#(have not used that word in a while huh)
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
#pan draws#pan designs#zine#risograph#i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline#i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently#anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in#but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they#actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye#tdov#trans day of visibility#<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you#xines
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You look better this way. What way? Nothing. I couldn't get a hold of you for days. Did you work undercover in the school and help Zherui investigate?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 08
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#pdribs#userrain#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#'what do you care?' first of all. THE JAW CLENCH. second of all. chen yi why do you care?#he doesnt have to explain because he and ai di have been by each other's sides their whole lives#its impossible to put into words Why Chen Yi Cares bc their identities their whole beings are intrinsically tied together#and him sternly reminding ai di of that by only saying ai di's name....good stuff#cuz. huh. its almost like chen yi waking up and ai di Not Being There is his worst nightmare#what if we made that a plot point! a h a#HES WORKING IT OUT but its HARD to DO SO when again. their identities are tied together. it's a chen yi-ai di tangle#& while chen yi knows there are things ai di doesnt tell him he doesnt know the root feelings bc ai di hides them so well#ai di NEEDED to show his True vulnerable face to chen yi...he needed to sleep with him and he needed to cry#& leaving again (only days after this scene! (which was bc chen yi drunk-kissed him!)) was the final snap inside chen yi to make him SEE#the real ai di that'd been there all along. (while ai di used prison as another excuse to avoid him & the vulnerability he'd just exposed)
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You know, I think Clark and Lex’s relationship really could have benefited from a safe word. Something either of them could have said to the other to communicate “your current line of inquiry is infringing on my privacy in a way I cannot elaborate on without further compromising my privacy, so I need you to redirect or drop it.”
#smallville#clark kent#lex luthor#clex#and their friendship still struggles for a while but with the help of clear boundary setting they muster through#and they come out the other side stronger than ever#eventually their friendship blossoms into a romance#they marry in the spring in a lovely outdoor ceremony in Smallville#several years later they have a beautiful baby boy named Conner#and one day Clark looks at Lex over the breakfast table and says you know I can’t remember the last time we had to use our safe word#Lex raises an eyebrow like you can’t remember last night?#and Clark rolls his eyes no the other safe word#Lex smiles (he knew that’s what Clark meant) and says 8 years 5 months and 12 days#and Clark smiles back because of course his husband would remember down to the day#but the conversation is interrupted by Conner toddling in wanting his daddies to play with him#and all was right with the world#(wow I just went on a journey there huh)
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i hadn’t thought about jakurai and gentaro being parallels in years until hypdream purposely made ghost gentaro and ghosts jakurai’s stories parallel each other’s; like they both sought to draw their originals in via ruining the lives of others irl in order to possess their original
LIKE HYPDREAM MANAGED TO MAKE THE GHOST CHARACTERS REFLECT EVEN THE PARALLELS IN THE MAIN NARRATIVE ITS SO COOLLLLL
#this is vee speaking#shintaro and ghost jakurai have very similar methods and missions#and gentaro and jakurai also have similar missions tho differ a bit in methodology#but to compensate jakurai and gentaro have very similar speaking styles and mannerisms lol#lol nah the more i think about it the more similar shintaro and ghost jakurai are like a general disregard of the human experience/life#holier than thou attitudes both are yappers and arrogantly so lmao#like idk how they managed to make them so similar but shintaro gives saturday morning kids cartoon villain#while ghost jakurai very comic book movie villain LOL#and like i already pointed out that ghost ichiro and kuukou also have very similar goals#and thinking on it they both have similar methods too they both used their words to lowkey hypnotise ppl into staying in mira#(ichiro’s words seemed to have the hypnotic effect tbh lol TRUE HYPNOSIS MIC ICHIRO PARALLELS EVEN IN GHOST—)#but rei and rio huh 🤔#i think there’s more to this pair than being solitary former military men but i’d like to think on that a little more lol#*excited vibrating* this game makes me happy lmao
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everytime sukugo gets called a crack ship i suffer +10 damage
#f.txt#it's not about the ship or anything#it's more just. they be calling anything a crack ship these days huh#djdfhskdsffgs#like with skg they did used to be a rarepair but arent anymore#but they were never a Crack ship. it's a ship that has made sense since the begginning. (ok maybe i MIGHT be a biased fdjfdfg)#but!!!!! they had 2 interactions!!! two!!!!! for a crack ship u need a minimum requirement of 0 canon interactions#even THEN. u might not necessarily call it a crack ship#i think it maybe has to do with how fandom has gotten much larger and the Big Ships are so much more omnipresent in any fandom#so maybe that skews people's perceptions of other ships? like. any smaller ships gets totally overshadowed.#or maybe it's just confusing the term with rarepair#but i mean i have seen people be so confused when presented with skg and finding it slightly bizarre#and before i would have kinda gotten it . but now after the fight. im like......did u NOT see all that.#a lot of people seem to not venture into ships outside the 'main' ones#and take them as canon to a certain degree ?#('why would u ship X with Y if Z is right there')#idk#it's interesting#maybe related to the mainstreaming of fandom#?#just thoughts honestly#tho i feel the same about rarepairs tbh dsfjsdfds#i feel like the idea of a rarepair has also gotten skewed#where some big ships (in my opinion) are also getting called rarepairs#had this drafted from a while back. but i saw skg being called a crack ship again and remembered it#anyways. i will reiterate......ppl really be calling anything a crack ship these days#dhsfjdhjdghjfffddfhhfd#it just makes me feel....old(?) idk fjdhfjshgjs more kinda like a purist all NO!!!!!!!! wrong use of the word!!!!!!!!#but let's be honest ppl have always been like that. 'there's X!! why ship Y!!!!!'#basically. conclusion. fandom gettin so big intimidates me fhdjdfghjdfhjdfhfsdfgg
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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quite poetically ironic for demagol to do all those jedi torture-experiments in the name of "finding out how the force works" only to turn out to be force-sensitive himself
#star wars#redbean talks#mandalorians#kotor#demagol#is he the only one to get his name turned into a word?#also its kind of funny demagol is the one remembered as The War Criminal bc of the jedi vivisections#when cassus fett was famous for nuking several planets just to prove a point#like. the only reason cassus escaped being remembered The War Criminal is because demagol somehow managed to be even worse#between that and the other field marshal guy who infected everyone with rakghoul on purpose#and also ultimate offering to buy the system-destroying worms and also pay that company to make more weapons of mass destruction#the mandalorian high command was really competing for Most Evil Guy Of All Time huh#i do wonder how many mandalorians were unknowingly force sensitive#demagol-as-rohlan managed to use the force a few times i think without even being aware of it#given that the jedi are definitely steering clear of the mando kids they don't seem to have a way to tell if someone is force sensitive#unless the kid is either stolen directly from the jedi (grogu)#friends with several jedi who can sense it (sabine)#the actual child of a jedi (venku)#or used the force in a very obvious way (grogu and presumably tarre)#i think that covers all the known force sensitive mandalorians?#i wonder if mando jedi are more prominent because of the more obvious philosophical differences#while a sith-inclined mandalorian would just be a crusader or war criminal etc#idk maybe the entirety of the Most Evil Guy(s) Of All Time war leaders would have been sith if they weren't already mandos
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was refreshing myself on some old myth for a bit and i read the french and english wiki page for the Charybdis' mythos, and i'm noticing something that i don't know if it's just the wiki being inaccurate or an actual difference (from the linguistic page it seems to be an actual difference) but
In English there's this expression about choosing between two equally bad horrible situations by saying "choosing between Scylla and Charybdis"
But in French the expression is "to fall from Charybdis to Scylla" and instead of a choice it's about managing to get out of a horrible situation only to get thrown into an even worse situation (the equivalent of the English's expression ""falling out of the frying pan into the fire")
if i believe the linguistic page there was a bit of borrowing around and technically both expressions are used in both language, but you're more likely to find the first one in English and the second one in French (very likely because Victor Hugo popularized "to fall from Charybdis to Scylla" with Les Misérables) (does not mean it started in French the origin of the expression is still Greek anyway, just talking about why the saying is more popular in French with weirdos like me)
idk i think it's cool on a sort of metatextual perspective that English People saw this myth and when "oof imagine picking between those two" while French people just chugged a bottle of wine and went "And it's a BINGO and LIFE SUCKS and it NEVER GETS EASIER you get BOTH OF THEM BABEYYY"
#in my personal honor defense before anyone ask i know this myth and expression ever since i was a kid#there was an Odyssey cartoon when i was a kid i was constantly watching and it was like. my first introduction to the mythos and stuff#i did read bits and pieces of the book and read lots of wiki pages in the year#and i used to use this expression until i forgot how to say Charybdis. My dyslexia stopping me from being a pedantic intellectual.#(was always funny as a kid to just say that in front of adults who were just staring like hey what the fuck)#why am i refreshing myself now? Is it because of the whole buzz about the Odyssey lately? No. Absolutely not.#i'm looping a song i really like and that is very melancholic (yes in my Solas playlist) & it has the word Maelstrom which i didnt know#which got me into a wiki page about those and made me go 'ooooh like Char-- wait what's the name again'#and so i was doing a wiki dive on Charybdis before looking further into things#because i am terrified of sea monsters/horrors in a very morbidly curious way#i love scrolling through google image of sea monsters while just trembling in fear the whole time (real. not a joke.)#so i was doing that and i was reading the french wiki first and saw back this expression#but the french wiki being a bit short i switched to english and was :O to see the expression wasn't the same#so then i started a deep dive on the linguistic wiki page#to answer your question: no i was never diagnosticed officially with ADHD but enough qualified people have told me 'huh do you have ADHD or#anyway fun stuff. love language. love how we look at mythos and create expressions from it#even when it's dissimilar from one language to the next because the origin of the expression is different in popularity#or simply because the horrors of the myths can be interpreted differently by the people making those expressions#ISNT IT FUN. LANGUAGE AND MYTHS ARE COOL.#ichatalks#wait i didnt even finish checking the lyrics of the song i was checking give me a sec
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#alternatively if ekky cant use his words he will resort into bumping into you like a bumper car to communicate affection#kitty cat 🫵#the sacred art of bunting#...havana brown headbutting the aloof salmiak...#oh kitty cats#i just think they specifically ya know#i think its particularly funny that when theres a third person that would take ekkys affection well (maffhew. sasha. forsy. swaggy etc)#he'll focus all his attention them#but when its just mikksy oh boy is the spotlight bright huh#oh congrats to these freaks for stay on theme and reserving this for road whites#(we have seen the mikksy ekky bumpy ritual in home reds but it is in the bg while stevie praises forsy which is hilarious)#(we very much learned sometimes they switch sides. like a couple on right a couple on the left... freaks...)
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What about panic for the ask game?
nope, "panic" does not appear in any of my current wips!!
#answers#ratbastardsblog#feel free to send a different word tho!!#i opened older ones to search too and still nope. apparently i use all sorts of words to describe panic sometimes#but i a) don't have any characters actively panicking (yet) in these#and b) i guess i don't tend to use the word panic even while describing a character having a panic attack! huh.
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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Ever since my haircut, people I’ve know for a minutes or for the last three years have started referring to me with completely non-gendered language. Like, “So you’ll be our barw— barperson for tonight.” “Sounds like your an individual of many talents.” “You’re an older… uh, sibling, right?” “Hey, watch out, stupid bi— cunt!”
#I haven’t actually changed anything else btw…#and I haven’t told a great number of people either#I’m fine with this#it makes me laugh#the stage combat I don’t bind because ow.#but even then the guy I work with has just switched to using the most painfully gender neutral phrases as much as possible#‘swordperson’ sounds so weird tho#like. swordsman is fine…?#however ppl still insist on saying ‘actress’ when I myself have never used actress to refer to myself#actor’s fine. say actor. it’s all good.#even if it comes up in conversation#’oh I did a plane game as voice actor a long while back’ ‘oh an actress! my daughter works in theatre but she’s not actress!’#mate#why#why is it this one word#silly buggers#I’ll have to grow a foot long beard before I can shake ‘actress’ huh
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I'm so brave for not starting a problem on the Internet. I'm SO BRAVE
#satt speaks#people who use tma/tme religiously REALLY HATE INTERSEX PEOPLE HUH????#I am actually so fuckijf exhausted everytime I see those stupid ass terms used#I just watched a fellow intersex person get TORN THE FUCK INTO because they (idk pronouns atm) disliked the previous terms#because it excluded them and their inherent experience#and they worded it beautifully:#'tma/tme as terms force me as an intersex person to identify partially if not fully with my agab when that is not correct'#(reworded to fit in tags but that was the general point)#AND I AGREE . HEAVILY.#forcing people down to those two labels is intersexist lmao . flat out#while I understand why those terms exist - their inherent meanings and origins have been skewed#and now they are being used as the new afab/amab binary and a way to judge the experiences one trans person is 'allowed' to relate to#tumblr discourse is insane I'm sending that intersex person an ask to show them I relate too
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Oh? Dororo, you have a phone?
I think our phones are connected to the Kero Ball, or something like that? I've not looked into it much, to be honest.
#sgt frog#keroro gunso#doropost#i do have an app called inaturalist on here!#it's very useful for telling little brown birds apart from one another :)#and the wide variety of plants all around us too!#ah sorry i don't mean to gush! but my peers aren't really as interested in such things as i am#-d66#and now a word from our host:#i wanted to add more stuff but it just didnt work out that way#but i was able to add a photo of zeroyasha soooo its all good :) doggy!#also i did trace part of koyuki from her official ref. im sorry. drawing her wasnt working out#anyway frog phones very much follow the roger rabbit rule. they exist when i think its funny#top secret insider info giroro is listed as giroro-chan in dororo's phone#giroro does not know this and would vehemently object to it while 'secretly' thinking its really sweet and cute#doror phone lore.#edit zeroyasha came out pretty crosseyed huh... sorry ouppy
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like hearing an autistic person talking abt realizing like "oh so friendships for some ppl don't involve always having to maintain a performance" and going damn right yeah and now "oh so friendships for some ppl involve their getting to expect that the other ppl will be interested in them and provide support" like huh go figure. more surprising like oh right i guess i always felt like interactions require maintaining a performance that can only go wrong (generally true; like there's no "well you're ruining things by keeping ppl from being the Real You so just Be Yourself" like a] masking isn't Real or done by Yourself or b] like if you unmask people like you now & ableism is over, b/c it was your fault for reacting to it in the first place) & thus also that i should be interested & provide support but not expect that in turn / the sense as well that you are/can only come up short and have things to make up for anyways while lucky whoever's even providing the time of day
then it's always an Exercise to go "oh right well beyond going [my god autistic character] the whole time, what Things re: winston billions was i still not quite seeing as as unusual / Not Good as they are. even for billions" like sure noticing he's holding on to the hopes of some kind of positive / actual relationship w/rian for like year 950 & this manifesting with the Determined Friendliness but zooming in like oh i guess that adamant amicability sure involves winston suppressing a negative reaction to negative treatment and yet still hoping for an improvement, which like, was always Possible but a) hinged on rian simply choosing to change how she regards/treats him (or someone intervening to change the situation) & b) apparently is not going to happen. thinking like yeah that's very Friendly of him. and knowing like man winston's sure still trying to keep this friendliness offer open for like two years. but also now more specifically going like Yeah and pretty fucked then that his baseline expectations don't include that Mutual Interest & Support (though someone being abusive is definitely interested just not in any good ways. and certainly not (actually) supportive)
#and then in immediate retrospect it's like I Mean I Knew It & even now to be saying it feels like i've effectively already said it#just more precise/specific Language available. & where even if it's like [restating this one idea] that's gonna say smthing new / a bit dif#winston billions#from the [immediately going HM HUH first time seeing his clips but taking months to be like He's Autistic(tm) Btw IMO] to now struggling to#say another Ay Word in discussing [he has a devoted workplace bully] as Abuse(tm) when plenty of what's abusive is considered ''normal'' or#correct or even Ideal while defining Abuse as xtreme outliers due to evil intentions & extraordinary situations (that you should avoid)#it's power structures & efforts to control & use/refuse people as things....plenty of ppl who can feel they're just acting Normal & Natural#while other ppl in entire groups Do have to perform which can only go wrong & be hurt / get that everyday trauma from their Normalcy.#those allistic social skills huh (again tldr invoking this concept just Is ableism....)#after a casual twenty plus years w/the gradual convergence of [figuring out i'm autistic] & [not blaming myself for being mistreated b/c#i'm autistic] does put a damper on expectations re: all interactions but it's like the way someone put it the other day#who hasn't said anything abt being autistic but that they don't think anyone's guaranteed any kinds of relationships/companionship incl#friendships (which i agree with; & it's not at all uncommon for ppl to be hard up for those out here. despite ppl treating socializing like#a meritocracy like hmm anyone doesn't have friends? sounds like that's on you not getting good / deserving that) & so he consciously#navigates how to like be genuinely satisfied w/a life that's just got him in it while being open to other ppl. thinking of how i've heard#abt Just That re: autistic ppl (but framed specifically re: dating; like might want a romantic relationship but ofc no one's guaranteed one#of those either (even if this too is definitely treated like in fact you Are guaranteed one & it is Again a meritocracy) And ofc there's#more barriers/hurdles for autistic ppl) & just going like yeah i've sure been always navigating that too while being open to ppl sure but#not feeling like i need that to change & sure asf not focusing on Putting Myself Out There lmao. i put myself out there by existing & by#saying things & by trying not to try to preemptively appease/appeal to anyone. seeing another quote today abt how they're nonverbal & this#results in being regarded as hostile like eugh been there enough; classic [putting myself out there] dramedy of terrors from back in the#day as a teen living on college figuratively sprinting around trying to figure it out; both the Autistacity & Abuse lol. & racking up more#of the latter for the former while i'm at it....nowadays like. certainly recent successes in [spontaneous alignments of being friends] had#to start w/like weeks into months of i'm not expecting someone else to have interest & in fact Am expecting; if nothing else; them to#realize w/e interest motivates them to talk w/me to be mistaken or w/e. as i'm struggling not to mask / beating back efforts to actively#appeal to anyone. being duly surprised when after months they still feel like talking to me. & even then just kind of entering another#phase of ''well but still'' lol like when interactions have largely felt like Buying Time at best#def on the same page as that guy like even [have friends] is not a Need. when i could go ''time to recharge socially'' & make it happen#what i like to do is go be in public '''''by myself'''' around ppl. truly the good shit. doing that kind of shit w/ppl has = nth wheeling.#now insert a short essay spinning off all this abt an approach to Language parallel to [concepts re Socializing] as tag thirty
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i work with. the most insufferable man.
#so to start: he's so fucking annoying#and i dont mesnt cringe or weird#i mean this man is incapabke of shutting up about himself#he doesnt have conversations#he just talks at you for upwards of like 20 minutes#WHILE you have fucking work to do#one time i was reading a book with headphones on#massive ones that you cannot miss to be ckear#and he fucking physically taps me to get my attention so he can ask me what im reading#then asks me if ive ever *heard* of kurt vonnegut#like. one of the most famous authors of the 20th century? YEAH#but he just goes on and on for literally 20 minutes abiut his own reading while im just sitting there going uh huh uh huh#hes also casually racist! like i dont think he'd ever say the n word but#likes to say that he used to work in 'inner city schools'#used a blaccent to mock a mother who was upset at him for physically ripping earbuds out of a students ears#referred to his black students as being from the ghetto#was convinced that two of the other teachers are sisters even though they look nothing alike#because they are both black#also seems to be fetishizing peruvian women#like came here specifically to marry a peruvian woman#and i have only known him for a month but i still know all this about him (and more! hes divorced apparently!)#because he is terminally incapable of shutti g the fuck up#but he knows i dont like him 🥰 so he has stopped trying to talk to me at least#i hesr about these things from all the other teachers who are less comfortable being rude to get him to go away#lol
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