#he’s gonna pop a blood vessel

[christiansinglebabes]

If kabru was there for the sauna episode

[xxamorxexmortexx]

Ilja is so damn intense

Thank God Riddle is gone, otherwise Ilja probably would have been paired with him for comedy

[pareidolla]

ack i want to yap so badly about if it eats you but i know i'll be happier if it's a surprise so i feel like a muzzled dog. furiously writing in my corner while staring at the exit with my big big sad wet eyes please let me out (has only written abt 4% of the project)

[valistheanshield]

Anonymous Sent : 🧪 Have you ever had naughty thoughts about Jill? What were they? Truth Serum! || Accepting!

This was getting rather personal, gritting his teeth to fight back the answer, but it got through all the same. "I...Gah...Yes." He sighed, failing to hold it back, his face suddenly a fairly deep shade of red. This was NOT information he wanted out to the world. "The kind of thoughts one might have of the person you love, you know? How they might taste under your lips, how they'll shift and move under your touch. How they'll feel pressed against you." Clive was burying his face in his hands now, the words muffled against his palms.

[the-elusive-soleil]

psst nobody tell Thingol that his great-great-great-granddaughter (the spit and image of his long-reluctantly-lost daughter) grew up speaking Feanorian Quenya

[tea-t1me]

I swear to GOD I'm gonna be committing homicide the next time I see a mf draw Adam skinny

[tummy-inspectors]

[edgepunk]

idk if this is a Hot Take or anything, but imo the MCU wouldn't have the balls to kill off Aunt May if it weren't for the game

[cherry-shipping]

waauuuahhhg. imagined sans in a different outfit [the remnants of an explosion of blood and viscera can be seen on yhe walls behind me]

[rae-writes]

Ferrari #FF2800 — Bakugou Katsuki

lord explosion murder god of our heart <3 || 0.2k || m.list

“Get your fuckin feet off my dash?!”

The sheer incredulousness dripping from your fiance’s tone made you unable to hide the laughter that rolled out, body slumping in the pristine leather seats of his new car, shoulders shaking with how hard you were letting your amusement show.

“The fuck you think you’re laughin at? Feet. Off.” Bakugo could complain all he wanted as he peeled out of the parking lot, but you could see the quirk of his mouth like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

You still dropped your feet back down to the floor board, though, leaning over the console to press apology kisses to his cheek and jaw. “Don’t pop a blood vessel, baby, your dash remains spotless.”

He grumbles yet still leans his head into your kisses, eyes never straying from the road. He mutters out a few ‘more’s and a particularly whiny ‘on the corner of my mouth too’ before finally getting to plant a real one on you at a red light. 

“‘M gonna take that ring back if you keep on.” The stupid grin on his handsome face was like a flashing sign to show he was full of shit.

“Yeah?” you mused, taking your shoes off and placing your socked feet on the dash, wiggling your toes to bring emphasis to your Dynamight themed socks. “Better be careful, my husband’s really strong. Big scary pro-hero.”

Katsuki visibly melted at the use of ‘husband’, wishing the wedding would come even sooner. “He sounds badass.”

Another laugh came from you, breath tickling his ear as you kissed his cheek again once the light turned green. “A badass that better hurry and get us to his parents house before we’re late for dinner.”

[superbat-love]

Tim: Red Hood, this is Red Robin.

Jason: What's up?

Tim: Batman has gone missing. One minute he was investigating the crime scene, and the next minute he’s gone!

Tim: I reviewed the tapes, and I think Superman may have kidnapped him.

Jason: Ah, so this was an alien abduction?

Tim: Jason…

Jason: He's probably being probed right now. I wouldn’t want to interrupt their scientific exploration of each other.

Tim: Jason, I'm being serious!

Jason: Sorry Tim, can’t help you. Paranormal investigation ain't my forte. Try the Green Lantern Corps.

Tim: Jason, I swear to god, if you don’t help me, you're gonna come back to find a serious "upgrade" to your bike!

Jason: Okay, okay, don’t pop a blood vessel. I’ll find the man.

[notyourmoderate]

I'm gonna vote. I live in a district that is 100% going to go to Trump.

Here's the thing: every election in my area is so one-sided that it doesn't even make good comedy. From the presidential elector to the local traffic judges.

The only thing that's actually up for a real decision is the bond issues and policy proposals that are deliberately written as obfuscated as possible so you can't tell whether you're voting for or against the good thing.

But I'm gonna vote, because Republicans have lost 7 out of the last 8 popular votes. Because their only chance is to lean on the rigged and ridiculous gerrymander system so that their state-level cronies and judiciary activist shills can feed them another unearned win.

And it drives them fucking nuts. So so much.

The vote that I cast in November has a 0% chance of influencing whether Donald J TrompeL'oeil has an electoral vote. But it does have a very real chance of contributing to him losing the popular vote. And if that happens, there's a medically viable chance that he will rage out, pop a blood vessel and die on election night.

I cannot contribute meaningfully to who is going to win the presidential election. But there is a non-zero chance that my vote will actually kill him.

[rationaliity]

gonna just drop a bulletpoint story out there because this aint a lot to go off of but you're soooo right, speak your truth i love you. you're putting two of my favorite things together, ratio and kitsune / foxes

♡ kitsune! ratio who got eight tails, some joke its one tail for each subject that he's graduated college with a master's degree for

♡ he's really is far more playful than people give him credit for, although in his own deadpan kind of way

♡ like, no, he doesn't outright make jokes, but he'll say stuff that goes over people's heads and then loudly exclaim " why do i even bother ?! " with a feigned annoyance, but it's okay because its ratio and it's cute

♡ he really takes the ' sly fox ' thing to heart. i mean, he already works in the shadows, sly is just a part of who he is

♡ but he is still a good person !! people may often assume that he's not because of how he acts and they attribute that to being a kitsune, but he really does care about humans

♡ especially one stupid little human who likes to visit the shrine he lives at a lot

♡ yeah, you caught his attention, but he would much rather die than admit that to you

♡ he doesn't say anything when you offer him the good tuna while he's in his fox form, even though it irks him a little bit because he's a fox, you moron, not a wild cat

♡ shouldn't you be trying to run away from him anyways ? why are you so brazen about walking up to a fox ? don't you know that they're wild animals and they can hurt you if they wanted to ?

♡ you're so lucky that he doesn't want to, otherwise it would be a problem on your side

♡ he eats the tuna every time you bring it for an offering, enjoying it even though he bites back a snarky comment every single time

♡ he's smart enough not to bite the hand that feeds him. his shrine is so far out into the woods that you're really the only one who comes to visit him from time to time, something that he was silently grateful for

♡ he's not tied to the shrine, he can leave if he wanted to, and he's often out and about doing whatever he wanted to, usually finding a hapless human like you and quietly guiding them towards a better solution

♡ but you liked to visit the shrine every wednesday, so he made sure he was there every wednesday

♡ why ? because he wanted to

♡ when he finally revealed his true form to you, it was purely to educate you on something stupid that you had done, at least that's what he told himself

♡ you'd gotten cut by the bramble out in the forest while making the trip to him, and so of course he had to show his true form to bandage your wounds, that was only proper of him

♡ while biting your ear off about not even worrying about the wound until you were at the shrine. what if it got infected, or worse ? you truly were a foolish human

♡ all eight of his tails are angrily flicking the ground below him as he patches you up the best he can, meanwhile berating you for your idiocy, something that he cant stand

♡ and you're just smiling like a moron, too, despite being injured ! he can't wrap his head around you !

♡ finally, once youre all taken care of, he has to ask why you offer him food, when he just looked like a regular fox to you at the shrine

♡ possibly the most annoying thing ever, you don't have a good answer. no profound understanding, just because you want to

♡ he's so frustrated with you he's sure he may pop a blood vessel, and you offer to leave, but he tells you to stay. it would've made the trip and your injury meaningless if you left so suddenly without staying for anything

♡ and when the sun begins to set, you find him... following you away from the shrine ?

♡ ask him what he's doing and he's just going to give you a simple answer, and if this should've been common knowledge to you all along, and you were an idiot for asking

♡ " of course, someone has to watch over you to make sure you don't accidentally get yourself killed. "

— ♡ rationaliity 2024

[jasminumdew]

Rafayel (merman x siren reader)

Notes: This was written based on Rafayel’s rut which was presented in the Ebb and Flow card

Summary: You went out hunting to feed your sick merman lover, but he doesn’t seem to be hungry, at least not in that way.

Event host: this fic was written for Monster Mash Event, hosted by lovely @nanamiscocksleeve

Warnings: MDNI, gore, manslaughter, merman goes into rut, public sex

W/c: 1.2k

“Captain, we’re very close to that area now”

“Prepare the spears, net, every crew member gets to the harpoon gun now. We only get one chance, either we catch it or it’s the last day for all of us”

With the captain’s order, everyone quickly rushes to the ship's sides. All eyes were focused on the sudden movement of the waves, so no one paid attention to the piercing eyes locking on their backs. It’s not until the first note sang out that they realized their mistake. 

“Everyone, plug your ears. NOW!!” The captain's screams couldn’t reach their ears anymore, since it was filled with the most heavenly voice they’d ever heard. Can this be considered a peaceful death - when your heart was fluttering, mind clouded and blurry by a symphony? You wouldn’t say that, because only 10 seconds after hearing your song, the hallucination starts. One by one, the crew members collapsed onto the floor, some jumped and fed themselves to the hungry monster under the deep sea. Their hands reach to the nearest weapons, frantic red eyes looking like it’s gonna be popped out by how irritated the blood vessels got, having to witness their own death caused by their own hands. 

You don’t feel any grief for being that cruel to them. Humans share many similar features with sirens, even more than they have with mermaids. But they are all so weak, no really, they don’t have a pair of wings behind their backs or feathers on their thighs to protect them from the harsh weather like your kind do, nor do they have tails to move fast underwater like mermaids. That’s why they are only lower species who are destined to be feasted on. You keep rambling while tearing their breast out with your sharp claws, their constant begging falls on deaf ears. You’re not familiar with skinning humans so some organs were mixed with meat and fat, normally there’s another one that would deal with this task and you just gonna let them feed you the best bits. You couldn’t help grinning from ear to ear, thinking how proud of you he’s gonna be when you bring him this fresh heart that’s still beating slowly on your bloody palm. 

As you fly back home, you find his silhouette resting on the entrance, where the waves can reach his merman’s tail. 

“Babyyy I’m back. Look what I got!”

He huffs, narrowing his eyes.

“Couldn’t you tell me already? Gosh, the smell is awful. Human meat?”

You’re taken aback by his cold and sarcastic demeanor but quickly brush it off, considering he’s not in his best condition. 

“It’s a human heart. I hope it can cheer you up or at least make you less grumpy”

You reach out to pat his hair, it always does a great job to calm him down. Before you even touched his blue strand, your wrist was grabbed firmly by his hand. 

“You went hunting alone? Do you know how dangerous it is? They have weapons that can kill us in a heartbeat. Why didn’t you tell me first?” 

The heat spreading from his palm feels like it can burn your delicate skin, you try to struggle out of his hold but to no avail. 

“But you needed to rest. I’m fully capable of killing them alone, there weren’t even a scratch”

“You’re covered in blood. Next time don’t do unnecessary things like this. You smell like dead people.” He continues his nagging, there’s no point in getting hurt over his words, you know he would never say things like this in the right headspace. You put the bloody heart aside and clean all the nasty blood on your feathers, it seems to be clear that he doesn’t want any snack right now. 

As you finish cleaning up, you take a seat on his big tail, careful not to scratch him accidentally with your sharp claws. His body stiffens when you sit on his lap, grunting in his throat as your hand touches his forehead to check his body heat.

“Raf? This body temperature is not normal at all! What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine” his hands gripping on your waist to stop you from squirming on his lap, “It happens once a year. I just sleep it off” 

Once a year? Suddenly everything clicks in your mind.

“You’re in a rut, aren’t you?” Every signal is checked: abnormal body heat, labored breathing, dilated pupils, unexplainable mood swings…He doesn’t reply but his eyes shift to his lower abdomen. Your gaze follows him to find his thin fabric was drenched in precum. Blood rushes to your cheek and your heart beats with excitement when you pull it down, revealing his enormous erection. Merman’s manhood in general is way bigger than that of sirens, but it’s especially huge today, the heavy red tip rests on his belly, waiting to pump his seed all over your fertile flower. 

Your heavy wings spread out, covering your bodies from the outside world to get some privacy. 

“Don’t” 

“What?” your eyes looking up all confused.

“Don’t spread your wings. I want everyone to see that you’re mine to claim.”

You do just as you were told to, not without looking around to check for anyone around first. You don’t dare to confess, but the thought of someone watching you being such a slut for your lover caused waves of arousal inside you. Just from the smirk on his lips, you can tell he knows it already. 

He nearly choked on his breath when you ran your hand down his erected shaft, his tail splashes the waves impatiently. You kiss your way down his abdomen, licking and biting on his skin. Your mouth can only take half of his length, the rest have your hands do the work. Within minutes of you sucking his sensitive tip, he pushes your head away. His cock twitches angrily, begging for friction. 

“I need to feel you, please. I’ll make up for you later, but I really have to cum inside you”

With a nod from you, he aligns his tip clumsily and thrusts all the way in, reaching your womb. It doesn’t go any softer after he finishes, but the semen acts as an aphrodisiac to you. Your inside burns with the slow thrusts and lazy strokes on your bundle of nerves, so much that you sob into his chest, begging him to pick up the pace. At night, when your womb has no space for his cum anymore, that’s when he comes back to normal and peppers you with kisses. You’re sure that your eggs are all fertilized now, and he’ll need to find a bigger cave for your crowded family tomorrow. 

There’s so many things to prepare, but now, you just sleep in each other’s embrace without any care and leave it for tomorrow. Such an odd thing that two species who have nothing in common fell in love with each other. It’s truly beautiful, how you two can find out a whole new world that you’ve never known of, he’s the deep dangerous sea that you craved for one time to dive in, and you’re the cloud, the moon, the sun he couldn’t reach. Everything just feels right being with the right person, no matter the differences.

[hyuckiefluff]

pairing: mark lee x fem!reader

genre: smut

wc: 1.2k

cw: consensual somno, unprotected sex, fingering + oral (fem receiving), reader’s boobs fit in mark’s hands, usage of terms like baby, princess and slut, a bit of cockwarming so no aftercare rlly

a/n: thank you for the request @jaemnationnn <333 !! hope you like it! i rlly wanted to get this out by today so if it feels kinda rushed it’s cuz it is T.T also i’ve never written anything like this so all feedback is appreciated!! also omgg i’m at 777 followers rn :0 feels like an important milestone hehe

Mark found you sleeping when he got back from practice. He checked the clock on the nightstand and realized it was almost 3AM so he thought it best not to wake you. But as he turned to leave for the shower, he noticed that you were wearing nothing but a shirt of his. You were also missing your underwear, he noticed as he carefully peeled the blanket off you. He cursed under his breath, struggle visible on his features.

He told himself he shouldn’t act on his perverted thoughts. You were both tired and he would hate to disturb you knowing you had to get up early.

"Hmm... Mark," you softly mumbled, interrupting his thoughts. You stirred a bit more, but within seconds your head fell back on the pillow as your body relaxed again.

Or so he thought, but then your hand suddenly ventured from where it rested in your stomach down between your legs.

You were having a wet dream, Mark gulped.

“God, you're gonna be the end of me," he muttered, walking closer to your snoozing self. He was sweaty from practice, but if he didn’t do something about the painful bulge in his pants, he was scared a blood vessel might actually pop.

He hesitated to touch you at first, even though you'd given him the green light to do this before.

"Mm… Mark…please..." you let out a soft moan, shifting slightly and revealing more of your soft skin to his hungry eyes.

He groaned, undoing his sweatpants and letting them drop to his feet. His dick sprung free in a violent manner, the tip blushed a painful pink.

He couldn't help but wonder what he was doing to you in your dream. Was he just touching you, or was he already balls deep inside you? His mind went wild and his body just followed along, silently stalking over your form.

He let his nose nuzzle your neck and you sighed in response. The sleepy sounds you made every second only fueled his actions, he left a wet trail below your earlobe with his tongue and let his hand wander down, fondling your right breast, replacing your own.

"Mark..." you moaned.

He murmured "M' right here, baby..." into your neck. His fingers found the warmth of your cunt as they moved between your thighs. He let out a sated sigh as his finger entered you with ease. You shifted lightly, spreading your legs wider. Even in your drowsy state, your body reacted to him so well.

"So wet..." He grunted and rutted against you instinctively. He didn't want to wake you, but he couldn't help himself.

"I guess my dirty girl had a dream about me." He bit your jaw tenderly and murmured. "Calling my name in your sleep like some slut in heat?"

You slowly opened your eyes, furrowing your brow in an attempt to focus your vision. "Mark?"

"Yeah, baby?" He was slightly out of breath, with heavy eyes on you.

"You're home… mngh" You moaned as his finger curled inside you.

"M’ sorry, baby...I couldn't help myself.” He whimpered, rutting against nothing.

"Mm...so sleepy," you mewled, gently reaching for his untidy hair.

"It's okay, you don't have to do anything baby." he cooed. You simply nodded, closing your eyes again.

With this, he wasted no time pulling your shirt up and locking his mouth around your already perked nipple.

He was quite obsessed with your boobs— how could he not be when they fit perfectly in his hands and felt even better in his mouth. He delicately bit, sucked, and kissed every inch of your chest, gradually moving down until he hovered above your heat. His mouth latched onto your core as if drawn by a magnetic force, groaning at the feeling of being engulfed by your scent, taste, and warmth. The man seemed to have an insatiable appetite for eating you out, clear by the fact that he would do it even in your sleep.

Mark enjoyed burying his head between your legs but what he really needed there right now was his dick so he pulled you down to eye level, glanced at your slightly open mouth, and took the chance to kiss you while positioning his tip in your entrance. God, it was ridiculous how tight you were even after he had prepped you with his mouth and fingers. Your gummy walls were practically swallowing him, causing his hips to waver and forcing him to grasp onto the sheets for support.

He tried to keep a slow pace, but this vice-like grip you had around him made it hard to control himself. He knew he’d cum early if he kept going at it like this so he switched to a position behind you while lying on his side. This was more comfortable for you and also reduced the impact of his thrusts so as to not shake you as much.

Nuzzling into your hair, he breathed in the sweet scent of your coconut shampoo. Coupled with the soft moans and occasional whimpers escaping your lips, it created his own little paradise.

There was something about seeing your most vulnerable reactions to his touches that had him utterly hooked. Maybe he needed to do this more often.

"So damn good, princess," he groaned, the sound of his skin against yours softly echoing in the room. His hands firmly gripped your hips, guiding you back so he could be (impossibly) closer. Meanwhile, his other hand snaked around your chest, toying with your nipple.

"Mmm..." you were mumbling something he couldn’t quite make out.

He didn’t know if you were fully asleep or just lost in incoherent thoughts before reaching your orgasm. Regardless, he sensed his own release approaching. Gripping your leg, he lifted it slightly so his thrusts could reach deeper.

"Fuuck..." he moaned, your walls coaxing the orgasm from him. The way you spasmed around him, milking him for all he had, had him seeing stars as he shut his eyes.

So much cum was dripping down your thighs and onto the sheets but Mark was utterly spent, the exertion of doing this right after practice taking its toll so instead of getting up and cleaning you with a wet towel, as he normally would, he simply took off his shirt and carefully wiped away what had dripped down your thighs.

After that, he found himself so comfortable in his current position that, before he could think to pull out, he was already dozing off with you.

[emmg]

Imagine for a second everyone ends up happy and Lavellan and Solas get back together. Cue Dorian popping a blood vessel.

Dorian: “You’re back with this fuck?"

Lavellan, flustered: "I can explain—"

Dorian: "With this living omelette?"

Lavellan: "It's not—"

Dorian: "This balding crypt keeper with the emotional range of a brick wall and a wardrobe that makes him look like a discount drapery store threw up on him? The same one who poofed away after saying some cryptic shit about I WiSh iT CoUlD vHenAn?"

Solas: “The mark would have—"

Dorian: "Shut the fuck up, cue ball. I don't care if the mark was going to explode, you still look like you wash your clothes in your own self-pity. And you—" jabs a finger at Lavellan, "what’s your excuse? Has it really been so long that the sight of a naked skull and endless 'mystical' speeches turned you on again?"

Lavellan: “It’s more than that—"

Dorian: "More than that?! He abandoned you, took your fucking arm, and now you’re letting him back in your bed? Are you out of your mind or just starved for terrible decisions? You could’ve had anyone. But no, you pick the fade's worst motivational speaker.”

Solas: “Master Pavus, this is between—”

Dorian: “Oh no, don’t even try that ‘Master Pavus’ nonsense with me. You’ve got the emotional depth of a wet mop and a sex appeal that makes a mud pit look enticing. And yet here you are, again, trying to guilt-trip your way back into her pants with your world-saving speeches. What is it, Solas? You gonna whisper sweet nothings about 'the averted apocalypse' this time? Maybe throw in a lecture on why she was just not woke enough to understand your big, tragic plan but it's fine since everything worked out?"

Rook and Emmrich in their happy, non toxic relationship: :0

Solas: "Dorian—"

Dorian: "No, no, shut the fuck up. Seriously, what do you even do that’s remotely appealing? What did you do for the past ten years? Did you just sit there, staring at a wall, philosophizing about how it’s not 'connected to the Fade' while Lavellan was over there, not that far, mind you, actually trying to live her life?"

Lavellan, miserably: “Dorian, please—"

Dorian: "Do you know how many tears she cried over your wrinkly, bald ass? The sleepless nights? And for what? So you could show up with the same damn sad expression, like a dog that got kicked, expecting her to fall right back into your arms? Well, congratulations, you manipulative little twat, it worked. You got her again. But if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let this farce play out without letting you know exactly what I think—"

Solas: “This is not your concern—"

Dorian, grinning viciously: "Not my concern? Oh, it’s my concern now, you ancient, egg-headed disaster. You took her arm, and now, what? You’re back for the other one too? What’s next? Gonna steal her dignity too? No, wait—" He flips both of them off. "You already did that. Honestly, Lavellan, were you that desperate? Did your standards drop so low that this walking mid-life crisis seemed like a good idea AGAIN?"

Lavellan, trying to hide: "I just thought—"

Dorian: "No, no, you didn't think. You never think when it comes to this pointy-eared monk reject. You just let him walk all over you with his cryptic, brooding bullshit and now here we are—again. Tell me, Lavellan, how many bad life choices does it take before you finally learn not to open your legs to misery?"

Lavellan: “Dorian—”

Dorian, rounding on Solas: "You’ve got some nerve coming back, Solas. You with your ‘oh woe is me, I didn't fix the world so I'll ruin this woman's life instead again’ schtick. And for what? What do you even have to offer besides a fucking headache and a masterclass in celibacy?”