#how awful do you have to be huh?
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“you don’t owe anyone anything” actually you owe everyone everything!!! you OWE your table server and your coworkers and the elderly person you pass on the street and the dog on its walk and the child toddling along in the park and the driver trying to merge next to you and the pregnant person standing on public transport KINDNESS in return for theirs!! the connections we build are what give life meaning!!!
#a buddy of mine is a server and is getting ROASTED on twitter for complaining about#how often nowadays people will just completely ignore her when she greets them and asks how they are and what can she get them started with#and when they DO finally acknowledge that she Exists they’re rude about it all#and how demoralizing and dehumanizing it is#and of course people have taken this and decided that being told it’s rude to ignore that your server exists is actually ableist#like jesus fucking christ you people can’t do anything huh#like i’m serious i’m ND and have terrible days where i go mute sometimes and you know what i do?#do my best to not go out places that require social interaction but if i Must then i’m not a prick to the people i come across#because my issues aren’t their fault. and i owe it to them to not make their lives harder.#anyway i’m so angry for bailey people are so awful grow up and have some fucking AGENCY
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(alan wake-gravity falls crossover) man i love that character. you know, the deeply paranoid author who made a pact with a dark entity that ultimately ended with him stranded in another dimension separated from his loved ones for years at a time? takes place in the pacific northwest? has twin imagery associated with him and a reoccurring specific piece of symbology related to the unfortunate situation they're in? doesn't ever explain the reasoning behind his actions and instead just kinda goes "bro trust me"? yeah he also wears an outer layer of clothing with elbow pads on it, that one.
#my art#stanford pines#alan wake (the man)#ford pines#gravity falls#alan wake#remedyverse#SAtT au#i am. normal about the crossovers i make up.#what do you mean the esoteric weird horror game about stories and the disney cartoon about family dont have a shared audience. sounds fake.#anyways the comic on the right is in honor of a joke i had to scrap in my fic wip due to a perspective switch.#rip that joke i thought you were pretty funny. i like the idea of alan critiquing his own manuscript pages upon the events happening.#oh i should probably do a warning since theres that crunchy image of the aw2 alan death screen huh. uh#blood#aw2 alan death screen my beloved. literally made me go ''oh god'' out loud in shock and horror when i first saw it#anyways did you know theres an au to this objectively already an au crossover. i call it ''bill cipher gets sent to the shadow realm''#bill doesn't show up a lot in this au he gets one scene where he taunts ford abt alan being a danger#with the implication that the dark place/presence genuinely freaks him out. but in this self indulgence of a self indulgence#alan essentially manages to trick bill into swapping places with him and bill ends up trapped in the writers room/the dark place.#lmao get yötön yö'd idiot. YOU are aleksi kesä now.#also i like the idea of zane and bill meeting as well as door and bill meeting. i think they might scare bill a little bit.#just like how zane scares me <3 what a cool character what the fuck is his deal#also you may be wondering why alans in his aw2 look and not aw or awan look despite the fact that lines up closer#to when gravity falls happens-ish. well the answer to that is 1: the crossover uses a lot of the elements from aw2#and 2: i like alans long hair and suit and beard. i like the pathetic sopping look when his hair is in his face
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"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"
cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!
if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?
#ive been trying to find “the right people” for like 25 years. im so tired of hearing “one day/eventually”#i need people now. i admit i need help!!! i cant do life alone!!! but ONE DAY is not NOW. im struggling now. not later#why is it always “keep trying because ONE DAY” and never “heres how to deal with it now and if one day never comes”#because NOT EVERYONE GET THEIR “ONE DAY” AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING GIVEN EMPTY PROMISES#AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING IGNORED AND DENIED HELP *NOW* BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO REPLY ON A HYPOTHETICAL “ONE DAY”#IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!#lee rants#what if the “one day” where people actually care isnt until theyre at my funeral huh? because ive seen it happen.#autistic#autism#actually autistic#social problems#social issues#social isolation#adult autism#adult friendships#autism support#autistic friendship#this has been bothering me. i think its called toxic positivity. people throw it at me and it makes me feel worse. stop 😭#and “it happened to me so that means it will happen for you!” no it doesnt!!!!! you had better luck/circumstances. i dont have what you did#it doesnt inspire me or give me hope. it makes me feel more hopeless others can do stuff and i cant.#people were willing to help you but not me? youre not willing to now help me? what else do i do?#especially when people tell me they struggled for a few years. im glad you haven't struggled your whole life like me#and i know youre trying to be nice. but it doesnt help im sorry 😭😭😭😭😭
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wait like... do some ppl actually check all the blogs of people that interact with them? to vet out all the ones they dont want around? bc if so that sounds. exhausting?? how do people have time for that??
#i feel like ive seen the occasional mention that seems like some people do this and im like. HUH??? O.o#unless im misreading ???#like... if someone does then like. why do you care that much???#it seems like a huge waste of time??#and like. if ur that uncomfortable with just the idea that someone of [whatever it is youre vetting for] happens to just. like your post#i feel like... social media may not be for you#surely this must just be ppl that have like... less than a hundred followers or smthn#bc idk how someone would manage doinf this with amount of daily notifs i get#and im not even a huge huge blog#i just look at comments/tags/follows/asks when i go thru my notes#and if i find a comment/tag/ask that indicates theyre awful or saying something that makes me uncomfortable ill block#and on occasion i may check a follower just to give a quick once over to ensure theyre not a bot or something#but otherwise like.... why do ppl care so much about smaller interactions like a like/reblog#its like a person passing by you on the street#you shouldnt care if theyre something you disapprove of that badly just let them pass on#just let them say ''hey nice shirt'' and walk away
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obsessed with what we're meant to read out of rook's expression when taash starts to walk away in this scene. it feels like such an emotionally dense response from them, especially since they've only known taash or anyone else involved in these scenes for all of five minutes
sorry about the abysmal gif quality one day I'll learn how to make gifs properly yet that day is not today. but hello. rook. rook hello. what is this about. what's up with that. what are you thinking about. (also taash seeing that reaction and turning around to clarify that it IS what they wanted before they leave because they're upset, not unkind. aww.)
also flashback to this set of expressions rook makes later on, after the fangscorcher fight, if rook tells taash they're actually a lot like them beneath it all. taash apparently just consistently brings out some very tender rueful rook faces I guess haha
#for rye specifically I think that's the gently amused helpless '...well. I... don't quite know what to do with that'#the '...aw fuck. I'M the adult in the situation now huh. what the fuck no one warned me this would happen' of it all#and pained melancholy tenderness that he feels for taash all the way through#(they are way too similar to his younger self in some ways for comfort and he does not necessarily find that easy to deal with lol)#but like. if your rook has a Mother TM or general feelings about their parents (or lack thereof)#or even feeling like they're falling short in their role as leader... such fertile ground here#taash and rye have one of my favourite dynamics in the whole game it's so loving and supportive and also so fraught and nuanced#I joke that rook has a thousand ways to worriedly yet defeatedly say 'taash....' but is it a joke tho fhsdj#shathann really said 'you will keep them safe' and rye internalized that so deep it's a little bit unhelpful to everyone involved#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#taash#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#I think taash' feelings about rye are also a lot about like... 'I can literally see (probably also smell idk) that you're sad#why are you pretending you aren't. I don't know what to do to help you feel less like that if you won't even ever say what's wrong'#the mutual 'I wish you well with all my heart but I can't quite figure out how to be good to you the way you need me to be'#the way that's also inherited stuff from both of their childhoods and relationships with their parental figures. as well as#extremely high-masking autistic and cannot-figure-out-how-to-mask-to-save-their-life autistic navigating around each other vibes lmao#augh. I love this game. I'd say sorry for the taash and rye thoughts spam this fine monday but I'm not I love them both lol
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post ankle-twisting clarity
#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee#so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like#so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like#overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down#happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently#my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful#tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when#they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me#because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds#which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and#instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not#totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the#animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted#sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my#faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can#just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development#rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3#doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)
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the brainrot I have just witnessed in r/musicals of all places
#🥞🧇#the amount of people that will do ANYTHING to defend an a-list celeb who is objectively a terrible person is insane#like there are MANY accounts of this person being awful all you have to do is Google them#and yet their ‘fans’ are some of the most brain dead ppl online I’ve ever seen#‘cheating isn’t that bad it’s not like they killed someone’s family’ HUH??????#I cannot believe I had to read that multiple times 😭😭😭#‘you don’t know them’ ok neither do you???? how hard would it be for u to hold them accountable?? esp when there is evidence??#the hoops of delusion y’all are jumping through … ur doing way more work to dance around this person’s behavioral issues than I am simply#disliking them#like no wonder this person has been able to get away with EVERYTHING if their fans act like this jesus christ
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I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know
#sucktacular sucks#this is literally about nothing im just like#so tired. im tired all the time. being online was my lil fun escape place#but now itslike#DID YOU KNOW HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED AND IF YOU ARENT PAYING ATTENTION#YOURE AWFUL AND ALSO THIS OTHER STUFF DONT DO IT BUT YOU#HAVE TO DO THIS THING OR ILL SEND YOU DEATH THREATS#or YOU DID XYZ OR LIKE XYZ THAY MEANS YOURE EVIL AND AWFUL#and its like#i know this stuff existed still back then but also#i just miss making movie maker slide shows#and having funny fake cyber sex in gaia online towns with my friends that i dont#know anything about and will never meet#like i could probably still exist in that closed off little world if i tried harder#but like maaaaann its just rough#i log in and get bombarded with information#i have no money i dont go outside and i want to be left alone except for my friends#i dont want to be anyone and i dont want to do anything#and Yet#my anxiety is on high alert every hour of everyday#anyone else wanna just exist and enjoy stuff or be a hater but it not be A Big Thing#again literally about nothing just like#i have an anxiety disorder and i know existing is already hard#but man online gonna make it hard now too huh#ewie#anyway i do miss my death note mutuals but i cant even socialize with my besties these days#cuz im too anxious and one little trip up and im gonna explode and die frankly#working on it#HOW THE HELL DID WE WIND UP LIKE THIS#AND WHY WERENT WE ABLE... TO SEE THE SIGNS THAT WE MISSED. AND TRY AND TURN THE TABLES
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Idiot hours 💖 (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#I've been tentatively calling this concept ''I Really Want To Bang This Hot Spider Lady But-?!''#In totally loving homage to those terrible lightnovel titles lol#You Might possibly remember the spider lady from a while-while-while ago#September of '22?? That's not a real date don't lie to me#She's even under my spider tag :0 Huh#Spider#You can go look at her! And Pepper! And Baby... She's there a bit of a ways back#And she's back! And so is Minki!#Though that one with the both of them is almost as old as Ms. Drider's original doodle! Been holding onto that one for a whiiiiile#Mostly because I hadn't designed the Main Guy™! Well.....Guy-for-now hehe#I'm not particularly precious about spoilers on this one because a) it's an idea that I'd just like to see Out There because I like it!#And also it's specifically in the execution moreso than the events themselves that I'm interested in writing#As you can probably tell by the totally-a-joke-definitely-not-keeping-it title (lol) there's a somewhat adult leaning to this idea lol#Which is especially fun to me to do with Driders! :D#Quite a lot of the inciting ideas were surrounding Drider!Scriabin but weren't quite a fit for his personality#He's wonderfully awful <3 But to explore the ideas I wanted there'd have to be a specific chain of events that he just wouldn't do#I didn't want to bend him around the ideas so! New characters to be as in-or-out of character according to what I want to have happen! Lol#It's interesting to have an openly misogynistic Straight™ main character - I can't recall a time I've intentionally had a character like him#Doesn't stay that way for long but what a place to start lol#He's that fun flavour of ''But I love women! How can I possibly be a misogynist??'' lol he'll learn#Ms. LadySpider enjoys playing with her food which is probably his only in anyway haha#They both need names I'm always terrible with names hmmm#He'll probably get another dumb name that will settle into a real one - I don't think ''Dorkus McDingus'' is going to stick lol#I'm really not sure what to call her tho... I'd like her to be a sleek kind of spider - I'll have to look at tarantulas again! Oh nooo ♪
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Ananza is the wind deity, though she's not the first with that honor. Originally the elder gods selected a man as their wind deity but after he witnessed Oh and Fulj being punished he requested to relinquish his role. Basically asking them for a mortal death rather than immortality. They obliged since the deities exist to help humans and a miserable deity won't do the job properly so no need to keep a deity bound to a task they don't want to do.
So Ananza was selected as a replacement. Fulj has no recollection of the first wind deity and Ananza has already been told by the fire deities that it wasn't Fulj's fault but she was the final straw for the former wind deity. So, Ananza doesn't hold any dislike towards Fulj and actually really likes listening to her talk. Ananza loves to dance and wander around her city so when Fulj stops by to visit, she listens to Fulj's adventures while they roam the city.
Because there are two fire deities and one can stay in their city while the other wanders and because Fulj no longer has a city to be focused on, the three like to visit the other cities to check in. Ohime and Ohiwe really like to visit Ananza while Fulj prefers to visit Ymber. While Ananza likes Ohiwe, Ohime, and Fulj, she really isn't fond of the ice deity or Ymber. She doesn't like to scramble for topics and ice/Ymber don't start conversations enough so it's a bother to Ananza to try forcing friendliness. She loves light hearted stories though and Fulj and the fire deities excel at that type of story.
(Ohime and Ohiwe sometimes call her Nana and on that note it's lore in the tags time)
#the daily life of a deity sucks#also fwiw ! deacon doesnt really tell anyone but he really wants to meet the wind deity#because he might have lost his mom at a young age but she was originally from the city of wind and had wind magic#so he would watch his mom dance either solo or with his dad and it was always fun to him to watch how happy his mom was#so when he was told it was a dance she learned when she was a child he doesnt think much of it#but he sees ohime trying to show ymber a dance he was finally getting down and then ohime pauses#cause hes trying to remember and deacon is like oh you clap three times not two#and both ohime and ymber are staring at him like what did you just say#and deacon is like yeah uh you do the claps but kinda like this in order to keep the flow free and light#and ohime is just smugly looking at ymber saying oh ? really? youve been teaching him dance moves?#and ymber is just hey dont look at me so ohime is baffled and then fulj has?#and deacon says he learned of it a while ago from someone else haha sorry if hes wrong it could be wrong#thats why ymber asks him later about it and finds out deacons mom was originally an ananza follower#and is like huh wild while ohime is now plotting how to get ymber and deacon on a vacation to see ananza#and honestly i really just want to have deacon meeting ananza now and being in absolute awe of the deity#because THATS HER YMBER THATS THE ONE MY MOM WORSHIPPED#and ymber is able to be around deacon and ananza while they converse and that#helps ananza realize ymber isnt as cold and distant as she thought he was - fascinating#and also she likes deacon who holds her in such reverence despite being ymbers follower
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i'm normal now. lying also
#clai speaks#god. God.#a game hasnt made me feel despair like that since m/ther 3#i was so tense and horrified and just downright felt Awful through all of act 5. this RULED ITS SOOOOO SO SO GOOD!!!!! AAUGHHH#hehe. my favorite game is black and white and my second favorite game is in black and white#i think theres still a lot i need to look into. one of the posts i rbed mentioned a loop fight and uhhh What. Huh#i missed a lot in my game i think.... i had to look up walkthroughs a couple times and found out about things like--#--the ghost event or bad touch event. though tbh i'm very glad i didnt see bad touch event!!!!#but also i never managed to make the bomb i didnt open some rooms i couldnt sharpen the keyknife#so i'm wondering just how much i missed#i won't replay though i do wanna get through my backlog BJEVRJBFF#but just aughhh. isat. really really well done game. phenomenal showstopping spectacular#every single character is a delight!! everyone is so well fleshed out their interactions so good#siffrin..... man. i really saw a lot of myself in them a lot of things hit very close to home for me#god!!!! he loved his family so much he almost destroyed the world to keep them together!!!!!!! thats awful i love it!!!!!!!!!!!#i guess i will say a couple points of progression werent too clear. a couple times loop told me to do things i already did#and certain things you had to do in a specific order so i would just loop around pointlessly a couple times#but overall still very good i enjoyed myself a lot#if i ever play again. i gotta keep notes bc i Also have a terrible memory VJDVFJFB#i spent 10 loops trying to find the room with the craftology book it was EMBARRASSING#honestly. kinda adds to the experience does it not. just like siffrin i was forgetting things i should have known and--#--getting increasingly more exasperated with the constant looping for like One (1) thing i missed#really really Reeeeally good game. phenomenal game. please play it please play it please play it please play it
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nothing will give me more psychic damage than waking up to a AsAm tiktoker posting repackaged antisemitism (economic scapegoatism) against another minority in a different political context! and framing it like it's some quirky asian fax!
this is like a recurring issue among AsAm/AsCan communities where they are just completely disconnected from their homelands. and i dont mean like "oh im not fluent" and not being able to access knowledge by "virtue" of language barriers. i mean politically speaking... some of the things ive seen them post PUBLICLY. FACE OUT. that they would not be comfortable saying if they were actually familiar with the socio-political context of their homelands
#pol#beans of consciousness#imagine posting about how chinese indonesians are the 5% that hoards wealth#and ofc the comments are just awful#top comment is calling chinese the jews of sea#third one was a well well well type comment that was like. curious u can say this abt the chinese. but not ANOTHER GROUP...#i truly do not appreciate anyone who resorts to economic scapegoatism under the guise of liberatory rhetoric#gee its almost like if you use the rhetoric of economic spagegoatism your target audience are antisemites sinophobes and indophobes etc etc#the way they talk about the provinces who faced the brunt of euro imperialism at the time most sea cn migrated. truly disgusting.#also saw someone being like. the chinese AND hindus in malaysia r also hoarding!!! huh. me when i have zero historical analysis
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(oh, i should not be trying to playfully weigh in on a "who's your LEAST favorite companion?" post, it starts off lighthearted and then it makes me go on my Fenris-rant again)
#squirrel plays dragon age#long story short; I don't dislike the character per se; I just think Gaider wasn't the right person to write him#and I feel somewhat vindicated by the knowledge that he didn't really choose to write him but was more or less left with him#David Gaider is a good but very unsubtle writer. he writes feelings that are LOUD and CLEAR and PASSIONATE. which is not a negative#it can work splendidly; for characters who can carry that weight and stand up to it#like Dorian for instance- I think he's Gaider at his absolute BEST for me. LOUD and PASSIONATE but also OOZING charisma#and the apparent arrogance and flippancy just adds to that. knowing the image he wants to present and how he demands to be seen;#the lines/feelings that don't match what he says or that warm and vibrant persona create a kind of contrast I wanna explore#but Fenris... he feels just as loudly; but both he and the story approaches that passion from a different angle#his loud feelings are cold and ugly and jagged; so getting close is an uphill battle solved mostly by the player finding him intriguing#or charming; and WANTING to figure him out and interact with him to find out where those feelings come from#he's not crying out to be known; he recoils from you and snaps at you at first; and you have to keep pushing to get past that#all while holding (reasonable but hard) views that snag and create uncomfortable conflicts with most of the cast and usually the PC too#which... I could personally take or leave; so being pushed away deliberately; well; it achieved the intended effect for me#I DO feel pushed away. but since I don't personally find myself very charmed or intrigued; I also don't feel compelled to keep pushing back#looking at it through my Hawke; I don't see much of a reason for him to be in my party besides the expectation that I'm meant to like him#and I can't explain it away by my Hawke liking him either because with the kind of characters I like to play; he just... doesn't jive#which made going through his storyline not a desire for me but rather a chore; AND it didn't endear him to me but made me go#“well I get why you're the way that you are now.... I still don't really wanna spend time around you tho”#i realize it's ofc not the same for others; but to me; it didn't end up giving me much satisfaction#aw dangit; look at that; i started my rant again#why didn't anyone stop me huh#oh well slapping on a#fenris critical#and shoving this catharsis out the door like the incorrigible yapper that i am
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oh yeah okay go ahead kiss a ninE year old what the fuck !!! WHAT THE FUCK !!!
whatever credit i was giving chase before null and void i never said it
#even weorder is that the showrunners even made it a fucking plot point HUH ??? WHAT ARE YALL DOING ???#the writers really want him to be the antagonist FINE you got me hes the worst forever#also i found out the actors actual parents founded a fucking anti immigration party here in aus so thats cool 💀#not that that reflects on HIM as an individual whatever whatever#the point is maybe i hope the shows dont give hima big fuckin redemption and maybe i like how awful house treats him now <3#deserved idiot be better next time#im bapping him over the head with a roll of newspaper every time he speaks like im his cartoon character father#speaking of maybe the writers were right to give him his whole sympathy story BEFORE they nerfed his moral compass#he still has an australian accent in an american show tho so its gonna be hard to shake this familarity bias i have for him 💔#house md#house s2#m#live
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Nothing pisses me off more than when people talk about my friendships with mid-support needs autistics and other people with differently-wired brains as if I am descending to help them because I’ve taken them on as a charity case. That is NOT true. Oh they’re a burden because they’re neurodivergent? WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT: SO AM I! THE REASON I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS WITH SO MUCH SHIT WRONG WITH THEM IS BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT WRONG WITH ME. WE ATTRACT EACH OTHER! WE LIKE EACH OTHER! IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND!
#How about I just start strangling ableists from now on?#Would THAT convince them I’m actually this person’s real friend?#Literally nothing I say to them is able to get through their dense fucking skulls—#as if it’s sooooo hard for them to believe I actually enjoy their company#Also (halfway unrelated): if I hear “It takes a special person to work with special children” one more time I am going to SCREAM#Tell me I’m calm; tell me I’m patient; tell me I’m creative— do NOT tell me I’m “special” for doing a job I LOVE#Can you imagine telling a quantum physics major “It takes a special person to solve special math problems?”#😂💀 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m gonna start saying that to people from other professions. To see how they like it.#The children are not a burden to me; the children are very enjoyable to be around#and I enjoy troubleshooting what is preventing them from learning and coming up with workarounds for them#I made a glued roll of paper for a kid who constantly peels their skin because I saw them peeling crayons#It works!#I made math problems into a Skibidi Toilet role playing game for another kid who hides under tables when it’s time to work. It works!#You know why I was able to come up with either of these inventions? Huh? You wanna fucking know?#1.) I peel my lips and mouth and palms of my hands and calluses and cuticles and scabs; and#2.) I have awful executive dysfunction and have to do weird stuff to engage myself#People talk to me like I’m one of the “normal” ones; little do they know I’m getting assessed for ADHD and score 142 on the RAADS-R#and I essentially self-destruct when I get mad so I don’t break valuable items or punch through drywall and oak doors#I give myself bruises that swell a half inch high and form hematomas under the skin#I think I’ve permanently weakened the blood vessels and a vein in my right thigh from beating it so much#because it only takes one well-placed blow on my right; but several blows to my left#And I can see the bruise pooling towards my heart along the path of that vein from day to day after the initial beating#and sometimes it just randomly aches when it’s not injured; so I have to shift my weight when the kids sit in my lap wrong#so with that and something else I did to it not super recently that I should have gone to urgent care for… I probably have nerve damage lol#so it’s gross when people say such things about other NDs to me as if I am above them#Just fuck off already
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#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek 😭
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