#he's just a little (feral) dude
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At midnight Central Daylight Time on Friday, March 29, 2024, @athansmusic released his debut album. Limbo, the album in question, is a story of hurt, addiction, regret, healing, recovery, and content. Over the course of three years, Athan worked to create this album, pouring his entire heart and incredibly personal experiences into each of the songs. I originally intended on doing short form reviews of each song, trying to fit all of my thoughts into a tweet or less; but Limbo deserves far more than that. Each song tells a story and each story has a parallel; to reduce that to two hundred and eighty characters would be a disservice to the album and to you, the person reading this. Before we begin, I should make a few things clear:
Things I am not:
A trained musician
A professional critic or reviewer of any sort
Things I am:
A lover of music
Someone who was deeply moved by this album
With this out of the way, we are ready to dive into the world of Limbo and the stories Athan has weaved into it.
Song 1 - Limbo
The album opens, as you might expect, with the titular track. Limbo immediately gives you the sense of being stuck; stuck in life, stuck in your emotions, stuck in your own mind. “I’ve been stuck here / Stuck in limbo for days” is the line at the heart of the chorus and this sentiment can be felt in every inch of the song. The instrumentals of this song start with a simple beat that grows over the course of the first verse and bursts into a full life in the chorus. Athan has a propensity for voice modulation that works so perfectly with the instrumentals that are being layered. What is especially noteworthy is the way the chorus progresses from one of finality to one of hope. “I don’t think I can / I don’t think I will / make it out of here / Maybe I never can” becomes “I don’t think I can / or maybe I will / Make it out of here / Maybe I can”. Despite this sense of being trapped, being stuck, there is still hope. It’s that hope that will become a thread throughout the album as it goes from one of pain and regret into growth and relief.
Song 2 - Chronic
There are two sides to Limbo. Side A deals with pain and that is seen very clearly in Chronic. As a person with pretty severe depression, I latched onto Chronic right away; it’s the kind of song that reflects exactly what I’m feeling without the song or its creator knowing what I’m feeling. The lyrics portray a sense of listlessness and a lack of belonging that digs deep into the heart and squeezes it from the inside out. “Hold on tightly / to what excites me / Otherwise I might drown, shit, it’s tempting.” I have felt this exact thing multiple times in my life; hell, multiple times in this past week. There is an incredible amount of relatability in Athan’s lyrics– something that clearly comes from his personal connections to the songs he’s writing. You cannot fake that kind of emotion and it is emotion that anyone can latch onto and relate to. Couple that with the slow, almost reverberating beat of the song and you get the masterpiece that is Chronic.
Song 3 - The Valley
The Valley is one of the shortest songs on the album, however that doesn’t stop it from being an emotional punch to the stomach. It’s a song about family, about the pain that family can cause and the ways that it impacts a person. It’s about the excuses that people make for themselves, for their families; how even when you know it is an excuse, you still end up craving it. It’s a song that both minimizes its own pain and allows itself to feel it fully. “And my problems are small / But they’re taller than me”. Two lines that encapsulate an emotion that I cannot name but have felt time and time again; two lines that help drive that punch to the stomach that this song provides. Athan has a way of creating these songs that have a beat to them that doesn’t feel like it matches with the emotionality of the lyrics, and yet it all blends together so well. The Valley is short. But it does so much with its runtime that you forget that it’s a short song.
Song 4 - WhatDoIDo
WhatDoIDo is one of my favorite songs on Side A. It hurts me in a way you might not expect when you listen to it yourself. That’s the beautiful thing about this album; its relatability makes each song hit differently for different people. “Well maybe I don’t know what I need / Maybe I’m running on empty” is a line that hits me square in the chest and pulls thoughts of my current depressive episode. This is different than what it might mean for you, it’s different than what it means for Athan, and yet it still hits all the same. WhatDoIDo is another song with a very heavy beat to it, similar to the reverberation of Chronic. It adds a level of depth to the song that makes it feel like it's dragging you down with it in the best imaginable way. Mix that with Athan’s love of voice modulation and effects that he used in this song and you create something absolutely incredible.
Song 5 - Chameleon
“I've got about / 50 different hats that I have to wear. / One for my mom, one for my job. / One for my friends, one to survive.” Once again I have to applaud Athan for the relatability of his lyrics. The first time I heard this, I paused the song and stared off into space for a minute before restarting the song and letting it hit me again. Chameleon is a song about fitting in, about finding your place in the world and how hard it can be to be yourself. “Who am I without you around? / Maybe I can blend in somehow.” How well do we really know who we are? So much of a person is influenced by those around them; what happens when all of that goes away? What happens when it’s just you? These questions don’t have answers, but Chameleon asks them anyway and puts a fun beat to it while it rips your heart out.
Song 6 - Distance
Distance is another song with an incredibly fun rhythm to it that punches you in the face with the lyrics. I boxed to this song recently and it’s perfect for a high energy/fast boxing session but it also has lyrics that break my heart in half. “I’ve been treading water for so long / It feels like I might just give up” – another set of lines that pulls an emotion I have felt for my whole life right out of my brain when I didn’t have the words for it. This is a song that I pick up on a little more each time I listen; different lyrics will stand out, or different ways that the instrumentals hit will pop to the forefront of my listen. One thing that I always think about is how this song feels like a race. You can feel the distance growing and growing as the race is run but you’re so far behind the song. You’re so far behind everyone else, and that’s what the song is trying to do. Athan has managed to space the chorus and verses in a way that it feels anticipatory, like you’re waiting to catch up to what is being said. “The distance it feels like it’s growing / but I will not grow”; the instrumentals perfectly make you feel that line in the pit of your chest, growing and crashing over you before simplifying during the verses as though Athan can’t keep up with the instrumentals themselves.
Song 7 - Moon
Moon starts out with these lovely and light instrumentals and soft singing that make you feel like it’s a love song until you listen to it. In some ways it is a love song, but the root of the song itself is actually in insecurity, selfishness, and feeling that you aren’t enough for the person you care about. “I’ve been staring at the moon and it feels like / I don’t need you for forever, just for the night / I don’t care if it’s only temporary / I’d rather be happy for a moment of your time” – This section of the song is the chorus and it starts and ends the song as this beautiful mirroring that misses all of the turmoil that lies in between them. There is a point in this song where everything drops and that sense of insecurity and fear and darkness seeps all the way into the lyrics. You may not know this by looking at him, but Athan can scream just as well as any metal artist out there. And you might not expect this song that I described up top to have screaming in it, but it does and it hits so incredibly well. There are a variety of different talents that Athan shows off with this album; screaming just happens to be one. It adds to the depth and darkness of this section before it flips back into the light and lovely chorus that rounds out the song as if that drop never happened at all. It’s a beautiful song that uses its catchy chorus and light beat to lull you into a false sense of security so when everything drops it hits that much harder.
Song 8 - DNR
This is another one of my favorite songs on Side A. It’s one of my favorite songs on the whole album. The first time I saw the title I thought to myself “DNR as in… Do not resuscitate? Or is this going to stand for something else– Nope! Do not resuscitate, cool cool cool.” This is one of the many songs that made me say “Jesus fucking christ Athan” out loud in my room while listening. And yet these darker tones to the song are part of the reason I love it so much. It’s a song about death that doesn’t feel like it’s about death. Sure, the words “Do not resuscitate me” are kind of blatantly obvious in their being about death; but the instrumentals and beat of the song itself are very fun and punchy. It starts out with these lightly strummed guitar notes that pair perfectly with Athan’s gentle singing and then it grows into something that decides it wants to hurt you in the best way. I also need to be a Classics major on main again and talk about the line “I can feel the coins of gold and silver resting on my eyes” because it’s one of those lines that just constantly sticks in my brain. Athan is ready to pay the ferryman to take him to the Underworld; it’s a nice little reference that makes me so happy I have cast him in a mythology themed podcast.
Song 9 - Break
It’s time to talk about horns! As in the instrument, not as in the thing on animals/demons/etc. You don’t expect them to show up and when they do you’re there like “Hell yeah horns!” Now you may be wondering why I am bringing this up now and all I will say for now is: it’s about the parallelism. But until we get to that part, let’s talk about the lyrics for this song because they do severe emotional damage to me. As I’ve said many times at this point, Athan is absolutely masterful at lyrics and relatability; this song is no exception. This whole album has a tone of parallelism from Side A to Side B, but this song in particular also parallels itself nicely. The first verse serves as a groundwork for the second verse to flip in answering. “Well I think you may have had it right / I’m tired of living in this life” versus “Well I think I may have had it wrong / Maybe I’m right where I belong”; “Mentally, I don’t think I can feel anything” versus “And yet I feel everything”. The way Athan’s lyrics speak to each other always ends up squeezing my heart in ways that are hard to put into words. Which might seem surprising given how long this is. The emotionality of it all feels so real because it is real. Athan has said time and time again that this is a very personal project for him and it bleeds into every second of the music in the best way imaginable.
Song 10 - Persephone
We’ve reached what might be my favorite song on the album. It’s definitely my favorite song on Side A. This song is slow and soft and dark and beautiful; it is the musical equivalent of the John Everett Millais painting Ophelia. “Lay me down in the flower bed / Let it pull me undertow / I feel the darkness close around me / But I kinda like it though”. Something I haven’t talked about much yet is Athan’s vocals. Not only is he writing absolutely stunning lyrics and putting together these songs with a wide variety of different feels to them, he’s also an incredible vocalist. His vocals on Persephone are part of the reason I love this so much; there’s a point where his voice breaks just the slightest bit and it makes the song feel so much more real and poignant. It squeezes my heart in the best imaginable way. This song also includes a medley of all of the songs on side A which is absolutely stunning. The way the medley allows the different songs to speak to each other and in response to each other creates this beautiful picture of everything that came so far.
Song 11 - Diáleimma
We’ve officially reached the end of Side A! This song is the shortest on the album and also one of the most beautiful in my opinion. It represents the transition point between the two sides of this story; from pain and loss and regret into growth and love and recovery. The through line of the song is this idea that “I gotta be a better me”. The song itself is slow, almost reflective in the way it’s presented; it’s as if the song itself is thinking about how it is being perceived and is striving to be better. Diáleimma closes this chapter of the story, turning the page for us as it does so.
Before we move on to Side B, we’re going to take a brief moment to talk about the album art for Limbo. It was painted by NataliesDreaming, who also happens to be Athan’s wife. Natalie is an incredibly talented artist and has produced an absolutely gorgeous cover for the album. The colors used feel like an extension of the songs themselves, tapping into the hope that grows throughout the album. Natalie’s work also allows you to feel the movement of falling; everything about it is absolutely stunning. This has been the brief intermission to talk about the album art and also to say that Natalie is super cool. Back to the album!
Song 12 - AmIDoingThisRight
Athan opens the second half of the album on an unanswerable question: AmIDoingThisRight? As we discussed previously, this is an album in parallels. If Limbo is about being stuck, AmIDoingThisRight is about trying to get yourself unstuck and the fear that still comes with that. You never know in life if you are doing things right, if the decisions you are making are the ones that you need to make. The bridge of this song lives rent free in my mind: “Cause I don’t think I appreciate everyone in front of me now / And I don’t think I recognize everything that’s detrimental to my health”. The voice modulation Athan does on that part specifically is so fucking good.
Song 13 - Pocket
Pocket is one of my favorite songs on Side B (You’ll be seeing this phrase a lot coming up because I love so many songs). It’s a song about addiction and relapse which punches into that idea of relatability again. As someone who has struggled with self harm (albeit in a different way than Athan has) this song reached into my heart and pulled me back to my relapse, but in a way that felt healing rather than concerning. It’s a sad song that disguises itself as a soft song but it’s so beautifully done. The chorus makes me feel every emotion under the sun: “I feel so low / I swore that I’d let it go / It’s not a broken promise / I don’t know, I found it in my pocket babe”. This song feels so close to my heart in ways I cannot explain so I won’t try to. I will simply tell you that this song is beautiful and heart-squeezing.
Song 14 - (Good) Goodbye
Athan shared the context of this song and it punched me in the face. This song parallels The Valley and takes that song about family to a more heartbreaking level. One of my favorite lines from this song is “I’m so scared that my last memories / Will be made from my bad days”. Again, it’s about the relatability; that fear is very real, especially when dealing with family while depressed. The pain from Side A still stays in Side B, it just gets grown around and expanded upon to let the hope into it. (Good) Goodbye works very well with this idea; it’s a song that hurts but also leaves room to heal.
Song 15 - Feel It In My Chest
Another one of my favorite songs on Side B! It is the first song on the album to make me cry; if you know me, you know that that is surprising since I cry at most things. “But your soul is destructive / And you’re gonna end up alone” did lasting damage to me personally and I did cry about it. Despite that, this song is hopeful and full of love. It parallels WhatDoIDo and the answer to that question appears to be: you love anyway. “Feel it in my heart / Feel you in my soul / Held you in my hands / The greatest thing to hold”. The first half of the album feels like someone struggling on their own whereas Side B feels like someone learning how to open up and ask for help. Feel It In My Chest feels like opening up despite the fear of it all; the fear of ending up alone doesn’t outweigh the love that can be found with someone.
Song 16 - Concealer
Concealer is one of my favorite songs on the album. It also punches me in the chest in ways that make me cry. This song parallels Chameleon and both songs are about the masks that people put on. Where Chameleon asks how to be someone without the influence of another person, Concealer asks how much of yourself do you need to hide to get help. “I’m struggling / Under the weight / Well I don’t know how much more I can take. / Could fade into the ether / Or maybe I’ll wear concealer now”. The way Athan sings “I don’t know how much more I can take” haunts me in the best way possible. It’s raw and real and it hurts so incredibly. The instrumentals on this are light and soft so the weight of the lyrics can fully sink into your bones. It’s a beautiful song that makes room around the pain to facilitate growth.
Song 17 - Growing Pains
Growing Pains has sections of whispering which honestly make me uncomfortable but in a good way. It’s partially the misophonia of it all, but it’s also just the pain of it all. It is, as it says, growing pains. It’s the growth that Concealer made room for, the space needed to heal and become more. “Why the fuck am I comparing / All the lights in the distance to yours? / You’re all I need” – Remember how I mentioned the idea of Side B being about learning how to ask for help? This song helps to dig into that idea; it’s a form of growing. The instrumentals of this song are light and airy and a little spacey; I’m fully obsessed with them.
Song 18 - Inside
The parallelism between Moon and Inside is some of my favorites. Moon is a sad song disguised as a love song; Inside is a love song disguised as a sad song. “Well maybe it’s supposed to hurt / This love it feels like work / But fuck it I know; it’s worth it to grow / Into the dirt”. This song is enhanced by the fact that Natalie (the aforementioned artist and also Athan’s wife) is also featured on the track. Athan has said that this is the first duet they’ve recorded together and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Their voices compliment each other so nicely and Natalie has a lovely singing voice. You can feel the love that they have for each other in the song, even in the sadder lyrics of it all. This brings me back to the parallelism: Moon is about something temporary, something that is thought not to last. Inside is about someone who has stayed, someone who will stay and will help and will always be there. It brings the hope back into this story because it proves that people stay. That help can be given.
Song 19 - Motionsick
This song has a lot of religious symbolism that I fully missed until Athan mentioned that it had religious symbolism. And once I had that context, all of the plays on words and phrases were just. So incredibly well done. “Why don’t I know you / Why don’t I know you anymore? / Why, why, try? / I fight this devotion Feels like I’m motion sick” – You might look at that and go “Pine, that’s pretty obvious isn’t it?” To which I say yes, it is, I just missed it because me and religion haven’t exactly gotten on very well. This also has a parallel I love with it’s Side A counterpart DNR: “I’m throwing punches / Battle what’s inside of me” in DNR which becomes “I’m boxing with my shadow but I keep on landing punches / It seems I like to bruise” and this does things to my brain that I cannot stop feeling.
Song 20 - Bend
And we have reached the other contender for my favorite song on the album! This is my favorite song on Side B for sure, but I cannot figure out if Bend or Persephone is my favorite. Bend is such a hopeful song; it’s bright and beautiful and we’re back to the horns! Athan played the horns for Bend and they are always always in my mind. He didn’t play the horns on Break (this song’s counterpart) but that’s okay because he has played the brighter version of the horns and I’m obsessed with them. This song rounds out that idea of learning to ask for help even when– or perhaps especially when– it’s difficult. “Opening up doesn’t come easy for me / For me now / But I gotta learn how / Cause I don’t think I can help myself up tonight” – a line that perfectly encapsulates that idea. Part of the reason this song ends up feeling as bright and hopeful as it does is because it tells you that when you ask for help it will be given– “Oh, I know that it might have been a bad fall / But you’ll be there to catch me at the bottom after all”. This song has only been in my life for a week but it has made a home in my heart that it is never going to leave. It means so much to me already and it’s absolutely gorgeous.
Song 21 - ESC
ESC has a very space-y vibe that feels like it is built for escape. The entire song feels like it is floating and then the lyrics pull you back down to earth again. It’s one of the shorter songs on the album, but it has a gentle beauty to it that leaves it lingering in my mind. “And I’ll fall / Down in insecurities/ I; I’m buried in shit surrounding me” is another one of those lines that really does things to me as someone who has been depressed for most of my life. That’s one of the most beautiful things about Athan’s music: short, beautiful lines that can make anyone feel connected to them.
Song 22 - Telos
And we return to the line introduced at the end of Side A: “I gotta be a better me”. Where in Diáleimma it feels like a judgement, like an impossible command, in Telos it feels like it’s something that is just around the corner, almost within grasp. Telos is bright and full of life as opposed to the darkness of Diáleimma. They compliment each other so well– as was Athan’s design. It also includes another medley of things from the entire album and it’s incredibly fun. It’s the perfect way to round out the main portion of the album– it closes the story and feels like a celebration of the whole album. And it’s an album very much worth celebrating.
Song 23 - Chronic (Piano Version)
You get a brief reprieve from my ridiculous amount of words since this one is a piano cover. It’s a very beautiful version of the song though.
Song 24 - Intertwined (Acoustic)
This is an acoustic version of one of Athan’s older songs. It has beautiful instrumentals and lyrics that feel like they grew into some of the songs that are on the album as a whole. Athan didn’t put the lyrics on Bandcamp so I can’t pull examples for you but trust me they’re good.
Song 25 - Chronic (House Version)
There’s not much that I can say about this version that I hadn’t said about Chronic originally. But it is a fun additional version!
Song 26 - Hallelujah (feat. The Grotto)
This is one of my favorite versions of Hallelujah that I have ever heard in my life. The style is different from the other songs on the album, but fits perfectly into the music that Athan did for his podcast The Grotto. The Grotto is a liminal horror podcast about grief and it is absolutely incredible. The reason that this song is listed as ‘feat. The Grotto’ is partially because it’s Athan using that style of music but also because he included some of his screams from The Grotto in it. Don’t look too closely at why he was screaming. It’s not important. But this version of the song– because of the style that it’s done in– feels so unique and has a depth to it that can only be achieved in this medium. Athan had originally released it for The Grotto patreon and I listened to it after a bit of an emotional breakdown. It is as close to a religious experience as I am capable of experiencing. Hallelujah is the only cover Athan has on Limbo– he does more covers for The Grotto which are also excellent. Of all of the covers that he could’ve included, this one feels like the perfect fit. It mixes with the content of the songs Athan has written so well and showcases another style that he is able to pull off.
Song 27 - Bend (Acoustic)
Athan called it the acoustic version but I think of it as the silly version. There is a levity to the song that is palpable– it feels like a test run of the song but in the best way possible. It also gives a bit of insight into what the process of creation was like for Athan. In the original version of Bend, there is the line “I don’t think I will reach thirty if I’m lucky now”; the acoustic version follows up with Athan laughing at the fact that he’s much closer to 30 than he was when he wrote that. “I’m so glad to be alive”, a small little bit of this version but such a big change from the original words that were written. If you couldn’t tell by the amount of words I’ve put into this, I’m also glad Athan is alive. He’s written absolutely incredible music that he has shared with the world despite (or perhaps because of) the intense emotional weight of the content.
Limbo is an album that longs. It grieves. But it also hopes. It hopes so much and shows that healing and recovery are possible. Athan spent three years working on Limbo and now it’s here; it exists in the world to be listened to and shared and written about and loved. This album has so much heart to it. The lyrics are beautiful, the instrumentals brilliantly crafted, and the vocals are stunning. It is an album that deserves to be spoken about in depth. It’s an album that deserves your time and attention. As far as debut albums go, this album showcases so much of what Athan can do while still leaving room for growth and new ways for him to surprise and delight anyone who is listening to his music. It also punches directly into the heart in the most amazing way, letting you know exactly what he can do with music moving forward. I feel very fortunate to be able to listen to this album and to know that I will be following along with whatever else Athan will be doing next. I’m also fortunate enough to get to collaborate with Athan on projects– he’ll be in my next podcast and I will also be paying him to do music for the show. Getting to work with someone so talented is a wild feeling, but I’m so excited for it.
Thank you for joining me on this very long, very in depth review of Limbo. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and I hope you enjoy the album!
#I may have gone a little more feral than intended with this#Several thousand words more feral#This is five thousand words#this album is just that good#athansmusic#he's the dude who did The Grotto!#pine throws thoughts into the void of tumblr#im pinning this because i need everyone to listen to this#long post
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a little rant this is not targeted at any specific users, i quite literally cannot name users who have done this off the top of my head but, i see it happen a bit too often so here we are.
guys i beg of you… stop making our little demon brat “feral” it is weird he is a passive aggressive well spoken little guy who has murder tendencies when provoked or when he assumes he’s been wronged okay?
Damian’s not some animal they put on a leash and go “aw shucks no biting!!” —absolutely not, he is a sophisticated little brat who takes action when he feels he needs to and he must be respected! Like seriously the lowkey jokes at him bein feral make me wanna start swingin hands
This is not pointing at any specifc fics or posts btw its just… no. its jus disappointing his character has been boiled down to this sometimes hes not even amongst my top fav characters in dc but i still feel so wronged whenever i see him being reduced to that.
Theres a thing about growing up and learning to ignore things you dont like, but i just.. this is like. gross. I wish people viewed characters outside ‘haha mom friend’ ‘haha feral one’ ‘the sad one!!’ because most of the time they start putting characters in these boxes so often they end up entirely misinterpreting them and their whole character w/o even noticin.
Yes Damian tends to be the one shown as the first to throw hands but that doesnt mean he is the ‘feral one’—a brat and a menace sure but he doesnt act without reason, he has a very streamlined thought process and is an intelligent little dude whose figuring this new world out, albeit absolutely not in the best way but thats what makes characters interesting!!
Please dont take characters at their face value and make that their entire personality. Damian is arguably one of the most complex and well written characters in the batfamily—please dont water him down just to make him ‘feral’ for a half-baked joke
#its pr weird dont make him out to be somekinda animal w rabies#hes a cool little autistic dude who knows how to stab things and likes to use his abilities#no shame is practicing hobbies man#but serious sometimes i see something were he is only written as ‘feral’ and my blood boils#its just#bad#not namin specific ppl but i see things like that sometimes as jokes and usually ignore it but i dunno#i jus dont like it.#oh yea also hes literally middle-eastern and asian so making him act ‘feral’ come from me an asian person is extremely uncomfortable#sad to see my boy reduced to that#he isng even in like my top three but he lives rent free in my heart#damian al ghul#damian wayne#robin#batfam#batman
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Current brother ranking has gotta be
Beel & Bel (tied for first. NO NOT JUST BECAUSE THEYRE TWINS I just love them that much
Satan
Levi
Mammon
Lucifer
Asmo
#might be in love w/ Belphie#granted ive only seen the anime#in which he's a bit confused but he's got the spirit#he's thw actual prettiest like goddamn#Beel ia overall the best genuinely he's so sweet like wtf#the only one not to do ahything outright mean the whole series (so far)#he's a little confused but he's got the spirit#AND I LOVE HOW MUCH THE TWINS SUPPORT EACH OTHER#genuinely so cute OMG#Satan is also general just a solid and well-rounded character but he has a lot more capacity for sass#damn bookworm/aff#cool ass dude#Levi is unbelievably silly#i can't deny that we are over and the same#i too am ridiculously pathetic over fictional characters#he's a better person than me tho#i would go FERAL if my little brother saved over my game AFTER RUINING THE WHOLE RUN#Mammon's really funny but i'd be SO done with him so fast actually#Lucifer is .. there.#I'd also be done with him so damn fast but he ISN'T funny#and Asmo is simply doing too much. go sit down bitch or i WILL get the mail polish remover🤨#don't test me.#tho im totally biased against him from the little bit of the game that i did play#he doesn't do much in the first season of the anime#except for his one ep in which he was just kinda entitled#chill out bro you did NOT need to bring the sun down for your?? idek what they were doing actually
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when your group's most regular dude is leorio, I regret to inform you. that there is something deeply wrong with your group
#not sorry for hxh posting expect more from me over the next little bit.#it's been just long enough since i last read/watched that stuff feels fresh and i don't remember everything super well so it's fun hehe#my interests are as intense and rapidly changing as water being shaken in a sealed vessel. then microwaved.#hxh#storyrambles#anyways i love the main four.#adorable little blood knight 12 year old; his sweet and feral ex-assassin bestie; spiraling down a dark path of revenge dude;#and just some guy who wants to have money to go to school (relatable).#except then you have to catch yourself because he is only regular in the context of his three insane buddies.#and then you have to wonder at what point you have acclimated to leorio's particular brand of wtf dude that he comes off in any way#like just some guy#though. he really does have just some guy energy. that's why i like him a lot i think
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2023 reads / storygraph
The Art of Destiny
book 2 in a fun wuxia-inspired high fantasy series
set a couple years after book 1, after Jian failed to live up to his chosen-once prophecy, he is once again training with Taishi who decides to recruit a bunch of her grandmaster peers to come out of retirement & finish his training
Qisami & her crew are lacking assassin work and take a job going undercover in a palace - and the change of pace & new developing friendships give her a glimpse of new possibilities
Sali leads the survivors of her exiled clan to a new home while trying to find a cure for a magical sickness she's developed
#the art of destiny#wesley chu#the war arts saga#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#god this is so fun i love the characters#I think i didn't love it QUITE as much as book one for a couple reasons#the narratives r quite disconnected through most of the book (though i love them all equally)#and also jian randomly has a love interest and istg he was not-attracted-to-women coded lmao......#(I guess that was like. immature/dumb about girls coding. which I feel euh about. but whatever)#shes a cool character and it's like. 3 scenes. still far more focus on platonic relationships. but still.#qisami…….babygirl….is this what mean when they talk about dudes being their little meowmeow.#unhinged assassin who hates children forced to be babysitter then realises children are feral actually & gets attached to these ones#i thought this was a duology but it’s a trilogy. the end definitely doesn’t wrap things up. ESPECIALLY FOR QISAMI#theres MAYBE a few moments where im like oh yeah this is written by a man. not in an egregious way just like. Noticing.#BUT i love it very much overall#lots of ocean boat time. flying lion riding. centipede wagons???????
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liking someone who is completely unattainable yet who hits basically all the criteria for your type and who constantly does shit to be close to you in ways that have gone from friendly to confusing and intimate and who keeps dropping little nuggets of information that feel like at least semi intentional testing of the waters and who makes your chest hurt and your hair raise and your skin sensitive is a cruel and unusual punishment for developing friendships don't you think
#i'm blair-witching it in the corner dude#i'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure#i'm chewing off my own legs and throwing them in the ocean#i know you're supposed to let yourself feel the emotions so you can let go of them but it's just getting worse#it's getting harder to ignore and i feel like screaming#if he had just. kept. that ooooone little nugget. to himself. i fucking guarantee you it wouldn't be this bad#but he did. and now i feel like my skin is on fucking fire. i need to bite something like i feel fucking feral#i'm a mad chimp going ape shit in my pen#one of these days bro is gonna fucking touch me in a way that's so tender and gentle and intentional and i'm straight up gonna start crying#i'm fucked up i'm completely fucked up
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tearing up in the focuswriter doc, lads
#;-;#personal#time leaks tag#everything i keep learning abt these characters is making me love them so much#thunder my darling i am holding u so close. u will learn how to keep friends and then u will lose them all and it is hurting me so badly#also i keep picturing king and hazel's reunion and like. that's his baby girl <3 her little hissy feral kitten <3 her horrid genius <3#he's kissing her on the head and making her a gril cheese cut diagonal#tragedies kill me dude why do i keep writing them#i drew hazel and lark and sunny today. just little sketches while i was at work#im down bad for these characters y'all
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i finally watched tristamp!! refer to the picture under the cut to understand my complete thoughts and feelings :)
#my friend came over the other day. realized i never watched tristamp. yelled at me. and came back yesterday to force me to watch w her.#we finished it today and are now even more mentally ill about this franchise than we were before.#there are so many thoughts i cannot articulate bc it’s all screaming. but i really liked this show the choices they made were different but#they worked out w the way they want to take the story. i will say though i miss feral vash. his self sacrificing kindness broke me in#this version. it really hurts in the manga too but like he’s just. so deeply sad.#and he tries so hard not to show it but he’s also not very good at hiding it#he’s good at hiding it in the older versions and i think that when he does break after holding it in for too long#the emotions are so raw. and they hurt so bad.#in tristamp those hidden feelings aren’t hidden so the sadness lingers in every scene you know. drove my friend and i insane actually#i’m looking forward to see how they show him growing w his emotions in the second season!!! eriks is coming!!!!!!!!! my most favorite dude!#apologies for the rant there is a lot on my mind LOL if there are mistakes ignore them i am but a little guy#trigun#tristamp
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quite literally adding my unhinged tags bc apparently im insane
#(and “one of the babies” being drangons. literal dragons)#when ur comfort character is a literal murderer/cannibal:#they're all autistic gremlins and i love them#gremlin speaks#especially when it's two characters i hc as autistic#he's just a little (feral) dude#whaaaat this isnt begging for fanfics what are you talking about??#i got my phone and had access to the internet and learnt what trans meant and was ✨ exposed ✨#as a bitch whiter than paper i too get so excited over apple juice all the bads in the world vanish#apparently im somehow not as unhinged but also more unhinged than i thought
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The simp part of my brain is going fucking insane right now. I don’t even think words can describe how much I’m simping right now.
HE'S SO FUCKING HOT, HOLY SHIT I CAN'T HANDLE IT!
Amazing art!
youtube
Haha what the fuck
#feral ass rabid ass#but also just a chill dude#i’d go drinking with him hes bbg#undertale au#sans undertale#fell sans#utmv#undertale#undertale fanart#underfell#underfell sans#underfell sans art#underfell sans fanart#sans underfell#underfell!sans#uf sans#uf!sans#fell sans my beloved#fell sans fanart#fell!sans#i want him to do unspeakable things to me#i want his dick so far down my throat it leaves bruises#i want him to choke me#i want him to ruin me#i want him to do unholy things to me#i want him to step on me#he’s so bbg#my little meow meow#daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry. daddy? sorry.#hot boy
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Feral McGee™
It starts with the Joker.
His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he?
Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again.
The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does.
It happens like this.
The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair.
Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham.
And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair.
Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up.
He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold.
Then he looks towards the camera.
“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves.
Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham.
“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”
“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”
—
The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler.
He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes.
While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely.
Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch.
They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket.
“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”
The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black.
Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless.
“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”
“Hn.”
—
After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised.
Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on.
Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down.
Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.��
He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again.
And then the Joker escapes.
It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after.
Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up.
They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™.
The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid.
Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed.
“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say.
They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger.
“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood.
“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”
Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it.
In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him.
When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker.
“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”
The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”
“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice.
“Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”
“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.
“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”
“Hn.”
#danny phantom#danny fenton#batman#bruce wayne#dc#batclan#batfam#joker#danny is a feral human#dp x dc#dc x dp
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i got some of my stuff for my daredevil costume 2day n apparently my cat is very amused by fake batons
#i just gotta wave em around and enzo goes feral#he is a very silly cat#n e ways the costumes coming together nicely#tw dysphoria#tw dysmorphia#the mask looks kinda stupid on me though#its bc of my hair#this is the first time ive been jealous of straight hair in a loooong time#cuz yall can just stuff ur hair under a mask just fine but when i try it with my twists my head looks swollen#ima have to either tough it out or make the mask a blindfold instead but at the same time i want to be as comic/show accurate as i can be#also i look dumb w/o visible hair so thats a problem too#its lowkey making me a litol bit dysphoric/dysmorphic cuz im a scrawny ass transmasc and matt murdock is a full grown cis dude#its not a fair comparison but its still a litol bit painful#BUT i might be getting a binder soon n that might help a little bit#cuz the shirt im wearing is tight and my chest is visible and i hate it sm#its the underworks binding bra#if it doesn't come before halloween im gonna scream#im just hoping my parents dont realize its more of a binder than a bra#but im hyped for this its gonna turn out great me thinks!!
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The Justice League meeting Jason for the first time
Robin Jason: Come on, you egg sucking piece of gutter trash! You like pushing people around who are smaller than you? Well, I'm smaller. Try pushing me!
Lex Luthor: What did you just call me?! Egg sucking-
Robin Jason: [launches all 4ft of his feral self at Lex]
Superman: Uhh, should we help him?
Batman: [shakes his head]
[Jason running circles around Lex while mocking him]
Wonder Woman: Are you certain we shouldn't assist him?
Nightwing: Nah, don't worry he's fine. He just has a case of crime fighting zoomies to work out
[Jason, knocks Lex down after throwing as many smokebombs and batarangs as he can]
Jason: Learn your place you Mr. Clean looking B-lister lump of trash!
Everyone other than Batman and Nightwing: ...
Green Lantern: I really like this little dude! Let's keep him!
#jason todd#robin jason todd#dick grayson#nightwing#bruce wayne#batman#clark kent#superman#diana prince#wonder woman#hal jordan#green lantern#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect justice league quotes#batfamily#batfam#batkids#justice league#i am so sleep deprived#it's past 3:00 in the fucking morning
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Still thinking of this and specifically thinking about Legolas being a strange little guy so more just about him
Like I mentioned in the tags he broke his arm climbing a tree and currently has a pink cast that Thranduil drew on for him but this is not the first time that Legolas has broken a bone. It is a full time job keeping Las on the ground and very few people are willing to take that job. He has broken both arms and his leg
His left arm and his leg were broken back to back because as soon as he got the cast off he fell out of the same damn tree. Thranduil swears this is the exact moment he found his first gray hair.
That in mind it is incredibly common to see Las using Thranduil as a jungle gym. Little man wants to be climbing at all times and his dad is tall. This is ultimately a win in Thranduil’s mind as he can catch Legolas if he falls so this really is the safer option.
Legolas is constantly finding cool things and handing them to his dad. In Thranduils pockets at any times there are at least five rocks a clover a dandelion and a cool bit of wood.
Thranduil doesn’t allow Legolas’ face to be posted anywhere and is ruthlessly protective of his son’s privacy. He will however very very rarely post a picture of the two of them with a leaf emoji hiding Legolas’ face
Legolas cannot stand meat. While Thranduil is a vegan himself he did try and give Las the option not to be but the little guy hates the taste of most animal products.
Refuses to speak to people he thinks are rude (“Ada said if I don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything so I didn’t”) leading to several rumors circulating about him not being able to speak at all before Thranduil set his lawyers loose
Can name most trees and plants on sight. He’s working on animals and bugs now.
Constantly covered in dirt. The minute Thranduil blinks this child is in the closest mud puddle. It is a constant battle to keep him semi clean and grass stain free.
Thranduil is pretty sure however he made a deal with a demon that he just doesn’t remember because for all of Legolas’ adventuring his hair stays remarkably neat… save for the odd leaf or flower Legolas sticks in there himself
Legolas likes skirts but rarely wears them because he’s way more interested in climbing trees and claims the ones with built in shorts “feel weird”
Sings. Constantly. Both actual songs he hears and ones he made up. Thranduil swears his child has sung in his sleep.
Definitely a stand at the side of the bed and stare when he has a nightmare kid. Also a bed hog after he scares the life out of Thranduil at three in the morning.
100% the kid climbing the swing set and trying to jump off the bar.
Thranduil put him in gymnastics as self defense and this has made the climbing problem both better and worse. He lives in terror of the day his child finds out about parkour.
Anyway Modern AU where Thranduil is a recently widowed model who cannot keep a babysitter for more than like two hours because 1) Legolas is a weird little guy 2) those that could handle Legolas’ weirdness cannot handle the force that is a six year old coming to terms with grief and the resulting crippling fear of losing his dad 3) Thranduil is famous and that brings in a lot of weirdos and he has already set his lawyer on three different nannies that posted pictures of Legolas online. All this to say he shows up late to a photo shoot with Legolas crying in his arms after yet another babysitter fell through and his agent refused to let him reschedule again only for the photographer to also be a widower who is great with kids and is incredibly kind and attractive and (god he’s in trouble)
Bard was going to be annoyed that the model he was working with was late until he saw a reflection of himself a few years before trying his best to get back on his feet after losing his wife and he cant not help. And really Legolas is such a sweet kid who really likes bugs and rocks and lizards all of which Bard is practically an expert in after three children’s worth of hyperfixations
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Screaming crying sobbing
Over a courtesan Shen Yuan.
Maybe he knew YQY and SJ when they were kids, maybe not. Either way SY ends up working at the warm red pavilion and ends up interacting with SJ
First it’s just small things, delivering tea for his jiejies, putting instruments back when they are done, dropping off various things.
Then he starts actually talking to SJ and SJ surprisingly doesn’t hate him just for being a guy (I’ve been thinking trans yuan here but also like cos yuan works, I this trans is funnier cause SJ is like ‘damn you CHOSE to be a man? L move bro’)
They start getting along more and more, working together on music SJ has to turn in for his peak, actually chatting comfortably, stuff like that. SJ realizes SY is an absolute monster freak and always tells him about the stuff he’s seen, long chats lounging on the same bed into the night.
Until one day YQY and LQG burst in.
SJ is instantly in protect mode, hissing and spitting at his sect siblings as SY groggily wakes up, watching them bicker. Eventually LQG says something along the lines of ‘well if you weren’t messing around we’d already be tracking down such and such beast’ to which SY perks up out of bed, quickly throwing on his clothes before anyone can so much as blink and is just
“Well let’s get going then.”
SJ quickly tries to stop the man, annoyed that his di would even entertain the thought of talking with LQG. SY though, does not give a fuck, throwing SJ a zither to use for musical cultivation, telling the jiejies bye and making them go out on their little adventure.
LQG and YQY are so confused, looking at this freaky little twink drooling over various things about monsters all the while SJ is giving them death glares and huffing.
YQY is extremely jealous watching SJ and this dude too, like bro! That’s his emotionally unavailable Shen! Get your own! He’s upset at how easily they get along, how SJ doesn’t care if his hand is pulled along or if SY tugs on him to whisper something. Anytime YQY had ever attempted such a thing SJ would pull or flinch away, making him stop
LQG meanwhile is just… confused. On one hand his moral code states that any courtesan isn’t a good person to be around. On the other hand this cute guy is getting excited over monster guts in a way he’s never seen before and it’s quiet fascinating to hear him do enough talking for the rest of the group.
I feel like eventually LQG and SJ are totally in love with SY and YQY is in love with SJ so they end up awkwardly paired together, all vying for another’s attention and stuff.
(If SY ever met airplane here he’d be so pissed by the way, chasing him around like a rhino and yelling about how he had to deal away with his pride (SY made the choice of going to the brothel, he doesn’t even do sex work though.) and the others just watch him like ‘wow, look at him acting so feral, kinda hot tbh)
#greeniegaes#svsss#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#svsss au#shen jiu#liu qingge#yue qingyuan#courtesan au#courtesan Shen yuan#monster lover Shen yuan#shen jiu/shen yuan#Liu Qingge/ shen yuan#shen Jiu/ Yue Qingyuan#jiuyuan#scumcum#liushen#qijiu#what is all four of their ship name#qiliujiuyuan#liuqijiuyuan#idk you get the point#Yue Qingyuan /Shen Jiu /Shen Yuan / Liu Qingge
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finished reading komarr this morning and honestly folks, it's an emma situation, it's an "if i loved it less i might be able to talk about it more" situation with this book.
idk it's just such a lovely thing to be reading a story and it feels like it was tailor-made for your brain and your heart and the things that make you go absolutely feral. this is the first romance in the series that fucking HIT. like what if you'd been trapped in a shitty marriage for more than a decade with a man who made you into a smaller and smaller and smaller version of yourself, and he was always so proud and fragile ego-ed that he refused your help but still left you to clean up the messes he made with his incompetence. and just as you're realizing you can't take any more of it, this weird charming little dude shows up and you want to be cold to him but you can't manage because he talks to you like you're a real person and no one has done that in ages. and he's clever and damaged and you sit on a park bench with him while he has a panic attack and he doesn't try to hide how vulnerable it makes him feel and just says thank you. and later he takes his shirt off and he's COVERED in scars. and then later your horrible husband dies of his own incompetence and you are the one who shows up to rescue the weird charming little dude who got kidnapped along with your husband. and you keep on saving him and realize it's making you feel big again. DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT NORMALLY IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.
#losing my mind this is only the tip of the iceberg#he falls in love with her because she is so efficient at property damage during a life threatening hostage scenario#DO YOU UNDERSTAND#vorkosigan saga#this post is. incoherent. and i don't care#im experiencing the transcendent joy that only comes from finishing a book that you know you're going to love for the rest of your life
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