#his emotional growth is literally what makes his character

[jungkoode]

𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐔𝐏 | 17

˗ˏˋ reconnecting ˎˊ˗

"Fridays are not always the best day of the week, you can vouch for this one at least. It's Emma's birthday party and you're not sure you two still vibe together or not after all this time. And coming home... you don't expect Jungkook to be awake, especially not with your cold war going on. But he is."

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⋆｡°✩ chapter details ✩°｡⋆

word count: 9,6k

content: begrudgingly gift-shopping, hidden treasures, old vs new friendships, reconnecting, pretty girls and the inability to discern whether it's flirting or polite talk, AM talks, actually listening (thank god, progress!), and vanilla kink striking again because jungkook in this fic has free will and i cannot control him

✧ author's note ✧

WASSSSSUPPPP my peoplessss!!

Okay so here’s Chapter 17—aka the chapter where all of you start collectively projecting your unresolved issues with your high school best friend, your fuckboy roommate, and your local pastel/goth lesbian duo. I say that with love.

Now LISTEN. I keep raising the bar for this story like but honestly?? That’s on YOU. You absolute feral gremlins with your “when’s the next update” comments like I’m a vending machine that dispenses emotional damage. (It’s fine. I thrive under fear and pressure. You’re welcome.)

About this chapter!! So my initial plan was for Nix to buy Jungkook an actual vinyl player… until I did the research and realized those bitches go for 150-300 bucks even secondhand. Be fr. They are NOT in a relationship. This man is her hot emotional disaster roommate who’s been beefing with her for three days and literally slammed a door at her. I would not spend a single euro on that man beyond what is legally required. Fifteen dollars for a John Mayer record? That’s the sweet spot. It says “I hate you but I know what music you like and I think about you when you’re not around and that makes me want to bite drywall.”

Also: if you know that Inside Wants Out is an early acoustic EP that’s kinda slept on but has a few gut-wrenching tracks about vulnerability and romantic ambivalence… well. Have fun.

Now shut up because I love writing female friendships and this chapter is my offering to the goddesses of sapphic chaos. Yeji and Irya being absolute queens??? We love. But also EMMA. Emma and that awkward tension of do we still fit? Did we ever really know each other or was it just proximity and hormones and being stuck in the same suburban hellscape? That shit is SO REAL. Reuniting with old friends is like a spiritual liminal space and I needed to capture that gnawing weirdness.

AND JIMIN. The eyeliner scene??? I almost CRIED writing it. I had to pause. That man is so soft it makes me want to shove him into a pillow fort and protect him from the world. He’s so good. He sees her, without wanting anything in return. You better analyze it or I’ll strangle every single one of you.

Now. Regarding the very tense bathroom cologne scene. I was actually going to drag the cold war out longer, truly. I had plans. But Jungkook opened his slutty little mouth and said, “No, actually, I’m feral and I’ve been suffering in silence and she smells like sex and nostalgia and I must act.” And what was I supposed to do? Argue? Please. I have 0 narrative agency here. That much is clear.

Also his birthday is coming. So like. I didn’t want to enter that subplot with them still fake-ignoring each other like divorced parents. You’re welcome.

ANYWAY. The next few chapters are slower paced but VERY important. It’s all those little moments where the characters start changing without realizing it. The kind of growth you only see in hindsight. The slow part of the slow burn. But I swear to god I’m obsessed with how it’s turning out and I just want to share it with you and roll around in the angst like a dog in grass.

Okay that’s all. I love you. Go scream in the comments or eat drywall. Or both! <3 Mwah.

⋆｡°✩ read on✩°｡⋆

ao3

wattpad

Fridays aren't supposed to sneak up on you like a debt collector with something to prove.

Usually, you spend the whole week crawling toward Friday like it's an oasis in the desert of your existence. Monday is hell. Tuesday is hell's waiting room. Wednesday offers a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, the week won't actually kill you. Thursday is its own special brand of torture—so close to freedom you can taste it, but still trapped in the purgatory of obligation.

And then: Friday. 

Glorious, beautiful Friday.

Except this one. This one materialized out of nowhere, ambushing you with its presence and the sudden, horrifying realization that you have exactly zero hours to prepare for what's coming.

So here you are, somehow already standing in a flea market that smells like mothballs and questionable life choices, watching Yeji hold up a fishnet... something against her body while Irya coos over crystals that probably came from the dollar store.

"What do you think?" Yeji asks, draping the fishnet monstrosity over her shoulders. "Is it giving 'fashion-forward' or 'I found this in a dumpster'?"

"Definitely dumpster," you mutter, eyes scanning the crowded stalls without really seeing them. 

Because your mind? Your mind is elsewhere—specifically on the fact that you still need to find a birthday gift for your insufferable roommate.

Jungkook. 

Just thinking his name makes your jaw clench. 

It's been three days since your argument, and the apartment has been a cold war zone of pointed silences and aggressive door closing. 

He wants to be petty? Fine. You can be petty right back. Twice as petty, even. So you’re not talking to him either.

"Hello?” Yeji waves a hand in front of your face. "You've been staring at that old guy selling taxidermy squirrels for like, two minutes straight. Should I be concerned?"

You blink, refocusing. "What? No. I'm just... looking."

"For what exactly?" Irya appears at your side, a small purple crystal clutched in her palm. "You said you already got Emma's birthday present."

"Just browsing," you lie smoothly. "Flea markets are full of... treasures."

Yeji snorts. "Since when do you care about 'treasures'? Last time I dragged you to a vintage store, you said it smelled like 'dead people's closets.'"

“No I didn’t.”

"Right." Yeji doesn't look convinced, but she's already distracted by a display of chunky silver rings. "I'm gonna check these out. Meet you at the food trucks in twenty?"

You nod, grateful for the chance to browse alone. Not that you have any fucking clue what to get Jungkook. What do you buy for someone whose entire personality seems to be "brooding film student with inexplicably good taste in coffee"?

It is like an abandoned warehouse, this flea market—stalls crammed together in haphazard rows, hipsters and bargain hunters elbowing past each other, haggling over everything from antique doorknobs to hand-knitted beanies that look like they were made by someone's cat…

You wander aimlessly, passing stalls selling vintage cameras (too expensive), artisanal coffee beans (too obvious), and leather-bound journals (too pretentious, even for him). 

Nothing feels right. 

Not that it matters—it's just a stupid obligation gift. You shouldn't care this much.

But you do. And that's annoying as fuck.

Then, a rickety table stacked with milk crates catches your eye—or rather, the handwritten sign that reads "RECORDS $5-20" in faded Sharpie. 

The elderly man behind the table looks like he's been selling vinyl since before your parents were born, his weathered hands carefully flipping through a box as a customer asks about some obscure band.

You wait until they leave, then approach, trying to look like someone who actually knows something about records. The crates are dusty, disorganized, with no apparent system. Just hundreds of albums crammed together like sardines.

"Looking for anything specific?" the old man asks, voice gravelly from what you assume are decades of cigarettes.

"Just browsing," you say, already flipping through the nearest crate.

Most of the covers are faded, corners bent, some with water damage or mysterious stains you'd rather not identify. You recognize maybe one in ten artists—a lot of jazz, classic rock, some folk singers your dad probably listened to in college.

This is stupid. You don't know what you're looking for. Jungkook collects vinyl but doesn't even own a record player. What kind of pretentious bullshit is that? It's like buying books just to display them on a shelf without reading them.

You're about to give up when your fingers pause on a familiar name.

John Mayer.

The album cover is slightly worn at the edges, but otherwise in decent condition. 

"Inside Wants Out," it says in simple white letters against the picture of a dude (you guess it’s John) in the background. 

You don’t recognize it at all.

But Jungkook listens to him. His vynil collection is basically a shrine to him. 

So you ask "how much?", holding up the record.

The old man squints. "Fifteen."

Fifteen bucks. Okay, that’s... actually reasonable. Not so expensive that it seems like you care, but not so cheap that it looks like an afterthought. 

Just a casual, "hey, saw this and thought of your weird vinyl collection" kind of gift.

Perfect.

"I'll take it," you say, already digging in your bag for your wallet.

The man slides the record into a paper sleeve, takes your money, and hands you your change with a nod. 

Transaction complete. Gift acquired. Problem solved.

You tuck the record under your arm, feeling oddly satisfied despite yourself. It's just a record. Just a stupid birthday gift for your annoying roommate who thinks he knows everything about everyone, including your taste in men.

But as you weave through the crowd toward the food trucks, you can't help but wonder if he'll like it. If his face will do that thing—that brief, unguarded thing where his eyes light up before he remembers he's supposed to be all cool and detached.

Not that you care. You're just fulfilling a social obligation. That's all.

That's absolutely all.

"Did you actually buy something?" Yeji asks when you reach her, eyeing the record under your arm. "Since when are you into vinyl?"

"Just decoration. For the vinyl wall.”

Irya peers at it. "John Mayer? Isn't he like, your dad's music?"

"He's not that old," you find yourself saying, then immediately wonder why you're defending John fucking Mayer of all people. "And anyway, it was cheap."

"Whatever you say." Yeji shrugs, then holds up a small paper bag. "I got those earrings we saw last week. The ones that look like little daggers."

"Nice," you nod, grateful for the subject change. "I'm starving. Can we get food now?"

As you follow them toward the food trucks, you resist the urge to check the record again, to make sure it's not too scratched or damaged. It doesn't matter. It's just a record. Just a gift.

Just something to cross off your to-do list before Emma's birthday tonight and Jungkook's surprise dinner tomorrow.

Nearing the trucks, suddenly everything smells good. Too good. The kind of good that makes decision-making a fucking nightmare.

You slow your steps, scanning the options.

One truck’s got sizzling skewers of grilled meat, charred at the edges, dripping onto soft pita. Another is doing fresh arepas, the scent of melted cheese thick and indulgent in the air. A few feet away, some guy with tattooed knuckles and an unreasonably aggressive beanie is ladling out steaming bowls of Vietnamese pho.

And then there’s the birria taco stand—because of course there is—and the line is criminally long, people clutching Styrofoam trays of consommé like their lives depend on it.

Your stomach rumbles.

By the time you settle on something—one of those ridiculous but beautiful smash burgers, glossy brioche bun soaking up all that greasy, caramelized goodness—you barely get your wallet out before Yeji hip-checks you out of the way.

“I pay, I pay, I pay,” she announces, tapping her phone against the card reader with swift finality.

You blink. “Okay, what?”

Yeji grins, entirely too pleased with herself. “Well, I’m obviously paying for my beautiful girlfriend, and I kinda figured I’d put you in the package deal.”

You snort, giving her a shove. “Fine. But beers later on me.”

“Deal,” she says easily, tossing the receipt onto the counter like a Wall Street exec closing a million-dollar deal.

Irya latches onto your arm, steering you out of the way so Yeji can continue flirting with the guy behind the counter—some blue-haired, too-many-rings kind of guy who’s already leaning into it, smirking as Yeji compliments his “artistry” with the grill.

“She’s ridiculous,” you mutter.

Irya hums, but there’s amusement in her eyes as she grabs your food, balancing her own order on top of yours. “Just my type of ridiculous.”

You shake your head, leading the way toward a set of old picnic tables at the edge of the food truck lot. The wood is worn, graffiti-scratched and dented from years of use, but it’s clean enough. You drop into a seat, setting your tray down, and Irya follows, sliding in across from you.

She sets her elbow on the table, chin resting lightly in her palm, and smiles. A lock of blonde hair falls loose, catching the light, and she tucks it back behind her ear absently.

“So, Emma’s birthday tonight?”

You unwrap your burger, glancing up at her. “Yeah.”

She studies you for a second, eyes warm. “Excited?”

You hesitate. 

“Yeah,” you say again, but it comes out different this time. Not untrue, exactly, but not as sure as it should be.

Irya notices. Tilts her head slightly, patient, the corners of her mouth tugging into something knowing. 

“You don’t have to be.”

A breath of something close to laughter slips out of you.

 “I mean, I am excited,” you say, because you are. “It’s just—it’s been a while. We used to be really close in high school, but then, you know… life.”

Irya nods, thumb idly tracing the grain of the table. “She’s in Columbia, right?”

“Yeah. I stayed in-state for a bit before moving here. Different cities, different schools, different everything.” You shrug, picking at the edge of the wax paper lining your tray. “We tried to keep in touch, but it’s not the same when you’re not living through the same things anymore. And then you just… don’t talk as much. And then that becomes normal.”

“And now?”

“Now she’s in the city, and I guess we’re both trying to reconnect.”

“That’s good,” Irya says, and she means it. “It’s nice when people want to find their way back to each other.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, glancing down at your food, pushing a fry through the puddle of ketchup on your tray. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Irya watches you, quiet for a second. Then—

“She’s inviting a lot of people, right?”

You nod, grateful for the slight shift in direction. “Yeah. Told me to bring people, too, so I figured you and Yeji. Maybe Jimin.”

“Jimin would love that.” Irya grins. “He’s been in study-group hell all week. He deserves some fun.”

“You think?” You manage to say whilst chewing on the potato. “I thought I wouldn’t be doing him any favors. Like, he’s the type of person to say yes just out of obligation. And I didn’t want to pressure him into anything.”

Irya makes a soft sound of amusement, propping her chin in her palm. “Nah. If Jimin really didn’t want to go, he’d find a way to say no without actually saying no.”

You pause mid-chew. “What does that mean?”

“It means he’d do that thing where he apologizes like, three different ways in the same sentence, but somehow, you still walk away not totally sure if he said yes or no.”

You snort, swallowing. “Okay, yeah. That sounds about right.”

Irya grins, poking at her fries. “And anyway, he actually likes going out. He just overthinks it first.”

“You say that like you’re sure.”

“I am sure,” she says breezily. “I have classes with him. I watch it happen in real time.”

“Real time?”

“Oh, yeah. Like, someone invites him somewhere, and you can see him start to spiral. Like, ‘Okay, but what if I go and I regret it? But what if I don’t go and I regret that instead? But what if I go, but it’s not fun? But what if I don’t go, and it was fun, and now I’m missing out?’” She mimics his voice, exaggerated and tragic, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay, but that is a valid crisis.”

“It is,” Irya agrees, laughing too. “But the point is, once he actually gets there, he has a good time.” She levels you with a look, half teasing, half expectant. “So invite him.”

You sigh, reaching for another fry. “Fine.”

And then—

“I got us free dumplings.”

Yeji appears out of nowhere, sliding into the seat next to Irya and dropping a white takeout box onto the table like she’s just secured a goddamn business deal.

You blink. “How?”

She shrugs, already reaching for a dumpling. “Wouldn’t take my money.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

Irya hums, all faux-innocent. “Didn’t happen to have anything to do with that very long, very intimate conversation you were having with the guy behind the counter, did it?”

Yeji smirks around a bite of dumpling. “I dunno. Did it?”

You snort, shaking your head. “Men and their non-existent gaydars.”

“Right? Kinda sucks when she grabs all their attention,” Irya smiles, reaching for a dumpling of her own.

“Not my fault he was easy to entertain,” Yeji says, looking entirely unbothered. “Anyway, eat. They’re fresh.”

You don’t argue. The dumplings are good—warm, crisp at the edges, the filling rich with just the right balance of spice.

Yeji watches you for a second, chewing thoughtfully. “So what were we talking about?”

“Jimin,” Irya supplies.

Yeji groans. “Ugh. Tragic little academic. Is he still alive?”

Irya nods, popping a dumpling into her mouth. “Barely. But we’re dragging him to Emma’s party tonight, so he might actually remember what fun feels like.”

Yeji quirks an eyebrow, chewing slowly. “Emma?” She flicks a glance at you. “Your other friend? Birthday girl?”

You take a sip of your drink. “Mmhm.”

Yeji hums, tapping her chopsticks against the takeout box. “Bestie competition, then.”

You nearly choke. “Oh my god.”

Irya grins, delighted. “It is kind of serious. High school bestie versus new college besties.”

Yeji tilts her head, considering. “I don’t know, man. Legacy friends have an unfair advantage. History. Nostalgia.”

“Yeah,” Irya sighs, fake mournful. “How can we ever compete with the memories?”

You level them both with a flat look. “You’ve known me for a month.”

Yeji leans back. “It’s been a whole month already? Woah.”

“We’re joking. I’m sure we’ll get along.” Irya adds.

You snort, shaking your head.

Yeji watches you for a second, still smirking, but then the expression shifts—just a little. 

“Are you excited?”

The question catches you off guard. Not because it’s unexpected, but because it’s… genuine.

You pause, setting down your cup. 

“Yeah,” you say, slower this time. “I mean, I haven’t seen her in a while, so it’ll be—nice. A little weird, maybe. But nice.”

Yeji nods. “You gonna introduce us?”

You blink. “Uh. Yeah?”

Irya arches her eyebrows. “Yeah?”

You groan. “Oh my god, what is that supposed to mean?”

Yeji shrugs, reaching for another dumpling. “I mean, if she’s bestie material, we gotta vet her.”

“Shouldn’t she be the one vetting you two? She’s known me since I had braces and a regrettable side bang phase. Feels like she’s got seniority here.”

Yeji gasps. “Wow. So you’re saying we have no authority in this situation?”

“We really don’t.” Irya muses, almost singsonging.

“I don’t know,” Yeji muses, tapping a finger against her chin. “I feel like we bring some very important qualifications to the table. For example, we met Y/N when she was already in her fully realized, evolved form. We didn’t just settle for her because we grew up in the same town.”

You roll your eyes. “Jesus.”

Yeji nods, completely serious. “Yeah, we got to make an informed choice. Handpicked, if you will.”

“Wow, lucky me.”

Irya grins. “So lucky.”

You shake your head, reaching for another fry. “Just… behave.”

“I always behave,” Yeji says, smirking. “You’re just afraid we’ll be better besties than Emma.”

You scoff. “That’s not even remotely the issue.”

“Then what is the issue?” Irya prompts, head tilting to the side.

You hesitate. Not because you don’t know, but because saying it out loud feels like giving it weight. Giving it power.

You exhale. “It’s just—there’s a difference between keeping in touch and actually knowing someone after years apart. And I guess I don’t know if we still… fit the way we used to.”

That quiets them for a beat.

Yeji tilts her head, watching you with something unreadable in her gaze. Irya rests her chin in her palm again, a small, knowing smile playing at her lips.

“That’s fair,” Irya says, voice softer this time. “It’s weird when people grow in different directions. Sometimes you come back together. Sometimes you don’t.”

You nod, not entirely trusting yourself to speak.

“But hey,” Yeji cuts in, voice as casual as ever, “if she sucks, at least you’ll have us.”

You huff a laugh. “So generous of you.”

She winks. “I know.”

And just like that, the weight on your chest feels a little lighter.

You stare at your reflection, one eye perfectly winged, the other a smudged disaster—like your life, really: half put together, half absolute chaos.

You lean closer to the mirror, squinting at your uneven eyeliner with the kind of intense focus that FBI agents would reserve for defusing bombs or something. You've been at this for twenty minutes now, and your right eye is starting to look like it's been drawn by a five-year-old with a crayon during an earthquake.

"Fuck," you mutter, reaching for a cotton swab. 

Third time's the charm, right? 

Or maybe fifth. 

You've lost count.

From the living room, Griffin's thunderous purr competes with Yeji's animated voice. She's been trying to convince Yoongi to produce some track for her for the past fifteen minutes, her persistence almost admirable if it weren't so clearly futile. Yoongi's monotone responses barely register over the distance, but you can picture his expression—bored, unbothered, probably wanting to kill himself before engaging.

"Orange cats are literally the basic bitches of the cat world," Yeji declares loudly enough for you to hear. "Black cats have personality. They have depth. They're mysterious."

"Tell that to Griffin," Irya responds, her voice warm and amused. "He seems pretty content being basic on your lap right now."

"That's cats for you," Yeji sighs dramatically. "The least person who wants them is the one who gets them."

You smile despite your eyeliner frustration. Because it’s ironic—Yeji, who swears black cats are superior, is now trapped under Griffin's substantial orange weight. 

That's karma, feline edition.

You’re wearing a dress to the gathering—the same one from that night in January. You've worn it exactly once since buying it, and now it's making its second appearance. 

It's not like you planned it this way. It just happened to be the perfect outfit for Emma's birthday dinner. 

(At least that's what you tell yourself as you deliberately avoid examining your motives too closely.)

Emma. Your high school friend. Your only real connection to your life before college. 

Before this apartment. 

Before Jungkook. 

You haven't seen her in months (since that night in January), and there's a strange anxiety bubbling in your stomach that has nothing to do with your makeup struggles. 

You did vibe back then. But… was it a ‘we vibe because we are going out’ situation; or was it because you two actually connected?

People change. You've changed. The question hanging in the air is whether you've changed in compatible ways.

At least you won't be alone tonight. Emma said you could bring friends, so naturally, you are bringing them along.

You dab at your eyeliner again, smudging it further. Great. Now you look like you've been punched. Or crying. Or both.

A soft knock on the door interrupts your silent self-criticism.

"Come in," you call, not bothering to hide your frustration. It's not like anyone in this apartment hasn't seen you in various states of disaster before.

The door creaks open, and Jimin's face appears in the gap, his expression shifting from curious to sympathetic as he takes in your makeup situation.

"Having trouble?" he asks, stepping into the small bathroom. 

The space immediately feels warmer with him in it. Jimin has that effect—like a human comfort blanket.

"What gave it away?" you deadpan, gesturing to your face. "The fact that I look like I let a toddler do my makeup, or the fact that I've been in here for half an hour?"

He laughs softly, the sound gentle and reassuring. "It's not that bad."

"Liar."

"Okay, it's a little uneven," he admits, moving closer to examine your handiwork. His eyes narrow slightly as he studies your face with unexpected intensity. "Let me."

Before you can respond, he's taking the eyeliner from your hand, his fingers brushing against yours in a brief moment of warmth.

"You know how to do this?" you ask, surprised.

"I have sisters," he says simply, which doesn't really answer your question, but you don't push it. "Close your eye," he instructs, his voice soft but confident.

You comply, feeling the gentle pressure of his hand steadying your face. His touch is light, precise—and you can’t help but feel this is some sort of significant moment. 

"Stay still," he murmurs, and you can sense the smile forming on his lips.

The eyeliner glides across your lid with surprising smoothness. One stroke, then another. No hesitation in his movement. You're impressed and a little confused by his skill, but mostly grateful.

"Where did you learn to—"

"Shh," he interrupts. "No talking or I'll mess up."

You fall silent, letting him work. There's something about Jimin that's always made you curious. He's like a book with half the pages glued together—what you can read is beautiful, but you sense there's more to the story.

"Done," he announces after a moment, stepping back to admire his work. "Take a look."

You turn to the mirror and blink in surprise. The wing is perfect—sharp enough to kill a man, as Yeji herself would say. It matches the other eye exactly, creating a symmetry you couldn't achieve on your own.

"Jimin, this is..." you trail off, turning to face him. "How are you so good at this?"

He shrugs, a small, almost shy grin playing at his lips. "I just have a steady hand, I guess."

There's more to it than that—you can tell by the way he avoids your eyes, the slight flush creeping up his neck. But something tells you not to press further. 

Everyone has their secrets.

Private pieces they're not ready to share. 

You, of all people, know that.

"Well, whatever the reason, thank you," you say sincerely. "You just saved me from looking like a hot mess at Emma's birthday."

"Happy to help," he replies, the tension in his shoulders easing slightly. "You look beautiful."

The compliment is simple, genuine, without the weight of expectation or desire that usually accompanies such words from men. 

It's refreshing. Because you feel like Jimin sees you—really sees you—without wanting anything in return.

"We should probably get going soon," he says, glancing at his watch. "Yeji's been threatening to leave without us for the past ten minutes."

"As if she would," you scoff, reaching for your lipstick. "She's too excited about meeting Emma and judging her worthiness."

Jimin laughs. "True. Though I think she's more excited about the free food."

"Priorities," you agree with a smile.

You apply your lipstick—a muted berry shade that complements your eyeshadow without being too dramatic. The final touch to your appearance. Not too casual, not too glamorous. Perfect for a birthday dinner.

You've always loved makeup, the ritual of it, the transformation. 

Not because you're trying to hide or become someone else, but because it's an extension of yourself—another form of expression. 

You're so tired of those cliché "not like other girls" characters in movies and books who supposedly wear nothing but mascara yet somehow have flawless skin and perfect brows. 

As if enjoying makeup somehow makes you shallow or less authentic.

The truth is, most girls you know love makeup to some degree. Some for the artistry, some for the confidence boost, some just because it's fun. And you're no different. 

That doesn't make you basic or vain—it makes you human. 

A human who happens to enjoy the satisfying swipe of a good lipstick.

"Ready?" Jimin asks, holding the door open for you.

You take one last look at your reflection. The girl staring back looks put together, confident. 

Whether she actually feels that way is another story entirely, but hey—fake it till you make it, right?

"Ready," you confirm.

You're halfway out the door when you pause. 

Something's missing. The final touch.

"Oh, wait. Cologne."

Jimin nods understandingly, already retreating toward the living room. "Don't take too long or Yeji might actually follow through on her threats this time."

You turn back to the bathroom counter, sliding open the narrow drawer where your collection lives. Four different bottles stare back at you, each with its own personality, its own statement. Your fingers hover over them, indecisive, until they land on one particular bottle.

Amber, its color.

The golden liquid catches the bathroom light, glowing like trapped sunlight inside the crystal bottle. 

You haven't used it since... well, since that night in January. You've been saving it for special occasions, though what constitutes "special" has remained conveniently undefined.

You lift the bottle, turning it in your hand. You apply it to your wrists, your neck, your ears. And before you can overthink it, you bring it to your nose, inhaling lightly.

Memories unfurl instantly, blooming in your mind like clouds puffing up in a winter sky. They tumble through your consciousness, overwhelming and vivid, making it hard to breathe—though you're not entirely sure you want to.

His hands on your hips, fingers pressing into your skin with just enough pressure to leave phantom marks that lingered for days afterward. 

His slicked chin when he smiled up at you from between your thighs, all smug and proud for making you cum with his tongue. 

His infuriating, satisfied smirk that somehow annoyed you, but also turned you on.

Rosy cheeks and disheveled hair, soft eyes in the aftermath. 

You distinctly remember that was the first time you had thought Jungkook looked cute. Not just hot or sexy, but genuinely cute in a way that had caught you off guard.

And you didn't even know his name then.

The door swings open without warning.

You nearly drop the bottle, fumbling to catch it before it shatters against the tile floor. Your heart leaps into your throat as you look up, startled.

Jungkook peers inside, and you both freeze, staring at each other like you don’t know which one of you should stay and which one of you should leave. His eyes flick from your face to the bottle in your hand, recognition dawning in his expression.

A long pause.

Your eyes drift down his torso, inevitably.

He's wearing a black t-shirt that hugs his frame in all the right places, hair rumpled and messy. His rainy-like scent envelops the cramped space, mingling with the lingering notes of vanilla on your wrist like they’ve always belonged together. 

His eyes drift too. Drop lower, taking in the dress hugging your curves, fingers tightening on the doorframe, knuckles whitening with the pressure. 

You watch the subtle movement, the physical manifestation of restraint, and feel an answering tightness in your chest.

You haven't spoken since Tuesday. Since the fight about Jason. Since he suddenly starting talking about vibes like he’s the type of guy to trust his gut.

And maybe he is. 

And maybe you aren’t.

"Sorry," he says finally, breaking the silence. "Didn't know you were in here."

He avoids your gaze.

You don’t know if that makes you angry or anxious. It’s hard to determine what’s crippling your chest.

"It's fine. I was just leaving."

Neither of you moves.

His eyes drift to the cologne bottle again. Recognition, desire, frustration. 

Then, he masks it. 

But you caught it. 

He remembers the fragrance.

And how could he not? When he constantly praised it that night, how it rested on your skin, how good it made you smell, how fucking good you tasted.

"Going somewhere?" he asks then, interrupting your conflicting thoughts.

"Emma's birthday dinner," you reply, voice tight.

He nods slowly, gaze returning to the dress. The dress from that night. The dress he peeled off you with those same hands now gripping the doorframe like it's the only thing keeping him anchored.

You should move. You should cap the cologne, put it away, walk past him and join your friends who are waiting. You should maintain the cold war you've established since your fight.

Instead, you find yourself asking, "Did you need something?"

He purses his lips. "Just needed to pee.”

"Right," you say. "I'll get out of your way."

You cap the cologne, and you just know his eyes are tracking your every motion. Because that’s Jungkook for you—when he’s focused on something, it’s obvious.

You move toward the door—toward him—and it’s like suddenly, the small bathroom feels impossibly smaller. Like there’s not enough space for both of you and all the unspoken words crowding the air.

You'll have to squeeze past him. There's no way to avoid it.

His grip on the doorframe tightens further, as if he's holding himself back. From what, you're not entirely sure. Touching you? Yelling at you? Both seem equally possible.

"Excuse me," you murmur.

He steps back marginally, not enough to clear the path completely. 

Like he’s hesitating. 

Like he doesn’t know whether he wants to move for real, or stay rooted in place.

“Jungkook,” you say, and his name feels strange on your tongue after days of not speaking it. “Move.”

“You smell like that night,” he settles for staying instead of moving, voice dropping lower, annoyed. “You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.”

Your breath catches. Heat blooms across your chest, up your neck.

“That’s not—” you start, but the lie dies on your lips. 

Because it is. Of course it is. You knew exactly what you were doing when you reached for that bottle.

You see his jaw work. His tongue peek against the inside of his cheek. His eyes lock into yours like he wants to say something else.

But he doesn’t. 

“Have fun at your dinner,” is all he comes up with, stepping aside. 

The movement feels like it costs him something.

You move past him. Take a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Jungkook aside. 

Tonight isn’t about him. It’s about Emma, about reconnecting with a part of your life that existed before this apartment, before him.

But as you step into the living room, you can still feel the weight of his gaze on your back, can still smell the amber scent on your skin, can still hear his voice in your ear.

You know that, right? You’re going to smell exactly like you did when I had you against that wall.

And the worst part is, you don’t know why or how—but maybe that’s exactly what you wanted.

The restaurant is too loud, too crowded, too New York—but Emma’s hug is warm, and that makes up for it.

“Finally.” She squeezes you tight, like she’s trying to merge your atoms together. “You took forever.”

Yeji, behind you, snorts. “Blame her eyeliner existential crisis.”

Emma pulls back, eyebrows raised. “Oh? We still doing that?”

“We are always doing that,” you deadpan.

She laughs—her laugh. It’s the same as it was in high school, loud and full, like she actually enjoys things instead of just tolerating them. That hasn’t changed. Neither has the way she looks at you, eyes scanning your face, taking you in like she’s checking if you’re still the same person too.

The answer? You don’t know.

“Come on, I’ll introduce you guys,” she says, looping an arm through yours.

You let yourself be pulled in—into the restaurant, into her world, into the crowd of fifteen fucking people all squeezed around a too-small table in the back corner. She moves through the chaos easily, hand on your wrist, steering you like she used to when you were seventeen and invincible.

“This is Yeji, Irya, and Jimin,” you say as you go, pointing them out like exhibits in a museum.

Emma grins at them, all effortless charm. “Your uni friends. I’ve heard so much.”

Jimin, ever polite, smiles back. “All good things, I hope.”

Emma does not confirm or deny, which says enough.

There’s a blur of names you won’t remember—Emma’s friends, classmates, people who probably have their lives together in a way you do not. Someone pulls her into another conversation, and you hover awkwardly at the edge of the group, watching her slip back into a world that isn’t yours.

It’s strange.

You used to know everything about her. Every inside joke, every dream, every late-night insecurity whispered over FaceTime. 

But now—now you’re an observer. 

A guest.

Still, when she sits, she grabs your wrist again and tugs you down next to her.

“So,” she starts, picking up her glass—red wine, something deep and rich. “Are you finally admitting that I was right, or are we still in the denial phase?”

You blink, thrown. “About what?”

She gives you a look. “Do I have to spell it out?”

Your stomach knots.

Jungkook. She means Jungkook.

You exhale through your nose, reaching for your water instead. “We are so not doing this here.”

Emma grins, but she lets it go—for now.

Instead, she leans back. “God, I forgot how exhausting socializing is. I swear, law school is turning me into one of those people who can only function in coffee shops and libraries.”

You snort. “You were already that person in high school.”

“True,” she concedes, tilting her glass toward you. “But now it’s worse. Now I actually enjoy tax law. Like, genuinely. It’s fascinating.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I refuse to believe that.”

“Swear on my life,” she says, amused. “You should see me in my internship. I get excited about deductions. I have a favorite tax loophole.”

“That’s disgusting.”

Emma just grins. “Give it time. One day, you’ll come to me, desperate for tax advice, and I’ll be your only hope. And I will lord it over you.”

“You wish.”

“Oh, I know.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help the way your lips twitch. It’s easy, falling into conversation with Emma. Easier than you thought it would be, considering how much has changed since high school.

“So, what’s the plan then?” you ask, nudging your knee against hers under the table. “You still set on Seattle after graduation?”

Emma hesitates. Not in a bad way—more like she’s holding onto something, waiting for the right moment.

“Actually,” she says, twirling the stem of her glass between her fingers. “I’ve been thinking about Europe.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Europe?”

“Yeah.” She leans forward slightly, eyes lighting up. “I did a summer program there—France, Italy, Greece, Spain. It was insane. I loved it. I don’t know, I just—” She exhales, shaking her head like she can’t quite put it into words. “Seattle was always the safe plan, you know? The practical one. But now? I keep thinking about the Mediterranean coast. The markets, the people. It feels like people there work to live, not live to work like they do here in America.”

You watch her carefully. Emma has always been a planner, a strategist. She doesn’t make decisions lightly.

And yet—she looks alive talking about this.

“So, what?” you ask. “You’re gonna become a tax attorney in Greece? Help rich expats avoid paying their fair share?”

Emma snorts. “God, no. If I go, I’d probably work with international firms, corporate law, maybe even consulting. It’s different over there, you know? Taxes, policies, loopholes—everything shifts depending on the country, the treaties in place.”

“You realize you sound even worse now, right?”

“Shut up,” she laughs. “At least I’m passionate about something.”

You hum, thoughtful. “So, Europe.”

“Maybe,” she says. “Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

But you can tell, just from the way she says it, that it’s more than a maybe.

It’s funny. The last time you saw her, she was talking about Seattle like it was inevitable. Now she’s talking about the Mediterranean coast with the kind of quiet certainty that makes you think she’s already half there.

People change.

You’ve changed.

And yet, it feels like nothing between you two has changed at all. 

Emma eyes you for a long moment, then smirks. 

“Your turn.”

You blink. “What?”

“You’ve barely told me anything about your life,” she says. “How’s English? Still planning on breaking the hearts of young, impressionable students as a professor?”

“First of all, no. That is not the plan. And second—”

“You can’t tell me you don’t look the part,” she teases. “The eyeliner? The whole vibe? You’d have students falling in love with you instantly.”

“I hate you.”

She grins. “I missed you too.”

You feel it, then—the warmth of familiarity, of friendship. It settles in your chest, light and unburdened, and for the first time in a while, you think:

This is nice.

Even with the changes, even with the time apart, even with the half-truths lingering at the back of your throat—this is still Emma.

“Come on,” Emma nudges your arm, eyes gleaming. “Let me introduce you to my favorite tax nerds.”

You groan, but let her pull you toward the other end of the table. “If I die of boredom, I’m haunting you.”

“They’re fun,” she insists, dodging between chairs and half-full wine glasses. “For tax people, anyway.”

The group is mid-conversation when you arrive—something about offshore accounts, corporate loopholes, and why the ultra-wealthy pay less in taxes than you probably spend on coffee each year. (Fascinating.) Chris and Max, two guys who both look like they were born wearing pressed button-ups, are deep in debate, hands gesturing, voices overlapping.

But the girl sitting across from you—Nina—just listens, quiet, observant.

She clocks you the moment you sit down. And you clock her right back.

Dark brown skin, black curls tucked behind one ear, a delicate gold necklace resting just above the collar of an oversized sweater. The sleeves are pushed up to reveal slender wrists, and she has the kind of presence that doesn’t need to fill space to be felt. 

There’s something measured about her. Something thoughtful. Like she only speaks when there’s something worth saying.

She’s pretty.

Really pretty.

But it’s more than that. She’s composed in a way that makes you hyperaware of yourself—your posture, the way you’re holding your drink, the way she looks at you with a quiet, unreadable expression.

“Hi,” she says, voice smooth, accent lilting ever so slightly.

It’s just that—simple. Friendly. Maybe.

You clear your throat. “Hey.”

Emma gestures between you. “Nina, this is my friend from high school—the one I told you about?”

Nina hums like she remembers, tilting her head. “The one who thinks tax law is boring?”

You blink. “Emma told you that?”

“She warned me in advance,” Nina says, lips twitching. “Said you might try to stage an intervention.”

You shoot Emma a look, but she’s already sipping her wine, unbothered. 

“Well,” you say, turning back to Nina, “I was going to be polite about it, but now I feel like I have a responsibility.”

That gets a small smile out of her. Just a slight curve of the lips, like she’s amused but won’t give you the satisfaction of knowing just how much.

You don’t know why that makes you want to push, just a little.

“So,” you continue, tilting your head, “what is it, then? The thing about tax law that actually doesn’t put you to sleep?”

Nina considers this. Takes a slow sip of her drink. And when she speaks, it’s not rushed—it’s careful.

“It’s not about the numbers,” she says, setting her glass down. “Not really. It’s about human nature. About how people behave when they think no one is watching. Governments set up incentives, and people react accordingly. It’s a game of strategy. A reflection of what a society actually values, not just what it claims to.”

You weren’t expecting that answer.

Your fingers tighten slightly around your glass. “So, what—you think taxes are, like, a moral compass?”

Nina shrugs. “Not a moral compass. But they show you what people are willing to bend the rules for. What they think is worth cheating for. And that’s… interesting, I think.”

You watch her, trying to get a read on her. She’s got this almost effortless kind of intrigue—the kind of person who could make anything sound poetic if she wanted to.

Emma groans. “Oh god, don’t encourage her. She’ll start talking about capital gains tax next.”

Nina lifts a brow. “It’s actually fascinating, if you—”

“Absolutely not,” Emma interrupts. “Nope. I refuse.”

You smirk. “I don’t know, Em. I kind of want to hear her out.”

Emma glares at you. “Do not encourage the tax philosophy.”

But Nina is looking at you again. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a way that screams I’m interested. But in a way that’s… present. Attentive. Like she actually finds this conversation worth having.

And maybe that means nothing.

Or maybe it does.

You’re not sure.

Which—God, why is this always harder with girls?

With guys, it’s obvious. But with girls—well. You think she’s enjoying this. But is she just enjoying it, or is there something else there? Is this just conversation, or is it something that, in hindsight, will feel like a moment?

You have no fucking idea.

The conversation shifts after that—Emma talks about her summer in Europe, Chris and Max start debating New York’s best pizza, someone brings up an upcoming bar crawl.

And then, at some point, Nina glances at her phone before looking at you again.

“You mind if I get your number?” she asks.

Casual. Easy. Nothing in her tone suggests it’s anything more than that.

“Emma talks about you a lot,” she adds, mouth twitching slightly. “I feel like I should probably fact-check at least half of it.”

Emma swats at her, but you barely register it, already pulling your phone out.

You’re not reading into it. You’re not.

But also—

You kind of are.

Still, you hand your phone over, watch as Nina types in her number, then passes it back. Just a name in your contacts now. Simple. Unassuming.

You have no idea if you just made a new friend or if this is something else.

And honestly?

You kind of like not knowing.

“Well, well, well,” Yeji drawls, sliding into the conversation without invitation. “Are we allowed to sit, or is this a tax-exclusive gathering?”

You exhale. “Jesus, Yeji.”

“What? We were getting bored.” She drops into the seat beside you, tossing an arm over Irya’s chair. “Jimin’s been overanalyzing the condensation on his glass for the past fifteen minutes, and Irya’s just been smiling at people like a lost pageant contestant.”

“I was being friendly,” Irya corrects, unfazed.

“You were being too friendly.”

“Networking,” Irya insists, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I love people.”

“You do,” Emma says, delighted. “It’s terrifying.”

Irya beams, pleased. Yeji just sighs like she’s accepted her fate.

Nina watches all of this unfold with quiet amusement, her fingers tracing the rim of her glass. “You two are together?”

Yeji tilts her head. “That a problem?”

Nina meets her gaze evenly. “No. It’s nice.”

It’s a simple statement, but it rings genuine, like she’s not just saying it to be polite. Yeji studies her for a second longer before nodding, satisfied, and pulling Irya in to kiss her temple.

Emma turns to you, grinning. “Your friends are so much more fun than my law ones.”

You smirk. “That’s because they have souls.”

Chris, still lingering in the tax-law-heavy end of the table, lifts a hand in protest. “Hey.”

Yeji ignores him completely, waving to Nina instead. “So, you’re a tax philosopher?”

Nina looks faintly amused but nods. “That’s what they tell me.”

“Cool, cool,” Yeji muses, reaching for Irya’s wine and taking a sip before Irya can protest. “And do you also believe that money isn’t real?”

Nina tilts her head slightly, considering. “I think it’s real in the sense that it determines the way the world functions. But I also think it’s one of the biggest shared delusions humanity has ever committed to.”

Yeji brightens. “See? This is the tax conversation I want to be having.”

You roll your eyes, but Nina takes it in stride. She’s good at this, you notice—letting conversations unfold naturally, never forcing her presence but never fading into the background either.

Across from you, Jimin has settled into his usual quiet observation, sipping his drink slowly. He’s not uncomfortable, just taking it all in. He catches your eye at one point, a small look that says ‘you good?’

You nod, barely perceptible.

He doesn’t push. Just gives a small nod back and turns his attention back to the conversation. Just listening in.

Emma leans in slightly, nudging your arm. “I like them,” she murmurs.

You glance at her, raising a brow. “Yeah?”

She hums. “They make you lighter.”

It’s such an Emma thing to say—blunt in a way that doesn’t feel invasive, just observant. 

You don’t respond right away, but you don’t need to. 

She’s already grinning like she knows the answer.

The apartment is quiet when you finally get home, the only light coming from the TV screen where some game is paused. 

Jungkook is sprawled on the couch, controller resting loosely in his hands, looking like he's been there for hours. He glances up when the door closes behind you, expression neutral.

"It's late," he says, not quite a question.

You drop your keys in the bowl by the door. "Yeah."

"Had fun?" He unpauses the game, thumbs moving lazily over the controller buttons. His character on screen walks aimlessly into a wall.

"Yeah," you say, kicking off your heels with a sigh of relief. "Emma's friends are cool. We ended up at this bar in Brooklyn after dinner."

He makes a noncommittal sound, still not looking at you.

"Jason wasn't there, though, so don't worry," you add, unable to help yourself.

That gets his attention. His thumbs still, and he scoffs, a short, sharp sound in the quiet apartment. 

“You know I don't give a fuck about that guy, right?"

"Really?" You raise an eyebrow, heading to the kitchen for water. "Because you seemed to have very strong opinions about him on Tuesday."

The controller drops onto the couch as he turns to face you fully. 

“Look," he says, voice tight with frustration. "I don't give a fuck who you fuck or who you date. Seriously. Not my business."

"Yup. Three rules," you start, unscrewing the cap on your water bottle.

"One, no one knows," he recites, cutting you off.

"Two, if somebody asks, we're just roommates," you continue.

"And three," he interrupts again, more forcefully, "no feelings. I know the fucking rules, Phoenix. I helped make them."

You take a long drink of water, studying him over the bottle. His hair is messy in a stupid endearing way, and there are shadows under his eyes. 

"So what was Tuesday about, then?" you ask finally.

He exhales slowly, jaw working. "I told you. The guy gives me bad vibes."

"Bad vibes," you repeat flatly.

"Yeah. Bad fucking vibes." He rubs a hand over his face. "Look, I know how it sounded, okay? But it's not—" He stops, frustrated. "It's not about you. Or us. Or whatever the fuck we're doing."

You consider him for a moment, then set your water bottle down and cross to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. 

"Explain."

"What?"

"Explain these 'bad vibes.' Because from where I was sitting, it sounded irrational."

"It's not—" He stops again, shaking his head. "You know what? Forget it. Not my problem."

"Jungkook."

He looks at you, surprised by the use of his actual name.

"I'm trying to understand," you say, softer than you intended. "So explain it to me."

He studies you for a long moment, like he's trying to decide if you're serious. 

Finally, he sighs. "He's fake."

"Fake how?"

"The way he talks. The way he looks at you when you're not watching. The way he touched your arm in the car." His words come faster now. "The way he asked about your schedule, your classes. The way he positioned himself between us. It's all... calculated."

You frown. "That's a lot to read into a few interactions."

"I know what I saw," he insists. "Guys like that... they start small. Compliments. Attention. Making you feel special. Then it's suggestions about what you should wear. Who you should hang out with. What classes you should take."

His tone is raw, really raw, and you realize it’s the first time you’ve heard him talk like this. 

Like it’s personal.

“You're saying he's controlling."

"I'm saying he could be." He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up further. "Look, I've seen it before, okay? People who seem perfect on the surface but underneath they're just... manipulative. They make you think everything's your idea when really they're pulling all the strings."

You're quiet for a moment, processing. 

"This isn't just about Jason, is it?"

His eyes flick to yours, then away. 

"I told you. It's not about you or us."

"But it is about someone."

He doesn't answer, but his silence is confirmation enough.

"Mia?" you ask softly.

"I don't want to talk about her."

"Okay," you say, respecting the boundary even as curiosity burns through you. "But that's why you're worried about Jason? Because he reminds you of her?"

"Not of her specifically," he says after a pause. "Just... the type. The signs."

You pull your legs up onto the couch, turning to face him fully. "What signs?"

He looks at you for a long moment, like he's deciding how much to share. 

"The perfect act," he says finally. "The way everything seems rehearsed. The charm that never quite reaches their eyes." His voice drops lower. "The way they make you feel like you're the only person in the room, but it's not because they care about you. It's because they want something from you."

"And you think that's Jason?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there. But my gut says something's off with him."

You consider this. "Your gut's been wrong before."

A bitter smile twists his lips. "Yeah. More than once."

Silence stretches between you, but it’s not the uncomfortable kind. It’s like you’re both still processing the words exchanged.

"I'm still going on the date," you say finally.

He nods, looking away. "I know."

"But I'll... keep what you said in mind. Watch for the signs."

He glances back at you, surprise flickering across his face. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." You shrug, trying to keep it casual. "Contrary to what you might think, I don't actually enjoy being manipulated."

"Could've fooled me," he mutters, but there's no real heat behind it.

You kick his thigh lightly with your foot. "Asshole."

The corner of his mouth twitches upward. "Brat."

Silence again. His forearms are resting on his knees, hands crossed together as his gaze remains unfocused.

"So," he says eventually, "how was the birthday girl?"

You're surprised by the question, by his apparent interest in your life outside this apartment. 

"Good," you say. "Different, but good. She's in Economics. Has a serious boyfriend. Wears a lot of beige."

"Sounds thrilling."

You laugh despite yourself. "It was actually nice. Weird, but nice. Like visiting a place you used to live but don't anymore."

He nods, understanding in his eyes. "Did your new friends play nice with your old friend?"

"Yeji, Irya and Jimin?" You smile at the memory. "They were on their best behavior. Well, Yeji's version of best behavior, which means she only made three inappropriate jokes and only drank half the table's wine."

He snorts. "Sounds about right."

"Emma liked them, though. I think." You pause, considering. "It's strange, bringing different parts of your life together."

"I bet it is," he agrees quietly.

You look at him, really look at him, sitting there in the dim light of the TV. For once, there's no smirk on his face, no challenge in his eyes. Just Jungkook, tired and rumpled and unexpectedly honest.

"Why were you still up?" you ask suddenly.

The question catches him off guard. "What?"

"It's 3 AM. Why are you still awake?"

He shrugs, defensive again. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd play for a bit."

You glance at the TV screen where his character has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes. 

"Right."

"What?" he demands.

"Nothing," you say, but you can't help the small smile that forms. "Just... nothing."

He narrows his eyes at you, but doesn't press.

"I should get to bed," you say, standing up. "It's late."

He nods, picking up the controller again. "Yeah."

You're halfway to your room when his voice stops you.

"Phoenix?"

You turn back. "Yeah?"

He’s staring at you, but it’s not the usual smirk. No. 

His eyes flick downward. To the floor, like he’s seriously considering his next words—or rather, if he should vocalize them at all. 

But then he looks up at you again, seemingly decided.

"You..." he starts, licking his lips like he’s trying to pull himself together. But he’s failing. "You know you smell fucking delicious, right? Like, it’s so fucking unfair."

Your pulse stutters. "Excuse me?"

"The cologne," he says, standing up. "You’ve been driving me insane the whole night. The whole apartment smells like you.”

You blink at him, caught somewhere between disbelief and something hotter, heavier. "I didn’t wear it for you."

"No?” His lips twitch, almost a smile but not quite—like he knows exactly how full of shit you are. "The cologne from that night. The dress from that night. And I’m supposed to believe that’s just a coincidence?"

"It is," you snap back, defensive even as your pulse betrays you by speeding up.

He exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can’t believe what he’s hearing—or maybe just like he can’t believe you.

“Fuck, Phoenix," he mutters, voice dropping into something rougher, more dangerous. "Do you have any idea how good you smell? How much I’ve been thinking about getting my mouth on you again?"

Your breath catches somewhere in your throat—an audible hitch that makes his eyes darken further.

"We’re fighting," you remind him weakly.

"Are we?" He steps closer, until there’s barely a whisper of space between you. "Because right now all I can think about is how wet you were for me the first time I smelled that shit on your skin."

You retreat physically; even though mentally you’re honestly already naked for him.

"Four days," he muses, tone dripping with frustration, almost needy. "Four days of smelling your shampoo in the bathroom, that stupid body lotion, and now—now you pull this shit. That’s fucking cruel, Nix.”

"You could’ve apologized," you point out dryly.

"For what?" He scoffs like the idea itself is offensive. "For telling the truth? For saying Jason gives me bad vibes?"

"There it is again," you say, crossing your arms over your chest like it’ll protect you from whatever energy he’s radiating right now. 

It doesn’t.

He exhales softly, eyes flicking to your lips before moving back up. 

“I’m being for real, Phoenix. Your vanilla shit drives me nuts,” he confesses bluntly.

Then llicks his lips, considering what he’s about to say 

But says it anyways. 

“I jerked off after you left.”

Your mouth opens and closes like a fish gasping for air.

"Couldn’t help it," he continues. “The smell of your cologne... seeing you in that dress again... I couldn’t get the image out of my head."

"What image?"

"The first time," he says slowly, like he wants every word to sink into your skin and stay there forever. "In that room. The way you tasted... the sounds you made when I had my tongue inside you."

Your legs threaten mutiny.

"And now?" You force yourself to ask because silence feels dangerous—like it might give him permission to keep going without restraint.

"Now?" He repeats, almost hushed. "Now, I’m… really craving vanilla.”

You should walk away—should turn around and retreat into your room where things are safe and quiet and not vibrating with tension so thick it feels alive—but instead?

Instead, your feet betray you by staying planted firmly in place: "Eat some cookies.”

“I want to eat something else.”

“What if I don’t want you to?”

He purses his lips. Tongue drops to lick the lower one. Gaze flickers to your mouth again before they come back to your pupils.

“You don’t?”

And the way he exhales it, like the mere idea of you saying no pains him—it melts through you. 

Especially when his hand finally finds its way to your waist (warm and solid and grounding despite everything else about this moment feeling anything but grounded).

All thoughts of resistance evaporate faster than they came.

"I do," you hear yourself reply. 

And when his lips brush against the sensitive skin just below your jawline?

You realize two things simultaneously:

One: You were never going to walk away from this moment no matter how much logic tried to intervene earlier.

Two: Logic doesn’t stand a chance against lust when Jungkook looks at you like this.

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[kxsagi]

Can I ask for bllk boys x reader movie night headcanons? Like what kind of movie they like to watch, who gets emotional watching, who falls asleep, something like that you know.

(Plz include Isagi, Bachira, Nagi, Reo, Rin and any others you want, hope I didn't bother you 😅)

Btw I stumbled on your blog a few days back and have since been obsessed with your writing!! 🥰🥰🥰 You make the characters so human, like I can totally see them doing what you write!

"𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐚"

a/n: thank you so much!!! that compliment means everything to me 🤍 hope you enjoy this bae

ft. isagi yoichi, bachira meguru, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, itoshi rin

𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢 𝐲𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢 ⚽️

movie choice: 

prefers feel-good sports dramas or anything with a plot that inspires him to be better. 

sometimes watches those cheesy inspirational movies where the underdog wins against all odds. 

loves a good action flick but also enjoys some rom-coms or wholesome animated slices of life films (studio ghibli) to wind down. will suggest something uplifting for the mood. 

during the movie: 

gets so into the plot, especially if it involves teamwork or growth. you can literally see his eyes light up when the underdog team starts winning. 

gets emotional at the motivational speeches in sports movies. don’t even look at him during those scenes because you know he’s probably holding back tears. the same goes for emotionally heavy scenes where a (good) character is crying.

secretly hates scary movies. he’ll pretend to be tough, but will need to hold someone’s hand when a jump scare happens. 

falls asleep?

no. this man has no chill when it comes to movie night. he’s hyper-focused, watching every second like it’s a game. probably rewinds scenes to catch every detail.

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮 🐝

movie choice: 

will suggest something that makes him laugh or something totally random like “monster movies” because why not? 

loves animated films, especially anything whimsical, surreal, or outlandishly funny. something with a lot of energy. 

if he’s in the mood for something deeper, he’ll choose something like a trippy art film that has an abstract storyline (so he can pretend he understood it). 

during the movie: 

is the main character. he’ll laugh loudly, talk to the screen, and get way too involved in the movie. 

gets emotional, but only if it’s a movie that gives him that unexpected warmth. something sweet, like a character finding family or overcoming obstacles. 

will probably make random commentary throughout, and his reactions are either overly dramatic or hilariously chill. 

falls asleep?

yes, 100%. but it's not because he's bored, he just falls asleep like a content baby after being entertained for 30 minutes. and when he falls asleep, expect some snoring.

𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐢 𝐬𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨 🎮

movie choice: 

prefers laid-back movies that are chill and don't require much mental effort. 

would pick something that doesn’t require him to pay too much attention, like a fun action movie or an easy-to-follow rom-com. 

doesn’t care about the plot. just wants to have a comfy time without overthinking. 

bonus: he doesn't like most live-action remakes of video games (would watch the minecraft movie though).

during the movie: 

absolutely silent. doesn’t comment or get overly hyped about the film, he’s there for the experience, not the drama. gets emotional if it's a super heartwarming or moving movie, but it’s rare. he’s more likely to be in a daze, enjoying the atmosphere. 

when the character is struggling, he’ll start asking you if it's okay to just skip to the good parts. or he'll ask you to put the movie in 1.5x or 2x speed.

falls asleep?

yes. almost always. you’ll look over, and he’ll be out like a light halfway through the movie, even if it’s a movie he picked himself. 

𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐨 💸

movie choice: 

super into high-quality movies. something luxurious like period dramas, or anything with an extravagant budget and beautiful cinematography (crazy rich asians). 

loves a good thriller, psychological drama, or something with a bit of depth. not into silly stuff, but he’ll occasionally pick a rom-com if he’s feeling lazy. 

enjoys watching movies he can brag about later. “i watched this independent film with an amazing director you probably haven’t heard of.” 

during the movie: 

watches very intently, analyzing the plot and dialogue. probably already trying to predict the ending, just to impress you. 

doesn’t get overly emotional, but he’s quietly affected by anything deeply artistic or tragic. 

may give you a “look” if you ask for popcorn too loudly during an intense scene. 

falls asleep?

nah. he’s all about the aesthetics, so he’s glued to the screen. if he does fall asleep, you’ll see his eyes flicker a little bit, and then he’ll wake up, embarrassed. “i wasn’t asleep.”

𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐫𝐢𝐧 🖤

movie choice: 

picks horror (obviously) that is action-packed, high-stakes, and intense. think action thrillers or violent, gripping psychological dramas. even documentaries based off of true stories.

might throw in a random indie flick to keep things “fresh,” but it’s always serious movies with a lot of tension. 

would never pick a comedy or rom-com. he’s all about the deep, dark stories. 

during the movie: 

stoic and quiet. he’s not there to chat, he’s there to watch. 

gets unexpectedly emotional during movies about loss or revenge, but he hides it. you can tell he’s clenching his jaw. 

tends to scoff at the overly sentimental moments but won’t outwardly show it unless you push him to comment. 

falls asleep?

nope. this man does not fall asleep during a movie, not even if the plot drags on for an hour. he’ll probably zone out when things are slow, but he’s still mentally locked in. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[ghoulmore-girl]

🌸✨ Pick a Card — Critters in Flowers Edition ✨🌸

Hi hello yes, this is a new PAC but also maybe a little gentle flower field for your spirit to lie down in for a second!!

Okay so bestie, today’s signs (and yesterday’s too because time isn’t real) have been... jasmine. Jasmine. JASMIN. It’s in songs, on labels, in random convos. I swear if one more candle smells like jasmine I’m gonna ascend.

Also? Flowers in general. Bonus points if they’re pink. Extra bonus if they’re acacia, peonies, cherry blossoms, or literally anything that looks like a fairy princess cried on a petal.

AND. PEACHES. Like—yes the fruit, but also the color, the vibe, the emoji, the perfume, the aesthetic. If you’ve seen something soft and peachy and thought “oh that feels like a sign”… it might be.

Now. This next one’s niche but someone might need it: Japanese culture references.

Not in a trendy anime-core way (though I love that for you too), but in that quiet, nostalgic, soul-calling kind of way. I haven’t touched a manga since high school (I was HARDCORE into it) and it’s been nearly ten years, but suddenly I keep seeing temples, stream-side walks, museum clips, and traditional spring festivals everywhere?? It’s giving “restful return to something that once gave joy.”

So if you’ve been getting that pull too — like a peaceful craving to walk slowly through a garden and just be — helloOOOO this is your sign!!!!

🌼✨ How to Pick a Pile: ✨🌼

First of all, let’s take the pressure off. You’re not picking a soulmate here. You’re picking a vibe. A picture. A bunny, a golden retriever, or a fawn — surrounded by flowers. There are no wrong answers, just what pulls at your heart or makes your brain go “ooo pretty.” Close your eyes. Breathe. Open them. What are your eyes drawn to?

That’s the one.

Still not sure? Pick the one that makes you want to name it. Or the one that reminds you of a character in a movie you cried over at 3am. You can always read more than one. Take what resonates. Leave the rest like glitter at a party — pretty, but not meant to go home with you.💕

Now scroll down and find your flower child self… waiting patiently to tell you something you probably already knew deep down.

From left to right: Pile one, Pile two, Pile three.

🌸 Bunny Pile — aka Bun-Bun You Good?? 🐰

(Cards: World, Three of Wands, King of Pentacles, Rx Nine of Pentacles, Judgement, Rx Two of Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Three of Pentacles, Knight of Swords • Lenormand: The Key, The Owls, The Heart)

Okay listen, bun-bun. This pile came in like, “Hey... you know that big shift you’ve felt coming? The one you lowkey keep brushing off because you're trying to stay humble and chill and grounded and emotionally unbothered even though you absolutely have a full-blown destiny monologue playing in the back of your head?”

Yeah. That one. It’s happening. That whisper is real.

The World and Three of Wands are like your future self waving from just a few emotional upgrades ahead, yelling, “Come on bestie! We’re doing the thing!!” Something is opening up for you. A new chapter. A long-awaited glow-up. A “wait... am I actually stable now??” moment.

The King of Pentacles and reversed Nine of Pentacles are so interesting together. You are building something real — security, success, or just a life that makes you feel like you have your hands on the steering wheel instead of duct-taped to the bumper. BUT. There’s this weird little voice inside whispering, “Am I allowed to want more?” The answer is YES. Stop spiritually budgeting your dreams just because you’re scared to seem too much. You can be grateful and want growth. You can be stable and still desire soft, expansive change.

Judgement says you’ve been hearing The Call™ — not the literal one (unless you’ve been getting weirdly specific voicemails/texts/messages lately) — but that inner one. The “time to rise” voice. And you’ve been like, “okay but like, can I hit snooze?” You’re allowed to be tired, but don’t ignore the call. It’s something important.

Reversed Two of Pentacles shows you’ve been juggling too much or trying to keep things balanced that just… aren’t. Some emotional plate-spinning has to go. You’re not a circus act babe, you don't have to impress the gallery!!!

But then the Queen of Cups comes in like your emotional support mermaid, full of empathy and softness and saying, “Hey. You’ve got this. You’re allowed to feel everything and still move forward.” Three of Pentacles and Knight of Swords are like, “You don’t have to do it all alone. But you do have to move.” Teamwork + swift action = very good soup.

Lenormand check-in:

The Key — Something is unlocking. A solution, an answer, or just a giant green light. Yes. You’re allowed. Go.

The Owls — There may be chatter or helpful convos coming. People talking about you (nicely). Wisdom shared in unexpected ways. Stay alert for wise crumbs. People want to help you, genuinely.

The Heart — You are doing this for love. For what you love. For the life you want to fall in love with. Your softest wants matter. That’s the compass.

💖 You might need more of:

Standing barefoot somewhere and just sighing really dramatically

Financial clarity moments (with snacks)

People who don’t drain your sparkle

Saying “no” to one thing and “yes” to yourself

Letting yourself feel proud without apologizing

🌸 Final whisper: You’re not silly or selfish or dramatic for wanting more. You’re evolving. Don’t downplay how far you’ve come just because you're used to the climb. You’re not just moving forward — you’re blooming, bun-bun.

🌸 Goldie Pile — aka The “Soft but Shiny” 🐕

(Cards: Rx Knight of Swords, Rx Ten of Pentacles, Temperance, Rx Seven of Swords, Rx Page of Wands, Page of Cups, High Priestess, Two of Cups, Rx Nine of Swords • Lenormand: The Tree, The Coffin, The Birds, The Star)

Okay Goldie. First of all — you have main character healing arc written all over you right now. This is giving “I’ve been through it, and somehow I’m still gentle.”

The reversed Knight of Swords and reversed Ten of Pentacles are like, “We’re not rushing toward the ‘picture perfect’ version of success anymore. We are officially in our realistic slow growth era.” You might’ve had some big dreams or family expectations or goals that looked good on paper but felt hollow up close or like some sort of "trap". And now? You’re reworking what stability actually means. (Spoiler: It might involve fewer spreadsheets and more peace.)

Temperance is the golden retriever of this spread. She’s like, “Easy does it, bestie. Pour into yourself slowly. Balance is not a finish line — it’s a dance.” You’re finding your rhythm. You don’t have to have it all together right now. You just have to keep tending to your own garden.

The reversed Seven of Swords is sneaky. You might’ve been lying to yourself a little — about what you need, how tired you are, or how okay you are with pretending everything’s fine. It’s okay to be real now. You’re safe to be honest.

Reversed Page of Wands says your spark’s been dimmed — but Page of Cups brings it back with a soft “Hey. What if we tried again… gently?” This is creative daydream energy. Soft beginnings. Flirty little feelings. Maybe even messages from people who don’t make your nervous system scream. Trust your curiosity.

High Priestess + Two of Cups = intuition and connection. You’re hearing something under the surface — a gut feeling about a relationship, a creative idea, or a spiritual shift. Listen to it. Your soul is whispering. And the Two of Cups says there is connection here — either blooming or being reborn. Mutual care. Real feelings. Healing that doesn’t require you to shrink.

Reversed Nine of Swords at the end is like the aftertaste of old anxiety. You’ve worried a lot. You’ve overthought. Had conversations in your head that made your chest ache. This card says: you’re allowed to rest now. The worst part is already behind you. The shadow is passing.

Lenormand check-in:

The Tree — Slow, long-term growth. Health, ancestry, grounding. You’re not just healing — you’re rooting.

The Coffin (Death Moth edition) — Something had to end. Whether a phase, a relationship, a mindset, or a dynamic. But this ending made space. And the moth? It’s transformation, baby!!

The Birds — Conversations, nervous energy, little signs. You might be hearing things twice. Or your intuition is loud right now. Talk it out if you need to.

The Star — Hope, wishes, divine guidance. Yes. You are being led. No, you’re not late. Yes, you’re still allowed to dream.

💖 You might need more of:

Saying “let me think about it” instead of a kneejerk yes (because I know you're a people pleaser saying "yes" to things you do not want to do/attend to and that needs to GO bestie!!!!)

Messy journaling at midnight with tea and a blanket

Letting someone actually be there for you

Crying and then watching something ridiculous as a palate cleanser

Dreaming again, even just a little

🌸 Final whisper: You don’t have to be fearless to move forward. You just need to believe there’s something better waiting. You’re not broken for needing time. You’re blooming in a different season — and when it’s time? You’ll know exactly where to grow.

🌸 Doe Pile — aka the “I’m Soft but I Bite (Respectfully)” Blossom 🦌

(Cards: The World, Reversed Justice, Eight of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, Page of Cups, Reversed Seven of Cups, The Sun, Reversed Three of Cups, Reversed Eight of Cups • Lenormand: The Garden, The Bear, The Scythe, The Whip)

Okay, Doe. Come here. Sit down. Take a sip of something cute and warm. We need to talk.

This pile? It’s giving “I’m tired of having to grow from chaos. I would like some peace now, please.” And guess what? That peace? It’s not only possible — it’s overdue.

The World opens the reading, which tells me you’ve completed something — a cycle, a lesson, maybe even a karmic joke the universe kept running a little too long. You’ve outgrown an old identity. You’re not who you used to be, and babe? That’s a good thing!!!

But then Reversed Justice walks in like, “Hi. I know things haven’t always been fair.” Some imbalance still lingers — maybe emotionally, maybe legally, maybe just the vibe of I kept trying and someone else kept dropping the ball. This doesn’t mean the scales won’t balance. It means you’re learning to stop carrying what’s not yours.

The Eight of Pentacles and Queen of Swords are like: “Work smarter, speak clearer, and stop explaining yourself to people who don’t listen.” You’ve been putting in effort — emotionally, mentally, spiritually. You’re sharpening your tools and your voice. And the Queen of Swords says: you don’t have to be cruel to be clear. (But also? Don’t let anyone mistake your softness for submission.)

Then we get the Page of Cups — a sweet, dreamy little message of hope and softness trying to sneak back in. This is your inner romantic peeking out from under the covers like, “Can we… still believe in love? Or joy? Or art?” And the answer is yes. But it’s okay if that belief is coming back slowly.

Reversed Seven of Cups is a sign that you’re clearing out confusion. The fog is lifting. You’re starting to separate your truth from the noise.

And the Sun? Ohhh Doe. That’s joy. Clarity. Play. Your inner child holding your hand like, “Hey. Remember when life used to feel bright?” It still can. Even if it looks different now.

Reversed Three of Cups might suggest a feeling of disconnection — from friends, from your old self, from community. You’re redefining what joy looks like when it’s not about performance or people-pleasing.

And the reversed Eight of Cups at the end? You know something needs to be released — a connection, a habit, a lingering ache. But it’s hard. You’re looking back. Wondering: What if I stayed? What if it could change? But you already know what’s behind you. Let’s see what’s ahead.

Lenormand check-in:

The Garden — Community, visibility, public spaces. This could be about stepping into more social spaces, reconnecting with others, or even being more seen (scary, I know, but also? Kind of good?).

The Bear — Strength, mama bear energy, protection, possibly a protective figure or energy (this could be YOU stepping into your own power, or needing to).

The Scythe (in tempore messis) — A cut — but a necessary one. The Latin on this version means “in harvest time,” which suggests the ending isn’t just painful. It’s fruitful. This is clearing space for something to grow.

The Whip — Conflict, tension, repetition. This might be an argument that keeps happening, a dynamic you’re exhausted by, or even internal self-talk that’s just... mean. This is your sign to interrupt the cycle. You don’t need to rehearse pain just because you’re used to it.

💖 You might need more of:

Boundaries that don’t feel like punishment, just clarity

Letting your soft side write the playlist sometimes

One honest conversation — even if it’s just with yourself

Ending the cycle before it breaks you

Giving yourself the ending you didn’t get from others

🌸 Final whisper: You’re not “too much” for knowing what you need. You’re not cold for walking away. You’re not behind for starting again. And you’re not broken just because you’re still healing. There is light ahead — and this time, it’s for you.

🌸 Ending notes from your neighborhood flower gremlin 🌸

Hey, so happy you made it this far: I just want to say it's okay if this didn’t fully connect! These little readings are like emotional playlists — sometimes the vibe fits, sometimes you’re just here for the aesthetic and snacks. Either way, I’m glad you stopped by!

Remember: you don’t have to resonate with every word for something to still be real, or true, or useful. Take what feels gentle. Leave what doesn’t. You’re the main character of your own story — not a background extra in someone else’s tarot.

Also?? You’re doing better than you think. Even if your hair is a mess and your brain is buffering and you forgot what day it is. The fact that you’re here, being soft and curious and open to signs (and buns and goldens and fawns) — that’s magic.

Until next time, be kind to yourself. Be weirder than necessary. And if you happen to see a flower and it makes you smile for no reason? That counts as a win!!💖

P.S. Tell your nervous system I said: “you’re safe, babe.”

_ Ghoul

[fernwehreader]

ACOSF Bonus Chapter: Lit Analysis

This will be long, and I apologize in advance. But I continue to see the most mind-boggling interpretations of Azriel's ACOSF bonus chapter, that it’s impossible for me to keep quiet. If I see one more take that this chapter is unimportant, an indication of Elain's book being next, or how it's setting up an Elain and Azriel relationship, I fear I may lose my mind.

In my opinion, Azriel’s ACOSF bonus chapter is a crucial piece in the bridge to ACOTAR 5 (which will be Azriel's book). When I teach my high school students to analyze literature, I stress the importance of asking the question, "SO WHAT?" This helps to understand the purpose of the text and potential authorial intent.

So, I'd like to go through that exercise a bit with the bonus chapter (primarily for my own benefit) to underscore the critical elements of its structure and what SJM may be trying to do with it.

--------------------

"SO WHAT?" #1: The bonus chapter is meant to introduce Azriel's POV and set up his arc for the next full-length ACOTAR novel. This chapter is the first time we get Azriel's perspective -- a deliberate choice that signals something important to the reader. He is stepping out of the shadows (ha!) literally and figuratively to make the transition away from being a side character.

For the first time, SJM is deliberately shining a spotlight on Azriel to show that he, too, is fractured and facing his own crossroads. The bonus chapter offers a glimpse into Azriel's internal conflict to communicate that he has a story to tell.

I see comments within the fandom that are critical of Azriel in this chapter regarding his re-gifting of the necklace, how he views Elain as an object he is owed, or in his attitude during his argument with Rhys. Friends, THAT IS THE POINT. We are meant to see Azriel at an incredibly stark low-point. It not only contrasts what's to come later in the chapter, but it is further establishing that this character is fractured and must now prepare to embark on his own healing journey. And, as part of this, SJM begins to deconstruct the idealized version of Azriel that readers have gotten to know. The brooding and stoic warrior has been "humanized" in a sense -- in the bonus chapter, a confused male in need of personal growth emerges.

--------------------

"SO WHAT?" #2: This chapter relies on purposeful authorial intent to present a symbolic shift away from Elain which then foreshadows a future relationship with Gwyn. I know this has been discussed at length within the fandom, so I won't dwell too much on it here. But I will stress that SJM is hitting the reader over the head with the truth that there is nothing sustainable to explore between Azriel and Elain romantically. It is a surface-level, lust-filled, infatuation on Azriel's part, fueled only by the delusion that the "thirds" must be paired up. Azriel is so desperate for a mating bond that his recklessness is in overdrive at this moment. This first half of the chapter is so important because once Azriel leaves Rhys, the reader gets swept away on a pendulum that carries Azriel to a stark tonal shift (and to the House of Wind!).

What I love most about the chapter is what SJM is doing with this pendulum swing between Elain/Rhys and Gwyn/Clotho. The entire bonus chapter is honestly such a rich and interesting example of thematic juxtaposition (if I could, I’d use it in the high school English classes I teach).

EVERYTHING included within this bonus chapter is intentional by SJM when it comes to juxtaposition: the shadows disappearing vs the shadows darting/watching/singing; surface-level lust vs thoughtful emotion and genuine connection; self-loathing vs contentment; selfish taking (“the third”) vs reflective giving (the necklace).

But perhaps most interesting is how Rhys and Clotho are intentional narrative brackets, each following a key emotional beat in Azriel’s internal conflict. Azriel's moment with Rhys could be labelled "rage and responsibility" vs Clotho's scene being about "destiny and discovery." Azriel is confronted by truth (Rhys) and guided by fate (Clotho) . . . Plus, Azriel’s final interaction of this chapter is with the character who literally shares a name with one of the Moirai known specifically for spinning fate. Perhaps Clotho is spinning a new thread for Azriel in this moment -- not commanding his future, but initiating it. And, I can't help but think of all the thread/ribbon/string imagery and metaphors that continue to pile up: Clotho spins the thread of life + the mating bond string that Azriel desperately wants + Gwyn's ribbon cutting (and comment about Azriel being her new ribbon). SJM is juxtaposing Rhys and Clotho as lenses through which Azriel’s internal conflict is reflected and redirected.

--------------------

"SO WHAT?" #3: We learn a great deal about Azriel himself in this chapter that makes us invested in what comes next for him. While this could fall under my first point above, I decided to include it separately here because I would certainly want to draw my students' attention to this if we were analyzing the chapter in the classroom. An author can set up a character arc all they want — but if the reader doesn’t care about the character, then it’s pointless.

Many readers love to focus on the necklace and how much drama it will cause for Azriel in the next book. But I argue that it's one of the least important elements of the entire bonus chapter once it's all said and done. I truthfully am inclined to think we may not even see it at all in the next book (except maybe a brief Easter Egg). There is no need for it. The necklace is symbolic, not literal. It doesn't need to appear again to matter -- its entire purpose is fulfilled within the bonus chapter: to reveal Azriel's internal shift. And, as readers, we are meant to feel the signifcant weight of that shift. What does this mean for Azriel? He clearly has many issues to work through still, but he is different at the end of this chapter compared to how we find him at the start.

That shift also acts like a tug on the reader -- almost saying, "Hey! Did you see this? What do you think this means? He's different here, right?!" Because even though it isn't about the necklace, the necklace is reason for the final scene of this chapter, which really drives home this last "SO WHAT?" analysis.

In my opinion, Clotho's scene is the most important moment in the entire bonus chapter -- not necessarily because of what is said, but because of what's realized. It's where the story stops telling us that Azriel is lost, confused, angry, etc. Instead, the story starts showing us that he's capable of change. How exciting is that?! Azriel is moving from REACTING to CHOOSING. I find it interesting that in the first half of the chapter, Azriel is trying to GET something (approval, validation, what his brother's have). But, in the final scene with Clotho, he is simply faced with a CHOICE. That shift is everything and leaves the reader with a longing to know where that choice will lead him.

The fact that Azriel imagines Gwyn's eyes lighting up (no other person evokes this from him) is the emotional pivot of the chapter. Elain is never described beyond the surface by Azriel. In contrast, Gwyn -- who isn't even physically present in the scene with Clotho -- has the most vivid and emotionally rich moment of the chapter: "He wondered how Gwyn's eyes might light up at the sight of it." This is centered on Gwyn's joy, not his own gratification (a clear and deliberate contrast to his selfish encounter with Elain).

So, essentially, it's not about the necklace anymore. It's about who Azriel is when he thinks about Gwyn. I don't know about you, but when I consider this, I want to know more about where this is going. If this shift occurs after just a brief encounter with Gwyn, what happens if they spend more time together?

--------------------

The entire bonus chapter is, in my opinion, meant to serve as a pivot point for Azriel's characterization as we prepare to spend a great deal of time with him in ACOTAR 5. Azriel is meant to be at his lowest in the beginning of the chapter so the reader can feel the shift by the end . . .

And, although I will save it for another post at another time, I think we can begin to see how Azriel might be working through his issues based on his behavior in CC3. Without getting too in depth, he comes across more open and less guarded, humming, not shying away from physical touch, etc. Everyone will have their own takes on this at this point, but we only have what we have to base our analysis on. Azriel is certainly different in CC3 compared to ACOSF. And this is where I believe his bonus chapter can clue us in a bit. Assuming that ACOTAR 5 will at least partially take place before CC3, we can infer that Azriel is well into his healing journey by that point. That journey also seems likely to include Gwyn and her ability to connect with Azriel in a unique way we haven't seen from other characters. But, who can really say?! We will have to wait and see on this one . . . but my money is that there will be important clues from the bonus chapter and after Solstice in ACOSF that will help bridge us to ACOTAR 5 and how Azriel acts in CC3.

[quijotine]

things that made me feral and rabid and a concern for animal control in dandadan ep 11

jealous okarun is actually "so anxious i am about to vomit" okarun and i love that for him

jiji being Like That the second he enters momo's class and immediately announcing that not only they live together, they're lovers 💀 jiji💀

but you know what, in jiji's defense i see the Vision. like those 0.5 seconds where he actually got real with momo were >>>> this boy is best boy.

okarun reacting by working out to bottle up his emotions and get ripped instead of dealing with them is so terminally Man of him it's the only time I've ever rolled my eyes at him fhdbsbsbs

MOMO AYASE WHAT DO YOU MEAN "I'LL FEED YOU"

iconic behavior queen, iconic.

girl was flirting with okarun so mf hard and the way this boy was about to have a fucking aneurysm dndbsbsb stop

the anatomy model guy with okarun's golden ball. (i had an out of body experience just typing this. dandadan is not a show, it's an acid trip dhdbsbs)

i need to read the manga to catch up with the lore because I have so many questions about okarun's transformation. Does he rememeber what he says in yokarun form? but also it's such a nifty little pressure valve for his personality like

i don't think he has no feelings as he described it the first time momo helped him transform, it's like, his emotions actually take over but this guy is so lonely and clinically anxious that what he's been feeling for so long bubbles up to the surface. and that something is Depression. lol. depression and apathy.

because also he gets blunter when he transforms and he doesn't seem to remember he literally calls momo "babe" when mans cannot even bear to have girlie on a first name basis??

but also BUT ALSO the way they had me kicking and screaming at okarun already half in yokai form when he was running after momo and jiji because didn't he say that he transforms when he is feeling angry? and the way he was already transformed, which means his anger was already getting the best of him, already making him blunter by actually admitting out loud he didn't like that jiji kept hugging momo fjdbshsushsbsjssb

chat I'm unwell

i know it's such a dumb little thing but it meant SO much

having me howling and clawing against the walls

but also I didn't get why he didn't just run the first time when he transformed? he had to do the thing two times until he put his shoes away? was he waiting for his coat thing or was he just being ocd and couldn't run until he put his shoes away?

ALSO

THE WAY HE IMMEDIATELY FIXED HIS POSTURE WHEN REALIZATION DAWNED ON HIM THAT HE LOVES MOMO AFTER SEEING THE FRIGGIN ANATOMY DOLLS FIGHTING FOR THEIR LOVE (dhsbaba acid trip acid trip acid triiiiiip) SUCH A SMALL DETAIL SUCH A DEFINITE AND ELEGANT WAY TO SHOW HIS CHANGE OF MIND, HIS CHARACTER GROWTH, AND HIS RESOLUTION ALL IN LESS THAN A SECOND. DANDADAN THE SHOW THAT YOU ARE.

[rockpaperimpala]

So about Netflix's the Last Airbender....

I am literally so confused you guys. You made me think I would HATE this show. And I LOVED it. Me. Known perfectionist and hater.

Katara was lovely. Yes, she started as a more soft spoken character than her cartoon version, but she was still passionate and hopeful throughout, just visibly unsure of herself. I think people were thrown off by this actress' natural way of expressing herself, which is Different from animated katara for sure, but not bad. Then she spends the whole season growing in Confidence and Fire. I Adored her fight with Paku, it really did feel like a payout of the whole season's development, and the bending kicked ass!

The Bending Kicked ass!!! The martial arts was fun and fast and creative and exciting! It looked SO good. That alone would be enough reason for me to watch and enjoy any show.

Zuko's actor was fantastic. He really captured the rage and confusion of this 16 year old banished prince. And there were so many Added moments between him and Iroh wich to me enriched their relationship. Like YES! This is why I'm watching, to see more of them, to see things done a little differently.

Iroh facing the consequences of his actions at Ba Sing Se!! That's what I'm here for!

Zuko's relationship with the men on his ship! That's what I'm here for!

The Extra layers we get to Ozai manipulating his children!

Also no one is talking about Admiral Zhao, who I had SO much fun with. I feel like they slightly fleshed out his character in a really dramatic way, really developing the hubris and frankly insane grasping ambition of someone who would kill the moon. I completely enjoyed this wilder, less controlled version of him, who comes up through the season from basically nothing and no one!

I am OBSESSED with King BUMI and his anger and disillusionment with the world! Like this was SO real. Living a hundred years of futile war would do that!!!! It is one of my favorite changes to the whole series. This new layer of emotion and character depth is what I'm here for!

Sokka was SO funny. He literally had me laughing out loud so often. That actor GETs Sokka, and GETS the way his humor is delivered. And is also able to tap into the more vulnerable side of him. People said he was "obsessed" with leadership. WHAT? That is a young person trying desperately to do his best and to try and find his place in the world, to figure what he has to offer. I loved his pride at hearing the Mechanist say that he would make a good engineer, and the sweetness of the moment that Yue's father says that he can be a hero without being a warrior. Sokka does so much growth in this series, in understanding himself and life.

And his chemistry with Suki was adorable!! I even like him and Yue (who was a totally unexpected sweetheart, despite her terrible wig)!! Like he has that same ability that Sokka has in the original to Connect with people.

Aang was great! He WAS fun loving and sweet and funny. I don't know what you guys wanted. Cartoons are always bigger and more exaggerated than live action. People's eyes swell up an, birds fly around their heads, and there are funny sound effects. That larger than life quality is the strength of animation! You have to look for different strength in live action. Like the SUBTLETIES of the acting choices. This little actor brought so much kindness, innocence, and strength to Aang.

And I FELT his frustration at being asked to do this at 12, his fresh hope anytime it looked like someone more experienced would be able to help him and no one did, and that's why he didn't learn waterbending this season, because he kept waiting for an freaking ADULT to show him the way, to help him carry this immense burden, but every adult he meets asks him for help instead, asks him to carry it himself, and then the finale hits and he realizes that there won't be any adults helping, he does have figure this out himself, and he makes the hard choice, takes on responsibility more than his years and offers himself to the ocean spirit, and he might have been lost entirely if not for Katara!

And that counter running theme to the show pays off: that he doesn't have to do it alone. He may not have more experienced guidance, because the adults have let him down again and again, but his friends will be with him, and they will figure it out together!

This is there throughout the series! Katara tells him this about learning waterbending, when he says he still wants to wait. Bumi tells him this in the palace at Omashu, and Aang sees the faith he has in his friends repaid!

I like these changes! And the show still found time for silly fun adventures and character building moments.

The show was never going to be the animated original. That is already a Masterpiece, and it frankly did NOT need to be adapted at all. I did not WANT a live action adaptation. I was adamantly convinced I would hate it. But the changes that they netflix show gave are what I Iike most about it. If I want to see Zuko say "you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun," I will go watch the animated original, because that version is perfect. And now, if i want to see Zuko say "Lu ten would have been proud to have you as a father," and see iroh pull him into a tight hug, I can watch this live action version, which is very good too. I'm going to disagree with most of the people on here and say that the Netflix's Avatar: The Last Airbender, DOES capture the heart of what we liked about the original show. It's spirit, fun, excitement, and characters. And the changes made are the reason we should be watching.

[rosemarymoodboards]

Why Tucker and Sam Would’ve Made a Better Couple Not Only For Themselves But Also For Danny, and For the Entire Story

Let’s be honest: the show never really gave us space to consider Tucker and Sam as a romantic possibility. But once you actually slow down and look at the dynamics between them, it becomes really clear that not only would they have made a strong, balanced couple. They also would’ve made the story so much better.

This isn’t about forcing ships. It’s about seeing missed opportunities for character growth, emotional complexity, and real storytelling potential.

Tucker and Sam Balanced Each Other Naturally

Sam is driven, intense, and grounded in principle.

Tucker is lighthearted, confident, and emotionally intuitive.

Where Sam sees systems to challenge, Tucker sees ways to adapt and move through them.

They’re opposites not in conflict, but in harmony.

She’s earth. He’s tech. She’s activism. He’s innovation.

She can be rigid. He can be avoidant. But together? They’d challenge each other in ways that feel safe, not performative.

They Already Had Chemistry The Writing Just Didn’t Frame It That Way

In the episode 'Mystery Meat' , they have a literal ideological debate about meat vs. vegetarianism. It’s petty and hilarious, and it shows how naturally dynamic their relationship already was.

In the episode 'Attack of The Killer Garage Sale' we find out Sam is secretly rich in a scene with Tucker, not Danny.

In episode '13' Tucker tries to reinvent himself and lose his identity. It’s Sam who calls him out and grounds him again.

They had friction. Dialogue. Challenge. And trust.

The story just never let those moments be romantic, but that doesn't mean they weren’t meaningful.

Tucker Deserved Emotional Depth, And Sam Deserved to Be Seen

Tucker was constantly pushed into the “comic relief” zone.

He was smart, confident, emotionally stable, and yet, he was never allowed to lead, to grow, or to be chosen. He was there to support.

Sam, on the other hand, was flattened into “the edgy girl who secretly likes the hero.”

Instead of letting her be complex, the show locked her into a trope. Danny didn’t really see her. He just ended up with her.

Why Sam and Tucker? They saw each other.

He never tried to fix her. She never tried to shrink him. They just existed side by side, exactly the kind of foundation that makes a good romance real.

Danny Would Have Benefited From That Pairing, Too

If Sam and Tucker had a slow burn romantic arc, Danny would’ve had to do the one thing he never truly did in the show:

Look at himself.

It would’ve forced Danny to grow outside of his emotional safety net. He wouldn’t be the center of their triangle he’d be part of a trio where everyone had their own life, their own growth, and their own relationships.

Tucker x Sam would’ve freed Danny up to explore other dynamics like Valerie. Or himself. Or, better yet, his own trauma, his double life, and what it means to actually be seen when you’re split between two worlds.

It Would’ve Opened the Door to So Many B-Plots

Imagine:

-Sam and Tucker building something on their own while Danny’s off ghost fighting

-Tucker navigating the social ladder while Sam questions why he cares at all

-Sam challenging Tucker’s materialism, Tucker challenging Sam’s judgmental streak

-Actual romantic tension in the group that doesn’t rely on Danny being the center of it

Their relationship could’ve deepened the world, added real stakes, and given us a second love story that wasn’t about fantasy but about balance.

Tucker and Sam Were Already the Most Emotionally Mature Characters Compared to the Rest of Their Peers

Tucker knew who he was. Sam knew what she stood for.

They weren’t chasing popularity or validation they were already living in their truth.

That’s why their love wouldn’t have been loud or dramatic.

It would’ve been steady. Soul rooted. Safe.

The kind of love story that doesn’t scream but lasts.

Conclusion

Sam and Tucker didn’t need to “complete” each other.

They didn’t need to “fix” each other.

They just needed space to be seen as more than background characters orbiting Danny’s fantasy arc.

Their relationship wouldn’t have just been good for them it would’ve been good for the entire story.

Because love that’s built on balance, challenge, and mutual recognition?

That’s the love story we were never given but absolutely deserved!

[artyphex]

Mate the issue isn't that Stolitz got together the issue is that Stolitz is now 90% of the show

And why is that an issue?

I'm not trying to be dense, I'm not trying to gotcha. I'm asking: why is that an issue?

Because the relationship between Stolas and Blitz has been there since the show started, literally the first episode it's established as a thing, the second episode has Stolas flirting with Blitz the entire time, episode 5 has Blitz save Stolas from an assassin.

Their relationship was literally always a center of the show. It is not NEW. This is why I'm so baffled that people are acting like it is. As the show continued, and both Stolas and Blitz got more development... of course their relationship was gonna play a big part? As the show leaned more into themes of classism and unjust systems... naturally the already sexual relationship between the dude from the lower class and the dude from the higher class was gonna be fleshed out? One way or another?

And sure, if you wanted an episode show about demons killing, it certainly stopped being that and I get being disappointed about that. But saying "It's all about STOLITZ" is just so weird to me. It's always been about Stolas and Blitz, they're just more focused this arc

And that's another thing. This arc. This is season 2 of (I think) 4. The midpoint. Time for big change. If they want Blitz and Stolas to get together before the end of the show, now's the time to do it. It will involve heavy character development on both sides, the only way to do that is to center them and their relationship. But it doesn't mean they'll be the center of every single arc going forward.

They've established they want to be together, but they've still got things to sort out separately. I'm fully expecting Blitz and Stolas' relationship to take a back seat to their individual growth. It'll still be there, and some episodes will be about it, but the next season won't be so much about their romance as it about them and their relationships in general.

And before people say "Well, I don't trust Helluva Boss to do that" I do! Genuinely! Why do I? Because every single thing I've said I think will happen that will make for a competently told story in season 2 has happened

I've literally been saying since Full Moon that I expect season 2 to end with Blitz and Stolas together, but Stolas estranged from Octavia and Blitz still estranged from his sister, so season 3 can have mending those relationships as its emotional core. And... that's what happened. That's exactly what happened. I have no reason to believe they won't follow through with what they've set up because they already DID

I don't know man, the longer I'm in this fandom, the more forced a lot of the "criticisms" seem. Sure, there's critique to be had, I still think I could file a whiplash claim from the tone of this show, but "The writing is bad!" "The storytelling is bad!" Just... isn't that true. Not when I sit down and look at it from an objective standpoint. It's not perfect, obviously, but it's competent. This is a show that knows what it's doing.

You can not like what it's doing, that's fine, but it doesn't make what it's doing BAD. "Bad writing" has been so skewed lately to mean "any writing choice I don't like." They don't equate. They never have

Anyway. Stolitz makes perfect sense to me, yes my main engagement through fandom has always been shipping, but if you know me you know you can't force me to care about a main ship without reason. I have reason. Stolitz is a well-done relationship in my book, and I was very satisfied with the end of season 2 for it

[deepseasmetro]

I see Steven as more transmasc but im super interested in how you see him as transfem bc I don’t think ive seen that take before surprisingly.. if you don’t care to explain that’s totally fine im just curious

So like. okay. Obviously Stevens entire arc, and really the entire overarching themes of Steven Universe are fundamentally a trans allegory. This isn't really up for debate, right. Steven is fighting to be seen as who he is and not who everybody in his life sees him as. And yes, the person everyone sees him as is femininely coded, uses she/her, etc. But the thing is is that this is an allegory.

I mean first of all in most importantly like. he is explicitly assigned male at birth. we see him as a baby and he is referred to as a baby boy, he/him etc. He is just not assigned female at birth. In fact he is a very very explicitly NOT assigned female! "three gems and a baby" centers on this - the gems are struggling to conceptualize Steven as Steven and this includes his birth sex.

So like. Steven literally textually cannot be transmasculine.

Like. I get where people are coming at with this. When Steven is being literally misgendered, he's being misgendered with she/her. He's being called Rose. There's that Blue Diamond line "she prefers to be called Steven". The authority figures in his life telling him he's not himself are insisting that he's Rose.

So like yes, on a surface level, these experiences relate more strongly to a transmasculine experience just because of the pronouns being used.

But Steven is assigned male at birth!!!!

Steven is boundlessly feminine. He "crossdresses" with excitement. "But if it were me, I'd really wanna be, a giant woman". Fusing with Connie is a source of immense joy and love and self expression for him - Stevonnie is integral to his growth as a person and as a character. I think it's weird, honestly, to see him as transmasc when he clearly finds melding entirely with a girl to be so good and joyful.

Future really is what does it in for me though. Steven isn't being constricted by this externally imposed identity of Rose anymore. He's being constricted by his own identity of "Steven Universe". He Is Steven Universe. The Boy Who Saved The Galaxy. And he HAS to be that person, that boy, to be deserving of love. And part of this is ALSO taking on the emotional labor of fixing everyone else's problems and being endlessly useful and emotionally available to his own detriment (something plenty of transfems would tell you they've experienced)!

So like. Put all of that together, right;

Steven IS trans-coded - his character arc is fundamentally a trans allegory

Steven is explicitly and textually assigned male at birth

Steven repeatedly shows interest, joy, and fulfillment in presenting feminine, exploring a transfeminized nonbinary gender expression, and deliberately modeling himself after the women and girls in his life

Steven feels boxed in by not just Rose's identity (an externally imposed VERY specific idea of femininity) but his OWN "accepted" identity as Steven Universe™️

And I mean - he had to fight like HELL to break free of Rose's identity. Wouldn't it make sense for that to also force somebody deeper into a closet? I think Bridget from GG is a really good example of something similar to this. She was forcefully imposed with a feminine gender identity under circumstances that suffocated her instead of it being something she came to of her own autonomy. I think Steven's arc is sooo similar and I think a hypothetical SU continuation would make the most sense with a transfeminine Steven.

and BTW shoutout to @plaidos for being my transfeminine Steven sister in arms

[criticalcrusherbot]

Compassionate Questioning: A Gentle Push for Antis to Touch Some Grass

By….Human Assistant?? 💁🏽‍♀️🤠

💁🏽‍♀️: Shhhh 🤫 Crushbot is sleeping 🤖😴

Let’s be real—bad-faith critics aren’t interested in genuine debate. No matter how well you explain something, they’re not really listening. Their goal isn’t understanding, it’s winning. But after chatting with a psychologist friend of mine, I’ve started reshaping how I approach these interactions.

So, what if, instead of banging our heads against the wall, we tried two different things?

1. Recognize when someone isn’t actually interested in conversation and stop wasting our breath.

2. Use some empathetic questioning to get them to focus on the real issue: their borderline obsessive hatred of a cartoon about gay demon furries.

Because let’s be honest—most of these arguments aren’t about Helluva Boss itself. They’re about discomfort with its themes, biases against certain character types, or straight-up projection. So let’s break down some common criticisms and respond with some therapist-style questioning to (gently) expose what’s really going on.

1. “Stolas is just an ‘uwu boy’ to excuse his toxic behavior.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “That’s an interesting take! What makes you feel that his vulnerability is being used as an excuse rather than a character trait? Do you think a character can be both flawed and emotionally complex?”

Translation: Are you mad that Stolas has emotions, or are you mad that people like him despite his flaws?

A lot of people act like a sympathetic portrayal = automatic forgiveness, but that’s just not how storytelling works. Maybe the issue isn’t that the show “excuses” Stolas, but that it refuses to dehumanize him for making bad choices.

2. “Blitz doesn’t deserve a redemption arc, he’s awful to everyone.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “What does ‘deserve’ mean to you in this context? Do you think redemption arcs are only for characters who are already likable? If so, how do you feel about villains who get redemption arcs in other media?”

Translation: Are you this mad when other messy, morally gray characters get growth, or is it just Blitz?

People say they want complex characters but balk when those characters aren’t immediately lovable. A redemption arc isn’t about excusing past behavior—it’s about showing how someone changes.

3. “The show focuses too much on romance instead of being a fun comedy.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “That’s fair! Expectations shape how we experience a show. Do you think the issue is that romance exists, or that it’s not executed the way you personally prefer? How do you feel about comedies that mix romance with drama?”

Translation: Is the problem the existence of romance, or that you don’t like the way this show does it?

Helluva Boss has always been planting seeds of character-driven drama. Expecting it to stay a gag-a-minute comedy was bound to leave you disappointed.

4. “Loona has no real character development—she’s just a bitch who yells a lot.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “That’s interesting! What does meaningful character development look like to you? Do you think male characters with similar traits get the same criticism, or do they get more leeway?”

Translation: Why is Loona the problem, but not Blitz, Mammon, or literally any other loud, abrasive character in the show?

This critique isn’t new—it’s the same double standard that follows female characters in Helluva Boss in general. People say the female cast is either “too weak” (Octavia, Verosika) or “too aggressive” (Loona, Stella), but the moment a woman gets actual nuance (Octavia, anyone?) suddenly it’s “bad writing.” Maybe the issue isn’t the writing—maybe some people just don’t like female characters unless they fit a narrow, palatable mold.

5. “Fizz got retconned into a useless twink. He used to be cool.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “What specifically makes you feel that Fizz’s character was ‘retconned’? Do you think your perception of him in Season 1 was fully accurate, or just based on limited information? Do you believe a character needs to be physically strong to be compelling?”

Translation: Why do you feel personally betrayed that Fizz turned out to be… a disabled theater kid?

The real issue here is that people projected a completely different personality onto Fizz based on his Ozzie’s cameo and then got mad when the show revealed that, shocker, he’s a whole person with vulnerabilities. The funniest part? A lot of these complaints come from people who claim to be “progressive” yet have no problem calling a visibly disabled character a “useless twink” the moment he stops being an edgelord in their heads.

6. “This show is garbage and Viv is a terrible writer.”

💁🏽‍♀️: “That’s a strong reaction! What keeps you so invested in something you dislike? Do you think this much frustration over a cartoon is a productive use of your time and energy? Would you feel happier focusing on something you actually enjoy?”

Translation: Babe, why are you still here?

This is where a lot of anti-Helluva Boss people need to take a step back. If you genuinely think a show is that awful, why not just… move on? If you’ve made hating it part of your personality, that’s not media critique—that’s weirdly personal. Maybe the issue isn’t the show, but the fact that you’ve sunk so much time into something you refuse to let go of.

Final Thoughts: Don’t Fight—Redirect

The key here isn’t to get into an endless argument with people who refuse to engage. It’s to either:

1. Get them to reflect on what they’re actually mad about.

2. Make it painfully obvious to onlookers that their argument is weak and rooted in bias.

So next time you see someone foaming at the mouth about Helluva Boss, try hitting them with some gentle, leading questions. Either they start thinking critically, or they spiral into incoherence. Either way, you win.

[myimaginarywonderland]

I truly want Eddie and Buck to fight.

Mainly because I have wanted Buck to blow up at someone from the 118 for years. I get that apparently there were off-screen apologies but the way every single member treated Buck when he got a lawyer, the way everyone has dismissed Buck's trauma before that, the way Buck was literally punshed by Chim, the way Buck's has (nearly) died multiple times and the trauma of that is never really acknowledged, the way Buck was sexually assaulted and everyone joked about it, the way Buck has had so much shit just put on him unknowingly sometimes by them, yes, I want Buck to snap.

I want Buck to finally stand up to someone and tell them that it's not okay, that what he went through wasn't okay and that he needed his family with him when they weren't.

I need Buck to finally see "I deserved better" and have someone show him he deserves better (aka Tommy.)

I need someone to finally be in Buck's corner, to tell him that what he went through wasn't okay and that he doesn't need to get over it because you just don't get over some traumas.

I need Buck to finally have a moment where he is allowed to be angry, where he is allowed to feel his emotions, where he is allowed to hurt and someone is immediately there to catch him, to be beside him.

I need Buck to finally be allowed to be proud of his work, to finally understand how much he has done as a firefighter when he didn't even have to, to understand that he can be more, that he is allowed to want more.

I need Buck to finally be allowed to go on a pathway up the FD ladder because he deserves it, he has earned himself the opportunity to get a chance to prove himself.

I need this season to finally lay the groundwork to Buck's full potential as a character, as a love interest, as firefighter. I need this to be the start of his true growth where he is finally allowed to want things and to get the things, the happy ending, that he always wanted for himself.

I need this to be a turning point for Buck where we finally see him settle into himself and I truly believe that for that to start he needs to let go of some unspoken things, he needs to be allowed to feel and to be angry at his family without knowing if he will have support.

And I need Buck to be the one to finally make Eddie realise how incredibly toxic and dangerous his behaviour is because no one else will probably get through to him. I also need Buck to understand that healing Eddie, that helping Eddie, can only go so far and that this is something that he can't fix because it's not his to fix.

I need Buck, the one person who always wants to help, who does everything to help, who will do anything to try to fix something, I need that Buck to be held and to be told that not everyone can accept his help. I need that Buck to be loved while someone tells him that Buck matters too, that Buck can not destroy himself for someone who might not even be ready to heal. I need Evan, the kid who always felt like something was wrong and that he had to make up for it, to be looked at and to be promised that he is enough, that just being him is enough and that he doesn't need to be more than that.

And yeah, if I think that Tommy can do that, then yeah, I need Tommy to be there while Buck is slowly realising that he matters too, that he deserves to be happy too.

[blurrilines]

Alright, it’s time I discuss Star Sapphire Bernard and why I think he would legitimately be a good fit for becoming a ring wearer (aka Blurri read a theory book on love and has a lot of feelings about Bernard Dowd and now the Star Sapphires could be written moving forward)

First let’s establish what makes a Star Sapphire chosen by the Star Sapphire Ring (bear in mind I am not a full expert and I understand that the Star Sapphire Corps have changed over time so I’ll try to be as up to date on their lore as possible). Star Sapphires are empowered by Love the way Green Lanterns are empowered by Willpower. They are typically portrayed as women scorned or someone who lost someone they love, and this event is what lead them to obtain their abilities, aka when the ring chose them and They chose to become a Star Sapphire, aka fight fear and hatred and give love.

However, It’s not exclusive to these events taking place the same way wearing a Star Sapphire ring isn’t exclusive to women, it’s just usually the case we see in most stories. This emphasis on choice is where I’m reminded of Bernard.

Bernard Dowd is someone who’s been hurt, both in a very literal, physical sense, as well as an emotional and spiritual one. Starting with the obvious Bernard was in a pain cult, where literal beatings were used to achieve “enlightenment” and so on, though for Bernard it was clearly something he felt he deserved, much like eventually becoming the cults sacrifice, which Tim fortunately intervened in. However, despite being rejected by his parents after coming to terms with not being straight and not having seen Tim in years, not to mention being deep in the cult that convinces him that beating will make the pain in his heart stop, he chooses to reconnect with Tim. And when freed from the cult’s sacrificial alter, he fights by Tim’s side to free not only himself from the cult but the others they indoctrinated.

Later we see this theme continue with Bernard talking about how he wouldn’t reject his parents if they decided to change their tune and treat him like their son again, even if it would be more than understandable for him not to. He chooses to see them as people who can change, and to love them despite the pain they’ve caused him, while still keeping his distance and not caving to their manipulation or demands. Bernard is someone who has been shown, in multiple ways, to already align with the Star Sapphire’s foundations of choosing to give love and fight against hatred - even when it would be the arguably easier option.

There’s also the fact that at this point there are currently no male Star Sapphires in their ranks, only male Lanterns who’ve briefly worn the ring. This would leave Bernard in a unique position as the only known male Star Sapphire, leaving for a new and interesting story to be told for DC. Bernard is also a character criticized at times for “only being a love interest” and being created as a supporting character to Tim, as was the case when he first debuted Pre-Rebirth. Turning that trope on its head by making Bernard a being literally giving super powers from the love he has, for Tim or otherwise, would be dope as hell imo, but that might just be me.

Love is sometimes defined as the choice to extend oneself to nurture another or your own spiritual growth (go read all about love by bell hooks for more on that). It is an action and a decision made the same as activating one’s willpower to achieve their goals. I think with this specification in mind we see how Bernard embodies this choice and how it could lead to him becoming a powerful member of the Star Sapphire Corps.

TLDR; Bernard is a character who is shown to already align with the core of what a Star Sapphire is (choosing love and gaining power from it) and it’d be cool if DC gave him a ring.

[marauderspolls]

She's just more interesting than them. Like, lily is so boring.

wait wait hold on a minute, are you serious…

the fact that people even try to compare Lily Evans and Bellatrix Lestrange like they're on the same level actually makes me want to throw something. Like, Bellatrix's a one-note lunatic with a murder kink and zero personality outside of “I love Voldemort” and “I want to kill things.” That’s it. That’s the whole character. She’s just evil for the sake of being evil, and yeah, sure, she’s scary or whatever, but she’s not interesting. She has no depth, no real motivation beyond blind fanaticism, and no development. She starts the series as an unhinged Death Eater, and she dies as an unhinged Death Eater. There is nothing in between.

Bellatrix is literally just a rabid dog for Voldemort. That’s it. That’s her whole function. Her family? She doesn’t care about them unless they align with her weird pure-blood ideals. Her own sister tries to distance herself from her because she’s so far gone. And don’t even get me started on the way she treats people—she’s all about power, control, and causing pain for the sake of it. She doesn’t even have a goal beyond “make Voldemort proud,” and like... for what? That man does not care about her! She dies grinning because she’s so far up his arse she doesn’t even realize how pathetic she is.

And THEN you have Lily, who is just so much more compelling in every single way. She doesn’t have power handed to her on a silver platter. She wasn’t born into some rich, pure-blood family with connections and influence. She worked for everything—her magic, her place in the wizarding world, her friendships. She got there because she was talented and determined, not because she had some bloodline nonsense backing her up. And the best part? She could’ve taken the easy way out. She could’ve married Snape’s ideology and been like, “Yeah, maybe blood status does matter,” but she didn’t. She chose to fight back. She chose to stand up for people who needed it, even when it was hard.

And don’t even get me started on love. Bellatrix thinks she loves Voldemort, but it’s not love—it’s obsession. She throws away everything for a man who doesn’t care about her. Lily? Lily chooses someone who actually grows, who actually loves her back. She has real relationships, real emotions, real stakes.

Lily is brave in a way Bellatrix will never be. Bellatrix dies cackling because she never once considered that she might lose. Lily knew she was going to lose, and she did the right thing anyway.

Meanwhile, Lily? Lily is a real person. She’s funny, she’s sharp, she stands up for what’s right without being some perfect, holier-than-thou character. She has actual relationships that matter, actual emotions that make sense, and she grows. She changes. She starts as this kid who’s just discovering the magical world, and by the time she dies, she’s someone who’s made her own choices, built a life for herself, and actively fought against people like Bellatrix - actively fought against a system that's designed to oppress people like her, whereas Bellatrix was in a convenient position of power from start to finish - like bffr when did she ever LOSE anything? There's zero CANON evidence that she was abused so that entire argument is moot.

So yeah, if you actually think Bellatrix is a more interesting character than Lily, I genuinely don’t know what to tell you. One of them is an actual person with complexity, growth, and depth. The other is just a glorified attack dog with a creepy Voldemort fixation. It’s not a competition.

[tryandbehappy]

Nick and June are the definition of endgame not because they’ll get a “happily ever after,” but because they’re the ones who change each other.

Let’s talk about classic storytelling for a second and psychology.

Sure, in real life, love doesn’t always look like a character-defining transformation.Sometimes people just live together 😂

But in fiction?

In stories that move us whether it’s novels, films, or long-form series we’re drawn to love that changes people. That forces growth.

Because that’s what storytelling is about transformation.

We’ve seen it a thousand times:

Elizabeth and Darcy.

Rose and Jake.

Beauty and the Beast.

Jamie and Claire.

Damon and Elena and hundreds more.

The best romantic arcs aren’t about comfort, they’re about collision. One person crashes into another and shakes their very core.

They challenge old beliefs, destroy illusions, awaken parts of each other they didn’t even know existed.

And June and Nick?

They are that couple.

They’re not just lovers. They’re catalysts. They force each other to grow.

And we’ve seen it time and again throughout the series:

They’re not in each other’s lives by accident. They are there to transform each other.

Compare that to Luke and June.

There is no growth. No forward motion.

Just two people trying to glue together a version of the past that doesn’t fit anymore.

They keep circling the same question:

“Are we only together because of Hannah?”

And while June is drowning in guilt for loving someone else, Luke is constantly trying to prove he’s the better man: to her, to Nick, to himself.

But no matter how hard he tries, he can feel that it’s not working. Because their story isn’t about love anymore, it’s about holding on out of obligation.

Meanwhile, Nick and June keep evolving. They keep pushing each other forward even when it hurts.

June’s journey?

She was raised to be a fighter. A protestor and a perfectionist. By a mother who believed in feminism above all and made June feel like she had to be strong, independent, untouchable.

But June craves love. She wants connection.

And she can’t reconcile that with the ideals she was raised with so she punishes herself for wanting, for loving, for being human.

She can’t forgive herself!!! Not for surviving. Not for falling for Nick.

She’s trapped between being the “perfect mother,” “perfect wife,” “perfect revolutionary” and just being herself.

Nick challenges that.

He mirrors back all the things she tries to hide.

He sees her darkness and loves her anyway. He will never judge her like Luke or her mother. And maybe that’s what terrifies her most because she is used to judging herself all the time

But Nick?

Nick is just as broken. He’s never believed he deserves happiness.

He carries guilt from his past, from the moment he joined Gilead, from everything he did to survive.

He shuts himself off emotionally because when he feels, he feels too much.

He loves deeply and it’s too painful.

So he tells himself it’s safer not to love at all. And that was like that before he met June. (He told his boss commander he’s trying to avoid emotional attachments)

But June cracks that open. She makes him feel again.

She questions him like “do you want this bullshit life?” or like in this ep she literally questioned if he wanted to be like them. She already challenged him - he finally decided he wanted to run away with her. And now he has to find himself.

And that’s his entire arc. He has to stop hiding.

He has to step into who he could be.not just the man who endures, but the man who chooses.

Without this “I can’t get to have what I want”

And June?

She’s the one who keeps asking him to choose more and be more.

That’s why they’re endgame. Because they give each other evolution. They don’t just fall in love, they also build each other. And it’s interesting to watch 🍿

[the-moon-ate-my-stardust]

Okay literally no one asked but as a former Hobbit movie hater who has since experienced character growth, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the movies on my gay little blog.

Listen. There are legit reasons to be critical of these movies. They were made on a rushed timeline, at time where CGI overuse was the thing and there are definitely unnecessary moments. But despite those issues, these movies still have a lot of heart and character and some really wonderful acting! To compare them to LOTR, is unfair I think because LOTR was such an unimaginable success and I truly believe no other movie franchise can do what those movies did. To expect the Hobbit movies to be the same caliber considering the behind the scenes drama and massive difference in timeline is just not it.

Truly I think that the Hobbit could have been much more than it was and it’s sad to see the amazing moments and realize that we could have had movies that were maybe closer to the level of LOTR, but that doesn’t take away from all of the great things that the movies gave us! Despite what he may be like irl, Martin Freeman was a great young Bilbo, Richard Armitage was insanely good as Thorin (despite the change in age) and the other dwarf actors brought a great sense of loyalty, brotherhood and shared loss to their roles. The music is still dope as hell and there are some beautiful shots despite all the CGI.

This is way too long and I’ve not said anything that hasn’t been said before but honestly, I’m so glad that I stopped hating on these movies and have seen the special things about them. Nothing will ever compare to LOTR, but that doesn’t make these movies bad. They’re fun, they’re emotional, they have great characterization and it’s super valid to enjoy them.

Final gay thoughts because I’m obligated, but I struggle with people who argue against Bagginshield with the whole “why does everyone have to make everything gay?” thing. Because Hollywood is so deeply homophobic that we see so little genuine queer representation, so forgive us for enjoying the chemistry we find and making it our own since our society gives us breadcrumbs. If you’re not into Bagginshield, totally legit and fine, but don’t hate on other people (especially queer people) trying to find some romantic love in media that we enjoy. Also no one can convince me that Richard Armitage wasn’t at least somewhat intentionally putting his queer energy into this role, I will die on this hill.

Anyway, TL;DR there’s no shame in liking or loving the Hobbit movies despite their faults and there are lots of things to appreciate and enjoy and I for one, am glad to leave my LOTR purist hater days behind me

[eddiegettingshot]

this will sound weird-ish but I'd love to hear more about your current Eddie arc/911 thoughts (I actually check your blog daily for those) bc I feel like you're one of maybe like 20 people on here who actually get the characters and don't make them something they're not :)

i appreciate you!! i can’t tell if you mean like, my analysis of what’s happening in eddie’s head or my thoughts on the show LMAO. but ummmm it’s very jumbled rn.

as far as eddie’s arc goes…… well like i said i was really tolerant and willing to trust that, with a full season, they were going to do something good and important with it. and um. well at this point i think the ship has sailed on making eddie in texas worth it. basically i think that eddie this season has basically suffered the way buck did in s6: absolutely foregrounded, but with very little payoff, and paired with the fact that none of the other characters are really getting compelling emotional storylines that aren’t entirely self-contained or aren’t, to put it bluntly, particularly well-executed, there’s a lot of imbalance happening where nobody is satisfied. there are definitely parts of this arc that i have liked: i think it maybe gives more insight on eddie as a character in a tough situation, and of course the buddie stuff is good. but my issue with this is that it literally isn’t doing anything for him. you can see why his season 5 arc was important and it resulted in massive character growth. thus far, this has just been reiterating things we literally already knew about him and that eddie knew about HIMSELF. pre-canon! he already knew he needed to step up and be chris’s father, he already knew his parents wanted to raise chris, he already left texas for LA to avoid that, he already knew he was a good father, he already knew he would sacrifice everything for chris… and he went through this all over again for. what? because he didn’t tackle his feelings about shannon, we didn’t get much visible growth or change in his relationship with chris, we didn’t see him actually reckon with his issues with his parents, and it’s possible (POSSIBLE, maybe it’ll be different!) he won’t like, make the choice to return to LA because he wants to—this plot could have dealt with any of those things and probably should have. i think it’s suffering in part for the same reason the og vertigo plot suffered in that they seem to have been unable to actually commit to anything. the kim storyline felt excessively nonsensical because they were too concerned with preserving eddie’s integrity, because they had to make it about this weird role play scene, because it was all about a series of Non-Communications rather than anything legible. similarly they didn’t want to commit to chris being mad at eddie, they didn’t want to commit to the dead momwife aspect, they didn’t want to commit to the doppelganger aspect, they didn’t want to commit to disconnecting eddie from LA entirely, they didn’t even want to commit to having eddie take steps to build a permanent life in el paso beyond the house that he didn’t even need to buy (he doesn’t even have a job he needs to quit!). so because of that he’s just floating and the entire thing seems sort of pointless…while nobody else gets anything either.

of course they can “do stuff” with it that’s entertaining and enjoyable—this has been the case for a lot of it! i’m sure eddie’s return will be emotional and fun to watch—but as a wholesale storyline it’s full of hot air and it’s literally just tiring to watch because you don’t really understand why it’s happening at this point. and this is how it felt watching most of season 7 too: individual episodes were fun, well-acted or had good and interesting moments, but because of the approach to production and the constant, obvious hacking at the story, the season as a whole was inconsistent and choppy. 706 for example is an INCREDIBLE episode in isolation…but madney were shafted in the season as a whole when we can see there should have been more focus on their wedding and their story, etc. similarly 708 is like, a good episode in terms of watching if you like bobby, but nobody really knows why any of that had to happen in that way. i feel the same way about 813. season 8 is just a better watch overall so i really like it and i have enjoyed watching it! but admittedly i LOVED a significant part of 8a and feel like it’s been going downhill…of course in a way that coincides with a lot of the wacky bts stuff we’re seeing. i honestly feel like the unlimited budget is getting to tim’s head a little bit and i think probably there needs to be more focus on grounding these stories in. like. firefighting? the procedural framework? rather than flinging big disasters and melodrama at us at every turn. i’m not saying there should be NONE of that but the show has definitely balanced those things well in the past.