#by gray

[reimeichan]

Honestly being fused doesn't mean I don't interact with my parts anymore or that I no longer am doing parts work or anything. If anything, I'm finding myself tackling parts work more easily by being fused and having that increased internal communication really helps. I still very much engage with myself as parts, both in an introspective "dealing with trauma" sort of way but also in fun silly ways like trying to figure out which alters prefer which songs in my playlist. And I also still do my nightly check-ins with myself and selves to see if there's anything I need to work on or work through, and also to just remind myself how much I love myself and selves.

I feel like a lot of people think that once you reach a certain point in integration and fusion, you stop interacting with your parts and just function as a fused whole with a singular self. And that's a way some people experience themselves. For myself, though, it's been a lot more meaningful to explore my sense of self as being both multiple and as a fused identity. It's not really that I'm one or the other, I'm... both at the same time? But also not really. It feels more like trying to describe my experiences with the words and vocabulary that currently exist isn't really going to capture the full picture. I'm not the same as a singlet doing parts work, but I'm also no longer a fragmented DID system who struggles with dissociation day to day (though I do admit, it does crop up every once in a while during high stress situations). I think I've just kinda reached a point where I'm just comfortable being "me", whatever "me" looks like.

Something something "secret third option" lol

[greens-spilled-tea]

My non-plural and non-CDD partner has recently started doing an interesting bit of introspective work on themselves which involves what they call "Department Reporting". They've started conceptualizing bits of themselves as belonging to specific departments: Cognition (related to thinking and logic), Somatics (related to the body), Emotions (related to feelings), Memory Recall (related to short and long-term memory), and Abstraction/Creativity/Synthesis (related to creative output and abstract thought). They will do a nightly check-in with each of these aspects of themselves, seeing if any of these particular departments are in any need of help or support and making plans on how to address any needs each department has for the next day.

And this has been absolutely amazing for them. They've struggled with various forms of dissociation for a while now which has made addressing their needs difficult. Talking to me more has helped them realize that though they do experience themselves as a unified whole singular identity, it may be helpful to break down specific aspects of themselves into categorized parts in order to gain a better understanding of themselves. And the results have been fantastic. They're so much more grounded, they're better able to communicate what they want and need from me, and they're able to just generally take better care of themselves.

I was genuinely worried that having them separate out these aspects of themselves into specific groups may be harmful for them. After all, I have DID and I know exactly how maladaptive separating these parts of myself out too much can hurt me. And so I started asking them questions. Are they feeling disconnected or dissociated from the other parts of themselves? Do they sense any amount of "becoming plural" throughout all this?

And... the answer has been, no, not at all. In fact, they feel even more integrated than before as they can now feel connected to more of themselves compared to before. Their memory has improved, their energy levels have improved, their emotional regulation has gotten so much better. And I think it's just absolutely wonderful and fascinating that conceptualizing themselves as having parts/departments has actually ended up with them feeling even more like a unified whole than before.

It's definitely really interesting comparing our experiences, and seeing how my final fusion journey both mirrors and also differs from how my singlet partner experiences their self and identity. I think, in the end, having DID and/or being plural is ultimately not so different from what being a singlet is like, and maybe it'll be beneficial to sometimes find those similarities to help us understand and relate to each other more.

[dradelcra]

Guys, Netflix is going to make a modern day adaptation of Dorian Gray and they're making Basil and Dorian brothers

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[scretladyspider]

PSA:

“Asexuality” is a sexual orientation describing little to no sexual attraction

“Ayyyyy, sexuality!” is a guy at a bar imitating Chandler from Friends while talking about sexuality

“Aye, sexuality,” is a pirate giving his kids ‘the talk’

learn and know the difference!

[ahfrickenfrick]

vicki vale: and what do you have to say about the rumors that Bruce Wayne and Batman are the same person?

12 year old, newly appointed robin, jason todd: ??? that would be really weird cause i’ve literally seen them kiss before??

bruce: *in the Wayne tower, popping up from his paperwork* …something just happened…

[dragoncarrion]

Fucking hate ai bitches this shit is poisoning my search results just like that tumblr baby crow post fuck y'all for real

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

Everyone wants to talk about how Senshi is a tumblr sexyman but...Senshi is actually attractive. Like even aside from the fact that he's pretty good-looking he's a nice, sweet guy and he can cook and loves doing it. He's a perfectly eligible candidate for marriage, which kind of goes against the spirit of a tumblr sexyman.

Chilchuck, however? Chilchuck is a tumblr sexyman. What the fuck do you people see in him

[sminny-wew]

It's so funny being a shipper when you're aroace it's like you're an anthropologist, like hey fictional blorbos who live in my head let me study your bonds under a microscope and take notes on what happens when I throw Valentines Day into your enclosure

[reimeichan]

I stared at the mess before me: papers strewn everywhere across the tables and floor, coffee spilled on the ground and staining the carpet, books laid pages-down as their spines are held open for far too long. My carefully put-together archive of information and memories had become such a mess.

"Ah, there you are!" a voice called out. I pause, hand gripping at my cane tighter. Nobody else was supposed to be here, I thought. This is my mind, my world, my mind palace. Psychics aren't real and neither are telepaths. So how...?

"Hey, are you just going to sit around and do nothing? It's so cold in here, Jesus Christ, at least grab a blanket for me. You'd think it'd be so much warmer from the candles and the fireplace you have here but I guess physics just works differently in here, huh?"

I slowly approached the voice, and then I see her, sitting there on my favorite seat. Black pigtails, purple eyes, and her the corners of her mouth pointed downwards in a tiny little pout. "Well? What kind of a host are you?"

"W-who are you? How did you get in here?"

She sighed. "Seriously? It's been years since you last saw me and this is how you greet me? Not cool, Gray."

"How do you know my name?"

"Just question after question for you, huh? Nope, not gonna answer that one until you at least give me a proper 'hello' at least."

"Fine, hello. Now can you answer my questions?"

She seemed to think on that for a bit, rocking back and forth in my chair with a finger pressed up against her cheek like some kind of an anime character. Then she shrugged. "Nope, if you're too dumb to figure it out yourself, then I'm not gonna tell. you."

"I'm pretty sure it's standard practice to ask some random stranger who just barged into your place to ask who they are, at least-"

"Oh for crying out loud!" she said, suddenly standing up, her pigtails whipping around her head as she turned to fully face me. "Gray, it's me. Don't you remember me?"

I stared at her, and I feel something stirring inside of me. Warmth, happiness, nostalgia. But also something... darker. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I shook my head sadly. "I'm... I'm sorry. I'd have to look through my notes, maybe, I was never that great with remembering things.... but still, you never answered my other question. How did you get in here?"

"Well, if you knew the answer to the other one, then that would've answered this one," she said, rolling her unnaturally purple eyes. She gave me a once over, her expression softening up as her eyes met mine again. "You really don't remember me, huh?"

I shook my head again. I open my mouth a couple times, trying to find the words to say. But what would even make sense here? The entire situation was already so strange... finding someone else in your own mind palace, someone who claims to not only know who you are but that you've completely forgotten who they are? Things like that didn't happen in real life.

"But it does," she says.

"How-"

"I'm you," she says, with a shrug of her shoulders. "Or, well, kind of. You're you, but you're also me, and I'm you, and I'm me. Quite simple, really."

"No, not simple at all, and you're not making any sense."

Her lips turned upward into a cryptic smile, though the smile didn't quite seem to reach her eyes. "Oh, Gray.... you've always been like this." She gave me a light pat on the head, having to stretch herself up onto her toes just to reach the top of my head. "Well, if you don't know, I don't think it's my place to tell you just yet, then. Maybe you forgot for a reason.... but I just hope you'll be able to remember me again sometime soon."

I nodded, looking away from her. I once again felt something churning inside of me, though I still struggled to understand what it was that I felt. "Forgive me for forgetting who you are, then," I said. "Can you still tell me... how you got here?"

"I just told you. You're you, you're me, I'm you, I'm me."

"That's not-"

"And that should also answer your third question, too," she said. She looked away from me then, her gaze drifting around the mind palace. "As for why I'm here, though.... I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing. I haven't heard from you in years, after all. Though," she paused, and glanced back over towards me, "I guess it makes sense why you never talked to me again."

I turned away, unable to meet her eyes again. I felt that same dark feeling returning, and realized what it was: guilt. But... why? What history do I share with this girl in my mind palace?

"You'll figure it out when it's time to," she said. She pats me again, this time on the arm as she passes by me. "But, it's good to see you again, Gray."

I nod at that, a little bit lost for words. "Well... thanks for checking in on me, I guess. It was good to see you too-" I turn around to look at her, but she's gone.

"... It was good to see you too, Purple."

You are a master of of the mind palace technique, so much that you can entertain yourself for hours just spending time in the fictional place you have created inside your head. One day, while roaming around in your palace, you’re shocked to find signs of a break-in.

[al8estos]

SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, IT COULD SAVE A LIFE

[reimeichan]

Think systems with a high number of fictional introjects are a new phenomena? Kluft's paper on polyfragmented/extremely complex DID from 1988 includes a patient with LOTR introjects, and another based off of Shakespear's Tempest. Fictional introjects have been a thing for a very long time!

[greens-spilled-tea]

Hey, I understand wanting to help people from going down the wrong path. I understand where the sentiment comes from when people say that they're afraid of people with DID thinking they don't have trauma, denying their trauma, and thus identifying as being endogenic systems. It's a real thing that happens to people and I know several people who have gone through that.

However... it's not your responsibility to help every single case of this out there. You can do your best to spread awareness however you can, including showing people what traumagenic and CDD symptoms may look like and what to watch out for. But at the end of the day, it's really on the person themselves to try to learn and understand more about their own experiences.

And even if they are actually a CDD system in denial, or an otherwise traumagenic system denying their trauma? It's still none of your business how they describe their own experiences. If it's someone you know and care about, I understand wanting to help them and making sure they're not misinformed and having the right resources. But we should also all be allowed to be mistaken about ourselves and allow ourselves the chance to grow.

And also, if someone is truly going down that path despite being a CDD system who refuses to acknowledge their trauma, leave them be. They're likely not ready to face those traumas yet and trying to force it on them will only do more harm than good.

[super-nova5045]

and just when you think you’re at your absolute lowest a blonde motherfucker comes along and makes everything so much worse

[aterfish]

i love ways the word 'halfa' can be interpreted