#i may or may not have a disorder

[sebdoeswords]

Arnaud and his beautiful three-quarter(-ish) profile <3

[heymacy]

IAN GALLAGHER + his journey with bipolar disorder

╰┈➤ “At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of." - Carrie Fisher

[reimeichan]

Signs of having DID that I ignored (note that these are not exclusively signs of DID but they were for me):

I don't have amnesia, that's just short term memory loss because I have ADHD!

I actually have a very good memory, I'm great at memorizing things (what do you mean that's not the same thing)

sure it may seem like my mood changes drastically but I've read online that's common in people with ADHD! it's hard for us to regulate our emotions!

so what if I have different preferences from time to time? that's normal right? like when your mood changes you may prefer different foods? what do you mean that's not the same as going from "I hate spicy foods" one day to "omg I LOVE spicy foods!" the next?

yeah okay I tend to space out in the middle of conversations then come back to and need you to remind me what you said for the past 10 seconds or so. that's just my ADHD inattentiveness. what do you mean that I only do this when stressed. what do you mean that's a form of dissociation.

speaking of dissociation, sure sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself say and do things without my own input but that's just because I was tired/stressed out

yeah sometimes I go on autopilot. my autopilot seems to have its own agenda sometimes though. weird.

sure I changed usernames a *few* times but isn't that pretty common? yeah I also wanted to change how I presented online and also my pronouns and stuff but again isn't it common for people to want to start over sometimes?

*making multiple accounts to play the same game because I play the game differently on different accounts and don't want to mess things up on one account*

oh yes, I'm genderfluid! I say that because my gender absolutely changes from moment to moment and sure it seems kinda tied to other aspects of myself like color preferences and energy levels and personality traits but I'm pretty sure that's just par for the course with genderfluidity?

"you're so different when you're around your parents vs when you're at school/work vs when you're hanging out with friends!" yeah that's called being a complex person we all have different masks we wear in different social situations and I'm no different even if it seems more extreme for me

"how was school/work/the hang-out/going to visit your parents?" I don't know I'm tired and have a giant headache and can't remember

"you said this to me the other day and it made me feel <x>" what????? I literally have no memory of this and that's so incredibly out of character for me wtf I would never do that I was probably just really stressed out and tired and had no filter on.

[vamptits]

conspicuously unmedicated faggot

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Why do white people base their entire personality on hating dogs (or specific breeds of dogs)?

Genuinely how disinteresting do you have to be to make and join groups dedicated to complaining about animals you don’t even like? What a vapid and bitter existence.

“Karen has joined” yeah I bet she has.

Side note:

The list of reasons to hide groups Facebook recommends is hysterical. Tag yourself.

[kagoutiss]

green beetle black beetle

[crabussy]

turned in my psychology essay with the adrenaline levels of a recently retired racing greyhound who just accidentally ingested a bathtub of black coffee but its okay I survived. thank god I don't have unmedicated adhd or anything like that which would cause me to have this experience every single time I have to complete work. wouldn't that be funny. it would be funny. it would. be so funny if that was the case I'm so relieved that its not the case

[lemon-tea-leaves]

If you're gonna go around talking about how invalid self-diagnosis is and how you should ALWAYS just go to a doctor because they're the experts, consider doing the following instead:

Reminding yourself that no doctor is infallible, and unfortunately there are shitty and VERY misinformed doctors out there

Advocate for the spreading of accurate information about the neurodivergence or illness or disorder or etc.

In that same vein, dispel myths and misconceptions about said Brain And Body Things™

Advocate for easier access to evaluation and diagnosis

Support people who have been medically gaslit in the past and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Support people who have had their life affected by their symptoms (despite not knowing what was causing them) and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Support people who just Feel something Wrong and just want to know what's going on with themselves

Just fucking support people and stop tearing others down because you're white knighting

There are people intentionally making a mockery of things like DID or being autistic, among other things. And there are people who mis-self-diagnose (usually due to research that isn't deep enough) and are fed misinformation which leads to them misrepresenting the disorder.

But there are also people who have the symptoms, looked into the symptoms, found something that matched the symptoms, and maybe FINALLY felt they had an answer when they couldn't find one because they didn't have the means or whatever the reason.

And you're telling them that they're making a mockery of a disorder because they wanted to find a reason. And it's because you associate them with the people on TikTok that you roll your eyes at. And it's fucking annoying.

TL;DR:

Maybe instead of being a dick about self-diagnosis, you could help set a path towards making it so people don't have to in the fucking first place.

(Also, as for my opinion on self-dx, self-dx with a good amount of research from verified accurate sources = A-OK. I'm saying this as a professionally diagnosed person who has had to self-dx in the past. I've been wrong about some things and right about others, and professionals have been right about some and wrong about others. But it helped to set me down the right path. I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't.)

[yellowocaballero]

Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

[heartless-curr]

re-listening to tmagp ep 1. and i'm noticing some interesting things that i haven't seen a Lot of discussion surrounding?

1. during the red canary story, when it gets to the section about the moderator having locked the thread — in the background, you can hear the motif from the magnus archives [shared with tmagp!!] starting, only to trail off.

i dont know if any other episodes have this [i'll probably list them if they do, since i'm re-listening to all 7 rn] but i thought that this was a really interesting detail? also re-listening to the red canary statement after the introduction of needles is SO fucking funny because. holy shit.

2. someone had been either threatening to or actively doxxing red canary via anonymous dms the site didn't even allow. Specifically because redcanary Stole a box from the site.

is this going to be a new thing for the avatars of tmagp???? just fucking doxxing when they don't get their way??? sjdbdjdndkndnd??????

3. The Only One Colin Tolerates is ALICE.

You know. Colin "I AM SO FUCKING PARANOID ABOUT BEING FUCKING SPIED ON BY WHATEVER'S LISTENING IN VIA THE ELECTRONICS THAT I'LL LITERALLY JUMP A GUY OVER IT" "I cannot leave this place. One day this will kill me" Becher and Alice "I created you and I can destroy you" "I was born here and I'll die here" "Don't worry about the supernatural stuff Sam — ignore it. Tune it out" Dyer???? Are the two that fucking get along???????? Alice and Colin who both CLEARLY know more than they let on — especially opposed to Gwendolyn who has just. A sense of naivete to her?

4. I think this has probably been brought up but the fact that Sam was the Only Fucking One Who Ate The Chocolate Cake. Because Lena PRACTICALLY SHOVED IT DOWN HIS THROAT.

i'm genuinely to excited to see what the fucking deal is with the food. especially since, something i noticed, was that lena also said that she couldn't go to the pub alongside the rest of the staff. also.

5. I feel like we should talk more about the fact that Norris, Chester, and Augustus only showed up around a year ago? Sometime January 2023 in universe.

i'm ngl the "jon martin and probably jonah are in the computer" thing was something i only believed as a fun little joke at first but with episode 7 and revisiting this ep and hearing that i Don't Think I Only Believe It As A Joke Anymore.

[risetherivermoon]

taking a small break from dndads stuff for now, just because this stuff is kinda stressing me out, we'll see if i come back to it but atm i just need to separate myself from this,

i hope anyone else who was hurt by everything is doing well, but ive had a lot of issues with stuff going on in this fandom lately and at this point i just need to leave it alone

im putting pauses on any fics ive been working on, and dndads art reqs, if i come back to it i may finish those but for now i think i need to focus on my life outside of the fandom.

whether or not beths intentions were to fakeclaim the op on twt, or if it was just her saying she thought the tweet was them lying about the specific scenario, i still dont think she had any right to comment on someone else's issues and/or experiences, it was still harmful because of how it was interpreted, especially with the history of fakeclaimers and harassment surrounding did/osdd online (just saying this bc i saw some people saying that maybe that wasn't what she meant, which i dont think matters when it comes to this)

i dont care whether or not you forgive her, personally i need time to think. i dont think beth is a bad person, i think shes made a mistake thats hurt people and its good to see she quickly apologized for what she did. but i wont judge someone for doing something like not supporting her anymore or the show in general, youre entitled to your own opinion on the matter, do what makes you comfortable

though if you are someone unaffected by this (aka a singlet) i think you may want to do some thinking, especially before you decide to make a comment on this as it doesn't regard you. be respectful and listen to the systems around you,

thats the last thing im going to say on this topic, but i thought it would be good to make a follow up post to my initial statement on the situation

p.s. other did and osdd systems, i love you and you are valid!!

[eclaire-went-bam]

i'm annoyed at how much the left values empathy specifically. you can do good things without having empathy, empathy is not an inherently good quality, and lacking it isn't inherently bad. i hate seeing lefties dunk on someone for "having no empathy," which may or may not be true, but considering how many people preach empathy as an inherent trait of the left & "goodness" is irksome. just dunk on someone for the bad actions they have done, it's not hard.

i know it's a good look to be empathetic, but it really does feel like the end-all-be-all here.

i can still have good politics and want better for people & the world without necessary having empathy for these things. i can still be passionate about certain issues just from a factual standpoint, i can still listen to people affected by them, without necessarily feeling empathy for those most affected by them.

it's just like that one tumblr posts where a user pointed out "yes, even free healthcare to annoying ppl like those who went blind at the nft convention" ;;

i doubt many people are empathetic towards them, but we still acknowledge they should benefit. generally speaking we're trying to benefit even those opposed to us with stuff like free housing & healthcare. those are our politics & beliefs, and they don't suddenly "turn off" when you seee someone you don't like. or, they shouldn't. i can hate someone & still believe they deserve the same rights as me. i could not care if someone died, & yet still believe they should at least be able to keep themselves alive with a minimum wage job

frankly, to suddenly change your beliefs on some specific cases bcs you don't like them specifically is fickle, just like how the left is all restorative justice, until it comes to a specific person or crime that is too far, then it's "maybe we should give the state the right to execute people !"

so it does baffle me why so many people here value empathy like it's an inherent trait in the left, or that those opposed to the left are incapable of empathy & therefore evil & demonic.

empathy can ignite action in most people who have the ability to experience it. but that doesn't mean only those people are or do good, and the language the left uses is real isolating for that.

[k-vent-posts]

any other autistic (or otherwise disabled) people not have the energy to “act their age”? like, i’m supposed to be getting a job, being active every day, going out and making friends. other people my age are doing that fine. but i barely have enough energy to dress myself, feed myself, and do chores around the house. i feel so useless but i’m trying my best.

[crimeronan]

this week's medical mishap is spending several straight days going "ugh, food just sucks right now. i guess i must be having a bad sensory time. i only want to drink broth and protein shakes and the concept of having to chew and swallow anything solid is making me physically nauseous. autism loses 😑"

COMPLETELY forgetting that i'm.... currently.... on a heavy-duty course of antibiotics.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Not using anon for notifs but

Questioning NPD culture is that you doubt yourself because you think you're a horrible shit but then think "i may be a shit but im the best shit ever".

Speaking of, do you have some resources on questioning npd people?

.

[boyfriendyke]

i. will GO TO THE LIBRARY TMRW. and get more witch hat volumes. someone hold a gun to my head