#i wish my art got this amount of attention lmao

[spellbird]

"Illumination Legend of Zelda isn't real, it can't hurt you!"

Illumination Link:

[itsscaredycat]

ah yes…

my thoughts under the cut (turned out to be longer than initially intended lol)

honestly, kinda mixed feelings :’)

it’s great that the fandom is making a comeback because gravity falls is seriously an amazing piece of media, and all the offshoots that came from the main series are equally incredible. it deserves this second wave of attention and more! still one of my favourites, all the mysteries and secret codes back in the day changed my brain chemistry lmao

as far as personal feelings go, i can’t believe the amount of people i’ve had tell me that i inspired them in some way to be an artist through my old gravity falls art, it’s amazing! and i am so flattered and happy that i could have that kind of positive influence on people. art is my passion and knowing i had a hand in making it other people’s as well is a really cool feeling :’) i read every single message i get in my askbox and some of them have made me legitimately emotional (in a good way)

but then on the opposite side, there are a lot of people— most of whom i have never interacted with— who have a fully formed opinion on me based on actions of mine that are almost a decade old. just knowing that has been crippling, i’m ND and i’ve always struggled with anxiety issues surrounding how others think of me. it feels kinda hopeless and scary, because there is no way my current actions and the ways i’ve changed will ever reach all of them. but i’m only human, all i can do is focus on the positive and keep being kind in both my offline and online lives, and hope it comes back around

the shy part of me wishes i was just another person in the fandom so that i could share my art without fear of hateful comments, but also having made enough of an impact that something i made got acknowledged in “canon” is hilarious and pretty fucking cool (shoutout to @valdevia LOL) i’m just gonna keep doing what i’ve always done: make art because it makes me happy, and share it in hopes it will make others happy too 🩷

[windydrawallday]

[A Different Type Of Hunt]

[...] “Well then,” he capitulated, “if you won't interrupt, I'll allow your presence for the time being on this hunt,” he said, before he thought about the other a little longer, and spoke up cautiously: “Unless you wish to compete for the ‘bounty’?” “Is there anything to be gained from it?” came an immediate ask, which made him relax as he almost let out a snicker. “Nothing but personal satisfaction.” […] “It's almost cute how much you want me gone, Prowl.” “After all this, you better hope you won't find me straight up adorable,” Prowl shot back with irritation, making sure to cause the branch he was holding to hit the hunter straight in his stupid face, even if he had to jump up to reach one at the adequate height.

➡️[Keep Reading the Full Story HERE]⬅️

My art entry (and first year participating) for the @tf-bigbang ! And because this was a "Mini-Reverse" version, I took the opportunity of illustrating a very BIG COMPLEX picture of my fav TFA rascals of course 🐦🦡💚

🌟 And I matched with @ivycorp as a writer pal! She did such an AWESOMESAUCE job portraying them in this dynamic! Practically a 1:1 of how I see them personally: lots of funny, endearing, bantering, and even somber moments plus a delightful of descriptions that's like taking a sip of a tropical drink 🍹

✨ Please, give it a read! Or if you know someone who likes this pairing, recommend it! We tried to make something that can be enjoyed by many without the need to support them as a pairing and I think this will be one of the few SFW fics on AO3 of them LMAO that was a plus goal achieved.

Under the cut, I'll keep babbling about my piece because... this had quite THE journey of a process for me, enjoy!

If you think the final thing looks already complicated: watch again, here is the ORIGINAL PLAN...

I usually don't render this refined because I don't use textured-pattern-ready brushes but work stroke by stroke on the canvas like an old oil painting. Most of the time I render all in one layer (or merge various layers at the end). So it ends quite taxing, but so rewarding to look at!

It got quite the amount of rearranging and redrawing of scenes to fit better in each place, so that was another factor that burned me up slowly, I guess...

Sadly, I didn't take into account how much time these took, and because I'm not the same person from years ago with free time to sit down and focus for more than 3 hs on a pic (these usually demand between 6 to 8 hs of attention without counting extra corrections) I ended cutting down half the planed scenes :')

But hey! Probably I'll go back to them and finish them to set everything how originally was supposed to be. But for now, I'll take a good rest (my wrists are still trembling a bit) and bask in the beauty of my pal's work too... and bless the admins of the event FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME orz

Thank you, from the moon and back! 🌙💖

[genericpuff]

I'm curious - how many unanswered asks do you have in your inbox? Or do you just delete the ones you don't plan on answering?

do you feel good anon

do you feel good about yourself with this question

targeting me like that

geeeeez

ok but more seriously LMAO i have an embarrassingly large amount of unanswered asks but i do read all of them <3 a lot of them honestly are just from folks like, sharing their anonymous opinions about either LO and LR, with the odd one about comic advice, sharing webtoon recommendations, and other things of that nature!

In the case of the LO asks, it's stuff that often has already been spoken about at length before so I don't really have anything to add (but trust me, I'm usually in total agreement, if I heavily disagree with a take I'll usually try to respond to it but it's rare that that's the case because most of the takes are just things like "wow the art in this panel sucks" like yep it sure do LOL) and often it just feels like my inbox is just like, a comment box for people to get their feelings out anonymously and honestly that's fine, I just also can't really respond to every single one unfortunately, but I do read them and I love y'all's takes!

With LR asks, y'all are way too sweet to me and send me just the kindest things about LR, and I hope y'all know that even if I wind up not getting back to your ask about it, I do read everything you send and appreciate so much the amount of support you've all shown for this project since I took it on <3 A lot of those asks are literally my version of "do it for her" where I read them and it reminds me of why it's so worth doing what I do :') <3

Whenever people recommend me other works to read, I add them to a list and I am currently trying to tackle it :) (honestly that list isn't as big as you'd think, a lot of the recommendations are for the same stuff, like other Greek myth retelling comics or otherwise just bad webtoons that people want me to suffer thru LOL) I just recently finally got a physical copy of Song of Achilles and while it's slow going, I'm gonna be sharing my extended thoughts about it, either in a big Tumblr post or maybe a video if I can motivate myself to do it 🤔

And of course, the comic advice asks... these ones admittedly I do tend to actually move into my drafts because I really, REALLY do want to respond to them, but I'm also not someone to half-ass responses to questions like that. That is a bit of a bad habit on my end because it often means I'm spending crazy amounts of time going over topics that can be researched, but I also just really love talking about comics so it doesn't feel good to get a comic advice ask and just leave it at "idk just start" like yeah, do that, but also I want to pass on all the things I WISH I had known when I was first starting out and I'm glad people see me as someone to learn those things from! So when it comes to those asks, don't worry, I'm picking away at them <3 (but also man, I should probably just like... put together some kind of hitchhiker's guide to comic making or something huh LOL)

Anyways! I do have a lot of unanswered asks and honestly, I'm not really one to delete them, even if I don't get back to some of them it is still nice to read them in their own little curated space separate from my main blog, it's kind of like a personal comment section between myself and those of you who took the time to write <3 The only asks I tend to outright delete are ones that are just like, way too bad faith to even want to give any attention to, or bot spam lmao But for the majority of y'all who have sent genuine asks to my inbox and never saw a response and worry that I might have ignored it or deleted it, I hope you can have reassurance in knowing that they are all still there and even if I can't make time every day to respond to them, receiving all your personal takes about LO and your amazing feedback and kind words about LR is something I'm always excited to see whenever that little notification pops up in my Inbox tab. I see you and appreciate you <3

[dreadfutures]

I hold in two hands:

everything is going pretty well. I am slowly making friends and deepening friendships IRL in my dream town. relationship w my family is the best it may have ever been in my life. my job is easy and satisfying and eases my conscience and I enjoy it. i am getting back into physical art. I call my best friend from grad school every week. I play DND with my best friends from college every week. I play Pathfinder with a group I've been with for six years every week. I have every cuisine imaginable available to me, there is every kind of hang out spot nearby, transit is cheap, and I'm under very little pressure in life. I have improved my digital art over the years and have the honor of being commissioned to draw people's OCs! I have a story I've been writing for four years that I am still passionate about and invested in with a dedicated readership of 100 or so people every update. I get to participate in exchanges of art and writing about fandoms I love, with people who love them. I have been able to introduce good people looking for communities to good communities full of good people. I have been able to run a (so far!) successful large fan event to celebrate all of that. I have so much I'm looking forward to, games and music and movies and books, travel, visits, museums...

and

I am tired. Depression is coming back for me like the tide and with it comes this irrational unsteadiness. Where things have been certain, solid, steady, and where I've been unconcerned and happy, I'm finding myself insecure, jealous, shy, uncertain, self deprecating, self conscious, unconfident, unhappy. everything I make I question. I can't help but feel the weight of all the things I usually brush off as meaningless. There's no amount of rationalization, reassurance, or interactions that can turn that around.

It just is. Both. All at once. For now.

I am very grateful for what I have. I really am. but I will never not be depressed, you know? Like, if I'm being pulled under by a rip current every few months, at least the water is warm now. And it'll let me out eventually I guess, as it always does, and I'll find my footing again. It's easier to find footing again and not drown than it was 5, 7, 10 years and many prescriptions ago. but right now I just wish I could find a therapist to have an outlet to express, process, experience those feelings safely with another human being who won't be affected by it all. It has been a long time since I've been the kind of childish person who goes crying and wailing about my insecurities to people in search of validation and praise that I would then reject. But watching other people do it makes me wish I wasn't so far along on the self awareness journey and could be so freely pathetic again. Because that behavior does receive so much validation, pretty intensely, lots of preening comments that feel morbidly good and bad simultaneously, you know? But it feels better than silence, even if it comes with the shame of publicly begging for attention and validation lmao. But better than silence is also just having a place to express stupid feelings and cry a river about petty things and then be able to sigh or laugh it off and put those feelings in broader contexts and move on without ruining my life and relationships.

I just fucking wish they didn't all set their appointments by telehealth only, and in the middle of my goddamn work day.

I don't want a room mate again but I wish I didn't live alone. I wish I just had someone who got me, who sees me and loved me, in the same room, day and night. I miss the person who inspired DPDF a lot these days. they weren't the first person I had that connection with and they don't have to be the last. and our connection isn't the same anymore but it's still precious and it's hard being apart but that's how it has to be. There will be others. it'll be fine. someday maybe. in the meantime it's cooling down from this heat wave and there are lunches to attend and weird driveway artisan shows to sniff out and cafes to write in and cute outfits to wear and things to learn and I'll play more good games and I'll get my hair done special and at some point the positive feelings will catch up again and maybe I'll be able to enjoy them fully like a normal human being. at some point I'll blink awake in the middle of a conversation and realize I'm feeling happy and clear again. that's how it always happens and in the meantime I hold both of these feelings in separate hands at once. Tangible. If I say out loud that they're both real then they both can be, again.

[xx-akubara-xx]

Just wanted to say that you're probably my favorite if not one of my favorite gravity falls artists in the Fandom, and I already loved your other comics before then. (Sorry I lurk) I specifically enjoy how you write the charecters as well as the story- a lot of the more popular aus I just find a hard time enjoying due to things feeling so ooc or things happening too quickly to be believable. (Thus I just make my own with friends most of the time) No knock to them tho, just wish you got the same amount of attention cause it deserves it.

Look forward to seeing where you take it! <3

Happy Holidays!

Awwwww! I'm super flattered - yeah, haha! I tend to overthink how certain characters would react to certain scenarios, and I try to do my best to deliver what I feel is a realistic build-up.

Having said that - nothings wrong at all with zipping straight to the point! I find the AUs that do that a special sort of fun cause you can fill in the spaces in your head.

As for the attention... Not too surprised it's not as 'big' as the other AU's out there.

Bill's overall design keeps changing throughout the storyline, and it's not an easy story to summarize to newcomers. It's not exactly what I'd call marketable. (Also... no human Bill design,,, lmao) And on top of all of that, my art is still improving too.

I'm insanely grateful for the attention I have been getting for it - and genuinely surprised at how many people do like it. It's definitely encouraging- (And super nervous because we're about to hit critical plot points pretty soon ahaha)

[probably-not-a-rutabaga]

goddd ok youre probably sick of getting questions like this but do you maybe possibly have some advice on how to like. get engagement for a tmnt iteration youve made? ive got a lil thing that im thinking of making but yk i dunno how id drum up interest in it. no pressure to answer obvs, just thought id ask

i love questions like this i just wish i had better advice lmao

honestly i have no idea how i started getting attention??? i think it was bc i didn't start posting abt my iteration,, i made goofy rottmnt art like right after the rottmnt movie happened (so when the fandom was like,, really active)

and then almost all my aus before tmnt aberration were set in a canon iteration,, so people were already familiar with it

so unfortunately i can't speak to gaining interest on only personal iteration since i had already gotten a decent amount of attention to stuff unrelated to my aus/iterations beforehand :')

[firstdivisiongirl]

Hello can I have a one piece matchup, please? :3

Personality:

I am pretty social however I prefer to spend time alone! I care about others a lot… To an unhealthy amount honestly but Im working on it! I love to help others and make them smile, but I do wish I would get something for being so nice in return, yeah it might sounds greedy but I want to be appreciated! And get something nice haha, like just a compliement or something, when my helping and kindess gets unnoticed I might get upset because of how much tired I am and I just want to be a appreciated like I said before 😭 I wanted to be noticed and not ignored! I care too much what others feel and think and its tiring, I just want to be selfish sometimes and care about myself even if its sounds mean.

People call me funny! Well it all depends because everyone has different sense of humor! But I am most of the time unserious and I love to joke around, serious situations are stressful so I prefer to be joyfull, but I do like talking about serious topics (sometimes) Like I said before I love to make people smile and laugh with my jokes and overall with make them happy with presence. Its my job to make others happy <3

My humor is definitely not for everyone, its mostly humor of a 12 y/o kid which can be annoying to some people lmao (sometimes its funny how people are annoyed by it) and some other things depends on how I feel. When it comes to annoyence I also like to annoy people <3 its so fun! But I never want to make them really feel bad! Often I act like an asshole but this is just for jokes! (but sometimes I wanna be a real asshole lmao) Like I said I dont want them to actually feel bad, if I do, I will feel very guilty! When it comes to it I apologize A LOT, I apologize so much that it might too annoying but I always feel a sense of guilt inside of me. I'm also VERY sensitve and worry about everything. Ah and I'm pretty dumb and I am not trying to insult myself I am just silly hehe and I'm okay with that. Oh and Im clumsy 😭😭

Likes/Dislikes:

I LOVE LOVE horror and scary things, I can't imagine my life without it, its just a such interesting genre that makes me happy and intrigued! I adore horror games and I'm mostly interested in them, however most of the time I am scared of playing them so I just watch gameplays and stuff like that haha. You can say I am obssesed with horror! (its funny because its easy to scare me haha)

I love to eat food <3 especially sweet things

I also love cute things! Plushies, pink, clothes and other cute things! I just love it so much <3

I like games very much (I suck at them), art, anime, drawing and psychology! When it comes to music I love energetic ones!

I dislike slow music but there can be some exceptions.

I dislike cooking (I love when someone knows to cook however I suck at it

Appearance:

Around 156 cm height

Chubby

brown eyes

chin length hair with bangs

round glasses

Have a nice day/night!

Hi there! Thank you for the request. I’m going to keep this intro short. Let’s get into it!

You Got…

Shanks!

He may seem oblivious, but the people he really cares about he pays so much attention to. So he would pay attention and appreciate all you do.

You have Lucky Roux make you the best food, especially sweet things.

He would love your humor. He would enjoy it and never take offense to anything.

I think he would enjoy a good horror movie. Movie dates are yes.

Play lots of games with you. He’d probably let you win because he’s a sweetheart.

He would buy you a plushie on every island. I hope you enjoy!!

[bitegore]

Top 5 song to have a break down to plz?

In no particular order, and due to my own particular flavor of brain stuff:

"From Now On We Are Enemies" by Fall Out Boy This is an older breakdown song for me that someone else reintroduced me to recently! Back in the ancient days of yore, when I was a younger and less functional beastie, I wanted to be really good at everything I did not for attention (though that was in there too) but so that I could die at 25 and not be immediately forgotten by the rest of the world. Reasonable ass goal, of course. I was also, like, in the gifted-kid track for academics and winning awards for my art locally and playing instruments and singing music and stuff and I was just old enough that some of my peers also started doing that and doing better than me. Felt kind of bad, as you would imagine; like I was being upstaged. Anyway, this song is about one of Mozart's peers, a fellow composer, wishing bitterly to be better than Mozart despite the fact that Mozart was essentially a child prodigy and this peer was like... less of a prodigy. Something about losing the spotlight and falling behind and never ever catching up just gets to me. I feel like some of us can relate.

So Long Sentiment by Celldweller - Nightcore Remix It's got to be the nightcore; for some reason the OG never hits me. I have no idea why this one gets to me since I'm not allowed to read those particular processes but they sure exist. I bawl my eyes out to this song every time I get a weird desire to put it on. Immediately after this song in the playlist I listen to it on is HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS. This is like not a normal amount of tonal whiplash, but it's really funny to be sobbing like a baby while HHGREG PANASONIC BLU RAY 99 DOLLARS plays in the background so I haven't changed it yet.

Black Honey by Thrice "I fucked up and I'm so fucking stupid about this shit that I'm gonna do it again on purpose and be surprised at the consequences staying the same or increasing," the song. excellent at kneecapping me whenever i damage or destroy a thing I own that I need to avoid doing that to, which happens about once a week. Plus it's like a really good Motormaster song. It's so that guy.

Anchor by Thank You Scientist Glad to see that instead of dealing with life being hard, you've decided to lay down and die; can I interest you in some music about that then? This song makes me want to swallow shards of broken glass and I mean that in a good way but, like, damn. > "This punishment doesn't fit the crime > Torture, without change > More of the same > Stop closing open doors > Cancel my tomorrow > Got no chance > Finding comfort in denial > Got used to the mess" > "Sorry, I can't take it anymore, I swear > I swear this time I'm getting back to good > When will I > Wake up > Will I ever learn > It's just the same old story > Same old ball and chain" Like. Augh. Stoppit. Fuck off. Who said you could say this to me.

Nobody Praying For Me by Seether listen it's really hard to take yourself seriously listening to this song but it's also so dramatic and self-efficacing at the same time that it's good for sort of snapping you out of it while not making you feel like you're being forced to remember that it doesnt matter, since that doesn't help. but like > "Cause if I stand up, I break my bones > And everybody loves to see a forward fold > Ain't nobody giving up > Cause nobody gives a fuck" The way this dude sings it, it's like almost a joke. And like frankly having a breakdown is practically like a fucking joke like. Come on. You are crying while probably wearing half of a pair of pants and have ice cream on your tits and something stupid as fuck just happened and now you're sitting like, on the floor or some shit. Get up, dumbass, no one's paying attention and the audience is only gonna laugh. Lmao. Anyway I like it.

[xybern]

someone: reblogs help artists become more popular because other people can see their work!

someone: likes are useless and you should feel awful for liking an artist's work without reblogging!!

[steponmesilco]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

Awww maaan. This has taken me so long to decide 😩 and I'm still not sure. I think my latest one ~~striking~~

I really had fun with and like for the intensity.

Then I also really like this one I did for @sherwood-forests fic Love Thy Neighbor

The clothes were soooo fun to do and It took me 3 days to do which is super fast for me lmao.

And ofcourse I love love love the drawing I did for @x-amount-verbs Helping Hand fic

This took me AGES to do and the amount of detail I chose to do was insane. I'm most proud of this one and kind of wish it got more attention (or atleast more than my fluffy haired Silco shit post lmao - no hate though, I think the kpop Fandom found it and there's no beating them)

To be honest. This is the first time I've genuinely been really proud of my art. I think my skill has increased alot over the past year and I'm putting out more art that I like, than art that I don't like which is new and exciting!

Sorry I couldn't pick just 1 and sorry for the long post!

❤️❤️❤️

[vaguely-concerned]

Still thinking about that part in the Albert arc of Part 5 where Lupin specifically disguises himself as Fujiko -- who, among all the other things she is to him, is quite recently also his ex-wife -- to seduce the shitty old art collector dude and get his biometric data. He's got a bajillion other sexy lady disguises (this series is peculiarly obsessed with male-presenting to female-presenting crossdressing, it's -- there sure is something going on there), but he specifically chose to almost embody Fujiko for it like it's the only way to feel her company while they're semi-estranged/in a difficult place with each other. Like. Oh boy. Sentences that make me want to gently dissect his brain in a mildly concerned sort of way and go 'now just what on god's green earth is going in here, buddy?'. It is kind of nice how it makes it feel like she's also a bit of a mentor to him in ways you might not necessarily think of normally. (also it's very droll how he acts like anyone twisted his arm into going the femme fatale route when you could get the exact same amount of data by oh, say, posing as a waiter and leaning in a little closer to meet the dude's eyes while asking him if he wants his bill now and taking away a glass he's been drinking from and getting his fingerprints all over or whatever)

...I know Lupin is the main character and everything so it's not like he hasn't had attention on him over the years lol but I still wish they'd take one page at least out of the book of the woman called fujiko mine and hand an installment of the series over to someone who really, really wants to actually properly look at some of this stuff that's in the character -- whether intentionally or that's sort of accidentally grown into being through the sheer longevity of the series -- and let them get a bit weird with it. (Green vs. Red is kind of the... insufferably straight cis male version of that, where they went 'all he really is is an empty shell, an escapist character for ME and ME ONLY so fuck all the rest of you' and it's why that one's... not very good in my estimation lmao. they took all the identity fuckery and disguise stuff going on and went 'he could be anyone or anything! he could even be you! but only if you're a cis dude tho of course haha let's not get silly here')

Listen they're not going to openly queer this long-running mainstream franchise partially based on the idea that cars and guns sure are cool, I am aware, but a person is allowed to dream anyway right haha

In general Lupin is essentially a lil modern day trickster god and I enjoy the interesting tension that creates if you want to go a little closer on him psychologically, because his entire concept strives against it but from the relationships he has with the other main characters you do know there is like. a real person in there somewhere looking out even if you don't get to look in nearly as often and as an audience you always long to be let in on those feelings because like. that's how stories work, vicariously experiencing someone else's reality and emotions. and often he denies you that beyond a certain depth and then sometimes you get glimpses of a truth and those brief glimpses hit all the harder for it. (as a general concept this is also echoed/more literalized in Jigen as a narrative uh 'echo'? foil? for him, where you literally don't get to see his eyes a lot of the time and it feels a bit Special and weirdly intimate when you do. Lupin is kind of rocking the fully emotional version of that.)

anyway a lot of these themes (especially the gender stuff) I'd actually rather they don't mess around with too much because there's no WAY they'd do so in an intelligent, sensitive or defensible way lol sometimes you're safer in the subtext huh

[noxeorn]

Happy New Year guys!

I remembered that I forgot to post here my whole year summary, not only art related, so here's some reading under the cut :)

Some stuff can repeat what I've already said, but it gives more details

The main summary

- Suddenly my little circle of friends became a bit bigger. I got one close friend more too. This fact still makes me really happy - This point kinda relates to the previous one, but I even managed to be in relationships (in the distant ones tho), which a year ago I wouldn’t even be able to predict. Unfortunately it didn’t last long cause of circumstances beyond my control. It’s still a tiny bit sad and feels like a cruel joke of life/universe on me, but it still was nice while it lasted and I cherish these memories. And well, the contact wasn’t lost too since we’re still having pretty good friendship :> - Suddenly got my interest in tech/IT related stuff back. Once again, thanks to the bigger circle of friends. Cause once you have someone excited about some thing - you eventually become no less excited. It’s spreading - I’ve got a Mac mini 2012 lmao. For what purpose? I have no idea, just for fun, out of curiosity, and for the sake of new knowledge - I’ve been feeling way better mentally this year! Which is great, considering how low I was past year. I definitely had not the best periods this year too, but over all - stuff was not bad. I wasn’t stressing about the lack of commissions, as well as I wasn’t stressing about slow grow of my accs. I was just chilling, doing my own stuff. - I settled down in IZ fandom. Even got some followings from rly cool people. That’s really nice - With some incredible kind of luck and help of my friend I got IZ artbook. It still feels surreal, especially considering whole situation with my country of residence - It was incredibly unplanned, but now I have a cat. It just happened. I still get a ton of emotions watching him, cause the only cats I’ve contacted my whole life were either someone’s cats or strays. It also feels pretty good when your pet is not being aggressive to you and sometimes gives you some attention.

The art summary

- Probably one of the most important things that happened this year: I got accepted as a background artist to a fan animated project. Yes, it’s completely voluntary work and I won’t get anything material from it. But I’ve got into a circle of really cool and nice people, especially in the department I’m in. Everything is still getting prepared for production, so I’m just sitting there and participate in some activities. But I’m really excited to be involved in smth that big in my fav fandom. - I heccin finally started to learn blender! And I even manage to make something there. Very happy, it’s very useful - I fanarted a lot. I’ve never fanarted as much as this year - I’ve made a bit more of meaningful personal art than before - Got back to the kukuri arpg closer to the end of the year - Even tho I get commissions mostly from one person but… it suddenly turned out that I started to earn somewhat not bad amount of money (I’ve looked how much I earned over this year and was genuinely surprised LMAO. I got more than during the last two years altogether)

Afterword/plans

Like the last year, it’s still really hard to plan anything ahead. The max I can do is to make a little list of “I wish I’d….” So here, I wish I’d: - finally sit and made different animatics and finish started animation - finish one started 3d model - move at least somewhere in the sense of learning frontend stuff - make smth with music, especially since now I have access to Logic Pro too. And well, it’s been quite a while since I was doing some music last time We will see tho how it will turn out in the end. Even tho the list is not really big

In the rest, besides of having that dread of unpredictable future feeling, now I feel curious to see what’s gonna be next and hope for the better

Cause I still have a little feeling that this year was another turning point for me.

I just remembered that I wanted to post it here for days but was forgetting LMAO

But here it is, little summary for this year!

I have no idea if any improvement is visible here, but I'll find it out eventually xD What I do know is that this year definitely is an IZ year for me :D

It's been a pretty wild year. If anyone would tell me that I'll get into the animation team for a fan project as a background artist - I wouldn't believe it. But here I am.

I also got some new friends, too! And I'm really happy about it. Was pretty close having a partner too which is no less wild, but stuff fell apart faster than I expected :( there's no one's fault tho, and was nice anyway

Tl;dr: this year was heccin awesome. It was way better than previous one, and for most of it I felt mentally so much better.

Lil bonus with mine improvement since 2010 is under the cut :>

It's indeed been a journey so far.

I think, the first few years were the hardest ones, since I remember I used to be bullied for my newbie art and unwilling to listen to critique, which made me delete all my accs and change my nickname a few times. I mean, I indeed was kinda cringy child way back then, and I'm really sorry to those kind people who tried to help but I didn't listen to them or just couldn't apply it, yet it wasn't a good excuse to make someone feel even worse just cause of these reasons.

I also remember how I tried to drop art a couple of times in period from 2012 to 2014. As you can see - no success, I became too addicted to drawing and painting to just give up that easily.

And honestly? It's really neat to see how much I've improved. I indeed could do it faster, but apparently I'm a slow-learner.

I still have a lot to learn. And I'm really looking forward where my skill will be in a few more years

And I hope that this thing might inspire at least someone just a lil bit.

[honeyatsu]

Loner (Junpei x f!reader) 2

Warnings: whole lotta fluff. y/n being dense lmao.

summary: Junpei was suspicious of you. He always felt the world was filled with people who were naturally evil in some way, until you came into his life and challenged his theory.

masterlist

crossposted on ao3

unorganized sountrack

a/n: updates gonna be slow from now on until the semester is over!

Tatsu ramen wasn’t too far from the school grounds, taking your time walking would consist of a light fifteen minutes. The sun would be setting by the time you and Junpei would make your way to the restaurant, the streets being busy with those walking home after a long day. Tatsu ramen would never be too busy with the time you two went considering it was often school days that you two would go and eat after school hours and (sometimes) do homework. The two of you have become all too familiar with the place, the dim-lit yellow walls and red booths become a place of comfort, a place to rest and ease down after a long day of classes and spending time at your clubs.

Within a month, it was a routine for you two. After finishing your club activities, you would always wait for Junpei outside of the school gates, usually playing with the hems of your uniformed skirt and smiling widely as you would see him walk towards you. The first time he saw you waiting he didn’t know it was for him, until you grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the same place you took him to the day before without warning.

It was more you who would go out of your way to look for him, noticing him at school a lot more since meeting him in class. He would often walk with head down, so you would run to him while shouting his name, hugging him from behind to grab his attention. Within the first two weeks of you latching yourself onto him with your presence, he just wanted to ask why. Why did you run from your friends to be with him? Why did you wait after school every day with him just to go and eat after? Why were you so persistent in being his friend?

He would often wonder why with you, but he never asked.

“This assignment is sooo hard, don’t wanna do it.” You sighed while laying your head on the table. You reached your hands out across, grabbing Junpei’s fingers and playing with them lightly. You didn’t miss the way his face heated up at your sudden display of contact. You smiled softly to yourself before saying, “You still get flustered when I touch you. Does it bother you? I can stop.”

You tried not to display a look of disappointment of your face, fearing his answer would be to ask you to stop. You figured after a month of friendship with him he’d be used to it, but you wanted to respect his boundaries and his body language continued to display discomfort whenever you would practically breath near him.

“It’s, uhm, it’s just….always so sudden.” He said averting his gaze to his bowl to avoid the smug look on your face. “Do you just casually touch all your friends like this?”

You didn’t want to admit this to yourself, but you’d be lying if you said his small display of jealous didn’t stroke your ego. That and the simple fact that for the first time in a month, he finally acknowledged you as his friend. That extremely small, and most likely unintentional vocal announcement of friendship was a firm pat in the back for you. With the surge of confidence overflowing, you made the bold (yet not out of character) move of removing your fingers from his, now holding a tight grip on his hand.

“Why? Does me touching my other friends like this bother you?” you teased at him as you rose your head from the table, giving him a subtle smirk.

He quickly removed his hand from yours, turning his head to the side trying to hide his flustered face from you, “I didn’t say that!” he exclaimed shakily.

Your hand that was once holding his shifted towards the chopsticks to the side, picking them up and bringing noodles closer to your face, “If you want, that can be our thing. You’re my favorite friend.” You said as you began to stuff ramen noodles in your mouth.

Junpei continued to avert his eyes, trying to look anywhere but at you.

---------------------

The monotoned lecture echoed throughout the classroom, the words going in one ear and out the other for the room of students struggling to pay attention. Heavy eyes could be mistaken as contagious for those who were fighting to not have their heads hit the desk, each and every student feeling the same internal battle of focusing on their sensei’s words.

You couldn’t keep your glittered purple pen from lightly hitting on the desk, every tap being used as a source of focus to help your heavy eyes stay open. Your foot followed the rhythem of the pen, you felt as if you had to keep moving, had to have something going on other than the mundane voice of the lecturer in the front of the room.

“…and now class, time for a break.”

You sighed in relief as you plopped your head onto Junpei’s shoulder, his body stiffened for a few seconds before relaxing, he was still getting used to your constant physical displays of affection.

Junpei waited to hear your voice seep through his ears, usually when breaks occur during class you take the ten minutes of free time to talk Junpei’s ear off. After all this time, it took you to start a conversation and carry it as well.

The silence was now unfamiliar, sitting with you he became accustomed to regular conversations. He used to crave silence, most words directed towards him stung, but with you he was looking forward to it. Before he was able to ask if you were okay, he noticed you begin to nod off to sleep, until in a split second your eyes perked up when you noticed a movie poster sticking out of his notebook. Your hands slowly dragged it out of the book as you stared at it, it was a “Scream” movie poster.

His shoulder was free from the weight of your head, staring at you curiously as you grabbed his notebook and placed it on the opposite side of where he was sitting, writing in it with your head laying down facing the other side of the desk. He couldn’t see what you were doing, shuffling awkwardly in his sit waiting to figure out what to anticipate from you next.

Within seven minutes, you turned to him with a wide grin plastered onto your face.

“Ta-da!”

He looked down at the paper you slid to his side of the desk and saw a very detailed drawing of ghostface. It was the signature pose, his dark cloak covering his body, holding onto the bloody knife raised before he was prepared to slaughter his next victim. His drawn mask didn’t miss any shadows, even the small texture was visible in your quick sketch.

“I didn’t know you could draw!” Junpei said excitedly, mouth agape as he grabbed the picture with both hands, his eyes widened in awe, “Are you in art club?”

“No, I wish. I take advanced art as a class though. I’m in the athletic club department. I’ve done martial arts and gymnastics my entire childhood.” You brought up your arm and flexed your muscles. “Feel them, I’m pretty strong.” You said with a grin.

Pretty strong would be an understatement, Junpei thought to himself. He brought his hand and gripped onto your bicep, gasping once you flexed to show him you indeed were strong, your muscles putting his slightly-skinny ones to shame.

“I’m pretty strong compared to you, Junpei.” He winced at your comment, about to make his first slick remark towards you until –

“That just means I get to be your knight and shining armor then.”

--------------

Avoiding the pleas of your friends to stay with them, you finally managed to escape the group in search for Junpei. Bumping into other classmates, hovering over lunch tables, even going to more isolated areas of the lunch room, he was still out of sight for you. You gripped your lunch box tightly in frustration, just how hard was it to find the one person in your school that had such a distinct look? You cursed yourself, after a month of friendship and spending the amount of time you did outside of school, you still never managed to get his number.

On a whim you decided to step outside, the cool October breeze catching you by surprise. The autumn trees displaying colors of yellow, orange, red, and purple were the perfect scenario for those school couples wanting to be away from the rest of the school, you knew this. Yet, it was such an embarrassing surprise when every step you would take you would come in a – very awkward -encounter with a couple, whether cuddling or making out, you’d just turn on your heel and act as if you didn’t see a thing at all.

You scolded yourself for even considering looking outside, knowing Junpei he’d be a flustered mess even being near these couples. You didn’t know who his friends outside of you were, so there was no way of you going to ask where he could be for lunch, and you were on the verge of giving up and going back to your group. While taking a detour walking the long way back to the cafeteria entrance, you noticed a boy sitting on a bench under a tree close to one of the classroom windows, a familiar overlapping bang covering the ride side of his face. You grinned to yourself before making your way – of course he’d be in the most isolated place in the whole school.

You ran to him, frantically waving and shouting his name before he finally looked up, giving you a small smile and wave back. Once you got there, you plopped next to him as you let out a deep breath and laid your head on his shoulder.

This time he didn’t flinch.

“What do your friends think?”

“hm?”

“You’re always ditching them for me….” Junpei replied sheepishly as he turned his head to the other side.

“Hey.” You said ignoring his statement, you pulled out your airpods and put one in your ear and one in his. “Give me your number.” You said handing your phone to him.

After he added himself as a contact to your phone, he noticed you quickly send him a link before you quickly snatched his phone from his hand, saving your contact as ‘y/n <3’.

“I made you something.” You said before sending him a link. He checked his phone and the message read, ‘For Junpei.’ With a red heart next to it. “It was a bunch of songs I liked, and I thought you’d like them too. And songs that made me think of you. Let’s listen to some together.”

You were about to hit play before you heard him sniffling next to you. You didn’t miss the tear drop that fell on top of his screen that he was staring at intensely. He had a small smile and blush on his face. Instinctively, you took out a handkerchief that was in your school uniform pocket and bringing it up to him, wiping his slight tear-stained face as he was gliding his fingers through the screen softly. “Are you okay?”

“No one’s ever really...gotten me anything.…let alone made me something.”

A slight frown developed on your face as he continued to stare at the screen in awe, finally beginning to scroll through the songs you’ve chosen to compile together for him. Once his cheeks were no longer tear stained you went back to your original position, sneaking your hand on top of his, squeezing it to grab his attention. He slowly looked to the side to face you, eyes shifting from you and the screen.

“I guess this makes me your best friend.”

He smiles and nods at you, “Yeah, you’re my best friend y/n.”

Your eyes widened at the statement; your breath became rigid as you quickly averted your eyes to the ground. You brought your knees closer to you, wrapping your arms around them and laying your head on top of your knees. Junpei chuckled to himself, he never thought he’d be the one to finally make you flustered.

“Start with Frank Oceans songs.” You said in almost a whisper “I think you’ll like them.”

He started to play the music, sitting back against the tree, bringing his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him.

Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.

It felt as if a drum was going through steady rhythm in your chest. The blood flow rushed to the tip of your fingers, your pulse feeling like a wave flowing throughout your body. His hug triggered a rush of adrenaline that shot through you like a drug. Taking three deep breathes you tried your best to compose yourself, finally lifting your heard from your knees to see him. His head was laid against the tree, eyes closed listening to the song that was playing.

The roles finally reversed, Junpei finding peace with his hold on you yet you couldn’t help but feel a nervous wreck at the situation at hand. You wanted to feel comfortable, you wanted to engulf yourself in the music just as he’s doing but for some reason unknown to you, you were just so damn nervous.

Finally bringing your knees down, you looked up at Junpei seeing a relaxed smile on his face, eyes still closed before he opened one after feeling you move around. He gave a slight smirk before closing his eyes again, not letting his grip on you go. Breathless, you couldn’t find it in yourself to relax in that moment, he’s never made that kind of face to you before nor has he ever looked that confident.

Twiddling your thumbs and avoiding looking at his face, you felt a slight guilt creep up on you. Junpei, your now declared best friend, finally looks confident and finally feels comfortable with you, so why did you feel so weird? You remember when you met him, he was easily embarrassed and insecure, even you could tell that, and you’ve just met him. He finally shows a bit of confidence and you felt a foreign feeling – your heart racing, palms sweating, feeling heat flow through your body, what reason did you have to feel so nervous about someone you were so used to be around, unless –

Oh.

Before you let yourself finish that thought, your eyes caught another movie poster sticking out from him bag. Seeing this as your chance to ruin this movement, you quickly reached over him, causing him to jump, as you took out the poster sticking out of his bag.

'Killer Klowns From Outter Space’.

“You’re a big fan of movies, aren’t you?” You said as you hesitantly looked him in the eye. Just because you were a nervous wreck internally doesn’t mean you had to act on it, you thought to yourself.

He gave you a closed eye smile before responding, “Yeah, are you? Do you like horror movies?”

“mmm, no. not really. My mom hates this movie actually. You should invite me over, then we could watch movies together.” You grinned noticing the blush form onto his face before he stuttered out an “okay.”

Finally, the roles going back to how they should be.

--------------------

Your ankle continued throbbing as you dragged yourself through the empty halls of your school. The halls that during the day are filled with laughter and voices became eerily quiet at this time of the day. Everyone occupied in their club activities there was no room for useless roaming within the halls.

Wincing in pain, you begin to regret saying you didn’t need help going to and from the nurse’s office. During cheer practice you fell from the top of the pyramid, hurting your ankles as you fell roughly onto the mat. ‘You’re lucky you didn’t twist your ankle, just rest and it should be fine in a few days.’ The nurse told you. The feeling of your pulsating ankle and how every step felt like needles seeping through your skin, you had a tough time believing that statement.

You began to regret taking the long way back to the club room, wanting to take a detour of the halls before having to be forced to sit and watch your club members until the end of practice, until you heard a voice that was all too familiar with you now.

Sneaking to the door labeled ‘movie club’ where the noise was coming from, you opened it slightly while peeking your head through it. In it, you saw a very excited Junpei speaking to two other boys. He was going on about the complexities of a plot to one of his favorite horror films, The Conjuring, you were guessing based on the plot, but you couldn’t be too sure, you hated horror films.

Then you saw it. His eyes bright with pleasure and contentment, the most genuine wide smile you’ve seen him wear since the moment you’ve met him. You couldn’t pass this up, you quickly brought your phone up and snapped a picture of Junpei smiling. You wanted to snap the picture and make your way back to your club, giving Junpei some free time from you and enjoy the first moment you’ve seen of him and his friends outside of you.

But this was you, and with your luck the flash from your phone was on and caught the attention of the three boys in the room. As all eyes made their way to the door you sheepishly opened it, giving a guilty smile followed by a small giggle.

“Junpei!” you said cheerily to mask the embarrassment you were facing at the moment. “Movie club, huh? It makes sense, you do love your movies.”

“(y/n), what…what are you doing..here..and did you just..did you just – ”

“Sorryyyy” you whined as you made your way to the table they were all seated at, pulling out a chair for yourself, “You just looked so happy! I don’t even think I’ve seen you that excited to talk to me. I wanted to remember that face, you should show it more.” You gushed out.

That caused a gasp from the two club members sitting at each side of you and a frantically embarrassed Junpei.

“Junpei, how do you know (y/n)?” the one with glasses asked shamelessly. His face was familiar, you couldn’t help but intensively stare at him, ignoring the blush on his face due to your gaze.

“You’ve been to my tournaments?” You asked, recalling seeing him in the stands holding a sign with your school name on it. All he could do was gulp and nod as you backed up from him, “thanks for your support!” you chirped.

“You told me you did martial arts….” Junpei tried not to stare at you, your uniform hugging your body tightly. The way your skirt was risen up due to the sitting position and how your top squeezed your chest, it left little to the imagination and Junpei didn’t want to feel like he was disrespecting you. He knew it was just a uniform, but the way it complimented your body, the way your hair was styled for the uniform, along with the sweat from your forehead that was dripping...the sight in front of him was dangerous, you were dangerous.

“Yeah and I got bored. This year I wanted art club, but my mom said my future would be more promising if I stayed in the athletic department.” You explained, “So I decided the sport with the cutest uniform. Don’t you think I look cute, Jun-pei?” you said batting your eyelashes at him, hoping he would look at you the way his club members were. His club members gasped at you of all people flirting with their club president, and all Junpei could do was nod his head as he glanced at you for a second, quickly switching his view from you to the movie he was holding on his hand.

“I should go. I bet they’re waiting for me. I wish I was in a club like this, you all seem so relaxed.” You brought your body up, stretching before you pushed the chair back into the original position. “I hope you don’t mind me crashing your club when I don’t feel like being in mine, Jun-pei.” You sang out before dragging yourself out of the room.

“How the fuck did you manage to get so close to y/n?”

-------------------------------

For the first time, it was Junpei who was waiting for you outside of the club gates. Normally if you weren’t already there, he would walk home alone and just see you in class the next day or you would chase him in the halls, whining about how he didn’t eat with you the day before.

He didn’t miss how the fresh colors of the sky brushed upon your skin as he saw your figure making its way towards him. It hits him – seeing you walk towards him with what’s left of the sun kissing your skin, this is what he’s been missing out on while leaving you to walk alone? You grin as you make your way towards him, your usual skip replaced with you wobbling to him. He noticed you coming towards him carrying a box of chocolates and a letter, you just got another confession. It would have been your tenth one this week, not as if he was counting or anything.

Every time he experienced you carrying gifts along with love letters, every time eyes would linger the two of you in the hall, and the dirty looks you seemed to miss when leaving your group of friends to be with him, his self-doubt would whisper harsh words in his brain: what did you even see in him?

“I think this is the first time you’ve waited for me! About time.” You said linking your arm around his.

“You got another one.”

“Yeah, this time from Shota.” You missed the way Junpei winced at the name you just said. His arm unlinked with yours, staying in place as you still walked forward before stopping. You turned to him with a questioning look.

“What..um..what do you think of him?”

“He’s kind of scary.” You admitted, “I feel like his personality is fake. His smile has a bit of a sinister undertone, don’t you think? I mean, we’re in the same circle so I tolerate him. I wouldn’t call him my friend though.”

“You deserve better friends. Yours are jerks.” He spat out, not even realizing the word vomit coming from his mouth. “You reject all these guys…you could have whoever you wanted. Why?”

You brought your hand to your chin, squinting your eyes deep in thought. You never truly thought about why you rejected the confessions you would get; you just knew that you didn’t want them.

“Most of the guys who confess to me are a bit much, I guess you could say. Too aggressive, too competitive, not really on the sweet side. Makes sense, I’m an athlete so naturally I’m surrounded by them and those are common traits in the most successful athletes, I guess.”

Finally, as if a light went off in your head you gave off a wide smile to Junpei at your new discovery.

The reflection of dawn hit you, Junpei saw you as an angel in the very moment. The orange-gold glow bouncing off your body, your eyelashes reflecting the light being given to you by the sky, you were glowing and your sweet voice sounding like honey as you said,

“I like very kind, considerate men…and of course, cute. Now that I think about it, my type sounds a lot like you, doesn’t it?”

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taglist; @loveinumaki

pls lmk in the ask if you'd like to be added.

[spencersawkward]

mgg fluff!!! like maybe a super cute romantic date where you both dress up or something like that 🥺

I’ve been writing so much smut the idea of writing a scenario without sex is actually feeling foreign rn WOW lmao ok this was fun to write. here’s some fancy-date pure fluff for you, babe!

summary: Matthew takes reader out for a fancy dinner, and the two make the most of their evening together. 

word count: 2.1k

content warnings: none! short but sweet. 

I swipe the glossy red shade over my lower lip, touching up my makeup before we head out tonight. despite the fact that we’ve been dating for a few months now, the idea of Matthew taking me out to eat-- really taking me out-- is making me positively giddy.

capping the tube and doing a quick once-over in the mirror, I admire the dress I’m wearing. it’s new, something I may or may not have splurged on after work today. it’s a creamy, inky shade, the color of pitch with an open back that I would normally never deign to wear. but something about it, the way the fabric sits against my shoulder blades, makes me confident.

after fluffing up my hair a little, I move into the living room to join my boyfriend. he’s fixing one of his monogrammed cuff links, and he looks up at the sound of my footsteps.

his eyes run over me, the bloom of my mouth and the dress, and he smiles dreamily, not saying anything. my stomach is overflowing with butterflies as I look at him in his suit, so well-dressed. we stare at each other for a moment.

“so?” I grin, walking over to him and running my hands up his chest. “how do I look?”

“you...” his gaze flickers to my pout, then my form. “you’re an angel.”

I reach up and am about to kiss his cheek when I remember that I’ve got lipstick on. “I’ll kiss you later.”

“that’s fine,” he sighs, then takes my hand and spins me around in front of him. “I’m still in shock from how beautiful you are!” he says the last few words in his stupid monster voice, reaching out and tickling my sides while he pulls me into him.

“Matthew!” I squeal, trying to breathe through the laughter. he knows I’m especially ticklish. once he finally relents, I look up at him with a huge smile on my face. sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming with him.

“we’re gonna be late, baby.” he tugs on my earlobe playfully before taking my hand again and leading me into the entryway so we can put our coats on. winter is just starting, dusting the sidewalks with fluffy snow and blowing wind in our faces as we start walking to the car. he holds the door open, as usual, and before long, we’re off to the restaurant.

even though Matthew is a bit of a reckless driver, I trust him. I’ve never told him this, but I love the way he places his hand on the back of my seat and turns around to assess the road behind him before he pulls out. something about it makes my blood warm up. he catches me looking, smiles and asks if I’m okay.

I’m fucking fabulous.

the restaurant is way fancier than I even imagined: cavernous ceilings that drip with chandeliers and walls covered in expensive-looking art. velvet curtains cover the windows, creating a wine-red ambiance of jazz and gentle conversation.

I must look dumb just staring at everything, but Matthew goes to the maitre d’ and gets our reservation ready. we never go on dates this fancy; most of the time, we stay in and binge watch old movies or play board games or just talk. he said he wanted to treat me, though, so I’m more than happy to go along with it.

part of me feels slightly out-of-place as the host leads us to a secluded table, walking past rich-looking couples or groups of people who appear to be socialites. as much as I wish I could blend in with this crowd, I keep worrying that I’m going to trip or somehow break something. elegant situations tend to make me especially clumsy.

once we’re seated and handed our menus, the host leaves us to talk.

“wow.” my eyebrows raise as I check out the options. Matthew looks up.

“what?”

“this place is fancy.” the corners of my mouth tug upwards. some of the items are in French, which makes the process even harder to untangle.

“too much?” he’s a bit wary as he asks, like he’s afraid I don’t like it.

“no, no.” I laugh. “I’m just impressed.”

“you wanna get a bottle of wine?” he asks softly, grabbing the wine menu. I nod.

“sounds good.” I think for a second. “do you happen to speak French?”

“dónde está el baño?” he jokes. before I can stop myself, I reach over the table and hit his arm, both of us laughing. it must be a bit too loud, because a couple people around us turn their heads. I settle back in my seat.

“that wasn’t funny.” I’m giggling.

“I wish I knew French.” he muses, still perusing the wine selection. I sigh.

“honestly, me, too. very sophisticated.”

“are we supposed to pair our wine with our food?” he whispers over the table.

“you think I know the protocol for this kind of place?” I hiss back.

“you know, what? who cares?” he sets down the menu and gives me a resigned smile. Matthew has always been uninhibited, and him deciding to just go with the flow gives me a warm feeling in my tummy. it’s one of the most attractive things about him, in my opinion.  

when the waiter comes to take our orders, Matthew and I just get a merlot and filet mignon, both of us starving. in the meantime, we talk about his day and my day and he tells a funny story about his friend. somehow, he and I always have the best conversations, even if they’re about nothing at all.

literally you could ask us to discuss paint drying and we’d find a way to laugh about it.

“I was thinking... I’m gonna have a vacation soon,” he trails off, the antique ring on his pinky finger clinking against his wine glass. “maybe we could go somewhere?”

“somewhere like...?” I gesture for him to keep talking. he grins.

“you can decide. as long as it’s fun.”

“what? no, you can’t put that pressure on me, Matthew.” I laugh. there are so many places I want to see, and places that I know he wants to see, that I don’t wanna pick the wrong place.

“why not?”

“well, let’s do this,” I sit up more, resting my elbows on the table. the candle in the middle of the table flickers, casting his features in a pretty glow. “you list some places you’d like to visit, and if there’s some overlap, we’ll do that.”

“okay.” he rubs his hands together, then starts to think about it. I wait patiently, sip my wine and start to imagine how many possibilities there are for us. hiking along mountain trails, zip-lining through rainforests. if I’m being honest, I kind of just want to relax.

he breaks my train of thought as soon as he begins to tack off places.

“we could go to Costa Rica, or Croatia, or Mauritius... the Azores...”

“oooh, you know, I’ve heard the Azores are absolutely gorgeous.” my eyes sparkle as I think about the little islands. “and they’ve got these super nice hot springs, too.”

“private hot springs?” he asks me over the rim of his glass. my spine tingles with the implication.

“you wanna fuck in a hot spring?” I almost laugh. he reaches across the table and twines his fingers with mine, thumb rubbing over the back of my hand softly.

“I wanna do it on every continent.” he winks, then pulls away as our food arrives. I try to suppress the heat rushing to my cheeks and regain my composure even though my entire nervous system feels like it’s short-circuiting at the thought.

I try to put those images out of my mind before we thank the waiter, and then we’re staring down at the plates in front of us with surprise. the portions are ridiculously small-- mignon usually isn’t that big, but it’s such a fancy-restaurant-move.

Matthew and I start to giggle to ourselves, picking up our forks and eating. I’m not upset or anything; it’s sort of funny. instead, we share asparagus and dig into the meal.

“do you think they’ll be mad at us for laughing at the nickel-sized food?” I question. it’s really tasty, to be fair, but I have to take small bites so as not to mess up my lipstick.

“for the amount they’re charging, they’re probably the ones laughing.” he replies. I snort, reach up, and he high-fives me.

“that was good.” I concede.

“thanks,” he smiles, wipes his mouth with a napkin before focusing back on me. “so, back to the topic at hand-- are we going to the Azores?”

“only if you want to.” I smile.

“I’m the one that suggested it.”

“okay, then. I guess it’s settled.” I shrug. we set our forks down, done with our food already after about twenty minutes. we start to talk logistics and things we want to do there, excitement building in my stomach the whole time. I love spending time with Matthew-- having him all to myself for a couple weeks sounds like literal paradise.

he looks so pretty right now, too, with his glasses and fluffy hair and the ever-present smile. everything about him exudes positive energy, and I’ll never get over that sensation. I just can’t believe how lucky I am.

“I have an urgent question.” he tells me suddenly, completely serious. I straighten up and frown at him.

“shoot.”

“do you think we can get ice cream? somewhere else?” he asks. I make a face at the way he set me up for suspense, but the relief is overwhelming and my stomach still isn’t full from the small filet. I nod quickly.

he gets the waiter’s attention, pays, and before I know it, we’re walking back to the car.

“thank you.” I nudge his shoulder with my own, both of us bundled up in our coats. he leans down to kiss the top of my head before wrapping his arm around me.

“of course, darling.”

I like his little pet names, how he says them with the kind of sweetness that nearly rots my teeth. even if Matthew didn’t tell me he loved me every day, I would be able to tell just from the way he speaks. like I’m the only girl in the world.

we end up driving to a small ice cream shop by our home, a place that we always visit during the summer if it gets hot and we want sugar. there’s almost nobody inside and we look sort of absurd in our fancy attire, but when I get to the counter to order, I let loose.

salted caramel with oreo crumbles in a waffle cone, piled high. he gets chocolate fudge and we lick at our confections while he pays. it’s so yummy, hitting the spot in a way that a small slice of steak just couldn’t. even though it’s winter, ice cream is always good.

“is my lipstick all gone?” I grin, looking up from my cone to ask. we go to sit in the back room of the shop, which is completely empty.

“mostly, but there’s a little bit...” he grabs my face across the table and guides me to him, sliding his tongue over my lower lip and pulling away to smirk. “got it.”

“uh huh.” I chuckle.

“you taste sweet.”

“you wanna lick?” I offer my cone and he nods, trying it before offering me his own.

“literally how is ice cream so good?” I ask as we go back to our treats. music from the 50′s is playing over the speakers, delightfully saccharine as we just enjoy each other’s presence.

“no idea. but I love the person who invented it.” he says dreamily. “also, sorry about tonight. I know it was kind of a bust.”

“what?” I stop eating for a second. “Matthew, that wan’t a bust!”

“the portions were so small.” he can’t get over this. I snicker to myself.

“sure, but I had a great time.”

“are you sure? I can plan something else special for us.” he gives me puppy dog eyes, afraid that I’m disappointed. I could never be disappointed by a date with him.

“don’t worry about that. let me do the work next time.” I shrug.

“like?”

“like I’ll make an itinerary for our trip. that way you don’t have to stress about activities.”

“you and your itineraries.” he shakes his head slowly, but he’s laughing.

“have they ever failed?” I ask, then tap my finger to my ear as if daring him to reply. when he just smirks in response, I get smug. “that’s what I thought.”

“I love you.” the words come out of nowhere, a heavy sentiment for a light-hearted conversation. every time he says it, I feel it. that deep, burning adoration in my bones. I admire him for a moment.

“I love you, too.”

[prodigious-ladybug]

wishmaker thoughts

in terms of it being a single installment in the larger narrative of miraculous ladybug, i don’t have a lot of thoughts on wishmaker other than ‘haha cool someone knows both of their identities at the same time wonder where this will go’ bc like. i am unable to separate myself from the idea that i absolutely cannot judge something (in this case, season- and series-long arcs) until i see it in its Entirety, in its Proper Complete State (which i know doesn’t exactly mesh with television as a serialised art form but jhdfghj wtvr thats a whole other discussion) so i don’t, and won’t, really have an opinion on luka knowing their identities until i see what the show does with it

on the other hand, in terms of its own merits as an episode (as in, the parts of the episode that are self-contained and are supposed to have their own story arc within the 20min) wishmaker was probably one of the weaker episodes of the show? alec’s akumatisation practically came out of nowhere - the show usually does a pretty good job of setting up the through lines that lead to a character’s akumatisation right from the start of the ep (you know, like with actual foreshadowing and good writing and shit) but wishmaker felt more concerned with the interactions between luka & adrien & marinette than having the villain feel natural within the story. which is all well and good, like this episode is about those three and should be focused on luka’s relationship with adrien & marinette if it wanted to have the proper impact of luka finding out their identities, but it just seemed like the episode couldn’t balance being both a run of the mill, monster of the week episode and an Event episode at the same time (that being said, i doubt this episode would’ve been enough to hold its own across a two parter so i get how the unbalance arose). instead of throwing alec’s characterisation out of whack they couldve used his early screen time to lead up to his akumatisation more naturally - surely something about being a tv presenter and having to be fake all the time for a living and not staying true to what his younger self wanted or SOMETHING would like. be putting him down in the dumps or smth. idk. that’s just off the top of my head surely the writers could come up with something more substantial. and yeah this might take away some attention from the emotional core of luka, adrien & marinette but it’d at least 1. tie in with the theme of the episode and 2. set some precedent for his negative feelings instead of him getting akumatised in like. ten seconds hgfdfghjk

the only other thing that kinda rubbed me the wrong way was how wishmaker’s power seemed especially contrived, even for this show? like i Know half of the akumatised powers are to either get ladybug and chat noir to kiss (contrived for the sake of romance which is. generally fine in a romance show and also approved by my shipper brain) or reveal their identities (which actually ties into the plot and the villain’s motivations and therefore makes it...not really contrived) so wishmaker being used to reveal their identities is fine. but um. the leap hawkmoth made in how his powers would do that is. wild. it’s like:

reveal people’s childhood wishes

???

reveal lb & cn’s identities

profit

and again, i know hawkmoth has given an endless list of powers to people that make you think ‘what the fuck was he hoping to accomplish with that?? what did he THINK would happen?’ and i’m all for hawkmoth having dumb plans, being soundly beaten and then having to figure out smarter ways to beat lb & cn, but i guess my problem here is that in this episode he was actually proven RIGHT. like he had no guarantee that lb & cn wouldn’t have childhood wishes a la dino man and mr banana, but he really put out this fairly weak akuma with the immediate assumption that it would reveal their identities and like?? if viperion wasn’t there he’d have achieved it! (well, idk abt ladybug, he’d at least probably hit chat noir, which is. an interesting au to think about). the link between revealing childhood wishes and revealing lb & cn’s identities seemed like a massive leap in logic to me (more than this show usually makes), and idk if anyone else felt that when watching the episode but like kjhdfghjk hawkmoth buddy can you explain your thinking for just a second like i’ll accept what you’re doing i just need to know why the fuck you’re doing it and how you got there

but other than that! i really really liked this episode and i was hyped up the entire fucking time!! i had to keep pausing it bc i was getting overwhelmed LMAO. i guess one thing i will say so that this doesn’t seem like a wall of negativity (which i swear i didn’t mean for it to be, there were only two (2) things i didn’t like about the episode that i felt weakened it, it just takes me a billion words to get to my point) is that however they handle luka knowing their identities in future episodes, i fucking loved the way they handled it in this episode. for some background, i’ve honestly never cared much either way abt luka, i have zero negative feelings about him, it’s just that he has the unfortunate case of not being a character type i particularly care abt, and the writing hasn’t done anything much to endear him to me. he’s fine, and i certainly like him more than other characters, but i’m pretty much as neutral on him as you could get. UNTIL THIS EPISODE! okay not really, something abt him agreeing to be friends with marinette in crocoduel made me go ‘:) what a nice boy :)’ BUT! THIS EPISODE! i’m proud to announce i’m officially a luka stan. LYING BALD-FACED TO LADYBUG? KING. LYING TO LADYBUG AFTER THE SEASON OPENER OF HIM GETTING AKUMATISED OVER MARINETTE LYING??? i am SO here for internal character conflicts YES! this is what i WANT! set up a character who has a strict line in the sand and put them in a situation where they’re forced to cross it anyway, and see what happens next!!!! i really would not mind a whole character study on luka after this. like....the fucking intrigue.......why did he lie, and how does he feel about it? does he regret it? does he consider it a necessary evil? i’m sure all of this will be answered in like. a single line from him five episodes down the road bc that’s how this show handles shit like this but. those last few minutes were really just straight bangers i’m still not recovered

well this was. longer than i thought it’d be. and again, i liked this episode a lot, idk what compelled me to write all this out. i usually don’t have a lot of formulated thoughts like this after an episode of ml; i think that it was just bc there were a couple things i could actually critique in the ep that it made it easier to pick apart my feelings. but anyways!

TL;DR wishmaker, in its self contained elements, felt a bit weak as an episode bc 1. alec’s akumatisation was mad rushed and 2. the way his powers were used to further the plot felt contrived to me (yes, even for miraculous). but, in the episode’s over-arching elements within the season/show, i immensely enjoyed it, primarily because of the amount of intrigue it set up in 1. luka’s characterisation and 2. the possibilities emerging from luka knowing lb & cn’s identities