#he also truly did not give a shit abt normal until the very end

[llumimoon]

STILL thinking abt moody emo teenage Henry from the liveshow actually. he was so fucking funny 😭 motherfucker could have helped everyone escape at any moment but instead he just sighed and wrote gay poetry and drew trees and shit and ignored his grandson everytime he tried to talk to him tbh fucking iconic behavior I will never recover

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I need to scream about this event (Friends Like These) because I truly was just. Not expecting the impact it would have--I don't remember if I read this one in Japanese???

I've only gotten the first two stories so far but I just.

Jeanne and Mozart are of course, as adorable as ever; there's no question about that. But Jeanne dropping this line:

"It galls me to sound so much like le Comte, but I am grateful to God that I met you."

I. [prolonged error 404 sounds]. I'm not sure there are words to convey the simultaneous endless wheezing laughter but also AWWWWWWWW energy that consumed me in milliseconds. Wildly oscillating between "LMFAO ah yes, sentimentality? Disgusting I'll drink to that (blasts Bring Me To Life)" and "BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM DEEP DOWN AND HE LOVES YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

I just can't get over how Jeanne says exactly one thing about liking another person and he's like, 'ew dad gave me cooties >:///// how dare he subject me to the mortifying ordeal of hope.' Jeanne I love you. Jeanne I would die for you. Middle schooler with well-meaning stepfather who begrudgingly accepts his kindness and grows for the better, but would rather perish than admit it. I never knew I needed this found family dynamic so freaking bad until I started playing this game. 11/10 I could watch this forever

More Shenanigans below the cut, + the Shakespeare and Comte Event Story:

Also a sidebar because I just can't help myself, I know I've talked about it before but: Mozart and Jeanne's friendship is so endlessly precious to me????? I love how Mozart is so NO I'M NOT NICE REEEEE (turtles) and Jeanne is like :> bestie. It's so damn cute watching Mozart squirm at being exposed for being sweet and Jeanne just truly grateful someone cares about him?????? How much Jeanne and MC dote on Mozart despite being together, how it only strengthens their friendship? Literally I'm over the moon, nobody touch me I'm tender!!! Jeanne deserves to live peacefully without being a tool of the state/bad actors!!!! Mozart deserves to be loved and happy without being defined by his musical success!!!!!

LIKE. Not to be dramatic but I could watch an entire saga of these two being friends and being adorable. Fresh serotonin every single time. Did I know Jeanne was going to share his food? Absolutely. Did I expect MC to think ahead and pack two lunches? Absolutely not. Was I delighted both times? Beyond what you can imagine!!!!!!!

I'm going to stop here at the risk of repeating myself over and over but wow. Jeanne's capacity to see to the very core of people, for better and worse, and how it lets Mozart be meaningfully seen. Mozart's recognition that Jeanne can mean well to a fault, worried that he might be taken advantage of--and how Jeanne can build trust with someone for the first time without being afraid. Can you hear me wailing and bawling

Naturally, I acquired the Comte and Shakespeare one next. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I saw their names together and went "oh dear God. What am I walking into. Why do I hear boss music????" But I gathered my courage (more like I'm just too feral not to gather info abt Comte, but I digress) and experienced something that left me literally on the floor because I just. Did Not Remotely Expect This Series of Events.

So like. It starts off by being pretty normal and cute and I'm like awwww baby boy (oh he's a little fked up actually) giving gifts to dad. I'm sensing an ulterior motive but right now just let me have this. Also adorable that Comte is struck dumb by it, that's really cute I'm taking notes. And then. I was hit with the veritable ANVIL that was these next few lines:

deep breath Okay. Where to begin.

I LOST IT at the implication that Will was like. Holding back from ending Comte's entire life with mere words. WILL????? WILL P L S??????? (lowkey wanted to hear the roast snickers) Why am I sensing a pattern that Comte loves spicy people??? Love this for me

I also started losing my shit the second MC was mentioned and you could just hear the record scratch/kill bill sirens. Comte really out here like "son say WHAT about MC." I can't get over how he's always so ready to throw down for both MC and Sebas at any moment. Anywho, naturally I come to the conclusion that Will was just trying to one-up Comte to mess with him by giving MC gifts. It was the one thing I did anticipate--and, fool that I was--thought it rendered me safe from what happens next.

DEAR READER. DEAR READER I WAS SO WRONG. I WAS SO TERRIBLY WRONG.

BABY GIRL. BABY GIRL ON WHAT LEVEL IS THIS NORMAL BEHAVIOR. I'M LITERALLY CRYING RN?????? THE FACT THAT I CAN'T TELL IF HE'S JUST BEING SILLY GOOFY OR HE LEGITIMATELY MEANS IT OR SOME COMBINATION OF THE TWO????????

Mans out here like "I lost everything in the war (literally) let me spoil my girlboss dream gf in peace. Vlad took everything in the divorce let me have this pls." I just. The mental image of him chasing Will around the house. The potential implications of him doing this to protect them both (I love you Will but you have. Problems). The HILARIOUS AND DUBIOUS qualifier when he says "dressing up MC is nearly my entire reason for living." Comte I love you more than life itself but that does not make this any more normal. What are you doing my beloved vampire jkhlhalfdhjfg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also an honorable mention moment, because it was endearing:

Just the img of him wandering around with sparkly eyes and toting home little trinkets for everyone??????? He's so cute, that's the most grandpa behavior I've ever seen. I was chortling when Will was like "sir you made me sit in that cluttered carriage followed by another carriage full of stuff all the way home IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE (affectionate)."

I also love how Comte is like "Do I have a problem? Maybe. Will that stop me? Only when the sun cataclysmically swallows the earth."

Literally half of the members of the house are like "why are you like this" and he just heeheehoos his way out of it. How does he keep getting away with it. Can you tell I love him. Dazai isn't the only clown in this house honks Comte's nose

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[euclydya]

Gamers I would like to see: any strangers thing for the blorbo sheet 😏

OHHHHOHOHOHOHOHO BOY OK OK OK LET'S GO LET'S GO

UNDER TJE CUT BC THIS WILL BE LONG PROBS. BC HYPERFIXATION SHOWGJJGKDMFMGGM

STARTING OFF: THE BASTARD. BILLY

I went into this show like "Oh he's a jackass. I hope he dies I hope we all dies <3" Then system shit happened Uhhhhh anyways I'd kill for him. @ Fandom please be normal abt him he was a whole-ass kid who had like The Most God Awful Abusive Racist "Dad" (aka Neil) Ever. Okay? Okay. ok <3

ANYWAYS ABOUT THE MURDER: HE WAS POSSESSED. NOT HIS FAULT THAT AN OTHERWORLDLY BEING DECIDED TO USE HIM AS A PUPPET FOR CRIMES! HFNSKDMFMDKSJD

I think it's fucked up and evil that he's canonically dead but he isn't 2 us (both system reasons & both Fuck Canon reasons) fjdkdfn

Also before u ask what The Realization™ is: it is up 4 u 2 decide. hav fun

edit just realize the ficking. the boxes aren't transparent..................... fuckign. hell on earth IDC im jot fixing it these took like am hour to do. whatever MOVING ON!

NEXT UP: EDDIE

pov ur just a dude who likes loud music and tabletop games and ur entire town decides that u need 2 die bc of The Horrors (read: supernatural bullshit). SAD!! Like it is Literally not his fault Chrissy got Vecna'd. ok? ok. </3

ANYWAYS I THINK HE SHOULD KILL PEOPLE! I think he should kill people. Ignore how I think all my faves should kill people HE DESERVES TO KILL SOMEONE! Fucked up demon bats don't count!! fjskxmKfjcjjaksjc

ignoring system shit btw but he truly is just like our singletsona for real. Hyperfixates on Games?? Check. Is obviously very much ADHD & autistic???? Check. etc. etc. I can go onJGJDKSKFmfmd

omg it's S🅱️eve Sepsis (/inside joke??) omg <3.

SO IN S1 HE REALLY FUCKING SUCKED. LIKE...... HE WAS BAD. LIKE. USED SLURS AND WAS JUST GENERALLY A HUGE ASSHOLE.

bUT Uhhhhh he Got Better (read: accidentally became an adoptive parent to like 6? 7????? children,) and also other things (such as Experiencing The Horrors, Acquiring Brain Damage, Becoming Besties With Gay People) Anyways he's normal as of like s3 and onward. we don't talk abt s2 bc it is boring (also bc we don't remember itFJFJDKDKF)

He Has Killed Many Monsters but afaik he has yet to kill A Human Person. I may be wrong tho but i don't remember..,,,, cjakdkfk

OK NOW THEIR KINDA ADJACENT CHILDREN/SIBLINGS OF SORTS LET'S GO

FIRST CHILD: MAX

As a child I too was also very tomboyish and loved music and was a social outcast </3. I care her a lot. One of the coolest kids fr NFNDMZNF

I do Not like how the show's handled her character-wise and On God If She Doesn't Fucking Wake Up In S5 I Will Riot. Also she needs to kill Neil too (DID YOU KNOW THAT WE COLLECTIVELY HATE THAT MOTHERFUCKER. FJDJSJSJAJAKDKFMFMDSKFKF)

for clarification on the murder™: in s2 Billy almost killed Steve (and,,, according to the fandom Lucas too but *mildpanic* I'M NOT. GOING TO OPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS IN THIS POST) so naturally Max tranquilized him and then threatened to bash his face in with a nail bat. WHICH! WAS DESERVED YES! BUT. Y'KNOW WHAT THIS IS A RAMBLE FOR A DIFFERENT POST LET'S LEAVE JT AT THATJFJKDKFGK

ANYWAYS GIVE THIS KID THERAPY GODDAMN!!

ok this one is vaguely system influenced bc our Eddie adopted our El so. There's that HFNSKF.

She's literally a walking mass murder weapon (AND YES SHE'S KILLED PEOPLE. MULTIPLE TIMES. THAT'S KIND OF HER THING) and she has Fucked Up Psychic Powers. She was stuck in a lab until she was middle school aged and life has been pain for her almost ever since.

I want 2 see her v happy and just being a kid but also if the show ends at s5 then I need 2 see her just fucking Eviscerate Papa without hesitation. Fuck that guy I hope he burns in hell.

.... omg her backstory is so edgy actually it's so funny. Anyways whatever she's cool actually NFNSSKF

IT'S HIM!! DUSTIN!!! GET A LOAD OF THIS KID!!!!!! ONE OF THE KIDS OF ALL TIME!!!!! i see him and I'm like I Will Commit Violence For U. GNNFMDF

He is literally just A Kid. But also he's p much Steve's adopted brother by s2 (i think. maybe it was by s3 i DoNT REMEMBER JGJDKG) they're like besties ur honour!

He Is One Of The Braincell Holders™ I Think. definitely btwn him and Steve that's for sureGJDJSKKFGK

here's 2 hoping s5 also treats him well too (ALONG W STEVE. AND MAX. AND EL.,,, and eddie actually i refuse to believe that [DATA EXPUNGED]. ok.) if anything happens to him, well! Y'know! 🔪!!!!

[astrojoong]

Seonghwa’s Birth Chart

☉ sun in ♈︎ aries  

aries is the child of the zodiac so honestly its no surprise that this is his first life

he’s just so full of wonder and excitement its truly lovely to see

so excited about learning and exploring the world around him

second decanate so his subruler is the sun

aries with a touch of leo flair

the sun subruler adds in just a touch more dignity and pride to aries

reigns in a bit more of aries’ impulsiveness and recklessness 

instead it adds to his hunger to succeed

it also really brings out his showmanship and ability to perform

when he performs he is able to show both raw aggression and passion while also maintaining poise and grace

holds an intense drive which can sometimes be to his own detriment 

has the potential to push himself too hard, and put too much pressure on himself

can have little to no patience or attention span, needs things to be constantly moving and changing, with new challenges arising or else he’ll become bored and dissatisfied 

☽ moon in ♋︎ cancer

(ayyy i have a cancer moon too) 

basically... a whole Mom

ok so the moon is at home in cancer

she’s right where she wants to be so that just means that she is That much more powerful

cancer is a feminine sign and she adds a very soft dimension to his aries sun

cancer is the middle child of the water signs, which means it can either take on a more parental role or a more childlike role-it has the versatility that the youngest and eldest signs lack (same goes for all middle signs)

in Hwa you can definitely see that its taken on the parental role

he is very in touch with his feelings and the feelings of those around him

super intuitive and really just a whole ass caretaker

so incredibly loyal and sensitive and protective

on the flip side this may also make him prone to nagging if he’s not careful, and it likes to team up with his aries sun and make him WAY too hard on himself

can be Incredibly self critical and have the potential to get stuck in ‘moods’ which can bring down everyone else around them (there are actually four fucking cancer moons in ateez idk how they survive if one- or god forbid- multiple of them get moody, my dad and I are both cancer moons and we engage in something I like to call vibe warfare in which we accidentally throw off the Entire balance of the household if one of us is feeling moderately shitty or In Our Feels)

☿ mercury in ♈︎ aries

mercury is pretty happy in aries so theres a lot of benefits to this placement

a wonderful conversationalist

there's that underlying fierceness that aries brings

witty, outspoken, and very original

very jovial in his speech, good at joking around

also very good at arguing.

watch tf if you get on his bad side he can go OFF

very lucky person

normally doesn’t put a Whole lot of thought or planning into decisions but they usually just work out for him

♀ venus in ♒︎ aquarius

maybe not the best at expressing love

I think his cancer moon is a bit at odds with this placement, he feels  all these emotions and can seem like he’s great at expressing them, but he’s really only showing surface emotions

I think he is very good at hiding his true feelings, even if he doesn’t mean to, he keeps certain things very close to his chest

very magnanimous, a great socialite  

personal freedom is very important

people with this sign are a little notorious for not wanting to be tied down, maybe having some commitment issues, we haven’t seen Hwa in a relationship so who knows

did I say freedom was important because freedom is Super important

really is able to satisfy his urges to travel and experience exciting new cultures and situations through his career. He honestly seems super well suited for the industry.

♂ mars in ♈︎ aries

ok mars is at home in aries so you know shit is abt to get INTENSE

much like how his cancer moon makes all his feelings super strong

this is all abt aggression 

essentially if Win by Ateez was a placement

an absolute force of nature

definitely some major self confidence coming through here

very courageous and honest, but potentially a little blunt, especially if he’s worked up

that's when he starts to lose his filter a bit

the good thing is, he doesn’t seem to let his anger build up or fester, he deals with it when it happens

this is also the ✨sexy✨ sign so lets just say he is very Active and... depending on where his houses lie, it could definitely point to him being more assertive in the bedroom. 

♃ jupiter in ♓︎ pisces

Jupiter is essentially the planet that tells you what you should do with your life

I am not surprised he’s in music 

pisces is like Known as the soulful, artistic sign, so the fact that he found his way into a career where he can play to his aries need for passion and power while also expressing himself and his emotions in a creative fashion, and in a way to help others? fucking incredible. 

He has a healing ability to him

Just being around him makes others more at peace

Very interested in/talented in emotional healing

♄ saturn in ♈︎ aries

jfc final aries 

its like his chart is just Oops! All Aries

if Jupiter is the planet of good luck, saturn is the planet of bad luck

saturn is what stands in the way

its not too bad though

it just means that he will have a lot of obstacles that he must continuously fight against in his journey to success

but good news! while it may seem like they’re never-ending, the difficulties begin to let up as he gets older and gains more experience

saturn in aries means he’s ambitious and determined

it may place these obstacles in front of him, but it also gives him the strength to persevere 

♅ uranus in ♒︎ aquarius

ok from here on out, up until chiron, its more generational so I’ll touch on uranus, neptune and pluto in my overall ateez analysis since they all share those signs

♆ neptune in ♒︎ aquarius

♇ pluto in ♐︎ sagittarius

⚷ chiron in ♏︎ scorpio

chiron tells us what our biggest wound is

Seonghwa’s has to do with his self worth and emotions

scorpio is a very intense sign, it doesn’t half ass anything, pain or pleasure

he will go through or will have already gone through something that will be catastrophic to who he is as a person. 

it will/has cause(d) a great deal of emotional pain 

in his life he has to learn how to love and accept himself, how to control his emotions and how to make peace. 

the lesson that must be learned is one of renewal and transformation, of endings and beginnings

⚸ lilith in ♎︎ libra

lilith is meant to represent our innermost psyche

primal urges and base desires

it also shows our fears

Seonghwa’s deepest fear seems to be one of rejection

he needs to find a balance in his life, learn healthy boundaries

he’s very susceptible to other’s opinions and influences 

I feel like it may not be as much of a problem because he has so many other fortunate signs to counteract this but it could be an issue if he isn’t careful

[ironmandeficiency]

day two: captain hearth & achilles

get ready for day two!! these guardsmen have a lot of sweet & a lot of sad in their stories, so buckle up y’all. these two boys do have ships w other oc’s, so if you wanna know more i’ll gladly share (and there’s probs a ton that i’m missing so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

crane, jamie, & crow belong to my dear friend @capricornrabies and the art was done by @persaloodles

playlists: captain hearth and achilles & skadia

fics: home (achilles x reader), you’re just harder to see than most (achilles x skadia)

trigger warning: suicide, civvie-initiated violence against the cg, character death

literally so kind and he actually has brain cells

literally so kind and he actually has brain cells

known for giving bomb ass hugs

has flame tattoos that start on his wrists (where two black bands w/ a brick-like patterning make circlets) and go up toward his elbows

will never hesitate to help someone else in need no matter how it affects him

named for the goddess hestia, of home and the hearth partly bc his hugs make ppl yearn for a home they never had

his callsign is “fire” in asl (spreading hands into fives and w palms facing you, bringing hands upward and wiggling fingers slightly)

doesn’t understand why ppl love him so much but doesn’t question it

best friends w crane and will give him habitats for crane’s bugs after extensive research over what they need

can naturally cook SOOO WELL, like no one even knows how bc the longnecks sure af didn’t teach him. crane will sneak him ingredients sometimes and snoop will send follow-along videos for recipes he thinks hearth should try, typically including snoop’s senator friend

didn’t talk to thire for a week after he insulted hearth’s cooking

knitted who a scarf with the colors of several battalions and since then, began to knit care packages to be sent to his brothers on the front lines (blankets, scarves, gloves, etc.). was able to enlist the help of morticus to lighten the load and when the 501st is on leave, they like to knit together and talk shit abt their bros

was accidentally pranked by crow and it had disastrous results. hearth was trying to get fox some dinner and when he opened the door to fox’s office, where the glitter was rigged, hearth was covered in red glitter and a perfectly good bowl of soup was ruined

adopted angry boy achilles and when he noticed achilles intentionally trying to get himself killed, had yelled in anger for the first time

hearth calling achilles on his shit is the one time people see hearth angry about anything bc normally he’s the most loving dude

hearth, being named for hestia, normally the “flames” of his personality are akin to a soothing fireplace made to comfort and chase the chill away, but his anger is a wildfire that no one thus far has been able to control. you have to let hearth deal with his anger on his own until he’s able to quell it down, man doesn’t know what power he holds when angry bc he just doesn’t use that emotion hardly ever

but back to achilles diving into danger and hearth calling him on it

hearth feels incredibly guilty abt yelling afterwards and tries to find achilles to apologize, but it was too late

man ended up holding his vod’ika as he died, glad that achilles wasn’t suffering anymore but miserable bc he failed good brother

used to have long crimson hair he’d let achilles braid when the latter was coming down from his fits of anger or depression. after achilles died, he kept it trimmed to a regulation buzz. still keeps hairties on his wrist as if he still needs to tie it up bc it’s muscle memory to put them on in the mornings

you see hearth and think he would immediately be attracted to the softer and kinder people the world has to offer but no

this man is head over heels for the far angrier, blunt, and nearly indifferent jamie (belongs to @capricornrabies also). she’s a police captain w the coruscant police and has a reputation for being grumpy

jamie has cybernetics/prosthetics (hand, and eye at the minimum), and sometimes they malfunction, that’s just what they do. he learns quick the ins and outs of taking care of someone w/ prosthetics and is super gentle

soft dom (and a sprinkle of brat tamer) vibes

jamie has a younger sister named jacob (you’ll learn abt her later) and they’ve been thru hell. jamie’s prosthetics/cybernetics were punishments from handlers for not performing to their standards (think of smth akin to hydra & the winter soldier program, that kind of cruelty).

jacob and jamie were born into poverty in the lower levels of coruscant, so when a program to have steady employment came up in exchange for genetic testing they took it

she is very mistrusting but it comes out more in rash anger and being an ass

when she sees her sister start to become more domestic, jamie is upset but then does the exact same thing with hearth

was like a big sister to achilles bc big sister instinct told her to protect this soft angry bean

jamie is a very avid practiced of the tough love and it’s useful when hearth needs to be reminded to get out of his head

achilles

inspired by the song “achilles come down” by gang of youths (OWW)

was basically adopted by hearth when he joined the guard and had no idea what to do abt it

was too used to being the one to take care of his brothers, being the oldest of his batch back on kamino. but after one brother died in a training simulation & two were decommissioned, he lost hope and isolated himself from his kih’vod until they were all stationed somewhere he wasn’t and he couldn’t worry

has really bad anxiety & hearth would let him braid his hair to come down from attacks. it was very soothing to both parties & hearth personally liked the braiding the best when achilles did it

don’t let his outbursts fool you he is an absolutely precious and loving soul. would give the shirt off his back to someone in need

very shy when it comes to romance. wants what’s best for his s/o and dates are the few times where he feels truly safe to open up and be happy

this sweet boy gets to show off all that sugar sweetness w skadia, who belongs to @roseofalderaan . embraces her culture, shows her what it’s like to truly love, the whole nine yards.

skadia has wings and they’re his favorite thing ever. he’ll run his hands thru them, help her preen. absolutely adores it when she cages him in w them

they loved to dance together, typically something soft and slow where they could hold each other as close as possible and get lost in the moment

after being in the guard for a few years, he was disillusioned and angry with life bc he saw how clones were treated & that nothing was done about it, both on kamino and coruscant

tried to do things abt it himself but they always backfired, thus resulting in him getting demerits and beat up by civvies

hearth would be the first one contacted when he limped back into the barracks and was always walked to the medbay by his ori’vod (sometimes letting achilles rest most/all of his weight on him as they walked/limped)

one of these times, he tried to call out a merchant for being racist against clones but got jumped. from there, had started to intentionally endanger himself on missions

stopped listening to orders and would charge into bad situations with the intent to get himself killed

hearth is the one to call him on his shit. achilles ends up feeling incredibly guilty for making his ori’vod angry and in his guilt/anger, left and provoked the merchant from before. the merchant killed him and hearth was only seconds too late

in short this absolute angel deserved more than he got

[spiralesbian]

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

[scoopzahoy]

Watched the third season of Scream (Scream Resurrection ? Scream VH1 ?) for the first time w mom these past two days, and I liked it a lot actually ! I’m aware it’s not well liked apparently. Maybe because they dropped the Seasons 1&2 cast (Brooke and Noah are the only characters I truly mourn in the Great Recasting of Scream TV, the rest of the living characters by the end of S02 do nothing for me), maybe it just wasn’t a lot of people’s style. Either way, I personally enjoyed it, and especially loved the nearly all-bipoc cast !!

I had a fewwww flaws with it, of course, but I’ll leave it under a cut so anyone who wants to read it can, and those who don’t won’t just see a wall of text rip

Also Spoiler Warning, duh

OKAY SO

One of the biggest flaws I had was for sure Olivia/Liv. She definitely seemed okay and likeable in Episodes 1 and 2, but my GOD did she just get worse as time went on.

Like, okay, so we know she’s got some (mental health ??) issues due to her mom’s cheating and eventual divorce from her father, but I kinda hate how it’s never... delved into ??? Like girl held a whole ass lighter to her arm at the end of one episode but it’s never actually ADDRESSED what her deal is ????? What are your secrets, Liv ????

Like, alright. Her snoopy ass self gets the hopes up of Deion (fka Marcus), that his twin brother (the REAL Deion) is alive and kicking, only for it to be revealed the poor kid got stuck in the trunk of an old car and died after all. Like, damn, Nancy Drew, look at what you’ve done. You gave the dude depression.

Liv: Your brother’s alive Deion: he’s literally not Liv: okay but he is Deion: hm...

ANYWAYS, moving on.

I really don’t like just how she treated Deion all season. So, hear me out. We have the scene between them post-sex. She’s holding the gun she found in his bag (ma’am I literally do not care that you stubbed your toe, that doesn’t give you permission to snoop through his shit ????), and THEN yells for her cop father bc she’s trying to “protect” Deion ??? Nah fuck off with that.

Was definitely relieved to see her father WASN’T a racist cop just waiting for a chance to have an excuse to execute a black person, surprised to see him reveal he’s worried for Deion’s safety BECAUSE of Liv’s aforementioned issues (sir get your daughter a therapist) but once again WHAT ARE HER ISSUES SPECIFICALLY ???? LIV ???????

She then kinda does it AGAIN by mentioning to a different cop that Deion knew about her father. Like GIRL you KNOW what you’re doing YOU HAVE TO. These actions nearly cost Deion a football scholarship, and never ONCE is she PROPERLY punished for her actions.

We do get Deion telling her on the phone that everything she’d done so far was actually really shitty and fucked up, and he even goes so far as to tell her not to speak to him anymore, but about an episode later that’s all resolved like nothing. Like Deion, dude, I get she’s pretty but the things she did should not be so quickly forgiven just because she said sorry ???? Deion stop kissing her TELL HER TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT THE CLEARLY TRAUMATIC EVENT OF HER PARENTS DIVORCING.

AND THEN SHE’S PITIED in those TWO seconds Deion hates her ?? Deion “pumping and dumping” is viewed as a “gross guy hurts poor, innocent girl’s heart” when reality is that he had EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to want nothing to do with Liv after everything she had put him through. A person is not obligated to stay in contact w/ someone they had sex with if that person finds out their sexual and/or romantic partner is an ASSHOLE. Don’t pity Liv when it’s HER shitty actions that led to Deion not wanting to speak to her for two seconds !

Legit hate that she and Deion ended up together in the end. He deserved better, or at the VERY LEAST she should have waited until she was in a better place to even PURSUE a relationship with anyone, Deion or not. And, hey, maybe she did considering the last scene is a time jump, but that’s just an assumption.

Also, was it ever explained just who she was talking to about having blood on their hands ??? Like I get it was to make her look sus because it WORKED. Maybe she wasn’t the killer this season, but it’s well established she is Not Okay and also well established that she’s just an overall unpleasant person, so who is to say she wasn’t doing shady shit anyways ?? Once again, Liv, what are your secrets ????????????

Anyways, non-Liv related flaws I found that apply to me personally.

Tyg/a’s whole existence. So let’s talk abt Jay. Not entirely jazzed about his reveal. Kinda thought it was meh overall (sidenote: shouldn’t he have sounded more struggled in his last scene ? Dude was bleeding out and was talking like he was having a normal conversation my dudes)

Like, his motive is kinda interesting, but idk. Of course there were two killers, but I was hoping “Hook Man’s” death wasn’t actually related to the Ghostface killings. I knew for sure it was Jay, because it made sense. Get revenge on the man you think killed your little brother while wearing the costume your brother died in. I just feel like, compared to Beth... meh. 

Enough about him, though, really hated seeing Manny die. Like, damn dude. I was legit hoping that him cracking the windshield was a sign that he was gonna escape, then BOOM next episode BOOM his funeral like DAMN OKAY.

When Kym was on the roof, I thought the Mystery Person was gonna be revealed to be Manny (forgot they had been selecting his clothes to be buried in tbh), who faked his death so he could finally be free of the town he wanted nothing to do with. Will say, though, the reveal of Hawkins being Manny’s secret dumb jock boyfriend was wholesome. Wish we could have seen more of them together and Hawkins could have been a more relevant character throughout the season, we deserved all the gay content we could have gotten.

That’s all the flaws I think I have, though. My brain’s fried and I’m TIRED so... yuh.

Oh but, a few positives real quick: Liv being the false final girl and KYM being the TRUE final girl (sidenote: another flaw - Kym should have gotten a showdown with Beth tbh). Kym was far more deserving of that title, and I’m glad she got the honor of putting the Big Bad down. Also loved her and Hawkins clearly becoming friends after high school (also just Keke in general, what an icon)

And, the Deadfast Club was an overall likeable group (Liv ASIDE personally). It hurt to see them die. Noah rlly said it in season 1, make my ass CARE about these people smh

Once again there’s probs more but I am falling asleep so that is all goodnight.

[apothecarywormcrud]

11 and 13 for Masato? 👀 i wanna say all of them for Masato but.

oh i am DOING all of them i wanna talk about masato

or. well. most of them. 

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

I’ve talked about this before, but Masato’s name is very specifically spelled 眞人, (the kanji for “real” and “human,” respectively.) I sorta knew from the start that I wanted to give them a name with 人 in it; something deliberately ironic, because Mayuri is a dick who loves a bad joke. 

(It’s a particularly cruel joke in the context of Masato’s original backstory, where they were meant to be an experiment in what happens when you let someone think they’re a real person and then strip that assumption away. But I wanted to give them sick powers, so that was shunted to the sidelines.) 

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? 

I talk about Szayel enough on here so I’m gonna talk about Nnoitra instead. In my version of canon, his mask is cracked open by Kenpachi, reducing him to a state similar to Nel’s. (That’s karmic retribution, bitch!) Suffice to say he’s pretty upset about this, and proceeds to skulk about Las Noches refusing to let anyone see him until Szayel gets back to fix things. 

Masato meets him by chance when their powers are still sealed up post-jailbreak (this one’s seal 2: electric boogaloo) and is all like, what’s with this sassy lost pre-teen? Eventually they become sparring partners, since while Nnoitra’s regaining his powers, Masato is the only person in Las Noches capable of fighting at such a low level; and once he’s got them back, they can go hog-wild without worrying about fucking him up too much. Their relationship doesn’t have the same...belligerent romantic tension that Masato and Szayel’s does, but Nnoitra is fond of Masato, even if he’s horrible at admitting it. They’re friends and they suck! 

More abt. Nnoitra actually bc I love this song: nerfing him puts him in a position where he’s forced to rely on other people, and despite feeling totally worthless and vulnerable and having to undergo the humiliation of being protected, there’s also the experience of being told, “So what if you don’t have any power? That doesn’t make me respect you any less.” So he has the opportunity to build his self-worth back up based on something less subjective, and now he can actually interact with other people on the same level, which is great news for Tesla, who gets to strengthen his spine and be truly up front about his feelings, because Nnoitra no longer has any power over him. 

I think, for relationships like these, finding a level playing field is super important! And I’ve always been fascinated by characters who develop in opposition to one another and eventually meet in the middle. Masato and Szayel are also that way, in that they round out some of his edges, and he sharpens some of theirs, and the actual feelings proper don’t start developing until a ways in, and they’re not even admitted until post-canon, because in order to even consider that sort of relationship, the two of them have to come to respect each other first. Enemies-to-lovers is a fucking ART. 

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? 

Kurosaki fam and by extension, Ichigo’s friends. Masato has commissioned at least one custom jacket from Uryu. Also Arrancar Squad and my friend Percy’s insert Juro, who’s a creepy little goth weirdo and a visored.  

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? 

Masato is a mod-soul based off of Mayuri’s quincy research. They’re designed to passively absorb reishi until at max capacity (which is quite large), at which point they can be forcefully “detonated,” destroying them in the process and causing a significant amount of damage to the surrounding area as the stored reishi is released. As a weapon, they’re highly experimental—meant as a last resort rather than something put to regular use. 

Mayuri dumped them in the human world, where their reishi absorption wouldn’t negatively impact the Seireitei, and planned to let them simmer there for about ten years. There’s a seal incorporated into their gigai that not only blocks them from accessing the reishi inside of them, but prevents any outside force (such as hollows) from sensing it. 

Once they become aware of what they are, Masato gets big anxious about anything that implies they’re not a real person. I’d love to salvage Kon’s original personality from before he was relegated to pervy comic relief because I think there’s the potential for some interesting interactions there. 

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? 

Passive reishi absorption, and after Uruhara modifies their gigai so they can access their power reserves, they can vent it from their body and use the force to blast themselves around or add more power to their blows. Their body is about as resilient as a normal human’s, but the only way they can truly “die” is if their soul candy is crushed, which means that injuries that would normally be fatal are just excruciatingly painful. This definitely isn’t just an excuse for me to fuck them up beyond all belief. 

Due to Szayel’s tinkering, they eventually end up as what’s effectively an artificial Quincy. 

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

They prefer not to fight if they can avoid it, but if shit gets real then they won’t hesitate, bitch. They’re reasonably proficient with a blade after several years of kendo training, and like to bring a practice sword into dangerous situations. It’s not going to do much good against the likes of shinigami or hollows, but it makes them feel more secure, and it’s a good misdirection tactic. 

Due to the whole “functionally unkillable” thing, they’re also far more likely to take risks in battle, and have a tendency to rush in without thinking when one of their comrades is hurt. 

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? 

It’s all cropped jackets and harem pants up in this bitch. I drew them in that sort of outfit once and now it’s all I give them. They don’t particularly care for their arrancar clothes, but it makes them less conspicuous and also, Szayel insisted on it. Can’t have your prized experiment running around looking like some sort of ragamuffin, after all. I keep meaning to write something where they visit Sastre for a fitting, because what good is having other arrancar OCs if I don’t do anything with them? 

8. How do they fit into their canon world?

A side character who tags along with the main cast but ultimately doesn’t impact events too much. They have their own wholly separate plot going for them and it involves self-actualization and kissing arrancar. 

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? 

Kendo, gardening, bike rides through the countryside.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? 

Masato’s actually pretty difficult to rile up, unless you’re pushing some Very Specific buttons (personhood is the big one), at which point they become incredibly easy to mess with. Szayel is...uncomfortably good at making them upset. 

13. What are your insert’s goals? 

Up to a certain point, they were happy to live a normal life and protect the people around them when called for. Then they wind up back in Mayuri’s lab and proceed to jailbreak Szayelaporro, retreat to Hueco Mundo, and strike a deal with him in order to gain more power and get mutual revenge on Mayuri. 

Post-canon...they start coming to terms with the fact that their body will never age and grow like a normal human’s, and that if/when they die, their soul will effectively be destroyed, and they decide, hey, fuck that shit, actually, and do a bunch of crazy science until they’ve got that shit sorted out (ultimately becoming like Nemu, if not something that improves on her design). 

14. Does your insert have any family relations? 

Isshin was the one who found them shortly after they were dumped on Earth, and kept them around for a number of reasons (the majority of which involved his Soul Reaper Senses tingling). So Masato’s got what’s effectively an adoptive dad and three younger siblings, who they dote on and bully interchangeably (and whose last name they may or may not have borrowed) (Isshin insisted on it, actually, since it’d make the documentation easier). They have temporary solidarity with Yuzu over not being able to see spirits. 

Mayuri is....arguably family but also like, fuck that. Masato does consider Nemu to be something like a sister, though, and feels particularly protective of her the more they interact. They have just as much a desire to help Nemu escape Mayuri’s influence as they do themselves. 

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

Fuck Mayuri me and my homies all hate Mayuri. I shouldn’t really need to explain this one. He treats Masato solely as an experiment and tool for his use. Unlike with Nemu, the fact that Masato is developing on their own is more of an inconvenience than anything, and before they broke out with Szayel, Mayuri was fully intending to wipe their memories and start over from square one. There is some good news, however, which is that Masato does get their revenge and uses their shiny new Quincy powers to seal up Mayuri’s reishi and get him kicked out of the captain’s seat. 

Szayel starts off as an enemy, since you can’t really have an enemies-to-lovers plot without one. He’s done some pretty atrocious things to Masato, but he treats them significantly more like a person than Mayuri ever did. Masato has very little respect for him, and the only reason they start working with him to begin with is because he represents a means to an end. Of course, the more time they spend together, the more tolerant they become of each other...among other things. 

[notrobyn]

okay gang i watched artemis fowl and my thoughts are SO LONG. (i literally was taking notes everytime something struck me lmao) so this is obvs gonna be under a read more!! (also there’s probs minor spoilers sorry!!)

the tl;dr for my opinion though is: it’s probably fine if you read the books but weren’t that into them. like if ur a hardcore fan u will be most likely not be that impressed, and if u have never read the books i am FASCINATED to know if u kept up with the plot!! there were bits i didn’t understand at all lol

okay so point no. 1 is that to me most of the changes from the book felt either a little unnecessary or straight up pointless. point no. 2 is that i don’t know how to organise my thoughts so im gonna separate these out by character lmaooooo i have s o much beef.

artemis fowl ii: the actor is sweet! he’s having fun, we’re introduced to him via him surfing and then on a lil hoverboard thing with one wheel? which is a frankly bizarre choice for book!artemis who notably doesn’t do physical activity. (this is a dumb thing but until about 2/3rds of the way through he wears jeans. unheard of for this lil snob). He’s also called ‘Arty’ several times without rebelling. aside from that though he really didn’t start out too badly!! we see him with his guidance counsellor where he is as much a little shit as he is in the book, he’s very self-assured and he clearly knows what he’s talking about.  It does kind of go downhill from there though - his character development pretty much doesn’t even start and by the end of the film I have NO idea what his motivations or even his personality are.  We hear more characters straight up Telling us “ARTEMIS IS SMART AND ALSO SCARY” than we see evidence of it.

artemis fowl i: the dad! this is Colin Farrell. which is fine. he’s fine. He wasn’t really in the first book since he’d been kidnapped before the events and wouldn’t be rescued til the next one but he’s.....not bad! He doesn’t give me ‘criminal mastermind’ vibes and he certainly doesn’t seem to have passed any of that down to Arty II.  The whole ‘hostage’ shit was wild, i’ll talk abt that later lmao

butler: oh MAN did they misuse butler!!! I fucking LOVE book!butler. he’s such a perfect surrogate-father-figure to Arty while being totally in charge of his welfare and stuff like I literally love him. what a badass. but in the film......he’s basically just the fowl’s servant??? Like he’s not even specifically in charge of Arty? He goes on stakeout on his own, he knows all about Artemis Fowl I’s private collections and secrets, and worst of all - Arty calls him Dom/Domovoi. What the fuck. (he also at no point puts on a suit of armour)

juliet butler: god okay I also love juliet, she’s so cool. change no. 1 to juliet is that she’s about artemis’s age? I’m pretty sure she was older. but not convinced. change no. 2 is that she’s butler’s niece??? why? what a pointless change. She’s really not in this film a lot, even parts that in the book were for her have been changed. don’t love that

holly short: okay, holly short in the books is my absolute fav. she’s the first female officer in LEPrecon, she’s making waves, she’s held to a higher standard and is angry about it.  but film!holly........she’s just sort of a normal fairy. Apparently her dad was some kind of human sympathiser so I guess she’s working through that but other than that she just seems nice. Not much characterisation, she’s the same height as Arty though so I guess he must be 1m tall. Cool uniform, cool wings, she did say D’Arvit once.

mulch diggums: tbh I did like him in the books but he got overwhelming in the film. He’s like....the main framing of the film? So it’s like him reporting everything that happened to HUMAN police (wtf). but for some reason he’s really tall. Why is he really tall. The jaw unhinging is truly horrific to watch though which is tbh probably the goal. idk he’s fine, he just...felt like too much, especially compared to the weaker characters of Arty and Holly.

julius root: so this is Judi Dench. and honestly it wasn’t awful. I was super worried about this one because having Commander Root be a woman genuinely takes away so much from Holly’s character of struggling in a male-dominated job. but since Holly didn’t have much of a character, judi did a fine job.  She wasn’t quite as angry but she is intimidating, and she did also say D’Arvit so that’s cool. I don’t hate it.

opal: why the fuck is opal in this film. she didn’t become an antagonist for a while. her motives were wild: there’s a new secret fairy artifact called an ‘aculos’ or ‘acuros’ (at no point did i understand what they were saying, i had it written as akhiros for ages) that artemis senior got hold of, so she kidnapped him to......get it? Even though she could have just stolen it? I don’t really understand this.

foaly: nowhere near as paranoid, nowhere near as fun. horse bit looked cool from a distance, BAD movement though.

OKAY that’s all the characters i can think of?? here’s some general shit though!!!!! sorry this is so long!!!!!

the music was great! it’s patrick doyle so that’s always good, but he did some really gorgeous things with having Irish-inspired folk music when we were in Fowl Manor and then an orchestral score for action scenes, and then darker music for Haven. I do like hearing those little bits weave in and out! 

didn’t love mulch being the framing device. not every film needs one, sometimes a film can just stand on its own!! kenneth branagh i hope you’re listening!!

don’t know why they didn’t just leave the main driving force behind arty kidnapping a fairy as being gold?? it had to be this weird new fairy secret acorn thing. nonsense.

there was a VERY confusing sequence with holly’s magic being “blocked” by the LEP that i would love to know if anyone understood. also if anyone actually understood the time freeze i very much did not. what was arty’s plan??? lmao

this is so long im so sorry. IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS FINE. I WILL NOT WATCH IT AGAIN, NOR DO I WANT THEM TO MAKE ANOTHER. I WISH IT HAD BEEN MORE ACCURATE BUT I UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE CHANGES WERE MADE FOR A DISNEY AUDIENCE. SOME OF THEM WERE NONSENSE THO. 

[student-film-lying-piece-of-shit]

YEA!! YEA!! Like hes such a genuinely good person and like. When he punched Jay like. First of all he didnt know him? Like theyd barely met. And secondly it was warranted at the time! And like once he gets close to Jay he would never do that again. He would never hurt him. Like if he was truly an angry person he wouldve fucked him up when Jay attacked him for the tape but did he? Nope! Anyway akdkfk im riled up abt it

what makes me genuinely mad is that jay also gets ramped up. other characters get angry and upset and show emotion; as ive said time and time again, marble hornets is a character study on what obession and lack of control does to a normal functioning person. we don't go too in depth with lore like the other slenderverse series'. hell, the operator doesn't even get called that in series. he's just a "thing". a driving force.

a lot of the damage caused is by other people. unlike, let's say, emh where we see the boys physically attack/get attacked from the creatures and have communications, that's not it with the ARK and the opreator. it's purely a scenario of psychological torment and it is ambiguous. it's not lore centric, but rather, "what would these people do in this case?"

the only one with any (canon) mental illness prior was tim. weather it was "that thing" or actual mental illness (or rather, how much of it was psychological damage / how much operator), he was is played out and written as a character with mental problems.

ive said this before. im psychotic. i have panic attacks (ive actually had to skip entries before on watching because of how real tims panic attacks were to me, it very much so resembled mine and it was a trigger), hallunations, suicidal ideation and things tim struggles with.

and he's the hero. he's kind. he has a sense of humor. he auditioned for marble hornets knowing brian wanted to, and getting the hint that alex was in need for some helping getting cast members. he played along with jay's lies, until he snapped because he found out the truth after years of jay blindly lying to him and having his life put online for the world to see.

after that moment, tim had every right to leave jay behind and not help him. but he did. he forgave jay, and he tried his best to be as transparent as he could.

him breaking down in the hospital, realizing that his vague childhood trauma could be linked to this all. him finally projecting this on himself, going through the cycles of grieving and bawling his eyes out and shaking because he realized he didn't only hurt him, but the few people he had around him who didn't think of him as some freak.

tim finally accepting the situation, understanding the reality, and almost finishing his grief cycle. tim trying his best to stay calm and rational while jay was going down the path he was also on.

tim not only offering, but making jay share the only thing that he had to keep himself stable and not dissociate.

tim breaking down, tim realizing that the thing he did to protect jay was a self fulfilling prophecy and that he couldn't save him. that you can lead a horse to water all you want but that doesn't mean it'll drink it.

at the end tim did what he did because he had no other choice. he even did try to rationalize with him (and i throughly believe him saying "we can work together" was sincere. that he wanted to give alex the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't a horrible human) and try to fight it with him.

and he's still here. he still made it. one line that always struck with me was "i don't trust myself with a gun"

tim was able to understand he would hurt himself. he knew his limitations and boundaries and was able to separate his emotions and reasoning. right after one of his only friends died. right after when he was all by himself. he was able to hold onto a strand of rationality.

it fucking motivates me to understand that i, too, sometimes wouldn't trust myself with things. and that's okay.

tim is one of, if not, the most complex and real feeling characters in a slenderverse series. he is a giant comfort for so many because every single character with mental illnesses like tim is seen as a pure, true villian and evil. we finally have a character who is a genuinely good person who was driven to hurt someone. stop taking ONE of the only things we psychotic and dissociative folk have in this genre and shit on it

[ofstvtches]

ROCKY LYNCH,  MASCULINE NB,  HE/HIM & THEY/THEM.  —  looks  like  SAMHAIN SKELLINGTON is  attending  AURORIA  UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they're  the  TWENTY  year  old  child  of  JACK & SALLY SKELLINGTON,  which  means  they're  from  THE ISLE.  heard  they're  NURTURING  &  GENTLEMANLY,  but  can  also  be  INFLEXIBLE  &  SELF-PITYING  ;  we  all  have  our  bad  days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  SEWING NEEDLES REPAIRING A BROKEN DOLL , A BAG FULL OF BANDAGES, TRYING SO HARD TO BE TOUGH WHEN YOU’RE SOFT , SOFT HAIR HELD BACK WITH A BAT-SHAPED PIN.

                    ❛  when you saw that little girl , and she was in the sandbox                            and she was crying , and you gave her your toy truck and                            I told you we couldn’t afford to get another one. you said ,                          ‘ she should have it because she’s sad. she’s sad , mommy. ’ ❜                            playlist. pinterest. to listen as you read.

lol u guessed it it’s me , again , by unpopular demand - i am so sorry. third muse already bc i can’t keep myself away from playing absolute CINNAMON ROLLS so that’s what u can expect from sam w/ a pumpkin spice twist. bc nightmare is my absolute favorite movie and ... halloween, motherfuckers. so as usual this will PROBABLY end up long bc i love writing sam so much so yeah , more below ! 

HISTORY 

So as we know , Jack & Sally were sent to the Isle w/ the rest of Halloweentown for trying to steal Christmas ! And unlike Christmas , Samhain was not born in Halloweentown. In fact , he wasn’t even born - he was made. 

Magic wasn’t a huge thing on the Isle - but a resource of science was Dr. Finkelstein , and despite the limited resources and technology on the Isle , the couple begged the mad scientist to create another child for them. And from Sally , it took a lot of convincing , but Jack was able to talk him into it. 

It took even more of an effort to pull off , again considering the state of the Isle. But a good few months into the project and Jack & Sally were greeted with the cries of a tiny ragdoll baby boy. Keeping up with the holiday themed names , he was named Samhain - Sam for short. 

He grew with multiple touch-ups from the doctor to simulate an actual boy growing up - every year , a check-up making him taller , stronger , etc. And in that process he started to look more and more like his mother , with her big eyes and stitched smile and patchwork clothes. But he grew up loved by his brother & parents - though it never quelled the fact he always wanted... more.

He was loved , he was coddled , and as sheltered as a child could be on the Isle. So , much like his mother , he took a habit of sneaking out frequently and trying to fit in with the other Isle kids , even though he knew he didn’t. 

He just wanted to fit in. That was it. And it started off with him wearing large hoods and heavy clothes to hide the stitches on his body as well as masks to cover facial stitches. And while some other Isle kids found him odd and sticking out like a sore thumb , some found him cool. Some found him interesting. But nobody really knew what he was hiding - and it added mystery to someone so NICE , because Sam’s overall sweetness could rival that if sugar’s. 

Curiosity only reached dangerous points though when Sam snuck out on night to camp out with friends - and when everyone else was asleep , one removed his mask , and of COURSE did Samhain immediately wake up. He didn’t stay to see the reaction of the other when revealing his stitches , too afraid that he’d be seen as scary or repulsive for what he was. And he ran. He ran back home , locking himself in his room , and those friends he routinely hung out with . . . well , he didn’t talk to them much after that. Because what if they knew , now ?? What would they think ??

Villain & Auradon kids coming together was a new chance for Sam to try and fit in - be more in his element. He was immediately acquainted with a magic-practicing individual ( could be an AK or a VK - this’ll be a wc ) who struck a deal with him to offer him glamours so he could look less scary. Of course , these glamours would have to be applied and would wear off until the next application , but it’d make him feel more comfortable - even though he WOULD technically be hiding who he is.

While Christmas , the elder sibling , would be sticking around in Auradon Prep , Samhain would prefer to move immediately to Auroria University to try and figure out who exactly he wanted to be , and how he could do that. Currently he’s majoring in Nursing , given he’s always had a rather NURTURING and charitable nature - never turning down someone else’s request to help.

CHARACTER & FACTS 

So lemme get this one thing out of the way bc if I don’t I’ll be itching about it - but all my resources for ( the love of my life ) Rocky were made by me , and while they’re all from multiple eras from both R5 & TDE , I imagine Sam to resemble how Rocky looks around the post-Louder , Heart Made Up On You & Sometime Last Night eras ( basically from like 2013-2015 ). Here , here , & here for some references. I’m nOT DONE GIFFING THOUGH bc frankly I find giffing him therapeutic.

Now I don’t have a drawn reference or anything for this next part so we’re gonna have to use our imagination here but unglamoured , Sam basically looks like his mom in terms of the fact he’s a little ragdoll baby. Putting on a glamour doesn’t change his appearance much save for the fact the stitches disappear and he looks more human. 

The glamour is an enchanted bat charm he wears around his neck that can also be used as a hairtie. And it has to be refreshed every so often , so he has to keep going back to whoever provided him with it so it doesn’t lose its effect.

He still has a backup mask just in case , and he’s been practicing with makeup if need be.

Personality-wise , the best one can describe Sam as is sweet and polite. I included tht Stranger Things quote at the beginning 4 a rEASON bc he’s honestly such a sweet kid and will give anything to anyone.

And also bc I imagine Sally as Joyce mom-wise so yEAH bt I digress.

He knows his manners and treats everyone with the UTMOST amount of respect , which makes it extremely easy to get along with him . He’s also maybe a tad bit too giving for his own good , since it’s incredibly easy to use that to one’s advantage and he’s so inclined to believe people have the best intentions. An optimist , even if it’s to a fault. And then when he gets hurt he just sits to the side feeling sorry for himself like “ :’’’(. ”

Now when I say he’s inflexible , I mean that Sam is a very ORGANIZED person who likes things to be done a certain way - like , he can never do anything without a plan , and if even something slightly goes out of what the plan pertains of , he panics. He’s a goody-goody and he’s afraid to break the rules , which is why he’s still hesitant to even do things with the friends who are more “ bad ” than he is.

Everything has to be done BY THE BOOK and if it isn’t then something is bound to go wrong and Sam’s too worried about that happening.

He’s also incredibly insecure about his appearance but I think I’ve hammered in that fact enOUGH ALREADY

But if he takes his glamour off in front u that’s like. A Major sign of trust. So beware.

Again as I mentioned he tries to hang out with kids with the lesser reputations because :

1.) He wants to give them a chance

2.) He wants to make sure they have a friend to look after them

and 3.) He’s so used to trying to fit in with the other Isle kids that he’s trying to be ‘bad’ himself but it never works out bc he’s so sweet and he can dress in skinny jeans and leather and shit as much as he wants but at the end of the day he’s still Sweet Lil’ Samhain. 

One thing he’s always had a fascination with would be angels - he’s always believed in them , always though he’s had his own guardian angel watching over him somewhere , he’s always loved the idea of them. He has lots of angel decorations around his dorm as well as ornaments and stuff for the holidays. It’s also pure irony that he just so happens to be just as angelic in nature.

He’s also a big holiday person like the rest of his family and loves helping to decorate for events and stuff !!

One of his greatest talents is his ability to play both the piano & violin , and he’ll often do that if there’s a piano in common areas or so on. He’s also a talented singer , but he’s so used to putting that to the side , making him lack confidence in his voice.

i v much encourage u to listen to the song i linked i find his voice so....soothing.

Like his mom he’s also very good at cooking , sewing , etc. !! Often has to stitch himself back together if he gets hurt - you know , Sally style. 

More basic facts are that his final height clocks in at 6′4 , he’s homoromantic homosexual , and identifies as masculine non-binary who doesn’t really care how you address him. He’s very chill. And sometimes he has to walk with a cane of sorts if his stitches are loose or if his legs are feeling especially weak.

but yeah that’s it on that end !!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS

So obviously - the person who provided him with the glamour. Only requirement is that ur character’s good at magic or something of that sort.

AND ALSO - I’d love the person who initially removed his mask !! Sam didn’t stick around to see them react to how he truly looked , so it’s all up to you on how this character feels. But he’s avoided them since that scenario.

Also , his group of friends around the time that scenario happened on the Isle. Maybe they’re a little more rough around the edges than him , but this group was always tight-knit. And then Sam lightning mcghosted bc he wasn’t sure if now they knew what he really was.

Ppl who think his whole sweet thing is fAKE bc we know it isn’t but it’s so easy to THINK it is.

Also would love some folks he routinely cares for maybe in the aspect of like. Bein their shoulder to cry on. Patching up a wound. Just being There for them. 

Folks who in general just wanna know more abt him bc he is kind of a mystery !!

Would lOVE sb who his glamour wears off in front of and he begs them to keep his secret but instead they want him to try n be more comfortable w/ himself and who he is. Bc he’s a cute ragdoll let’s b honest he just. Doesn’t see himself that way. 

Ppl who Sam crushed on at the Isle and deffo broke his heart bc life just b like that sometimes 

Also present day folks who r just ready to break his heart bc again thats so easy to do

also once more i’m open 2 ANYTHINNNNNNG sam is my Baby(tm) and i’d lov any plots thrown his way !! will probs make another wc page for him like i’ve done w/ luke and am in the process of doing w/ trixie !!

[elvesofnoldor]

im losing my entire fucking mind and i dont know anything abt myself anymore and why? why? all cause one day in undergrad, out of nowhere, i went “hey am i a woman?” like i was asking myself what flavour of cheesecake i wanted for dessert. That was like, right after i felt comfortable with the fact that im a lesbian. And the answer should have been simple and short: “yeah duh you dumb fucking bitch, why did you ask? why do you think asking this is fucking productive? forget about it!” But no, i decided to engage with the question and it opened a fucking pandora’s box, and this question latched onto me like a fucking parasite, because this question allows me to think about another crucial question im always afraid to ask myself: am i truly attracted to men? With lesbianism, i can answer this question with ease by saying, no, these flimsy “crushes” i have on like two or three boys when i was a child/teen were result of compulsory heterosexuality, boom, that’s it. simple! not to mention, i know that lesbians can experience attraction to men in the past and even had past relationship with men and still be lesbians, sometimes sexuality isn’t solid as a brick, and none of that should have mattered! 

 so yeah, lesbianism is the answer i LIKE, yet part of me is not satisfied with this answer! of course! why not! since when am i ever satisfied with anything EVER?  over time, i started to want a “man’s body” when i see a cis dude with bare chest in picture, and it seems like i started to identify more and more with...masculinity and manhood...in general? even fictional men? at times? i dont fucking know! its a huge mess! and confusing! and my memories are all blurry and false and twisted by my current perception. sure i think i always kind of aspire to “androgynous looks”, but i like being a lesbian! At first, i was like, maybe im a non binary lesbian cause oh baby i know im not bisexual-- i dont want to be with men, but i want to be with women and that’s a certainty. And i know i had one real crush in life--sure it brought me nothing but misery but i know i had one true crush and it was a girl, a friend, from my high school-- whereas my possible feelings abt real boys or fictional men are very flimsy in comparison. still, part of me started to think that perhaps i can only process these feelings i might have for other men/boys in the past if i can...idk see myself as another man? i dont fucking know! Literally, it’s the most unproductive thing to think about! More importantly, i did not fall in love with any real man nor do i want to fall in love with any man! but i still kept questioning myself about this, cause i kept having these strong feelings abt,  FICTIONAL MALE CHARACTERS. And idk, part of me was like, “maybe you’d be comfortable with your attraction to men if you...are a man?”, and yeah i actually engage with this line of fucking thinking. its so fucking embarrassing that MEN THAT ARE NOT REAL can have such ridiculous heavy impact on me, it’s fucking ridiculous and i hate it!!! Every time i started to get invested in some stupid story that doesn’t matter cause it’s a fucking fictional story, there is like, this ONE MAN, one fucking bitch, that i felt very strongly about and it didn’t feel entirely platonic. i knew i was not straight since a teen and it took me FOREVER to even seriously consider that im a lesbian even though i dread the thought of being with men for the longest time, precisely because i keep having these weird strong feelings about fictional men every once a while!!!! 

makes no mistake i explored more rational options. during this time i made a rant abt it on here--i didnt want to! i tried not to make personal posts cause i dont want to bother strangers! but idk i guess my attention seeking whore ass just have to put my personal feelings out there eventually or i will die? anyways, a very nice mutual talked to me abt it, he was a trans man and as it turns out we shared a lot of similar experiences in regards to gender, and you’d think--hey maybe that helped? but no it fucking didn’t. it was nobody’s fault but it didn’t help, cause i clung on my womanhood for no apparent productive reason. i was still confused and, well, like a normal person i was like, let’s have human interaction! let’s actually explore my attraction to women! you don’t want to be with men so forget about them! forget what you might feel abt them! explore what you KNOW! explore certainty! so i did and ofc it ended up in shit, cause a girl who has a girlfriend (it was a closed relationship btw) asked me if i wanted to “hang out” on a dating app for wlws called HER and i genuinely thought it was a date? didnt know she has a girlfriend until AFTER we met. i wasn’t actually even surprised that she didn’t actually want to date me, because im ugly! im not attractive! im not even attracted to myself lol! plus she was very nice and cool and i was just happy that i made a friend with a fellow lesbian. but after that, i lost motivation to use that dating app, because one minor set-up and failure is all it takes for me to give up, its always like that with me. because im weak and pathetic, its always been like this. 

yeah at one point i basically said im non binary on my bio, but  i rather tell ppl im a lesbian and be done with it since im not entirely sure abt being non binary. Also, I know that non gender-conforming lesbians are everywhere, cis lesbians who are uncomfortable with gender identity exist! butches exist! they are here and they deal with it and they find community. but i don’t identify with...being butch? it was very nice to see gender non conforming, tom-boyish or butchy women out there, they  gave me hope, they are my heroes but i just dont feel like...they are me? i dont feel like feminine women either, im attracted to feminine women but i dont identify with their look and their femininity. like i said, this is a huge fucking mess. 

And now i have finally fucking done it, huh, dorian fucking p*vus, a gay male character. The clownery of it all! how the fuck, do i explain to ANYONE that i, a lesbian, have feeling that isn’t entirely platonic about a fictional gay man? yeah thats right thats why i romance him! i lied! ok! i fucking lied, it was cause i want to fuck him! ok! yeah, i know, ridiculous. i feel like im disrespecting him, that im , idk, fetishizing him, but i am not! i can’t be! i love him so much it hurts? it shouldnt be like that. i really shouldn’t. i cant make sense of this, its driving me nuts. still, this whole ordeal eventually got me thinking abt my gender, yet again, and it pushed me over the edge and i even told my dad that i want to transition this summer, that i am a man because i thought maybe i’d be much happier and less repressed if i can just accept that i like men-- if i can explore this possibility. i know i will NEVER accept liking man as a woman, and i know i already kinda have some sort of identification with manhood and masculinity, so why not! i was coming up with solutions! but i didnt even fall in love with a real man, and i was considering this serious level of transition in my life that requires time, money, and the process concerns health risk??? for what??? i was looking up all these info about transition, for WHAT? i gotta be out of my fucking mind! the most ridiculous thing is that while i always like a number of female characters, i would never feel as strongly about any of them in particular as i would, for that one fucking man. Even merrill, like, i love her and i genuinely feel like i want to be with a girl like her int he future but i dont feel as strongly about her as i would for dorian, for some, fucking, reason. 

i headcanon the lavellan i used to romance dorian as a trans man, cause i was thinking, perhaps this would put things into perspective. and yeah, i wanna fuck dorian, but also i want to envision what my future CAN be using my lavellan as a proxy. things were simpler with my lavellan. he was handsome and had no body image issue, he was fit, transition was easy for him cause magic and he virtually spent no money on it, he was passing, his family and community fully supported him, he had a lovely girlfriend before he knew he was trans. sure, he has problems and issues to deal with but none are the ones i gotta deal with. he is not me, but he has what i wanted and what i wish i had: beauty, confidence, a girlfriend, easy FTM transition, and he is a man so he’s legally allowed to fuck dorian. but i did not transition, and im still a cis woman with long hair, and ppl looks at me and they probably still thinks im straight, im not straight but i AM a ugly cis woman and i dont think transition’d help cause i might just become a even uglier man lol. And if i dont become a beautiful, stunning man, then i dont want to become a man at all cause if things dont turn out perfectly for me, i dont want to do them and its always like that for me and its why im a fucking failure on everything right now. so many trans people are not passing, but they deal with it, not me tho! i can’t, cause im a pathetic baby!!!  i cant deal with any minor inconvenience in my fucking life i guess!!!! And i cant help but to feel weird about having a trans man as one of my ocs. maybe i should make him cis instead? im so exhausted,  i cant help but to feel that my trans mutuals want to just pull the trigger on me and unfollow me cause you all are silently judging me for having a trans oc when im still technically, cis. well judge me in my fucking face you fucking cowardly fucks! Am i cis? well idk, probably, maybe im just a hysterical crazy bitch of a cisgender^tm woman who is constantly uncomfortable with her gender, maybe thats all there is. who knows, all i know is that im burnt out, that i don’t know anything anymore and it was all a huge fucking mess that things dont matter. this is causing me nothing but pain and confusion and i dont want to be wrong myself. ftm transition is not, “oh geez lets just explore a option” kind of deal, its kinda fucking serious  and its stressing me out. i dont know what i want, who i am, anything and i can’t afford to be wrong so i dont know!!!!! i just dont know!!!!!!!! i talked abt with a therapist actually but all therapist do is to LIE lie AND LIE and tell me things i already know, “you need to be careful with about transitioning! it’s a big decision” who pays you to say this garbage to me? “you are capable and beautiful and you can do this! believe in yourself!” as if ppl saying this shit is enough???? as if i still need to go see a fucking therapist if i am magically ok after i talk to somebody and they tell me lies that sound validating????i know they dont believe in what they said anyways. “you are ok! you are fine, you have no problem” BITCH I WISH I AM OK, BUT AM I OK? IM FUCKING NOT AND YOU ARE $60 RICHER THAN AN YOU ARE AN HOUR AGO! FUK YOU! LIES LIES LIES!!!!! men lie too, i put on some bad eyeliner and some random creepy dude came and told me im beautiful! beautiful my ass! im fucking ugly and i know it, you really think im fucking stupid you fuck? am i just being a special snowflake? are the things that i know for certainty actually certainty??? nothing about me feels real anymore, and maybe im just being dramatic but  my self perception is non existent and i feel like im just lying to myself even though i thought i was being truthful and ppl keep telling me lies and nothing helps. im living on lies and it is festering 

[staarblaster]

Chapter Three

Hey, guys, before I upload chapter three I want to add another really boring announcement. School starts up again in tomorrow days, and I know my uploading schedule will be scarce. However, I will try to have chapters up whenever I can. Anyways here is chapter three and four, four is going up with a separate post. My posting schedule will be pretty random and I will post when I can. Also,, I’m gonna take a hiatus, for a month(?) 

Chapter Three

“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself”-Mark Twain

Perfection (n):  the embodiment of being perfect

My grandmother was my hero when I was little she would tell me stories about her childhood. Growing up her father was a sound technician for MGM and her mother did the makeup and sometimes the celebrities would come over on special occasions like her birthday.

I suppose that’s what prompted her to want to work in the media and journalism.

She used to tell me stories of her adventures,  across Europe and her interviews with varying monarchies. It was on a train back to California where she met my grandfather,  she was drinking a scotch soda, which unbeknownst to him was more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends who were coming down to California, she was drinking a scotch soda, unbeknownst to him had more soda than scotch.

He was deep in a game of poker with several of his friends, she watched in silence with both curiosity and intrigue, occasionally getting glares from the men sitting around the table.

She watched as her future husband flushed hundreds, more like thousands of dollars into the game until she confidently said she was going to play next which got a few hearty chuckles, which caused her to roll her eyes, most of them were drunk and she had a very good poker face.  As the game commenced she managed to not just win back the money but two engagement rings, a pocket watch, and even her husband’s heart.

She used to tell me at the end of every story that curiosity and wit were our greatest gifts and with them, we could solve any mystery.

But once she died she became like a ghost, pictures of her were removed, only leaving rumors of her behind.

I couldn't let her disappear, so I decided to conduct my own private investigation.

When I was a little kid and I found a picture of her and my grandfather and my mom. I smiled as I held my first real lead.

In the picture, my grandparents looked so happy and then I noticed my mom hiding behind her leg. Slowly and gently I tried to remove the picture from the frame,  and as I slowly got it out my mom ripped the picture from my hands.

Her facial expression was a bright beet red as she violently ripped it out of my hands.

“Why can't you just play your role, Juliana? For once I'd like if you kept your nose of business that doesn't even involve you. ”

I felt the tears swell up inside of me. But, instead of fighting back my better instincts (crying) I immediately hugged my mom.

She sighed,

“I love you Jules...  sometimes I wish you'd be normal. Can you do that for me please?”

I nodded my head up and down slowly.

As she tucked me in again,  she kisses my head and holds the photograph in her hands, the next day I decided to take a little more time to try and fit in.

From then on stopped keeping my blonde hair up and let it down, I ditched my glasses for my more comfortable contacts.

I started to get involved more but it never seems to be enough for my parents. They kept insisting that I should do more, eventually leading me to dance and violin lessons (fortunately only lasting two years).

In the dance class, I realized that I was going to need ”subjects” after all a queen couldn't lead on her own.

In the dance class, I found the Chrissy's, they seem to have the dance studio under their boot heel.

If I could “liberate” them perhaps they'd follow me.

It didn't take long before I eventually made two friends in the class, Ophelia and Madison.

Madison was at least five foot eight and according to the Chrissy's had two left feet. She had light dyed purple hair and her eyes were a light Hazel although she seems like the last person that would be in the dance class she could actually dance pretty well. She would put the facade of insecurities but with confidently dance to Tchaikovsky. She was free to express who she was, as dancing was apart of her.

Ironically, however, being raised by a single dad and four brothers she had to keep the tougher shell in class for the sake of showing fragility. However, once she opened up she was loyal, dedicated and a really good listener.

Ophelia had a caramel skin tone, she was shy and had a shortened forearm but had the biggest heart.

She would walk dogs, and volunteer anywhere to show that she wasn't a girl with just a short arm.

As our friendship blossomed we decided that we would have a come have a “dance battle” against the Chrissy’s which was seen as ridiculous. But my girls and I were ready we could be successful.

However, on the day of our “battle” Ms. Clarke surprised us with all one-on-one auditions with Warren Academy, i.e one of the most prestigious art boarding school, it was basically Teen Julliard. Not everyone would make it in (obviously), but if you did you had potential to be a Broadway legend.

Krissy and I were unfortunately paired together and our theme was duality. One of us would play the person staring into the mirror “angel” and the other would play the reflection the “devil”.

Of course, yours truly got stuck playing the devil and Krissy had to defeat me. Everything was going smoothly but as soon as I was getting ready to give Krissy my final blow Krissy had stepped on my ankle hard.

She claimed that it was an accident only to tell her friends that was indeed deliberate which prompted a) Warren offered me a full scholarship b) my parents threatened to sue the dance studio and Krissy's parents of criminal action weren't taken.

Eventually, it was with Krissy being sent to juvie for two to five years.

As I began to start at my new school Maddie, Ophelia and I began to drift away from each other. I had to do well in this Art School even if I was alone.

Over time I gained a sort of popularity stemming from the incident with my ankle it just started casually saying that I broke it following an audition and then warping into a story of me breaking it while I was on a Broadway stage.

My attempts to quell the rumors only spawn more rumors and newfound popularity and a new boyfriend. My life completely changed when I entered Warren and I never expected any more changes.

---

Wednesday’s were personally my favorite day of the week: Dance team and theatre practice. We were putting on the musical Chicago.

I had gotten lucky and was allowed to the Assistant Choreographer.

Between that and balancing four classes, two of which being Advanced Placement it was a miracle I could stay focused.

I heard my phone’s alarm going off as well as an obnoxiously loud knock.  I tried to stop my alarm which was Pink Floyd’s Another Brick in the Wall from the speakers of my phone which I did kind of successfully.

I opened the door, I saw one of the girls from my dance team, her face was completely flushed, it was clear that she had ran to see me.

Her breathing was hitched, I awkwardly invited her inside my single room, and got her some water to drink which she drank eagerly. I recognized her immediately, she was Hana Andersen, a shy yet over-eager freshman on the dance team. She was a little rusty but was a little ball of energy when it came to freestyle.

“Han you wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked carefully.

My door was closed, so no one could see the empathy I had hidden for years.

Her hands started to shake and I gently started to coax her into speaking, and she gently took a small breath.

“I-I...Don’t think I’m fit to be at Warren,” she whispers.

Her tone is soft and a bit distressed, but still sad nonetheless.

I nodded,  gently taking her hand,

“You know.. I think you do. Everyone’s been in your shoes at least once. Hell, even you can’t expect to become a star overnight. If you want I can help you, at least if you want me too?”

Hana’s eyes light up as well as faintly brimmed with tears and she nods overzealously and immediately hugs me.

“Thank you! Thank you, Juliana...Jules!”

I nod and look at the time, 7:25 am. Shit, if  I’m not careful I’m going to miss breakfast.

“Meet in my room before dinner?”

She nodded again, as she opened the door and smiled, and said

“Pink Floyd's my brother’s favorite! ”

I smile and lie effortlessly,

“Same with mine.”

I closed the door behind me, I looked at the time again, 7:32. There was no way I was going to get breakfast in time, I had to take a shower and get ready for my advanced English class across campus.

I frowned, going straight to the back of my room grabbing my lilac and rosewater body wash.

I pulled out my school sweater and a pair of leggings, fortunately, there was also a pair of flats by my bed frame.

I grabbed my ID plus my shower stuff and was surprised at the silence as I walked through the hallway of my residence hall.

It was a nice contrast from the usual hustle and bustle I usually experienced which came from running several clubs and homework as well as living in New York.

As I got out of the shower and put on my “runway” outfit and I was greeted with several texts from my Dance Team Group chat and Jaxson (my boyfriend).

Where are you 😟

We’re abt to go on!! 💃🏻💃🏿👯

hey babe, dunno if you forgot lol u dont forget. First classes are canceled. the big pep rally with the new students. the dance team is looking for u! 8:25!

My eyes widened in shock, how could I have forgotten that. There was no time to change and I couldn’t miss this especially with the rumor of a Broadway talent scout in the audience.

I texted them both back

On my way!! ✨💜

I grabbed my backpack, my English Book and quickly ran to the gymnasium and I saw my team about to go out on the floor.

“H-hey! I’m here!”

Jaxson immediately hugs me,

“Jules! Thank god! ”

I smiled immediately kissing his cheek.

“Let’s get this show on the road!”

“You’re gonna kill it!” Jaxson said excitedly.

As we get ready to get on the dance floor Hana looks at me and then looks awkwardly at  Victoria who is scowling at me.

Victoria was about 5’7”, dark blonde hair and dark blue eyes, she was the lead in the musical who personally wanted my job as the assistant choreographer.

“What the fresh hell are you wearing?!” she hisses at me as we enter the gym.

I ignore her for a moment, but for a moment smile,

“I’m just showing school spirit”

As the music starts, I feel like I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, people murmuring to each other and then I make eyes with the talent scout. Her eyes are a cold and piercing amberish hazel and I can feel my hands shaking and I get cold and sweaty, it goes black almost immediately.

---

I’m in the woods, its calm, and  I know I’m not home. The surroundings are familiar yet strange and I could assume this could only be how this is how Alice felt when she fell down the rabbit hole.

I turn for a moment, seeing a girl, she couldn’t be older than me but if she is it has to be a least a year’s difference.

She looks at me with a small smile, there is a quartz crystal crown on her head. She walks closer to me, gently placing a warm hand on my cheek. Her voice is calm as she gently says.

“You need to wake up. We’ll meet again soon Jules. I promise”

My eyes shoot open and I realized that I was in the nurse’s office and I see Jaxson is holding my hand. He smiles looking at me with calm jade green eyes.

“You feeling okay?”He gently squeezed my hand.

Jaxson opens his mouth to start talking, almost immediately the school nurse comes in.

“You had a textbook anxiety attack. I’d recommend resting, I’ll write you a note excusing you from class. Just collect your homework.” she says as she writes something down on a blue slip of paper.

Jax holds my hand as I get out of the cot, and I take the blue slip from the nurse’s hand.

“Take it easy Jules... Don’t overexert yourself.” the nurse recommended.

As we exited the office Jax kissed my cheek, and walk around the campus to collect my textbooks.

“You wanna get lunch at my parent’s place. You didn’t get to eat breakfast today.”

I  was about to say yes but I got a text from Reyna, Victoria’s understudy for the role of Roxie Hart in Chicago.

Can u pls pls help w All that Jazz 😟

I sighed, telling myself I’d eat dinner, besides Reyna was more important especially with the show being the first mark as a choreographer. Sure, I had choreographed the dance team routines but this was bigger.

“We can grab lunch tomorrow?”

Jaxson kisses my forehead and walks off.

“Of course love”

Sure np! Lemme drop off my books.

I put my phone in my pocket, and I notice a tour going on the group looks pretty excited, but as the group gets closer, one of the girls sticks out.

She has a small silver stud in her right nostril, and her brown hair has been cut short. But otherwise, her other features look the exact same from when we were kids.

Under my breath, I silently muttered out of fear and confusion.

“Krissy?”

It couldn’t be, could it?

I unlocked the door to my dorm and dropped off my books and texted Reyna to let her know that I was on my way. As I walked into the room I checked my old group chat, the last messages were old invitations and good luck messages from Ophelia and Maddie.

Hey, I know I haven’t been on here much but I’m p sure I saw Krissy? Wanna meet for some 🍕 Maybe @ 7  ✨💜

I shove my phone into my pocket and heading to the music room and I see Reyna stretching on the bar, as she finishes, she notices me and gives me a smile.

“Ready?” I ask her curiously as I set up the music track up on my phone.

She nodded,

“As I’ll ever be.”

I nod,

“5...6, 7,8” As I hit the play button and watched her sing and dance, there were instances where she’s strong like her singing, but her dancing gets sloppy when the chorus hits. When I break down the routine, Rey starts to look and sound polished and I considered starting the routine of the Cell Block Tango when the bell rings, bringing lunch and our practice to a close.

“Thanks, Jules! You’ve saved my ass!” She hugs me happily and walks off.

I smiled and head back to my room ordering some lunch cause I am starving, I order a simple grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, and as soon as I arrive I feel so much better and start with writing out my notes.

---

As the day slowly begins to wind down, slowly begins to wind down, I can see the sun begin to set. I check the old group chat for anything from my last message about Krissy and is met with silence, I sigh as I get myself in some dance clothes in preparation for practicing with Hana.

I check my phone again, still nothing, and as I let out a sigh until I heard a knock on the door. As I opened the door to see the smiling face of Hana who immediately hugs me.

I smile faintly,

“Okay, you ready to get to work?”

She nodded, her eyes light up instantly

“Heck yeah!”

I chuckled remembering my own enthusiasm from last year.

“I’ll go first.I’ll see how you do.”

I hit the play button and Zella Day’s Hypnotic comes on and as I count myself in, I let the music flow through me.

I smile a bit making myself look as if I am a siren entrancing a sailor in Ancient Greece. When the song ends Hana is staring, her hands visibly shaking.

“You’ve got this” I remind her gently.

She nods weakly and as I started the music she tries to replicate my moves, just like Reyna she is strong in some spots. I smile and start to dance with her until she’s more comfortable.

It’s not long before she’s getting it, I smile giving her a high five as she starts to nail the moves.

“Thank you so much, Jules!!”

I smile,

“Don’t mention it. I was gonna grab some pizza. You wanna join me?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Come on now! I’m paying.”

---

As Hana and I finish our pizza its almost 7:40, we’re laughing and joking but we pass by my house. All the lights are off, except for my bedroom light and the one in the attic. I also notice that my parents aren’t home, and  I stare at the window.

Hana looks up with me,

“Jules? You okay?” Han asks gently.

I blink snapping out of it,

“Yeah... You go back to Warren I’ll catch up. ”

She rose an eyebrow,

“You sure?”

I actually wasn’t too sure in all honesty, but instead of sending her away, I politely and calmly whispered.

“Keep watch.”

She nodded, but gasped silently,

“What if we get in trouble?”

I chuckled,

“This is my house, we’ll be okay..”

I went around back to the emergency exit and smiled looking at the slightly faded pink blossoms. I hated to uproot them but I found the spare key taking it to the front door. I ran back down and opened the door.

Hana looked around, her face etched with fear.

“Jules!” She whimpered.

“It’ll just take a minute!” I insisted.

As I go up the stairs to my room, I cringe at some old pictures, remembering how many hours it took to get right. I  push the door open to my bedroom, everything appears to be normal except a box made out of faded old wood is in the center of my bed.

I grabbed the box and closed the door and put the key back under the pot, and lead Hana back to Warren.

“That’s enough excitement for one day,” I say examining the box.

I run my fingers over it, and offer Hana a chance to look at it.

Hana picks it up, her hands fumbling over it, and the box awkwardly fell out of her hands.  The box falling to the ground,  a wedge from the bottom, peeking out. As she hands it back to me I slowly pry it back its contents spilling out. Letters, Photographs; all things that I’ve never seen except the one of my grandmother and my mom hiding behind her leg. Hana and I start to go through the items and in the slew of things there was a white knight piece. Hana is holding an envelope with a letter and I’m looking at a picture.

It looks like a simple polaroid, that says: Me, Andrew, Patrick, Oliver and Sophia. Sophia’s hair is a dark black, and flowing. She is smiling a bunny ears. The other three boys are smiling in their uniforms.

“Hey Jules.. You should read this.”

I nodded and reading out loud, holding the envelope that was awkwardly torn.

January 11th

Dear Sophia,

I am writing this letter as a warning. In three days time He will find you. He has been in my dreams quite frequently and I fear he knows about the iteration. You have to hide it, you and Jeremy have too close with Daisy. And I know after our disbandment we promised we would never talk again but I pray to Elysia he doesn’t find Daisy. The vision that caused our severance is much clearer to me. The Demon King will return this iteration.

Run Sophia Run

Yours

The name is cut off but all I can wonder is who is Sophia?

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[pricryo]

tw: abuse shit, manipulation shit, transphobia ment, death ment, christianity ment, probably more. hi i’m tim wright and today i remembered one of my abusers so naturally, while instilled with fiery rage, i thought i should make a post abt it here for reference as to why i have “don’t follow if you kin ticci-toby (creepypasta) or yato (noragami)” as one of my don’t follow criteria. there will probably be another post on this in the future because there’s really a lot to unravel about her abuse and how it’s affected myself and my friends. this is just one of the main and most notable incidents, roughly around the time our friendship truly started its decline.

putting this shit under a cut so it doesn’t clutter things up on anyone’s dash

her name is grace. i initially met her in the fourth grade (when i was around nine or ten), but i wasn’t really close friends with her until late middle school to early high school. she was always sort of uncomfortable to be around, but she was one of the few people who would talk to me, so i considered her a friend. when i was a freshman in high school, i had just been introduced to the otherkin and fictionkin communities by a friend (named cas) at the time, along with grace and another friend (her name was destiny). 

i kinfirmed being wolfkin first and foremost (i know, i know, how generic) after a lot of reflection and questioning on the subject, and cas, who was also wolfkin, suggested we make a wolfkin pack (a.k.a, mistake number one) under the presumption that all four of us were wolfkin. (hint: only half of us were)

grace agreed, claiming she was also wolfkin, and a pack was formed. now, this wasn’t the healthiest pack, realistically. we were young and honestly? a little dumb. we had this big ~pack mentality~ that was horrid and cringy to look back on, and i’m very ashamed of myself. we were overly protective of each other, saw cas as our boss, and overall were just... toxic in mindset, if i remember correctly. unfortunately, this made us super easy to manipulate.

it started in either january or february (i can’t remember which anymore), when grace told us that her long-time boyfriend (joe) had broken up with her during our high school’s winter formal dance. supposedly, it was during their first slow dance, to be specific. she claimed that he’d been abusive to her before, including hitting her, insulting her, etc., and destiny even backed this claim up by saying she’d seen it. (note: joe was openly known to be autistic in our school, keep this in mind.) we, of course, didn’t take this well. after confronting joe on the matter, he seemed confused and had genuinely no idea what was happening, even saying he hadn’t broken up with her at all.

we further confront him (this time on deviantArt) and he continues to say he has no idea, and he’s very confused over who we are. we... honestly treated him like trash. not because he was autistic, but because he was supposedly abusive. it was terrible. and while we’re doing this, grace is just feeding us more and more lies about the guy. she went as far as to make fake texts between himself and her, where he was saying shit like how we were demons, and that we needed to go to church and we needed jesus, calling grace fat and ugly, saying that he’d won her and she was just his trophy, and even being openly transphobic regarding leelah alcorn’s death, among other things. we would be like “give us his number/account, let us talk to him” and she’d always tell us “oh he deleted it right after” or some similar shit. that was red flag number one, but i trusted her (mistake number two) because she was my friend.

by this time, we're literally enraged. we told the dean of our school about it and everything. we were shit talking joe all over deviantArt and threatening him (which was so immature, and looking back on it, i hate how i handled that situation at 14) and everything. i deadass made what was supposed to be his in minecraft just to pour lava over it and burn it down. terrible shit. but the bottom line: we were very angry.

around this time, i start noticing that the way he types on deviantArt and the way he types in the “texts” don’t match up. it’s super suspicious. red flag number two. he types perfectly on deviantArt, but types exactly how grace types in the texts. i bring it up subtly and i’m all like “haha that’s pretty weird, why does he do that?” grace agrees that it’s weird and then starts saying that she recreated some of them because they were deleted too fast. the typing difference happened on all of them. again, that’s super suspicious, but i really trusted her as my friend.

things escalated. i can’t really remember most of it, but here’s some details i do remember:

there’s a fake instagram made (something along the lines of ‘weirdguy101′ or some similar shit) where art that cas and destiny had made was uploaded, supposedly owned by joe, who was claiming to have drawn it himself. none of my art was stolen. grace was the only person to have taken pictures of that art. red flag number three.

an “undercover” deviantArt account made by grace where she pretended to be a different person to interact with joe as if she was on our side.

a lot of skype calls on the subject - during one, grace calls joe on her home phone and cas and destiny make weird noises in an effort to freak him out - which was succesful.

we make both a deviantArt group and instagram to combat the fake instagram and make vague, threatening posts to him (which i’m very certain is deleted by this point).

the dean told us he spoke with joe, and that joe had zero idea what was happening at all.

we were going to go to the principal over the matter because we thought the dean didn’t take us seriously. i was absent that day because i was sick if i remember correctly, and cas and destiny didn’t go talk to the her because grace didn’t show up, either. red flag number four.

grace would intentionally rile us up if we weren’t having a conversation specifically about the conflict. like, this happened for weeks, and when we tried to have other, normal conversations, she’d butt in baout how much she hated joe and about how we should all burn down his house and shit. i’m fairly certain that some of the fake texts were just to draw our attention back on that topic. red flag number five.

and honestly? a hell of a lot more that i don’t really remember.

cas mentions that he thinks things are getting a little fishy after a while, and i tell him about what i’ve been thinking. we end up calling her on skype and he calls her out because he’s 100% certain that she had been playing us. she’s dead silent for most of the time and doesn’t even defend herself or say he’s wrong. he hangs up on her and i’m there listening to her crying alone (and it’s such an ugly noise, mind you) and i’m filled with disgust and anger and hurt. i’m there for two to three minutes listening before i hang up, too.

even after that, we’re all like, “we forgive you. just don’t do this shit again,” because we still saw her as a friend despite her 100% being trash to us, and we were still willing to move past that. and grace has the audacity to ask if we’ll go to the dean with her in the morning and explain the situation.  like.... she manipulates us into harassing and threatening a kid, pretends to be him and insults us + is transphobic as all hell, literally steals art from cas and destiny under the guise that it’s him, plays us like a game of chess for her own sick amusement.... and then expects us to help her explain to the dean that she was lying the entire time and nothing was wrong. ofc, we said no. things simmer down.

for like a day or two.

and then we’re in a group chat with a classmate named britney who says we need to stop bullying her friend. get this - grace has been showing off the screenshots of what we’ve said to her (which was in no way bullying, btw) and claiming we were bullying her. greaaaattt. grace didn’t bother to tell her the full story (a common theme with her) and now britney has taken it upon herself ot be a good samaritan. she yells at us, removes cas from the chat after one of his alters front, i add him back, and britney refuses to tell us who it was. (spoiler alert: we already know). i agree that we’ll stop “bullying” grace so she’ll leave us alone and the conversation is done.

so naturally we’re all like, “what the fuck dude, it was over? and we didn’t do anything to you? you were just bad to us?” and ofc this sets her off to continually tell us ”it’s in the past, i made mistakes, you should forgive me” even though all the shit she did was entirely intentional. initially i don’t want the reason why she did it, but i get progressively more frustrated and then start demanding to know why. she legitimately didn’t say anything other than “...” on the subject. considering how i was young and had a short fuse, i kinda go off on her abt it. because that’s such a fucking dick move. and she says “well idk what to say except sorry” as if she isn’t aware she can tell us why she did it.

i end up having a breakdown because i realize that i’m a total fucking monster who harrassed a kid and was manipulated into doing s and i don’t even get to know why. cas removes her from the group and we’re left to pick up the pieces.

i end up giving a handwritten note containing a formal apology to destiny and she agreed to give it to joe for me. all was well for a while with grace out of my life.

unfortunately, this was not the last incident i had with grace. i’ll post more on it some other time but like... dm me for her tumblr if you want to block her or some shit. she’s still out there and active on tumblr as far as i know.

bonus: a screenshot where i totally should’ve realized she was playing us, ft. me talking to joe

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

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