#and so i cant brain further down this path

[unforth]

Half-formed thoughts about parallels between the Wen siblings and the Jiang siblings, and the costs of being on the losing side of a war, and what it means to be willing to do anything for a sibling, and what it suggests that at no point does Jiang Cheng want for Jiang Yanli what Wen Ning got, and older sister & younger brother dynamics, and what would Jiang Yanli have been prepared to do for her brother if she'd been in Wen Qing's position, and and and

[nyxivy]

Rocketober - Day 1 - Friends

A/N: am i starting this midway through october? Maybe so. You cant stop me

Contents: No actual smut just rocket being horny. Nsfw descriptions? Smut mentioned. Female reader. No use of Y/N

Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Friends. Just friends. Rocket chants in his head as he fixes his eyes to the gun he's tinkering with. To be honest it hasn't ressembled anything even similar to a gun since you've come flouncing in, basically flaunting your flarking flawless body in your little skimpy loungewear, making it pretty much impossible for Rocket to get anything done.

Not for the first time this evening his eyes rake over your body when you turn away from him. From the way your hair fell perfectly against the back of your neck, slightly mussed up from a day of doing nothing much, allowing Rocket to imagine that your head looked that way from being buried in a pillow, his hand placed at the crown of your skull, claws gently gripping the roots of your hair, keeping your moans nice and muffled. He shakes his head out of the daydream and his eyes continue their path down your body, your oversized sleep shirt drapes over the gentle curve of your shoulders. He knew that if you turn around he would be able to see the swell of your tits, and the outline of your nipples where you'd decided you didn't need a bra. A decision he both cursed and thanked you for. The hem of the shirt rested on the crest of your ass, bunched up where he swears he'd seen you purposefully hoist it up before you bend over to do fuck knows what. He actually doesn't think he has a single idea what you're actually doing in here apart from shamelessly parading around for him to gawk at but his thoughts never get any further as his eyes fall on your ass. He actually thinks his jaw drops open and his brain short-circuits a bit. The quite frankly tiny booty shorts you're wearing do nothing to protect your modesty, and the way you're bent over allows them to ride up even more, exposing your soft skin. He has the urge to bite. Not enough to break skin, just enough to make you squeal in that adorable way you do when something startles you. He thinks about the way your ass would feel in his hand, firmly gripping the plumpness and maybe even the way it would bounce if he gave it a sharp smack- oh fuck. He feels himself go entirely still as his eyes lock on the most glorious thing he thinks he's ever seen. Right there, between your legs, not five feet away from him he can see the plump outline of your pussy, the thin fabric of your shorts the only barrier between him and what he's sure must be the prettiest fucking pussy in the galaxy. Holy shit, was that a wet spot? He has to catch himself as he feels a growl rise up in his throat, he just wants to shove his nose into the warmth between your legs and lap up your wetness until you're a quivering mess.

He needs to look away, he feels warm all over and the sorry excuse of scrap metal he called a gun on his lap was the only thing between his cock straining against his jumpsuit and the world. He tears his eyes away from your pussy, just to trail them down your perfect legs, trying desperately to think of something, anything else.

Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. He went back to chanting, the issue was not that he needed to be reminded not to try and make a move on you, lest he ruin the friendship you have with each other. In fact he found it quite easy to deny his urges, simply because he know you were not interested. How could you be? Rocket just needed to remind himself of that. It wasn't your fault he was quite frankly obsessed with you and that made him second guess every little action. You were just innocently doing- wait, what were you actually doing? You had your head in a box and were rummaging around. Almost as if you'd read his mind, you straighten up with a sigh from within your throat that could easily be mistaken for a moan. You don't have anything in your hands, you must not have found what you were looking for. When you turn around your eyes almost immediately find Rockets and he fixes his gaze to his project in front of him, cursing himself for being caught staring. When he dares to lift his gaze again he notices that he was completely right about your nipples. The hard outline of them creating shadows in your shirt and he wonders if it's because you're cold or because of the friction of the shirt. Then he wonders if they're sensitive, if he could simply brush over them and have you arching your back into his hands. Then he thinks it must be the friction, because this room feels boiling. Although that might just be Rocket. And with the clothes- or lack-of clothes you were wearing he wouldn't be surprised if you were cold. Your bare feet padded against the cool metal of the ship as you made to leave. Definitely cold. And when his eyes flicked up to meet yours you smiled at him, as if you knew something he didn't.

[twistedyapping]

my experience with health n wellness n stuff

so i started adding weights alongside my cardio, changing my cardio routine just slightly, and changing my diet a tad like 3 months ago or so now-

i didnt do it to lose weight or anything, i did it to build muscle and also hopefully stop fighting god on the shitter- i basically just started doing it to do it bc like. Why not.

and real shit ever since i started really bryan johnsoning and david gogginsing life my whole everything has absolutely skyrocketed-

n im not gonna be one of those ppl that's like "LIFT OR DIE!!!!! EXERCISE OR U SUCK!!!!" Bc like if u have a solid reason why u cant, dw abt it- but in my experience since i changed all this stuff, my self esteem and confidence (and even 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 vibes) and Everything has just absolutely skyrocketed for the better-

Like i was someone who got winded bringing the groceries in the house (And i could hold like 4 light bags max), and if i like squatted down to the floor for any reason, it was a Full Body exercise to get myself back up to stand.

now i can literally get up and down using Only My Legs which is how it should be!!! And the other day i carried HALF the grocery load in the house and wasn't even winded!!!!!! Like that little shit is just so fucking worth it bro it makes u feel so much better abt literally everything in life

and i have visible muscle now!!! Im not a twig like i can actually do shit!!! And after being known as the skinny as a rail twig with no muscle for like my whole life, you have no clue how great being able to overhead press 21.5lbs Multiple Times feels for me- And like that's probably not a whole lot of weight for a lot of ppl, but mannnn i started with 16lbs and was DYING.

i can also fucking glute bridge 60lbs Like that's CRAZY to me and ya ya the hips r the powerhouse of the cell But i started with 54.5lbs. That is also insane to me.

the thing is like i literally never knew my own strength, like the small amount i already had, and i also never knew how to Increase it until now- And now i just feel more in tune with my body and even my mind like- idk everything is just Good and Better.

ya i got some days where i dont rly feel like eating bryan johnson food like quinoa n shit But other days i literally get hyped for it. and i measure my food n shit like-

and i was allergic to the idea of measuring my food n stuff at first- i genuinely hated the idea because i didnt want to find out i was getting like 0 nutrients per day i was PETRIFIED bc i was always told i eat like an ipad kid-

well turns out i actually Do get a lot of nutrients every day and even more now- and i dont measure my food to hit a specific amount of calories, i just measure it to know what im getting out of it- im not counting strands of spaghetti tryna make sure it's EXACTLY 116 grams, but hitting that double serving 232g dead on is satisfying ngl- Or cutting exactly 1oz of cheese- Like it's just fun 4 me idk

and i understand it's not fun for some ppl and that's 100% okay, i am not here to preach the fitness gospel, im just here to share my experience bc i enjoy yapping abt things

im not going the full mile like perfect everything, measuring every single thing on my body like bryan johnson (no shade, he's a well beloved name in our house bc it's funny to call quinoa n stuff bryan johnson food 😭😭), but i am just kinda chillin and like really starting to take my health and nutrients and exercise more seriously without being afraid of it like i used to be and it's in turn helping my mental health too which is why i do it-

i do everything i can to make my mind better bro call me david goggins the way im up in those brain cabinets clearin shit out all the time- But ya like. Idk shit's just Better.

so if this somehow inspired u to also go down the fitness path either by just starting out or going further down it than u already were- sick 🫡 Bc that wasn't my intention so that'd be a cool consequence of my actions 🫡

Anyway ya that's abt it. see ya

- 🌙 -

[avvidstarion]

General 1, 7, 8 story 2, 3, 7, 11 and romance 1, 5 and 11 for canon character avvid!!!

completely 100% canon companion avvid who is also from my brain

General:

1: Where can your Tav be recruited? 

you can find avvid face down peter griffin death pose completely unconscious rolling death saves somewhere near the wreck site (they were not as lucky in the crash as you were). in order to recruit them you have to use the help action, a potion, or have shadowheart heal them

7: Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game?  Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

hmmmm i dont have this down 100% yet ( i still need to beat the game after all) but here are the basics:

avvid's backstory is the same-- they escaped from their creche/the astral plane after learning that vlaakith intended to turn them into an egg machine in order to further her eugenics breeding program. avvid worries that by being abducted by the mind flayers has accidentally dragged them back into the life they were trying to avoid

if you do the rosymorn monastery stuff with them in the party the creche leader will recognize avvid as an escapee and has orders from vlaakith herself to turn them in alive (they cant make eggs if theyre dead). fight will ensue as usual and when vlaakith shows up to tell you about the astral plane she will also encourage you to turn avvid in

at some point you will have the opportunity to actually turn avvid in but if you try to do that they will become hostile and you'll have to kill them

their quest will be a mixture of lae'zel's and gale's. lots of fighting gith soldiers and pissing off vlaakith (avvid is pretty anti-orpheus, unlike lae'zel, though. they just view him as another potential dictator who will be no better than vlaakith). their quest would be like gale's in that there will be a lot of avvid thinking "i need to become the most powerful necromancer and lich of all time so i can finally kill vlaakith and protect myself and also so that i will be Useful". especially if you give them the book of thay (they fight astarion for it). they will also have a lot to say about ketheric thorm/myrkul ("how come that guy was the chosen of myrkul and not me, huh???"). you can encourage them to pursue power and safety or to pursue the quiet a life they have always wanted (even if they will always be on vlaakith's bad side). you can also pull a dragon age and harden them if you want-- basically you can either let them to continue to be overly trusting and gullible or soft or have them become more cynical and hard

basically it's a choice between letting avvid fully walk away from vlaakith and live their best life (even though they will forever be pursued by the gith) or letting avvid take the fight to vlaakith and pursue necromantic power and lichdom (and safety). it's about letting avvid remain trusting and open and in love the with the world (and yeah a little gullible) or letting them become more mature and cynical and a little less happy (but less likely to be taken advantage of).

8: What do they say when the Player Character asks them to stay in camp?  How about when the Player Character asks them to come adventuring again?

"All right. At least I'll have more time for reading."/ "Wonderful! I can't wait to see what the world has in store!"

Story Specific:

2: How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

ohhh avvid is so gullible and curious to a fault so they'd completely fall for raphael's bs. "he seems nice <|:-)". if you choose to make them more cynical they will do a 180 and condemn raphael but if you choose to keep them soft they'll be hesitantly interested in what Raphael has to offer

3: How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

they are jealous of the player character they are happy that the player character let astarion feed bc they feel sympathy for him and they are fully trusting that astarion won't hurt anyone in the party

7: What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?

they'll be kinda sloshed (they are a lightweight) and acting pretty differently from their usual shy self! they'll be singing and dancing and talking to everyone and laughing a lot and just so happy and free! everyone thinks it's very endearing that they're so happy and if the player character chooses to romance them this will be one of tav's "oh" moments where they realize that they might have a crush tee hee!

11: What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?

they are soooo shy and socially awkward so they go completely red and pull their hat down over their eyes and let out a small embarrassed (but endearing) shriek

Romance:

1: Is your Tav a romanceable character?  Are there any specific requirements to romancing them?

they are! there aren't any specific requirements beyond getting their approval high enough. I think they'd fall in love with you pretty easily and they'd be the character you have to turn down in like every playthrough that you aren't romancing them lol

5: Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?

I think it would depend on whether or not you choose to keep them trusting and naive and also whether or not you'd chose to have them commit to their dreams of lichdom. they will still love you no matter what but if you choose those options they become less, like, idealistic and overeager about their expectations? like less "we are going to settle down and live happily ever after and im already planning our wedding after a week of knowing you" and more "i love you and will kill for you but i cant make any promises about what our future holds and when i ascend to lichdom i will outlive you but it's okay cause when you die your bones are joining my skeleton army"

11: What are Tav’s plans for the future?  Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?

see the above! if you choose to keep them as they are and discourage them from pursing lichdom i definitely think there would be an option to propose to them <3

[straycalamities]

24 for kian, ace, and daisy waisy

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they’d made those decisions?

AH! the nearly-uncomfortable au strikes again

kian: hrmm...im trying to think...i cant imagine a world where he doesnt eventually leave his dad... like...is it even feasible to live ur whole life in those conditions and not try to get away. theyre just..UNLIVEABLE. if he didnt leave he'd just DIE

tho...even if he just left later that'd make a huge impact on him i think...he'd be soooooooo cold. he wouldn't even have the unserious funny haha nihilism he has now. he'd just be an angry dick that's entirely dead inside. he would survive doing the bare minimum bc he wouldn't think about how life could get better than that. everyone would avoid him besides the naïve "ooo sexy man" initial response but just one interaction would have them being like nah, actually,

ace: oogh, there's so many decisions he made that i could unmake, oogh. delicious.

if he decided to not help his dad financially as a kid. oh thats a big one. oh its so big the more i think abt it. holy shit. that's what formed his entire personality. all his interests and everything. (special mentions for if he decided to not befriend jack or decided not to pursue his dreams so hard)

but i wanna do this one

so. honestly? ace would probably be taken away from his dad if it got worse. even if CPS fucking sucks there's nooo way i think it'd be allowed to go further downhill. (otherwise they'd be literally on the streets and THEN ace would get taken away? either way) and i honestly cant see ace getting adopted, unfortunately.

his dad, even if he didnt spoil him with STUFF, he spoiled his attitude. it's like...probably some way of like making up for not being able to get ace anything is to let him act however he wanted. so it'd take some reeeeeeal patient parent(s) to wanna take ace in because he wouldn't have the mind to hide it at that point. ace would maybe eventually learn to chameleon his behavior? but i think by the time he learned it in the foster system it'd be too late bc..ppl dont tend to adopt teenagers either

god this is making my brain gears TURN that one decision rly is everything

i think that his growing up would be pretty shit. bc now im thinking abt the differences between this and cult au ace AUGH. cult au ace at least had a stable home with a turn-around of income even if it wasnt from him specifically busting his ass to earn the money (well in a way it still is, but, different)

ace, but...jaded O_O he wouldn't evolve that charming personality. i think he'd lean more into the class clown personality. but it's not as endearing bc everyone sees him as a girl. and i know from experience, girl class clowns are just...weird-girls w Issues to everyone. its not endearing like it is w boy class-clowns to other ppl. he'd still have like..pretty strategic ideas for situations and stuff bc that's inherently him. but..i dont think it'd get him as far as it normally would

so he'd be so..lonely lmao. like regular ace also has issues w loneliness but its way more complex. this would just be straight up. fkn lonely. and straightforward misery from it. maybe he'd have some goons or smth at some point? but idk if he could ever truly connect w them unless they were also from the foster system.

cuz see im thinking that normal ace learns everything he does bc he makes the decision that he HAS to. he has to to survive so it all becomes this like...ok i do this or i starve. whereas an ace that's either decided its hopeless, not his responsibility, or just didnt think to do it, wouldnt have that same direct "inspiration" riding his ass. so his social skills would form in a rly weird way based mostly off how much of a brat he is and how much he desires everyone to like him (which is also true of any other ace but this one has a like..feral desperation to it in comparison. like a stray animal more than..someone who grew up too fast and forgot to make real friends along the way <- the usual)

he'd still have these like lofty dreams and i think he'd still want to chase them somehow, but he wouldn't have the connections nor the charm normal ace has. he'd be, at most, some stand-up comedian who performs nights at some local venue and he's just an opener for the main act. maybe he'd sing and put in the work to be good at it, but a big part of this kinda career is the ppl you know so :pensive emoji:

god this ace is the epitome of sopping wet meow meow. what a miserable little man. so richie tozier-coded but more of a failure bc he doesnt have a group of friends to bond w over other-dimensional clown trauma

anyways i think that's enough rambling abt this. i could go a hundred different directions with it from here and i cant choose one. so. there u go. something to chew on. (god he wouldnt care abt sleight-of-hand shit or magicians or card tricks or any of that. WHO WOULD HE BE??????????? maybe he'd hold onto the bar interest in general? like billiards n stuff? oh my god he'd be more likely to be an alcoholic like his father NOOOOOOO)

after that daisy's gonna seem so lack-luster LMAO

daisy: the thing w daisy is i dont rly have a set story in my head for her rly? i kinda just have..scenes and things i like her doing. ive never sat and gave her a like...biography

so idk what decision she'd make that i could undo and have it make an interesting change...if she didnt decide to sing, she'd be an actress. if she didn't decide to kill ppl, she'd just be focusing on her dreams full-time. and so none of that's super interesting to get into uh...

if she didnt decide to push being famous, she'd probably just be happy being some homemaker or smth. someones trophy wife or...a singing waitress or waffle house worker idk.

even with nyanpire daisy its more like...her big decisions is to not...die. uh. (bc shes miserable as a vampire) so if i reverse that then shes just dead LFJKSDJF

so idk 8_8 thank u for including her but IDK WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!!!

[onthecrescentofthehill]

compiled some very good tags under the cut for this one ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️

tags from @malewifesband

the fact that kabru initially wants to use laios as a tool to prevent tragedy only strengthens the bond when he finds #over and over he cant push himself to kill laios or allow harm to come to him#as much as he needs to keep everyone safe hes drawn to laios for nore than the reasons he can acknowledge#hes treated himself as a dispoasble tool for saving people for most of his life and certainly since he got to melini #but he cant extend that treatment to others esp laios despite his mixed feelings #kabru is a cynic he fails to see good in most people despite his intent to save them #he has little faith in general that people will do The Right Thing when presented with something they want more than whats right #but hes making a deliberate choice to put faith in laios despite his uncertainty #hes making a choice to believe in somebody elses capacity to choose to sacrifice #downplaying kabrus trauma in his decisions actually downplays how important his decision to be laios' friend is #bc part of what hes choosing in being laios' friend is a path that breaks his traumatic eut #where he cant let people get too close know too much be trusted too much #think how little he reveals to his party about this plan even rin. even them he cannot fully trust #thats the level of closed off he is when he lets the bitter angry truth out with laios and laios does not reject him #and instead affirms he intends to meet him on the surface with marcille (something he cant do if shes still dungeon lord) #so he makes a choice to trust laios with saving the world. and its the right choice#hes so quick to call laios a friend when talking to mithrun after that bc man what a thing to be feeljng what he is then #trauma has robbed him of trust for years and its the most difficult thing in the world to surrender that and be vulnerable #and to be validated that was the right choice and that trauma was wrong about needing to close yourself off to be safe #anyway yeah his cpstd is why he cant be friends despite wanting to and why it matters so much that he chooses to that build that bond anyway#good meta op

tags from @shadowtraveled

i think part of this stems from people not fully understanding how much of a weird bizarre unexpected powerhouse the touden party is… #a lot of people see laios as this kind of sillie guy trying his best but ultimately being very normal skills-wise with the exception of his #monster knowledge. but his monster knowledge and falin’s insane amount of magical energy and marcille’s talent and skill for offensive #casting and chilchuck’s ample experience and toshirou’s swordsmanship and namari’s weapons mastery and knowledge followed by senshi’s #familiarity with the dungeon make them a uniquely powerful party like they are kind of The party to watch #they got further than anyone before getting wiped out iirc? of course they’re on kabru’s radar as potential players in his game of 6d chess #to save humanity and end the threat of dungeons #he spends most of the series thinking of laios in terms of utility for that purpose—his purpose. his single goal. #when he meets laios properly he thinks he was wrong to cast his bets on him but he continues aiding him because—and he says this outright— #laios is the tallman closest to the heart of the dungeon #i think people avoid acknowledging that because it makes kabru sound cold or uncaring but it’s a crucial part of his character #he is Always thinking of how to prevent utaya from ever happening again. that is Always on his mind. everything he does he does for that #i think it’s actually more interesting that in his absolute dedication to his goal and his brain’s traumatized reflexive unwillingness to #let him think about anything too upsetting that he hasn’t managed to compartmentalize yet he is unable to recognize his own loneliness #consciously he has very real utilitarian reasons for tracking laios down and that is okay #but all living things need connection to live. and kabru has built a very amicable wall around himself that does not allow for the emotional #fulfillment he has subconsciously been seeking#and of course laios’ niche special interest is one that would be soothing to his halfway separated trauma of ostracism and the fear of being #a monster himself. like of course a guy with these specific issues that he thought he was over but kind of really wasn’t would want to#understand why on earth someone would see anything but evil in a monster#anyway kabru i love u i love you kabru #meshy #kabru time

tags from @mynnthia (prev tags referring to above)

AGREED WITH PREV TAGS #i covered some of this in the tags of my half-joke/half-serious kabru car accident/Crash metaphor post but like. #some ppl expect/are used to 'monsters killed my whole family/village'-type backstories as a fantasy staple + having #barely any deep psychological impact on characters + their subsequent motivations beyond 'i will kill all monsters as revenge' #but when the trauma is actually played straight (+done in a more complex way) in dunmeshi #(ie. kabru has layered motivations built upon 'i must prevent this tragedy from happening to anyone else' + isnt fixated on 'revenge') #ppl who Dont understand/realize kabru's trauma…then dont understand his subsequent motivations/actions #ive seen multiple ppl say that when i reframed the utaya massacre as kabru losing his whole family in a highly traumatic car accident #that it helped it 'click' for them – Why kabru would have complicated feelings + react in such a way (shock but still going along w it) #(technically not comparable in scale. but i used that analogy so the average layperson could more easily relate + thus understand) #anyway. the utaya massacre is Central to kabru's character. i wish more ppl would understand that #kabru #dungeon meshi #dm meta

it’s funny when ppl talk about the harpy omelet scene and say things like “why did he do all of that? he didn’t need to. JUST doing that for laios???” (seen these nearly verbatim on posts i’ve made.)

i don’t really get how you can hear his backstory & not understand that every decision he makes within the dungeon is fueled by a profound trauma borne out of horrific, structural negligence. of course he would do fucking anything to enact his plan? if he computes “getting in laios’s favor = proxy control of the dungeon” and he has very limited time to do so, he will jump at the chance. he’s already DIED for this.

kabru has maybe the clearest possible motivation that a character can have. he has a Protagonists Motivation, and it guides him forward in a very coherent way in the beginning of the story. things get more complicated in later acts that directly address how that motivation manifests itself/gets contradicted, bc ryoko kui is great at exploring this, but it’s still extremely present.

and as a labru fan i strongly dislike the implication i see from some ppl that his interest in laios is mostly personal or romantic (posts that range from pure joke to actual ship meta.) even when taking the “confession” at face value, where i think he was telling the truth, there’s still a lot more to it than that. i think at first kabru does see laios as a means to an end in a way that’s impersonal, partly because he tends to keep everyone in his life at arms length. but that “end” (preventing history from repeating itself) is something foundational to his psyche, and we should consider that potential sense of safety getting mixed in with his warring fascination/apprehension towards laios. he’s drawn to him for visceral reasons, and his stated motivations are so intertwined with his sense of self that untangling this push-pull is much more interesting than boilerplate Yearning, to me.

it’s just confusing when any meta or basic discussion of kabru diminishes the weight utaya has on his inner world and i’m really surprised every time i see it? like i understand that different types of meta will put other lenses on things intentionally, and in most cases i think it’s an interesting tool to work with. but it’s a massive disservice to his character to put the most foundational experience of his life on the back burner ESPECIALLY when it’s in favor of shipping. dissecting character relationships, romantic or otherwise, is at its best when you have their full personhood in mind!!

[eritvita]

@thoselittledespairs

Cullen is happy to note that Roland is still pliant under his touch as his head cants to the side, exposing more of that vulnerable flesh to him for further marks and affectionate kisses. The commander hums softly, though, in turn to his comment. "I have not trained all my life to not be able to carry another up a ladder should our lives depend on it." He chuckled lowly against his collar, happy to nose along his tender skin to tease and tickle if he so chooses. "I would dote on you upon every sunrise if given the chance. You deserve it out of most anyone here." Cullen peppers a few more kisses along his chest, throat, and cheek. When long, strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, the Commander leaned heavily into his arms once more, practically kneeling before his partner as he hugs onto him so affectionately. For a moment, he stays like that. The warmth that radiates from Roland like he is the sun itself. He is bewitched. Utterly besotted by this man within his arms. He listens to the thrum of his heart within that ivory cage, the sound of his breaths in tandem with his own. It is all too surreal. Cullen has not known such a moment of serenity in so long. Sure, there had been their tenderness in the gazebos many, many months ago. But peace? Silence in his brain? His heart beating wildly with life? He remembers such times in his youth before the loss of everything he held dear. "I do not think I need a potion...I have no aches as of right now." The Knight purrs softly before nuzzling into his collar once more before closing his eyes in peace. "In earnest, I cannot wait to tangle with thee in sheets and limbs." He smiled, utterly soft in Roland's arms. He could be coaxed to sleep, or if Roland preferred another round of fun, that would be of no issue, either. Cullen was just excited to be a heap under the blankets when the threat of the morn lingered just beyond the cracks in his tower.

By the chosen Gods and Goddess of his Mother and Father, this man hath all but pranced his glorious Path out from Roland's childhood books that nurtured and kept him safe in thundering nights. His mouth softens with his glee, this hidden fret of pure joy, as he presses his face into Cullen's lilac-smelling skin, that pure bliss of the thrum of his soothing heartbeat.

"Thou art impossibly wonderful, Cullen," Roland says softly, so close to tearing, that salacious burn that couldst ruin the night and that eager clutch of love and entwining, heated limbs. He bites down hard 'pon his lip to prevent this irritating interruption, and weaves his legs better around Cullen's hips, nestling his palm in those tousled curls of pure gold; clutching him tightly, a tether of light within a dank, dark cave with no music.

"I wouldst fuck thee stupid," says Roland finally, simply. "Until thou art crying and sweat-leafed, and murmuring songs and hymns without sound within my arms. Wouldst thou want for this?" asks he, pressing a sweet, audible kiss to that gorgeous, beautiful pulse upon Cullen's strong throat and humming in that tender rock of silver-touch'd skin.

[eghcrimpybenispalls]

Last nights dream

i had a dream last night where i was a 30 year old man and i lived by myself in a house. there were other parts to the dream i cant really figure out, and i kinda knew i was in a dream? but not really? if that makes sense.

anyway suddenly knew someone was in my house so i panicked, and this floating pet thing i had told me to hide in the bathroom. and if they open the door i can stab them. so i ran upstairs grabbed a kitchen knife and hid in my cream coloured bathroom. it had a clear vase with blueberry flowers, cream tiles and a soft orange light. it was a very small bathroom with the toilet right behind were i was crouching and a sink to my right. i was crouching right in front of the door so if they opened it i could stab them.

i heard the person climbing the stairs. my hands were sweating and making the knife slippery. when the person opened the door and i stabbed them 6 times in the chest, it happened so fast i didn't see their face but i remember the massive bloody open wound over their heart. i was relieved that i wasn't in danger anymore, but the floating pet said there was more coming and i should stay here safe.

i had closed the door (leaving the body outside, i think it disappeared in the dream) and stayed in the bathroom for hours running on dream adrenaline (like adrenaline but more muted) when another person came, they tried to bust the door down and the doors hinges were bending with every thump, thump. i yanked open the door and attacked the guys face and stabbed him a bunch before closing the door again. i was scared a felt sick out of my mind and ready to kill anyone who tried to kill me . now this fucking floaty pet thing was congratulating me like, "thats really good do that again" like... um did i have a psychopathic pet or smth?? (also i think i was the only one who could see my pet)

anyway i was terrified that someone else was coming next i stayed holed up in my bathroom for days. my legs were numb from being splayed on the hard tiles, but i still felt insanely on edge. eventually i heard lazy foot steps coming up the stairs. i got ready for the door to open or be destroyed. the person started talking normally like a normal person but i didn't hear what i said because i was so focused i tuned everything out. when i didnt answer the man stuck his hand under the door and wiggled his fingers, i lunged forward and grabbed his hand, yanking it further inside the door. i stabbed it 4 times until it was a bloody stump. in the dream i thought that would kill him, but when i opened the door he wasnt dead so i stabbed him in the face and heart before rushing downstairs. everything in my body was shaky and this dumbass little pet thing was telling me i did good and protected myself and that im now safe.

i stayed in a hotel for the night. the next day i was walking along a path when a boy around 14 starts talking to me. he was my neighbours son. he asks if i'd seen his dad because he went to my house to sell me some weed and never came back. i realised that the last guy who came was just my neighbour who i was friends with. and i realised that in my complete panic i had murdered him. i was so shocked i couldn't do anything and this floating pet was assuring me that i couldnt have known. it wasn't my fault because the other two guys DID want to kill me. it also said that it was better to kill my neighbour than take the risk of it being someone who could kill me.

then i woke up Yay!!

idk WHY my brain would supply me with that because... yeah

wacko dream ig

[sugatrapp]

「 In the Dark 」

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

Pairings: (Platonic) Severus Snape x Female Reader

Summary: “A recently graduated Hogwarts student from Slytherin (and this is in Harry Potter's 5th or 6th year) has Dumbledore ask her to join the Order of Phoenix (because she's a legilimens and occlumens) and she says yes. Dumbledore has her go undercover as a Deatheater. She was one of Snape's fav students, really gifted in Potions. Snape comforts her and everything when she gets the dark mark and helps her with the stress of being a double agent”

Warnings: Unnamed female reader ~ Description of violence

A/N: This request was brought to you by @cant-take-my-eyes-off-u . Thank you so much for your patience! Procrastination is obviously my strong suit😭

AO3

Masterlist

Ko-Fi

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

The day that marked the completion of her studies felt like a chapter finally ending. There were no more long nights of studying, no more anxiety inducing exams, and no more worrying about oversleeping because of said exams. She was finally an adult free to expand her horizons and pursue a career.

That’s where her problems started.

Saying farewell to Hogwarts—to the friends she made along the way—was bittersweet. They vowed to keep in touch with each other, but their paths paved in different directions. Many left their magical pasts behind with stars in their eyes, eager for a fresh, normal start. Others decided to stay in the wizarding world to expand their knowledge and create names for themselves. Stranded in the middle of a vast ocean was her, watching everything she ever knew drifting further from sight.

A week went by. Each day that passed made it more difficult for her to sit still as she waited for something to happen and give her answers. She hoped for a solution to fall into her lap as she packed up her dorm room, preparing for her journey back to her parents’ home in America. On the day of her departure, she received a knock on her door from headmaster Dumbledore himself. Her purpose: to join the Order of the Phoenix. Her alibi: become Severus Snape’s potions assistant.

The operation seemed easy enough as potions was a familiar headache. Her task: to infiltrate the snake’s den and become a double agent. Her heart fell.

Dumbledore’s expression morphed into a pained, deadly seriousness. “I wish that there was another alternative, but dire situations call for dire means."

Those words were the anchors that fueled her will.

Crack, crack, crunch.

The sound of her bones breaking caused wave after wave of nausea to crawl up her throat. She shivered and trembled. Sweat clung to her scorching skin. Her screams did nothing to halt the torture that resembled drawing and quartering. Even as darkness tugged at her consciousness, she continued pushing false memories to the forefront of her mind.

She clenched her eyes shut. Her senses made the situation more real. His frigid hand gripped her left forearm. The piercing stares of the silent witnesses dug into her bare skin. The stony floor caressing her balled-up form was her only comfort. It’s almost over, she thought behind the wall even though it had been over an hour. Her brain was pounding against her skull. His mental bombardment was relentless and unforgiving.

Around the two-hour mark, the pain in her body subsided. She gasped for air in relief. The dull, wandering sting on her forearm and feet shuffling away from her let know that it was over.

She was now a Death Eater.

She didn’t unravel from her ball when the Dark Lord addressed the room. Neither did she move when several sets of footsteps crossed the room’s threshold and faded down the hall. A sudden sensation over her shoulders received a harsh flinch. When she realized that it was a cloak infused with a familiar scent, only then did she allow herself to sob.

“What,” she hiccupped, “what did I do?”

•─────────────•°•❀•°•─────────────•

Two weeks went by. Night fell on the castle. For the third time that week, she skipped dinner to grade papers within the confines of her chambers. But as she sat at her desk scanning over the same parchment, paranoia and phantom pain continued to eat away at her. Instead, she checked the extra charms placed on her doors and windows. She paced back and forth. She wrung her hands together to stop them from trembling, but nothing slowed her mind.

It was too much. Everything was too much.

A series of knocks on her door almost sent her to an early grave.

Is it him? She thought, gripping the handle of her wand. Has he found out and sent someone for me?

“It’s me,” a muffled, yet unmistakable drawl spoke.

She took a deep breath before undoing her security measures and swinging open the door. One look at his face was enough to bring the emotions of that night back in full force. She collapsed in his arms, staining the front of his frock coat with salty tears. He tensed, his hand hovering for a moment before placing it lightly on her back, rubbing slightly.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered while pulling away. Wiping her eyes, she stepped back to allow him inside, watching as a plate piled with food and two steaming mugs floated after him. They met the coffee table with dull clinks as the pair sat down on the sofa in front of the roaring fireplace. She thanked him after he handed her the plate and began to eat while he sipped his tea.

For a while, a pregnant silence filled the room except for the crackling from the fireplace and chinking. Eventually he spoke.

“Do you remember the first time you made a potion in my class?”

The corner of her lips twitched.

“How could I forget? My hands have never cramped that much in my life.”

The ordeal had gone atrociously. Before potions became second nature to her, it was like learning gibberish with a ticking time bomb strapped to her chest. Turns out that having someone looming over her shoulder was a disaster waiting to happen. One minute she was studying the textbook, glancing between the bubbling cauldron, and the ingredients to be sure that she was following the steps. The next minute the cauldron was overflowing and spitting black sludge over her entire workstation. Her detention of scrubbing said cauldron along with the rest was inevitable and no less stressful.

“I must admit that the cauldrons have never looked better either.”

She chuckled for the first time in a while. They sipped from their cups as the room fell into a more comfortable silence.

“Will we be okay?”

He sighed, avoiding eye contact.

“I don’t know. I wish I could give you a definitive answer, but I can’t.”

Hearing her doubts voiced out loud didn’t bring much comfort, but the contrary wouldn’t be much better. She did take small comfort in the fact that she wasn’t facing them alone. After finishing off their refreshments, he stood up.

“I suppose I should be going, it’s rather late.”

Ignoring the pang in her chest, she agreed and went to clear away the dishes.

“Unless” he added, almost as if he could sense her disappointment, “you'd be interested in assisting me with a sleeping draught? Of course, you don’t have—”

“Sounds like a plan,” she wasted no time slipping on her cloak, a wave of her wand tidying up their mess. “I may need a double to sleep a wink tonight.”

He humored her with a hint of a smile before leading the way to his office.

[thesolotomyhan]

ismael “el mayo” zambada and ramon arellano felix both being into you would include

a/n: :)))))))))) asi es asi es,, my “too lazy to edit” ass is back again and who knew i would find it in myself to complete this fic?? but al fin here i am,, wringing my hands shyly because i have zero clue if i actually did this right but i like how it turned out? and i had so much fun writing this and wow - i hope you guys like it ? also this mf is sitting at 5k+ words and im so sorry for that - alright thats it i think,, bye for now <3

righTTT SOOo i have had many- like a good many handful of you guys asking me about love triangles a while back right?

and i did say on more than one occasion that i would start writing/take a quick stab at said love triangles

and thats how i ended up here and :)  who better than to toss my golden man de mayo out here again but with your beloved ramon included (which has been requested even more than the fingers on my hand lol ) so here we gooo

and just to lay out my grounding out here- when i imagine this love triangle between these two men ,,,

i have to fucking make myself clear and state you wouldn’t- would not in whatever sense/loophole you may find- be in a romantic/ESTABLIShed relationship with either of them in the beginning therefore that means roughout this hc as well ,,, so get that shit out of your heads for this joyride respectfully :)

because that’s the fun in this shit,, you aren’t either of theirs but that’s exactly what makes them push themselves even harder to win you over and be smug af about it in the end towards the other with who ever you may end up choosing >:)

and UGH H H can i just say with my hyperactive brain right now - I just,,,, i get this feeling blooming in me everytime i come to think about these love triangles because the thought of the constant trying of persons a and b wanting - no NEEDING- to one up the other to get person c’s affection and attention gives me so much life i cant -

because am i right or am i right? like the thought of one day one of them getting your whole attention and loVE for the next few hours while the other is just brooding and throwing daggers of fire in their eyes to the other guy as they observe them making you laugh and be happy is such a TROPE I LOVE TO IMAGINE jealousy with no strings attached yet is such a vibe sorry 

and even more so when i come to think of ramon and mayo- two very different guys who approach this in such different ways- 

like even down to separate ways of reacting to this whole thing may i add and i just i cant,, my heart beats for them in this specific scenario with them especially and specifically

and to further lay out our foundation here and finally begin with this desmadre,, i would love to lead you all onto our first display because on one end of the paths we have going on here is ramon right?

we’ll start off with him because why not,, but also ?? its kind of essential with the way i imagined this all going because the idea of you and ramon being in this friend relationship at first :)) so obviously you and ramon would be close even before you meet mayo >:)

but anyways having this unspoken love for eachother as well :) :)) that it has you both just slowly pinning over the other in silence -

like the type of shit where you would look at him in this soft way- a tiny smile on your face everytime he does some dumb shit or is talking to one of his siblings :((( but looking away everytime his eyes come back to meet yours UGHH AND

HIM DOING THE SAME THING TO YOU everytime you’re not looking :(( like you talking nonstop with dina sometimes and he’s just giving you these soft hardcore hearteyes as he just zones in on you ,, everything around him seems to blur AnD omg

it would such a painful fuvking experience to witness all the time for his siblings to watch when they observe the two of you because neither of you EVEr make the first move-

it’s just this oh so slow dance the two of you do,,  it would be such an elephant in the room for everyone except the two of you that youre in love with one another because i just know- I KNOW you both probably always brush it off whenever someone says something about it because-

:(( neither of you :(( want to ruin the close relationship:(( the two of you have :(( like i can imagine enedina or even francisco asking ramon when he’s planning on asking you out because “esta enamorado” but :(( him always saying some shit like “no- es que no creo que ella me gusta a mi en esa manera” :(((((

and you saying something so similar whenever dina asks you about it AND IT HuRTS TO SEE but also so damn frustrating because you both would be so ignorant to the feelings when they are right in plain site in front of you both

wOw so in conclusion for ramon you would have this best friend relationship with unsaid feelings that is just ON THE CUSP OF BECOMING SOmething more :(( something lleno de amor but you two are too dumb to say shit

but :)))) on the other side of this path :)))) you have mayo :))) who you just met :)))

un pinshe caballeroso hombre tha t is actually not afraid to act on those said feelings

and ay no you know what is so shitty about this mf’s timing for ramons end?? that mayo recuperates your feelings right off the bat so there is an obvious connection of love between you two and its so much more obvious between you both that you actually notice mayo likes you and omg -

its exactly what mayo does and is doing that gets you in this situation in the first place because youre over here “getting your heart broken” over ramon because you dont know if he likes you the way you like him even tho its so damn obvious

and :)) then you run into mayo :)) who is just not hiding any feelings from you,, its so out in the open its what causes you to get closer to him and :))) feel like someone actually likes you :)) because you can see with the way mayo looks at you everytime and >:)))

ugh im sorry but just the thought of ramon???  este pinche morro that is such a ball of emotions (that is the definition everytime i even think about this mf sorry) in the span of 2 minutes if you give it to him like omg- am i wronG ??? NO I’m just speaking on what’s true

like take a minute here and just imagine- imagine with me the way he would react when realizes the one girl he likes so much he even considers cleaning up all his flaws for and settle down for - has un pretendiente ,,, that someone else other than him intends to conquistarte,, or in his mind take you away from him,,and ay no 

este cabron will move dirt and air just to make sure that doesnt happen because he would be so damn celoso and would be causing all the damn drama in this love triangle im sorry

but UgH ok moving on sort of ,, where did you meet mayo you may ask? i  will take you on this short trip real quick because you know what i imagine??

you probably meeting mayo somehow - someway when you’re out and about in tijuana running an errand or something-

or maybe ,,, maybe he even gets to first meet you :)) when he comes over to the arellanos house to discuss about their business :))) and that’s :)) where he sees you :))

because i like to imagine since the idea of you knowing ramon before knowing mayo is that it all came from this idea i thought of,,  imagining ,, you being a family friend you know?? ,,,

like maybe dina’s best friend or something but it just kind of wraps you into the family business which would connect to you being around the house multiple times it’s not even a rare sight for any of mons siblings to see you around :))

and its obvious from then on you become friends with ramon too :))

but anyways maybe let’s just say for the drama :))) youre chatting with enedina because benjamin would be talking with mayo :)))))

 and that’s when that poetic/storytelling idea of your wandering eyes comes to meet mayos while he stares at you :)))) his little smirk he gives you,, throwing you all these pinches miraditas every chance he gets when you look over at him,,

el pinche ramon during this whole time was staring off into space watching you with these little hearteyes because youre here,,, :) but then :) he sees you all of a sudden timidly smiling over enedinas shoulder,, someone that is def not him since he hasnt made his presence known and hes obviously not in the direction you seems to be looking off to

and :) thats when he lets his eyes follow your line of eyesight and see mayo- el pinshe mayo giving you the exact same smirk and all and omg

right at that moment ramon ?? doesnt even know- he cant even begin to process whatever the fuck he just witnessed between you two ?? 

because this was the very first time you and mayo essentially met even tho no words/first greetings were said so ?? how can you even give this mf a smile- a smile that you would always be giving mon and i - i just cant

and i am just sitting here imagining ramon thinking and just replaying that moment for the longest,, just attempting to brush it off as you probably just being nice and thats the end of it,, that his brain is just making things up when he even begins to think about you taking an interest in mayo y ayy no

but now after establishing this fine grounding i want to direct you all back to why we are here,, and i was just thinking,, going over different scenarios and such on why/where this love triangle begins to truly kick off

and :)) you know :)) what type of angsty/heart racing/“wrenching” idea came to me about this whole love triangle between them and you?—

the mere idea of ramon having this unsaid “label/advantage” towards you about this bs of “i saw her first therefore you have no damn right to take her from me”

bECAUSE WOW I COULD NOT EVen stop myself from imagining this rage/sadness this emotional mf would feel when he cant deny it anymore that mayo actually does like you

like oomg- the pure sight of seeing mayo truly taking this interest in you and ramon not only seeing that but ?? the fact that he sees you respONDING TO HIM ?? even after all this time ramon has had the biggest stupidest crush on you

like it just makes him so agitated he would not hesitate to break something to mimic his heart shattering in this very instant-

like after all this time ramon ?? In his mind thinking he was being outspoken on him liking you ?? BUT THEN HE SEE THIS SHIT and just how smoothly and easily mayo talks you up its just makes me want to scream until i break a vocal cord -

oh god- im just so sorry right now but its just that very idea,, of ramon having been pinning after you in the most dumbest/not very straightforward way,, even benjamin is like ?? ‘are you trying to drive her away?’ -

to just for mayo to come in out of nowhere and steal your attention away breaks him in more ways than one and wow-

its just the fact that mayo can easily talk his way with you from the very moment he went hearteyes on you 

while ramon,, this in love morrito,, feeling like hes in this helpless position because he doesnt even know where to begin with communicating how much he loves you so its straight forward to you gives me such A RUSH and i am signing my name down onto a deathbed for it-

and i just about lose it when i imagine this aggressive build up between ramon and mayo when they realize they both like you and the whole build up leading to the competition fully kicking off between them because of the constant attempts the both of them do to try and win you over giVES ME SO MUCH LiFe and ADRENaline i cannot even begin to form my words right to you all right now and im so sorry

and as i just said i feel like this whole thing would be a somewhat subtle build up in the beginning between the both of them,, like they know they both like you just from the simple interactions they both do and they way they even look at you

its kind of the first thing they notice right away ? that theyre not the only one trying to win you over -

and i feel like it just spirals from there,, they both are just going to one up the other the best way they can to gain your attention

and i just want to say you know what the first thing that popped up into my mind?? the way they would both react in a somewhat similar way but yet oh so differently when you tell them you cant go with them because youre busy with the other that same day wowW

like the thought of seeing this dark cloud forming in their eyes that is just full of anger and jealousy when either of them ask you to go out with them that same day only for you to say you cant because youre already going on a date with the other just brinGS ME TO My knees in sorry

and as i stated before they both would have different ways of reacting so now without further ado ill be showing you the first exhibit now-

and to start off with ramon,, i can just imagine this as some random day of the week,, him having this happy look on his face,,

his energy through the roof of just being content for once,, just his whole day already feeling like its going to be the best even before its over because :))

he hears you talking with dina somewhere :)) and hes already planning on asking and taking you out somewhere because he hasnt seen you since like last week because maybe youve been with mayo out and about :) getting closer :)) 

but ramon finally deciding to shoot his shot :) in his mind knowing you wont say no because he already has that advantage with you that i was talking about :)))) 

and ramon just wants a bit of your time because he misses you and he just cant get the words out to you so he just hopes this date he wants to take you on finally gives him the courage to say what he wants to say to you

and ugh - he just he knows if he doesnt move his ass sooner it will all be for nothing,, so :) when he gets the chance to get you all alone and ask you,, he feels right,, like theres no way youll say no

but he fucking knows,, he knows as soon as he sees your smile falter just as he gets the words out,, 

he wont like what you have to say because when you say “es que- no puedo mon, ismael me invito a salir con el, perdoname” all he hears is the ringing in his ears,, his face faltering as well,, him feeling his fists beginning to ball into tight fists and just looking away from you all frustrated but trying not to lash out when he registers what you said -

and i can just imagine him trying to act calm like it doesnt affect him at all but you know him,, you know how his body language reacts to things when he doesnt show it in his face and you can just tell hes on the verge of lashing out 

but before you can make it up to him or ask for like a raincheck hes already turning away from you,, jaw fuvking clenched, shoulders squared and just giving you a short but angry response like “no te preocupes, esta bien, vete con ese cabron si quieres” and oh my god,,,

he would be the one to make it known he hates seeing you go out with someone else,,

he just doesnt let it out for some reason instead he just lashes out and accidentally lets you know how emotional/angry he gets whenever you tell him you cant go out with him because youre already going with someone else y ayy no it would be so different to how mayo reacts because ill lead you now onto the second example here

i imagine the same thing going down with you and mayo,, like maybe just one day you bumping into him randomly or him coming to see you,, ready to ask you to come out with him somewhere in fuvking sinaloa because he wants to show you something -

but right when he finishes up and sees you nervously looking away,, searching for words to tell him,, hes already accepting the “no” about to slip from your lips and he can just feel the pang and hurt when you say “no voy a poder ismael, ramon me ofrezco llevarme a un lugar ese dia, perdon”

but instead of him directly showing you how “jealous” he is of ramon taking you somewhere,, he just nods his head in understandment,,, giving you a small smile and going “no te precoupes, todo esta bien, puedes salir con quien sea” :)) just not letting you feel bad about it

but really on the inside this mf is fuming that you would rather go with ramon than with him,, omg hes just the type to be the silent one,, not showing you how it affects him and lashing it out and wow ok

and i just - after presenting this little scenario between your interactions with them and how it affects the other with their bad timings they both would have when youre already going out with the other on a date just represents how i feel like they would react so differently and drastically

because as i said,, ramon would react in such an outspoken way,, always giving you the cold and harsh shoulder/reaction whenever he tries to ask you out but you tell him you cant because of mayo -

he just cannot seem to control his emotions enough to keep them in check in front of you and you definitely notice all the time he does it,,, 

ramon is just overall the downright emotional one in all of this

meanwhile with mayo i feel like he does have a reaction but it passes within the second that you barely/dont even notice it came across his face you know? hes the subtle one in contrast to ramons ass

because like i said when the time comes for him to ask you out on a date but ramon beat him to it,,, i just imagine this dark look pass in his eyes the moment you tell him and he becomes a bit tense in his spot,, but -

it all just passes over in the next second like it doesnt affect him at all since he just settles in giving you this small smile thats obviously not a genuine one but it covers al his emotions and hes just like “esta bien mi reina, pa’la otra no?”

and its just a much more reassuring reaction i would say since he doesnt make you feel bad about it even tho on the inside hes just burning to slam onto ramon for taking your time away from him and AUGHH i love this whole thing so much sorry

and for the longest of time,, this whole thing of them competing for taking you out before the other is such a regualr occurance and is happening every damn week 

and everytime somehow the both of them topping this date with the last one you had just continues like a back and forth game -

and just to add in another point here,,,, they would obviously have a different outlook in their style/vibe of dates you know?

like oh my goddd ,, im soRRy here but its just the thought of imagining ramon being the more desperate one in this whole scenario ??

just because of the fact hes apasionado but also the dread of this whole overall feeling he has because ?? why cant he just tell you he likes you ?? hes already been friends with you for the longest so whats wrong with him ??? and augh

meanwhile i can just picture mayo being the more laid back one,,, the one to not even drop a sweat in this whole process even when he finds out ramon likes you too?

just because i can imagine mayo being the type to focus entirely on woo’ing you within the first 5 minutes he has your attention/takes you out

and on the opposite spectrum ramon is over here being a chaotic mess with himself just thinking in his head how if he can fill up your schedule with these random ass dates he’ll have for you , it will give him the bigger hand over mayo since he wont be able to even get a chance to see you

like if you cant already see what im trying to say with that,,, its really just this big difference with their methods in dates with you ,,

because mayo is def the quality over quantity type of guy where he is without a doubt- a stress fucking free zone/vibe where hes pouring all these emotions and details from the most minimal to the most noticeable ways to get you to fall for him

hes into that detallista ,,, caballeroso mode where he would literally make himself remember all the shit you mention even if its just a a small side comment you make,,, he memorizes or should i say engraves that into his head to remember ,,

because all i can imagine is him knowing your favorite things/antojos like the back of his hand,, like if you mentioned you liked vasos de fruta or if you were craving one

hes over here with this dumbass smile,,, waiting for you like “mira lo que te traje, mi reina” just todo a tus pinches servicios ok? ok

but meanwhile ramons anxious ass gives me the quantity over quality type in this situation ,,, the exact flipped opposite from mayo because i feel like his thinking in this makes him believe that the more time he can be with you is the best way to get you to fall for him,, ,,

and im not saying ramon isnt being detallista,, he for sure is, but in a much more different way

hes more modernistic ya feel?? - like hes the type to be giving you jewelry and materialistic things

kind of just spoiling you with the most finest things this mf can find because :) his princesa :) deserves :) only the :) first class- top of the line of things :)))) and he lives by that y wow heh

and it just progresses from there, this whole dance keeps going back and forth so much that ,, your feelingssss for the both of them grow eachtime you spend time with one of them until you realize ??? that you actually like both them ??

ramon because youve always been around him,, and youve just always had harbored feelings for him but you never said anything because ? what if he doesnt look at you that way -

 but now youve just come to realize he actually does feel something for you because of all the recent dates/looks hes been giving you-

but then on this other end of the spectrum,, you resulted in accepting these dates with mayo who you met later on because you had no idea if ramon liked you,, but now here you are with mayo pulling all this shit with you,, showing you como es amar a una mujer with his detailed ass y ay no

but :)))) UGH :)) no one taLK to me because >:) imagine this with me will you? like the thought :) of the both of them :)) wanting to invite you :) as their :) date to dinas wedding :))))) COULD YOU IMAGINE THe absolute desmadre ??? wow ok

now listen,,,, i am going to be biased as a mf here because i love angst to no end because :)) knowing ramons hopeless in love ass :)) hes going to be just struggling to even form the right words to say to you so you can accompany him as his date to his sisters wedding because??

that would be such a step up in his relationship with you right?? and even more when he can gain even more points in his mind to beat mayo in winning you over -

so really in his mind hes just imagining how him inviting you to be with him to celebrate EL AMOR with his sister would be this big leap to somehow get across to you , “hey i want us -me and YOU- to be up at that same altar someday with eachother, totalmente enamorados del uno a otro y nadie mas”

AnD im FUVKING SOBBIng at the fact of ramon being so happy - literally vibrating for the wedding date to come up :) because theres nothing happier than asking this day even more special for him than wathcing his hermana get married but with you by his side and wow-

but :))) can you guess where im going with all of this ?? after establishing such a heartfelt moment with your ramoncito ???

mayos :)) ass having already :))) beat ramon to the punch :)))) by taking you as his date :))))) because i just know this smug cockblocker of a man :) would :)) have this shit laid out and ready to win at this whole scheme of winning you over :))) 

by being as romantic as possible in a fuvkin wedding ? where literal love is being celebrated :))) so ofc hes not going to let ramons “boy” ass win this time :)

but i just know - i feel it in my bones ramon would not be one to back down even if he couldnt ask you to accompany him in time because he has the heart for it,, hes not one to back down so easily when hes in love and petty :)

so even while he tries to be on his good behavior he cant help but let his eyes glance over to where you and mayo would be sitting during the ceremony in the church,, :(( 

feeling like hes getting punched in the gut watching you smile at mayo when you catch him looking at you,, or everytime he sees mayo inch closer to you to the point hes almost holding your hand :(( and omg -

ramons ass is not trying to fuck something up for dina’s big day so he just tries to look away while feeling his heart pang with hurt :(

him doing the exact same thing during the reception too,, as much as he wants to tear you away from hanging onto mayos arm,, and stop you from laughing at all these jokes hes telling you and instead make you laugh with him and not mayo he holds himself back and tries to look for a time when he can come and swoop in :(

but ramon can just feel it,, he knows if he doesnt interfere right now in these last hours the reception is going on for,, hes going to lose you to mayo,, because just seeing the looks and smiles you both give eachother lets him know mayo is about to make his move on you -

because while ramon is off in the distance sulking,, and looking on at the both of you,,, :) i can just imagine during all that time,, mayo finally asking you :) out to come out with him on his pinshe boat,, him telling you about this place he wants to take you right after the wedding ends:))

and with the way hes looking at you,,, his hand on top of yours :) you can feel that this “date” isnt going to be like any of the others hes taken you out on,,, :)

and ay no ,,, you know what? ramon being the emotional man he is not about to let that happen even if he cant clearly hear what mayo is asking you :) but if he can push to make his own move in time,, then so be it because,,,

i can just imagine him abruptly getting up,, head held high,, determination clear in the way he walks over to you both :))

and i cant - because the way i imagine ramon gently placing his hand on your back :)) a smug ass cockblocking glint in his eyes as he looks over at mayo whos trying not to let the agitation out in front of you as he looks back at ramon :)))

and ramon just looking between you both and settling his eyes on you like “quieres bailar?” but :) then letting his eyes go back to mayo in a small smile like “no te molesta verdad? nomas quiero bailar una cancion con ella” :)))))

and wowW youre already moving to get up because que tiene right? its just one song while you roll the question of whether you want to accept mayos request or not :))))

and as you kind of just let that sit in your mind,,, ramon already :) has his arm around you :),, his hold quickly tightening around you it knocks you out of your trance,,, his other hand holding yours as he just leads you two into matching steps :)))

and i can just kind of feel ? in that moment ramon has you close and alone/ far away from mayo ,, hes just tossing and turning the words he wants to finally get out to you,, 

but hes just trying to get the courage to say them up because he cant fuck up this time,, not when hes this close to getting what he wants

but as hes building himself up,, youre over here nervously biting your inner cheek,, deciding what the best choice for you is ,,,

but you :) looking up when you hear ramon let out a grunt,, his hand suddenly feeling so much warmer and the small anxious look he has making you about to question him whats wrong :)

but before you can get a word out,, hes just blurting out if you want to go with him to roxanne after the wedding :) como los viejos tiempos you both you used to have :) him definitely topping it off with something like “porfavor, te extrano princesa, dejame sonarte cuanto te necesito a mi lado, vente conmigo”

and omg,,,, in that instant everything kind of comes to a complete stop,, because here you have ramon right in front of you,, holding you like a lifeline and looking at you with his ojitos todo adoloridos,, asking and waiting for your answer

but you also have mayos question you had been reflecting on,, and everything is just toppling over you now because now you have to decide,, which of the two you want to accept

and you just know,,, with either choice you make as much as you find yourself loving them both,,,

either choice will make a downfall on your relationship with the other,, a collateral damage if you will,,

Because if you decide to decide to go with mayo :) who is watching you both from afar all tensed up and brooding,, but as soon as he locks eyes with you hes softening all of his features,, giving you this look like youre giving him the whole world just by sharing a glance with him,, :)

and you can just feel youre relationship with mayo is going to blossom into something so much more if you go with him that you know ramons emotional and apasionado ass would not be able to handle it

all because elegiste a mayo and you for sure wont be sticking around tijuana when you have sinaloa with mayo

but if you chose the other path,,, with ramon ,, whos just looking at you with this pleading face,, that if you decide to go with ramon to the club :),, with all this tension thats sitting between the two of you that its bound to explode any minute,,

and there just wont be a turned leaf with your relationship with mayo,, it ends there with him meanwhile your relationship ramon gets taken through a new door - y ayy no dios mio 

all you know is that time is ticking and you can only choose one of them while your relationship with the other forever ends there- 

taglist: @coaxium-captain-rex @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @wtfisgoingonlol @sxndythinkstoomuch @boomclapxox @carlislecullenisadilf @ashlingiswriting 

arellano tag: @tinylittleobsessions @curaheed @yourlocalspacewitxch​

let me know if you want to be added! 

[pikawarrior]

👀 hi mutual in law tell me about your rats

I see you have fallen into my trap dear mutual in law, welcome. You cant escape now. My thoughts are a mess so the words are also a mess, good luck and have fun.

WELCOME TO THE ULTRAVERSE PEOPLES ITS TIME FOR

WATCHER (ENA) AND THEIR LOVENEMY SPOUSE DIMENSION (ELLIE)

Now as you can probably tell, I (re)named Watcher after the Watchers from Evo and the fandom. Their purpose here within the worlds is to watch and protect them if the chaos levels become to high and pose a threat to the to whole Ultraverse. (Kinda think the chaos control from Henry Stickmin) Since said Ultraverse is huge Watcher really only watches over section A but sometimes helps out with other parts.

They where tossed into the void at a young age, deemed to be a curse upon their family. But the void is kind, the void is merciful and offered Watcher their powers. They accepted and became a Watcher, quickly raising the ranks and being assigned to directly handle some cases solo.

[Basic Info]

Name: Watcher, formerly known as Ena

Pronouns: They/It

Job: Chaos Watcher (temp name cuz i cant name stuff)

Group(s): Watchers, Alliance of The Stars, File Not Found and "Envy's traumatized creations" (No one wants to be here)

Here's where Dimension comes in.

Dimension, consume by the darkness within them, they became a villain A threat to individual worlds and section A as a whole (plus the other parts but thats rare)

Outcasted from their own world, they seeked revenge and someone was there to offer some help. With that help, their world was destroyed and nothing was left but them.

But it came with a price, the lack of a world for them to go back to caused them to glitch. And without any help they glitched into the anti-void.

Doomed to the faith brought on by this space, they fought back. They fought against the powers trying to destory them.

And they won.

They took control over what was being done to them. They took over and controlled the powers that threatened to take over and destory them.

But darkness thosee powers held, took over them in their battle. And it lend them even further down the dark path they now take.

[Basic Info]

Name: Dimension, formerly known as Ellie

Pronouns: They/It/She

Job: Freelancer for the "dark side"

Group(s): "Envy's traumatized creations" (they dont wanna be there, send help)

Now you may be asking?

"How did these two get together?"

Well, Dimension has made a name for themself within the Ultraverse even outside of section A. And in doing so has caught the attention of the watchers, enough to have a bounty on their head (8,000,000 gold (or whatever currency the one capturing them uses) and quickly raising)

And since Watcher is in such a high position, with very little failed missions, they got personally assigned to Dimension.

Words words, look its been hell recently and my brain is scrambled. I'll give more details later buuuutttt

Watcher disappears for 2 years (still sends in their normal paperwork somehow) and comes back to work like

"Hello there, apologizes for my absence but I have recently gotten married and adopted a child. I promise I will give a notice before doing something of that regard again. You will find that all my work for this week has been completed so I shall be going, I'm taking my child out for ice cream. Goodbye."

I'm still working on them and their worlds so things are very much subject to change down the line

Edit: FUCK I FORGOT THE PICS OF MY RATS (affectionate) HERES TWO UNEDITED PICS OF THEM

Dont let the weird cropping confused you, Dimension is the short on here

[stillmadaboutpetra]

Can you talk further about Simon's construction of masculinity???? Plz😊

ive so genuinely tried to answer this. im really bad at making the thoguhts in my head make sense and im also a lazy sack of shit this is 100% incomphrensible and i cant make it better. this is why i write fic cuz i can explain my thoughts my clearly thru story. 

ill try to explain in shorthand rip

simon - maleness in the hero's arc / traditional construction of the knight figure / forming masculine ideals without early tutelage / greek ideals / purposeful genre construction

primary male figures in his life r The Mage and Baz.

we see him wanting to imitate the mage. we know from simons own assistance he does NOT view the mage as a father figure. the mage is...part of simon's purpose. the mage is part of the questline. he's a waypoint, a guide, an image but not personal with simon. simon considers things (cleft chin, goatee) the same way he considers stuff like,,,james dean and making vroom vroom noises in the car. play-acting

but with Baz and Baz's masculinity

simon compares himself to baz nonstop. its a #wifegoals or #lifegoals situation. simon grows...yeah well baz grew more. simon felt posh in his blazer...baz was posher. simons the most powerful mage? Yeah well baz is a /better/ mage. graceful, ruthless. etc ad nauseum

BUT. baz's masculinity is queer. in fact, baz is a femme fatale.

again i want to explain that but wont be very good

baz's identity and appearance, again purposefully vampiric, perfectly vampiric is...femme fatale (aka vampire.) (not only his physical appearance/attributes but his....role. he “sways” simon AND agatha to the “dark” side. he fucks up simons destiny, in a way. if it weren’t for baz, simon would not have deviated. he lures the hero (and the hero’s chick) from the golden path. as simon says at the end of CO, giving up his magic for baz is a fair trade. baz is the catalyst the solution the end fucking goal. its BAZ. but also

baz is a little honey trap. with nico. with lamb. with anything and everything. which is also what mirrors agatha, keeping baz firmly in the femme fatale position. he’s foiling simon as much as he’s foiling agatha. its the classic uhm choice between the good girl and the bad girl 

hes a gay man ya exactly so what does that do to simon's mirroring? 

fuck the. does this make sense? listen

“proved himself as a man and a mage” is like the end all be all of it. also when simon talks about baz’s honor (a mage thing but...honor is....also about men and.....gender...and sex) anyway. 

to simon, baz is IT. the IT girl, the eveything. the peak form. simon has no issues with Baz’s vampirism detracting from his identity/masculinty/life (not like baz does.) in fact, simon’s into it (re: all the meta about monster4monster queer4queer). Alternatively, HIS monstrosity (dragon bits) isn’t good enough to match baz’s. is it a dick measuring contest? idunno maybe. im kidding 

so wait what okay. #lifegoals#wifegoals . 

wait so okay remember in WS in the truck and the lines like “(Baz) smiles prettily like a girl, but hes not a girl” or some shit idun WAIt okay i got my book

page 152 simon’s pov “I huddle close to Baz half in his lap, while the shock of still being alive passes. He holds me there, a little too tightly. usually i forget baz is so much stronger than me. he doesnt carry himself like hes that strong. he doesnt touch me that way. he never pulls or pushes me, no like that. not any harder than i can push back.”  

153 “Baz cast his eyes down and smiles - girlishly, i would have said, but on him its not girlish. its, i dont know. vulnerable.”

OKAY LETS JSUT stick with those 2 bits for now. the line on 153 stuck in my brain. im going to takl about monsters now.

baz in 152 evidence always mitigates his vampirism. he matches it to what simon can give. simon FOrgets that theres a difference in them. and that difference, strength (masculine) is from monstrosity (Other.) 

-- can i call back he’s not a monster hes a villain hes not a villain hes a boy?

what would that make simon? hes not a monster hes a hero hes not a hero hes a boy? 

lets metamorph all that - hes not a boy hes a villain/hero hes not a villain/hero hes a monster.

am i leading this to monsters? yes. Holy fuck im bad at meta how did i graduate. anyway. 

back to 152 ---- simon’s still constructing expressions and behaviors thru gender. and baz is...confounding. also like okay, regardless of what theories u want to apply or slice the series, and yes the mutually protect each other, but simons a rabid guard dog around baz (its mutual BUT) but - but by the end of awtwb, it’s explicit and id sayd, simon proves himself as a man? and a not-mage (monster/hero)(dragon.)

simons simonness - its like,....if u think about performative masculinity and gender roles, boy does simon get wedged in there. and then thru his queerness and thru baz and thru Monsterdom, he kind of....blossoms like a little flower. 

and i idunno man uhm like. how their most successful intimate moments, it has to involve fangs and wings and baz moving like a serpent (something not human and not gendered) and for simon to just....well act like a fucking dragon over his pearl of a partner yknow

and like awtwb pg 121 “i just want to be with you,” i say, “and this is where we are now. im a broken down mess and youre a rat drinking monster.”

theres something to me that finally simon just...accepts some shit. he looks at the worst of them, no more ideal man no more ideal mage, and is just like yup thats it. and its at this point where its about them and their vulnerabilities and specifically the monster bits of themselves, these amorphic traits they possess that leads them thru and to so much, that simon can diunno. be the man he wants to be but without articifual constructions because the framework no longer exists. and as he continues to compare himself with baz, theres no superior ground  no ideal because there’s nothing pre-existingly good to model. 

anway monsters as the Other. anway. 

[moonshine-dan]

Quick Bite (p.1)

Osamu x GN! Reader, 2.5 K

Warnings: Odaxelagnia (biting kink), explicit sexual situations, swearing

Kinks: Biting, dry humping/thigh riding, coming untouched, handjobs, praise

Synopsis: 100% Smut. You tell Osamu you have a certain kink. He explores it with you.

The way I'm such a whore for this man now 😔 @crocyoota i blame you for making me a full time Osamu simp. Also thanks for beta-ing exactly one line of this lmao

Osamu's mouth closed over the pulse point at the base of your neck. Softly, he mouthed the skin there, warm lips feathering over your taut muscles stretched in anticipation of his next move.

He had you in his lap, palms smoothing circles along the outside of your hips and sweeping up to clutch your ass. Long fingers pressed softly into you, pressing tiny patterns into your flesh. He mouthed your neck tenderly, traveling languidly up your throat, dragging his soft lips along your jugular before arriving just below your jaw. Another soft kiss there, just a touch more intent than before. You shivered, hands roaming his chest and winding into his hair.

He was teasing you, intentionally or not. Your early morning makeout session before you both had to work usually involved more tongue than this, but you had recently told him about how sensitive your neck was and how you wanted him to try marking you sometime. Of course he was going to take his time and work you out, to memorize what made you moan the most so he could do it better next time. He never half-assed anything, but fuck if you didn't want him to go faster.

Osamu is oblivious to your desires. He continues to graze his lips down the opposite side of your neck, starting again as he reaches your collarbone. He was pressing just a touch harder now, contact a little rougher as he mouthed your throat. You shift slightly, your pulse jumping as he finally introduced his tongue. He lapped at your clavicle, licking his way back up yet again to meet your jaw. ah. You can't help but sigh and tug at his roots as the muscle traces a path below your ear, the spit cooling and making your skin impossibly more sensitive.

He stays there, pressing light kisses to the tender skin and tracing shapes with his tongue. You're tingling, already a little lightheaded from all the light touches. He brands another shape to your skin. A triangle? He's made that shape a few times, but now he's adding…. No. He's drawing a tiny Onigiri on you with his tongue, the pattern unmistakable. You drop your hands from his hair and start to say something, but Osamu was waiting for you to figure it out- he was ready, cutting you off by mouthing the same spot and sucking.

And oh, how you had been wanting this.

A pleasant buzz is building in the base of your skull. When Osamu sucks down, lips working into your neck, it builds a little more, fuzzes the edge of your vision and radiates down to your fingers. You flick them idly, remembering belatedly that you had a perfectly hot boyfriend to be groping. Sliding under his arms, you reach his back and massage the muscles there with your fingertips. His skin is golden under yours, hot and receptive to your touch. 'Samu grunts in appreciation at the attention, the vibrations adding to the suction he's applying to your neck. ghh.

He continues, mouth open and tongue flicking as he slides over your throat to catch up on the other side of your neck.

You push into his lap further unconsciously. Heavy hands on your hips stabilize you, one leaving to snake up your spine and grab at the hair at the back of your head. He grips sturdily and eases your head to the side for easier access to your neck. The buzzing in your skull gets louder still.

You're rocking slightly now, thighs flexing as you ache for something more. The hand on your waist grips tighter, trying to still you as Osamu worked his lips over a spot he had bullied before, suctioning up and scraping his teeth over the heated skin. "Hahh… Osamu..." You groan into your shoulder, his mouth pressing into the skin he had just abused, pulling it right back into his mouth with an obscenely wet sound.

The necking has all your blood rushing straight south, emptying your brain of any thoughts besides rutting into him. Everything he does, the way his tongue teased your sensitive skin, to the bruising pressure of his lips that brought the wet heat of his mouth to you: all of it drives you out of control.

He released his lips with a wet pop! and sighs lightly, the cool breath flowing over the heat from your overworked neck causing you to jerk into his lap further. You feel the rumble of his chest before his deep baritone reaches your ears-

“Quit squirmin’.”

He finishes his command by leaning in and biting down on the bruising skin he had just pulled away from.

The moan shocks one of you more than the other. The bite has the opposite effect Osamu wanted, sending you rocking further into his lap. Your hips cant up, mouth slack and eyes half-lidded, pulse throbbing where his teeth had made light intentions in your skin. You know what? Fuck it. You had time before work, and Osamu clearly underestimated how into this you’d be. You grind down onto him again, angling for his half-erect cock.

"Please, Osamu," you pant out, practically begging, "do that again."

You can feel his dick twitch in interest at your words. His grip on your ass becomes bruising as his fingers knead into you intently. He leads your head up to meet his, observing the way your face flushed darker, pupils blown so wide you could barely see the iris.

"You're really into this, huh."

He was nosing into your neck, breath ghosting over the fresh bite and driving you crazy. Yes. Was your request not enough? You hoped he wouldn't make you actually beg. The hand on your ass squeezes, making you squeak. It quickly changes to a moan as he bites again at the thin skin below your ear.

"I'm kinda startin' to see the appeal m'self…"

He shifts minutely. From below, you feel his erection, solid. Throbbing. Fuck, finally. You grind into his length and finally hear him groan. The sound makes you push down harder, eager to hear what other sounds you could pull from your boyfriend.

You snap your hands to his waist, bracing yourself as you fling a leg over his thigh to push your own into his cock. Osamu's grinding into you eagerly now, groaning, friction mutually given between you both. His hands find your sides and he splays his fingers, rubbing lines up the planes of your ribcage. Every tense of muscle creates a delicious pressure that's building in your core alongside the buzz in your skull.

He slides his hands over your chest, cupping you with both hands and squeezing before joining with his mouth, kissing your sternum. He brings one of your arms to his mouth, kissing the underside of your wrist tenderly. His teeth press in lightly as he swipes his tongue over the tendons. Your pulse thrums, electric.

The tension in the air changes subtly, stilling you for a moment. Osamu peers up at you with a discerning gaze. You met his eyes, mildly concerned at the sudden shift in mood. What was he looking for?

"You're so sweet, darlin'. So sweet to me. Think I'm gonna call you melonpan from now on."

His eyes are teasing. Your ears are burning. This asshole did not just call you fucking melonpan.

He catches your eyes and wrinkles his brow, cheeky grin splitting his face as he took your expression in. He just wanted to see you blush. fucker, you think, cheeks flaming. It worked.

His eyes sharpen with a predatory look.

"I wasn't a hundred percent honest, babe. I'm sorry. It's actually because I wanna sink my teeth into you."

True to his words, he bites into your neck, targeting the hickey that was developing.

Oh. Oh. Maybe the nickname was ok, actually.

Your breath and your thoughts quickly leave you. It's impossible to talk, to even think, mind too focused on the sensation of Osamu sucking the bruising bite on your neck.

This is what you had wanted, but you hadn't expected it to feel quite this… debilitating. The pleasure crossed with the pain in a way you could only describe as delicious, your nerves alright with conflicting signals. Your brain, quite literally, did not know how to process it. The result was the ever-encompassing buzz that was spreading from your skull to the rest of your body.

Ghhh, is what you manage to verbalize.

Osamu hasn't stopped, teeth finding old marks to push into, sucking and rolling the skin and muscle of your neck to the point of bruising. He brands new ones where he hasn't, leaving a patchwork pattern of hickies like a collar for anyone to see.

His tongue swipes along your heated skin, the wet heat soothing where he had previously teased. He grinds into your shaking leg, precome smoothing the friction as he ruts into your thigh. You're shaking, and he knows you're close, even without his hands or his cock. To see you coming undone with nothing but his mouth and his thigh? christ. Osamu's head isn't as big as his brother's, but it's almost enough to make him cum right there.

He's eager to see what pushes you over the edge.

"You're doing so good, baby, fuck," Osamu says into your neck, sucking loudly at the skin. "So fucking sweet, baby….. skin's so fucking sweet….." he bites down, hard, at the base of your neck and feels how your body freezes, every muscle tightening, tremulous. He chews, rolling the muscle under the skin as you cry out his name.

"hah, god, Osamu….!"

Your vision blurs, whitening around the edge. Your body is locking and you suck in a deep breath involuntarily. Is this a stroke? Are you dying? You've never felt this kind of brain failure during sex before. Oh my god, oh my god, fuck…!

Your release hits like lightning straight to your core. Your abdominals tightened, the buzzing in your skull intensifying and pulsing as it races through you. You arch backwards, tensing, eyes rolled back and grinding against his thigh. You shake as the sensation passes through you like an electric current, your body locking up in tension and pleasure simultaneously. Holy shit. Coming has never felt quite like this before, numbing you just as much as it brought you to ecstasy. You can't hear anything but the blood rushing in your ears as your muscles throb, your whole body tightening and relaxing, leaving your muscles burning deliciously as the buzzing finally begins to fade.

Your forehead thunks against his shoulder as you go boneless in his arms. Distantly, you think your legs are shaking.

Holy shit.

He didn't even touch you.

You need a minute to catch your breath.

Before you can though, Osamu is pushing you backwards. You hit the covers with a muffled thwump and he’s above you before you can blink, leaning into your space on his left arm as the other reaches down to stroke his cock.

"Y’can’t just give me a show like that, baby, what'd I do to deserve it?"

He drops his head to your chest and licks along your clavicle before drifting lower and sucking a hickey onto your chest. His right hand speeds up, pumping faster as he marks your chest again and again. His mouth finds a nipple and rolls it with his mouth, scraping it roughly with his teeth and sucking hard, making you jerk up from the bed slightly. It's almost too much, creeping up fast on overstimulation, but you focus. You still haven't gotten your mind one hundred percent back online from your previous climax, but you manage to reach down to cup his balls and tug gently.

Osamu's head lolls to the side and he groans. This close, you can see the sweat beading at his temples. Squeezing lightly and rolling your palm, you tug again, tapping your fingers lightly across the back. His hips snap forward fervently, your touch finally pushing him over the edge. "Comin'...!"

His words cut off into a low groan as he comes undone above you, hips stuttering, fucking into his fist. Osamu angles his cock down at you as he climaxes, hot ropes of his cum painting your stomach white. You dimly think that he's now marked you two entirely different ways.

A hand at your cheek makes you look back up. Osamu's looking at you with an emotion in his eyes that defies description. He leans down to catch your lips in a chaste kiss, thumb swiping up to catch the tear handing onto your cheek. Huh. You hadn't even realized you'd been crying. The hand retracts, and Osamu pulls away and drops to the bed.

He has enough of a mind not to flop down into the mess he just made, instead falling to your side with a sigh, eyes shut and thoroughly blissed out. He squirms until hes slotted next to you, one arm thrown across your chest. His breath puffs into your hair and tickles your ear. Your eyes slip shut as well.

...

You're content to lay there for hours, but the cooling jizz on your abdomen eventually incentivises you to get up. You untangle yourself from Osamu and push to the edge of the bed. Looking for all the world like a newborn deer, you wobble on unsteady legs to the bathroom in search of a warm washcloth.

Osamu's peace is short lived, eyes flying open at your shout:

"Fucks sake, Osamu! We have to open in an hour! How am I gonna work front of house looking like this?" You emerge from the bathroom, now clean of cum but covered in bruises of varying darkness from the neck down.

He blinks owlishly before shuttering his eyes and smirking.

"You literally asked me to do that, baby. Said 'please' an' everything."

You have no response. He's completely right, and that only makes you angrier. You toss the washcloth at his dick and tell him to get cleaned up.

…

You both make it to Onigiri Miya with minimal issues after that. Unfortunately for you, the summer heat prevented you from wearing anything that could come close to covering up the hickies above your collar. And when more socially oblivious customers would ask what happened to you, your response was to point a finger at an unusually smug-looking Osamu.

"Ask him."

Fortunately for everyone, none of them felt the need to actually ask him.

You were gonna get his ass back so bad.

[shit-scfandom-did]

so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

[cassluvthelife]

reading @meandeternity ‘s post that mentions the double capper set off a chain of thoughts in my brain regarding it: welcome to my attempt at translating my mind

double capped acorn represents carol and daryl - they are each an acorn and the double capper is lucky because the acorns are attached. like carol and daryl are attached (attached at the hip at the beginning of season 10). but then carol goes off and does her own thing (rightfully so, let me add) with the alpha situation and everything goes to shit (the cave, the war at hilltop). even when daryl is doing things on his own everything goes to shit. therefore when theyre apart - theres no luck - only luck when they’re together (im not talking about being together in terms of their physical presence necessarily, im talking about being together in terms of being on the same page)

This is re-emphasized in diverged - the metaphorical capper splits (they go down different paths) and they each have the most unlucky day.

When carol says “i think our lucks run out you and me” it emphasizes this point too. of course their luck has run out, there’s a distance between them - the capper is only lucky when the two acorns are joined

Now, keeping this in mind… lets look at season 11. Kang splits up daryl and carol (still on bad terms) and both their missions have had terrible luck - alexandria’s walls are collapsed, theyre still low on food - maggie and co have lost 60% of their group, so many have died, pope and leah are crazy. So… again… when daryl and carol are split up, it doesn’t work. you know what WORKED in season 11? the badass moment of the team (especially carol) getting the food in episode 1 while daryl covered her and had her back. they’re lucky when they work together

kang has illustrated this point like crazy over and over again in the writing. And she’s going to keep using this in the plot for 11b and 11c. Once carol and daryl resolve their issues things will start to go good again for them and everyone. Luck will return. Also, at this point im sure carol and daryl are each feeling like life is generally unluckier without their life partner present.

So once our babies figure their shit out and resolve their issues, they will work together again and luck will return. then they will realize further that the other is lucky to them and they cant live without them which will spell out LOVE so blatantly in each of their minds they wont be able to resist confessing their feelings (this last paragraph is more indulgent on my part than based on concrete evidence but my point stands nonetheless)

[ilikemesometaetaes]

Don’t Hold Your Breath ~ jjk

Chapter Six (M)

•••> Author: @ilikemesometaetaes​

•••> Summary: As the CEO of an international government security company, you have the world at your fingertips. Living life lavishly and extravagantly has become the norm. Behind closed doors, however, you host a past that renders you lonely and, quite frankly, miserable. It’s only a matter of time before your past comes back to bite you right in the ass.

•••> Pairing(s): Jungkook/Reader, Taehyung/Reader (slight)

•••> Inspo: This fic is inspired by the song “SAVAGE ANTHEM” by PARTYNEXTDOOR. Thank you to @dariangarcia​​, @btssmutgalore​, and @junghoseokit​​ for supporting my work. To my mamas, Kaitlin, Adora, Lauren, Lanie, Lu, and Sher.

•••> Word Count: 7.81k

•••> Rating: 18+

•••> Tags: Jungkook x Reader | Tattooed!Jungkook | angst | smut | ceo!au | rockstar!au | CEO!Reader | Rockstar!Jungkook | AU!BTS | Exes to Lovers

•••> Warnings: angst, dirty talk, sexual teasing, heartbreak, cursing, pining, depression, breakup, emotional instability, arguing | Warnings are written specifically to chapter.

Copyright © 2021 ilikemesometaetaes. All Rights Reserved.

Taglist: @dariangarcia​​​ @apurpledheart​​​ @itsgottabeyoo-ngs​​​ @hytibm​​ @namjinsbaby​​ @ggukkieland​​ @fan-ati--c​​

If you’d like to be added to the taglist, say so in a comment to this chapter or the DHYB Main Page, or send me an ask!

NAVIGATION: Chapter Five (M) <- | -> Chapter Seven (M) -> Mini-Masterlist -> Series Masterlist

•••> Official Playlist 

~#~

“I put the dirt into dirtbag. Still got your jacket in my bag.”

THEN.

“Kookie!” You screamed in between breaths, eyes watering at the struggle. “Stop! Please!”

“No way!” His laugh was buried in your hair as he pressed his face against the back of your head. “Apologize!”

“For what?” You wheezed, attempting to get away from the curling fingers that tickled your ribs relentlessly. His long legs were wrapped around your body, restricting your movement and effectively taking away almost any opportunity to escape.

“For calling me a singing demon!” His hands continued their assault, sending you into another laughing fit. You fought helplessly against his tattooed arms.

You wanted to bite back, but the lack of air in your lungs prevented you from doing so. Your heart beat wildly, adrenaline spiking and arms flailing against his grip. Desperation flooding your mind, you wrapped your hand around the one that caged your neck and dug your nails into his flesh in hopes that the pain would get him to weaken his hold.

Jungkook only laughed again and hummed teasingly. “Oh, just like that. Harder, baby.”

Squirming didn’t help much, but when you shifted your hips and felt something poking into your spine, you huffed with defeat on the horizon. His obvious boner signified that he liked your struggle- a clear indicator that there was no way he was letting you go any time soon.

Unless…

With another shift of your hips to grind your ass upwards on him, seating his dick between your clothed ass cheeks, you let the situation take over your body with your brain rewiring into a horny mindset in order to distract him.

“Jungkook,” You whispered through a gasp, hoping the change of pace would throw him off. It was a stunt you always pulled; whether it be during an argument or sex, changing the pace would unfocus your boyfriend’s attention and give you the upper hand.

Sure enough, Jungkook’s embrace around you loosened so that he could give himself more room to slide his manhood against you.

“Oh, baby...” He grunted into your ear with a sliver of surprise tainting his lust.

Slowly, so as to not trigger him, you slid one hand down his stomach and slid two fingers below the waistband of his shorts. With your body on top of him, you couldn’t go further inward, so you settled on harshly scraping your nails across his hip while you dug your other hand harder into his forearm.

“Please.” You said with more air in your lungs. Finally, you could breathe.

“Are you begging for me to fuck you?” His dick twitched against you, desperate to bury itself between your thighs. “Or are you pleading for mercy? Tell me, Y/N,”

Jungkook flipped the two of you over so that your chest pressed into the bed and his entire body pinned you to the mattress with a swift cant of his hips. “Which one is it?”

For a moment, you rolled your eyes and struggled to look at him from your compromised position. It wasn’t until your eyes caught sight of the numbers on the clock sitting on the nightstand that you began struggling with a new burst of concern in your mind.

“Jungkook!” You wheezed. “The time!”

“Answer my question, Y/N. I can stay here all night. The stage can wait.”

“But you’ll be late!” Your voice increased in volume.

“Only if you continue avoiding my question…” Jungkook trailed off for a moment before he leaned down to murmur softly in your ear. “Well, I’ll only be late if you refuse to let go of your pride to ask for mercy and beg for my cock instead. I will rearrange your guts if that is what you’re asking for.”

You huffed in frustration, the desire to fuck your boyfriend dissipating with his words. You knew that Jimin would be through the roof by now, searching high and low for the lead singer of BTS to dress him properly.

“Mercy.” You finally grumbled in defeat, not wanting to delay him any longer.

Almost disappointedly, Jungkook grunted as he removed his weight from on top of you. “Fine.”

“I’ll go turn on the car.” You got up and swiped the keys off of your dresser, thankful that you were still dressed in your internship clothes.

“You go do that.” Jungkook chuckled whilst sliding his shorts off of his body to reveal a very obvious boner tenting his boxers that you pretended to be oblivious of. “You’re a master at turning me on so I trust you with that.”

“Ew.” You grimaced at the poorly-delivered joke. “That was terrible.”

“No, it wasn’t. It was clever.” Jungkook chided.

“Not at all.” You quipped. After you watched him slide a pair of jeans up his muscular legs, you turned to leave. You just needed to make sure he got dressed. “I’ll be in the car.”

~#~

Jimin’s knowledge of art always mystified you. His prowess wasn’t the type of intelligence like knowing how Picasso depicted the loss of innocence in Guernica or how the melting clocks of Dali introduced surrealism to the world of art- no, that was Taehyung’s strong-suit.

Jimin knew how to create his own version of art that left viewers wistful and in absolute awe by making a stage the vessel of his masterpieces.

As you sat on the balcony, overlooking the crowd while they all thrashed and jumped to the beat of Hoseok’s bass drum and the duo of guitars that was Namjoon and Jungkook, you just had to sit back in your chair and stare at the composition that was Jimin’s show.

Flashes of blue and red lights swept across the crowd, printing themselves temporarily into the crowd’s retinas so that when the opposite color came back, a light hue of purple was brought into the experience for a fleeting moment. Short puffs of fire whenever Namjoon strummed a power chord warmed your face, even from the distance in which you sat from the stage, and lasers shot through the crowd every time Yoongi penetrated the sounds of his group with the keys of his keyboard.

Graphics on the jumbotron behind the band, which were also of Jimin’s creation, outlined each member with curls of dark, tentacle-like wisps that matched the purple hue of the crowd with its raven color.

The last song of the setlist, Blue and Grey, was one you were all too familiar with. The lights faded to a soft blue for a moment as Taehyung began the first strong notes with his bass and the crowd in the venue whooped and hollered in excitement- Blue and Grey was BTS’ most popular song. A year and a half into their journey of being a band and they already had a crowd favorite.

As Taehyung continued his bass line with his guitar and tattooed strumming arm put on display by Jimin’s spotlight, Jungkook leaned into the mic and began strumming his own guitar.

“Where is my angel?”

You sighed and leaned forward in your seat, loving the way Jungkook’s voice carried throughout the performance hall.

Taehyung accompanied Jungkook with the intro until Hoseok joined in to transition into the first verse with his high hat and snare drum.

Once the chorus hit, you couldn’t help but stand from your seat as you began to feel the power of BTS’ music rocking the venue.

“I just wanna be happier. To melt the cold me.”

Jungkook’s neck veins bulged from his skin as he belted out the notes, sweat dribbling down his temples from exertion. Even as he huffed for breath in between his lines, the image of him dressed in all black and owning the stage while ripping his fingers through his guitar strings was one you could never get tired of.

The songs were full of angst- the dark, unspoken feelings that not many people talked about- and you loved how you heard them from Jungkook through music. If only he were this honest when it was just the two of you.

“Don’t say it’s okay, ‘cause it’s not okay.” Jungkook closed up his lines with a heartbreaking tone that every fan in the crowd sang along with as Namjoon prepared to sing his part. For a brief moment, your boyfriend met your eyes across the large venue.

“Please don’t leave me alone. It hurts too much.”

~#~

NOW.

You walked into your building, grateful for the warm protection it offered against the freezing winter of New York City.

Noticing the lack of staff around, being that there was only the elevator operator and the receptionist sitting behind the marble counter, you glanced at your watch to check just how long you spent working.

20:17, your watch read. You had been working in front of computer screens and reading contracts for almost 9 hours.

“Greetings, ma’am!” The receptionist stood from his chair. “May I be of any service to you this evening?”

You shook your head to the man and continued on your path to the elevator where the other employee in the lobby waited to take you up. “None needed. I’ll be leaving momentarily.”

“Very well. Please let me know if you need anything.” He sat back down and turned his gaze to the computer in front of him.

The sound of your pumps echoed against the vast but empty room until you stopped in front of the elevator where the woman already had the doors opening in preparation.

“Good evening, ma’am.” She said lowly.

“ ‘Evening.” You responded, stepping inside without another word. The woman kept the conversation at that, which you appreciated, so you smiled at her in gratitude after you placed your key in the penthouse slot. She returned your smile with her own before the doors closed to encase you in silence.

The ride up was quiet, warranting you to pull out your phone so that you could read over your conversation with Taehyung again.

Why am I wearing think socks? I hate thick socks.

Read at 8:01 pm

Trust me. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

Is that so? Why?

Read 8:03 pm

Just wear the damn socks, Y/N.

Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?

Read 8:04 pm

Negative, captain

Tf

Why am I a captain now

Read 8:04 pm

Cuz I said so. Now stop talking or you’ll make me give away my position

Alright.

Read 8:05 pm

I said stop talking

…?

Read 8:05 pm

Fucking hell.

You let a small giggle slip past your lips at how normal the text conversation was. It was as if you never stopped talking to him, slipping into the normalcy of having Taehyung back in your life as quickly as it had been to cut him out of it. You zoned out for a moment in thought.

The strange sensation of friendship didn’t take any getting used to as it settled itself back into your bones and filled your heart with warmth like it never left- like the ice covering the beating organ was only temporary. As you stood alone, staring shallowly at the increasing floor numbers, you smiled in content.

The elevator slowed as the cabin came close to reaching the top floor, bringing you back to your senses. Sliding your phone back into the pocket of your slacks, you looked up once the elevator doors opened, only to drop your briefcase to the floor loudly.

Jungkook sat against the wall beside your door with his knees tucked under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. At the sound of your clumsiness clattering on the ground, his gaze snapped to you as he scrambled to stand up.

Anger flooded you immediately. You wanted to backhand him and rip his hair out. You wanted to scream and cry and lose your shit. However much you wanted to hurt him, though, you could not afford catching an assault charge on the man who defaced you once before.

There was a break of silence as you stood staring at him, unsure of how to handle the punch in your mood while the memories were forced to surface in your mind.

“Y/N…” Jungkook trailed, breaking the tangible barrier of tension. He took a step forward whilst obviously hesitating. “I-”

Instead of screaming at him, you went for the more sophisticated and controlled route to keep your lividity at bay whilst stopping his sentence in its tracks.

“How did you get up here?” It was a sensible question to ask. You just wanted to prevent him from deepening the conversation.

“I pulled some strings.” He murmured, looking down almost shyly, before piping up with more confidence. “But listen, I-”

“Save it.” You cut him off again, unable to control your facade much longer. “Get the fuck out of my face.”

His anxious expression turned worried- desperate. You didn’t miss the way his eyes became more expressive than you’ve ever seen them. “Please, Y/N.”

“Please what, Jungkook?”

“Please just give me a moment to speak.”

For a beat, you pondered his request. Taehyung’s words weighed heavily on your mind. We needed to talk.

Fuck talking. You have been done talking for ages.

“Wow.” You scoffed coldly, ice barriers slamming back into place over your heart. Taehyung had been able to melt them away, but Jungkook put them right back with fierce determination to completely ruin you. “You just want to take everything from me, huh?”

“Y/N, what-“ He blinked cluelessly, caught off-guard by your sarcasm.

“I gave you years to speak, Jungkook. I gave you everything.” You stepped forward, the boiling rage overtaking your body, and came to a stop in front of him with the fury of a charging bull. You wanted him to feel small and vulnerable.

“What else could I possibly give you? I have nothing left.” He took everything. The veins in your body were emptied and exhausted of every single ounce of energy to fight for someone.

You were unaware of the way Jungkook’s fists were clenched so tight that his knuckles turned white and his nails dug into his palms.

You failed to notice how much he trembled under your gaze, physically struggling to protect his butterfly from your wrath.

Your vicious swings at the dainty being of hope were nothing compared to what he, himself, had done to it. Jungkook found it ironic that you gave him an aspect that he was just barely strong enough to protect yet took the darker things from inside him and destroyed them as if they were mere placeholders- as if you were his puppeteer.

You were too stressed to realize the toll it took on Jungkook to keep his act together. He needed to keep the door open long enough to be your friend. Anything to prevent losing you. Earlier, his demons swooped in and overtook him, suffocating him to silence once again, but for the first time, they ebbed away at the mere thought of you.

As he walked down the street with his stage persona flowing, the simple thought of your name empowered his butterfly to beat its wings so fiercely that it blew away all of the impending smoke and dark tentacles of smog that threatened to overtake his vision.

Once he thought of you, he thought of everything.

Your anger was justified. He understood that now. Watching you huff breath after breath following your question was somehow relieving- you still cared enough to be pissed off. Jungkook forced himself to look on the bright side of the encounter with you; he made himself see that you were still passionate about the past. You were passionately upset and he couldn’t be happier.

He had seen you with Taehyung. He saw the way you were happy again. Jungkook wanted a part of that because he was too selfish to back off and stay dormant in your life- too determined to make you silence his demons.

Even if it was just as a friend. He could deal with that.

“You’re right.” Jungkook stated.

You paused in your tracks at the concession. Anger no longer blazing- staying right where it was- you quirked an eyebrow at him. Any time the two of you fought, he would never come even close to alluding that you were right.

“You’re right and I’m sorry, Y/N.”

An apology.

Words always seemed minimal to you. Unless to communicate information, you found that words filled with feeling didn’t mean much from someone you didn’t know.

After Jungkook, anyone that told you they loved you was promptly deemed a liar. Kate worked hard to make sure you were aware of the fact that she would actually take a bullet for you because of how much she loved you. She spent moment after moment proving to you that she cared deeply even though she didn’t have to put up with you.

Your parents, despite not talking to you much, expressed their love and gratitude whenever you sent them money. You knew they were hard workers like you and didn’t have time to worry about trivial things like words. Instead of taking the easy way out by simply telling you that they loved you, they showed you.

But Jungkook, who claimed to love you in the way that a lover would- the only person to actually do so- lied.

You could never trust the words in that way again.

Still, you couldn’t help but be taken by surprise.

“I’m right? Really?”

“Y/N, you’ve been right since the beginning. I took and took and just stopped giving back. I understand that you’re angry and I want to fix it so that you don’t hate me anymore. I want to make it right.”

You were silent. You hadn’t expected him to admit his fault so easily. Jungkook changing the pace of your conversation ruined your momentum, sending you stumbling and scrambling for thoughts.

Jungkook sighed for a moment, pressing his lips into a thin line as he let his eyes drop to the floor in your silence. He wasn’t about to lose the opportunity to elaborate further, though.

“Look, I know I fucked up. Bad. I know you can’t possibly forgive me right now, but I want you to know that I’m sorry for the things I’ve done to you.”

Your automatic reaction to being emotionally pushed came back, closing you down and disguising you as a cold woman.

“What the fuck do you know? What the fuck do you know about how badly you fucked up? I don’t need your lame-ass apology, Jungkook. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Stop pretending that you do. Sure, we fucked a little and kissed a few times, but that’s all that it was.” You grit out the last few words, lying through your teeth. “Now please move. You’re blocking the door.”

Shockingly, Jungkook obeyed. He stepped aside and clasped his hands behind his back without another word, allowing you to walk to your door and open it.

Don’t look back. Don’t look back.

No matter how many times you repeated the words in your head, commanding yourself to abide by the mantra as if it were law, the emotions in your head managed to break through and force your head to turn back after stepping through the doorway.

Jungkook stood as still as a statue, staring at you with a blank expression that was almost eerie. You glanced down quickly, unable to maintain the eye contact, and noticed that his knuckles were clenched.

It was almost as if he was a completely different person because of the fact that his appearance was drastically different from that of BTS Jungkook. The man that stood in front of you was no rockstar. He was not an idol nor a role model that millions looked up to.

He was a scared boy. The fear that riddled his eyes was extremely difficult to miss and it made him seem almost small whilst standing in the small junction between the elevator and your penthouse.

You shut the door in his face impulsively, hoping that you wouldn’t have to see him again.

Backing away from the door slightly, you waited until you heard the elevator signal that its doors were closing before going to look through the peephole. You finally released your breath and slumped against the door when you saw that he had left.

Without his presence putting you on edge and keeping you on your toes, you could finally reflect on the conversation that just transpired.

He admitted his wrongdoings and apologized for them. He showed you his belly and became vulnerable. He admitted defeat.

Jungkook wasn’t an apologetic person in the slightest; he wasn’t a forgiving one either. In all the years that you had known him, he was headstrong and stubborn- if you looked past the part where he closed himself off and cheated, of course.

This Jungkook, the one you had just spoken to, was not the one you remember. Maybe you were right. Maybe you didn’t know him anymore.

Your phone vibrating in your pocket distracted you from pondering any further over the epiphany, prompting you to pull it out and fumble with it to get away from the confusing subject. You were thankful for the distraction.

Kim Taehyung (BTS)

I’ll be out front in 15 mins

Cursing internally, you left the idea of Jungkook behind you and rushed to change into clothes better suited for the cold weather.

It was a given that a small smile pulled at the corner of your lips when you slid thick tube socks over your ankles. You hadn’t actually worn tube socks in ages because they didn’t exactly go with your usual professional style of suits and heels.

You zipped your coat up about three-fourths of the way before turning to look at yourself in your mirror with a huff.

Suddenly, you were bombarded with a memory as it flashed before your eyes.

“You know you look good, babe.”

You giggled as Jungkook came up behind you to look at you in the reflection, setting his chin on your shoulder while he used his tongue to toy with the hoop pierced into his lip.

“Thanks, Kook. Just want to look my best is all.” You met his eyes in your bedroom mirror, smiling softly.

“Well, you look beautiful.”

You were left staring at the empty space where his face was, unsure of how to react as you stumbled back from the intrusion. Another meaningless scene came barging into your senses before you could process the first.

“Wow…” You trailed off as you looked at the angry red spot on Jungkook’s chest. A brand new tattoo, the size of your hand, raised out of his skin and shined under the luminescent light of the tattoo parlor. With the tattoo artist cleaning up his station behind the two of you, you were left to admire his beauty in his reflection.

Jungkook stood shirtless in front of the full-length mirror as he smiled brightly at the last tattoo to complete his set. Your eyes drank in the way each exhibit of inked art contrasted with his smooth, caramel expanse of skin while you stood behind him.

The new piece, which was almost large enough to touch the Chinese characters stamped onto the side of his neck and the back of his ear, was a depiction of an angel falling from the heavens. The detail in the blackening feathers attached to the angel’s back was mesmerizing, drawing all of the attention from the rest of the tattoos covering Jungkook’s chest.

“Is there any special meaning behind it?” You asked, knowing that your boyfriend had a few meaningless tattoos that were part of his ‘woke-up-and-it-was-there’ collection.

For a moment, Jungkook stayed silent as he studied the work of art in the mirror. It wasn’t until you called his name again that he answered your question while meeting your gaze in the reflection.

“Nah. It just looked really cool to me.”

You pressed your hand to your forehead and looked away from your mirror, wondering why- now, of all times- you just had to remember those small memories.

You didn’t miss him- you know you didn’t. But something within you twisted at the thought of being with him- the memory of how it felt to be his.

The disconnect between the feelings of your heart and the thoughts of your mind, ever so obvious, shifted. His apology was unexpected, to say the least, but it was also surprisingly heartfelt and pulling on your need to forgive.

Saved by the bell, your landline phone began to ring.

You rushed to the bedside table and grabbed the phone from its dock, pulling it to your ear.

“Ms. Y/L/N? It’s the front desk. Mr. Kim Taehyung is here and waiting for you.”

“Got it. Thank you. I’ll be down in a moment.” You hung up the phone and grabbed your wallet and keys before shuffling over to your desk to grab your briefcase on instinct.

“Wait,” you spoke aloud, laughing at yourself and withdrawing your reach. “I don’t need that.”

As you opened the door to your penthouse, the sound of something lightly hitting your door had you looking down.

A small, navy blue bag, the size of your palm, swung from the doorknob and hit lightly against the wood from the momentum of you opening your door. Confused, you unhooked the loop from the doorknob and looked inside the bag to find a familiar-looking box inside.

Gingerly, you pulled it out and opened it. In the way of the box’s contents was a folded piece of notebook paper with your name scrawled across the top in Jungkook’s messy handwriting.

You held your breath after reading the note and looked down at the small charm.

Since you gave me yours, I’ll give you mine. -jk

In the fabric of the satin display lay the familiar gold chain that Jungkook gifted you those few years ago, but, instead of the small J that you were so familiar with, lay your own initial.

You knew Jungkook’s way with words well enough to know that the small note connected his intentions to the chain. You were instantly pulled back to the night that he gifted the necklace to you in the first place.

“It’s beautiful. Happy one-year, babe.” You whispered onto his lips with a smile.

After you sat back into your seat, Jungkook walked to your side of the table to put the chain around your neck. “I obviously have the describe how much this necklace means so that you never take it off.”

You laughed. “I wouldn’t even dream of taking it off, Kook.”

“I still need to explain. It was like a message from heaven when I saw them in the jewelry store.” He pouted, returning to his seat. “So the idea with these is that we’re wearing parts of each other. You’re wearing the part of me that belongs to you and I’m wearing the part of you that belongs to me.”

Jungkook continued as he raised his glass. “So even though you think this necklace is yours because it’s your letter, it’s actually mine.”

You cocked your head in confusion, struggling to understand the concept. “What are you talking about?”

“It sounded so much better in my head, I swear.”

You understood the idea now.

Push off the emotions. Don’t think about them.

You were hellbent on ignoring the weakness, knowing full well what path you would go down if you let them get to you.

Instead, you made your way down to the lobby with the bag gripped tightly in your mitten-clad hands, heading to the desk with determination furrowing your brow. Even as Taehyung stood from the small sofa in the lobby upon seeing you, you did not spare him a glance.

Forcefully, you thrusted the bag into the receptionists’ face, internally wincing at your rude gesture.

“Please put this in the lost and found. I have no idea where it came from.”

The receptionist did well at hiding his expression, however, you could still see a sense of somber recognition behind his eyes. You decided not to press him seeing as you want to avoid the topic of Jungkook like the plague.

“Understood, ma’am.” He took the bag from your grasp before you had the chance to rethink addressing his slip of emotion, placing it in a drawer by his knee. He looked back up and gestured to Taehyung after locking the drawer. “Mr. Kim is here for you.”

You sighed in a mild sense of accomplishment, forcing yourself to shut out the regret and sadness for giving away a formerly precious memory, before turning to face Taehyung with a small smile to mask your inner turmoil. Your smile faltered when you noticed that Taehyung mirrored the same expression on his face that the receptionist wore.

“What?” You asked, walking to him.

“I just-” He looked down for a moment, scowling, and you noticed he had placed his small barbell back into his eyebrow. “-nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Why won’t you tell me anything?” The two of you had walked to the door, stopping before going out into the cold so that you could finish your conversation.

“Like I said before, it’s not my place to say or judge.”

Taehyung opened the door to an icy gust of wind before you could protest, chilling you into a mind-numbing stupor as you whispered, “Holy fucking shit.”

“Good god, it is freezing.” Taehyung mumbled, linking an arm around your body and ushering you towards his SUV across the sidewalk.

Once sat inside the warmth of the cabin, you shivered in satisfaction at the heat gracing your body.

“Please tell me we’re not going to be outside for whatever we’re doing.” You pleaded to him. The light from the city was filtered by the darkened car windows, however, you could still see Taehyung’s shoulders moving up and down when he chuckled.

“Unfortunately, we are, but fortunately, I brought some heat packs for us.”

You whined in protest, looking up to the GPS screen in front of the driver to see if you could identify where the two of you were going. Without a route plotted, you were left even more curious.

About twenty minutes of small talk and a brief roast session targeting Hoseok later, you sat in front of the ice skating rink at the Rockefeller Center.

“We’re ice skating?” You asked, suddenly in shock. You hadn’t been ice skating since-

No. Stop it. Your mind warred with itself as it suppressed the memory threatening to spill over into your eyes.

“You’re quite the detective.” Taehyung’s sentence was drenched in sarcasm, functioning as the perfect distraction, and prompted you to lightly shove him with a giggle as you exited the vehicle.

“I thought I was a captain.” You pouted against the cold, pulling your hat down on your head even further in hopes of retaining your body heat and warmth from the van.

“You are.” Taehyung laughed again. “Captain Detective.”

You only rolled your eyes at his playfulness before you turned to face the rink from the sidewalk. A person passing behind you and bumping into your back lightly had you cursing New York City’s busy and bustling population.

Seeing all of the people on the rink, you instantly remembered that you did not inform Jay of your whereabouts.

“Do we have security?” Worry riddled your brain as you turned to look at him with your eyes widening in a panic. You became hyperaware of all of the possible outcomes to Taehyung being identified in such a crowded place.

Taehyung sighed as he walked you up to the ticket booth. “We don’t. I just want to have a normal and plain but fun time with my friend- without someone glaring at me like they don’t want to be here while they breathe down my neck.”

Despite understanding his statement, you couldn’t help the automatic stress to being in public without any form of protection.

“Taehyung,” You warned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Y/N,” He mocked your tone childishly before leveling it to his regular voice. “Relax, weirdo. We’re here to have fun and people are too busy having their own fun to notice us.”

“I doubt that.”

It wasn’t until you got your rental skates tightly secured onto your feet and began walking toward the ice that Taehyung mentioned a vital detail that he definitely should have mentioned prior to arriving at the center.

“You what?” You were baffled to say the least.

“I can’t skate.” He sheepishly brought his hand to the back of his head and adjusted his trapper hat under your scrutiny.

“Then why did we come?” You were almost yelling at that point.

“Because Brian told me that you liked ice skating!” Taehyung gripped at your fingers tightly, anxiety getting the best of him.

Fucking hell, Brian.

“Did he?” Your laugh was almost hysterical because of how wrong he was. You were becoming increasingly hesitant about giving your personal assistant a raise now.

Still, it was worth the effort. Brian was just trying to help the world’s most popular bassist when he came to him in need of information. It was a decent attempt.

“Yeah,” Taehyung huffed. “He did.”

“Well, Tae, I’ll have you know,” You moved towards the ice rink with determination. “I haven’t been ice skating in ages and I hardly like it. Hopefully, I still have muscle memory.”

“Oh god.” Taehyung groaned, tipping his head back as the feeling of imminent and utter chaos ensued. “Fucking hell, Brian.”

As soon as you stepped on the ice, you realized that you were still perfectly coordinated enough to complete the task.

Taehyung, on the other hand, clung to the walls like the world was attempting to swallow him into the ground. Dutifully, you stood next to him with a cautious hand on his back in the case that he went tumbling.

The sight was one to behold.

Kim Taehyung, hard core rockstar- the physical definition of a stereotypical ‘bad boy’- with tattoos littering his skin and a glistening eyebrow piercing that was winking at you from under his gray trapper, stood hunched over and afraid as he moved baby step-by-baby step to proceed further around the rink. You couldn’t help but giggle as the man who possessed the prowess of an elegant panther on stage adopted the likes of a stumbling newborn giraffe within the span of five minutes.

You were still concerned for him despite how funny it was. Tentatively, you reached your hand to grip his shoulder and urged him to look at you.

“Tae, are you okay? We can do something else if you’d like.”

“No, it’s okay.” He wheezed in effort. “I got this.”

Making a show out of how brave he was, Taehyung stood up straight on shaky legs and began progressing forward by attempting to walk on the ice.

“I can show you how t-” Taehyung cut off your offer before you could finish it.

“I’ve been shown countless times how to skate and the best I can do is walk and maybe slide forward a little. I’m a lost cause, Y/N.” Even though he seemed upset, Taehyung couldn’t help but crack a smile at how clumsy he was.

You smiled pitifully at your clumsy friend before you stepped in front of him. “Here, hold onto my shoulders and we’ll slide forward together.”

All Taehyung could do was begrudgingly agree, hating the idea of having to lean on you for support but wanting to remain close to you for the majority of the night. Once he placed his hands tightly on your shoulders, you moved.

At first, you skated slowly so that Taehyung could adjust to the feeling of being pulled forward. Once he got the hang of keeping his legs locked so that you could move around easier, you skated at a normal speed.

After about ten minutes of joking around and catching Taehyung’s slipping form a handful of times, your mind was left free and without defense.

You hadn’t realized how vulnerable you were because of it.

“Y/N, slow down! I can’t go that fast!”

Your breathing came to a halt at the voice that echoed in your ears.

“Here, hold my hand and we’ll skate together.”

Panicking, you rushed your mind to shut it out. No. Stop.

Unknowingly, the chaos in your mind and the desperate need to get away from the memories had you gradually increasing your own speed to subconsciously escape your thoughts.

Taehyung’s nervous laugh and call of your name in warning fell on deaf ears while you furrowed your eyebrows in concentration.

“See? It’s easy. Just step and lean. Step- and lean.” His hand clutched yours as if he was trying to squeeze all of the blood from your fingers but you only squeezed back in reassurance.

“Don’t let me fall, please.”

Taehyung’s skate crashing into the back of yours served as the perfect distraction, yet it only lasted for a split second as the two fo you went tumbling to the ice in a hauntingly familiar manner.

In the process of falling, Taehyung had managed to wrap his arms around your waist and twist his body so that he could take most of the impact from the ice. Landing on top of him with an ‘oof’ reminded you of the last time you went ice skating.

Even with your face mere centimeters from your friend’s, all you saw was him.

Taehyung’s small puffs of air against your lips were an indicator of how close you were to kissing him. Truly, you could kiss him if you wanted to, needing only to relax your neck and let your head fall to close the rest of the minimal gap between you. He looked up at you with wide eyes, holding onto your gaze with an unreadable expression on his face.

All you saw, however, was a small mole dotting the underside of his lips. Fuck, you wanted to kiss Taehyung and rid yourself of the nightmare, but you couldn’t shake the sensation of how wrong it felt to kiss anyone but Jungkook.

“Y/N,” Taehyung called your name cautiously and pulled you from your thoughts. Instantly, your eyes welled with tears at the realization of how fucked you were.

You yanked yourself from him with abandon, needing to get far away from the reminder that you couldn’t move on.

Kim Taehyung was mature. He was kind and respectful- everything you could ask for in a man- yet the thoughts of Jungkook and the good memories you had with him outweighed the bad, preventing you from truly letting go.

Before Taehyung could protest, you stood and left him on the ice, making for a quick exit. You wanted to go back and help him up so that he wasn’t in danger, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at his face in this setting.

Instead, you skated off the rink and walked to the skate rental area, plopping down on the bench weakly to untie the laces. Once you did so, you set them on the counter and waited for your boots with your eyes on the ground. You didn’t want anyone to see you on the brink of crying.

“Y/N!” Taehyung’s voice was loud and attention-grabbing. You had half the mind to be concerned that he would cause people to notice him, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as you finally got your boots and rushed to put them on. Taehyung was finally off the ice when you slid the first boot on.

“Y/N,” He called your name again, awkwardly approaching you with the blades still on his feet. “Please, talk to me.”

You could only sniffle in response and continue to put your boots back on, a fresh wave of tears welling in your eyes and threatening to spill onto your cheeks. You’d kept them at bay thus far but Taehyung was making it extremely difficult as his comfort approached you. The welcome yet heartbreaking aura he exhumed paired with your teetering emotional stability wouldn’t fare well in such a public setting.

Without hesitation, you stood and walked away once you were done securing your shoes back on your feet. Again, you felt the urgent need to be alone.

And again, Taehyung was right behind you as he ran without putting his shoes back on.

“Y/N!” He grabbed you as he called your name more sternly, forcing you to face him. Your eyes met his briefly before you looked back down to the pavement and cursed yourself once a tear slipped out. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Because I-” Your breath caught in your throat as it constricted due to the beginning of a sob building in your chest. You cleared your throat and struggled to breathe your way through your response- one you had trouble communicating. “-I just can’t.”

Taehyung grimaced, looking around with concern, before he ushered your body to begin walking away from the busy area.

Once you were a good distance down the street, he grabbed both of your shoulders and forced you to face him once again. Away from the well-lit area of the ice rink, the only light that shone in the middle of the dark night was that of the street lights. With bated breath, you looked up at your friend with your mouth closed tightly so that the sob in your chest wouldn’t come barging past your lips.

The pain was nearly unbearable. It anguished you, knowing that you were stupid enough to think that you could eventually move on from Jungkook. It pained you, being aware of the fact that Taehyung had offered himself to you and you did nothing but continue to look at Jungkook.

But most of all, it hurt that you still wanted Jungkook.

If only you could reach into your chest and tear your heart out so that you couldn’t feel anymore. If only you could shut off your feelings so that it didn’t agonize you like this. If only it were that easy.

Under the light of the street lamps with Taehyung’s look of pity- the one he held as he looked at you across the club on that dreadful night those few years ago- on you, you broke.

As you began sobbing, Taehyung pulled you against his body and backed up into the darkness to give you the privacy to cry without being seen.

The pain stabbed your heart repeatedly; quick blows, shallow at first, became increasingly deep as you drowned in the memories of what once was.

Falling so passionately in love became your biggest regret. For so long, you hated the idea. You hated the fact that you still loved Jungkook notwithstanding the things he had done. You denied the fact until you started seeing the good memories again- until it was an unavoidable and objective truth.

The truth that you still loved him.

As Taehyung held you tightly in his embrace while you held your hands to your face and dug your nails into your skin, you sobbed uncontrollably at how completely and royally fucked you were.

“W-why-” You blubbered into your palms. “-why do I-I still lo-ove him?”

“Because your heart wants what it wants, Y/N. You have no control over that.”

At this point, you had to tell him how you felt- how you truly felt.

“I w-wish that it wa-anted you. I’m so sorry, T-Tae.”

“Hey, now. Don’t say that. It’s a waste of time to wish for things that you have no control over. Don’t waste a wish on something stupid like that.” Taehyung pressed his face to the top of your head, pressing his lips there to leave a small kiss. “Besides, I have someone waiting for me back home so you don’t need to worry anymore.”

Instantly, you looked up at him in shock while still hiccuping. “You do?”

“Of course.” Taehyung laughed warmly, smiling down at you. “I wasn’t gonna be stuck on you forever. One way or another, you move on.”

“It’s been years since I’ve even seen him, Tae. The fact that I still haven’t moved on despite that has to tell you something.”

“Which is why I told you that you still need to talk to him. You can’t move on or do anything about the way you feel unless you communicate it.” He pulled back to bend his body to become eye-level with you so that he could look you in the eyes as he spoke. “There’s things you don’t know.”

For a moment, you weighed his words in your mind. If they’re things that Taehyung can’t tell you because they’re ‘not his place’ to say, then you figure that the matter must be a serious one. Your curiosity was getting the best of you. It wasn’t long before you gave in.

“Yeah…” You trailed off in hesitation, suddenly regretting shutting out Jungkook. “I guess I do need to talk to him.”

“Please just… take your time and be patient with him.” Taehyung winced slightly. “He’s hot-headed but he’s a lot better than he was before. I promise you that.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Taehyung.” You scowled as you backed out of his embrace.

“You know I don’t. I would never suggest that you talk to him if he was the same as he was before.”

A few beats of silence passed before you asked the question that had been nagging at your mind since your revelation of remaining love for the lead singer of BTS.

“Do you think we still have a chance?”

Taehyung answered immediately. “That’s not my place to judge. All I know is that you guys did something sad like being broke up even though you had life.”

“Good god, Tae,” You huffed out a laugh. “Are you quoting Lil Dicky right now?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.” Taehyung crossed his arms and let out a small ‘hmph’ as he lightly stomped his foot onto the sidewalk. “And you can’t stop me.”

For a while, Taehyung let you catch your breath and calm down while looking up and down the street. It seemed as if he was planning something.

Before you could process what he was doing, Taehyung took you by your arm, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, and began walking across the street. You looked up in the direction of your path and noticed that you were heading towards the quaint coffee shop that seemed to be the only open place at the current hour.

Your eyes hurt from crying. Your chest ached from sobbing and hiccuping. Your heart and head hurt as they came to blows with each other. You were slowly beginning to freeze as the calming of your emotions slowed your heart and cooled your body. It was so fucking cold.

You could use a coffee right about now.

~#~

Thank you for reading, reader! If you’d like to check out the rest of my work, feel free to visit my Masterlist!