#its the stuff i went over in this post why I will never be solely liking fengxing/xingyue

[artheresy]

I have like very very specific feelings about Blade and Dan Heng’s dynamic/complicated situation and of course by extension the situation that occurred between Dan Feng and Yingxing and it’s like super particular, not in the way I think I’m objectively correct or fully indulging in fanon but a secret third thing. And the worst part is that I quite literally cannot for the life of me verbalize/write down my feelings and viewpoint to the full extent

They are just so complicated and full of so many tropes I love and it oof, it hurts very deeply. I like just reread the Passerby of Wandering Cloud relic set and I’m hmmm

I will say something as best as I can, I will never stop thinking about “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion.” In general that whole relic set wrecks me emotionally on a scale that I haven’t had since I read Stormbringer from BSD. They have such a complicated dynamic and I enjoy it so deeply, and see the thing is that they have such contradictory feelings that I don’t know the direction Hoyo will take it in but I am strapped in for the ride either way.

Also theres something like this fixation certain people have on separating the two and fixating on how they’re on their own paths AWAY from each other and I just,, I can’t understand that fixation because first off, even without talking about past selves, just talking about the current selves, the connection between them is extremely important when it comes to characterizing either of them. That is a significant part of their characters and where they currently are and a refusal to acknowledge that even without any shipper goggles confuses me. Additionally, as I brought up before, “Pairs of objects are destined for an eventual reunion” even as Blade and Dan Heng rather than Yingxing and Dan Feng, their paths are destined to cross. Given the earliness of the Xianzhou arc, heavily doubt this is any kind of “eventual reunion” as said by the relic seeing as its not like this is the first time they’ve met and those weren’t the this spoken of reunion. And additionally, I can’t help but think about Dan Heng specifically whether with knowing intent or not, carries multiple tokens of his past from the bracer itself to the jade pendant to literally Cloud Piercer. The weapon that makes him feel safe and yet he also has unfinished business with the creator

Speaking of that line, I’ve seen some people who think that he knows Blade made it. I personally heavily think he doesn’t know, given word choice to how he feels about it etc. But hmm I wonder if we’ll see what happens there. And that voiceline is just yet another thing hammering home how these two are destined to continue to have their paths intertwined.

And I’m trying to find the post again but I saw someone talking I think about the translations of the relic lore for that set and referring to the whole Pairs of objects line and they talked I think about how that statement is not meant to merely represent the actual objects but more so to represent Dan Heng and Blade themselves which may have been obvious from the start, but after reading that I felt like someone had expanded my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it, I can’t

Anyways anyways, I don’t think these two are by any means solely characterized by each other and they shouldn’t solely be seen as only existing in proximity to the other, but I don’t get people who for some reason hate the idea of them being connected in any manner bc of hating ships that they outright disregard and deny like key important parts of their canon. I mean people will do what they do and there’s no reason trying to put logic behind every single thing or whatever, but maybe that’s also just because I feel insane about their lore and again have this specific idea and view of them in my head. Maybe I’ll be able to put it into words better one day

Everything I ranted about arent even the full extent of my feelings about this particular topic regarding them. I just feel so specifically that I don’t know how to put it in words. If only sounds alone could convey my thoughts

Theres so much more I could rant about, so much more I could say but its like 4 am and I cant properly formulate thoughts without tangents starting in the middle of them

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

i might get hate for this (cause ive gotten hate for less by toxic stans) but fuck it. this post is a little all over the place bc im tired but eh.

idk if this post will make sense but ill try my best to explain. ill be so pissed if jlb takes the prague storyline (which is JAMESONS) and somehow gives it to lyra/grayson or like anyone else (like, for example, if she makes another character go through the same thing jameson went through in prague or smth). jlb treats jameson like shit and almost never gives him any time to shine (she gives all of the spotlight to grayson... makes me think of a certain grandfather). i feel like the prague storyline would be such a good opportunity to explore jameson's character and actually do him justice (bc although i loved him in tbh, she could've done better. she clearly focused more of grayson's chapters). like, for once, i want him to have smth thats actually his (other than avery) (yes he had that entire plot line in tbh where he got the castle and stuff, but its just not the same. idk how to explain T-T (maybe its cause a castle isn't really important/doesn't truly solve the main problem, his self worth issues (aka the reason why he needs something to be his in the first place)?). i feel like his story wasn't truly finished bc his self worth issues weren't really resolved). i wish that jlb delved more into jameson's mental health and stuff like she did with grayson, and i think the prague plotline would be good for that.

the only reason i'm worrying about this is that we have no confirmed jameson pov. avery doesn't know what happened in prague, so we won't find out in games untold (unless pain at the right gun is about that night). jlb definitely has to address it at some point, and, since she constantly ignores jameson's character, and the entire series is coming to an end in a few years, i don't think we'll be getting another novella (in jameson's pov) or smth solely about prague. i'd hate for jameson to just mention what happened briefly at some point in the tgg series as if it's nothing. like, why would she makes jameson go through all of that/keep it a secret just to completely scrap that plot line and give it to someone else.

edit: there seems to be some confusion (my post was kinda confusing so i get it). i've had people message me abt this. i don't think lyrason are going to be in games untold. there's no reason for lyra to be in games untold bc she isn't really part of the og series/cast. this is the og cast's time to shine. i honestly don't really get how people can think she'll show up (not hating or anything). it just doesn't make sense. i'm afraid that the storyline will be given to them in tgg.

also i'm using lyra and grayson as examples bc they're the only characters that know about alice (and prague definitely has something to do with alice). rohan/savannah/gigi etc are all doing their own thing and don't know about alice.

[grcetxt]

Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO

Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!

I am smart.

No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.

Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.

Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.

Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.

Dickhead.

But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.

I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.

The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.

I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy

I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.

I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.

Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"

"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"

Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.

"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)

"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"

I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.

I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)

He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.

He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.

As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.

He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.

"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.

"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.

"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.

He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.

"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.

I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.

"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"

(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)

"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"

("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)

"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.

He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.

"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.

My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...

I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.

I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.

It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.

"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.

I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.

He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.

I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.

I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.

I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.

"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.

"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"

"I am NOT posh!"

"you are a littleee"

"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"

"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"

he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.

It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.

I felt like I was learning to live again.

[drop--pop--candy]

ok. making a lore post i can't be insane in secret anymore. let's talk about Kohina Watabe.

Kohina Watabe is a woman in her mid thirties who's been a family friend of the Fujiwaras for many years. she co-owns a small cafe with a little built-in stage for live music, but the other owner (her brother) doesn't even live in Japan anymore so she is essentially the sole owner. she went to school for music, because she wanted to be a professional musician but there were,,, unforseen complications, let's say. you'll understand soon.

she's been Chika's mentor since Chika was in middle school, and less officially she's been teaching both Fujiwara sisters some basics + helping occasionally with their music stuff since they were really little.

as for more information on Kohina herself, she's a kind and easygoing woman who tends to take it slow. she takes her dog, a golden retriever on the smaller side named Sunbeam, with her everywhere. her only surviving family member is her aforementioned brother, who travels all around the world for work but finds time to visit Kohina if she ever needs anything. she lives very close to the cafe, and has two bedrooms in her house, one for herself and one for a guest.

Kohina is important in the story pretty much immediately, as she's name dropped several times in the main story and introduced to the whole band in chika1, the second event. from there on out, she serves as a mentor to the whole band and the real-world adult they confide in for their band stuff.

Misaki in particular confides in Kohina, preferring to talk to her than one of the vocaloids. Misaki's parents are never at home, so Kohina is sort of like a maternal figure to her. Kohina's house/cafe is the one place Misaki knows she'll never be turned down.

in one of the early third events, misaki is the 3*, and in that side story she asks Kohina why she takes her dog everywhere. Kohina answers that Sunbeam is her service dog, since she has a heart condition. before Misaki can get super worried about it, Kohina reassures her that she's never had serious complications before and having a service dog is just a precaution (this is a lie. she has had complications before but she knows that Misaki tends to worry too much so she doesn't want to tell her that)

it really can't be overstated how important Kohina is to n✧g. she cameos in several cards, and she cameos in EVERY card in maho4. she's mentioned in more than a handful of area conversations. she's basically the girls' first (and for a few of them, only) person they go to for advice and help and literally anything.

cut to after the timeskip! this is when maho4 happens, and Kohina cameos in all of these cards because maho4 is something of a celebration of all the progress the band has made, along with moving up a year and all that. the band is in separate classes now, with Chika and Haruka in one and Maho and Misaki in the other. Haruka and Misaki are both student representatives for their respective classes now, Chika's on the gardening committee, and Maho's on the animal caretaking committee. basically this whole event is a celebration at Kohina's cafe, so she's featured in all of the cards. she talks a LOT in this event and its side stories, which is sort of ironic considering. the very next event.

misaki4! everyone cheered! (sound of very distant sobbing)

so misaki4 starts with her going to Kohina's cafe, but she's not there. so she goes to her house, and she's not there either. Misaki texts the band gc and asks if anyone knows where Kohina is, and Chika texts back that Kohina's in the hospital, but she's probably just there because she's having a checkup or being monitored or something. Misaki decides it would be nice to give her a surprise visit, so she brings Kohina's favourite flowers and heads over to the hospital. when she gets there, the receptionist tells her that she can't visit Kohina because Kohina's in critical condition. Misaki, dazed, sits down in the hospital waiting room next to Sunbeam, and at some point later a doctor comes out and tells her that Kohina is dead. she tells the rest of the group as soon as she can and basically this whole event is just them grieving their mentor.

and now we're at chika5, titled "For Whom the Bell Tolls". two weeks after misaki5, chika hasn't shown up to school or band practice at all. she's not responding to texts and she hasn't left her room since. this is the first event Chika gets a crying model in, and it only happens when she's completely alone in her room. chika's card name is "Alone Again", and aptly she's the only card in the set without a cameo. the event story cuts between flashbacks of Kohina and her, throughout her life, and the present day, where she's falling behind with school and band stuff and cutting everyone off and even ignoring the vocaloids that try to talk to her until they go away.

[susandsnell]

hey coco! hope ur having a good day! was wondering if u’d like to talk about why u like and what u find compelling with atton/exile? do u have a particular route or headcanon underwhich u prefer them or is it more of an overarching meta appreciation?

Hi, friend!

Thanks so much for the well-wishes. My day's kind of ehh due to continued Issues but the weather's nice and I'm feeling a little calmer. Hope your day is good!

Thank you so much for sending me this and enabling me shamelessly. I've been ride-or-die for Atton/Exile (which is M/F if you played the Jedi Exile as female, which I did and which is 'canon' but let's not talk about the latter lest we kick the hornet's nest) since summer 2011, which is almost 13 years now? Wild. Literally half my life. Anyhow, my reasons/headcanons have changed and evolved just as I've done a lot of growing up since the time I was first obsessed, but I'll do my best to synthesize/organize my thoughts! (Assume all the Restored Content is canon). More under the cut because 'synthesis' is still essay-length for me, God help me.

First off, I tended to play the Jedi Exile as light-sided and Revan as dark sided; I find the narrative of both games to be the most meaningful with these choices. This post basically puts into words why Revan works better as a Dark Sider, but the Exile, to me, as Revan's foil and mirror, works inversely best as a light sider. The game seems to want you to play her light-sided given how Kreia's best stuff/approval lies in that path. KOTOR II is one of the darkest entries to the Star Wars universe by far, but with a light sided exile, it's a story about how moving through life with an unyielding belief in love and justice for others in your heart will ignite that light in the people around you, and repair a broken world/galaxy.

Enter Atton.

KOTOR II is great in that you technically have such a wide range of shipping dynamics/options, and exactly none of them are functional, largely because it's one of the Star Wars media entries with the most harrowingly realistic depictions of war and its psychological impact on the people it touches. Atton Rand happened to be my favourite of all the love interests at the time because of his voice and his snarky meta-jokes (I was a Daria fanatic almost 2 decades too late, what do you want). Nowadays, I love him because his character basically took the Star Wars expanded universe requirement for Han Solo expys and went off the rails with it, making his 'scoundrel' archetype half-his charming and humorous personality, half-a facade to cover severe and quite realistically portrayed war PTSD as well as his actions as Jaq, the torture-happy mercenary. It's "what if the self-serving charming rogue during wartime archetype was brought to its logical conclusion" and I am here for it.

So first you have the parallels and contrasts - both committed atrocities during the Mandalorian wars, but while Atton was loyal to Revan after their fall and never faced justice for his wrongdoings, the (light-sided) Exile turned from Revan and still was scapegoated by the Council. Atton is a character mired in his own bitterness and cynicism, and you have the option to choose to play the Exile as a character driven solely by her morals, even when she'll suffer unconscionably for them, and it is through this unflinching clinging to her morals that she gains the idealism necessary to survive everything she goes through. Atton once sought to rip freewill away from his victims; the Exile unconsciously, slowly saps it through the cipher.

As a young teen, I admittedly was starry-eyed over the 'sheltered good girl manipulated and hurt by so many meets sexy bad boy recovering from his own past and they protect each other as a power couple' archetyping, but it does go a lot deeper than that. Their dialogue options have easy, natural, sexy chemistry that draws you in, but I do think my appreciation goes deeper. This isn't a simple 'fixing the bad boy' because of the narrative device of the Force cipher meaning you quite literally have "I can fix him" and "I can make him worse" as your game mechanics, lol. You get your surface-level fun of their interactions between the proper, well-mannered Jedi and the flirtatious rapscallion, but you also have two people who, for the reasons I outlined above, fundamentally understand each other after harrowing lifetimes spent alone in their pain and trauma.

I'd go so far as to say Atton is the best-placed of anyone to understand the Exile; the Sion ship is compelling and squee-worthy to any Phantom fangirl worth her salt (as I was), but she's everything he couldn't be or fathom, Visas may have felt closer to the pain the Exile did over Malachor V but her worst actions were committed under duress as a captive of Darth Nihilus and not of her own volition (so I argue she's a lot more morally innocent than Atton or the Exile), Mical/The Disciple is the innocence and warmth of the Exile's upbringing untouched by how the Mando wars reforged her and while Brianna/The Handmaiden is excellent as a potential parallel for specifically the Exile's abuse at the hands of the Jedi (Atris in particular), she's still similarly sheltered to Mical. Bao-Dur was with the Exile during the war but the game didn't develop him enough and understands that aspect of her, but they canonically per the dialogue emotionally distanced themselves given the circumstances, and Mira the Bounty Hunter is cool sister-zoned, but I suspect her family being victim to Malachor V would drive a wedge no matter how much forgiveness the game preaches.

Meanwhile, Atton knows and/or loves not pieces of the Exile, but as she is; the battered and betrayed veteran with a lifetime of wrongdoing to atone for that he recognizes in himself, and the naive Jedi she was before that the charming flirt in him likes to tease. And although his backstory is a revelation, and a harrowing one to the Exile, who sees what she might have become had she stayed with Revan, this is what their relationship is; seeing someone in their totality, and loving and honouring the worst with the best. Despite knowing what the Exile's done, Atton values her enough to still care about how she views him that he begs Kreia not to tell her the truth about his past. The two are instantly drawn to each other on Peragus, not just out of necessity but genuine, instinctive protectiveness, attraction, and a deeper sense (be it Force-Assisted or not) of understanding. Atton refers to it in his death scene (if you count that) as love at first sight, and while there was probably initial infatuation, I think there was just such an instant magnetism that grew and grew between them through shared experience. "Don't give up on me now, dammit!" and "You want her, you get through me." come to mind. Atton is the only party member that asks her to train him in the Force, whereas she has to prompt and convince the others into their awakening. He's deeply scarred by his experiences with the Force, not to mention it's actively dangerous to train as a Jedi due to the Exchange, but he's willing to face that for the Exile - he tells her that part of why he wants to train as a Jedi is to be better able to protect and fight for her. One of the first things he does is teach her to play Pazaak in her head to prevent from psychic attacks through the Force/harm through Kreia's force bond - the exact weapon he wielded against others. The tragedy of any Jedi Exile ship is the constant insecurity created by the force-wound/cipher; how much of anyone's choice to follow in their footsteps or love them is their own free will? What power dynamics, unspoken or obvious, arise from it? But Atton's fierce independence and selfishness almost serves as the clearest answer to this. He willingly reawakens himself to the Force to connect with her, to be better able to fight for her. He chose her, a thousand times over, and whatever role the Force Wound plays, he accepts her influence out of admiration for that steadfast-to-a-fault morality I talked about before.

This isn't some corny gender essentialist "she is his redemption" nonsense either, although redemption is a major theme of a light-sided KOTOR 2; by training Atton and others as a Jedi, the Exile is actively doing the work to heal the galaxy she helped to break. By protecting and teaching and bonding with the Exile, Atton is regaining his own humanity through recognizing hers, over and over, the way he failed to recognize those of his victims. They're together in this, in their recovery, in how they've experienced all extremes of morality. Love, in this story, isn't about fixing someone or breaking them, it's about meeting them where they are and walking alongside them, hopefully to someplace better than where you were when you both met. Is it any wonder that he's the one she walks away with in the end? (As if he'd let her walk alone ever again.)

With all this being said, and to address your question, while the route/headcanon preferences I prefer for Atton/Exile create, I think, the richest narrative with what's there, I've definitely got an overarching meta appreciation for them too. I spent my teen years eagerly eating up every possible iteration of them as a couple, and much of what I described above can hold true in a different aspect if people prefer to play them dark-sided, if people hold the tragic dying in your arms ending as canon, and so forth. They're compelling any way you slice them.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Stonemilker [Joel x f!reader]

Read on Ao3

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Ship: Joel Miller x you (cishet f reader)

Tags/warnings: Heartache, breakup stuff, Ellie lives and Joel is lying to her, sad sex, you know this is ending sex, Couple fighting, idk what this is folks, it's a sad story with a hopeful ending.

Summary: When Joel returns to Jackson with Ellie, something has changed. Can your relationship survive it? Takes place after episode 9 of season 1.

Words: 3,967

A/N: The title Stonemilker is the title of the first track of Björk's Vulnicura (2015), an album solely about the end of a relationship. Cheers to @rambling-in-purple for reading it before posting <3!

Joel returned a changed man. A younger man. A less hurting man.

Ellie was with him, of course, hugging you tightly in the kitchen of the small house you had been given. You had been setting the dinner table for one when she had burst in and called your name, Joel striding in behind her. You dropped the plate, and the porcelain pieces spread around your feet.

Little did you know that your life was about to shatter in the same way.

Joel gave you a warm hug, nothing more. You wanted to hear everything about their journey, but they were both tired and hungry, so you gave them time to shower and change into clean clothes while you adapted dinner to feed three.

Later that night, when you went to bed with Joel, you saw the hideous wound on the right side of his stomach. He told you what had happened since he and Ellie left Jackson.

He told you everything: the abandoned college, the stab wound, and how close he was to dying. Ellie saving him. The resort. All the dead bodies. The hospital.

His decision. Hallways of dead people left behind. His lie to Ellie.

"Joel..."

He looked at you with shrouded eyes. Where there used to be an iron curtain, there was now a thin veil that showed depths of horrors, but also hope. It scared you more than the hard metallic gaze that you were used to.

You knew why he did it. You understood him. You would probably have done the same.

"You have to tell her."

"One day, I will."

"Sooner rather than later. She deserves to know the truth."

There it was, the unyielding steel in his eyes. He never appreciated being told the obvious. But when Ellie did that, slapped him in the face with inconvenient truths and poignant teases, he grimaced to keep from smiling. When you did it, you received a glare.

You had always thought that that glare was yours because Joel didn't have any other way of expressing his reluctant amusement. And it was, but there was a smile-hiding grimace as well, just not for you.

Something had changed. You didn't realize just how much until a few weeks later, when you were out with the hunting party, and a cougar popped up so suddenly that not even the horses had smelled it. It was a young animal, probably a male looking for a territory of its own, and you were the closest to it. Your horse reared, you fell off, hit your elbow on a rock that just had to be precisely there. As if by some miracle, your head missed it, though. The wind got knocked out of you while your brain was screaming frantically at you to get up and get your gun, but before you could move, a shot rang out over the plain, and the horses neighed in fear.

Deion was by your side a moment later, brows knitted together in worry.

"You okay?"

Breath returning, you began to feel the impact of your fall. Left elbow was smarting, your ass was probably bruised, and your heart was beating a mile a minute from the scare.

"I'm fine," you managed to wheeze. He helped you up, carefully pulling you on your feet. He held your hand as he inspected your face for discomfort. You let him. It's comforting, that big, warm hand holding yours.

"You sure?" He wanted to be certain before he let you go. You nodded and forced a smile.

"I'll have a bruise, but I'm good." You've had worse, so much worse.

The warmth of Deion's hand lingers on your skin long after he releases your hand. As you get on the horse and ride back to Jackson, you find yourself thinking about how Joel never showed such concern for your well-being. And he doesn't do it now, either, when you return sooner than expected, moving like you're in pain - which you are.

"You need to be more careful," he tells you gruffly. You know it's his thing, he doesn't do softness, and yet... he does to Ellie. He speaks kindly to her, laughs with her, talks to her about things beyond mere survival. Tells her about his daughter. That's a new one, he never even mentioned his daughter to you.

It's heartwarming to see him thawed. The glimpses of who he used to be melt together with who he is now. You always suspected he was a great kind of guy before the world went to shit and he was forced to become a version of himself that he himself hated. And it hurts you more than the bruising that he cannot be this new person with you, only with Ellie. She deserves the best Joel, you know that, but don't you? After all you've been through with him?

You argue with him later that night. That's also new. While you may have disagreed with him occasionally before, you have never fought about it. Maybe it's the comfort of Jackson, the fact that a disagreement no longer means the risk of death. Maybe you have just had your fill.

"You could at least say something that doesn't make it sound like it's my fault!" you yell, unconcerned with your voice carrying over to the next room where Ellie is asleep. "You could ask me if I'm okay!"

"I can see that you're okay," Joel replies irritably. "I've seen you take worse hits."

"I am not okay, Joel!" The words are spat into the half-lit bedroom and the silence that follows is heavy from the impact. Joel crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at you with unreadable eyes. It's not his usual glare, the one he gives you no matter the reason, because it's all he's capable of. It's just... closed. Like he has nothing more to give you.

You sleep in separate rooms that night. Ellie is unusually demure in the morning, looking from you to Joel and back to you, clearly bothered by your fight the night before. You make a mental note to talk to her after breakfast but before you can suggest an activity, Joel asks her if she wants to go out shooting.

Okay, let Joel deal with Ellie.

You go to your chores, which consist of animal care for most of the day. Deion joins you. He wants to know how you're feeling.

How are you feeling? Bruised and annoyed. Sad and confused. Touched and frustrated. Abandoned. Lonely.

"I'm good," you assure him with a light smile. "A little sore, but I've had worse."

All day he sees to it that you rest. He takes care of the tasks that will aggravate the aches of your beaten-up body. He reminds you to take a break when it's nearing lunch time.

He cares so clearly. Is this what it's like, to be with someone who cares?

Ellie is bubbly that night. She and Joel have had fun, she tells you, and you're happy for her. Ellie is a child who was never allowed to be one. She deserves carefree days. She deserves a father figure, a dad. A mom, too, but you have no idea how to be that. Especially when things are so askew with Joel. Whatever things are, were, should be. You and Joel used to be about teamwork, survival, partnership. But life in Jackson is different. What you two had, were, is not needed here. What else can you be?

Joel watches you take your clothes off when you get ready for bed. You turn your back to him, maybe out of misguided, sudden shyness, maybe to show him the bruise that has painted half your back. It was dark red yesterday, now it's turning purple.

His feet are heavy on the floorboards when he walks up to you. His rough fingers are surprisingly soft when tracing the outlines of the bruise. You close your eyes, lean into his touch, sigh softly when he kisses you neck. You lie down on the bed and let Joel take you. He's gentle, more so than usual, but every thrust pushes you against the bumpy mattress, hurting you. Neither one of you speak but when Joel has finished, he cradles your face in his hands and kisses your forehead so softly that it's barely a kiss at all. You turn your back to him when you go to sleep. Your muscles are sore from the coupling, and you quietly love that tenderness like one would a bittersweet heartache. The bruise on your lower back throbs like a young heart in love, and when you turn onto your side, away from Joel, you wish he would kiss the miscolored blossoms.

But he doesn't. He simply turns away from you, just as you turned away from him. With a canyon between your warm, spent bodies, you both go to sleep.

Ellie accompanies you to your chores the next day. After a quiet hour of cleaning the stable, she eventually asks you if you're mad at her.

"No, Ellie, why would you think that?" you ask, immediately regretting your poor choice of words. She shrugs, leaning against a stall door, both hands gripping the handle of the pitchfork, the prongs scraping loudly against the floor.

"You've been weird since we got back. You and Joel have been fighting."

"That has nothing to do with you," you lie, hopefully convincingly. Ellie looks up at you, a hard glint in her eyes.

"I'm not stupid. You never fought before, not for as long as I've known you."

You stop your sweeping but don't know what to say.

"You barely talk to each other," she insists.

"It's complicated," you tell her feebly. "But it has nothing to do with you, Ellie, I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You shake your head. "I'm not going to talk about our relationship with you, Ellie. It's not your problem."

"It is my problem if my - " she stops herself, the word parents hanging in the air for a second, before she continues: " - if you two are going to, I don't know, get a divorce or some shit."

An amused scoff escapes you before you can stop yourself. "We're not married, Ellie."

"I know. But you're, like, together, right?"

"I don't know what we are," you blurt out, averting your eyes so you don't have to see her reaction at your confession. You hear the scraping of her shoe at the floor.

"Did you count on me not being here anymore?"

Her voice is small and sounds so different from its normal curious and teasing tone. A clump forms in your throat.

"Ellie..."

"I'm in the way."

You let go of the broom and focus instead on Ellie, standing in front of her and taking the pitchfork from her so that you can grasp her hands.

"You're not in the way," you tell her firmly. Ellie looks away, and you shake your head to stress your words. "Ellie, look at me."

She meets your steady gaze, and you see how conflicted she is. Poor girl. She is a child. You can barely remember what it was like to be that age and besides, it was another world ago, but you do remember that it was difficult and confusing for so many reasons.

"You are not in the way," you emphasize softly. "But this situation is new, for all of us. This place. This dynamic. We're not just surviving anymore, Ellie, we have a chance to live. And I... I've never had that chance with Joel before. So I'm struggling a little right now. But it has nothing to do with you, okay? You just... be you. You're so good for him, Ellie, you have saved him in more ways than one."

She purses her lips, and you see her throat muscles work as she swallows.

"Okay," she finally nods, quietly. You press a smile, try to look like this problem was resolved.

"Okay." You give her a quick hug before going back to your work. Ellie seems relieved but you can't stop thinking about how you pinned it all on your own back. You are struggling, you are having a hard time of this new way of life. As if Joel has nothing to do with it. As if his broad, once so safe, and reassuring back isn't now turned to you in cool detachment.

You try to bring the topic to him later that night, tell him that Ellie is noticing and worrying. It ends in a fight and this time it's Joel who sleeps on the uncomfortable couch. You lie awake, wondering what went wrong. Is it really you who changed? Are you being a selfish bitch, jealous of a 14-year-old girl? Do you really want life to go on as it did before, in the Boston QZ, fighting for your life with Joel by your side?

Why is settling down so hard?

Nothing changes in the coming weeks. Talking to Joel is like milking a stone. Every now and then the two of you fight, as quietly as you can when Ellie has gone to bed. You still think he should tell her. He refuses to, and you can see the fear in his eyes. Ellie will be furious with him; you both know it. The longer he keeps her in the dark, the worse it's going to be. You find yourself wishing that you'll be far away when the day comes.

One early spring day you ride out with Deion to check on the traps. You've spent most of your days with him these past few weeks. He appreciates you, sees you, wants to hear your opinion. He takes you to the movies. He asks you about your past. He shows interest where Joel barely even wants you at night anymore.

The snow has started to melt in the sunshine, and you find a sun-kissed clearing where the ground is yellow with glacier lilies. The air is warm, and you can smell the changing of the season. You dismount and crouch among the delicate yellow flowers, hover your hands over them, smile in childlike delight when you see bees buzzing from flower to flower. You can't remember the last time you saw bees.

In that clearing, you ask Deion to kiss you, and he does, almost immediately. Not until the kiss is over does he express regret.

"You're with Joel."

"No, I'm not."

He smiles, and kisses you again, and you remember those first pre-teen infatuations: the warmth, the excitement, the heart-stopping angst about whether or not the subject of your passions felt the same. You remember all that but only feel it radiate from Deion. The feelings are unrequited.

That night you collect your few belongings into your backpack and leave the house. You hug Ellie and ask her to forgive you. You say nothing to Joel, and he says nothing to you.

You do not go to Deion, but instead to the boarding house where new arrivals are placed while awaiting homes of their own. Deion is kind, and he showed you what it would be like to be with a person who genuinely cares for you, but you don't want to rebuild your shattered life around a man.

A week later you mount a horse and leave Jackson. You have no plan, no light to look for, but you can finally breathe freely. Heading west, you ride at a slow pace all day, enjoying yourself more than maybe is appropriate. Your saddle-sore backside in the evening doesn't put a damper on your joy when you sit by your small fire with a cup of herbal tea. This is the start of something new, maybe disastrous, but definitely different.

The dark woods around you don't scare you, neither does being alone. You realize now just how alone - lonely - you've been these past couple of months, smack in the middle of the warm and well-organized community that Jackson is. Its friendly inhabitants weren't enough: you only wanted kindness from one single person. To be alone out here, by choice, feels a lot better than the time spent in Jackson.

When you prepare to leave the campsite the next morning, a horse emerges between the trees. Instinctively, you reach for your gun before your brain has processed the face of the rider.

It's Joel. Your mouth falls open and your legs feel weak.

"What are you doing here?" you manage when he dismounts. His hunched shoulders tell you clearly that he's uncomfortable and also stalling as he, very meticulously, ties the reins to a nearby tree. You wait impatiently for him to acknowledge you. When he finally does, his nut-brown eyes are clear in the first rays of the sun.

"I'm here to ask you if you would consider returning."

You have to bite your tongue in order not to laugh out loud. Your hard stare tells him everything, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to tell Ellie about what happened at the hospital."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why are you here telling me that?"

"Because when I do, she's going to hate me, and I can't stand losing both of you."

"It's a little too late for that, Joel."

He nods, wets his lips. Looks away and draws a wet breath. Rests his hands on his hips, purses his lips. You realize he's fighting against unwanted yet inevitable tears.

Joel crying. That's a new one.

Moments pass, minutes, maybe hours, days, you have no idea, but you keep staring at Joel as he stubbornly looks to the forest, as if there was an answer or saving grace to be had between the trees. You are relentless in the midst of the rising sun, the singing birds, the soft shush of the wind through the budding treetops. He has to make the first move, show something, say something. Offer an explanation to why he stopped listening. Where did the apathy in his eyes come from? Why did he suddenly decide to show no concern for you?

He brings his hand to his eyes, rubs them quickly with forefinger and thumb. He then turns back to you.

"Ellie misses you."

You stand your ground, implacable as you wait for him to continue. Finally, he confesses:

"I miss you. The minute you left I started missing you."

"Then why did you let me leave?" you ask flatly.

"I wasn't going to stop you if that's what you wanted."

You refuse to engage, even though you want to scream at him: Do you think I wanted to leave?

"Was it Deion?"

"What?" Your eyebrows meet in a surprised frown. "What about Deion?"

"You spent so much time with him. Did you... was there anything between you?"

Unable to play it cool anymore, you take a step closer.

"How fucking dare you? You have no right!" Your horse and Joel's shift their weight, ears twitching nervously.

He's a little taken back with your raised voice, but he doesn't match it.

"Sorry," he mutters instead, and now it's your turn to drop your jaw. For a moment, both of you just stand there, looking at each other, trying to find some common ground to share so that things can be resolved.

It's Joel who finally finds that little patch of soil to sow the seeds of reconciliation.

"You remember how I tried to make Tommy take Ellie to the Fireflies?" he asks, and you nod mutely. Of course you remember. The tension in the house had been so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

"But I took her. And everything that happened after that... happened. I have to live with the consequences. I just had to keep her."

He shakes his head, something desperate filling his features. "If I get to keep her, I can't keep you."

"What do you mean?" you ask quietly, not following. The long look he gives you is anguished, but he stays quiet, as if he has said too much. Your brain is working at full capacity until it has connected the dots.

"Is this some kind of 'can't have too much good shit in my life' bullshit?" you ask hoarsely, almost afraid of the answer. "Because that is just... Joel, you are an idiot."

You're shaking by now, and Joel bristles a little.

"Look, Ellie has nobody else. She's stuck with me, for better or for worse. She's a kid. But you are not. You can have someone better."

"What if I don't want anyone better, what if I happen to love a complete fucking idiot who doesn't deserve me but is stuck with me because I chose it myself!?" you scream, tears filling your eyes and escaping down your cheeks. Joel winces, as if you just slapped him, but when he sees your tears, he closes the gap between the two of you with a few long strides. The next thing you know, you're crushed against his broad chest, smelling his sweat and slightly woodsy scent with leather and horse and melting snow. He holds you so tightly it's almost constricting your breathing, but you don't fight back. You've fought back for long enough.

"Darlin'," he murmurs throatily. "Darlin'. You love me?"

"I did," you sob. "But I don't know if I still do."

He's quiet, his hand moving in slow, comforting caresses over your back. Something is broken in you and the splinters are pressing against your internal organs, making breathing near impossible. Your face against Joel's chest, you think you can sense something break in him as well.

"You're right," he finally whispers. "I am an idiot and an asshole."

Your only response is more tears because now he gets it, now the milk is flowing from that goddamn stone, and it just might be too late. You don't know if you can trust him to handle your broken pieces right, or if there is a second chance for him in you.

There is no telling how long you stand like that, entwined in a sad, desperate embrace. The sun's rays start to feel warm even when you're cold inside. When your tears finally dry up, you shift in Joel's arms, and he releases you. You can't look at him, can't let him see you like this, but he gently places his finger under your chin, and raises your face to his.

"Am I too late?" he asks. His eyes are red and there are wet trails on his cheeks. You swallow hard, try to navigate between your desires and needs.

"What would change?" you finally ask. He places his warm, slightly sweaty palm against your cheek and brushes his thumb just under your eye, catching a lingering tear.

"I would love you."

He has never said that word to you before, and you want to ask for a detailed description of what it entails. How will he love you? Will he listen, help, support, share?

If Ellie decides to hate him, will he hate you in return? Will Ellie?

On the other side is a vast wilderness of no coordinates, the unknown with all its dangers. What are your chances of survival, of finding decent people? Jackson is full of decent people, and now also Joel and Ellie. Joel, who hurt you. Ellie, who is torn between the two of you.

He waits for your answer, and you find that you don't have a definite one to give him. But you know what direction to take.

"We'll talk about it on the ride back."

If that direction is a way forward or a way back, you don't know. You just feel that it would be wrong not to try.

[saltynsassy31]

Honestly, despite this post being mainly about dbh, it's sorta of a general thing

But gosh, what's with the ship wars? I mean, every fandom has this problem (sorta, the only fandom I've rarely, if ever, experienced it was the splatoon fandom cuz even the most unfortunate ships are shipped lmao)

I be scrolling, tryna find like, just general content, and someone be fighting over it

And I feel its gotten worse as of late cuz it's gotten involved with familial stuff

I'm a big found family gal

It's why, when I first played Detroit, Kara's story line was my favourite at the time (as of coming back to the game, it's become Hank and Connor, but I blame my Iron dad phase for that lmao)

But I'm not gonna fight people who see it or interpreted their relationship differently. If it wasn't stated in canon, then it leaves the gate way open to any interpretation because that's the fun part of being in a fandom! Different points of view!

And I especially come from the POV of someone who shipped two characters the fandom viewed more as siblings. By the gods, the hate some people had.

I was never at the tail end of that heat, but my mutuals from a server were, and when I jumped in to defend them

Despite coming out victorious (in a sense lol), I wouldn't say it was worth the effort, waisted my breath on petty fighting and I don't wish to again

But on the other hand

I've also been on the other end where I saw two very popular shipped characters as familiar/just friends. It's weird cuz they were/are more popular to the (technically) canon couple and they very rarely, if ever interact (legit got gaslit by the fandom that they did, until I went to look into it and found a desert of canon interactions).

And it's frustrating.

I really wish people wouldn't fight over these petty things. But it's the Internet, what can ya do? I'll just do what I can to avoid this in-fighting, not my monkeys, not my circus ig.

Still though, sometimes it feels like shipping/seeing them as just family really just, leaves out nuance. I like seeing both ends because it's interesting! You don't have to, of course, but discrediting either ends is so boring. Especially in the case of DBH where there are so many endings (total of 85 people!), so many characters, so many possibilities. Being stuck on one interpretation feels redundant to the game.

Now, am I saying to not enjoy your favourite parts of the game? No! I'm not here to judge you! Create that blog about solely the ship or solely familial content! It's your blog! :D

Feel free to block out content you don't like, curate your space.

Just don't....discredit others for their own interpretation. Be kind, or at least tolerable.

Idk where I'm going with this post anymore. I'm Ms. Yapper and this is my yapping page, thats all I do here at this point XD.

Just be kind and enjoy your stuff! Quit fighting! (But don't confuse that with me saying don't have discourse or debates, those are fun too, talking and defending your POV, that's part of fandoms too, just don't attack one another unnecessarily)

[spot-splatter-splash]

Im petty and on day 4 or 5 (I lost count) of fighting allergies. Anyway.

I do not understand (in general across any fandom) people who call themselves fans of a franchise but hate reboots no matter what.

I'm not talking about disliking elements or major chunks of a reboot. Personal preference is valid. And I've seen my fair share of rough rides when a long standing series comes back in a monkey paw way and its lost a lot of its original charm.

I'm talking about the people who are adamant and hell bent of shooting something down just because its new. Some never even consume the reboot and others do with the sole purpose of finding everything wrong with it rather than acknowledging what it did well and sepearting that from where it went wrong.

Even I, someone who is the biggest hater and critic of 1 very specific Alice in Wonderland Movie acknowledge what that film does well despite loathing it.

Theres nuance to media. What happened to nuance? Its easy to say "the writing was poorly paced and the animation was clunky so I found it less visually appealing than the previous series" or "I don't particularly like the voice acting in this one because I'm so use to and attached the older one" and still say "but I did like xyz".

When I see critical posts of something I like I'm going to have a more open mind when someone acknowledges what they did like or elaborates on what they didnt in a manner that doesnt read like a tiktok comment section or a twitter thread. If you just say "this shit is trash and the old series was better" respect for your opinion no matter how eloquently you word the post from that point on pours from my body like a glass without a bottom.

And yes I am critical of the stuff I enjoy. So it's never a blind "well its perfect because I like it and youre all wrong" because I also have criticisms. Nothings perfect.

Im more inclined to trust people who have watched spin offs and reboots open mindedly because at the very least they can genuinely convey why they did or didnt like them. When people act holier than thou over not watching or not liking a reboot my first instinct tells me their kind of an asshole or at the very least not very fun to interact with. Some people make it their personality the CB fandom is horrible about this.

[tackyink]

Convention haul! There wasn't barely any BG3 merch and the only thing I was interested in was gone before I found the artist's table. Still, my poor wallet...

First is the last volume of a very cute fanzine I've been reading for years, two Ace Attorney prints and a DS charm with the least heterosexual lawyers ever, all by the Wonderpun folks, Paula and Diego, who I barely see once a year for five minutes but are really lovely and funny people. They are exquisite pun artists and regale us with fanzines solely dedicated to them, not to mention the constant stream Diego posts on Twitter. They also make assorted merch for Pokémon, Ace Attorney, Yakuza, Resident Evil... There's a ton, check them out yourselves. Here's their online shop. All the JJK stuff is from an artist that didn't include any kind of business card and now I can't send you to his social media. OTL The print and Geto charm are for a friend.

As if this were exonerating at all, I feel I should stress that the fanzine and all its extras were already paid for because I joined the crowdfunding campaign this summer.

I also picked up a cheap set of dice and Fire Emblem cipher cards because you know, it's been a long time since I spent any real money at a convention. Prices are inflated, you can buy everything off the internet nowadays, and I had left the Artist Alley pretty unscathed, so I knew I wasn't going to spend much more.

Then I found a retro videogames stand with Japanese imports. They had Vita games. Japanese otome Vita games.

THEY HAD THE ONE HAKOUKI GAME I'VE WANTED TO GET FOR 10 YEARS WHAT THE HELL

They also had Amnesia World for the same price and I thought about going back for it if I didn't spend a lot the following three days.

One shop had a bunch of YYH figures, including two I'd never seen of Hiei and Kurama that put together replicate the cover page of the Two Shots chapter, and sent a video to a friend who's a huge Hiei fan but couldn't make it to the con to ask if I should get it for her. She took three days to make a decision. More on this later.

After this, we found a place that sold vintage haori and I kind of fell in love at first sight with one. The sign said they were 30€ and up, but I have a vintage silk haori with some damage on the sleeves and that one was already 50€. I'd never seen one in good condition for less than 60€. Knowing that the price would be way out my budget, I asked anyway.

It was just 30€.

Excuse the shitty picture, but !!!! Those cranes!!! The lining!!!!!

And remember the lady who ran out of her stand to do my hair? This below was the result. 10/10 marketing tactic.

At this point I'm repeating over and over inside my head "This is fine" like the dog from the meme. I'm getting extra pay this month, no harm done, it's not like I spend money the rest of the year. This is it, I've already seen the entire venue, I'm immune to temptation, I'm probably not getting that second game. <-this is not foreshadowing

Before calling it a day, I asked my friends to try and find again the retro games shop to remember exactly where it was in case I wanted to go back, because the next days were going to be much busier and it's always difficult to move with so many people.

Turns out on the way there there was another import shop I had glossed over because it sold mostly trading cards and CDs, but I went to look at the table anyway because haha what's the harm you already know where this is going. (⊙x⊙;)

The harm was basically half the recent group discography of Quartet Night. ಥ_ಥ They were pretty cheap, but I painted over the price because I'm still embarrassed and pissed, why the hell did I have to look. I am now the not so proud owner of the Quartet Night single where they dressed the idols as bullfighters without shirts and I can't even be angry about it because the song was good. Look at this. The second hand embarrassment is killing me. Anyway! Not getting the game for sure.

The next two days passed without any further damages to my wallet, which were admittedly quickly forgotten as soon as I got tackled by the girl I totally don't have a crush on when she saw me dressed as Hancock and whose dinner I paid for only because she treated us to a lot of places when we visited her city this summer. That night, before the last day, I had to insist to my home-bound friend to make up her mind already because I couldn't be glued to the phone while wearing cosplay, pushing a wheelchair and socializing with people I only see twice a year.

I'd decided the first day I'd get the Kurama figure only if she told me to get her a Hiei as well. She sent me a text past 12 AM saying she wanted it. In the morning I receive a message from the friends I was arriving to the venue with every day saying that after three days they cannot fucking move and are tapped out. I cannot fucking move either because Hancock's shoes destroyed my feet, but I go anyway, as soon as I can, because I'm a woman on a mission to retrieve a friend's husbando.

I went straight to the shop before joining up with anybody else and the Hiei figure was gone from the display case, along with another Hiei, the only Kuwabara and one Kurama. Mission failed. I asked one of the sellers about the Kurama one and she told me all except the one on display were sold out, so there was no box, and it was for the best because I was able to store him inside my bag. Here he is. I'm jealous of his sweater.

After that, I joined my totally-not-a-crush for the rest of the morning and went to a panel where they gave us a bit of sake and Kobe beef while we waited for our other friends. The rest of the day went well, we saw a lot of people and said goodbye to everyone, and instead of going to the Korean BBQ place we had planned, the remaining four of us moved the dinner to the sandwich/pizza/crepe place across the street from our incapacitated friends.

I am now taking a vow of poverty until April.

[catsconflictscopicsandchamomile]

ok its been literally 15 minutes since the finale ended and im getting off the TOH tag.

I am SO DISAPPOINTED in a certain side of this fandom.

it took less than FIFTEEN MINUTES to see enough "lollllll lumity went canon and huntlow didn't, get WRECKED YOU STINKY STRAIGHTS LOL BURY UR GAYS UNO REVERSE LMAOOOOO HOW DOES IT FEEL NASTY ICKY BAD STRAIGHT SHIPPERS" posts to make me actually consider whether I'd rather the show have had a sad ending.

not bc of huntlow, i ship it but never put any hope or weight on it going canon. I'm not "anti-lumity" or whateverthefuck, I don't really think about ships that much in 99.9% of fandoms.

...yall are just extremely fucking

IMMATURE.

I'm queer. I understand how much pain we've dealt with even SOLELY in terms of media rep. I even understand the glee at the concept of "straightbaiting" actually being a thing that happened here.

I also understand the EXTREMELY JUSTIFIED concern and anger around some parts of the fandom seeming to abandon the BIPOC WLW main character/main ship in favor of the Sad Greasy White Boy Of The Week And His White Straight Girlfriend.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why so many "fans" are taking this EXTREMELY POSITIVE, LITERALLY GROUNDBREAKING and immediately turning it against their fellow fans. All this amazing rep, characterization, EVERYTHING and you still find a way to be cruel to your fellow fans.

this isn't a contest.

Lumity is canon.

Huntlow is not.

Huntlow was not a focus of the finale.

I can guarantee you that after that finale, NOBODY was thinking about Huntlow until yall started being fucking mean about it.

YOU brought up the thing you claimed to want the fandom to stop focusing on, for the SINGULAR PURPOSE of enacting some sort of "revenge" on shippers that you projected a whoooole lot of Racism, Homophobia, and Evil onto, despite:

Bi Hunter, Transmasc Hunter, Transfemme Willow, and T4T Huntlow all being EXTREMELY popular hcs/themes in and out of shipping context

A fair chunk of the fandom seeing Willow as BIPOC/East Asian -coded

ALL of the masc presenting queers w parental and/or religious trauma who have spoken out about how seen they feel bc of Hunter

I'm not saying Hunter was a perfect character. He definitely wasn't the main character, or even close.

I'm saying that yall have demonized this part of the fandom SO MUCH that after THAT FINALE.

*THAT. FINALE.*

your FIRST INSTINCT was to ATTACK THEM

over the SHIP (I REPEAT MYSELF) THAT YOU SAID YOU WANTED PPL TO STOP TALKING ABOUT.

I was having a really fun, good, genuine amazing time freaking my shit over Titan!Luz, and Lumity, and Raeda, and King and The Collector and TITAN LUZ!!!!!

yknow. all the stuff the finale was actually about.

and now I'm thinking mainly of huntlow (or at least the discourse around it), angry, and extremely sad that my experience of this finale has been ruined

and that this fandom is the latest to fall into the trap of "blame other fans for actual systemic oppression, regardless of whether or not they are actually upholding it."

I don't know how to get it through your heads that a heavily T4T-headcanoned, likely biracial-coded ship that is CANONICALLY a healing narrative for trauma survivors

is not fucking reylo.

this Evil In Fandom you're angry at 1000% exists but it sure as fuck isn't here.

unless there's a Secret Second Huntlow Fandom That Is Evil And Racist And Hates Lumity that idk abt, this is just a group of sad queer kids sitting next to your own group of sad queer kids

and despite me seeing ZERO ACTUAL HUNTLOW COMMENTS ABOUT THE FINALE * AT ALL *

you, whatever side of the fandom is doing this (I honestly don't know who is making these posts) aren't proving, winning, fixing or righting anything

you're going over to another side of the fandom whose ship didnt go canon

and with ZERO PROVOKATION

you're making them feel like shit for it.

why???

WHY??????

yall "won". you won as much as you can possibly win here. everybody loves the finale. nobody is giving anything but overwhelming love, happy tears, joy and awe to "your" win.

but you still felt the need to make sure someone, somewhere, knew that they "lost".

sry im just so angry at this rn. i was having so much fun. what the fuck is this kind of behavior supposed to prove?

also btw to be clear this is NOT DIRECTED AT ALL OR MOST LUMITY SHIPPERS, LUZ STANS, ETC. ITS NOT EVEN DIRECTED AT "HUNTLOW-ANTIS" EXCEPT THE *SPECIFIC PEOPLE* WHO CHOSE TO USE THE FINALE TO BASH ON OTHERS.

AS FOR THOSE SPECIFIC PEOPLE:

YOU SUCK!!!!!! Thanks for ruining this fantastic experience for me by being a piece of shit on main over some "shipper" crap im not even in.

[pasharuu]

my process of making a comic for public vk ask is precise: pick a question, get the general idea and make a silly doodle teasing it, brainstorm about that (i usually write it up so i wont forget everything in a second), compose and finally illustrate. so today i wanna show you one of the brainstorms. i usually write these up just along the way, noting everything that comes to my mind, and in russian of course, but this time i made it as clean as possible, and also as short as possible... these are sometimes super massive, especially if i get to theorizing (i usually do). its just a funny thing to share because i too think that my texts are very absurd fr. and also its a practice, i have english exam in less than a month. alright, lemme copy and paste it from my memos and pretend we're getting started.

=======

so there is an age old question lying in arana's askbox (literally september 2nd.. and its unanswered, luckily for me) that is basically about why arana ended up befriending rana, and the person specified how could she become so devoted solely to rana. when i saw that, i once again confirmed to myself how poorly people know the story of aranyaka, but im not mad about that at all, its rather an opportunity for me to tell a story! simply answering the question with a little of a correction would be too boring, so i decided that i will only use post-aranyaka arana as a talking head to make things more interesting. the key is that she had forgotten everything we learned during the questline, so with that she will only have to assume stuff. stories are a thing, of course, but a very different thing. so this is a setup that hopefully will make things more intriguing. with that said, let me try to solve a problem the asking person stated previously to debut myself.

first of all, i want to state why arana is not devoted solely to rana. she actually told us otherwise: she is basically a babysitter for all the children of vimara village, probably she's even been caring for generations of them considering how old she is. plus, rana is an adult and she cant see aranara, and so arana. arana still does watch over her, but she doesnt hang out with her anymore. with such a summation theres no way arana would be dedicated only to rana. we get to focus on rana because she is in trouble, and thats how things always go: when someone is ill, they need more care to get healthy again. arana is just committing a genuine help in a serious situation, just like she did with iotham by the way.

so the little misunderstanding is solved, now moving onto the difficult part. how will arana explain herself? of course i will not let rana speak majorly, best at all even. this is the difficulty, because rana is the one who remembers. arana still must be aware of being friends with rana and the children from the village in the past, but lets get into her perspective for a moment.

its a cool concept to have someone who barely knows the subject to talk about that subject: they will make mistakes, make assumptions, be unsure about their statements, etc. meanwhile everyone else are well aware about the subject, so they will notice all the inaccuracy. just let arana assume! let her make as many wrong statements as possible, but end up being sure about one thing: rana is still dear to her no matter what. perhaps she doesnt fully realize the value of this connection, but this is not important. despite aranara being largely focused on memories, arana lives the current moment, and that may be why she rejected on becoming vasara tree, to live freely and feel this current moment. i went kinda philosophical about this, but thats a necessary part. this is basically what i want to say with this, a moral of the story. sure thing the past may be dear to you, but you will never have an opportunity go back there, doomed to stay in the present. however, its up to you what you want this present to be, to make it a precious past one day.

lmao this is literally where i might end playing role of arana for making the most philosophically filled comic of all i ever made. only have to compose it well now, which is even harder than this brainstorming to me, so now i retreat and start making the idea alive, because all the previous steps are completed.

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

Fetenhits: Neue Deutsche Welle 1998 Neue Deutsche Welle / New Wave / Synthpop / Post-Punk / Pop-Rock / Pop

Only a small handful of songs from Germany's new wave scene (neue Deutsche welle, or NDW for short) ever really successfully spilled over onto the US charts; I mean, all we ever really got were Nena's "99 Luftballons," Peter Schilling's English-language version of "Major Tom," and Falco's "Rock Me, Amadeus," which are all excellent musts for any 80s new wave/synthpop classics playlist. But beyond those few, not much else really comes to mind.

But as this 1998 double-disc set from the Polystar label's Fetenhits series clearly demonstrates, the greatness that was NDW went far beyond just that small crop of tunes. And if you love new wave music—that is, lighthearted, positively upbeat, adorably goofy and dancy fusions of rock guitar with simple synth melodies from the 80s—then you will cherish this release, because that's exactly what it's made of. And 97.5% of it (I pulled out a calculator to get that number) happens to be sung in German, a language whose vocalists on this release seem to be fully cognizant is not the most elegant of tongues, which is something that they tend to gleefully lean in to, thus further enhancing this album's overall charm.

Take "Ich will Spaß" by German one-hit wonder Markus, for example. This guy sounds like he's singing this thing with a smile on his face because he knows just how ridiculous he sounds in both his voice and language. But there's this sheen of silly irresistibility to it all anyway, thanks to not only his own singing, but the naturally nostalgia-triggering synth work that goes along with it. And evidently, the Germans loved this song a lot, having pushed it all the way to #1, and now too, so do I; it’s really catchy.

And that's just one example of the early 80s fun that's on here. Nena also end up delivering two other great songs in addition to "99 Luftballons": their debut single, "Nur geträumt" and their epic "Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann," which starts out sounding like an 80s action movie or Miami Vice-type score with its extended instrumental intro before transitioning into the band's exquisite brand of synthpop-rock that they became especially known for conjuring.

Somewhat surprisingly though, Falco's aforementioned "Rock Me Amadeus" isn't on here, but "Der Kommissar" is, and I'm willing to bet that if you're from an English-speaking country, then you're far more likely to be familiar with the English-language cover by After the Fire that got put into heavy rotation on MTV than you are the original German-language version by Falco himself. It's great and it also happens to be currently rolling around in my head as I write this post 😄.

Other things worth mentioning? Well, there's this bit of sci-fi futurism called "Codo" by a band named DÖF that starts to sport this backing vocal melody at the 50-second mark that actually sounds eerily similar to the lead melody from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme song, which came out more than a decade after the NDW hit did. Queue it up and you'll hear it. And also, if you're wondering why on earth there's a polar bear featured on the cover of this album, it's solely because of Grauzone's beautifully strange "Eisbär," which translates to "polar bear" and is phonetically pronounced simply as "ice bear." Minimal verses and clattering choruses of discordantly clanging guitar and bleep-bloop synths on that one; just some lovely, distinctively German stuff right there 🥰.

I've never really delved into much NDW before, but this release feels like as good an entry point as any. And it seems like an excellent retrospective on the whole era too. Don't sleep on Joachim Witt, Hubert Kah, or Ideal either. Lots of great acts on here that represent this German wing of mostly early 80s new wave.

Highlights:

CD1:

Nena - "99 Luftballons" Peter Schilling - "Major Tom" Joachim Witt - "Goldener Reiter" Spider Murphy Gang - "Skandal im Sperrbezirk" Hubert Kah - "Sternenhimmel" Markus - "Ich will Spaß" Extrabreit - "Hurra, hurra, die Schule brennt" Ideal - "Blaue Augen" UKW - "Ich will" Steinwolke - "Katherine, Katherine" DÖF - "Codo" Hubert Kah - "Rosemarie" Falco - "Der Kommissar" Grauzone - "Eisbär"

CD2:

Nena - "Nur geträumt" Peter Schilling - "Terra Titanic" Ideal - "Berlin" Fehlfarben - "Ein Jahr (Es geht voran)" Joachim Witt - "Tri Tra Trullala (Herbergsvater)" Paso Doble - "Computerliebe (Die Module spielen verrückt)" Nena - "Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann"

[thecouchsofa]

can i ask what other fics you have in the works? not in a i-demand-that-you-write-and-allow-me-to-consume-your-art kinda way but just out of curiosity! i read your most recent fic yesterday and was once again soooo happy to see that you were producing such lovely work. nobody writes a kid!fic like you (pointing at the lesson of you LOL) SO i am mostly just being a wee bit greedy. thank u for all the time and effort you've put into Constellations!

Thank you for reading ❤️

I've got a few things that are already finished, a few things that are half finished, and way too many ideas that may or may not ever get off the ground!

More details under the cut for those interested !

Stuff that's finished: something for Suds Fest that just needs a bit of editing magic - will go up in the second half of October; a PWP that is just pure hate sex because I needed a change after so much emotional smut; a little body horror thing that's based off of this post that I surprised myself with how much I enjoyed writing and reading. It's, like, really dark but I kind of love it! I'll probably post that one sometime around Halloween because spooky vibes.

Stuff that's half finished: something for the Rare Pair Fest; something medium length that is just called 'one-upmanship' in my docs folder - working synopsis is 'not backing down in the face of adversity (or cock)'; a longer story that I first outlined back in 2018 that I took another look at this year and went a little insane over - basically Draco gets locked into courting Harry during Eighth Year without intending to. It's got humor, expensive gifts, understandable confusion, and an assload of pureblood traditions. Maybe smut, I haven't decided yet (although I said the same thing to myself when I started writing Brightest Constellations, that it would be 60kish and T rated, and look how that turned out).

I've been toying with the idea of doing a canon rewrite for ages, though I'm not sure if I'll ever actually get around to it. I have - I wish I was joking - 40k in a word document that is solely planning and notes about canon divergence options. My planning doc for Brightest Constellations was around 20k at its biggest, so that's mildly terrifying. That fic basically took over my life for the three months it took to write it, so I definitely need a break before giving anything else like that a go!

I tend to jump around as inspiration strikes - which is why I never post anything until it's complete - so chances are there'll be other things that get posted before the stuff that's half finished.

Thanks for the question and for allowing me to ramble! ❤️

[makahimetenshi]

Follow me inside the wastelands - Chapter 17  -Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor Fanfic

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14242575/17/Follow-me-inside-the-wastelands

Alright people we are getting into the final stage…not final chapters because I kinda counted how much they will be and I expect ten or more…

This will be a short one, just an intro of whats comming

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

Maybe a couple of hours later, Arthur wake up just to find himself alone in bed. He sighted, for him it was normal because that wasn’t his bed and he had the right to wake up in the middle of the night uncomfortable. He put on some pants and started walking around the house, he even thought on asking the robot where the woman was around until Dogmeat appeared in his way in the middle of the hallway…in the middle of the night

Oh hello, he hasn’t seen the dog since they arrived.

The animal look at him and started walking, for some reason his brain told him to follow him and there she was, sitting in a chair in the garden of her house with just a blue bathrobe with a cup of apparently coffee for what his nose told him.

Who should he fear most? The creepy dog of the robot? He knocked on the wall so she wouldn’t get scared and shoot him with one of her secret well hidden pistols, damn he didn’t even now if  when they weren’t in  bed she isn’t armed but she always holds a gun.

-Nora come back to bed, you worked a lot yesterday –unlike him, she didn’t take a nap to arrive safely, she take guards and shoot creatures on the way here

-Mmm you are too warm for this weather night, im just enjoying the breeze out here

-Its kinda cold

-Yeah, that’s why the coffee

He sighted and pull a chair next to her, opening it and sitting at her side, the woman takes his hand making him blush.

-What time is it?

-Almost six, you want some breakfast? –he denied with the head- im sorry, there’s no yummy donuts around here- that make him worry, what was she going to eat?

-What are we doing the rest of the day?

-Well at night a ventibird can pick you up there no problem at that

-Pick me? You are not coming?

-No, I have things to do around here, Minutemen stuff, but ill be soon around –he went all sad, he wasn’t ready to separate again, he was now so…used to her presence and company…

-Be careful –he only said, not having the balls to tell her to stay with him.

Being a Minutemen General was a blessing in some aspects and a curse in others…

-I have something planned for the day –she said- but you have to promise me that this will stay between us until im ready to let it go –Arthur went all stranged, but picked her hand over his hand with the other one, securing it, warming their hands, wow, she was letting a secret go to him specially that kinda never happened

-Of course, not the brotherhood or no one else until you told me you want to share it openly–alright this may be something that…or it is too important or it can improve something for the brotherhood but if she asked him to shut up he will.

-Well go after lunch alright? –he nodded, caressing the hand on top of his- is not that far from here.

She open to him, this was excellent.

Not so much later, they went back to sleep in the bedroom, and despite Arthur waking up because he take a nap on the trip, he didn’t move from Noras side who was calmy sleeping in the other side on the bed, he just stay there, looking at her. Saving into his memory this calm moments. The curves of her waist, the  lines of her bones on the skin,  the difference of color between her face and her body from all the sunlight, the shine of her black hair, the rhythm of her calm breathing…yes, he can have this at the Prydwen too inside his quarters but this was different, this was Noras place, her environment, maybe not his favorite or the most secure but it was her, today it wasn’t about him it was all about her and he was willing to take the time to appreciate it.

Near to the noon, Nora wasn’t yet awake so he lost his fear  to get up and talk to the mister handy robot, Codsworth was it? And ask him for some bread and meat from yesterday, his petition was well received with a non radiated box of insta-smash as a gift and…

-Ill go ask around for some meat left from the barbecue for you both around the neighbors, I know its hard to invite my Maam to a meal but since I don’t eat I cannot judge.

-Why do you call her Maam? –he asked turning his voice low to not wake her up even if they were in another room

-Well when Mr Nate bought me Maam was 6 months pregnant already, my programming told me to call pregnant womans and mothers Mum, but after Maam told me about the death of the young Shaun boy I figured out that since he was her only son that would be a terrible lack of respect, so I call it for Maam, like madam.

Arthur never got the full story about Noras son, she never said much -So her son is dead? –he asked just with curiosity, as far he understand he went missing forever after the kidnapping

-She told me he died almost 2 years ago –he swallowed saliva, that didn’t have any sense, that would mean that she found him dead near to the institute destruction or died in that event, it took her two years to find that infant? He breathed in, trying to connect pieces in his head but still it was all too complicated, and despite all sounding like fantasy, he knew that crazy things can happened in the wastelands.

-Right...-he babble low, looking at the other abandoned room at his side, the room that must be…the old babys room.

-Ill go in my way to find your lunch sir

Does she lies a lot? Does she say half lies? She tells different historys to different people to protect them all from the truth? Or it was all just too complicated?

When Nora wake up she was received in bed with a tasty meal, Brahmin meat heated from yesterday barbecue and warm insta-smash. She looked happy at the non radiated food so he avoided showing…all the conflict in his head and just let her fill her stomach in peace, they can worry later, she had something to show him it take surely months of work to open herself like that to him and he will not lose the chance she was giving him to get closer and understand each other better.

So after eating lunch and trying the hot water of the shower now together and well rested: that was nice, good work, apparently him around was an special occasion to use it and relax while getting a bit playful with the hands. They dressed up to go on her surprise. He get on the black vest and slacks she suggested yesterday night and she…on a casual outfit.

-Itsn that a little boring? You have amazing dresses here I would love to see you on.

-It has a reason, you will understand there

Alright, he wouldn’t say more.

It was the afternoon when they arrived, just a few meters up the hill, not so far from Sanctuary, goddam close actually. This was what Preston told him about, what the notebook mention. Nora had an entire vault for herself.

No wonder she see the first bombs and was able to survive with her family, she had a vault waiting for them next to her house, even if it was a trap from Vaul-Tec.

This place had a lot of negative weight for her, the fact that she was willing to open that much only for him was gripping, he appreciates it besides of the fact that she could trap him forever with no possibility of escaping ever again. She took his hand and both standed on the platform that will move them underground, just a few pipboy connections over there and there and…they were moving, Arthur spine shiver going down on that grave that sealed people for eternity.

It still had energy, it was clean, the time didn’t go rough on this structures, they were in such a good state, the supplies look like they are in their original places, it was all abandoned…Alright he gets why Nora told him that this just needed to be between her and him only, not the brotherhood. Its true that an entire sealed vault in good state is such a treasure of old technology and living conditions, that the entire air smelled and feeled totally different on his lungs, that…there was no trace of radiation on his skin right now, this immaculate vault would be such a treasure for the brotherhood if she allowed him to use it…But no.

He felt her eyes on his neck, and he just  tight his grip on her hand. Not today. She trusted him.

-Whatever you wanna show me im ready –he said to reassure her, moving her hand a bit, she smiled sad and just walked.

And both walked and walked.

The thoughts of the benefit to the brotherhood that this vault could give them…he pushed those ideas away, not now, not in front of her, not in this moment, only when she allows it. The vault is not going to move anyway and he isn’t gonna lost his position as elder not in a near future, if Nora was showing him this is was because she had plans for this vault, the brotherhood, the minutemen, and them. She always had plans for everything.

So many question, does it has pure water? How does it get it? The energy where does it comes from? It has clean fabrics and bedsheets? What about the hardrives with information? But not now,  not now.

They turn around a corner and see…so…this must be it, the stories he heard about. The cryo pods.

-Hi honey…-she said low, her voice doing echo in the room, Arthur had a chill when the echo crushed against his body too- its been a long time since I been here, I had it rought lately –Arthur didn’t know to which pod she was talking but he was just there…listening respectfully- well you must imagine after I told you how life turned in our old neighborhood, you wanted for Shaun to live in a chill place but you cant control everything, ill guess well have to move –this was sad, hearing Noras monologue make him sad- I still didn’t find our dog, but I adopted another…I swear it doesn’t sleep on the bed, its very well behaved and obeys –oh, she never mentioned a dog together, a mascot –anyway the last time I was here to ask you I was alone and….it didn’t turn well –she sobbed, he was looking at her back but she was sobbing, meaning she will surely cry soon- it didn’t turn well at all but now…Nate do you believe I can try to be happy? I miss you badly, I miss our life so much but I also…miss…to be loved…-Oh nonono, Arthur walked slowly and loudly, making her know that he was close, hugging her from behind, wrapping his arms around as he felt her sobbing and breathing hard, she let herself be hugged- I want to try again, and I want  this time to work, the last time I ask you I thought it would go fine…but it went horrible…now I wanna try it again, even if it doesn’t last –Arthur hugged her tighter nonono he didn’t want her to have those kind of fears, they will last, if she allow it they will last forever- I loved you until death pull us apart and beyond that, I wanna try to be happy again, can i? Nate? Please just answer…–he stayed silence, caressing lightly her shoulders with his fingers, not overstepping, not pushing himself on top of her, not trying to stand out or call her attention, nono, this was her moment, if she needed him, he was there, but not more.

If she asked, he would give her the world, but not now, she was doing this herself only.

She cried and sobbed, and he stayed behind, she did it until her knees failed and she fall to the ground, Arthur anticipated this by seeing it before and pick her by the waist, helping her to get down slowly without crushing hard and getting hurt, just staying in the back, placing a hand on her back to feel her accelerating breathing but nothing more. She cried and sobbed, many many more, hugging herself, cleaning her eyes from tears and salivating to not have her mouth all dry. It passed some time before she just sat there, in silence, regulating her breath to normal before throwing her back lightly to him, who only took one of her hands and caress it slowly with the thumb. Her grieve was still there, but she was regulating it to pass away and continue the day.

She will get up and walk back from were they came from, leaving the place  with the cryo pods behind, Arthur look one last time, still not recognizing which one was Nate inside because all the windows were covered in snow.

They will get out the vault, he said didn’t say goodbye to that old wonderful technology but…see you later, now Nora was the most important thing. Both walked in silence back to Sanctuary Hills, he was just behind her, waiting for some king of signal. Not gonna lie this was stressful, he didn’t want to see her suffer like that but this was her personal grief and she only allowed him to be around, not participate, not asked him anything, not inviting him to the  “conversation”, and that was okay he can help just being there, it was stressful to see her suffer and not do more but it wasn’t the first time he had this moments. And it was important to be around her if she needed it.

When they reached inside her house, the woman knee down from bellow a sofa and take out a fusion core, grabbing Arthurs hands to put it on, he lookdown confused and a bit hurt.

-Nora…-he said, and she shake her head in denial.

-Go home, Ill be back in the Prydwen in a couple of weeks –what? Two weeks? Three? How much? A couple is not a number and that’s…long…-I promise

-Are you okay? –he asked just taking the fusion core and looking down sad, she raised a bit his chin and give him a soft, chap, simple and loooooong kiss on the lips, closing her eyes enjoying the moment before separating, it was difficult for both since he wouldn’t let her lips go.

-Im alright im glad you were there with me –she said with a soft smile and…he get it, she needs the time alone.

-Whenever you need me ill be around –she nodded and went to hug him, he hugged back, sniffing into her hair, oh boy he was going to miss her this weeks

-The last person I went down to do that didn’t stick around much longer i…fear…I fear for you…-when her voice cracked Arthur moved her to rest onto his chest, hide between his arms-I fear for this to end horribly…

-It wont end, I promise it –was this a moment to properly declare? She was practically asking for a love confession, for a promise to be together forever, for a bond to wrap their destinys and…but it wasn’t correct, she was emotional, vulnerable and sad right now, it would be manipulation to put another cargo she was obliged to respond, no, they were going to have better and happy moments together, many more. Now he knew she had this desires…he felt secure, he can correspond accodrly to this wishes, he can give her what she is needing, and specially he can stay around.

Who was the another person? The one she presented to her friends and asked to her dead husband? It didn’t matter, both were together wanting to love freely the other one and he couldn’t ask for more.

She separated, leaving a long smooch on his cheek –Get on your power armor, well go to the Red Rocket station, we cleared the place from cars specially for ventibirds to arrive there –he nodded sad but do as he was told, she disappeared into a room and came out with his black suit and  boots, same with a  ventibird red signal –go home safely tonight.

-I was…thinking in something lately –he said as getting inside the power armor, helmet on and everything- theres a house at Croup Manor that you apparently reservated?

-Yeah, always do that in my settlements to have my stuff secured and saved, I cant go to the other point of the map to get a fatman, that wouldn’t be practical, Preston also sleeps there when he is around the place, a Generals private quarters, nothing that strange.

-What if i…make some renovations in that place and secure it? For you or us when we are around? Theres no furniture or enclosures, the place is not fully sealed and the rooft is at terrible conditions, just make the place more liveable

-Sounds like a cool project, all right, I expect you to make the renovations but I don’t have much faith in the decoration –she said laughing, oh he will miss her laugh this weeks

They separated, and he couldn’t do more than feel extremely sad for their time together getting over but…shell come back, she promised it.

Three weeks later, Nora appeared one morning in the nursery of the Prydwen without giving any explanations or telling anyone about her arrival and had a little private chat with Knight Cade but when the man agreed to take the blood sample and send her where the nurses where working and would take her blood sample…she open the curtains and find the elder sitting on a gurney on underwear with three nurses around.

-Nora! –he said all happy not believing that she was just standing right in front of him after so long, but then his brain froze for some seconds and processed the situation around not wanting any problems after not seeing each other for three weeks and having no context of this situatuion –I can explain

The way his face melted in distress make Nora laught a bit of how funny it was but still…-what are you doing? –even the three nurses frozen in their places.

-Im doing my annual check up… -he said completely frozen in his place, ok this was a bad place he can see it but the nurses were doing it much worse than necessary.

-Of STDS? –my my the sentinel had an unexpected trail of jealousy he doesn’t see often but then her face changed at seeing the cuts all around his body where the nurses are working -Hey no what’s that all about? –she asked getting closer to get a look but one of the nurses that had a facemasks put a hand  between them both asking her to make space, so she did, respecting their work but…

-Nora wait a sec please, it’s a delicate procedure –she nodded and went back were she standed, worried as the nurse that specifically  will do the blood extraction for her came inside the room.

-Whats happening? –she asked as the woman worked to take off the arm of her shirt and armor, liberating the skin to work on the vein what will be extracted wrapping a glove around the superior part of her arm.

-Nothing serious, is just the checking of my tech modifications –the sentinel blinked her eyes a lot of times, her heart stopped and sinked down in a void.

-Your what? –she said with her mind spinning in circles. Nonononono that can’t be

-I had some mods in my body: “assisted, even enhanced, by advanced technology” –Arthur look at her from head to toes with disapproval, she wasn’t wearing a brotherhood uniform around the Prydwen today! Some civilians clothes and a gunners armor were the most inappropriate not to also say dangerous to be wandering in the commonwealth alone for weeks!

That couldn’t be. He couldn’t order her to kill Danse while having them. Even after killing Danse if was just wrong.

-What? Tech modifications? What do you have on you? –she asked genuinely worried, but not specifically about him. The nurse want her to stop moving and talking like this was a cafeteria, she only needed a blood sample! A vein and that’s all!

Nononononono it couldn’t be, this son of a bitch couldn’t make her kill Danse and be this hypocrite. He was as robot as the synth!

-One that makes me stretch and not get hurt, I can spin and turn my limbs without getting hurt in bad movements, I sweat less because I lost less water so ill stay hidrated further, my eyes had some modifications that makes see life more illuminated and bright, I can hear really low sounds…with others –Nora sat still in her place and finally the nurse was able to sink the needle in her vein.

It really can’t be. He was just like Kellog.

Ahhhh…she didn’t feel the needle, her mind went to somewhere else thinking in all of this.

-Since when do you have them? –she asked trying to hide the horror of her discovery on her face, making it pass as it was the blood extraction the problem.

Her chest hurted bad. She wanted to run off that place to cry and hyperventilate on her quarters alone and isolated, how could he lie to her like that? He was no different from Kellog, or even Danse, he was as robotic as him. And she killed him because he commanded her to do it. No, that wasn’t the real reason and she knew it goddamwell.

-It started when I become elder almost 10 years ago –Arthur noticed something strange on her face as the nurses keeping checking the incisions on his skin, rare to see at least –with the amount of drugs you consume I wouldn’t expect you to have a fear of needles

-I do fear –she said, swallowing a cry, to make it pass as a breathing in to reassure herself, laughing and crying a little bit at the same time, she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Arthur keep inspecting her, she was acting weird. The nurse finished taking the blood sample but she didn’t stop, the rhythm of her breathing changed and it was noticeable.

-Why are you here at the nursery anyway? You didn’t contact me and nobody tell me that you were around or even close–each of his words were torture, but as soon the nurse put her the little cotton and the tape she stand on her feet. Looking at the situation over Arthurs gurney.

Nora almost puked.

There was a lot of chips and micro electronic tools in the gurney, same with little wires and even a welder connected, those chicks weren’t nurses, they were scribes, ready to do and work on anything. They were…fixing…Maxson, instead of curing him…below his armpits, behind his head, on his calves and biceps…and there was closed cuts everywhere. The cuts were so tiny that when they were in bed she thought the little lines were scars or sratches!

-I barely reached the airport, im not feeling well –said Nora and she wasn’t lying, she was at the edge of splattering the floor in vomit- Cade insisted in a blood sample but…I already had the medication, im going to take a nap and wait for the medication to do its effects- she did lie…partially on that, and while sleeping and crying, if she ever reached to sleep she will wait the exam results, now more than ever better not be what she feared.

-Are you hurt? –the man asked worried as a nurse used a mini screwdriver on the back of his head.

Oh no nonononono. His face really showed how worried he was for her but…

The spectacle was too much, she can’t. She shot Danse for this.

-No –she tried to said with a smile, but her feet’s failed making her turn down  awkwardly in direction to the door-im just…dizzy…I didn’t eat anything today…-lies, she was hurt but only in the insides, she was betrayed.

-Well this time it was only lucky since Cade wanted to take a sample and you need to do fasts for that but eat something before swallowing the medication –the elder look at her way of standing, she was trembling and definitely not okay

She may be hurt, it wouldn’t surprise him in that civils clothes, that small armor wouldn’t protect much.

-Ill go to rest, it was a long night of walking…-she said not looking at him, the elder was worried what was going on? He expected their reunion to be more…animated? She was really that sick? It was radiation? Hunger? Some infection? He was worried for her but…

-I have work to do all the noon, ill check on your quarters to have dinner together alright? I didn’t expect you at all today –it was true it was morning early, if she arrived just now  from walking all night as her habit is she must be exhausted, much worse if she is sick! –rest soldier, rest well, eat something before taking your medicines, take your time –his voice was so caring and nice, she cant believe this was happening, this was the voice she was…nonono this cant be! This is a nightmare!

-Yes elder –she said with her voice broken before leaving the room.

Her back fall against one of the metal doors as her teeth’s crashed against each other, trying to suppress the crying to not be heard. Better fucking not be what she was suspecting.

The hand whose arm hadn’t been punctured went to claw and scratch the cotton and the tape on the nude one with fury, feeling how her nails moved on the injured skin because of how her chest was moving up and down so fast, making her entire body tremble

She killed Danse for this? A man enjoying the wonders of technology had the balls to execute a synth that was  only loyal to the brotherhood since his very first memories!? Oh Danse…

Arthur never told her anything of this, never mentioned. Things would be so much different it she knew that aspect of him early…

Or maybe…

By night at dinner time, the elder didn’t found the sentinel in her quarters and apparently by the ventibirds registers on the deck she left again. Also left the airport too.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #133

When did you last drink coffee? I've never truly drank coffee, just tried it a few times and thought it was disgusting each instance.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. Yesterday, a little bit. My sister posted something on Facebook that's happened at work over the past week or so, and it just warmed my fucking heart so much and reminded me yet again my sister is a real-life superhero, like very literally.

What was the last beach you visited and when? Carolina Beach, more than likely. Maaaaaaany years ago.

What book do you plan to read next? The next WoF book is Darkness of Dragons, the last book in this specific arc.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? Uh the first one that actually came to mind was Violet from The Incredibles haha, primarily as a teenager though. As I am now, I majorly relate to the character Clearsight in the WoF series, probably more than any other fictional character I've encountered. I resonate quite a bit with Kiara from TLK too, always wanting peace and to follow her heart no matter what.

What's in your fridge right now? List as many things as you can think of. Uh there's milk, yogurt, cheese, water, I'm sure lunch meat, lettuce and I think other veggies, condiments, etc. Our fridge is actually pretty full right now, definitely more than usual.

If you could have any artist, living or dead, paint your portrait, who would it be? Absolutely Nana Qi, much more popularly known as puffygator in online spaces. She makes THE cutest art I've ever seen absolutely anywhere, I am a ginormous fan of her work and I think if anyone has any chance of making me look even REMOTELY cute, it's her, haha. I basically BEG you to check her out.

Do you smell anything in particular right now? No.

Do you make enough money to live comfortably? [can be in combination with a spouse] I personally make zero money, so. My mom doesn't though, we're technically considered impoverished. We survive solely off her disability right now. I'm trying so damn hard to find a job so I can actually be financially useful.

What is one thing you like about your appearance? Don’t say nothing! I just like my hair, or at least how healthy it is and its general style. Not happy with the color right now, but.

What would you like to tell your father? I wish I saw you more. It's not just his fault, though.

What would you like to tell your mother? Thank you for absolutely everything you do to keep me safe, happy, and healthy.

Whose was the last wedding you went to? Bethany and Spencer's as the photographer.

What is your greatest fear? Living alone on the streets.

What is a chronic health issue you deal with, even if it’s minor? I think depression is the longest-lasting and the one that has most heavily affected my life.

What was your college major? If applicable. It changed between Game Design, Photography, Wildlife Biology, and then Art/Photography again.

What new place have you been to recently? Nowhere, lol. I basically never go to new places.

What are you a geek about? Meerkats, Silent Hill, tarantulas, snakes, Rammstein if u didn't already kno, Shadow of the Colossus, other stuff. But those listed are the primary topics I can think of where if you bring them up I will share E V E R Y T H I N G I know under the sun about them lmfao

What is something you have no patience for? Anti-LGBTQ+ opinions and behaviors. Like you are immediately JUST garbage to me.

What celebrity would you want to go out for a meal/drinks with? None realistically, bit too personal an occasion for someone I don't personally know at all. Well, unless it was like, Bindi Irwin lmao, I would take basically any opportunity to get to know her and be friends. It'd be a lot less awkward of an idea because she's not a celebrity that I "like" in a romantic/sexual sense, either, I just think she's fucking incredible and such an icon of love and goodness.

Are you happy with your weight? Hell fucking no, sick and tired of it.

When did you last hold a baby, if ever? Whose? Over three years ago when my niece Emerson was born.

How many cats do you have? One.

How many dogs do you have? One.

How many other pets do you have? One (champagne ball python).

How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I haven't yet, and I don't really think I ever will just with how fucking terrified I am of driving; it's just a fear I don't think I can conquer. I COULD NOT survive killing someone if I was involved in a car crash, like I'd just straight-up fucking kill myself. My panic makes me a dangerously passive driver, and people who know they can't drive in a safe, confident (NOT to be confused with aggressive) manner don't need to be on the road. I'm very well aware of how inconveniencing it is for others that I can't drive, especially with where I live (public transport really isn't a regular or widespread thing), but I'd prefer to not kill or cripple somebody.

What year did you graduate high school? 2014.

What is the first number of your zip code? Two.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? Zero.

What is your favorite number? Honestly don't really have one. I like the dark myths of the number 13, but I don't have a strong fondness for it or anything.

How many kids do you want? IF I have children, I can't visualize a world where I have more than two.

How many apartments have you lived in? As an official, legal resident, zero, but basically two.

What age do people say you look? Very early 20s. Actually the artist who did my new tattoo thought I was like, literally 19 lmfao thanks I guess

Do you feel like your family accepts you for who you are? For the most part. I'm confident my mom fully does, but idk about the others.

Do you feel like your friends accept you for who you are? Yes. I have more liberty in picking my friends; if my friends that I choose aren't willing to accept me, uh bye, our "friendship" is a waste of time.

Who is the best doctor you’ve ever had? The psychiatrist that very literally turned my life around when I began my partial hospitalization program. I stayed with him for many years until insurance made it so I could no longer see him. This is actually what resulted in me being hospitalized again last March; I was so devastated and scared of leaving the ONE mental health professional that REALLY made a difference for me that I became suicidal again. He is an incredible professional with what seemed like a totally unending well of medical knowledge. In the same hospital, when I did the PHP a second time, the therapist that most regularly worked with me was my favorite I've ever had as well; I totally desperately wanted to stay with him once the program was over, but sadly he worked exclusively in that. I wanna emphasize I've been seeing psychiatrists and therapists since the 7th grade (who are around 12 or 13, and I'm 27 now), like I've seen SO FUCKING MANY, so calling you my favorite carries an insane amount of weight.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Yes actually, while driving. It was a truck of teenage boys and when they (illegally) passed, multiple of them stuck their hand out the window to do it. My mom was fucking furious lmao, she did it right back.

Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not many that I have a personal problem against; most are actually people my mother has asked me to block for a variety of reasons so they have no tabs on my family's lives. Then there's random people who've sent random suspicious or gross messages.

Do you consider yourself spiritual? To a degree. Like I do believe some sort of soul/"essence" of us exists, but that's the end of it. I know nothing about that realm or even if it really exists at all, and I worship nothing or hold nothing as truly holy or whatever.

Do you consider yourself religious? Absolutely not.

Are you afraid of spiders? No, not really; I actually love spiders, especially tarantulas, but I'm not going to pretend that if a big spider just randomly went down my arm I wouldn't freak out for a second, just because I hadn't been expecting it and most of my life I was scared of spiders, so the instinct to be startled is still there.

Are you afraid of snakes? I absolutely adore snakes with all my heart.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? Not exactly; I think everyone knows I like men and women, but I'm sure there are family members who'd still call me bi because they don't know I later realized I was really pan, AND I know there are a number who don't even know what pansexuality is lmao.

What is one thing you find offensive? Using the word "retarded" to insult someone's intelligence. My respect for you will fucking PLUMMET.

Do you often post about politics on social media? I share lots of political posts, yes.

Would you ever want to go back to school? I just can't do that. I've dropped out three times already, I can't keep pouring money straight down the drain.

What are three things you are naturally good at? Writing, bonding with animals, and I suppose seeing things in an artistic way?

What are three things you are NOT naturally good at? Socializing/talking confidently, asking for help (this does depend though), and thinking more with my head than my heart.

Is your dream to get married and have kids? No, my dream is to be happy with and proud of myself and feel like I made even a tiny difference in the world. I'd be bummed if I never do get married, but it's not my dream.

Where do you hang your towel to dry after showering? It goes in the laundry basket.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? Idk, it'd very likely depend on how I look as a whole. I do know I love guys with long hair though, so I'd probably at least have longer hair... maybe. Part of the reason I keep mine short now is because I was bad at brushing it even nearly enough, so I'd probably have that problem as a man too.

Last person you hugged? It was either Girt, his mom, or his sister before leaving his place on Saturday.

How is the weather right now? It's sunny and WAY too motherfucking hot; my weather app says 86*F right now, disgusting.

Are you missing someone? I miss Girt really bad.

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone? Lock screen is artwork of Till Lindemann with the "Engel" wings prop, home screen is insanely cute meerkat artwork.

What do you have handy at your bedside? A lamp. If Girt's staying the night that's also where I put my phone.

What is your dad's middle name? John.

What is your mom's middle name? Marie.

First thing you'll save in a fire? If my mom is in there, I'm making sure she gets out first. If she's not, then I'd probably run and get Venus out of her terrarium first and then immediately look for Roman. I think I'd go for Venus first just because she's in a cage and is also a ball python so she wouldn't be going anywhere and is therefore super easy to find, while I'm sure Roman would probably be frantically running around or like paralyzed in a hiding spot. Really I wouldn't be surprised if Roman found a way out himself if there's an open window or door, being a cat. Deep hatred for this question btw lmao

[illusioncanthurtme]

(I'm kind of responding to this, as well as the responses people have left on this post)

I can't make some sort of in-depth analysis, just due to the fact that I haven't actually watched it since it came out. Tbh, most of what I know about it comes from the parts I remember, screenshots and stuff, and what other people on tumblr have said about it.

So do I like it? I have no idea. It's been too long. I could rewatch it, but I am willing to admit upfront that the reason I love iz (and why ive been really into it lately) is mostly - or at least has has its roots in - nostalgia. So I'm hesitant to rewarch florpus, because I know it's going to be really different from the invader zim I know and love. And I'm enjoying this nostalgia trip, and I don't want to tear myself away from that by seeing these nostalgic characters in a different context. And I think that's the root of why people don't like it much: it's just doesn't have the same vibe as the old iz.

That being said, different doesn't equate to bad. People have pointed out that not only the art style is different, but also the personalities of the characters, and the nature of the writing, etc. And at face value, I think it's purely that way because this is a MODERN iteration of invader zim. It's not going to be like the OG (dark, gritty), because that's not how cartoons are now, that's not the trend. (Thats not a complaint - cartoons will always have select styles, visual and writing, that get made into feature shows, and the norm will continue to change and cycle.)

Today, cartoons/animated movies make the emotional journeys of their characters the focal point. You see this with the moment at the end with membrane. People are saying that was ooc and maybe Not Good considering how neglectful - amongst other things - membrane is towards dib/gaz. Which i get, but also, i feel like the florpus membrane is probably supposed to be an overall better guy. For the writers purpose, for them to make a heartfelt dad and son moment, they wanted a good dad who realizes his wrongs. Does that really fit the vibe of the og show? No, but I feel like florpus is less of a real "canon" continuation of the original, and more like "au where invader zim is a show made today."

You see that in the art style - everything being round obviously, but also the backgrounds. The sky was never blue in the og, and I've been wondering if that's because of pollution or something - that the sky is literally darkened from human impact on earth. And that would have been too dark for the florpus, because it's a *modern* animation made for kids.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit, but basically, I'm saying that the difference between the two is solely because of trends, and how cartoons have changed. If you went to an animation company today, and pitched a cartoon where an alien tries to take over earth, even IF your pilot was all dark and gritty, and your aliens nemesis was all annoying and maladjusted, they would still take the concept and massage it until it fits the mold of cartoons today. Which is bright and round and has blatant emotional exploration of its characters.

If you're like me, and find comfort in the nostalgia of the og iz, the florpus isn't gonna be super satisfying, which is fine. That wasn't the purpose of the movie. I think florpus by itself was probably a perfectly fine movie (again, I haven't seen it in a while, but I remember liking it), but if you try to get the same sort of enjoyment from it as you do the original, you're going to be disappointed. It's a good movie if you agree to acknowledge the disconnect between it - and the show.

ETF is very different from the series but i kinda enjoy it?

Like, the atmosphere of the setting is way less grim and macabre, and we even had some very aww emotional moments (because it's a film and films have a different episode structure). And well, i'm a sucker for happy endings, so it was nice to see Professor Membrane and Gaz have some touching moments with Dib. (i just wanna them to heal ok) (it's a start at least)

Basically i like to see the differences between the series and ETF as if they were the consequences of the timeskip.

Gaz very explicitly worrying about her brother's well being + Dib imposing himself on his father because both of them (Gaz and Dib) are more mature, the sky is more beautiful because idk maybe it's some invention the Professor made to help the Earth??

ETF gives me a hopeful, somehow healing and comforting atmosphere, and it feels nice

But then again, i'm a sucker for happy endings and healing

Now about the designs, i liked the colors in general, but it's my most vibrant and "happy" color style.

I really liked Dib's ghost shirt, since i study character design a lot, this says a lot about him. I just didn't like the red sneakers so in my re-imagined version i draw him with a black all star (i like to leave the goth boots for when he's older). And now he has more hair lol (i like to leave the undercut for when he's older too)

Gaz was the one with the biggest redesign, and just like Dib i liked her new shirt. But in my re-imagined version i mix her design from the series with ETF, i like to imagine her with a long-sleeved striped shirt underneath.

I don't have much to say about Professor Membrane's redesign, but i liked the small changes, he's not so skinny anymore and has more hair too

Also ETF gave me things i always wanted to happen:

- Alternative realities

- Professor Membrane being a good present father

- Touching moments between the Membrane family

- Zim discovering the mission was a lie

- Zim (almost) winning for real

- ANIME IZ!! (my 13-year-old self can rest in peace)

- The trial scenario

So yeah, i really like the movie, i had a lot of fun.

It's a great film to end the IZ franchise to me.

also tell me your opinions! i wanna hear it