#i am so done with any social media to be honest

[unknownjesterr]

im so done with tumblr

[fallstaticexit]

The Mid Series Finale. That's right, we've made it to the halfway point in this series and dare I say, we're just getting started. I don't know about you, but I'm crying sobbing and throwing up 😔

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Olive: Be honest, was I your first girl?

Nancy: Would you be jealous if I said no?

Olive: Oh, I’d be sooo jealous.

Nancy: [chuckles] Am I your first girl?

Olive: No, but you are my best girl.

Nancy: You really are just so sweet, aren’t you?

Nancy: [giggles] What?

Olive: Nothing. I just...I miss you already.

Nancy: I miss you too. It won’t be much longer before I see you again.

Olive: You sure you don’t want to just come upstairs? See my place? My living room. My bedroom...

Nancy: Oh so tempting, darling. But I have alot to catch up on. Soon. I promise.

Nancy: Oh! I wasn’t expecting you boys to be here. Geoffrey, what are you-

Malcolm: We need to talk, Mother.

Nancy: About? Is everything alright?

Geoffrey: Please, just sit, Nancy.

Malcolm: You have some nerve. I’ve been running the foundation not even a year and yet you make it your business to humiliate me at any chance you get. Is that your goal? To ruin me and my reputation?

Nancy: Humiliate you? Malcolm...what are you talking about?

Malcolm: Gallivanting at low end strip clubs looking for whores while still married to my father is one thing but parading her around the city and spending over 400 thousand fucking dollars without a care who sees is wow- bravo! Wife and mother of the year!

Nancy: I- I beg your pardon!? Malcolm, do not talk to me like-

Malcolm: Imagine my surprise as I’m just moments away from landing the deal of a lifetime and I get a call from a journalist, itching to sell the story of Nancy Landgraab and her torrid affair. Do you how much I had to spend to clean up this mess? And what are the odds, this woman is related to the CEO of Servo Tech.

Nancy: [gasps] They know?

Malcolm: You’re not subtle and neither is she. It was nothing to find her and her receipts. She’s got you plastered all over her social media. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out it’s you. I guess that’s the price to pay for screwing a millennial-

Malcolm: Did you stop and think how this would make me look? How this would make my father look? Do you have even an ounce of goddamn shame?

Malcolm: Do you care about anyone other than your fucking self?

Nancy: Malcolm, I love you. I love you and your brother more than anything...but what’s happening between your father and I has nothing to do with you.

Malcolm: Doesn’t it? Everything you have done has affected me. Both of us. All you’ve managed to do over the years is push us away. You keep up with this shit and you’ll have nothing and no one.

Nancy: Johnathan...you’ve felt this way too?

Johnny: [sighs] Look Nancy, I’m only here cause Malcolm paid me, ok? I covered all that shit in therapy already. I’m over it.

Malcolm: It’s not too late to fix this.

Nancy: What...what do you want from me? What do you want me to do?

Malcolm: We’re one of the richest, most powerful families in the world. To the public, we’re the perfect family. I need it to stay that way. That means you need to cut your whore loose and be a proper wife and mother.

Nancy: Olivia is not a whore! She is everything to me!

Nancy: I haven’t been very honest about myself over the years—to all of you, but mostly to myself. Being with Olivia has made me finally put it all together—the one thing I’ve run from all my life. I’ll do anything for you, my baby, but please, I need her. I think I’m in l-

Malcolm: [sighs] Mother. You know nothing about this woman. Are you really willing to sacrifice it all for a felon?

Olive: Hey you...I haven’t heard from you since the trip. I miss you like crazy and I want to see you. Preferably tonight at my place. Then maybe we can hit the strip in the morning and you can pick me out something hot- but classy to wear to my uncle’s wedding. Which I’m hoping...you’d be my plus one? Hello? Nancy, are you there?

Nancy: No. No, I can’t. I’m sorry.

Olive: No? ‘No’ is against the rules, isn’t it? [chuckles nervously]

Nancy: Well. We have broken every single rule we’ve made. What’s one more?

Olive: Oook, what’s going on? Are you ok?

Nancy: I think we should end our arrangement. Clearly...it’s gone too far. It’s for the best.

Olive: ...what?

Nancy: Better now before it gets too complicated, right?

Olive: Complicated? Nancy, what are you doing? Why do you want to end this- is it me? Do you...I thought you felt the same way I did..

Nancy: I’m sorry, Olivia. I have to put my family first.

Olive: What? Your husband?? The one you said you were leaving because, uh, hello? You’re gay! Or you meant your mean, spoiled ass kids? What the fuck, Nancy?

Nancy: Please don’t throw my issues back in my face. Granted, you’ve never told me about what you’ve done.

Olive: What are you talking about?

Nancy: Why didn’t you tell me you went to prison? Don’t you think that is something I should know about you? Don’t you think the media could ruin my family with something like that?

Olive: I tell you my name and you look me up? The fuck is wrong with you?!

Olive: I see how it is. You finally get some ass and now you’re done with me. It’s what you wanted the whole damn time. You rich fucks make me sick! You don’t ever have to worry about me ruining your perfect little life. Fuck you!

Geoffrey: Would you like some wine? It’s your favorite-

Nancy: God, Geoffrey. Just leave me alone! You all got what you wanted, right? Just leave me be. Please.

[thecapricunt1616]

Allspice (c.b oneshot)

𝐵𝓁𝓊𝓇𝒷 (𝑀𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝐵𝒯𝒞): You were so engrossed in the work, that you hadn’t even realized someone had approached your table until they cleared their throat awkwardly.  Your gaze slowly travels up, seeing a blue apron covering a white shirt, tattooed hands holding- your meal? Your eyes flicker up to his piercing blue ones. “Chilean Sea Bass” he sets it in front of you. You snort a laugh.  “Hm.” You look around before back at him “These people” you motion to the restaurant. “Other patrons. Which meals of theirs did you bring out- Chef?” You accentuate the last word, it was all too uncommon for a chef to personally bring a meal out to a table. 

♡ O.S Inspo: Forever & Always - Fearless (TV) ; "Was I out of line, did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide like a scared little boy?" ♡ Pairing : CarmyxAFAB Reader as little physical description possible | She/Her pronouns used, NO use of Y/N :) ♡ Summary: You have a very successful Culinary Review blog, the social media manager of one of your new hometown restaurants 'The Bear' has been dying to get you out to try their food. But since the EC is a bit of an overzealous competitor, you end up having to go back for round 2- you end up having a delicious dinner, and a free show.

♡ W/C: 4,381

♡ Posted Date: 03/18/24

♡ A/N: FIRST THING: I am HORRIDDDD at writing Claire- I'm much better at writing Carmy cause were alot more similar- so this Claire isn't gonna be CRAZY canon, but I think she got the job done. Anyway- EEEEEP!!! Here is my VERY FIRST ONE SHOT EVER!! Inspired by my amazing, wonderful, PRECIOUS FLOWER @daysofyellowroses that can be found here :) AAAAA!!! My precious Rose I hope you enjoy this, It could ABSOLUTELY have a part 2 if y'all like it. I ended it here cause I'm sooo wordy and I didn't want it to turn in to a multi-chap. fic by mistake...but ofc if y'all want more just tell me and ill get RIGHT TO WORK!!! I really hope this comes off how I saw it in my head. There's no smut/sexy stuff, just mutual pining and flirty teasing, I hope thats ok!! aaa here we goooo!!! Enjoy <3

♡ Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Drinking alcohol (Literally it LOL)

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Being a Food Critic wasn’t an easy gig, as much as people wanted to believe it’s simply going to famous restaurants, trying their most popular dishes- and giving your opinion, it was much more then that. 

Each and every aspect of the restaurant was under your review, from the second you walked in the door, you were judging everything. From the atmosphere, to the music, to the decor, to the comfortability of the furniture all of it, was to meet your expectations if the owner of the establishment wanted a good review.

Today was finally the day you'd review one of the restaurants that had sent 3 requests for you to feature a review of them on your blog. 

The Bear. Interesting name, you thought.

With the rugged name- you’d assumed a more millennial hipster-New American vibe. But when you’d arrived- you were quite…impressed? That instead of leaning into that all too common aesthetic, it was more of a classy, comfortable vibe. 

They’d not even had bear art, anything of the sort. It was pure comfort, mixed with subtle class. The kind that spoke to the cost of the dishes- but wasn’t in your face obnoxious. The only ‘Bear’ was the little golden bear embossed into the leather menu you’d been handed when seated at the table. 

The way you did your reviews was…a tad unusual - some chefs in the industry called it ‘unfair’ but you called it…the fairest things could be. Instead of telling them when you’d be swinging by for a review since where’s the fun in that you’d call, make a reservation under some random name, and they’d know you’d accepted their offer when the review had been posted on your blog. 

It felt most honest and fair because you were one of the most renowned food critics in the country right now. If they knew you were coming- any EC with a brain would spend the night before your arrival, prepping the entire restaurant and staff - assuring they’d be on their best behavior to try and squeeze a higher grade out of you.

 But you were just a reader once upon a time, years ago- when you realized in culinary school that the making of the art didn’t interest you, it was the observing. Food wasn’t just about taste, but rather the whole experience. And if every famous food critic you’d taken interest in back in the day- never got a true experience due to their notability? You’d never have gotten into this field. So, you were most keen on keeping things fair. 

A woman with mousey brown hair comes up to your table, dressed in the typical waitress slacks and black button up shirt. “Hello! Welcome to The Bear. My name is Sam, have you dined with us before?” she asks. 

You sit up in your chair, peeling your eyes from the menu. You give her a small kind smile “I haven’t” you replied, urging her to continue her script. 

“Well welcome in, we're so happy you chose to spend your evening with us. So for our menu” she opens it in front of you. “Here” she points “are our wine options, fabulous selection this month. Then we have draft beers right next to it. On the following page” she points “all of our craft cocktails, then this,” she points in the bottom corner. 

“Our house cocktail - Just called The Bear. It’s wonderful, if you like old fashions you’ll love this - made with Bearface Triple Oak Whiskey.” She said and you nod. 

 “That please. That’s what I’ll start with” you said and she nodded. 

“I’ll get that right in. But quickly, just so you’re aware” she flipped the page and pointed. 

“These - are the dishes of the month. Each crafted by one of our two head chefs, they change monthly so if something calls to you I recommend you try- because it won’t be back” she said. You raised your eyebrows a bit in surprise and nod. 

“Thank you” you said and she gives a nod before heading off to the bar to put in your drink order before heading off to tend to other tables in your section. 

Having an alternating menu intrigued you, for such a high end establishment- one with a Michelin star at that- implementing such a menu would consistently have their star at risk. One dish, one app, one drink- that was not up to par and it would be revoked. You guessed the owners of this place liked living on the edge, as if being in this industry wasn’t already being constantly on edge. 

You gaze over the menu, the Chilean Seabass sounded like a fair assessment. Seafood was quite difficult to get right, especially in the springtime before peak season, and you’d be able to judge the consistency of the chopping and such because there was a fresh tomato corn salad that came with it. That was your rule when you came to judge restaurants, one main course, and one dessert.  

You’d felt like the main courses were the true stars of the show anyhow, and it would be unfair to muck up your palate with an app that was usually something easy to get right (since they were usually fried, covered in cheese, or some kind of carb). And the dessert usually showed the restaurant's creativity, which you loved to see, so 2 dishes was your max. 

The waitress returns with the cocktail, setting it down with a napkin under it. “Here you are, now- have you decided on a starter?” She questioned and you shook your head. 

“Straight to the good stuff, I’d like the Chilean Sea Bass please. And for dessert,” you flick the page and your eyes settle on the words savory cannoli - hmm, imaginative indeed. “And uh- The Michael Cannoli?” You said, shutting the menu and handing it to her. 

She nods with a smile, jotting down the order into her notepad before taking the menu and holding it to her chest. “That will be out soon as possible. Enjoy your drink” she said and headed back to the kitchen. 

You sit back sipping the cocktail and humming. She was right, much like an old fashioned, but floral notes. Almost…chamomile? Yes! That was it. Very interesting.

You slipped your iPad out of your bag, opening up your journaling app and grabbing the pencil out of the little sleeve. You quickly snapped a picture with your phone of the drink, airdropping it to yourself and adding it into the entry and writing;

‘To start; ‘The Bear’ house cocktail- initial thoughts ; not too sweet, strong (but not overpowering), chamomile? Some kind of herbal tea flower’ 

You take another sip, letting the flavors sit on your tongue a moment before swallowing. “Mmm!” You hum to yourself, finally realizing where the herby taste beneath the chamomile was coming from that gave it that oaky piney taste. 

‘Angostura bitters- will confirm!!’ You wrote just as someone approaches your table. You look up to see a man, short brown hair, stubble. He was smiling, holding a plate. 

“Hello! Here we have Arancini with our house-made pesto, courtesy of Executive Chef Carmen” he placed the dish in front of you next to your iPad. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly, looking up at him, scarcel confused. 

“Wrong table” you murmured, thumbing the dish back in his direction lightly. He cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Nope- ah, he- he said this table.” He replied. It did smell fantastic, and any other day you’d never deny delicious, deep fried balls of risotto dipped in smooth, decedent pesto- but you’re working right now and it’s not fair. 

“Well, you can tell him” you lifted the dish, offering it back. “I have a system. And I’m unsure how he realized that I’m coming here, tonight, but I dislike cheaters. And he should know if he’s read my blog- I don’t muck up my palate with grease before I try the main course.” The plate was so close to him now it was nearly digging into his chest.

He nodded quickly, taking the plate without another word and briskly walking back to the kitchen. You sat back in your seat with a slight scoff. 

He thinks he can win you over just like that? How did he even know you would be here?

You picked up your pencil once again, adding a note. 

For the chef; Arancini smelt delicious. Didn’t order it, so I didn’t taste it . Presentation wise; 7/10. Pesto looked like it was spooned in the dish a tad bit messy to me. 

You smiled to yourself, you knew he’d read the final review once it was posted. And since he wanted to be a little cheater and get a overall higher score since he was trying to weasel you into trying extra dishes- you’d kick his ego down a few extra pegs for fun. 

You sat, nursing your drink, adding extra little notes here and there, as well as editing a blog post about Ghost Kitchens you’d been working on and how they were ruining the mobile order industry on the side. You were so engrossed in the work, that you hadn’t even realized someone had approached your table until they cleared their throat awkwardly. 

Your gaze slowly travels up, seeing a blue apron covering a white shirt, tattooed hands holding- your meal? Your eyes flicker up to his piercing blue ones. “Chilean Sea Bass” he sets it in front of you. You snort a laugh. 

“Hm.” You look around before back at him “These people” you motion to the restaurant. “Other patrons. Which meals of theirs did you bring out- Chef?” You accentuate the last word, it was all too uncommon for a chef to personally bring a meal out to a table. 

You swore even in the ambient lighting, his cheeks flushed slightly. “You- uh- you declined, my Arancini. Why?” He asked, holding his hands behind his back, the position making his already toned and tattooed arms appear more muscular. It makes him all the more impressive he has all these tattoos and still made it in this industry. I can only imagine the shit he got for them. 

You raise your eyebrows in surprise at his boldness. “Because that’s Cheating. Mr.Berzatto. I’d assume you know my work well. Considering you know what I look like, so- why try to cheat? You know how I feel about appetizers. It’s a scapegoat.” You shrugged, locking your iPad when you realized he’d been peeking at the notes. 

“Messy” his eyes narrow. He scoffs a bit, alluding to the note you’d written a short while prior “Messy?” He asks again, you laugh a bit.  

“Mmhmm! Oh, was it you chef? Wow…I mean- now that I think about it” you shook your head, now just messing with him since you see how much he was dying to impress you. “I could’ve sworn- the pesto it just..was too loose. Overblended maybe? That’s why it was impossible to plate without making a mess.” You shrugged, cutting up your fish carefully and spreading the vegetables with your knife to observe the cohesivity of the cuts. 

He scoffs, “too- too loose?! W-y’know what. No. No. It- you’re gonna try it.” He demands and you look up at him, nearly laughing at the seriousness of his tone. 

“That depends. Bring me a pesto worth trying and I’ll think about it. Now” you wave him off casually “I can’t work with the chef over my shoulder. So- Shoo chef don’t bother me” you teased and he shook his head. 

“Game on.” He muttered, heading back to the kitchen.  

You smiled to yourself, the Arancini absolutely isn’t going into the review. But you’ll humor his ego by trying it.

You cut the fish thoroughly, checking the texture and the evenness of the seasonings slathered on the skin, writing little notes as you go along. The cuts of the vegetables were pristine. Nearly perfect. The only misshapen pieces were clearly cosmetic defects of the vegetable. The chef that cut these was immaculate with a knife. 

When you took your first bite, you nearly moaned. The fish was buttery, the skin was crispy, slightly spicy, tangy, the flesh melted in your mouth. The risotto was so cheesy and buttery and wonderful. You could eat this meal every night for the rest of your life and never get sick of it. It was the best Sea bass you’d ever tasted. 

You opened your iPad again, jotting down notes about the flavors, the mouth feel, all the usual points you hit in your review. 

This meal is a 9.2 out of 10. 

You write at the bottom. Very fair score, you never had rated something as a 10. Something being a 10 would be- you don’t even know what it would be. But it would be what the score says, perfection. And while this dish was wonderful, and very very good- it was not perfect. At least to your heavily trained palate. 

You finished what you wanted out of the meal, pushing the plate to the side and not soon after, Carmen was back at your table. He placed the plate in front of you, 3 perfectly circular Arancini discs were placed equal distance on the plate, and truly beautiful pesto, sat in the dish alongside it. It frankly was immaculately plated. 

“Unbroken pesto. Sorry again, about the last one.” He said, watching you carefully. You hum as you grab your fork, splitting one of the discs and digging out some of the risotto. 

“Could be firmer.” You said, eyes flicking to his. He nods, clearing his throat a bit. 

“It’s not- uh- it’s” 

“Fresh” you finished for him, raising your brows and he nods. “So- since you’re frying it. You cook it for about..a minute- maybe forty seconds less than you usually would.” You said, daintily taking the bite off your fork. 

“Heard..” he nodded, waiting for your reaction. You hummed a bit. 

“Great balance of parm and butter though. I’ll give you that. Neither overpowers the other, that’s hard to do considering the notes” you added, cutting up the crust and tasting it. 

“Mm-“ you scrunch your nose and his face visibly drops. “Mm-mm…no- not peanut oil…why would you do that? It totally overpowers the breadcrumb with this like…cheapy taste. I’d say it would be way better if you fried it in sunflower oil” you added, digging out more of the risotto and dipping it in the pesto before having a bite and humming. 

“This though” you point at the little dish of green sauce with your fork. “This is great.” You add and he nods. 

“Ok-yeah…ok…” he nods, rubbing his hand over his chin. “Thank y’for trying it.” He said and you nod. 

“I’ll be back for a fair assessment. I think I’ll pass on the cannoli tonight, and just get the bill. Thank you” you slipped your pencil in the case before putting your iPad in your bag and holding your hands on the table in front of you. 

“Y-y’re coming back” he said, sounding slightly surprised. 

You shrugged “well- you clearly want a full review based on your behavior tonight, Chef. So I’ll humor you. I won’t tell you when of course, so just pray that it’s a day like today-“ you paused, looking around. “Where things seem to be running…alright.” You sat back in your chair casually with a small smile. 

“I look forward to your review.” He gave a nod and headed back to the kitchen. 

It was 3 weeks before you’d decided to return back to The Bear spring had quickly turned to early summer, and you thought you’d given enough time for your little conversation with the head chef to slip his mind. 

It was 9:20, 40 minutes before closing. You did promise to come back at a random time, and no time is more random then a Friday night less than an hour before the kitchen closed. 

You pulled open the door, stepped in and headed up to the host stand where the same man that originally offered you the Arancini stood. “The picky critic returns.” He said, tapping his pen against the reservation book absentmindedly. 

“She does” you smiled a bit. 

“Well lucky f’you cousin said you get a table any time, right this way” he leads you to a booth near the back, where you had a perfect view of the restaurant. Much cozier then before, right next to the doors of the kitchen where you could hear the back of house crew buzzing about. 

“Same cocktail as last time?” He asked and you raised your brows in slight surprise as you sit. 

“No waitress?” You asked, getting comfortable and setting your iPad down next to the empty plate. 

“She’ll be over, just figured a friendly offer couldn’t hurt” he said with a small smirk. 

You roll your eyes playfully. “House cocktail please, and thank you. But don’t count on kindness boosting your hospitality score-“ you stop, realizing he never gave you his name. 

“Richie” he said, sticking his hand out to shake. 

“Richie.” You repeat, giving him your firm professional shake. 

“House cocktail comin’ up” he said and headed back to the bar. You mulled over the menu, lemon chicken picatta, that sounded like a perfect dish to judge this time around. 

A few minutes later, Richie returns, setting the glass down in front of you. “Waitress should be by momentarily, enjoy your meal” he said, heading back to the host stand. 

A bit after the waitress came to take your order, the restaurant had begun to die down. You were going to be the last person served tonight it looked like, since in 5 minutes they would stop seating people. 

You added additional notes to your section about the cocktail, getting a better photo of it for your blog when you hear a bit of commotion up front.

You look up, to see a woman with curled brown hair in navy blue scrubs, her hands on her hips, talking with Richie with a frustrated look. There were tears in her eyes, you couldn’t help but tune in to their conversation. 

“Richie, please let me see him- he- he hasn’t said anything and I…I just need to hear him say it to my face. Please!” She begs, tears were streaming down her face now. 

Richie looks around nervously, tugging her to the side so they weren’t standing right in front of the host stand. You lean over just a bit- not so much it would be noticeable, but enough your nosy ears could continue to pick up what was being said.

“Claire. You shouldn’t be here…I’m sorry- he told me-he said that..that you can’t come here anymore. It’s too much and he will apologize when he can find the words. But he can’t. So please before he sees you. Leave” he said softly, attempting to soothingly rub her arm and she jerks away like his touch burned her skin. 

“Fuck you, Richie. Get him. Now. I’m not working on his time anymore. This is my time now. I’ve waited around enough for him. I’m done waiting. Either get him yourself? Or I swear to god I’ll go in that kitchen and embarrass the fucking shit out of him” she hissed. 

Your eyebrows raised, shit. Whoever fucked her over should at least be warned. 

He snorts, clearly amused before stepping back and raising his arms in defeat. “Have at it ClaireBear.” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You think he’s gonna take kindly to you startin’ w’him in his house? Be my guest.” He shrugged, going back over to the host stand. 

And then it clicked. She’s here for Carmen.  

She laughed dryly, sarcastically, like a woman who’d had it. “You think I’m scared? Richie? You think I’m scared of little Carmy who couldn’t even check out a library book by himself? mm?” She goads him, arms crossed, chest heaving with rage. 

His head snaps back to look at her, brows raised in shock. “Kid- I really think you should go calm the fuck down, because Y’re not gonna like the way that this conversation ends w’him- at all.” 

And with that, she shoves open the kitchen door. You couldn’t just sit there and not watch- this was the juiciest drama you’d ever been privy to in person, and this means he’s single. You slightly curse yourself for being so giddy that this means the sexy chef would likely be on the market. 

Your foot catches the door before it closes, leaning against the frame. She storms in, eyes frantically darting over the kitchen. 

“Carmen.” She barks, the entire kitchen stops moving and looks at her, as if they were in shock and awe someone would ever raise their voice to him in such a way. 

He rounds the corner, holding a pan of focaccia dough that he nearly drops at the sight of her. He blinks a few times, squeezing his eyes shut as if she’d disappear when he opened them again. 

“The fuck are you-“ his eyes meet yours, his face going pale quickly, he looked white as a sheet. “Leave.” He orders her, slamming the dough down on the counter. 

“Leave?!” She laughs coldly, “you’re gonna tell me to leave?! You’re a fucking pussy Carmen. A pussy. Y’know- it was charity giving you a chance. Pity work.” She spits and you blink a few times, taken aback by such harsh words. 

Is she serious? She thinks anyone could believe dating a super hot, ripped, talented, chef prodigy - that was charity work in any sense of the word?

He scoffs, “Charity?” He chuckled dryly. “Claire- you begged me to fuckin’ be with you! You-you-y’re a fuckin gnat! Claire! You- all you do is-is fuckin’-” he runs his hand through his hair, his chest heaving in anger, “You dont know me, Claire! Alright? There- And I-I-I don’t want you i’m-i’m sorry-” 

She laughed, shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. “You-” she whispered, her chest shaking with a sob. “You- fucker- I- I gave you a chance…” she whispered and gripped her wrist sadly. “I- I was there for you, Carmen- when no one else could fucking stand you.” she croaked.

“And I never asked for you too- please- just…leave me alone-” he shook his head. “Leave. Please…just-pretend we never happened, it was a mistake, Claire.” he breathed, clearly utterly defeated, and It sounded like he’d told this girl these same words multiple times. 

“M-Mikey would be sick- Carmy, he’d- he’d hate who you’ve become…” she said meekly, and with that- something behind his eyes snapped.

“Claire I’m not DOING THIS I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKIN’ RESTAURANT. WERE OVER. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME! YOU MEAN NOTHING CLAIRE!” He roars, the veins in his neck popping out, angrily and aggressively pointing to the door. “OUT. get the fuck out. G-get out, b-before I-I-I fuckin- holy fuck” he finds his composure once more, even though his breath was still ragged from his outburst, flicking his hand next to him his entire body trembling with panic. 

She looks to her left and right, she’s not that- 

Your thoughts were quickly proven wrong, when you see she was stupid enough to grab a pan off the stove to whip at him. 

“Aht!” the spanish woman standing a few paces to the right said, quickly grabbing the arm with the pan and twisting it behind her back. “Drop it.” she hissed. 

Carmen looks between the two of them, utterly in shock. “Y-y’were gonna hit me?” He asked her, face twisting in rage. “Fuck you. Fuck you Claire.” He seethed, taking the pan from his employees grasp and tossing it in the sink with a loud clatter. 

“Get the fuck out” you told her, grabbing her from the handle of the woman who’d stopped the assault, shoving her towards the kitchen door and into the front of the restaurant. “Y’re a fuckin crazy bitch.” You laughed dryly, giving her a hard shove for good measure. 

“Oh and who are you” she straightened herself out, pushing her bag up on her shoulder. “Doesn’t matter. Glad to see that Carmy still needs someone to protect him. I’ll gladly give up that spot.” she said, causing you to laugh. 

“Oh my god- you are pathetic. He just spelt it clear as day sweetheart- you are over. O-v-e-r. He doesn’t want you babe! And no, he doesn’t need my protection- I was enjoying dinner and apparently a show until you went batshit bitch.” You snip, plopping back down at your booth. 

She scoffed “he doesn’t want anyone. The only thing he wants - is to remain miserable. Good fucking luck, whoever you are.” She said before stomping out. 

“Yo she was really gonna throw somethin?” Richie asked as he walked over. Thankfully, it was just you, him, and the bartender in the front of the restaurant.

You nod “thankfully she didn’t realize I was there- Carmen would have had a nasty burn, and a concussion.” You said, taking a large sip of your drink. 

Carmen comes out, eyes meeting yours immediately. “Fuck- I- don’t worry y’re meal is comped and don’t…don’t worry about a review, i’m sorry- I-I guess it wasn't in the cards f’r us to be featured on y’r blog... I’m really so sorry… Shes- ah..” he rubs his arm nervously, trying to find the words. 

“A woman scorned” You teased, and he snorts a laugh, nodding a bit.

“Hell hath no fury, right?” He joked, sighing a bit. “It’s uh…it’s my fault I guess…I uh- I should’ve dealt with that…I've been putting it off” he said and you nod a bit.

“You off the clock?” you looked at your phone for the time, 10:07. 

“Shit- fuck- sorry- I’m so sorry- give me like- I was making y’r food…and then-” you shook your head, stopping him.

“No- No…I was uh-Asking to see if you maybe wanted to..have a drink with me? Not-not like…professionally…” you shrugged, stirring your half full cocktail with the bar straw that floated in it. 

“Sure- uh…sure- I’d like that lemme..lemme go change, i’ll be right out” he nodded, heading back into the kitchen.

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hello, sorry from before. I am the illusionist person.

I guess Alastor, Velvett, and Emily (but only if you do her).

I apologize about before.

No problem! I just do not like the idea of taking away credit from others’ choices and picking out the characters for others’ subjects. It just doesn’t feel right. I am sorry for being so… well, I guess, annoying and picky! To be honest, not a lot can be done here so sorry, it’s going to be kinda short! Also, this is my first time handling Emily!

Alastor

Alastor almost thought you were an ordinary sinner. A lady not unbelievably special but special in your own ways. But he is mistaken when he begins seeing your illusions and asks you about it. He is so surprised, jaw-dropped, amazed… that’s incredible!

Alastor is actually really supportive towards your illusion power and eggs you on to use it more than you normally do. Use it to get what you want, use it to mislead, use it to defend yourself. He will be right there to cheer you on

Alastor finds it fascinating when you begin to use your illusions on him. Changing his clothing to 1800s, making his ears disappear, all for shits and giggles but it’s just eye tricks. Everything is still there and hasn’t done anything to you, it’s just so realistic, that it’s incredible. He is impressed and has to remind himself that everything you suddenly ‘make’ is not real at all

It can be considered minor but to your boyfriend, your illusionary power. The most powerful, hyper realistic delusions that even shatter like glass when being hit. Enables Alastor’s pride and he is happily brags about how powerful you can be. He mentioned you a ton during his broadcasts and now, he mentions you as a whole even more. He’s just so proud of you

“My dear. Your mind is quite wild and livid. I can’t help but wonder what else you can do. May I ask, how does this power work? It’s so unique and I’d love to get to know it even more, may we speak over a nice date on my room’s balcony over some tea and cookies?”

Velvette

Velvette actually would much more prefer if her harmless little sinner girlfriend was just a normal demon. Didn’t have any powers that made her override the Overlord of the pair… but boy, she is so wrong and she ends up being jumpscared by your illusion-inducing power, directly falling for it and afterwards, she can’t help but directly fall for you even more

Whilst it’s true that Velvette enjoys being the unique one of this couple, she finds herself not at all salty or jealous of your power. In-fact, she wants to see it more in action and she even asks if she can post videos or pictures of your abilities to show you off, as a way to also demonstrate to the web that you belong to her, and this power belongs to her as well

Velvette is uncontrollably disturbed and annoyed by just how hyper realistic and convincing your mind images are. They are fully seeable to everybody, it’s not just you two but she feels like it’s tricking her individually. Whilst she gets irritated with them sometimes, she has grown to support you as a whole. She does like, however, when you use your mind and dress her in 1800s era clothing. Yeah, the dresses are ugly and old but the effort behind them is adorable so she allows it

As stated before, Velvette takes pictures, videos and stills of your illusionary magic and posts them online. She doesn’t just use this as claiming you as hers, she also uses it to brag about you. You went from just beautiful to beautiful and powerful, and that’s all hers. She has your heart and she wants everybody to know you can render them useless with your illusions. She brags to even the Vees

“Yo. Bae, can you please do me a fav with your luse-power? I want to make a really good fashion runway picture for my social media accounts and this one is shit. Could you please make some accessorises for me… pleeeaase~? I promise I’ll buy ya a present~!”

Emily

Emily is a Seraphim. A powerful, higher-up ranked Angel species of the Heaven Hierarchy, so it’s quite surprising when she is as surprised to seeing the precious ordinary Angel lovely woman she calls hers form a illusion creation of her friend, Charlie Morningstar, trying to cheer her up after a bad day. She is so amazed and so proud, eyes sparkling with awe

Emily is the most supportive and encouraging being ever and she wants to rise you up, even more up above Heaven’s majestic cool clouds. She wants you to feel invincible and she wants to you feel proud of yourself so she’ll, much like a child, ask you to use more of your illusions, explore your power and get more confident with it and everytime she watches it, her mind basically explodes

Emily happily and excitedly spins out when you use your illusionary power on her to change her looks; gorgeous hair, gorgeous dress and even her wings. She feels so different yet so blessed at the same time, even if the new look is just a magical sheet covering her body. She also finds it interesting and funny that you dressed her in human 1800s era style, she wants you two to match so she basically begs you to use your magic on you too

Emily legit goes out of her way and with help from Sera, finds and brings back needed magical training items and spell books to try help you hone your already hyper-convincing Mirakinesis and your skills with that power, so you can expand your percentage and even maybe make it even more powerful, with her right besides you as your biggest cheerleader

“Sunflower! Can you make yourself invisible yet? Did the books and items help you at all? I hope they did! I also hope that you know that I am so proud of you and I love you so much! Please never keep something like this from me ever again! You’re incredible, with and without it”

[drowninginblox]

Back Online

Pt: 1, 2, 3

You decided to take some time for yourself.

Charles could read you like an open book, and you loved and hated him for that. When he said you had paid time off, you took it—along with Scott's motorcycle.

You didn't know where you would go but you ended up in Niagrea for a few days, just watching the falls and the people. You also spent some time off Tumblr. The last thing you needed was to be reminded of that damn post again. But the thing was, you found yourself stalking Kurt's known social media in the meantime. It got to the point where you lost sleep over year-old photos of this guy's stupid face. So on the third day, you turned off your phone altogether.

You knew it wasn't smart but you also knew that no one would call you in an emergency. You weren't an X-Men, you knew that too well. So the whole week was yours.

You ate poutine, went to a spa, ordered takeout, watched trash TV, and enjoyed the American/ Canadian border. It wasn't everything you hoped for, but it was better than lingering on everything you left. No- that was for the drive back.

When you got on Scott’s motorcycle and started back on the scenic route, you got to thinking. One step at a time. From how this whole feeling towards Kurt started, to the pinning, to the post, and now… how in every instance you could have just told him at any time. But you didn’t. And now he knows about your crippling feelings through a tumblr post of all things.

The amount of times you swore at yourself outnumbered your fingers and toes. But you continued back to the school. The good part of you wanted to say it was for the students. The bad part of you wanted to say it was because you didn’t have a passport. But the realest answer was that you couldn’t run away. You know too many people who have ran away from their problems- all of the XMen have. But what seperated you from them is that even when shit got tough, and the circumstances where stupid, you always walked towards the problem. Regardless of if it was your own or someone else’s, you always took it head on. Because even the runners get exhausted, and the hiders get paranoid. You’d rather just get it done and over with.

So when you pulled up to the school to see Kurt standing out front waiting for you, you only took a breath and walked up to him. “You’re back.” He said in disbelief. You manage to shrug “I had to.” Kurt kept his eyes on you, taking you in for everything you are. “Y/n, I want to talk to you about that-“ you chuckle, albeit awkwardly “my post? Yeah… I had a feeling.”

He can’t help but avert his gaze and hold the back of his neck while you shove your hands into your coat pockets “Liebling I-“ “Kurt,-“ you manage to say simultaneously. When the two of you realize your shared mistake, you laugh. And for a moment, it doesn’t feel like what happened happened. But when the laughter settled, and the reality edged back, you say it first “You go ahead. Please.” Kurt smiles in thanks. “Y/n, I-" He pauses momentarily to calm himself, and hopefully consider his words. "I’ve thought a lot about what happened, alongside how I reacted. And there’s something that I need to be honest with you about. I just," He stops and sighs. "I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed and I just didn’t know it was you who made the post." The hand that rested behind his neck moved to his elbow, fiddling with the fabric of the loose sweatshirt he was wearing.

"I’m hoping that we can talk about it somewhere more private, that’s all to say if that’s alright with you.” You take that in and nod “But before we do, let me say what I wanted to. Please.” You countered. Kurt nodded. "Of course,"

You take a breath of your own and try to remember all the things you want to say. “Kurt, I am very sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I’m not that brave when it comes to telling others my... romantic feelings because, more often than not, they’re one-sided on my end. So I just- keep to myself and hope it goes away with time." You attempt to chuckle away nerves. "Obviously, that didn’t happen… and I didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable telling. I was scared it would get back to you one way or another." You huff a dry laugh. "Ironic I know," Kurt looks at you with a soft expression but you didn't quite know what was backing it. "So I thought if I shouted into the ether- nothing would happen. Even though I knew you have a Tumblr... I thought I should risk it anyway since I just needed to get it out. So I did,... and now you know.” She hesitates but decides not to take his hand

“Kurt, regardless of what happens or how you feel, know that I still want to be your friend. I understand completely if you don’t- that you need time or that you don’t want me to talk to you at all. But I hope you know that I truly care about you, Kurt," You move only to end up holding yourself. "Whether that be romantically or platonically- I care about you. So… if you want me to buzz off for leave you alone that is completely fine. I just want you to be comfortable.” You swallow down an acidic taste that you hope is pure anxiety. Kurt looks you over for a few moments. You try to meet his eyes. Time passes in this wordless exchange until Kurt offers his hand. "I think we should continue this somewhere else." He decides. You swallow again and attempt a smile with all the hope you have in this relationship- whatever it may be. "Okay." You clasp his hand, and just seconds before you two teleport, he smiles and pulls you into a hug. You manage to close your eyes as the cloud of dark smoke overtakes you.

The lingering scent of vanilla hung in the air, signaling to you that it was okay to open your eyes. You've only been inside of Kurt's room once, maybe twice, and even then it was only for fleeting moments like telling him food is ready. So you took your time taking in all the tapestries, framed photos, overflowing bookshelves, and still burning candles. "Did you leave these burning while we were talking?" You mumbled while looking around. Kurt laughed awkwardly. "Ja… dumm." He chuckles. "The Professor told me you were approaching the campus and I just had to talk with you." You look up to him. "Well, now you can talk to me." Kurt looks down at you. The urge to pull you closer or squeeze you while he has the chance is almost overwhelming. But he overcomes it.

Instead, he lets go and puts a step between you. Both are a means to not scare you and to distance themselves. “So, I know you like me, and... I don't want to lead you astray Y/n. So I’m going to be honest with you. Up until a week ago, I never considered our relationship in that way." You look away. The tightness in your throat is starting to become unbearable. "Hey, hey, hör zu, sieh mich an, meine Schöne. Denken Sie bitte nicht das Schlimmste. Look at me Y/n." He chides, taking a step forward and holding your chin. "Please, look at me. I'm not done. Hear me out okay, liebling?" You can't help but flush when you hear him say that. God damn fanfictions haunting you. "Okay," You relent. he smiles a little and moves your face so the two of you are eye to eye. "When I realized it was you, I wanted nothing else in the world but to go back in time and slap myself. I though that I lost one of the best people in my life." He brushes a thumb over your chin. "And when you left, I was lost. I didn't deserve to know whether or not you were coming back. But when the reality set in that maybe you weren't I-" he sighs and looks away for a moment before returning to your eyes. "I realized I couldn't live without you." You felt yourself get a little lighter at his admission. "Me too." You mumbled.

Kurt swallowed. His pride or nerves, he doesn't know. "Y/n, I don't know to what extent I want our relationship to be. But I know I don't want to live a life without you by my side." He lowers his hand from your chin to your own hand and interlocks your fingers. "I don't know if this will be what you want of me-"

You shake your head and holds his cheek, making Kurt tense. You hesitate but resign yourself to not pulling away. "Kurt, all I want is your happiness. I can get over my feelings. I can move on. The last thing I want is you attempting to force feelings that aren't there." His eyes get a little wide. "Y/n-" "Kurt, you are one of the kindest, most selfless people I know. You are admirable and open, loving, and- to me- you're divine." You brush a thumb over a hot cheek as his face slowly turns violet. "Kurt, you deserve only the best that the world has to offer. Do not put your happiness aside for me. Please," You assure. "Be happy in any way you want, just don't hurt yourself in the process."

Kurt blinks a few times as he processes your words. You keep your eyes on him to gauge his reaction, but other than blinking through too many emotions to properly identify and parting his lips every few seconds, there's nothing much you can do other than question if holding his face is the right thing to do right now. Eventually, he finds himself, closing his mouth and focusing back on the current moment. "Y/n," He starts but cuts himself off. He moves his hands to hold your wrists, moving your hands away from his face. All you can do is swallow and listen to whatever he needs to say. "Y/n, I am a man of many things. You know that." He smiles a little and looks down at your hands. "I'm a man of faith in things most people don't belive in, I am both fierce and cowardly in all senses of the word, and I envy the dramatics of life." He moves his hands to yours from your wrists. His hands turn your palms upwards so the closest finger that could ever be considered as his thumbs can press into your palms.

He takes them in, soft but worn- not in the same ways his are though. You find yourself looking at your own hands as well. "When I was in the circus, a woman taught me how to read palms... she couldn't read mine that well." He chuckled softly, making you giggle in return. "But, I learned how to read others." He drops your nondominant hand and looks closely at the other. "Kurt, what does this-" "Shhhh-" He hushes, looking intently at your palm. "I know I have a flair for the dramatics, but let me do this Y/n," He says before looking up to you. Realizing the proximity and the intimacy of this situation, your face heats up. But you nod for him to keep going regardless.

He smiles and returns to his work. "Now, as much as I love the novelty of this, take it all with a grain of salt....Ah! There," he points to a line closest to your fingers but top most of your palm. "This is your heart line." He explains "Or your love line..." He smiles softly as he trails the line with a finger. The ghost of the touch makes a shiver run up your back. He chuckles. "You see how long it is?" You nod. "That means that you are most likely a good lover... romantic, considerate, caring." You look back at him. "But, I don't need your palm to tell me that." He clasps his other hand around yours, encasing it with his touch. "Y/n, when you left- I didn't know what to do with myself." You look at him slightly concerned. "I was forgetting things more often than I usually do. When meetings were, when to eat, when to sleep..." A dry chuckle escaped him. "I was so worried about you that I neglected myself." You put your spare hand on top of Kurts. "Kurtis..."

He chuckles a little "You're the only person I let call me that... other than Marie." He looks into your eyes. "I was so worried that I lost you over something that I was putting up a front for..." You cocked your head a little. "What do you mean?" Kurt removes his hands from yours and takes out his phone. He finds the screenshot that started all of this. "Y/n, I have reread this post well over a dozen times before I belittled it before you. Not because I thought it was weird or something... it was so flattering. To have someone want to hold, kiss, and love me so unabashedly. Of course, I didn't know it was you... not that that is any excuse. But... You understand why I tried to play it off as a joke right?" You nod in understanding. He could not have known it was you, you made sure of it. "I guess my reaction was enough of a tell..." He smiles at you in understanding, although it comes off as bittersweet considering the situation. He puts his phone away. "Y/n, I don't see you any differently. I hope you know that, but I also want you to understand that my feelings for you have changed and I need to sort them out." You can't help but look away from him. " I won't ask what kind as to not get my hopes up, but can I at least know wether or not you're pitying me." Kurt furrows his brows and holds your cheek. "No! No, Y/n, I do not pity you or look down on you for this. Ehrlich. I just wish you trusted someone on the team to tell rather than do this." Your throat tightened. "If I did, I knew it would get back to you. One way or another." He sighs. "And this was better?"

The only sound comes from the to-and-fro flick of Kurt's tail.

He just brushes a thumb over your cheek, watching as your inner turmoil reflects through your eyes. "Just give me some time to figure this out, okay?" You glance back at him. His golden eyes soften at the understanding between the two of you. Even though you hate how everything has turned out, it's gotten you here regardless. You sigh and turn to fully look him in the eyes. "Take as much time as you need." You assure. He smiles at you, this time it's far more genuine. "Thank you." He mumbles. You nod and back away from him. All he can do is watch as you make your way to the door. You open it and turn back to him "We're still friends?" You mumble. He smiles. "Always." You return the smile and nod before leaving the room.

Finally, he can plan.

[echo-and-dust]

now that my brain has somewhat unscrambled itself i have gotten most of my thoughts in order about season 3.

and the first thing i will say is: i loved it.

while it was gutwrenching and polarizing in some ways and i feel that i am entitled to financial compensation for what its done to my mental health, i loved this season for pretty much almost everything it did.

i cannot fault people for having issues with much of the characterization and plot choices made—that’s been the trend during the entire run of the show after all, and imo it’s a testament to the phenomenal way it generates nuance—but i wanted to share my feelings on the recurring opinions i’ve seen about some of these things.

first, i do not blame simon at all for the things he said in the final scene. he’s a child who has been receiving endless verbal and physical harassment on top of all the trauma he is still trying to heal from. he just watched his boyfriend lash out in anger and hurt—while not at him, but it must’ve been a close resemblance of how he might’ve seen micke act. at least, that's what i thought, though i've seen others say otherwise.

and yes, wille is not micke, but just because wille’s source of outbursts is different from micke’s doesn’t mean simon is wrong in drawing similarities. at least he's finally getting a true glimpse into what wille has had to deal with. i've honestly grown to like that they didn't have simon immediately comfort him though; wille's mental illness is not his fault, but it is his responsibility, and instead of pushing a message of unhealthy co-dependence, the show has simon be honest: "but i see that everything hurts you and that hurts me too." and to me, that's so important.

plus, it doesn't make their love any less genuine. wille is a victim of the circumstances; he is not evil, and he is not undeserving of simon. he just has a lot of growing and healing to do, a lot of unlearning and exposure therapy because he's still blinded by privilege even when he tries not to be.

speaking of, i have so many thoughts about wille that i feel like i need to save for its own separate post, but to sum them up: i'll still defend him with my life, and he needs to get the fuck away from that institution.

also, the fact that the responsibility of controlling simon's media decisions was placed solely on wille confused me at first like—why wouldn't they get a professional to give him proper media training?

then i realized, this could be the royal court's way of sabotaging their relationship. they knew that making wille the one to tell simon what he can and cannot say or post would create distance and animosity between them. despite the ramifications of simon's behavior on social media, it seems they still thought it best to have his boyfriend be the one to try to mold him into the system. because they knew that's how they could get rid of him. in conclusion, fuck the royal court (we been knew but still).

one of the standouts this season was their transparency regarding the show's politics. it not only works well with the show's arc (wilmon is public, everything's out in the open now and there's nothing to hide), but also it felt necessary at a time where censorship has been rapidly gaining momentum. it felt so refreshing for these characters to talk so openly about racial discrimination and queerphobia and class disparities, forcing both character and viewer to acknowledge that they exist and you should feel uncomfortable about it.

i don't think i can add much more to what was already said about it—most of the fandom is more eloquent and observant than i am anyway—i just wanted to reinforce how important this season is to myself and the story even with how controversial it is to fans right now. a lot of people may disagree with me and that's fine.

[kelcemenow]

Drive Me Crazy - Chapter 4.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 1556

Warnings Like, maybe one swear word. A hint of angst and a bit more fluff.

Huge thank you to the Anon who sent this in! They had such amazing words to say about my writing which I massively appreciate and then to top it off, had an incredible request for me! I only have experience with mechanics in the UK, so I've tried my best with this one! "I just recently got interested in Travis K. X reader stories and wanted to let you know, I read all of yours as quickly as I could. They are so well done and I couldn’t help but laugh/giggle and feel through each word you typed out. You’re doing amazing and I’m so glad to have stumbled onto your page. If you have any space for a request, I’d be curious about what Trav would think about having a military (like fighter pilot) or engineer or mechanic girlfriend. I see a lot of stories with him paired with models/singers/social media individuals (which are phenomenal!) but just wondering how he would be with a more tomboy like girlfriend!"

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

"And all you'd ever hear me say, is how I pictured me with you. That's all you'd ever hear me say. But since you been gone..."

Your mouth gaped open as a yawn took over your body, halting your singing along to the music playing on the radio as you worked under the hood of a bright blue Honda. Standing up, you stretched your arms above your body, allowing another yawn to loudly roar out across the shop floor.

"Tired?" Jordan asked as he approached you from the other side of the room.

You blinked your bleary eyes, "Yeah. I didn't get home until late last night."

"Bro!" He sucked his mouth to his teeth and shook his head, "You gotta stop working so hard."

You quickly glanced around the room before leaning closer to Jordan, "Can you keep a secret?"

Jordan eyes glittered and he nodded enthusiastically, closing the gap between you further.

"I think I went on a date last night." You said with a grin.

Jordan's expression changed, a slight quiver on his brow. He straightened up and cleared his throat, "You think you did?"

"Well, yeah. It wasn't described as a date or anything...but it was nice. We talked and got to know each other." You paused, wondering how detailed you should be.

"Sorry, I just find it hard to believe that you went on a date." He looked away from you and began rummaging through one of the large tool boxes that were lined up along the side of the wall.

You twisted your mouth, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's you, you know. You're...Y/N. You don't go on dates."

You stepped towards him, "And what? You don't think there would be any chance that someone...anyone...would be interested in me?"

He turned his head, "That's not what I mean."

"Well, that's what it sounds like to me."

Jordan sighed and straightened up, "Y/N, come on. Stop acting like a g-"

"Like a girl? Is that what you're about to say?"

"No, that's...well, to be honest, yeah."

You could feel anger rising in your chest, "Surprise surprise, Jordan. I am a girl."

You watched as Jordan attempted to backtrack his words, "No, you're taking this all wrong. I'm just saying that I'm surprised that someone asked you out."

"You're not helping yourself here, Jordan. You're being an asshole. Someone did ask me out...and he is interested in me."

"Are you sure?"

"Why did he kiss me then?"

Jordan's eyebrows jumped up, "Oh, right."

"You're a jerk." Turning on your heels, you headed into the office, not waiting for Jordan's response.

As you reached the door, you swung it open with force, letting it slam once you were safely inside the cosy room.

Your Dad jumped a little in his seat, "Woah, what's up, sport?"

"Sorry, Dad...I just needed to get out of there." You said as you slumped down in the chair next to him.

"Wanna talk about it?"

You shook your head gently, "Not really."

You exhaled slowly, flicking mindlessly through the diary, checking your jobs for the next few days. Your eyes were scanning the words on the pages in front of you but your mind was elsewhere. Usually, you didn't let other people's opinions matter but Jordan had hit a nerve with you. Was it because you cared what Jordan thought of you? You had always got on well with Jordan, harmlessly flirting occasionally, but nothing had ever come of it. Maybe his outburst was out of jealousy, or maybe he really didn't see you in that way. Was it because you were starting to really like Travis? He was the first person who seemed to genuinely like you regardless of your appearance or personality. But something was stopping you. You weren't Travis' usual type; you didn't wear a lot of make-up or really care about what you were wearing on a day-to-day basis.

"Dad, do you ever wish that I was...more girly?"

Your Dad turned to look at you, concern plastered across his face, "What's this about?"

"Just answer the question."

He took a deep breath, as if preparing his answer, "There was a time when I was worried. When all of the other little girls were having sleepovers and horse riding lessons or going to ballet class and I looked at you, covered in oil and repairing your bike in your overalls and baseball cap." He chuckled at the memory, "But you never let it bother you. You liked being you and I wouldn't change you for the world."

You smiled as he wheeled his chair closer to you and threw his arm around the back of your neck, pulling you in and laying a kiss on the top of your head.

The moment was interrupted by the shop door opening and a young man walking in, struggling with a giant bouquet of flowers in his arms. Your Dad stood from his chair and assisted him to settle them on top of the counter.

"Flowers? Here? Are you sure?" Your Dad joked.

The young man smiled and pointed to the delivery note in his hand, "KC Auto Repairs? They're for Y/N. Later."

You watched him leave with your eyebrows lowered, surprised and confused, "For me?"

Your Dad craned his neck, retrieving the card that was stuck in the middle of the mass of beautiful blooms, "Well, who are they from?"

You took the card from his hand, carefully opening the crisp white envelope and scanning the contents.

"There's 2 tickets for Sunday's game with your name on. TK."

A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth and your heart leapt at Travis' kind gesture.

"TK? Is that...is that Travis Kelce?" He held a shaky finger towards the card.

You smirked as you continued to stare at the card, the fingers on your free hand dancing over the petals, "Erm...yeah."

"Wow. It seems you've certainly made an impression on him." He pulled you closer, "Who are you taking to the game then?"

You faced him with wide eyes, "Are you joking? You, you dummy!"

Your Dad let out a loud roar of laughter before breaking out into an impressive celebratory song and dance, "I'm going to Arrowhead!"

The office door squeaked open and you rolled your eyes slightly when Jordan poked his head into the room. Turning away from him, you stuffed the small card back into the envelope before admiring the flowers.

"Sorry, can I just get the keys for the Buick?" He mumbled.

Your Dad stopped dancing, opening the small cabinet that was hanging on the wall. He fished out the correct car keys before grinning to Jordan, "You'll never guess what, Jordan? Our Y/N here has an admirer!"

"She does?" He said, emotionless.

"Travis fucking Kelce!" He yelled.

"Dad!" You shouted in shock. You weren't used to hearing your Dad using language like that. He certainly didn't use it around you.

"I'm sorry, sport. I'm just so excited!" He slapped Jordan lightly on the chest, "I'm going to Arrowhead, man! Kelce's special guests!"

Jordan's eyes met with yours and you spotted the realisation as it hit him.

"Well, good luck to you." He nodded his head slowly before taking the keys and disappearing back to the shop floor.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence before your Dad snorted a small laugh, "What was that about?"

"I don't know." You shrugged your shoulders and began chewing on your bottom lip, "Hey Dad, is it okay if I go take lunch now?"

"Sure, sport."

You smiled and grabbed your hoodie, quickly tying it around your waist and making sure your cell phone was in your overall pocket. As you pushed the door to the shop open, the bright midday sun warmed your face instantly. You began walking down the road with your phone gripped in your hand, Travis' contact showing on the screen and your head whirring with thoughts. After a few seconds you took a deep breath and pressed dial, lifting the phone up to your ear.

You weren't sure why you were so nervous, you had called Travis before. This time it was different, though. The dynamic had changed between you and this was something you really weren't used to.

The dial tone stopped after only a couple of seconds and Travis' low voice echoed into your ear, "Hello?"

"Hi, Travis. It's Y/N."

"Ahhh, you like the flowers?"

You could hear him smiling as he spoke, which made your stomach fill with butterflies, "That was a real smooth move, Kelce. I see you, getting in good with the Dad first, huh?"

He laughed, "You see right through me. So, are you coming?"

"I am."

"Are you excited for your first football game? I got you seats in the friends and family box so it won't be the true fan experience down in the stands, but I figured your Dad would be happy."

Your heart warmed, "You really didn't have to do this."

"I know I didn't." He said abruptly. "I wanted to."

You could feel your cheeks blushing and your heart rate increasing.

"So, you gotta put me out of my misery." He purred, "When can I take you out for a real date?"

Your teeth clamped down on themselves, apprehension and nerves filling your body, "I'm free tonight?"

"Tonight it is."

______________________________________________________________

I think I figured this one out, and I think I've got the rest of story in my head. But please feel free to send any burning ideas you have for this one. Because you know what I'm like, this will end up with a thousand chapters if I don't rein myself in. Quick warning for the next chapter...it's about to get spicy! Let me know if you want to be added to my Taglist too, that way you'll never miss any of my fics!!

Taglist @rd14 @dandelionwrites8 @keiva1000 @fantasywritersstuff @caelipartem @anacarangel @she-lives-in-her-dreams @kkrenae @kristencochefski1125 @countrygirl120983 @charmed2000 @nouis-bum @cixrosie @delicateearthquakellama @wordsaresimple-imnot @amylouwho9 @queenisa17 @talicat713 @luvvtrent @purecinnamonextract @savaneafricaine @caelipartem @beyxgrande @caitdaniels @ezgirl1108 @vir-tual @lightsoutstyles @macey234 @s294749w @kelcemesoftly @calirindo @livinginmyfantasies @bernelflo @secretmywritingfictionlawyer @killatravtramp @there-goes-thefighter @unicornblueberry @calirindo @tjkelce87 @kristinamae093 @kmc1989 @ajbird18 @triski73 @ctn26 @kgcaputo07 @abby-splace @bobthe-turmpetman29 @cedricbitch @abby-splace @jmamas92 @bellstwd @killatravsworld @marchmaiden @chimchimmarie @blackstabbath6 @fanficfanatic15 @jessiemariebarnes @mmb219 @vanwritesfan-fiction @futebollover @ks-dreams-fantasies @laurenmcucm @blackstabbath6

[oceane4loveu]

☾𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY ☾: 1 week to glow up

I really need a quick and simple glow up because I'm starting my job soon so I created a program to glow up in 1 week and really get to know myself and improve myself physically and mentally. You can do this program in 2 weeks or more if you want.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day 1: lunar preparation

★shadow work: It’s time to work on yourself, answer their questions to get to know yourself better.

1. What did my childhood need most?

2. What am I avoiding?

3. What am I addicted to?

4. What secrets am I hiding and why?

5. Am I honest with myself and others?

6. What are my biggest misconceptions about myself?

7. What are my biggest fears?

8. What should I give up?

9. Am I a victim of trauma? Have I done enough to heal?

10. What do I need to forgive myself for?

11. What lessons do I still need to learn?

12. What do I want most in this life?

13. What are the first signs you notice and know that your mental health is deteriorating?

14. Do I try to hide parts of myself from others? Why ?

15. What was I like when I was a child?

16. What's the worst way someone could describe you?

★moodboard: makes a Moodboard that reflects your aspirations and your inspirations that you can look at every morning; you can put it as a wallpaper or hang it on the wall.

★ Do a major cleaning: tidy your room, delete numbers, sort through your phone, sort through your series and films, social media and my playlist, cut off toxic people.

★make a list of all your goals, choose 4 big goals in your life and separate them into smaller goals to make them easier to achieve.

★create a morning and night routine: you can copy that of someone who inspires you or simply create your own.

★do 1 hour of sport per day

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day2:inner radiance

★ start Journaling: write down your thoughts, your emotions, your thoughts for the day and also positive affirmations.

★make a list of things you like about yourself

★become softer:

1. When someone calls you, first turn to the person and smile: This helps you to be gentler and more polite towards the person you are talking to and after smiling it gives you the opportunity to speak in a kinder tone.

2. think before you speak: this is very important when learning to speak softer because it gives you time to pay attention to the tone of your voice and also be careful with the things you say.

3. Avoid yelling at others out of frustration: Yelling is the most important thing you should avoid when trying to speak softer. When you're frustrated or going through a tough time, try doing something you enjoy to calm yourself down like music, drawing, etc. instead of taking it out on others. if someone tries to make you angry, politely tell them to stop and don't let your anger control you.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day3:educational brilliance

-listen to a podcast: I only listen to podcasts in French but if you don't like listening to podcasts you can watch videos from tam kaur, thewizardliz, simonesquared and more

-read a book: I recommend atomic habit, ikigai, the why cafe, the other books that I read are in French.

-learn a new language: on YouTube there are plenty of videos that you can find on the language of your choice.

-learn another skill: I chose to improve my computer skills but you can choose any skill it can be drawing, cooking whatever you want.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day4:celestial radiance

-work on self-love

-work on self-esteem

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day5:lunar dream

-spa day at home

-meditation

-listen to your favorite music

-watch your favorite series or films

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day6: lunar flight

-find your ikigai: that is to say your reason for being, explore your passions, your values ​​and your talents to really find what motivates you here is an example:

-Black Swan mindset: the Black Swan mindset is about knowing your value and not letting others tell you your value, it is a mindset of trust and knowledge of your value.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚day7:moonlight beauty

become more feminine

1-have good posture: gives you more elegance, you seem taller and more confident.

2-smell good have a characteristic scent: could remind someone of you, smell good shows that you care about your hygiene.

3-Getting Your Nails Done: Getting your nails done could make you look confident and well-groomed.

4-style your hair: hair is a key point of your appearance and a good hairstyle could automatically make you even more beautiful.

5-wear jewelry: simple jewelry can enhance your outfit a lot and bring out your features.

things to do every day

☆ Workout

☆ Learn a new skill

☆ Listen to subliminals

☆ Meditate

☆ Read a book

☆ Do Journaling

☆ Listen to Podcasts

I'm going to start tomorrow and to stay organized and always have an idea of ​​what I have to do I created a simple Notion if you want it's right here જ⁀➴

𝕄𝕆𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 BEAUTY

[learnthebreakdown]

I made this post about how moved I am yr addressed racism with Felice/Simon. It prompted me ponder issues about this fandom (starting how the nonwhite characters are treated in this fandom, and if people would sympathize with Wille as much if he was black instead of white, for example. But then it spiraled into other things as well) I've never had the courage to post about before, but yr gave me courage lmao (putting a disclaimer that I don't hate any of the characters as people...actually I adore most of them...except August). This season showed how ingrained racism is, it exists in so many "invisible" ways, where people can act as if it's not real since it makes them uncomfortable to deal with their own hidden biases, or worse, because they think their biases are actually justified. I've seen some mentions about how the audience of this show reflects the exact prejudices the show claims to criticize.

There's a notable pattern where even minor rich kid characters receive disproportionate sympathy/recognition and others face unwarranted criticism, reflecting societal biases and how we are conditioned. While tumblr has been better this season especially with time, tumblr (and esp other social media) sites often have much more sympathy for Wille over Simon, for example. Simon across sites gets a lot of undue downright vile comments from the fandom, or is just disregarded more. Part of this could be because Wille is the main character, and Simon's perspective was not shown super well in season 2, but Simon/Omar often get a lot of comments that aren't unsimilar to the racist and vile comments we saw Simon get in the show. It made me wonder- if Wille had not been white, if he had been black, would people still have found as much sympathy for him during his angry outbursts? How strange that many people seem to find sympathy for Wille and even August, but not for Simon, even though if we are being realistic...Simon is an equally complex character that has not done many bad things? How interesting that people barely discuss Felice's storyline, but there are people that gag over the rich white kids, stederika and henry/walter (especially after Felice's storyline this season, and when we have Rosh as a canon sapphic lower class girl). How wild that the girls' storylines- Felice and Sara's- are disregarded? People often act like Wille and Simon have gotten the same amount of hate, but if you've been in this fandom long enough and seen the overall situation, I think people know that Wille is favored over Simon overall, and the hate/disregard they get is not equivalent, especially considering Simon is the second lead.

I'm not saying all of this is due to prejudice, or that everyone who has ever done these things is an awful person, it's more just an observation that if we are honest with ourselves, hidden biases certainly play a role in ALL of our thoughts/behaviors. Even for those who may not actively engage in it, do we enable it? And with a show like Young Royals that is attempting to (not always succeeding, but an attempt was made this season) to critique these social structures of racism and classism, wouldn't it be nice if, as we go into this final episode, we look inwards and see what biases we may carry that affect our perception of this show, and more importantly, real life? Life imitates art, after all.

[sillybruja]

**TW!!** ab*se, s*xual ab*se, stalking

yeah 12H & 8H synastry is hard in any relationship but have you ever had 8H or 12H synastry with your own parents??? Okay so let's talk about it.

My Dad & I having 12H synastry

My dad's venus, NN, Saturn, & Chiron are in my 12H. None of my plants touch his 12H. In my experience, this has pretty much made so much sense of the weird relationship i had with my dad. First off, a lot of my planets fall into his 11H so we at some point did have more of a friendship. It felt hard connecting to him like a father tbh. But back to 12H. I always felt like my dad saw me as someone I just was not, or he saw me through the perception of other people. For instance, if I did something he perceived as negative or didn't like, I was "just like my mother". I think in his mind, I literally was just like her (I was def not) and because he viewed me this way I feel he sometimes treated me like I actually was her. The relationship with my dad is not good at all (that can be suggested by my cap uranus/neptune 10H & 12H saturn natal placements) but to me, it always felt like it was not good because my dad was determined to see me in a negative light. It was like he either saw me as an enemy, or had to make me an enemy for whatever reason. I'll be honest, my dad has ab*sed me in many ways throughout my life, and in the worst ways too... all in secret. There were so many secrets about him, and things to this day are still being revealed. I used to compare my dad to an onion -- each peeled layer revealing new "lore" about him. He was involved in dark stuff, and has an interest in the occult. I will leave it at that. Anyways I am sure this can manifest positively but for me, this synastry brought a lot of pain, manipulation, ab*se, power pay dynamics, s*xual ab*se, isolation, HEAVY surveillance (he'd read my diaries, go through my drawers, decide what I could wear out). We are no longer in contact as I am healing and recalling my childhood, and I have no plans rekindling that relationship. We have not formally spoken in almost 2 years, but he often makes fake accounts on social media to reach out to me, "confess" what he's done, apologize, and beg for my attention. The last he has done this was February this year, so stalking can be an issue too. But, even though I am in no contact, my dad haunted me for a while. He was like the devil on my shoulder, the monster under my bed, the sleep demon in my subconscious... 12H synastry with your parents can be very precious and sweet, but it could also manifest as your parents literally being your worst nightmare. He was mine.

My Mom & I having 8H Synastry:

My mom's moon & Neptune are in my 8H, and I have no planets making contact with her 8H. Our relationship is... complicated. What I can say is, she is just as abusive as my father, and has a sick mind. Or at least, there's something wrong with the way she thinks about people -- I sort of feel like she sees people as objects, or as a means of getting things (I think she's narcissistic). But when it comes to me... i feel like our relationship has always been emotionally distant, and transactional. My mom started making money and gaining attention off of me when I was a toddler. She used to dress me up and make me take "photoshoots" which I have lots of questions about. She claims she sold them to magazines. Or, as I got older, she would push me into doing contests that involved being in the public, or "preforming" -- all for some sort of gain. If I was not doing that, she put me in surveys to earn extra money to give to her. My mother is very greedy, very private, very malicious on an internal front. Her moon in my 8H really makes sense to me because I have never really felt like my mother was honest about how she felt about me, or she concealed her true feelings for me very well. To her core, I think she sees me as competition which is weird. But that's exactly how most of my life has been with her -- if I got an ounce of attention for something I did, she would do something to garner more attention for herself -- good and bad. Hidden motives, and dark feelings were prevalent with her. I am not exaggerating but there have been times (even still) where I question if it's not that she doesn't like me....but she actually hates me? The lines are blurred because she has hurt me in ways I imagine one would if they hated someone, let alone their daughter. Her Neptune in my 8H reminds me of how hard I tried to see the good in her, probably for too long, and up to a delusional point. I idealized her when the reality was that she was not just a neglectful, but abusive mother as well. She created a lot of illusions in me about different people in my life, and really caused me lots of mental distress at a young age. I definitely had to pull away from her all together to fully understand how this relationship affected me on a psychological level. SOOOO yeah. Of course this is just MY experience having these aspects with my parents and of course there's other aspects that can make this situation look different for everyone. Do you have any 8H/12H synastry with your parents? what does that look like for you?

[statementlou]

I am gonna say something crazy so please don’t get angry at me. I think among all of this that is happening right now, people should leave Liam alone and i am not saying this as some crazy ass defender who believes that “boys are innocent 😣”. I am saying this because i agree with people saying that Liam is lost. He is distressed and I believe he reads all this shit that is said about him and goes back to his old addictions, which will lead only to more destruction and we are here talking not even about him, but about people AROUND HIM. Think about it for a second before you try to ease you stress and life anger by keeping on talking about him on social media. If his coping mechanism that he picked up since 1d days (that he talked about) is drinking as an answer to all stress and shit that has been happening, then if goes back to drinking every time he is distress and probably online stuff is part of it, then he will keep on hurting more people around him. And if we are really wanna be on “side of the victims” then Ignoring his person for some time will be a better option than keeping hate on him.

I just don’t want more people to be hurt by him and i am almost 90% sure that Liam lurks on socials to see what people talk about him. And let’s be honest, bad or good, nobody reacts well on online hate and again, i think it’s better for people to not cause Liam to go back to drinking (if he didn’t already) so he would go and hurt more people, because people under influence are unpredictable and completely unaware of their actions which makes them more dangerous. And Liam will become more agressive and more dangerous if he will not sober up completely . He has to stop drinking at ALL to calm down. He needs some proper therapy and have to cut off alcohol and any kind of addiction that he has (god fucking knows) from his life. I felt like Teardrops was a sign of finally taking a good turn, but i guess addictions are way more harder to beat ( never been addicted, thankfully, but had people around me who had been :) )

ok well first of yes, Liam does lurk on socials and check what people are saying about him and take to to heart: he has told us so, his sister has said so, and Maya has said so. Liam's sister has, like you, asked people to take on responsibility for his mental health by doing or not doing certain things online (this was a while back, not just now); Maya on the other hand has asked that people not enable his abusive behaviors by ignoring or excusing them, and has told us that he not only expects fans to do that but uses it as a way of avoiding taking responsibility for his actions and as a threat. No matter what any of those people say, it is neither our job nor possible for us to fix him by posting or not posting certain things! But in a way that feels different to me from any other celebrities or public figures, the relationship between the fans and the 1D guys has always been incredibly two way and reciprocal, and I do think it matters how we use the incredible power of this fandom. We've done great useful things with it in the past, and a lot of pretty silly things, and have also done things that have had profound and lasting impacts on the guys' actual lives that continue to effect them to this day, some good and some... not. We actually do have impact on their lives for better and worse. So while there is nothing we could post or not post that will cure Liam's mental health issues, also I agree, it doesn't NOT matter what we post. If nothing else, it matters because WE spend our time in this fandom and WE are impacted, and acting like the things we've found out are in any way okay (which ignoring them also would be) is unacceptable and as I said here, harms other fans. But on top of that we have been SPECIFICALLY ASKED by a victim of abuse to do something: she has asked that we stop enabling Liam's behavior by posting and not posting certain things online. So will talking about it hurt Liam, and if so should we not do that? It might distress Liam to have people tell him what he's done and is doing is not okay! That's very likely. And obviously I don't like people telling him to kill himself or posting revenge porn because those are NEVER acceptable things to do; but Liam's distress is actually less important in this situation than holding Liam accountable for his actions is. I worry about the possible impacts of that too, I think we have all pictured the worst case scenarios. But the thing is that what you are suggesting is to try to figure out how we can act to prevent an abuser from being abusive or from hurting themselves, how to do things that will keep them calm and fix them; this ISN'T POSSIBLE in any kind of real way, and the idea that is a troubling symptom of clinical codependency. It IS however important and necessary for people who care about them to tell abusers that their behavior is not okay, and that we will not look the other way when they fuck up! tldr: No abuser or addict has ever changed because things simply got easier and so they no longer "needed" to lash out or to medicate; but people have been encouraged to change by people whose good opinion they want telling them their behavior is unacceptable.

[luvyuki0]

Amber ── .✦01.

✦ Summary: In which Esme and Hoseok fall in love but of course with love comes trouble especially when you're dating an idol.

Series masterlist| previous| next

"JUST SHUT UP! PLEASE!" Her cries echoed throughout the house, covering her ears as she laid on the floor. She couldn't deal with it anymore, the constant gaslighting and the mental abuse was getting to the point where it was too much. "I should've listened when they warned me, but nah I ignored them 'cause my dumbass didn't know any better, cutting the people I loved off FOR YOU! just so that you could be happy, for us to be happy!" She screamed while crying. He stood there confused as if he didn't know why she was crying, as if he wasn't the reason her mental health depleted and still is. when she finally looked up at him all that could be seen in her face was disgust. Disgust with they were he was looking and acting towards her over the years. "You know what I'm done with this bullshit." She got up wiping her tears, leaving the male's apartment ignoring all sounds and stares she received. All she could think about was why she never realized sooner......



. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Esme's POV:

        "Should I be doing this right now?" Biting my fingers anxiously as my decorated camera sat on my bed. I knew I would have to come back to making YouTube videos eventually,as it was all I knew and I would be nothing without it and my subscribers. I just never expected it to feel so foreign to me. Honestly I don't even know if I'm ready to get back but I know many of my fans miss me, and of course theres some who thought I'd be gone for good, and honestly I don't blame them for that knowing I did take a 6-month break with no heads up, not only on YouTube but on all my social media platforms, kinda like I just disappeared but if not now then  when?

I sigh grabbing my camera and turning it to start recording. "Hey guys! I know it's been a while and y'all are probably wondering where I've been, what I've been doing and more some of y'all were right and I did break up with Rome but I'm not gonna go into full details about it, cause I'm not ready yet when I am though you guys will know the full story and understand why I took a break but lemme not ruin the mood it's a time of comebacks and celebration! now I am going to get back on my routine, posting weekly and spamming my socials!" As I speak, I can just feel some of the weight I've been holding on being lifted off my chest.

I clasp my hands together before I continue talking. "To be honest with y'all I wasn't even going to start recording again this soon, but Jazmine and her Lil boo invited me and one of his friends to a trip to Hawaii!!! Like y'all don't understand how hyped I am right now! Like I may regret this later but who am I to say no to a trip to Hawaii." I shrug my shoulders jokingly.

"I didn't plan much for this video honestly, but I did want this video and the Hawaii flight video to be separate, and since I and Jaz are going tomorrow imma drop COCO off at my mom's, and hopefully jaz is gonna be home by the time I get back so we can pack together and hopefully make some cute matching fits." I explain to my viewers what I have planned for the day though it wasn't much. (A/N: coco is the name of her Pomeranian I didn't put her in the characters cus she wouldn't be mentioned much💀)

"Come here coco! Y'all why he tryna act like he dont know mee! get a hold of Coco who was trying to run away, I grab my keys, slip on my slides, and lock my door, leaving my apartment complex as I make my way to my car.

I prop my camera on my dashboard, so it won't fall, and put on Apple Music to play "Normal Girl". "As always y'all we're gonna stop by Starbucks so I can try a drink I saw going viral on TikTok then I'll head over to my mom's house to drop coco off." I look back at coco than at my camera as I speaking

"So, this is the drink I got and y'all already know I had to get my grilled cheese! Tew good." I showcase my order to my camera as I get the drink and my grilled cheese sandwich. I eat and drink my order as I make my way over to my mom's house.

I get there and ring the doorbell repeatedly to which she opens the door. "Esme gimme the damn dog so I can go back to sleep too damn early for this shit" she speaks groggily with an attitude.

"It's actually one though...and I don't even get a hello wooow" I joke with her knowing we were on the phone last night.

"Esme quit playin' with me and give me the damn dog."

"Damn here, Bye coco bye mama." I hand her coco and walk back to my car hearing her hum bye back.

"Ok so now that I dropped Coco off imma just head back home and hopefully Jaz is back so we can pack together." I talk to my camera as I start driving back home. . . . . .

I finally get back, unlocking my door to see Jaz in the kitchen getting a snack. "Oh, hey Esme" she turns and greets me.

"Hey sweetheart, did u have fun with your Lil boo," I ask with a smirk.

"Girl yes I have to fill you in on literally everything so fir-".

I cut her off before she started ranting on about what she and Yoongi did. "Before you even start let's pack while you tell me what y'all did because I know you ain't start yet and I know you gon be talking for a good minute. "

"You right" she laughs knowing what I said was true.

We both go into my room and start packing for the trip tomorrow.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: I edited this chapter WAYY more than the second time and I'm actually happy with the beginning chapter and I made this chapter before the whole Starbucks boycott  so that's why they were mentioned I DO NOT SUPPORT them at all not even to the slightest degree

Please like and comment 🙏🏾

— 1089 words —

[lemotmo]

Do you still think the mustache and eventual shaving is related to queer Eddie?

I think they definitely have opened the door to queer Eddie after that scene with the cheerleaders dad.

But I am starting to thjnk the mustache and shaving, especially after the context with it being brought up with Bobby, is just going to be about Chris and Eddie deciding to get Chris back home.

I have gotten a dozen questions like this, all about Eddie shaving his moustache and what it might relate to: his possible queerness or getting Chris back?

To be honest Nonny, I don't think we can actually seperate the two storylines from each other. I think the moustache, Chris, Eddie's journey to discover his self-identity are all tied together.

In the interviews we've gotten they keep repeating that Eddie needs to figure out who he is without Christopher there to act like as shield. For years now he has made all of his big life decisions in the interest of his son. He hasn't made a single decision for himself.

He joined the army and went to Afghanistan to provide for his son (and Shannon of course), he moved to LA for his son, he started relationships with two women (Ana and Marisol) for his son (because he felt that Chris needed a mother). He made decision after decision after decision always with Chris in mind.

Now he is alone and he is forced to make decisions for himself for the first time in over a decade. His 'shield' is gone, living in Texas. So he tries out new things, because what else should he do? Maybe he works out a little more? He has packed on some muscle lately. Maybe he grows a moustache? Just to see what it would look like?

He is coping. He is trying to make his life work without his son, but he's obviously struggling.

I expect to see some more of Eddie's home life in the following two eps. The way he navigates daily life all on his own.

All of this alone-time will also force him to take a good look at himself and the person he has become. Does he even know himself outside of his role as 'father'? Who is he when that role falls away? What is left of him? Why does he always manage to sabotage his own relationships? Why is there one relationship that has stayed consistent and has even become stronger over time? What does he really feel for his best friend?

In the end he will be confronted by some truths and there isn't anyone to hide behind anymore. So yeah, he'll shave that moustache, confront his parents, get his son back and start living life in his new truth, whatever that may be.

Personally I'm convinced he'll figure out he's some flavour of queer and that he has feelings for Buck.

The amount of promotion they have done for Ryan/Eddie during hiatus and ever since production started has been insane. The consistant mentioning of Buddie in official articles, the interviews, the journalists mentioning Buddie on social media...

All of this? Just for a storyline about a moustache? Or a storyline about him getting Chris back? Or perhaps a story about toxic masculinity?

No. None of those storylines would warrant any of the PR they've done the last couple of months. This is about something bigger. This is about a possible ground-breaking storyline of a heavily queer-coded character coming out well in his thirties and eventually revealing to the audience that he has feelings for his male best friend.

¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

[ladyrowrites]

Promise Part 3

A/N: I just want to say, I freaking love Utahime right now!

Pairings: Gojo x Afab reader

Warning: Lots of angst and swearing, Mentions of cheating/alcohol, some degrading tones, Suicide and lots of death threats, MDNI!!!!

Wordcount: 7k+

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Chapter 3: Aftermath - The Spiraling

2 months later

Everything happened so fast as you busied yourself, moving on? After that drink at Utahime’s house, you wallowed in alcohol for about 3 more days and decided you need to get on your list.

Cut your hair (CHECK)

Quitting work. (Well not really because they relocated you to the place you were going and just by chance, Hawaii was one of them–CHECK)

Moving to a new place (CHECK)

You were sitting in a coffee shop that was near your new home and just doing some work when you saw a familiar face. No, he would not be here. But that bun and the peeking side hair… You both saw each other, confused at first but he smiled at you and went to your table.

“Suguru? What are you doing here?” You said surprisingly. This is so unexpected and of all places? What the fuck, universe?!

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” as he put his coffee down and sat. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He laughs softly.

“Uhm, no, I’m just really surprised.” You replied slowly.

“I just landed a few hours ago and had a client meeting. They wanted a vacation home near the ocean and you know how good I am at my job so they chose me to be their architect.” He said matter of factly, “So….this is where you went huh?” He was tiptoeing when he said that. Being careful not to hurt you or anything.

“Uh yeah.” Was all you said. You didn’t want anyone knowing where your new residence is except for your very close friends. Not even your parents or brother or any of your family members knew where you were. After canceling the wedding, everyone in your family except your brother was disappointed in you, especially your dad. He told you guys do that sort of thing every now and then and should have forgiven him. Your relatives were making side comments on how it was your fault he cheated. You were so done with everyone so you deleted all your social media accounts and changed your phone number. Only Utahime, Mei-Mei, Yuki, and Miwa know your new information.  Now that Suguru found you, you were nervous as hell because you’ve been under the radar and you don’t want your peace disturbed again.

Suguru read your mind and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.”

You looked confused, “Really? Why you guys fought or something?”

“Uh you can say that.” You looked more confused and gave him the side eye so Suguru laughed, “What? Best friends fight too you know? And also, let’s just get this straight, I didn’t like what he did to you. I was..” He looked at you deep in your eyes… you look so tired he thought, “Really disappointed at him.”

You just gave him a half-hearted smile. Of course, he pities you, everyone does. You eyed him suspiciously, “So you really just met me here by coincidence?”

“Yeah, I’m not stalking you. Why would I? Hmm? Except you wanted me to find you?” While crossing his arms. You just laughed softly at him. Hm, that genuine laugh has been a while.

“Fine, whatever.” You rolled your eyes at him.

He smirked at you, "By the way, love your new hair." You just tsked at him and went back to your work.

Since this surprising meeting, you have been seeing Suguru in the same coffee shop atleast 4x a week in the last 2 weeks. You talk about work and how you are adjusting to your life here. He said he’ll be going to Japan the next day but he’ll come back soon again to oversee his new architectural project.

“You know, I’m going to miss talking to you and your eye bags.” He jokingly mocked you.

“Miss me? I’m so boring to talk to and yah! My eye bags are my badge of honour.” You rolled your eyes again at him for the 5th time that day. If you’re being honest with yourself, you have been looking forward to your coffee shop visits. Suguru has been kind of like a fresh breath for the past 2 excruciatingly painful months. He tries his best to avoid talking about anything related to your ex-fiance and you’re thankful for that because you don’t know how much anymore you can handle. 

The only thing keeping you afloat for life right now is work and after that you always try to go to the beach for walks and see the beautiful sunset. One time, you took Suguru on one of your walks by the beach because he insisted on dinner (He noticed you lost a lot of weight) but you have no appetite for anything so you convince him to watch the sunset instead. You both sat quietly while the wind was humming gently. He saw tears on your face but you wiped it quickly with your right hand. This must be what you were doing every late afternoon he thought. He wished he punched his best friend harder.

As it is the 2nd week of summer, you and your closest friends always had the tradition of going away for a week to do something together or even nothing. Just to hang out and catch up. This year, of course, they went to your new house to help you get more settled. There’s so many things you still need to buy for your new house and it was just kind of overwhelming for you so you only had the basics for now. 

You couldn’t thank them enough as they helped you while you were settling here. Miwa was in charge of helping you find a house right away especially when all you said was just near the ocean. It was your only criteria. Mei-Mei was in charge of getting your car from your ex-fiance’s place and selling it. It wasn’t an easy task but it was a fit for Mei-Mei as Gojo pleaded to know where you are but all she replied was, “And do what? Break her heart some more, slut?” And drove off to the buyer. She was also helping Yuki cancel all your wedding plans. Yuki was able to get all your deposit from the catering and flower shop, thanks to her charms, which helped a ton because you sure needed the extra money. 

Utahime was tasked with the hardest one. Your wedding dress. They called you as it was half done and they needed you to do fitting again for some adjustments. She volunteered to get your dress from the shop and the only thing you told her was, “Burn it for all I care.”

The last thing you texted your ex-fiance was, “I’m cancelling all the wasted wedding plans you fucked up. The only thing I need from you is to handle the wedding venue since you paid for it.”

And now you are here, making a small fire with your friends in your front yard, the beach. They said they wanted smores but, Utahime had another plans. She presented you your wedding gown. Holy shit. This was supposed to be your “dress”. The “dress” you were supposed to say yes to forever. It was an ethereal and airy look with lace tube on the top with cute puffy sleeves and silk flowing fabric bottom but there were still missing pieces on it.  You were going to have a beach wedding in Bali but that was all in the past.

“I thought you threw them out.” You said tiredly while running your hands on your hair. They were all looking at you excitedly tho and you were just frustrated, yet again. Utahime just raised her eyebrows at you and smirked. All of your friends' hands were clasped together and looked at you, hoping you’re understanding what's about to happen. 

You put your hands on your mouth, “Oh no… No… Are you guys?”

“OH YES!” They all said in unison

 “BABY, LET IT FUCKING BURN!!!!!” Utahime yells, she hands you the dress, you looked at it sighing thinking the what ifs and how happy he would see you in this dress but your friends snapped you back to reality, “Girl do the fucking honour!” Mei-Mei nudges you. 

Miwa plays ‘Burn by Usher’ and they all said, “Speech!”

You were caressing your dress and tears were spilling out yet again, but you cleared your throat and started singing the song played because there were no words left to say.

'I think that you should let it burn

When your feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to

But you know, gotta let it go 'cause the party ain't

Jumpin' like it used to, even though this might bruise you (No, no)

Let it burn, let it burn, gotta let it burn'

With each song lyrics, you slowly let your wedding dress go and watched it all engulfed in flames. They sang with you wholeheartedly. You all watched as your wedding dress turned to ash. You were also hoping your feelings for him would turn to ashes.

You excused yourself and told them that you were just going to grab more drinks. While you were in the kitchen, you heard a loud ping from your laptop. You forgot to turn off your work email and since you’re on vacation, you were going to turn it off when you saw who it was from.

To: y/n’s email address

From: anika.watanabe89@gmail.com

Hey Y/N,

Hmm? I don’t know how to introduce myself… This is the circumstance I never wanted to be in but alas here we are. I’m the woman that Satoru slept with. I will not say sorry because I wanted it to happen and I knew he wanted it to happen too. He kept saying he will break up with you but he was taking so long so I just had to do something you know?

Anyway, we are pregnant. I don’t know why I am saying this to you but I kinda felt I have to? He said he didn’t want to be responsible for this but he has to.. So I’m emailing you to ask for your help because you know him best? Please? I don’t want my child to be fatherless. Please, don’t put this to your conscience….

Soon to be mom,

Anika

FUCK!

You began smashing all your glasses/plates, everything your hand falls to and all your friends heard, good thing the fire has been out, and they all ran to you worriedly.

“What happened, are you okay?” Utahime was the first one to get to you. You began wailing again and cursing at him. Miwa put her hands on her mouth, “Oh my fucking god.” And pointed at the email. 

Yuki began reading it out aloud. Mei-Mei started cursing with you, “That's it! I will go back to Japan tonight and fucking kill that bitch whore mother fucker!!!!” 

Utahime was just hugging you until you fell to the floor. Just when you were about to forget, it all comes crashing back to you. MAKE IT STOP! SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP, PLEASE!

Needless to say, this night was full of alcohol, swearing, death threats from all your friends to your assshole ex-fiancé and his slut. You were just quiet the whole night, done with everything. The fucking gall and audacity of that woman. TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR HELP TO GET YOUR EX-FIANCE TO—- UGH! You couldn’t even. What the fuck was happening? You were trying to get away from him, from all the toxicity but why was life still dragging him back to you?

Your friends were all drunk and passed out in your living room and you were the last woman standing. Your alcohol tolerance upped for sure from all the “numbing” you have been doing.

It’s 6am in the morning and the sun is shining brightly at your house as it is mostly windows facing the beach. You decided to stand up even though you were hazy from all the drinking. You went to the beach and your body started going in the water. You felt numb and lifeless as you walked down the sand. You just wanted this pain to end. ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH! There were no tears left and no words were enough to be said. Your heart wanted to sink and stop. You looked at how the water was so blue and clear - fuck, it reminds you of his eyes. You wanted to drown again – to look deeply in his cerulean eyes one more time so you began to walk more, away from the shore. Until water covers all of you. Your body slowly sinks and your eyes close steadily, trying to listen to your heart beat but it won’t start anymore. 

Utahime woke up from the sun being in her eyes, she slowly opened them. She got up and began to look for you, “Y/N?” Y/N?” She searched in your room, bathroom, and even in your backyard, but you weren’t there.

She started to panic and she woke up all your friends. They all started to look for you when they had a realization that you might be in the ocean... No, you would not! They all looked at each other with their horrid faces and ran for their lives towards the beach.

As Yuki and Utahime were good swimmers, they both looked for you underwater while Miwa called 911 and Mei-Mei was on stand by to give you CPR. They were losing their shit when Yuki and Utahime came up from underwater and signaled not here. Their bodies start to go underwater again, desperate to find you.

Utahime’s eyes were clouded from crying but she has to find you. SHE HAS TO! She wouldn’t know what to do if something happens to you. She then decides the moment she finds you and you are safe. She is going to kill Gojo Satoru!!

Yuki was waving signals to Utahime saying she’s found you. Utahime swam so fast near her. You were there. Laying by the rock like you’re completely lifeless. SHIT! SHIT!!! PLEASE UNIVERSE!!!!!! NOT MY BEST FRIEND! 

They immediately grabbed you and you all came up from the ocean. Miwa and Mei-Mei were holding their breath and when they both saw you with Utahime and Yuki, they were both relieved – crying and hugging. The paramedics were quick to help you three and one of them started to perform CPR. They were all crying and praying to every God that you’re okay. One of the paramedics said to Utahime and Yuki that they did good by finding you right away. 

When you started coughing and opening your eyes, all your friends celebrated that you’re alive. They all looked at you hopeful and you just slowly nodded at them, conveying with your eyes that you’re sorry and you’re alive. Utahime lost her balance and started bawling, “I thought I lost you.” Yuki went to her side to hug her. 

The paramedics said it’s better to take you to the hospital to check if everything is good with you. You nodded and Mei-Mei and Miwa said that they are going to be with you in the ambulance car but only one is allowed so Mei-Mei said she will go. Miwa said she will just Uber then. Yuki and Utahime will be there after changing. 

“Come on, let’s go ‘Hime, Mei texted me, she’s in room 508.” While hurrying up to get Uber.

“No, I’ll be going to Japan. Promise me, you’ll take care of her ‘kay? I won’t be long.”

“What? Why are you going back? Enough of that, let’s just go now to the hospital!”

“No, Yuki, I have a business to finish with Gojo Satoru.” And with that Utahime left on the first flight going back.

GOJO’S LOFT – 10:15pm

Gojo was hanging out with Yuta, Nanami, Shoko, Sukuna, Choso, Todo, and surprisingly Suguru was there. Suguru was actually just forced to come by Shoko and also his friends hadn't seen him after that fun conversation with Gojo so he had no choice but to see them.

They were just drinking and playing Poker with bets. 

“HAH I win you fucking fools!” Sukuna celebrates while taking everyone’s money. 

“No you fucking cheat–!” Gojo taunts.

BAAAAG! BAAAAG! BAAAAAG! LOUD BANG FROM THE DOOR.

“Are you expecting anyone else?” Choso asks, Gojo shakes his head.

“GOJO SATORU!!!!!” Shoko and Nanami looked at each other and stood up fast. They went together to open the door, “WHERE IS HE??? WHERE’S THAT MOTHER FUCKING MURDERER?” 

Nanami was holding off Utahime in her back.

“Utahime? What are you doing here? I thought you’re on vacation?” Todo comments.

“YEAH I WAS! AND NOW IT TURNED TO FUCKING HELL!” Then she points to Gojo, “BECAUSE OF YOU MURDERER!!!!”

“Woah, woah, you gotta chill.” Sukuna intervenes

Gojo was just looking at her stunned. Murderer? What did I do? He thought.

Suguru looks at her worriedly. What the hell is happening?

Utahime was shaking while bawling, “You fucking bring back my best friend!!!!!” She was trying to escape from Nanami’s arm and when she finally did, she went straight to Gojo and grabbed his shirt so aggressively and slapped him so hard that her hands were marked on his face.

Now Sukuna and Choso were trying to hold her back, “YOU FUCKING BRING BACK Y/N!!!! SHE’S LIFELESS!! SHE’S NOT HERSELF! DAMMIT! SHE DOESN’T EVEN LAUGH OR SMILE ANYMORE!! MY BEST FRIEND!!! WHO HAS SO FULL OF LIFE! SHE USED TO BE A HAPPY AND BUBBLY PERSON!!! YOU FUCKING BROKE HER!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HER? ALL SHE DID WAS LOVE YOU!!!” She began to kick Gojo, “YOU FUCKING FIX HER!!!!!! I DON'T FUCKING CARE HOW YOU DO IT! BUT YOU FIX HER!!! YOU…” She was losing strength and she slid slowly to the ground.

All Gojo could do was cry silently and look at her. Everyone was just shocked at what was happening.

In between sobs, Utahime told everyone what transpired and how you tried to take your own life and that’s how Gojo became a murderer in her eyes. Shoko was crying and started to apologize and hug Utahime. Suguru also came close to Utahime and asked him where you are and if you are safe.

Utahime nodded and told everyone that you are safe now. Nanami gave Utahime a glass of water to calm her down but when she received it, she got up and dumped the water to Gojo, “YOU FUCKING MAN UP!!!! FIX THIS!!! HAVE YOUR FUCKING SLUT STOP BOTHERING Y/N!!!!! UGH! I CAN FUCKING BURY YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!” While running her hands in her face and turning it to a fist, she's really holding back. So fucking hard, trying to hold back for her best friend.

Gojo could not even begin to process – you tried to? No, you? He was so ashamed of what he’s done. He doesn’t know what to do first. 

“It was all a lie. All that bitch said. It’s a lie!” Gojo stands up and shakes Utahime. She slaps his hands and says, “I don’t care if it’s a lie or not! FUCKING FIX IT!!!!!!” And proceeds to slap his face AGAIN.

Utahime walks out while Suguru and Shoko tails behind her. All they heard was a loud crash when Gojo flipped the table and all its contents came flying and broken.

Utahime didn’t even care what he felt. She did her business and is now going back to you. If you couldn’t do the revenge yourself, she will do it for you because what are best friends for?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope all of you have an Utahime as your best friend <3

Tags: @username23345 @iamrgo1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Writing again soon,

Lady Ro

[tealin]

McMurdo Internet

Internet service is supplied to Antarctica via a geostationary satellite. This far south, the satellite is only a few degrees above the horizon, and unfortunately for McMurdo, it's behind Mt Erebus. So the signal is beamed to a receiver on Black Island, about 20 miles away to the southwest, and bounced over to the sheltered alcove at the end of the Hut Point Peninsula where McMurdo sits.

The Chalet, administrative hub, with Black Island in the distance

The Black Island telecommunications infrastructure was installed in the 1980s, long before the internet we know and love today. It was upgraded in 2010 to allow more data transfer, mainly realtime weather data to feed into global forecast models. For this reason, it's probably the only place I've ever been where upload speed is remarkably faster than download speed – 60Mbps for outbound traffic, but only 20Mbps for inbound. Most regular internet use is receiving, not sending, so that's an entire base running on a connection that's only marginally faster than the average American smartphone. As you can imagine, this is somewhat limiting.

The limits to one's internet access actually begin before one even reaches the Ice. At the orientation in Christchurch, one is directed to a URL from which one must download and install a security programme from the U.S. government. It may feel like a hippie commune full of nerds, but McMurdo is an installation of the American state, and as such its computer network is a target of whatever disgruntled conspiracy theorist decides to hack The Man on any given day. Computers that are allowed onto this network (such as the one on which I am typing right now) have to have an approved firewall and antivirus service installed, then this extra programme on top of them. I am not sure what it does. For all I know the CIA is spying on me even now. (Hi, guys!) But you need to install it to get on the McMurdo Internet, such as it is, so I did.

To be honest, I was rather looking forward to a month cut off entirely from the hyperconnected world, so I was a tiny bit disappointed that quite a lot of day-to-day communication is done by email, and I would need to be on my computer a fair bit to get it. Had I known just how important email would be, I'd have installed an email client that actually downloads one's messages instead of just fetching them; as it was, the cycle of loading an email and sending the reply, even in Gmail's "HTML for slow connections" mode, took about five minutes, not counting the time it took to write. Tending one's email was a serious time commitment; sometimes I felt like I was spending more time on the computer in Antarctica than I did at home.

Crary scientists waiting, and waiting, and waiting

In a way, though, I was lucky, because I was technically a scientist and therefore had access to the one building on base with WiFi, the Crary Lab. And don't think you can just waltz into Crary with your laptop and poach the WiFi – in order to access it at all, you have to get set up by Crary IT with your own personal WiFi login. If you do not have Crary access, your portal to the Internet is one of a handful of ethernet cables in each of the dorm common rooms, or some public terminals in the main building. You can hop on, download your emails, maybe check the news or Google something you needed to look up, and then leave it for someone else. When most online time sinks are either blocked or too heavy to load, it’s amazing how little internet time you actually turn out to need.

Things that we have come to take for granted in The World are not a part of McMurdo life. Social media is pretty much out – the main platforms are bandwidth hogs even before you try to load a video or an animated GIF. There is no sharing of YouTube links, and no Netflix and chill. Someone was once sent home mid-season for trying to download a movie. Video calls with family and friends? Forget it. People do occasionally do video calls from Antarctica, often to media outlets or schools, but these have to be booked in advance so as to have the requisite bandwidth reserved. Jumping on FaceTime does not happen – not least because handheld devices have to be in airplane mode at all times for security reasons. Your phone might be secure enough for your internet banking, but not for US government internet!

It is, unavoidably, still a digital environment, it just gets by largely without internet access. Nearly everyone has an external hard drive, mostly for media that they've brought down to fill their off hours. If you want to share files you just swap hard drives, or hand over a memory stick. When the Antarctic Heritage Trust wanted some book material from me, I dropped it onto an SD card and ran it over to Scott Base on foot – a droll juxtaposition of high- and low-tech, not to mention a good excuse for a hike over The Gap on a beautiful day. It took half an hour, but was still faster than emailing it.

There is also a McMurdo Intranet, which includes a server for file sharing. Emailing someone your photos will take ages, but popping them into a folder on the I: drive and sending them a note to say you've done so (or, better yet, phoning them, or poking your head into their office) is much more efficient. To conserve space, this informal server partition is wiped every week, so you have to be quick about it, but it's an effective workaround, and also a good way to get relatively heavy resources to a large number of people in one go.

The telecommunications centre on Black Island is mostly automated, but like anything – perhaps more than some things, given the conditions – it needs to be maintained. There is a small hut out there for an equally small team of electricians and IT engineers; Black Island duty attracts the sort of person who might have been a lighthouse keeper back in the day.

Towards the end of my time on the Ice there was a spell where they needed to shut off the connection overnight, to do some necessary work. Given that most people's workdays extended at least to the shutoff time at 5:30 p.m., this meant essentially no internet for a large portion of the population, and some amusing flyers were posted up to notify everyone of the impending hardship.

Someday, faster, more accessible internet will come to Antarctica.  It's more or less unavoidable, as communications technology improves, and everyone's work – especially the scientists' – depends more and more on having a broadband connection at all times.  It will make a lot of things more convenient, and will make the long separation from friends and family much easier.  But I'm pretty sure that many more people will mourn the upgrade than celebrate it.  One can, theoretically, curtail one's internet use whenever one likes, but even before the pandemic it was almost impossible to live this way with the demands of modern life: I know from personal experience that opting out of Facebook alone can have a real detrimental effect on relationships, even with people one sees in the flesh fairly regularly, simply because everyone assumes that is how everyone else communicates.  Being in a community where no one has access to assumed channels, and is more or less cut off from the rest of the world in a pocket universe of its own, levels the playing field and brings a certain unity.  The planned (and, unarguably, necessary) updating of the physical infrastructure of McMurdo will wipe out a lot of the improvised, make-do-and-mend character of the place; how much would free and easy access to the online world change it in a less tangible way?

I'm sure the genuine Antarctic old-timers would shake their heads at the phone and email connections we have now, and say that no, this has already ruined Antarctica.  It's not Antarctica unless your only link to the outside world is a dodgy radio.  It's not Antarctica unless you only get mail once a year when the relief ship arrives.  Doubtless the shiny new McMurdo will be seen as 'the good old days' by someone, someday, too.  Change may happen slower there than elsewhere, but just like the rust on the tins at Cape Evans, it comes eventually, regardless. 

For my own part, I'm glad I got to see 'old' McMurdo, such as it was, all plywood and cheap '90s prefab.  The update will be much more efficient, and tidy, but yet another generation removed from the raw experience of the old explorers.  My generation is probably the last to remember clearly what life was like before ubiquitous broadband; to some extent, Antarctica is a sort of time capsule of that world, just as the huts are a time capsule of Edwardian frontier life.  I hope they'll find a way to hang on to the positive aspects of that. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to waste an hour mindlessly refreshing Twitter ...

If you'd like to learn more about the Black Island facility, there's a lot of good information (and some photos!) here: https://www.southpolestation.com/trivia/90s/blackisland.html

And this Antarctic Sunarticle goes into greater depth on the 2010 upgrade: https://antarcticsun.usap.gov/features/2114/

[madfantasy]

New 3 things that happened:

*I got my new ID, my id expired and to renew it I had to get photographed, and since I just opened my bank account a year ago it depends on it so already I was giving up on the idea to keep the account but by miracle a photographer agreed to picture us at home, and it turned to us cuz I wanted all my sibs to have theirs taken with me too and because I had to argue first time to get my ID forever, so i didn't have the energy to keep doing it for the rest of my sibs so now it was the chance. The day of the photographer coming I was shaking with fear and I thought I would never leave the bathroom gotten ill. I fear seeing people more than dyin so I don't know how I held it together, I literally don't remember how it went or how I did, but I recall my sibs looking the same as I felt but it was finally done. parents too taken their shoots and because one needed their passport renewed to renew their id, them alone costing 1k$ and the appointment was set 6 months ahead, we R now close to it anyway, and the thought of how we have to pay to exist some more costly made me think of my worthlessness and helplessness even more, making me ashamed of still living.

The thing that blinded me, me the first to be tested on lo

*my eye is better, I still see a dark spot looking in a certain direction, getting an eye mask surprisingly helped keeping my eyes less dry cuz they be the most when I wake up and I had the driest time before it got infected and swelled, and already I'm used to the spot and can ignore it..

*I'm still drawing, literally it's making me live love and laugh, I don't care about improving or drawing my best constantly, ai can get poisoned for all I care as it continues to dehumanise the whole point of art-- keeping humanity alive ( btw use glazing ❤️🖤)

I realised that I don't have any physical collection of my art & since I can't look at the screens forever just to browse, nd printing all my stuff isn't feasible, then I came across those mini albums Nd I got the idea to just print one sheet = 9 pics! They look good too for trashy quality, I love it 8' and yes, purple and silver is the 10% obsession to my 90% red and black pallets, thanks to remembering Freeza c'x

But as usual posting my drawings never cease to eat me alive with anxiety, but I think I'm slowly becoming indifferent to it, even if the thought of that no one actually sees my art but me, which is the main case cuz I am living in isolation and being drawing in secret till few recent years because of my conservative surroundings, I feel much calmer when I'm not seen and maybe it's self destructive in a way cuz to stay posting I need to be commissioned cuz net bill, but it became irrelevant cuz I accepted that i can't have the mental capacity to be a social media person or chase anything that I already knew I can't maintain, I had an art block for a year I almost believed that was it for my art drive and me cuz it my sanity— cuz burning out so bad. If my post has a description it was in my drafts for months cuz I plan for every piece I share, but if can't form words I allow myself to let it be captionless, I draw faster than I form words and that's why art is important to me on a personal level, it's my first way of express even if its indirect, the only bit of human Mani left to live in me to put through lines and paint splodges. Even if no one sees it, and to be honest with myself, have very weak chances of being seen on a level that benefits me financially, I'm on the other side of the world, never seen the sky beyond my schooling days, nonverbal irl and know that I can get taken advantage of easily in social manner because it either I don't get the social cues or can't say no..

I'm grateful that at least I got the chance to experience being in a loving nurturing fandom like Sev's that made me experience genuine human goodness and care I never thought possible, made me have some self worth, personality beyond a made for marriage caretaker, and allowed me to get art tools and clothing that I was never allowed or could afford, and many first time small life pleasures like perfumes, food and toys, even if I only recognise 5 or 10 of you dears now, by DP liking my posts- (I suck at remembering names sorry)

I'm also grateful to have a room after endless years of couch and house movings, I have a safe space to still be able to draw and be cool under an AC in this 50° weather..

I think realistically that's the best it can get having spent all my life trying to get anywhere but isolated, and nothing working. At least I'm indifferent and fine of being the caretaker of my disabled guardians and siblings, I need them as much as they need me, even if it caused me the same cycle of mental anguish and earth leavings hehe

Wish U all the ease and peace and yummy peas 🫶🏽

4 am, sleep deprived