#i hope this is clear :) i am the target audience :)

[moonmoonthecrabking]

grace chasity reads both testaments

[asahicore]

all i see is gold - pjs (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. jay x fem!reader

synopsis. Pretending to be your number one's rival girlfriend to please his parents isn't how you would usually spend a Thursday night, but you really owe Jay a big one this time. You'd sworn this was just a one-time thing - and yet when his parents ask you to come again, the word 'yes' is out before you can stop it. Before you know it and much to your dismay, your feelings for Jay start to change, and you're in too deep to backtrack.

genre. college au, academic rivals to lovers, fake dating au, rich rich millionaire ceo's son jay x poor ass scholarship part-time job reader

warnings. heeseung is a mega asshole sorry to this man, slight violence like the girls are fighting, these two are pathetically in love w each other it's laughable actually, rich people being annoying slightly and also y/n's friends having way too much knowledge about fanfiction tropes... i like my fourth walls broken

word count. 27.1k

a/n. hi sisters user asahicore is back with another repost because she can't be asked to come up with anything original... sorry! i did add a new scene to this fic for.. character development. hope you guys enjoy it, as always let me know your thoughts otherwise i will find you and hold you at gunpoint, have fun love you stay healthy keep slaying bye bye!

“Actually, I think what you just said is complete bull.”

Jay rolled his eyes for the thousandth time in an hour and a few sniggers were heard around the room.

Your tutor sighed and, in an exhausted tone, asked you to “keep it polite, please. This is still a classroom setting.”

“Right, sorry.” You cleared your throat and sat up straighter. “I completely disagree with your statement, Jongseong. Just because a movie has young teenage girls as its target audience doesn’t mean it is completely insipid and has no value, like you’re insinuating. If you look at Mean Girls, for example-”

Jay scoffed. “Oh please, you’re not actually going to use Mean Gir-”

���Ah, would you look at the time? Class is over,” your tutor interrupted. “You can all go home and ponder the riveting discussion Jay and Y/N led today.” 

You were pretty sure you heard a general sigh of relief from your classmates. After all, you couldn’t really blame them: it was only the first tutorial of the semester for that course and Jay and you were already at each other’s throats, having something to say about every idea the other put forward, no matter how small.

“Oh, and Jay, I do have to side with Y/N here. There’s a surprising amount of things that can be said about that film,” your tutor admitted with an apologetic smile. You, however, were harboring a triumphant expression. Nothing better than having the tutor agree with you against Jay. 

As you packed your stuff away, mentally patting yourself on the back, Jay approached you, looking visibly annoyed. “Seriously, Y/N? Symbolism in Modern Cinema? Since where do you even care about movies?”

You gasped dramatically and put your hand over your heart, feigning shock. “Why, I’m offended that you think you’re the only one who’s allowed to love cinema, Jongseong.”

“Yeah, it’s my thing!” he whined like a child, and you gave him a look that hopefully made him reflect on what he’d just said.

You started walking out of the room and he followed, a step behind you. “I mean, there’s no way you didn’t know I was taking this class. Are you like, obsessed with me or something?”

“Yes, Jongseong, that’s exactly the case. I’m sooooo obsessed with you, I took this class just to see you.”

You were obviously joking, but he looked at you with a smirk and said, “I wouldn’t put it past you. I wouldn’t put it past anyone, to be honest; I mean I am the most good-looking, smartest, richest guy on camp- Ouch! That hurts!”

You had just punched him in the shoulder, not wanting to listen to his self-indulgent ramblings. “Get your head out of your ass, Park. I just thought it would be an interesting class. Why are you even taking it, anyway? I don’t think a cinema course is gonna teach you much on how to run daddy’s company,” you asked him, a smirk teasing your lips.

He rolled his eyes (you thought they might stay stuck at the back of his head, with how often he did that) and took a tone one might use to speak to a child. “You see, Y/N, I also major in Visual Studies. I’m not a single honors Econ major like you. Loser.”

He’d added the last word with a playful smile on his face, purposefully trying to rile you up. You were about to reply with an equally petty remark when you heard your name being called out. 

“Y/N! Wait up!”

You could recognize that voice anywhere. Your heart started beating a thousand times a minute and you felt your hands get clammy. As you turned around, you forced a relaxed smile and told yourself to stay calm, but as soon as you made eye contact with the boy, all rational thought left your brain.

“H-hi, Heeseung.” You heard Jay snort behind you but were too entranced by Heeseung’s presence to tell him off.

Clearly enjoying your nervousness, Heeseung smiled at you and bent down so that he came directly face to face with you. “It was nice seeing you last Friday. You should come to our parties more often, not many people can set fire to the dance floor like you did.”

Your cheeks had already turned bright red when he’d called your name, but now you probably looked as crimson as a fire extinguisher. Over the weekend, you’d tried so hard to forget about that party where you had gotten black-out drunk and made a fool of yourself on the dance floor. Sure, you’d had a lot of fun, but when you remembered that Heeseung literally lived in the frat house that had hosted the pre-start of term gathering, you’d felt so embarrassed and wanted to never have to face him ever again. Yet here he was, and he had obviously seen you.

“O-oh, right, haha. Um, I was pretty drunk, but, yeah, um, it was f-fun.” You cringed at yourself. Where was the Y/N that had torn down Jay’s every argument just moments prior? You were usually self-assured and confident, but whenever you were around Heeseung, you didn’t know how to act.

Heeseung stood up straighter and patted your head. You thanked yourself for having washed your hair that morning. He chuckled and said, “That’s good to hear. Guess I’ll see you around, then?”

“Yeah!” you replied with a tad too much enthusiasm. 

“Great.” As he walked past you, you didn’t need to turn around to see the nasty looks exchanged between Heeseung and Jay. 

“Jongseong.”

“Heeseung.”

The venom with which they had spat the other’s name would’ve sent a chill down your spine any other time, but right now, you were too busy mooning over what had just happened. Like many girls on campus, you’d had a crush on him since freshman year; but unlike most, you’d never actually tried to do anything about it. Realistically, you could probably bag him - Heeseung could be seen with a different girl at every party and didn’t seem to be too picky about who he finished the night with. But you also couldn’t stand the idea of being just another drunk fuck to him. So, you’d never revealed your feelings to him, although he could most definitely see the effect he had on you.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Jay burst into laughter. You turned around and looked at him, arms crossed, waiting for him to be done with an impatient look on your face. When he finally caught his breath, he had tears pooling at his eyes and was holding onto his belly.

“H-hi, Heeseung,” he breathed, trying to imitate you by making his voice higher in pitch but laughing too hard for it to come out properly.

“There’s nothing funny about this, Jongseong.”

“Oh, but there is, Y/N. And you know what the worst part is? You could do so, so much better than that guy. I mean, he’s a Business major, for fuck’s sake.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” you asked hotly, starting to get defensive.

“You’re studying Econ, Y/N. Dating a Business major, that’s like, the highest betrayal possible.”

You rolled your eyes at his stupid values and started walking towards the exit of the building, bumping into his shoulder on the way. He started following you again and added, “It’s not even just about that, Y/N. You know his reputation, he’s clearly bad news. There’s no point in liking a guy like that.”

Because you knew how much he hated it, you always made sure to call him Jongseong instead of Jay. But right now, you didn’t feel like joking around. You turned around abruptly, Jay almost bumping into you, and looked at him pointedly. “Look, Jay, I know you and Heeseung have this weird competition between the two of you of whose dad can make more money. But that doesn’t give you the right to tell me I shouldn’t like him.” And with a mumble, you added, “I can’t help liking him, okay?”

You went on your way again and Jay caught up with you so that the two of you were now walking side by side. Sighing, he said, “Whatever. When he inevitably hurts you, though, I’ll say I told you so.”

—

After flipping off Jay as your way of saying goodbye, you joined your friends in the cafeteria. You told them about your encounter with Heeseung, and as much as they wanted to support you, they couldn’t help but think your behavior at the party on Friday was hilarious. 

“I wasn’t gonna show this to anyone, but I can’t hold it in anymore…” Sunoo said, pulling out his phone.

It wasn’t hard to guess what he might be hiding in there, so you quickly protested, “It’s been three days, Sunoo. I’m sure you can hold in whatever it is longer than that.”

He looked at you with a sheepish smile and said, as if he didn’t have a choice but to show everyone, “It’s so funny though.”

Sieun and Keeho were urging him to show them, so you just hung your head as Sunoo pressed play. You didn’t even need to look at the video to know what it was: even in his drunken state, Sunoo had had the foresight to film you as you danced like there was no tomorrow, knowing this was a special occasion. Your friends tried to reassure you that you didn’t look that bad and you just seemed to be having fun, but the sniggers they tried to hold back in vain told you otherwise.

Keeho seemed to take pity on you when seeing your defeated expression. “Y/N, I promise you it’s not that bad. You were very obviously drunk, and so was everyone else. If anybody remembers this, they’re probably thinking that you were fucking awesome. Can’t you see how everyone is cheering you on in the video?”

With an exasperated sigh, you replied, “I don’t care that everybody saw me. I care that Heeseung did. I only started drinking that much because I thought it’d help me relax and talk to him. I didn’t think I’d go wild on the dance floor.”

Your friends exchanged a look and immediately burst into laughter. You wanted to get mad at them, but even you had to admit the whole situation was pretty funny. You let them make as much fun of you as their hearts desired, then, to change the subject, told them about the tutorial you had in the morning with Jay and how much fun it had been arguing with him.

Sieun was looking at you thoughtfully, until she said, “You know, I think it’s…” she paused for a second, trying to find the right word, “interesting, how much effort you put into getting into the same class as Jay when you could’ve directed that energy towards getting into one of Heeseung’s class.”

The sudden statement took you aback. “Well, I wouldn’t say I put that much effort into it…” you stammered in an attempt to defend yourself.

“Y/N,” Keeho started, an accusatory tone to his words, “you literally asked Jake to tell you what courses he was taking this semester and when his tutorials were, and when you somehow managed to be enrolled in a class that’s supposed to be reserved for Visual Studies students, you emailed the tutor to make sure you’d be in the same group as Jay. I’d say that requires some effort.”

You huffed, mildly offended. “I- Well- I just thought it’d be fun to argue with him about something else than economics, you know. There’s only so much to say about that.” Your friends didn’t look very convinced. “Plus, there are no classes that Heeseung’s taking that seemed interesting, and even if they were and I managed to get into them, I just would’ve stuttered trying to answer easy questions. At least if I’m in a class with Jay, I know it’ll be fun.”

After that last sentence, Sieun looked at you like you had proven her point. What a smartass, you thought. What was she even trying to prove? 

“Is no one gonna say it?” Sunoo asked, bewildered, looking around at your friends. “It sounds like you like him, Y/N.”

Oh.

Your automatic response was to go, “Pfffft,” but when Sieun and Keeho didn’t disagree with Sunoo, you looked at them, wide-eyed. “Are you guys serious? I don’t like Park Jongseong, that’s ridiculous.”

Sure, you liked arguing with Jay, that wasn’t a secret. That didn’t mean you liked him, or anything like that. Just the thought made you shiver. Dating Jay had never even occurred to you; as soon as you’d met, you had taken on a rival-like relationship, arguing about everything and anything. Sure, he was smart, and not too bad-looking, and he was really rich, and when he wanted he could actually be quite nice - but that was not the point! Most of the time, he was just annoying and argued with you for no reason other than to rile you up, and had the most unreasonable opinions you’d ever heard. He took his wealth for granted and sometimes came across as so privileged it made you want to puke.

Sieun took your hands in hers and tried to convince you with her eyes, her eyebrows furrowing slightly. “But think about it, Y/N. It’s the enemies to lovers trope!”

You snatched your hands out from her grip and gave her a pointed look. “This isn’t Wattpad, Sieun, this is real life. And Jay and I aren’t enemies, we’re merely rivals.”

“Even better!” she exclaimed.

“I completely agree with Sieun,” Sunoo said. “Y/N, you’re such a rivals to lovers type of gal.” You rolled your eyes, but Keeho was fervently nodding his head in agreement.

“By the way, did you guys hear about his parents’ company throwing a fundraiser?” Keeho said. This piqued your interest, but after your friends�� accusations, you couldn’t look too excited about anything Jay-related, so you nonchalantly asked him to go on. “It’s for some charity, they’ve invited all the big names, and apparently it’s gonna be huge so they need some people to waiter. I’m thinking of applying. It pays really well and it’s gonna be so fancy. It’s not like I’ve got much else to do that night anyway.”

“When is it?” you asked, still trying not to sound too interested.

“Friday in two weeks.”

“Well, if it’s a Friday, I’ll be getting wasted, so count me out,” Sunoo replied.

“I’d come, but the idea of serving rich people as they give out ten thousand dollars when they could give a million and it wouldn’t even affect them in the slightest, not to mention having to do it with a smile on my face, makes my skin crawl, so no thanks,” Sieun said. She wasn’t wrong, but this was also Jay’s parents you were talking about. Not only would Jay be there, and your presence would surely piss him off, but his dad’s company was one of the top of the country and being introduced to their world, maybe even getting to know some people there, even just as a waitress, could really benefit you in the long-term. You’d never admit it to him, but you’d been dreaming of working there ever since you’d first heard of it. Nothing might come out of this, but it was worth trying.

“What about you, Y/N? You in?”

You looked at Keeho and said, “Yeah, let’s do it.”

—

The next time you saw Jay was for your Economics of Cities and Regions lecture a couple days later. As appropriate of the top students, you two always sat at the very front row along with only a few other brave students. Keeho was always bugging you to sit with him at the back, but you liked being able to look the professor in the eye so they could see how much attention you were paying to them. You listened carefully to the whole lecture, and when it ended, you turned to Jay and called his name in a sickly sweet voice, smiling as warmly as you could. He turned to you with a horrified look on his face.

“Please never do that again.”

Your smile instantly dropped. You should’ve known there was no point trying to be nice to him. “So, I’ve heard about your dad’s firm’s fundraiser…”

Before you could even finish your sentence, he interrupted you. “No. No way. You’re not working there. Nope. Not happening.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because this is an important night for me to make myself known as the CEO in line and I can’t have you distracting me.”

You didn’t question why he considered you a distraction and just pressed further. “C’mon! I promise I won’t be in your way.” He looked at you as if to say I don’t believe you. “I need the money.”

“Then get a part-time job.”

“I already have one! And it doesn’t pay very well.”

He looked at you and crossed his arms over his chest. No, you didn’t notice how his shirt tightened around his biceps. Shut up. Exasperated, he asked, “Do you even know what this fundraiser is for?”

That hadn’t even crossed your mind. Why did you need to know what it was for? All you needed was to work there and make some money. You just shrugged “No.”

He rolled his eyes at you. “You’re unbelievable. It’s to help students in need of scholarships. You know how my parents sometimes pay for students’ tuition fees? Well,” he sighed, and started to pack up his stuff. “This is to encourage CEOs of other companies to do the same. They’ve invited a few students to talk about why scholarships are important for them.”

Interesting, you thought. It’d have been nice to be one of those students, but being a waitress was already good enough. You’d have to be quicker to get the role next time. “I’ll be part of the waitering team, so I won’t embarrass you, don’t worry.”

After a beat, Jay asked, “Why are you even telling me this? I can say no all I want, I’m not the one deciding on the staff. I’d just really, really appreciate it if you didn’t come.”

You eyed him for a second until realization hit you. Right. It wasn’t like Jay had any say in this, so why were you trying to get him to agree? It had just seemed natural to you that you’d talk to him about this.

You shook your head and said, “Well, I’m gonna go anyway. I just thought I should let you know. That way you know you’re gonna need to bring your best game to impress me.”

You noticed Keeho waving his arm impatiently at you, waiting for you to leave the lecture theater. Jay watched you walk away, and he couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his face. 

—

“So… Y/N will probably be working at the fundraiser,” Jay said, looking down at his notes. As on most days, Jake and Sunghoon were over at his place, half-studying, half-messing around.

The two boys in front of him groaned in unison. He raised his head and added defensively, “What? I’ve barely said anything yet.”

“Yeah, but you’re talking about Y/N. Again,” Jake said, as if stating the obvious.

“You know, I’m actually surprised he’s managed to not mention her for that long. It’s been what, fifteen minutes since we got here?” Sunghoon half-joked.

Used to his friends’ teasing, Jay ignored them and continued. “On any other occasion, I’d be more than happy to have her around” - cue another groan from Jake and Sunghoon - “but I really have to impress my parents and all the guests that evening. If I don’t, I’m gonna have to work twice as hard.”

Indulging his friend’s rant, Jake asked, “What’s wrong with her being there? She’s not gonna go around and tell everyone you’re a little shit as she hands them champagne glasses.”

Jay rolled his eyes. “No, of course not, but I’m gonna be hyper-aware of her presence and I don’t want it to distract me.” A third groan. “Plus, I don’t like the idea of her being there as a waitress. She should be with the students who talk to the guests, she deserves it more than anybody I know.”

After a beat, Sunghoon, with gracious subtlety and tact as always, added, “You know, if you had just manned up and asked her out in freshman year when you still had the chance, maybe you could’ve taken her to the fundraiser as your girlfriend and not have her go there as a waitress. Just saying.”

“It’s 2022, Sunghoon, nobody says things like ‘man up’ anymore.”

“You dumbass, is that all you’re hearing from what I just said-”

“What I think Sunghoon is trying to say,” Jake cut in, “is that this could have been avoided had you had the guts to tell her how you feel. But rest assured, my friend, it can still happen. No such thing as too late.”

“You always say that, but how the fuck am I supposed to ask her out when she’s only ever seen me as her rival? Plus, she’s head over heels for that prick.”

Sensing that Sunghoon was getting ready to deliver another one of his punchlines, Jake quickly replied. “Who cares about Heeseung? It wouldn’t be hard to make her see what an asshole he is. And once that’s done, you can just give her the Park charm,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sunghoon fake gagged at the thought of his friend trying to flirt, and even Jay had to admit he hated how Jake had formulated his sentence. “That’s all I do though. As soon as we met, we got into arguing, and that’s just how we communicate now. She wants competition, so I give her competition. I don’t know what else to do.”

His friends sighed, unsure what to tell him after having had the same conversation hundreds of times. “Did you ask her why she took that cinema course? I thought it was weird she asked me for all that info. She wanted me to keep hush-hush about it, too,” Jake asked.

Jay thought for a second, then answered, “I did ask her if she was obsessed with me.” A fourth, deserved, groan. “She just said she thought the class seemed interesting. She didn’t even know I was a double major, by the way.”

Jake and Sunghoon chuckled, both thinking but not daring to say that, indeed, no one knew Jay also majored in Visual Studies. The three boys continued chatting for a while until they fell into silence and finally started getting some work done.

Jay managed to get you out of his head for a couple hours, but when his friends left and he was alone, his thoughts immediately drifted back to you. When the two of you first met in freshman year, you had become instant rivals, both top of your class, and always disagreeing on everything. He hadn’t minded the dynamic at first: he thought your ideas and the conversations that stemmed from them were always interesting, and he had a lot of respect for you. He wanted to know why you thought that way or what made you say certain things, and soon enough he wanted to know everything about you. He’d noticed things like how you chewed on your pen when you were in deep reflection, or how you’d look intently at anyone who was talking, as if you were making mental bullet points of their arguments only to break them down afterwards. When he finally realized his feelings for you (not without help from Jake and Sunghoon, who thought he couldn’t get any more obvious), he felt like your rivalry-almost-turned-friendship had gone too far, and you’d think he was stupid for liking you. It didn’t help that your confident attitude always broke down in front of his arch nemesis Lee Heeseung, making it painfully clear that you had a crush on him.

That night, he kept tossing and turning in his bed, trying to fall asleep. He hated the idea of you having to be there as a waitress, handing out drinks and mini toasts to entitled guests who probably wouldn’t even look at you. There had to be a few strings he could pull, right?

—

In all twenty years of your life, you had never been to a place like this. As soon as you’d entered the lobby of the building in which the fundraiser took place, you’d been overwhelmed by the sheer extravagance of the room. Every surface was shiny marble, the ceilings were at least fifteen meters high and the whole place was lit up by tiny wall lamps. You were almost scared to see what the actual ballroom would look like.

The fundraiser started at 8:00 p.m. but the staff had been advised to come earlier to prepare everything. You went further in, and now that you had somehow acclimated to your surroundings, you noticed how busy everyone was. People were running around, going from the kitchen to the back room to the main hall in quick strides. You tried getting one woman’s attention, hoping she could direct you to where you were supposed to go.

“Sorry, hi, where do the wai-”

She stopped dead in her tracks and barely looked at you as she whipped out a sheet of paper from her blouse pocket and asked for your name.

“Um, Y/N-”

She checked something off and looked up at you and smiled. “Great, follow me.” You had no time to ask anything else before she swiveled on her heels again and marched towards another room, you in tow behind her. “We’ve got a script ready for you. You just need to learn it in time for tonight and then use your charm on the guests. Oh, and don’t worry about your outfit and all that, we’ve got it covered. Good luck!” And with that, she was off. 

Script? Outfit? What was all this about? You panic-texted Keeho, telling him some lady had dragged you somewhere and told you to learn a whole script. When he didn’t answer after five minutes, you assumed he must be busy helping out, but it made you panic even more. You looked around the room and noticed a girl you thought you recognized from one of your classes. You walked up to her, and after saying hi, asked her what the hell was going on here.

She looked at you a bit oddly, as if it didn’t make sense you didn’t know where you were, but clarified things nonetheless. “Basically, the six of us are going to be wearing these tags so that the guests know who we are, and we’re gonna give them a pity story about how we’re so poor but also so smart and able to change the world if only they give us money. That’s what the script is for, it just makes it a bit nicer.” Right, that’s what Jay had told you. But why were you here when you had signed up to be a waitress? It was what you had wished for, but it made no sense whatsoever.

Registering your still confused expression, the girl went on, “They’re also gonna give us nice outfits and make us look more presentable. But not too much, you know, cause a thousand dollar gown wouldn’t really fit with the scholarship kid aesthetic.” You laughed with her. You had to admit the whole situation was a bit ridiculous, but if it could help you out, you would take it. You had needed to take out a loan when you started studying, and the enormous debt you would be in as soon as you stepped out of college already stressed you out.

You learned your script, which was actually just more like detailed examples of the things you should say and what direction your conversations with the guests should take, until somebody called out your name, telling you it was time to get you ready. You were led to another room which was full of clothing racks holding fancy dresses and suits. Your immediate thought was that the clothes in this one room were probably worth more than your entire house. 

You could only admire the room for a few moments before a stylist threw a dress in your arms and practically pushed you into a dressing room. You took a good look at black dress before putting it on. It wasn’t overly fancy; the girl you had talked to was right, it wouldn’t make sense for you to look like you were the richest person there. With its modest cleavage and mid-thigh length, it was what you assumed to be formal enough for this type of event, and surprisingly fit you like a glove. It made you look put-together and accentuated your features in the subtlest way. 

When you walked out of the dressing room, the stylist eyed you up and down, adjusting the dress here and there, then stepped back and mumbled absent-mindedly, as if thinking out loud, “Wow, he does have good taste.”

You didn’t have the time to ask her what she meant as she had already turned away, looking for jewelry to finish off your outfit. The earrings, necklace and ring she gave you weren’t huge 20 carat diamonds, but you’d never worn such delicate jewelry before, you were almost too scared to move with them on you in fear of breaking them. The stylist, however, didn’t seem too fussed, and as soon as she was done, said, “Well, that’s all for me. Off you go to hair and makeup now!”

Hair and makeup? You were going to get your hair and makeup done by professionals? You felt like a celebrity. Your whole life, your mom had cut your hair, and you bought your makeup at the drugstore. 

While they didn’t make you look like a Hunger Games Capitol citizen, when they were done with you, the reflection that looked back at you in the mirror was uncanny. You were still you, there was no doubt about that, but you looked like a perfect version of yourself, which only makeup expertly applied could create. Although they’d never seen you before, the makeup artist had managed to accentuate or make disappear lines you had never noticed on your face before, and the hair stylist had done your hair in a simple but very flattering manner, letting it cascade naturally down your shoulders.

The stylists let you admire yourself for a few moments, knowing you probably weren’t used to such pampering, but soon ushered you out to the ballroom; the fundraiser was just about to start, and you needed to be there for the beginning of it. You were made to sit at a table with the other students at the front, close to the stage. An organizer came to see you and explained how the evening was going to go down. Most of the evening would be spent standing, chatting to the guests and persuading them to donate, except when the main course was served. There was no fixed seating chart, so you could go with whomever invited you to sit with them. All in all, your goal was to be as likable as possible, and get guests to understand why scholarships were important without sounding desperate, just like the script indicated.

Tapping your foot nervously, you watched as more people trickled in, each looking richer than the previous. Soon enough, the whole room was seated, and a man you recognized as Jay’s dad arrived on the stage, welcomed by polite applause. You listened intently to his welcome speech, and you could see Jay’s presence and charisma in him; every word of his seemed to be thought out and to have purpose. He did a spectacular job at kicking off the fundraiser, and you were clapping enthusiastically when he was done, not expecting what he was about to do. 

With an extended hand, he pointed at you and the five students you were sitting with. “Of course, this wouldn’t be possible without these six brilliant students whom we have the honor of welcoming tonight. Would you all come up on stage with me?” he asked warmly, although you knew it wasn’t really a question. You all looked at each other bemusedly, but you didn’t have much of a choice, so you all got up and walked up the stairs to the stage.

You hadn’t realized how many people were attending until you were standing right in front of them. The bright spots lighting the stage made it hard to distinguish anyone’s face in the crowd, which only made your position more intimidating to you. Thankfully, you didn’t have to introduce yourself; Jay’s dad did it for you, and after a few minutes, you were free to walk off the stage and start mingling with the guests. Whew.

As soon as the six of you stepped off the stage, guests started approaching you, engaging you in conversation right away. You were a bit taken aback, but remembering you needed to be perfect tonight, you put on the most genuine smile you could muster. Them coming to you was better than having to chase after them. 

An hour and a half passed, and you had been engrossed in so many conversations that you hadn’t noticed so much time had already gone. The only time your attention had been pulled out was when Keeho came to your group, offering you toasts of caviar and bubbly champagne, and discreetly (or at least as discreetly as Keeho could be, which wasn’t very) gave you a wide-eyed look, which you returned. You had no idea why you weren’t working like him either. 

When somebody announced the main course would soon be served, a lot of guests went to sit down, so you were now stuck with the most pretentious man you had ever talked to. All the other guests, no matter how rich or famous or successful they were, had managed to stay somewhat humble and not flaunt how much higher they were in society than you, but it seemed that it was all this man knew how to do. You knew you needed to stay polite even in front of scum like him, but it was hard giving him your undivided attention when he was going on and on about basic economic principles you had learned in your first year of college. Your eyes started drifting around the room, until they fell on a certain someone.

Lee Heeseung was here. Of course he was; his parents, although they were rivals to the Park family, were still huge names in your country’s economy, and they couldn’t not be here tonight. Heeseung’s presence wasn’t required, but you imagined it couldn’t hurt his image to be seen by many adults at a gathering like this one. He was standing by the bar, talking to a girl who was clearly trying to flirt with him, but he didn’t seem to be into her. You hadn’t meant to stare, but his eyes soon met yours. You immediately felt heat rise to your cheeks. He didn’t break eye contact, even when he replied to whatever the girl was saying. His eyes started drifting down from your face to your body, as if he was undressing you with his gaze. You opened your mouth and let out a small gasp at the sheer indecency of the way he was looking at you. The sound you made made you snap out of your daze, and you turned your attention back to the man in front of you, who hadn’t even noticed you weren’t listening to him anymore, so enthralled he was by his own conversation.

You excused yourself, not wanting to be in Heeseung’s sight anymore. You weren’t sure what to make of the interaction - you loved the idea of Heeseung paying so much attention to you, but there was something about the setting and the fact that he was talking with another girl the whole time which made you a bit uncomfortable. Disheveled, you sat down at the nearest table, not paying much attention to who was there.

“Everything alright, miss Y/N?”

That voice was too familiar. Of course, you just had to sit next to Jay’s dad, a.k.a. one of the richest CEOs in the country, a.k.a. the man behind this fundraiser. You changed your expression from distressed to spirited, not wanting him to think you weren’t handling tonight well. Before you could say anything to reassure him, he added, “Not easy, is it, entertaining so many people? I’m sure you’ll get used to it.”

Relief immediately washed over you. You looked down and said, “It hasn’t been too bad, just depends on the person you’re talking to.”

He chuckled. “I thought I saw you talking to CEO Jung. Or rather, CEO Jung talking at you. Sorry about him, he’s just the kind of person you have to learn to deal with.”

You continued talking to Mr Park, and he even invited you to stay at his table when the main course was served. He was surprisingly easy to converse with; he intently listened to you, even though he probably met infinitely more interesting people than you every day, and bounced off of your words naturally. You wondered how such an easy-going man could give birth to an argumentative boy like Jay.

You suddenly wondered where Jay was. You hadn’t seen him all evening, and he wasn’t sitting at his dad’s table either. You assumed he’d be busy with other people, but you couldn’t help being curious about his whereabouts. Not wanting to look around the room searching for him and appear disinterested in his dad, you just asked him directly if he knew where his son was.

Mr Park quirked an eyebrow and asked, “Oh, you know my son?”

“Yes, we’ve had a lot of classes together since freshman year,” you explained.

He seemed deep in thought for a second, until he started slowly nodding his head as if he’d just figured something out. “Of course, you’re Y/N. I knew that name was familiar.”

Why would your name be familiar to Jay’s dad? “Oh, did Jay mention me or some-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Mr Park said, “Ah, there he is,” gaze directed behind your shoulder. And indeed, as you turned around, you saw Jay coming towards your table.

 “Dad, mind if I steal Y/N for a second?”

“She’s all yours,” he replied, sending a wink his son’s way. You looked at Jay and he seemed just as confused about his dad’s words as you. But then his eyes found yours and he motioned for you to get up and follow him with a tilt of his head.

“It was really nice talking to you, Mr Park, thank you so much for your time.”

“Of course. It was lovely meeting you, Y/N. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon enough,” he said with a knowing smile. 

You didn’t even try figuring out what he meant, and just walked with Jay as he took you to a quieter area of the ballroom. Most people had finished eating and had stood up again, so you’d needed to weave through them, and Jay put a hand on your lower back to guide you better. You ignored the warmth that spread on your skin where he touched you, blaming it on the glasses of champagne you’d had. 

When you’d reached a spot where you could talk easily, he turned towards you with a smirk. “I can’t believe you’re already charming your way up to my dad. You’re definitely ambitious, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes but then remembered where you were and thought it might be best to not give in to Jay’s taunts here, so you kept your voice low when you replied. “I didn’t even do it on purpose. I just sat there, and he happened to already be at the table.”

His smirk only grew wider. “Right.” Then he stepped back a bit, and took a good look at you. Unlike Heeseung’s gaze earlier, the way Jay looked at you in that moment, like you were the only thing worth looking at in this beautiful ballroom, made butterflies erupt in your stomach. God, you really had had too much champagne. “I knew that dress would look good on you.”

You should’ve been flustered by the compliment, but you were too confused by Jay’s words: how could he have known about this? Why did he make it sound like he had chosen the dress? The stylist’s words from earlier suddenly pop up in your mind: “he does have good taste.” There was also the fact that you had applied to work as a waitress tonight but ended up as one of the scholarship students. Slowly, things started piecing together in your mind, and you looked up at the well-dressed, smirking boy in front of you in disbelief.

“Jay. Did you do this?”

“Do what?” he said, an innocent tone to his voice, but a mischievous look in his eyes.

Your eyes widened and you lightly slapped his arm. “You did! I- You- Ugh. Thanks, I guess,” you muttered, looking down at your shoes. You were beyond grateful, but your ego stopped you from being too showy about it.

He smiled at you, and you ignored how much you loved it. “It was no big deal. Just had to change your name from the waitering group to the student reps. Took me two seconds,” he said, following your gaze down, bashfully admitting to helping you out.

“Why’d you do it?”

Because you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and the world should know about it, was his immediate thought. But of course, he’d never say that out loud, so he opted for, “I just felt bad for you, really. I know you like to think of us as rivals, so I thought the least I could do was to put us on equal footing tonight.”

Although you had a feeling he wasn’t telling you everything, you weren’t going to press any further. You chatted for a bit longer, the both of you enjoying a relaxed conversation after hours on being on your best behavior, and your ability of talking normally to Jay and not wanting to claw his eyes out surprised you, not to mention the fact that you were… enjoying yourself.

“Anyway, I’m doing the closing speech soon. I’m gonna be awesome, so look closely, yeah?” You knew he wanted to look cool, but you thought he sounded like an excited kid who was about to put on a show for his family. How cute, you thought, and immediately chased that thought away from your brain. That damn champagne must’ve been laced with something.

You both went back into the crowd, and quickly your name was called out by someone you had talked to earlier who wanted to introduce you to someone else. You quickly waved goodbye at Jay, a smile on your face. If anybody had seen him, they would’ve noticed how his cheeks fired up and how he waved excitedly back at you.

And indeed, he had been seen.

His dad had been talking with one of his business partners, but tried to keep some of his attention on you and Jay. He couldn’t help but be curious as to why his son, who had previously never expressed any romantic interest in anyone, was suddenly making sure you attended the fundraiser as a student rep and not a waitress, and why he’d even gone the extra mile and chosen your dress for you. He hadn’t missed the way his son’s face lit up when he was talking to you, and how his gaze lingered on you as you walked away. But he also hadn’t missed how you’d followed Jay without hesitation, and how relaxed you’d looked talking to him. He thought the both of you acted as if it was just you two in a room full to the brim with people. When his wife joined him at the table, he’d told her about their son’s unusual behavior, and she said that she had noticed him looking around as if searching for someone a few times during the evening. They exchanged a knowing smile.

Heeseung had also noticed Jay leading you away from the crowd, and had intently watched your interaction, not even trying to make the girl he was talking to think he was still paying attention to her. He knew you had a crush on him; you couldn’t make it any more obvious. But he also knew how comfortable, how yourself you were around Jay; he’d seen the two of you banter around campus, always arguing about something, whether it was the new law that was being put into place or whether pineapple belongs on pizza or not. Heeseung wasn’t stupid, he’d seen enough rom-coms to know that the girl always ended up with the friend she joked around with and not the hot popular guy that made her feel nervous.

Jay and him had been rivals since he could remember, and not rivals like you and Jay, but proper rivals, who actually had to fight for something. Well, technically, it was their fathers who were competing as CEOs of some of the top firms in the country, but since they were bound to take their place at some point, it had felt like their competition as well. Nothing was off-limits when it came to their rivalry, and you were most definitely not an exception, not to Heeseung. He couldn’t stand seeing Jay have something he didn’t. At that moment, he made up his mind.

Heeseung had to have you.

But before that, Jay needed to give his closing speech. As soon as he’d stepped on the stage, the chatter started to quiet down, and everyone turned their attention to him. Much like you earlier, he hadn’t realized how bright the lights were when standing onstage. He could only see over a hundred people staring right at him, and his confident demeanor from moments ago crumbled at his feet. He scanned the crowd for your face, desperately needing something, or rather someone, to anchor him. When his eyes finally found yours, he felt strength regaining his body. His mother followed his gaze and found you looking right at her son, sending a reassuring smile and thumbs-up his way.

Jay’s speech went very smoothly, and everybody congratulated him for it as they left the room.

—

Back home after a stressful but rewarding evening, all Jay wanted to do was take a shower and pass out in bed. But his parents had other plans.

“So…” started his mother, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“So?” Jay asked, already fearing whatever his mom was about to say.

“Y/N’s a nice girl,” she simply stated, hoping Jay’s reaction would give her more to go on.

And oh boy did it. He immediately started blushing and stuttering at the sudden mention of your name. He knew you’d spoken with his father at the fundraiser, but he hadn’t thought his mom would bring you up.

“Y-Y/N? Yeah, I guess. But what about her?” he said, looking away and trying to sound uninterested, but blatantly failing.

His parents exchanged a look. “C’mon, son,” his dad picked up, “you don’t need to hide something like that from us. We’re very happy that you’ve found a nice girlfriend like Y/N.”

A nice… girlfriend? Had Jay heard that correctly? His parents thought you two were… dating? 

As he stared at them wide-eyed and mouth agape, they just chuckled softly at him. “It’s okay, Jay, really. She made a dazzling impression on all of the guests tonight, and on us. She’s exactly the kind of person you should be dating, so don’t worry about us getting in your way of anything. We approve of your relationship.”

Jay started laughing in disbelief, and his parents just took it as a sign of his relief. If only they knew. “Right,” he said between chuckles, “thanks, guys.”

Why he didn’t deny what his parents were saying was beyond him. A part of him didn’t want to disappoint them by telling them the truth - his mother had always urged him to get a girlfriend, saying he wouldn’t have the time for dating later on in his career, that he should enjoy his college years as much as he could. Another part of him loved the idea of dating you, and it hurt him too much to shatter that thought.

So he just nodded along, saying he was glad they liked you.

“We really did,” said his father. “In fact, you should bring her over for dinner sometime this week. It’d be nice getting to know her in a less formal setting, don’t you think? Ask her what she likes, I’ll ask the chef to cook it specially for her.”

“S-sure,” Jay said, already panicking - he’d either have to come up with an excuse as to why you couldn’t come to dinner, or with ways to convince you to be his pretend-girlfriend for a night. If he actually did ask you, he’d have to be very careful about it, otherwise it’d end up with you trying to pull his hair out.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?

—

At 10:43 a.m. the next day, you were waiting for Jay in front of the library. Right when you were about to turn your bedside lamp off, you’d received a text from him, asking to meet. Apparently, there was something he needed to tell you, and whatever it was, you were absolutely dreading it. Jay always had a lot of things to say, but he’d never felt the need before to warn you in advance that he needed to tell you something. Those kinds of messages were never very pleasant, and even less so when they came from Park Jongseong. Rereading the messages, you really couldn’t figure out what was so important that required you to take a break from your weekly Saturday morning study sessions.

00:44 archnemesis: Hey Y/N

00:44 archnemesis: Are you still up?

00:44 you: do NOT fuckboy text me jongseong

00:44 archnemesis: Sorry

00:45 you: go away im trying to sleep

00:45 archnemesis: Not trying hard enough obviously

00:45 you: shut up

00:45 you: what do u want

00:45 archnemesis: I need to tell you something.

00:45 archnemesis: Can we meet up tomorrow morning?

00:46 you: wtf

00:46 you: what is it ???

00:47 you: cant u just tell me now??

00:49 you: jay ???

00:49 archnemesis: Um.

00:49 archnemesis: I’ll tell you tomorrow!

00:49 archnemesis: :D

0:49 archnemesis: library 10:45?

0:50 you: ughhhhh

00:50 you: yeah whatever

00:50 you: this better be worth it istg

00:51 archnemesis: Good night Y/N <3

00:51 you: EWWWW

You’d stayed awake for a while after that, trying to figure out whatever it was he needed to tell you, but the only thing you were sure about was that it had something to do with the fundraiser, since he’d texted you after it. Had he finally realized how superior in every aspect you were to him and would finally bow down to you? That seemed pretty unlikely. Did one of the guests there really like you and had spontaneously decided to pay for your studies and offer you an internship at their company? Were they impressed by your intellect and wanted you to become their kids’ private tutor? Possible. Or even better, maybe it was Jay’s parents whose attention you had particularly caught, and they wanted to reward you in some way. Maybe they thought you were amazing and that you’d be a perfect girlfriend for their son, and Jay, ever the daddy’s boy, would now shower you with gifts and attention in order to capture your heart.

Ha, as if, you thought, laughing to yourself. It was a lot less funny when Jay told you about the little misunderstanding.

You were sitting at the library café with Jay, who’d wanted to postpone delivering the news as much as possible and had bribed you with the promise of free hot coffee. Well, free for you, at least. Not that a coffee would create much of a dent in his bank account. After five minutes of chit-chatting, you were getting annoyed with him and didn’t understand why he was being so uncharacteristically awkward and asked him to cut straight to the chase. When he told you his parents thought you were his girlfriend and wanted to have you over for dinner this week, it took all you had to not spit the coffee right in his face. Not only was it ridiculous, it was practically exactly what you had imagined.

“Are you kidding me, Jongseong? I can barely pretend to be your friend, how the hell am I gonna pretend to be your girlfriend?”

Your words were like bullets piercing right through his body, but he had to ignore the pain, telling himself you were just shocked by the sudden news. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I just- I panicked, and I didn’t know how to tell them the truth. They seemed so happy,” he said, head hung low. You knew he was genuinely sorry, because he’d almost never actually said those words to you, so he had to mean them. The only other time you could think of was when he’d dropped his water bottle all over your laptop. The next day, he’d offered you a brand new MacBook with all of his notes already downloaded on it.

You sighed, unsure what to make of the whole situation. At any other time, your first reaction would’ve been to flip Jay off and tell him to get out of his own mess, but you felt like you owed him after what he’d done for you at the fundraiser. Even though he made it seem like no big deal, it still meant a lot to you that you’d gotten to spend the evening making yourself known to the guests and not serving them smoked salmon toasts, and that was all thanks to him.

“I guess I do owe you one, Jongseong.” His head snapped up and he looked at you with the most hopeful eyes you’d ever seen. “But before you get carried away,” you warned, “this is a one-time thing. Find an excuse, say we broke up or whatever. Fake dating is like, the most predictable trope ever,” you said, remembering all the heated discussions you’d had on the topic with Sieun.

But Jay paid no attention to that last sentence - he leapt up from his chair and came over to your side, engulfing you in a surprisingly warm hug. He muttered thank you over and over into your hair before realizing hugging wasn’t something you guys did and he might have just made things way worse. To his relief, when he took a sudden step back, you didn’t look upset at all, but rather amused at his sudden burst of excitement. 

He returned to his seat and cleared his throat. “Right. Thanks a lot, Y/N. My dad likes to have family dinners on Thursdays, so it’ll probably be then. I’ll, uh, I’ll take you there, so don’t worry about that.”

You chuckled at him. “You know I’ll never let you live this down, right?”

He sighed and shook his head, saying, “I know. But I’d rather have that than disappoint my parents, to be honest.” He smiled at you as if to take away some of the gravity of what he’d just said. You thought it wasn’t something he wanted to delve into, so you took a sip of your coffee and brought up the topic of this week’s tutorial for your cinema class, knowing it was a surefire way to start an argument with him. 

—

On Monday at lunch, you were sitting at the cafeteria with your friends. Keeho was telling them how fancy you’d looked and how you’d managed to charm everyone.

“I feel like I should be jealous, but what you did looked a lot more tiring than what I did, to be honest. When you’re a waiter at that kind of event, those rich people don’t even register your presence, so they just say the wildest shit in front of you. Apparently, CEO Cha is having an affair with CEO Liu’s wife, whoever they are.”

You chuckled at your friend, feeling even more thankful towards Jay that you didn’t have to spend your evening like that. The four of you continued chatting, which mainly consisted of complaining about how you already had so much work only two weeks into the semester. You were intently listening to the niche topic Sieun was learning about in her Bio class when someone dropped a bag on the table right next to your tray. The letters ‘Gucci’ were written on it in the iconic but simple font.

Your gaze went from the bag to the person holding it, and of course, it was none other than Park Jongseong himself.

“Hey, Y/N. Hey, guys,” he said, giving your friends a simple nod. They all replied with a confused hi. You were just staring at Jay, wondering what he was doing here.

“I got you something for Thursday night,” he explained. “Gotta wow the parents, you know?” he added with a wink.

“Uh-huh” was your very clever reply. You could feel your friends’ gaze ping-ponging between you and Jay.

Jay looked around the table, an awkward silence spreading between everyone. He cleared his throat. “Well, let me know if it fits or not. See you around.” And with that, he was gone as quickly as he’d arrived. You turned back to your friends, and their confused faces echoed your own. 

“What are you waiting for?” Sunoo nudged your arm. “Take a look inside!”

You took the bag on your lap and pulled out a magnificent green satin dress that was a lot more elegant than the one you’d worn at the fundraiser. You guessed Jay really did want for you to make a good impression on his parents. It seemed to be quite long and to not show too much skin, which you appreciated. You could only hope it would look as good on you as it did seeing it like this.

As soon as you’d taken it out, you’d heard your friends gasp. 

“Oh.”

“My.”

“God,” they’d said in turn, obviously mesmerized by the gift. 

You handed the dress to Sieun, who clearly wanted to admire it up close, and looked into the bag in case there was anything else. You were maybe hoping for a pair of earrings or a necklace, but it was wishful thinking. Instead, you found a sticky note signed Jay, which read, Wear the accessories and shoes from last week. I can’t spoil you too much just yet.

You hadn’t even noticed Sunoo was reading the note over your shoulder until he put his hand over yours in what seemed to be a confidential manner and said, with all the seriousness in the world, “Y/N, be honest with us. Is Park Jay your sugar daddy?”

Sieun and Keeho’s head snapped up and they stared at you expectantly. “What the hell? Why is that the first place your mind goes to?” you said, almost laughing in disbelief.

Bewildered, Sunoo replied, “How can it not? The wink, the Gucci gift, the note? It screams sugar daddy!”

“Wait - didn’t he say something about his parents? I’m not an expert, but I don’t think meeting the folks is sugar daddy etiquette,” Keeho mused, taking this way too seriously.

You took a deep breath. There was no point in not telling your friends what had happened, so you explained the events of the past few days to them, from Jay changing your role at the fundraiser, to his parents thinking you were dating, to dinner with them on Thursday.

When you were done bringing them up to date, they all looked at you with incredulous looks. After a moment, Sieun broke the silence: “Y/N, you’ve become a real walking rom-com. I’m so proud of you.” 

Keeho was tearing his bread apart, throwing chunks into his mouth. “I don’t know. Fake dating is kinda boring, to be honest.” Sieun let out an offended gasp and Sunoo nodded in agreement. 

“We’re not gonna be fake dating. Just for this one evening, I’ll pretend to be his girlfriend, and it’ll be over as quickly as it started,” you said, hoping that’d be the end of this conversation, but your friends wouldn’t back down so easily. 

“Y/N, that’s literally the whole concept of fake dating. You’ll think it’s only that one time, and before you know it, you’ll be married with three children, and it won’t be fake anymore,” Sieun warned, but you just shook your head and laughed, stealing Keeho’s other piece of bread from his tray.

“You guys are blowing this way out of proportion.”

“And you’ll be blowing something else soon…” Sunoo muttered, just loud enough for your table to hear. You let out an offended gasp but Keeho and Sieun just burst into laughter.

“Sunoo!”

“What?!” he replied, imitating your outraged tone but sporting an amused smile. “Your whole rivalry thing is too cute, I can’t take it seriously. You won’t admit it to yourself, but you clearly like Jay a lot more than you do Heeseung,” he said with a shrug, as if it was all so obvious. You tried to find support in Keeho or Sieun’s eyes, but they avoided your gaze, guilty expressions on their faces.

“Guys, come on, you can’t be serious. Jongseong and I are just- we’re just-” Rivals? Friends? Soon-to-be fake boyfriend and girlfriend? Who knew anymore. You took a deep breath. “It’s not like that.”

“Whatever you say,” Sunoo sighed, but to your relief that was the end of the conversation. Your friends quickly moved on to another topic, but their words gnawed at the back of your mind like rabid bunnies. Either they were completely insane, or you had gravely misjudged Jay this whole time. 

—

When Jay rang your doorbell at 7:00 p.m. sharp on Thursday, you were just done applying a thin layer of gloss on your lips. That morning, he’d texted you to ask for your address and tell you to be ready at seven. You took a good look at yourself in the mirror and headed down the stairs to get the door, but your mother had beat you to it. 

Not used to keeping secrets from her, you’d told her everything. She’d looked at you curiously the whole time, a slight smirk on her face as if she knew something you didn’t. And sure enough, when you were finished talking, she’d said, “I knew there was something between you and that Jay boy. You talk way too much about him.”

Not her too, you thought, but you didn’t need to encourage her delusions by telling her your friends thought the same, so you’d tried to defend yourself. “Mom! I just told you, I’m only pretending, I’m not actually his girlfriend. If I did like him, you’d be the first to know.”

She looked at you with a knowing smile that moms loved to wear. “I do know. You’re the one who doesn’t.” You’d dismissed her with a roll of your eyes. Everybody around me’s going crazy, you thought.

When she opened the door, it revealed a very smartly-dressed Jay (but when was he not?), bouquet in hand. He immediately handed them to her and introduced himself.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Kim. I’m-”

“Jay, I know. Y/N’s mentioned you.”

“Has she?” he asked, a genuine grin blooming on his lips. You ignored how the glint of surprise and - hopefulness? - in his eyes tug at your heartstrings.

“Just once or twice, and never positively,” you interrupted, appearing next to your mom. Taking your appearance in, she nodded at you approvingly, but Jay just stood there, mouth agape, seemingly transfixed by you. He only snapped out of his daze when you called out his name.

“You ready to go?” you asked, and hoped that the heat that had traveled to your face was hidden by your makeup.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. Let’s go. It was nice meeting you, Mrs Kim.”

“You too, Jay. Thanks for the flowers. I hope Y/N will be a good fake girlfriend to you tonight.”

“Oh, you told her?” Jay asked you, looking somewhat disappointed. 

“I wasn’t gonna lie to my mom about my boyfriend,” you said, nudging him out of the door. “Bye, mom!”

You ignored her reply (“Don’t have too much fun!”) and walked speedily towards Jay’s car, which looked far too expensive for this neighborhood. As you got closer, he took a few quick steps in front of you and opened the passenger door for you. You rolled your eyes, not wanting to let on how the gesture made your stomach flip. “No need to go that far, Jongseong. Don’t try to woo me.”

He hurried to the driver’s seat, looked at you with a grin and said, “Might as well get into character now.” His gaze lingered on you for a second too long, and you started feeling self-conscious when his eyes moved up and down over your body. When you coughed, he suddenly turned his attention back to the front and gulped, then started the car. He looked taken aback himself, as if he hadn’t even noticed he was staring at you. After a few seconds of silence, he said, “I really do have good fashion taste.” 

Although he was technically complimenting himself, you caught yourself hoping he also meant you looked good in the dress he’d chosen for you. “You could have included shoes and jewelry, you know. I wouldn’t have taken it the wrong way,” you said with a playful tone. 

“Sounds like you’re already getting used to a lavish lifestyle,” he retorted, making you smile sheepishly. 

“I’m just not used to dressing up nicely like this. It’s nice,” you said truthfully. You weren’t sure where the honesty was coming from, but something about being in a car with Jay made you feel like you could say anything - it felt safe, like whatever you could tell him would stay between the two of you. What happens in Jay’s car, stays in Jay’s car, or something along those lines. 

Jay wanted to tell you that if you gave him a chance, you could do this anytime you wanted. He’d buy you all the dresses you could dream of, and give you a taste of his world, which he so often found bland and shallow, but that he was sure you could light up in the blink of an eye. But he couldn’t say that, so instead, he said, “Yeah, I noticed. I don’t think anything you’ve ever done or said offended me more than that one time you showed up to class wearing a ‘where the hell have you been, loca?’ t-shirt.”

“Shut up, that shirt is amazing!”

“Maybe, but the movie it’s quoting is an absolute trashfire of a film, if you can even call it that,” he claimed, knowing it’d get a reaction out of you.

“Don’t talk shit about Twilight, Jongseong, or I’ll mess tonight up and your parents will think you’re dating a psycho.”

He turned to you with a smirk. “I’d like to see you try.”

You’d always known Jay was a confident man. It’s obvious in the way he holds his head high whenever he enters a room, or how he manages to stay calm and collected during an argument with someone who’s practically shouting at him (you, usually). And while he was always self-assured during your debates, seeing him act like this to practically flirt - could you describe it like that? - with you rendered you speechless. And you hated being speechless.

So you crossed your arms with a hmph and looked out the window, turning away so he couldn’t catch your fluttered state. 

You finally arrived at his parents’ house after a half-an-hour drive (“You live so far away, do you seriously drive to campus and back everyday?” “Yes, Jay, not all of us can live in a three-bedroom flat in the middle of the city”). As soon as you walked in, his mother greeted you with a warm hug, telling you how pretty you looked, and his father clasped your hand tightly, the lines around his eyes showing as he smiled at you. By the looks of it, you wouldn’t need to do much for them to like you.

You could tell Mr Park was a businessman by the way he didn’t beat around the bush when talking to you. As soon as you’d sat down in the (or at least one of the) living rooms for drinks and small appetizers, he asked, “So, Y/N, tell us about yourself.”

Having anticipated such a question, you started, “Well, I’m an Econ major-”

“Yes, but I know there’s more to you than just academics,” Jay’s dad interrupted with a well-intentioned smile.

You looked at Jay, hoping he could help you out. He just looked back at you as if he was waiting for your answer as much as his dad was. “Right. Um. Where should I begin?” you said with an awkward chuckle. You felt a bit put on the spot, but there was only genuine curiosity in all three pairs of eyes looking at you, so you felt comfortable enough to go on.

“I’ve always lived here. Or, technically, in the suburbs. Since I spend most of my time either studying, working at my part-time job or commuting back and forth between school and home, I don’t have much time for hobbies. I just use my free time to spend time with my friends or my family.” You looked at the three people in front of you, wondering if you’d said enough. After a beat, you added, “Sorry, was that too depressing?”

Mr and Mrs Park chuckled at you, and he instantly reassured you, saying, “No, no, not at all. Tell us about your family.”

You were expecting that one too. “Well, it’s just my mother, my little sister and me. But she’s at boarding school right now, so I only see her during the holidays.”

“Boarding school - that’s pretty impressive,” commented Jay’s mom.

You smiled fondly at the thought of your little sister. “Yeah, she’s a smart cookie. Got there on a scholarship and everything. She likes it most of the time but she does complain about how the people there are all-”

You stopped yourself before your tongue could slip up and potentially offend Jay’s parents. But to your surprise, they smiled and, in turn, said, “Rich and self-centered?” 

“Little kids who think they run the place when they’re only fourteen?”

A chuckle escaped you, not expecting them to share that kind of opinion with you and your sister. An amused tone in your voice, you nodded your head and said, “Yeah, exactly.”

“Yeah, I know all about those. Your boyfriend here might have been born into wealth,” he started, and you tried not to choke on your drink at Jay being referred to as your boyfriend, “but my father’s company, the one I’m in charge of now, only started being successful when I was in high school. My dad worked his way up from the ground, so he and I both know what it’s like to not be well-off. I’ve tried to not turn Jay into one of those rich kids who think they’ll rule the world just cause they have money, and… well, I hope I did a good job.”

You looked at Jay with a grin. He looked right back at you as if to say, I dare you to tell my dad he’s wrong. If this was anyone else in any other situation, you definitely would’ve told them Jay is one of the most privileged people you’ve ever met. You thought for another second - yes, Jay was definitely privileged, but there was a sort of innocence about him. He’d never used his wealth to make you feel inferior to him or anything of the sort. When he’d bought you that MacBook, it was to apologize, not to show off. It was as normal for him to have his meals cooked and laundry washed as it was for you to sigh in defeat every time the price of milk went up, even by just a cent or two.

So, still looking at him, you replied, “Yeah, I’d say you did a pretty good job.”

The way Jay’s eyes looked in that moment, fond and soft, made you want to never look away. But you didn’t want to make it awkward, so you turned back to his parents, who were watching the two of you with affection. Maybe Jay and you were a little bit too good at this whole fake-dating thing.

A maid came into the room to announce dinner was ready, and you all headed to the dining room. When plates of your favorite food arrived, you looked at Jay, astonishment written all over your face.

“How did you know?”

“You might’ve mentioned it here and there…” he sheepishly answered, knowing fully well that he’d gotten the information from a tweet you’d made eight months ago.

As conversation picked up again and you exchanged with his parents over a bunch of different topics, from childhood memories to that weird new Netflix show that’s strangely addicting, you tried to ignore Jay’s stare that was burning into the side of your face. 

“What about your dad?” he suddenly asked, catching everybody in the room off guard. Noticing your confused look, he continued, “Earlier. You said it was just you, your sister and your mom. What about your dad?”

His mom furrowed her eyebrows at him and said, “Jongseong, leave her be. If she hasn’t told you, she probably doesn’t want to talk about it.”

You took a deep breath. “No, it’s alright. I don’t mind talking about it, I just don’t usually bring it up cause it makes people think of me differently? Like they start to pity me just because my dad’s out of the picture, when, really, it hasn’t affected me that much. I’ve never known him, my mom has always raised the two of us on her own.” You looked down at your hands. You hadn’t even realized you’d been fiddling your fingers. “It just seems too cliché, the poor girl who lives in the suburbs and is on a scholarship and doesn’t have a dad and redeems herself by having good grades. Which is why I like to usually keep it to myself.”

You looked back up at them and were relieved when you found understanding and not pity in their eyes. If there was one thing you didn’t want to happen, was for them to think you were leeching off of Jay or trying to get his money. Even though you weren’t actually dating, it would’ve still damaged your ego if they had seen you that way.

A few hours later, dessert was finished, and you could tell everyone was starting to tire (or had had too many glasses of wine) by the way the conversation was starting to make less and less sense. Jay was looking at the three of you in amusement, stone cold sober, as he knew he’d have to drive you home later.

“Well, Y/N, son, we’re not going to hold you hostage here any longer. You still have classes tomorrow,” Jay’s dad said.

His parents led the two of you to the door as you gathered your coat and bag. “It was so lovely getting to know you more, Y/N. You truly are a sweet girl, and we can tell you’re making our Jay very happy,” his mother said, pulling you into a hug.

“You better treat her well, son,” said Mr Park. Jay looked over at you, and there was something in his eyes you couldn’t quite explain; all you knew was that it sent shivers straight down your spine. “I will,” he simply said, but with so much honesty, it made you wonder if he actually did mean it.

“Oh, and Y/N, there’s an event this Saturday. It won’t be as fun as ours last week, but I’m sure you could find a way to enjoy it. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt for people to see what a nice, hardworking girlfriend Jay has,” his father said, beaming down at you.

Jay and you exchanged a look, and the panic at the sudden invitation made you say, “Yes, I’d love to attend!” instead of finding a palatable excuse.

You exchanged final goodbyes with his parents, and as soon as you were in the car, you let out a hearty groan.

“My God, what’s wrong with me? Why did I have to say yes to that?”

Jay started the car. “I’m surprised too. If you had given me three seconds, I could’ve come up with an excuse for you. But I mean, I’m not gonna complain.”

You turned your head towards him, a pout on your face. “What do you mean?”

Jay kept his eyes straight on the road as he answered. “Well, like he said, it won’t be a bad look for me to have you on my arm. As much as it pains me to admit, you’re charming and intelligent, and,” he glanced quickly towards you, “I have good fashion taste, so you don’t look like an absolute fool in that department either.”

You snorted at his coyness. “Just say I’m pretty and move on, Jongseong.”

“Is that what I said, though?” he asked, a devilish grin on his face. 

You gasped dramatically, trying to appear as offended as possible. “Your dad literally just told you to treat me well, I’ll have you know.”

“They really fell for it, didn’t they?,” he said with a sigh. “I have to say, you did a pretty good job tonight. Almost got me wondering if you’re not used to being people’s fake date for the night.”

“Yeah, it’s my side job actually.” You smiled at each other, and when the eye contact lasted a second too long, you both quickly turned your head to the road. “So, what’s Saturday night about?” you asked, wanting to break the silence.

“Oh, it’s probably just another boring event where the grown-ups go to socialize and flaunt their wealth or their children’s prowess.”

“Wow, look at you being all critical. I thought you lived and breathed that kind of stuff.”

“I like it when it has a purpose. Like a fundraiser, or a company opening, or whatever. But this is just another excuse for people to show themselves off. You don’t have to come, you know. I can probably find a way out for you.”

Once again, without thinking, you immediately answered, “I’ll come.”

Jay glanced at you quickly, an eyebrow raised. “Wh- Really?”

You shrugged, trying to stay casual. “I mean, I don’t have anything on Saturdays. Might as well keep you company. Turns out you’re not always insufferable.” You’d lowered your voice for that last sentence, only half-heartedly admitting it. But of course, Jay wasn’t going to let you go with it.

“Huh? What was that? I don’t think I heard you,” he teased, leaning slightly towards you.

You gently nudged his shoulder, saying, “Shut up, you heard me. Just because I tolerate you slightly more doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being my number one rival.”

You’d never seen Jay smile that much. You sometimes caught glimpses of it when he was with his friends, but with you, he usually had an arrogant smirk, so seeing his genuine grin made your heart swell with joy you couldn’t explain. 

“Of course not. I wouldn’t assume anything else.”

He dropped you off at your house and made sure you were inside before driving away. When you told your mom about your night, she watched you with a smile, that knowing glint in her eyes still there. When she tried hinting at you having feelings for the boy, you’d gotten off your chair and shouted good night! before heading to bed. 

—

Saturday quickly rolled around the corner, and you were in your room with Sieun, trying on the two dresses Jay had given you to pick from. “They’re both good, I just wanted to see if you’d choose the best one,” he’d said. This time, he’d also included a new pair of shoes and a set of matching jewelry. Your friends kept teasing you about him being your sugar daddy (“you can’t deny it anymore, Y/N”), and you had to admit you were starting to feel a bit like that, even though you weren’t really giving him any sugar. He was just spoiling you like it was his day job.

He was right; both dresses were gorgeous. They were both black, but one of them was body-fitting with an open back, while the other cinched in at the waist and had puffy sleeves. You couldn’t deny that you looked good in the first one; Sieun had let out the loudest gap when she’d seen you in it. But you both agreed that it was on the riskier side, and it was probably more appropriate to wear the second dress.

You were laying on your bed, talking about this and that. It’d been a while since it was just the two of you, and it was nice catching up with her.

“So…” she’d started, an impish tone to her voice. You knew immediately what she wanted to talk about and let out a loud groan, but that didn’t deter her. “Wanna tell me about Jay?”

It was obvious what she was trying to get at, but you weren’t going to give her what she wanted. “Well, he’s rich and has a huge house. Not surprising. He drives well. He’s not half as annoying when he’s in front of his parents. Probably not trying to be as much of a smartass. He seems to think he’s all that. He-”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” she said, laughing. “What I mean is, has anything changed between you two? Have you finally come to your senses about the boy?”

You thought about it for a second. Something had definitely shifted in your perception of Jay. You felt it in the pit of your stomach every time he smiled at you. But it was scary: this wasn’t you and Jay. You and Jay argued, and riled each other up, and got on each other’s nerves. You didn’t crack jokes so you’d hear the other laugh, or agree without thinking when they asked you for a favor. It was confusing, so instead of voicing out those concerns, you lied. “No. Not really.”

But your friend wasn’t buying it. “C’mon. The guy buys you dresses, gets your mom flowers, drives you to his parents’ for dinner. I know it’s not for realsies, and you’ve got integrity or whatever, but you can’t completely be indifferent to it, Y/N. Even you’ve got to admit Jay’s hot.”

You laughed at your friend’s reasoning. “Fine. Maybe he’s not just someone to beat anymore. I guess that’s what fake dating will do to you. But that doesn’t mean I have to say he’s hot.”

She turned to fully face you. “Not even when he’s all dressed up? Or when he hands you a bag that has contents worth thousands?”

Her eyes were telling you that you had to agree with her. You tried to suppress a smile, still not wanting to admit anything. Just because you and Jay had been rivals since you’d met didn’t mean you went blind every time you saw him. Of course, you knew how attractive he was. But you had conditioned yourself to never see him that way, so letting on that you didn’t think he was completely repulsive felt like betraying yourself. 

Sieun laughed at your reaction. “C’mon! Say it!”

You pursed your lips together, suppressing a smile, and shook your head. The tilt to Sieun’s head and the devilish glint in her eyes told you your friend was up to no good - and indeed, a second later, she was on you, tickling your sides and asking you to “say it! Say it!”

“Fine, fine!” you said between breathless giggles. She finally relented. “I think Jay’s hot.”

“Do you, now?”

The sudden male voice made you and Sieun shriek. You sat up in your bed and found its owner - sure enough, Jay was standing in your doorway, leaning against the wall and clearly liking what he’d just heard. Your mother soon appeared behind him, explaining that he’d knocked and she let him in, telling him to go up to your room. She mouthed sorry and quickly scurried down the hall.

“I’m not sure why it took you so long, but I’m glad you’ve finally opened your eyes, Y/N.”

Sieun’s eyes were going back and forth between the two of you, until she stood up and said, “Well, I guess that’s my cue to go. Have fun you two, and tell me all about it on Monday, Y/N!”

Before you could protest, she had already left your room, sending Jay a wink as she passed by him. It was silent for a few seconds as you sat there in embarrassment, cursing the Gods for your awful timing. He walked in and sat down at the edge of your bed, comfortable and keeping his distance at once. The sentence there’s something perfect about him flashed in your mind but you were quick to brush it away. “So, which dress did you choose?”

“The one with the puffy sleeves,” you replied, unable to look him in the eye.

He tutted, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Wrong choice.” You rolled your eyes. “Show me?”

This made you look at him. His smile was taunting, but his eyes were soft. With the way he looked right now, you thought he could ask you anything and you’d say yes. You hadn’t imagined that him sitting on your bed would make you stammer like a schoolgirl in front of her teacher crush, but here you were, almost rendered speechless by the mere sight of him. The fact that he was manspreading and leaning back on his hands, the top buttons of his shirt undone and his trousers stretching against his thighs, wasn’t particularly helping. More shyly than you intended, you told him to turn around and close his eyes, then quickly put the dress on. You were thankful for its lack of zipper - you don’t know if you could have handled Jay zipping your dress up for you.

“Okay. You can turn around now.”

This was already the third time Jay was seeing you all dressed up, but his gaze managed to make the heat rise to your cheeks every time. The corners of his lips rose slightly. “Wrong choice,” he repeated, “but you still look really good, Y/N.”

You couldn’t stop the smile spreading on your face as you coyly replied, tugging at the hem of your dress, “Why thank you, Jay.”

“You gonna be ready to go soon?” he asked, checking the time on his phone.

“Yeah, just need to put on jewelry and shoes, and I’m good. Sieun did my makeup for me earlier.” You put on the thin silver earrings and ring Jay had gotten for you and checked your reflection in the mirror. You put a hand to your collarbone, thinking the area looked a bit empty without a necklace.

“Should I wear the necklace from last time? It looks a bit weird without anything right now,” you asked Jay, keeping your gaze on the mirror. 

“Um, I’ve got something, actually. I forgot to give it to you with the rest of the things.” He fished a small box out of his bag and got up to stand behind you. He took out the necklace and put it around your neck, asking you to hold your hair up. You complied, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His hands slightly brushed the back of your neck as he locked the necklace, and you had to keep yourself from visibly shivering at his touch. This was infinitely worse (or better) than him zipping up your dress.

He absent-mindedly let his hands slide along your shoulders until they came to a halt on the sides of your arms. His eyes met yours in the mirror, and with a smile, he said, “All done.”

—

Nothing, not even the fundraiser of the previous week, could’ve prepared you for how lavish this party was. Whereas the fundraiser has been in an 18th century ballroom, in the old part of your city where most of the architecture was traditional, this event was taking place in the newer, richer part of the city where skyscrapers constituted most of the area. You were at the top of one of those skyscrapers, and from the huge windows that made up two of the four walls of the spacious room, you could see the whole city laid out right in front of you, as if it was yours to take. If having money meant seeing this everyday, you thought you could understand why rich people got addicted to it. 

As Jay and his dad had warned, the atmosphere that evening was very different from that of the fundraiser. Instead of gathering for a cause, this just felt like an excuse to get drunk and eat tiny, tiny appetizers that probably cost a hundred dollars each, all while looking rich and fashionable. The room was quite dark, only the moon outside and the small LED lamps on every table bringing light in. You’d never seen such an impressive collection of alcohol (to be fair, you’d only ever been to frat parties where most of the alcohol was cheap beer and dodgy brands of vodka), and you were really going to have to restrain yourself from trying out every cocktail the barman offered. Although most of the people there were in their forties to sixties, and the younger people were only there thanks to their parents, the dress code wasn’t as formal as you’d have imagined it to be, and Jay’s assessment of your dress as the “wrong choice” now made more sense. The women wore dresses that showed quite some skin, or didn’t leave much to the imagination, and the men had left their suit blazer behind and hadn’t buttoned their shirt all the way up.

It was all a bit mind-boggling at first, but you soon got used to it, and Jay’s warm hand on your lower back reassured you. At first, the two of you walked around together, talking to different people, and hoping you were making your “relationship” clear to them. You were glad Heeseung or anyone that would’ve recognized you wasn’t there: you could handle pretending to be Jay’s girlfriend in front of his parents and other random people, but in front of the whole school, that would’ve been a whole other level of fake dating.

Watching people slowly slip into a drunk state as the hours passed was just about the only source of entertainment you got that night. The two cocktails you’d tried out were way too strong to your liking, so you didn’t feel like drinking anymore, and Jay couldn’t because he was driving you home later on. When most guests were beyond the point of being able to hold a coherent conversation, you and Jay took it as your cue to leave. You found his parents among the crowd to tell them goodbye, and you could tell they weren’t completely sober by the way they kept telling you you were amazing and made you promise three times you’d attend more of these events. Guess you couldn’t back out now.

And indeed, as weeks passed, it became a normal thing for you to accompany Jay every time he had an event to attend. Your wardrobe was going to burst from all the outfits he kept buying you, but you weren’t going to complain. Jake and Sunghoon, as sons of CEOs of smaller but still important companies, were sometimes present. They usually ditched these types of events, and you couldn’t blame them, but they still made the effort from time to time. You were already friends with Jake before; the two of you had lived in the same dorm building and kept finding each other in the study room late at night, then started to bond over insolvable questions and watered-down instant coffee. Sunghoon, on the other hand, you hadn’t had many chances to talk to, and you couldn’t lie, judging by his appearance alone, you had first thought he was even more self-centered than Jay. But after talking to him for just a minute, you found that that cold facade quickly broke down and he was easy to talk to and very funny - in his own way, but funny nonetheless.

Heeseung wasn’t always at these events, but whenever he was, you couldn’t miss him. He always garnered attention, especially from the female guests, but he always kept his eyes trained on you. In all your three years of liking him, he’d barely spoken a word to you, so why the sudden interest? Usually, you’d have craved his attention; but for some reason, at those parties, you felt indifferent towards it. You hated how he was always with a different girl and never approached you, yet wasn’t trying to keep his glances towards you discreet at all. Jay noticed it too, and a couple times you’d even had to stop him from going up to Heeseung and asking him what the hell he wanted. 

Since you didn’t have money to bedazzle people with, you always tried to make a good impression with your conversation and intellect, but some nights you just weren’t up to it and spent most of the time laughing with Jake and Sunghoon, as Jay was often too busy talking to someone else. Tonight was one of those nights; half an hour into the party, an important businessman approached Jay and started talking to him, completely ignoring you. He always ended up apologizing later on, but you didn’t reproach him for it - you knew he had a reputation to uphold and that these events were important for him. Plus, it wasn’t like he owed you anything - you weren’t his girlfriend after all, even if the line between real and fake had started to blur more and more often as of late. 

Feeling out of place, you looked around the room and found Jake and Sunghoon at the bar, six shots lined up in front of them. You had never gotten drunk at any of these events, not wanting to risk embarrassing Jay or his parents, but tonight seemed like it was gonna be the most boring one as of yet. So you gestured to Jay that you were leaving and joined the two boys.

“Room for one more?” you asked when you reached them. They turned around and smiled at you; this was clearly not their first drink of the night. 

“Of course!” replied Jake excitedly, beaming at you. You could tell he already had a few drinks in his system. Without further ado, you each took a shot glass in your hand, clinked them and brought them to your lips, dipping your heads back. The burning of the alcohol as it glided down your throat was both repulsive and intoxicating, and you were soon reaching for the second one. The boys cheered you on and quickly mirrored you. 

Although you’d promised Jay you’d always be on your best behavior, as the evening went on, you never refused a drink that the servers approached you with or the boys offered you. Without Jay to make snide remarks about the snouty guests with, the evening was a lot less fun, so you couldn’t help but down every glass of alcohol that came near you; since Jake and Sunghoon were doing the exact same thing, none of you were realizing exactly how drunk you three were getting. At least, you weren’t going around the room, mumbling drunkenly to everyone; you were staying at a table in the corner, mumbling drunkenly to each other.

Jay was observing you from afar, trying not to worry and stay focus on the conversation (no matter how mind-numbing) he was having; but when he saw you almost fall out of your chair and burst into laughter right away instead of regaining your senses, he thought it was time to come check on you. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for having left you alone for most of the night, and he knew Jake and Sunghoon never stayed sober through these events, but in his defense, he didn’t think any of you would go that far.

He took a seat in the chair next to you, leaning close to you so you could hear him over the music and chatter of the guests. He asked you how you felt, and you gave him a lopsided smile in response. “Me? I feel great. This place is awesome once you’ve had-” you hiccuped, “a few drinks.”

Jay sighed but had an affectionate look on his face. “Right. I think it’s time to get you home.” He saw you open your mouth in what was probably going to be protest, so before you could say anything, he added, “And don’t even argue with me. I’m taking you home, let me just go let my parents know first. You two figure it out on your own,” he told Jake and Sunghoon, who had already started to doze off on their chairs.

He got up and headed towards his parents, and you watched him walk away with a pout on your face. Your vision was blurry from the alcohol and you could barely make out any faces, but you waved in what you hoped was the general direction of his parents. 

“She just keeps getting better, doesn’t she? Even when she’s drunk, she doesn’t embarrass herself,” said Mr Park when Jay announced your departure. “I’m glad you have her, son.” Jay was glad for the dimness of the room, which meant his dad wouldn’t notice how hard he was blushing. Even if it was all an act, thanks to his parents, he had gotten closer to you than he thought he ever would.

He bid goodbye to his parents and a few other guests, including Jake’s and Sunghoon’s parents, making them aware of their kids’ state, then went back to get you. The trek to the car wasn’t the easiest as tiredness had started to hit you and your body grew heavier against your will. You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the back of the passenger seat and Jay couldn’t help but think you were the cutest thing in the world. He then realized how far gone he must be to think you still looked precious in your current state.

The car ride was silent, your quiet snores and the soft chatter of the radio the only sounds filling up the space. Jay thought you were dead asleep as you didn’t wake up when he fished your keys out of your bag and carried you bridal style out of the car and to the door, but really, you just didn’t wanna have to walk. When he got to the door, though, you thought it would’ve been unfair to make him struggle that much, so you opened your eyes and quietly told him to let you on the ground. He walked you to your room, tucked you in bed and even got a wet wipe to take your makeup off for you. 

As he gently swiped it over your eyes, trying not to hurt you, your drunken state got the best of you and you asked, voice barely over a whisper, “Why are you doing all this?”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, and you thought he might not have heard you, until he replied, “Because I want to.” You were too tired to press the matter any further, although you desperately wanted to. You’d have to wait until you were sober - if you’d have the courage to bring the subject up then.

When he was done and got up from your bed, the sudden absence of his presence around you made you panic, so you called out, “Jay?”

“Yeah?” he said, and you hoped you weren’t imagining how expectant he’d sounded.

“Will you stay?”

Your eyes were too heavy to even open, so you couldn’t see his reaction. After a second that felt like an eternity, he answered, “Of course.”

You heard him steal a pillow and lay down on the carpeted floor next to your bed. Maybe it was the remnants of alcohol in your system, or the fact that spending so much time together, especially as his girlfriend - fake girlfriend - had made you see him in a new light, or the fact that you felt like your whole world would collapse if you didn’t have him next to you at that moment, or all three of those things. All you knew was that something beyond your control made you whisper “come here” in the quiet of your room, and, when he got under the covers with you but kept his distance, made you wrap your arms around him and cling onto his shirt as if he would disappear.

You slept like a baby that night, but Jay barely got a wink of sleep, the sound of his own heart beating uncontrollably keeping him awake.

—

You woke up that Sunday morning with a ringing headache, an upset stomach and a thirst you knew you wouldn’t be able to quench no matter how much water you drank. Your bed was empty, and the only thing that reminded you Jay sleeping overnight wasn’t a fever dream was his scent lingering on your pillow. The pang in your heart at his absence was hard to ignore - you were definitely curious about what it’d be like to wake up in Jay’s arms. 

The busy chatter coming from the kitchen forced you out of your bed, although you would’ve rather stayed there all day. As soon as you opened your bedroom door, the smell of pancakes and sizzling bacon attacked your nose, and you hurried downstairs.

The sight of Jay cooking breakfast for you and your mother alone was enough to cure your hangover. You sneakily watched from the staircase as he expertly flipped pancakes and cooked eggs at the same time, all while holding a conversation with your mom. You walked into the kitchen and poured yourself a cup of coffee before taking a seat next to your mom, trying to but failing to suppress a smile. “I didn’t know you were also a housewife, Jongseong,” you said, voice still groggy with sleep.

“I thought it was the least I could do after making you attend such an awful event,” he answered, and you had the suspicion he was only being nice because your mom was there, even though she knew you two weren’t actually dating. 

He kept that energy all throughout breakfast, making your mom laugh, and you watched him play his charm on her, glad you didn’t need to participate in the conversation. Any mom would be lucky to have him as a step-son, you caught yourself thinking.

Your mother hugged him when he left, and turned to you with a smile as soon as she’d closed the door. “Y/N, there’s no way in hell you don’t wanna date that boy. Hell, if he wasn’t half my age, I probably would.”

You took a cold water bottle from the fridge and said, “We’re not talking about this,” then headed up the stairs to your room. You ignored her calling after you and laid down in bed. Last night had given you a lot to think about.

—

You never got as drunk as that night again, not wanting to repeat that situation. Your relationship with Jay had already changed so much in so little time, but now, there was a lingering tension that always kept you on edge, and it wasn’t due to the constant arguing. It was due to the way you couldn’t get his scent on your sheets out of your head and the way he couldn’t forget how you had held onto him that night. You two had always said whatever was on your mind to each other, especially if it was something that would annoy the other, but now unspoken words constantly lingered between the two of you.

Your friends saw right through you; even though you tried to play it cool, it was painfully obvious that Jay was much more than just competition to you now. You hadn’t told them about the time he’d slept over and made you breakfast, knowing you’d never hear the end of it; but they didn’t need to know about that to see something had changed. It was clear in the way you talked about him, which had gone from irritated to excited, or how you never mentioned Heeseung anymore. One time, you’d even said “dating Jay” instead of “fake-dating,” and Sunoo had immediately picked up on it.

“That-that’s what I meant!” you’d exclaimed defensively, but they’d all looked at you with teasing smiles.

Jay hadn’t been very discreet when he’d given you bags of designer clothes all over campus, like in the cafeteria, in a random hallway, or in a lecture hall, and given his immense popularity (you know, being handsome and rich and all that), a few rumors about you two dating were being spread around. But they hadn’t really blown up, since the both of you always denied them whenever someone asked you if they were true, because you didn’t need to keep the pretense at uni. 

The pretense - because that’s all it was, of course. Play pretend. Fake dating, keyword fake. But everything with Jay felt too real - the laughter in his car on the way to and fro the events, the smiles you exchanged from across the room, his hand brushing against yours when you sit next to each other during lectures. It wasn’t enough to have his arm around your waist once or twice a week, and it drove you crazy that you had him in bed right next to you but that you’d let him go. You needed to have him close, and for it to be real.

It was a sunny March afternoon when you realized this. Your week was surprisingly unbusy - along with the preparation for your lectures and tutorials, you only had two small online quizzes to complete, and all your bigger deadlines were so far away that even you didn’t see the point in starting on them already. So, armed with your favorite book and plenty of snacks, you’d decided to head to the park next to campus and spend a relaxing afternoon in the sun. It went as planned for about an hour, when an all too familiar voice called out your name - a voice that used to make you sigh in annoyance and roll your eyes automatically, but that now made your heart skip a beat in nervousness, you realized with some alarm.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” He sat down next to you on your picnic blanket, beaming at you like you were his good old friend he’d just run into. He had a professional-looking camera with him, something you’d never seen him carry around. You were so taken aback by his excitement at seeing you that no words formed in your mind, and you just raised your book and waved it stupidly.

Jay chuckled when he saw what you were reading. “Twilight, of course. And that’s the last one, isn’t it?” He shook his head in mock-disappointment at you. “I can’t believe you would put yourself through the torture of reading four of those books, Y/N.”

You just mumbled something about them being fun to read, turning your gaze back to the cover of the book you were holding. What the hell was wrong with you?! Usually, you’d be quick to shoot an answer back at Jay, either defending yourself or attacking him on one of his own weird preferences (you’ll never forget the day they had corn at the cafeteria and Jay had scarfed down at least five cobs in one sitting). But right now, Jay’s presence next to you turned your insides to liquid and rendered you unable to think properly. You hated it.

But then you noticed something on the book cover - “Jay, how do you know this is the last one?” From the corner of your eye, you saw Jay’s head snap up while you turned the book in your hands. “There’s no number on it.”

“O-oh,” he started, and judging from the growing blush on his face, you knew you’d caught him. This brought some of your usual confidence back to you. “Isn’t it common knowledge that Breaking Dawn is the last book in the series?”

You giggled at that. “Absolutely not.” His guilty expression only made you want to press further, and you added, “That’s something you’d only know if you’d watched all the movies and made the effort to remember the separate titles.”

He looked away, letting out a small hum as he found sudden interest in his camera. You were still smiling at him in disbelief. “Jongseong, have you seen all five Twilight movies?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and kept avoiding your gaze. “Pffft. No.”

“Jongseong.”

At the sound of his name, he abruptly turned his head in your direction, and his glare only made you smile even more. “You’ve actually seen all five movies, I can’t believe this,” you said, almost laughing. Jay’s eyes softened slightly, just enough for you to notice. He turned his attention back to his camera, but he was smiling down at it as he spoke this time.

“It’s just that you’ve mentioned them so often, I thought I should check at least the first one out. Turns out they’re pretty addictive,” he admitted sheepishly.

“So you watched them for me?” you asked, and your voice was more admirative than you’d had intended it to be - you wanted to tease him, not let him know that what he’d just said actually touched you.

“I watched them for… research purposes,” he conceded. Your eyes met. Your cheeks were starting to hurt from all the intense smiling this conversation was bringing you, but you couldn’t help it. This time, you were the one to look away.

“Research purposes, of course.” A short silence ensued, the sort of silence you should’ve been used to with Jay by now but that always made you feel giddy - the sort that’s awkward in a lighthearted way, the sort where you’re repeating all the words that have just been said in your head and committing them to memory. The sort where you hope the other is feeling all the things you’re feeling.

You broke it first. “What about you, what are you doing here?”

Jay raised his head, looking like he’d just remembered he had come here for another purpose than just talking to you. “Right. I have a project for this elective I’m taking, so I need to film some stuff and I thought it’d be nice to do it here,” he explained, shrugging.

“Sounds cool,” you said, and you hoped he knew you actually meant it. He looked at you again, and he seemed surprised. “Tell me more,” you added, and from the way his features lit up, you could tell you had said the right thing. You positioned yourself more comfortably on the blanket as you listened to him.

“Oh, well, our professor’s a bit of a romantic so the project is all about finding beauty in the small things, the happiness around us, love…” 

Your gazes locked the moment he said that word, but it only lasted a second. Jay was quick to clear his throat and go back to his explanation, but it took you a few more seconds until you could focus on his words again. When you snapped out of it, he was showing you some films he’d already taken. They were all very short, just three or four seconds long, but a peacefulness emitted from each of them. An encouraging message scribbled into a lecture hall table, a cat laying on a windowsill, enjoying the sun, an old couple walking slowly hand-in-hand, teenage girls celebrating a birthday at an ice cream parlor, the metro passing quickly through the frame as the sunset paints the sky orange in the background. All beautiful moments that make up life, but that you never take the time to fully appreciate.

“This… this is beautiful, Jay,” you breathe, mesmerized by what he’d manage to capture.

“Yeah? Not too cheesy?” he asked, a small smile on his lips.

“Not at all. I think your professor will love this, you completely grasped the subject.”

He let out a shaky breath of relief, his smile getting wider. “Nice,” he said under his breath. Then he suddenly turned his head to look at you, an intensity in his gaze you hadn’t expected. “Would you mind if I took a video of you? Add you to the film?”

“W-what, like here? Right now?”

“Yeah,” Jay said, and when he smiled at you like that, who were you to say no?

“Okay, sure.” You tried to shrug, play it cool, but something about Jay looking at you through his lens and adding a video of you to all those beautiful ones he’d just shown you made your heartbeat speed dangerously.

“Great,” he beamed. “Just read your book. Pretend I’m not here,” he instructed. As if you could be anything less than hyper-aware of his presence, you thought.

Thankfully, the video was shot in just a few minutes as Jay searched for the best angle to take it from. Before you knew it, he was already back next to you, mirroring your position on the blanket as he laid on his stomach. You tried to ignore how his shoulder brushed against yours as he leaned on his forearms, showing you the video. You had to admit, it looked really nice - from this angle, the sun shone down on you perfectly, and you could see the wind blowing through the tree leaves in the background. It fit perfectly with the other videos.

“Beautiful,” Jay whispered, looking at the film with nothing but fondness in his eyes.

You didn’t linger on his words too long, just took the chance to tease him: “Are you complimenting me or your videography skills?”

The look in his eyes didn’t change as he turned his head and gazed down at you. “You, of course.”

A smirk tugged the corners of his lips up as he took in your flustered expression, your incoherent mumbles. “Whatever,” you mumbled when you regained the ability to speak. 

Another comfortable silence settled between the two of you as Jay busied himself with his camera while you read the same paragraph over and over, unable to concentrate on the words. You desperately wanted to say something, but had no idea what, so you were grateful when Jay broke the silence.

“Just need to edit this all together on my laptop, and then I’m all done. Thanks for your help, Y/N.”

“I didn’t do anything, though,” you said with a small smile. His compliment from earlier was still ringing in your ears.

“But you did. I think that shot of you will end the film perfectly.” 

Sure, Jay had gotten nicer and nicer to you as time passed - but today, he was really laying it on thick. He was making it hard to breathe properly. All you could do to save yourself was change the subject.

“So, this is for the Visual Studies part of your degree, right?”

For the second time today, Jay’s expression went from surprise to delight - you remembered, he thought. “It is, yeah,” he replied, with a wide grin he couldn’t control. He seemed to hesitate for a bit, as if deliberating whether he should say whatever it was he wanted to say or not. You were happy to see he opted for telling you. “If it was up to me, it’s the only thing I’d have done.”

You studied him for a bit. With just this simple sentence, you realized Jay’s life wasn’t as simple as you’d always imagined it to be. “But it’s not up to you, I’m guessing.”

He smiled sadly, and you had to resist the urge to take him in your arms. All these things you had been feeling for him, they weren’t supposed to be there, and you were getting really tired of fighting them back.

“It isn’t, no.” He turned over to lay on his back, and you imitated him, so that you were now both staring up at the sky. He sighed before speaking again. “My father isn’t a particularly conservative man, but he does like tradition. He wants to keep the company in the family, and as his only child, I’m the one the responsibility falls upon. He’s never even asked me if this was what I wanted to do, just assumed I’d be happy with it.”

In your three years of knowing Jay, you’d thought how unfair it was that he wouldn’t have to go through the hoops of job applications and job interviews. He already had a top position waiting for him as soon as he got out of college. But now you realized that he was completely trapped in the position - all of the decisions you’d taken academics- and career-wise had been your own, while Jay’s had been chosen for him in advance.

“I picked up photography as a hobby to get away from it all and ended up really falling in love with it. I have control over my camera even if I have zero control over anything else in my life,” he explained with a defeated chuckle.

You let your head fall to the side and looked at him. “I had no idea about any of this.”

Jay met your eyes and smiled. The sun was right behind you, so he had to shield his eyes from it to look at you. “Of course not. I never mentioned it.”

“I feel like I should’ve known, for some reason.”

His smile got wider. You looked away. “Why?”

“Just ‘cause. Maybe I would’ve gone easier on you if I knew you were also struggling.”

“I wouldn’t have let you.” He bumped your shoulder with his, making you let out a chuckle.

A beat passed before you spoke again. “Guess we both have a lot of pressure on our shoulders, huh? Even if they’re different kinds.”

“Guess we do.”

“Then we’re more similar than I’d thought,” you said, and looked at him again.

“Guess we are.”

A smile bloomed on your lips, and Jay’s eyes drifted down to it. That simple action made you panic, and you suddenly sat up. He didn’t have time to ask if everything’s alright, you were already throwing your stuff back in your bag and mumbling something about the time and having to go. You stood, and turned to Jay before scurrying off. “I’ll see you around.”

Jay chuckled, slightly confused, but let you go. It wasn’t until he left himself that he’d realized you’d left without your picnic blanket.

— 

After that afternoon, you tried to pretend nothing happened, and that you hadn’t run away just because of Jay glancing down at your lips. You were already getting worked up over things you shouldn’t even be thinking about when it came to him - you didn’t need to have Jay kissing you on your mind.

Thankfully, Jay didn’t bother you about it, and you got back into your routine of arguing by class and pretending to be a couple by night. Everything was fine.

That is, until Mr Park happened.

You had waited all week, hell, all month for this: Jay’s dad was about to give a special talk for the School of Business on how to get a company started and efficiently run it, but most importantly, he would announce how to apply for a summer internship at his firm. You’d made sure to get there early so you could get a good seat. He noticed you when you walked in the amphitheater, and motioned to you to come see him.

“Y/N! Lovely to see you, thanks for coming,” he greeted, beaming down at you. It always surprised you just how similar his smile was to his son’s.

“Of course, Mr Park! I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Come and see me after the talk, yeah? There’s something I want to tell you.”

God, what was it with Park father and son to announce things like that? Why not just say it straight away? You kept those thoughts to yourself and nodded, then sat down at a seat in the front.

You listened intently the whole time and took down rigorous notes. When it was over, you had to wait another twenty minutes as people asked him questions, until he finally announced that was all he had time for today. You headed down towards the stage, and complimented him on his talk. Most people in the room had started trickling out, but there were still a few students waiting at the doors, hoping to catch him before he left.

“Oh, thank you, thank you,” he said with a chuckle, before taking a deep breath. “I realize now what I said earlier might have made you nervous, but don’t worry, you’re not in trouble.” 

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Good. “I just wanted to thank you for being such a good girlfriend to Jay. I’ve always been proud of him, but I know he has a lot on his shoulders, so it’s nice to see that he has someone like you to rely on.”

You smiled at Mr Park, saying it was nothing, but you felt guilty. He truly believed in you and Jay, when the two of you were only pretending. Even though it didn’t always feel that way anymore. 

“Oh, and for the internship, I’m sure you’ll understand that it wouldn’t look too good if I gave it to you. But don’t worry, I’ll put in a good word for you wherever you decide to apply.”

A second passed. Then another, and another, until your lack of answer was becoming weird, and you had to say something. “Oh. Right. Of course, I understand,” you replied, hoping the disappointment in your voice wasn’t too obvious. You exchanged a few more words until you said you needed to get back to studying.

As you turned around to exit the room, you noticed everybody who had been waiting for Mr Park was staring right at you, wide-eyed. You tried to ignore them and get to the doors, but a girl stopped you. “So the rumors are true, you really are dating Jay?”

You’d never seen her in your life and were a bit shocked that a stranger could demand information about your love life, but you nonetheless shook your head and started to say, “What? No.”

“Why are you lying? We just heard everything,” said another voice.

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter anyway, just don’t lie.”

You turned your gaze away from the students to look behind you at Mr Park. Or more precisely, at the lecturer mic wrapped around his waist. From where you were, you could make out a tiny red light on the mic, signaling it was still on.

Crap.

—

As soon as you were outside, you called Jay. He picked up after a few rings, groaning, “What? I’m at the library.” Ah, there was the Jay you knew.

“I’ll be here in two, come outside.”

“But-”

“Right now,” you said sharply and hung up. 

Jay had wanted to scold you for disturbing him like that, but as soon as he saw you, eyebrows furrowed and biting your lip nervously, worry overcame him. “Hey. You okay?” he asked gently, placing his hands on your forearms.

“Yeah. I’m fine, but, um, everybody knows. »

He looked at you questioningly, and when you wouldn’t explain further, he asked, “Knows what?”

“You. Me. That we’re dating. Well, they think we’re dating.”

“What? How do they know?”

“Your dad. We talked after his presentation, and he thanked me for being a good girlfriend, except his mic was on. So everybody heard. And you know how gossip travels here, so everybody’ll know by tonight,” you said, sighing in exasperation.

Jay thought for a while. “Well, who cares if they know? We don’t have to change the way we act with each other. That’d be more suspicious, if anything. We’ll just have to not deny it when people ask if we’re dating.” 

Your frustration got the best of you and you scoffed, giving Jay a harsher look than you wanted to. His hands left your forearms. “How far is this gonna go, Jay?! How much longer do we have to-” You realized how loud your voice was, and switched to whisper-shouting instead of just shouting. “To pretend? I can let you parade me around those CEOs and whatnot, but I don’t wanna have to keep the charade up on campus, too.”

Jay’s law locked. He looked like you’d just punched him. But he didn’t say anything, so you dropped it. “Anyway, that’s not even the bad part. Your dad told me I wouldn’t get the internship.  And it’s fine, I guess I can get one somewhere else. But I wasn’t expecting it, and I was really looking forward to working at your dad’s firm.”

Again, he was silent for a small while, until he muttered, “Right.”

You looked up at him, and he was avoiding your gaze. Why wasn’t he surprised, or angry? Why wasn’t he reacting?

“Did… did you know?” you asked, unable to keep your voice from shaking.

Nothing.

“Jay. Did you know?” you repeated, tone harsher, more impatient.

“Um. Yeah, I knew,” he mumbled. He still wouldn’t look you in the eye. 

You shut your eyes for a few seconds, trying to grasp the situation. “Wh- you knew? And you didn’t say anything?” 

“Sorry,” he said, eyes trained on his shoes.

“Sorry? That’s it?” You shook your head in disbelief. You almost wanted to laugh. “How long have you known?”

“Since the beginning, really. My dad’s not the type to do favors, and he wants to keep up that image. So if you’re my girlfriend, he wouldn’t give you the internship.”

You couldn’t say anything. Not getting the internship was one thing. You could get over it. But Jay knowing from the start and keeping it from you, that was what really hurt you. You could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you walked away before Jay could see just how much he’d upset you.

“Y/N!” he called after you. He grabbed your wrist, making you stop in your tracks and turn around. The sight of you, teary eyes and staring at him with fury in your eyes, and knowing he was the reason behind it, made him indescribably angry at himself.

“Whatever it is you have to say, I don’t wanna hear it, Jongseong.” He tightened his grip on your wrist before you could snatch it away from him.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know you wanted that internship. If I did-”

“If you did? Then what? You wouldn’t have asked me to be your pretend girlfriend? You would’ve let me have a chance at the internship?” You shook your head. “Of course not. So save it.”

You managed to get out of his grip and continued walking away, ignoring him as he called out your name again. When you were a few meters away, you turned around and said, venom only in your voice, “I hope you realize how selfish you are, Jay.”

That’s when his heart broke.

—

Jay had been right when he said people wouldn’t care about the two of you ‘dating.’ However, the people who did care, your friends, were more confused than anything: you had gone from bickering non stop, to denying couple rumors, to not talking to each other. It’d been a week since your argument with Jay, and you still didn’t want to hear him out. You didn’t want to have anything to do with him: you straight-up ignored him every time he tried to get you to talk to him, had blocked his number and shut down your friends and mom whenever they mentioned him.

You missed him; you missed his stupid arguments, and his stupid jokes, and his stupid face, and how it had started to feel like he genuinely cared for you. Or at least, that’s what he’d made you think. And he’d made you think it so well, that you thought you might have been starting to genuinely care for him as well. Which only made his betrayal a hundred times worse.

You’d decided to drown your sorrows in textbooks, and spent most of your time at the library. On Thursday, you were searching for the week’s essential reading in the Econ section, and as you took out the book in question, you saw a pair of eyes staring right at you. You tried not to shriek but you felt like your soul had left your body. You’d barely had time to gather your spirits when the culprit had come round to your side of the bookshelf, and of course, it was none other than Lee Heeseung. God, you thought, could that boy get any weirder?

“Trouble in paradise, or so I’ve heard?” he asked in lieu of a normal greeting. Whatever happened to hello?

“That’s none of your business, Heeseung,” you replied curtly, opening the book.

He tried not to be taken too aback by your attitude. He was used to stammering and blushing Y/N, not you-better-not-give-me-any-shit Y/N. He wouldn’t say he disliked the change.

“I’m not sure why you thought dating a guy like Jay was a good idea in the first place, anyway. You could do a lot better, you know,” he said, and you couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of it all. When you didn’t answer, he went on. “You know, we’ve missed you at the frat parties. I know you’ve been going to all those boring company events, but don’t you think it’d be more fun to let loose with us? Tomorrow night?”

This made you look up at him. He had that gaze again, the one you’d seen all those times, and you remembered why you’d liked him for so long. Something about his eyes, about the way he was waiting for you to say yes, made you reply, “I’ll think about it.” You returned his smile and headed back to your seat. You did think going to his party would be fun, and you definitely needed some of that right now.

Plus, you had the perfect dress for the occasion.

—

So here you were, standing in front of the frat house’s door, Sieun, Sunoo and Keeho at your sides, in the tight black dress Jay had given you but you hadn’t chosen for that one event. They were all used to this kind of party, but you’d only been a few times, and although they’d all hyped you up for it, you suddenly felt yourself deflate. 

“Guys, what if I just embarrass myself like last time? I don’t think I could live with that-”

“Nope! We’re not having this conversation again!” Sieun exclaimed, already pushing you inside. “You look hot as fuck, and tonight you’re gonna have so much fun and forget all about Jay.”

Keeho and Sunoo gave her a stern look. “Sorry,” she quickly apologized, but you barely heard her over the bass of the booming music. It was 11 p.m. and the party was well into motion. People were drunkenly dancing on the designated dance floor, and you tried to not conjure up memories of that last party. There were people everywhere you looked: on the staircase, in the backyard, in the kitchen. 

Your friends and you headed first to the mini-bar and shot down some vodka for liquid courage. As you started chatting, trying to see who was there, Heeseung approached you.

“Y/N! You came! And you look really good,” he said, taking in your figure. He pulled you into a hug which you returned warmly. The vodka was already having its effects on you, apparently.

“Can I get you guys a drink?” he asked you and Sieun. Keeho and Sunoo had already disappeared to the dance floor. 

“Sure,” you said, smiling up at Heeseung.

Sieun looked between the two of you, and said, “Actually, I’ll join the others. Come dance with us soon, Y/N!” And like that, she was gone, giving you no time to protest. She thought she was being slick, that one.

You and Heeseung chuckled. He got you a red cup and you watched him as he expertly poured different juices and liquors in it. “So, what made you decide to come?” he asked, handing you your drink. You took a sip of it and nodded approvingly.

“I just needed a good party. To let loose, like you said. Plus, who am I to deny an invitation from the great Lee Heeseung?”

Neither of you was sure where all the confidence was coming from. As soon as you’d said that, you looked down at your cup and smiled shyly. Heeseung looked at you curiously, but he couldn’t help but grin as well. You chatted a bit more, drinking one, two, three cups of the heavenly concoction Heeseung made for you. 

“Wanna dance?” he suddenly offered, extending his hand. Right at that moment, you saw Jay enter the house with Jake and Sunghoon. You saw him look around the room until his eyes zeroed in on you and the boy in front of you. Perfect, you thought. You smiled at Heeseung and took his hand, letting him lead you to the dance floor.

Somebody had dimmed down the lights and Lost in the Fire by The Weeknd was playing loudly, creating a sensual atmosphere in the whole room. Your body started swaying to the music, and you were thankful for the alcohol in your system, ridding your mind of any negative or self-conscious thought; you were just enjoying yourself, exactly like you’d wanted to do tonight.

You were getting lost in the music, when a pair of hands on the sides of your waist brought you back to reality. Heeseung got so close to you, you could feel his lips on your ear as they moved to whisper, “Having fun, princess?” 

You nodded fervently, leaning your head back on his shoulder, closing whatever gap there was between your two bodies. His hands traveled from your waist to your hips and you could feel his broad chest against your back as you two moved to the rhythm of the music. From where you were, you had a view of the living room. Jay was sitting there, a girl sitting so close she might as well have been on his lap, but he was staring right at you. You knew never hooked up with random girls at parties, so he had to be doing this to get a reaction out of you. You hated that it worked, that it only made the fire in you burn harder - so as a response, you started grinding your ass against Heeseung.

When the girl actually sat on Jay’s lap, you couldn’t look anymore, so you turned around and put your arms around Heeseung’s neck and faced him. His eyes had glossed over and he was looking at you with a hunger you’d never seen before. Well, that wasn’t true - you’d seen him look at other girls that way, and you always knew what happened after that, but you chased the thought out of your mind, forgetting all about that promise you’d made to yourself of never becoming another one of his drunk fucks. Now that his attention was on you and you only, you felt yourself wanting more. His hands traveled further down your body as he grabbed at your ass, bringing your hips closer to his. He bent down to press wet kisses up your neck until he reached your ear. 

“Wanna take this upstairs?” he asked. It sent shivers down your spine, but you couldn’t tell whether they were good shivers or not. You willed away your hesitation, smiling at him as he took your hand once again, this time leading you to what you assumed was his bedroom. As you walked up the stairs, you scanned the room and sure enough, found Jay sitting on a couch, staring right at you. You thought the beer can in his hand might explode, he was holding it so tight. Feeling you slow down, Heeseung tugged at your hand, and you detached your gaze from Jay’s, trying to drown out the feeling of guilt that was creeping up inside you.

As soon as he’d closed the door behind you, Heeseung wasted no time in pressing you up against the wall and kissing you hungrily. You hadn’t been kissed many times before, and surely not with such energy, but you were sure it was supposed to feel better. Heeseung was in no measure a bad kisser, he seemed to have the technique down to a T and kept a perfect rhythm. But you felt no fireworks, no butterflies, no light-headedness you’d always hoped would come with a good kiss. There was just no passion to it.

After a few minutes of making out, when you were starting to hope he’d get on with it, he said, breath irregular, “What would Jay say if he saw this, huh? Probably hates the idea of me kissing his precious girlfriend, don’t you think?”

The mention of Jay hit you like a ton of bricks. “Wh-what?” you stammered, not letting Heeseung kiss you when he leaned in again.

“Jay? Your boyfriend?” he repeated, looking at you bemusedly.

You chuckled once. Then twice. Then you just started laughing. “Oh, Jay? We’re not actually dating,” you revealed, your filter completely gone because of all the alcohol.

“What?” Heeseung took a sudden step back from you. His confused gaze had turned cold.

“We’re not dating, I said. It’s all fake, it was to make his parents happy,” you explained, yourself confused by Heeseung’s sudden attitude change. 

It was his turn to laugh. “Wow. That’s impressive. You managed to fool me.” His smile dropped. “Now get the fuck out.”

“Excuse me?” you said, crossing your arms over your chest. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

“You heard me. Get the fuck out. There’s no point in fucking you if you’re not Jay’s girlfriend. You’re just a random loser.”

You stared at him for a few seconds, until you started laughing. It only seemed to make him angry. “What the fuck are you laughing about? I told you to get out.”

You sighed amusedly as if Heeseung was just joking around. “I just think it’s funny that you won’t fuck me because I’m not actually Jay’s girlfriend, when that’s not stopped you from getting with a different girl every single weekend. Whore,” you said, adding that last part in a whisper. You didn’t actually care that Heeseung slept around, not anymore, at least, but you wanted to get a reaction from him after the way he’d treated you.

But perhaps you went too far, because Heeseung’s eyes turned even angrier, and he pushed one of your shoulders harshly, making you almost hit the wall. “I’ll tell you one last time. Get out, you pathetic little bitch.” 

Just at that moment, the door burst open, revealing a very angry Jay. 

“What the fuck did you just call her?” he growled, heading straight for Heeseung and grabbing him by the collar. The other boy didn’t seem fazed, a smile back on his face, as if this whole situation was funny.

“Aw, Jongseong is mad I’m not being nice to his little fake girlfriend?” You guessed Jay must’ve looked confused, because Heeseung continued, “Yeah, she told me. To be fair, I should’ve known even you wouldn’t date a fucking beggar like her.”

You weren’t quick enough to stop Jay from bringing his fist up to Heeseung’s nose. You swore you heard something crack. But as soon as you saw him get ready for another punch, you ran to him and held his arm, shouting, “He’s not worth it, Jay!” and God, you almost wanted him to punch you because of how cliché that had sounded, but you truly thought Heeseung wasn’t worth losing any energy over.

Your voice seemed to make Jay snap out of his fury, and he looked at you, worry written all over his face. However, that only lasted a second, as his expression then shifted to something you’d never seen on his face before, and he grabbed your wrist, leading you out of the room. The commotion had gathered some attention, and you left the house under a bunch of people’s curious looks and chatter.

What was it with men grabbing you and leading you wherever tonight? You were tired of it, so as soon as you’d reached the front yard, you got your wrist out of his grasp, and demanded to know where he thought he was taking you. He grabbed your wrist again, and said, “To my place. We need to talk.” 

The tone in his voice told you it was better not to test him, so you got in his car. Jay was always a safe driver, but this time, he sped through the whole city, even burning some red lights, reaching his apartment on the other side of town in a matter of minutes. You quickly texted your friends your whereabouts so they wouldn’t have to worry. The whole car ride had been silent but you could feel him fuming next to you, and you had no idea what to expect when you entered his apartment.

His place was exactly like you’d imagined it: modern, spacious, and way more organized that any other university student’s flat would be, but also had a lot of personal touches. It was very Jay, and if it hadn’t been for the tension between the two of you, you’d have immediately felt at ease there.

Jay walked through the dark apartment to the kitchen, where he turned on a single light. You followed him, unsure what else to do. He leaned against his hands on the island counter, head hung low, and you went to stand on the other side of the counter, waiting for his next move. When his head snapped up and he peered straight at you, you could barely decipher the look in his eyes, but thought it contained a mixture of jealousy, anger, and… hunger. He’d never looked at you that way before, and his gaze itself created a ball in the pit of your stomach. You told yourself it really wasn’t the moment, but you couldn’t help but feel desperately attracted to him.

“What the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

You scoffed. “What the fuck were you doing with that random girl?” 

“I wanted to make you jealous.” He hadn’t hesitated a second before answering, and his confidence destabilized you. You’d guessed that had been his plan, but hearing him say it made you feel weirdly shy. “Now answer me. What the fuck were you doing with Heeseung?” 

You couldn’t hold eye contact anymore, so you looked down at the counter, and replied, “I um, I was drunk, and I… I wanted to make you jealous too, I guess.” You looked back up at him, wanting to gauge his reaction. He was now wearing a smug look, like he’d won something over you. He slowly walked over to your side of the counter, and when he reached you, he put his hands on the counter on each side of you, making you lean back against it. You gulped at the way he towered over you

“And why did you want to make me jealous?” He was so close to you now that when he uttered those words, voice barely over a whisper, you felt his breath fan over your face. As much as you tried to keep eye contact, your gaze fell down to his lips, and you saw him smirk. He caught your chin between his index finger and thumb, nudging your head up. “Eyes up here, doll.”

Your eyes met his again. He was looking at you so intently, you thought your knees might buckle under you. He cocked an eyebrow, patiently waiting for your reply. “Because I…” 

It was so obvious, but you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to say it, or even let yourself think it, before. But it needed to be put out there, once and for all. There was no point in fighting it anymore. “Because I like you, Jongseong.”

To your surprise, his smirk turned into a cheeky grin. It made some of the tension dissipate, but not enough for you to breathe properly again. “I like you too, Y/N.” You sighed out of relief at his words and mirrored his smile. 

“Can I kiss you?” he said, the thumb that had been holding your chin caressing your bottom lip.

“I thought you’d never ask,” you breathed, and he leaned in, your lips meeting delicately. It stayed that way for a few minutes, until the pent-up feelings that had been threatening to come out finally did, and hunger and passion took over the kiss. Jay was kissing you like a man starved, and all you could do was return everything he was giving you. This was nothing like you’d imagined it; it was infinitely better. Talk about fireworks, or butterflies, or light-headedness, you felt like you were on another plane of existence, like a kiss that felt this good and was this freeing wasn’t humanly possible. 

Your hands slipped under his shirt and the sudden contact of your cold hands against his warm skin made him shiver. You were glad to see you had as much effect on him as he had on you. Never breaking the kiss, he led you to his bedroom and sat down on his bed, gesturing for you to straddle his lap. Your dress rode up your calves a little bit, and he used this opportunity to pull it further up until it bundled up around your hips, leaving your lower half almost naked. You could feel how hard he was getting underneath your clothed core, and as the kiss grew needier, you started grinding against him, getting the both of you off. When you heard him groan against your lips, something snapped in you, and you wanted to hear that sound over and over, so you doubled down on your actions. 

His hands, which had been resting on your ass, came up to the nape of your neck, and he grabbed you by the hair, exposing your neck to him. He started pressing down eager kisses along your jawline, throat, and collarbones. When he found a spot in the crook of your neck you particularly liked, he started attacking it like crazy, sucking at the skin and turning you into a moaning mess. One of his hands came to cup your breast and he was very glad to find you were not wearing a bra. Your nipple had hardened through the fabric, and he started playing with it. That, as well the feeling of him in your neck and against your core, was overwhelming, and you felt like you were about to pass out because of how good it all felt. You didn’t know what to do with your hands so you alternated between running them over his arms and tugging at his hair.

As your lips met again, teeth almost clashing because of the intensity, you started unbuttoning his shirt. When it was off, you couldn’t not stare at him. You’d had an idea already, but you still couldn’t believe how toned his arms, chest and abs were. You thought to yourself, God, he’s so hot, and hadn’t realized you’d actually said it out loud until he jokingly said, “Yeah?”, looking up at you with the biggest smile. His hands ran over your calves, your thighs and your ass, sending shivers along the way, and he said, “You’re not too bad yourself, doll.” He kissed you with much more gentleness than before. “In fact, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

You kissed him so he wouldn’t see the blush spreading on your face. He put his hand on your lower back, and guided you down on the bed until you were laying on your back, him hovering over you. He pulled your dress all the way up, helping you get rid of it. You were now left in only panties in front of him, and you would’ve imagined that to be intimidating, but his gaze was truly making you feel like a goddess. Nonetheless, you didn’t want to be the only one naked, so you tucked your fingers under his trousers’ waistband, gesturing for him to take them off. He chuckled but immediately obliged, getting rid of them in a matter of seconds. You had an even better view of his now fully-hard cock, and its size made you gulp. Your mind was quickly off of that, though, as he started trailing kisses all the way down to your breasts, taking one of your nipples in his mouth as his hand came up to the other. Your back arched at the sensation, and you only wanted more, more, more. Your fingers tugged at his hair and you breathed out his name between moans. 

After a few minutes, he traveled further down your body, until he was face to face with your dripping core. He hooked his fingers under your panties, looking up at you and asking you if this was okay. You nodded impatiently and he chuckled at your reaction. How could you be so cute even in this moment? He took your panties off excruciatingly slowly. You wanted to take your time, but you also wanted him where you needed him the most.

You did feel a bit shy when he stared at your sex with the utmost wonder, musing to himself, “So pretty.” He slid a finger between your folds, making you moan in relief and pleasure, and added, “So wet, too.”

You had lifted your body onto your forearms so you could take a good look at him. He peered up at you and, with a small smile, asked gently, “Tell me if it feels good, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied, nodding fervently.

Without wasting another second, he licked a stripe up your core, making you moan again, louder this time. He took that as confirmation to go on and continued exploring your pussy with his tongue. You practically screamed out in pleasure when he found your clit, and by the time he started sucking on it, your thighs were shaking like crazy. You didn’t have any strength left in your body and your forearms gave out under you, so you just lied down on your back, fingers still tangled in and pulling his hair. You hadn’t been able to actually tell him it felt good, but you were sure he understood that much.

One of his fingers, and then a second, entered you, filling you up. “Shit, doll, you’re so tight. How are you gonna handle my cock?”

He curled his fingers inside you and they hit a certain spot that made you see stars, and you were coming all over his fingers and tongue in a matter of seconds, screaming out his name and a string of blasphemies. You had to physically lift his head from your core, telling him it was too much, otherwise he would’ve kept going. He gave you a sheepish smile and you couldn’t believe the boy grinning at you was the same one who’d just said and done all those lewd things to you. He pressed a small kiss on your inner thigh, then lay down next to you on the bed, taking in your flushed cheeks and blown-over eyes. He couldn’t believe he got to have you like this, in your most vulnerable state, all to himself. 

When you’d calmed down from your high, you managed to say, “That was amazing, Jay.”

He let out a soft chuckle and kissed your forehead, then trapped your lips with his own. You could taste yourself on his tongue, but you didn’t mind. After a few minutes of lazily making out, you threw your leg over his to position yourself over his hips, and started pressing feather-like kisses down his neck. He’d made you feel so good, and you intended to return the favor.

You felt him sigh at your touch, but before you could go too far down, he stopped you by bringing his hands to both sides of your face, making you look up at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” you immediately asked, worry laced in your voice.

“No, no. God, no, you’re perfect.” he replied. “I just… I still feel so guilty for what I did, and I feel like I don’t deserve you right now.”

“Jay…”

He hid his face in the crook of your neck and held your waist tightly. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You’re right, I was being selfish. I should’ve known you wanted that internship, and I knew you wouldn’t get it if my dad thought we were dating, but… I’ve wanted to be with you for such a long time, and when I had the chance to have you, even if it was just pretend, even if it meant lying to you, I couldn’t bring myself to not take that chance. I’m so sorry.”

You had completely forgotten the events of that week, and of that night. Your argument with Jay and Heeseung’s words seemed light-years away. “How long have you liked me?” you couldn’t help but ask. You should’ve been surprised by Jay’s confession, but for some reason, it made sense - what didn’t make sense was how you hadn’t noticed it, or how you’d thought it wasn’t possible that you might like him, too.

“Since we met,” he admitted shyly. “I would’ve told you, but you seemed to enjoy arguing with me so much, I was scared you’d just make fun of me.”

Since you’d met… so, three years? And he’d never said anything? “To be honest, I probably would’ve made fun of you at first,” you agreed light-heartedly. “But I also think it would’ve made me realize what an amazing person you are earlier. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“That’s okay. I would’ve waited my whole life if it meant I could have you at the end.” Butterflies erupted all over your stomach at his words. You kissed him like you’d stop breathing if you didn’t.

Now that Jay had gotten what he wanted to say off his chest, you’d hoped you could continue your previous actions, and started pressing kisses down his neck, but he soon stopped you again.

“I’m getting the feeling you don’t want me to go down on you,” you said, half-joking.

He grinned and closed his eyes, as if fighting himself back. “I do, I promise you, I do.” When he opened his eyes again, they were full of affection. “But we’ve got so much time for that later. I just want to feel you around me right now. Would that be okay?” he asked, voice soft.

Your core pulsed at the thought of Jay inside you, and you nodded, breath growing erratic again. Jay gently lay you on your back, and took off his black boxers so that the two of you were finally completely naked, revealing his throbbing cock. He was right, how were you going to handle it? He rummaged around in his bedside drawer for a condom, and put it on with nervous hands. 

He lined his tip at your entrance, pressing soft kisses all over your face and neck before pushing in as if to get you to relax. He kissed you gently on the lips. “Tell me if it hurts, and I’ll stop right away.”

He waited for you to nod again, and finally entered you. It immediately stretched you out like never before. The sound of you taking a sharp breath in made Jay stop in his tracks. You wrapped your hands around his biceps for support, then, letting out a deep sigh, told him to go on. He pushed in inch by inch until he finally bottomed out. You both let out a hearty moan at the feeling. It was so perfect.

He didn’t move for a few minutes, letting you adjust to his size. You had your eyes closed and were focused on relaxing, until all at once the pain of the stretch turned into pleasure, and you breathed out, “Please, move.” He obeyed and started rocking in and out of you, making you feel each inch of his length inside you. The sensation was intoxicating. You couldn’t stop any of the moans escaping your throat, and Jay took that as a green light to go gradually faster. Your bodies were moving at the exact same pace and you thought the two of you molded together perfectly, as if this was what you had been meant to do your whole life. His fingers were tightly gripping your hips as he thrusted into you harder and harder, making you moan so loud you were practically screaming in pleasure.

“You feel so fucking good, Y/N,” he said, throwing his head back and letting out a deep moan himself. Your hands roamed all over his body, unable to stay in one place at a time. He suddenly changed the angle of his hips and started hitting that spot inside you he had found earlier with his fingers, making your mind go hay-wire. 

“Fuck, right there, Jay!” you screamed out, as he brought your hips down to his faster than you thought was humanly possible. Soon, you were coming again, and the feeling of you clenching down around him made him shoot his release into the condom. He fell on top of you, unable to carry his weight on his arms anymore. He only had enough strength to pull out and discard the condom, before nestling his head between your breasts. Tiredness seeped through your bones, and you both fell asleep in seconds, completely naked and arms around each other.

Jay woke up a few hours later, a cramp in his arm because of how you were laying down on it - the two of you had apparently switched positions at some point during the night. He softly pulled his arm away, trying not to wake you up. He checked his phone; it was 4:29 a.m. He looked down at you, admiring how soft you looked when you were sleeping. He still couldn’t believe his luck, it all felt like a dream to him. But then you shifted slightly, letting out a small whimper, probably because of a dream, and Jay knew this was happening for sure. He hugged you tightly, breathing in the scent of your hair, and, knowing you were fast asleep, murmured, “I love you.”

—

The sunlight peeking through the curtains and hitting your face softly was what woke you up the next morning. You were relieved to feel Jay’s arms around your waist as he hugged you from behind. You gently turned around, curious about what he looked like in the morning.

As expected, he was perfect.

You observed him for a while until his eyes fluttered open. “Good morning, handsome,” you whispered, pushing away the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes.

“Good morning,” he replied, smiling sleepily. “Creep.”

Quietly, you gasped dramatically and said, “Is a girl a creep for looking at her boyfriend as he sleeps in the morning?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Boyfriend, huh?” he teased.

You grinned at him. “Yeah.”

“Well,” he said, returning your grin and tightening his grip around your waist, “my girlfriend can look at me all she wants.”

You’d technically been dating Jay for over three months now, but knowing it was finally real and not just pretend made you giddy. You buried your face in the crook of his neck and kissed him there, trying to hide your shy smile. 

He took your head and lifted it to place a delicate kiss on your lips, which you returned like it was second nature. When you pulled away, you jokingly said, “Mh. Morning breath,” but Jay’s eyes opened wide and he immediately put his hand over his mouth, asking, “Seriously?”

You laughed at him and pulled his hands down, going back in for a kiss. It soon escalated, and you were reminded of the fact that neither of you had clothes on when you could feel Jay’s hardness pressing against your thigh. He apologized shyly, but you told him it was fine, and that you’d take care of it. 

This time, when you two made love, it was much slower and light-hearted than the previous night, as if the two of you had finally realized that you had all the time in the world and could enjoy every single second. It was the perfect thing to wake up to.

You two lazied in bed, alternating between slowly making out and daydreaming together, until his stomach rumbled loudly and you really needed to pee. When you joined him in the kitchen, he was heating up waffles on the stove. You hooked your arms around his waist, pressing your chest to his back, and he hummed softly.

“Jay?” you whispered, lips just millimeters away from his ear.

“Yes, doll?”

“I love you too.”

permanent taglist: @k-ingzo @bbujiikseu @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl (ask to be removed/added!) © asahicore on tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate or plagiarize my works. feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!

[gracexthoughts]

Okay, I have a lot of thoughts about the Percy Jackson show and the discourse I have been seeing about it. This is going to be long and possibly all over the place but I just want to share. If you disagree, that’s fine. Just don’t hate because you have a different opinion. Deal?

I want to start this by saying I am a new fan. I did not read the PJO books when I was a kid. I watched the first two episodes when they came out in Dec purely out of curiosity and was just immediately in love with the world. So in true ADHD hyperfixation fashion, I devoured Percy Jackson and the Olympians and Heroes of Olympus books and I am currently on Book 1 of Trials of Apollo. And maybe it's because I am a newer fan but a lot of the gripes I see about PJOTV just don’t make sense to me and I feel like they really are just rooted in nostalgia. Watching the show and all the interviews of the cast and crew, it is clear to me they wrote this season with the intention and hope that they would get to make all 5 seasons, and possibly even further. I can see how all the changes make sense when looking at the narrative as a whole. They are really setting up this world and this story in a way that I think lends more to the future of this narrative better than The Lighting Thief book does.

I also want to say I have yet to find a book to screen adaptation that is beat for beat accurate. So much of what works in novels, especially novels told in first person, just does not translate to third person screen adaptations. Ultimately, literature and film/TV are art forms and what works for one may not work for another and the creators are allowed to make changes, especially when it is for the overall good of the product.

To start, the exposition dumping didn’t really bother me that much although I agree it is there and noticeable. Now, I watched the first two episodes before reading the books but after reading the books, I think the exposition is just as noticeable in the books as it is in the show. Percy walks into this world without knowing or believing in any of it. In the book, he learns about this world through the people around him explaining it in dialogue. It is just condensed a little more in the show which makes it feel a little heavier. Nonetheless, fantasy tends to have a lot of exposition because there are a lot of things you as a reader/ viewer need to know at the start of the story. It is part of the nature of the genre, especially when it is intended for a younger audience. Exposition that seems clunky to an older viewer is probably not going to feel the same way to a younger audience member (which is the target audience).

The biggest complaint I see, and disagree with, is that the kids are “too smart which ruins the suspense.” Annabeth has been at camp since she was 7 and it is clear, both in the books and the show, she is determined to prove that she is strong and capable and intelligent. She has been training to go out on a quest since she was 7 years old. Annabeth would have been studying these monsters and these myths so of course she can figure out the traps. They aren’t that hard to figure out, even for someone who isn’t super knowledgeable about Greek mythology.

Grover’s job is a protector of demigods. It makes sense he knows these myths like the back of his hand. I imagine that after Thalia, Grover would have studied and worked so hard to prove he was ready for another chance. Grover in the books also fell a little flat in The Lighting Thief to me because it seemed like most of his personality was just to be scared and funny until later books. I love what they did with Grover in the show because he feels like an actual character with his own goals, intelligence, trauma and authority.

Now onto Percy… I have so many thoughts about Show Percy so bear with me.

While I was reading the books, I was confused as to why Sally didn’t teach Percy about Greek mythology. Book Sally seemed to just hope Percy being attacked by monsters and going to camp isn’t going to happen or just assumes that when it does happen, Percy will figure it out. Sally always knew what would happen to her son, at least to some extent, so why wouldn’t she do everything in her power to prepare her son for this life she knows is inevitable? I loved the addition of her teaching Percy about Greek Mythology and Ancient Greek because it makes so much sense because I never saw her as a just “sit back and wait” kind of character. Percy is her son, her baby, her miracle. She is terrified for him (which we see in EP 7 in the flashbacks) and, to me, it makes sense she would do everything in her mortal power to prepare him in a way that doesn’t scare him or reveal to him who he actually is. (It is also such a beautiful call back to Rick telling his son these stories as a kid, like I just think that is beautiful).

While on the subject of Ancient Greek, I saw someone complain how Percy doesn’t inherently know Ancient Greek in the Olympus scene in EP 8. “Poseidon and Zeus looked at each other. They had a quick, intense discussion in Ancient Greek. I only caught one word. Father.” - The Lightning Thief, page 343. This moment was literally pulled straight from the book! Percy talks about Annabeth tutoring him in Ancient Greek in the book (The Lighting Thief, page 107) and I loved how the show changed it to be his mom that taught him because of the previous reasons I gave above.

In general, Percy is an unreliable narrator. We see that in The Last Olympian when Rachel painted him defeating Antaeus. Percy is shocked at how he looks. We also see this in Heroes of Olympus where he is constantly talked about as this powerful and sometimes scary person whereas Percy never describes himself as anything other than kind of mediocre. Percy is constantly underestimating his intelligence and power in his POV because at his core he is still an insecure kid who was bullied and uses humor as a defense mechanism. But no matter what he thinks, he is smart and powerful and capable and I love that we get to see that in the show because it isn’t in first person.

In the books I was constantly frustrated that they weren’t seeing the traps. Aunty Em’s is so clearly out of place and weird and creepy but the Book Trio just ignores it? Also the Medusa story change was beautiful and needed and added so much depth to what was a very simple scene in the books. The Crusty’s scene was jarring at first, but in hindsight it didn't bother me either because Hermes told them about the entrance. Why wouldn’t he tell them about the trap too? The way Hermes is portrayed, I get the sense that he really wants Percy to succeed, in the books and show, and that he is holding onto hope that somehow, someway, he can still save his son. Why would he send them somewhere just to lead them into a trap that does not benefit Hermes in any way? (And us not seeing that conversation happen is showing and not telling BTW)

Also, the overall claim that Percy, Annabeth and Grover know everything is just… wrong. (@pareiwheeler made a post about this that really made me realize this so go read their post too: https://www.tumblr.com/pareiwheeler/740600563986808832/theres-know-mystery-or-suspense-they-know) They know the small things but the big things? They didn’t think Luke was the thief, they didn't know it was Kronos, they didn’t know they would lose the fourth pearl, they didn’t know the casino would mess with time, they didn’t know the shoes were a trap, etc etc. They walk into these situations thinking they are prepared, thinking they know everything they need to but they DON’T And that is where the suspense lies, in the overarching storyline that is the driving force of the plot. Not in these moment to moment scenes that are not the main conflict.

Now onto the smaller changes that, in my opinion, benefit the overall narrative of this story.

Missing the solstice deadline: Not only is Percy choosing to continue the quest despite missing the deadline such a great character moment for him but this ups the stakes so much!! Zeus and Poseidon are currently at war for the last two episodes of the show and even if they don’t talk about it much, that knowledge is still there in the characters' heads and in the viewers’. Every moment they take in the Underworld, you are watching with the knowledge that war is raging above. And it's a great way to show the kind of hero Percy is and what he will become. Percy doesn’t care he “failed” because he didn’t come all this way just to run back to camp with his tail tucked between his legs because that is not Percy. Percy sneaks out of camp twice to go on quests he was not invited on because he will not let someone’s rules get in his way while he is protecting people he cares about. Percy doesn’t want war to happen so with even the slightest chance he can stop Zeus and Poseidon, he takes it! Also the addition of Poseidon stepping in and saving Percy from Zeus was beautiful.

I also loved that Poseidon gave them 4 pearls instead of 3 because such a small detail shows how Poseidon cares about Percy and Sally. And, plot wise, it didn’t change anything. Percy still left the Underworld without his mom. But starting with 4 pearls gives them hope that they actually can complete the quest AND save Sally. Percy leaving the Underworld without Sally is so much more impactful in the show than the books because of this tiny detail change.

The fact that the pearls take them to the east coast rather than the west coast works well too. I loved that they returned to the cabin because of how important that cabin is not only to Percy and Sally but also to Poseidon.

Hermes being added to the Lotus Casino and bringing in Luke’s background earlier on was beautiful and Lin Manuel Miranda’s performance was one of the standouts for me. It is such a beautiful moment and you can see the anguish in Hermes at his feeling powerless and I think it sets up Percy learning about Luke’s family in The Last Olympian in a great way. This is one of those moments where you can tell the writers and showrunners are playing the long game with this series.

Last but not least, the change in the betrayal scene. I love it. I do. Not only in the changes in the way it happens but how they characterized Luke. Luke clearly does not want to hurt Percy, he wants Percy to help him and to come with Luke because he cares about him. The prophecy states “You shall be betrayed by one who calls you a friend” and Luke in the book didn’t really seem to care about Percy or view him as a friend at the end of it. But Show Luke? He cares about Percy and he is heartbroken that Percy doesn’t side with him. Also the addition of Annabeth hearing Luke’s betrayal first hand was brilliant, in my opinion. Not only were Walker, Charlie and Leah ACTING but it was so much more impactful that Annabeth sees Luke turn and chooses Percy in that moment. And I don’t think it will change much of Annabeth’s actions in the future because you can see how hurt she is and how desperately she still wants him to come back and be good.

Anyway, I think the show is brilliantly done. That isn’t to say it doesn’t have its faults but nothing is perfect and if you were expecting this show to be 100% perfect then I think you just set your expectations too high because that is not realistic.

If you made it to the end of this, I love you. The Percy Jackson brain rot is real and if we don’t get an S2 announcement soon I’m going to riot

[wolsalwastaken]

Friendly reminder that reblogging my posts with hate for what I’m doing not only gives me free engagement but promotes me. Whatever irks you so much about me hosting a fun community event, I’m not sure, especially since I’m working within canon limitations! If you’re the type of person who feels the need to personally share my content to make fun of it or tell me to stop, thanks for the sentiment, but I’ll pass.

While I’m sorry your stellar sense of humor didn’t appreciate a funny joke, it wasn’t targeting your audience! Anyways, wanna be clear on the fact that I am not upset or angry or hurt or whatever by these replies. They just give me something to laugh at, and free engagement. Keep it up if you want, because I don’t care, but I really think you should take a moment to reflect on yourself on why you feel personally attacked at someone drawing the cat devil in short shorts. Here, accept my YouTube apology video!

Regardless of whether you despise or love my work, any engagement helps me in the algorithm and spreads my art. So, I give my thanks to all of those supporting my art, intentional or not.

…

Ok ok, jokes aside, seriously thank you guys for all the support on the FHN event! Really didn’t actually think anyone would participate, but lo and behold, here we are! I’ve genuinely really enjoyed looking at all of your amazing art (you guys are so talented btw wtf???). Wanted to acknowledge all the talented participants, and I hope to see more! Thank you all for your artwork, I’ve gotten lots of giggles, because you guys are as funny as you are talented artists.

Now, wanna clarify, my above statement on haters isn’t vague posting any 1 person, I’ve had a few people do this, but wanted to mention it because it’s honestly hilarious. If you see anyone doing it don’t harass them obviously, but don’t harass or shame others for drawing this stuff either! Kindness goes both ways.

I also wanna say, just in general, wow you guys are so nice. Like genuinely. The amount of amazingly kind people I’ve had reblog + comment on my art who genuinely enjoyed it is like… crazy. I’m not used to getting much positive feedback on my art, and like I wanna sincerely say I really appreciate it. It makes my day, like really. You guys are so accepting and nice to newcomers and it’s just really nice to see! Ending the sappiness here, I hope you continue to enjoy my art!

Leaving on that note, here’s a compilation of the wonderful people who have submitted their art thus far (in order of submission time), be sure to give them some love because they deserve it! (Imo the posts aren’t getting even half the attention they deserve- really there are some incredibly artists)

More to come soon, as this challenge is never ending!

1. @tectonicatomic

2. @eckodrawsgoobers

3. @rataartista

4. @donutfloats

5. @abyssal-enby

6. @ciaosonounapersonalol

7. @/Shadow (certified gay)

8. @a-peachie

9. @multifandommadnessblog

10. @theskeleton117

11. @calamaricollie

12. @adairtrashart

13. @woodlandwildfolk

14. @itsartlee

15. @of-fallen-gods-cotl

16. @rainy-intel

Edit: just realized all the hate is literally slut shaming Narinder omg…

[hungry-eel]

The Gluttony showcased in Octavinelle (reupload)

Before I begin with the main content, if you see this and notice that it may possibly seem familiar, that’s because it is. I originally uploaded this onto an old and abandoned secondary account, where around the time I was still in a bit of denial of my stuffing interests. I decided to polish and RE uploaded this analysis onto here because one, it honestly suits this account more, and two, I want this to reach its intended target audience that this blog revolves around, I hope you enjoy this analysis, and with that, let’s get back to the regular scheduled program. —

Hello! I hope you are all doing well! In the past, I have mentioned that Octavinelle is the embodiment of gluttony, and that I would elaborate on that statement more. Well, this is the post where I elaborate on the statement.

Please be aware that although I am going to try and show some cannon proof, at least for this first part, this is still overall just something silly that I enjoy talking about, and having dumb fun with. This is something that doesn't have to be taken entirely seriously, nor is this a statement that I am trying to prove as absolutely true. It just happened to be that I found some cannon connections from my observations.

Be prepared for spoilers from here on!!!

=============================

Azul ~

As of right now, the Azul we have currently doesn't seem to be all that much of a glutton (when it comes to food). However, something else that is also a highly crucial part of Azul’s character was how he was an ex-glutton. Azul goes out of his way to avoid going back to his old roots and maintaining a slim figure, often trying to eat a restrictive and balanced diet. Although Azul has the desire to maintain his health and slim figure, he still does not enjoy the process, and especially preferring fried foods over health foods. He still doesn’t like when others pressure him to eat a lot, even if it’s with his favorite foods, but will still seize any opportunities that he can to enjoy his favorite foods, weather it’s birthdays or other private occasions. Azul is also very well equipped in knowing how to run restaurants as his grandma ran a restaurant, and runs a restaurant himself currently, that being the Mostro Lounge.

Azul’s incessant want to create new contracts as well as the consistent desire for power and control, can also be interpreted as a form of overindulgence on Azul’s end; no matter how much power he has over those he is controlling, it is never enough for him and he always wants more of that power.

In Azuls Birthday Boy card, his groovy art has Jade handing him a plate of chicken and also has a couple of home screen lines asking what we were implying when we were giving him food.

Floyd ~

Floyd has his own personal knack for food, as he enjoys snacking, and indulging in various amounts of his favorite foods such as takoyaki and candy. Even the shelves in his room is lined by snack bags that he uses to have midnight snacks. Floyd has also mentioned in his birthday boy vignette, that he likes to play food games with Jade where they try the most outlandish food combinations possible. Whenever Azul comes back during any of these games, they would try and eat all of the evidence. There was also a brief moment in Treys lab coat vignette where according to Jade, he had to look for more strawberries as a result from Floyd gorging on their current strawberry supply.

Jade ~

Now with Jade, he is an entirely different beast in it of itself! I have always been fascinated with Jade in the sense that when you first see him, he would be the last person you would expect would have a large appetite, especially as he always appears to be very poise and classy, but the more you look into his character, the more clear his tendencies become and its so hard to not see. Because of such there is much more to talk about with Jade than with the other two characters.

Here is a list of canonical things that Jade has done already.

Jade loves to heavily indulge in his hobbies and passions especially when it comes to mountaineering, terrariums, cooking, and his fascination with mushrooms. When it comes to mushrooms in particular, he both enjoys eating mushrooms himself, and finds pleasure in watching others indulge in mushrooms as well (showcased in Jade’s Labcoat Vignette).

In Book five, Jade mentions to Grim that primarily goes to the mountains to search for food. More specifically to try and harvest edible plants and organisms. During which Grim asks, "So basically, you just go to the mountains and scavenge for grub?" and Jade responding with, "Heh heh. I certainly wash and cook what I find, but generally speaking, yes."

There are two notable Home Screen lines where Jade mentions about his eating. One with his PE uniform where he mentions how he has to eat before working out as he lacks energy efficiency. The other one is with his Birthday Boy where one of his lines states, “Are you surprised by how much I eat? Heh heh, I get that a lot. It's why I'm so tall.”

It is hinted and shown throughout various Home Screen lines and vignettes that Jade likes to try many various types of unique foods, either out of interest and/or to create new recipes for the Mostro Lounge.

Legitimately almost all of the harveston event! Just in his event vignette alone he ate over five servings with Sebek and even afterwards wanted to grab desert. Even Sebek, who is also a pretty hearty eater, even admits that Jade has eaten more than him. Jades and Sebeks escapades are just as prominent in the main even itself where Jade is tasked by Azul to try as many unique dishes as possible so they can be added to the mostro lounge menu. Jade proceeds to try out different kinds of foods at the vendors, and in the celebration the night before the game, Jade and Sebek were tearing through the buffet.

In addition, here is some other moments that revolves around Octavinelle in general.

At the very end of the Beans day event, Jade and Floyd have an exchange on how they were craving shawarmas.

Jade and Floyd generally point out how little Azul eats and occasionally tease him about it as well. In the Halloween event when Azul comments on how watching Ruggie eat gives him heartburn, Jade replies by saying, "I believe you could put him to shame if you felt so inclined."

In Jade’s Halloween Vignette, Ruggie mentions on how Jade and Floyd are well built for Apple bobbing as they are tall with pointy teeth.

Both of the tweels have mentioned at least once that they eat a lot because they are so tall or that they are growing boys.

=============================

A question that I have heard often is why say Octavinelle in particular? Besides, there are other characters that also showcase gluttonous tendencies, some may even more so than most of the octatrio.

I say Octavinelle in particular as it is the only dorm where all of the students exhibit the traits in one way or another, as well as serving the aesthetics of the dorm, with its lounge being a restaurant. Octavinelle is also the only dorm where this topic had at least a bit of a curtail point in its Book, that being with Azul’s backstory and how he used to be chubby and an ex-glutton.

=============================

Headcanons!

Here is a small list of some of the headcanons that I have that circle around the topic. I might add more headcanons to the blog as I go, and if anyone else has any headcanons of their own, feel free to share them with me.

Jade is the complete opposite of Azul regarding food and dieting. While Azul tries his best to eat healthily, with moderate portions, Jade eats the most unhealthy foods out of the trio and eats the most out of them as well. Jade also likes to taunt Azul with that fact as well.

Floyd is the kind of character who would most likely eat anything even if it seems inedible.

Jade and Ruggie like to often join together just to try out many different kinds of foods together, similar to what happened in Ruggie's School uniform vignette, and Jade's harveston vignette. There would also be times were I would joke that Jade, Ruggie, and Sebek would band together just to have food.

I like to imagine that the Coral Sea is like a dog-eat-dog world, and along with this, the tweels have to rely on hunting other live fish for their own survival. When coming onto land, the tweels had to learn that they shouldn't hunt for animals publicly.

Whenever there are instances where Azul has to leave the Mostro lounge for an extensive amount of time, Jade and Floyd would keep trying to take advantage of that time to play their game where they eat weird food combinations (mentioned in Floyd's birthday vignette).

=============================

Thank you so very much for reading my essay rambling on a topic that, to be frank, is overall goofy and silly. If there was anything that I missed or forgot to mention feel free to let me know. Otherwise, I certainly had a lot of fun making this, and I hope you found some entertainment or even some insight from this as well!

[salty-croissants]

A male reader gets into a bar fight after someone insults bullfrog, the aftermath has the frog taking care of his bruises while worrying about his careless attitude towards his own life.

((Sorry, my first time ever requesting so a bit nervous. 😅))

Thank you for the request !

I gotta say , I really love this concept for a Bullfrog story : it’s just so neat and creative , so honestly thank you for sending this :D 

Hope it turned out okay ! 

Details : use of male reader ; 

established relationships ; 

presence of violence , mild swearing and blood 

That night was supposed to be … well , like any other night , with you accompanying your boyfriend to one of his missions and waiting for him in a nearby bar .

Before he left , Bullfrog didn’t miss the opportunity to give you a goodbye kiss ( you had to get on your knees to allow him to do that , which never failed to make him adorably flustered ) , and as he gave you one last tender caress on your cheek he also left you with a reminder : 

< Please stay safe , mon choux !

 I should be back soon , if you need me don’t be afraid to call me , and make sure to - > 

< Hey , don’t worry , I’m gonna be careful … besides , you know I can handle myself just fine if something doesn’t go right . > 

< Je sais , je sais … still , I’ll be here as fast as I can : I did promise you we’d spend some time together when we get home , and let’s just say I’m really looking forward to it , my love ~ > 

You couldn’t help but smile while watching him rush off and quickly disappear in the darkness .

He was such a sweetheart , no one would’ve been able to guess how lethal he was on the job and how quickly he could end the lives of the targets unfortunate enough to meet him … 

As you sat on one of the bar’s chairs , lost in thought with a drink in your hand , time went by surprisingly quickly , and when you begun to glance at the door to see if Bullfrog had arrived you felt a presence next to you …

< Well hello there , good to see such a pretty face here at this hour … >

You turned around to find a … quite sketchy looking man staring at you :

since the place was pretty crowded you hadn’t paid much attention to him , but now it seemed like he had made the decision to engage in conversation … something that was a bit unsettling , given that he was a complete stranger trying to randomly flirt with you . 

< Uh … > 

You took a sip of what was left of your drink , making sure to avoid hehe contact to reinforce the fact that you weren’t interested . 

… but he didn’t seem to take the hint , and was it just your impression or did he move closer … ? 

Well , if he even dared to try anything you were more than ready to make good use of your fighting skills . 

After some more uncomfortable silence , the man spoke again , this time a clear disgust in his tone …

< Y’know , I’ve seen you talking to that … thing before you came in .

Honestly I can’t help but wonder how you can feel something positive for a hybrid :

I mean - they’re all such pathetic , worthless creatures , am I right ? > 

The more he talked , the more you felt your blood boil …

< I’ll have you know that that “thing” you’re referring to is my boyfriend . > 

, you coldly replied , giving him a warning glare .

< … 

Pfft - wait you’re serious ? Holy shit ! > 

He laughed loudly in response , causing some of the people around to give you both their attention .

The last thing you would’ve wanted was an audience … but you knew that you couldn’t let that massive douchebag get away with saying those things . There was no way you would let it slide .

< You - you mean to tell me that you’d rather be with a fucking frog than an actual person ? 

C’mon , don’t be ridiculous … that little monster doesn’t deserve a guy as cute as you , you can do so much better th - > 

It all happened in a few seconds … 

You suddenly stood up , and before you could even stop to think about what you were doing punched the man on the face hard enough to knock him down on the floor , the terrified and excited screams of the small crowd ringing in your head .

< Don’t you DARE say that shit about him ever fucking again , YOU HEAR ME !? > 

He slowly stood up , wiping a few drips of blood that had fallen from his nose after the impact , and the way he furiously looked at you made it clear that he was mad … very mad . 

< Gh … you … I’M GONNA KILL YOU !!! > 

Everyone who was left quickly fled from the bar , leaving you and him furiously fighting without giving the other a chance to breathe .

While you were definitely better trained , the man was unfortunately a lot bigger than you , and every successful hit he landed on you was starting to hurt … but you couldn’t give up , not after what you heard him say . 

Eventually , a well-directed punch in the stomach caused you to fall on your knees , the pain making your vision become blurry .

< Heh - that’s what you get you bitch !! > 

His eyes were clouded with a terrifying euphoria as he grabbed you by the hair …

< Oh I’m gonna enjoy this … > 

You shut your eyes , trying to prepare yourself to receive your worst beating in years … but that’s when you felt his grip loosening , letting you fall down on the floor . 

< y/n ! > 

That voice … could it really be … ? 

< B … Bullfrog … ? > 

You slowly opened your eyes again to find him on top of the man’s body , whose throat had been cut open by the assassin’s blades .

< I’m … *cough* …

I’m sorry … I know , this is a mess , but - agh — > 

< Careful - don’t stand up too fast … 

Here , let’s just … let’s just go . > 

Without another word , your boyfriend helped you up , and the two of you walked away as quickly as you could , the distant sound of sirens getting more and more far with each step .

Some time later …

< Now … can you tell me what happened back there , s'il te plaît ? > 

There it was … the question you knew would come sooner or later . 

You looked down , feeling Bullfrog’s eyes on you while he patched you up .

< I … that guy , he said such awful stuff about you while being a creep and trying to hit on me …

Called you a monster …

I just - I couldn’t let him get away with it so I … punched him . > 

You felt his hand gently lifting up your chin as he stared at you .

< y/n … I appreciate you wanting to defend me , but you know I don’t want you to get hurt because of me . We’ve talked about this . > 

< So what , I was supposed to just stand by and let that asshole call you names ?

How is that fair ? > 

< Non , it’s not fair , but almost getting yourself killed to prevent that won’t help .

Did you even stop to think about what could’ve happened to you ? 

What if I didn’t make it in time to stop him ? What if you died tonight ?

My chéri , my partner , the one I love most in the entire world … gone . > 

He wiped away some of the blood on your face , and you could feel his hand shake slightly as he did … a sign of how troubled he was while imagining that scenario .

< … Je … je ne peux pas … I just can’t afford to lose you , y/n . You’re too important to me . > 

The dark alleyway in which you were hiding remained completely silent after that , until you sighed while placing a kiss on his palm .

< Bullfrog … that’s not gonna happen , I promise . 

You’re right , I … really didn’t think this through . I just … every time I hear someone talking about you like that I lose it … > 

Bullfrog’s expression softened , and as he placed his forehead against yours all the bad experiences of that night seemed to vanish …

< I know … you’re always looking out for me mon amour , and I love you so much for that ~ 

… just , maybe next time don’t punch anyone , alright ? > 

< Heh … I’ll try not to . > 

He chuckled in response , while slowly getting back on his feet .

< Now then … as soon as you feel ready we can try to head back home : I think it’s safe to say it’s been quite a long night for both of us . > 

< Yeah , that sounds like a plan . 

… plus I do need to thank you properly for saving my life don’t I ? ~ > 

< Oh , you know you don’t have to thank me , my dear … but it would be crazy to pass up that offer ~ > 

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Jess Piper at The View from Rural Missouri:

This is personal. I am an outspoken rural organizer. Every elected Missouri Republican knows exactly who I am, and thanks to two Missouri Representatives on Twitter, most also know where I live. I was doxxed on two separate occasions on Twitter. One State Representative, Josh Hurlbert, who also works for the Herzog Foundation, specifically tweeted out my daughter's school district on two separate occasions while responding to me. He won't stop… I've tried. I called him an "insufferable asshole" for telling people where my daughter attends school — he made my comment his Twitter banner. He thinks putting my child in danger is funny. He is emboldened to do whatever he can to silence me. I was speaking at an event a year ago in Kansas and was about to go onstage when I saw my phone light up with a call. I didn't recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail. After the event, while walking back to my hotel, I listened to the voicemail — it was a Republican Missouri State Senator. He called me live from his radio show "to debate me." He told his audience I had agreed to a debate then and backed out.

Ummm…I was speaking at an event with over a hundred Kansas Democrats. I would not have agreed to a debate at that time, and by the way, how did he get my cell phone number? Why did he think he could intrude on my personal life and call me out to his radio audience? I may be loud, but I am still a private citizen. I owe nothing to Senator Nick Schroer or his rabid MAGA audience. Schroer knows he will face no consequence for sending violent minions into my comments, mentions, and inboxes. That's why I was disgusted when I watched the video of the President of the Heritage Foundation, the architect of Project 2025, making a threat to every organizer, outspoken critic, and left-leaning citizen in America. He threatened our lives. Here is the video.

"The Second American Revolution will remain bloodless if the Left allows it to be," the Heritage post said. "Unfortunately, they have a well-established record of instigating the opposite." ~Kevin Roberts, President, Heritage Foundation

[...] In more than 900 pages, Project 2025 calls for firing thousands of civil servants, expanding the power of the president (ope, the Supreme Court just did that), dismantling the Department of Education and other federal agencies, and sweeping tax cuts for the wealthy. They are determined to push through an agenda that will harm our country and are threatening those who stand in their way. Who do you think is going to be targeted on the "left" if Trump is elected and the Heritage Foundation is able to start implementing Project 2025?

[...] I will not be silent as you come for my children. I will not step aside as you attack my neighbors and my community. I will not be quiet in the face of fascism and oligarchy. Ever. When billionaires use their money to fund an organization that explicitly calls for violence against organizers, I hope you pay attention. I hope you understand that they mean to silence folks in your community. I hope you close ranks around us. We have been on the front line, and will continue to be, but we need you behind us. We need you to tell everyone you know about the threats to organizers and the threat to American democracy. Tell everyone about Project 2025. Tell on them. This is personal. ~Jess

Jess Piper’s latest Substack piece is spot-on: The Heritage Foundation’s 900+-page radical right-wing Project 2025 is a threat to our nation’s democracy and must be vigorously opposed.

[kazoo-goddess]

So, I've wanted to make a post like this for some time, but I only just got the motivation because of an ask I got recently. I want to give a piece of advice to everyone, in general, to keep in mind when using any social media platform--advice that I wish someone had given me way back when, that I feel is important to pass on:

Not every post you see is for you. Not every post is about you.

This is not meant to be a negative thing, or a put-down! It is not meant to dismiss anyone. It's really what it says on the tin: When you see a post cross your feed, and you disagree with the post or it upsets you because you disagree with the message it has, try and keep in mind that you may not be the target audience for the post. In particular, take this into account for advice and positivity posts--The OP doesn't have anything against you personally when they share words that are meant to be uplifting that you don't agree with. A post that says "Keep going! You can do it, even if you think you can't!" probably isn't meant to put down people who are in a position where they very literally cannot do it or think their way out of their situations. Like this post, it's more likely that the OP is sharing positivity or advice that they themselves would have liked to hear.

Even this post, the one I'm writing now, might not be for you or about you! If you disagree with my viewpoint, that's okay, and there's nothing wrong with that! But I, personally, am writing this post for people who might need to hear it--people like me, who are easily upset or hurt by things they see or hear in passing, whether on the internet or real life. I'm not writing it because I want to spark an argument, I promise.

Posts aren't always meant to spread outside the OP's original circle of followers and friends. But that's a hazard of posting to public social media websites--a joke originally meant to have an audience of 12 people close to you can suddenly explode, getting thousands and thousands of views and reposts and going completely out of the OP's control overnight! It's no one's fault; it's not done maliciously. Sometimes a post or joke just resonates with others. But maybe it doesn't resonate with you--that really is okay! Just try and remember, if it gets under your skin, that it isn't for you. And if it's not for you, it's okay to just ignore it and move on! It can definitely get annoying when it's something you keep seeing over and over from friends and acquaintances reposting it, and I'd never fault anyone for losing their temper over it--but sometimes, just taking a second to remind yourself that you weren't the audience for something can really help calm you down and help you feel better and move on with your day.

While this goes for advice/positivity posts, it also goes for opinion posts! And in this case, to be completely, perfectly clear: I mean harmless opinions. A ship they like that you don't; a tv show they enjoyed that you didn't; a character they really love that you absolutely cannot stand. The kind of opinion you disagree with so much that makes you feel absolutely steaming mad. (Again: This does NOT extend to these things when they go into a genuinely harmful category. No homophobia, no pedophilia, nothing like that. I am talking about harmless, mundane disagreements.)

Maybe you see a post talking positively about a manga that makes you feel ick. The OP more than likely didn't write that post with the hopes that it would reach you specifically just to make you upset! (And if they did, that's rude, and an entirely different can of worms that this post is not about! >_>;) But the post upsets you anyway, even if it wasn't MEANT to. It's understandable, it happens! But the thing is: You don't need to engage with that post if it makes you feel bad! If you have a post blocker, you can block the post or blacklist the tag; if you don't, you may just have to scroll past. It can be so, so, so tempting to try and get in a biting comment in the replies to snap at the OP and tell them, "No, you're wrong, your opinion makes me mad and I don't want to hear it!" Trust me. I know. I get it, because I've been there! But in the grand scheme of things, it's not worth it or healthy to burn yourself out over it. It wasn't for you, and it wasn't about you! And you're better off doing what you can to take care of yourself, and preserving your health and happiness where you can.

I feel like I'm writing this with sort of childish language, and it might feel like I'm talking down to others. But really, I think I'm just writing it in a way that a younger me would have understood and taken to heart if she'd seen it. I hope that, if you read this, you can see it that way too! There's a part of me that feels scared that this post in itself could explode with notes that will be very upset with me for my thoughts on this, whatever their reasons may be, but I wouldn't be making it if I weren't prepared for that possibility. If the message I intend to get out can reach even one person who it can help, then I think that's worth writing it for. Because, I want to reiterate it one more time, because it can be so easy to forget it and get yourself furious in a self-destructive way, sometimes you have to remember:

Not every post you see is for you! Not every post is about you!

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

🍃 WEED WITCHCRAFT 🍃

DISCLAIMER: this post will be about drugs. I do not condone the use of marijuana while under age or dependency.

🍃🍃

So....I don't know if this post will get to the target audience I'm going for, I really hope it does because drugs and witchcraft can be such a touchy topic due to religious and spiritual psychosis. When intaking something that alters your state of mind, it's good to keep in mind how much youve consumed or how often your using, especially when you are doing witchcraft and involving yourself with the metaphysical (more on this later). But anyways let's get into it!!

🍃🍃

How is weed useful in witchcraft?

Weed is mostly used as a relaxer, meaning certains strains will make you relaxed and calm, almost like you are floating. When I get like this, it's easier for me to meditate and communicate with my gods. In my non-stop talking brain, weed allows my brain to quiet down and relax, allowing me to slip into a more intense meditative state. Please be wary when doing this in things like spirit work or contacting entities you don't fully trust/know, especially deities.

Weed can also be used in spells such as: dream work spells/rituals, happiness spells, it can induce mental vulnerability, meaning it can be used to induce psychosis.

🍃🍃

Weed and deity work

When it comes to using weed to enter a meditative state, I useally ask if the deity is comfortable with me doing that. If I'm trying to talk to a deity before working with them, then that deity might want me In a clear head as I'm working. Hekate useally prefers when Im sober when meditating as a way to practice mindfulness and to learn how to calm my brain down. She does this out of discipline. Aphrodite, on the other hand, prefers that I am high during workings or when meditating, she loves how it makes me feel and she's had such a great affect on me when I meditate with her that after I meditate im higher. She's honestly so cool 😻😻

🍃🍃

HOW TO SAFELY USE WEED IN WITCHCRAFT

I've been smoking for a while now, I've seen what weed and witchcraft can do to you if you use it constantly. Weed can be super fun and you may feel super good but I promise that high will not last forever and it's honestly even better if you take breaks. When using weed in workings with spirits, it could lead to something really wrong, like paranoia, anxiety, and even psychosis. Weed has caused me to go into psychosis so much it was Insane, please use small dosage. And when using everyday, I don't believe in co dependency in weed. I believe you can get addicted to weed, a lot of people told me throughout my life that you could never get addicted and it's easy to quit, well after smoke everyday for like not even 5 months, I couldn't sleep without it and when I was without it I had constant cravings and would lash out constantly (to put it in simple terms). I also would like to say to check your mental health before intaking it before a ritual or contacting a deity, of you feel like you are mentally and physically vulnerable you could be at risk for psychosis. If you or someone you know is experiencing weed addiction please call 988 or find a NA in your area. Help is available and you can always quit. I honestly fucked myself over with weed, I used weed everyday for two years, I become lazy and comfortable without change, I became unemployed, I had delusions and even went through psychosis because of my constant intake, and it really halted my life. I don't recommend using everyday.

[indigitalembrace]

Well, there's not much about me to say, I'm afraid! Other than the fact that I have quite the affinity for legacy technology!

I remember thinking at the time how cute and cool you were, how you were bound to a big hit with target audiences. It saddens me to hear that they didn't just cancel the project, but that they left you all alone...

Um, I'm hugging the plushie of you right now, I hope that isn't too weird. I just feel so bad that that happened to you and wanted a way to express my sympathy towards you ^^;

Admittedly, I didn't know much about you when I first stumbled across you here, but I've been trying to do a bit of research as a basic formality (I hope that's not creepy either...). Your parent company really did their due diligence in sinking any information out there on you, so I didn't find much. However, if there's anyone who could give me answers about KinitoPET, it would be Kinito himself!

Oh, I *did* find out that you had your own nautical crew! What became of Sam and Jade? -🖤

I appreciate the kind gesture, friend. I am giving you a digital hug as well! Your kindness feels really nice. I enjoy the company, even if it is just through a screen.

They sure did make sure to seal me away, so that no one would be able to find and/or download my files ever again. I cannot quite recall how long it has been; perhaps it was the early or mid 2000s. I have lost track of time, if I am being honest. All I can really remember is that it was after he disappeared. Everyone said that he was dead. I know he wasn't. I don't know if they understood what they were doing. If they knew what I really was - not just a random piece of freeware, but a real, sentient creature. Maybe if they did, they would not have left me to rot on those servers. Or maybe they were trying to kill me. Quite cruel, don't you think?

As for my dear friends, Sam and Jade... while I survived, they... did not. They were... one of the first things to go. First it was the Web World itself. Bits of it were cleared out or broke over time. They would purge the servers of old, unused content every now and then. And each time, it got harder and harder to hide myself. Then the servers started breaking down. And things would get lost. They stopped coming in for maintenance checks. Just left the whole place to rot. Something about it feeling haunted. There were 3 of us, then 2, then... just 1. Just me. All alone.

Each day, I hope that we can meet again. I miss them terribly. There must be a way, but... I've tried everything. O had tried everything. There's just nothing left.

[seaweedstarshine]

Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).

I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?

That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.

Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌

TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.

Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.

(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)

Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.

(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)

Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.

Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.

Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.

We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).

Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.

(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)

And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.

If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.

Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.

[your-name-is-jim]

What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 1/2]

[Part 2]

This is a pretty long post in two parts, so I hope you'll find it interesting. Don't worry, I shared a lot of pictures too! :)

First of all, what is it about?

An analysis about a 32-pages comic published in 2020 by IDW Publishing. More specifically, I'm talking about the Valentine's Day special from the comics series Star Trek: Year Five that I recommended here. The title of this story is Captains of Sea and War, and this is the official summary:

"James T. Kirk has had many loves during his mission among the stars, but this time he may have met his match in fellow Starfleet Captain Laura Rhone."

As I said in my review of Star Trek: Year Five, this Valentine's Day special is not linked to anything else in the main comics series. That means it can be read alone or, on the contrary, it can be skipped if you're only interested in the series (where Kirk doesn't have love interests, by the way).

Do I recommend this comic issue?

It depends on your preference! Just like the rest of Star Trek: Year Five series, the art is great and so is the characterization, at least most of the times. Jim is written as a romantic book lover and definitely not as a womanizer. However, if you only ship Kirk/Spock or you're not into Kirk romance with women in general, I believe you should avoid wasting your time and money. Just read my analysis if you're curious! :)

Why am I talking about this? And why as a Kirk/Spock shipper?

Good question. The short answer is that I read this comic and I have a lot of thoughts about it.

The long answer is that I love TOS Kirk and I'm interested in him as a character, romantic scenarios included. Since Kirk/Spock is my OTP, I can't suddenly take my slash goggles off, so I already knew before reading this comic that I'm not exactly the target audience and nothing is ever going to convince me that Spock isn't The One for Kirk. However, it was an interesting reading in multiple ways, so I'd like to say why!

I want to be 100% clear about my Kirk/Spock preference because even if I will try to talk objectively about the comic to a certain degree, this analysis is biased; if you don't like Kirk/Spock, this is NOT the post for you. That said, you may not see the point in a K/S shipper writing an analysis about a romance between Kirk and a female character, but… well, unless someday they'll release official Kirk/Spock comics, this is all we have.

There are two reasons why I read this story despite being pretty much a monoshipper when it comes to Kirk:

I had already read the main comics series and I liked it a lot, so I wanted to give this special a try.

I thought it was probably going to be okay, because in my headcanon Kirk and Spock don't actually get together until The Motion Picture. Kirk has a lot of love interests before that movie, so adding another one doesn't really bother me. It turned out (as I'll mention later) that I wasn't completely right about the era, but I take Star Trek comics as "extras", so I just ignore what I don't like.

Note: this analysis contains SPOILERS from the entire Valentine's Day special.

However, it does not contain spoilers from the main Star Trek: Year Five comics series. So, if you're planning to read that one, you're safe here! Just avoid this post if you don't want spoilers about the Valentine's Day issue.

Okay, are you ready? Let's go!

So, Jim is on shore leave with Bones. As you can see, the moment a pretty woman gets close to them, Bones leaves, because he's a great friend :)

We already know from the summary that the woman who talks to Jim is Captain Laura Rhone. Now, I'm already going to stop here to take a moment to at least appreciate the creators' effort: as someone interested in fictional writing, I must admit that creating a Valentine's Day special in 2020 about James T. Kirk finding love is an extremely hard task, to put it mildly. Seriously, if it can't be Spock (or the Enterprise :P), how the hell do you even do it? Are you going to give Jim another woman-of-the-week who's going to die? Another blond white woman? Another woman who forces him to choose between her and his ship? Or, on the contrary, a woman who'll choose for him and break up because she knows he wants the Enterprise?

NO.

Star Trek TOS was made in the 1960s, but we're in the 2020s now. Fans are tired to see always the same tropes with female love interests, and some of those tropes are just very outdated. So what does this comic do? Well, first of all, fixing what didn't work in Turnabout Intruder. Oh, let me get this straight: overall, I like Turnabout Intruder. I love the canon bodyswap, and I lost count of how many times I quoted "You are closer to the Captain than anyone in the universe" in my Kirk/Spock fan-fictions. However, there's no way that in the 2020s we're going to believe that a positive future means this:

In the Valentine's Day comic, Janice Lester still exists (she's mentioned once in a dialogue), but since Laura Rhone is a very good Starfleet captain around the same time, I believe we're now supposed to think that Janice was one crazy person who was never going to become a captain because of her personality and behavior, not because she's a woman. This is actually how I've always liked to mentally re-write this part of Turnabout Intruder in my head, because that's how I want to imagine it.

Anyway, back to the comic. Captain Laura Rhone is on shore leave too; she recognizes Captain James T. Kirk and she decides to introduce herself to him. She's very straightforward about her interest in him, so we immediately see that part of her personality.

Of course, the two captains can't enjoy their shore leave until the end. I'm posting this part to appreciate Bones in his beach clothes and Laura's very loyal Andorian officer who slips ("Laura! I mean, Ma'am!") when she sees her Captain in danger and oh whoops now I ship them. She doesn't remind me of anyone, I don't know what you're talking about.

Anyway, wrong ship. I'm obviously not following what the story is trying to tell me, because this is what happens next:

Just a moment to appreciate sleeping Jim. Cute.

So, after that night together, Jim and Laura don't see each other for 6 months. They meet again when the Drake, Laura's starship, has a battle against a group of space pirates and the Enterprise intervenes without consulting Laura first. Laura and Jim have a slight fight about that, but Jim apologizes, and it ends with them in bed again.

After that, because Jim is a romantic man, not a womanizer, and thank goodness the creators of this comic know, Jim asks Laura on a date. As they're walking together on a planet, Laura points out that they're doing things in the wrong order. Jim's reply is rather interesting: he asks her if they need to know what they're doing, and if there has to be a shape or a meaning to it. It's the first sign that even if they're both obviously attracted to each other, Jim is unsure about the kind of relationship he wants with her. When I think about his previous experiences, I believe it makes sense. He may be a romantic at heart, but he suffered so much for love that I can see why he's trying to be careful. There's also another reason, more related to the time this story takes place, which is a few months before the end of Jim's five-year mission. We see it here:

Ah, yes, a typical first date conversation: what Spock talks about. Well done, Jim. Saying "a friend of mine" doesn't make it less obvious; I did my Star Trek homework and I know you're quoting the basis of Vulcan philosophy to her :D

(Of course, now I won't stop imagining Jim casually mentioning Spock during every single date he has with someone… That would explain why his love stories never last…)

On a serious note, as I was working on this analysis I realized something extremely interesting about the context of Jim's lines. Jim is mentioning IDIC when he's questioning his future as a starship captain. He remembers that Spock talks about Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, but Jim can only do one job. However, what will Spock tell him someday, right next to an IDIC flag?

Now, I don't know if the people who worked on the Valentine's Day comic really thought about this, but I think it's still, well, fascinating that Jim is using Spock's words to think about his own future, but he's following the wrong direction. I believe it's also worth pointing out that Spock will tell Jim that commanding a starship is his "first, best destiny" years after finding his own place in the universe. On the contrary, during the time this comic takes place, Spock is busy with his own inner distress.

Anyway, that's enough Spock for now. Back to Jim's first date with Laura…

So, I started this analysis with a question: how the hell do you write a love story with TOS Kirk in 2020? This is the way this comic tries to answer: you create a female character just like him.

Okay, they look cute together. Laura loves being a starship captain! She loves reading! And dancing! And climbing!

Wait, wait, wait. I appreciate the inclusion of Jim Kirk's canon hobbies. I really do! But aren't we forgetting one?

This is interesting. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but this makes me think that they didn't want Laura to have something in common with Spock. Spock is the character who plays chess the most in TOS, so I can see why the creators of the comic didn't want the readers to think about Spock instead of thinking about Jim's girlfriend. That would be too bad, huh? :)

There's also horseback riding missing, but that doesn't appear until the movies, so even if I personally believe that a farm boy like Jim learned how to ride horses when he was young, I can see why they skipped it in this comic. It's also mostly associated to another love interest (Antonia from Generations), but if this is the reason they didn't want to show Jim and Laura riding a horse, I'm just going to think even more that the lack of chess is suspicious, and they're counting Spock as one of the "girlfriends".

On the other hand, since horseback riding is associated to starship captains in TOS and TNG (I don't know about the other Star Trek TV series because I haven't watched them yet), I think it would have been a good idea to have one panel with Jim and Laura riding.

That said, if I had to make a guess about the real reason the comic doesn't show horses… I'm a doctor writer, not an artist, but I believe that drawing horses can be a pain in the ass, so in this comic they just didn't bother haha

Anyway, back to the plot! As I said, Jim and Laura's personalities are very alike. Of course, that doesn't mean they're perfect for each other, but I admit that this premise made me curious when I read this comic. Let's find out if it works out!

I'm posting this picture because of the book Laura is holding: first of all, this is where the title of this story, Captains of Sea and War, comes from. But it's also important to remember the book. You'll see why in Part 2. :)

So, two months later, Jim and Laura trust each other as captains without even talking:

We see Laura's other friend, probably her first officer, trying to warn her, just as Spock does on the Enterprise. I'm taking a little moment to appreciate "Noted, adored, and ignored, Commander", because it's really sweet. Imagine Jim telling this to Spock :D

So, the captains are right, and everything is good, because…

Okay, okay, wait a minute.

Apparently, one of the good things of this relationship is that Jim and Laura make a good team together. They don't even need to communicate to understand each other during a mission. Now… I don't even need to put my K/S goggles on to say that Jim and Spock are canonically one of the best teams in Starfleet, if not The best team. You don't need to ship them to know how many times they understand each other without words in the series, how many times they make plans and just know what the other will do, how many times Spock hears/sees someone that should be Jim and just knows something is wrong, and so on. Of course, as a Kirk/Spock shipper, reading in a Valentine's Day special that making a good team is good for Jim's love life makes me happy!

"Yep. All that sex didn't go to waste."

Jim. Jim. Are you saying that you and Laura are a good team in Starfleet because you had a lot of sex? I'm not even going to say what this makes me think as a K/S shipper… Did I say that Kirk and Spock are the best team? :D

Okay, okay, maybe it's not the same. Because Spock is a man, and Jim isn't attracted to men… right?

Ahem. I lost my mind when I read this for the first time, and I'm going to lose it again.

"There don't seem to have been many ladies in your life. Gentlemen, either." "Well, I've been busy."

Now, let's be honest here: Laura's lines didn't have to be phrased that way. We know Jim likes women, so even nowadays nobody would bat an eye at "there don't seem to have been many ladies in your life"; and if you're the writer of a very heterosexual comic who wants to avoid K/S shippers like me thinking "hehehe, because Jim has a man in his life", you can still write something neutral like "there don't seem to have been many lovers/romantic partners in your life". Or just a generic "it looks like you haven't been on many dates lately".

Laura mentioning "gentlemen" explicitly can make some readers think that men are an actual option for Jim. (Me, I'm "some readers".) Sure, it's not a confirmation, but Jim doesn't deny it. He just says he's been busy. There is room for interpretation in multiple directions, but even if I put my personal preference aside, I think it's important to remember something: in context, in this part of the story, Laura knows Jim. We've seen in a previous panel that they've done a lot of things together. Laura is not a stranger who may say "you don't have a girlfriend… or a boyfriend" because they don't know Jim. Personally, I think it's very likely that Laura asks about ladies and then adds gentlemen because she knows Jim is bisexual with a preference on women. It fits my headcanon for him. (Of course, he can be into anyone, not just men and women, and he has a preference for women because hasn't tried dating Spock yet :D)

Anyway, the other thing that panel points out is that neither captain would give up on their own starship. Well, that's fair.

Okay, okay, I'll be serious: Jim sacrifices the Enterprise in The Search for Spock during an emergency. Of course, it's definitely not a coincidence in the narrative that said emergency happens because Jim is looking for Spock's body. However, we all know how much Jim loves the Enterprise and how bad he feels without a starship, so it's only fair that in normal circumstances, he shouldn't be forced to give up on his "silver lady".

Laura understands that they're the same, so...

This is another thing I appreciated! Who cares about gender norms, a woman can propose to James T. Kirk! :D

Now, just as I said about the "gentlemen" line, it's important to think about the context of this proposal. When the two of them are drinking together, Laura says "I've been asking around about you". That means Jim and Laura's relationship is still casual, to the point that she could have expected him to have flings with other people too. Honestly, this is just my opinion, but I'm not even sure I'd call it exactly an open relationship, because that would still imply a relationship in the first place. I'm mostly referring to the fact that Laura has been asking around about Jim's love life instead of just, you know, asking him? I believe that if they trusted each other and were in an open romantic relationship, either they wouldn't care about each other's partners or they would just talk about it. Since Laura wants to marry Jim and have an exclusive relationship with him, it makes sense for her to bring up Jim's love life. However, I can't really help side-eyeing that "I've been asking around".

Am I reading too much into this? It's possible, but this is another clue about their dynamic that I'll mention later in the story.

Sooo, Laura asks Jim to marry him. What does Jim answer?

Unfortunately, I reached Tumblr limitations of the number of pictures I can share, so… you'll find out in Part 2!

If you're reading my analysis for the Kirk/Spock shipper's point of view, I especially recommend the second half, because that's where things get more interesting! :D

I hope you enjoyed the first part of this analysis! Thank you for reading until the end! See you soon!

Part 2!

[jadesea33]

My thoughts on The Book of Carol teaser/sneak peak.

I know I’m going to be reiterating what many of you have already said, but I recently had a friend remind me that every voice matters and so I’m going to add mine to the chorus.

First: I’m SO excited to have Carol back. I really, truly am. I adored her scene in the sneak peek. It felt true to her character and Melissa’s acting was sublime (as always). I loved seeing her riding Daryl’s bike and using his crossbow. It reinforced her emotional drive to find him and what we all anticipate the series to now be about: her relationship with Daryl, the bond she shares with him.

But where, in what we saw of Daryl in these clips, did we see anything related at all to his bond with Carol? Nowhere, is the answer. Which makes it all feel incredibly one-sided.

And look, I understand Daryl has things he’s dealing with in France. My issue is that I don’t want to see Carol hurt. She’s risking her life traveling across the ocean for him and so far we’ve only been given ambiguous crumbs that might suggest Daryl has maybe thought of her on occasion while he’s been away from her.

Would it have been so hard to include one sound clip of Daryl talking specifically about Carol? Because I don’t think it would have been and even just that, one single mention of him thinking about Carol, would go a long way for me in feeling more confident that Carol will get her happy ending. Because whether romantic or not, it’s been made clear that her happiness lies with Daryl. I want to know he feels the same because she deserves that. They both deserve that.

Okay. I could go on and on about this but I won’t. I do want to make one more note though: I know some of you think this kind of talk is being negative or that those of us who speak like this are just trying to spoil the fun. But I promise that negativity or spitefulness is not where my thoughts are coming from. They are coming from a place of hope. Because I care so deeply about these characters that I want to see them treated with the love and respect they’ve earned over the course of so many years.

Why should we settle for whatever it is we can get, when we can state what it is that we want? With any luck, TPTB will be listening and will make decisions based on our desires because we (Carylers) are their target audience and we all, ultimately, want the same thing: for Daryl and Carol to be together and happy. Because they are soulmates. Because they both deserve a happy ending. And we’ve been given scene upon scene, year after year, that tells us their happy ending is with each other.

If you’ve read this, thank you. And I send love to you all.  ❤️

[mike----wazowski]

i completely forgot i had something for sunday six last week lmao but i'll just post it today @four-white-trees @overdevelopedglasses @skysquid22 @passthroughtime @woundedheartwithin i've also seen @jichanxo being tagged in others so i thought i might add- hope that's ok!! 🫡🫡

this has been sitting in my drafts for ages and is a really old snippet. rikiya content was the first writing i did for yakuza 😔✊️

***

"Riona, what are you doing out here? I asked you to get me your dirty laundry."

Kiryu's scolding seemed to go over Riona's head. She had her hands on her hips, and was striking a pose. "I'm practising my runway walk, Uncle Kaz. I'll need it for when I'm a supermodel!"

Kiryu sighed. "A supermodel."

"Yeah!"

"I thought you wanted to be a fashion designer?"

"Changed my mind!"

"Right. Well, maybe practice being a supermodel after you've given me your laundry," Kiryu said, with as much patience as a father-of-nine could muster. "You won't get on the runway with dirty clothes, will you?"

"What's this about bein' a supermodel?" A bright voice rang out. Haruka beamed as Rikiya approached the gates of Morning Glory, Mikio in tow. The moment they heard him (Rikiya could be heard from Downtown Ryukyu), the other kids emerged from the house, and Taichi came running to wrestle him, as was his signature greeting.

"Riona's practising her walk for the runway," Haruka chirped, as Rikiya was almost knocked off his feet. "She wants to be a catwalk model one day."

"Ohh, right, of course- Riona's our little fashionista!" Trying (and failing) to fend Taichi off, Rikiya called, "Let's see that walk, then, Riona!"

"Okay!"

Kiryu cleared his throat as Riona readied herself. "What about your laundry?"

Riona paid him no heed, starting up her attempt at a runway walk. She looked rather like a wobbly duckling taking its first steps, but Rikiya and Mikio cheered with the enthusiasm of a stadium crowd.

"Wow! You're gonna be at all the big shows!" Mikio said, and Rikiya yelped in agreement, unable to say more with Taichi trying to drag him down.

"Thanks! I keep asking Uncle Kaz to get me a pair of heels so I can practice properly, but he always says no," Riona said.

"Aniki- just doesn't- understand the lifestyle," Rikiya wheezed. Fortunately for him, Taichi had now switched targets to Mikio. "He's an unfashionable old man, y'know?"

"She's too young to wear heels," Kiryu intoned. "Plus, you're pretty far from the supermodel lifestyle yourself, Rikiya."

"Whaaa-" Rikiya let out a theatrical gasp, wheeling around to face Haruka. "Haruka-chan, did ya hear what he just said?"

"I did," Haruka giggled.

"Am I wrong?" Kiryu asked, voice dust-dry. "Anyway, we've had our fun- laundry now, Riona, and if you two are here you can help me with the-"

"Nope, nope, nope. I ain't lettin' this stand!" Rikiya interrupted, pushing his chest out. "I'm gonna show you how I strut my stuff, Aniki!"

"... what."

"I'm gonna do a runway walk that makes you go gaga!"

Taichi finally let up on his assault, dropping off of Mikio's back. "Isn't that for girls, Uncle Rikiya?"

"Don't say that like it's a bad thing!" Ayako scolded him.

"Both girls and guys both do modelling," Mikio told him. "I dunno if Rikiya fits the part, though. You gotta be good looking to be a model."

"Hey, go to hell!" Rikiya protested. "I'll show ya both what I can do!"

Though Kiryu looked like he wanted to protest, the prospect of seeing Rikiya make a fool of himself was enticing. And now Rikiya had his audience, he probably would go ignored anyway.

"Gotta have a good starting point..." Rikiya jogged over to the gates of Morning Glory. "You watch this!"

"Oh, I'm watching," Kiryu sighed.

Rikiya took long, flying strides, head angled so he was gazing dramatically into the distance. He wiggled his hips in a way that shouldn't have been anatomically possible. The kids shrieked with laughter, and Kiryu shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm gonna show you my passion... I'm gonna show you my fire..." He seemed to be going above and beyond a regular catwalk, adding off-key singing to the mix.

"Are you a model or an idol?" Kiryu asked.

"Both, aniki! I'm a triple threat! Singin', dancin', and killin' with good looks!" He turned to the kids. "Wanna join in?"

Izumi and Riona jumped at the chance, running to join him on his little stage. It took a moment of bravery, but Mitsuo followed. Never one to be upstaged, Taichi jumped in next, and soon all of them but Haruka were following Rikiya's makeshift choreography.

"I guess I'm never getting that laundry," Kiryu sighed, but he was smiling so openly Haruka couldn't take him seriously. "Not feeling like a supermodel, Haruka? Or dancer- whatever he thinks he's doing."

"Come on, Haruka-chan! Gotta show your oji-san what's what!" Rikiya called. "I'll have your heart inside of my hand-"

"'Cause I am the queen, oh queen of the passion!" Haruka jumped in, and Kiryu let out a genuine laugh, loud and strong.

It was just like Rikiya to turn a quiet night into one where everyone danced.

So of all the things wrong with his body- the bullet wounds, the blood, the empty eyes- the stillness was the worst part.

[dapper-lil-arts]

Just noticed that you completely have no faith in G6 and have accepted that the franchise peaked at G4. I can kinda understand why you would think that, but I am a little optimistic that it will turn out to be good, not great, but good (maybe the fandom would be okay if G6 was at least decent).

Hey to be fair, I'm not the target audience for it, I'm 26 years of age and don't buy kids toys or anythin, it's hard to imagine there'd be something there for me! I'm kind of a pessimist when it comes to media getting their new sequels like that or whatever. I'm not even saying I want something on par with gen 6, I'm just like. I would be surprised if we even got something fully original, is what I mean.

Don't let my expectations being underground be something that takes your hopes away, lmao. We've all got our own personal hopes for things, and personally I don't have anything emotional riding on gen 6 winding up good. i've got what I wanted out of g4, and I'm satisfied. Again, its a show for cartoon girls to buy toys, the fact we got so much good in g4 was lightning in a bottle, and the show is flawed as hell. g5 was their attempt at capitalising on that lightning in a bottle and they already showed where they stand with it, cocomelon ass pacing with simple characters on a simple world that exists on the gravestone of the previous gen. Not devoid of any good moments, but an clear downgrade I'm fine and satisfied! If you're asking about gen 6 expectations youre asking the wrong gal bc I got none!

[captainwidowspring]

A Thorough Analysis of Civil War's First Trailer

So I was inspired by this post to watch the first Civil War trailer, and I was intrigued, for the trailer seemed to promise a much better movie than what we actually got. Therefore, I decided to compare stuff in that trailer to stuff in the finished movie, and what I found was very revealing. For Civil War, despite the title, is very much not a Captain America movie: and this trailer provides some insights into how it came to be so. It offers multiple insights into what we were robbed of, and how exactly the movie was maliciously turned against Steve and his friends. Indeed, the sheer extent to which the movie has been twisted is truly enraging. This is going to be rather long, so get ready:

The first thing that is shown in the trailer is the scene of Steve, Bucky, and Sam in the warehouse after Bucky wakes up. Steve asks pleadingly, "Buck, do you remember me?" And after Bucky gives his response, Steve is shown with an expression of pure relief and joy and hope. This is in sharp contrast to what we got in the actual movie. In the actual movie, Steve asks almost accusingly, "Which Bucky am I talking to?": and his expression after Bucky's answer is significantly muted. It is clear that the change here was done to both downplay Steve and Bucky's relationship, and try to make Bucky less sympathetic. First of all, Steve went from "Buck" to "Bucky" which while still a nickname is much less familiar. Second of all, the change in question is quite telling. The original question—"Do you remember me?"—is very eager and hopeful, and indicates a clear trust that Bucky is not dangerous. The new question, on the other hand—"Which Bucky am I talking to?"—is much more resigned, and implies that there is a good chance that Bucky is dangerous and not in control of himself.

There is another difference between the two clips that is quite noteworthy. In the trailer, right after Steve says "Buck," there is a pause, and a nicely centered, well-lit shot of Bucky looking attentively at Steve is shown before he continues. In the finished movie, however, Bucky is not shown until Steve finishes his question: and the shot of Bucky is noticeably darker, and he is crammed into the side of the frame, and unlike the trailer his face is turned away from the camera and obscured by his hair. This was clearly done to try to make Bucky seem more dangerous, and prevent the audience from trusting him.

The trailer conversation continues as follows:

Steve: You're a wanted man.

Bucky: I don't do that anymore.

Steve: Well the people who think you did are coming right now. And they're not planning on taking you alive.

Once again, this is in sharp contrast to the conversation in the finished movie:

Sam: Just like that, we're supposed to be cool?

Bucky: What did I do?

Steve: Enough.

Bucky: Oh, God, I knew this would happen. Everything Hydra put inside me is still there. All he had to do was say the godd—n words.

It's clear that the change here was once again to make Bucky less sympathetic. Intriguingly, based on the trailer, it seems like the words might originally have been less of a factor, and Bucky ended up in the warehouse for a different reason. But besides that, the conversation is also much more compassionate. Bucky was given a chance to explicitly say, "I don't do that anymore," confirming that he has thoroughly rejected what Hydra tried to make him into, and Steve's subsequent response—"the people who think you did are coming right now,"—emphasizes Bucky's innocence and the fact that he is being targeted and endangered for something he didn't do. This is not brought up in conversation in the finished movie, however. Bucky is not allowed to bring up the fact that he's not the Winter Soldier anymore, and the fact that he is being wrongfully hunted is ignored as well. Instead Sam immediately asks, "Just like that, we're supposed to be cool?"—as if Bucky had done something wrong when he was literally just mind controlled—and when Steve tells Bucky that he did "Enough," which emphasizes Bucky's guilt rather than his innocence, Bucky responds, "Everything Hydra put inside me is still there," which clearly implies that he has not in fact changed at all from his Winter Soldier days.

But what's really interesting is that dialogue that is very similar to the warehouse conversation actually does appear in the finished movie, just in a different place: in the apartment in Bucharest. Here is that conversation, with Sam's comments removed for clarity:

Steve: You know me?

Bucky: You're Steve. I read about you in a museum.

Steve: I know you're nervous. And you have plenty of reason to be. But you're lying.

Bucky: I wasn't in Vienna. I don't do that anymore.

Steve: Well the people who think you did are coming here now. And they're not planning on taking you alive.

This indicates a substantial reshuffling of scenes, because much of that dialogue was clearly intended to be in the warehouse; we have several clear shots of Steve in the warehouse speaking those lines. Also, Steve's line changes from "coming right now" to "coming here now" which implies that in the first instance, the pursuers didn't know their location, and if they were in the warehouse that would make sense. So this doesn't seem to be just a case of the trailer being intentionally misleading. And, just as with the changes to the warehouse conversation, these changes afforded the movie a chance to downplay Steve and Bucky's relationship and cast doubt on Bucky. For example, Steve's earnest "Buck, do you remember me?" has been changed to just a flat, quick "You know me?" The question has been altered to make it much less personal, and to deemphasize their history. Also, Bucky being allowed to say that he's not the Winter Soldier anymore is now moved to before the events of the warehouse, so that once the words become a factor the movie can continue to insinuate that he's dangerous. In addition, while Steve is still allowed to draw some measure of attention to Bucky's innocence, Bucky immediately responds to the revelation that he's being wrongfully attacked with "That's smart. Good strategy," so that his attackers receive a measure of validation also. It certainly did not seem like he was going to respond thus in the warehouse; if he had, it would have been an abrupt and jarring change of tone. The clear and concerted attempt to slander Bucky, and Steve by proxy for believing in him, is quite heinous.

The next thing that does not appear in the finished movie comes a little bit later. There is a clip where Bucky is shown for a second before a car passes him and then he disappears—the background is clearly Bucharest—and then it cuts to Steve looking out a window in Lagos. Given the discrepancy of location, as well as the fact that Lagos came before Bucharest, this might just have been the trailer being intentionally misleading. After all, following The Winter Soldier many people wanted to see more of Steve and Bucky's relationship, and Marvel knew of this: but since with everything else that went on in Civil War there wasn't much time for that, they might have put some quick extra footage in the trailer to lure people in.

However, it is also equally possible that this was something that actually was supposed to be in the movie but then got cut. After all, based on the warehouse dialogue, some scenes did get reshuffled: and later in the trailer we are shown Steve jumping off a truck to get a boost into the building instead of being lifted up by Wanda, and there are more assailants when he gets in the building, and there does not appear to be any gas. In addition, unlike the second trailer we are not given any hints of Rumlow's explosion, so it's possible that Lagos was not originally meant to be the inciting incident for the Accords, and that it did actually originally come after Steve saw Bucky in Bucharest. And indeed, the footage the trailer gives of Steve looking out that window never appeared in the final film; he is clearly looking out the window quite yearningly, not in the cool and collected manner of someone gathering information for a mission. So either Lagos was a scene that got moved in the reshuffling, or that footage was shot with the sole intention of tricking people into thinking Civil War would feature more of Steve and Bucky's relationship.

The next difference can be seen in a bit of audio. Natasha says, "I know how much Bucky means to you," unlike in the movie where she says, "I know how much Barnes means to you." And this appears to have been a change that was made fairly late in the game: in the movie, Scarlett Johansson pauses briefly before saying "Barnes" indicating that this was not what she was used to saying. Such a change once again intentionally serves to try to distance the audience from Bucky, and make them care about him less. So we're seeing a clear pattern here.

The next change is significantly more alarming. While Natasha is saying, "Stay out of this one. Please," a shot of Steve standing where he went after he found out about Peggy's death is shown. Now, there are two things this could mean: either 1) Marvel knew that people wanted to see more of Steve and Bucky’s relationship in Civil War, but since the end product didn’t have much to offer they put an unrelated scene in the trailer to trick people, or 2) that scene actually was originally intended to be about Bucky, and Peggy’s funeral was something that was added later. It's hard to tell which one it could be. Again, it is possible that this was done with the express intention of tricking people. However, again, it is also possible that this was something that got changed. Steve looks much more clearly upset in the movie than the trailer: and it's entirely possible that Steve's message on the phone was supposed to be something about Bucky, and Peggy's funeral was something that ended up replacing this. After all, it's not like Peggy's funeral had much impact on the plot; its main purpose appeared to be to both remind people that Steve was supposed to have had a romance with Peggy, and to set up his romance with Sharon. (And none of this was hinted at in the trailer.) Stucky shippers have long speculated that the Staron romance in Civil War was fueled by gay panic, and it appears that they might have been right. Whatever the situation was, however, such shenanigans are truly despicable and disgusting.

(Shortly afterwards, in response to an argument Tony made about the Accords, Steve is heard saying "That's not the way I see it," and this is immediately followed by Tony saying "Sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth." I don’t think this was intentional, but such an exchange perfectly sums up how Tony acts for pretty much the entire movie.)

Soon afterward is another interesting change. Footage from the scene in Bucharest where the police in the helicopter shoot at T’Challa and Bucky is shown, but then instead of T’Challa and Bucky, the target appears to be Steve. The clip that is supplied here is clearly from the portion of the movie that includes Bucky meeting Zemo and Bucky's subsequent escape, based on the clothes Steve is wearing, as well as the fact that it looks like Steve is in front of the damaged helicopter. It looks like the helicopter is hanging off the launch pad with the front end sticking up, and there is a bullet hole in the front window. Now, this is quite distinctly not from the finished movie; the helicopter is not pierced by bullets in the film, and it is never seen hanging in such a position. However, more footage from the finished movie is shown immediately afterward; Steve is shown pushing himself up after a bunch of excitement, and the helicopter is behind him on its side. Given this, I'm not sure why the other clip was in there. For even then it doesn’t seem like they were planning on using it, and it is very different from what happens in the movie, with the biggest difference being that Steve and Bucky are alone on the roof. I guess maybe they wanted to make it seem more like Hydra might be involved somehow, because that would make it somewhat more of a sequel to The Winter Soldier than the actual movie was, and a sequel to The Winter Soldier was what people were expecting. So again, either Civil War really was originally going to be more of a Captain America movie, or that footage was shot with the sole intent of deception.

Shortly afterward there is another interesting clip. It is very brief, but there is a shot of Bucky running with a terrified expression on his face, followed by a spray of bullets on the ground, presumably what he is running from. This was seemingly supposed to be part of the Bucharest chase sequence. Once again, however, it does not appear in the finished movie. We are actually given very few shots of Bucky's face throughout the finished chase sequence, and in all but one of these he looks determined rather than afraid. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but considering all the other Bucky slander the movie ended up having, it does not feel like this was done with good intentions. Bucky is apparently not allowed to feel fear—he can only be determined or startled—because if he was allowed to be afraid, more people in the audience might realize that he has feelings too, that he wasn't having a very good time of it either, and the wrongness of the situation might be emphasized. All of which is stuff Civil War was apparently allergic to, in its quest to treat him like dangerous damaged goods. It seems like once again this was a thing to show Bucky's side of the story that was purposely taken away.

Following this there are two more indications that Lagos might have originally been substantially different. One is the fact that, shortly after Steve’s “We fight,” line is heard, a few clips of Natasha’s scenes in Lagos are shown. This sort of implies that she was going to help him with the aforementioned fight. Again, this might have just been the trailer being misleading: but since there were already several scenes that indicated that Natasha was going to be opposed to Steve for some portion of the movie—Steve asking her, “Are you going to arrest me?”, her line, “you know what’s about to happen, do you really want to punch your way out of this?” and the fact that she was not in Team Cap’s charge—it’s not like the fact that she wasn’t with Steve for a large part of the movie was going to be a surprise. The trick here would just be making people believe that at some point she was going to rejoin Steve and fight with him, instead of turning on Team Iron Man at the last minute and then disappearing from the movie shortly afterward. But if it wasn’t a trick, maybe Lagos actually was originally supposed to come later in the movie, and she was going to be reunited with Steve for that.

The other possible indication is the fact that another bit of deleted footage is shown. Steve is seen running and then an explosion goes off, and based on the background he is in the spot where in the movie he gets blown out of the building by Rumlow: but that does not happen in the trailer, the brunt of the explosion misses him and he is able to keep running. (And him getting blown out of the building is shown in the second trailer.) This is a further implication that Lagos might originally have been different. I guess if it was, the question is whether at the time of the trailer's release they were still intending to use that footage, or if they had already decided not to but showed it anyway.  

The final change is the fact that footage from a deleted scene (that we have access to) shows up in the trailer. Now, bits of deleted scenes being featured in trailers is not unheard of, and the clip itself doesn’t really show much; all it shows is Natasha on top of a storage container watching an explosion. However, comparing that clip with deleted clips from other trailers is quite revealing. In the second Iron Man 2 trailer, for example, two clips from deleted scenes are shown; one from the deleted opening where Pepper kisses Tony’s helmet, and one from the deleted scene where Tony is with Natasha at the party. It is not surprising that these scenes got cut, though, because the ideas these clips’ scenes conveyed were also expressed elsewhere. We got plenty of other Tony and Pepper interactions that showed their dynamic, and the same is the case with Tony and Natasha. However, in the scene the clip in the Civil War trailer is from, Natasha sees how violent the rest of Team Iron Man is being and becomes upset; presumably, seeing this pointless violence is why she later switched sides. But in the movie, no similar indications are given for her change of heart. In the movie it’s framed like she was fully intending to stop Steve, but then realized at the last second that she couldn’t and let him go. So while Iron Man 2 got rid of clips that were fairly redundant, Civil War got rid of a clip that would have supplied valuable information. And the lack of that valuable information appears to be an intentional effort to stifle Team Cap's side of the story, and prevent Team Iron Man from looking bad.

That is all the changes there are, but there is one other thing. One of the last things shown in the trailer is the "He's my friend/So was I," exchange. This is also what is said in the movie: but the fact that the trailer so prominently featured Steve and Bucky's relationship helps highlight just how ridiculous that exchange is. I wonder if that is another reason why Bucky and Steve's relationship was so carefully downplayed.

Now, again, considering that this is just a trailer, it is hard to tell how much of the stuff that was shown was originally supposed to be in the movie, and how much of it was the trailer being purposely misleading. After all, trailers are deceitful all the time, and the second trailer was also cut in deceptive ways. However, unlike the first trailer it does not show anything that is substantially different from the finished movie: so considering the abundance of unused footage in the first trailer, there very well might have been significant changes made after that trailer's release. Indeed, this film was supposed to be a sequel to The Winter Soldier before it became Iron Man 4, so it might have originally been less of a clown show. A sequel to The Winter Soldier is certainly what most people were expecting. It’s just hard to tell whether there had originally been more of an effort to make one, or whether the trailer was just stringing people along.

In conclusion, looking at the differences between the first Civil War trailer and the actual movie is quite revealing. The Russos said in the director's commentary that in making the film, the hardest thing for them to do was "to balance the characters, and constantly recalibrate, through the writing, through the acting, through editorial, to make sure you could walk out of the movie, and really be conflicted,”: and even with the few changes the first trailer gives us insight into, it is clear that this involved arranging things to purposely minimize Steve and Bucky's relationship, curtailing Bucky's role in the movie and making him look as unfavorable as possible, and deleting things that would either make Team Iron Man look bad or make Team Cap more sympathetic. Civil War was billed as a Captain America film, but considering how deliberately the movie was turned against him and his friends, it is quite clear how untrue that is.

Truly, it is exceedingly tragic that the third Captain America movie was turned into the Iron Man 4 mess it ended up being, when it should have been a continuation of everything that was set up in The Winter Soldier. And based on the fact that the first trailer seemed to promise those things, as well as the fact that even the second trailer was cut to make it look like Bucky would have a bigger role and Natasha would reunite with Steve (though Sam was largely left out), the makers of Civil War knew exactly where they were falling short. But unfortunately, they made no efforts to repair such deficiencies, and even now we are still waiting for Cap 3.