#THE DUALITY OF MAN (VAMPIRE?)

[brian-kinney-apologist]

louis dragging lestat through the mud as if he wasn't tongue fucking a hallucination of him in the last episode.......... louis baby I'm begging you bffr rn

[mari-lwyd-cryptid-blog]

This is probably only funny to me but even in his fanfiction he is so unserious. Armand's waited decades to say that vermouth line for sure!

[ikevamp-twitter]

[amiracleilluminated]

[kettle-bird]

Felix Carrow: The Hanged Man, Devil of the Mojave, Menace of Thrift Stores Everywhere

Commissions are open! | Ko-Fi

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I need to scream about this event (Friends Like These) because I truly was just. Not expecting the impact it would have--I don't remember if I read this one in Japanese???

I've only gotten the first two stories so far but I just.

Jeanne and Mozart are of course, as adorable as ever; there's no question about that. But Jeanne dropping this line:

"It galls me to sound so much like le Comte, but I am grateful to God that I met you."

I. [prolonged error 404 sounds]. I'm not sure there are words to convey the simultaneous endless wheezing laughter but also AWWWWWWWW energy that consumed me in milliseconds. Wildly oscillating between "LMFAO ah yes, sentimentality? Disgusting I'll drink to that (blasts Bring Me To Life)" and "BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM DEEP DOWN AND HE LOVES YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

I just can't get over how Jeanne says exactly one thing about liking another person and he's like, 'ew dad gave me cooties >:///// how dare he subject me to the mortifying ordeal of hope.' Jeanne I love you. Jeanne I would die for you. Middle schooler with well-meaning stepfather who begrudgingly accepts his kindness and grows for the better, but would rather perish than admit it. I never knew I needed this found family dynamic so freaking bad until I started playing this game. 11/10 I could watch this forever

More Shenanigans below the cut, + the Shakespeare and Comte Event Story:

Also a sidebar because I just can't help myself, I know I've talked about it before but: Mozart and Jeanne's friendship is so endlessly precious to me????? I love how Mozart is so NO I'M NOT NICE REEEEE (turtles) and Jeanne is like :> bestie. It's so damn cute watching Mozart squirm at being exposed for being sweet and Jeanne just truly grateful someone cares about him?????? How much Jeanne and MC dote on Mozart despite being together, how it only strengthens their friendship? Literally I'm over the moon, nobody touch me I'm tender!!! Jeanne deserves to live peacefully without being a tool of the state/bad actors!!!! Mozart deserves to be loved and happy without being defined by his musical success!!!!!

LIKE. Not to be dramatic but I could watch an entire saga of these two being friends and being adorable. Fresh serotonin every single time. Did I know Jeanne was going to share his food? Absolutely. Did I expect MC to think ahead and pack two lunches? Absolutely not. Was I delighted both times? Beyond what you can imagine!!!!!!!

I'm going to stop here at the risk of repeating myself over and over but wow. Jeanne's capacity to see to the very core of people, for better and worse, and how it lets Mozart be meaningfully seen. Mozart's recognition that Jeanne can mean well to a fault, worried that he might be taken advantage of--and how Jeanne can build trust with someone for the first time without being afraid. Can you hear me wailing and bawling

Naturally, I acquired the Comte and Shakespeare one next. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I saw their names together and went "oh dear God. What am I walking into. Why do I hear boss music????" But I gathered my courage (more like I'm just too feral not to gather info abt Comte, but I digress) and experienced something that left me literally on the floor because I just. Did Not Remotely Expect This Series of Events.

So like. It starts off by being pretty normal and cute and I'm like awwww baby boy (oh he's a little fked up actually) giving gifts to dad. I'm sensing an ulterior motive but right now just let me have this. Also adorable that Comte is struck dumb by it, that's really cute I'm taking notes. And then. I was hit with the veritable ANVIL that was these next few lines:

deep breath Okay. Where to begin.

I LOST IT at the implication that Will was like. Holding back from ending Comte's entire life with mere words. WILL????? WILL P L S??????? (lowkey wanted to hear the roast snickers) Why am I sensing a pattern that Comte loves spicy people??? Love this for me

I also started losing my shit the second MC was mentioned and you could just hear the record scratch/kill bill sirens. Comte really out here like "son say WHAT about MC." I can't get over how he's always so ready to throw down for both MC and Sebas at any moment. Anywho, naturally I come to the conclusion that Will was just trying to one-up Comte to mess with him by giving MC gifts. It was the one thing I did anticipate--and, fool that I was--thought it rendered me safe from what happens next.

DEAR READER. DEAR READER I WAS SO WRONG. I WAS SO TERRIBLY WRONG.

BABY GIRL. BABY GIRL ON WHAT LEVEL IS THIS NORMAL BEHAVIOR. I'M LITERALLY CRYING RN?????? THE FACT THAT I CAN'T TELL IF HE'S JUST BEING SILLY GOOFY OR HE LEGITIMATELY MEANS IT OR SOME COMBINATION OF THE TWO????????

Mans out here like "I lost everything in the war (literally) let me spoil my girlboss dream gf in peace. Vlad took everything in the divorce let me have this pls." I just. The mental image of him chasing Will around the house. The potential implications of him doing this to protect them both (I love you Will but you have. Problems). The HILARIOUS AND DUBIOUS qualifier when he says "dressing up MC is nearly my entire reason for living." Comte I love you more than life itself but that does not make this any more normal. What are you doing my beloved vampire jkhlhalfdhjfg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also an honorable mention moment, because it was endearing:

Just the img of him wandering around with sparkly eyes and toting home little trinkets for everyone??????? He's so cute, that's the most grandpa behavior I've ever seen. I was chortling when Will was like "sir you made me sit in that cluttered carriage followed by another carriage full of stuff all the way home IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE (affectionate)."

I also love how Comte is like "Do I have a problem? Maybe. Will that stop me? Only when the sun cataclysmically swallows the earth."

Literally half of the members of the house are like "why are you like this" and he just heeheehoos his way out of it. How does he keep getting away with it. Can you tell I love him. Dazai isn't the only clown in this house honks Comte's nose

[hekateinhell]

lestat laughing and blushing at the mere mention of semen is so precious to me

truly the biggest slut and also the biggest virgin and babygirl

[inhaleaaaaaaaa]

Uh BG3 act 3 and Dark urge spoilers btw just gonna get that outta the way

Okay so, you know how either Yenna, Laezel, or Gale can get kidnapped by Orin? My bitchass was like ‘Fine, I’ll save them, I was going to kill Gortash for Karlach anyway.’ But I didn’t really care all too much (I cut Gale’s hand off in my first Durge and never rlly used Laezel) and I didn’t even know you COULD pick up Yenna. (Tbh after I killed Orin I just left Laezel on the fucking slab cause I was like ‘well, that’s done’ before I checked the quest line again and didn’t notice her at camp.

But my little brain, my little angst emo traitor brain went: ‘What if she took Astarion?’ (Or other LI). Then that bitch would have me under her control within 1 second.

Orin: I have your boyfriend

Durge: Okay fuck- don’t hurt him what do you want? Do you want money? My soul? My life?

Orin: I want Gortash dead

Durge: One dead Gortash coming right up your majesty your royal highness your grace

Imagine how bad it would be for Astarion too. Nabbed from camp, don’t know if Cazador is getting him. Has to deal with being tied to a slab in the temple of Bhaal not knowing if somebody is coming for him. Probably starving somewhat, the smell of blood all around him in the cavern.

I wouldn’t put it past Orin to taught him too. Be like : ‘Maybe I should just keep you, it has my wretched bloodkin at my command. All I had to do is threaten to leave a scratch on your pretty neck, and they immediately went to do whatever I asked of them.’

I would be 100% more motivated to kill Gortash if it was Astarion on that slab. The trauma it would bring back too. Astarion is threatened? Steel Watch and Gortash gone by dusk. My Durge would be even more protective of my beautiful boy afterward, always keeping an eye over by him.

Gods, I wanna make a fic but I already have two that are incomplete and haven’t been updated in like 6 months and 2 more fics I wanna write. UGGGFHHH. I might do it anyway.

[macabresque]

i wish to embody gothic style in the most whimsical and vampiric way

[asordidbarwere]

Truly the characters that are tailor made for me are one of two things: miserable tragic sadboy OR monstrous hyperactive violent little gremlin woman

[gizmothorne-art]

Of all the souls in this world, I'm glad it was you

[mari-lwyd-cryptid-blog]

Me: I can't wait for next week to see Devil's Minion and their dark romance, the exquisite psychological horror and beginning of their cat and mouse game 🖤

Also me: Only has soft and sweet Devil's minion fic ideas. 🥰

[monochromatictoad]

what would marie and gabriel do if u turned into a worm?

Marie would set up a little terrarium for me. She'd talk to me and feed me, until Gabriel finds out who he needs to fight to turn me back. Of course Gabriel would talk to me too, but it's mostly him being dramatic about the whole situation.

Unless he turned me into a vampire, and I messed up shapeshifting. Then that's a whole other situation, because he'd probably laugh at me for that, lol.

[wolfkller]

marius "there is no good that is founded in suffering and cruelty; there is no good that must root itself in the privation of little children" de romanus. marius "out of the love of God grows beauty everywhere" de romanus. marius "i wish i could believe in anything other than love at this moment; but i can't" de romanus

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

MC: Please, Dazai, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this. Dazai: I’m sorry MC. MC: I’m begging you. Don’t do it. Dazai: It has to be done. MC: Dazai: MC: Dazai: *Places +4* Uno.

[mercsandmonsters]

Tag Dump #3: Male Muses

Let's get these guys tagged.