#hc; bruce

[jellllllo-bowl]

gotham rainy nights

i firmly believe in Duke doing silly things with his power

hiding under your dad's cape when it's pouring outside can be something very special + bat-rain-poncho, several years later

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that due to diligently monitoring the Wayne family’s media image, Alfred is chronically online, and as such, is constantly dropping slang into conversation like-

(Over the coms)

Batman: Alfred, what’s the update on the Arkham situation?

Alfred: *Ahem* Unfortunately sir, it is as they say- ‘we’re cooked’

Collective groans from Tim, Dick, and Jason over the coms

Batman: …Huh?

Jason: *muttering* I knew I should’ve stayed outa this one…

Damian: I don’t understand, what are we cooking?

Alfred: It’s giving ‘failure era’, sir-

Dick: Damn it!

Tim: We really are cooked

Damian: What does that -?

Alfred: It’s lowkey not-

Batman: In English Alfred. Please.

Alfred: *Sigh* My apologies, sir. The Joker has escaped.

[magic-crazy-as-this]

Every once and a while, the Batkids will try and pretend to be Bruce over the radio whilst on patrol.

Tim (as low and gravelly as he can go): "Oracle! Analysis!" Barbara (nonplussed): "Red Robin, I can see which channels are lit up when you speak, I know that's you." Tim: "I AM THE NIIIIIIIGHT...!"

Batman is not pleased. The kids only do this more.

[morganbritton132]

Bruce goes to parent/teacher conference day and hears all the things he’s expecting to hear. Damian is interacting more with other students , having less violent outbursts. Duke is a natural leader. Tim doesn’t go here - wait.

“Tim Drake,” Bruce repeats. “Timothy Drake, doesn’t go to this school?”

“I believe he dropped out last year, actually.”

“…Okay,” Bruce says, and then realizes that it looks bad if he didn’t already know that. “Yes, of course. So many kids, I lose track of them.”

Tim gets a text five minutes later telling him when he’s out of ‘class’ to come to the manor immediately. Because he has been tailing a possible new rogue that teaches at the community college, Tim does not see that text for the threat it is and replies, ‘K.’

[frownyalfred]

hc that Clark doesn’t get the human instinct/reaction of a gut feeling or the hairs standing up on the back of your neck since he’s Kryptonian, so sometimes Bruce just freezes up and says “something’s wrong” and Clark resigns himself to it like ah yes, that weird human thing again and is baffled when 99% of the time Bruce’s gut is absolutely right

[wondersinwaynemanor]

imagine the brooding, intimidating Batman fighting criminals in the street when he hears this special ringtone in the comms and they're for specific people: his grandkids.

he has to hide in the shadows and goes Grandpa mode, clears his throat and coos lovingly to the comms to talk them.

Nightwing: Oh, he's cooing again.

Red Hood: Lian must have called and asked for more fruit loops.

or

Spoiler: B's doing that baby voice again, it's kinda creepy.

Red Robin: My baby must have dialed, he likes his grandpa's voice.

The rest of the batkids: WHAT BABY?????

Superboy: Our baby.

the batkids curse in different languages, confused and shocked.

***

when some of the rogues or criminals hear Batman in his Grandpa mode, they think he's gone soft.

nope. he's more determined, more restless, more protective, so he won't stop unless they're in Akrham or in jail.

but it's worth it when he comes home to little kids, who are excited to see him.

[strawberrylet]

idea: batman and the robins never acknowledge that there have been different robins. like they all act that there's only been one and that they're the same person basically.

Justice League who's used to teen dick not kid jason: who is this child?

Batman: what do you mean, it's robin.

-

Batman and Tim walking through the watchtower:

Justice League who remembers robin literally dying: ...*side eye*...

-

Flash: batman… who is this?

Batman: robin. you’ve met before. several times.

Flash: no, i met a black haired boy. this is a blonde girl!

Batman: her name is robin

-

Superman: it's time for you to explain. where are you getting all these children?

Batman: i have no idea what you're talking about.

Superman *pointing to damian*: who is this kid?!

Damian: i'm robin. i'm offended you would even ask that? don't you remember *proceeds to recite a story dick told him of his robin days*

[dc-comics-enjoyer]

The Batkids doing something considered rebellious and Bruce is unimpressed because "been there, done that" headcanon :

Damian runs away and sleeps under a bridge at some point -> Bruce did it at nine years old.

Tim gets piercings (bonus : Kon pierced him) -> Bruce had his nipples pierced by Minkhoa back in the days.

Jason gets home smelling of weed -> Bruce didn't only taste foreign food around the world when he was training...

Steph gets a mohawk -> Bruce had a bright pink mohawk at some point to piss Alfred off.

Dick anonymously starts an OF -> Bruce may or may not have leaked his own sextapes (yes, multiple) for "legitimate Batman-related" reasons.

Cass accidentally joins a cult -> Bruce and Minkhoa competitively founded a cult to see who would get to be the ultimate guru.

Duke finds himself in custody for whatever silly reason really -> Bruce went to prison (more than once) (in different countries) (for terrible motives) (he's still blacklisted in some of those countries)

[vivianthepigeon]

Tim: “I need to tell you something”

Bruce: “What did you do??”

Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”

Bruce: “what did you do???”

Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”

Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”

Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”

—————

Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“

Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”

Jason: “I got a DUI”

Bruce: “Jason!”

Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”

Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”

Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”

Bruce: “I don’t follow.”

Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”

Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”

—————

Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”

Jason: “He knows.”

Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”

[spocks-husband]

Mainly because when he started adopting kids he just sort of figured 'this is just what you do with children' since it's how he was raised and then felt weird not doing it with the rest after Dick and Jason, all the Batkids have random super obnoxious rich kid skills that Bruce either taught them or sent them to classes for. Obviously they all know how to fence, that's pretty common knowledge-- but they're all also fluent in French and Latin (plus varying degrees of Arabic and Ancient Greek), very well familiar with dining and event etiquette for any possible situation (mostly by Alfred's doing), well versed in classical literature and mythology, capable with at least one instrument (piano for most of them-- though Dick plays the flute!), and quite comfortable writing in cursive to the point where for almost all of them it's their natural handwriting, just like Bruce.

This usually isn't an issue... Except for that time when, early in his crimelord career, Jason sent a threatening note reading--

I will find you 🩷✨

--to a gang leader in his territory, which... Didn't have its intended effect. He used magazine cutouts to write his threatening notes from then on.

[dreamingaboutsakuratrees]

Listen, not only do I like the Batfam being completely human (except Duke, of course), I think it's such a vital part of their characterization. Each of them rely on their humanity and vulnerability in a different way, but it's still a core part of them.

That being said, I love the idea of Gotham's many curses and magical bullshit changing its inhabitants, and more important, enhancing her protectors.

Not by much, but enough for people to say "they're human... right?" and not being sure of the answer. It works better inside the city, where Lady Gotham herself can ensure her warrior's safety, but it lingers and it stays on them.

The way Bruce can blend a bit too well with the shadows, to the point not even metas can see him if he doesn't want to be seen.

The way Dick's body bends a bit further than should be possible, his muscles stretching and his bones at angles that would cause pain to most.

The way Jason is a bit too quiet for his body mass, how he seems to be able to move without making a sound despite his size.

The way Tim is a bit too quick-witted, a bit too observant, finding his enemies' weaknesses and flaws far too easy for a fast-paced combat.

The way Steph seems to always be on the right place at the right time, as if she were being guided to those in danger. She is always where she is needed.

The way stray animals like Damian a bit too much. They care for him and have his back in a display of intelligence that's not quite natural.

Yet they all still bleed. They feel pain and they cry and they are vulnerable.

Because they're still human.

Right?

[ducktu]

Duke: WOW, how can you even say that about my people-

Jason: Hold on, being black doesn't have anything to do with it-

Duke: BLACK? MY PEOPLE ARE BAT VIGILANTES, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?, CAN YOU ONLY SEE RACE?

Jason: *screams*

[tax-ed-ea-taxus]

i've been thinking about Bruce and how he designed his suit. ive never read a DC comic ever but i saw someone post a panel from an issue where bruce melts the gun that killed his parents into a chest plate to protect his heart and thats justice or something On That Note im not sure if this is canon but i know i've read about how when Martha and Thomas got shot Thomas' jaw was shot off and the thought of Bruce using the gun that killed his parents to protect him while he avenges their memory while also leaving his jaw to be the most vulnerable part of his batsuit makes me feel things i cant articulate

[unfortunately-obsessed]

Bruce with baby!Jason and toddler!Dick

Dick figuring out words but moves like he has no bones, cartwheeling, and Bruce has to keep running before him because Dick forgets the room eventually ends and then gets his forehead straight into a wall

Baby Jason Soo sweet and affectionate. Doesn't know how to give Bruce kisses so he'll kiss Bruce by bitting (but don't worry he doesn't have teeth yet)

Baby Jason being carried by toddler Dick is SOOO cute. Alfred taking pics, he's a proud grandpa

Dick likes when Bruce holds him upside down and giggles so loud it echoes. Jason who sometimes get so tired but still want to stay awake to play with Dick and Bruce

Jason will eat anything if he sees his big brother eating too. Jason who loves to watch cartoon with stories. He'll nod along to what Bruce says to him

Bruce getting back from a mission, says "ouch". Jason sees it, says "ooouch?"

Bruce will be talking to Dick and Jason will start to cry because he wants to be included in the conversation! He'll even babble along

One of those grey but comforting evenings where there's lots of rain and wind, Bruce flat out dead (sleeping) in the couch, Jason napping in his chest, Dick between the couch and Bruce and using his arm (that is not holding Jason up) as a pillow, snoring

Jason that pouts when he's focused (playing with his teether). Isn't easily tickled but does laugh when Bruce kisses his feet

His first word is "dick"

[xlandloud]

arkhamverse tim doodles bc i’ve been playing ssktjl too much

nonsense under the cut bc i thought it was funny

[frownyalfred]

thinking about a Damian who was raised his entire life hearing how much he looks like his Father, how he's the blood son, how he's better than any other child Bruce Wayne has taken in, starting to buy into it like a kid does, only to hit puberty and turn out looking like 80% Talia.