#hes just a tired dad

[theredcuyo]

Fellas picture this one with me

A random magical plot device wanna be villain is confronted by the bats, Tim tracked the guy down to crime alley, so Jason is complaining but relenting just fine as Dick has kept Damian from trying to stab him all night, that's a good run so far

But then, as he is interrogated by the Big batdad, in the middle of his desperation, the guy trhows a monologue about creating an ideal world, where his wishes can come trhu, and he can prove it by making one of them come to reality just now!

He could make it permanent if he just lets him, if he can just have some time everyones wishes will come real, of course, Bruce doesn't accept it, and in a last attempt, the plot device guy conjures a spell just as he gets his ass kicked by batman, because it didn't seem to do anything to him

Once he has the guy tied up and decides to call both Gordon and Zatanna tho, he realizes his kids haven't said a thing since the interrogation, and as any parent knows, silence means trouble

So, he looks around just to find four little figures staring at him

In the place of his sons are know children, and upon inspection, their faces are oldly familiar, and their hair, their eyes, it just becomes clear.

His wish was granted, well, one of many, but, that one probably came out after complaining to Alfred about "not having pictures of his sons as childs for the most part" that morning

Because Dick's didn't have nice quality, Jason's we're next to zero, Tim's all had the same soulless face and Talia didn't actually have any of Damian's because Ra's destroyed them for being a "safety hazard"

Is it bad of he wants to wait just a bit before calling someone to fix it?

[little-witchys-garden]

Talk about Artemis 😜

Okay I got more!

Theory kinda???

Artemis gives off tired dad/tired old man vibes and here's what I got.

It seems like he treats them as children or in some way as juveniles. Like he has to parent them though what kind of dad he is I don't know lol 😂

But let's go over some things for my lil silly theory.

Artemis will put himself in danger to protect the vampires that he's sired

Example

He never really seems to get angry with them just giving them disapproving looks. Even when Duke leaves he doesn't yell, get angry or get agressive just gives him a angry/disappointed glare.

We never see him train with them { yet } either seemingly which makes me wonder if he knows there's a skill imbalance with him being with skilled there and he might not wanna hurt them??

We never seen him yell at them just get annoyed at their behavior especially if they're being childish or mess up.

When we see Duke and his friends practice fight Artemis rolls his eyes but I kinda think it's at Duke being bad at fighting but also the other vampires mocking dude. It's giving a very " these are mine.... Where did I go wrong.." kinda vibe with the eye roll.

We get a lot of visuals of him face palming but never getting abusive or actually angry just annoyed. He just looks annoyed and tired

Then there's this, my favorite picture!

which me and my friend were joking about nonstop but that Artemis let's his vampires get away with a lotta stuff, it seems like. He doesn't even look mad just annoyed and I find it hilarious. Like he's so tired, annoyed and so used to his vampires childish behaviors.

[radiance1]

"I need to find my darling husband!" Said Danny, dressed to the nines in a very elaborate royal dress with a lot of jewelry running through the ballroom after having been on the opposite end of a very worrying phone call.

"Seriously, what do you even see in that mortal!?" Screamed an observant and Danny stopped and leveled them with a glare cold enough to freeze over an active volcano and sharp enough to cut through obsidian.

"He makes me laugh."

Unlike those dead suitors went unsaid, but everyone at the ball (read: search for a bride/groom for the royal ghostling) practically heard it anyways.

Meanwhile over in the land of the living

Okay so Jason may have messed up. Now you see, he hasn't seen his platonic husband for tax benefits in a while, and he's been very careful to not let his identity as the Red Hood slip up before . Not even once in their relationship.

(He's not counting the time his in-laws sniffed him out as a Crime Lord, because Danny never believed them.)

Now, it wasn't exactly his fault he slipped up. You try to fight off an entire group after being pulled up on out of nowhere on the phone while trying to hide said noises of fighting.

Who was he calling? Danny of course since he said he was away for business. What business? Never specified and Jason wasn't going to pry.

So now here he was, bound 'helplessly' as Jason Todd along with a few other random civilians. Which, like, rude.

Wasn't he already good enough for this ancient ritual or whatever?

You know, he really should have walked with that "Anti-kidnapping device" he got that one time. Which honestly he feels like he should be surprised that such a thing exists but considering it was from Bruce. Well.

He's not surprised.

Oh, there's the Justice League now. Shame, he wanted to knock out a few guys himself- Oh, now he's being used to summon a ghost from the Infinite Realms of Royal Lineage.

Yea he probably should have walked with that "Anti-kidnapping device."

Wait a goddamn-

Is that-

"My darling husband!" Danny shouted, scooping him off the circle and away from the head cultist and swinging him around. "You had me worried sick!"

Now, he should ask the question anyone would in this situation when finding out your best friend and platonic husband for tax benefits was apparently a ghost of royal lineage.

"Why're you in a dress?"

"Okay, first of all I rock this thing." Danny huffed.

"That you do." Jason agreed rather easily.

"Second of all, blame those guys over there." He jerked his head in the direction of two very green floating eyeball people.

Not the weirdest he's seen, honestly.

The Observants were whispering to each other and leveling them-Jason in particular-a look.

"Now as you can see, I already have a spouse and I don't need another!" Danny hugged Jason closer for emphasis and he took the time to whisper in Danny's ear. "Did you really marry me to play the husband card?"

"Well, yes." Danny agreed. "But also because of taxes, because I love you and you're my best friend."

"So, we're still done for watching that movie right."

"Obviously."

A pained grunt came from below them and they both looked down to see Batman standing over a very unconscious cultist and looking up at them.

Hm.

He forgot they were there.

"So," Jason began, staring Bruce straight in the eyes. Batman's eyes narrowed. "Don't suppose we can push that forward to right now?"

"Yea, sure why not I'm not doing anything important." Danny leveled the Observants a look, and before either they, Batman, or the Justice League could do anything they both disappeared.

[fanaticalthings]

Give me crime lord!Jason who's actually on good terms with the batfam. Not only would it actually be helpful when it comes to missions surrounding underground/illegal operations (Jason would be able to retrieve way more insider knowledge) but also I think having a supervillain family member that you're chill with is just untapped comedic potential that needs to be taken advantage of.

---

Damian gets into a petty fight with Bruce, and the next day, instead of waiting for Bruce to pick him up from school, he calls Jason, who shows up in full Red Hood regalia and just rides off with Damian.

Of course everyone at school sees that Wayne's son just got snatched by Gotham's most notorious crime lord, so ofc when Bruce gets there, sees Damian missing, and hears a series of panicked whispers about a gun slinging, criminal biker riding off with a prince of Gotham, Bruce immediately knows what's up and just sighs, already anticipating the many publication companies he's gonna have to bribe to stay silent.

---

Sometimes, they need Jason's help with intercepting certain illegal trades within the underworld of, not just Gotham, but just common areas where shady businesses are most prevalent. And when Bruce requests that Jason brings evidence of said illegal shipments to the cave, Jason will smugly respond with "I can, but it'll cost ya"

And Bruce is all exasperated like, "Jason, please, this mission's been going on for a month, I just want to get it over with."

And Jason's just looking down at the crate of smuggled materials, recognizes that it's highly sought after by many rogues (maybe it's machinery parts or rare chemical substances, etc) and ofc Jason's about to be petty as hell when responding to Bruce:

Jason: I don't think you have any idea how valuable the stuff I have is. If I sold this myself in my part of the underground, I'd make a fortune!

Bruce: Jason

Jason: Butttt, if you're not willing to pay me for this, y'know, despite being a billionaire, I guess I could just auction this off to another willing client

Bruce: Jason

Jason: I hear Lex Luthor's been cookin' up something new for Superman. I wonder if he'd be interested?

Bruce: Son, please.

Jason:

Bruce:

Jason: I'll give you a family discount.

And it's just a back and forth of this EVERYTIME. And Jason only does it when he's collaborating with Bruce. None of the other bats have to deal with Jason demanding money.

---

There was one time, during a Wayne gala where practically ALL the kids (except Jason, dude's still legally dead), had to show up. And around halfway through, the Red Hood just crashes through the skylight and then just fucking kidnaps Bruce Wayne, in front of everyone. And of course the gala has to be cut short.

Meanwhile, Bruce, in Jason's custody: I CANNOT believe you, son. WHY of all times would you do this? You are GROUNDED, I don't care if you don't live with me anymore, this is just UNACCEPTABLE-

Jason, completely ignoring him, holding up a tablet with news article headlines about this incident: Bruce, look at this shot they got of me crashing through the ceiling, I look fuckin' badass

And then when the fam (in costume) come to "save" Bruce, in a blink and you'll miss it moment, Bruce catches Cass and Jason whispering something to eachother in the corner and them fist bumping before Jason books it out of there. He can already feel a headache brewing.

And generally speaking, I feel like the batfam could be way more efficient with this arrangement. You got the regular team of bats, investigating from above, as well as being able to infiltrate socialite environments as Waynes. Then you got Jason, who can keep an eye on all the lesser exposed and lucrative activities whilst he keeps the underground businesses under his control. I feel like it would be a win win situation that would be hella interesting to see explored.

[bluerosefox]

New idea spawned.

Another, as if this brain rot hasn't fully taken over me for like the last year and a half, DPxDC.

Anyways.

Ghost King!Danny and/or VERY powerful Danny and/or Ancient of Space.

And deaged Dan and Danielle(Ellie) (plus Dad!Danny)

And a cult summoning!

So this really alarming and powerful cult is trying to summon a powerful ghost (aka Danny) to come give them power or destory or ensalve the world etc etc. Only thing is, they got the summoning wrong and instead get baby Ellie and toddler Dan.

Also they're in their human forms right now too.

No one is happy.

The cultists are upset and wondering what they did wrong, the JL and/or JLD are upset children, babies, are on the battlefield, and Dan isn't happy cause he was in the middle of coloring a spaceship in his coloring book and the people in the robes are getting louder and louder and going to wake up Ellie from her nap and Daddy just got her to sleep and-

Yep. Someone is yelling at them now and Ellie is awake from it.

And...

She starts crying from being woken up.

Not even a few seconds later, the sounds of this plane of reality being ripped opened is heard and the sudden frosty chill of ice is felt.

Along with an angry dad voice of.

"Who woke my daughter up from her nap?! I just got her to sleep!!"

[mbohjeezart]

[ WIP ]

Bring a goat to a courthouse...

[firesmokeandashes]

Mha "could've been canon" quotes/scenarios

Fake Deku: *walks into the common room and over to Katsuki*

Fake Deku: "Hey Bakugou! Want to go spa-"

Half of class 1 a: *suddenly jumps the fake deku*

Fake Deku: "Wait! What are you guys doing! Get off me!"

Ochako: "Cut the bullshit, we know you're not Deku"

Fake Deku: *detransforms into some random villain*

Villain: "But how? I haven't done anything out of the ordinary!"

Todoroki: "Midoriya never calls Bakugou, Bakugou"

Tenya: "In fact we're not entirely sure he knows how to say Bakugo's real name"

Katsuki: Besides, danger sense would have alerted Izuku before everyone jumped you and gotten out of the way. So really you're just stupid"

Jirou: "Wait, sense this guy isn't Deku-"

Momo: "Where's the real one!?"

●●●●●●●

Meanwhile at the villain's hideout:

Izuku: "So you see, you can be whatever you want to be, you don't have to be a villain"

Villain 1: *sniffling* "That's so deep man"

Villain 2: *crying* "No one's ever told us that before! Thank you!"

Villain 3: *sobbing uncontrollably* "Thank you so much! Im gonna turn my whole life around now, I promise!"

Villain 4: *sitting in a corner contemplating their life choices and having a mental crisis*

Izuku: *slightly flustered* "There's really no need to thank me! You guys should have been told all this from the beginning!"

All four villains: *thinking* 'And he's humble too!'

●●●●●●●

Back at UA:

Aizawa: "So you mean to tell me he's been missing for FIVE HOURS!?"

Katsuki: *frustrated sigh* Yeah"

Aizawa: *insert groan of dissapointed and frustration*

Aizawa's phone: *rings*

Aizawa: "What!?"

Villain 1: "Um, is this Erasurehead?"

Aizawa: "Yes, what do want? I'm in the middle of important business!"

Villain 1: "Well, you see, we have one of your students, Midoriya, and we want to know where we should drop him off at?"

Aizawa: "...."

Aizawa: "What do mean 'drop him off at'"?

Villain 1: Well, he kind of gave us a talk about how we don't need to be villains and now we all feel bad about the stuff we did and want to give him back to you"

Aizawa: *sighs tiredly while dragging his hand down his face*

Aizawa: "Meet me at the abandoned choclate factory over on 15th street"

Villain 1: "Okay! Yeah, we can do that and I just want to say how sorry we are for kidnapping him! We're fully expecting to be arrested when we get there, so don't worry about us putting up a fight"

Aizawa: *sighs tiredly and hangs up*

Katsuki who listened to the whole conversation on speaker phone: "So he did it again?"

Aizawa: "Yup."

Katsuki: "And now you have to call the police and do more paperwork than you want to?"

Aizawa: "Yup."

Katsuki: "Want me to go with you to pick him up or..."

Aizawa: "Yes, lord knows he's gonna need someone to talk to on the way back and I cannot deal with him right now."

Katsuki: "So... what do we do with this guy?"

Katsuki: *jabs finger towards the shapeshifing villain who is tied and gagged with sero's tape snd spewing muffled curses at them*

Aizawa:"Hand him over to campus security and let them take care of him"

Katsuki: *nods and drags the screaming villain out the door with him*

Aizawa: "Im getting too old for this"

●●●●●

Later at the abandoned Chocolate Factory:

Aizawa, Katsuki, and a handful of cops walk into the Factory:

Izuku: *jumping up and down while waving his hand*

Cops: *rush over to arrest the villains*

Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan!! Over here!"

Katsuki: "We know, idiot! We aren't blind!"

Villain 1 being arrested: *whispering* That's 'Kacchan'? I thought he'd be nicer"

Villains 2-4 also being arrested: *nod in agreement*

Izuku: *bounds over to Aizawa and Katsuki*

Izuku: "Sensei! Kacchan! You're not going to believe the day I've had!"

Izuku: *begins rambling*

Aizawa looks tiredly at Katsuki: "You take care of him, I have a big enough headache as it is"

Katsuki: *nods and turns back to listen to Izuku's rant and scold him for being reckless and getting in trouble again*

■■■■■■■

[sunny-aster]

They're such wildly different examples of what an emotionally tired person looks like

[vivalafxxku]

Checklist 1, 2, 3— Wait how many kids do I have?

Bruce getting tired of adoption and puts himself on a ban. Unfortunately, his kids just do the adopting for him and Bruce can't figure out if these kids are new or not.

He is sleep-deprived when a figure runs past him in the manor and goes through a checklist:

Dark hair, not Stephanie

Not dark-skinned, not Duke

No white streak, not Jason

Tim doesn't run in the hall unless it's life or death so not him

Too tall to be Damian

Dick is in Blüdhaven

Conclusion: Cass.

Bruce would then nod to himself, throwing a "don't run in the hall!" over his shoulder and move on to his destination. Only to freeze because he has a hard enough time detecting Cass on a good day, so how did he see her on -56 hours of sleep?

"Sorry!"

That...

That wasn't his daughter's voice.

He blinks a few times, not moving from his spot while he re-catalogues his observation.

Dark hair, not Stephanie

Not dark-skinned, not Duke

No white streak, not Jason

Tim doesn't run in the hall unless it's life or death so not him

Too tall to be Damian

Dick is in Blüdhaven

The figure and voice was... masculine??? So it wasn't Cass

There was also leather, but he already discounted Jason

Who was he missing?

It isn't until he hears an infuriated yell and the sharpie-doodled face of his third son dashing through the hall that he determines that the figure is not one of his at all.

It was one of Clark's, Conner Kent.

Bruce sees Billy for the first time and mistakes him for Jason even though Jason is 21 because Billy looks exactly like Jason did as a kid complete with the small stature, ratty shoes, ripped baggy jeans and dirty red hoodie.

The kids proceed to gaslight him like "Really, B? You already forgot that's Billy?"

And that's not even counting his most mortifying moment where Clark Kent was invited into the manor one early morning and was waiting patiently on the couch in the living room. All Bruce saw was black hair and assumed it was one of his kids even though the only ones close to that build would be Jason (who wasn't coming over to the manor until much later) or Bruce himself. He reached over and ruffled the head of hair, huffing fondly "What are you doing up so early, hm? Pretty sure we have the day off, sweetheart, go back to bed."

The bat and super mutually agree to never speak about it. Yet, the family finds out anyway. (Bruce has no doubt Alfred was the one to tattle)

This amuses his kids to no end and they begin smuggling fellow heroes and friends alike to see how many they can trick Bruce into thinking they were one of his.

(it really only becomes a problem when they put Lian Harper at the dining table one breakfast and Bruce doesn't even blink before scooping her up and cooing "Good morning my darling" as if she's been his since day 1 which wasn't the problem. The problem was trying to get Lian back to return to Roy. They don't involve babies in their plans after that.)

[mellohiizz]

hiii how are we feeling about the recent wemmbu uu episode?? because im losing my mind im definitely not normal about it

[dukeofthomas]

"Jason just needs to see things from his family's perspective and understand how much they love him (despite them never actually communicating or showing him through their actions)" is out. "The batfamily putting a single bit of effort into understanding Jason and reconciling with him on his own terms" is in.

[agerasiaa]

A crack fic about Lucifer, Vox and Husk making an Alastor Hate Club. And it’s just them once a week bonding over how much they hate Alastor and Husk realizes more and more how he doesn’t actually hate Alastor and is bitter about it, Lucifer randomly trauma dumps about his tragic life, and by each meeting Lucifer and Husk notice how Vox’s sheer hate borderlines on obsession and they share awkward glances every time he starts ranting and shows them his Alastor shrine or something. And when he makes some comments like “Alastor does this and that every day” (some very specific detail about him only a stalker/someone with a long history with Al would know) and the other two are like “how do you know” and he’s like “I just do.”

[lyretheinstrument]

OPTIMUS POSTINGGG starting batch number two babyy

[razzledazzle0]

old man

another thing Bruce does is like calls his kids by the wrong name.

----

Bruce while working on the batmoblie: Jason, chum, can you hand me my wrench?

Tim who just sleepwalked into the batcave: I'm not Jason

Bruce: dick??

Tim: it's Tim.

Bruce: oh, well hand me, the wrench?

--------

the batkids are fighting:

Bruce yelling: Damian-Jason!, UGh whatever your name is shut up I'm making a call!

[norigohan]

siblings au, prelude: chip becomes a dad

[bruciemilf]

Comic book writers who still make Bruce hit his kids even after years of mass criticism from fans who TELL you it's a bad creative choice that pushes them away from the fan base and comics in general,,, you did this for what?