#but now itslike
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I miss the days where existing online was a fun thing for ppl with social anxiety to make friends on instead of like Life 2.0 ya know
#sucktacular sucks#this is literally about nothing im just like#so tired. im tired all the time. being online was my lil fun escape place#but now itslike#DID YOU KNOW HORRIBLE THING HAPPENED AND IF YOU ARENT PAYING ATTENTION#YOURE AWFUL AND ALSO THIS OTHER STUFF DONT DO IT BUT YOU#HAVE TO DO THIS THING OR ILL SEND YOU DEATH THREATS#or YOU DID XYZ OR LIKE XYZ THAY MEANS YOURE EVIL AND AWFUL#and its like#i know this stuff existed still back then but also#i just miss making movie maker slide shows#and having funny fake cyber sex in gaia online towns with my friends that i dont#know anything about and will never meet#like i could probably still exist in that closed off little world if i tried harder#but like maaaaann its just rough#i log in and get bombarded with information#i have no money i dont go outside and i want to be left alone except for my friends#i dont want to be anyone and i dont want to do anything#and Yet#my anxiety is on high alert every hour of everyday#anyone else wanna just exist and enjoy stuff or be a hater but it not be A Big Thing#again literally about nothing just like#i have an anxiety disorder and i know existing is already hard#but man online gonna make it hard now too huh#ewie#anyway i do miss my death note mutuals but i cant even socialize with my besties these days#cuz im too anxious and one little trip up and im gonna explode and die frankly#working on it#HOW THE HELL DID WE WIND UP LIKE THIS#AND WHY WERENT WE ABLE... TO SEE THE SIGNS THAT WE MISSED. AND TRY AND TURN THE TABLES
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one day the veil will get thin and ill seriouspost about neilphen itry not to because i dont want to be annoying and im not saying that in a shy demure way im saying that in a you are Not ready for how much of a killjoy and a nuisance i can be way
#i would Like to say i trust ppl to grasp that im not trying to be didactic but i dont like. Know everyone here now that there are more of u#so itslike. why take the risk its tumblr dot com i dont need to start argumence#i just like to dissect the layers. and analyze the situations. i have the same thing wrong w me as mr jimmy mcdonough#i could have written that shit but worse and even more tiring#and been even less merciful to stephen while writing it
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Comes up from starting the difficult task after moving past all angles of avoiding frustration tears. Anyway we need to abolish the state so i dont have to do difficult paper work
#some shit#im joking naturally. we should abolish the state so NO ONE. has to do difficult paperwork. i realise if it sucks this bad for me it can get#uh. astronomically worse#even tho i am fighting demons of hashtag give up.#anyway pls admire thinking abt a document wjere my height is listed as 85 cm.#complained abt it was another person and itslike. ohhh yeah i saw all that and was like. what if i just ***#and im like OKAY. I WAS THINKINGIT. certainly would be easier....#its okay. im okay now. i made progress and now ive stopped. which is like doing a thing. AND giving up.
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i rlly fucking hate where i live sometimes lol =_=
#egg.txt#i cant do errands on any day other than saturday#all the shops are closed when i get out of work and on sundays + theres limited bus services#but now ive been waiting all day for this damn parcel and they havent showed up yet and if i dont accept it in person#they damage it by throwing it over the wall or they deliver it to the wrong people or leave it on the street where it gets stolen#(as in that is literally what has happened every single other time)#so im stuck here until it shows up#but i need to go out to pick things up for tomorrow cuz im going to a christening#and irrationally its like dude its goingto be fine but im having my freak out#likeugh i ahte being autistic brat number one i fucking start losing my mind once the schedule falls apart#its like the preordained tasks / events i have in my mind if i cant do them in order i start spiralling for days and itslike stop ittt#because now eveyrthing starts to pile up again fuck me because i cant ufcking do the one fucking thing i need to do everything else STOPPPP#[shakes myself]#i think i need to be fucking put down man#or maybe this is just another instance of sad little existence filled with nothing meltdown
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why am i lowkey scared of the dark thats so embarrassing
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i dont know what im procrastinating on at this point but by god am i procrastinating it
#text#i feel like ive put every impoetant thing in my life on pause and it is not working but i am not fixing it#i dont even know wht the original thing that stressed me out was but now itslike okay i am not doing anytthing#ESPECIALLY not. whatever the first thing was#i will just watch my silly little tv show and pretend not to see my problems.of which there are many#but i have so much to do and i am doing none of it snd i am so stressed and i am not fixing it. amen. 😁#neg
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I need to rewatch yellowjackets season 1 but I keep forgetting
#i watched it last year so now when they mention anything in season two itslike ohhh okay (no clue)#💟txt
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As a final goodbye, Blue Sky Studios came together and gave Scrat a send off on their own terms.
He finally got his nut.
#its like#itslike#Scrat knows that he will never ever get a chance to grow his mighty acorn tree#and this is the only moment where he will finally succeed#not exactly what he always yearned for and wanted#but he succeeded nonetheless#thank you#now where is that Tumblr user who hypothesised Scrat and Nut is an allegory of god and man#I want your opinions on this
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itssoooooo wieird bneing abnle to pOST and stuff,, iwbanna do sooo muchhhhh!!!! but lukeworks tomorrow!! ew! beforeebed tho i tgkink i wbant a fave cgharatcers pageeee (☆▽☆)
i cn restyatrt!! my tobio shrine!! o(>ω<)o
#hmhmhmhmhmmhhmmhhmhmhmmmm whoooo sawohuld be on it tohugh#ilikw TOBIO#i like... DANHENG!!!!#i liek sooooo manychjartctyersd acutrallyy....#doineed a text psaot tag i dont remeber hbaivng one before i feell ike itsdok#look atm ypostys or else#i saythsi as if im not speaking into tha VOIDDDDD righjt now bvut thats ok its kinda cool#itslike my own club@!!@ just for meeeee!@!@!!! !!#well iowouildnt mind shjaring it but you nkow how it is#anweyays i wnana add chiaki andiwanna add HOKUTOOOOOOOO and.. ummmmmumumum... fakir!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#muchto thnik about#i hoiope anyone loking at this now or lkatetr is having a really good day ornight and that tomorrow is sogoosd for you wecan do it we got#i ran ouitk fo tag spoace HOW RUDE i was jsut gonnassay WE CAN DO THSI89!!!!!!!!
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oh fuck tea bosses roof got fucked up real bad in the storm i guess 😭😭 one of them had to stay behind in town today even though they have a massive event this weekend in the city bc their roof literally cannot be left unattended. i wish there was smth i could do to help but i dont know their building at all nor do i know anything about fixing roofs and im disabled so i cant even lift shit
#kage rattles#I FEEL SOOOO BAD THEYRE SO SWEET#their shit was still fucked after fiona too so now its just worse#the one in the city is scrambling in the gc rn trying to get extra hands and itslike IM SORRY I CANT DRIVEEEEEEE YOURE SO FARRR
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Ninjago Dragons Rising (Season 2 Part 2)
WARNING! THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS!
I Have a LOT of things to say.
This part 2 has EXCEEDED my expectations by bringing back the nostalgia of season 4 in its glory, and getting the Pale Man reveal.
In this scene, where Nya had gone against Jay, broke me 😭. Especially when she says:
Nya: I will always love you.
And Jay hit her with the: And I will ALWAYS. Hate you.
Hate is a powerful word man. 😭😭😭
Now here. We can really see the difference between Arin in the beginning, and Arin now. At the beginning, he was just this fan boy who loved the ninja, but now...He's going down the wrong path, and not he himself knows it. It could be argued that Ras WILL help him find his parents as he has already been betrayed now and they have a common enemy. BUT, Ras could be playing him. 🤷♀️ Itslike....History is repeating itself. First it was Master Wu with Morro, and now, Lloyd with Arin. Anyhow, I think I know what his path may lead to....and it's not gonna be good.
😭😭😭
THE COMEBACK- Lloyd: How'd you learn spinjitzu?!
Arin: Not from YOU.
And to add on to Ras and Arin's relationship, (which is sure to be growing), when Arin's friend was helping him train, he learned FULL spinjitzu, which he really doubted himself on. This is then to be revealed that it was Ras's training. And, Ras was telling the truth about EVERYTHING, so Arin has believed him, whether it be a trap or not. And there was evidence on his truth as revealed later. Master Wu caused the Merge, for an unknown reason, so we can't really blame Arin for his trust to decrease with the ninja, and increase with Ras.
ESPECIALLY since things always keep getting in the way. Arin REALLY wants to find his parents, and Lloyd promised him that. But now, evrrytime he wants to go to find his parents, something pops up. In this case, the tournament of the sources. Lloyd then promised they would search for his parents afterwards, but now, they need to find Jay.
And Arin has noticed the pattern. 👀
The ending was really a cliffhanger as Arin went to save Ras from the clutches of the Forbidden Five. However, it seems he has saved him, and is now in a foreign land, around the campfire with an injured Ras. Arin then says: "I will help you get better. Then I'm gonna get you to find my parents."
So now, Ras will be indebted to him, so he will have to find his parents. However, in my opinion, Ras did say that Agent Waller, a.k.a, Jay, does know where Arin's parents are also, and whatever Jay knows, Ras knows. So I'm thinking, 🤔 that when the ninja find Jay, they might be able to find where Arin's parents are and meet in the same place. BUT, (I know...there's always a but) Jay did Shatterspin, which is known to shatter the goodness within you. SO, Jay has lost his memories and his goodness is gone. So, a huge obstacle will lie ahead.
Just like Ras said. "Knowledge is power. But Knowledge is poison."
I can't wait for Season 3, coming next year. And here is where you can find to watch it.
EDIT: IM SO SORRY- BUT THE UPLOADER HAS REMOVED THE VIDEO!!
I hope you guys don't cheat and skip to this!! Be fair and watch the full series, including the Pilot, The day of the departed and the movie 😠😠.
And also! Feel free to discuss your own theories and tell me what you think! :)
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hmmmmm Nico and Percy parallels
OH WELL I SAW THIS THING RIGHT
it was like Saying how after Nico had to go on a quest and lost people himself he now understood why percy "always tried so hard"
and how after Percy went to Tartarus he understood why Nico felt the way he did (I can't find the post)
but like at first, that their initial fallout, they didn't understand each other
they don't know how the other felt
but eventually they both went thru what the other did
and an understanding began
Percy probably never understood why Nico was so pessimistic or standoffish so to speak at times, and that's cause Percy hadnt been thru what Nico had
especially with Tartarus
and same with Nico yk
Nico began to realize why Percy always tried to save everyone that mattered to him and why he tried so hard because he went through one of those quests and saw it wasn't so black and white
this is a really bad explanation sorry
but Nico is to me, what Percy possibly could've turned out like had he been told about his heritage when he was younger
and if he had lost people at that age too
Percy already is at odds with most of the gods, but imagine if he had lost someone at that age?
it would've been worse I feel like
and Nico is Percy if Nico had a support system
but he didn't
Nico, had he have had someone to rely on besides his sister at camp, besides Percy, I think things would've gone different
this is rlly bad sorry
OH MY GOD IK THAT POSTI SAW IT ONE OF MY FAVORITE BLOGGERS BLOGGED IT WJQLKHEJKWR
THIS IS SO TRUE
because they absically had the same fates didn't they? son of a big three, fated for a prophecy that might make or break the world
and itslike
what wouldve happened if percy had lost sally when he was 12?
what wouldve happened if nico hadn't lost bianca when he was 12?
they're mirror images
parallel universes
lkjwdhjkfgjf
#the stars answer the call#my deer raine#pjo#percy jackson#pjo fandom#percy jackson fandom#nico di angelo
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and some boy sauce with your sushi, sir...?
#Egg.txt#sorry my bedroom smells like soy sauce so now i must smell like it so its like#well now itslike boy sauce yeah?
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the news right now as someone who kindof keeps up with it thru background noise is so fucking insane. legitimately itslike wont you please just think of the poor 22 year old zionists who might not be able to graduate from their ivy league colleges they are the real victims here. we can all be best friends and hold hands forever
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guhhhhhhh whatever. apparently im just commited to humiliating myself now........ i i i like the the forced kindness thing i i i think somethinglike that would honestly be good for me.... im bad with... touch.... and... accepting that people care.... atm (as in right at this moment) i feel like a big stupid almost grown cat that needs to just be grabbed and held everyday so that it can be okay with touch....... just.... talk things through beforehand and then just.... acceptingneverythingthat comes with beingthere..... getting too tense and having gentle traces along my spine to getme just worked up enough to get my discomfort out of the way..... relling them i want to pull away and get pulled back in for the nextwhile..... fighting back and forth over me being there trying to get away and being held in place so i cangetitthrough to myself that noteveryone is goingtoleave and thatthereare people willing tostay with me where i am..... beingable tojust... express what imused to from people.. everyone leaving.... idk.... itslike a lot of stuff i enjoy also does seem kind of sexual from outside id say.... like... ... the... tracinga fingerup or down thespine.... like its not inherently that... ijustwanna be close and not allowed to go and be allowed to enjoy everything without having to worry about trying to seem like i enjoy everything in the normal way its not my fault my reactions to some stuff "seem sexual" or whatever... when its not.... blehhhhhhhhhhhhhh sorry abiut.... whatvee.... just idkm...... we both blow up now okay? :) ummm idk... sorry? about all this.... can nevertell what is and isnt acceptable..... i try....
Well Sweetheart, I’m happy you like the forced kindness approach. It’s personally my favourite way to interact with people in a BDSM setting, platonically or sexually. So I get what you mean. The main reason is that a lot of people say they want people to hurt them but they actually only do so because it's something they’re used to and they want something they know rather than something they don't. It’s almost even more hurtful to be kind than it is to be mean to these individuals because, as you said, it's kind of like a stray cat flinching from contact even though it doesn't hurt.
So I don’t find it strange that you want it or that you want to be touched in a non sexual way. Being touched on your back and going back and forth like that, and reacting in a way that people would attribute to a sexual response, well that's on them if they think it's weird. It’s normal to react when you're not used to it, and it's perfectly valid to do so in any way you do. Personally, I always want to hold people as close as possible and never let go which includes me pressing the front of my body down in a way that makes people think I'm trying to be, uh, “sexy” as it were, so I understand where you're coming from in the discomfort of people making assumptions about your reaction to things.
Also, I'm perfectly comfortable answering whatever. I have very specific things I’m not comfortable with and if someone tries to initiate something like that I'm okay with telling them no (I hate the idea of kissing someone on the mouth, bleh >~<), so dw about it too hard. I’m just worried about my responses because I think I can take it too far sometimes so I keep a close eye on how everyone reacts to things before I respond, it’s one of the reasons I was okay with going as hard as I did with Loopy because I know what she likes. I just have to be careful when I add in some new things sometimes, yaknow? (One of the issues of being completely online through blogs is that it’s hard to set boundaries for the people asking rather than the one who runs the blog, which is a bit hard when the one running the blog is the one domming ;;;;)
#<- everything I do and say is with soooo much platonic behind it but I get worried people might misinterpret what I say/do#Which is one of the difficulties of being online ;;;;;;#Also Im happy to do some forced kindness if you ever need it! Personally I have. Very evil ones. But thats a bit much for people lol#I hope!! This answers some of your questions!!!#If you ever do send something that makes me uncomfortable or I dont want to ''do'' Ill send a dm and let you know so that everythings chill#so dont worry <3#Im very open about things lol
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"I might not be in a better place but ill be gone and that's good enough"
Oh.
Like ok My buddy my friend dearest homie whom I've followed for a long time now, I need to let you know that u single handedly just ripped off several curtains off and forced my own wounds and rot to acknowledge itself. You're someone I've admired and looked up 4 a while now. You were never scared to say what was on your mind even if it was silly or uncomfortable. Maybe if I wasn't such a massive coward hiding behind the anon button id do something more than a thanks like this.
I just wanted to let you know that u matter, if not to the universe or whatever perceives us then at least to me (and I mean that in like a Benevolent Eldritch way like the Minecraft end poem or that one warm squishy YouTube comment under the eldertubbies vid with mother void)
Maybe if things weren't as they are right now, with us as forever strangers and distance keeping everything in between you could join us. Me and my merry band of lost things(<-my friends&sibs[they're silly]) Hop in our van and just fucking LEAVE. Just Ditch everything and hide in the woods and make a little village out of it. Itd probably be cold, and dirty and tiring but yk
There's not really a point I'm trying to make here. There's not much I can give to make anything feel better.
But I care. I do.
And I'm so sorry for everything that's been done, for the things that will happen and for not being able to be more human thru these screens.
I'd wrap u up in a blanket and give you soup if I could but all we have in common are sky and stars. So think of soup everytime u see them :))
I might have read that post of urs wrong itslike fucking 3:30am here and im sleep deprived af. If I did my bad just disregard this completely. If not then I hope both sides of ur pillow are cold when you sleep and u get 2 remember again why the sun is loved and why it loves back today :)
Ps I fucking love ur work very scrumptious and heart dropping it's amazing. U go homie ur on fire!!
Your time zone isn’t too far off mine, was like 4 AM when I posted that. I haven’t seen many stars in years. I know the sky is full of them but I don’t recall ever being far enough away from light that I could see it.
Idk what some of the stuff you said here means (specifically the squishy YouTube comment) but that’s aight its the VIBE and EMOTION that counts (of which you have plenty)
I’m so tired man
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