#things I have learned

[lokisprettygirl]

Here is some unsolicited advice if you're feeling left out by the fandom as a writer (I don't consider myself as one, I never have but I have been through all of these phases and came out the other side with the "Don't give a fuck" attitude which works very well for me now)

Write a story for yourself, publish it for five to ten ardent readers who are always there whether you tag them or not.

If people are not responding to your tags, ask once and if you're still not getting a response, do them a favour and remove them.

Don't beg people to read your stories. That's a huge no no. From personal experience I'm saying this and it only makes you lose the ones you have already because deep down they feel you're complaining about them only.

Be humble enough to accept that if a story isn't being read then there's a slight possibility it's not written that well, I detest fake positivity and self appreciation, you can love what you have written but also accept that what you imagined in your head may not have translated well on paper (Sometimes it is indeed you, but as long as that story made you happy it was worth writing and publishing)

If you do write only for attention commit to it. It's not going to work if you're not giving something in return. So many mutuals of mine stopped reading my stories (even though that's the whole reason why I even became mutuals with them) because I didn't read theirs in return, people message me all the time to read their fics and when I don't they never bother with me again. That's how it works unfortunately.

[mjax1]

Things I have begun to do in 2024

Care less about what people think of me and my choices

Let myself prioritize things. If I can't do something and have to wait, I accept that.

Learn how to wear thongs and fishnets.

Take and send spicy photos to my husband on a nearly weekly basis. With zero shame over how much he loves me and how much I love him.

Do better about morning routines with my kids and how to make it suck less.

Realize I have just as much wisdom to add to my family as anyone else.

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

[gideonisms]

I LOVE being alive so I can be mediocre at SO many different hobbies

[talaricula]

Things I've seen tumblr memeing about James Somerton doing à la "How did no one see how bigoted he was!" as if those things haven't been a significant part of tumblr culture for over a decade :

Presenting untrue and bordering on conspiratorial versions of (queer or otherwise marginalised) history without any sources

Completely disregarding and disrespecting any expertise on socio-cultural topics/humanities and distrusting academics and historians (incl. acting as if no academics or historians could be queer or marginalised)

Downplaying the role misogyny played in the historical oppression of queer women and concluding that queer men must have been more oppressed than queer women

Bi women are, at best, not as queer as "real" queer ppl, and at worst, simply equivalent to straight women

Despite nominal trans inclusivity, transmasculine ppl are functionally women when convenient (combined with the above, bi transmascs are functionally straight women)

Despite nominal trans inclusivity (bis), shamelessly attacking, threatening and actively endangering any trans woman who questions them or smth they find important (often by unfairly presenting her as violent or as a threat)

Having absolutely fucking wild and reductive takes about ace ppl, the oppression they face and their place in the queer community

Stating that marriage equality is an assimilationist fight while completely ignoring its direct roots in the horrifying consequences of the AIDS crisis for partners of ppl who died of AIDS

Praising western media creators from the past for queer coding even under censure and in the same breath condemning current non western media creators for being homophobic bc their representation isn't explicit enough

Blaming China for all existing homophobic censoring in western media

Assuming all queer media would be better told by western creators and by western standards

Only out queer ppl get to tell queer stories

Heavily criticising almost all queer media created by women or ppl they see as such (see above points about trans ppl) or involving/starring a significant amount of women for any perceived or real amount of "problematicness", but fawning over and praising and negating criticism of queer media created by and starring mostly or even functionally exclusively men (even when it could be argued that, you know, not involving/seriously sidelining women is a pretty clear example of misogyny which should probably be considered "problematic")

And I'm probably forgetting stuff or there's stuff I have internalised myself and don't recognise as an issue

Like idk but I feel like the takeaway from Hbomberguy and Toddintheshadow's videos should maybe be "be aware of such patterns in your communities bc they definitely exist" and not "this guy is uniquely awful" and I feel like a lot of the discussion I've seen surrounding this has been severely failing at that. Most ppl who've spent any significant amount of time on tumblr prob either have internalised at least one of those thought patterns, have had to de-internalise them, or have had to be extremely vigilant to not internalise them (which is done by, you know, seeking out other sources, which also seemed like an important takeaway from the videos)

[imdoingwhateverisnext]

Authenticity or Likability

These days a lot of focus is placed on people and things that are liked and disliked. I used to want everyone to like me and I wasted a LOT of energy fretting over people who didn't like me. It sounds silly and counter productive, and it is. Trying to be well-liked caused me to develop a sort of alter ego. I was being disingenuous. I eventually became the type of person I don't care for at all; a person who is inauthentic and fake.

I became an anxious people-pleaser. I wasted so much time and energy keeping other people happy, I literally forgot what I liked and enjoyed. Even worse, I attracted and was surrounded by people and personalities that I didn't enjoy. In a way, I forgot who I was. It has taken years of solitude, inner work and soul-searching to remember how to make myself happy.

I place the people in my life into two different categories; the drainers and the fillers. If my goblet is full, I want to share it with someone. I will even empty my goblet completely for someone I really care about. Fillers will refill my goblet with ease. Drainers will empty it and walk away without a thought; often quickly returning when they see my goblet is full again. Miraculously, the drainers always seem to know the status of my goblet, even if I haven't seen them or spoken to them in years.

I had a misguided belief that if I treated people a certain way, they would in turn do the same for me; aka the Golden Rule. As a result, I was keeping these leech-like people in my life. They would suck up every thing I would give them, and leave me feeling empty and unfulfilled and exhausted.

Leeches as well as fair weather friends will abandon me and disappear at the first sign of trouble. They can't be bothered by my needs. As soon as I stop being beneficial to them, they are gone. For better or worse, as I learn to like myself flaws and all, I prefer to lean into my own genuine personality as much as I can.

I used to hate to be alone. Now I prefer my own company to exhausting people who wouldn't even be bothered to piss on me if I was on fire (unless it somehow served their needs). Being alone and being lonely are two totally different things. The saddest type of loneliness I have ever experienced was while I was in a committed relationship with another. Believe me, if choosing between them being alone is preferable. If I knew back then that loneliness is a state of mind that I have some control over, I would not have wasted so many lonely years with someone else.

In addition to learning to like myself, I have given myself permission to like and to dislike things. This sounds simple and logical, but it isn't easy for a people-pleaser to have negative opinions. I was taught growing up, 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. Now I embrace my own negative opinions and feelings as long as they are honest and thoroughly considered. Why would I try to entertain those who don't care for my company? Why would I cater to leeches? Why would I continue to fill the goblets of the drainers? I don't like them.

[rapidhighway]

the thing that caused me so much grief last night but now i feel better about it fdnghgdfggd

[blkwtrs]

moth, miriam, joseph, sam

polyfragmentation is a thing

there’s a lot more than i thought there was

we’re in a relationship?

[crispyliza]

I've got you all figured out fanartists

[shotmrmiller]

ghost getting himself a cute, soft girl he doesn't talk about much but is clearly obsessed with and price just thinks it's nice he's finally settled down, approves of the home he's made for himself, definitely approves of the one he's taken for himself.

soap asks kyle if he's seen you and he says, "yep. lovely bird he's got tucked away in her little dollhouse. makes great food, too." soap swears there's a subtle shift in his tone when he says "lovely", a hint of something deeper that flickers in his eyes for just a moment. soap simply sucks on his teeth, letting it slide. (although he knows that kyle's always been one to appreciate the good things in life.)

interest gnaws at him, a persistent itch he can't scratch. price likes you just fine, as does kyle. well what about him? he decides to bite the bullet and goes to simon with a knot between his brows, the corners of his lips tugged downwards. they've shared clothes, bullets, beds. if the other two got to meet you, why can't he?

"ya can come over for dinner on tonight. she'd 'ave my neck if she didn't formally meet ya anyway."

soap then asks, out of genuine curiosity more than anything else, if simon would have kept you in the dark from him hadn't he brought you up himself.

"ya meet 'er when i want ya to, boy, and not a moment before." the tone he takes is unmistakeable. his words are a command, not a suggestion, and soap instantly knows to not push further.

soap nods. "ah'll be there."

"course ya will. she'd be terribly disappointed otherwise."

yeah, he'd hate to have that.

soap sits in the living room, the soft glow of the lamp casting a warm light over the cozy place. with a full stomach and an unfastened belt, nursing a glass of kentucky. he can't remember the last time he ate that well or that much.

maybe it's the alcohol that loosens his tongue, or the fact that he wishes he also had a sweet little thing to keep at his side just like simon's doing with you now, but the thoughts he's been mulling over all evening since he first saw you tumble out of his mouth.

"while ah can attest to yer taste in sweethearts, can't say much about your alcohol. bourbon, LT?" he says, chest warm.

simon's arm tightens around your hips, fingers splayed possessively over your thigh. he shrugs, completely unbothered by the backhanded compliment. "can't be perfect in everythin', can we, sergeant?"

soap's cheeks burn furiously hot when you come to his defense with a smack of your palm onto simon's chest. "be nice to johnny. he's got a face that make up for some of his other flaws."

the teasing lilt in your voice unashamedly gets his southern blood pumping. he can't help it if certain things stir when someone as pretty as you look at him like that. soap swirls the amber liquid gently in the glass while keeping his limpid eyes on you, not even trying to hide the fact that his gaze hasn't wavered since your cheeky little comment.

you then whisper something in simon's ear, your cupped hand not even half the size of his head and soap has to rearrange himself from the outside when your teeth catch your bottom lip. simon looks up at you then, eyes heavy and half lidded, and a smirk plays at the corners of his mouth.

"'m not sure, love. you'll just 'ave to ask 'im yourself. go on."

you open that sweet mouth of yours, but simon cuts you off with a decisive wave of his hand. "no. you know how to ask for things."

your reaction to that is visceral, and you're on your knees faster than his alcohol-muddled brain can comprehend. don't look down 'er shirt, don't look down 'er shirt, don't-

"johnny, will you touch my pussy?"

he splutters at your question, completely taken aback, but it seems you're not done just yet.

"hands to yourself, sergeant. tha' not all."

you pout at simon, one that earns you a look that promises consequence, but do as he says.

"will you touch my pussy, johnny? pretty please?"

[oobbbear]

I want to post this here too because I’ve seen it happen a few times

Please understand that there are cultural differences and language differences, if you see this happening let the person clarify what they meant, that person might just not be familiar with words the western side of the internet use

[batsyheere]

"So, handling your archnemesis," Danny starts. The room falls quiet, heads slowly turning to look at the man as he writes the words on the chalkboard. When finished, the characters somehow both messy and neat at once, Danny places the chalk back down and claps his hands.

"I typically call them fruitloops. Often they're in a better position than you are- older, richer, more powerful. They may have some sort of status that protects them when facing the public."

Tim wondered where Dick was right now, and if he was laughing. His brain was lagging like a computer as he tried to process what Danny was saying, and how seriously a few of his fellow teen vigilantes were taking this.

"Some of their more common tactics are-" the chalk was picked back up, and Danny writes as he speaks.

"Manipulation, isolation, conditioning, and empathy."

MICE.

Tim stares at the board, and quietly slips put his phone.

-What have I done to deserve this.

Enjoy your lessons Tim-

His head thumps against the desk. Conner leans over, gives him a pat on the shoulder but returns to taking notes as Danny goes on to explain the conditioning tactic.

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

This came to me in a vision

[juney-blues]

when you're part of a group with structural power over another goup, you really do gotta just learn to say "i am not exempt from 'fuck 'em' when relevant" whenever someone expresses frustration with you or people like you.

[thebaldursmouthgazette]

I’m sure Dumat being defeated the same year andraste was born means nothing

I’m sure this has nothing to do with the fact that andrastes mother was part of a tribe who helped the grey wardens fight and defeat dumat the same year she was born, meaning that she could have been a fetus affected by the taint in the proximity of a dying arch demon

And the fact that nobody knows which grey warden killed dumat, as seven wardens died from injuries from his death throes, and therefore we cannot actually identify a warden who absorbed his soul, means nothing

And I’m sure it is a complete coincidence that andraste had dreams and visions of the being later referred to as the maker her whole life, and behaved strangely, talking about hearing lost voices and seeing strange auras. That absolutely doesn’t sound like anyone else we know