#i cant sleep because of this shit

[my-mom-named-me-duck]

who came up with the idea of making some people bleed once a month because I'd like to have a "polite" chat with them

i am in pain and it's making me angry >:(

[spagheddiesquash]

of all the things that had to be a thing why was loud snoring one of them

[eponastory]

I think I have outsmarted my cousin...

To put it bluntly, she's been sneaky regarding my product labels. Peeling my ingredient labels (which have my logo on them) off so you can basically steal my product is illegal. So, to remedy that situation, I am switching over to vinyl labels.

If anyone knows anything about vinyl, they say it's easy to remove... yeah, if you use things like WD-40 or mineral oil. Both these things can get into my product, making the soaps and stuff unsanitary and useless. With that in mind, why can't she understand what she does not only hurts my business but also her friends. That and it is thoroughly upsetting me because I work really hard to make the products I sell. It's disrespectful, even though she says she is helping me.

Sometimes, I just don't get it.

So, I'm just going to do what I have to do. Which is taking care of my business by outsmarting my cousin. If she peels these labels off, I'm done. Like completely done with her. Screw the money, the stress and hurt isn't worth it.

Also, she kinda sprung up a big order on me last minute because she 'meant to call me days ago' and she needs it by Tuesday.

I don't smoke, but she makes me want to.

[buwheal]

Hey Spam, not to sound rude or anything, but i think something is stuck in your hair to your left. IDK what it is, but it looks like kinda spiky so please be careful!

[rooksblvd]

oh i'm SICK

[isupposethisisagoodusername]

I love how one line tore this fandom apart from it's handsewn stitches that were covering piles of patches of this old holed fabric and just made a gigantic fucking tear right in the middle of it

"Honey I'm home"

Yeah, I'm freaking out, it's very cute, I love it, but lmfao

No I am too tired to process emotion so I am not physically freaking out but it's still dope as shit

[clockworkvampyre]

stuff i doodled just now

[silentmouthpiece]

I hate to say it, but i might as well.

It would be so easy to become a Jimmy. Hell, there are Jimmy's everywhere, but no one wants to admit or even realize that it would be easy to be just like them.

A problem we have as a people is that as soon as someone commits a horrible or unforgivable act we dehumanize them call them monsters. I'm guilty of it as well. It makes it easier to separate them from us, to believe that no real human could commit such acts. The thing is...they are human. They are like us and we are like them.

Jimmy is human. A severely fucked up one who's gone unchecked to the point of catastrophe, but he's human like us. He sounds and acts like a human, and his actions are very fucking human. His issues that spiraled so out of control are so very human that when I look at them in a certain way I see my reflection in the mirror. I see Jimmy in the ways some people walk and how they talk, but no one ever wants to see Jimmy within themselves. I wish I could say I'm nothing like Jimmy, but I can see all the ways I'd turn out like him if just a few things were different.

If I were a man, would I have absord the toxic masculinity of the fathers and guy friends in my life and all that entails? If I was less empathetic, would I let my resentment at the state of my life control me to the point I can only see the worst in others instead of force myself to maintain a sliver of compassion and optimism? If I wasn't desperate to be self-aware, would my crippling fear of failure and lack of self-worth blind me to the reality that I allowed them to hollow me out and leave me with nothing to be proud of? If a younger me didn't convince myself that I can only punish myself for anything that happens, would I have turned my anger and listlessness into a blade that cuts others instead of turn it inwards or share it with my friends? Would I inflict pain on others once I realized I could fullfil a need by doing so? I could go on.

I am also ashamed to admit that one of my knee-jerk reactions to hurting someone badly (albiet unintentionally) or realizing I was increadibly wrong about something is denial. It doesn't last forever but I will obsess over it for a long time afterwards. It's a nasty feeling and it's an instinct that literally feels like a chain yanking my brain to follow it. Primal fear feels like that as well, and it rears it's ugly head when I'm faced with confronted with reality and consequences of my actions.

I want to go back to college, but whenever my mother brings it up I get locked into a state of primal fear, insecurity and hopelessness because I crafted a reality where I have no skills, goals or ability to pursue a higher education or a life that suits me. Confronting that reality sends me spiraling down a very strong wave of depression that often debilitates me, though I've gotten better at climbing out of it so I can at least focus on my job. It still feels like I'm being compelled to enforce that reality, and that instinct overrides all better senses. It's an unchecked issue that controls my actions.

When I talk to my friends all I can see is that they have something they're skilled at or passionate about, and that they're doing what I told myself I can't. I never thought I was a jealous or envious person, but I think that's because I never resented anyone for what they had. However, I see so many instances and depictions of resentful and malicous envy/jealousy that I know they are typically linked. In a world that's more competitive than I ever was, these emotions drive people to harm each other all the time for any reason one could think of. The worst part is those people can also happen to be friends and family who love each other deep down. It's so damn common that it must be human.

I don't understand the need to force myself on anyone for pleasure or control, so I can't relate or speak on that. It's happened often enough that others can speak on it and that's terrifying, and what I see is so beyond my ability to comprehend as an actual thought process or mentality but it's still very real and human. Animals do it to and humans are animals, but we're not talking about that. I suppose the closest I can get is the callousness I can feel sometimes when I'm absolutely out of patience with someone.

All that to say is... I think I get Jimmy and his inability to accept responsibility and the cognitive dissonance of wanting to be seen as good and capable as he destroys everything and everyone he touches. I get his resentment and jealousy of Curly and that it's so tied deeply with his love for him that it twists into something noxious and all-consuming. I get how his warped perception of others didn't stop him from caring for others (mostly the guys), but it affected how and how much he cares for them. I get the casual cruelty he can dish out and I understand being locked in the worst mental autopilot to avoid the fallout of your reality that you made because couldn't accept yourself.

I hope that all made sense. Jimmy really got me thinking.

[vivitalks]

more adhd jason grace or die by my sword

[thelien-art]

STROP TRYING TO CONTACT ME ASKING ME WHY I BLOCKED YOU!!!

I block people for mainly ONE thing!

Ai - I don´t want to see that shit, so if you post Ai under a tag I follow I WILL BLOCK YOU!! - don´t fucking come crying on a NEW FUCKING BLOG about how much you want to see my art!

Just... stop. Please! I don´t care if you followed me or not okay?

Not only is it theft, but the toll on the environment is ridiculous and openai keeps saying they can't keep it up because of the toll, unless a new way to harvest energy is found!! HOW CAN´T YOU SEE THE PROBLEM!???

[mystmesstolemysoul]

707: yea, you gotta stay in the dead girl's apartment now.

me: what? why!?

707: for the plot

me, suddenly with everything I need to live for 11 days on my person: oh okay, makes sense

[thrumbolt]

It’s not true that Feyre’s trauma only shows up in the spring court or that it disappears in the night court. Just as she only once when surprised freaks out at the red of Lucien’s hair, she only sometimes is triggered in the NC. The first time she and Rhys fly after she leaves the spring court, she panics when she feels caged by his wings and Rhys has to back off. Mor doesn’t wear red for a bit to not trigger her. Then there’s the whole Prison plot where she can’t handle the Prison the first time because of her trauma and even when she eventually goes in, she’s freaking out.

Her trauma gets better with time even though she is still struggling on acowar and obviously it’s not every second or she wouldn’t have spent so much time with Lucien and been fine with his red hair all times except once when surprised

Thanks for the anon! You bring up some good points, but I still have to complain haha.

My issue is that she is not just triggered at Lucien's red hair. She is also triggered by red paint and red rose petals....and then never again. Red carpet at Rhys' just a few pages after she gets 'saved' from the spring court? Whatever. Cassian's red syphons? Nothing. That's bad writing, in my opinion. Either the dang color red reminds her of blood and triggers her, or it doesn't, but how it is almost immediately forgotten - that's just inconsistent (it would be definitely much more meaningful, if it slowly improved). Honestly I don't really remember her having any hangups in Acowar at all. And neither has Rhys. He gets like what, one nightmare and one sex position hangup? I was really disappointed that it just....went over so quickly. Maybe that's why I latch onto Tamlin? At least his issues aren't gone after a book. They even get worse as he doesn't seek help. It's just more compelling to me.

My biggest beef in this regard is that Feyre gets triggered getting locked in, but the first time she gets taken by Rhysand and HE locks her in a room, she's totally fine, despite being actually low key scared of him at that point still and him not taking her home despite her asking him to. It just makes no sense, even with the added wing scene (which I did not remember, so thanks for that). I get that in the Tamlin version she is hysterical (for lack of better term) so it ends in a panic attack, but still.

There's also the part of how she has all these freak outs in the spring court while she is totally able to just literally re-enact her UTM experience in hewn city. Did that not bother you? Yes Rhys calms her and shit, but I couldn't help but eyeroll at that.

In the end I think it's just very manipulative writing to prime you on Rhys good, Tam bad. Spring Court lame, Night Court awesome. When SJM wants something to happen in the plot, it will happen, no matter if it makes sense. Be it the Tamlin-Rhys switcheroo, the UTM sexy scene, the pregnancy plotline, what have you. It's why every new book retcons something from the previous ones.

Personally, I can float with that and accept the silliness of it all quite well. But in consequence it also means I do not take the trauma plot as serious as some and I really do not care whether or not Tamlin is abusive and so on....

[unforth]

Half-formed thoughts about parallels between the Wen siblings and the Jiang siblings, and the costs of being on the losing side of a war, and what it means to be willing to do anything for a sibling, and what it suggests that at no point does Jiang Cheng want for Jiang Yanli what Wen Ning got, and older sister & younger brother dynamics, and what would Jiang Yanli have been prepared to do for her brother if she'd been in Wen Qing's position, and and and

[anaalnathrakhs]

love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what

[selamat-linting]

resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3

[patentedsun]

the moment in Spider-Man PS4 where Peter was like at fully rock bottom — homeless, basically unemployed, and if you kept track of the games timeline, he hasn't slept in literal days — and then he gets beat the fuck up by the sinister six and his mentor betrays him and the moment he regains consciousness he immediately puts the suit back on he runs away. And then Yuri calls him and is like r u insane you have FOURTEEN BROKEN BONES and he sounds SO exhausted when he replies with a light-hearted quip about having a hundred and something non broken ones .... just .... yeah.... shit hit me.

(and then things just get worse and worse and worse and worse and worse and —)