#repressing is easier and less vulnerable

[bluebnny]

Toxic law headcanons (yes again)

contents: idk just a bunch of hc's of toxic law , gn reader

warnings: mention of some very toxic behavior, so do NOT read this if you need something comforting bc this is not it! some mentions of emotionally abusive behaviour from law

a/n: i made a similar thing a little while ago, but just felt like i had a bunch of ideas for him that were specifically about him being toxic, and not so much about relationships as a whole. also this is super rushed bc i literally just wrote it in like 20 mins even though i'm supposed to be doing something else. idk toxic law has my heart now and forever, yes there is something wrong with me why do you ask? anyway, dividers made by me, and please enjoy!! <3 :D

word count: 646

emotionally repressed law whose biggest fear is being known, understood, loved, because to him, any show of weakness is a death sentence

emotionally repressed law who loves you so so so much but he can never allow himself to show it because that would be the same as handing you a knife and baring his chest

law who thinks everyone's out to get him, because that's how he grew up, always suspicious, always alert, waiting for everything to go wrong because he can't remember a time where he loved someone who stayed

who learns that it's safer to love no one, or at least pretend, because then maybe, maybe, it will hurt less when they inevitably leave too, who hopes it will make it easier to push them away once they reveal their true colours

law who needs the clear ups and downs that are so typical of toxic relationships so he knows where he stands, knows how to react and what to prepare for, who gets exhausted from always being on the lookout, always preparing for a worst case that never comes

law who can't take the tension anymore, who is so sure everything will eventually go wrong that if nothing does, he will ruin it himself, because the uncertainty is worse than anything else

who will instigate a fight with you if you've been in a good place in your relationship for too long because he fears you secretly hate him, and he needs to confront that fear so he doesn't go insane

law who only feels in control when you're fighting, because he knows how to navigate that situation better than being at ease around you

law who can't take when you're being nice to him too much, because he forgot what that feels like long ago, who only remembers niceness as a mask people put on to trick him

who thinks every show of love is a trap that he has to try his hardest to avoid, who thinks every kind gesture is a ploy to disarm him, to weaken him, to hurt him

law who needs to disarm you to feel safe, who can't let himself show even a trace of something genuine unless he knows he can hurt you more than you can hurt him

law who won't apologize to you unless you're a sobbing heap on the floor, who can't let himself be vulnerable with you as long as you're strong enough to hurt him back

who won't hold your hand unless you ask him to, who won't hold you unless you lean into him first, or unless you're crying and begging for comfort, who won't tell you he loves you unless you think he hates you

law who hates when you're being too nice to him because it makes him feel how much he loves you, how much you mean to him

who feels bad sometimes for pushing you away, but who also can't let you in, who has to weaken you before showing you his unending love

who will hold you for hours when you cry, who will be so gentle and tender with you that you almost forget that you're like this because of him

law who will kiss away your tears, rub your back, whisper all the nice things he's always wanted to tell you into your ear as long as you're still bawling your eyes out, as long as your trembling grip on his shoulders is more desperate than his own arms around your torso

who lets himself open up the tiniest bit only when your voice is shaky from crying, who needs to know that you're in no state to hurt him before saying or doing anything that could give you a chance to

emotionally repressed law who doesn't realize in all his anxiety and obsessive behaviours that he's turning your relationship toxic

[occultchrysalis]

Why is it that the common interpretation of the Land of the Lustrous fandom is that "Phos did nothing wrong, everyone around them was terrible?" Not only is that not true, but it takes the nuance out of so many complicated characters and just reduces them to shallow good or evil.

For example, one fandom favorite punching bag is Cairngorm. I think we have to remind ourselves that for basically their entire life before meeting Aechma, they HAD ZERO SELF AGENCY.

They were trapped in Ghost for the majority of their life, and after, even when Ghost was gone, the small part of them left was still able to influence Cairngorm so much that Cairngorm was almost driven to suicide for Phos multiple times. Offer their head for Phos, pretend to be Antarc for Phos, you name it. OF COURSE Aechmea villainizes Ghost and Phos, and by extension the rest of the gem society for this, because he knows that isolating Cairngorm will make them cling to him more, and therefore Phos will be alone and easier to manipulate as well.

Cairngorm's complete 180 in personality likely isn't just as a result of them being repressed for the entirety of their life, but also from an extreme repelling of everything gem society was, stood for, and expected of them. They were vulnerable, and Aechmea took advantage of that and took away one of the few people who might've been able to help Phos.

And them there's Cinnabar. Maybe even more divisive then Cairngorm, because they actively try to physically harm Phos at the end, but they’re one of my favorite characters in Land of the Lustrous for exactly that reason.

Cinnabar loved Phos in the beginning because of their earnestness, not because they thought that Phos would actually be able to find a job. They become less and less attached to the actual Phos and more attached to the Phos that once was and will always be in their mind as Phos changes constantly. Even Phos has lost sight of who they were, Cinnabar never did, and I personally interpreted Cinnabar trying to destroy Moon Phos in their final battle not just as an obligation towards gem society, but also sort of as a way to get Moon Phos to come to their senses, or, if that was impossible, to at least “free” the old Phos Cinnabar knew and loved. Cinnabar, in this way, is such as tragic character to me, and there’s so much more I could say if it weren’t for the fact that it’s 1:30 am in New York City right now.

[pallastrology]

🍄 astro notes 🍄

venus biquintile pluto is a really interesting aspect. the biquintile is usually associated with creativity and the development of artistic ability, and with venus being involved, there is even more potential and a genuine love for art. the native will find happiness and connection through their creative pursuits. with pluto on the other end of the aspect, something interesting happens. there can be a tendency towards obsession; they are more dedicated and more patient, with a strong work ethic and a desire to find meaning through their art, and it can bring them real catharsis. they may discover and nurture repressed parts of themselves through their art, and overall, there is a bit of a darker theme to this otherwise light and bright placement.

moon square pluto is often given a really negative spin online; i’ve seen everything from emotionally out of control to “will abuse their children”! this just isn’t a helpful way to interpret harsh aspects. my experience with this placement is that big emotions are very frightening, often because of the native’s early experiences. they seek to “control” their emotions, which can make them quite vulnerable to impulsive or addictive behaviours. they often have a deep relationship with mother figures, and with their children, which yes, at their worst, can become enmeshed and intense. but at their best, these relationships are intimate and founded on mutual trust, long lasting and able to weather the harshest storms.

venus-saturn aspects are all about delayed gratification. the native has to grow into their loving, creative, social side, and they usually have to "grow through what they go through"; depending on the aspect, they may just feel a little different, or have no interest in relationships, or they may grow up lonely or isolated, or deal with unhealthy relationships. they have to do a lot of self-work to develop self-love and nurture the soft, creative side of themselves, before they can really feel at home around other people. but when they reach that point, they can build beautiful, devoted and ultimately very healthy connections with others, that allow all involved to really thrive.

pluto conjunct ascendant natives have a really intense gaze. i think that usually we only think of the eyes when they think of the pluto stare, but to me it goes a lot further than that; especially with the conjunction, pluto-ascendant people look with their whole body. they have the intense eye contact, sure, but they tend to also have a hard mouth and slightly furrowed brow, a certain tension in their jaws and necks. they look like a cat about to pounce in a way, you can almost see that electrical energy under their skin.

in astrology, the sextile and trine are considered to be harmonious aspects; they denote an easy, well-blended connection between the two planets involved. the sextile is steadier, and more prone to stagnation, which can look like complacency or even entitlement; the trine is more dynamic, meaning in a way, it's easier to bring out the positives of the aspect.

lilith in the tenth house is a placement that is very vulnerable when it comes to social media. nowadays, it's so normalised to post everything that it's almost radical to stay away from it, and with lilith in the tenth house, it's easy to feel validated and vindicated through what they post. unfortuntely they are easy targets for online abuse and can actually feed into and "bait" this kind of harmful interaction when hurting and angry. lilith in the tenth house needs to learn to find healthy outlets and become more reflective, less reactive.

uranus conjunct ascendant natives are bright, almost electrified. they can be prone to sudden epiphanies that show up in strange moments; sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night with a sudden realisation, for example. they can be chaotic, but when given space to breathe, they are brilliant, both in that they are clever and reflective with the energy to pull off everything they think up, and that they seem to sparkle. there is a clarity to their voice, their eyes, like they glow from within.

venus square the north node natives really struggle with being uncomfortable. they tend to be somewhat sensitive, and are irresistibly drawn to the beautiful, the soft and smooth. they just want to be comfortable, but this can lead to the native avoiding or dropping anything uncomfortable. if they want to grow and feel fuller in themselves, they will have to learn to thrive in challenging situations, without going too far in the opposite direction and not being able to listen to their instincts or enjoy anything in life.

libra suns with mercury in scorpio are an interesting mix, because they have the reflective sensitivity of libra and the stark and often quite brutal language of scorpio. they are often quite gifted writers, with a talent for the existential and deeply emotional. they aren’t as talkative as you’d expect a libra sun to be, and they are generally more somber, but with a dry, dark sense of humour and a disarming straightforwardness to them.

[anyacad0]

i love how you write dan feng, yingxing and their relationship. do you have any tips there? or a favorite part of writing them?

I think Dan Feng is maybe not the easier of the two to write, but the one that requires less effort since we have Dan Heng as a frame of reference. So in general I just write him as 'Dan Heng but even more emotionally repressed.' His dialogue is a little harder because from what I've noticed in canon, Dan Heng speaks more formally when he's stressed, whereas for Dan Feng I think speaking formally would be the default and he'd only use more casual terms when he's both relaxed and somewhere private.

He avoids his problems, empathises deeply but will never acknowledge his own feelings, and if someone else (usually Yingxing because that mf is stubborn. We’ll get to him) forces him to acknowledge them it’s really messy. He has very little self-worth but in the time spent with the High-Cloud quintet has learned to be selfish, and he both hates it and can’t bring himself to stop, to go back. If he wants something he justifies it through the needs of others, never his own.

Because he's used to being seen as callous and uncaring despite caring deeply, he's also too forgiving. Even if he dislikes a person, he'll assume they're simply like him; that they're acting for the good of something or someone. It takes a lot for him to admit that someone else might be outright malicious.

Finally, Dan Feng is just really tired. He's lived too long and is basically mara-struck without the Abundance part- apathetic about the majority of things, and caring too much for the things that do matter, to the point where it's dangerous to him and sometimes others. This tiredness will sometimes manifest as quiet acceptance and apathy, letting things happen that he maybe could have stopped if he could spare the effort, and other times he'll overreact pretty badly, especially if someone or something important to him is involved.

As for Yingxing, he's kind of the exact opposite in every way possible. The best way I can sum up his character is Hamilton-coded. He doesn't have time to stop and rest, he can't afford to let anyone get in his way. He comes off as self-obsessed but that obsession stems from insecurity. He's a genius but he's also kind of an asshole to anyone who isn't important to him. Sometimes he's an asshole even to people who are, not because he means it but because even they can never quite understand him.

I think a pretty big thing between him and Dan Feng is that they don't completely understand each other. It's not particularly something that gets between them, because they're always putting the effort in to try to understand, but there's such a difference between them that it's not always completely possible.

And in Yingxing's case, I think he was terrified of death, no matter what he said. He came so close to dying as a child, saw the people he loved die, was told over and over again that he wouldn't achieve anything because he was going to die. He may have acted arrogant on the surface, but I think that stemmed from a deep-seated fear of disappearing. He is also very much motivated by spite; if he's told he can't to do a thing, the odds of him doing it skyrocket. Which is probably the reason he never bothered to keep his distance from Dan Feng in the first place; sheer disrespect for the Xianzhou's customs.

The best way I can describe their dynamic is as mutual enablers. Two people who are dangerous to themselves on their own, but when put together will force each other to figure out the actual source of their problems because they hate seeing the people they love in pain (unfortunately for the Xianzhou Alliance). That's not to say they're completely vulnerable around each other, though. They both have super high walls that don't ever come down completely on their own. They're also both super stubborn and defiant and so even with each other, it requires some effort from one to get the other to talk about a specific topic. If neither of them want to talk about it, it probably just never gets brought up between them. Sometimes Baiheng helps with this but she probably never knew just how many problems they had.

I think in Yingxing's case, he's the kind of person who has no qualms with destroying himself if he's the only person on the line- ironically, since he wants to leave a mark on the world and not die pointlessly, but he'd probably be the type to forget that in the heat of the moment. He holds himself back only because he doesn't want to hurt the people who care about him. And as I said earlier, although Dan Feng can't completely understand him given the massive difference in their lifespans, he so desperately wants to. What separates him from the other members of the quintet in regards to Yingxing is the fact that he keeps trying to understand, instead of just accepting what's on the surface. Not quite because he's jealous, but something along those lines; he both wants to be able to live as a person and doesn't think he deserves to. He doesn't think he's capable of humanity, but he experiences it through Yingxing and eventually realises he's been human all along.

[klaus-littlestwolf]

Warning: SMUT! Oral (F receiving), loss of virginity, anal sex, brief mentions of SA

Tag List: @a-beaverhausen @ranisingsnew @ronswhoree @susannahmikaelson @skulliecadaver-blog @yeaiamme2 @nataliewalker93 @luz09

Series Masterlist

Getting passed the guards on the property was easier than he expected, climbing up and tapping on her window. Y/n looked over, confused by the sound before seeing him and letting Klaus see the adorable “stunned” expression she wore.

‘What are you doing here?! Have you lost your mind? You could have been shot at the party we were at, now imagine what my father will do to you here, in my bedroom no less…how did you get passed the guards?’ She wondered and he smirked, sending a jolt of excitement down her spine.

‘I’m very sneaky. I told you this wasn’t over, remember?’ He teased her and while she giggled, she moved passed him to the window, opening it again and looking around.

‘It was sweet of you to come here but you need to go. I don’t want to be the reason you-‘ he cut off her ramblings as she turned, pressing his lips to hers gently. ‘Well maybe you could stay for a moment.’

‘Just a moment.’ He assured her, kissing her again, their lips meeting roughly.

‘Then you have to…have to go-‘

‘Have to go.’ He agreed and stepped forward, leading Y/n backwards until her back hit the mattress. ‘God, you’re gorgeous, fucking beautiful!’ Klaus pressed his lips to her jaw once she stopped for air, pinning her down and continuing to kiss her neck, sucking a dark mark onto her perfect skin before sinking his fangs into her.

Klaus had always heard how a mates blood tasted better than any other person in the world and he could now attest to that. As her blood flooded his mouth he couldn’t repress the moan that escaped him, her hips humping up against his cock which was practically ready to explode in his pants like he was a 14 year old boy. Y/n’s fingers were buried in his short blond locks, holding tightly as he continued grinding his hips down and Klaus knew how desperate he was making her.

‘Such a good girl, letting Daddy take care of you like this.’ She made a soft mewling sound, unable to get any words to form on her lips as she panted, Klaus’ hands holding tight to her thighs and not letting up as he kept pushing his hard cock against her. ‘You’re gonna cum for me Princess, Daddy’s gonna get you nice and wet before you take my cock.’

‘Nngh…Daddy!’ She moaned, hands holding onto his back so tightly that if he were human he would definitely bruise.

‘That’s right baby, Daddy’s here, making your pussy feel so good…You’re gonna let Daddy fuck your pretty pussy, aren’t you? Gonna let Daddy love you just like you need.’ She nodded quickly, him rutting against her just right before her head hit the mattress and Klaus quickly clamped his hand over her mouth as she came with a loud cry, unable to stop herself and it was the cutest thing the Hybrid had ever seen. ‘Such a good girl, Princess, just relax, Daddy will take care of everything.’ Klaus promised, moving to pull his shirt over his head, feeling her warm fingers on his skin almost instantly. Her shirt came off next along with her sleep pants and panties, leaving her completely exposed to his mercy and she didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with that.

Klaus knew he needed to protect this girl, her father had really fucked her up if she’s this trusting with him already and he is just thankful that it’s him that found her this vulnerable. He’s going to take advantage of it of course, but he won’t hurt her, not at all. He’s going to make her feel so good she’ll never even think about leaving him.

‘Klaus…I’ve never-‘

‘I know. It’s alright, I’m gonna take such good care of you. You’re Daddy’s baby now, and Daddy takes care of what belongs to him.’ He unhooked his belt and pulled down both his pants and boxer briefs just enough to free his cock and her eyes went wide. Klaus didn’t have the longest cock but his was always the thickest women had ever had (a result of his werewolf genes even when dormant), and he knew he had to be gentle. He also knew that being gentle and making her first time perfect would ensure she trusted him even more as he knew every man who had ever flirted with her had been aggressive about it, probably scaring the poor innocent girl even more he realized as he saw the fear in her eyes that he decided he did not like from his mate. ‘Don’t be scared…we don’t have to do this, we can stop right now if you don’t-‘

‘No, please don’t? I want you to enjoy it, I can do that. I can make you feel good, Daddy.’

His wolf practically purred in his chest at the idea that his mate wants to please him and would clearly let him fuck her any which way he wanted…maybe even in my wolf form- He quickly cut off that line of thought from his beast before getting back on track.

‘Princess, I love that you want to make me happy but I need to take care of you. That’s a Daddy’s job. You are going to love every second of this and if I hurt you the tiniest bit you are to tell me right away…you’re mine now. I won’t hurt you, I won’t be like everyone else in your life…I promise.’ The tears welling up in her eyes were almost cute and she pulled him down to press her lips to his passionately, desperately, needy for him as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close so his cock now rested against her slit. He couldn’t control the groan that came from him when he felt her wet heat against his sensitive, hard length and he quickly took hold of himself and pressed into her slowly, pausing about halfway in when she squeaked suddenly. ‘Take a second and relax your muscles, that will help, relax for Daddy.’ Klaus pressed his lips to her neck, sucking hard and leaving a dark love bite on her perfect pale skin.

‘I’m okay. More.’ She urged and he smiled, pressing in further, not stopping this time until he bottomed out. ‘So full…didn’t know I could feel like this…please move?!’ Y/n begged and he obliged right away, pulling his hips back and easing back in again. He did that several more times before thrusting up into her and enjoying her squeal before clamping his hand over her mouth again.

‘There’s Daddy’s good girl, so fucking good for me!’ He growled, the beast in the back of his mind purring in contentment as his mate allowed him to take her as he wanted, thrusting into her like a man possessed. ‘Perfect fucking pussy, squeezing me so good! You have the most perfect cunt I’ve ever felt, like velvet wrapped around me. She’s treating Daddy so good, never gonna stop fucking you! You’re all mine now. My! Fucking! Pussy!’ He growled, a thrust punctuating his last 3 words before she squealed under his hand, squeezing his cock hard as she came before feeling something hot filling her up inside. It was a feeling that she immediately loved and wanted more of as Klaus pulled himself out of her pussy and kissed her face several times. He rolled off of her and pulled her to his side instantly, kissing her head and snuggling as they both relaxed.

‘Did you mean it?’ He looked down at where she rested on his chest, raising his brows in question. ‘When you said I’m all yours now…did you mean it or…or was this just a one time thing? I-I have to know cause…so many men want to fuck me. Some cause they want on my Dads good side…some cause they want to say they stuck their cock in James Barnes daughter, and a lot want to…doesn’t matter-‘

‘No, what were you going to say?’

‘It doesn’t matter, I-‘

‘It does matter, tell me…a lot of them want to what?’ He demanded, suddenly quite serious and she cringed.

‘A lot of men want revenge on my father and…I wasn’t supposed to know but a lot of men have threatened to…hurt me…to get back at him. He killed them of course but the point is I don’t just want to be used…I want someone to love me no matter how pathetic that sounds-‘

‘That doesn’t sound pathetic…my father was an abusive piece of shit and that’s all I wanted all my life too…I understand.’ He explained, feeling close enough to tell her something only his siblings are aware of.

‘The point is I just-I need to know if I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and never see you again. It’s okay if-if you just wanted to fuck me, I would understand but please tell me the truth?’

His mate doubted him. He couldn’t say he didn’t understand, she’s been through hell in her life and she knows how many men just want to use and abuse her, she’s smart to be cautious…If not a bit late about it. ‘There’s a lot I need to tell you about myself, but right now you need to know that I knew the moment I first saw you that you were it for me. I’m in love with you Y/n, and I could not physically care any fucking less about your father. In fact I want to take you right now out that window and never come back, keep you by my side for eternity and get away from this horrible environment-‘

‘You would run away with me?’ She asked, hope in her voice and he instantly knew she would go anywhere he wanted with him.

‘In a heartbeat. We’ll do it, we’ll run away together. Whenever you’re ready Princess, but you need to understand, I meant everything I said to you. You are mine, every inch of you and I will never need another women again. I will never be with anyone but you, this perfect little cunt-‘ he spoke, hand cupping her sex and feeling her wetness against his fingers instantly. ‘-is the only one I will ever need again. This body is Daddy’s now, all mine to play with however I want…isn’t it? You’ll let Daddy play with you, won’t you?’ She nodded quickly, panting like a dog in heat as the heel of his hand rubbed over her clit roughly. ‘Let Daddy fuck this pussy however I want…will you let Daddy play with all your holes?’ His wet fingers trailed back down her slit and pressed between her cheeks to find her tight little asshole waiting for him to play with. She gasped as he pressed against the tight muscle, rubbing over it firmly and watching her eyes flutter as she nodded her head quickly.

‘P-please? Please Daddy?’

‘Does Daddy have a desperate little anal slut on his hands? I bet you are, you’re gonna beg your Daddy to fuck your tight little bum. I will always make you feel good Babygirl.’ He told her, pushing 2 of his wet fingers into her tight hole. ‘I won’t fuck you like this until I can hear you scream as loud as you need to for me, Daddy can’t wait until he can hear every sound he can drag out of your slutty little mouth. Until then though-‘ he placed his other hand over her mouth before sliding down her body and pressing a kiss to her clit, licking up her slit and tasting their combined pleasure, his wolf purring once again from deep in his chest. He thrust his fingers into her asshole as he ate her out, desperate to make her cum all over again only to freeze when there was suddenly a loud knock at her door.

‘Y/n? What are those noises? Are you hurt?’ She didn’t respond, looking down at Klaus terrified but he just gestured for her to respond to Steve. ‘Answer me or I’m coming in, and I don’t care how dressed you are!’

‘Steve, I’m…I’m masterbating! And I don’t know how my dad would feel about you talking to me while my fingers are inside my cunt!’

‘Oh Jesus! Christ Y/n, just-just keep it down! Goodnight!’ He hissed, stomping off down the hall just before she moaned again, Klaus sucking her clit hard and curling his fingers just right before his mate suddenly squirt all over his mouth causing the moan that the Hybrid let out as he came on the blanket underneath him.

‘You are so fucking perfect!’ He panted, wiping his mouth before sliding up her body and pressing his lips to hers desperately.

Y/n took his face in her hands and caressed his stubbly jaw. ‘I want to leave this house. This state, I want to go have a life with you away from all of this horrible pain. My father is…he’s a monster and if we don’t go I’m going to have to watch him kill you next. Tell me we can go, I’ll grab my stuff, go right now and-‘

‘Shh, Shh, Shh. Wait a second Princess. Yes, we can go but not tonight. I need to make sure everything is done in the house first-‘

‘House?’ She wondered and Klaus looked down, feigning embarrassment.

‘I uh…I already found us a place…I hoped I could convince you to go with me. It’s a great place in the woods in Washington state, far away from here and from your fathers reach. I will make you happy Babygirl, I promise. Just give me 2 days. 2 days and we’re gone I promise.’

‘You promise?’

‘Promise. Now let Daddy hold you before I have to go.’ He kissed her head gently, holding her firmly against his body and wishing he didn’t have to let her go. ‘First night in the house I’m holding you all night long, I will wake up with my Princess in my arms and never let you go again.’

‘I…I love you Nik.’ Y/n whispered, nuzzling into his neck to drift off with her Daddy’s arms around her tired body.

‘I love you too, Princess. You’re all mine now. Don’t you forget it.’

And she was. Klaus would never let her go now, no matter what he had to do to ensure it.

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

[betty-fran]

Continuing my last conversation about the f!Kirk/f!Spock AU concept, which I've been thinking about again…

As an obviously more visual person, I always find it easier to start with an image than a thought (although this is precisely why my raw wordless non-specific visual images often stay that way forever, lol, so it's not very useful in practice). In this regard, working on f!Spock is actually more difficult for me than on f!Kirk, well, because Spock is less my character overall, and because it's much harder to find the right fancast for her. The obvious problem is a certain dislike of old Hollywood for brunettes, and the fact that she has to be a very rare type. She has to be neither just pretty nor classically beautiful, but unusual, even cosmic, and also have that characteristic Spock logic/restraint/emotional depth.

The first person who comes to mind is Vivien Leigh, but I immediately reject her because, despite her characteristic restraint and some coldness, she is, albeit rather tragically, too alive and emotional. Next up, of course, is Hedy Lamarr. She's Jewish, a bit of a rebel, but most importantly, an inventor, and it's to her that we owe the existence of wifi today. But I reject her too because, despite the simply amazing coincidence of her personality, she feels to me absolutely like... f!McCoy (I don't plan f!McCoy in my AU, sorry Bones, I like f/m Kirk/McCoy friendship so much, but it's really perfect fancast for him her) - she's obviously sarcastic, sharp-tongued, and a bit arrogant. They even have the same "I'm so tired of you idiots" look, gosh.

~

My main f!Spock fancast for today, perhaps a bit unexpected, not quite perfect, but really very lively, is Louise Brooks, a silent film actress. She's not a classical beauty at all, and she surprisingly combines this repressed stiffness, vulnerable detachment, sincere curiosity of a researcher, and deep emotionality. So far, she's really the only one who's made me believe that f!Spock could be that, especially in this emotional brokenness and longing of hers.

This is obviously not a "she looks exactly like Nimoy" fancast (interestingly enough, she reminds me of Zachary Quinto at times), but in genderbend for me, what I find most interesting is working on what changes occur with the character internally/externally without changing the essence, finding what exactly in the character is dictated by gender. Therefore, f!Spock for me should be as feminine as Spock is masculine, but at the same time completely abstracted from it. And she should definitely have that poker face/super emotional face, this ability to completely change her face with the expression of emotions, which I find most interesting in Nimoy's acting. I probably imagine her (in the context of the original) taller and thinner, but overall she is the closest to how I imagine f!Spock to myself.

And yes, she has this unexpected, absolute change in her face when she smiles.

~

Although when my only and favorite f!Kirk fancast still remains [my absolute love] Lauren Bacall,

the other day, I was thinking about another of my favorite women of that time, and probably one of the most important in artistic terms - Lee Miller, the photographer who took some of the most famous shots of WWII. Fragile but resilient, graceful but courageous, even if she's not really Shatner-like (but she's also a classically beautiful blonde), there's something about her very essence, that tenacious captain's determination, that ability to go to hell to keep truth and humanity from disappearing, that resonates very much with how I see f!Kirk. Besides, she [like Bacall] is my favorite example of what gender ambivalence looks like in women (at least, that's what gender ambivalence looks like in me).

As always, I leave a tag for @anghraine

[strawberrystepmom]

hallo friend!!! thank you for your most loveliest astrology event!! it's fascinating to read all of your interpretations and i have loved them!! i would like to ask for a sexuality reading please and thank you (and/or anything else you'd like to share!!) <33 no pressure of course, i'll provide what i think is the information needed from the cafeastrology site below :>

thank you again lovely, and please remember to drink water and rest your eyes in between your requests!! i hope you have a lovely day

hello cora <3333 it is an honor to have you here!!! thank you for including all of this information because it just makes it easier for me to be in-depth-ish. i'm not gonna touch on the houses a bunch because i wanna keep it pretty straight forward but if you have more questions - please feel free to ask!

so i always call virgo sun and capricorn moon energy regal when i see it because it very much is. you make decisions swiftly and well. you value being taken seriously and perceived as someone intelligent for a myriad of responsibilities. you rule over your life like a sovereign rules over their kingdom.

you may also tend to be like this in your relationships and in the bedroom. there's a sense of "i know what i want and i will get it" in capricorn. you have this as both your rising and moon placement which can create a bit of a feedback loop between your brain and your outward display of yourself that can be very contained. capricorn aren't cold or aloof or anything of the sort, they in fact burn so hot when they're passionate they rival any fire sign and they're loyal beyond belief, but they're very clipped. very no nonsense. very this is how things in my life are and if you can't mesh you can't stay.

which is not a bad thing! even the stars are telling you to never accept less than you deserve.

virgo sun tends to be a bit coquettish in the sense that they say one thing and crave another when it comes to sex. there's a lot of anxiety for virgo and when an opportunity is presented to be open and vulnerable, a lot of times they will shy away so admitting they want their hair pulled or to be spanked or even god to be spit on just ONCE to feel something feels like letting another person see a part of them that is truly for internal review only. they really need someone to draw out that desire, to stoke it a bit by bit until they're finally begging to spread their wings and enjoy something new.

libra venus is really adding lightness to balance out some of the repressed but longing aspects of virgo and the my way or the highway aspects of capricorn. you may not be into dynamic play at all. sex may be the one time you get a true chance at relaxation and release from the self imposed rigidity of your life so you just want to feel. to connect with your body, your partner, your physical being for a minute in a way that isn't overthinking or being in your head. libra is very sensual and will give you that if that's what you want but you will still have to appeal to the sensibilities of capricorn to some degree. likely not into group sex, you could prefer inescapably intimate one on one situations.

as a fellow leo mars, i recognize that we put a lot of effort toward putting on a show so to speak. we want to make sure that our partners are so in the moment, so addicted to whatever we're doing, we will go that extra mile even if it's picking the sexiest positions or prolonged eye contact during oral. leo will give it to you. this probably adds a bit of spice and fun to things. let it and libra guide you into situations that feel uncomfortable because they're so vulnerable. let someone do something new and unexpected to you when they offer it.

liked what you read here? stop by my event and submit a request!

[bthump]

Although both characters absolutley hate being too vulnerable with each other, which of do the two do you think would end up open up about their feelings first? personally, i think it would be Griff but ahsdhs i still feel like it's not something he would easily let out unless there were specific circusmtances involved.

I fully trust your knowledge on Griffith, Guts, and their relationship in general so who do you think would open up about their feelings towards each other first? Of course, in a context where Guts never left the hawks lol.

Thanks for your interest in my opinion!

Personally my take is it would probably be Guts, because imo he's the one who's more aware of his feelings, and able to talk about them. I think Griffith didn't even consciously realize how important Guts was to him until he ended up in a torture chamber. He can't even admit to himself that Guts is his friend during the Golden Age.

Guts, on the other hand, at least knows he wants to be Griffith's friend and has told other people, so it's (slightly) less of a leap to imagine him telling Griffith how he feels.

But honestly a big barrier for me when it comes to either Griffith or Guts declaring their love is that I think they both have the kind of internalized homophobia that makes them see themselves as inherently evil/predatory for same sex attraction. The way both their backstories involve csa trauma while they're nearly canonically in love with each other and super repressed about it, and both hating themselves and seeing themselves as monsters in addition to that... it all fits together very well.

But yeah if one of them is going to a) recognize their own feelings, and b) talk themselves through it and work up the nerve to confess those feelings, I think it'd be Guts. Especially because he's in a pretty emotionally healthy place during most of the Golden Age, comparatively, while I think Griffith is more emotionally fucked up during the Golden Age, thanks to the pressure of his dream. Like Guts is getting a bit less self-loathing during the three years with the Hawks, a bit more secure in his own acceptance, but Griffith is still very trapped in a cycle of guilt and self-loathing and needing to believe his dream is the most important thing.

This is all assuming that Guts doesn't overhear the Promrose Hall speech, because I think if he did no amount of self-reflection would get him to confess his feelings to Griffith. As far as he's concerned after hearing that, Griffith has already rejected him.

That said, if there's some kind of catalyst I could pretty easily imagine either making the first move, though I imagine it more like an impulsive kiss that they're then forced to deal with, rather than a confession. Guts nearly dies and Griffith gives him a thank god you're alive kiss, or they're drunk and someone gets impulsive, that kind of thing. It's a lot easier for me to make the kiss/sex come first, and the talking/self-reflection come after for them lol. So yeah I could definitely see Griffith being the one making the first move, but like you said it def depends on the circumstances.

Thanks for the ask!

btw if you want to share what circumstances you think would spur Griffith to say something first, pls do, I'm curious!

[stardustfairytale]

1 & 3 & 5 for volya from the ask list u reblogged from me! :3

thanks, nat!!! <3 i love getting chances to talk about my girlie

Someone asks your character how they’re doing. How honest is their answer?

Usually, not very honest. Volya represses a lot of her emotions and struggles with conveying them, and feels a lot of shame for them - especially her negative emotions. It's far easier for her to pretend she's alright, than admitting to the alternative, because she feels like they're just...problems she needs to fix on her own, without bothering anyone else with them. Even with the people she's closest to, she has trouble opening up with, because it's more her instinct to protect them from herself than to be vulnerable.

How does your character act when they’re feeling bad physically?

I think the same as usual, just probably a little less exuberant and chatty. I think Volya has chronic pain, so there's not a lot of times where she's feeling good physically, but if it's a little worse than usual, she'll be more subdued and probably keeps to herself (see above).

What sense is your character most likely to get overwhelmed by?

The Force. I mean, of "normal" senses, probably sound, but the thing that Volya gets overwhelmed with the most is the Force. She's an empath, and she struggles with shielding because she struggles with consciously connecting to the Force, it doesn't come easily to her. So there are many times when Volya is just being hit with waves of thoughts and emotions that do not belong to her in the slightest, that she's terrible at blocking out. In Ghost Story, the only times she's able to successfully connect with the Force and shield herself, is when she's flying (she has to remain focused in the moment when she's in a starfighter), meditating with Brider (who is generally speaking, very good at keeping Volya grounded), and just being near Poe.

ask me about my oc's!!

[punch-love]

I actually find it funny that you like writing wade soo much more than writing Peter because your wade is just soooo incredible. And I think it’s because a lot less people can write a character or the characteristics of someone like wade. Like it’s a pretty rare attribute compared to writing Peter. Peter’s characteristics is just easier to write in general I feel (idk unless u think I’m wrong feel free to correct me?) and it’s funny that the harder character to write is the one you find much easier and much more fun lol

Wade is by far the easiest and most enjoyable character I've ever written for, and it does delight me to no end whenever people think my work with him is good.

I think the thing about Wade is that you have to be willing to go there, and also accept that he's not a good person and that everything he does is a reflection of that. Wade is genuinely morally fucked, and you have to embrace that wholeheartedly. I never have to think when I'm writing Wade, I just write. There's very little brain to mouth traction happening to him -- he is a very intelligent character -- but he also lacks shame and fear, and that means you rarely have to think twice when it comes to what he's doing and why. There's a delightful selfishness that seeps in every aspect of what he's doing and how he's doing it. Also, he thinks all of his actions are justifiable and anyone that stops/limits him/critiques him is wrong and/or he's ignoring it regardless. Also, he's an extrovert.

I think of the two of them, I do relate with Wade more. I am extroverted and do cope with trauma through humor and so I think I use him as my voice-box to be funny. I can't actually live life as violently as him, but he's a really fun outlet regardless. His vulnerability that exists effortlessly alongside authenticity is something I really, really love. I like that he's a bad person who does good things, but not at the expense of losing the parts of him that are terrible.

That being said, PETER IS SO HARD TO WRITE. I think the reason so many people find him easy is because they don't actually understand his character/only see him as a foil and/or bottom for Wade! I've actually talked about this with some of my writer friends about how, technically, anyone CAN write Wade (with varying degrees of success) because everyone generally has some agreed upon aspects of his character but so few people understand Peter that he's almost always OOC or badly written in a lot of fan works. I very rarely read a good Peter, because most people do not write Peter they write twink with a Job, or Man who bottoms, or Nerd with little to no personality.

Peter, unlike Wade is always in a state of contraction. He doesn't believe in killing, but he's always repressing violence, he's a good guy at heart but a total asshole in every other regard, he's a wisecracker who isn't actually funny, he's a traumatized man who refuses to acknowledge that trauma, he's in 10000 levels of self-denial that he doesn't actually know what he's thinking or feeling 90% of the time. Peter doesn't know himself, and doesn't want to, so writing him is a constant layer of trying to tell the truth through the perspective of someone who doesn't want to even be in his own brain and lies to himself constantly. Peter is a puzzle that you have to solve blind and backwards. Wade is whatever you think he is, and then you crank it 9 more levels for the fun of it.

All that to say, I love the compliment and while I do disagree with you on who's the harder to WRITE (at least for me, and in my biased opinion, the majority of the fandom) I do think that I write Wade in a way that embraces all of his violence and amorality and complication without trying to justify or romanticize him, and it's always flattering when someone says. "That asshole! I like what you've done with the place." I do too. Writing him is truly its own reward.

[gravesung]

@brazenlystrong — x.

IT'S NEVER EASY TO TELL when something is wrong with yuji. though he is rarely cagey with gojo in particular, the issue lies less in what he presents to the world and more with what he presents to himself. if i'm still breathing, it's alright. if i'm still alive, it's alright. everything will work out in the end somehow, as long as he still has a role to play.

( what he doesn't know: it's far easier to repress pain than to confront it. this way, yuji lets it fester deep in the recesses of his psyche so that he can continue to face the world with a smile — and more than that, he can be as little of a burden to others as possible. you're a strong kid, so help people. )

it's never easy to tell, but the signs are there. sat opposite gojo in a half-empty restaurant, yuji wolfs down piece after piece of sushi like it's the end of the world. it's only now that he realizes how long it's been since he's eaten. the skin under his eyes is dark, shadowed by loss of sleep; even his extraordinary body can't keep burning the candle at both ends like this.

but that's the problem. if he stops, people get hurt. people die. he has to keep going. who cares that there's no time to process the death of his only relative, that he has the blood of real people on his hands now that he and kugisaki have killed those two half-curses, that a being of pure evil taunts him from inside his head every time his vulnerability begins to show? none of that matters. keep going.

the smile he gives gojo is genuine, but still it doesn't quite reach his eyes. ❝ sorry, didn't realize how hungry i was until i started eating. you know that feeling? anyway, i'm glad kugisaki wasn't poisoned to death and fushiguro survived that nasty curse. without them, i woulda been toast! ❞ after a moment of deliberation, he prods at a piece of tamago on the table between them. ❝ where do you go when you disappear, sensei? you're always totally unreachable for days at a time. ❞

[lacrimosathedark]

As an acespec person who is likely some kind of arospec too, Alastor ships give me mixed feelings.

Like, I'm extremely uncomfortable with people really sexualizing Alastor, especially in art. It feels...gross. At the same time, I see people staunchly against people shipping Alastor in any way that's not platonic, which...makes me frustrated.

Look, he is canonically ace, but 1. asexuality has levels, 2. Alastor has no idea what ace means, and 3. words are stupid.

I had no idea I was nonbinary or ace as a kid. I knew how I felt, but I thought it was within the range of "normal". I thought I was "just a person" and "a romantic". I thought I was "picky", and that's why everyone was having crushes while I was chill by myself or with friends. I thought maybe I was scared at the idea of being that vulnerable with someone as someone with anxiety, trust issues, and who grew up falling asleep to Law and Order SVU. And I'm a Zillenial.

Alastor is from a whole other century, in a much more repressive society. If I today needed the internet to figure out that my experience is abnormal and there's a word for it, back when the internet wasn't a thing and queer circles were trying to hide from sight, how the fuck is he gonna know? Especially when he loathes seemingly anything that's past his time, which the concept isn't but the term is as is the way he might find out about it. Fuck, we know he doesn't know what ace means.

He also has no reason to seek out an answer. I wasn't looking when I found my answers. I stumbled upon people who shared experiences who had words that clicked with me. Hell, it'd be easier to think it's normal with how much "waiting until marriage" has been historically pushed. He doesn't know there's even something to look for.

In all likelihood, he thought the "right person" might come along someday, but he also had other priorities and didn't care if he found them or not. Why would I go searching for a love I may never find when I can spend my time focusing on my career, dancing with friends, and plotting various murders? That sounds like a lot more fun and a more effective use of time, wouldn't you agree?

And look, in general "finding the right person" isn't a "cure" for asexuality anyway. Except it can look like that on the surface if someone is anything other than 100% sex-repulsed asexual. And (allos writing aces don't seem to know this) sex-repulsion can also be very spectrum-y too, and actively fluctuate.

I'm demisexual, and would actually consider myself sex-repulsed. I have never liked viewing sexual images or videos, it makes me borderline nauseous. I absolutely will not read pure smut. The concept of engaging in sexual activity myself makes me cringe. To me, sex generally brings to mind too much physical contact and gross bodily fluids. I'm disgusted by even getting other peoples' sweat on me. I'm okay listening to friends talk about their interactions only to a limited extent--I need to be able to have distance and not be given extreme detail.

But if I think about someone I actually like, or if I'm reading a story that has had a buildup in the relationship, it's...nice. It's a very different experience. It seems less like too much touch and gross bodily fluids and more like intimacy. It's...I'd almost call it pleasant? It's hard to describe, but it's a complete shift in mindset depending on circumstances. Most of my inherent reflexive disgust just goes away.

There's a chance Alastor could be like that. He is, quite clearly, some kind of sex-repulsed (thank you Angel Dust) but that doesn't completely block him out of sexual interest. But Angel is...excessive about that side of his personality. And that could be part of why the repulsion seems so strong with him. There are levels of tolerance. I can watch Hazbin Hotel and Angel Dust, but I can't comfortably watch Helluva Boss because the first episode Stolas is...very explicit. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit through. (this also isn't a judgement of whether it's a good show or not, it's just not for me)

And even if Alastor doesn't experience attraction, he could still have sexual engagement with someone for other reasons. I don't think we have solid confirmation that he's aro, but even then that is again a spectrum and Alastor has no inkling on the concept.

He could involve himself in sex because he has romantic feelings for someone and that outweighs his disgust. Or perhaps even intense platonic feelings, disconnecting the act of sex from romance entirely. QPPs can do anything they want and honestly I feel like those labels are super blurry anyways, because what denotes an action as romantic or sexual or platonic besides intent and perception? Like, friends can cuddle, happy lovers can sleep in separate beds, people joke about kissing the homies good night. Words are messy and nothing matters.

He could also use it as a manipulation tactic. Because if there's one thing we know about Alastor, it's that he's a manipulative little shit. And while the reward would need to be extremely high, I could see Alastor using someone's attraction to him against them in that way. Why would he not use every tool at his disposal?

And from personal experience, a lot of writing in the fandom is through the lens of Alastor being non-sex-repulsed asexual, or otherwise demi- or greysexual. And while I could definitely use more fluidity in the sex-repulsion category (cuz unfortunately a lot of people write it as either completely repulsed or not repulsed whatsoever), at least a good number of people are trying to be respectful. Just because they ship Alastor with someone doesn't mean they are being disrespectful or casting aside his orientation by default.

And while Alastor being enthusiastic about it is extremely ooc and I hate that with my very soul, people are allowed to play with fictional characters how they want to. They aren't real. Neither are the Barbies whose faces you smashed together as a kid. They aren't actively hurting real people, and don't necessarily think differently of real ace people.

I'm aware that I may be projecting my sexuality onto Alastor given that he has shown sex-repulsion that I relate to. Maybe I think the idea of him being romantically involved with someone is cute. Maybe I don't mind the idea of him doing sexual things for love or other personal gain like power or control. But who the fuck am I hurting by doing that? Who is anyone hurting by doing that?

And dude, you're watching a show about redeeming sinners, showing that some of the worst people can change and puritanical people are irrationally judgemental asshats. Someone portraying an ace character as not 100% sex-repulsed is a weird line to draw there.

If you're a 100% sex repulsed asexual who's uncomfortable with people shipping Alastor, that's perfectly fine. But not every asexual completely shares your experience, and life itself is uncomfortable. And for better or worse that isn't going to change. I suggest you simply avoid engaging as much as you can for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Blocking tags and accounts is actually great for that. Someone doesn't have to be a dick for you to block them, and you won't have to see their content anymore. Tumblr Savior is a helpful tool too.

This is my very longwinded way of saying just because Alastor is aroace doesn't mean he can't be in a romantic-coded relationship, a qpp that isn't specifically stated to be such, or engage in sexual acts. And writing him ooc is icky but also completely fine and people can do what they want.

[crushedsweets]

in your au, what kinds of people do the different pastas target?

HIIII ok omg im literally working on my little website w all the info rn so i love this ask..

operator targets vulnerable people he can use 2 get out of the forest

slenderman targets whoever the operator took control of so he can """save""" them (moreso redirect them..) tim, brian, toby, and kate focus purely on keeping cryptids within the forest + humans out of it. tim brian and toby will also seek out people in nearby cities/counties who are way too into the paranormal and will stalk them, scare them off, steal their evidence, etc. they only kill people if necessary (but toby and kate are guilty of getting carried away when its totally not necessary) natalie started by treating it as a form of 'therapy' and related it back to her childhood abuse, so prob wealthier abusive men/older boys.. but she's kinda having like a terrifying revelation of how fucked up she's making her life so .

jack doesn't kill (he takes what jeff and others bring him) BUT if they're not bringing him anything for a long time, he'd target grown/tall adults cuz. more meat.. bigger organs.. lasts longer. some weird logic (and he feels less guilty if theyre like middle age)

sally doesnt desire and isnt capable of killing, but she will sometimes haunt houses with newborn babies . jus cuz she likes babies and thinks shes protecting them even tho it scares the living shit out of the families

ben also doesn't kill but he HAUNTS THE FUUUCK out of people. usually kids/teens cuz its funnier that way and nobody believes them. he's literally just an internet troll jeff targets women and girls mostly.. he just thinks theyre more fun to chase plus ''''objectively easier to kill'''' and he isn't exactly the epitome of health and strength liu(+sully) jane and nina don't and haven't killed anybody. liu is trying to repress, sully is trying to get shit figured out, jane wants jeff in prison, and nina is just chronically online and got caught stalking liu so she got roped into their problems + eventually the operator

there's other characters i wanna put in like helen and dina and ann and whatever bc i feel like natalies really out of place in this story so i think more like her balance it out, but i don't want to clutter it too much so yk..

[houliburns]

there are very few characters i'd say this about, i like a lot of shitty little guys but i'm always critical of them and am happy to hold them accountable for their bullshit (and mentally beat them with a stick), but i'm legitimately a frank burns apologist. he's literally so emotionally immature and he's got a child-like understanding of so many things, i don't think he's put any thought whatsoever into the bullshit he says, he doesn't even notice that his opinions piss people off so it's not even like he's intentionally being a piece of shit for attention - he legitimately doesn't seem to know better, he's operating entirely on ignorance and gullibility.

frank's a character who's desperate to do what he's been told he's supposed to do, and what a person's feels they're 'supposed' to do is entirely dependent on what they've been taught is right. sometimes we develop different morals, independent of what our childhoods taught us, but a lot of the time, we really internalize values we were taught as kids. i'm sure hawkeye's father is the one who taught him that freedom, individuality, authenticity, empathy, and humanity are crucial, and that influenced hawkeye's need to do what's right when it comes to making sure people don't get mistreated or exploited. frank, on the other hand, was taught the exact opposite, not unlike margaret - individuality and freedom aren't important; you fall in line, and you do your duty. for frank, that's marrying a woman he doesn't like, having three kids he doesn't seem to really care for, becoming a doctor even though he didn't want to.

we can see what frank genuinely does value / want in the two things he actually consistently seems passionate about; margaret (his only friend; someone who bolsters him, enables him, is typically on the same page as him, seems to accept him, treats him kindly for once), and money - and i see frank's greed as less about wanting more, more, more, and more about security, about the status symbols and the fact that when he has them, that means he's done well, that he's doing what he's supposed to do, that he's a success in the eyes of the traditional world he's been brought up in. that's why he brags about owning his own practice, why he brags about his 30,000 dollar house and two cars (or was it a 30,000 dollar car and two houses?), why (iirc) he brings up being a member of a country club - these are things he's been told he should covet, things he's been told are a point of pride, but they don't actually make him happy in any way. but he values money because it lets him have these things, and then he can exist safely in his repressed, deluded little bubble where it's enough.

and it's why he won't let his wife go; we know frank had a rough childhood, we know he does deal with insecurity on the very very rare occasion he lets himself reflect on anything. i don't think it's a stretch to say that on some level, frank feels defective. people don't like him and he doesn't seem to know why, his parents and his brother didn't really like him and he doesn't know why, his wife and kids don't seem to like him and he doesn't know why. as i said, frank's pretty repressed and deluded, but he does have a few vulnerable moments that show he's aware of this, and it bugs him. he wants to fit in. he wants to be liked. he does fit in, on a surface level, back home in indiana, amongst the other conservative morons he associates with. nobody really likes him there either, but he's got everything everyone else has (or better!), which renders him acceptable, respectable, which is what he's been told the goal is. and then he can pretend that's enough, because it's easier to be accepted than it is to be liked, and he knows the steps to win acceptance (at least with that crowd), but the secret to being liked, to forming connections, eludes him. he really doesn't know what he's doing wrong there. which, i read frank as autistic and i get that, and i feel for him on it, i really do. it's so alienating to feel like you're just missing something everyone else seems to have come built with.

i didn't finish my thought; he can't let his wife go even though he's unhappy with her because it'd unravel his security. it'd ruin that illusion of "i've made it, i've got a wife and kids and a great job like i'm supposed to, therefore i'm not defective!" he'd lose the identity of being a husband like he thinks a proper 1950s man should be, he'd lose the financial security of being middle-upper class. he'd become several things he's been taught to look down upon, things that would make him Bad, that would affirm that he's defective.

and you know what? all of this is why hawkeye bothers him so much. hawkeye's free from all the shackles frank's willingly entrapped himself in. he's unmarried, he's eccentric and fairly openly neurodivergent in his behavior, he loudly and obnoxiously plays freely with sexuality and gender. these are all things frank's been told are bad, and evil, and worse, they're things that exist inside frank that he's terrified of. frank's canonically queer, people don't like to acknowledge it because they hate him, but hating a queer character doesn't make them any less gay kjdfhdk. and the show plays with gender with him a bit, too. and he's threatened by hawkeye, hell, and by klinger too. when he's back home, he doesn't have to associate with people like them, so it's a distant concept, such deviancy, and he can try to forget the parts of himself that he can't seem to temper, no matter how wrong he's been told they are. but when it's right in front of him, it's that terrifying reminder.

and worse - they're happier than he is. i mean, they're still at war, they're not that happy, but they're free in themselves, they have fun, they get to experience joy because they let themselves, because they haven't been taught that doing your duty as an American Man is of the utmost importance and that there's very rigid guidelines to that and having any fun outside of that is unacceptable and wrong. and i think on some level he does envy that.

idek what i'm babbling about anymore, but yeah, i just find it hard to hold frank responsible. i think he's a victim of middle america. i think he simply had the misfortune of being a queer autistic man born into that world, into a world that wasn't built for people like him, that inherently sees him as lesser, and he's so overcompensatory in his behavior to prove that he can do it, that he can be what he's supposed to be. his political values are because he's desperate for rules, guidelines, and a sense of order in what he perceives as a hostile world that he's not equipped to deal with, let alone thrive in, because he's also well aware he's not the strong masculine figure he ought to be, and he's merely doing a bad impersonation of one. that's frank in general, really; he's so desperately trying to fit into a mold that simply doesn't match his shape. i think if he escaped all that, it'd be a good start in him being better all around. of course, his political alignment isn't his only problem, he's got a lot of other shit going on, but it's the main thing i see him condemned for. he's also toxic as hell, and i think that environment only enables him.

within the show, i don't think redeeming frank would've been a good idea and i'm glad they didn't (although i also have a lot of issues with the way his arc ended and the way he was written in s5 in general but i digress) - but i don't think it'd be impossible. i don't even think it'd be hard. he just needs to be told that it's okay to be an individual, that he doesn't have to keep trying to fit himself into a pre-existing mold that wasn't built for him when he can simply build one for himself that he actually fits and is happy in. and that's why he's just pathetic and tragic to me, rather than genuinely unlikeable; he doesn't even know what he likes, what would make him happy. he doesn't even have a sense of self. it's just sad, and i can't hate him for it.

[2n2n]

Don’t you think Tsunene kiss is a bit early? Like Nene-chan barely KNOWS Tsukasa at this moment, she never questionned what happened in the Red House… I think I’d like to have seen it in volume 22 or later, when she was "more interested" in him. Nonetheless it’s freaking interesting because she knows he’s a Yorishiro, so maybe he will try to convince her to destroy him……: so many possibilities

Why does Nene-chan need to know much about Tsukasa in order to be kissed by him? He's a social reject undead 13 year old ... While I understand if it is outside of your taste, it makes typical sense for a pairing in this manga, specifically. I'm not sure how much you think Hanako knows about Nene-chan, early manga, when he begins flirting with her… ? Doesn't our manga OPEN with Hanako doing some quite out of pocket things, drawing Nene-chan into being confused & questioning of his intentions towards her? She questions his sincerity all the way up to the Far Shore ... the Yugi man... you're asking too much for any twin to do things in the right order at the right time.........

Hanako, day 1 meeting Nene-chan, asserts them as a 'couple',

and QUICKLY sets into AGGRESSIVELY flirting with her! He admits to not caring about her life at this point-- this is purely physical ... (the sincerity comes later.)...

Amane wastes no time "getting to know" or "becoming interested in" Nene-chan, he does not give her much time or opportunity to "get interested in" or "get to know" him.

Hanako, meanwhile, he is quite immediately captivated by Nene-chan at first sight…

and binds her to him quickly. And that is a beautiful/romantic thing for our fated lovers.

Not long into their friendship (which can only exist in the brief hours between and after classes, give or take some spare moments), Hanako is kissing her …

How much does Nene-chan know about Amane, here, in volume 2? Any more than she knows about Tsukasa, right now? Arguably less???

Amane at age 8 is flirting with Nene-chan and asserting she is his type in, oh surely only an hour at best, of knowing her… he's a kid, his feelings are simple…

This isn't bad writing or something, it's just AidaIro's preference for romance; quite instant. Sumire did not know anything about Hakubo, when meeting him, but he was a handsome guy, she childishly and immediately is in love, and is in love for good! Who is to say a quickly-and-stupid-onset-romance can't become something earthshattering and beautiful? Who is to say a childish, impulsive start, ignorant of each other, is sloppy or 'too quick'? That's just an odd criticism to me, as a fan of all the pairings in this manga. I think KouMitsu is THE slowest individuals out here, and legitimately it's so slow for me it's unromantic fkldsfjslgg.glkjkljl.... meeting someone, forgetting about them,, keep forgetting about them,, have other crush, is like, ough its a struggle for me. Not how MY romance worked LOL!

While it took a long time for HanaNene to kiss on the lips, that has a LOT more to do with AMANE's specific hang-ups about vulnerability, fear of being attached, avoidance to take things seriously… his concept of 'having no future' and etc !! THINGS TSUKASA DOES NOT HAVE… as Tsukasa is not repressed, like Amane! I think if Amane was true to his heart, he'd have kissed Nene-chan full-on much sooner, but he's naturally avoidant of confession and earnestness!!! Amane would wait for the other party to confess, rather than confess himself! Amane is defensive and rude!!! Tsukasa is simply the type to not hide anything he's feeling. So a mouth kiss is easier for him to, do.

By comparison to Amane, in some respects, Tsukasa has been quite slow and observant… lol. I would argue Tsukasa has offered her more information & background on both himself and Amane in his forays with her, leading her to the bookstacks, to nowhere, meeting her at the Red House... though he has had less two-sided conversation, less time. These are interesting differences. I don't see how one is worse or more rapidfire. Amane hides his truth & lies a lot. If not for Tsukasa, Nene-chan would not know enough about Amane to fall so hard for him, perhaps. Through Amane's romance with her, Tsukasa gets to see quite a lot of Nene's personality. HanaNene in this way fuels TsuNene, and vice versa.

I think Tsukasa has observed Nene-chan quite a lot, is childish, and has precious little social connections at all; I think Nene-chan stands out A LOT! We know Tsukasa observes a lot of what goes on, truly at an unknown frequency. I think he could know as much about Nene-chan as Amane does, though as mostly an observer ... though, we don't know what sort of development they could have when Tsukasa is 12 (: Tsukasa's timeline is funky ! Disordered !!! He can't act normal, haha.

Tsukasa is childish… for Tsukasa, I think the kiss makes sense. I'm only shocked that little guy can really just up and kiss a girl ... I feel like it's taken him quite a long time .... she made her first impression when he was 4 ... much to daydream about, that mysterious girl.

Nene-chan had been lost & confused the entire early portion of Amane's pursuing of her... I'm afraid these Yugi twins both have poor romantic candor. They're quite insistent, aren't they? You have no idea if they like you or not, you get harassed, you get grabbed and pulled around and kissed willy-nilly with no explanation at all, you get suddenly claimed as property and made to follow commands … ! I'm afraid both Yugi are like that to Nene-chan, so I do not see why Tsukasa is unbelievable or too fast with it…!

Criticizing the trajectory and then immediately thinking of the destruction... I'm not with you anon, as much as I think Tsukasa being open to Nene-chan destroying him is in and of itself huge and romantic of him, a beautiful display of trust, placing her into the same position he would place Amane in.... I would like them to finally talk, alone, especially given time is frozen, and Tsukasa has longer than the duration of a school day ... I hope he can take her someplace the frozen clock can't effect... she has so much to process hahahaha ... she just starts accepting one Yugi twin likes her, and here comes the other one kissing her without a proper explanation ....

[inscrutable-shadow]

Whumptober 2023 Day 10 - Coda

@whumptober-archive

No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”

Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you’d never leave.”

this... isn't canon lol. and i guess a form experiment is the "coy is running out of time for ideas" default XD

Luka is the Doc's ex-spouse/QPP that they would never talk about ever to anyone even if they hadn't forced themselves to repress the details. Have their last conversation before Luka walked out with their children.

contains: angst

also available on ao3!

“I’m leaving.”

“All right, then.”

“I don’t mean I’m going out. I’m taking the kids and I’m leaving.”

“All right, then.”

“And? Look at me, Rowan.”

“Best of luck to you?”

“You don’t even care that you’ll never see the kids again?”

“I believe that between the two of us, it is clear who is better equipped to care for them. My feelings on the matter are irrelevant.”

“That’s it? Ten years and your feelings are irrelevant?”

“What response would you prefer, Luka? If I were to fall to my knees, sobbing and begging you to stay, you would only see it as confirmation that I am cruel and manipulative and that you are right to continue on your course. You uncovered information that altered your desire to continue with the relationship. It would be futile for me to attempt to hold you.”

“I guess, but… don’t you feel any sort of remorse?”

“I make my choices very carefully, Luka. My only regret is that you had to find out this way.”

“So that you couldn’t smooth it over with lies.”

“Not lies. You are easy to distract with displays of vulnerability and professions of love. You would have forgotten key details and what remained would have been easily explainable. A few sessions of therapy would have been trivial to fake making progress in, and the matter would have dropped.”

“Oh, so you really are just a manipulative bastard.”

“That would be easier, wouldn’t it? To believe that the person you saw on those tapes, gleefully hacking through subjects, and the person with whom you have raised your children could not coexist, that one must be false and the other true. It is a lie I tell myself rather frequently as well. Is that what you would like me to say to you?”

“Rowan—”

“Is not my name, you know. An alias, like every other name I have used since adulthood. Everything I have told you has been a lie. I have never cared for you. I am not capable of that sort of emotional attachment. I found you useful and entertaining, nothing more. You were an experiment, and now the research is concluded. Does that comfort you?”

“... How much of it is true?”

“Ah, now that is the question. Not every falsehood has its root in ill intent. You told me when we were much younger that you would never allow me to push you away, no matter how hard I tried. Now look at us. Older, wiser, less idealistic. Seeing the world as it is.”

“...Goodbye, Rowan.”

“Live well, Luka.”

this is not what people on the doc's taglist usually expect to see but let's gooo: @athenswrites @i-eat-worlds @demondamage