#i dont NEED to do either
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Wanting to keep the number of chapters at exactly 20 Vs. The desire to tie up some emotional lose ends FIGHT
#writing woes#talkin#guys its dire out here#like#i dont NEED to do either#like i COULD go over 20#but i also DONT NEED to weite those extra scenes like#also this is of course in refernece to IWOaMoT#which has quite franky the WORST abbreviated name on earth#i mean i guess its better than SHGtPaP(WBU)? or RBGtRaC(aDwIF)?#christ i need to stop making the names of my fics so damn long#ACTUALLY i need to stop making my FICS so damn long#ok enough rambling
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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"Illumination Legend of Zelda isn't real, it can't hurt you!"
Illumination Link:
#i had to make him i had to do it#but at what cost#anyway i really dont want them to make this movie#if zelda were to ever be made into a movie like this#either the animation needs to be done by studio Ghibli#or we are using the CDI zelda timeline/games ONLY for Illumination's version#loz#legend of zelda#the onceler#illumination#meme#edit tags ahead:#i both love and hate how this is my most popular post on this hellsite#i wish my art got this amount of attention lmao
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Taking pride in One's own appearance.
#you people are becoming my guinea pigs for my finally learning how to communicate information via comics. a thing ive needed to practice at#also BLEGH. YUCK. andrew hussie was right candy makes you sick. this is a little too saccharine for me. yeesh. let me get back to the meat.#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#doodlebyte#'let me get back to the meat' i say eyeing something similarly sickly in my sketches. at least it's mildly tormented as a counterbalance...#you people have no idea how much im having to stay my own hand. oh i can draw miserable nudity but the most basic of fluff? visceral#anyway i dont know the logistics of picking up a glass eye or where loop got money (besides pilfering from siffrin) & ive previously drawn#sif with a vague blank middle-grey eye as either being scarred over or a blank occular prosthesis put in quickly at the nearest town#i dont know that they'd have a glass eye during the game but considering prosthesis are reccomended to keep the skull etc from deforming#id imagine it would probably come up postgame as something to do now theyre not on a time limit trying to save the country#plus i assume that having it gouged at by a sadness wasnt exactly a clean wound by any measure#all this to say. idk i just wanted to get some information across in comic form to Test my Abilities#and we're far enough down now to say my absolute most wretchingly sweet fluff headcanon that actually inspired this#which is that i think siffrin gets into the habit of not wearing the eyepatch around loop so they kinda match.#and as a signifier to the other that they're letting their guard down around them. vulnerability etc.#just kinda wearing it around their neck so they don't lose it
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[ID: a doodle of old, Commission-era Five lounging in a bathtub with cucumbers over his eyes and a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other. He has several scars, including one that starts at his collarbones and goes all the way down his torso. End ID.]
i missed old five this season so bad. where was he!!! Where was my old man!!! I took it upon myself to answer with "in the bath, chilling" because he deserves it. old five people, you're welcome
#tua#the umbrella academy#im not tagging this spoilers im sorry i know i talked about season 4 in the caption#five hargreeves#my art#whats the courtesy tag#partial nudty#?????#idk man#another thing that i need to do because we didnt get it in s4 either is a five fight scene animatic#i made a promise to myself that i would make one if we didnt get a five fight scene AGAIN this season#and lo and behold...#like yall are you joking thats half the damn show now that he doesnt kill people!!#anyway i have no idea the what or the why or the where or when so if people have any suggestions im all ears#i just dont want the last time i watch five kill people to be the commission board from FOUR YEARS AGO
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*camera filming like a documentary. Vaggie is narrating. The camera focuses on Husk reading on the couch*
Vaggie: This is Husk. He enjoys his personal space-
*camera pans out to reveal Angel laying across Husk’s lap*
Vaggie: This is Angel. He also enjoys Husk’s personal space.
#*camera pans out further to show fat nuggets resting in angel’s lap*#vaggie: and this is fat nuggets#who enjoys Angel enjoying husk’s personal space#Angel: husk likes my personal space too- if you know what I mean ;)#husk: do you want to stay here or not?#Angel: …yes#husk:…I dont mind his personal space too much either ;)#Angel: 😳#they’re gay officer#huskerdust#once again Angel flirts relentlessly until someone honestly reciprocates#then it’s just: panic#panik#Angel dust#husk#husker hazbin hotel#Angel/husk#husk/angel#angel dust needs a hug#consensually#preferably from husk#Hazbin hotel#incorrect hazbin hotel#Vaggie#husk enjoys Angel enjoying his personal space#he’s definitely petting him on his fluffy lil head#and Angel is just drinking up the attention#Angel deserves nice things#they’re gay and in love#part four of the lap saga bitches
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the rise of AI art isn't surprising to us. for our entire lives, the attitude towards our skills has always been - that's not a real thing. it has been consistently, repeatedly devalued.
people treat art - all forms of it - as if it could exist by accident, by rote. they don't understand how much art is in the world. someone designed your home. someone designed the sign inside of your local grocery store. when you quote a character or line from something in media, that's a line a real person wrote.
"i could do that." sure, but you didn't. there's this joke where a plumber comes over to a house and twists a single knob. charges the guy 10k. the guy, furious, asks how the hell the bill is so high. the plumber says - "turning the knob was a dollar. the knowledge is the rest of the money."
the trouble is that nobody believes artists have knowledge. that we actively study. that we work hard, beyond doing our scales and occasionally writing a poem. the trouble is that unless you are already framed in a museum or have a book on a shelf or some kind of product, you aren't really an artist. hell, because of where i post my work, i'll never be considered a poet.
the thing that makes you an artist is choice. the thing that makes all art is choice. AI art is the fetid belief that art is instead an equation. that it must answer a specific question. Even with machine learning, AI cannot make a choice the way we can - because the choices we make have always been personal, complicated. our skills cannot be confined to "prompt and execution." what we are "solving" isn't just a system of numbers - it is how we process our entire existence. it isn't just "2 and 2 is 4", it's staring hard at the numbers and making the four into an alligator. it's rearranging the letters to say ow and it is the ugly drawing we make in the margin.
at some point, you will be able to write something by feeding my work into a machine. it will be perfectly legible and even might sound like me. but a machine doesn't understand why i do these things. it can be taught preferences, habits, statistical probability. it doesn't know why certain vowels sound good to me. it doesn't know the private rules i keep. it doesn't know how to keep evolving.
"but i want something to exist that doesn't exist yet." great. i'm glad you feel creative. go ahead and pay a fucking artist for it.
this is all saying something we all already knew. the sad fucking truth: we have to die to remind you. only when we're gone do we suddenly finally fucking mean something to you. artists are not replicable. we each genuinely have a skill, talent, and process that makes us unique. and there's actual quiet power in everything we do.
#also pay plumbers more. and electricians. and other devalued occupations#idk that this makes sense#but im like#people being so fucking pleased with themselves about the fact they can ''fake'' art#n im like#sure#but what if we stop making things for you huh#what if we stop giving u this stuff anymore#what happens to ur ai art? does it keep growing? does it keep making choices?#why do u need to see us as machines?#''i want X to exist but i don't have the skill to do it''#okay spend literally years of your life studying#''i don't want to do that''#okay pay someone who DID do that#''no i don't think it's a real skill''#okay so. YOU can't do it. and a LOT of people can't do it. but you think WE should be able to?#FOR FREE?#either it has value or it dont baby make up ur OWN mind#btw studying here is not used academically. i think if ur like. constantly knitting.#thats studying#do u spend hours reading and find urself taking notes and learning about writing#ur studying#do you follow other artists and spend a lot of your time trying new things (even unsuccessfully)#that's also studying#etc#was weird to write this thing about choices and then be like. wait why DO i like that
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MMMM twins au with danny and dan except its og TUE timeline danny and dan
ok okay i neeeeed o write this down and share it before i explode buT. as the title says. twins danny and dan (who im going to be calling James/Jamie bc i cannot express how much i despise the name dan) where, instead of disappearing into the ghost zone after he's separated from danny's body, Dan rips out Vlad's ghost half, tears THAT in half, and fuses one half with himself and the other with Danny.
Shit happens, and BOOM. Two morally ambiguous and perhaps slightly murderous demonic twins from hell. Daniel James Fenton and his Twin WHose Always Been Here What Are You Talking About :) James Daniel Fenton. They are both depressed, lonely, and one bad day from becoming a mass extinction event :)
this is because i got grabbed by the hair today and dragged into the SVSS fandom screaming and the fanart of Shen Jiu/Shen Yuan/Shen Quingqiu (????) with his fan entranced me. Ice Prince Core is my favorite thing so naturally i have to implant that onto my favorite blorbos ever :)
After the Incident, both their appearances changed and they're practically identical to each other. Sorta. They both have heterochromia and salt-and-pepper hair. But Danny has one green eye and one blue eye and white hair with black streaks, while Jamie has one blue eye and one green eye and black hair with white streaks. I'm iving them both long hair, for funsies <3
nobody can tell them apart, they keep getting confused on whose who and frankly the mix-match hair and eyes make it worse not better asjd. they're horrifically codependent. please do not separate :)
and because i must. im pulling a blood blossom/tales of the passerine and giving them to pre-robin batman. batman and his terrifying demon(??) twins. nobody is quite sure if they're human or not, and the scourge of gotham are a little too terrified to ask.
(they dont HAVE to go to batman while he's pre-robin. however. i think its much funnier that way bc gotham isn't use to A) Batman having kids, and B) Batman having TERRIFYING kids yet. think of all the new fun rumors)
they both use war fans while they're out, and neither of them use their ghost forms because they at least have the remaining empathy to know that they're more likely to murder someone accidentally as a ghost :). Ghost form is for fellow mythicals and Functionally Immortals Only! Not for Squishy Humans.
Jamie: murder. bloodshed. revengggee Bruce: no. no. Justice. peace!! hope! Danny: bittinngggg. blooood. ^-^
They're honestly not bad kids they're just horrifically traumatized two halves of a whole that can never be reunited ever again :).
idk what their vigilante names are but i do know that the underground refer to them in horrified whispers as 'the twins'. this all stemmed from the desperate and sudden urge to see Danny and Jamie, as their vigilante selves, hiding the lower half of their faces with fans and looking terrifyingly judgmental while they do it <333
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danny phantom#dan phantom#dp x dc au#dcxdp#dpxdc prompt#the twins au#look look it doesnt NEED to be DPxDC specifically i just WANT it to be. give bruce two twins who arent technically twins at all but the#shattered remains of a boy's soul who will never be whole again :). i need them to be like. 13 when bruce gets them but also when they're#older they're the picture of refined and lethal elegance. bc brrrrrrr. they have scarves bc scarves brrrr. they're like capes lite.#despite Jamie's demeanor comma it IS danny you need to watch out for dont be fooled Danny is not harmless nor declawed he's simply quiet :)#just do you- do you-- dont run away --dO YOU SEE THE VISION. I AM ON TH FLOOR FROTHING. DO YOU SEE THE VISION#they both have hollow looks in their eyes and that never really goes away even after they get older. but it does get better. bruce does hel#bring back some of that spark bc i refuse to slander that man in my house. im going to let my babygirl be a father like god intended#its par for course that of course bruce wayne's new kids look like supervillains in the making. just look at what happened to harvey dent#the gotham public is so certain that beloved bruce wayne has adopted demons. but nobody can prove anything other than the eery reflection#in the twins' eyes and their too sharp teeth. their pointed ears and soft voices that take up the room. antichrists the both of them#bruce wont take this slander and the twins?? honestly?? dont appreciate slander against bruce either. thats their New Dad actually#anywhoosies just a new fun au idea that includes og timeline danny :)) i dont think he'd be anything like his counterpart bc of the trauma#he and jamie get along surprisingly well (according to other danny's standards at least.)
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arrives 15 min late with a latte
......sup
#yosuke hanamura#persona 4#cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags#fellas im surprised hes here and done#did not think that was gonna happen#fuck i forgot smth#eh ill fix it before i make my print#anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i#yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell#i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him#also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1#bc i wanna do this in gold foil#and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell#but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1#my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・#so whatever gets done will get done#also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao#if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr#so uh yeah yeehaw#idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years#im not fucking kidding#the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned#hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako#boys lucky to hit top 5#he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either#maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it#nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is#ill do better by the women i promise
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I argued with some random asshole on the internet a while ago and I noticed I made them feel really bad with my anger, I decided to at least get them some groceries as a apology gift because I know they struggling too, few days ago I went over to talk about the situation while calm and to properly apologize, made sure to let the person know that they don't gotta talk to me that it's ok if they don't want anything to do with me, they agreed and added me to a group chat with their girlfriend and then proceeded to berate me for the next 4 hours straight taking turns to call me names 😭 and I'll tell you what. To be called creepy and obsessed for sending the money and get berated for that too??? Like I know $50 isn't like a huge amount nowadays but it was half of all the money in my bank account at the time. And it was a tough decision to make because I am already struggling to pay rent and because I'm too disabled to work. I snapped out of it immediately, like wow no wonder I got mad at them in the first place.
The moral of the story is, don't try to fix things with the worst people you have ever met, your gut feeling was right, there's a reason why you got angry. It will only harm you and make you harm them, too, when you eventually get emotional and pissed off over how they treated you and then use it against you. Whatever you do won't be enough and taken as the worst possible thing to do. Simply fuck off. That's the best outcome for everyone that will hurt the least amount of people.
#also like#this is completely unrelated to the point but i have called them a stalker multiple times#and while talking to me they started bringing up that i have been feeling bad lately and if im still dating my boyfriend and are we happy#like what is that about?#how do you see my posts why are you asking me this its kind of freaking me out#or telling me that me and my bf are trying to be them like????????#we dont even think about you and when we do we just laugh at your dumbass in call we do not care LOL#either way this is so insane and i need to vent it out and share my experience to people because what on earth#for context i have blocked them on all social platforms so they have to be following me on burners just to keep up with me#which is definitely normal behavior#my little oniisionling incel stalker saga
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bug doodles so i can say i drew something
#oc#original character#alien oc#artists on tumblr#art#aliens#sketch#nyx#having a rough month creatively. and mentally. like a really really rough month. but i'm tired of saying that too#i made like three things this year i was excited about and that's it. where did the fun go. im supposed to enjoy it right#if i dont enjoy it then what is the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of anything !!!! i dont enjoy Anything anymore even !!!!!!!!!#why is it already august. almost september. i dont even remember most of 2023 let alone 2024.#i got no drive to draw let alone to push through a drawing when it gets challenging or doesn't turn out right. i barely drew this month#just kinda hated everything. nothing is fulfilling#IF IM NOT HAVING FUN !!! THEN WHAT IS THE POINT !!! WHAT AM I DOING IT FOR#more and more i consider taking a hiatus from art. but what the fuck else do i do with my time then. what if i never come back to it#i got a list of stuff i could draw but either i try and i dont like it or i sit there and wonder why even bother because i wont enjoy it#guys im tired. im so exhaustingly overwhelmingly depressingly fucking tired and i feel no joy in my art#or videogames. or anything.#i need to go to bed
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Someone asks what W.BG is about, I just hand them this
#this started as a tiny joke i was gonna make. and then i worked on it for 3 days.#so many of these are *first discovery*#dont ask how i got em cause i dont fuckin know lmao#woe.begone#w.bg#ty betteridge#mike walters#i am not tagging everyone#infinite craft#i dont think i even need to tag this as spoilers. you either know or you do not
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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the thing that sets apart hua cheng from most other devotee/worshipper-type relationships in other media is that hua cheng would actually throw himself on his knees and crawl across the floor if xie lian wanted to, he would demean himself without shame because shame comes from the perception that you have done something wrong or foolish in another's eyes, and hua cheng would never see his god's will as either, nor care for anyone's else's opinion
#i was so happy when i read tgcf because this is what i mean when i want hopelessly devoted love interests#too many of these (dark) fantasy male love interests dont even treat her with basic respect#like what do you MEAN they drag her around and demean her#theyre often assholes at best and abusers at worst#there is no devotion or worshipping to be found#''he would kill for her'' but would he make peace with his enemies for her?? would he SAVE his enemies for her??#hua cheng would#hua cheng also wouldnt dream of ordering xie lian around#he told xie lian once not to get involved with the wind and water master but when xie lian did that anyone#all he said was ''thats okay baby i told you before: just do what you want to do ill be here for you either way<3''#he only intervenes more forcefully for xie lian's protection and he clearly HATES doing that#sorry for the vent but im tired of seeing the worshipper trope done so badly!!#where are the statues!! the murals!! the devouring need to be with them!! why arent these men on their knees!!!#hua cheng#tgcf#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#xie lian#hualian
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I7 x Vocaloid + SynthV
if you can guess who my favorite I7 character is + my 2nd favorite vocaloid (program specific) i'll draw your favorite i7 character
#fanart#idolish seven#i7#idolish7#trigger i7#re:vale i7#Zool i7#haruka isumi#touma inumaru#torao mido#minami natsume#ryuunosuke tsunashi#tenn kujo#gaku yaotome#yukito orikasa#momose sunohara#riku nanase#iori izumi#mitsuki izumi#sougo osaka#tamaki yotsuba#nagi rokuya#yamato nikaido#tsumugi takanashi#if im missing a tag do not tell me i dont want to know#im never drawing 16prod again simply bc looking at how many peple i needed to tag exhausted me#good god#you're free to ask my logic but you're either gonna get an insane reply or im gonna forget to reply until you no longer know idolish7
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i love you tiny costume details. i love tiny pieces of jewelry or patches that add so much to a character. i love you costume designers that allow for personalization. i love you i love you i love you
#yes this is about the outsiders#soda's cowboy boots for his horse mickey mouse#its not even mentioned in the show but the fact that its part of his costume specifically for that horse makes me so happy#ponyboy's little pegasus/horse necklace#and the track shirt that is so worn out and faded but you still Know its from track#nother character detail that isnt mentioned verbally but still very much a part of him#and dont get me started on the embroidery on Johnny's vest#i like to imagine either he did it himself#maybe while sitting alone in the lot or outside his house#with nothing else to do but sit and listen to his parents fight#or maybe its a hand-me-down that he found around his house#something that makes him feel a little closer to whatever family he has out there#because nonmatter how awful his parents are family is clearly very important to him#i could talk about him for HOURS#i need emma to have another costume details segment on her vlogs because i love it sososoososos much#the outsiders musical#the outsiders#johnny cade#ponyboy curtis#ponyboy#sodapop curtis
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