#i cant even count the blogs ive had to blog these last days because of ai on my hand

[thelien-art]

STROP TRYING TO CONTACT ME ASKING ME WHY I BLOCKED YOU!!!

I block people for mainly ONE thing!

Ai - I don´t want to see that shit, so if you post Ai under a tag I follow I WILL BLOCK YOU!! - don´t fucking come crying on a NEW FUCKING BLOG about how much you want to see my art!

Just... stop. Please! I don´t care if you followed me or not okay?

Not only is it theft, but the toll on the environment is ridiculous and openai keeps saying they can't keep it up because of the toll, unless a new way to harvest energy is found!! HOW CAN´T YOU SEE THE PROBLEM!???

[the-lonelybarricade]

Loved your latest chapter and Im so excited to see what happens under the mountain!

I was wondering if I could request a one-shot?(up to you how long and you can do it in your own time)something along the lines of:

Feyre( from either ACOWAR, ACOFAS or ACOSF) time travels back to ACOTAR, but instead of finding herself back in her human body i the spring court, she's still in her fae body and ends up trapped in velaris, having to explain to the rest of IC who she is and why she cant go free their highlord(add some mistrust from the IC)

🙈🙈Id its very similar to what youre doing rn with your other fic but, if you find the inspiration sometime could you please do this? Ive wanted to read a fic for ages were feyre rime travels and meets pre-acomaf inner circle who dont know/trust her, but Ive never found a fic like that

Thank youuu

Hi lovely anon! It makes me so happy you enjoyed my latest chapter! I’m supposed to be working on a project for uni, but I couldn’t resist gratifying my lovely friends (because you're anon and won't be notified I was getting sad at the idea of you checking my blog and not seeing me respond) <3 I’ll admit I’m a bit scatterbrained at the moment, so I hope it’s okay!

I was having trouble brainstorming a reason for Feyre getting sent back in time because I didn't want to borrow the reasoning from ACoFD. So I was vague and twisted the pre-existing rules around the Ouroboros, and ended up getting quite carried away with the story since I don’t like not giving things a happy ending (even though it’s a little cheesy, sorry)

Anyway, I hope this is what you were looking for! I know you wanted the angst of not being able to save Rhys but... I couldn't just leave my poor bat-boy behind, you know? ;)

Also if this didn't quite scratch that itch, I'm always happy to take more requests

Word count: 4,446

The Ouroboros.

It was a massive, round disc—as tall as Feyre was. Taller. And the metal around it had been fashioned after a massive serpent, the mirror held within its coils as it devoured its own tail.

Ending and beginning.

From across the room, Feyre could not see it. What lay within.

She forced herself to take a step forward. Another.

The mirror itself was black as night—yet… wholly clear.

She watched herself approach. Watched the arm she had upraised against the wind and snow, the pinched expression on her face. The exhaustion.

She stopped three feet away. She did not dare touch it.

It only showed Feyre herself. Nothing.

Feyre scanned the mirror for any signs of… something to push or touch with her magic. But there was only the devouring head of the serpent, its maw open wide, frost sparkling on its fangs.

Feyre stared and stared, but all she saw was herself. There was nothing else. Then—

Feyre woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed to shake away the cobwebs of sleep and the strange, foreboding feeling that felt draped around her shoulders like a weighted cape, pulling her down. It hadn’t been a particularly horrifying nightmare. In fact, it was perhaps of the tamer dreams she’d had in the last year.

Yet something about it clung to her, perhaps a lingering agitation that she’d yet to retrieve the mirror the Bone Carver had requested. That must be it.

The bed space beside her was cold. The sun peaking through the window was not high, it couldn’t be long past dawn. However worrisome her own dream, her mate’s must have been worse to draw him from sleep so early. Worse still for him to sneak away.

Feyre rose from the bed, reaching absently for Rhysand’s dressing robe to wrap around herself. She always loved to steal her mate’s clothes, to be wrapped in his scent.

With gentle steps, she made her way to the study, where she could only assume Rhys had sequestered himself in the lone hours of the night. She’d noticed the weary draw to his shoulders, the dark circles under his eyes. This war was weighing on him heavily, and he was nervous. Feyre wished he didn’t insist on shouldering the burden alone.

“Rhys?” Feyre called softly as she got to the study, knocking on the door before she cracked it open.

Peeking her head around the door, she was met with the sight of Rhysand’s abandoned study. The scattered papers and war maps that had become characteristic of his desk space were surprisingly missing. In fact, the whole space had been cleared away and there was a thick layer of dust on every surface as if no one had been in here in years.

Feyre frowned at the sight, and how different it had been just the day before. Where had all the dust come from? And more importantly, where was Rhys? Perhaps he’d taken a morning flight to clear his head.

Where are you, love? She called to him through the mating bond, but was met with silence.

“Who are you?”

The voice was cold and venomous. Feyre turned, coming face to face with Mor, whose face was twisted into a threatening scowl.

“Mor?” Feyre asked, confused by her friend’s cold demeanor. “What do you mean? Have you seen Rhys?”

Mor’s face turned deadly, a look Feyre had only ever seen from Mor in the Court of Nightmares. “Is that some kind of joke?” she snarled.

Then, before Feyre could process what was happening, Mor had gripped onto Feyre’s wrist and they were enveloped in darkness. They stepped into the House of Wind, into the dining room where Cassian and Azriel abruptly stood up.

“Mor?” Feyre questioned when the blonde didn’t release her steel grip. She looked to Cassian and Azriel quizzically. “Guys? What’s going on?”

Cassian crossed his arms, assessing Feyre with a hostility that put her on edge. “Who’s this, Mor?” he asked gruffly.

Feyre frowned as she watched Azriel reach for Truth-Teller.

“Is this a joke?” she asked, flitting her eyes to each of her friends. Where she sought that friendly warmth in each of their gazes she was met with hard stares, filled with distrust, ready for a brawl. She couldn’t make sense of it. Was this an act Rhys had put them up to?

“I found her in the townhouse,” Mor said. “I don’t know how she got in there. She was in Rhysand’s study.”

“And she’s wearing his dressing gown,” Azriel noted dryly. Cassian did a double glance, his eyes going wide, then narrowing with a rage Feyre had never seen from the male. Certainly never directed at her.

There was a whisper of shadow, then suddenly Azriel was behind her, Truth-Teller poised at her throat.

Feyre startled. “Azriel!” she said sharply. Even if it was a joke, Feyre couldn’t imagine Rhysand would sanction this kind of threat. And the energy in the room was off, the tension too thick. “Stand down.”

“And who are you,” he breathed in her ear, his voice coated in shadow and nightmare, “to command the Shadowsinger of the Night Court?”

“I’m your High Lady,” Feyre answered steadily, not letting Azriel’s shadows, nor cunning voice, shake her resolve. “Now, I don’t know what is going on with the three of you, or what strange joke you’re trying to pull, but you will listen to what I say. Put. Your. Knife. Down.”

“High Lady?” Cassian repeated with a snort of disbelief. “You’ve got balls, little girl.”

Truth-Teller danced across the skin of her neck, pressing lightly enough to intimidate without breaking skin. “Do you even know to whom you speak? You should be bowing before the acting Queen of the Night Court.”

Too stunned to properly resist, Azriel kicked his feet out to knock Feyre to her knees in front of Mor. His fingers slid into her hair, gripping it tightly to pull her head back as Truth-Teller resumed its threatening position at her throat.

“Breaking into the High Lord’s personal residence, impersonating a high position within the Night Court, lying to the Morrigan’s face,” Azriel listed, increasing the pressure of the blade with each transgression. “You throw our High Lord’s generosity and protection in his face, something we as his acting Court do not take lightly.”

“Acting court? Acting Queen?” Feyre repeated, feeling as if she’d woken to a different reality. “What are you talking about? Where’s Rhysand!?”

“We’re the ones asking the questions here,” Cassian growled.

Feyre looked to each of her friends, studying their faces. Beyond their militant expression, she could see their grief. Could smell it. She repeated, “where is Rhysand?”

She felt the snarl that rumbled through Azriel’s chest behind her, vibrating against her back. When the question was once again unanswered, Feyre abandoned all sense of patience.

Darkness exploded through the room. She heard Mor gasp as the walls of the House shook from the might of her power. Feyre folded into the shadows, winnowing out of Azriel’s grasp so she stood in the center of the three of them.

“Az, Cass, Mor, you are my friends and I do not want to hurt you. But I am also your High Lady and you will answer me this instant, where is Rhys? Where is my mate!?”

Siphons gleamed red and blue through the thick tendrils of night, illuminating the Illyrian males’ faces. Cassian’s jaw had fallen open, while Azriel was studying her through narrowed eyes, wisps of shadow surrounding him. Feyre wondered what they were whispering to him.

“Mate?” Cassian echoed, the first to break the heavy silence.

Mor took a cautious step forward, her countenance completely changed. Her pupils were blown wide, twin brown depths churning with sorrow and gentle astonishment. Azriel went rigid at Mor’s approach, but no one moved to stop her as she came face to face with Feyre.

“Where did you get this?” she whispered, taking Feyre’s left hand, eye fixed on her mating band. On the sapphire-star ring that once belonged to Rhysand’s mother.

All eyes befell the subject of Mor’s attention. Cassian swore softly in recognition.

“It’s my mating band,” Feyre answered measuredly, still puzzled that the inner circle, her family, didn’t seem to have any memory of it. Nor of her. “I won it from the Weaver, as was the task set by Rhysand’s mother. But you were all there for that. I don’t understand what’s going on. Where. Is. Rhys?”

“Under the Mountain,” Mor whispered, her voice soft and pained.

The darkness ebbed away like a receding tide. Feyre felt her heart sink as she tried to process this information. “He—What?”

“He’s been Under the Mountain for the last 50 years,” Mor said, firmer this time. “And if you were his so-called mate, you would know that.”

“No,” Feyre said, shaking her head vehemently. “No, that’s impossible. We got out. We—”

This was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare, and she just hadn’t woken up from it.

“Amarantha’s dead,” Feyre insisted, mostly in an attempt to console the unparalleled grief and panic that were raging inside her. “She’s dead, and Rhys and I got out.”

The grim faces of her friends said otherwise. They stared at her, in unbearable mixtures of pity and horror.

“I think she’s having a mental break,” Cassian said, not unkindly. “Should we get a healer?”

“Let me show you,” Feyre said meekly, casting her magic out to tap on their mental shields.

They all tensed, clearly not aware they’d been in the presence of a daemati. Trained well by Rhys, they all cracked their shields just enough for Feyre to send her conjured memories through. She showed them going Under the Mountain as a human, winning the trials and being resurrected, falling in love with Rhys, and eventually becoming High Lady of the Night Court. In turn, the three of them pushed back their own memories, of the current state of the world. Of Rhysand sacrificing himself so that his Court and Velaris would be safe.

A sob broke out of Feyre. “How is this possible? How am I here?”

It was Azriel who immediately went for the jugular. “More importantly, if you’re here as a High Fae, how is Rhys going to get out? How do we stop Amarantha?”

Feyre fell to her knees, grief-stricken by this realization. She was no longer human. She couldn’t stride in as Tamlin’s human lover and undergo the trials. Feyre had her powers, but they were untested. Would she be able to take on the whole of Amarantha’s court?

“What do I do? How do I save him?” she whimpered, staring in mute horror at her mating band.

Mor tentatively reached forward, laying a comforting hand on Feyre’s shoulder. “Rhys sacrificed himself to keep the people he loves safe. He wouldn’t want you getting yourself killed trying to save him.”

“I have to try,” Feyre answered desperately. “Amarantha she’s…” Feyre couldn’t bring herself to say the word, rape. Not to his family, who wear his sacrifice for them like an open wound. “She’s doing unspeakable things to him. He’s suffering so much. I can’t leave him to that fate. I have to try.”

With renewed conviction, Feyre accepted Mor’s outstretched hand and picked herself to her feet. “Rhys said it himself once. Amarantha’s biggest weapon is that she keeps the High Lord’s power contained. She can’t access them herself. But I… I have access to all the High Lords’ powers. And that bitch has my mate. My wrath will be plenty to take her down.” She faced her friends, who watched her warily. “You have my word as your High Lady,” she swore to them. “The High Queen of Prythian is going to fall by the night’s end.”

⟡⟡⟡

Winter had not yet fallen in the Mortal Lands. Feyre wondered if across the world, there was a version of herself curled in a bed with her sisters, clinging to any shred of warmth and survival.

That version of Feyre was very different from the version who strode up the sloping hills of the Spring Court with Azriel by her side. Rhys would be furious that Feyre had allowed him to accompany her. Should anything go wrong, it would destroy her mate to know his family had been put in harm's way after everything he’d done to protect them. Which was why it was only Azriel who came with, the only compromise she could reach with his Inner Circle, who insisted on coming with.

Who better to sneak into the Mountain with than the very soldier who taught Feyre the art of stealth. He was the obvious choice, since Mor needed to stay to rule the Night Court and Cassian was too heavy-handed to handle such a delicate task.

Their footfall was silent. Feyre wrapped them in the shadow of Night as they winnowed through the cave network. Her heart hammered in her chest, panicked to be back in the source of so many nightmares.

But Rhysand was more important than her fear. For him, she would not falter.

With the Shadowsinger by her side, Feyre snuck through the winding tunnels until she came to a familiar passageway. They slid into a massive, dark bedroom, lit only by a few candles.

To attack Amarantha in the throne room would be too messy. Too many variables to contend with, should Amarantha have enough wit about her to use any faeries as a shield. Especially Rhysand.

After several hours of waiting, the lock on the door clicked and swung open. Darkness swirled around the room as Rhysand took in the sight of Feyre and Azriel on the bed.

Immediately, the door slammed shut.

“No,” he whispered, voice dripping with horror. “No.”

“Rhys—” Feyre started, but her mate wasn’t paying any attention to her. He was looking at Azriel as if his whole world had shattered.

“Leave,” he said, his voice cold and commanding. This was no happy reunion between brothers. This was Rhysand’s worst nightmare. “Leave this instant, you stupid fool. That is, if you’re lucky enough to have avoided detection when you passed under her wards.”

“I took down the wards,” Feyre said. They weren’t particularly strong, either. Amarantha had gotten lazy, perhaps thinking herself secure with the only spell-cleaver under her control. Or so she believed.

Rhys turned that quiet fury towards her. “And who are you?”

“Your mate,” Feyre answered steadily, tipping her chin up.

Rhysand laughed. A desperate, humorless sound. “Then you are just as foolish as my idiot brother. And you have both sealed your deaths by being here. Do you understand that?”

Feyre scratched along those familiar adamantite shields. Rhys’s eyes flickered in surprise, but otherwise he looked unruffled as he cracked a sliver open for her.

It would be unwise to underestimate me, mate.

I wouldn’t be going around boasting about such a thing, if what you claim is even true, came his icy response. And I wouldn’t count on a few party tricks to save you, either.

And what if I told you, she purred, that I possess the power of all seven High Lords?

That, at least, garnered a reaction from the stoic male. He narrowed his eyes in disbelief, studying Feyre carefully. His gaze caught on her hands, at the lace tattoos that flowed to her fingers. And the mating band she still wore.

Feyre watched those violet eyes go wide, the silver constellations dancing in astonishment at the sight of his mother’s ring.

Where did you get that?

It’s a long story, love, but you’re going to have to trust me. She lowered her mental shields completely. Have a look for yourself. I’m telling you no lies. I am your High Lady, and I am here to free my husband.

She felt those familiar talons wrap around her mind. A foolish thing to do, to give a daemati unrestricted access to her mind. And if it were anyone but Rhys, it would have been. But his touch was gentle, and he took only the information he needed.

“I don’t understand how this is possible,” he whispered, breaking the silence of the room. Azriel had been waiting patiently, but looked relieved to be included in the conversation once more. “And I hate that you’ve put yourselves in danger for this, but it could work.”

Rhys considered for a long moment, then he looked between Feyre and Azriel and said, “do it when she’s sleeping. That bitch has been playing dirty for 50 years, you might as well level the playing field to give yourselves the best chance. Let’s do it tonight. I’ll leave the door unlocked, wear her out, and signal you once she’s asleep. Her spell prevents me from harming her, but I’ll make sure she’s restrained. All you have to do is drive the ash dagger through her heart, but have your magic ready for damage control.”

⟡⟡⟡

Feyre and Azriel waited in Rhysand’s bedchambers for his signal. There was a revelry tonight, as there was every night Under the Mountain, and Rhys was expected to be in attendance. Afterwards, he’d join Amarantha in her bed and make sure she was, in his words, “thoroughly exhausted”.

It was torturous for Feyre. To know exactly what the implication in those words were, to have to use her mate’s body in such a way. She wanted to roar at the Mountain, at the Cauldron, at anything that would listen, but instead she was next to the quiet, brooding Shadowsinger, and lamented in silence.

She’d begged Rhys to reconsider, to perhaps help them stage a more physical encounter that didn’t rely on his own suffering. But he’d denied any plan but the one he’d proposed, insisting it would cause him more anguish to but Feyre and Azriel in harm's way.

So they waited the long, agonizing hours until she felt a delicate pull at her chest. She’s asleep, Rhys called. Be on your guard.

He sent her directions to Amarantha’s bedchambers. There were guards outside, but Feyre and Azriel winnowed past them, cloaked in night and shadow.

Amarantha’s bedchambers were huge. Feyre had never been inside them before, but she was unsurprised to see they provided any luxury a High Queen could wish for.

Atop a large bed of red, silken sheets, lay her mate and Amarantha, both stark naked. The smell of sex clung to the air, Rhysand and Amarantha’s scents intertwined. Feyre thought she might be sick.

Even more sickening was the sight before her, of Amarantha’s arms restrained to the headboard in cloth. A clever way for Rhys to restrain her under the guise of sex, but horrifying nonetheless, to see the proof of what they’d been up to. The female was fast asleep, so convinced of her authority that she could fall asleep tied-up and not feel vulnerable doing so. How satisfying, Feyre thought, that such arrogance would be her downfall.

Feyre warded the room, putting up a shield of darkness so that no sound would break through to alert the guards. Rhys watched their approach warily from where he perched beside Amarantha, so still Feyre was convinced he held his breath.

He wouldn’t risk moving to wake her up, which terrified Feyre. Should something go wrong, her mate would be susceptible to Amarantha’s wrath. Naked, vulnerable, and completely under her control. It was such a dangerous game they were playing.

The room was as quiet and still as the bewitching hours of the night, their footsteps silent as they picked across the room. Azriel held the ash dagger. If Rhys could not kill Amarantha, his brother wanted to do it on his behalf. Meanwhile, Feyre summoned tendrils of night that carefully wrapped around Amarantha’s legs, slithering up her body like a snake, ready to constrict and restrain.

The female stirred in her sleep, perhaps feeling the ghostlike touch of Feyre’s magic. But she did not wake. Not as Azriel raised the dagger over her chest, and not as he plunged it down.

Amarantha’s eyes shot open as the dagger pierced her chest. She let out a shriek of agony and ire, moving to claw at her attacker. She raged against the restraints, spewing obscenities until they died at her lips as the blade sunk into her heart.

Rhysand’s chest was heaving as he watched the female still, then slump. He looked from her dead body, to Azriel and Feyre.

Feyre’s heart sank as she watched her mate process that it was truly over. There wasn’t a trace of elation in his eyes at being liberated, but she understood why. Rhys would finally be returning home, but as a much different man than the one he had been. He’d survived, but not unscathed, and he’d need time to process this.

Feyre came to him, reached towards her mate with the hand that bore his mother’s ring. Rhys looked to it, then up to her. His eyes were clouded with sorrow, with a melancholy she could only hope to chip away at in time. But she could see stirring beneath it was a breath of hope, perhaps the first he’d allowed himself in a long time.

“Let’s go home, Rhys,” she said gently.

Slowly, Rhysand nodded, moving to grasp her hand. She felt him jolt at the touch and, as she glanced at him questioningly, she saw his lips part in wonder.

I suppose you weren’t lying about being my mate, he whispered, the words a sensual brush in her mind. Thank you for coming to rescue me, High Lady.

Feyre grasped onto Azriel, and together the three of them stepped into darkness.

Then, they were above the House of Wind, tumbling through the night sky. Feyre unfurled her wings before Rhys could move to catch them, worried that her mate would struggle after 50 years without flight.

Both males stared in astonishment at the sight. Rhysand’s eyes danced in awe as Feyre, albeit clumsily, carried them to the training ring on the roof.

Rhys snapped his own wings open as they landed. Feyre watched him tilt his head back in rapture as he felt the wind against his wings for the first time in decades. Then he opened his eyes, his expression shifting to reverence as he beheld the night sky.

“I was beginning to think I’d never see it again,” he whispered, his voice a heartbreaking blend of exaltation and disbelief. “And for this gift… for my salvation to be courtesy of my mate and of my brother… I’m a bit overwhelmed,” he admitted sheepishly.

Feyre hesitated. If this was the Rhysand from before, the one to which she was mated and married, she would come to comfort him. But this version of Rhys had only just been freed from enslavement, and she didn’t know what he needed.

As though sensing her hesitation, Rhys cast his eyes back to the sky. “I know they’re all waiting for me downstairs, but I’d like a little bit of time with the stars. Will you let them know, Az?”

Azriel nodded, though he seemed conflicted. His reunion with his brother was perhaps not as merry as the male had expected. But right now, she knew the Inner Circle would hardly deny Rhys anything. Perhaps for a long while yet. So Azriel headed downstairs to inform their friends, who were sure to be anxiously awaiting their arrival.

Rhysand regarded Feyre carefully once the two of them were alone. “Mate and High Lady,” he mused. “You seem to wear many hats.”

“You forgot ‘wife’,” Feyre said lightly.

“Yes, and ‘Salvation’, ‘Queen Killer’, ‘Most Beautiful Female in Prythian’, it seems there’s many things I could call you. Could we start with your name, perchance?”

Feyre was shocked. She’d assumed he’d taken such information out of her mind earlier, but it seems he’d been even more respectful than she’d expected.

“Feyre,” she answered. “My name is Feyre.”

He looked wonderstruck. “Feyre,” he repeated, testing the name on his lips. A gentle smile curled at the corners of his mouth, the first she’d seen from him yet. He extended his hand towards her. “Would you like to watch the stars with me, Feyre?”

It was an offer she couldn’t refuse. Her hand found his with all the casual grace of a dancer, as if it were a routine they’d been perfecting their whole lives. Their fingers interlocked and as one, they stared up at the dazzling night sky.

This reality wasn’t perfect, Feyre thought. This Rhys was different from her own, and he still had a lot of healing to do. But if she could be there for him, to help him in a ways she hadn’t before, then she would be grateful to the strange eddies of the Cauldron for bringing her here. For allowing her to end his torment early. For giving them this extra time.

She watched a shooting star dart across the sky and smiled as it passed. There was nothing she could wish for except that her mate find peace in all that he’d endured the last half century.

His deep, velvety voice cut through the silence. “Do you often wish on stars, Feyre?”

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was watching her with a heart-wrenching wistfulness.

“Only when I have a wish worthy of the stars.”

“And do you?”

Feyre looked to the northernmost star, which shined brightest in the sky. “I wished for a light in the darkness,” she told him. “I don’t think the stars would ever begrudge such a wish.”

Rhysand nodded solemnly. “It’s true that they would be begrudging themselves in doing so. But I see no need for you to wish for such a thing.”

Feyre looked to him. He was still watching her, but something in him had shifted. He was smiling at her gently, that lingering sadness already receding. “Why’s that?” she asked cautiously.

That gentle smile widened, showing off his brilliant teeth. “Why, Feyre, to find such a thing, all you’d need to do is look in a mirror.”

[kithtaehyung]

i havent been able to check the last 3tan fall drabble yet, especially with the busan concert 😩 so ive been avoiding your blog so to not get spoilers

but i just saw your word count for 3tan9 (forfeit?) and i just wanna say how excited i am! i cant imagine how much of an effort it is demanding from you, since you never give us nothing short of perfect, and im so grateful! it comes as no surprise you would want a break after it lol 😅, but yeah idk, just felt like thanking you! thank you to put in so much thought, to share so much of your process with us (im so happy whenever you talk about how your writing has been going), to engage so much with us and play along with our theories and our craziness, to write such great pieces and fics and storylines and arcs and developments and dynamics and urghhhhh EVERYTHING 🥺🥺😭

im sure the chapter will be amazing and super 😫🥰🥵🤠🙈 in a good way!!

you're really good to us, and i hope you can really enjoy your rest while you watch us screaming in your inbox 😂 u got an army right behind u too

btw ik im sappy as hell, damn, always reaching out with long ass asks and shit, sorry, i think im still on the edge cause of the show but that excuse only goes so far

anyways, thanks 😊

LUA you're gonna make me melt more and more with every message you send. every sentence, really. i'm just teary eyes rn i'm lucky i took pics before seeing this bc it finished me!!

it's okay! the drabble will still be there whenever you're ready to read. no rush at all, just enjoy when you can :D

forfeit is gonna be humongous omfg. and to make sure all of it is worth the wait, i do admit that it's a bit stressful on top of being just fun and comforting to write<3 it's been 3 months since the last major drop, so i feel like this needs to be super good! the break is gonna be muuuch needed :'))

oh my gosh, it's never dealing with y'all! i love interacting. it's a joy not a chore. thank you for being here with me and sending all the theories and encouragement and whatever else, truly. it makes my day to see y'all caring about this series as much as i do. tbh i had a little moment today in my car, just overwhelmed with how grateful i am to have bangtan, and 3tan, and y'all in my life. this year has been absolutely incredible and i can't believe i'm just now stopping to reflect on it.

just like in fireworks, when reader says being nostalgic for the same moment you're living? that's how i feel now. because the moments we're living now are my favorites.

i can't even describe how your army comment made me feel. just.. thank you. reaching out to hug you so tight🫂 y'all mean the world to me, and i know i say that often but i really do mean it.

sappiness makes me melt!! thank you for sending this bc i needed it. you're amazing, you know that?

[jennilah]

every New Year's Time I like to take a moment to dive back into my diary and reflect on the last 12 months of my life.

You know, Im always worried someone will take this as... gloating or being self centered or something. I just... well, I guess to convince myself that its fine, I've just always loved blogging about my life and goings-on, good and bad. A few years back something happened that made me scared to talk about my life like I used to, and Im still trying to relearn that its ok to be self indulgent on my personal accounts.

And during these year roundups, I like taking the opportunity to expand more on things I kept quiet about, reflect on the big changes, or simply find the good moments in an otherwise rough year. I don't want anyone to compare their life to mine. This is just for fun.

I like reading about whats happening in the people Im following's lives too! I think its nice to stay in the loop like that...

That said... here's my 2021 Year In Review, if you're into that kind of thing

Ill start off by saying at the start of 2021, I was only a month into my new job. I was animating on WandaVision, and I was working entirely from home. It was nice getting some near-immediate gratification seeing our hard work on the screen only a month or so later. (LOOKING AT YOU, TOP GUN MAVERICK, WHICH I WORKED ON 2 YEARS AGO AND IS STILL YET TO COME OUT)

According to my diary early in the year I was still looking for therapists, so I wasn't doing too hot in the mental health department. I have since given up on that search because it was just too expensive, but also I think I am doing a little better now.

I will say, this year was the first year I can think of since.... god, ever? where I haven't had a hyper interest. Meaning, there's things I love dearly, but there's nothing occupying my mind 24/7. Nothing I want to make fanart of until my hands fall off. Nothing I want to read fanfictions of. (I am actually autistic, remember. This is probably the symptom that affects me the most and its been there my whole life. So when I say hyper interest, or special interest, I am not being dramatic. I am using it in the actual autistic spectrum definition) The absence of a current special interest for so long is a little debilitating. I realized, if I'm not daydreaming about something, my mind starts assaulting me with every thing that bothers me in the back of my mind. Especially since my last two special interests "ended" in bad terms. Both SPN and DBH I slowly faded from because of the discourse and hatred being spread among fandom members, my happy memories of both get shoved aside by the discourses and bullying ive seen and things ive read swirling in my head over and over and over and over and over on a repeat I cant stop thinking about it. I dont even know how to phrase it in a way that doesnt sound ridiculous. Trust me, its more frustrating for me than it is cringy for you. Every day, especially when trying to sleep. It's hell, and its one of the things I wanted therapy to help me handle. I'm still struggling with it. I try combating it by literally daydreaming of counting sheep like Im a child.

(so yes ive been a little desperate for my brain to latch onto something new with no drama but it hasnt yet. this is not something i can consciously do.)

But... in these fandomless times I am taking the opportunity to play new games, try to watch new shows, and actually READ SOME BOOKS. With no fanfiction to read before bed, I can actually... read a book. So I read some books. Specifically, The Locked Tomb trilogy (which apparently is gonna have 4 books now? Cool)

I've been enjoying those a lot! Cant wait for the next book. :)

I got to guest-lecture for an online class at my old college, SVA. That was super fun and I hope to do it again sometime! I love guest lecturing! The students don't need you to teach them technical things, they mostly just want advice, to hear your "story", and ask questions about what the industry is like. It's super fun! Always happy to supply that advice and information for any animation student who asks, online or offline.

I attended a zoom wedding, which was wild, but hey, I'm happy for that friend.

I started really getting into plants. My collection expanded quite a bit, and I have been having a lot of fun with that hobby. With no hyperinterest, my brain filled with plants. (I'm pretty sure Im not even joking there.)

Around springtime, I had my first review with my boss and supervisor about my performance. I'd say this was a small turning point. I am a Key Artist at my job, which is the highest rank before becoming a Lead, and I was nervous that I was underperforming because I still felt like a low Mid artist. Thats when they told me I was doing excellently, and I am one of the most reliable animators on the team. If they had any advice for me, it was that I worry and stress too much. (Ha. Yeah....... if that wasn't clear so far)

Anyway... that was an eye opener. Like hey, maybe I'm good at this thing after all.

Yeah. Wanted to keep that ball rolling, though. Hearing something like that only makes me want to work harder. At this time, I was also working on possibly the most fun project I got to animate on in my career so far- it was just SO up my alley and my supervisor really let me run free with my ideas. You'll see later 2022. (Unless it gets pushed)

Oh... got to this part in my diary. Well, this year I was hit with another big low. I lost my beloved pet cat Tiger, who was part of my life since I was 8 years old. Luckily, she lived a long happy life, and she passed peacefully. I was worried I would be wracked by nightmares about it for weeks like when I lost my dog a few years prior, but I think that was because his death was so sudden and so disturbing. I miss them both so much. I still cried so much, and still cry when I think about it too much. (See earlier about my brain attacking me lately. This is one of those things I get mentally assaulted with when trying to sleep) But... I'm ok. I handed it well, I think.

I played Horizon Zero Dawn, loved it. I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with some friends over discord, loved it.

Also, I will say, there was non-stop construction in my apartment building for like... over a year by that point. It was so loud, I had construction grade ear muffs just so I could focus on work or try to take naps. The noise was also incredibly debilitating to my mental state every day, along with my anxieties and covid shit and everything.

Late spring, my studio got together at a park to see each other in person for the first time. That was so nice, I was emotional about it. Clearly I was not having a good time the whole year until then, what with the noise and my anxiety and all. But I had 1 vaccine in my arm by that point, and seeing everyone was so lovely, I remember feeling really good that day.

Well... aside from the part where I almost blacked out.

I rode my kick scooter to the park and when I arrived, my vision got really blurry and I got really dizzy. I still don't know exactly what happened that day, but I was terrified. I thought I was going to ruin the picnic by having to be hospitalized. (yes, literally standing there silently with the group, unable to see, not saying anything, hoping I didnt pass out in front of everyone and ruin the fun)

I don't know what that was about, but it was a wake up call that I think I need to exercise more. I think my body was so used to being sedentary from being locked up in my apartment for a year, that small day of exertion nearly took me the fuck out.

Come June, my year really started turning around.

My application to be a tenant in a new apartment complex was approved! GOODBYE to my shitty old apartment with the cockroaches and construction noise and managers who don't care and water cuts and electric outages and fire alarms and everything.

My overall shittyass mood for a long time started improving with that moment.

I still had to deal with the old building for a few more months, but the new apartment on the horizon kept me goin'.

I also decided to start buying new clothes, better clothes that actually make me feel cute and confident. I love them! Too bad they are really only summer clothes though, so most of them are sitting in the closet until its appropriate to wear them again... but baby steps!

Then I got my second vaccine dose, and coupled with overall very good covid numbers in Montreal, I got to do some things again! I got to go to the movies again, my favorite thing! I got to see some friends again!

And then, I got to work in the office again! I got to talk to people again! I got to separate home from work again! (And I got to get away from the deafening construction noises at home again!)

I was feeling so much better!!!!

Then after some time of blissfulness, working diligently on Joe Pickett (check it out! its out now on Spectrum, and I think its coming out on Paramount+ soon? I think?) my boss called me up. I was a little worried, like oh no maybe I did something wrong- but nope! He offered me a very rare permanent position! (Instead of contract-to-contract, which is the story for most people in the industry here) Very exciting, and felt very nice being valued like that. Also very nice not having to worry about my work permit for as long as I want! (A big stress living abroad)

September and October was MOVING TIME GALORE. I took off time from work to move, and it was a lot of fun. Tiring, but fun. (Especially since because the two buildings were so close, I spent most of the time wheeling my belongings over back and forth in suitcases)

My friends also came over to help me paint, and my parents came up and helped me with the finishing touches. This was the first time I saw my parents since the pandemic started, because the borders finally reopened and everyone was vaccinated, so that was very emotional and very fun. (I am very close with them, and I missed them very much)

The new apartment has been so amazing its actually impressive. I realize now just how much I was settling for SHIT before. The place is so lovely, working from home here isnt even that bad. (I'll get to that in a minute)

Watched some more good shows and good movies. I started my trek into the world of slasher films for the first time, and that has been fun. I caught up on the Scream franchise with the same friends I watched the Fast and Furious franchise with. I loved the movies, but it was made even more fun by watching them with good friends.

Small dip in my mood when my pet fish, Pancakes passed away. It appeared to be from old age and the complications that come with it. She was "just" a fish, but god dammit, I loved my little fish. RIP, tiny friend.

Work was trucking along nicely. Working at the studio and bolstering in-person relationships was going excellently. I quickly made friends with my coworkers, getting to chat with them at lunch and friday afternoons and everything. They are a great group of people, 10/10 goofballs.

I talked to my boss about my progress again, now with nearly a year at the studio under my belt. It went even better than before. He restated that I am still one of the most reliable animators on the team, and he could see me being a Lead in the future and would begin my training the moment I say I want to do it. (I said I am flattered but extremely not ready yet) He also used that opportunity to say that I can come to him if theres any studio issues or changes I want to suggest, because thats how much of a grip I have on the studio, basically. They want to keep me happy as best they can and will try to help in any way.

...interesting...

Haven't really flexed that power yet, but it's there.

Come December, things started getting fishy again.

Things were happy, my brain isn't being attacked quite as much now with some of my daytime anxieties quelled, but... well, as you all must know by now, things started shutting down again.

My christmas trip home was cancelled for a myriad of reasons. I went from graciously knowing only two or three people with Covid over the last two years to now nearly ten at once. Theaters are closed again, bars, clubs, etc, and we are mandated to work from home again...

If I wasn't clear before, I prefer working from a studio. I was crushed. I cried, packing my desk things to work from home for another indeterminate amount of time. To not see my work friends again for another indeterminate amount of time.

The bright side is that working from home made the wintertime a little easier to bear last year, not having to walk in the slush and ice and all, so it should make things easier again this year. And my new apartment is much nicer to sit in all day... but oh well.

And... here we are. Mood has taken a solid hit. But.. trying to look up. Trying to stay hopeful for some nice things next year. Gonna try to reschedule that trip home for when it is warmer and the case count is low again... maybe I can see Top Gun with my family, or that other movie I mentioned. That would be nice.

Yesterday I bought a VR system... very excited about that. Always loved VR and wanted to have a system myself, and finally bought one. I'm excited to finally try out some games I've been wanting to play for a long time.

As for new years resolutions.. I definitely want to try to keep my head up. Continue to find the good in the bad. Also try to exercise more. (Not like serious gym-hitting or anything, but just try some baby steps... hopefully work my way up....)

[yeoldontknow]

დ content tag game დ

tagged by the loveliest angel @augustbutwinter to do this fun tag. thank you so much my love! 

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?  - harry potter, muse, merlin, supernatural, doctor who, sherlock

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for? - kpop only

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?  - my first actual fanfic would have been when i was about 8? it was for sailor moon but it was literally only in a journal i had. i presume that counts. so that would put us at 24 years lmao - on this blog specifically, since april 2017

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?  - here and AO3

5. what is your favourite genre to write? - aaaaangst lmao and horror/suspense. i love really dark things, and have always had a fascination in writing things that disturb me? i think its from an analytical or psychological perspective, exploring the limits of humanity and processing for myself why these things make me uncomfortable/where i feel them on my body/what is fear vs disgust idk. also very much enjoy fantasy/supernatural. 

6. are you a pantser or a planner? - almost always i have a plan, however there are some fics that come out of nowhere and i just have to write them. examples of this are enough and love; always

7. one shot or multi-chapter? - i usually try very hard to keep things as a one shot, and reserve series for things that actually have substance enough to extend past 3 chapters. lately, all my ideas have been very plot heavy or come from worlds i am very interested in exploring and/or have aspects of emotion i want to work through. if i cant keep it to a one shot (like...under 30k) i will make it a series and ill be angry at myself lmao

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?  - anywhere from 5-9k is a solid, average chapter length for me. some chapters, in hero for example, need to be more than this because theyre the heavy plot chapters. i have been trying not to focus on lengths anymore, just want to write until the story is told

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?  - the longest story ive ever written is 154k in a different fandom and yes its complete. at the moment, hero is breaching 98k and i imagine it will be my longest when its completed

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?  - when it comes to series, hero and time runner will, and always will be, the most special things ive ever done. i feel at home and myself when im writing them. im in love with writing them. the ideas are so strong, and the characters are so loud and clearly defined it just is the best time making art ive ever had. - for one shots, light sakura was truly catharsis. i needed to write that. its the most personal, vulnerable thing ive ever written and will probably never produce something like that again unless theres another major event in my life. also absolutely adored writing molotov cocktail and empty vessels. those are both the easiest 30k ive ever produced

11. favourite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)  - brooklyn is burning was technically a request and im extremely partial to it

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?  - oh yeah. usually my female characters are working through bad relationships or finding their voices, seeking identity and power in worlds that dont necessarily provide that. i write what i feel and what ive lived, the worlds around the characters are just exaggerations of reality and my imagination. theres always a little piece of me in my stories, and usually that piece comes down to them learning to trust which is something i struggle with

13. current number of wips?  - please i cannot share this number, not when im ashamed of the amount lmao

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing? 1. smut is insanely hard for me 2. fluff is almost impossible, and could be considered my weakness. happiness is an external feeling, an outward experience. im a very bodied writer and finding joy or finding small bits of romance is difficult (largely because i live alone) so i will over explain aspects of the idol character or highlight small actions in the effort of holding onto them 3. i am still learning to trust the process

15. a quote you like from a published story.

‘Don’t confuse loyalty with strength,’ you say, as he releases you. You remain still, forehead pressing against the bars to get as close to him as possible. ‘I have no allegiance to you. My silence is not owed to you.’

‘Really?’ he says with disdain. ‘It was given so freely the last two days.’

‘Your ignorance proves you have never truly known a woman,’ you taunt. ‘We are always at war, even if we are silent.’

- from: hero - chapter 3

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

Would it have been easier for you both to survive if you could be a needy, fragile little thing - not ready to die, not ready to leave him on his own?

The night before, Chanyeol held you close, kissed you until your throat felt raw, and made you realize he didn’t want it, didn’t need it. He loved the war in you, handled you like a blade between his fingers, skin unmarred by your sharp edges. He didn’t want it, but you wanted it, at least a little. You wanted him to know there were still traces inside you of the girl you lost.

from: time runner - chapter 7

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

hello beautiful loves. every moment you even click on one of my works an angel gets its wings <3

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @yoonia @kithtaehyung @inkedtae @kookdiaries @kookingtae @xiaokoo @sunshinekims @biaswreckingfics @ditzymax @sugaurora @bangtanhome @yeojaa @sahmfanficbts @xjoonchildx @writtenwhalien @jinpanman @cutechim and anyone else who would like to do this <3 as always please only do so if comfy! 

[missmorosis]

here’s our bus route map for my bus ride! (masterlist!)

here’s the original event post :)

HI EVERYONE!! i just wanted to thank you all for your participation BECAUSE AAAAAA YOU GUYS DELIVERED AND UGH I WAS LITERALLY SO WORRIED NOBODY WAS GONNA WRITE ANYTHING BUTSJFLKFASDF

ALL OF YOU ARE SO TALENTED OKAY??? LIKE BYE I WAS BLOWN AWAY

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EVENT HEHEHE I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO MUCH!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU SPENT TIME ON THIS EVENT 😭😭MWAH MWAHH

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR 400!! MUCH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES :D

ALSO SORRY AHHA THIS WAS POSTED SO LATE

WE IGNORE HOW IT’S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET FROM LA TO LONDON VIA BUS JKDFJKFJK

here’s how i formatted it!

title- author’s @!

pairing genre warnings word count their summary that they made

-> my review!

let’s take a look at our map...

starting from LA, heading to bilbao! we’ll stop along the bus stops on our way! 

and yes im aware that the route is going in a weird, illogical way if bilbao is our last stop, shush i wasnt thinking when i made bilbao our last city KJDFJKS

masterlist under the cut!!

now arriving at... los angeles, California!

-> write an AU!! the AU can be literally anything: royalty AU? road trip AU? GO FOR IT!! just as long as it’s not in the canon era hehehe

first stop... “something only the stars know” - @luvoratomi​ 

pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader genre: secret relationship au, royal au, crown prince!suna, knight!reader, established relationship, fluff, angst  word count: 544 their summary: in which you and crown prince, suna rintarou, find comfort in each other’s arms underneath the moonlight, where only the stars are witnesses of your love.

-> my review: um. nayru. OKAY IM CONSTANTLY BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR TALENT AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. i dont even KNOW who rintarou is but im in love with him. ALSO I DONT THINK IVE EVER READ A ROYAL AU BUT KLASDFJ THIS WAS SO?? WELL?? WRITTEN?? ive reread it at LEAST 5 times.   

next stop... an untitled zombie au from @eunoianthia

pairing: yamaguchi tadashi x female!reader genre: zombie au, angst :) warnings: a lot of angst, death, a bit of gore? word count: 1.1k their summary: going to Los Angeles was a dream, and you were finally achieving it. It’s like a dream come true, going to Los Angeles and your boyfriend tagging along? What could go wrong?

-> my review: OKAY WAIT THIS IS THE FIRST ZOMBIE AU IVE EVER READ. like EVER. AND WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO HURT THIS MUCH. i- the ending- PLEASE I- i dont even know what to say. how COULD YOU.

now arriving at... 3:38 am from @arquitecturadelanada​​

pairing: zuko x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 1.1k their summary: As sokka’s best man zuko has to write a heartfelt speech for the wedding day, the only issue? he doesn’t believe in love, but maybe his roommate can change his perception on the matter.

-> my review: so youre saying this whole time youve been supporting my writing when YOU WRITE BETTER THAN I DO?? ugh you’re so talented this isn’t funny, and this fic ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME AN ATLA BLOG AGAIN BAHHA- “he noticed he was considerably less stressed just by hearing his roommate’s voice” IM GONNA CRY​​

last stop... “what are the odds” from @hikariakaashi​ 

pairing: kuroo x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 3.2k their summary: it was an act of desperation, to say the least, downloading the app lev recommended for him. but he was in dire need of a wedding date. so when kuroo opened up the brightly colored app titled rent a girlfriend, he knew he was in for an interesting evening.

-> my review: so uh 1) i remember writing a review for this and i have no idea where it went IM SO SORRY DSKJFJ and 2) i would do anything for kuroo to be my bf even if it was just my job 😩😩 and 3) um ??? YOURE SO TALENTED?? MISS MA’AM??

now arriving at... london, england!

-> breakup fic time </3 you can make it an angsty breakup, or a fluffy exes to lovers!

first stop... “i love(d) you”- @floralkawa​

pairing: tsukishima x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 300 their summary: one where tsukishima never showed his love. making it onesided, leading poor f/n on in a bitter relationship. of course, no one can handle it forever, can they ?

-> my review: this is the reason why i dont like angst. i felt this IN MY HEART, OKAY? NOELLE YOU LIED & SAID YOU COULDN’T WRITE FEELINGS. i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. but ugh youre talented enough to pull anything off and your angst is PROBABLY the only ones ill read willingly :( 

next stop... “i should have seen the signs”- @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 2k their summary: going to the city of love and london was supposed to be an exhilarating vacation after a long week of exams. as it seems, love is fake and so is toru oikawa.

-> my review: um. this kinda hurted me tho. how am i even allowed to be friends with you like ?? miss ma’am? YOURE SO TALENTED??? i hate angst and ill say it again: I HATE ANGST. IT HURTS IT HUUUURRTSS. OIKAWA MY BABY WOULD NEVER DO THAT BUT HE DID. I CANSTEALK I CANT DEAL WITH THIS 

now arriving at... berlin, germany!

first stop... “Spring Chills”- @wesokkasimp

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: none! word count: 447 their summary: you and Oikawa go for a walk on a chilly spring day. beware: banter ahead

-> my review: 😐😑😐 my heart wasn’t prepared for this. AND!! I BET Y/N LOOKED GREAT IN THAT TANK TOP; OIKAWA BETTER HAVE GIVEN HIS JACKET TO HER AFTERWARDS. jacket + tank top = cute outfit smh

next up... “warm and fuzzy”- @oikawaplssteponme​

pairing: kuroo x reader! genre:  fluff, a hint of angst, childhood friends to lovers, ‘boy next door’ warnings: one swear word, kuroo calls the reader ‘pretty’ however no gender pronouns are used, mini make out word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: "The lights in your room were dim. Their golden-yellow tone shone above you, though you paid little attention to what was going on inside your room. You were much more interested in what was happening outside.”

-> my review: wait this actually reminds me of me and my front door neighbor GOODBYE AKLSJDF I MISS HIM :( ANYWAYS BAHHAHA- see you never miss 😐 i think awkward tetsu is underrated BYEALKSF THIS WAS SO CUTE I CANTASEKL

last stop... “ice cold”- @kyotarou​

pairing: tsukishima x reader genre:  fluff! warnings: bit of fanon tsukki, mutual pining, smidge of angst, fluff word count: 700+ their summary: n/a but a quote: “Asshole was the best word to describe Tsukishima Kei. He was an asshole to his peers, and it didn’t change towards you, his best friend.”

-> my review: mY TSUKISHIMA HEART OMG- okay OKAY I THOUGHT I GREW OUT OF MY LOVE FOR HIM BUT ITS ALL COMING BACK ASLKJFDL- oh to share a jacket and be vulnerable with tsukishima ✋😩 once again bestie youre so talented it isnt funny

now arriving at... bilbao, spain!

our only stop in this city... "break-in”- @kohi-zeri​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre:  fluff!! warnings: mentions of food and common illnesses, use of “darling” and “brat” word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: “there’s something so… infuriating about having a migraine. especially when it’s uncalled for.”

-> my review: i cant express to you how much i love sickfics. like JLSDFLJKFSALJ SADFL I CANT- ALSO I READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE SO WHENEVER MY HEAD HURTS I COME REREAD THIS BAHAHHA-

here’s what some of our passengers are saying...

one passenger says “Wait. Stand right there, I want to take a picture of you.”

“pretty petals, pretty pictures”- @shxyo-sho​​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre: fluff, mutual pining, just two best friends crushing on each other warnings: none! word count: 590 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: repeat after me: kiyoko is a queen. and YOU DO HER JUSTICE I ASFDLKJ PLEASE- in all honesty i would be blushing if kiyoko said a word to me too- y/n you arent alone ✋😩

another passenger asks “Why aren’t you asleep?”

"night owl”- @atlabeth​​​​

pairing: sokka x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: stress over school and one (1) curse, but other than that it’s pure fluff word count: 907 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: alright this isnt fair where is my irl sokka 😐 YOURE BRINGING ME BACK INTO MY ATLA DAYSDF LKSJA- not complaining tho I LOVE SOKKA SO MUCH. and “But for a “fairly smart person”, you made a lot of bad decisions.” THATS TOO RELATABLE STOP IT RIGHT NOW SFKDJK

HEHEHEHEH THANK YOU AGAIN!! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GOOD BYE

[the-bjd-community-confess]

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

/s

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous 

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

[scarletwidowaf]

Ghost Of You - chapter 3

A/N: i think that at this point, me being to lazy and tired to fix grammer and mistakes became a part of the story. Also im very sorry for the angst, im kinda winging it but hopefully stuff will be less painful soon 😅

The beautiful art is by the incredible @chloroformcandles ! Go check her works! Im honestly obsessed and even used her art as icons on both of my scarletwidow blogs.

Warnings: angst of course, mention of death (obviously)

Words count: 1391

ao3  *  wattpad  *  Tumblr story index

------------------------

Ever since wanda joined the avengers she was trained in hand to hand combat.

Its not like she actually needed it, she always thought to herself and said it multiple times to the other female avenger and trainer, but Natasha always raised her eyebrow at her and smiled cockily at her in return.

One of wanda's favorite training sessions with natasha was when they were on the run. Steve Insisted they'll keep training as much as they can, even more than they used to as avengers. Natasha agreed, wanda did too but it didn't stop her from complaining every morning when the two women were already panting before the crack of down.

"You're too slow"

Natasha said, her hands holding the younger girl down on training mat.

Wanda tried to push the shorter woman down but with no use, natasha was small yet her grip was strong and her steady firm.

It was amazing that even when they were training and sweaty natasha still managed to look painfully hot. The older women smelled like vanilla and sweat and wanda had to admit that it wasn't a bad combination.

"Well its 5 am natasha, I'm barley even awake" she joked,.

wanda could see natasha holding back her smile. It was funny, really, that Natasha could hold the best poker face and go undercover without a hiss and without ever getting caught, but couldn't contain her smile when it comes to the younger woman.

"So lets make a deal, maximoff. If you can pin me down to the mat i will get you the coffee you like from the coffee down the street"

Wanda smiled.

"They do have a great coffee.. " she said. Natasha agreed, she liked their coffee and she liked the satisfied smile on wanda's face after she takes the first sip.

"I still don't see a reason for us to train combat" wanda grumble out. Natasha smiled at her and wanda's heart skipped a bit.

The younger woman knew she was getting into a dangerous zone with Natasha, but she couldn't help herself.

"I just gave you a reason maximoff. Im 5'3. If you cant take me down what would you do with stronger, bigger, rougher opponent?"

Natasha raised her eyebrow and moved to get up.

Natasha stood and held her hand out to the younger woman.

"You say that wasn't rough, romanoff?" Wanda asked faking annoyance.

"Barely" natasha smirked.

Wanda took the older girl's hand and got up as well.

"I will get that coffee" wanda said.

"Bring it on"

Natasha's smile was dangerously hot.

That was the problem about Natasha Romanoff, wanda knew that no mattar when, or at what situation, the older woman's smile will have a power over her, just like Natasha had.

And that was the only thought that crossed in wanda's mind when the two sat on wanda's bed in her crappy London apartment.

Its been a week since natasha came back and the two did their best to try and understand the circumstances they were in.

The good news were, that Natasha could come and go as she pleases.

wanda didn't knew where she was going when she left and natasha didn't say.

It could be counted as bad news as well.

At the few times when the two womem got frustrated, natasha would've leave, wanda would've cry and then natasha would come back and sit next to her, as close as she can.

The truth was that wanda missed being close to natasha, she was happy to have her around, to talk to her and hear her voice, but she missed her touch and her smell and having her around was getting painful.

Sometimes Wanda wanted to hug her and sob about everything.

And natasha wanted to be able to hold her, and hold her hand.

They missed each other, and sometimes it was too hard for them to be so close to each other without being able to touch.

"I went trough Agetha's book again" wanda finally said. Natasha put down the book she was reading, another novel wanda never heard of.

Wanda couldn't help her envy, because the book was something natasha could touch and hold and wanda wasn't.

"And?" Natasha said.

"I found something but i dont know how to perform it."

She confessed.

"Maybe we can go to someone who might know. Strange maybe?" Natasha said

"I dont think thats a good idea.. Ive been avoiding the other avengers ever since westview" she admitted

"Was it that bad?"

"Its just complicated. I brought vision back for awhile, well, kind of"

Natasha looked at her quietly encouraging her to continue

"I could bring him back but only there, i build these perfect life in there, nat, i had a family and a house and everything was so normal even when it wasn't"

"Why wasn't it perfect?"

"Because as real as it felt it was all a big lie. An illusion"

"Were you happy?"

Natasha asked.

"Yes" wanda admitted. Natasha smiled sadly.

"Then in was worth it, in a way" the older girl said.

"You weren't there" wanda said after a few moments.

The younger woman got up from bed. She wasn't able to sit still or look into the other woman eyes.

"I guess a part of your consensus knew that if I would've been there it wouldn't be perfect" natasha said sadly and got up as well.

"I doubt that there's any reality, fake or real one, that I wouldn't have been in love with you" natasha continued and wanda felt wetness on her cheeks. She was crying.

Natasha stood a few steps away from wanda, she didn't want to get too close and overwhelm the crying girl, but she couldn't stay away neither.

"I'm sorry nat"

"For what?" Natasha asked confused.

"For bringing you back. I just missed you so much and i was selfish.

I guess you were wrong natasha, I'm not a good person"

"I missed you too, every single day in the last 5 years."

Wanda looked up. Her eyes catching natasha's red ones.

Both women were crying. Natasha's cheeks were stained and her eyes were red, yet she was holding herself together pretty well. Probably as as a result of years of holding things inside and making her feelings.

"I blamed clint, you know?" Wanda confessed.

"We had a fight after i found out you were dead. I blamed him for not keeping you safe, and then left. I didn't spoke to him since then"

Wanda catch a glimpse of Natasha's book on the bed and wondered if the lead characters got their happy ending.

Natasha sigh, her hands massaging her temple.

"I dont know what they told you wanda. But i chose to jump. I could've let clint jump"

"You're lying, clint said-"

"That i had no other choice? Knowing him figured its better you wont know that, so you wouldn't be mad at me for doing that."

the two women were so close to each other that wanda could imagine natasha's hot breath and vanilla scent.

Natasha could see the small freckles on the younger girl's nose.

"You want to know why I don't deserve to go to heaven? Wanda" Natasha asked.

Wanda wiped her own tears.

"Why?"

"I'm selfish.

I could've let clint jump but i knew that I couldn't live with the burden and the pain so i left him to live with it instead.

I could let the world stay how it was after the snap, but I didn't. Not because I'm the honorable person you think i am, but because of you. I wanted you to get the life that you deserve."

Natasha smiled bitterly and gestured with her hands to the room they were in.

Wanda wanted to respond but couldn't. Her throat was dry and her head was aching.

"I should go" natasha said and before wanda could protest the older woman was gone and she was alone again.

After a few minutes of crying the witch took a few breath to calm herself down, before she went to her nightstand and took out a disposable cell phone.

"You're not selfish natasha, i am." She whispered.

The young witch typed a few digits and held the phone to her ear.

After a few rings she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey agnes, i need your help"

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[innocencelives]

sort of an eventful few days. my hobbies are slowwwwwly slowwwwwwwwly starting to support me financially. well, all i need it to do is to make up the difference between my disability and an actually livable amount of money. and so far ive halved the amount of money i take from my savings every month. i celebrated christmas for the first time with some very close friends who i cherish deeply, they even made me latkes! its crazy to think, its been 5 years since ive honestly celebrated any holiday, since i left my family i havent celebrated anything bc im always by myself. even birthdays i spent alone for those years, but all of the sudden i have friends who love me. ok so the difficult things. i was scammed, and this has happened an uncomfortable amount of times in my life it makes me feel so embarassed. idk maybe im gullible or too trusting. makes me think about trauma, that im just obediant. but everyone makes mistakes. i got into a fight with a friend and im noticing this deja vu pattern of me letting friends treat me like shit, and im really trying to stand up for myself. last night i had a really hard night, idk what made me do this but i started to think about this certain part of my trauma, something i cant talk about with anybody, most of all myself. something that i know i have to take to my grave. when i think about it, its immediate suicidality, immediately suicide becomes the only option. and im doing so well these days, i just have to not open that box, ever. not with anybody, its the one thing that i can never think of. though my meds must be working because i havent felt depressed in so long, the line between sad and depression is SO visible to me: being sad is like, whatever. ill be sad all day i dont care, i almost like feeling sad, because its not depression. and ill know when it changes. but for now things have been going good for a while, i dont want to jinx it, but this may be the longest stretch of good mental health. i mean, my life right now is unrecognizable, un-fucking-recognizable from where it was. i mean its crazy to think but, years have gone by since i escaped my parents home and theres been so much hell since then. but i finally feel like im at a good place. i mean, everytime i come back to this blog to update its always like yup! things are still not horrible! yay! haha im just gonna. count my blessings and keep riding this wave where it takes me.

[5h4rk1zzl3]

mmmm im tryna avoid binging rn and am bored and we know how tht leads to it soooooo im gonna do all 30 days in one post :)

day 1- idk the exact tbh. dont have a weigh scale at my house bc everyone else is naturally skinny but me, im gonna try and buy one soon tho.

day 2- around 5'4 ehhh im not terribly mad about it but i definitely would prefer to be taller.

day 3- a pic of my thinspiration and why:

i really like how their shoulders are boney & the skinny limbs & the slight abs omg & the collar bones AHHHH

day 4- tbhhh i have quite a few fears:

-i wont look how i wanna look at my ugw

-stretch marks wont fade enough & will still be just as bad when im skinny

-saggy skin :/ im loosing around 60 lbs so i think that might happen idk tho

-people wont even realize i lost weight??? idk i feel like ppl arent even gonna realize for some reason bc i only wear all baggy clothes anyways idk makes no sense cos u can still tell but whtever

-ppl will still view me as the fat sister.... uh idk i just always have been it and i feel like ill still be viewed as it even when im skinny

-ill gain it all back ¿¿ kinda cliche but it already happened to me and i dont wanna let it happen it time.

day 5- yeah im doing it for myself mostly but theres alotta reasons like the main one being i used to be skinny and was so much happier and more comfortable then... but theres alotta smaller reasons like maybe get more (good) attention, get praise from ppl, can wear better clothes, idk not feel so insecure

day 6- yeahhhhhhhhh uhhh i think mostly it happens when i get mad and then i cant help myself :| i gotta work on that but ive been pretty good with it for the past 2 months actually i have binged a fee times but each time i worked out enough to kinda even it out i feel like (if tht even makes sense)

day 7- yeah but they think im doing it healthily because i lie abt my cals

day 8-mostly running on a treadmill

day 9- uhmmm no not rlly besides my parents... actually yeah maybe some of my exes friends :|

day 10- time tbh... the amount of time i spend working out is insane im so behind on all my fkn school work

day 11- idk i dont rlly keep track of blogs i kinda use pinterest for thinspo mostly

day 12-alot of string beans, strawberries & tht 45 calorie toast

day 13- its been pretty healthy because i wanted to avoid going down a spiral again. (eating 1500 working out for 1.5 hours) but im seeing no results and i been doing this for 2 months and now i feel myself starting to slip. ive been eating under 500 for the past week and starting to work out for 2-4 hours a day

day 14- 95, idk i was supposed to reach it by the end of july but now i think it may take alot longer :/

day 15- no

day 16- 2 months ago i used to be pretty skinny march of 2020 and then covid happened and i gained like 40 lbs in a year and now i wanna get back down

day 17- idk?????? sometimes i think i do but no im not diagnosed, like last year i used adderall to loose weight and idk if that counts as one but i wish i could do tht again but cant get my hands on any

day 18- bagels omg. so high in cals. so yummy. like i cant afford it bc ONE is 290 cals and then i always put butter so another 80 (relatively low cal butter)

day 19- its actually been a while so i had to check the door dash app lol. but may 1st i ordered popeyes :,) mostly for my family

day 20- none. i dont diet i just count calories

day 21- idk?????? i wear xlarge hoodies & sweats everyday

day 22-i think around 120, covid and a mix of my bf breaking up wm caused me to be super depressed and i gained sm up to 170

day 23- yeah i wanna look like all the perfect ppl i see

day 24- i dont like it like idk why ppl would be pro why would u wish it upon anyone.

day 25- yeahhhhhhhhh i did before but i learned now not to because it honestly doesnt get rid of all the calories & leaves u hungrier but i did a year ago

day 26- TBHHHHH having sex again LMAOO i havent since i got fat bc im too insecure

day 27- not well :|

day 28- YES. my mom & sister both have it and i want it SO BAD. i didnt even have it a year ago when i was at my lowest weight which is so annoying

day 29- sebastian stan😍😍😍😍😍LMAOOOOOO

day 30- 10 facts ab me

1- im scared of driving a car LMAOO

2- total insomniac

3- can run a 5 min mile (at 0 incline tho)

4- read ALOT

5- obsessed w marvel

6- in love w sebastian stan :,)

7- love jetskiing

8- gonna move to nyc in a year

9- love coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

10- currently am failing 4/6 of my classes

[chickencat8]

Get to Know Me!

aaaaaa here i goooo doin this!

Rules: answer 30 questions y tag uhh peeps you wanna get to know betters, tagged by @sleepysak 💗💓💖💕💞💕

and these peeps imma tag, tho ya dont have to if you dont wanna!: @trashunlimited @surfs-up-brian @furdyke aaa THATS IT nooneelsetaggedImmahaveanxiety attackifanymore-

name/nickname: Flora is my name! but i also go by Drapa, Chicken would be nice. Chickencat even nicer

gender: uhhhhhhhhhhh 🐔🐈🐉🦎🦄🌈♿

astrological sign: Sagittarius babeeyyy

height: used to be 5'3, but i shrunk? so now im 5'2 :>

time: 4:20 o clock HA

birthday: December 10 uwu

faavorite bands: hoooooooo boi. mah Beach Boys, Frankie Valli And The Four Seasons, Beach House, Fanfare Ciocarlia, The Cranberries, The Pillows, there is absolutely more that im forgettin...

faavorite solo artist: Neil Sedaka. and i like Johnny Cash a lot if that counts. OOH recently (took me long enough) I have discovered the wonderful works of Jack Stauber! so he's here too

song stuck in head: that stupid ass part in RENT where the awful horrible girl is singing about drinking diet coke in cyberland. ihaterentsogoshdangmuchbutthemusiciscatchytho

last movie: Book Of Life :D i love that movie 💗💖💕💕

last show: My Life as a Teenage Robot. wanted to rewatch it lately... -w-'💙

when did you create this blog: 2016! an eventful year that was for me

what do i post: Psshh like i got enough creativity to make anything asides from random meandering chatter i forget to tag :P

i do (did) Reblog a crapton of stuff though. Meems, arts, animals, disabiliity stuffs, other random things...

last thing i googled: colorful charro outfit :v

do i get asks: Nope!

why your url: so Draga used to be a nickname i would go by, then i changed it to Drapa. so its Draga AND Drapa! been thinkin bout changing it since i dont associate much with them names anymore.. cant think of good enough name yet!

following: A Lot of really kewl peeps

followers: iunno Not that much lol

i checked Its 297

average hours of sleep: i aim for around 8, but on my days off with no alarm, i tend to make the stupid decision of sleeping in and oversleeping. for a whopping 12 hours sometimes

lucky number: 8!! :3 and also 166

instruments: barely any time or energy to play much anymore... But! Got mah rainbow ukulele + my first ukulele. My flute ive had since 7th grade. Lovely oranche electric guitar ive been thinkin of switchin in for a smaller one because my stupid babey hands have trouble reaching the frets. And my dumb cheapy violin i STILL dont know how to play

whatcha wearin rn? uhhhh this super old Gravity Falls shirt with Mabel on it, and shiny shorts because its gettin hot again

dream job: OO something in the medical field. Or the science field! just something, anything. i cope with this by playing Sims and watching them at their science job ;-; hhh

dream trip: ohh im nervous to go trip... but theoretically? Finland maybe. Japan, the kitty cat cafes... Ireland ive heard is beautiful. and also a pilgrimage across Europe to the Holy Land would be nice too ^.^

last book ive read: i believe it was either the 1st or 2nd installment of Dave Pelzer's A Child Called It series, or one of the Moomin chapter books!

favorite food: anything with buffalo sauce or jalapeño juice

nationality: stinky citizen of the great ol US

favorite song: You want me to choose dude? Oh c'MON Sandy, don't make me laugh! Ha, ha, ha, ha.....

well. i so much love Don't Worry Baby by mah Beach Boys. i utterly love Dreams by the Cranberries. and i love Viva La Vida as well (you can tell how much i like a song with how many different versions of it i have saved)

top 3 fictional universe: Hrrmmm... off the top of my head, 1 is definitely Moomin universe. i'd probably be a fluffy, orange creamsicle colored snork.

2 is Zootopia, even though i wouldnt be a chicken there 😞

3 is uhhh either the My Hero Academia universe, or tbe Peculiar universe from the peculiar children book series; because i love the idea of odd powers imbued to peeps (but not necessarily superhero style stories, aint thay funky?)

[bitchesbees]

Im doing this all rn cause ill forget lmao

Day 1: stats

CW: 115.6 lbs

Day 2: height

Im 5’2 rn and I like my height. I could be shorter tho like 5ft even. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Day 3:

Ah ribbies and small calves

Day 4: greatest fear about weight loss?

Honestly not much lmao. I got a wide ribcage and shoulders tho so theyre rlly gonna stick out.

Day 5: why do you wanna lose weight? Is it for you?

I wanna look like sailor moon bro. Im just here to look like a lil anime girl dats it

Day 6: do you binge?

Obviously bro dats called eating like a normal person LMAO

Day 7: do your parents know you wanna lose weight? How do they feel abt it?

Im a whole ass adult its nonw of their business

Day 8: workout routine?

Sometimes I go outside to walk my cat

Day 9: do people ever make comments abt your weight?

My best friend literally said I was their thinspo so thats great?

Day 10: whats the hardest thing u gave up?

Nothing lmao. I still eat what I want when I want

Day 11: fav thinspo blog?

Mine

Day 12: what do you normally eat?

Breakfast:

one of these: yogurt but I dont like it so I dont have it a lot, toast+sunflower seed butter+honey, black coffee (eww), breakfast fried rice, or nothing

Lunch:

Usually nothing or I might go out with friends n eat with them if they invite me

Dinner:

Last night I had curry and rice :) . Its rlly just whatever I or my partner makes. I jus dont eat too much

Snacks:

Naan, kimchi and rice, avacados, fruit, stuff like that

Day 13: are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?

I like to think im doing it in a healthy way :^)

Day 14: whats your UGW (ultimate goal weight)?

First UGW: 105lbs

Second: 90lbs

Last: 80 lbs

Day 15: are you vegan/vegitarian? Would you ever be?

FIAJJFJAJF N O. like yeah meat has a lot of calories but I live for salmon and pork its tastey :)!!! (If u are vegan/vegetarian dats great!! You do u <3)

Day 16: when did you first decide to lose weight?

Idk but ive been anorexic since middle school so 7th grade ig

Day 17: do you have an eating disorder?

Got diagnosed with anorexia in 2018 and I had been diagnosed with bulimia in 2015(?) but I dont have bulimia sO

Day 18: what food is your weakness?

Poke bowl, curry, denjang jigae (idk how to spell it in english lmao), canolis, any fish. I like food n stuff I just dont like eating ://

Day 19: when was the last time you ate fast food?

Last weekend with my partner :0 it was mcdonalds and I got nuggets and fries. I didnt finish it tho cause I felt bad :^/

Day 20: favourite diet?

Remember back in like 2016 when everyone was talking abt the alice and wonderland diet? Thats was WILD CISJJFJAJFJ I think that ones really funny and weirdly specific

Day 21: clothing sizes?

s to xs but I like wearing oversized things bc when I run I look funny. Like an oompa loompa

Day 22: what was your lowest weight? How n why did you gain?

I actually hadn’t seen a scale in like six months (bc I wasnt allowed to >:0 ) until last weekend and I was 113 :))!! I know I got p small at other points but I cant remember the number. Ive been binging all week which sucks and I gained 2 lbs but its whatever

Day 23: did media play a role in wanting to lose weight?

Yeah. Remember 2015-16 tumblr? WILD TIMES

Day 24: how do you feel abt the terms pro-ana/pro-mia

Its DUMB FJSJBFJAJF. Like come @ me if u want but its so stupid to be pro [mental disorder]. Like imagine someone saying their pro borderline or pro bipolar. Wack shit n im not here for it. And you can say this whole list is me being “proana” but im not a big fuckin creator. This is not the blueprint LMAO

Day 25: have you ever purged? What was your first experience?

Yeah I was diagnosed with bulimia (not bulimic anymore). First time I ate spaghetti and I has noodles coming out my nose >:00 its was NASTYYYYY

Day 26: what exites you most abt reaching ur UGW

Being able to be thrown across the room easily :> possibly break a bone on the way :> sounds like a fun time deadass :>

Day 27: how do you deal with being around food?

😑 i am helen keller

Day 28: do you want a gap between ur thighs? Why or why not?

Yes and no. Yes because I kinda already have one and I think it looks cute :). No because my phone would fall though my legs into the toilet when im using the bathroom :( also thick thighs are kinda sexy ngl

Day 29: your definition of beauty

Yall ever seen a woman? Gorgeous. Beautiful. Perfect. Believe it or not women is what peak performance looks like

Day 30: 10 facts abt you!!

- my partner has a mullet and I love it :^)

- im going to cosmetology school

- I hate black coffee >:( I keep saying I like it bc its zero calories but its literally worse than spaghetti noodles coming out my nose. N a s t y

- I dont like soda either.

- I have a cat :)

- my favourite season is winter bc I can slide on the ground like a penguin

- I dont talk abt my anorexia a lot to friends n ppl around me cause its such a mood killer :// dats why im sharing it here lmao

- I cant count to ten

[burnedbyshoto]

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck​ said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet​ said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality​ said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid​ said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme​, @kittenlordofdarkness​, @soafers​ for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey​, @flayvus​, & @ultimate-shit-poster​ thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi​ said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

[youweremyridehome]

thank u @mafaldinablabla for tagging me!

Name: mari

Nickname: berry. but! only online cause its easier and its cute and a literal translation of my name. ppl irl dont rly call me anything other than my name (tho one of my brothers will occasionally call me mannu or mammu)

Zodiac: im a cap, babeyy!

Height: 170

Languages: estonian & english. while i have studied multiple lgs i can only, and to varying degrees, kinda (if i concentrate VERY hard) understand/speak russian, german, korean. and in a professional setting i might be able to communicate in Very Broken finnish but it’s been a while since ive had to so who knows

Nationality: estonian

Favourite season: used to be a fan of winter, actually, but it’s been a long while since the seasons were actually distinguishable from one another. nowadays its summer cause thats the only time that it gets warm, m a y b e.

Favourite flower: lily of the incas, irises

Favourite scent: pine forest (esp on a sunny day), bonfire smoke, sea air, mowed grass

Favourite animal: cats!!

Favourite fictional character: oh wow, uh. those change but.. currently? maybe in a way its gilear faeth from fantasy high (a dnd5e actual-play) cause he is a Sad Sack and every interaction with him in the story is just a+++  but if i were to be more serious then maybe.. Lup from TAZ balance and my boy Christophe from YOI?

Coffee, tea or hot cocoa? coffee, mostly 

Average amount of sleep: tends to be like 9 or so hrs, altho recently ive taken to watching dimension 20 till 2am so that would make it an average of like 5-6hrs

Favourite colour: i dooont knooooow. i dont think i have one anymore. i used to be into orange and then purple for a while but.. rn i have no idea

Dog or cat person: cat person. i like and appreciate dogs but i feel like i cant interact with them for shit cause im so much more used to the body lg of cats

Number of blankets: one, usually. for winter (aka, through mid-sept to mid-april lmao) i have a warmer one and a lighter one for the rest of the year. altho in my familys summer cottage it can still get cold so i will sometimes pile like 4 of those old very flimsy but somehow still heavy blankets on top.

Dream trip: i wanna go back to nyc for far more than just like a 2 week thing. i also wanna go to prague cause it has always seemed so fkn cool. i also wanna go to seoul.

Blog established: uhhhhh, it’s been abt 8 years i think, maybe? i think i had just turned 20 or 21 or sth?

Follower count: 801, it turns out? i mean i assume at least an eighth of those are bots and a fourth are no longer active so i think its probably closer to 500 blogs that are actually active? no wait that still sounds preposterous?

Random fact about me: when i was 9yrs old i fell face-down a flight of stairs and i swear to god i saw it happen from the side and just watched myself fall in the darkness with just me, the stairs, and like a spotlight-looking light over the scene. i was taken to the er and got 2 stitches on the inside of my upper lip and to this day the right side is bigger than the left because of the scar tissue.

Gender: woman (cis)

Sexuality: turns out im ace (looking back i shouldve realised sooner) but at the same time im also into women so its a horrible combination and ive fully given up on even approaching ppl i might like because i feel like i wont ever be able to offer what they deserve. its only sad when i think about it for too long so i try not to

Hogwarts house: hufflepuff

Where are you from: estoniaaaa

Why did you start this blog: i was a huge The Killers fan at the time and my bff and i were already going to tumblr blogs for pics and interviews and etc and then i just finally decided to join

Most recently played album: nonadaptaion by se so neon (just listened to it last night)

im not gonna tag too many ppl but @cap-mars @yurka-on-ice @the-asexual-detective @blu7711 @rentakaya @auroraisgay @black-jean-grey @discoveryinthedark

..oops i still ended up tagging so many ppl. welp.