#I cant wait to see his trauma more explored during the second game | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

katinterrupted · 5 years ago

Text

They should know how sorry I am for all the people I've hurt in my life. My trauma fucked with me and I fucked for control and power. I didn't care who I hurt because I was hurt, I was broken, I was unclean.

I remember the first boy I kissed, in his(maybe his best friends) front yard, while his friend watched and I had NO idea what I was doing. That was in middle school, how old were we?

In elementary school we were suppose to be separated, boys in one room and girls in another, to learn about our changing bodies.. I faked sick that day because I was uncomfortable. I remember fourth(maybe fifth) grade this girl got her period and she had a purse! Other girls were looking in her purse but she wouldn't let me see, I didn't understand. During recess we would hang out by the slides on the play ground and I remember these girls talking, AOL and chat rooms were all the rage, about how people would message them saying, "click here if you want to see my girlfriend and I fuck.." I didn't know what fuck meant.. I said, "yea I click on those all the time.." (LOL) and they snickered and said you're sick, how gross.. I thought it meant fight.. how naive I was..

If you haven't caught on I was an awkward child and didn't really fit in. I didn't have friends and when I thought I had friends they liked my sister or our cats (again LOL) they didn't enjoy my company. I'd always be the butt of jokes or the odd one out. All I wanted was a friend..

I made one. She lived around the block from me and she was as weird and odd as I was. Her family was big and reminded me of mine if we would've been closer in age. Wed hangout everyday. Spend the night at each other's houses. I'm the youngest in my family, the seventh daughter. Her dad called me number seven and I thought I belonged. Her mom was off and never enjoyed me calling her mom, so I'd call her Mrs. First Name. But I'd call Mr. Generic Man Name, dad.

We were friends for two years and their marriage fell apart. Mrs. First Name and dad got a divorce and dad moved to a campground a little ways up north. Her oldest sister would drive us up there to see dad.

It was always so much fun, wed fish, play in the water, walk up to the little shop and buy snacks, grill, etc. All the things to pass by time, at least we got to have fun as a family again. Dad would be in his whitey tightys, but MY dad did that too so it was fine right.. he would always be close to me, but he was like that with all of us.

I was 11/12. We went to visit dad and he let us sit on his lap and steer the car at night while sitting on his lap.

*had to take a breather here, my heart started racing and I couldn't breathe*

I can't remember who went first, but dad was driving.. L and M were in the car too.. it was my turn and I was super excited. I couldn't remember the last time I sat on my parents lap to drive.. his left hand stroked my leg and squeezed, I tensed because I wasnt expecting it.

*had to call my husband in to calm me down, I was shaking and couldn't catch my breath*

His left hand explored my thigh, did I twitch? His fingers were now between my legs.. moving, exploring.. I never felt that before. Then we were back at the camper, I can't remember what else happened.

My friend moved in with her dad and went to a new school and made a new friend. Wed talk on the phone all the time, she would always be with her. I'd still get to go visit her and dad with everyone on the weekends.

She made a new and exciting friend. They were closer than wed ever been and her friend flashed a guy that offered her money. They talked about bjs and sex and I was clueless. "Man shes so cool," "I'm going to lose my best friend," were thoughts that would cross my mind. I only ever kissed a one boy and no ones even touched my boob yet.

I met a boy who I wanted to let touch my chest, we watched tv and cuddled. This would be the third boy I kissed and he was SO good at it. We made out and he groped my chest, I felt a tingle.. what's this? It was familiar, but felt wrong. He went under my shirt played with my nipples, I was trembling.. I felt how stiff he was through his jeans, he slid his hand down, above my pants between my legs. He wasn't suppose to touch me there! I moved his hand up so hed stop. He kept going. It felt so good, but wait.. my mind was racing..

I knew this feeling..

I was steering the car..

But I was family.. he was like my second dad..

He tried to unbutton my pants, I asked him to stop, my mind was still going.. he tried to put his hand down my pants without unbuttoning them this time and I grabbed his hand and said you should go.. he left angry and I remember watching him walk away, still confused about what was going on.

What was going on?

I went to my room and cried.. what happened.. how did he know to do that.. was it suppose to feel that good.. WHAT WAS HAPPENING?????

I'm not sure when I realized a man that i trusted, that my parents had trusted, that treated me like a daughter, that I called dad, molested me.

1. My first time having sex I was 13. The words that came out of my mouth were, "I just want to get it over with," it hurt so bad

2. The second boy(we were children) I had sex with we were both 13, our birthdays were only days apart. He invited me over for a cinco de mayo party. I took his virginity in his basement bathroom. We dated and I hurt him

3. I had drunken sex with another boy who had just kissed his girlfriend goodnight moments before. I played stupid. Like I was the victim. I enjoyed doing it in the open it was exhilarating

4. There was another boy who was a thug. He kept me on my toes and I'd sneak him through my bedroom window while his mom delivered the news. I cut up everything I had of his

5. I met a boy, cute as a button. He liked to work on cars and we cuddled all night while my friend fucked his friend in his sisters bedroom. We kissed.

6. Button boy invited me to his friends house to party, I proceeded to get hammered and had sex for four hours with the guy who's house it was. He ended up being my first love and I ruined it. I fucked him up emotionally.

7. There was a boy I had a crush on who jumped from the roof of my friends garage. I had THE biggest crush on him. He invited me to hangout with his cousins, he fucked me in the door way of his bathroom in his bedroom. Mistake #1. I was feeling hopeless.

8. Went to CA with my family and met a bunch of marines across the way from us. Mistake #2 We were walking to the beach I made him follow me into an alley and pushed me against the wall.

9. He said he wasnt with his baby momma anymore, he lied. We did it in his friends minivan outside of my house, down the street, outside of a Halloween party, in the laundry room, I think I only liked him because I wasnt suppose to

10. We worked together and his dick was big, his face was hit

11. He had a girlfriend, we fucked in his basement

12. I asked him to stop when he was too big, there was blood on my bed and he laughed and left

13. The shaft was crooked, but he could drive a stick

14. When I was young my friends sister was suppose to baby sit us but she wanted to meet these boys, we went over there and this guy kept throwing me over his shoulder and taking me to a dark room and closing the door, m friend stepped in and told her sister we needed to go

15. We were naked in his bed on the second floor, I watched his exgirlfriend climb through the window and he climbed over me to go talk to her

16. There was skull vodka on top of his fridge and an AR under his bed

17. In his charger, he got me pregnant when I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, I got an abortion and he stalked me for a while, I was scared a lot of the time. We shared trauma so we were together for a minute, he got me through some rough times

18. Can't remember how we met, but his spit on my pussy and I felt like a porn star

19. He was tall and strong and could spin me around no problem

20. I sat on my friends lap at a house party, he was the only one I thought I trusted. He stuck his hands down my pants and I hit him with a right hook off the porch

21. He wasn't interested in me and I like the chase, he didn't know I was in a relationship when it happened

22. We walked to meet each other and had sloppy whatever that was in the bedroom while there was a party in the basement

23. I went to his house because he was cute and rode a crotch rocket, he was rough and I kept telling him no. He didn't talk to me after that

24. Won a game of beer pong and he said he wanted to kiss me. We were FWB for three years

25. I gave his dick a heat rash from all the dry humping we did, he always made me squirt

26. I think we got take out and fucked by accident, cant remember it, but I know it happened

27. Used this guy only to get mine and then I'd leave, sorry about that one

28. At MSU I had sex with this guy in a walk in closet, he ignored me and I called his phone over 52 times

29. Made out at the park, would've gone farther if the cops didn't ask us to leave

30. He was the bigger twin, not impressive

31. Helped demo your late uncles house and you bent me over the couch in the other room

32. You couldn't keep it up and I laughed in your face and said I hope this doesnt happen with everyone

33. I didn't want to be alone anymore, was with a guy who peed on his brothers shoes, in the dresser (often,) on a window sill, his pores let off booze.. disgusting

34. He was almost 30, he wanted more and I didn't

35. Met on scout, you were a UofM fan, I wore MSU sweats over and your brother almost kicked me out, we only made out and then you were a dick when I didn't want more

36. Your bedroom walls were sheets, this is what a brothel must feel like

37. Shit house drunk and didn't realize it was your brother, your resemblance was uncanny

38. The only person I went skinny dipping with and then hit up TB drive through and walked into my house naked

39. Woke up and you were kissing my thighs, you realized I woke up and went straight for it. Haven't woken up to sex in a long time

40. Made out with a guido in his bathroom, he had braces

41. MDMA and I was completely inside of the couch, no idea how that happened. Another time I came over and was about to walk in the house. There was a cat by the door who I'd let inside. We smoked and laid in the living room. You said you didn't have a cat when it came out from behind the curtains

42. Completely unsure of how it happened, but ended up with you a few times when I thought I was going to see someone else.. oops

43. You'd always come with me to walk my dog, had a crush on you and never thought anything would happen. I liked you and you missed your ex

44. Walked to the closet 711, a man commented on my body I say ooooookay and he followed me around while threatening me, the guy behind the counter said I was about the press the panic button after the guy left, he was skin and bones. I was 14

45. You had your med card, I met up at your sorority. You said you and your gf had an open relationship, I never knew if you were serious

46. Only guy to put me in cuffs

47. I remember we met upon the back of a parking lot and did bump after bump, we got a motel room and you did them off my body. We sat naked in the bathtub. You couldn't keep it up. I watched you leave in the morning.. I saw your wife and kids within the next few weeks

48. A guy grabbed me at the club, right by the waist and started grinding on my behind. I turned around and pushed him away by putting my hand in his face. I was so glad I was short in the crowd and got away, he was scary mad

*I got lost looking out the window, theres a tree that slightly moves in the wind and snow covering the ground.. I'm listening to the laundry that needs to be finished*

49. My car went to shit and I met at auto repair to talk about the cheapest options. It was summer I was in my running shorts and baggy tshirt. I watched him lick his lips when he asked me if I worked out.. "I can tell by your legs," looking back now, my ITB were just tight because I didn't know how to stretch them correctly. He was 30 years older than me

50. I walked by you to get into the kitchen, you were sitting in a chair near the door way. You grabbed me by the inner thigh and grazed my vagina. I screamed at you in front of all who were there. No ones ever did that to you before

51. Up at MSU we went to a frat party and when we were all walking up(down?) the stairs a buy was sitting there grabbing/slapping asses as they walked by. I put my hand in his face and slammed his head into the wall. People weren't happy, but I didnt give you consent to touch my body. I'm not yours

52. There was a pistons game we went to, you were an asshole in the parking lot as we were leaving. I thought the people were going to pull a gun on all of us. We all drank and I said I was going to sleep on the couch. You kept getting closer to me, putting your hands on me.. I told you I'm not interested, I really need to sleep on your couch. You looked distressed, said okay and apologized, thank you

53. I was lonely and came over. You were on top of me saying dirty things and your own name.. I still laugh about how weird that was

*when I started the numbered I was trying to remember people I had slept with. But then abuse would come back into my mind and I thought I should put it in. For the ones who say boys will be boys or they're just having fun.. YOU'RE THE PROBLEM.

54. I had eaten an edible and became one with your couch, you took me up to your room and tucked me into bed. In the morning I wake up and you were sleeping downstairs on the couch, you said you snore fucking loud, thank you

55. We got TB on the way back to your house, you asked the guy at the window if he smoked tree and threw him a bag. When you were on top of me I felt the hole in your ribs, I hated everything that moment and didn't know what I was doing or why on earth I was there. We both have babies now. I can't remember who you were with but you took my hand and looked at my ring. With the largest smile and saddest eyes, your eyes were always sad and I never noticed, you said, "congratulations.. I'm so happy for you.. no I'm serious," you gave me a big hug, "you deserve to be happy." Have you always been as broken as I was?

56. We went out to celebrate my sisters boyfriends birthday. I was sitting right next to you and you told me the guy sitting across from you kept looking at my chest, I never knew I could ask someone to stop something I never happened to see

57. Took a late night trip to meijer. I didn't have a bra on, I was wearing an oversized tshirt and I asked an employee where something was, he kept looking at my chest, I pointed from my chest to my face. His cheeks turned rosey and scurried away

0 notes