#which is great! im really happy for her
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actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️
( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )
ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up
#they STILL talk about this stuff at family gatherings too apparently#i always keep to myself til we leave but my ma has told me they complain about people demanding you use the right pronouns or whatever#and god bless her soul she tried to be like 'actually its not that hard even if you cant tell because you shouldn't assume' and#'if they tell you how to refer to them its just basic human decency to respect that'#no clue how they took it since i wasnt there but they just ended the conversation after that 😭😭#god dont even get me started on my uncle#hes awful and clearly mentally unwell and obviously really old#we have a family friend who had two moms right. they never tried to hide it and didnt really acknowledge it as anything weird. bc it wasnt.#my uncle is the one that introduced us so clearly he knew their mom was gay#and he did#he never said anything about it while we were kids out of fear of making us gay or smth#but at the last family gathering he was updating me on what was going on with them cuz we havent seen em in a while#and he told me that their daughter had apparently gotten a boyfriend#which is great! im really happy for her#but my uncle was like 'yeah i was getting worried because of ( one of her mothers names ) being. . . you know?'#and i was???? flabbergasted?????? esp because of personal things with their parents he was JUST telling me about#this is the same guy who after 20 years STILL cant spell my deadname right. not relevant just still so fucking funny to me#but yeah he laughed when he said it and everything like he was making a funny joke#tbf there is smth so insanely comedic about telling your butch niece you were afraid someone 50 years younger than you liked other women#just because her mom did#crazy shit
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good day today! good day! just long
#i will get used to it#highlights:#i had two work meetings for my on campus jobs and i am getting a lot of hours right off the bat because my boss loves meeeeee#but she asked the absolute max hours i could work and i gave her a number that is more than double what i worked last year. and uhhhhh yeah#i got that so. yipeee#i just was offered a studio space??!! which is not. something that juniors typically get im just from a tiny major and got. very luckyyyy#class was really great?? it was a lot of paint making demos and i. probably came off as a know it all but its okay because i got to engage#with my special interest which rocks#i saw my boyfriend and had class with him which is always a highlight#saw my friends a lot too.. so! pretty good#uh anything else. my therapy appt went fine. thats all#oh! and i mentioned i was just. elected a position in student government so i go to my first meeting for that tommorow. (repesentative for#the junior class which im. happy ppl consider me a good fit for.)#im a littttttle nervous about balancing my usual class workload with a lot more work than im used to and also an internship and also a#student gov position but i think it will be okay..!!
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i made a patapon presentation for school and the teacher gave me a perfect grade and told me if she could she would give me two of them. nerd win
#i stressed soo much about it and prepared so much so im glad it paid off#and also im glad i could use my patapon obsession to get a good grade LOL#txt#it wasnt even game design class or anything it was lithuanian but im still very happy with it#my teacher basically doesn't play games so other presentations that were mostly about games were very confusing to her but#i put in the effort to convey everything clearly and without videogame jargon and she said she understood it which is really great i think
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PLEASE spill the Makoto cop tea. I'm always down to hear people's thoughts on that
Thanks anon! I do my best to keep this blog positive-vibes only, but since you asked I will answer. Warning: DO NOT read this post if you do not want to see any criticisms about Makoto Nijima from P5 + discussions of police. This is not hate towards the character or her fans. It's just criticism for the writing choices and their implications for her.
Makoto Nijima does NOT want to reform the police. There's a mandela effect in the fandom where everyone seems to think she does, but rewatch her rank 10. Reform isn't mentioned at all. I'm so serious. What she actually says is this:
Within her confidant, the context is the host that was preying on her friend Eiko. Wanting to stop situations like that is good and makes sense 👍 The writers framed her decision to become a cop as a response to the most clean-cut black-and-white situation ever.
But here's the thing though: what happens when the lawless and the victims are the same people? Because in the real world, crime tends to concentrate among the poor and marginalized. The real world is not black and white. And I try to separate my personal experiences with the law from the media/art I engage with, but that doesn't work here because the game at large doesn't portray society as black and white.
There are a number of people in this game that do wrong because they have been hurt or are marginalized or did not receive proper help. A lot of mementos requests are about 'lawless' people and yet many are portrayed as 'due to systemic issues' or a lack of support or developing mental illness. It's also not a coincidence that Akechi is the most marginalized of all the phantom thieves and he was the one who did the most crime. There is deliberate social commentary here. People do not become lawless out of nowhere. They are shaped by their circumstances. And the game itself sympathizes with these people, focusing on changing/ helping them. The game's conclusion is that providing support and rehabilitation is the solution. Rehabilitative justice > Punitive justice.
Police wouldn't achieve that. Police in the game are framed as corrupt and incompetent at their core. Our protagonist is one of their biggest victims to demonstrate how they are weaponized against the weak. Even Sae Nijima at the end of the story has shifted to become a defense attorney rather than attempting to reform it (best character arc btw) because she recognized that the system is broken. And you can't even blame it just on Shido controlling the police because we see that the problems persist beyond him. By the end of the story they remain useless or outright harmful. The police do not help or rehabilitate, they only punish.
So no, this isn't me projecting my personal issues with cops onto the story because within the game's own story, law enforcement is not the solution. If it were a question of reform, we could debate about whether police reform is possible, but again: Makoto doesn't care about reform. It never comes up. According to the writers, she wants to be a cop because she thinks not enough lawless people are being punished. You can argue that her wanting to 'head an organization' means she wants to be in a position of power where she can reform them, but remember that police only enforce the law. They do not make the law. If reform was her goal she would be a politician. (I honestly thought that's what she was set up to be, since she was student council president and all but I digress)
Also a small detail, but notice how she mentions destroying the lawless before she mentions helping victims? It's super minor but I think it's indicative of the cop mentality. There's greater priority on punishing than helping.
I also dislike this conclusion to her arc because it's net zero character growth. You're telling me the character that was rebelling against corrupt adults' orders is now becoming a cop, the biggest bootlicking profession of them all? She started the story being a well-intentioned pushover, and she's ending her story being a well-intentioned pushover. And it doesn't matter whether she as an individual is a good person or not. All cops comply to be active participants in a system that is designed to hurt the weak and prop up the powerful.
TLDR: You do not help victims by punishing the 'lawless'. You help victims by helping victims. Period. Makoto becoming a cop is a contradiction of this and her own character arc. Either the writers did her dirty by not thinking this through or this is meant to be who she really is, and both those possibilities upset me.
#my post#now WHY did this happen? probably because atlus doesnt have consistent politics or because they dont have a political backbone#i saw a sensible take on this somewhere#that atlus' overall thesis re: society is that they think its broken but theres nothing else you can do but grow up and join it#that helping people is the goal but overall systemic reform is not#and yeah maybe im cynical but i agree that thats the case. feels like they dont wanna commit to an actual stance#i havent played the other games yet but apparently characters becoming cops happens in almost all of them#and its portrayed as something good and fulfilling despite everything#and yeah i think thats worth criticism esp if it contradicts the game's own themes#if you like makoto as a person then im happy for you but personally i disliked her writing. in terms of conceptualization and execution#i only described my issues with her cop thing but there's other writing problems that i wont discuss here#which is so sad to me because she had a great intro to the team. i had high hopes and they were crushed by bad writing#why does atlus do the girls dirty like this#ANYWAY sorry for the negativity 🥲 i dont usually do critical analysis posts. i really hope this doesnt upset anyone#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5r makoto#p5r#p5r analysis#p5 analysis#p5 meta#p5r meta
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yesterday in vocal synth news
#art#traditional art#fountain pen ink#virvox project#mizusawa takuto#voicevox#ia#cevio#voisona#also miku is there technically kind of. shes down there#sorry im not a piapro or vocaloid user i was more focused on the other things LOL#looks neat tho! im very curious about the kaito and meiko remasters#i was always tempted and curious but im not a huge fan of the weakness of their v3s compared to their v1s#so i hope we get some demo videos or something soon. or if not i hope in a month people post lots of videos LOL#also intrigued by miku nt update and v6 ai. i have no interest personally in using miku but im sure it'll be interesting#gumi and galaco v6 sound pretty good in my humble onion so im very curious#but anyway. back to ME hjkfsjhjrfds im so excited for takutos voice#itll be cute seeing all the little skits the japanese fans make and for me specifically you KNOW im gonna get on that song shit#im gonna make.... the most bizarre boyband on earth. there is some manner of catboy. and a 50 year old man. it'll be great#maybe i'll remake the yume no tobira cover hee hee#and ia.... oh baby ia.... im so happy you have no idea man i have been WAITING FOR THIS. okay please dont kill me for this but like#highkey i dont really care for her original v3 LOL its not bad or anything i just find a lot of v3 fem vocals sound like the same person#and this was painful for me because like im a gigantic lia fan. i dont need it to be a 1 to 1 recreation or anything but like#i was always so bummed out how thin ia's voice sounded. it felt like a bit of a waste how much the v3 noise removed all lia's warmth#and like the depth of her tone. and like it sounds fine. she sounds like a slightly more operatic miku when people tune her high and breath#which is very common and that sounds fine. but like i still felt like auauuuuuuuuhhhhhhh nothing i loved about lia's voice is there#cevio 1.0 was a step up it brought back a LOT of warmth (although you had to really push up the alpha to get the depth)#and while i personally dont hate the cevio 1 noise its nice to have a version that no longer sounds underwater <3#she sounds so rich now.... i still bump up the alpha a bit because i like lia's deeper work a lot LOL but its wonderfullllllllll#so good so so so so good im obsessed. yesterday was truly an Event for vocal synth news
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I started a comfort movie watch party the other day and I finally got round to finishing The LEGO Ninjago Movie again and GOSH <3 I love her so much I forgot how much it means to me she's actually so special <333
#i said SOMEWHERE in another post that the movie was my intro into Ninjago as a whole#which is why she's so special to me & i'll defend her with my life bc without it I never would have found the show#it was really odd tbh lmao - i watched a youtube video of “everything great about TLNM” & was like#“damn i NEED to watch that movie it looks so silly”#I proceeded to watch it like 10+ times in the span of 3 days? I got OBSESSED#went BACK to the YT vid and realised the guy talked about how “it was different to the series” which intrigued me to do some researching#and BAM found out about the show & IMMEDIANTLY started watching it & sending pictures to a friend who actually watched it as a kid#we proceeded to watch it together for a while before he kinda lost interest and i got more and more into it#and here we are now - he has NO idea whats happening in Ninjago & doesn't care while im cursed™ with knowledge#and i couldn't be more happy :)#anyway yeah thats why TLNM holds a special place in my heart & why no-one could ever taint it for me#is it a good movie? YES - in regards to being a LEGO movie - as a “Ninjago” movie? yeah she's funky - BUT. I still love it and always will#anyway sorry ramble over I just got a little sentimental over this movie don't worry about it </3#hmiae rambles#hmiae personal#ninjago#lego ninjago#tlnm#the lego ninjago movie#lego ninjago movie
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🫧
#tw: vent#so my mother is basically mean to me like 99 % of the time and we literally argue every single day#and i have been trying my hardest to not pay any heed to what she tells me but recently she told me something that really#made me feel so incredibly hurt and stupid idek how to put thaf into words#i avoid sharing things with her because she makes me feel bad about even the tiniest most unnecessary thing i share with her#so basically i have this one friend who was staying away from home for uni and she lives near me so i always try to be there for her#becayse i know how lonely it gets for her and i always go everytime my friends need me and my mom hates that#she makes me feel like being nice to my friends and others is the dumbest thing on this planet and that im stupid#but if my sister does it she's an angel#i was just waiting for my friend to figure things out as she was moving back home after uni ended so we could go look at internships#toghether#and she went home and got a job and while im happy for her she didn't even mention anything about it which made me sad enough but when i#told my mother about it she made me feel worse she said that was not very nice what she did you did so much for her and i told her#that's alright i dont mind and she said that my friend used me for her benefit and that I'm stupid for being nice to people#because according to her every nice thing that ive done is stupid and nothing i have done is going to make her feel proud or is enough#she qould NEVER say this to my sisters EVER#aah fuck this became too long#im so sorry if anyone came across this#but yes my mother is literally my biggest enemy most times ngl#she makes me feel like i wish i was not alive#it hurts to see my friends have great relationship with their moms and sisters#:')
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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i showed my mom stp, thought shed get the damsel ! no !! she turned into the voice of the stubborn immediatly upon hearing that she must slay the princess. wanted the narrator to shut up, wanted to skip the path in the woods. didnt care about why/how she survived dying, why the path is changing, etc, only wanted to slay the princess. narrator's strongest soldier... !! got the eye of the needle and lured her out. no damsel only murder (also this was my first time seeing adversary/eye of the needle and shes SO SO SO COOLLL i love themmm my best friend the adversary!!!!!) thought youd find this fun ?! sparkle on its wednesday dont forget to slay the princess
THIS WAS YOUR FIRST TIME SEEING ADVERSARY/EON???? AHHGHGHHG gurglinf and crying. i kin ur morher i think. There is something about stp that makes you act in complete conviction whether that’s killing the princess or saving her
#the first time i got adversary was srsly magical i cant even make it up#it felt like i really Understood the game#it didnt matter to me how we revived or what the meaning behind it all was or that it’s clearly better to free the princess#i KNEW i had to fight. and oh my god we could fight FOREVER! IT WAS GREAT!#THE PRINCESS AND ME WERE ON THE SAME PAGE SHE DIDNT LIE TO ME I DIDNT LIE TO HER#WE WERE JUST HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIVES BEATING EACH OTHER TO DEATH#it truly felt like i was the voice of the stubborn#so yes i am really happy about this information thank you so much#cramswering#im not kidding there’s some sort of drug in this game that makes you get tunnel vision depending on which route/voice u get#like i would get completely opposite routes back to back - a route where we both hated each other and tried to hurt each other as much as#we could and a route where we both loved each other and wanted the best for each other - all of those felt real#one didnt cancel out the other#i odnt know. this game is so fucking perfect#i dont know how to describe the feeling it gave me the first time i played i really dont
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NEW GREAT PRETENDER MOVIE IS SO GOOD BTW.
#i have so many thoughts#i really enjoyed all the new characters!!#i usually dont like it when shows bring back characters that are supposed to be dead but they did it pretty well#dorothy doesnt remember anything from before and she is just living her own life#and the story is about Her first and foremost even if Laurent had his grubby hands all over the case#laurent really has grown a lot in the time since becuase hes keeping his distance he knows he shouldnt be anywhere near the case#and i understand him at the end when hes talking to her at the station. its very clearly a goodbye for him#hes letting go and letting them both go their separate ways#i also really like how unclear edamura's status with the crew is#hes clearly still friends with abby but he doesnt seem to have anything to do with the case#which is so good for him after the shit he went through im glad he actually said no and left#but he still keeps in contact with abby which makes me happy :)#also i did catch the cynthia name drop from i think the like cartel members?? made me gasp#SO SAD we didnt get to see her or abby :(#other notes the lady with the african restaurant was a delight i loved her#ALSO I SWEAR THEY MADE EDAMURA MORE TAN. HELL YEAH#grepre#great pretender#great pretender movie#great pretender movie spoilers
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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i think i don't wanna go to my friends bday party tmrw because of jealousy tbh. which isn't fair
#we were attached at the fucking hip for years there wasn't one of us without the other#we understood each other uniquely well#and i was in online school while she was in in-person school so i had no other friends#then i made friends outside of them for the semester i was at public school. but i left and went back to online#but her in the other hand? she made really good friends#she has a community of people that understand her#and i have maybe five irl friends. none of which i am close with. except for the one i am mutuals with on here hiiii#yeah so now they have people outside of me that understand them that they can let their mask down around and i. dont. so im jealous#but im even more jealous of the friends for understanding more about her then i do now. i wonder what they think of me. do they even#it goes without saying that this was one of my handful of homoerotic codependent platonic friendships. by the way.#god i sound so fucking ridiculous. im gonna show up and she'll have great friends who understand her and ill be happy for her
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the last time i felt emotionally fulfilled in a friendship was when i was 15, and before that when i was 13. im turning 21 next month
#my current close friends are really great but my depression gets in the way and it's really hard to tell them about my feelings lol#so i basically make my chronic loneliness worse by distancing myself and isolating etc#they still like me though... weirdly#well probably bc we're all mentally and emotionally unwell! we get one another's issues#but i cant bring myself to say a lot of things i would otherwise want to... since i feel so misunderstood#even when i have tried to talk about things they just dont process them the way im hoping they will#and it's not their fault!!! it's my fault for expecting someone to understand exactly what im saying when i say it#i almost always find words for things. i describe them in detail. and i think thats where things get too unique and too confusing actually#so they cant personally understand#like i said. not their fault!#i just miss this one friend i had briefly in 8th grade#i was getting outcasted from everyone in my own class. she was in the classroom next door#i don't remember how we crossed paths but we did and she was so smart and so understanding#and we just clicked#i remember running in a field with her. she was so.. everything#i miss her#and when i was 15 i remember talking about all of my mental issues with this classmate and we immediately saw each other as mirror images#it was crazy... we also had a lot of interests in common and we looked out for each other#she's doing a lot better nowadays which is why we're no longer in contact probably#it's hard to be friends when one of you is stuck in one place so i dont really blame her#we drifted apart anyway. i bet if i asked she'd still make time for me a few times a year#i just didnt ask because it felt like the mutual understanding we had ended#shes a different person now. and for the better too! i shouldn't interfere in her happiness#z.post
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#aw booooo eyebrow twitch isnt as cute in the webtoon <- guy who just does not like the webtoon artstyle#hm#im reminded of what an unhinged detail that is to notice like i understand being aware of that little character tic but recognizing it irl#is a whole different thing#kdj … pokes him in the eyes#one step closer the 1863 ….. <- there is an entire flight of stairs left to get there#actually wait . kind of excited for ‘i was so happy that i wanted to call out his name.’ no one ever#talks about that scene but it lives in my brain forever#jd yuri moment of all time to me .. second to lets go back to earth which precedes that line#ok im getting ahead of myself#damn i cant believe it we’re really finally here#10th scenario started so get ready ‘do you think im an emotionless monster’ is coming right up#ITS SO EVIL THAT KDJ BROUGHT HER ACTUALLY . SHE WASNT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE KIM DOKJA YOU ARE A SICK FREAK ….#she was the only one he could trust completely god i hate hankim .#the webtoon having her sitting on the ground like a loser while everyone was having fun was such a great touch i love u hsy#i wonder how theyre gonna draw the demon king form tho#iirc it was described as grotesque and monstrous i dont really trust the webtoon not to leave the design w only horns and wings
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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