#i hate my life (continues to put themselves in situations where i will be with him and further develop feelings)

[jabeur]

quite literally the worst person i could've developed a crush (that won't go awayyyy) on is a man who replies to texts in the most cryptic ways possible and might also be straight

[vampirememory]

quality ✧ do you need to lower or raise your standards? [Love PAC]

Hello! I believe this is my first pick a card of 2024, I hope you appreciate the topic I chose. This is something that I recently had to recognize and deal with myself, so hopefully you find this reading helpful.

Pick a photo or a number one through three and continue reading to find your reading.

One

No, absolutely not. If anything, your standards are too low. You are like me, at least myself a few weeks/months ago when I did not value myself. You need to understand that you are 100% valuable and loved, and that there is nothing that can depreciate your value. You may have been overconsuming readings, questioning as to why you continue getting into toxic relationships or completely lack a relationship and it's because you have a negative sense of self. Listening to self-worth or self concept subliminals may help you. You are worthy of a healthy, happy relationship but you need to be healthy yourself first. Now keep in mind, healthy does not mean without illnesses. I know from my experience with depression, I will never be healthy, but you CAN have a healthy outlook on life and a healthy sense of self, which is what you are looking for. Especially for my mentally ill friends, no one (not here, at least) is expecting you to be 100% healthy but to be as healthy as you can be, if that makes sense.

Two

Girlie, I hate to tell you but your standards are high as fuck. But is that a bad thing? You tell me. To be clear, when I say girlie I am 100% being gender neutral, this reading is for everyone ^-^! You're giving boss bitch energy, but are you actually a boss bitch? One thing about having high standards is that you also need to meet those standards yourself and you need to ask yourself "would someone like that want to date me"? For example, if you're really aiming for a basketball player or the top CEO, are you actually in a mental and physical space where that will happen? Are you out on the courts, networking and integrating yourself into sports environments? Are you working your way up to the top, making connections with higher ups and building a good reputation? I think you may have good standards, but you aren't reaching them yourself or not putting yourself in environments where you'll meet said person. Also make sure you are actually maintaining those standards too. If you think education is important, and you're actively in education and want someone else who is too, why settle for someone who hates education or isn't looking to educate themselves? Things like that make all the difference. If you want to talk the talk, you need to walk the walk too.

Three

This pile gives me much softer vibes than the other two piles. Your standards and romantic requests may be more traditional, you may want the house and the kids and the white picket fence and that's totally fine! I think you're doing well in terms of your standards, you uphold them and you aren't putting yourself in situations where you are with people who are against that dream or against those standards. I do need to warn you, however, that there are a lot of exploitive people out there, especially when it comes to wanting a more traditional homelife. Waiting is a completely fine thing to do. Don't jump at the first person that looks nice and ticks all the boxes because they may be lying. I don't see terrible things happening for you but I feel like I needed to include a warning. Just be careful and you'll get your wishes <3.

Thats all for today my friends! Check out my masterlist for my previous readings and remember to stay safe in this crazy world! Feel free to send asks with any topics you would like to see in the future.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, I’m a 23 year old INFP. Due to childhood trauma and growing up in an abusive household, but ultimately I suppose due to my own personal struggle to take control of my life, I feel very behind and unaccomplished at my age. I have yet to finish my degree. I managed to get through high school with flying colours, but it turned out I was completely incapable of managing my depression and focusing on school at the same time. As a result, I’ve dropped out for the time being (I’m about halfway done) and have decided to focus on managing myself, personal development, and getting my finances in order before continuing school.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt for not completing school on time, as I’ve always seen myself as “smart” and “scholarly” I suppose, and was raised to hold education in high regard. To put things into perspective a bit more, I’ve always struggled with procrastination, getting things done on time and allowing my emotions to completely captivate me to the point where I easily neglect my duties. Despite this, I managed to get through high school as an outstanding student, but like I said earlier, this did not carry on into college unfortunately.

I feel like I’m less than half of the person that I could be. I also feel held back by my typology. I recall that you don’t hold much regard for enneagram, but I will just say being an INFP 4, it feels like I was born as the type most susceptible to failure. Now, I know INFP does not equal failure, as my best friend is also one and is a relatively successful business woman. However, she has things in life that I severely lack; adequate parental guidance, self esteem, and what I’d describe as much more developed Si. This isn’t to say things were handed to her, she worked for a lot of what she has now, but I do think that she was blessed with much more assets than I was.

I guess what I feel is that INFP is the least useful brain to have in a situation like mine. I have not a logical mind, nor a desire for any sort of order like Js do, and on top of that I was not taught any life skills, and all of my emotional intelligence was developed on my own, through observation. So, I’m great at giving advice, and horrible at applying it to my own life. I’ve been said to be wise, insightful, and particularly good at dissecting interpersonal relationships, yet nothing about my situation in life would reflect this, except maybe my relationships I have with my friends, to a degree.

I know I lack emotional intelligence despite being told otherwise, and this is something I’ve only recently come to terms with. I now believe if I truly had emotional intelligence, I would be in a better position than I am now. I have a tendency to avoid things that make me feel bad. I enjoy staying up late and staying in bed all day. I feel very unequipped to deal with society. I hate strangers, I hate being yelled at, I hate being invalidated, I hate being misunderstood, and all of these hatreds and my incompatibility with society were solidified during the years I worked (fast food, sales, and call centers). I am now very hesitant to get a job, I feel like I’ll be unable to succeed at anything I’m actually qualified for, as it often requires dealing with strangers. I don’t know how I did it before, but I do remember feeling dread during every work hour. I am scared to be in that position again.

I have a tendency to do more for others than myself. I’ll spend all day or longer writing an essay for a friend, or helping them with their homework, and yet I cannot bring myself to focus on my own studies. I can give a friend mountains of advice, perhaps even a detailed life plan, but I can’t begin to truly dissect my own problems and figure something out. It is so much easier engaging with someone else’s problems instead of my own. These days, I often feel like some sort of side character, someone meant to uplift others, but cannot experience any development for themselves. The narrative isn’t focused on me, although I so desperately want it to be.

I want to be accomplished. I want to be strong. I want to face strangers with ease. I want to be able to push aside my feelings in order to work hard. I want to be comfortable with myself, to be a beacon of hope for others, not just by my words and ability to connect with others, but by who I am as a person on my own.

But I am so inconsistent in my pursuits of self improvement, and so easily defeated. I’ve tried and failed a million times. I’ve improved myself over time, but the improvement has been minuscule and inconsistent. It isn’t entirely my fault, as there are circumstances I won’t get into that quite literally force me away from my goals, but I know that I need to find a work around and learn to cope with them so that I may one day succeed and leave these circumstances.

I just don’t know what to do. How can such a sensitive, reclusive, and traumatized person such as myself break their chains? Is it even possible to live up to the greatness I desire that lives only in my head? As an INFP born into such unlucky circumstances, am I destined to always fall short of the person I need to become?

My friends tell me that I’m a great person. They would say I’m capable and that they’ve seen proof. I am cursed with the knowledge that they speak with bias, and their perceptions of me are not based off reality, but by subjective feelings of tenderness. I feel like if anything, it’s been proven that I am incapable.

The only thing I’m really “good” for is giving emotional support to others, but that means nothing to society and absolutely nothing to myself. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that I don’t value kindness or the ability to connect, but that these “strengths” of mine do not realistically benefit my life. Being empathetic is nice for others who know me, but it hasn’t made me a more accomplished or skilled individual, and it hasn’t added any pride to my image. It doesn’t mean much to me if in the end I still can’t take care of myself and I still don’t have much value as a member of society. Especially when I look around and see how much more accomplished my peers who are much more insensitive than me are.

How do I change? How can I live up to my own expectations and standards? How do I fight back?

----------------------

You've brought up a lot of different points, so I'll attempt to break them down for you:

(1) Type Clarification: How did you come to INFP and are you certain this is the correct type? I am obliged to clarify this point because function development isn't going to work for you unless you have the correct type. Generally speaking, based on my experience with type assessment, there are certain warning signs that indicate a mistype, and you display a few of them, so it's important to double check before proceeding.

(2) A Problem of Perspective: What you've written is basically a narrative of your life that explains how you got to this point. What you don't seem to understand yet is that a "narrative" isn't reality. A narrative is merely a story that is told from a very narrow and specific point-of-view.

I always like to bring up the children's story The Ugly Duckling as an example of how a personal narrative can heavily influence one's perspective and lead one into forming faulty beliefs about oneself and the world. The main character of the story wasn't able to truly understand himself until he realized that his personal narrative was all wrong. You are in a similar boat.

Whether they realize it or not, everyone has a personal narrative, a story that they tell themselves about who they are. How do we know whether the narrative is a good one? Think about what a narrator does in a novel:

- A story always makes more sense and is more easily understood when the narrator isn't the main character but rather an omniscient or godly being that tells the story from an objective vantage point (third person perspective). As such, we can trust that the narrator is providing a full and factual account.

- When the narrator is the main character (first person perspective), you will find that the story is more difficult to understand for two reasons: 1) there is a lack of information due to lack of access to other perspectives in the story, and 2) readers must suffer the same distortions in belief and flaws in memory that the character suffers.

Knowing this, I will point out two problems with your narrative...

(3) Lack of Objectivity: The first problem with your narrative is that it is stuck in the first person perspective. You very much lack a bigger picture view of things, which is not an uncommon problem for introverts who struggle with tertiary loop. This is a sign of insufficient extraverted development, i.e., trapped in subjectivity and lacking objectivity. You're unable to see yourself and your situation from any other perspective but your own, to the point where you actively dismiss every other valid perspective.

Lack of bigger picture thinking is often correlated to depression. Your mind basically operates as though having fallen into a pit, with no view of anything but yourself. Spend enough time being stuck with yourself and every little thing that flits through your mind gets amplified manyfold, such that every ache and pain feels much larger than it really is.

If you are INFP, this situation should be remedied through auxiliary Ne development that would grant you a more open-minded, optimistic, resourceful, ambitious, and forward-thinking attitude. It's not about "shoving your feelings aside" but about learning to see things in a more positive light. The cure to being too negative is to learn how to balance it by being more open to the positive.

Healthy NPs never shy away from problems because they trust in Ne, i.e., they exercise their creative problem solving skills as necessary to get over hurdles and obstacles, even transforming them into something positive. So, why aren't you exercising Ne? What have you done to develop Ne? It is troubling (and perhaps a sign of being mistyped) when the auxiliary function is completely absent from your cognition.

(4) Poor Critical Thinking: The second problem with your narrative is that it was spun out of faulty beliefs. You've basically been telling yourself a bogus story, over and over again, and now you believe that every word is true. When a narrative is fundamentally flawed like this, the remedy is to change the story and make it more objective as mentioned above in point #3, as well as more factual.

While there are facts peppered throughout your story, your interpretation of the facts is often incorrect. You want to believe you have a good grasp of the facts, but you don't.

For example, the fact is that the education system, being as big as it is and not having all the resources in the world, cannot be much more than a crude one-size-fits-all approach to learning. As such, it's not going to work equally well for everyone. There are always going to be students with special needs or unique circumstances that won't flow smoothly through the system as planned. If the system isn't working for you, is it something to take as a personal failure and feel deeply ashamed about?

I used to teach critical thinking courses and there was one problem I encountered again and again. Many people think they understand facts, but the truth is that they don't even have basic knowledge of what a fact is.

For example: Yes, it is a fact that you were deprived a healthy childhood. Yes, it is a fact that you had to drop out of your studies. These things happened and they are provable. However, how did you jump from these simple facts to make claims such as "I'm a failure"? Calling yourself a failure isn't a fact but rather a value judgment, and in this case, it is an unjustified value judgment.

An easy way to tell whether someone has poor critical thinking skills is to see whether they can tell the difference between a fact and a value. You aren't able to, and many people aren't able to. Believing that you have a good grasp of the facts when you actually don't is how you end up with faulty beliefs. When you go through life with faulty beliefs, you're much more likely to take the wrong approach, make errors, and suffer from unconscious biases and prejudices.

People aren't born with good critical thinking; it must be learned and practiced. There are lots of resources for improving, and you ought to improve because it's vital for challenging faulty beliefs. However, deeply entrenched beliefs are difficult to change on your own because your ego is invested in them, so it might be a good idea to work with a cognitive-behavioral therapist. They can be your objective party and help point out exactly where your thinking is going wrong. But this is assuming that you're willing to open your mind to other perspectives.

(5) Emotional Reasoning: Yes, you are quite right that you need to improve your emotional intelligence. Throughout your story, I see many thinking errors that lead you to draw incorrect judgments/conclusions. But what lies at the heart of those errors is that your thought process frequently gets hijacked by unresolved negative emotions. Improving your emotional intelligence would not only help improve your mood, it would also help stop emotional reasoning.

In your story, you're trying to link cause and effect, in order to provide an explanation of the factors that led you to this point in life. This seems like a reasonable and logical thing to do. However, people who are prone to emotional reasoning often get cause and effect backwards or misattribute causes. When they're feeling bad, they concoct a story to explain and justify their negative feelings. In effect, they start with a conclusion and then selectively gather evidence to support it, which is backwards from proper logical reasoning that should start with the evidence and then draw the most logical conclusion from it.

For example, you claim that the only thing you're good for is providing emotional support, which implies that you're good at it. How can we prove this statement? One way would be to examine the results of the support you've given. Did people appreciate the support? Did it help them? Did it change them? If so, you can be said to be good at it.

But apparently what they say doesn't count as evidence. Somehow only you have access to the real evidence. Don't you find it odd that so many of your thought processes come back to you having some magical ability to access a deeper truth that others can't see? You call yourself a failure who is unable to do anything right on one hand, but then insist that you couldn't possibly be wrong when it comes to assessing yourself, on the other hand. This is the kind of contradictory thinking that emotional reasoning gets you mired in.

If being able to empathize isn't a skill, valuable both to oneself and others, then all the great friends, parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, doctors, nurses, vets, counselors, therapists, social workers, artists, musicians, writers, librarians, gardeners, and zookeepers should just delete themselves for their utter uselessness to society. Heck, I should just delete my whole blog right now because I don't get anything from writing this for you, yes?

There are absolutely personal benefits to be had from being empathetic. Through supporting and helping others, you can experience:

the dignity of choosing to be an honorable/humane person

the intimacy of deep and meaningful relationships

the satisfaction of reaping the fruits of your emotional labor

the joy of making a positive difference in the world

the awe of witnessing the realization of greater potential

It seems you can't recognize these benefits because they contradict the failure narrative and the negative emotions you're struggling with. Any evidence that makes you feel good about yourself must be rejected, right? Isn't it odd that you've closed off every path to feeling good about yourself except an impossible one, i.e., living up to some imaginary standard of what you believe all people your age should be? It's almost as though you are intent on believing the worst about yourself, so you set yourself up for failure with unreasonable expectations. But this is emblematic of how emotional reasoning messes up the mind.

People aren't born with great emotional intelligence. It's yet another thing you must learn and practice throughout life, that is, if you don't want your emotions to be out of your control. It doesn't matter when you start learning; it only matters that you start.

(6) Changing the Narrative: There are distinct patterns in our personal narratives, which Jung conceptualized as archetypes. Understanding these patterns from a more objective vantage point can help us craft a narrative that serves us better. At the end of the day, you are the one narrating the story, and you could choose to tell a different story at any time.

To give you an example, if I were to analyze your narrative, I'd say that your perspective is that of an "orphan". Orphans see themselves as rejected children, so their approach to the world is one of neediness for love but also deep resentment/anger about being abandoned. Orphans are prone to feeling: unmoored, confused, ashamed, helpless, hopeless, apathetic, fatalistic.

Of course, it's appropriate to feel: unmoored when you don't have a safe and stable home base to operate from; confused when you don't have enough social support; ashamed when you struggle more than others; helpless when you don't know what to do; hopeless when every attempt fails; apathetic when you get disappointed too many times; fatalistic when the odds seem stacked against you.

Nobody is saying that your feelings are invalid. What matters most is how you interpret the feelings and what you do about them. The problem is that, through emotional reasoning, you take your negative feelings and turn them into cynical judgments and then make decisions that leave you perpetually feeling like an orphan.

A narrative becomes sinister when one starts to derive some kind of egotistical benefit from it, which then breeds resistance against changing it. Are you willing to change your narrative at this point?

For example, many orphans keep telling the orphan story because it allows them to benefit from victimhood. Being a victim has its "perks". Victims have the right to self-pity. They have the right to rage against whatever they feel victimized by. They can also expect special treatment or extra care. As such, you will find that orphans often reject love and stay orphans in the end because they don't want to give up the "perks" of victimhood.

I'm not saying this example applies to you, but have you reflected on why you have a pattern of rejecting people's attempts to console you and provide you with evidence that you are actually a good and worthy person? Have you reflected on why you insist on telling the orphan story when other narratives are readily available to you?

For example, you could choose the "misfit" narrative. There are plenty of people, often INFPs, who march to the beat of their own drum and carve out their own unique path to success in life. Or, you could choose the "creator" narrative. INFPs generally love to use their imagination to come up with new and novel ways to live life outside the box. Why is it that you believe there's only one path available to you, that life is only about living up to society's unimaginative standards?

Or, you could embrace the "caregiver" narrative. It could be quite a heroic story, and it might lead you into a very meaningful and fulfilling career. Caregivers change people's lives for the better, which drives tangible and positive societal change. Yet, you reject this story and call caregiving worthless because you believe it is a "weakness" easily exploited. People mistreating you isn't something for you to be ashamed of. It is the perpetrators of abuse that ought to be ashamed and punished for their immoral behavior. How long are you going to keep punishing yourself for someone else's problem?

With regard to dealing with people, it sounds like you haven't learned about healthy boundaries. Boundary setting is a practical problem that can be addressed with practical solutions. Yet you turn it into some kind of grand existential crisis and make sweeping statements about the world. Do you really want to spend your whole life locked away, living in fear? It might feel good right now because it's safe, but in the long run you will actually be wasting away for not challenging yourself to reach your greater potential.

.

I'm not saying that any of these problems are easy to resolve. But these problems shouldn't be viewed in the traditional sense of needing a "fix" or that something is "wrong" (with you). These kinds of problems I've outlined are actually spiritual calls to change and improve. How do you change? It is through confronting what we lack and what we are afraid of that allows us to grow as human beings.

How can you live up to your own expectations and standards? Maybe a better question to ask is whether you've set the right expectations and standards? If you don't want to always feel bad about yourself, then you have to get up and start doing the things that will lead you to feel better about yourself. And we each have our own path to take to developing self-esteem and self-worth. Once you understand and respect your own individuality, then maybe you can exercise more self-compassion and allow yourself to live and learn at your own pace.

How do you fight back? I don't think it's necessary to "fight". Would you yell and scream and dump a flower in the trash just because it didn't grow as fast as the other seeds you planted? No, hopefully you would give it extra care to ensure that it has everything it needs to grow well. That's how you should be treating yourself. If you didn't grow up in an environment that taught you good life skills, then it is incumbent upon you to learn them as an adult, for the sake of your own well-being.

Life has enough challenges; you don't need to be fighting yourself. Instead of wasting time dwelling in fatalistic narratives, see yourself as a human being who is capable of learning and adapting. Learn to treat yourself well and cut out the noise to focus primarily on picking up the knowledge you need to progress in life, not just academics.

[sophieinwonderland]

r/systemscringe found my post about imaginary friends! Reactions are exactly what you'd expect from the hate sub!

Don't worry @lxions, I assure you that the hate is mutual.

Anyway, let's put aside the reality of non-disordered systems for a moment and remind everyone that alters in DID and OSDD often manifest as imaginary friends in early childhood, as I recently discussed in the Plurality of... IF

From the DSM-5:

The problem with our current culture for children with dissociative disorder, a culture that treats "imaginary friends" as fake, as delusions, and things to be ignored and forgotten... is that it leaves children with dissociative disorders even more isolated and encourages them to view their alters as things to be gotten rid of.

Children with dissociative disorders are inherently setup by society to view their alters as enemies.

And you can't tell me that this doesn't contribute to the stigma. That this isolation doesn't contribute to the rates of depression and suicide among people with DID.

Yes, I realize that the trauma and abuse themselves are also big factors. But isolating children so they can't even talk about the other people in their head without being considered crazy, leading to them hating their alters, sure doesn't help matters.

We need to do better.

This is somewhat true. But not all abuse that causes DID is from the parents. And it's not always from both parents. And many children may end up being saved from abusive situations and placed with better families.

Even if their particular parents are like this though, normalization has other benefits.

If it's normalized for most parents, then it can be for teachers too. If a child feels safe going and opening up to a teacher and talking about the people in their head, that they consider imaginary friends, then it might make it easier for the teacher to pick up on red flags.

What a bizarre way to phrase this!

"I fear their children wouldn't develop DID."

Really?

Because I HOPE they wouldn't develop DID!

Imagine if getting to a child early enough and encouraging communication between headmates could prevent heavy dissociative barriers from forming! And actually, the longer you wait to address it and encourage that communication, the worse the symptoms will get! What if you could prevent DID this way, or at least reduce its severity, before it even forms?!

A child not developing DID is a weird thing for you to be afraid of!

Two Paths

As I see it, there are two paths for the future.

Down one path, nothing changes. Systems continue to be born into a world where plurals are treated as crazy, and having other people in your head is something to be stigmatized. This leads to isolation which leads to self-harm which in some cases will likely lead to suicide.

Down the other path, we actually try to change the culture. We normalize being able to talk about other people in your head. We educate people about plurality. And we show a willingness to accept the possibility of children being plural. We help foster communication with headmates of children and we set them up for a healthier life of plurality from the beginning.

These are the choices. And unfortunately, when given two choices, r/systemscringe will always opt for the choice that results in the most suffering for systems.

[x-kiwi-03]

Yk... when it comes down to it, the only opinion that really matters is Eri's. I doubt she'll be forgetting anything.

I'm starting to see a pattern where a care taker of Eri's talks to Chisaki in place of her. As if they know exactly how she feels and what she wants to see from him.

I've had this happen to me and it's so infuriating (I was the same age as Eri, and now that I'm older I really wish the adults in my life would've only separated me from the problem, not speak to the problem as if they knew how adult me was going feel. I've had to undo so much misinformation, it's such a pain). Pops and Deku can think what they want, but what they should've said was that Chisaki's forgiveness was in the hands of Eri when she's mature enough and ready to make her decisions about how she feels.

You can't possibly guess how she'll deal with Kai. Doesn't matter how you'd feel in her situation, you aren't her. There are so many ways Eri might go about it.

A prime example are the Todorokis. Every one of Endeavor's children had a different way of dealing with their relationship with him. Natsuo pushing him completely out of his life, Toya going mad, Fuyumi trying to keep the peace, and Shoto continuing the path Enji put him on, not for Enji's sake but for his own.

I really hope Deku or Pops don't speak ill about Kai infront of Eri. All they should do if she brings up the topic of Kai is to listen, if she's confused on how to feel, give her time. Tell her it takes time and maturity to make those type of revelations. It's ok to hate him, it's ok to never want to see him again, and that it's just as ok to want to talk to him, to feel indifferent, nothing, or forgiving toward him.

The best way to teach a child/teen to be free thinking, to learn about themselves and make their own decisions in the future is to not put emotions in their head. As a parent or guardian in a child's life, your job is to show. Show them all the points in life. So when their older they can form their own opinions and life philosophies. They may not be that same as yours and that's ok. A child is a whole different human, they are going to be different.

Anyway, I'm babbling nonsense. Pops doesn't even know Eri, and Deku can't read her mind. Her intentions will never be known. And maybe she never does think of Kai again, and I'm ok with that.

[oneshotnewbie]

Maggie and Alex's daughter gets beaten up and injured at school because her moms are gay.

ᕚ---ᕘ

A chilly Friday dawned on this clear day over National City as you said goodbye to both your mothers with a warm smile and a friendly demeanor and headed off to school. But within that peaceful aura of yours, there was an invisible darkness that hovered over your life five days a week, causing you to despair. Your mothers, Alex and Maggie, had been happily married for four years, loved each other deeply and had raised you with love and care. Although their love was strong and real, in this conservative teenage community, where hormones reigned supreme, their relationship was highly controversial and it was not acceptable in the narrow minds of some of your classmates.

As you walked through the school gates of National City High School and put one foot in front of the other, you immediately felt the tense atmosphere that would accompany you through everyday school life. As you entered the building, textbooks clutched tightly to your chest, the corridors and halls filled with excited students as the first school bells rang. Sneaking around people, you tried not to draw any more attention to yourself, but the other students' eyes seemed to be on you.

The whispers and giggles were like poisonous arrows piercing your soul and you tried to make your way to your first class, head bowed, when suddenly a group of classmates were throwing insults at you while they laughed behind your back. For the normal teenagers, you were special. "Look at this, people! The adopted girl brought into a lesbian family is on the move again!" one of the boys mocked, nudging his friends to make them laugh maliciously and you felt a lump forming in your throat. "That is perverted."

The words cut through your heart like a knife, seemed to echo in your ears and settle in your brain, your heart starting to increase it´s beat. You tried to hold back the tears and continued walking to his locker, where you planned to put the third through sixth period books. But as you walked towards your locker, you saw a paper hanging on your door that said "Daughter of the Lesbian Gang" written in all caps. The despair and pain overwhelmed you, but you tried to keep yourself together so as not to look like a weakling and make your situation worse.

Things were not any better in class. Some students made snide and mocking comments about your family, and others laughed at you while sticky paper balls were pushed into your hair through a straw. Your teacher either did not seem to notice anything or deliberately ignored the situation and you felt completely alone.

During the first break, the cruelty of the classmates continued. You sat on a bench in the quiet corner of the schoolyard, tears reflecting in your eyes as you looked at your lovingly prepared breakfast that Maggie had made. You felt misunderstood and hurt, your mothers having no idea what happened during school time. You had never said a word about it in their presence. Your thoughts were interrupted when you were pushed away by another student and landed unceremoniously on the floor, spilling your lunch all over the dirty floor. A hateful aura arose around you that seemed threatening to you.

"Oops, I am sorry about that, freakshow" bystanders laughed at a tall girl's words and pointed a finger at you as you tried to pick yourself up and keep your dignity. More students joined in the laughter, and soon several curious eyes found themselves on you. "I am not a freak show and it is not fair to judge my family!" you shouted, the hurt evident in your eyes as you tried to defend yourself from the harsh words.

The girl, a grade higher than you, laughed scornfully and stepped closer before grabbing you by the collar and throwing you to the ground again, straddling your thighs to keep you beneath her. A blow from the clenched fist that hit you in the eyebrow caused a deep cut into your skin through the ring on one finger, which immediately began to bleed. The other students did not dare to pull the girl away from you and help you, but joined in the mockery and cheered her with wild clapping and whistling.

You felt like you were under a magnifying glass as you tried to protect yourself from her blows, but your hands were pinned to the floor by the wrists under her knees. Your heart was pounding with fear and anger, but you did not dare defend yourself further. You tried to hold back tears as you begged for mercy, multiple insults with each blow cutting into your soul like knife stabs. "You are just embarrassing, just like your weird married mothers. No wonder no one likes you."

At the end of the school day, you did not even dare take the school bus. You would not find any peace there, as a few older students were already making fun of you and blocking your way trying to get there. Instead you walked home for three quarters of an hour in the rain. When you got home, your mothers were still at work and you were trying to hide and explain a solution to the injuries on your face. The wounds inflicted on you would heal. But the emotional scars cut deep and hurt your sense of self-worth immensely.

While you were taking care of yourself, you wondered if you should confess to your mothers so they could place you in another school. You could not continue like this in the long run, it would destroy you.

[gibbearish]

every time i see discourse about fundraisers go by on here im just fully struck with the realization that not a single one of you people have either taken a cybersecurity fraud prevention course or bothered to take one singular second to consider the website youre on. this is the broke bitches website. none of us can afford to fund our mutuals' grocery bills, much less entire evacuation funds, and CERTAINLY not FAKE evacuation funds taking advantage of genocide victims. all this shit abt how people are deliberately choosing not to fund every post that passes their dash because they hate palestinians literally just does the work of actual scammers for them by laying the high-pressure sales tactics groundwork, and the "do you guys have any idea how hard it is to keep coming up with new attention-grabbing fundraiser posts?" ones just ring EXTREMELY hollow because YEAH! YEAH I DO! and so does everyone i follow! and everyone they follow! because all of us are FUCKING BROKE and surviving on crumbs! i just saw one that said "i make sure to keep $40 in my wallet at all times so i can give $20 to any panhandlers i see, this is the same" and its like!! good for you, thats very nice, but like!!! you need need NEED to take a step back and realize that /being able to do that/ is a position of privilege, not the default setting to be a good person. i wont discount that some people do ignore fundraisers specifically because of racism because Of Course, but like. a) yelling at them isnt gonna make them stop, or more accurately yelling at /everyone else/ isnt gonna make those people stop, and b) trying to apply that as a blanket motivation for everyone just. realistically doesnt work. not donating is a nonaction, it is the literal default status, and while in specific situations you can use CONSISTENT absence of SPECIFIC actions to track a person's motivations SOMETIMES, broadly speaking that just. doesnt work.

there are 8 billion people on this planet. most of them will never know you exist. of the ones that do, most will not be able to help you. of the ones that can, most will not be on the broke bitches website passing the same communal $20 around. consider your audience and stop shitting on fellow poor people for having the gall to need to be careful with their money. and if you are genuinely only posting your fundraiser to tumblr, like. im sorry, but you need to anticipate not reaching your goal and prepare accordingly. theres a reason the last big scam scandal people talk about actually getting the money is like. all-or-nothing era, as a website none of us have the funds to make that kind of thing happen anymore or the security to risk it. a fundraiser not meeting its goal on here is not a personal sleight against whoever made it, its just how life goes sometimes. and it's unfair and it sucks and we should help however we can, but. sometimes you just arent able to help someone else, and continuing to feel responsible serves only to torture yourself. and blaming OTHERS serves only to move that guilt from yourself off onto another person. i imagine that has to be where a lot of the vitriol comes from, is people who cant afford to donate more getting pissed at people they see as having the funds but choosing not to share them, but again, sometimes you just are not able to achieve the goals you set out towards, through no fault of the specific parties involved.

people on tumblr choosing to buy groceries rather than potentially donate to a scam are not your enemy and are not the ones facilitating a genocide. we're all victims of the same horrific system, the question is just how that system manifests its influence on each of us. poverty kills just as thoroughly as a bomb. everyone is just doing their best to survive, and as much as we like to pretend that everyone should be a perfect selfless angel that puts others before themselves no matter what, humans are by default a selfish species, and it is a lot easier to say what youd do in theory than actually do it. and there's a reason you have to put on your own oxygen mask before helping the person beside you, youre of no help to anyone if youre too dead to do anything.

[justajsworkshop]

I feel like I am stuck because all I care about is manifesting what I want. I see blogs talk about taking time to know SELF but all I want is my desires. does this sound stupid😭 I think this makes things hard for me, I don't feel like I'm at a point in my journey where I want to delve too deep into this. I know it would come eventually but right now, I just want to get out of the situations I am in😭

hey, anon. breathe, breathe, breathe. you're doing ok. you're going to be ok. i promise, i promise. okay, so i'm going to give you some advice/thoughts here like i would to anyone else—like i would to a friend or myself even.

to preface, you do not have to take any of it. so, take that pressure off now that this is scripture lmao. just consider what i'm saying as an alternative perspective on where you're at—from someone who's so been there and is kinda there now at times, ngl—and take what's helpful for you, discard what isn't!

k, so first, let me start by saying you don't have to get deep into the law. i know my blog might sometimes make it seem like you need to, but you don't. i just do because i've been curious about consciousness and god, so it brings me immense pleasure to learn more. there are people out there who just affirm themselves to death, and that works for them without even taking other stuff into account. like, you don't have to put that pressure on yourself to be a philosopher, frfr. that's not a condition/requirement for you to get what you want.

i also want to say that it's okay for you want things to be different for you. in fact, i'm HAPPY you do. because that means you don't want to settle for what you're currently experiencing. so, don't demonize yourself either for wanting a different life/experience. that in and of itself is worthy of celebration. i remember going through terrible experiences and not even allowing myself to want more because i truly thought there was no other option for me than to endure awful conditions.

next, i'm going to invite you to literally just forget about the law and trying to manifest. it's clearly stressing you out, so i would advise to anyone that if it's not benefitting you—and i can tell you've really been trying—let it go for a bit. the law will always be here and working, and you will always be god/consciousness. however, in my experience, when i try manifesting my way out of a situation, i get so fixed on resisting that very situation, i continue to do nothing but breathe life into it.

to be honest, i recommend just taking a moment today or this weekend or whenever you're ready to get clear on your goal. what do you want? what's your ideal? then (and please don't crucify me for this), i invite you to get practical about what next steps you can take that will help alleviate the pressure you're feeling and that will help move you toward your goal. small steps add up. i understand and absolutely empathize with the desire for your life to transform overnight. it can; it absolutely can. but not from the state of waiting for the law to save you.

am i saying work hard? no. am i saying hustle and force yourself to do stuff you hate? no. am i saying the only way to get your desires is through 3D action? no. so, if your ego is going bonkers and spitting fire at me, really digest what i'm suggesting here.

get clear on what you want: one area of improvement that you'd like to alchemize.

what's one step you can and are willing to take today to move yourself toward that goal?

i say this because sometimes it's the best way to get out of your victim/waiting mentality, and then suddenly, all this other stuff opens up because you're not waiting for a miracle. you become the miracle.

if you want me to be your accountability buddy, you're welcome to keep me updated on your progress, too!

[angels-heap]

Not tacking this onto my last reblog out of respect for OP and their notifications, but their excellent post (and my own recent visit with a "family friend" uncle) helped me put my finger on my specific issue with 95% of “Uncle Barney” headcanons.

Like, I am guilty of Uncle Barney crimes. To this day, I am continuing to perpetrate Uncle Barney crimes. I don’t hate the idea of Barney and Alyx having been close for much of her life. To be clear, there is zero canon evidence suggesting that this is the case, but I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this headcanon. What I don’t like, though, is the way so many people who aggressively headcanon this relationship also conceptualize Alyx as some sort of naive forever-child, trapped in a state of arrested development where she still relates to Barney (and/or Dr. Kleiner, her canonical pseudo-uncle) like she would have at age 12. I am begging y'all to please stop infantilizing this poor woman.

A lot of the appeal of Uncle Barney (to me) is the opportunity to explore the ways Alyx’s relationship with an adult family friend would change over the course of her life. What was it like for her to come of age as one of the youngest people on Earth and slowly become peers with people she used to see as authority figures? What can she learn about herself, the people around her, and the situation they’re in when the older generation finally stops censoring themselves around her? How many of her childhood experiences might be suddenly re-contextualized by new information from her older friends? In a pre-HLA timeline, how does the untimely death of her father, her last living biological relative, affect her relationships with other "family" members?

I would love to see more people explore these kinds of questions in fanworks, instead of just having Alyx around to squeal “eew! gross!” when the male characters make out, act like they are her dads when she is canonically very close to her actual literal dad, or ask them questions about things that any reasonably intelligent 24-year-old could figure out on her own.

C'mon, folks. We can do better than this.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I like your blog, we've been mutuals for years. But blogging about the met gala when there are children dying in Gaza? Fuck the met gala and your celebrity worship

at what point have I made it seem like I don't care about/support what's happening in gaza? I don't share a lot about it, but that's because most of what I see have graphic images and videos attached to the posts, and while I understand the thought process behind sharing them to make it seem more real to people, I'm uncomfortable with it because I know that if I was in that situation, vulnerable and injured or dead, I wouldn't want people gawking at me online just so they can pat themselves on the back for 'suffering in solidarity' by making themselves uncomfortable and miserable looking at me. I'm trying to be respectful. I've still reblogged things about gaza though. but honestly, if you've been following me for years, you'd know I'm a pacifist and wouldn't need me to make a statement saying I don't support people being killed. my God, dude.

also, celebrity worship? I can't even tell you who half the people at the met even were. I just like fashion. I post about a bunch of different things on this blog, and you haven't complained about that, so where's the threshold for things people are allowed to enjoy while bad things are happening in the world? fashion is off limits, but doctor who isn't? I can still post about musicals and not support murder, but aesthetic pictures are on par with launching a bomb myself? I truly hate to break it to you, but sharing links on tumblr is not going to fix this situation. denying yourself any shred of entertainment or enjoyment does not give you a moral high ground. what's happening is horrendous, but even if this is somehow magically peacefully solved tomorrow, there will still be other atrocities happening elsewhere in the world. that's unfortunately just how life goes. in no world am I saying we shouldn't care about every single atrocity that happens, I'm just saying if you can't find some time to be happy in your own life just because bad things are happening to others, you will never truly live a life at all. it sucks! but that's how it is. it's like when someone close to you dies, and the first time you laugh after you've started grieving feels like you're betraying them. but you aren't betraying them for continuing to live, just like you aren't betraying anyone else in the world who's suffering just because you don't spend 24/7 thinking and talking about them.

I do truly, genuinely, hope this all comes to a peaceful end, and soon. I'm not naive enough to believe for certain that it will. but I do know, at the end of the day, people are already aware of it. people know what's going on. sharing photos of dead and mutilated babies will not make any difference. you, and I, and everyone else online are not going to personally save gaza. pressure needs to be put on the people who can actually do something to make a change, and they don't care about what's online. arguing with people because you don't perceive them as doing 'enough' isn't going to accomplish anything other than getting them to a point of making them eye roll whenever they see you post, because at the end of the day, unless you're literally a top politician, you are doing the exact same amount to help as someone who reblogs less posts than you. sorry.

[artheresy]

I have like very very specific feelings about Blade and Dan Heng’s dynamic/complicated situation and of course by extension the situation that occurred between Dan Feng and Yingxing and it’s like super particular, not in the way I think I’m objectively correct or fully indulging in fanon but a secret third thing. And the worst part is that I quite literally cannot for the life of me verbalize/write down my feelings and viewpoint to the full extent

They are just so complicated and full of so many tropes I love and it oof, it hurts very deeply. I like just reread the Passerby of Wandering Cloud relic set and I’m hmmm

I will say something as best as I can, I will never stop thinking about “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion.” In general that whole relic set wrecks me emotionally on a scale that I haven’t had since I read Stormbringer from BSD. They have such a complicated dynamic and I enjoy it so deeply, and see the thing is that they have such contradictory feelings that I don’t know the direction Hoyo will take it in but I am strapped in for the ride either way.

Also theres something like this fixation certain people have on separating the two and fixating on how they’re on their own paths AWAY from each other and I just,, I can’t understand that fixation because first off, even without talking about past selves, just talking about the current selves, the connection between them is extremely important when it comes to characterizing either of them. That is a significant part of their characters and where they currently are and a refusal to acknowledge that even without any shipper goggles confuses me. Additionally, as I brought up before, “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion” even as Blade and Dan Heng rather than Yingxing and Dan Feng, their paths are destined to cross. Given the earliness of the Xianzhou arc, heavily doubt this is any kind of “eventual reunion” as said by the relic seeing as its not like this is the first time they’ve met and those weren’t the this spoken of reunion. And additionally, I can’t help but think about Dan Heng specifically whether with knowing intent or not, carries multiple tokens of his past from the bracer itself to the jade pendant to literally Cloud Piercer. The weapon that makes him feel safe and yet he also has unfinished business with the creator

Speaking of that line, I’ve seen some people who think that he knows Blade made it. I personally heavily think he doesn’t know, given word choice to how he feels about it etc. But hmm I wonder if we’ll see what happens there. And that voiceline is just yet another thing hammering home how these two are destined to continue to have their paths intertwined.

And I’m trying to find the post again but I saw someone talking I think about the translations of the relic lore for that set and referring to the whole Pairs of objects line and they talked I think about how that statement is not meant to merely represent the actual objects but more so to represent Dan Heng and Blade themselves which may have been obvious from the start, but after reading that I felt like someone had expanded my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t

Anyways anyways, I don’t think these two are by any means solely characterized by each other and they shouldn’t solely be seen as only existing in proximity to the other, but I don’t get people who for some reason hate the idea of them being connected in any manner bc of hating ships that they outright disregard and deny like key important parts of their canon. I mean people will do what they do and there’s no reason trying to put logic behind every single thing or whatever, but maybe that’s also just because I feel insane about their lore and again have this specific idea and view of them in my head. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better one day

Everything I ranted about arent even the full extent of my feelings about this particular topic regarding them. I just feel so specifically that I don’t know how to put it in words. If only sounds alone could convey my thoughts

Theres so much more I could rant about, so much more I could say but its like 4 am and I cant properly formulate thoughts without tangents starting in the middle of them

[thegayhimbo]

Say "I know nothing about the history of Russia's treatment of Ukraine (the Holodomor being one such example) or what's currently going on between Russia and Ukraine" without saying it. 🙄😒

For those who can't access the video due to the "age restriction," here is a transcript of the 60 Minutes interview with Scott Pelley interviewing Freed Ukrainian Prisoners of War:

SPOILER ALERT: The following video/transcript contains descriptions of beatings, torture, rape, starvation, child deaths, and human rights violations.

As for "Russia is not continuously bombing all civilian infrastructure and committing a genocide," there have been multiple posts and articles over the past 2 years proving otherwise (including their recent attack on New Year's Eve). This also includes the Russian war crime of Ukrainian children being kidnapped by Russian soldiers, deported to Russian reeducation camps, getting brainwashed, and being used as Russian Propaganda tools:

Between the 2:27 and 2:37 mark, Isobel Yeung (the narrator) doesn't mince her words when she notes how Vladimir Putin and his cronies are accused of trying to "ethically cleanse a generation of young Ukrainians."

If you've read this far, you can probably come to the conclusion that imtryingsir did absolutely zero research, or even cared enough to follow the last 2 years of news about the Russian-Ukraine War, before making their abhorrently idiotic comment.

So why am I bothering to dignify this with a response when it's clear this person is being maliciously stupid? Because of this post. Specifically, the disgusting little remark they made where they tried to justify why a Jewish woman on social media deserved to be bullied/harassed (which eventually led to the Russia apologist comment above when they were called out on it by multiple Tumblr users):

Putting aside the gross victim-blaming and thinly-disguised antisemitism (which I'm sure my Jewish followers are deeply sick of at this point), what really gets me is how disingenuous this user is. They don't actually give a rat's ass about what's going on in Gaza: Someone who truly cares about genocide and the deaths/suffering of innocent people wouldn't be going out of their way to downplay/whitewash the genocidal actions of another country (Russia), or making comments dismissing another groups problems/trauma while dehumanizing them, or even straight up wishing for more death and destruction:

People like this (as well as the so-called "Pro-Palestine" users in the Jewish woman's post who were harassing her) are devoid of empathy. They relish in being cruel and condescending to others because they feel empowered in doing so, and they know they can get away with it without facing lasting consequences. They are doing nothing to help alleviate an already horrific situation, and are just making the world a worse place to live in. I'm sure they'll tell themselves the sweet little lies about how their bullying and antisemitism is really "activism" or "caring for Palestinians" or "Being antizionist; not antisemitic" (while continuing to spew the same bigoted rhetoric that Jews have been calling out as antisemitic for YEARS). At this point, I truly don't give a damn what their excuses are since they will grasp at anything, no matter how flimsy, to rationalize their behavior.

I never thought I'd see the day where a bunch of Leftist/Westerners would embody two of the most loathsome fictional characters in media (right down to their hateful, sadistic, vile attitudes), and yet that is the point we've currently reached:

To say this has been deeply unpleasant to witness is an understatement. 😒

I talked about this in a recent post about antisemitism from the Left, and I'm going to reiterate something I said: "There is a larger conversation that needs to be had about how selective Leftist empathy and compassion really is. By this, I’m talking about people on the Left who will a.) Only be compassionate/empathetic when it’s convenient for them, or b.) Only be compassionate/empathetic towards people they think are “deserving” of it."

People like imtryingsir only prove why it's important to have this conversation: If you're perfectly okay dismissing/downplaying the suffering of one group of people (be it Jews, Ukrainians, Palestinians, etc) so you can prop up your preferred group of people who are suffering because you think they are more "deserving" of empathy/compassion......................you need to do some serious self-reflection about the type of person you've become.

[minetteskvareninova]

Anyway, in light of ContraPoints' essay, I promised to continue my slow, steady Chłopi brainrot, so here it is:

My thesis is that you can absolutely read The Peasants, specifically the central pairing of Jagna and Antek, in light of the DHSM, it's just that it comes out of the other end as a pretty brutal deconstruction, which I don't think Reymont had intended.

Consider Jagna. She's your typical feminine protagonist, beautiful, virtuous and madly in love. The object of her desires? Goddamned Antoni Boryna. Antoni Boryna is, of course, very conventionally attractive, I daresay the most attractive man in the movie (although the competition is stiff, see Maciej and the organist's son, whatever the fuck his name is). He's also kind of unhinged. Antek is the kind of person who mostly acts on instinct with little regard to morality. He's nice to Jagna at the start, because he likes Jagna; he defends Hanka from his father's abuse, because nobody mistreats Hanka but him, and also fuck his dad; he leaves his dad's household and stubbornly refuses to submit to his authority despite the difficult situation it puts him in, because fuck his dad (sensing a pattern here?); he tries to kill his father, because fuck his dad, only to chicken out at the last second and realize, hey, maybe I don't hate my old man THAT much? These two are an Oedipal nightmare, is what I'm saying.

More than that, when I say that he acts on instinct, his instincts are... How would I put this... Stereotypically masculine in a very toxic way. He's very angry, bad-tempered, doesn't express tenderness that much - mostly because there isn't a whole lot of it things or people in this world that he genuinely likes. As far as I can tell, he kinda likes Hanka at the start (or at least the way old Boryna treats her is too much even for an A-grade asshole like Antek Boryna; there's also the fact that it's part of the ongoing power struggle between Antek and his old man, but that's neither here nor there) and really likes Jagna, and that's about it. His main motivation in life is to get one over his old man, which I almost sympathize with, since his old man is somehow even worse person than him. But don't get it twisted, Antek is a very, very bad dude. Some might even call him... A bad boy.

That's right, I am going there! Antek is in many ways very similar to the typical "bad boy" love interest found in romance novels. Toxic masculinity? Anger issues? Desperate need to dominate? Freaking daddy issues??? Yeah, baby, he's an alphahole all right. The only thing he's missing is, perhaps, an elevated social position, but even then - his dad is supposed to be the richest man in the village, and in the second half, his old man dies, presumably leaving Antek most of his property.

Anyway, Jagna starts out having feelings for Antek, which are in context kind of understandable. I mean, he is hot and she's one of the few people he treats with any tenderness; 18-year old girlies have fallen in love for less. The situation these two lovebirds find themselves in is of course very difficult. Jagna is coerced into becoming the trophy wife of Antek's shitty dad, while Antek is still married to Hanka and still mad at his dad for other reasons. But aside from being start-crossed lovers, there's another tiny problem with their relationship: Jagna, though young and in love, isn't stupid, and increasingly realizes that Antek, as mentioned above, is absolutely unhinged. Add to this the fact that Jagna kinda feels bad for poor Hanka, and it's kinda understandable why their relationship turns sour. So Jagna just... Dumps Antek. For which he rapes her and lets the villagers do the ending scene to her.

And here's where we get to the DHSM of it all. A lesser deconstruction might go for the "see, you can't in fact change him" angle, but like... Here? The thought of Antek ever changing never even crosses anyone's mind, least of all Jagna's. If she fell in love with Antek despite him being, as mentioned above, unhinged, it's because she clearly didn't know him that well and didn't recognize the full extent of his assholery. An understandable, if unfortunate mistake to make. Anyway, if the common DHSM dynamic is a woman elevating herself by worshipping or in some way (like morally) elevating an already exceptional man, it clearly doesn't work here. Jagna cannot adore Antek once she gets to know him, cannot abide by his assholery (she's too smart and proud for that), not can she change him into any kind of admirable person, and that thought doesn't even seem to cross her mind. Jagna cannot elevate Antek in any way.

But he can, and does, drag her to the mud.

That is the other side of the coin, the objectification and degradation of the woman, isn't it? And, well, since Antek cannot be elevated in Jagna's mind above her moral concerns, nor in real life by becoming a better person... Well then. To abide with the DHSM, Jagna has to be humiliated instead. First morally by sleeping with the married man, then, when she refuses to participate in this "sin" anymore, physically trough the rape and the ending scene.

And that's the unintentional genius of The Peasants - it reveals, in its full ugliness, the degradation side of DHSM by subtracting the elevation side completely. Antek was never worth the pain he put Jagna trough and that she was put trough for the relationship with him. But of course, is any man ever? There's a reason why Jagna never actually seems to consider a relationship with any other man, outside of maybe her ex Maciej, who, while not as terrible as Antek, still does some pretty shitty things, namely lying about sleeping with her (unwittingly contributing to her downfall). It's not that Jagna just happened to find a bad man. The whole system is clearly broken.

Of course, "the system" here clearly isn't meant to be just DHSM, as much as I focused on this aspect of it in this post, but patriarchy in general - for the writers of the movie if not Reymont (because I haven't read the book, so I can't speak on it, sorry). But to make a full feminist analysis of The Peasants is kind of outside of the scope of this tumblr essay, so.

[lloydfrontera]

Now that Javier experienced Lloyd sacrificing himself do you think he will still want him to go and sacrifice himself and save others or will he be now fine with Lloyd wanting to runaway especially with what he heard through the door?

that's such an interesting question.

to start with javier never wanted lloyd to sacrifice himself. just to be clear. that's not something javier ever wanted of him. he hoped he would try to help others even if it meant risking his life which is different but i guess the difference can be a little tricky.

that being said.

i don't believe javier would ever want lloyd to put himself in danger ever again, not for him, not for the estate, not for anyone else. but. i do think he would subconsciously expect it from him. you get what i mean?

like. he'd never want or think to ask lloyd to risk his life again, he'd do everything in his power so lloyd is never in a situation where he would have to, just like he swore to do in ch 384

And on the other hand, he made a promise. He was determined. I will protect that stupid friend even more firmly. No matter what happens. No matter what situation comes. I will protect that coward who pretends to be calm. ‘So don’t whine that you don’t want to die. Because that won't happen. If that moment comes, I will be the one who dies. for you... I'm willing to do that.'

so like. as far as javier is aware he would never let lloyd do something like that.

but. he would expect it. because that's what lloyd got him used to. which is,, very important to remember imo. i don't think it's fair to get upset at javer for feeling disappointed when lloyd says he won't put his life at risk for the sake of others when time after time lloyd has shown that he's very much willing to do so. and has explicitly said he will do so. like!! talk about giving mixed signals here!

remember the mastodons incident?? that time javier got upset precisely because lloyd kept putting his life in danger?? and lloyd was the one that told him that sorry but he would keep doing it anyway??

"I fully get what you are saying," Lloyd continued. "And I know you have good intentions. You're telling me to run safely and don't take things into my own hands when danger arises. Right?" "Yes," Javier confirmed "But you're upset because I always get winded up in this situation by risking myself, totally ignorant of my place. I'm right on this one, too, right?" asked Lloyd. "Yes, that's right." "But what else can I do? I don't think I can be more careful in the future." "Why is that?" asked Javier. "There are people that trust and work for me." Javier wanted to refute and fight back. But he couldn't come up with anything, so he stayed silent. Lloyd continued to speak amid his silence. "Of course, I don't want to be in danger, either. I'm scared. And I hate dying all the more. But you see, everyone has their own responsibilities," said Lloyd.

like?? i don't think it's unfair for javier to expect lloyd to try to help others even if it means putting his life in danger when this is an actual conversation they had.

the misunderstanding here was that when lloyd said he had a responsibility to others, he meant the people that worked for him, the ones under his care, the people he's in charge of. he owes them that protection because they put his trust in him and he's not gonna betray that even if it means his life.

but javier thinks they have that responsibility with everyone. he thinks it's their duty to protect those than can't protect themselves, even if they're not part of their estate or territory. he believes they owe them that protection because they are stronger than they are and it's their responsibility to do their best to help even if it means their lives.

and guess what! lloyd always ends up coming back to save everyone anyway! despite his fears, despite his protests, he always ends up risking his life for strangers anyway!... okay, mostly for javier but still! javier doesn't know that! he doesn't know that the major reason lloyd disregards his safety is because he cannot stand the idea of javier dying while being a hero! why would he! they're both very stupid when it comes to the other!

as far as javier knows lloyd always ends up doing the altruistic thing despite his words to the contrary. why wouldn't he expect him to do it again even when he doesn't want him to.

so like. yes javier would be okay with lloyd running away but he wouldn't actually expect him to and it would be a jarring surprise to him if lloyd did.

and the thing is. i think if lloyd suggested running away and javier accepted, it would even more jarring for lloyd, because that's just... not what he would expect from javier. which i believe would then send him down a spiral of anxiety and mixed feelings about being the reason javier gave up one of the things he most admired in him that would end up with him deciding to stay and help. thereby confirming exactly what javier expected of him. again.

but again. that's just what i think ajskdjskdfds

[a-strange-inkling]

Ew Grace joined a misogynistic org. U still gonna Stan her?

A good time to say my piece on this and then that will be it. I’m a fan blog for fictional characters, not a celebrity commentator.

Not my field of expertise.

Anyway… People are really losing it right now as they do with anything this woman does and the best thing for us to do is handle this all with awareness. Real awareness. Like everyone needs to stop and take a second to think about this, then look at themselves.

First things first, yes I really enjoy and admire Grace as an actress, she brought to life a character I love and strongly connect with. I consider myself a fan of her work and have also witnessed her receiving a disgusting amount of hate for simply existing in the same space as her male co-star because many of his fans behave so atrociously that multiple articles have been written about them. They’ve made subfandom history as one of the most toxic groups of people on the internet.

I’ve always had sympathy for her having to deal with this and constantly having to stand up for herself for a small role connected to a side character. And then, of course, having to deal with the backlash of actually standing up for herself and continuing to dare to have an online presence. Because how dare anyone try to counter lies and unjustified hate about/directed toward themselves?

That being said, I don’t believe in blind loyalty either. Especially for celebrities. We can admire them all we want, but we don’t know them and they don’t know us. They’re not the characters that they play. Grace is not Chrissy. Joe is not Eddie. Grace is a human being that I don’t know in real life. Being a fan is not the same as really knowing someone and being their friend. I don’t believe in parasocial relationships with actors, actresses, musicians etc, it’s not healthy. As much as I enjoy her as an actress, and will speak up for her against unnecessary hate, I don’t have to agree with everything that she does or says. I don’t put her on a pedestal. She’s liable to make mistakes like the rest of us and I don’t think this was a wise or safe decision on her part.

With all the information I have on this current situation (which is not much), I can say that I’m worried for her more than anything else. This woman has gone through the ringer for a full year now and it seems this will just be used as more fuel against her. Whatever she chooses to do professionally, she is met with so much hate and frankly misogynistic hypocrisy. All that negativity worries me the most. She’s young and trying to make a living doing what she loves, so I feel bad seeing things going in the direction that they are presently.

I don’t know much about the gaming community, I’ve avoided it and have always played solo because what I do know is that it can be a very toxic and hate fueled place. Especially for women. After having to deal with what she already has, angry gamers and her own fans turning on her is going to be sad to see. And I’m not saying calling her out on this decision is turning on her, or hating on her, I think people should call out their faves when they do something wrong… it’s just going to be sad to see the discourse that follows this.

For context, for those that don’t know, this organization she’s signed up with has some really bad allegations against it, really bad, and I don’t condone or support anything to do with that.

But this is where the self awareness has to kick in for anyone in fanbase communities or, you know, just going about their daily lives.

What large entertainment organization or company doesn’t have red in their ledger? Tell me honestly. Anything dealing with a big group of people is going to have skeletons in the closet. Not condoning anything, but also trying not to be a hypocrite here, as we all should.

If you watch and enjoy Stranger Things on Netflix, if you’re a Joe Quinn/Eddie fan, you’re supporting a company that’s riddled with scandal, hiring numerous actors, writers, producers and directors accused of s*xual assault. Do you watch Disney? Visit the parks? Wear Sketchers? Any name brand clothes? Buy from Amazon? Wal-Mart? Target? Listen to Taylor Swift? Support or watch anything in Hollywood? Read Harry Potter? Watch the movies? Are you on Twitter? This website? YouTube? Facebook? Eat name brand food? If so, you’re supporting problematic, at best, people, companies, and organizations all around. We all know they’re tied to histories of scandal, hate, controversy, or even criminal activity, yet we keep watching, buying, wearing, listening, eating, consuming and supporting them as a whole. Unless you’re living off the grid, grow your own food, make your own clothes and don’t watch any form media, no one has any room to talk here. No one wants to hear this, but we’re all supporting things we would normally speak out against either consciously or unconsciously. Hollywood and streaming services are full of misogynistic, r*cist, behavior. They’ve hidden countless accusations and protected numerous r*pists since the beginning of film. But we’re still watching their movies and shows. Not saying it’s right, but we should criticize ourselves first before going after one working actress signing a deal with just one of the many bad organizations out there.

Joe recently did a voiceover for an organization that apparently is really problematic. He’s currently working with a big Hollywood film industry that also has some really shady (again, at best) history, but everyone’s going to go watch his movies, aren’t they? His stans are going to keep stanning him. So make sure you anon ask all of them the same question, kay?

Being hateful and criticizing a twenty-six-year-old actress/streamer really should not be anyone’s first steps toward activism or change. Especially if you originally didn’t like her because she’s standing near the favorite white British boy of the month. I’ve said it from the beginning, if you don’t like her or what she’s doing, block her. Unfollow her. Obsessing over her and everything she does is on the same level of intensity as stanning her.

I am disappointed in her decision, I’m worried what this means for her and her fans who’ve been in the trenches for her, but Grace’s decisions are not mine. From what I’ve heard and seen, she said she considered the risks and wants to be apart of rebuilding the organization that is trying to move forward from the allegations last year and be more supportive of female gamers. All I can do is hope that’s true. What they need to do first is call out and condemn the parties responsible for any and all crimes they’ve committed. I hope they do and that Grace will encourage that as she’s signed on with them. If not, I hope she leaves them for her own morals and safety.

This is how I feel on the matter. I’m not going to get into this any further via asks. This blog is for hellcheer content and will continue to be so. I want it to be a safe space. Anything negative in my anon messages will be reported and/or ignored from here on. So keep that in mind. I’m not into drama. If any mutuals just want to talk or vent about this you can always DM me.

🤍

[lgbtqmanga]

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