#i havent seen them since last year
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THE HOT GIRL WHO GAVE ME THEIR # DURING CLASS AND TEXTED ME THAT THEY WERE GETTING HIGH IN THE BATHROOM IS HERE

#i havent seen them since last year#they kept showing me memes while the teacher was talking#teacher.. what am i 5?! Professor. Harumph.
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okay lol mini rant in the tags sorry i just HAD to get this off my chest 😭 sorry if this is very incoherent and poorly worded or structured or whatever i'm just. pretty out of it and i cannot really think to write this properly. well, that or i am probably just illiterate actually. Yeah that's it lol
#why are friendships so complicated#in my last year of senior high school at an all girls school#i transferred last year#and it's just cliques left and right#they all hate each other#i'm the type of person who can vibe with all of them even if their personalities are very very different#i am kind of friends with everyone in the sense that i can find common ground and have interact comfortably and enjoyably#my friend group from grade 11 (theyve been friends w each other for so long and i was the newcomer) dissolved this year bc things went down#i dont know the full extent of what happened#but those five friends split and three have merged with another group#the group that isolate my other two friends and seem to not like them#at least the “leader” of the group anyway. Not so sure about the rest#and now i am stuck in the middle lol. I have other friends from other groups but they have their own groups#the three girls already have each other and the new group (it's kind of a mix of me excluding myself on purpose and them not including me#in things presumably bc i am still “close” with my other two friends they don't like#it is a weird dynamic because me and the other group the three other girls merged with can vibe with each other#we can laugh with each other and enjoy each others company when theyre not talking shit (they rarely do it in front of ppl so i havent rlly#seen the full extent of it)#and also my two other friends are obviously closer to each other than with me since theyve been friends for way longer#i remember i had a conversation with one of my friends from the three girls that split away#it was something like i have to tell the class this and that etc since im the president#and i am not a very assertive person i am also very scared of being disliked. I told her i didn't want the class to hate me and she said#��everybody likes you you are friends with everyone”#it really doesn't feel that way. why do i feel like secretly they are talking shit#again i dont even know why we split up#but now i am just. Stuck in the middle#the thing is ive never even heard my other three friends talk shit and do nasty stuff with the new group/the main clique of the class#i havent seen the bad side to anything that i hear whispers about because ive never seen it#i havent been subjected to it either#i feel like i am wrong about a lot of things but i am just. blind or too deep into my people pleasing tendencies to not realize shit
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i have GOT to find those stupid ass chaotic friend group audios i have Ideas i must throw at krita
#do i know what to look up for them? no not at all i havent seen one in lik 2 years#but i have my finish-animatic-in-under-2-weeks powers and have to be silly since last one was sad#shut up serv0z
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miss my friend so Im rewriting their story from 6th grade and designing the characters
#she based it on theirself and our friends#weve all changed a lot since then#plus she said I could rewrite it since they dont care bout the story anymore#and I miss her#I havent talked to her since like last year#I havnt seen them in 5#making the chars look more like us#or how we wanna look#designing hers based on what I think they look like now#I got a photo a year and a half ago but I cant find it#Im bouta make myself cry in Ag class cuz of this#how to stop the anxiety attavk I was getting tho#get it ig
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actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️
( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )
ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up
#they STILL talk about this stuff at family gatherings too apparently#i always keep to myself til we leave but my ma has told me they complain about people demanding you use the right pronouns or whatever#and god bless her soul she tried to be like 'actually its not that hard even if you cant tell because you shouldn't assume' and#'if they tell you how to refer to them its just basic human decency to respect that'#no clue how they took it since i wasnt there but they just ended the conversation after that 😭😭#god dont even get me started on my uncle#hes awful and clearly mentally unwell and obviously really old#we have a family friend who had two moms right. they never tried to hide it and didnt really acknowledge it as anything weird. bc it wasnt.#my uncle is the one that introduced us so clearly he knew their mom was gay#and he did#he never said anything about it while we were kids out of fear of making us gay or smth#but at the last family gathering he was updating me on what was going on with them cuz we havent seen em in a while#and he told me that their daughter had apparently gotten a boyfriend#which is great! im really happy for her#but my uncle was like 'yeah i was getting worried because of ( one of her mothers names ) being. . . you know?'#and i was???? flabbergasted?????? esp because of personal things with their parents he was JUST telling me about#this is the same guy who after 20 years STILL cant spell my deadname right. not relevant just still so fucking funny to me#but yeah he laughed when he said it and everything like he was making a funny joke#tbf there is smth so insanely comedic about telling your butch niece you were afraid someone 50 years younger than you liked other women#just because her mom did#crazy shit
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look at me and tell me im mentally okay, i dare you

(this is from my carrd for discord,,, haha im okay prommy, at least rn ^^)
((also also,,, the tags is just me rambling, apologies))
#im pretty sure??? the most okay mentally out of all of them is alhaitham??? from what i recall#he seems pretty content with life man idk#hes been through some shit yeah#but hes doing alright#kaeya has his thing as khaenriahn#kaveh literally prioritizes everyone except himself#fremmy is literally in a fatui orphanage#which is made to create child spies??? dont quote me on that tho#i havent finished sumeru aq#furina literally has been suffering in silence for 500 years and only just got freed#basil and sunny... have you SEEN them??#v (jihyun) too like what#alhaitham literally is just chilling#content with his roommate his peace his books#is he still acting grand sage like currently?#because that might one of the few things he isnt content with#hm last we saw kaveh tho was with the interdarshan event#and he looks like hes gonna go the right path?#its been a while since i played it tho so i dont recall#even then... that was because of alhaitham#i dont have access to kaeya's hangout too so i dont know what he's currently like#but he also seems to be getting better?#ragbros look like theyre slowly getting along and kaeya seems to be absolute in choosing mond from what ive seen or atleast remember seeing#but then again both kaveh and kaeya seem to just be starting their healing?#please dont quote me on ANYTHING im saying#im going off memory of things ive seen that couldve easily been manipulated by the poster#firefly/tofu ramblings#but its just me rambling in the tags
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driving up 2 my uni city on friday n moving into my new uni room in my new house...cant wait 2 decorate it i have such a plan i have posters i am so so excited.... : ^ )
#havent seen my room yet in person!! i couldnt make it 2 the viewing and well since our backup plan was 2 live in a seven person#tent on the downs because housing was so hard 2 come by...i did then go to visit the house on another day and though the girls who let#us look around were very very lovely to do so they DID misinform regarding the fact that there was no one else in the house but them#so when my friend tried to have a look in what would be my room she accidentally walked in on a bloke in bed xx ANYWAY ive seen#pictures and videos its going to be so cute its got a slant roof a little loft room...goign 2 have a double bed for thee first time in my#life...ive got so many things to put on the walls...i want to get candles wasnt allowed candles in the old room....might even get#one of those little trolleys those trolley shelved things? for a bookshelf#or plants perhaps...its going to be the best room ever i think personally considering what i had to work with last year i did very well and#this room is far cuter...yay....#(ridi's) bigmouth strikes again
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reading book? too much effort. sitting down and writing replies?? can't focus.
youtube rabbit hole of in-depth Barbie history and architectural design of dream houses and playsets? i got all da focus in da world baybeee!
#barbie has always been an Interest especially in adult years since i more or less refrained from being#a hardcore barbie enjoyer because ykno not to gender talk on a tues but i rejected just about everything typically femme because i did not#want to be seen as femme or fully femme from a young age#so even if i really liked barbies i distanced myself from them pretty fast :'(#so now i think im compensating by like. instead of buying them for myself because i dont really want to collect. i just like lmao#obsessively info dive and watch commercial compilations and shit kdjfgdg#anyway did you know barbie has two younger siblings besides her main three that were actually her youngest ones#tutti and todd and they havent been seen since the late 90s? like theyre recognized in terms of history but in terms of#barbie lore and canon theyve been completely retconned out cuz theyve never shown up in sets or movies or anything#did you also know they were made of a bendable soft plastic as opposed to hard and the wires were prone to poking through and stabbing kids#and that the plastic stored like shit and if you put them (soft plastic) on your other dolls (hard) they would literally#melt into each other?? :)#barbie also has lots of cousins just got mentioned briefly and then annihilated from technical canon lol#oooh and then there's also Blaine who is an ex bf of barbie that was made specifically to date her briefly during a sort of campaign#barbie broke up with ken and got with blaine but ofc she got back with ken and after that blaine was never seen nor mentioned again. he deA#anyway happy tuesday im gonna eat my soup and try and break out of this info consuming trance so i can wrITE#oHOH and last silly trivia being barbie has lots of canon relatives that havent been retconned or anything BUT they've also never been made#into dolls. off the top of my head i think some of these include like uhhh her mom and dad and some aunts and shit#tho i think these are either just mentioned in passing or from the barbie movies or some in books
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Why tye fuck am I crying over ninja clash in the land of snow???? I fucking love this movie so much. It's sooooo fucking good. It's definitely my favorite and it was only the first ever Naruto movie. Can you believe they peaked at the first fucking one??? Why is it so good??? Fuck man aaaaaa
#i admit ive only seen three shippuden movies. but not counting the last or road to ninja (cuz they seem so good but i still havent seen them#sadge i know) but for real i wanna say they peaked at the first one. and i say that as a BIG fan of the lost tower#which is admittedly kinda rushed so like yeah of course ninja clash in the land of snow is better. im just very biased about the lost tower#granted i am certainly biased about all the part 1 movies. i guess im biased about the movies in general tho#since they count as filler and im always defensive of filler#also its SO funny to me that the land of snow has steam trains and blimps and the movie says movies exist#when all that stuff doesnt get invented in canon until post shippuden#theres a full on novel where kakashi and guy go on a mission in a. blimp?? hot air plane or something#and like half the point of the plot is that ITS A NEW INVENTION.#and i think the nerd kid's dad from boruto (IM SORRY I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME RN) like. invented trains i think??? or he invested in their#invention. and that like#mega related to his character as a rich tech guy's kid.#and i KNOW the land of snow is technologically advanced and also not canon. BUT LISTEN.#its just so funny to think that kakashi literally saw a fucking blimp like 8 years prior and then proceeded to be impressed when#going on a mission to protect like some rich lady on her trip to the take off of the world first blimp or hot air plane#whatever the plot of that novel was.#like. its just fucking funny.#i dont even remember if regular television is confirmed to exist pre-boruto. outside like#cctv for the kages that we saw like. once? in fucking. season 1 or something.#personal
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It’s so unfair and uncalled for for some people to just have energy to be social ALL THE TIME??? Like yes I would love to hang out with everyone I know and care for but between uni and sport and work I have only a little time to rest and recoup that energy to do that all again the following week okay so it’s hard to fit 50+ people in a year to see all of them.
Being able to regenerate energy from being social is an ability I do not have so pls just stop hounding me for not being able to keep up with everything.
#ranted about this before but i need to do it again to get it out of my brain#(prob for only a few days but still)#this hit a really bad nerve in me apparently my god#but yes i would like to hang out with a lot of people i havent seen since last year#but i have neither the time nor energy#also just the fact that a lot of them are people that i just didnt hang out with seperately so now idk how to do that???#and giving parties is hard because this country decided that we needed 4 different uni schedules for some reason#sorry for the long ass rant lmao sleep tight#gezeik
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mewhen i
#im feelin. so awesome#i think. its because i have not eaten since breakfast. and ive gone on two hour-long walks.#during one of which i got soaking fucking wet in the rain#idk#feelin. bad#might b going 2 the zoo with my grandma tomorrow if it doesnt rain surely that will make me feel better#<< guy who is ashamed to show their face at the zoo bc ive gotten turned down by jobs there twice now and oh god what if they recognize me#its fine. j would like 2 see the sharks. i havent seen them in like 2 years now#sigh. i would like a hug. real bad#i dont even know what it is this time im just. sigh#im tired. im exhausted. ive officially spent too much time at home#bc ive started referring to myself as a girl again both out loud and in my head out of instinct and that just does shit to the dysphoria#i knewww this was coming. the last like. 2 or 3 days ive felt ok abt where im at in life it had 2 come crashing down eventually#as in. rn#aaughghhh#i dont want 2 vent im not going 2 vent i refuse 2 vent#i will instead be screaming into a pillow and crying while i fold stupid laundry and listen to music too loud#delete later
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While we're here, I just want to add an example of a good response to Harris' video.
In the first half of the video, Harris briefly mentions a creator called Lukeypoo (who now goes by Luke Stephens) who had plagiarised Harris' Bloodborne review, and his response at the time was to deny it, signal to his alt right buddies and insult Harris.
After the video came out, Luke Stephens made a post on his community page regarding it:
For those, who can't see the screenshots, it reads:
A video went up on YouTube last night that showed something I did 6 years ago in early 2017, of which I'm very ashamed. I've talked about it on stream plenty since then and try to be very open about it, but I know a lot of people haven't been watching me since 2017 or have not heard me discuss this before. I don't want to hide from my mistakes or deflect, so very plainly here's what happened:
I was just starting on YouTube and I ripped off a phenomenal video on Bloodborne. It was a fantastic video by hbomberguy and after finding it through a Reddit post I tried to take his 1.5 hour masterpiece and make my own suckier version at around 7 minutes. I copied the premise, jokes, structure, and then pretended like it was all just a coincidence that they were so similar. I was a 19 year old idiot who thought it didn't matter because "he's a bigger creator so it's fine" and "it's just the internet." When I was rightly called out for copying his video I dodged, lied, and even attacked and insulted the appearance of those holding me to account, including hbomberguy himself. I copied someone's video, in parts word-for-word, and I pretended like *I* was the victim and *they* were being unreasonable. Unbelievable. There is no question at all: I was in the wrong, fully.
Let me be very clear: I whole heartedly disown who I was back then and what I did. Politically, religiously, and even morally/ethically I was a person that I hate today. I was an extremist, a bully, a religious zealot, and above all, a prick. This event sparked a spiral in my personal life that I didn't document online, but that has led me to who I am today. Someone who tries very hard to respect my fellow creators, audience, and to uphold a high ethical standard for myself. I strive every day to be a better man for myself, my family and kids, and for the community around me. And that's why I'm writing this, because I don't think we should hide from our mistakes or pretend they didn't happen. I screwed up, big time, and I stole the hard work of an incredibly talented creator and for that I'm incredibly sorry. I was 19, hard headed, and above all arrogant and unwilling to acknowledge I had screwed up. It took a couple years after that before I could openly admit what I had actually done, and that it took that long is all the more shameful.
I don't expect a response or certainly forgiveness, but for what it's worth, I am truly sorry for everything, @hbomberguy
For the last 6 years I've been working my butt off to be someone I can be proud of being and I hope you all can see that the man I am today is not the shameful excuse of a person I was back then.
I've never watched a video or stream by Luke Stephens so I can't attest as to his content, but this is one of the best responses I've seen to any kind of accusation, and so I lean towards believing him to be a better man than he was six years.
I thinks it's important to highlight the good response/s to Harris' video, to remind ourselves that plagiarism is not such an immoral action that from which you can't redeem yourself (though in Somerton's case, I'm less sure of that) if you take accountability for your actions, and to remember that in most cases, we should give people space to grow and become better.





The swiftness and brutality of Hbomberguy’s complete evisceration of James Somerton’s career cannot be overstated.
#i saw this a few days ago and its stayed on my mind#and i havent seen many other people talk about it so i thought i would#also this is unrelated by im not gonna ever put this in an actual post so im going to use these tags to get it off my chest#i rewatched the video yesterday and it aas during harris' speech about how art is difficult and a skill#that i kinda had an epiphany i guess#(have not used that word in a while huh)#because thrice within the last few years#ive come across fics on ao3 where while i wouldnt call it plagiarism the authors did very much steal a considerable amount from my fics#some less than others#one of them used some of the exact same sentences as mine so i guess that one was plagiarism#but they all took a nontrivial amount of ideas or plotbeats or phrasings from my fics#and each time i was in three minds: 1) i found it kinda funny honestly though i cant articulate why; 2) i was flattered because i dont#really think my fics are worth stealing from; and 3) holy shit i baked one of the holy shit two cakes#i wasnt really upset by it especially because i know my work has been inspired by fics i love at times#but after rewatching harris' video#i realised it wasnt that i wasnt upset but that i wasnt allowing myself to be#because i didnt consider my work as something you could steal from? i didnt consider it worthy of that#like not as in ''oh i didnt know my art was that good'' but as in ''oh i didnt know my work was art''#so ive been allowing myself to be upset about it since then#and all those emotions are probably tangled up in the roots of the treehouse luke stephens' response is squatting in#because like#im not going to do anything about it like im not going to accuse the authors of plagiarism#even the one who stole exact sentences mostly because their writing is indicative of a 13 year old and mate im 23#ive been writing since i was 11. i know what its like to be starting out as a newbie writer it just feels mean for me to call them out#and if theyve stolen lines from me theyre going to have done it to other people and im sure theres someone else who feels more comfortable#in approaching them about it#but anyway back to my point#im not going after any of these people in anyway but if i did id want their response to be like this
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Omg a friend I've had since elementary school came in to where I work today and she asked abt working there :00 that would be fun... my other friend I work with joked that it's becoming a trans takeover bc us 3 are trans 😭😭
#meow.txt#i havent seen this friend in ages...#i cant remember the last time...#havent seen her since early 2022 at LEAST#we passed each other on the road one time and i texted them after like Omg did you just leave [place they were at]#but that was like October 2022 and i havent seen her since#we were actually gonna meet up sometime last year but it didnt end up happening </3
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dream(ish) story time!!
#so there was this guy i had a crush on in high school right#and bc my hs was too small we could only do the first 3 years there (where i live hs is 5 years)#and everybody went to different schools to finish the last 2 years so i lost contact with a lot of people including my crush#i havent seen the guy in 10 years (last time i saw him was in 2013)#and about a year ago i randomly stumbled on his ig acc and i decided to follow him#and the guy was a really talented drummer back in the days and bc we are fb friends i saw that he decided to make a living out of music#which i thought was really cool#i dont really follow or listen the music he does but its still cool to see him pursuing music and all#and every once in a while he will post a story and i watch them just bc i can#and E V E R Y NIGHT after ive seen his story i will dream about him#and every dream about him is the fucking same :#i want his attention but i do nothing in particular to get his attention i just try to always be in his vicinity#just like i used to do in high school#and we never really interact in the dreams i just know he’s there and i cant do anything without making sure he can see me…..#its so annoying im annoyed at myself every morning when i wake up#cant my subconscious just accept the fact that its been TEN YEARS since i last saw the guy???#sigh
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Oscars predictions bc i KNOW you're all dying to hear my opinions:
Disclaimer i have not seen 90% of these movies and these are not necessarily whom i think SHOULD win its just who i think will. Based on who else is nominated and the academy's history
best picture Killers of the flower moon
best director Justine triet or Martin Scorcese
best actor Cillian Murphy
best actress Lily Gladstone
best supporting actor Ryan Gosling or Robert de Niro
best actress Danielle Brooks
best screenplay anatomy of a fall or past lives
best adapted screenplay poor things or american fiction
best animated Across the spider verse or the boy and the heron
best song I'm just ken or Wahzhazhe
best score killers of the flower moon
best production design barbie or killers
best costuming barbie or killers
The rest of them i dont know enough about to have an opinion. I think oppie will unfortunately sweep all the other technicals.
#What i WANT to happen is for barbie and oppie to win nothing#i want killers to sweep#not necessarily bc i liked the movie#but i think it is an important story that needs more attention#Even if i disagree with some of the methods used to tell it#The only ones i have any real investment in though are lily gladstone and atsv#And danielle brooks#I havent seen the movie but shes a great actress and i love the stage show#I think if barbie gets costuming killers will get production design#And vice versa#And i think both screenplay awards will go to something random#Or something that got nominated for a lot but didnt win#Hence anatomy of a fall/poor things#And while the oppie score is the best thing about the movie i think it will go to killers#Since robbie robertson died last year#It is also an incredible score#But i think theyll pick it bc he died#Mostly im just happy neither leo nor greta got nominated#I strongly dislike them both#And im happy may december got almost nothing that movie sucked and todd haynes should go back to film school#Anyways those are my thoughts#OH and i hope wes andersons short film wins simply because it would be funny#All the snubs for his feature length stuff and then they give him one for a netflix short#I would find that terribly amusing#Also i hope robert de niro does not win bc i honestly did not care for his performance i found it distracting#But i wont be surprised if he does#Okay im done now bye
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if theres one teacher i have to remember from my high school years it would have to be the technology guy. he looked like a mad scientist at all times. one time before i joined his class he sat next to me on a bench and talked to me for a bit. the first day of his class in the 3rd year he basically told us if he caught us using the cloud instead of usb sticks he would kick us out. phones were forbidden. when i told him i didnt like being put in the girls group (there were only 4 girls (including me not knowing i was trans yet)) he put me in a group with some of the boys instead no questions asked. he was probably the strictest of all the teachers ive had while also one of the nicest. he scared me a little. i miss him
#ramblings#theres also the latin teacher who bullied everyone but in a funny way#or the history teachers. history teachers are always great#my french teacher in my last 2 years who not only did really well with my pronouns but deliberately picked me as an example#when discussing il/elle. which i almost cried over god bless#or the social studies teacher who let me skip major parts of the homework because it was triggering to me (are gay people allowed t-)#ive had some fantastic teachers its just that none of them live up to the guy who let us build robots and who taught me usb > cloud#like he was the designated technology guy of the school. we didnt have a tech department it was just the compsci teacher#so sometimes hed come into classrooms of completely different classes to help the other teachers with laptop problems#i think ultimately hes the one i can blame the most for the path ive chosen to go down in college#like yeah for years between then and now i thought id study art but the gap year really let me consider my options#my dad started my love for technology but it was the compsci guy who taught me for a year when i was like 15 who showed me the beauty#ive had 3 high schools so after my 4th year i switched schools and i havent seen him since#but yeah. he was fun
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