#i know for a fact james potter says slay

[neonlight2]

Marauders era Headcanons

I’ll be adding to this throughout the storyline

Masterlist

Sirius Black:

- Partially Deaf, because there is no way he came out inbred and totally unscathed.

- Genderfluid because he’s an indecisive bitch

- Loves when his hair is braided no matter how much he says otherwise (also likes his head scratched)

- Paints his nails just to chip them cause he thinks it looks hot (same thing with smudging eyeliner)

- Calls Lily ‘Evans’, until she and James get together then he calls her ‘Mrs. Potter’

- annoyed he has to share James

- Fidgets with his hair and finger/rings constantly, because he definitely had ADD

- Makes this claw thingy with his hand when he’s nervous (if you know where this is from ily)

- Can dance REALLY WELL (ballet), because of that pure blood privilege, and does the stance naturally

-Can play the violin but is embarrassed so learns guitar so if someone asks him if he plays an instrument he can just say that instead

- Sexuality = Hot people aka Remus Lupin ( he’s just a whore idk what else to say)

-Touch starved/attention whore

- Such a fucking G, this man would riot for anything his friends ask

- If you walked into his closet you would think two people put their stuff in there, no, just him

- Speaks French

Remus Lupin:

- Poor boy is depressed

- And actually poor which is why he sells weed or other muggle things (he hustles the shit out of the students at Hogwarts by saying everything is ‘exotic’ and they believe him because everyone thinks he’s smart)

- Touch starved but doesn’t like to be touched (if you know you know)

-Bisexual panic. All. The. Time.

-Oblivious as hell to the fact everyone wants him— I mean everyone

- Loves tea. SO. MUCH. TEA.

- Has a book club with Lily

- Got a ton of piercings and tattoos over fifth year’s summer, but people rarely see them cause he’s always wearing sweaters or covered up some how

-His whole closet look like it should belong to an old man, yet he still slays

- Bites his lips and inside of cheek a lot, so James carries around lip balm for him

- When he’s high he’s chill

- But he’s hysterical when he’s drunk

-Can read multiple languages, but his pronunciation is god awful (Sirius makes fun of him for it)

-Has Chocolate on hand at all times because once he didn’t and he threw Snape across the classroom

-Man is an uncoordinated tree

James Potter:

- Both the Mom and child of the group somehow

- Takes lots of naps

-Sorry to say but Gryffindor is his personality

- Foot taps

- Holy shit this guy is ADHD

- ‘Bambi’ is his other nickname, and he thinks it’s cute until he watches the movie

- The healthiest mentally of the group

- Golden retriever vibes

- If James hasn’t seen Sirius within 30 minutes and he doesn’t know where he is, he gets panicked

-Has a thing for Youngest siblings apparently (Lily and Regulus)

-Obsessed with Babies

- Definition of himbo sometimes

- He’s good at every sport he tries

- Queer

- Trained Sirius not to say Mudblood throughout first and second year

Peter Pettigrew:

- Trans (I’ll go more in-depth later)

- Ace

- if Social anxiety was a person

- Bakes like an absolute KING

- Chews fingernails, so Sirius got him leather gloves to matches his own to get him to stop

- Knows random shit/facts

-also knows everyone’s business because no one pays him any attention

- Short king

- Hilarious, practically makes the group piss themselves when alone in the common room

- Loves everything fuzzy

- Has been in love with Mary since third or fourth year, but hasn’t said anything because he knew about her and Lily

- Has family trauma too, but he doesn’t thinks it’s enough to complain about because of what he’s seen with Sirius

- Was the first to master turning into an animagus

-As bad as Sirius and James with worrying about his hair, just less loud about it

-He knew about wolfstar before James

Lily Evans:

-Pansexual

- Politics Queen

- As sassy and sarcastic as Sirius

-Stress cleans

- the Left corner of her forehead twitches when she’s mad

- Thick girl (her thighs are HUGE and James practically drools over them 24/7, respectively ofc)

- Short 5’

- the others have to keep her within arms reach because she gets lost easily in crowds, her hair is the only thing that helps

- Human calculator (she gets perfect marks on every subject EXCEPT DADA, which is the class Sirius and James do; it annoys her to no end)

- Most likely to actually throw hands

- Fangirls openly about book characters (with Remus)

- Can’t sing to save her life (poor babe just wants to sing abba, but she just ends up being made fun of)

-Vowed to not cut her hair until she graduated, so around sixth year she had to start braiding it because if she didn’t she’d sit on it

- Can forge a signature/handwriting very well

- Is actually really insecure about her magical abilities because of the rift it caused between her and Petunia

Marlene McKinnon:

-Lesbian

-The only person to actually make her question her sexuality is Remus, and that’s because it’s fucking Remus Lupin

- During fourth year when her and Sirius were ‘dating’, they were just teaching each other how to flirt with girls/guys and they’d kiss just to practice

-Obsessed with Piercings (begged Remus to give her a couple after he told her about how he had the supplies)

- One of the best players on the Gryffindor Quidditch team/ uses it as anger management (Beater position)

-Her and Sirius have an agreement to tell each other the weekly outfit plan so they don’t wear the same thing or color (red or black mostly)

- Roasting people is her platonic love language

-Can play every band instrument

-She looks like a tough, rocker chick but is a softie for Dorcas

- Intimidates everyone because she’s low key buff (can bench more than James and Sirius combined) and super tall (looks like a giant next to Lily)

-Can’t speak in front of Dorcas at first, yet Dorcas understands her

-Big on PDA which leads to Sirius gagging obnoxiously

-Her and Sirius “fighting” is for show so people stop shipping them together/ teasing them

- Dyslexic so Lily and Dorcas read to her if there’s anything important (which leads to them doing it even if she’s not around)

-Simps for James Mum (but who wouldn’t)

Dorcas Meadowes:

- Part of the Slytherin skittles

- Non-binary

-Demisexual

- Dark humor and it’s worse when she’s around Regulus and Barty

- Nyx is her first girl kiss in my oc story (Marlene probably was for every other story)

-Big softy when it comes to Marlene

-Resting bitch face

- Amazing artist/ sketching Marlene constantly

- Makes jewelry (Marlene and her matching rings, and friendship bracelets/ necklaces for the others that they can never take off— she warns them before hand)

- Will go batshit crazy if she stays up after 12 am

-Gets super competitive when playing Quidditch

- Rants about how much she loves pockets every 20 minutes

- Instinctively moves closer to someone she knows when she’s in public

- More introverted than the rest, would rather stay in the common room and chill

-makes a ton of your mom jokes

Mary Macdonald:

- Pansexual or Polysexual

-She loves to embroidery/making clothes, so if anyone needs something made or tailored they go to her

-Hypes everyone up all the time, ‘don’t disrespect yourself’ vibe

- Has the best alcohol tolerance in the group

-James potter triggers her for a multitude of reasons; they have a banter relationship

- She always has what you need in her bag— like Mary Poppins

-Lily was her first love and friend

- SUCH a good listener (like I know canon Remus and Lily would be the best listeners, but I think it’s Mary)

- Both her and Remus had a glow up fourth year and everyone wants to either be them or be with them

- Loves dancing, will do it randomly while doing absolutely anything

-Hates cold weather, she’ll literally wear five jackets DON’T play

-Has had or does have a eating disorder because of societal pressure of internal judgment; not to mention people definitely paint her out to be a ‘slag’ because she happens to be more open about her sexuality (and they don’t do it to Sirius because we live in a fucked patriarchy)

- Will scream “fuck the police” or “fuck the Patriarchy” when running away from an authority figure (or just Lily/Remus)

-vegetarian 

-Extroverted (loves to be around people/hates being alone)

Regulus Black:

- Asthma (again, can’t escape inbreeding completely)

-Has permanent dark circles, yet he still looks beautiful??? Looks like eyeshadow to be real

- Demisexual

-trans

-Scratching his knuckles is a severe nervous tick of his

-Writes poetry and short stories

- Plays the piano

-Started playing quidditch to interact with Sirius more and to impress him (but as he got older he didn’t really give a shit anymore)

-Speaks French and Reads Latin

-Really into Astronomy

- He had a crush on James in fifth year but didn’t pursue it because he still somewhat resented him for having Sirius all to himself (and he knew Sirius would get mad)

-Cusses a lot when around his friends

-Best poker face, could lie to anyone and get away with it

-Photographic memory

-Nice to all the House elves (and all the Marauders except Sirius and James)

Pandora, Evan, and Barty

Evan and Pandora are siblings

Everyone in the Marauders and Slytherin Skittles have agreed that Pandora has to be protected at all cost

What they don’t know is that this girl is lethal (Carries around potions she’s created that could burn through steel)

Barty is hella gay, psychotic, and a bit of a pyro

Barty is also low key obsessed with Regulus

Evan is in love with Barty

Rosekiller is a thing, and it is toxic (don’t we just love it)

I’ll probably add more for Barth, Evan, and Pandora later

[rewritingcanon]

i would just like to SPECIFY and go into a bit of detail about what each thing actually means:

this may not seem so bad, but when i mean they will comment on anything, i mean anything. it doesnt have to be marauder-related. it doesn’t even need to be related to harry potter. i saw a tiktok on a gorilla eating a banana and someone deadass commented “thats cool and stan james potter 😝” and lord FORBID if you include anything with snape in it. want to make an edit of him? backlash. want to talk about how you like him because hes interestingly written? backlash. want to deconstruct his character due to how badly fanon twisted him and actually analyse him? “anyways stan james potter” may be the dominant response to that, just so you know.

“sirius would never say that about mary!” said the marauder fan, heartbroken. “canon sirius would hate himself in atyd!” i respond usually with “canon sirius is a white boy in the 70s, hes not the ‘slay feminist yass 😍’ king you think he is.” this elicits quite a plethora of negative reactions, and i understand why. misogyny is stinky, no one wants their favourite character to be acting like that. so this option doesn't mean "fans who like a characterisation of sirius black that isn't necessarily time period realistic," but rather "fans who deny canon evidence for a fanon conception and then hate on things that expand on the canon evidence provided to them." "they are wizards, which isn't realistic, but you choose the time period misogyny as a hill to die on?" the marauder fan replied to me (and im quite literally quoting on what a creator said to me, this isn't an exaggeration). meanwhile canon sirius black: *harrasses snape for dressing more femininely/more outside gender norms* yeah and you think that boy would be a feminist...

you may think to yourself: when did [insert ship] become a thing? why is this happening? who even is this person? most of the time, it's all in good fun, sometimes, however, ships are created that purely contradict the entire point of said character. snily was criticised for doing exactly this, and now look at where we are.

after reading these points, you may come to the conclusion: holy shit the problem is just marauders fans. in fact, you may take it one more and remember more shit that had occurred due to this sub fandom of the harry potter universe. ever been criticised for not characterising purely fanon (dorcas, marlene etc etc) characters properly? ever been attacked for calling out the hypocritical stanning of barty, evan, regulus and peter whilst piling all blame onto bellatrix or snape? yeah me too babes.

i know we've talked about tiktok a lot, but i raise one more thing: the inescapable hell that is dracotok. this usually consists of those young teenage girls thinking they are very hardcore for participating in death eater practices despite its mirroring of being violent oppressors on a discriminated group so they can impress none other than draco malfoy. this, or they're the badass 'girlboss' that can change him. completely and ironically misunderstanding the point of his character aside, every cringey POV/thirst trap you have EVER seen on tiktok is probably replicated and 10x worse on dracotok.

i swear i haven't heard the term "gryffindork" since 2016, but alas, there has been a comeback. i call hogwarts legacy fans 'baby' hp fans, because i seriously do believe that these people have not interacted with the fandom until now. that would be okay if they weren't regressing everyone to early 2000s discourse. are gryffindors not being invited to ravenclaw, hufflepuff and slytherin raves that deep? no. but those three houses wouldn't be having raves in the first place

we've all seen them, need i explain or go into detail? "b-but harry doesn't have any chemistry with ginny!!" so he does with DRACO of all people? "b-but lily and james are basic!" dont forget the roots from whence you came. its misogyny within the fandom disguised as allyship or whatever the hell this is. ship your ships, but leave the gals alone

this didn't get on my nerves until i suffered from years and years of randoms going into detail about why slytherin/hufflepuff was the best harry potter house and then getting genuine mad when idgaf. maybe you have experienced this tragedy too. there are grown people getting into genuine online beef with others because they made a joke about slytherin being evil or hufflepuff being useless. makes me think you are just evil and useless (just kidding, but please wake up and realise that slytherin & hufflepuff quite literally do not exist)

i sympathise for people who like snape, i do. i do not sympathise for those who attempt to justify or excuse his actions. this normally comes with a side dish of misogyny, because more often than not they will find a way to blame it on lily. other times, they will blame his trauma. i want to be clear: his trauma explains his actions, it doesn't excuse them. that is the whole point of him ruining his chances with lily (not even as a lover, but as a companion). you are doing your own injustice to his character by trying to make him innocent, please stop

it's understandable why the cursed child is so hated. it's meant to be seen, not read, in my opinion. there's a lot of things in it that i too wish didn't exist. but that doesn't make it "not canon" because it upsets you. and of ALL the things that these types of people would choose to complain about, these are the things they chose: albus potter's namesakes (we've been going on about this for years like can we stop now please), harry being a 'bad dad' (think about his own upbringing a tiny bit more and maybe your brain can make a little more sense of his actions), delphi being voldemort's child (probably the only thing that i agree with these people on), and albus' name again because they REALLY hate it (but then they will counter this by saying "james sirius" is a good name, when it's still mid asf). anyway, it doesn't matter how much you squeeze your eyes shut and writhe around about it, the cursed child is canon. soz lol

[youofsomesong]

Friends Describing Starkid Characters (part 4)

(There will be spoiler pictures from Nerdy Prudes Must Die, so look at your own risk. They show up after Curt)

james

typical nerd

he has a letterman (i mean its in the photo)

this looks like the harry potter one (yup)

this information does not help me at all though (yes it does!!!)

gregory (front) and william (back) (noooooo)

they are in a relationship (oh 100%)

the gun in the underwear is for later tonight theyre spicing things up

(i have the better picture of peter, dont worry. but i wanna see if theyll realize its the same character)

montgomery

nerd but he knows your name, address, social security number, and credit card information and it not afraid to use it

megan

tired barista (SAME)

good at names and faces (not same) (same bestie)

knows martial arts

quincy francis iv

a cowboy with absolutely NO cowboy skills

saw a horse once and went “cow!!”

oh theyre also gay gay homosexual

nobody knows about their relationship though (well...)

elizabeth (left) and grace (right)

theyre into cosplay

businessman businessman businessman

slightly below average at his job but covers for it by being likeable and social (jfhkjasdhf thats not true)

his name is ronald

marco

theatre kid

rebecca

a proud trans woman who will take no shit

OH MY GOD WAIT

THATS UMBRIDGE ISNT IT (...maybe)

jafar (whats with my friends and thinking achmed is jafar???)

tried to sneak in an aladdin picture with the starkid. im onto you (youre not though cause thats achmed, not jafar)

bridget

likes reading

not very popular but a nice person

patricia

she has a pufferfish on her head

shes a strange one

still kind of popular though??

jasmine and jafar (this one im 87% certain) (youre half right bestie)

they pulled a switcheroo

that other one was aladdin and i was wrong (you were wrong but youre still wrong)

rachel

big fan of the little red riding hood story. made it her entire personality (jksdhfjdksh bestie)

thats a classic jack right there

total asshole (a bit, yeah)

sells drugs to minors (but he doesnt. he loves hannah like his own kid)

that previous guys brother but this ones a good person and keeps getting pulled into his brothers crap

his name is riley

definitely has pronouns

not straight (oh he 100% is not straight)

generally well liked but has one specific enemy (more like we love him but we hate him)

looks like a noah to me

self proclaimed “party animal” (everyone hates him except like one person whos pretty neutral about him) (lies. we all love him)

name is... liam (derogatory)

andrew garfield in disguise (askjfdhakjs)

thats all

“tall dark and handsome” (has platforms in his shoes)

daniel

NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE PHOTOS!!!! CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK

thats a whole zombie fr fr

name was revoked

but his name WOULD have been zachary

watched “the last of us” and liked it way too much

became his favorite character

straight man (derogatory) (kajfhasdhf i dont believe max is straight AT ALL)

the woman is bi (grace is repressed bi, what did i tell yall?)

her name is haley his name is michael

he needs to put his shirt back on (no he does not. he is hot)

goshdarn jessica

Mean Girl ™️ (i mean...mariah was regina george...she was in mean girls...)

manny

generalized anxiety disorder (if he wasnt first labeled as obnoxious teen i would say yes. but he did have that whole waiting for hot chocolate line(s). oh and xe did not connect that the petes were the same character. i did not tell them that either and idk if i will tell him)

MARKIPLIER?

thats it

dyed hair and pronouns

quinn

at this point in time i did tell them that nibbly and blinky were not female even though both are played by women (and the fact that i hc nibbly as agender)

thats a rowan

absolutely slays

also has pronouns

liked wreck it ralph

naruto fanboy

his name is blake but he asked people to call him by the name of his favorite character

(nobody does)

this one is a big fan of sonic

has a sonic themed backpack and lunchbox

morgan

jeremiah

i see an anime shirt hes an anime stan (well thats obvious)

has at least two twitter accounts dedicated to anime (honestly wouldnt be surprised)

[whore-for-fluff]

marauders as texts my girlfriend has sent me p2 <3

sirius after a family argument

remus to james

lily to sirius when he makes fun of her

mary to peter

james

mary (green) to remus (grey)

lily to mary, who is complaining about her heels

remus to lily

james to sirius, peter and remus, about lily

remus (grey) to james (green) after he caught sirius staring at him

part one / part three

[cursestothemoon]

yay for the open requests! I really reallyyyyyy love your Harry's older sister hc, could u pretty pls do more? like their brief life as a family with lily and james, then to the dursleys and then at war, so on. I agree with the anon that did the request, harry does needed a bigger sister❤️

aH I LOVED THESE REQUESTS

YOU GUYS CAN READ THE HEADCANONS THIS ANON IS TALKING ABOUT HERE

ok so this is L O N G i need to add a keep reading tab

alright so let's talk about harry's older sister

so lily and james did not plan you

they were straight out of hogwarts

just having fun

and suddenly lily is having morning sickness and james running into a store to buy a pregnancy test (or whatever the wizard equivalent would be 😗)

james would be so nervous the weeks leading up to your birth

he already knows that you aren't even here yet and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for you

and when you are born

he swears he'd never love anything as much as he loves you

his little girl

this sweet little lump of baby fat that was born with eyes just like his

he'd put his glasses on your little baby face, and he could laugh for hours at the way they just barely sat on your little nose (a miniature version of his)

your chubby little baby hands are his favorite

when you'd plan your hands on his face or wrap your hand around his finger he'd melt

Lily would joke all the time about how she carried the baby yet James is constantly hogging her

I think james would have some serious separation anxiety

Lily would also have trouble leaving you to go do something but she knew that you getting to see other people would be good

james is NOT a fan

and you were a big daddy's girl

"it's going to be alright, darling, uncle Padfoot and uncle Moony will take care of you."

and you'd respond with sad baby talk, something along the lines of 'daddy' and 'wanna stay with you' and you'd get all teary eyed

it's a whole dramatic scene

youre crying

james is about to cry

Sirius is quite literally trying to sob silently into his hand because you just look so sAD

and remus and lily are just

😐

because you guys do this eVERY TIME

there was one time james got back into the car with lily after dropping you off and he was unusually quiet until he kinda just whispered out

"It just feels like i'll never have enough time with her, like one day i'll wake up and suddenly she's not mine anymore."

his tone gave Lily the worst chills, his tone and the fact that she felt the same though never voiced it

honestly

i don't think harry was planned either

he kinda just happened

and they were like

you know what, yes.

so you were two when harry was born

and you LOVED your baby brother

he was so small

so cute

and he had your mum's green eyes

from the get go you were very protective of your little brother

james thought it was the cutest thing

ok ive been avoiding it

but we need to talk about October 31 1981

you were upstairs with our mum and harry

james was downstairs cleaning up from dinner

that was when there was a knock on the door

assuming it was peter, uncle wormtail, james was quick to go open the door

grabbing his wand for protection was the last thing on his mind

the thud of his body was loud

he was killed before he could even open his mouth to warn Lily

the door to Harry's nursery flew open and it all happened so fast

there was screaming

bargaining

a sudden flash fo green before Voldemort turned to harry

his cold, pale hand pushed you out of his way

the prophecy had said nothing about you, so he didn't care for what happened to you he just needed to kill harry

which obviously backfired

half the house was blown up

he was gone

harry was crying

and you just wanted your dad

you found your way downstairs, just barely making it down the steps

lily and james had never let you go up or down the steps on your own

only to come face to face with your dad just lying on the ground motionless

his eyes were still open

now i want you guys to think of the lion king

you know the scene where simba finds mufasa's dead body and just lays with it because he doesn't know where else to go

you just wanted any kind of comfort you could find

so with tear streaks going down your face you slayed next to your dad, getting as close as you could, hoping he'd just wake up

sirius is the one who finds you, asleep next to james' body

it was rather rough for sirius

and he could hear harry crying somewhere upstairs

you wake up to uncle padfoot trying to keep in his tears as he takes in the scene before him

you're just glad to see a familiar face

you run over to him, tears freshly falling as you wail about how daddy and mommy won't wake up

you also gently pull james' glasses off his face and keeping them in your small hand

keeping them safe for him later

you knew he didn't like to sleep with his glasses on

eventually hagrid shows up

you guys know the story

but i will say

it takes a lot for you to leave uncle pads and go with this big strange man

youre basically heaving as you beg to stay with sirius

and forcing you off his hip and onto the bike with hagrid was the worst thing he's ever had to do

even for a two year old, youre eyes held such a strong emotion of betrayal

sirius would never forget it

the dursley's were not fond of you and harry

you had james temper and stubbornness

harry was just a 6 month old baby

doing 6 month old baby things

for the first month you'd ask for james, lily, uncle moony, uncle padfoot, even uncle wormtail on a daily basis

until one day petunia just snapped

you had asked about sirius, or as you called him uncle padfoot, and petunia lost it

she started to shout, her hand coming out to strike your cheek as she told you that no one was coming

not now

not ever

you never asked after that

over time you forgot about sirius and remus and peter

you forgot about the song your dad would sing every saturday morning when making breakfast

or the way your mom would hum when she brushed your hair

all lily and james had become were familiar scents and the same pair of eyes you'd see in your dreams (though for a long time you just assumed they were your eyes, they looked enough like yours)

and you grew up always feeling like you were on the wrong side of a billowing curtain

you and harry grew up only having each other

you were very protective of him

and dudley hated it

because you had James art for pranks

and his art for rarely getting caught

unfortunately for you petunia and vernon didn't need evidence to incriminate you

you were often on the receiving end of disciplinary swats and missed meals

and you'd often take harry's punishments for him

you and harry were also forced to share a room

or cupboard

you let him decorate it with all his things (he didn't have many)

and you guys shared a bed up until you got your hogwarts letter

which that was kept very quiet

you got the letter

and petunia and vernon were just glad to be able to send you and your pranks away

you weren't allowed to tell harry

but you did anyway

secretly

you didn't tell him all the details but you told him that you were going to a school far away and you'd be back whenever aunt petunia let you back

going to school was interesting

you didn't know anyone

bUT HAGRID WAS ALSO THERE TO HELP YOU AND BUY YOU YOURE STUFF AND HE BOUGHT YOU YOUR FIRST WAND

you still have james' glasses

you put them on when youre nervous

so youre sitting in the train

first day

you don't know anyone

big round glasses sitting on your nose as you look out the window barely able to see what's going on

james was as blind as a bat

on the train you spend your time reading your new books

absorbing all the material

you were not going to just walk into this new school of mAGIC not knowing aNYTHING

by the time you got there you were at leas base level with most subjects

some were easier to catch onto than others

as long as you didn't let the logical side of your brain do too much work

within the first week you'd find out about your parents

curtesy of older gryffindor kids who knew your last name and were just amazed by the story

oH ALSO YOURE IN GRYFFINDOR

AND WHEN MCGONAGALL READS YOUR NAME SHE GASPS TO HERSELF

BECAUSE

Y/N POTTER

she remembers when james had written to her with the news of Lily's pregnancy with you

and how he was nervous you'd come out just like him and he wouldn't be able to handle you as well as she had, he was asking her for advice

and when you walked up to sit on the chair she nearly dropped her scroll of parchment and pulled you into a hug

you looked just like him

dark hair

pale skin

same eyes and eye shape

and same habit of picking at the skin around your thumb nail when nervous

the hat announcing you were a gryffindor was very overwhelming for her

then she realizes you

are e x a c t l y

like james

and merlin is she tiRED OF THIS SHIT

ok so at this point i am going to direct you to the other headcanon (linked above) if you want a more fred x reader approach 

continue here if not

so youre on the quidditch team

and youre a natural 

let me tell you

you just have the innate ability 

much like james

and at first they had you as a seeker

and you were good

but you excelled as a chaser 

i also firmly believed that there was a practice broom that james had carved his name into

or maybe just a ‘J.P.’

that was the broom you'd practice on

even use for games before you got your own broom

ok so

let’s talk your relationship with harry 

you made sure you were the one to tell him what happened to your parents

as i said it was your first year when you fond out about what happened 

the gryffindor student had told you what they knew

and you went to professor mcgonagall pretty distraught 

you were near tears as you practically begged her to just tell you what happened, you wanted the truth 

because all your life your aunt and uncle had told you that your parents had been killed in a car accident 

needless to say 

you didn't want harry to find out that way

but you also knew he was noticing the stares

the whispers

so you told him on the first night

he had already been put into gryffindor and was getting ready for bed when you are up to his dorm 

bECAUSE IT’S CANON THAT GIRLS CAN GO UP INTO THE BOYS DORMS AND BOYS CANT GO UP INTO THE GIRLS DORMS AND I WILL CITE THE PARAGRAPH IF ANYONE NEEDS

and you kinda push out ron, neville, and dean 

but yeah thats how he finds out all the details and such 

ok so you and harry are sUPER CLOSE

and you are very 

v e r y

protective of harry 

you'd do anything for the kid 

wHEN YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THE WHOLE SORCERER’S STONE FIASCO 

YOU ARE LIVID

because harry is your baby brother and you love him so much and don't like seeing him hurt 🥺

as harry grows older he gets a bit more

embarrassed 

about having you protective over him

and im pretty sure i mentioned this in the last headcanon post 

but yeah he’d be like 14 and you'd be 17 and he'd just

“stOP this is so emBARRASSING”

what a little dweeb

ok leTS TALK ABOUT SIRIUS 

BECAUSE YOU AND SIRIUS WERE CLOSE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER

HE WAS UNCLE PADFOOT

YOU LOVED HIM

until your fifth year (harry’ third) when you were told he betrayed your parents and got them killed 

youre in the whomping willow when with harry, hermione, and ron 

its a lot for both of you

because sirius is seeing his goddaughter who looks just like james, and his the same fire in her eyes as his bestrfriend

his b r o t h e r 

and youre seeing the man who was responsible for your parents murder 

again 

it was A LOT

i have a feeling you, JAMES POTTERS DAUGHTER, would just lunge at him 

and youre crying

trying to hit him

hurt him like he hurt you

just anything to bring pain upon this man

and sirius is having flashbacks of when you had ran to him from next to james’ lifeless body 

and how different everything had been just days prior to October 31 1981

upon finding out the truth 

scammers is now wormtail

peter ‘little bitch ass’ pettigrew

you and harry are immediately forming this connection

this sort of dependency on sirius 

within a few minutes

because he is the only living connection you have to your dad 

apart from yourselves of course

but eh was the only reminder that james potter was a real man 

and lily potter did exist 

and there was a time where your family was complete 

it never crossed your mind that any more misfortune could strike 

not now 

not when you finally got back your uncle pads

and then you guys walk into the moonlight, the full moon light

everything flips instantly 

you guys are back to square one 

i like to think you have a very big part in getting sirius free 

so you guys know what happen in between prisoner of azkaban and order of the phoenix 

and this headcanon is already getting very long and we haven't even gotten to the wAR YET 

so we are doing a little time jump

order of the phoenix 

your last year

you are living with sirius in grimmauld place 

petunia and vernon kicked you out once you turned 17 after finding out that was the legal age in the wizarding world

you and sirius are close 

super close

i mean he is like a father figure to you

he is uncle pads again

oOO AND OK 

SO 

AFTER FINDING OUT HIS DAD AND HIS BROS 😤

WERE ALL UNREGISTERED ANIMAGI 

OBVIOUSLY YOU WANTED TO BE ONE TOO 

youre a gazelle 

it just makes sense

father figure sirius is not happy when he finds out

uncle pads, however, couldn't be happier

its finally starting to feel like a family again

you and harry have sirius 

aLSO REMUS

icon

anyway

everything is falling into place

you and harry are filling the james sized hole in Sirius’ heart (not completely but it’s better)

and he is doing the same for you two

you and harry love your uncle pads

then the battle in the department of mysteries happens 

youre there

you see it 

you watch as bellatrix hits sirius with a curse 

youre not sure which 

nothing too serious you hope, and seeing that he’s still standing he should be fine 

but then he stumbles

she's stunned him perhaps 

and he makes eye contact with you

there was a look so final, so sad

yet so relieved in his eyes as you watched him fall through the veil

remus grabbed harry

tonks held you

if she hadn’t been you knew you would've thrown yourself into the veil after him

its a whirlwind from then on let me tell you

so we know what happens

all that fun stuff 

the war hits

harry, hermione, and ron leave

youre left with the weasley’s 

it’s hard being away from harry

not knowing if he was ok

if he was even alive 

you guys finally reunite at shell cottage 

bill calls you the second he sees harry, hermione, ron, and dobby apparate in front of his house

you were quick to pull harry into a bone crushing hug 

keen on never letting go 

because after all he is still (and always will be) your baby brother 

you guys are all at the battle of hogwarts

oK WAIT

SO

YOU REFUSE TO LET HARRY WALK TO HIS DEATH ALONE

ALSO YOUVE FIGURED WHAT HE PLANS ON DOING BUT NEITHER OF YOU HAVE SAID ANYTHING

NOT WANTING TO ACCEPT THAT THIS COULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU GUYS SEE EACH OTHER 

AND THE RESURRECTION STONE COMES OUT 

BOTH YOU AND HARRY ARE HOLDING ONTO IT 

AND SUDDENLY

SIRIUS 

REMUS 

THERE ALL THERE 

EVEN A WOMAN WITH RED HAIR 

AND A MAN WHO LOOKS PAINFULLY FAMILIAR 

ok so hear me out 

i think harry enjoyed looking at pictures of james and lily

but you didnt

you didnt want to see everything that was taken from you

so you weren’t super aware of what your dad actually looked like seeing as you avoided pictures of him and your mom like the plague 

but you just knew 

and james was standing there

beaming

and he just looked so proud of you and harry 

so did lily 

she was the first one to say something 

“Your father and I are so proud of the both of you”

and you just broke down 

james right there with you 

he watched as you sobbed, choking on your cries 

and he couldn’t do anything about it 

he couldn’t hold you or comfort you

he couldn’t be a dad 

and it broke him

as much as it could break a dead man 

“you’ve grown so beautiful, darling” he'd smile sadly

his voice seemed to bring back all of your memories once lost 

“have you always been here, with us?”

“always.”

“typical, your father shows up and everyone forgets about uncle padfoot”

both you and harry laugh at that 

but the mood was somber 

harry then speaks up

“does it hurt?”

it was the first time either of you had confirmed that you both knew what was going to happen 

“dying? not at all, quicker than falling asleep.”

“will you stay with me?”

“until the very end. 

james is the one who answers, looking teary eyes at his son

and you know you cant go any further 

harry has to do this alone 

its quite symbolic actually 

the one time you'd let go of the reigns 

removed the protective arms you had around your baby brother 

he’d die 

but you had to do it 

so everything goes as planned 

harry dies

comes back

we love a resurrecting king 

and the war ends 

when you got back home from the war 

let’s say you are still living at grimmauld place seeing as it was left to you 

the first thing you do is go through old photos with harry 

any and everything you can get your hands on 

you see your mother’s sparkling green eyes

the same eyes your brother had 

and your father’s unruly mop of curls 

the same wave pattern in your dark hair 

everything finally felt right 

tags:

@pogueslandia

@vsawyer1989​

@lifeofkaze

@siriusement

@erinruby003

@maybesandohnos

@onlyfreds

@fullofsourgrapes

[wearingaberetinparis]

Do I write this? Yes or no? Help a girl out!

Okay, so... this morning I asked for help, because I came up with yet another Jily fic idea and it's been haunting me all day, so I thought: okay, how about you write the prologue and you let others decide whether they want you to finish it, yes or no. So, read below the cut and send me an ask, or leave a comment that says either:

Yes, girl! Slay! Get into that vigilante Lily shit!

No, babe! What are you doing? Are you mad?!

Find the prologue below the cut. 👇🏻

no body, no crime

“It will change you,” is what the Prewett twins – one of them, Fabian or Gideon, she couldn’t remember – had whispered to them the night she and a number of other students – all fresh out of Hogwarts – had signed up to fight in the war. “You’ll cross lines you never thought you’d cross, commit crimes you never believed yourself capable of… and it will start to eat you up on the inside, until you realise that there is no more barrier, that you’d do anything to survive and you won’t feel in the least bit apologetic about it.” They’d leant closer, faces solemn, eyes hardened through battle, scars marring their hands, their arms, all of the skin that was exposed to the new recruits of the Order of the Phoenix. “In fact: you’ll no longer feel anything at all.” She remembered that moment vividly, had never felt more afraid and when she had told James later that night that she didn’t want to stop feeling, he had pulled her into his warm embrace, had whispered: “You won’t get there, Lil, I’ll see to it.” He had been wrong. Because now, wand pointed at the heart of a man she had once considered a friend, she realised she had reached this point of no return and it had been James Potter’s fault. He had left her and, as a result, she simply didn’t know how to feel anymore. “Lily,” the man – completely at her mercy, even though she had none – spoke, hands trembling, eyes darting around her face. “Lily, we are friends, remember? I would never do anything to harm you –” She pressed the tip of her wand into the fabric of his jumper, the smell of burnt wool trickling up her nose. He let out a dry sob. “Lily, please…” “Did you give him a chance?” she spat. “Did you hesitate? Give him a fair warning? Did you face him? Did you tell him what you were about to do before you went and did it?” “You don’t understand, Lily –” he whimpered, tears streaming down his face now. “I didn’t have a choice.” “There’s always a choice,” she thought her cheeks were moist now, but she couldn’t be sure. It was an odd sensation. She hadn’t cried for months. “You just made the worst one.” He fell down to his knees then, his hands still up as his shoulders shook with the sobs that shuddered through him. “Please, Lily, don’t kill me, please –” She looked down at him, wondered what it might have meant to feel anything close to pity, but she simply couldn’t remember. For all that was left, was fury and a need – one that was insatiable – to make him pay. A life for a life, she recited to herself. It would only be fair.

[weasel-b33]

500 Miles (j.p x fem!reader)

Description: A few years after the birth of your son Harry, you and your husband James recall the beginning of your relationship. (NO VOLDY I CAN NOT DO THAT TO MYSELF) 

Warnings: Fluff, Kissing, A little Swearing, idk Cute Daddy James, Prolly many spelling errors I wrote this late and I am very tired...

 (THIS IS MY FIRST TIME EVER WRITING SOMETHING KINDA SIRIUS hehe SO IM SORRY IF IT IS TERRIBLE) 

Also the dates may be a bit wrong so im sorry in advance!! 

italicized is flashback!! 

Lyrics used in the song are from “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers (I KNOW THE SONG CAME OUT IN ‘87 BUT SUSPEND YOUR DISBELIEF PLEASE)

(not my gif)

The rambunctious laughter of the four year-old toddler and his father echoed throughout the large estate.

“Daddy!” exclaimed the messy haired Harry, “Can I please have a story.” Heavily emphasizing the puppy dog eyes he learned from his godfather, Sirius, a few years prior.

James Potter, the man unable to say no to anyone, tried to recall a story he had not told his son. Thinking back to the fairy tales of a prince slaying a fictional dragon, even though they are very much real, to save the princess that his mother used to tell him, James realized he was all out of good material. 

“I’m sorry bubs, I have nothing new too share,” the bespectacled man added lamely. The disappointment was instant on the child’s face, but luckily before the waterworks began, Y/N Potter strolled through the foyer into the den.

“Mommy!” Harry exclaimed, jumping up and bonding over to his mother, nearly knocking her over with his brute strength.

“Umph- Where’s the fire lovey?” you questioned with a slight chuckle. The dramatics of your son were never a surprise. Between his father and Sirius, you were surprised he had not acted much worse. Walking, more like sliding due to the child gripping your calves, over to your husband and lightly pecking his lips you ask, 

“What’s wrong now?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he sheepishly stated, “I sorta don’t have a new story to tell him... he’s a bit peeved, if you couldn’t tell.”

A loud laugh tore through your throat as you pet your son’s hair affectionately.

“Come off Harry, Mommy has a perfect story to tell you,” you crooned softly.

“You do?”Harry questioned, rubbing the tears out of his stunning green eyes.

You picked him up and sat down near James, “Yes poppet, I have a very interesting story about how two very special people fell in love.” 

James quickly turned his head and quirked a questioning brow, “It all started when they were 15...” 

November 7, 1975

Quietly sitting on the vermilion couch of the Gryffindor Common Room, you began to fade out the noise of Lily ranting about the recent History of Magic exam, and Marlene’s long monologue over if she should or should not cut bangs. Instead, you were beginning to rip out each and every one of the hairs on your head because your Potions essay was nearly finished, yet you could not get those final words to conclude it all. 

Across the common room, a rowdy group of teenage boys, better known as the Marauders, were planning the newest prank on Snape. 

"We should give him that shampoo that will change his hair pink,” Sirius added.

Remus shook his head disapprovingly, “Pads, we did that last time come on..”

“WE HAVE NOTHING! WHAT IS WRONG WITH US, MOONY, HELP I’M DYING OF NO CREATIVITY!” Sirius exclaimed throwing himself across the scarred boy.

Although, many people turned their attention to the dark haired pureblood, James seemed he could not take his eyes off the girl nearly burning holes into her parchment, the girl he has fancied since he was 12. 

While playing with the snitch he stole, he said, “What if we tried that new rain spell we learned in charms today?” 

“Too difficult, we have not had enough practice.” Remus dismissed. “Well what if I found someone to practice on?” James added quickly turning to face his werewolf best friend. 

“Sure... Whatever, I could care less- Pads, get the bloody hell of me before I kick your arse,” 

“I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY REMUS JOHN,” Sirius yelled beginning his quick climb up the stairs to the boys dorm, with Remus and Peter quickly following.

“You comin’ Prongs?” Remus asked to the brunette still staring at the girl with shaky hands.

“No, I’ll come up in a few, still want to try to figure this prank out...” he said quietly. The lanky boy followed his best friends line of sight and quietly smirked to himself.

“Alright, don’t wear yourself out too much.” 

Even throughout the commotion, you still made no move to change your line of sight. That was until Marlene nudged you and whispered into your ear.

“Psst! Oi! Y/N! Why is Potter staring at you?” 

You quickly shook your head and waved off her question, opting to continue to find the right words.

Well until your blonde friend gripped your jaw, and turned your head to the direction of the boy. You instantly made eye-contact with the messy haired Gryffindor and quirked a brow. He smirked and turned his head away. You thought nothing of the interaction, until you felt a sudden drop above your head...

Instantly, it seemed as though there was a storm in the common room. Looking towards the ceiling you saw the dark rain cloud above your head. Quickly turning your head to the essay you were writing you noticed it completely wet and ruined. You jumped into action, trying to salvage what you could, but it was too late. Ignoring the screeches of your friends and fellow housemates, you began to look for the source of the cloud.

That was until you made eye contact with the laughing and smug James Potter.

“POTTER!” you yelled. Almost immediately the rain stopped, but the damage had been done. “JAMES POTTER! YOU BETTER HAVE A REASON YOU STARTED A STORM IN THE COMMON ROOM!” 

Hearing the commotion, the rest of the Marauders came down to the common room to witness what was happening. But all they saw was a yelling match between you and their brunette best friend.

“YOU ARE A DICK JAMES POTTER! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS COMING! IT’S GONNA BE SO NICE TO SEE YOUR FACE WHEN ALL YOUR ACTIONS FINALLY COME TO KICK YOU IN THE ARSE!” you yelled.

“What? I did nothing, I don’t mean to dampen your mood, but I have no idea what you are on about.” James replies smugly.

“UGH- YOU ARE A BULLY AND A RIGHTEOUS, STUCK UP, EGOTISTICAL ARSEHOLE! I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING THIS BECAUSE-- OH MY! I-” You were quickly being dragged away by your red head companion. 

“Y/N, he is not worth it... let’s just leave.” 

“NO! I HAVE TO RESTART MY ESSAY! I WAS THIS BLOODY CLOSE. UGH- YOU ARE AN ARSE JAMES POTTER I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!”

“Y/N, it was just a prank, its no big deal relax.” James said.

“RELAX! ARE YOU KIDDING... I-” you paused taking shallow and rapid breaths, ‘you know I can not believe you think its funny. You truly have no regard for people and how they feel do you?” you asked slowly and meticulously. 

“Prongs, just apologize and lets go..” Remus said quickly.

“I- I didn’t realize it would be that big of a deal.” James tried to say to you, but it was no use because you had already dragged Lily and Marlene out the common room and to the library to re-start your assignment. 

“Oh, COME ON! I did not” James stated jokingly.

“Darling, you must certainly did, I barley passed that essay as well. I blame you for me getting an E in that class.” You replied giggling.

“Moooommmyyy! Story, get back to the story,” Your son said dramatically, grabbing your cheeks and turning to face him for extra effect.

Hearing a chuckling from James in the background, “Alright bubs, back to the the story”

January 23, 1976

After months of back and forth between you and James, he was fed up trying to get your attention. From roses to chocolate, to even a firework show in your honor, James believed he had done everything to apologize to you for his stupid prank and prove his affection.

Tired of his friends constant whining, Remus and Sirius decided to take matters into their own hands and talk to someone who knew you better than anyone else, Lily and Marlene.

“Oh Evans, Mckinnon, we are in grave need of your beautiful minds” Sirius flirted. Remus smacked him across the head adding, “Ignore the git, we need some help its about-”

“James?” Lily and Marlene said in unison.

“Yeah...how did you know” Remus questioned. “Are we gonna ignore the fact they spoke at the same time” Sirius said, once again receiving a blow from his friend.

Rolling her eyes, Lily remarked, “Well, Y/N has been complaining about him for months,” Marlene quickly interjected, “...and you never are without him so its an easy assumption. 

Now its was the boys turn to roll their eyes to the back of their heads. “Anyways, he will not shut up about getting her to forgive him... so we were wondering if you had anything that could work to get her to forgive him?” Remus pleaded with the best Sirius puppy dog eyes he could muster.

“Fine,” Lily and Marlene said jointly.

“THEY DID IT AGAI- OH NOT YOU TOO AS WELL!” Sirius exclaimed rubbing the now sore bump on his head. 

Ignoring the dog’s dramatics, the group of four began conducting a plan for James that would knock Y/N’s socks off.

At this point, Harry had nestled between his parents and fell into a deep sleep.

The two of you put him to bed and settle down back into the living room.

Looking longingly at his wife, James says, “Well, might as well finish the story love... it is the best part.”

Giggling at the antics of your husband, you shrug and began to finish the story...

February 14, 1976 

The Great Hall looked as though Cupid had just went on a decorating rampage. The room lined with pink and red hearts and the sight of loving couples nearly made you want to gag. Then, you remembered the boy who has dying to get your attention for the past months and can not seem but to get excited.

What does he have planned for you? Is he gonna get me a gift? Do I look presentable? 

“WHAT!” you quickly think to yourself, “Why in Merlin’s name am I excited to to see Jame- Potter. Godric I can’t feel like this for him... He his as a fly that buzzes and will not leave me alone... but he is not the worst to look at”

You quickly snap out of your thoughts as Lily starts to put food onto your plate. You begin to eat, but can only think of one thing.

James Potter.

“Why?” You begin questioning again, “Godric, Y/N You like him... No I do not.. You realize you are having this whole conversation within your brain, right? It is obvious you like him...” you grumble to yourself as you realize your psyche has won once again.

Lily noticing your strange behavior begins to question if you discovered what they have planned. 

Almost as though the boys heard Lily’s thoughts the beginning of the plan is activated.

Instantly, the candles in all of the Great Hall extinguish and there is the beginning of a song plays.

Suddenly, a spotlight shines onto the teachers table where atop, James and the rest of the Marauders stand, Remus and Sirius with guitars and Peter on the drums. James holding a mic begins to sing...

When I wake up, Well I know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.

Your head snaps to the noise and there you see in all of his glory, James Potter holding a microphone staring straight at you.

When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who goes along.

Quickly shoving the breakfast roll down your throat you nearly choke as you see the boy slowly make his way towards the front of the Gryffindor table.

When I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.

Your eyes widen comically when you see James Potter jump onto the Gryffindor table. 

And when I haver, hey I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you.

Slowly, the boy begins his walk across the table to where you sit. You try to make a run for it, but Lily and Marlene quickly grab your arms and anchor you down to the bench 

“What friends you are!” you hiss at the two.

Marlene just rolls her eyes and Lily pinches your hip.

And I would roll 500 miles And I would roll 500 more Just to be the man who rolls a thousand miles To fall down at your door

Once the boy is standing in front of you he reaches down for your hand. Stubbornly, you ignore his gesture, well until your two friends throw you up onto the table with the love struck brunette. 

When I come home well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you And when I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you.

You grip onto the boys biceps for stability and are forced to look into his ravishing hazel eyes...

In that moment you forget all that he has done to you in the past and all you can think about is him and you. 

But I would roll 500 miles And I would roll 500 more Just to be the man who roles a thousand miles To fall down at your door.

Smiling, to yourself, you grab the face of the boy in front of you and mold your lips together. Ignoring the cheers of your classmates, the only sounds you hear are the background noise of the boy’s best friends signing backup. 

Da da da  Da da da                                                                                                            Da Da Dun Diddle                                                                                            Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da Da.....

Smiling to yourself and grabbing the hand of the man you love you start laughing.

“What’s so funny, love?” James asks.

“Nothing.... Just we began dating because you performed a whole song and dance in front of the entirety of Hogwarts.” you reply breathlessly.

“Well, hey, look at us now... happy, healthy, and a true family.” he replies smiling at your antics.

You lay down your head into the lap of your husband, and look up into his hazel eyes you got lost into all those years ago, “Such a sap, Potter, such a sap...”

Kissing your cheek softly, “Only for you, my darling girl... only for you...” 

“I love you Jamie”

“I love you more, my love.”            ______________________________________________________________

AHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! IM SORRY IF IT IS SO BAD!! THIS IS MY FIRST FIC PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I COULD DO ANYTHING BETTER!!! AHHHH (but like kinda like this story... kinda proud ;))

[sinag789tala]

things i have said at some point as the marauders

starting off strong with regulus AND sirius: "some of you guys have never been raised by a man in a problematic secret society with an even more problematic love life, AND IT SHOWS"

regulus: "if i had a penny for all the times my parents thought i was stupid and then proceeded to tell each other the most traumatizing things right in front of me, then thought i would not realize, i could literally buy the earth"

james: "i just realized how oddly specific that was"

sirius: "why do my parents pretend to even bother with me when they already know that I'M PURPOSELY TRYING TO GET THEM TO NOT BOTHER"

james: "y'all ever just casually fall in love"

james: "why is it that when something happens you guys look at me??? IT COULD BE ANYONE DO YOU KNOW HOW ABSOLUTELY CHAOTIC THIS GROUP IS??? WHY IS IT ME"

lily: "jesus christ these people are fucking idiots. idiots i love but idiots nonetheless."

lily: *screaming after i lose a bookmark and losing that one page makes me forget the whole plot*

remus: "i'm not sure what the hell i did that i ended up with friends like you guys, when i was pretty sure nobody would want to be friends with me in the first place"

remus: "you guys literally can't live without me i am the BRAINCHILD of this friend group"

remus: "i'm more offended about the fact that you took me as a prude and an idiot"

peter: *casually waits to be recognized*

peter: "raging daddy issues in the lot of you." *has daddy issues*

regulus: "not to brag but like i'm literally living the y/n mafia stepdad life"

sirius: *two weeks after the previous sentence* "no no nvm i'll brag"

marlene: "i like women but go on"

dorcas: "who's going to tell them that i'm not fetishizing wlw relationships and i'm actually a really touch-starved bisexual,,,like i can't have this in real life why do you think i love reading it so much"

dorcas: "my standard in men is if they're a tenor-falsetto theatre kid that just radiates fun-mom vibes despite being a guy, preferably bi because me and my fellow bisexuals understand the attraction struggle, bops to my music and doesn't judge me when i hyperfixate and hyperfixates with me...someone that wouldn't judge if i read fanfic and picks up on all my references, kind and good with kids but isn't really one who WANTS kids, believes in feminism and is literally drowning in respect women juice, someone who just loves quality time with me, and be likeable enough that i'd go to work with him and still maintain a good personal relationship outside of business, respect my boundaries, and as a fellow theatre kid perform the moulin rouge choreography with me. that's it. my bar is so low. you don't even need to look that nice as long as you can pull all of this off, i'll be yours."

dorcas: "my standard in women?? uh,,,breathe and respect my boundaries"

marlene: "the only times i have liked men are when i had a crush on my best friend in 4th grade, five celebrities, and fictional men. say what you want but aside from them, i have genuinely yet to look at a man and say 'so attractive omg!!! kissy wissy uwu'"

lily: "no offense but james potter is the standard."

snape: "i am going to be SO petty in the next 30 seconds you'll be smelling SPITE out of my eyeballs for WEEKS"

snape: *roasts (i swear i'm not racist i just call people out based on their kins) get out of hand and people actually start to hate me*

lily: "snape was bullied by james?? omg slay boyfriendddd"

regulus: "yep. i'm fine. absolutely fine why am i saying this no, i'm so fine, totally fine...it's okay, we're okay--"

regulus: "I FUCKSISDISFINNG HATE THE OCEANNANANNN WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA"

sirius: "you're all WIMPS and you can't keep up with my coolness /j"

peter: "lawdy kailan ako?? ako naman po, bigyan nyo lang ako ng jowa at pagiibigan ko siya hangang ako'y namatay"

[honeyandmagic]

Characters Who Deserve Love (Without Patronization and Romanticization): part 1/?

Harry James Potter:

THE BOY WHO LIVED. Why does everyone shit on this poor bibi??? He has plenty of flaws, but willingly sacrifices himself throughout the entire series and THEN SOME. Okay, so reasons to love him: 

This boy was abused by both muggles AND wizards, and still had such a good heart, while maintaining his self worth--that’s not to say he had no side effects from the abuse. He had a great sense of humor, the level of sass and quick wit is brill even at such a young age.  He was a Ride or Die friend, even when it hurt him to be. This CHILD was independent to the point it was kinda sucky for him. He had no adults to rely on, and everytime he tried to do the right thing by telling an adult about the situation he was ignored. So what does he do? He takes care of the situation himself. Eleven years old? Takes down a troll with Ron Weasley (our king) to save a girl he didn’t really know other than the fact she kinda annoyed him. Finds a trap door being guarded by a three headed giant ass dog? Says ‘hmm yeah, we’ll figure that one out later.’ And after kinda figuring it out (I mean they thought it was Snape stealing the stone, so they weren’t completely right. But they’re eleven, give them a break) he and his friends take on tasks that are supposed to STOP GROWN ASS DARK WIZARDS. And then our boy SLAYS MOTHERFUCKING VOLDIE AGAIn. This child is horrifyingly powerful, humble about the wrong things, has anger management issues (rightfully so in my humble opinion), was abused and used by the wizarding world and still decided to save them. This child has so much to offer and you all FORGET THAT. HE WAS A CHILD. ANd they used him AS A WEAPON/ This poor boy has been through so fucking much and still has so much love, bravery, kindness, and good to give. Plus everyone thinks he’s a dumbass, he’s not--he’s oblivious and lazy in his studies. (But he deserves to be lazy in something, because that poor boy is a house elf to the Dursleys at best and a child soldier/political weapon to the wizarding world. So let him slack off, fuck you.)

[r0sequarks]

Dumbledore is totally not a Gryffindor and I spent an hour writing an essay about it because i am a giant nerd so check under the cut if you want to read my really well thought out conspiracy theory 

Dumbledore is not a Gryffindor. While he does have courage and bravery, so does he he value hard work and loyalty, and is intelligent and witty - having the traits does not define being part of a house, as seen by Hermione Granger being the smartest witch of her age but still a Gryffindor - no, it is what drives you, and what is at the core of your being, and Dumbledore shows no signs of being driven by bravery. While he does frequently fight, he prefers to take a more passive role, manipulating others into fighting for him, acting as a leader over others. Throughout the series, he takes the role of a chessmaster, placing Harry so that he can develop as the means to kill Voldemort, even though theoretically it may be within Dumbledore's means to slay the man himself. Above all else, he is not brave, but smart - and not smart in a studious manner, but 'street smart', although he certainly is well-learned. His primary intelligence lies in manipulation, in resourcefulness, leadership, cunning, ambition. Albus Dumbledore is undoubtedly a Slytherin based on his actions, which leads to the question - why does his Chocolate Frog card say he is in Gryffindor.

Dumbledore is undoubtedly in a position of power, especially within Hogwarts. At the time we discover he was allegedly in Gryffindor, he has been headmaster for twenty years, and has been teaching at Hogwarts for over seventy. He is one of the most well known and respected wizards, and one of the older, and given that two world wars and one wizarding war have passed since he was at Hogwarts, it is likely few remain who remember his actually attending the school. It is well within his means to change records, and to claim that he was in Gryffindor, and unlikely anyone would say otherwise, as his house in school is ultimately a minor matter for anyone who doesn't currently attend Hogwarts. From there comes the question of why - why would Dumbledore lie about his house? Well, from there, we look to none other than Dolores Umbridge.

Dolores Umbridge is the most hated character in the entire series. Everyone despises her. When faced with the question of who is worse - Voldemort, who is trying to commit genocide, and Umbridge, who while incredibly abusive is not a murderer, most need a moment to think about it. That's because evil on the scale of Voldemort is difficult to comprehend, while a bad teacher and abuse are something most everyone can understand and relate to. It is hard to know what to do, against massive evil - it is the minor evils that draw our attention. When we focus on systemic oppression, most often we focus on acts, and even better, individuals. So, to draw the focus on to a group like the Death Eaters, it can be easier to use a smaller, more relateable target - like school bullies. There is a mental association commonly present that Slytherin is Evil, and Gryffindor good - that Slytherin are junior Death Eaters. This connects simple school bullies to the massive, unimaginable evil - and draws the students, especially Gryffindor students, in to the mindset of child soldiers early on.

This also has the opposite effect - framing Slytherin students as evil gets rid of their chance to escape their families, and furthers the push of these students in to the ranks of the Death Eaters. If this was done purposefully, then Dumbledore must have willingly been able to sacrifice the minds and even the lives of children, to turn other children in to soldiers, all in an attempt to bring down Voldemort. This Machiavellian scheme seems unfitting to a man who plays the role of kind mentor, and who impresses the point of the power of love, but it is not without more prescient canonical evidence. Dumbledore leaves the young Harry with his Aunt and Uncle, despite the fact he could quite easily place him anywhere without question. Following that, he repeatedly sends Harry back to live with them, even knowing that it is an incredibly abusive environment. The argument can be made for the protective spell - but Hogwarts is just as protected. Dumbledore made the choice, to send Harry back instead of keeping him in Hogwarts, because he believed that it was necessary. Dumbledore has been shown to put the greater good over the safety of a child, and so these actions fit entirely within precedent.

It is of course possible that none of this is true - that he was a Gryffindor, that the Slutherin/Gryffindor divide is perfectly natural, and that there was no master plan. After all, we only truly see Dumbledore late in life, and the hat sees the present, not the future. Manipulation can be learned, and bravery and courage can take way to reason, especially over a century. The theory is based on the fact that DUmbledore was a Slytherin in his school years, after all, and not that he is one now. It all comes down to one phrase - the greater good.

Inscribed on the gates of Nurmengard, the prison which Gellert Grindelwald built and later inhabited, is the phrase, for the greater good. It is a phrase which defines Grindelwald's philosophy - to do evil for the greater good of the world - and one which Dumbledore himself coined. The Dumbledore we see glimpses of in an early life is decidedly even more of a Slytherin than the modern man, because he is defined by his ambition. While some say it is the fault of his infatuation with Grindelwald, Dumbledore readily plans out an attempt to overthrow the Wizarding World and form a benevolent dictatorship over the world - admittedly, for the greater good. This is an undeniable sign of his Slytherin nature, and provides even more evidence for the cover up - Dumbledore doesn't want anyone to know that he was friends with Grindelwald, how close he became to being a dark lord himself, as it would discredit him as the savior of the wizarding world and as a mentor to Harry. The friendship is one of Dumbledore's best kept secrets, as shown by the book Skeeter released following his death, revealing their relationship, something that few of Dumbledore's allies were able to believe, and that Harry only bought given evidence. The life and lies indeed.

Slytherin becomes Gryffindor, and the history books of the modern age become much cleaner - the grand hero who defeated Grindelwald was not his friend, and it is Gryffindors who save the day against the evils of Slytherin. Dumbledore, ever the Slytherin, is nothing but not resourceful. The lie protects him, forges Gryffindor in to a receptacle of young soldiers to be in the war, and even gives cover for his spies in the Death Eaters. The view of Slytherin as evil becomes effectively true - not by any inherent nature, but because people fill the roles in which they have been cast. Continuing on with this belief does nothing but further Dumbledore's manipulations of events.

Dumbledore is not the villain - and the revelation that he was a Slytherin, and the extent of his manipulations, doesn't change that fact. But, then again, neither is he the hero. The problems that are faced in the series are, inevitably, his fault - and it is only through him that they are fixed. This simplifies things, and removes the extent of certain actors agencies, but it is not entirely inaccurate. The similarities between Tom Riddle and Harry Potter extend well beyond sharing part of a soul. They are both orphans, raised in abusive muggle environments, who suddenly find themselves to be wizards. While it is not stated, it is most likely that Riddle was not sent back to the orphanage over the summer - in fact, given his in depth knowledge of the castle and its secrets, it's probable he stayed at Hogwarts for these vacations. What makes Riddle a villain is not, as what can be claimed, that he was a child of rape, but that he was someone with no power who quite suddenly became one of the most powerful in the world. With nothing to grant him humility, his arrogance grew, leading to his seeking more power, through the Horcruxes. It is not to say that Harry would have gone the same road - but it so easily could be. In the end, Harry is a pureblood, and he is a very wealthy one at that. He has immense power, and as they say - power corrupts. There are two factors that are the most prevelant at seperating Harry from power - the fact he lives with the Dursleys, and the fact he is a Gryffindor. The Dursleys, through their abuse, remind Harry of suffering, of what it is like to not be on top, something key in the development of empathy. And the reason he stressed that he wasn't a Slytherin? Because Slytherin is evil, and Gryffindor good.

That is not to say that without Dumbledore, Harry would have turned in to a second Voldemort. That is an unreasonable extreme. More likely, however, is that he would have turned in to a second James. James Potter was, ultimately, a good person, but he was also an arrogant bully, and it was only trying to win the love of Lily Evans that reversed that. A Harry more like James may have died at Voldemort's hands, too self confident, or not nearly as versed in the powers of love. Or, perhaps, he could have defeated Voldemort, but become corrupted by the power and fame. This isn't an apocalyptic ending, but it's an ending that ensures the status quo remains in place, whereas the Harry that we know, given that power and attention, is undoubtedly trying to change and fix the world.

Is it worth it? Is it worth putting a child through such pain, to better ensure his survival when he is pit against a genocidal maniac, and ultimately, to change the world? It is not something a Gryffindor would ever be able to do. But, the world needs Slytherins for a reason - for the Greater Good.

[thelem0npie]

Hello, My Deer

You'd think that a magic school full of extremely powerful witches and wizards would have some kind of barriers or enchantments in place to keep students out of forbidden places, right?  

Well apparently not, as Y/N had discovered in her first year at Hogwarts, one could simply stroll into the forbidden forest with ease.  

Which she did, many times over the years.  

She found it was a good place to go when one wanted to be alone and undiscovered.  

She wasn't stupid, she knew what kinds of dangerous creatures dwelled within the mass of trees and the rolling mists.  

But she also knew that if she remained quiet and near the edges, she would be safe.  

The girl had seen wonderful things in that forest, from centaurs to fairies and even a unicorn on one eventful trip.  

Yet, as all children, she was tempted by that very same curiosity that had led her into the forest on that very first day. The curiosity to explore, to know more and to see everything.  

It was this curiosity that took her deep into the forest one bright summer day, further than she'd ever dared to go.  

The sunlight quickly disappeared as she delved into the mist that seemed to be a constant in the forest.  

It wasn't until her stomach started growling and she'd turned around to go to lunch when Y/N realized her own foolish mistake.  

She was completely and utterly lost.  

Three boys exited the castle, one of them walking faster and with an angry air about him while the other two tailed along, trying to calm their friend.  

"James! Mate, you're taking it too seriously!"  

"PURPLE PADS! MY HAIR IS PURPLE!" The boy gestured wildly at his own hair which was a disastrous mess of black and pastel purple locks.  

"It's really more of a lilac if you think about it."  

"SHUT UP WORMTAIL!" The two other boys yelled in sync.  

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize it would be so.... purple! Come back inside and we'll go ask McGonagall for the countercharm."  

"Absolutely not! No one else is seeing this until I'm back to normal!" With that, he disrobed and turned into a magnificent, purple stag.  

Peter let out a ridiculous shout of laughter at the sight, Sirius himself disguised his own laugh with a gravelly cough because before them, instead of James' usual brown and black deer, stood a bright purple stag, from its antlers to its hooves, everything was purple. The stag took one look at itself and wailed aloud. 

"EVEN THE STAG IS PURPLE! THE STAG!" James/The stag yelled before cantering off into the forbidden forest.

"It really is more of a lilac, you're right Wormtail."

Y/N was wandering the dark foreboding forest, hopelessly searching for a way out when she tripped over a tree root and hit the ground hard.  

"Freakin shit! This is such assatry!" She grumbled, glaring at the new rips on her favourite jeans, right over the knees.  

A twig snapped nearby and the girl, forgetting her jeans, jumped to her feet and raised her wand.  

"Who's there?" She called, already imagining scenes where acromantula burst from the trees and devour her, or centaurs would come in, arrows flying and slay her where she stood.  

None of this quite prepared her for what did come from the woods, a creature that took her breath away. A graceful brown, black and purple stag that regarded her with boredom tinged with curiosity.  

"Hello there," She whispered in awe, "you're beautiful."  

The stag snorted and tossed its head as if to say 'of course I am, peasant.'  

"Are you hungry, pretty?" She rummaged around in her bag and brought out a baggie of sugar cubes she saved for any run-ins with a unicorn or fairy.  

The stag clopped over happily, stopping a few feet away and watching as Y/N scooped out a few and held them in the palm of her hand.  

The girl watched in awe as this beautiful creature sniffed at her hand before gobbling up the sugar. "I'm gonna call you Pinkie." She smiled, giving the stag more sugar cubes. The creature huffed but ate the sugar cubes anyway.

"What are you? You look like an ordinary deer but you're….purple."

The deer huffed again and started snuffling at the remaining sugar cubes. "Hey!" She shoved the cubes into her bag and scolded the deer. "That's very rude you know, those aren't all for you."  

The deer huffed again and started trotting away. "You can understand me! Wait up!" Y/N hurried after the strange creature. "Can you show me the way out? I'm lost."  

It sighed and gave her an almost humanlike glare of annoyance before nudging her in a certain direction and walking that way.  

As they walked Y/N couldn't help but reach out to touch the beautiful stag. Its fur was smooth and she could feel all the muscle hidden underneath.  

It certainly was a powerful beast. As she watched its fur it occurred to her that the deer had been much more purple when she'd first seen it. "Hey pretty, have you been charmed?"  

The deer huffed again and she took that as a yes. "I'll bet it was those rude Marauders, it seems just like something they'd do."  

The stag made a rumbling sound that might've been… laughter?  

"A-are you laughing?"  

It stopped immediately, continuing its stroll while Y/N gazed at it in wonder, stroking her hand along its side.  

"You know, I could change you back to the right colour. I'm sure I know the spell."  

The stag stopped walking and turned to look at her hopefully. What a strange animal… She thought as she pulled her wand out and pointed it at the stag, who was looking at her with nothing but trust as the girl muttered the spell.  

Soon enough the stag was free of all purple and his true colours of black and browns was revealed.  

"You look like a normal stag, but you certainly don't act like one." The stag looked sheepish and continued to lead her.  

"Ah, you've probably got your own magic just like everything in this forest."  

It seemed to puff up with pride when she said this, something she'd seen someone do many times before.  

"You remind me of a boy I know." She chuckled slightly, aimlessly tracing patterns over the stag's side. "James Potter, the 'most awesome guy in Hogwarts' as he's known. But he's really not all that, he's an arrogant swine if you ask me." She laughed. "Although, I can't deny that he can be sweet when he wants. I've never actually told anyone this but, on our first day here James found me sitting alone on the train, freaking out about Hogwarts because I came from a muggle family, no idea what's in store for me, ya know? He talked to me and made me feel better, I doubt he even remembers it but on that day I saw a different James Potter that no one else seems to see. Sometimes I see him without his friends, that horrid Sirius Black and little Peter Pettigrew, he's such a brown-noser, and he almost seems like that James that I met all those years ago..." Y/N stopped talking, a small smile on her face. When she realised that the deer was staring at her with an unreadable expression she chuckled. "You're right, I'm being weird, I guess I just hope he's still in there because I have a huge crush on that guy and it makes me sad that he doesn't let people see that part of him and I'm literally pouring my heart out to a random animal I found in the woods okay…."  

The stag nuzzled her cheek and licked it. "EW THAT'S NASTY WHAT THE HELL, PINKIE!"  

She wiped her cheek on her robe, ridding it of deer saliva and glaring at the animal that was somehow managing to look smug.  

She was about to start complaining again when she noticed that they'd come to the edge of the forest. "You actually took me out of the forest! You really are magical." She patted the stag on its side. "Thank you, Pinkie, I'll come visit you again and bring more sugar cubes."  

She started making her way to the castle but stopped upon hearing the sound of heavy footsteps behind her. She turned and saw the strange deer following her. When she stopped it tilted its head as if asking what was wrong.  

"Pinkie, you can't come with me, go back to the forest."  

"Well that's a bit rude, I really thought we were bonding back there." She blinked, certain that she'd just seen the stag say those words…  

"…..did you just….. Talk?....." She stammered, eyes wide in shock.  

"What, you never seen a talking stag before?"  

That voice…. She could recognise it anywhere. It sounded exactly like the voice she dreamed about nearly every night.  

"What are you…?"  

The stag winked, of all things, and started… changing!??  

Its legs turned into human arms and legs, its body shifting and shrinking into a bare chest and the head morphed into a human's head until before her stood a completely naked James Potter.  

"MERLIN'S BEARD HIDE YOUR SHAME!" Y/N shrieked, spinning away from the boy.  

"Your crush is standing in front of you completely nude and you don't want to hop on?"  

Y/N felt her face heat up with the telltale blush creeping into her cheeks and was thankful for the fact that James couldn't see her face. "Fuck off, Potter."  

"Accio clothes." The sound of fabric whacking him could be heard followed by a rustling. "Okay, I'm decent."  

She turned around warily, muscles relaxing when she saw that he was, indeed, clothed now.  

"So….." She started, bringing him to cock an eyebrow expectantly.  

"So you're into me." He smirked.  

"Yeah… pretty much." She shuffled nervously.  

"Sweet." She looked up, surprised. "Well, I'm hot, you're hotter, it was bound to happen." He shrugged casually and started heading for the castle. "Hogsmeade tomorrow at 10, bring more sugar cubes."

Masterlist

[books-and-cookies]

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (PART 2/?)

Part 1

Sorcerer’s Stone

1. It’s September 1st 2017, which is the day of the Deathly Hallows epilogue and I can’t believe tomorrow we will have surpassed the original Harry Potter timeline and oh my god stop time what is happening take me back to the start I never asked for this

2. Now that I got that meltdown out of the way, let us resume the Potter Party™ 3. “Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, “Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!” – my mirror already hates me, imagine if it could speak to me 4. The horror

5. “What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron’s was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him” – imagine this poor baby coming from an abusive home, where his presence was resented and where he went days without speaking to anyone; and now he’s finally somewhere where he’s loved and cherished and wanted. And he still doesn’t see it as his right as a human, but finds it odd – literally more odd than a talking mirror or a fucking literal ghoul. HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT LIKE HARRY JAMES POTTER I SWEAR 6. “The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter” – Ginny is the embodiment of every person with a crush in the history of the world ever 7. Can you imagine how desperate Dumbledore must have been for a DADA teacher that he hired fucking Lockhart? Don’t tell me he didn’t know the man was a sham. Don’t even. 8. He must have been like: ah, fuck it, no one else wants to fucking risk dying on the job, might as well rid the world of a pretentious, pompous, blindingly stupid individual. Win-win. 9. 100 points to Dumbledore 10. “Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan — bet it’s a witch” – Fred y u sexist, man? Y? 11. “He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron laid him on the draining board instead, muttering, “Pathetic.” – Errol is me trying to function in life on a daily basis.

12. Travelling by Floo Powder is fucking mental. Seriously, this is a testament to wizards’ odd desire to find the most dangerous things out there and say “yes PERFECT THIS IS WHAT I NEED” 13. “Harry looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through” – I wonder where he’d have ended up, had he completely closed the door (we already know this was a Vanishing Cabinet, whose broken pair was at Hogwarts) 14. “it’s just because he’s famous . . . famous for having a stupid scar on his forehead. . . .” “. . . everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick —” – Malfoy, internally: I lurveeeeeeee him sooooo muuuuuch 15. I’ve never shipped Drarry, but damn, this is the first thought I had when I read this now lol 16. “Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere” – ew the bigotry burnsssss usssss 17. Wizards have self-shuffling cards and candy that turn you into a fucking canary, but god forbid the have useful spells, such as one that can correct your eye sight

18. Mr. Weasley’s enthusiasm about all things Muggle is me with books and anything book related. “OH LOOK I SHIP THEM THEY’RE SO CUTE. OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE BOOKMARKS AND BOOK MERCH. OH GODS EVERYONE DIED” 19. I swear Hermione wants to meet Lockhart mostly because he wrote a shit ton of books 20. “Leave him alone, he didn’t want all that!” said Ginny.” – yaaaassss Ginny, slay girl 21. Book Ginny is perfect god bless her and smite the movie producers or whoever ruined her character for the movies 22. Daily friendly reminded that Malfoy is a little shit (seriously JK stop ruining post war fanfiction for me) 23. “a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration” – OLD BOOKS NEED LOVE TOO FUCK OFF LUCIUS 24.   “We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy,” he said. “Clearly,” said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. “The company you keep, Weasley . . . and I thought your family could sink no lower —” – honestly, Lucius is a despicable person. I know there’s this whole redeeming arc for him at the end, but damn son, he was a dick. Also, can we appreciate how quickly Arthur jumped to defend the Grangers, who he literally just met, because he’s a decent fucking person? 25. And yet, we have Albus Severus 26. SMH JK the fuck were you thinking

27. “Both of them bent low over the handles of their trolleys and walked purposefully toward the barrier, gathering speed. A few feet away from it, they broke into a run and — CRASH. Both trolleys hit the barrier and bounced backward” – next level plot twist shit here 28. Only a couple of 12 year olds can decide that the best course of action after missing their ride to school would be to steal a magical flying car that can turn invisible 29.   I mean, YOLO 

30. I miss being this young and fearless. Fuck I’m sorry this turned depressing guys, you’re here for japes and fun, not an existential crisis 31. “Ron put his foot on the accelerator and drove them upward again, but as he did so, the engine began to whine.” – because when the universe decides to fuck with you, it makes an extra effort not to disappoint 32. “And they both pretended not to notice the whining growing louder and louder as the sky became steadily darker.” – ignoring impending disaster is something I’m extremely good at, so I relate, boys

33. “There was a loud clunk, a splutter, and the engine died completely.” – at this point the car was like FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT 34. “The tree they had hit was attacking them.” – smh, only in Harry Potter. Also, I just want to say to the Whomping Willow: WHO HURT YOU BBY WHY DO YOU CHOOSE VIOLENCE 35. “But the car disappeared from view with one last snort from its exhaust.” – fuck y’all. Signed: Ford Anglia Bad Ass Mofo™

36. “It wasn’t at all the triumphant arrival they had pictured.” – yes, boys, get used to this, this is called life and it will fuck you up 37. “Or maybe,” said a very cold voice right behind them, “he’s waiting to hear why you two didn’t arrive on the school train.” – hate Snape all you want, the man had style and especially knew how to make an entrance 38. And an uncanny ability to instil fear in virtually everything with a heartbeat 39. “Snape led them away from the warmth and light, down a narrow stone staircase that led into the dungeons. “– this is how horror movies start 40. Snape is a dick for not even pretending to try and listen to any sort of justification from the boys. Like, hoW DARE YOU 41. “Well, you’re expelling us, aren’t you?” said Ron. “Not today, Mr. Weasley,” said Dumbledore.” – what do we say to the god of death?

42. “When they had eaten as many sandwiches as they could (the plate kept refilling itself)” – hello yes hi I would like to sell my soul for this, please and thank 43. Not gonna lie, getting to school in a flying car is hella awesome, I bet the professors were just jealous they didn’t think of the same thing and this is why they’re all so snippy with the boys 44. YES THEY’RE FINALLY AT SCHOOL LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN 45. Shit wrong story

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[raining-v-coffee]

General Harry Potter fic recs

*Multichapter    ~my notes

the girl who lived (again)

Peeves, though he was nasty about everything else--ickle firsties and orphan girls--got it immediately. For all six years of Harry's Hogwarts tenure, he dropped water balloons on the heads of anyone who misgendered her.

Professor Binns never quite figured it out, but he didn't know any student's name. Nearly Headless Nick gallantly and somewhat awkwardly called her lady and tried to hold open doors for her, despite the fact that he couldn't open them.

Snape called Harry "Mr. Potter" for all seven years that he was in Harry's life. Around year three, Ron stopped counting the detentions he got for his increasingly sarcastic responses to this.

Horcruxes in my Head

Harry hears voices in his head, but he's not crazy, honestly. It's the voices who are crazy!

Scales of Change

A foray through Harry’s life as it could have been, if only he was a little more cynical and exercised that thing between his ears. Lo and behold, a small snake is enough of a catalyst.

Don't Forget the Dog

When Dumbledore's plans for the Dursleys go awry, he is forced to give young Harry to Kingsley Shacklebolt to raise. Little did he know how this change would mess up everything.

(Or, Dumbledore is a manipulative bastard, Kingsley is an awesome parent, and Sirius just wants a happy family.)

Finding Mr Right

Wherein Ginny thinks Heidi needs to get laid, Hermione make so many charts, Lily wants grandbabies, the romantic prospects sometimes verge on the horrifying, and James Potter just wants to know what’s so wrong with Heidi joining a convent!

Heidi Potter never knew husband-hunting could be so perilous.

Harriet Potter Is

There are stories with snakes that bite and say {you knew what I was when you picked me up} but this isn't one of them. This is the kind of story where the abandoned child walks in the jungle beneath the branches full of hissing things and tells them {we be of one blood ye and I}.

Harriet Potter is eleven and she chooses.

(genderswap/Slytherin Harry au)

Clockwork

In their sixth year, Lucius Malfoy kissed Lily Evans, Draco Malfoy dreamed of kissing Harry Potter, and Scorpius Malfoy kissed Lily Potter (but she kissed him first.) It was like tradition, like clockwork.

White Lies (And Other Misdemeanors)

"I was never a child. Just a very short adult." In which Albus Dumbledore is perturbed, Voldemort is disturbed, and Harry is just Harry.

the family evans

What if, when Petunia Dursley found a little boy on her front doorstep, she took him in? Not into the cupboard under the stairs, not into a twisted childhood of tarnished worth and neglect—what if she took him in?

Petunia was jealous, selfish and vicious. We will not pretend she wasn’t. She looked at that boy on her doorstep and thought about her Dudders, barely a month older than this boy. She looked at his eyes and her stomach turned over and over. (Severus Snape saved Harry’s life for his eyes. Let’s have Petunia save it despite them).

Let’s tell a story where Petunia Dursley found a baby boy on her doorstep and hated his eyes—she hated them. She took him in and fed him and changed him and got him his shots, and she hated his eyes up until the day she looked at the boy and saw her nephew, not her sister’s shadow. When Harry was two and Vernon Dursley bought Dudley a toy car and Harry a fast food meal with a toy with parts he could choke on Petunia packed her things and got a divorce.

If He Be Worthy WIP

Harry summons The Sword of Gryffindor in the Chamber of Secrets, pulls it from the Sorting Hat, and uses it to slay a Basilisk in defense of Hogwarts without realizing that once upon a time The Sword of Gryffindor had another name... Excalibur.

Iron and Bones WIP

The Chamber of Secrets was originally intended to be a ritual room. So when Harry enters the Chamber bleeding while the diary Horcrux is conducting a ritual to gain a body and unknowingly helps the ritual along, a debt is incurred. And every good wizard knows that a life debt must be repaid at all costs.

Harry Potter and the Dukes New Clothes WIP

On his first trip to the Wizarding World Harry turns left instead of right. Its amazing how much one little thing can change the world.

Antithesis WIP

After the disaster at the Department of Mysteries, Harry just wants to be left alone. But between dealing with the Dursleys and struggling with his own depression, the Ministry soon comes knocking with a request to give his testimony. Harry’s all for condemning his enemies for the rest of eternity, right up until he steps into the courtroom and realizes he’s more tired than angry and vengeance has never been his thing anyway, especially when he spots even arrogant Draco Malfoy sitting in the stands, grey-faced and blank and staring at his father as if the man would disappear if he so much as blinks. Besides, the world’s going to hell, and logically speaking, less people wanting to stab him in the back just makes his life easier in the long run. Of course, little does Harry know, with that one decision, everything changes.

Live life like you stole it Mature

Things go differently, down in the Chamber. Instead of pouring herself into the diary, Ginny opened her heart to it, her heart and her mind, and that means a different path for Tom Riddle to take. No message saying Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever; instead Tom takes Ginny down to the Chamber one empty afternoon and waits for the last of her to die. When it is all over Tom flicks long red hair over her shoulders, picks up Ginny’s wand (not a perfect match, but better than nothing, better than fifty years without a wand) and leaves the Chamber. Saunters out of Myrtle’s bathroom looking like nothing more than a little eleven year old girl.

Erosmancy Mature

Blaise was immune to whatever it was people usually felt around his mother, for which he was profoundly grateful, since no one needed an Oedipal complex on quite that spectacular a scale, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a thorough respect for her gift.

No Solace In Solitude Mature

George is a hot mess. Harry’s just a mess—which apparently qualifies him to help George sort his life out, according to their family.

A Match of Wits Explicit

How do you stay angry with a man who can’t remember what you can’t forget? When Harry finds Snape unable to recall any of the second wizarding war, he does his best to help restore the man’s memories of his past, and ease him back into wizarding society. A friendship with further potential is born along the way, a less-angry Snape is welcomed into the new peaceful post-war world, and Harry proves that cunning and intelligence aren’t solely traits of the Slytherins. NOTE: this is from the Snarry Big Bang fest.

~ Pairing is Harry/Severus

A Summer Fling, and Something More Explicit

Hattie Potter is consummately professional on the job, even if her bastard ex-husband is a co-worker. Nonetheless, circumstances conspire against her and she finds herself put on paid leave against her will. Andromeda thinks this is the perfect time for her grandson’s overworked godmother to take a holiday. She sends Hattie off to southern Italy with orders to sunbathe, flirt with cute boys and maybe have a summer fling.

Find Me a Find, Catch Me a Catch Explicit

Ever since Voldemort’s near-defeat three years past, Hazel Potter’s health has been in steady decline. After much searching she finally discovers a possible cure. It’s … unexpected to say the least. Meanwhile Lucius Malfoy, three years widowed, is searching for a solution to his own problems. Mayhap they can help one another.

Memento Vivere WIP Mature

AU of OotP and later. After learning the truth of exactly how badly vampires are treated in the Wizarding world, Harry takes it upon himself to improve their lives, in whatever way he can. Even if it means joining forces with a certain Dark Lord. eventual Dark!Harry, vampire!Harry, HP/LV/Sanguini, rated for later content.

To my Masterpost of Harry Potter Recs <3

I also have rec lists for Naruto and Doctor who.

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Community Post: Ranking The Seasons Of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" From Worst To Best

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Community Post: Ranking The Seasons Of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" From Worst To Best

See who lands on top. Warning: Spoilers abound.

1. Season 7

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Pros: Spike with a soul is a joy to watch (and not only because James Marsters was arguably at his most gorgeous here). His struggle highlights the fine line between sanity and madness and also touches on the shock of change and depression. Marsters is probably the finest actor of the season. Xander hits full maturity and becomes the true hero we all knew he could be. Andrew Wells makes for some pretty quotable one-liners (“Where have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass!”). And finally, we got one of the greatest, most moving series finales in television history. Ladies, we know we have the power. Cons: With the exception of two or three actors, everyone felt very bored and tired. It’s understandable, especially from Sarah Michelle Gellar’s point of view, but it still hurts to watch a show that used to be filled with such joie de vie fade out like that. Plus, “The Killer in Me” and “Him” were actual episodes. Best Episode: “Chosen” (7×22)

2. Season 1

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Pros: Lots of fans are really down on Season 1 and often call it the worst season, but it’s really not that bad. Buffy and her new friends tackle vampires and demons alike, but the stories are representative of things much greater than fantasy adventure. By episode three, we’re deep into mentally abusive parent-child relationships, and by the season finale, Buffy performs her first Christ-like sacrifice to save the world. It’s a solid foundation for the series to come and contains great bits of clever writing. Plus, Buffy’s dress in “Prophecy Girl” is legendary. Cons: The makeup for the demons is pretty bad, and the soundtrack is the musical equivalent of Velveeta macaroni. The quality of the film is worse than even season two, which premiered only a few months after this season ended. “I Robot, You Jane” was an allegory for Internet safety so obvious, it may as well have been a public service announcement. Best Episode: “Prophecy Girl” (1×12)

3. Season 4

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Pros: Buffy’s in college! This transition was handled realistically – well, as realistically as a show about slaying vampires could be. The drift among the Scoobies was written and performed so naturally, it feels like you’re drifting right along with them. That’s how it happens in real life, too, isn’t it? This is also the first season in which Spike is added to the main cast, and his sudden inability to harm people is one of the show’s best bits. Willow and Tara got together this season in the first female-female romance of network TV, which is still a colossal deal in television history. This was also the only season where the writing was nominated for an Emmy. Cool stuff! Cons: The way Buffy acted around her new boyfriend, Riley Finn, felt a little hollow and un-Buffy. Seth Green’s Oz departed from a show in a terrible cheating scandal. The overall arc of the Initiative and Franken-esque Adam was a little weak and underdeveloped. Of course, the reason behind this was probably because no one wanted to apply that much makeup to the guy… or look at the finished product for very long. Best Episode: “Hush” (4×10, the series’ landmark silent episode), but “Restless” (4×22) is an honorable mention.

4. Season 6

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Pros: THERE WAS A MUSICAL EPISODE. Better, there was a musical episode that actually tied in with the themes and character hardships and strengthened the sentiment that where words fail, music speaks. Also, the stages of grief and depression that Buffy went through were written poetically and portrayed beautifully by Gellar. The theme of addiction was addressed in Willow using too much magic, which is probably the best and most honest performance Alyson Hannigan gave on Buffy. The fact that Willow turned out to be the Big Bad of the season was shocking yet natural, and it’s still in the top ten most heartbreaking moments on the show to me. Spike and Buffy made for some pretty hot stuff. And the overarching theme that sometimes, the scariest demons are inside you was handled in a way that felt real, not cheesy or forced. Applause, applause! Cons: TARA DIED. Worse, she got shot by Warren Mears, a villain more horrible than Caleb the preacher (Nathan Fillion) from Season 7. She died, and nobody really reacted to her death except for Willow and Dawn, which was a rude testament to the lovely character. Spike tried to rape Buffy in the same episode that TARA DIED. Xander left Anya at the altar when that seemed like the last thing he would ever do. Honestly, Season 6, it’s just depressing. Best Episode: “Once More with Feeling” (6×07)

5. Season 3

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Pros: Enter Faith, dark Slayer and one of the best examples of character foil I’ve ever encountered. Eliza Dushku has to be one of the best actors the show ever had because when you hate Faith, your blood boils, and when you love Faith, your heart swells. That’s performance, baby. This season featured Mayor Richard Wilkins, the coolest and perhaps funniest villain of the seven seasons. It was also the culmination of the show’s main message: High school is hell. The show was starting to explore more mature themes while also staying in touch with its light, funny reputation, and it was executed well. Cons: Does anyone remember “Bad Girls”? The episode where Buffy embraced her darker side, and she had to try and defeat McDonald’s… I mean, that really fat demon in a Jacuzzi? Yeah, that’s probably season three’s weakest point. That, and Xander and Cordelia broke up when they could have been a Lily Evans and James Potter-type romance. RIP, Xandelia. It’s 2014, and I still have strong feelings about this pairing. Best Episode: “The Wish” (3×09), but “The Zeppo” (3×13) and “Doppelgangland” (3×16) come very close.

6. Season 2

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Pros: Although not the first season, season two of Buffy was where it all really began. The Scoobies became stronger friends and better fighters of evil. Romances heat up when Willow met taciturn musician/werewolf Oz and Xander and Cordelia finally gave into their sexual tension. Giles fell in love with technopagan Jenny Calendar (RIP). Plus, this was when we were introduced to Spike, who would eventually make the show the legend it is today. The dialogue is on point this season. It’s both witty and emotional, with just as many Buffyspeak quips as truly heartfelt moments (Let’s talk about Whistler’s speech at the end of “Becoming, Pt. 1”, for instance.). The overall plot of the season about Buffy sleeping with Angel and consequently losing his soul is both terrifying and a hyper-realistic portrayal of accuracy. Seeing Angel turn to Angelus is scary, but it’s also kind of fun – props to David Boreanaz in this character. Cons: Because it was the second season and many things were still rough, there were some filler episodes where essentially nothing happened. “Killed by Death”… Buffy gets sick and can only fight while sick. Counterproductive! “Reptile Boy”… Buffy and Cordelia get taken advantage of by a bunch of fraternity boys when they should have been able to tell they were bad news by their frosted tips. I would say “Go Fish”, but at least that was kind of about how attractive Nicholas Brendon is/how well he can pull off a Speedo. Amen. Best Episode: “Becoming, Pts. 1 & 2”

7. Season 5

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Pros: All of it. Primarily the writing. Season five was the season Joss Whedon and Co. was meant to write. While not my personal favorite season, I can still argue that season five is the most finely crafted year of Buffy that ever was. Everything on the show led up to this season. Let’s zero in on the foreshadowing, shall we? In season three, Faith says to Buffy in a dream, “Little Miss Muffet counting down from 730.” In 730 days, Buffy would willingly give her life to save her sister, Dawn (who in 5×02 is referred to as “curds and whey”). In a season four dream, Faith and Buffy make a bed for “little sis” and in another dream, Tara carefully remarks, “Be back before dawn.” The scrutiny and the detail of this are insane. If anyone tries to tell you that Buffy was just a silly action show, point out these careful details and how well they actually played out. Additionally, season five gave us “The Body”, which according to some critics might be the finest hour in television history (and yet neither Whedon or Gellar received even nominations for their brilliant work). Bravo, Buffy season five. Your writing and acting are phenomenal, bordering on flawless. Cons: Very few, but it was a little difficult at first to accept the Dawn thing. It was that shocking. Once the show made it clear, it was all too easy to hop on board with little Summers. Also, the fact that Riley turned out to have a vampire bite fetish was, for lack of a better term, really gross. And Xander’s hair. It just seemed mean to wear it that way. Best Episode: Since “The Body” (5×16) is TV’s finest, it’s “The Gift” (5×22).

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/bprofitt/all-the-seasons-of-buffy-the-vampire-slayer-ranke-v954