on August 4, 2020)

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 23

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Halloween chapter, part 1.

A/N: This is the first part of possibly a long-ish Halloween 'arc' that is to come. I have to warn you that I only have 1 more chapter as a draft version and the said chapter is a mess and has caused me a lot of insecurities so... I'm not entirely sure how long it will take me to work through the issues that chapter has. I still hope I will have something to post next Friday! Please be patient with me, I promise I have every intention to continue and finish this story.

Thanks for all the lovely comments the previous chapter got! You guys are the best :) And keep them coming because that is literally the best reward I can get :)

Words: 3200+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

“Hey Sunshine, you ready?” Leo asked her flatmate one November Friday as he was pulling his winter coat on in the hallway.

“In a minute!” Calypso yelled from her room. “Just… One final touch up!”

Leo checked his watch. “Okay, as long as it’s really a minute! You know Argo II isn’t waiting!”

“You do know that Argo II doesn’t have feelings, right? It’s a car,” his non-understanding flatmate argued.

“You better hope he didn’t hear that!” Leo protested. “He may just not turn on at all if you claim such things.”

“Oh my gods, Leo. Sometimes I wonder if you care about your machines more than people.”

Leo didn’t respond to that. To himself he mumbled. “At least I know how to fix them. And can’t hurt them.”

The flatmates were getting ready to leave for Jason and Piper’s late Halloween party. Most of the members of their friend group had been busy doing their own things on the real Halloween weekend but they had decided that they’d still want to have a small gathering at Jason and Piper’s house on a later date. Percy and Annabeth would be there, as well as Jason’s sister Thalia, her ‘friend’ Reyna, and Jason’s friend and a distant relative Nico. To Calypso Leo had told, that he had only met Nico a couple of times, because apparently Nico was a bit of a lonely soul and he wandered around the country doing who knows what. That fall, though, he had apparently met someone who had managed to keep him rooted to his home, so Leo suspected that there was a possibility that Nico really would show up this time.

Leo snapped out of his thoughts when Calypso’s door was pulled open, revealing the girl in her costume. His mouth opened involuntarily as he took her in. She was wearing a white chiton like dress with golden decorations around the neckline and accessories that matched the theme. Those included a golden headband and a belt, a bracelet made of real flowers, strappy leather sandals and since her own hair was short now, she had gotten a caramel colored wig that she had braided to one side, reminding Leo a lot of the hairstyle Calypso had had when she had moved in. She smiled at Leo shyly. “Well, what do you think?” She asked, lifting the hem of her dress slightly to show it off better.

“You’re… you’re…” Leo felt the words escape him again. With frustration he wondered how one person could do that to him. Leo Valdez never ran out of words.

“Calypso?” she tried to guess what he had wanted to say.

‘What?” He asked with confusion, unable to follow Calypso’s track of thoughts. In his mind he had answered her question ‘prettier than greek goddesses’ but he realized too late that she had meant that she was dressed up like the Calypso from the Greek mythology. “Oh, now I got it. Must have sniffed too much machine oil or something…Anyway, I see you have some self irony, dressing as your name sake.”

“That was kind of the point, Valdez. A girl named Calypso who studies Greek mythology? People comment on my name so often that I decided it’s time to make it clear that yes, I’m aware of that coincidence.”

“Ooh, the great revenge,” Leo chuckled. Suddenly he noticed that Calypso had turned more serious, her hands fiddling with her purse.

“Really, though, what do you think of this? I made this dress and these bracelets myself. And my mum gave me this before we moved here,” she pointed at her headband. “Apparently it’s something that’s been running in our family; my grandma wore it in her wedding picture and so on…”

“Oh… Well… that’s cool,” Leo said, mentally cursing the ‘error’ message on his brain. “You did a good job. I mean… I once saw a painting of Calypso in the Indianapolis Museum of Art and I think you look nothing like her… in a good way!”

“Aww, thank you.” Calypso seemed happily surprised about Leo’s comment, and he swore the expression made her even cuter. He also wondered if he should have a doctor check his heart because it seemed to do funny things in her presence...

“You’re welcome?” he replied stupidly.

“So, where is your costume?” Calypso asked curiously, apparently only now paying attention to the fact that he indeed wasn’t wearing one yet. “I thought you said we’re in a hurry.”

“I can’t drive in mine, it’s difficult to see from under it,” Leo explained, returning to his room to get a huge sports bag where he had packed his creation a bit earlier. He had spent several days making it and he was kind of proud of the final result. Although, seeing Calypso now, for a moment he still wondered if he had made a mistake with his costume choice, but it was too late to change his mind now. “I’ll put it on when we get there.” He gestured towards the bag.

“Okay,” Calypso nodded while changing her shoes into more fall suitable ones. “I’m looking forward to seeing what you have come up with.”

“Good, because it will blow your mind,” Leo claimed.

“I will refrain from forming any opinions before I see it,” Calypso noted, putting her keys into her pocket. “Now, come on, mister Mysterious, I hear Argo II isn’t very patient.”

Leo secretly loved it when Calypso attempted to joke back, and he grinned at her as he held the door open so she could leave first.

“Let’s go then, Sunshine.”

…

The drive to Jason and Piper took about 20 minutes so Leo and Calypso had a lot of time to talk about whatever came to their minds. At first Calypso gave Leo pretty short answers and he got worried that something was wrong between them again, but eventually Leo got her curious about the guests at the party that she hadn’t met yet.

“The Hunters are traveling a lot because of their competitions so I haven’t met Thalia that often. She’s a little bit scary, though. She has this edgy look going on and I’ve heard she is super strong; she’d ninja throw me on the floor before I’d have time to say Festus if given a chance. I’m trying very hard not to give her any reasons to do that.”

“Ouch. She sounds like something else,” Calypso said.

“She is,” Leo confirmed, almost getting chills only thinking about her. “She can be nice if you get to her good side, though.”

“Is it just me or does someone have a crush?” Calypso asked teasingly.

“What? No!” Leo exclaimed, glancing at Calypso’s reaction briefly. “Alright, maybe I used to have but that was when I didn’t know what was the best for me. But that was a long time ago. Besides, she’s totally dating someone even though they won’t admit it.” ‘And I wish I was dating someone else as well’, he thought, but left that unsaid.

“Oh? Will I get to meet that person today?” Calypso asked with curiosity.

“I think you will. From what I know Reyna’s always with Thalia. They claim they are only best friends but Jason has told me that they are keeping a low profile because it’s forbidden inside their team to date their teammates.”

“That sounds like a basis for a tragic love story,” Calypso said while staring out of the window with a dreamy expression. “I don’t even know these people but as a hopeless romantic I hope they will find some solution.”

Leo thought Calypso was very cute when she talked like that “Yeah. I hope.”

“So, do you know this Reyna personally?” she asked then, distracting Leo from his thoughts.

“You could say that,” Leo answered, trying to focus on the road instead of the girl next to him. “The team visits Waystation regularly because Jo and Emmie used to coach them back in the day and as a fellow Spanish speaker Reyna has always paid special attention to me. I swear, sometimes she treats me like I was his little brother…”

“Aww, that’s kind of sweet in my opinion. What is this team you were talking about, though? Did you say Hunters?”

“Oh, yep. The Artemis’ Hunters, named after the Greek goddess Artemis, naturally. It’s an archery group… Hey, is everything alright?”

Leo couldn’t help but notice that Calypso had shifted uncomfortably on her seat and adjusted her seatbelt a bit looser around her shoulder when he had said the name.

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I just… used to know someone who was in the Hunters as well, so I was surprised they have some connections here, that’s all.” Calypso turned her head to stare out of the window, sending Leo signals that he should drop the topic. He decided to push it a little bit further, though.

“You did? But you said ‘was’. Is she not in it anymore?”

“No,” Calypso shook her head, but didn’t elaborate.

“OK.” Leo sighed. A few moments earlier Calypso had been smiling and teasing him about some old crush and now she was acting cold again. Clearly the Hunters were a painful topic for her, but Leo couldn’t figure out why. Had something happened to the person Calypso had known? And why did she have to be so secretive? Leo wanted so badly to be able to help her and understand her, but when she was not opening up, it was very hard to do anything about it.

“Any guesses about what my costume may be?” He decided to change the topic. That seemed to cheer his flatmate up a bit.

Calypso closed her eyes while thinking, a tiny smile forming on her face. “Hmmm, I imagine it’s probably something flashy. But knowing you it could also be your work coveralls and working boots. I know how much you love those, after all.”

“It’s flashy, alright,” Leo said, his grin returning back to his face. “I’ll give you another hint: it’s a character from one of my favorite TV shows or movies.”

“You have a lot of those,” Calypso reminded him. “Ooh, now I know!! You’re Dalek! That’s why you would have a hard time seeing from under the costume.”

“No,” Leo shook his head, “But now that you say that, that would’ve been cool! Why didn’t you give me that idea earlier?”

“Because you already had an awesome idea? Or that’s at least the impression I got,” Calypso reminded him.

“Well, yeah. I still like my current idea. Maybe next time I’ll make a Dalek.” Leo had a goofy smile on his face as he imagined building a Dalek costume from the scratch.

“Sounds like a plan. So, will you reveal to me what you will be this time?” Calypso asked.

“Nah, you’ll see soon. Good things are worth waiting for, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Calypso shrugged. “Although our opinions on what’s good tend to differ a bit based on our previous TV watching experiences.”

“Yeah, but that’s why it’s good we are flatmates. It’s good to broaden your horizons sometimes and learn about different things that other people like,” Leo pointed out.

“Maybe you’re right,” Calypso admitted. “But are you saying you have learned something from me? What could that be?”

“That olives taste bad? That sometimes Venusaur can be more useful than Charizard?”

“Not exactly what I was looking for, but I’ll take that.” Leo turned his head just enough to see a small smirk on Calypso’s face.

“I was just messing with you because I think you secretly like it,” Leo said with a grin. “But really, you have taught me a lot. That we shouldn’t let fears control the direction of our life. That Greek mythology is actually pretty fascinating even if tía Callida made it sound boring as hell, and we should all learn to understand different cultures better. And, you know? There’s no way we can know every single thing about someone else so we just need to learn to trust and give them a benefit of the doubt sometimes. And finally, I shouldn’t underestimate your Mario Kart skills.”

Calypso snorted at the last part. “Sometimes you do surprise me, Repair Boy. That was a good answer.”

“I can feel my reputation as the Bad Boy Supreme getting shattered to pieces. What about me, though? Have I taught you something?” Leo asked. If he was honest to himself, he didn’t want to know because what could he possibly teach to a smart girl like her?

“You taught me that chilis are evil and you should never eat them the way I did,” Calypso replied, and Leo was fully prepared for more teasing. But it never came.

“You have also shown me sometimes persistency can be a very good thing – otherwise we probably wouldn’t be friends now. We also shouldn’t judge a book by the cover – I’m just saying that when I first saw you I was kind of prejudiced… but since learning to know you better I realized I was wrong. And remember that time when Jo and Georgina were visiting us and you came home a bit late? Jo told me some stories about you before you arrived and that made me understand how far hard work can sometimes take us. You’ve come a long way… and while there are always things we can work on and improve, I think it’s important to be proud of the things we have already achieved, even when looking ahead.”

“Wow… those are some really nice things you just said there…” Leo stumbled to find the right words. Especially the last point had hit him hard because he had had a very hard time with his self esteem recently. He still didn’t know if he would be allowed to retake his lab test – and more importantly, if he was even capable of trying. That was just the tip of the iceberg; it definitely wouldn’t be the only time he would have to face his fear during his studies and later on in the work life, and he would eventually have to make the difficult decision whether it was worth going through. He did want to get over his fear, but with her own issues on her mind, he hadn’t wanted to ask her to help until the situation was better.

“Hey,” Calypso squeezed his knee gently and Leo was afraid he’d accidentally brake so fast they’d crash somewhere. Thankfully he managed to contain himself. “I know I nag and tease you sometimes, but I hope you know despite that I actually care about you and respect you for the things you do. I’m… glad you’re my flatmate.”

Leo was very thankful that it was dark in the car because he was positive that he was redder than a chili pepper. After swallowing hard, he managed to croak: “Yeah. Thanks. You’re pretty neat too.” “Pretty neat?” Calypso asked, cocking her eyebrow.

“Argh, sorry, you can’t expect a guy to be able to think straight after you tell them something like that!” Leo exclaimed. “But, uh, I mean, I think the same way. That it’s nice that you’re my flatmate.”

“Glad we have that established.” Calypso smiled at him. Again Leo wondered what it was about that smile that made his heart go crazy. He had had a couple of short term girlfriends before Calypso had moved in and even though he had liked them, there was something different about how Calypso made him feel. But now that Leo thought about it, he realized that for example Khione, his first girlfriend (who had turned out to be quite an ice queen in the end) had had a smile that had never quite reached her eyes and made him wonder what was truly going on in that head of hers. His second girlfriend, Echo, had been a sweet girl but something about her smile had said that she’d rather be free of relationship bonds. Leo thought that he had probably sensed that from pretty early on because it had been a smaller shock for him than his first break up. But Calypso’s smile? It made Leo want to see it over and over again, and instead of wanting something from him, it seemed to give him more energy. It made him feel restless, but in a positive way.

When Leo snapped out of his thoughts, he realized that Calypso was staring at him weirdly, as if he had been in his daze for a while.

“What?” he asked a bit nervously.

“You just completely missed my question,” Calypso stated, frowning a little.

Leo tried to shake his head to clear his mind a bit. “Sorry, I was just… remembering something. But what did you ask?”

“I asked if there’s any news from your professors about your studies. It’s been a while since you’ve said anything about that.”

Leo gulped. “Yeah. Right. Um, at the moment I’m continuing to attend the classes except the lab one. I guess I should ask the lab professor if he would still let me redo the test at some point. But the other problem is, I’m not sure if I can. You know, if I have it in me to get over my stupid fear.”

“It is not a stupid fear, Leo. You have your reasons. But I do believe that you can get over it. And I want to help you. We should start working on it soon, how about tomorrow or some time next week?”

“Tomorrow is fine to me.” Leo started tapping his fingers against the wheel, a sign of him feeling anxious about the topic. “I… really appreciate your help. Is there something I can do in return?”

“You already did!” Calypso said to his surprise.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Remember that flower shop you mentioned to me?” Calypso asked. “I guess I’ve been so busy this week that I forgot to mention this but it looks like I’m getting the job! The interview went well and the boss invited me to see how they make their flower arrangements and they even let me do this.” Calypso showed him her flower bracelet that had some small roses and several other flowers the names of which he didn’t know. “She will make her final decision on Monday but I might start working there already next week.”

“That’s awesome news! Congrats!” Leo said, genuinely happy for her.

“Thank you! And sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, it seems we have both been rather busy this week, I feel I’ve barely seen you…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad I was useful for something! But look, that’s Jason and Piper’s place.” He nodded towards the building in front of them.

Leo looked from the corner of his eyes how Calypso would react to seeing the house. From what he knew Calypso hadn’t been there earlier; she and Piper had hung out more at their flat due to the closeness of the university. He wasn’t disappointed when he saw Calypso’s mouth open a bit.

“I know, pretty impressive.” Leo said.

“I have seen big houses before but this looks way nicer than the ones I know…” Calypso noted. Leo wanted to ask more about that but he knew that the friends were waiting so he decided to leave it for later. Once he had parked the car, some strange instinct told him to rest his hand on hers for a moment before he gestured to Calypso to step outside.

“After you.”

[pikapeppa]

Pikapeppa wears a tinfoil hat: The Arishok in post-Trespasser times

[Warning: this contains spoilers for Trespasser and for Tevinter Nights. Proceed with caution.]

For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’m a HUGE FAN of Sten from DA:O. While doing research for my current fic, I was reviewing Tevinter Nights and the Dragon Age Wiki, and I pulled together some threads regarding the qunari and their activities during the time of Tevinter Nights. 

In a nutshell: I HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT ARISHOK-STEN’S SAFETY AND WELLBEING.

Read more below the cut!

A quick refresher of qunari rulership

Just as a reminder, the qunari are ruled by three leaders:

The Arishok: the military leader. Leads the antaam, i.e. the army.

The Ariqun: the leader of the priesthood, who are also the scholarly branch of the qunari. 

The Arigena: the leader of the craftsmen and support workers of the qunari people.

Together, these three leaders are called the salasari. The salasari are supposed to make decisions jointly about how the qunari people proceed at advancing their own culture and bringing the uneducated bas into the wisdom of the Qun.

A summary of what we know 

Sten becomes the Arishok around 9:34-9:35 after Hawke kills the current Arishok in Kirkwall. By the time the Inquisition rolls around in 9:41, he is still the Arishok as confirmed by dialogue between Bull and Varric. 

In Trespasser, in the Darvaraad, we find a letter from the qunari to Josephine stating that the Viddasala was acting without the qunari leaders’ official sanction — an indication that their citizens are not as well-controlled and orderly as they would have the rest of the world believe. Of particular note, this letter indicates clearly that “military action has not been approved against the Inquisition. No one in Par Vollen has authorized actions of any kind involving the Exalted Council. Nor will they.” To me, this speaks of an Arishok who is being quite conservative in his actions. Similarly, in world states where Bull becomes a Tal-Vashoth, the qunari did not send military action against the Inquisition even when the Inquisition reneged on their hoped-for alliance.

All but one of the stories in Tevinter Nights take place post-Trespasser, and the qunari feature heavily in these stories. The book opens with Three Trees to Midnight, which tells of the qunari making a bold and unprecedented attack on the Tevinter city of Ventus. Importantly, it is mentioned that the antaam (i.e. the qunari army) are acting without the support of the priesthood or the workers:

Usually the other Qunari were there to support the Antaam—the workers crafting the gear and managing supplies, the Tamassran priests making sure the Antaam were healthy in mind as in body, the Ben-Hassrath spies scouting behind enemy lines and removing any Antaam who might forsake their training and abandon the Qun. This time, the Antaam had attacked the bas of the south without the blessing of the other Qunari, and little things were not working as well as they should. Supplies were late. Ships were not in good repair. 

When I read this, alarm bells immediately went off in my mind. It seems odd to me that the antaam would suddenly attack Tevinter on what feels like an impulsive move, without the support of the two other branches of the Qun. Importantly, the antaam is under the Arishok’s (i.e. Sten’s) rule, and I thought it was VERY out of character that he would do something so anti-qunari as to basically go rogue without the support of the Arigena or the Ariqun. 

Another relevant story is Brother Genitivi Dies At The End. In this story, Brother Genitivi, Philliam, a Bard!, and another lesser-known but infamous writer named Formerly Sister Laudine form a reluctant team to recover books from an elvhen library that, for some reason, has “fallen” underground in the Silent Plains in Tevinter. The mission is cut short by a qunari named Rasaan, and the three writers manage to snatch a small number of elvhen tomes before narrowly escaping from Rasaan and her soldiers. It very important to note that in this story, Rasaan refers to the army as being “my antaam”, and it is emphasized and pointed out that she called the antaam “hers”. 

I should say now that I haven’t read any of the DA comics. On a whim, I decided to look up Rasaan in the Dragon Age Wiki, and I discovered that Rasaan is a prominent character in the comic Dragon Age: Those Who Speak, and that she belonged not to the military branch of the Qun, but to the priesthood/scholarly branch, and that she was next in line to become the Ariqun. The wiki says the following: “Rasaan was stranded in the Qunari city of Qunandar, unable to perform her duties. Since a new Arishok was chosen in 9:34 Dragon, Rasaan has been at his side almost constantly.” It’s also interesting to note that Rasaan has a particular interest in people’s ‘true names’ and believes that a person’s many names or titles are indicative of their character, their triumphs, and their failings. 

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego Sten???? 

OKAY. To sum up, then, the qunari situation in the post-Trespasser Tevinter Nights era is as follows:

The antaam, usually governed by the Arishok, has gone rogue, and it would be very out of character for Sten-Arishok to sanction this without the okay of his co-leaders.

Rasaan, a higher-up of the priesthood, is in mainland Thedas chasing down information about Solas and referring to the antaam as hers. 

From this, I can only conclude that Arishok-Sten is not fully in charge of the antaam anymore, and that Rasaan plays a major role in this. Maybe Rasaan has pulled a coup and is trying to take over as the new Arishok, believing that ‘Arishok’ is supposed to be her true name. If this is the case, WHERE IS STEN? Is he a prisoner back in Par Vollen, perhaps? Stuck working in a labour camp? Or… Maker fucking forbid, is he dead?

Personally, I don’t think Arishok-Sten is dead, and this is not just my undying love for him that’s talking. There are indicators in Three Trees to Midnight that, even though the antaam has gone rogue and some of the qunari are acting extremely cruel, there other qunari who are still trying to maintain the integrity of the Qun. One example is the character named Saarbak, a Ben-Hassrath agent who has been tasked with removing threats to the Qun such as the overly cruel qunari. Characters like Saarbak make me think that the qunari are divided within themselves: there are those who have been impatient to move on Thedas, leading to the hasty attack on Ventus, and there are those who are trying to maintain the integrity and order of the Qun, such as Saarbak. And it’s my belief that Arishok-Sten is one of these honourable qunari, and that he is still alive and may play a significant role in DA4. 

Fen’Harel ma ghilana: Solas’s interference

There's one other piece of qunari involvement that should be mentioned. At the end of Trespasser, Solas says that “in stopping the Dragon’s Breath, you have prevented an invasion by qunari forces. With luck, they will return their focus to Tevinter. That should give you a few years of relative peace.” It does not seem coincidental to me that a year or so after Solas says this, this is exactly what happens — particularly in light of the story called Half Up Front. In this story, it is discovered that Fen’Harel’s agents are purposely trying to fan the flames of the war between the qunari and Tevinter. 

Why would Solas be trying to do this, though? Especially after telling the Inquisitor that he wants the people of the Inquisitor’s time to “die in comfort” free from the Qun? My conclusion is that Solas is trying to prevent the former Inquisitor from allying with Tevinter or the qunari. If they’re caught up in a war with each other, neither Tevinter nor the qunari will have the resources (or fucks to give) to invest in military efforts against an alleged elven god. I also think that Solas has no qualms about screwing Tevinter over by throwing them under the metaphorical bus of the qunari, given their longtime treatment of slaves and spirits. (Please note that I say all of this with great love, as I also have undying love for the Dread Egg.)

DA4 hopes: allying with the qunari 

Based on the above, it’s my hope that a big part of DA4 will involve stopping an all-out war between Tevinter and the qunari, and then gaining the cooperation of both groups to help The Group Formerly Known As The Inquisition™ to stop Solas’s plans. It’s my even greater hope that the qunari portion of this will involve finding Arishok-Sten, restoring him his place as the rightful Arishok, and thereby securing his alliance to stop Solas. It’s my even greater GREATER hope that the Hero of Ferelden will play a role in this and have some ACTUAL FACETIME in the game by helping us to broker an alliance with Sten. 

Of course, it’s a Bioware game so there has to be choice, so the choice here might be between helping Sten vs. helping Rasaan, but I’m sure you can all see where I would stand on this. (I just want Sten and his kadan to have a sweet sweet reunion, okay?? My tender heart is soft and weak for him.)

Okay, that’s it! Them’s my thoughts! Sorry if this has already been laid out before by somebody else – I just had to word-vomit my thoughts because of STEN FEELS. 

Feel free to comment or reblog, but please do not use this as a forum to discuss the pros or cons of the Qun. I am wholeheartedly middle-ground on the Qun and can see both sides, so please refrain from that rhetoric here.

Finally, a little self-promotion: I ship Sten with my Warden Yara Mahariel, and have written a relatively short fic about their romance, which takes place during the ship ride from Denerim to Par Vollen after the Fifth Blight is ended. It’s called Fall Into The Tide, and you can feel free to check it out on AO3!

- Love from your friendly neighbourhood Pikapeppa xoxo

[woogurl]

i’ve been meaning to make this post a while ago, but i was uncertain if now was the right time to do it, it’s something that’s extremely controversial, but yes...

i decided to make a post regarding what i think woosan’s sexuality is, now i figured it was bad to just assume their sexuality but people assume all or at least most of the male/female kpop idols are straight anyway by default. which i don’t think is bad or illogical, seeing as most people are straight statistically. 

not gonna lie, ateez is one of those groups that give me mad gay vibes tho. however, i won’t be analyzing the others as i don’t really watch much of their individual behavior or content, i think you should only make these when you’ve watched enough of their behavior. 

as you know, i’m a woosan enthusiast, and a woo stan, but i’m not gonna just analyze their relationship, which i think is sufficient proof enough, but i’ve compiled everything that has led me to the conclusion that san is either bi(with male preference) or gay, and woo is bi.

lastly, i want to say just because someone is homophobic or really opposed to skinship with the same sex does not mean they’re automatically straight. sometimes it’s a coping mechanism, and just because they’re feminine, comfortable with their masculinity, support LGBT+, or okay with skinship with the same sex doesn’t mean their gay. 

sometimes there really are NO signs. 

just look at all of the idols people assumed were gay. momo/heechul, baekhyun/taeyeon, hani, kai(though mostly considered him to be bi). anyhow, my point is you just never know. lol 

now, i’ll stop my rambling and get started. first let’s start with 

S A N

now, i’ll be honest, i’ve always thought san was gay because how reserved he was and how shy and sweet he was around the members during their predebut days. i just felt like he was maybe shy because he hadn’t come to terms with he sexuality. i mean when i look at san during predebut, he literally was like a baby, and his mannerisms was so small and reserved. even his body was so tiny and fragile. however, this was because san was naturally skinny and it had always been a complex for him. in which he said he had a tough time gaining weight.

what we know about san’s former lifestyle is that he was a church boy, a farmer, a wannabe gamer and a freaking black belt in taekwondo and his dad was an owner of a taekwondo studio, he was one of the most popular kids, he had a pretty good relationship with his parents or at least now he does and his grandparents took good care of him when his parents didn’t. 

but san still had low self-esteem. why? i really don’t know, but i would hazard a guess that it was because of his sexuality(this is just an assumption guys, not a fact). now remember san was part of the church, and he joined because a friend asked him too. they probably asked him because they figured he liked to sing and dance. although i think san was shy and self-conscious, i don’t that he was self-conscious about his abilities as you could see he did go to the church to sing and dance in front of a bunch of people. i think he had low-self esteem because of who he may have realized that he was.

here are some examples of what i mean.

there’s something that san continuously repeats and that is to learn to love himself, know his worth, and just simply love who he is. and i think that’s one of the reasons that san didn’t like church is because it went against who he was and is. if you watch videos of him in the church he really looks like he doesn’t want to be there. he looks so uncomfortable. he doesn’t just look like “ah, this is boring there’s nothing to do” but he looks more like he’s displaced. like he’s NOT supposed to be there. we learn later that san isn’t religious instead.

don’t you find it interesting that he made a direct correlation to his belief in god to his belief in himself. it was like he was saying, even though i don’t believe in god i believe in who i am. like i trust that who i am is correct. 

another part of this video that i find interesting is the moment that they talk about how much they value each other(woo and san).

S: You’re cool and

S: I honestly

S: Now I can sincerely

S: To the people around me or my relatives

S: I can proudly say that my friend is Wooyoung!

S: You're that kind of friend

S: To that point where I'm not embarrassed

S: Or rather say you're my friend that's worth showing off!

S: I think this is more than enough!

a lot of people in the comments of this video said that they felt like this was a confession and i agree. i remember feeling odd at how san worded this, the first time his sexuality didn’t even cross my mind. i was just like oh, he’s probably embarrassed because woo’s so loud and shit. lol. but now it doesn’t make much since to me. the vibes here are very serious, and we all know that even though woo can be loud and noisy many atiny’s forget that he is also extremely mature. especially when he needs to be. not only that but san has said woo is very respecful to his elders, so i don’t think he would of been embarrassed by woo’s on camera behavior. i noticed before san said this he hesitated a bit, like should i say this or how should i word this. it was super sweet.

now, let’s talk about san describing his ideal type. in which he says the outside doesn’t matter and that he wants someone who is kind-hearted and warm. he wants someone who’s good to him.

there are a lot of moments translated where he used feminine pronouns, but others have clarified and said he did not mention any pronouns. 

let’s also talk about that conversation he had with wooyoung where they talked about what kind of guys they liked. where woo was like, “i like cool guys” and san was like, “i like both cool and sweet guys” then there’s silence because they probably realize that it’s considered “weird”. then san says, “i’ll be quiet”. i honestly felt bad like ;c. he probably felt the need to stop talking about it because he realized that people would prob think that it was gay.

he also sang troye sivan my youth, but i honestly don’t think that it’s too relevant seeing as many kpop idols appreciate troye sivan. but it’s worth noting i suppose.

lastly, body language there’s just a lot of moments that can’t be explained. now i completely understand that korea is tote fine with males being close with one another but there are just some moments, that i believe, i don’t care how comfy you are with the same sex is questionable. lmfao. 

mind you seconds before this san was just minding his own business but his expression completely changed when he saw woo seduc---i mean dancing in front of him. idc what anyone says, a straight man would never eye fuck another man like this. lmfao. there’s lust in those eyes and you can’t tell me there isn’t. san was literally checking him out.

san being completely comfortable with having his no-no on woo’s ass, these are both very intimate parts of the body. honestly, the simple fact that san likes spooning woo from behind all the time is suspect to me. lol. especially with the expressions he gives at times. 

san’s reaction when woo gets too close to his face, he doesn’t flinch. he’s also clearly looking at woo’s lips. there’s also another moment like this where san becomes so flustered that he has to look away for a second. lmfao.

when i think two of the other members(i don’t remember who) had to do a couple dance. what they did was completely tame, but woosan over here took it up several notches and started dancing like they were at a gay bar. no one told them to do it, they just did. 

next i want to point out how comfortable they are with the shipping. i already mentioned this in my woosan relationship post but they’re comfortable with the shipping, then i figured it was because they were comfortable with the relationship that they had. but now, i think they don’t mind it because they’re proud of who they are. it’s not just them being comfortable with woosan, but with their sexuality as well. so they’re like telling us we’re woosan but we’re also okay with our sexuality kind of thing. 

lastly, i want to point out body language again for san, and this is honestly the ONLY reason why i believe he is somewhat bi and not completely gay. the way he interacts with fans. i know you’re all gonna say well, that’s his job. but, he seems to want to impress his fans or look good for them. san’s confidence has changed quite a bit and as yeosang once said, san’s kind of like a tough guy now, as mingi said he’s changed the most since debut. i think the reason satan--i mean san has become so powerful, and a sexy demon on stage is because he’s confident in who he is now and it really shows. i think san wanted to break those stereotypes of who he was and show people that he wasn’t weak or shy, but manly and sexy and the best in bed. but on stage he loves showing off his muscles and how flexible his hips are and even on vlive. most of the fans are women and i think to myself why would he do this if he was completely gay? 

i just don’t think a completely gay man would not want to appeal to women all that much. then again it could possibly be because he enjoys getting those compliments and that’s what fuels his self esteem. it could be the compliments from the women and not the women themselves. i’m not completely sure, but the reason why he does this does matter. he likes receiving compliments not just from the fans but from anyone really. so i don’t know if the reason he shows off his manliness to fans is because he wants to appeal to women OR if he just wants to appeal to his self esteem. which is possible. you guys let me know what you think.

next

W O O Y O U N G

there really isn’t as much content for me to work with when it comes to woo because he refuses to post, but i’m so confident that this boy is bi that it’s not even funny. there’s not much predebut info, there’s not much info about his ideal type. 

sighs 

yo girl will work with what she’s got. now, woo has only playfully mentioned his ideal type. in which he usually automatically answers yunho. do i actually believe that? no. lmfao. i think woo was smart enough to have yunho as his default answer for this question really. instead of actually being attracted to yunho i think woo just admires yunho because he always answers yunho for a member he would switch bodies with as well. he always says yunho because he’s tall, fun, funny, handsome and has a nice figure. 

but as you’ve all probably noticed he doesn’t really seem physically attracted to yunho, but you know(HAHA) who he is definitely physically attracted to? 

seonghwa, without a doubt, i’m saying this with my whole fucking chest, okay? i have no doubt in my mind that woo is or at least was physically attracted to seonghwa. 

that full post i made with woo trying to kiss seonghwa for the 100th time is all the evidence you need, but i’ll keep y’all entertained. i want you all to understand that seonghwa has said that woo kisses him so much off camera that he’s used to it, the fact that the members gasped so hard that they almost caught flies was mehmehable. 

now you all will probably say that woo just loves kisses and that’s fine but he seems to want to kiss on the mouth too and that’s pretty gay. lol. 

he literally looked at seonghwa’s mouth before he dived in for a kiss. cheek kisses and mouth kisses are two whole different vibes. not to mention he tried to kiss him again during this vlive and san. woo has literally tried kissing all of the members okay? lmfao. he’s just way too comfortable with it in my opinion. 

woo has been hungry for seonghwa, and he knows it, we can also talk about how he has said twice that seonghwa has a pretty ass. which he isn’t wrong about. lmfao. we could also talk about that moment where woo literally looked down seonghwa’s shirt.

anyway, while i do think woo was physically attracted to him, i’m pretty sure he has some kind of intimate relationship with san now. i don’t wanna add those moments because it would just me repeated what i wrote for woosan relationship analyzes, woo has also shown a lot of interest in women during their america tour and he’s repeatedly gone to the same fancam of some women. it’s important to mention woo is naturally a flirt but he seems to flirt with the members as well, according to yeosang who said this during their christmas vlive. jongho has also said he wanted woo’s ability to flirt. so my best guess is that he probably flirted with the members in the past. 

there’s also the clip of him telling a fanboy to go after the guy that he likes, and he was also surprised to hear that he had fanboys, and he seemed interested to know this information other than that i don’t have much evidence, but i think woo’s body language off camera with the members is plenty evidence really. lol. there’s just not many straight men i know who would be inclined to cling to another male as much as woo does. 

anyway, i’m tired this was my woosan sexuality post. remember these aren’t facts just observations and opinions. ;)

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.4 | Brittana

Posting early today since the Steelers game has been postponed so many times I've lost all concept of time LOL. Anyway, I get a real kick out of everyone that mentions they're a Steelers fan in their reviews. Wave that Terrible Towel for me too (I left mine in American, such a rookie mistake).

Also Happy late Thanksgiving, hope everyone had a safe holiday with lots of laughs.

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x)

It’s Wednesday morning and Brittany’s walking with Kurt to their first class of the day when McKinley High’s mascot comes running down the hall at them. They barely get out of his way in time as he continues whooping down the hallway. Students around cheer but Brittany just stares blankly, trying to understand what that was all about.

“That guy does his Spirit Run every year around this time,” Kurt explains.

“Spirit Run?”

“Yeah. It’s really just an excuse for him to run around the halls like a crazy person,” Kurt says, “You’ll probably see it again at least three more times this week.”

“You guys really go all out here,” Brittany mentions as she and Kurt begin to walk again without fear of getting trampled.

“Told you,” Kurt shrugs, “Homecoming is one of McKinley’s biggest events.”

“Small towns are so weird,” Brittany chuckles.

“They are, but I do love a good theme,” Kurt replies then gasps as he turns to her, “Have you given any thought to who you’ll be going with?”

Brittany laughs a little louder, but then stifles it when she sees Kurt look at her in confusion.

“I wasn’t going to ask anyone,” She says with a shrug.

Kurt’s baffled and stops mid-step, “What? Why not?”

“I don’t really have anyone in mind,” Brittany answers simply, “Why? What’s the issue?”

“You have to have an escort, Britt,” Kurt urges, “You’re apart of the Homecoming Court now, you can’t just attend the dance alone.”

Brittany rolls her eyes at how serious he’s making it all sound, “Why not? What’s going to happen to me if I don’t go with anyone?”

Kurt stammers, “Uh…nothing I guess but it’s not something people usually do. You’re pretty popular, Britt, why don’t you use that to your advantage like everyone else here? I’m sure you’d find a date easily if you asked around.”

“Okay fine,” Brittany smirks, “Do you want to go with me?”

Kurt gives her a look, “I’m flattered but I already agreed to go with a group from Glee Club.”

“Well look at that. I tried,” Brittany fakes defeat, “Guess I’ll be going alone then.”

“But –“

“I’ll be fine, Kurt. You said it yourself, nothing will happen to me if I go alone,” Brittany chuckles as she enters the classroom.

Kurt just sighs and follows after Brittany.

\\

The day goes on as usual for Brittany until she arrives to her Home Room class for third bell. It’s one of her favorite parts of the day; half of the bell is spent on studying and using your time wisely before everyone’s released for lunch. It’s kind of her time to wind down from all the info-intake, but sometimes she tries to get a jump on homework so she doesn’t have to do much after practice.

It’s also the class before her final one of the day which she gets to spend with Santana.

She has barely walked through the door when her teacher hands her a note saying she’s needed in Ms. Pillsbury’s office. She recognizes the name from when Santana mentioned her awhile ago, but Brittany frowns as she looks over the note.

“Am I going to miss lunch?” She asks but the teacher just shrugs and tells her to get going.

She doesn’t actually know where the office is so she ends up wandering around downstairs until another teacher spots her for looking lost.

“Hey, where are you supposed to be?” They demand.

Brittany just hands over the note like it’s a hall pass, “I’m not sure where her office is.”

She smiles innocently and it’s enough to have the teacher relaxing. Thankfully they offer to lead the way to where she needs to be without any further questions.

When she finally gets to the office, she knocks gently at the glass. There’s a red-haired woman sitting daintily behind a desk polishing off her stapler with a wet wipe. Kind of odd, but Brittany doesn’t question it as a pleasant smile fills the woman’s face upon seeing her standing there.

“Brittany, hi! Please come in,” She says and motions for the blonde to have a seat, “I’m Ms. Pillsbury, I’ll be your designated guidance counselor and college advisor.”

“Hi,” Brittany nods behind a polite smile as she goes to sit, “Am I in trouble or something?”

“No, no. Of course not,” Ms. Pillsbury assures her.

Brittany’s only a little relieved by that.

“I’ve been trying to make my rounds in meeting with all the Seniors just to make sure that everyone’s on track with deadlines for college applications,” She explains, “I have a little information on you from your old school, but I just wanted to check in and introduce myself properly since you’re new here. How are you finding McKinley so far?”

“It’s nice,” Brittany answers softly.

She doesn’t know what it is about the guidance counselor’s office that makes her feel nervous. Maybe because she spent so much time in it at the beginning of the year? She was always being checked on because of her ailing dad, it always made her feel so uneasy.

“I see you’ve been making quite the splash with the Titans,” Ms. Pillsbury says kindly, “It’s great to see a new student getting so involved. I’m sure the team is happy you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Brittany shrugs; she’s not exactly sure how to answer that especially after taking her stance on slushie facials. They work better as a team on the field but there’s still a little tension.

“So plans for college,” Ms. Pillsbury continues once she sees she’s not going to get anything else out of Brittany.

Brittany shifts uncomfortably in her seat, her hands tightening around the spine of her binder. Talking about her future like this always puts her on edge for some reason. She knows her parents – mostly her dad – always wanted her to go to college after high school, so she wants to honor that. She wants it for herself too, but it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, especially when she feels like sports are the only thing she’s good at.

That’s not true – she’s a whizz in math and science – but does she really want to make a career out of it? She has no idea, it’s probably a good idea that she figure that out soon though.

All she knows is that GPAs are important and hers isn’t the best it could be. Her grades really took a hit when her dad passed away, but she was able to finish her Junior year relatively strong considering everything that happened. Maybe she’ll be okay?

“It says here that you’ve already taken the SATs twice,” Ms. Pillsbury notes, “Your scores are very good.”

Brittany nods again, “Yes, I sat the exam just before I moved here. I figured that I would be too focused on getting adjusted to a new school to study again.”

“That’s smart,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “You’re ahead of many Seniors here, it’s nice to see someone taking the initiative.”

“Yeah,” Brittany just shrugs, “I’m hoping that I can get a scholarship for playing football or something. I know it’s kind of a long shot for someone like me. It’s super rare that a female football player gets a scholarship.”

“But it isn’t impossible, I think that’s the important part so don’t doubt yourself. You could very well get a scholarship for your talents on the field,” Ms. Pillsbury assures her, “It says in your file that you’ve had scouts attend your games at your old school: one for the Florida State and another for Auburn. That’s really impressive, Brittany.”

“Thank you,” Brittany blushes. She remembers those game and how nerve wracking it was for her knowing that a win could determine her future – could determine if she were getting into a good school or not.

“I know Coach Beiste is in contact with a few recruiters and college coaches that are more local if that interests you?” Ms. Pillsbury suggests, “Maybe you’ll have some luck there as well? I know she’s quite close to the coaches at Louisville and Ohio State which are both on your list here.”

“That would be so cool, ” Brittany perks up at the prospect.

Now that they’ve moved, she kind of wants to stay close to home if she can. Maybe she’ll be able to get on Ohio State’s radar or maybe Notre Dame? It has been a crazy dream of hers to play college football at one of the top schools in the country, but she doesn’t know if she’s being realistic.

“Very cool,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “Well, I don’t want to take up too much of your time during your study hour so if you ever have any questions or just want to come by for a chat, I’m always here.”

“Thanks Ms. Pillsbury,” Brittany grins before heading back to class. It was a random meeting, but Brittany feels surprisingly lighter after speaking with her – like there was this reassurance she didn’t know she needed. It was completely different from the visits that she’s used to.

\\\\\

Although Spirit Week really seems like five days worth of nonsense, there is still the usual schoolwork and practice that Santana needs to focus on too. So after Wednesday’s Cheerios practice, Santana and Quinn head to the Lima Bean to get some homework done before they fall too far behind.

This year, they only have one class together but unfortunately that’s the only class that they’re caught up on. Instead, they grab a circular table by the window and work on their own things in a comfortable silence. Before either of them knows it, they’ve been there for two hours already and have gone through multiple coffees each – Santana’s on her third, Quinn has switched to tea.

Quinn sits back and goes to stretch a moment later, “I think I’m done for the day.”

Santana blinks her weary eyes, “Same. This bookwork on U.S. Government is melting my brain. Let’s pack up and – “

“Wait,” Quinn whispers and holds out her hand to stop Santana, “Look who’s here.”

When Santana follows Quinn’s line of view she instantly looks away at who’s there talking to the barista.

“We never see her here,” Santana comments disbelievingly.

“Right?” Quinn starts to smirk, “This is perfect.”

Since their talk over the weekend, Quinn’s been in Santana’s ear about her progress in becoming friends with Brittany despite Santana telling her to butt out. She’s been trying to explain that she’s not going to all of a sudden ask her over for a sleepover so they can braid each other’s hair and make friendship bracelets. It takes time, especially for Santana considering she’s not exactly the best at making new friends.

And that’s kind of where Quinn comes in.

“I swear to God, Fabray, if you do anything embarrassing I’m gonna – “

“Hey Brittany!” Quinn calls out sweetly, loud enough so that Brittany – and anyone else in earshot – can hear.

Santana goes ten shades redder and sinks low in her chair, “I hate you so much.”

“What?” Quinn questions innocently, “Friends say hi to other friends when they’re out in public so don’t be rude.”

Santana lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Bullshit. You and I both know what you’re up to.”

“I’m not up to anything. Just be normal,” Quinn whispers out quickly, “She’s coming over.”

Be normal, Santana thinks as she stifles another laugh. How can she be normal when Quinn is yelling out this girl’s name from across the café like they’re best friends? They’ve talked maybe twice and it wasn’t much of a conversation but rather just greetings exchanged.

It’s like Quinn’s just trying to embarrass the crap out of her.

Santana tries to keep a straight face in hopes that the blush fades soon. Hopefully her tan complexion is enough to mask her embarrassment.

“Hey guys,” Brittany greets casually, “How’s it going?”

Quinn looks to Santana to see if she’ll answer. She rolls her eyes when she sees that Santana’s just giving her a death glare instead.

“Going well,” Quinn replies first, “Did you just get out of practice?”

Brittany sighs tiredly and goes to brush her hair behind her ear, “Yeah. Very tiring, but that’s why I’m here. I’m so close to a nap but I still have a ton of homework to do by tomorrow. Looks like you guys do too.”

Santana remains weirdly silent so Quinn gives her a subtle kick from under the table, “So much, but we’ve just finished up. Santana and I were actually just talking about tomorrow’s Spirit Day. Right, Santana?”

Santana gives Quinn one last narrow of her eyes before she’s putting on a smile, “Right, Quinn.”

“What is it again?” Brittany asks as she looks to the brunette with her pretty blue eyes.

Santana’s breath catches before she croaks out, “Crazy Hair Day.”

“That’s right,” Brittany chuckles before she teases, “Another super original one. Have you got any ideas for what you’ll do?”

Santana feels a little more at ease, “I’m trying to talk Quinn into dying her hair pink.”

Brittany’s brows shoot up as she looks to Quinn, “Awesome!”

“I’ll probably just wear mine down,” Santana adds which has Quinn rolling her eyes.

“Why do I have to dye my hair when all you’re doing is wearing yours down?” Quinn huffs.

“Because,” Santana retorts, “No way I’m doing anything crazy to all of this. Do you know how much these extensions cost?”

Brittany laughs at their dynamic, “I mean, it totally works! You’d look so different without your usual high pony. I can’t wait to see.”

Quinn sends a stealthy glance over in Santana’s direction. Santana makes a point not to look.

“What about you?” Santana asks Brittany, “What are you going to do differently?”

“I don’t know,” Brittany shrugs, “I probably won’t comb it or something. Although, the hair dye does sound pretty cool.”

Santana laughs at Quinn’s eye-roll just as the barista calls out Brittany’s name.

“Oh! That’s me,” Brittany jumps, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Santana and Quinn say their goodbyes, but once she’s out of hearing range Quinn practically lunges across the table in excitement.

“She was flirting with you,” Quinn points out around a smirk.

Santana looks at her in disbelief, “Where the hell did you see flirting in all of that? Besides, wasn’t the point of all that to make a friend?”

“Come on,” Quinn gives her a look, “It was pretty obvious.”

“You’re delusional,” Santana chuckles.

“And you’re still date-less,” Quinn then sits up straighter, “Wait. I have an idea.”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” Santana shakes her head, “It’s a no. It’s a hell no.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance to state my case.”

“Yeah, because it’s bound to be ridiculous,” Santana replies. She glances over in Brittany’s direction as the blonde goes to sit at a table by herself. Santana pushes away that little feeling of hope before she’s turning back to Quinn, “She and I barely talk outside of class. It would be so weird and awkward, she’d never agree to it. Not to mention that it would be completely predictable.”

“Predictable?”

“Well yeah,” Santana answers like its obvious, “The only two girls nominated that are also – you know – and they just so happen to be going together? No. I’m not going to give this school any more reason to talk shit. I’m not falling for that trap.”

Quinn rolls her eyes, “What are you talking about? What trap?”

“You don’t think this is weird?” Santana questions, “A girl being nominated for King? That’s never happened before. Is it not a red flag for you?”

Quinn sits back again in her chair and sighs, “Honestly Santana, I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if she’s genuinely been nominated or if it’s something else. I don’t think we’re gonna find out until Saturday.”

Santana sighs too, “I just don’t want her to get dragged into all my crap, you know? I don’t want them to mess with her like they’ve messed with me.”

“Yeah,” Quinn nods sadly, “I know but maybe it’s different this time? Brittany’s…she’s a lovely person and really tallented. Who knows, maybe that’s why she’s being nominated? Maybe her being an awesome quarterback and leading the Titans to so many wins has distracted people? Maybe this is real? I don’t know.”

Santana bites her lip. She wishes she could be that optimistic, but she’s been burned too many times. It’s hard for her to see the good anymore. She just hopes for Brittany’s sake that Quinn’s right this time.

“But,” Quinn adds, “What I do know is that Cheerios don’t go to these things by themselves – especially ones that are nominated.”

Santana tenses her jaw. She hates all the social rules she has to follow just because of her status. She hates how popularity is everything in place like Lima. For once, she just wants to be herself but everyone makes it so damn difficult.

Still, she has her obligations.

“If you can’t go with Brittany,” Quinn starts, “Who will you go with?”

She glances one last time at Brittany sitting alone studying before she finally answers, “I’ll find someone.”

\\

And Santana tries valiantly to do so.

Once she gets home from the Lima Bean, Santana lies on her bed and scrolls through her contacts but nothing jumps out at her. Actually, it’s not the fact that no one jumps out – it’s the fact that she can’t bring herself to stoop down to that level again and go with a guy.

She can’t pretend anymore, no matter how bad she wants to avoid it all and go back to how things were a couple years ago where all she had to do was hide behind some guy in order to avoid how she truly felt. No one questioned her, no one doubted if any of it was genuine.

If she were to go with one of the many guys listed in her contacts, she would be doing just that – reverting. She feels guilty just thinking about it, but she knows it would be easier going back on what was said about her rather than actually living up to it.

Honestly, she doesn’t know which is scarier: pretending to be someone she isn’t again or finally owning up to who she really is. She just hates hearing the I knew it or I told you; it makes her feel so see-through, vulnerable. She can’t have that, she can’t have people at this school thinking they know her when they really don’t, but what is she supposed to do?

Continue to hide from the truth? Hope that everyone forgets?

Santana continues to scroll through her phone hoping that maybe she’ll find the answer to all her troubles amongst the boys’ names.

She doubts she will and that’s the biggest problem of all.

\\\\\

The next day, Brittany gets home a little earlier from football practice to find her mom helping Pete with his homework in the dining room. He instantly lights up when she enters the room and rushes over to hug her hips.

“Hey Petey,” Brittany chuckles, “You doing homework?”

“He just finished up,” Whitney smiles lovingly at the pair, “Got every question right.”

“No way!” Brittany gasp and goes for a low-five, “Mr. Smarty Pants in the building!”

Pete gives her an enthusiastic slap to her palm, “Should be rewarded with ice cream, right?”

Brittany’s brows rise and they both look over to their mom as she mimics him, “Right?”

Whitney just laughs, “Don’t you need to shower or something, Britt?”

“Showered at school,” She grins triumphantly.

“You can do that?” Pete looks up at her in awe.

“Totally.”

“Well,” Whitney sighs, “Let’s go then! Tonight’s the Bonfire, isn’t it?”

Brittany nodded as she put down her bag in its usual place by the front door, “Yeah, but it’s not until later. I’ve got time for an ice cream run.”

“Can I go to the bonfire too?” Pete asks as they all make their way outside to the car.

“Mom said no, remember?” Brittany tells him gently as he climbs into his seat, “It’ll be too late for you.”

“Bummer,” He frowns. Brittany gets in the passenger side and Whitney goes to start the car when he asks, “Will Santana be there?”

Brittany’s a little surprised that he remembered her name but answers anyway, “Yeah, probably. Why?”

Pete doesn’t answer for awhile, “Just wondering. She’s nice.”

Brittany nods, “Yeah. I think so too.”

She goes to flip though the radio stations, but Santana’s mention reminds her of how she felt seeing the Co-Captain for the first time that morning.

Like they discussed at the Lima Bean, Santana had worn her hair down. Brittany almost didn’t recognize her, she looked that different. More relaxed maybe? Who knows, but Brittany caught herself staring several times which would’ve been embarrassing if Santana noticed. Her hair was a lot longer than Brittany thought and any time Santana would brush it behind her ear or twirl the tips of it with her fingers, Brittany could smell the scent of her shampoo wafting off of her.

It was super distracting.

That scent was committed to Britany’s memory, because that scent was now Santana. Whenever she caught a whiff of it, Santana’s smiling face popped up in her head. As much as she thought that was really cool, it kind of worried her because she knew what was starting to develop and she couldn’t have that.

Crushes are meant to be on people she might actually have a chance with. Not pretty, straight Cheerleaders who could probably get anyone they wanted in the entire school.

“So are you two going together?” Whitney wonders and Brittany’s eyes nearly bug out at the question, more importantly how casual it sounded.

Is she reading my thoughts? Brittany wonders.

Pete pipes in next, “Yeah, are you?”

Honestly, Brittany never really considered Santana as an option. The girl is probably the hardest person to read and that’s coming from Brittany who is excellent at reading people…on the football field.

If Santana’s somewhere on the spectrum, it would be news to Brittany.

“Uh…no,” Brittany finally answers, “I doubt she’d want to go with me. I bet she has so many guys lining up to be her date though, she’s very popular.”

“How do you know she won’t want to go with you instead then?” Pete wonders innocently, “Maybe she’s tired of going with boys?”

That has Brittany chuckling, “Maybe but I’ll probably just go by myself and meet up with my friends. I don’t mind not having a date, just means I can dance with everyone else’s.”

They seem happy with that answer so the rest of the car ride is quiet aside from Pete singing along with the radio. Brittany just stares out the window wondering if her brother might be on to something about Santana though.

It’s probably a shot in the dark, but the longer she stews on it the more curious she becomes.

\\

Brittany’s always loved Bonfires; she likes the way the smoke lingers on her, the feel of the heat of the flames on her cheeks, how the glow of the fire has this sort of hypnotic effect. She really gets the expression a moth to a flame because she can so relate to the way it pulls you in.

She has seen Mike and Sam around, along with the other guys from the team but she makes a point to stay near the fire instead. It’s a lot colder than it was when she went out for ice cream earlier and she kind of regrets not wearing something thicker underneath her letterman jacket.

It’s not until after Principal Figgins makes a few announcements that she has to gather with the team for their grand entrance. It all seems a bit backwards since they’ve already been mingling for the past thirty minutes, but she just goes with the flow and follows after Kurt until they’re dismissed to join everyone else again. It’s then, that Brittany spots Santana hanging around the chairs she was sitting in before the Titans were called over.

To Brittany’s surprise, Santana sits alone. And like a moth to a flame, Brittany finds herself wandering over without a second thought.

“Hey,” Brittany greets with her hands tucked in her jacket pockets, “Where’s your other half?”

Santana looks away from the dancing flames and blinks like Brittany had just interrupted some deep thought, “Who? Quinn?”

“Yeah,” Brittany smiles as she sits next to Santana, “You two are always together.”

Santana chuckles, “She’s chatting up Mike I think. She’s on the hunt for an escort to Homecoming.”

“I’m sure Mike’s loving that,” Brittany laughs.

“Oh yeah?”

“Totally,” Brittany nods, “He has the biggest crush on Quinn. Don’t tell her I said that.”

“Oh, she knows,” Santana replies, “I don’t know why they won’t make it official already. They’re fooling no one.”

Brittany laughs again and thinks back to all the times she’s overheard Mike talk about Quinn like she put every star in the sky. It’s cute, she thinks, they’re cute. It makes her wonders why they’re dragging their feet if the feelings are mutual.

Her thoughts are interrupted though when she sees Santana shiver.

She’s still wearing her uniform so it’s no wonder why she’s cold but at least she has her Cheerios jacket on too.

“You guys not allowed to wear pants or something?” Brittany asks jokingly.

Santana shoots her a playful glare, “I would’ve worn my warm-ups if I knew it was going to drop 40 degrees. It wasn’t this cold when I got here earlier.”

“I know right?” Brittany agrees as she tries to use the collar of her jacket to cover her ears, “I don’t like it.”

Santana chuckles as she sees Brittany trying to hide further into her jacket, “Okay it’s not that cold. We’re literally sitting by a fire.”

Brittany just shrugs and looks back at Santana. Again, she’s kind of captivated by her. With her hair still down, falling in gentle waves over her shoulder, and the glow of the fire casting shades of burnt orange…Santana’s kind of beautiful.

Crap, Brittany thinks and goes to shake away the thought.

Instead, she goes to ask a question that’s been eating her up since her chat with Pete. Really, she just wants to shut down that nagging feeling of hope in the pit of her stomach and confirm that Santana’s already been easily swept up by some other eligible, more realistic option for a date.

“So what about your date hunt?” Brittany prompts timidly, “You have an escort already too?”

“No,” Santana’s smile falters and there’s just the barest of a crinkle between her brows as she looks back at the flames.

Brittany’s shocked by the news.

“I wouldn’t go with anyone if I could,” Santana mentions quietly, “But it’s kind of tradition that a Cheerio doesn’t go unattended.”

“This school and its traditions…” Brittany sighs with the shake of her head.

Santana frowns, still looking away from Brittany, “Yeah. It’s so stupid.”

Brittany watches Santana, trying to read what’s hidden beneath the surface but she’s at a loss. Santana can be so cryptic sometimes, her walls so impossibly high. It’s hard for Brittany to get a read on her so she just has to ask instead and hope Santana graces her with an answer.

“I take it the hunt isn’t going very well?” Brittany wonders.

“Not at all,” Santana answers with a deep sigh.

Brittany wonders what that is. The way Santana looks is similar to the first time Brittany ever saw her back at Puck’s End of Summer party. She remembers seeing Santana and Quinn sitting by the pool – she’s never seen a girl looking so sad at a party. Back then, she wanted to go over and ask her why she was so sad but that was probably the alcohol giving her a false sense of confidence.

But knowing more of Santana now and seeing her look that way makes Brittany feel kind of sad too. She’s not sure how to console Santana, if that’s even what she wants from someone, so instead Brittany tries to make her laugh.  

“Wow, you struggling to find a date?” Brittany teases gently, “There definitely isn’t any hope for the rest of us.”

“Why’s that?” Santana asks with her expression even.

Brittany gulps; maybe she’s making it worse?

“You’re just…” Brittany fumbles for the right words but all she can think of is how Pete described Santana earlier, “You’re nice. It’s kind of hard to believe that someone like you is still dateless.”

Santana looks like she’s about to laugh, “Nice? I don’t think anyone’s ever said that about me unless they’re referring to my ass.”

Brittany begins to feel flushed because well, yeah that too but that wasn’t what she was referring to.

“You are though,” Brittany assures her, “You brought me the work I missed that one time. You assigned a locker to me when Coach Sylvester wouldn’t. You brought me that awesome – but weird colored – juice when I wasn’t feeling well. Not to mention how you handled JBI before I knew who he was…”

Santana just shakes her head though the smile begs to form.

“You’re nice Santana,” Brittany tells her this time.

Santana bobs her head from side to side like she can’t decide if she agrees with Brittany.

“Well, a lot of other people would disagree,” Santana says finally, “I’ve…burned a lot of bridges in the past so nice isn’t going to cut it unfortunately. Pretty sure Quinn nabbed the last available Titan and I sure as hell won’t go with one of the Hockey players. If there are any Titans left they’re either pigs or too gross for me to even consider so that’s that.”

Suddenly Brittany feels her senses heighten and her heart rate spikes, because a thought just crossed her mind and although her head is telling her to keep quiet about it, her heart tells her to go for it. She’s caught in the middle, but then she hears her dad’s voice in her head saying, “You won’t know unless you try.”

So she decides to shoot that shot in the dark and hope for the best.

“What about me?” Brittany offers hesitantly. She feels her heart jump to her throat and it’s taking everything in her to come off cool and casual.

Santana looks at her curiously, “What about you?”

Of course she’d want me to spell it out for her, Brittany thinks with a chuckle.

“Well, I’m not on the Hockey team.”

She can see the moment Santana catches on.

“Last time I checked I was a Titan too,” Brittany continues, “And I don’t have a date.”

Santana blinks at Brittany like she can’t believe her ears, “But…you’re a g – “

“I swear, if you say girl…” Brittany laughs.

“What?” Santana stammers out a laugh too, “You are!”

“Okay, and?” Brittany asks, “What’s that have to do with anything?”

Santana shakes her head and lets out a wry laugh, “Two girls can’t go to a dance together.”

Brittany rolls her eyes at that reasoning, “Who said?”

Santana’s lips part but nothing comes out. Brittany smirks.

“You don’t have an escort and I don’t either,” Brittany explains, “From what I hear, Cheerios tend to go with Football players and since I’m apparently the only Titan without a date still it would make sense for us to go together. Unless you’re considering me one of the gross ones you wouldn’t dream of going with?”

Santana averts her gaze, “You’re not.”

Hope starts to swell within Brittany, “Well then…we’re not really breaking tradition, are we? It’s like finding a loophole. You’re still a Cheerio going with a Titan, it just so happens that we’re both girls.”

Santana takes a moment to reply but when she does, she sounds a lot more nervous than before and Brittany worries that she’s made her uncomfortable by asking.

“I – I’m just…” Santana stutters, “I’m not…”

Brittany waits for Santana to finish but she’s so tripped up on her words that she can’t get anything out. The blonde kind of gets what Santana’s trying to say judging by the look of discomfort and takes the awkward rambling as all the assurance she needs.

“Santana, you don’t have to be gay to go to a dance with another girl,” Brittany jokes trying to lighten the mood.

Santana just stiffens, “Uhm.”

“I wasn’t going to go with anyone either,” Brittany continues to ramble, “Seems like you and I are the only ones that have that in common.”  

“Right,” Santana mumbles.

“Yeah so,” Brittany chuckles, suddenly feeling way more nervous than before, “Maybe we can just go together as friends?”

“Friends?” Santana repeats. It seems like she only knows how to say one word at a time now.

“Yeah, friends,” Brittany chuckles, “You’ve heard of them, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Santana stutters.

“Okay, well all of mine already have dates and since everyone wants to put such a big emphasis on having an escort, you’re the only one left that I’d feel comfortable going with. Not that I consider you a last resort,” Brittany quickly amends, “I just thought we could help each other out, you know?”

Santana looks shocked, “Really?”

“Well yeah,” Brittany shrugs. She pushes away the doubt trying to worm its way in. She can’t remember the last time she felt this nervous to go out on whim, “So what do you say? Do you want to go together?”

“As friends?”

“Yes Santana,” Brittany chuckles, “As friends.”

“Okay,” Santana smiles and for a second she starts to act normal again, “Yeah. That’s cool.”

“Awesome!” Brittany beams.

She feels so relieved now and thinks that went a lot better than she thought but she can still sense a little hesitance on Santana’s end which makes her a little nervous. She goes to tuck her hair behind her air just to give her hands something to do.

“So…” Brittany drawls out, “I should probably get your number then? For outfit coordination purposes, you know just so we don’t accidentally match or something.”

When she sees that faint smirk on Santana’s lips, Brittany feels a little better about asking.

“Wow, you always this smooth when getting a girl’s number?” Santana teases.

Brittany instantly rolls her eyes at the sarcasm.

She’s been told that she’s charismatic and maybe a little accidentally flirty, but she honestly isn’t trying anything with Santana. She wouldn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable – she knows what straight girls are like around the not-so-straight ones so Brittany’s always cautious with how she comes off.  

Even if her cheeks burn a little, she’s glad Santana still has jokes and decides to make one of her own too.

“Don’t worry, Santana,” Brittany smirks as she hands over her phone, “If I was going to hit on you, you’d know it.”

Santana blushes hard but Brittany just misses it as Santana fishes out her phone from her bra, “Here. Let me get your number too.”

\\\\\

By Friday, word surprisingly hasn’t gotten around that Santana is going with Brittany. She knows she hasn’t told anyone – not even Quinn yet – so Brittany must’ve been staying quiet too. She’s kind of thankful for that, even if she didn’t explicitly tell Brittany not to.

But that isn’t the only thing she hasn’t explicitly told Brittany.

“Santana, you don’t have to be gay to go to a dance with another girl.”

Brittany’s words flash in Santana’s head like warning lights. She doesn’t know why she’s surprised by the statement; they’ve never talked about her sexuality before. Then again, it’s not something she loves to bring up in casual conversation nor is it something she flaunts.

She’s just shocked more than anything that Brittany doesn’t know yet considering how invasive everyone is at school.

\\

Santana’s in the locker room with Quinn getting ready for the Pep Rally when she finally tells her best friend the news.

“So I found a date,” Santana mentions before the rest of the squad joins them, “Well technically, the date found me.”

Quinn perks up, “Who?”

She can barely contain the smirk when she looks over at Quinn, “McKinley’s star QB.”

“No way!” Quinn gasps. A wide smile fills her face and makes her cheeks bunch, “That is so great, Santana. This is happening so much faster than I thought! God, I’m so surprised. Mike told me that she wasn’t going to go with anyone. I wonder what made her change her mind? Wait, what changed your mind?”

Santana wonders that too and a little part of her holds out hope that it was because she told Brittany she was having trouble finding a date. That gets Santana thinking; she couldn’t find a date because she didn’t want to go with a boy – and now the only girl at school that’s an option for her thinks she’s straight.

The fucking irony.

“So there’s just one small problem,” Santana notes without answering Quinn’s questions.

“What?”

“She…doesn’t know,” Santana says cryptically.

Quinn’s confused, “Doesn’t know what?”

“You know,” Santana prompts then goes to whisper, “She thinks I’m straight.”

Quinn’s jaw drops, “Wait. What?”

Santana just nods.

Quinn shakes her head, “No seriously, what?”

“I don’t know,” Santana says as she slumps down on the bench next to Quinn, “Is it weird that I’m disappointed? I mean, I know I don’t smell like a golf course or wear flannel 24/7 but like…really? I thought everyone knew by now?”

Quinn’s at a loss too, “The one time your reputation doesn’t come through for you.”

Santana let’s out a bitter laugh at that and looks to the floor, “What’s the point of being outed to literally everyone in this whole fucking town if I still have to come out to people myself?” Santana feels a lump instantly lodge itself in her throat and it becomes impossibly hard to swallow back. Her eyes feel hot and stingy, “They did it for me once and now that it would actually benefit me, no one wants to say anything? I thought people here loved talking shit about me behind my back? Where are they all now?”

She doesn’t notice that streams of tears have begun to run down her cheeks until Quinn’s wrapping an arm around her. Santana’s vision blurs as the sobs hit her hard. She hasn’t let herself cry about what happened in so long, maybe that’s why she broke so quickly at its very mention? She’s glad they’re still alone though, she’d hate for the rest of the squad to see her like this.

“Santana,” Quinn tries but it’s the only thing she can get out right now. She doesn’t know what to say that’ll make this go away so she just holds Santana upright and keeps her steady.  

“I’m fine. It’s fine,” Santana stammers as she takes a deep, shaky breath. When she finally believes her own words, she pushes to straighten up so she can wipe her face.

Quinn looks at her worriedly before she turning away so that Santana can continue to calm herself down. She knows how Santana gets when she fusses over her, so she tries to give her some space.

“I thought I could make jokes about it,” Santana mentions awhile later, “I guess I’m not ready yet.”

“It’s okay,” Quinn smiles apologetically. She waits a moment before suggesting, “Maybe look at it as a positive? Brittany’s one person you get to come out to on your own. You can do it however you want and I’m sure she’d be very understanding.”

That actually calms Santana a little. She thinks about her abuela and how she was the only person she came out to on her own terms and it completely blew up in her face. But with Brittany, she knows it would be different. She knows Brittany wouldn’t shut her out.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Santana nods, “I can control it this time.”

“Exactly,” Quinn gives her a pat on the knee, “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up. The girls will be here any minute.”

\\

When the Cheerios take to the gym, they do their usual routine of getting the crowd hyped up for Principal Figgins as he goes through with the usual announcements and Fall teams introductions. It’s all business for Santana as she works the crowd – that is until the Titans are called out and she feels something shift.

Brittany leads the team while wearing that award winning smile of hers. The rest of the guys pump their fists and cheer, motioning for the crowd of students to get louder as they spread out and get people amped up for their performance with the Cheerios.

It’s nothing special; the Cheerios and the Titans do something together every year for the Homecoming Pep Rally. It’s usually the same routine since it’s easier for the Titans to follow along when all they have to do is pair off with a Cheerio and groove to the music.

Santana sees the Hockey guys sulking off to the side – no one ever gets that loud when they are announced – and she finds herself smirking at how pissed they look. For a team that sucks so bad and swears that Hockey rules the school, they rarely get any applause that isn’t forced.

Brittany then surprises everyone by doing a no-handed cartwheel and it has the crowd in awe. Even Santana’s jaw drops a little as she watches Brittany stick the landing in one smooth motion before skipping over to stand next to her.

“Impressive, Pierce,” Santana comments as she shakes her pompoms.

Brittany lifts her shoulder as she moves easily to the rhythm of the song, “I use to do gymnastics.”

“Of course you did,” Santana chuckles as she keeps up with the choreography, “Is there anything you can’t do?”

“Recite the alphabet backwards, parallel park, color in the lines…” Brittany lists playfully.

“Very funny,” Santana rolls her eyes. She goes to do a high kick before she’s dancing again next to Brittany, “You ready for the game tonight?”

“Totally,” Brittany nodded resolutely, “Should be fun. Are you?”

Santana lifted her shoulder similarly to what Brittany did before, “I’m interested to see how you do. We haven’t won a Homecoming game in years, so...”

Brittany giggled, “Well, I work pretty well under pressure so...”

Santana smirked as the routine ended, “We’ll see.”

\\\\\

To say that there’s a lot of pressure on Brittany to bring in a win is an understatement. After everything that happened with her stance on slushie facials and the way she spoke so highly of herself when it came to winning, Brittany kind of dug herself a hole. Not that she would take back anything she said – she was very serious when she vowed she could take the Titans to the Championships.

She knows she can, that’s why she’s so confident about it.

It’s just whether or not a select few members of the team are going to get with the program so that they can really start to thrive, because no matter how good she is – one person doesn’t win games.

There’s still Karofsky and Azimio being absolute pains in her ass then there’s Finn with his need to remind Brittany of every little thing that’s never been done purely because no one’s ever tried making any changes.

People here are just so set in their ways – happy to carry on with their so-called traditions although they suck. She can see the subtle changes in others on the team though – like very, very subtle changes – so she’ll take that as progress for now.

\\

The game against the Westvale Wizards ends up being a complete blow out. The Titans crush the Wizards in every aspect; so much so that Brittany started to feel a little bad about the score differentiation.

Home: 28 Away: 3

She doesn’t feel that bad though because she broke many personal records tonight and that’s bound to get some media attention. Not that it’s what she plays for, but her meeting with Ms. Pillsbury has her thinking about scouts and her future. She hopes she’s enough to grab their attention.

Westvale didn’t offer too much competition compared to going up against Carmel High, but a win is a win. It’s just what the team needs for morale and it’s a great way to end Spirit Week and put everyone in a good mood for the Homecoming Dance. Apparently, the last time the Titans won a Homecoming game was nearly six years ago so it’s yet another record Brittany gets to claim as they move on to being 6-1.

\\

After giving out handshakes to the other team, Brittany makes her way off the field for some water and finds Santana lingering by the sidelines along with the other Cheerios. The rest of them are getting packed up but Santana’s just watching Brittany as she draws near.

Brittany sees her holding a green Gatorade cup in her hand and it puts a smile on Brittany’s face.

“Well, you didn’t disappoint,” Santana says once Brittany’s close enough. She hands the cup over to the blonde, “Great game, Pierce.”

Brittany’s smile grows as she sets her helmet down on the bench so she can take the drink, “Thanks. It was a team effort.”

“And always so humble too,” Santana notes with a chuckle.

“Really couldn’t have done it without your amazing cheers though,” Brittany winks just before she nods over at the squad, “Great stuff.”

Santana looks behind her and shrugs, “It was a team effort.”

Brittany can’t help but laugh at that, “Of course.”

Santana can be so damn cute sometimes without even trying – at least, Brittany doesn’t think she is. Really, Brittany can’t understand how she got so lucky with getting to be Santana’s date. Well, not her date date.

Brittany’s pretty sure that’s off the table.

She’s just honored that she gets to go with someone she genuinely likes to be around. It’ll be cool to hang out with Santana in a different setting other than Miss Holliday’s classroom or practice or in passing in the hallways.

Which reminds her…

“So about tomorrow,” Brittany mentions a little timidly. She plays with the paper cup in her hand, “Did you want to meet there? Or I can pick you up if you want? You’ll have to text me your address. Although, fair warning: I’m not very good at directions. The whole in 300 feet turn left thing always confuses me like how am I suppose to know how much that is…” Brittany pauses when she sees Santana start to raise her brow, “I’m rambling, sorry.”

Santana chuckles, “How about I pick you up at yours? I already know where you live anyway.”

Brittany nods, “Okay, yeah.”

“Doors open at 7:30,” Santana mentions, “I can come by around 7?”

“Yeah,” Brittany grins, “That sounds good to me.”

“Cool.”

“Yup.”

“Yo Pierce!” Mike calls out to her from where the team has started to gather for a post-game huddle, “Get over here!”

Brittany tosses up her hand in a wave before turning back to Santana, “Sorry, I better get over there. Thanks again for the drink.”

Santana just nods, the same small smile playing at her lips.

It makes Brittany smile too and for a second it makes her trip up on her words, “Uh…so I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

Santana nods again, “Yeah, text me. Congrats on the win again.”

Brittany’s smile widens before she’s jogging over to the huddle. She wasn’t all that jazzed for the dance at first, but now that she’s going with Santana she starts to feel the excitement build.

Now, she can’t wait for tomorrow night.

[purplesurveys]

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it?  My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for?  It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother:  She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13?  In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore?  Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend?  Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old?  Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)?  I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?  Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it?  Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you?  No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life?  EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating?  Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s?  I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out?  I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys?  Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house?  Nope.

What was the last soda you drank?  Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for?  I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery?  Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent?  No.

Who was the last person to hit on you?  No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to?  A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone?  Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs?  Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower?  Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about?  Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better?  I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?  I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre?  Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre?  I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you?  Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority?  In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool?  Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body)  One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes?  No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently?  The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs?  Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark?  Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with?  Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems?  Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale?  Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese?  I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked?  I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack?  It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework?  Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants?  I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe?  No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?  I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to?  Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail?  Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with?  I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read?  I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most?  College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school?  No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into?  I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military?  Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song?  I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you?  Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test?  I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do?  I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl?  The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once?  I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive?  I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom?  Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed?  Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.)  I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it?  Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about?  I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them?  I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with?  Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before?  Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability?  Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it?  I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid?  I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income?  Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits?  I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health?  Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative?  Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like?  I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be?  Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like?  No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American.