#im stressing about my bf because we havent seen his system online in a while but we havent talked to them in a month because we feel

[ericlovessharks]

liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, maybe you coukd give me some tips. I send you that ask already but it means ght be deleted by tumblr and it was all messy and ugly.

So I have one childhood friend, we used to do everything together till highschool. Often she was my only friend, like now. We slowly started to distance from each other sonce she has a boyfriend. For all those years I did my best to accept him and all, told myself that duh she is not obliged to spent time only with me even in situation when she spent less and less time with me. Sometime I had a bit trouble to fully accept bf because sometime when they argued she was venting to me and I felt like his is hurting her but she refused to break up with him. Boy eas very insecure, no friends and so on and one day around graduating junior hight school she wanted to break up with him but he said something like he is gonna hurt himself if she will, or just drop out the school. So she wanted to wait at least until he graduate, but she waited longer. Then just after we graduated hightschool she broke up with him like she had enought. It was prolly a mistake but after she vent I said one or two things about him concerning past events and I said 'wow finally'. After a while they made up and she said she just missend him. I promissed mtself I will never comment whatever she tell me about them, unless in a good way.

Well... the point is that I am probably jellous, that she doesnt want to spent time with me anymore. Alway if I ask her out I give her to eventually pick the date, if nit today then maybe tomorrow etc y know introvert way :D And im trying to save this friendship? She is not the person busy 24/7, unless maybe when she is in uni or we count playing games as being busy. I play games too sometime.

Sometime it seems like she tries to avoid me and dont want to tell me anything. One day I was talking to her in cafee and she was just fidgeting with her phone. She didnt even like heck the socialmedia, just switching between random (system?) folders on the phone. When I asked abt it why she doesnt listen, she said she wanted to do sth but forgot what. Another time I havent seen her for months and she alway soent holidays 1 month her bf comes to her (he lives abroad already I guess) and I dont want to disturb them of feel like third wheel and the other month she come to him. So like week before she pnanned to go I asked her to go out next day. She said she cant. So asked another day, she answered : but I go to my bf. So I surprised that its that soon and sad I missed the oportunity: oh really? When? She: on Friday me: but its Monday(?)(no answer) so...? She: ught I know ;;; but lately I dont really feel like going anywhere :(

Well... maybe I'm childish but I felt sad.

I'm also jellous that they even celebrate each others bdays altought she never do that bc of religious reasons and I've always respected that.

Once I asked her what is with us, we barely talk for last few years and I feel like she is avoiding me. She had no Idea what I was talking about, she felt like everything was the same.

I was told to not have much hope or expectations toward her bu maybe try to text her or maybe arrange a meeting once in a while and try not to become bitter.

The other one sait that that how adulthood looks like, we become busier with private issues and so on and I may act childish and selfish, but as far as I know except for time she go to uni or to her bf she is not that busy, definitely not that busy not to have time to meet with me more than once in a whole year (or none) when we live ~20min apart by foot. I dont want to be burden to anyone or feel like third wheel so I dunno what to do. I have problem with finding friends, she was my only one friend (?) for years. I dont trust ppl easly

I wanted to do more things together outside since we both used to or still do soent too much time on the computer but well... you know, together is easier.

Since I have to do it on my own maybe you have some ideas? Thats stupid wuestion I guess since you dont know my environment. Jogging and biking wont work I guess since I dont have proper bike. I wanted to plant some flowers but I was afraid I screw everything up since im kida kid who grow up in the bubble and Im not sure how to do basics and nobody wanted to help me and its too late already... Walk is fine but I prefer places far from road and since I'm not supposed to go to the forest that I love I dont have many spots to go.

I am sorry for long post. Any even tiny help would be appreaciated. I hope thats not much of the problem, have a nice day or night :)

-PineconeAnon

I do think that it's time for you to let go of the friendship. I know that's hard to do but people grow apart and that's okay. It's okay. You'll be able to make better relationships and move forward but you have to learn to let go and keep walking forward. It sounds like you're holding onto this friendship because you want to keep going on like it's the past but...

It doesn't work like that. Change happens. It hurts sometimes but it's not a bad thing. You can reflect on this with time and learn how to be able to accept it. You need someone that wants to hang out with you and relax with you. It's not childish to be upset but it's important to see when people just... don't have time for you anymore and feelings change.

It just seems like you both have a fundamental misunderstanding and if you can't talk that through, then it's not working. You can try to talk about it but it seems like it'd be better to just let go. She doesn't think there's something wrong but you do. If you feel stress around her instead of friendship, it's not great.

But, that's up to you, you know? You decide your relationships what you want them to be.

I don't really have great advice for making friends as an adult. I'm not exactly going out and interacting with people. I can suggest finding a new set of friends online by joining Discords and interacting with the fandoms you're in because that's how I've made friends. It's easier to do that if you're anxious about making friends outside.

Try new hobbies. Take a deep breath. If you want to garden, try it out. You're not going to be perfect the first time. It's a learning process at anything and you have to just try. You don't get to live it if you don't try. You have to consider your limits and reflect on what is going to be the easiest thing to try.

It's never too late.

Try to start small and work your way up.