#great now i cant change it anymore >:[
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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imma be real with u guys i actually unironically love danganronpa but only the source content i hate 99.99999% of fan content so fucking much.
LISTEN THIS IS A HETALIA BLOG NONE OF US ARE BETTER THAN DANGANRONPAERS AND EVERYONE WHO IS UNAWARE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND DANGANRONAPERS TREAT KOKICHI THE WAY HETALIA FANS TREAT ENGLAND. EXCEPT WORSE. SOMEHOW 100000x WORSE
#AND IM 20 FEET UNDER IN THIS HETALIA SHITSHOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE BEEN DOING TO ENGLAND SINCE 2008#DANGANRONPA IS REALLY FUCKING GOOD ITS HILARIOUS#ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE SWISS CHEESE FOR BRAINS#THE GAME IS FUN I LIKE THE MINI GAMES I THINK IT LOOKS GREAT YES I LIKE THE FUCKASS DANGANRONPA STANCE ITS FUNNY#THE FIRST GAME IS THE BEST ONE BECAUSE NGL THEY WERE NOT PUSHED THAT HARD TO KILL EACHOTHER LOL#AND ALSO THERES AN ENTIRE PART WHERE U GOTTA CONVINCE ONE KF THE CHARACTERS THAT ANOTHER ONE ISNT A GHOST#AND ALSO BYAKUYA TELLS TOKO TO STOP TALKING AND SHE STRAIGHT UP DOESNT FOR LIKE 2 DAYS AND NOBODY CARES LOL#toko is actually an incredible acomplishment because she is so genuinely insufferable and awful and everybody hates her for half the game#and then somehow by the end of it she hasnt changed but you just like her now its an amazing phenomenon#i cant think of a single other character that ive thought to be the actual worst and then later i like them so much even tho they havent#changed at all#bruh in universe shes hated too like theres that part where junko kidnaps everyones loved ones and we see peoples families n shjt#and then toko only has her goddamn pet stink bug#now that nobody likes danganronpa anymore (thank god) ill make my clearing kokichis name post one day... BECAUSE OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU#PEOPLE DONE TO HIM#HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM HE DOESNT SLIT HIS WRISTS HES A GAMER
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I'm back talking about Harry Potter and Snape's worst memory because while I hate the author y'all bug me.
Snape worst memory isn't James bulling him or string him up in front of the school, (that was bad I'm not saying it wasn't) it was Lily ending her friendship with him because he called her a Mudblood. With evidence.
To prove my point we have to go read the Deathly Hallows when Snape gave Harry his memories! We get to see the scene again but this time the thing that sticks out the most is Snape calling Lily a Mudblood. Now if that's not enough proof the next memory goes like this.
*Outside Gryffindor Tower*
Snape: I'm sorry
Lily: I'm not interested
S: I'm sorry!
L: save your breath... I only came out here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.
S: I was. I would have done. I never ment to call you a Mudblood it just-
L: Slipped out? It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you? I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine.
S: No-listen, I didn't mean-
L:-to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?
*Lily leaves. Memory ends*
The next memory is Snape becoming a turn coat for Dumbledore so he could keep Lily safe because Voldemort wouldn't spare her.
Snape has had worse experiences then a teenage James Potter being a bully (even if it was shitty). so we look at the rest of the memory and lo and behold what do we see? The actual worst moment of Snape life, the moment he lost Lily forever.
#I just saw someone say they hated Lily because he's was too hard on Severus all he did was call her a Mudblood.#Yeah just called her a slur...And found it funny when dark magic was used on someone. And joined a hate group that would kill her.#And would've let her child and husband die if it ment she lived. bffr 🙄 lets put this in real world terms!#you're a minority (pick one) and you go to a school but their are some people who hate you for existing. but its ok you've got your bff!#now years go by and bff is still your bff but theyve changed. they're hanging out with those aforementioned people who hate you for existin#and yeah you dont like it but they're your bff since for ever so you make excuses. but then bff starts calling people like you slurs...#now bff hasn't called you slurs so maybe its just peer pressure you let it slide its your bff. now you find out that not only are there#people who hate you for existing there is his hate group and they want you and people like you dead. obviously you dont like his. now bffs#friends they want to join this hate group... and bff doesn't deny it. ok thats not great. bffs friends who wanna join the hate group have#now moved passed just calling people like you slurs. they've went and beat the shit out of a person like you that you considered a friend.#and bff.... they say that it was just a joke. but are again not denying wanting to join the hate group that wants you dead. you love bff so#you just keep your mouth shut. now the day comes! bff has now called you a slur. and you cant make excuses anymore. they're just like their#friends and you cut your losses because again bff and their friends want to join a hate group that wants to kill you!!!#its not poor litte Severus its poor Lily. she thought she had a friend and HE betrayed HER! but but but why didnt she stop him from joining#she was a child! she was in a new world with no idea! she was in a whole nother house! and its not her fucking job to fix him! he joined th#hate group HE KNEW HATED HER! if he truly loved her he wouldn't have joined. but but but its not that- ADROMADA TONKS could be a Slytherin#and not be a Death Eater and her family was pure blood. she could do it! so could Snape.#severus snape#lily potter#snapes worst memory#the marauders#harry potter#the deathly hallows#lily evans#put some more respected on her name.#fuck jkr#james potter#slytherin#how can you be a snape stan and not like lily that 80% of his personality.#snape
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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think
#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been#staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo#im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely#ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn#i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love#talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for#another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um#.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON#the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont#think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have#to#NO MORE BEING A DOWNER#fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time#okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh#I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them#hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin#you what you think of him.#um third person..... um#okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit#im gonna delete this soon#Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that#i dont think anyones going to see this as is always#i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah
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ive been wanting to do a full playthrough of all the dragon age games with my canon girls and get my canon set up all nice and neat before dreadwolf comes out but thats hard because. my canon has morphed so much from what the games ALLOW you to do. i have two wardens. hawke has two love interests simultaneously but her true love is someone you cant even romance. rosie is the closest to inquisition canon but i have extensive ideas about what her post-Inquisition life is like that i just know dreadwolf is gonna mess up. wahhhhh
#to clarify#iris and thalia are my two wardens and theyre both elves but thats where the similarities end#thalia hates being a warden and pretty much hands the role of 'team captain' to iris without too much fuss#so i consider iris' decisions to be my canon ones for keep purposes#hawke has a thing going with anders and sebastian simultaneously (everyone knows about it and its cool)#she loves anders but decides she cant be with him anymore after the Incident so she runs off to starkhaven with seb#but deep down she and varric are soulmates and it takes her being left behind in the fade for her and varric to realize this#and rosie goes thru a deep depression after trespasser#i imagine her magic is weaker bc of solas taking the mark; that direct connection to the fade empowered her magic but now that its gone#she feels like she's weaker; like trying to read with a blindfold on or play chess with her hands tied behind her back#so thalia (!) visits skyhold and agrees to train her in Rogue Stuff so she has a backup if her magic fails her in a fight#while she's there carver shows up and joins the Seekers; stuff happens and he and rosie become friends#inspired by all of this rosie decides to mount a rescue mission to get hawke out of the fade#so rosie varric carver thalia and cassandra all rescue hawke and its great and whooo#hawke and varric reunite and tearfully (awkwardly) confess their love for eachother#and nothing really changes in their relationship except they kiss now bc they were already soulmates!!!!#what 10 years with no new DA games does to a mf ^
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The real thing the conversation around AI needs is a reality check. AI isn't good at making things, and it absolutely can't make anything without massive human involvement. When digital music was first becoming a thing it was very scary for musicians because 'why would anyone want to hire someone to play music when they can just download a sample of it?!', and that was a very well founded fear that didn't end up being entirely false. Many people use exclusively digital sampling to make their music, and the field for live musicians has definitely shrank, but I think people are way too prone to idolize the glorious period of 'artistic purity' before digital production became a thing. Generative AI models are certainly scary, and it will definitely change the landscape for art online, but let's temper our expectations because honestly AI generated art is just in general pretty boring and uninteresting. Anyone can generate any prompt they could come up with, but art has a lot more to do with symbolism and narrative than it does with the literal images or tangible aspects of any piece of art.
#.txt#i think that if we look at this issue historically YES it will change things and YES there will be a market that wont exist anymore#but like how many furries are getting all of their art from Dalle???#like basically none#putting aside the issue that consumer AI is super bad at doing anything specific or reproducible#AI just doesn't have any recognizable style or visual intuition#AI has no intention besides 'produce the most likely output#a human artist thinks about what they're making in much more abstract ways than a computer does#is AI going to get better? who knows but right now its just... not that great#it's pretty much entirely failed to live up to any of its overhyped promises of allowing ANYONE to be a great artist#giving the power of creation to all the people who cant do it themselves#but it hasnt overall because tech bros arent selling good products theyre selling hype and everyone keeps falling for it lol
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i think if i dont get a new job soon i am going to kill myself
#like im making absolute dirt shit money i cant save up even w/ over time and ive been fucking my health into the ground#to the point where im on MEDS for STRESS to cure my fucking STOMACH PROBLEMS#like. i cant digest food bc of STRESS. that is fucking insane i make minimum wage#i just need a normal 9 to 5 with weekends off how does every other adult manage that do those even exist anymore#where are all these $20/hr jobs old people complain about i dont see them#like i cant go back to school bc its awful and people are awful but work is so much worse#the assistant manager came into my twitch chat to talk about work how did i even get in that situation.#why would anyone think thats acceptable or okay#why does a 40 y/o man think im his best friend kill me kill me right now i am in hell#every day is just so fucking uncomfortable and disgusting my customers are disgusting and creepy#i am a fucking 20 year old get the fuck away from me#why cant i just be like a bank teller or smth and make enough money to move out of this god forsaken state in like a year#i dont even have my own life i have so much stuff and never do anything with it bc im always working or tired from working#i dont think bank tellers have to deal with crackheads screaming at them and calling the police bc they cant login to google#or not having a work schedule for a month bc the district manager just cannot be bothered#i think its a great job for normal people that arent constantly too high off their ass to hold a conversation#definitely wont have the same problems i do now itd be new problems#like passive aggressive 30 y/o women drama#be a nice change of pace
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Thinking abt the decently popular artist that commented, followed and liked my art back during my middle school DA days vs the decently popular artist/game dev on here that vague posted abt me on main a few years ago when i followed one of their socials without realizing it was inactive 👍
#guess which artist i cant find anymore vs the artist i see semi-frequently on my dash OTL#every now and again i try and find his account becos that one act of kindness changed my entire art trajectory for the better#and i want to thank him (even though i doubt he remembers lol)#he had a tutorial on his DA that taught me how to do wiggle art!!! and his art introduced me to scott pilgrim!!#i hope hes doing great wherever he is!!!!!!#i doubt anyone here knows who im talking abt and it doesnt help i cant remember his DA username anymore#it was like nezikki? nezik? something like that#drew in a very cartoony style... definitely scott pilgrim inspired#did a lot of comics one of which was a series abt his oc/sona and girlfriend surviving the zombie apocalypse#maybe he deleted his DA 😭 gaaaah#scout.txt
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Watching a 1998 one piece ova.... looks like it's the first ever released episode and it's not too far off.... either way old style I miss you
#In this ova zoro doesn't even jump to save luffy when he drowns.... luffy JUMPS on zoro which is new#love the repeating motif of some chafacter having a treasure like luffy has his hat and you know freedom and all#this one is so old and doesn't even have the same voice actors#nami got taken by a ses beast.... if i had a nickel for every time she got kidnapped in a movie/ova....#un all of these so far zoro gets recognised because of his technique... wonder when this changed bc it doesn't happen anymore#wlw mlm hostility with zoro and nami lmao its there in the core xd#see now the girl hates pirates like nami did#the music is so different also....#godamn they were like yesh we are gonna make it look like a child was decapitated#luffy asking the child for help bc he cant swim akdhskajaks omg luffy sent him flying towards the bomb lmao#if anyone wants to know the page i am watching them pls ask it has like all of the movies specials and ovas... its great#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies#well an ova but alas
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My cousin randomly messaged my mom in the middle of the night asking to crash at our place this weekend 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
This definitely won't fuck with my routine at all 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
Im going to be soooo normal about it
#i love my cousin and dont mind getting to see her cuz its been over a year#but unexpected changes 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#theyre great arent they 🙃🙃🙃🙃#idk why shes suddenly coming up to visit#she hasnt texted me about it at all#my moms a lil upset cuz she took thursday friday and monday off for her birthday and now she has to spend her bday#cleaning her office and setting it up for my cousin to sleep in (im gonna help)#but like. mom. you couldve said no.#there are other relatives she could stay with#idk maybe im just a bitch but if someone randomly asked to interrupt my vacation i would simply say no#that being said it would be nice to get to hang out with her without her creepy ass grandpa hanging around and eavesdropping#like i doubt theyre still monitoring her phone since i dont think she lives with them anymore#but its hard to get past that paranoia that people are monitoring our conversations when we text when i know its happened before#so we dont text each other mucj#and i cant fully relax when we do#its not like im saying anything bad or inappropriate or whatever but i still dont need some rich oil company catholic#reading over all my texts
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new pinned post!! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o
🌟hi!! my name's dex, but you can call me aether if you want! im an aroace genderfluid minor and beginner artist!!╰(*°▽°*)╯
🧠i use any pronouns, including neos, but if i have a specific set i'm using at the moment i'll put it in my description!! :]
🫀my current interests are: sonic, saiki k, tmnt, danny phantom, vocaloid, mlp, lego monkey kid, pokemon, monster high, and trolls!!
🫁my ask box is open unless i say it's not!! feel free to request a doodle, ask a question, or just say hi!!
🦷my art tags are #dex draws and #dex doodles !! i also have an alt art/spam account for non-sonic stuff here and an ao3 here :3c
🦴please DNI if you fit any of the criteria below:
👾 proshippers/tcesters/pedos
👽 transphobes/homophobes/terfs/radfems
🤖 racists/anti-semites/zionists
🦠 ableists/mysogynists
🦑 son\tails shippers/son\egg shippers/vec\pio shippers/anyone who ships illegal stuff
#i finally made one of these!! sorry for the people who get this on their dash lol#hopefully it isnt too much of an eyesore#tried to put the userboxes in order cuz they were annoying tf outta me but idk if i succeeded#WHAAAT THEY GOT RID OF THE YELLOW TEXT :((((#great now i cant change it anymore >:[
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liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again
#never venting or talking about feelings again 💪#repressing is easier and less vulnerable#even if it hurts sometimes it's better than being vulnerable with anyone again#just gonna say everything rn#im tired of some of our shitty irl friends and i miss one that we dont talk to much anymore bc no classes and whatever and#im stressing about my bf because we havent seen his system online in a while but we havent talked to them in a month because we feel#unwanted but thats us just being dramatic i guess but now it's like; are we close enough to ask you if you're ok or will you find us#annoying and cut us off and then i never get to see my bf again who i might just break up with because#1) he deserves better#2) if i leave him first i cant be scared of him leaving me#/j#i wont tho#i would start sobbing if i tried to lmao#but anyway our parents dont like me specifically and even if they dont know about osdd whatever they can see our attitude change#so its really great to feel unwanted by my friends and parents rn!!#i miss percy i miss serenity i miss romeo#i also dont believe any of them or anyone likes me and they only tolerate and pity me#i cant even get out of bed to get a book im just stupid and crying here#im done#ep#vent
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sorry just. can i be insane a second? can i be completely honest but also batshit for a really quick second?
#im getting absolutely furious at the fact that staff are just casually having a convo like laughing and gossiping#maybe like 40ft away from me or something#while im sat her alone in the garden obviously not doing well and theyre just… having a giggle#like theyve asked me ONCE the entire fucking day if im alright its fucking insane#and yes i know things feel more intense and more targeted bc im triggered and have a pd ect ect ect#but this js MY blog and im sick of making disclaimers for how i feel so im not going to anymore#bc im sat here in the freezing cold bc if i stay in my flat im gonna try and end it#but i cant sit in the louge bc theres a meeting going on#what fucking meeting needs to be happening 10 at night#and like lets say it does#why is it not happening in their flat#you know a private place that doesnt impact anyone elses care or needs#like i know they have a living room too like its not fair theyve been using the communal lounge all day and all night for now the 4th day#in a fucking row#other people need it too#but no. bc im not as important or as pressing or as ill or as whatever as them#i have to sit alone with no support cold in the fucking garden#great im sooooo glad that everyone is being treated equally and that everyones needs are being taken into consideration 👍👍👍👍👍#i just feel like screaming and crying and throwing shit and hurting people im so sick of referring to a fucking text book its not changing#ANYTHING like i still have to deal with it all but now its prolonged and now its worse and now i dont even get any results#im so fucking sick of all of this why cant i just be fucking normal#i dont get why i have to be stuck with this stupid pd and all my other shit bc of other ppls actions and i dont even get a fucking APOLOGY?#im so fucking exhausted and i just dont wanna do this shit anymore#update not even the crisis team gives enough of a shit to fucking pick up the stupid phone lol#its a sign i suppose
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They were too late to get you back.
Warnings: mention of death, arguments, angst with no happy ending, neglected reader, jealousy.
Diluc x reader, Alhaitham x reader
"Never got the chance to apologize.."
DİLUC
Diluc and you were not the type of people who would fight often, been a relationship with him almost 4 years. Sure, everything is going well.
Well... it was going well. For the past 1 year everything changed for you and him. He barely came home, interact with you, ignoring you most of the time... and kept arguing, fighting over small things.
You never opened your mouth or fight back, you loved diluc so much that it was starting to hurt. Your shared room started to feel cold, no more morning kisses or hugs before diluc went to work, cold breakfasts and dinner all by yourself. Even if he did join the diner he would be quiet all the time, not even looking at you.
You did kept your mouth shut, holding for a hope... a hope for your future with him. Until you heard the conversation with Jean. The last knife that would break you.
"She's so useless, I cant keep up with her annoying presence all the time. All she do is stay at home and distract me from work... she keeps finding noneless things to argue with me. I just want to break the ties with her already, being with her is so tiring."
"Am I... that bad?" Who knew your dear lover was thinking of you like this for the past 1 year. All you wanted was too be like the past relationship you both had. Warm bed, morning kisses, happy breakfast and dates. Covering your mouth trying not to make any sound you left there sobbing quietly.
You did everything, I mean really everything. That all arguing was really nothing for him? You just asked for him to stay by yourside for more. You were slowly draining from inside, you had no one but diluc. Only his presence was keeping you sane but this cold mansion was making you crazy.
You returned back to the mansion, you had enough. Talking with him would go nowhere after all. You wanted his attention, you wanted him to see your worth. Going to the storage room picking up the sword once you held before moving in with your so called lover. Taking a mission from katheryne, you walked to the lawachurls camp.
You were going to show him that you are still worth for something, that you could help him with everything if he asked for it. Even if it meant death. Standing in front of the big creature holding your sword tightly you ran towards to it.
..Oh how wrong you were, thinking you could defeat that monster. Laying on a pool of blood coming from your head. Suddenly feeling peacefull for the first time after 1 year of suffering from neglect. Looking at the shining stars above you. Your head ringing from aches, sword a meter away. Faint screaming noises from back. You couldn't bother to look that way.
"Please..." a faint voice big hands caressing your cheek, weird it wasnt raining but you could feel wetness on your cheeks. Turning your eyes to the voice. Hands wiping away your blood.
"Diluc.." your throat dry, coughing the blood. Your beloved, your future. How could you hate him when he was the only one left in your life? İs this really how you were going to die? As a pathetic advanturer? Few tears sliding from your face as your blurry vision tried to capture every beauty on his face.
"Jean is coming here so... please... please dont leave me now..I wont neglect you anymore...I will beg on my knees once you recover... so dont leave me here all alone.." Ah... was he also holding a hope on his hands too? A future would be great with him. Your eyelids feeling heavy, heart beating slowly as the seconds passing, his voice becoming more and more faint.
"Sleep...Can I sleep in your arms?" Your head falling to his chest, inhaling the scent for the last time you missed for so long. Diluc holding your cold body close to him, screaming and crying cursing to the celestia as you drift away from him.
Alhaitham
Alhaitham was no bad guy, I mean if it is you, he actually is willing to do anything for you. He is sure workaholic, but you guys were making sure spending time.
You met him in akademiya when you guys were like 18-19. İt wasnt a love in first sight infact you hated him because he was a cocky man. He barely cared for any situtations, always one step ahead of you, teasing you even if other cant really understand his way of teasing. But overall because of kaveh you guys did get along sometimes.
Suprisingly he was the one who confessed with a valentines card, it was cute since he was shy about it and now its been 7 years.
Alhaitham is good at fighting so sometimes he takes dangerous missions other than being scribe and that worries you a little. You were just a researcher in akademiya so you cant always be with him. First time meeting with The Traveler your mind was at ease since they were with Alhaitham and helped him with secret missions in desert.
From 7 years to this day he is also not the type of person who really shows affection towards to someone but you, it made you feel speacial. But after all that archon saving missions he invites traveler to dinner, hanging out with her more and more. You told yourself that you were not jealous and its normal to hang out with people they like.
This became so often that you were feeling so neglected, you couldnt even talked about this with alhaitham since you felt like he wouldnt care about it.
You were in your room with kaveh, he was trying to finish his desings as you were staring at the ceiling. "Saw alhaitham with a woman today while coming here." Kaveh broke the silence. "Do you know her?" He turned to you.
"You mean the traveler?" You asked tilting your head. "Uhm no? Traveler left to fontaine almost 1 week ago..." he was cold sweating, your eyes widened from shock. Then who he was meeting up with for 1 week?
"Kaveh... tell me your joking?" You laughed. İt was probably one of the jokes he was making right? But he remained silent looking down. No you wouldnt believe it until you see it with your own eyes. "Y/N wait-"
You stormed off to the Sumeru City streets heart beating like crazy. You stopped 20 meter away from alhaitham, hiding in the corner. You saw him... his betrayal as he caressed another womans cheek. She was beautiful, long silky hair and shining eyes, thin and elegance body. Your eyes watering slowly as you watched him lean for a kiss.
You ran from there. As fast as you can, till your lungs gave up. Entering your shared home to pack things up, you looked at youself on the mirror. Hair that looked horrible, sleepy eyes, body that looked like a frog in your eyes. But her... she was beautiful unlike you. You cried for the first time after years, wiping your tears as you packed your things. Leaving your room with no trace of you.
Kaveh on the other hand, explaining alhaitham that you saw everything. Panic rising in him he ran to the shared house. Walking inside slowly, trying to hear if there were any noise. "Y/N? I.. I came home?" He shouted. Feeling weird like the house got colder and quiet. His heart still beating like crazy he rushed to your room only to be faced with a tidy bed, empty warddrobe and empty studying desk.
This was a cruel joke on him right? You were joking, pranking him to make him regret for not telling you sooner it was for a mission right? His hand covering his face as he falls on his knees calling out your name a few times before breaking down.
Looking around trying to find anything that belonged to you, walking inside the house he spotted a letter.
My beloved lover,
I had to leave our home because my heart was hurting too much. Sometimes, I saw things that made me scared—little moments that maybe meant nothing but felt big and heavy to me. I've always struggled with feeling good enough, and these fears made me feel even smaller.
Leaving wasn’t about anger; it was about being so overwhelmed by sadness that staying felt impossible. I never wanted to run away, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I wasn’t what you needed.
I'm really sorry for any pain my leaving has caused. I hope one day we can understand each other better, but for now, I need some space to work through these feelings.
Take care,
[Your Name]
That was it, you left without giving a hint where you went. Guilt eating alhaitham up. For him you were perfect, you were everything he needed. Even your silence made him happy and peacefull. He was never good at showing his emotions and expressions but when you were with him he felt like he didnt need to force himself. You understood everything about him.
He lay down on your bed, a faint scent inhaling as he slightly squezzing the letter in his hand. Murmuring your name, begging to the teyvat to bring you back to him.
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#reader angst#genshin angst#al haitam x reader#genshin diluc#diluc ragnvindr#diluc x reader#angst with no comfort#mention of death#alhaitham angst#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham
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you do such a good job passing! any tips?
thank you, i appreciate that! i dont have a ton of tips since ive only been at it for a little over half a year, and im kinda flying by the seat of my pants cuz i dont have a lot of people i talk to day-to-day about presentation. pretty much everything ive figured out by myself and with youtube tutorials. regardless, heres a few i can think of:
don't be afraid to go to a makeup store and ask for advice. i brought a picture of myself i put through faceapp to give me makeup, and i showed it to the ladies at sephora, who were able to get me exactly what i was looking for. theres a world of difference between a face full of makeup, and a face full of makeup that's slightly the wrong shade, and it's good to get the opinions of experts.
try to look at the other women in your family and see how they style themselves, or do their makeup, or even how they speak or carry themselves. finding a look that works isn't somethin that you can fall into super easily, you have to go searching for it. try to model yours after the people who literally share your genes and therefore your features. (note, the opposite is equally usable for transmascs, look at your brothers, fathers, and uncles)
spend time in the mirror seeing what looks right. comb your hair in different directions, part it in a different place, put a clip in, dye it a different color, etc. put on makeup and then take it all off, then put on way too much and only take half of it off. learn the muscle memory of holding a liquid eyeliner pen in your non dominant hand and tracing it across the eyelid on the opposite side of your face without twitching your eye. nobody will see you, you're in your own bathroom. with the resources you have, treat the Bathroom Fit Check like you're customizing a character in a videogame.
look for your angles! i wish i could look good at every angle, but i don't, and vanishingly few people actually do. i spent a lot of time looking at myself in my front-facing phone camera from different directions and thinking "fuck im never going to pass, i really dont look great. is this even worth it?" and no matter how much doubt i had, in the long run the answer ended up being yes, it is worth it. that's kinda how hard things are: they suck until they don't anymore.
this one is really simple and may not apply to you, but fix your posture. seriously. when i started standing up straight for a few weeks i noticed an change in how i looked and carried myself (and my back doesnt hurt as much now)
come to terms with the fact that a lot of women look like men, and a lot of men look like women. the idea that all men look one way and all women look the other is an propagandstic invention of the state that should not be taken seriously. (note: this tip works only inwardly as a facet of self actualization. no matter what, you will always run into people who buy into the propaganda. to the best of your ability, pay them no mind.)
im sorry i cant give you anything more, but thats kind of a big question to answer, so i hope this helps!
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