#repressing is easier and less vulnerable

[ericlovessharks]

liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again

[moondirti]

big fan of the headcanon that simon riley is hard to get.

if we're being realistic, he's probably gotten very good at ignoring any inclination he might have towards a person in the years since his families' murder. it's easier to function as a soldier, as ghost, when he doesn't have to carry the burden of concern for someone so vulnerable. whether it's worrying about their safety while he's on deployment and can't afford to, or otherwise repressing his darker tendencies in an effort not to break them; the extra effort just isn't worth it to him. he won't seek you out, he won't take care of you, he won't reassure and coddle and communicate.

and he's not blind, nor is he passionless. he can appreciate a pretty face when one happens to pass by, but that's pretty much the extent of it. he's gotten used to the scorch of the lonely flame that flickers inside of him. if anything, he thinks putting it out and tending to the burns left in its wake would be a more traumatic ordeal than just letting it consume him.

so for him to accept love, it'd have to sneak up on him.

it happens with johnny first. he's the natural candidate, of course. his stubborn subordinate, clever with a fixated loyalty and quick wit – who better than him to get under ghost's skin?

granted, he isn't as guarded around him as he would've been with a civilian. not as cold upon introduction because he doesn't need to be. soap's a soldier, and this is work, and he's confident enough in the sergeant's resilience that it doesn't hinder his routine. he doesn't have to make accommodations, bend backwards or wake up in a cold sweat concerned about the man's wellbeing; not at first, anyway. and such are the floodgates that allow him to embrace johnny's company.

jokes crackled over comms. sitting next to each other on the airlifter. claps on the back after a successful operation. trust in every decision he chooses to take, regardless of whether or not he agrees. he thinks about johnny's eyes, johnny's smile, johnny's fierce little pout and the scar on his chin – but everything in moderation. the perfectly healthy amount. passing appreciation of his best mate's features and nothing more. it's the only meaningful connection he's had in years, and so what if he tugs his cock to the thought of it? people have cum to less.

until the bastard gets himself shot in the liver on solo reconnaissance in cyprus, and almost dies on medevac.

because when ghost gets that call from price – soap's hurt. it's looking grim. – he's wracked with a terror so acute he thinks his heart has given up on him. it's about the worst way to find out that he considers johnny as more than a friend. this sheer desperation, longing, regret. he ponders over it in the plane, tries to scrub the dread from his being. tries to pick apart what went wrong, what makes the sergeant so special.

by the time he reaches the hospital, he's already accepted defeat. all it takes is one look at johnny in his hospital bed – features peaceful, bandages wrapped around his bare chest, mohawk and facial hair grown out – to understand that this isn't going away anytime soon. he'll just have to make his peace with it. readjust to accommodate the protective flare already sparking in his chest.

it's a hassle, but manageable. despite his injury, johnny's still a competent man. they already know how to function in bouts of high stress. they're good– great friends. all this is really is an opportunity for simon to finally dig his cock within an ass he's been eyeing for months – or at least, that's the rationale he uses to come to terms.

and then you arrive. and things get a whole lot more complicated.

johnny's bird, apparently – gaz whispers to him outside of the inpatient room, watching through the window as you fret over the comatose man's pillows – didn' know he had one. m'surprised. you'd think a loudmouth like him would let the world know. she's cute too. really, ghost, did you have any idea?

he can't find it in him to respond, opting instead to march back into the room. you're fussing too much, causing a scene, no doubt disturbing the air with the nervous energy radiating off you in waves.

"he isn' supposed to be elevated like tha'," simon scolds, inflating a bit when you straighten up, eyes blowing wide with distress.

"oh... i just thought- he gets all hot when he lays on his back like this. i wanted him to be comfortable."

he knows that he's being cruel. you've done absolutely nothing to deserve the harsh glare he shoots your way, nor should you be expected to handle it. your eyes are red-rimmed, puffy like you've been crying on the way over. no doubt unused to crises like this one. he should be a help, not another source of stress.

besides. johnny's your boyfriend, not his. he has no reason to be so territorial. he'd only just discovered his feelings eight hours ago.

but–

"are you a doctor?"

"n-no."

"then it's best you keep your opinion to yourself."

he just can't help himself.

over the next week, ghost treats you with nothing more than cold disregard. he side-eyes you when you cry, wakes you up with rough pokes to your shoulder once visiting hours close, and takes every chance to one-up you when it comes down to who knows johnny better. you've got a leg up in the domestic department, but simon knows that nothing can surpass the borderline psychic bond they've built, and he makes sure to emphasise it whenever he can. and fuck, does it annoy him that you take it with grace every time, nodding receptively as though his input is meant to be more than just a searing critique of your shortcomings.

his behaviour doesn't go unnoticed, either. gaz is infinitely perplexed to see that the usually controlled lieutenant is so quick to lose his temper around you, despite your earnest efforts to not be a nuisance, and all price offers are long, disapproving looks that have him itch uncomfortably in his seat.

on the other hand, you must believe that he's just like that – foul mouthed, disparaging, mean – because you don't take it to heart. you remain pleasant, gentle, if not a little bit emotional. never once do you raise your voice at him, or fight back when he extends a particularly hurtful comment. on the occasion that his attitude grows to be too much for you, all you do is slip on a pair of noise-cancelling headphones and spread out your textbooks to spend the evening studying on the other side of the room. not keen on making amends, or discovering the source of simon's malcontent, but not affected by it either. you're peaceful. conflict averse. a good girl.

then, you come back one day with a tupperware of cookies.

"i made them myself last night. couldn't sleep, so..." you shrug, holding it out towards him. he assesses them, assesses you, roving over your chapped lips and hollow under-eyes. when did you get to look so defeated?

"no." he looks away, back to the unconscious man in front of him. in his periphery, your shoulders deflate, and he doesn't know what compels him to add the quiet "thanks."

"you've been here every hour of every day. i don't think i've seen you eat. um–" you dodge his gaze when it shoots to you. you've never tried to hold a conversation before now, have always accepted his gruff responses as an indication to leave him alone. he wonders why you can't catch the hint now. "just- let me know if you change your mind. they're shortbread."

and that's the end of it. at least until an hour later:

you're sitting on your armchair, directly across the bed from him, staring blankly at johnny when you speak up. "lieutenant?"

ghost doesn't remember introducing himself to you. he doesn't respond, but clenches his jaw to let you know he's listening.

"he's been comatose for a while." you warble. meaningless chatter. he sees it for what it is: talking so you don't cry. seeking reassurance in someone who knows how these things go.

"hm."

"is this how it usually-"

"sometimes."

"oh."

"he'll be alright." simon adds. more for himself than for you, but your lip wobbles like it's exactly what you needed to hear.

a few moments later, you speak up again.

"he holds you in such high regard, y'know."

he didn't. his heart aches as he follows the rise and fall of johnny's chest, finds solace in it, calming himself before he rips the hair from his skull. he can't speak, can't muster a rude dismissal, or any hatred for you. not anymore. this hospital has sucked the soul from him, as it seems to have done with you.

"he'll be happy to know you've stuck to his side." you smile, stirring from your seat and slinging your bag over your shoulder. "i have to go, got an exam tomorrow. i'll leave the cookies here in case you crave one."

you're halfway out when simon replies. "good luck."

and he's on his third cookie when johnny finally wakes. by then, he's already made up his mind. it's revelation he comes to much faster than the first.

if he can't have just johnny, he'll take you both.

[pallastrology]

🍄 astro notes 🍄

venus biquintile pluto is a really interesting aspect. the biquintile is usually associated with creativity and the development of artistic ability, and with venus being involved, there is even more potential and a genuine love for art. the native will find happiness and connection through their creative pursuits. with pluto on the other end of the aspect, something interesting happens. there can be a tendency towards obsession; they are more dedicated and more patient, with a strong work ethic and a desire to find meaning through their art, and it can bring them real catharsis. they may discover and nurture repressed parts of themselves through their art, and overall, there is a bit of a darker theme to this otherwise light and bright placement.

moon square pluto is often given a really negative spin online; i’ve seen everything from emotionally out of control to “will abuse their children”! this just isn’t a helpful way to interpret harsh aspects. my experience with this placement is that big emotions are very frightening, often because of the native’s early experiences. they seek to “control” their emotions, which can make them quite vulnerable to impulsive or addictive behaviours. they often have a deep relationship with mother figures, and with their children, which yes, at their worst, can become enmeshed and intense. but at their best, these relationships are intimate and founded on mutual trust, long lasting and able to weather the harshest storms.

venus-saturn aspects are all about delayed gratification. the native has to grow into their loving, creative, social side, and they usually have to "grow through what they go through"; depending on the aspect, they may just feel a little different, or have no interest in relationships, or they may grow up lonely or isolated, or deal with unhealthy relationships. they have to do a lot of self-work to develop self-love and nurture the soft, creative side of themselves, before they can really feel at home around other people. but when they reach that point, they can build beautiful, devoted and ultimately very healthy connections with others, that allow all involved to really thrive.

pluto conjunct ascendant natives have a really intense gaze. i think that usually we only think of the eyes when they think of the pluto stare, but to me it goes a lot further than that; especially with the conjunction, pluto-ascendant people look with their whole body. they have the intense eye contact, sure, but they tend to also have a hard mouth and slightly furrowed brow, a certain tension in their jaws and necks. they look like a cat about to pounce in a way, you can almost see that electrical energy under their skin.

in astrology, the sextile and trine are considered to be harmonious aspects; they denote an easy, well-blended connection between the two planets involved. the sextile is steadier, and more prone to stagnation, which can look like complacency or even entitlement; the trine is more dynamic, meaning in a way, it's easier to bring out the positives of the aspect.

lilith in the tenth house is a placement that is very vulnerable when it comes to social media. nowadays, it's so normalised to post everything that it's almost radical to stay away from it, and with lilith in the tenth house, it's easy to feel validated and vindicated through what they post. unfortuntely they are easy targets for online abuse and can actually feed into and "bait" this kind of harmful interaction when hurting and angry. lilith in the tenth house needs to learn to find healthy outlets and become more reflective, less reactive.

uranus conjunct ascendant natives are bright, almost electrified. they can be prone to sudden epiphanies that show up in strange moments; sitting bolt upright in the middle of the night with a sudden realisation, for example. they can be chaotic, but when given space to breathe, they are brilliant, both in that they are clever and reflective with the energy to pull off everything they think up, and that they seem to sparkle. there is a clarity to their voice, their eyes, like they glow from within.

venus square the north node natives really struggle with being uncomfortable. they tend to be somewhat sensitive, and are irresistibly drawn to the beautiful, the soft and smooth. they just want to be comfortable, but this can lead to the native avoiding or dropping anything uncomfortable. if they want to grow and feel fuller in themselves, they will have to learn to thrive in challenging situations, without going too far in the opposite direction and not being able to listen to their instincts or enjoy anything in life.

libra suns with mercury in scorpio are an interesting mix, because they have the reflective sensitivity of libra and the stark and often quite brutal language of scorpio. they are often quite gifted writers, with a talent for the existential and deeply emotional. they aren’t as talkative as you’d expect a libra sun to be, and they are generally more somber, but with a dry, dark sense of humour and a disarming straightforwardness to them.

[klaus-littlestwolf]

Warning: SMUT! Oral (F receiving), loss of virginity, anal sex, brief mentions of SA

Tag List: @a-beaverhausen @ranisingsnew @ronswhoree @susannahmikaelson @skulliecadaver-blog @yeaiamme2 @nataliewalker93 @luz09

Series Masterlist

Getting passed the guards on the property was easier than he expected, climbing up and tapping on her window. Y/n looked over, confused by the sound before seeing him and letting Klaus see the adorable “stunned” expression she wore.

‘What are you doing here?! Have you lost your mind? You could have been shot at the party we were at, now imagine what my father will do to you here, in my bedroom no less…how did you get passed the guards?’ She wondered and he smirked, sending a jolt of excitement down her spine.

‘I’m very sneaky. I told you this wasn’t over, remember?’ He teased her and while she giggled, she moved passed him to the window, opening it again and looking around.

‘It was sweet of you to come here but you need to go. I don’t want to be the reason you-‘ he cut off her ramblings as she turned, pressing his lips to hers gently. ‘Well maybe you could stay for a moment.’

‘Just a moment.’ He assured her, kissing her again, their lips meeting roughly.

‘Then you have to…have to go-‘

‘Have to go.’ He agreed and stepped forward, leading Y/n backwards until her back hit the mattress. ‘God, you’re gorgeous, fucking beautiful!’ Klaus pressed his lips to her jaw once she stopped for air, pinning her down and continuing to kiss her neck, sucking a dark mark onto her perfect skin before sinking his fangs into her.

Klaus had always heard how a mates blood tasted better than any other person in the world and he could now attest to that. As her blood flooded his mouth he couldn’t repress the moan that escaped him, her hips humping up against his cock which was practically ready to explode in his pants like he was a 14 year old boy. Y/n’s fingers were buried in his short blond locks, holding tightly as he continued grinding his hips down and Klaus knew how desperate he was making her.

‘Such a good girl, letting Daddy take care of you like this.’ She made a soft mewling sound, unable to get any words to form on her lips as she panted, Klaus’ hands holding tight to her thighs and not letting up as he kept pushing his hard cock against her. ‘You’re gonna cum for me Princess, Daddy’s gonna get you nice and wet before you take my cock.’

‘Nngh…Daddy!’ She moaned, hands holding onto his back so tightly that if he were human he would definitely bruise.

‘That’s right baby, Daddy’s here, making your pussy feel so good…You’re gonna let Daddy fuck your pretty pussy, aren’t you? Gonna let Daddy love you just like you need.’ She nodded quickly, him rutting against her just right before her head hit the mattress and Klaus quickly clamped his hand over her mouth as she came with a loud cry, unable to stop herself and it was the cutest thing the Hybrid had ever seen. ‘Such a good girl, Princess, just relax, Daddy will take care of everything.’ Klaus promised, moving to pull his shirt over his head, feeling her warm fingers on his skin almost instantly. Her shirt came off next along with her sleep pants and panties, leaving her completely exposed to his mercy and she didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with that.

Klaus knew he needed to protect this girl, her father had really fucked her up if she’s this trusting with him already and he is just thankful that it’s him that found her this vulnerable. He’s going to take advantage of it of course, but he won’t hurt her, not at all. He’s going to make her feel so good she’ll never even think about leaving him.

‘Klaus…I’ve never-‘

‘I know. It’s alright, I’m gonna take such good care of you. You’re Daddy’s baby now, and Daddy takes care of what belongs to him.’ He unhooked his belt and pulled down both his pants and boxer briefs just enough to free his cock and her eyes went wide. Klaus didn’t have the longest cock but his was always the thickest women had ever had (a result of his werewolf genes even when dormant), and he knew he had to be gentle. He also knew that being gentle and making her first time perfect would ensure she trusted him even more as he knew every man who had ever flirted with her had been aggressive about it, probably scaring the poor innocent girl even more he realized as he saw the fear in her eyes that he decided he did not like from his mate. ‘Don’t be scared…we don’t have to do this, we can stop right now if you don’t-‘

‘No, please don’t? I want you to enjoy it, I can do that. I can make you feel good, Daddy.’

His wolf practically purred in his chest at the idea that his mate wants to please him and would clearly let him fuck her any which way he wanted…maybe even in my wolf form- He quickly cut off that line of thought from his beast before getting back on track.

‘Princess, I love that you want to make me happy but I need to take care of you. That’s a Daddy’s job. You are going to love every second of this and if I hurt you the tiniest bit you are to tell me right away…you’re mine now. I won’t hurt you, I won’t be like everyone else in your life…I promise.’ The tears welling up in her eyes were almost cute and she pulled him down to press her lips to his passionately, desperately, needy for him as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close so his cock now rested against her slit. He couldn’t control the groan that came from him when he felt her wet heat against his sensitive, hard length and he quickly took hold of himself and pressed into her slowly, pausing about halfway in when she squeaked suddenly. ‘Take a second and relax your muscles, that will help, relax for Daddy.’ Klaus pressed his lips to her neck, sucking hard and leaving a dark love bite on her perfect pale skin.

‘I’m okay. More.’ She urged and he smiled, pressing in further, not stopping this time until he bottomed out. ‘So full…didn’t know I could feel like this…please move?!’ Y/n begged and he obliged right away, pulling his hips back and easing back in again. He did that several more times before thrusting up into her and enjoying her squeal before clamping his hand over her mouth again.

‘There’s Daddy’s good girl, so fucking good for me!’ He growled, the beast in the back of his mind purring in contentment as his mate allowed him to take her as he wanted, thrusting into her like a man possessed. ‘Perfect fucking pussy, squeezing me so good! You have the most perfect cunt I’ve ever felt, like velvet wrapped around me. She’s treating Daddy so good, never gonna stop fucking you! You’re all mine now. My! Fucking! Pussy!’ He growled, a thrust punctuating his last 3 words before she squealed under his hand, squeezing his cock hard as she came before feeling something hot filling her up inside. It was a feeling that she immediately loved and wanted more of as Klaus pulled himself out of her pussy and kissed her face several times. He rolled off of her and pulled her to his side instantly, kissing her head and snuggling as they both relaxed.

‘Did you mean it?’ He looked down at where she rested on his chest, raising his brows in question. ‘When you said I’m all yours now…did you mean it or…or was this just a one time thing? I-I have to know cause…so many men want to fuck me. Some cause they want on my Dads good side…some cause they want to say they stuck their cock in James Barnes daughter, and a lot want to…doesn’t matter-‘

‘No, what were you going to say?’

‘It doesn’t matter, I-‘

‘It does matter, tell me…a lot of them want to what?’ He demanded, suddenly quite serious and she cringed.

‘A lot of men want revenge on my father and…I wasn’t supposed to know but a lot of men have threatened to…hurt me…to get back at him. He killed them of course but the point is I don’t just want to be used…I want someone to love me no matter how pathetic that sounds-‘

‘That doesn’t sound pathetic…my father was an abusive piece of shit and that’s all I wanted all my life too…I understand.’ He explained, feeling close enough to tell her something only his siblings are aware of.

‘The point is I just-I need to know if I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and never see you again. It’s okay if-if you just wanted to fuck me, I would understand but please tell me the truth?’

His mate doubted him. He couldn’t say he didn’t understand, she’s been through hell in her life and she knows how many men just want to use and abuse her, she’s smart to be cautious…If not a bit late about it. ‘There’s a lot I need to tell you about myself, but right now you need to know that I knew the moment I first saw you that you were it for me. I’m in love with you Y/n, and I could not physically care any fucking less about your father. In fact I want to take you right now out that window and never come back, keep you by my side for eternity and get away from this horrible environment-‘

‘You would run away with me?’ She asked, hope in her voice and he instantly knew she would go anywhere he wanted with him.

‘In a heartbeat. We’ll do it, we’ll run away together. Whenever you’re ready Princess, but you need to understand, I meant everything I said to you. You are mine, every inch of you and I will never need another women again. I will never be with anyone but you, this perfect little cunt-‘ he spoke, hand cupping her sex and feeling her wetness against his fingers instantly. ‘-is the only one I will ever need again. This body is Daddy’s now, all mine to play with however I want…isn’t it? You’ll let Daddy play with you, won’t you?’ She nodded quickly, panting like a dog in heat as the heel of his hand rubbed over her clit roughly. ‘Let Daddy fuck this pussy however I want…will you let Daddy play with all your holes?’ His wet fingers trailed back down her slit and pressed between her cheeks to find her tight little asshole waiting for him to play with. She gasped as he pressed against the tight muscle, rubbing over it firmly and watching her eyes flutter as she nodded her head quickly.

‘P-please? Please Daddy?’

‘Does Daddy have a desperate little anal slut on his hands? I bet you are, you’re gonna beg your Daddy to fuck your tight little bum. I will always make you feel good Babygirl.’ He told her, pushing 2 of his wet fingers into her tight hole. ‘I won’t fuck you like this until I can hear you scream as loud as you need to for me, Daddy can’t wait until he can hear every sound he can drag out of your slutty little mouth. Until then though-‘ he placed his other hand over her mouth before sliding down her body and pressing a kiss to her clit, licking up her slit and tasting their combined pleasure, his wolf purring once again from deep in his chest. He thrust his fingers into her asshole as he ate her out, desperate to make her cum all over again only to freeze when there was suddenly a loud knock at her door.

‘Y/n? What are those noises? Are you hurt?’ She didn’t respond, looking down at Klaus terrified but he just gestured for her to respond to Steve. ‘Answer me or I’m coming in, and I don’t care how dressed you are!’

‘Steve, I’m…I’m masterbating! And I don’t know how my dad would feel about you talking to me while my fingers are inside my cunt!’

‘Oh Jesus! Christ Y/n, just-just keep it down! Goodnight!’ He hissed, stomping off down the hall just before she moaned again, Klaus sucking her clit hard and curling his fingers just right before his mate suddenly squirt all over his mouth causing the moan that the Hybrid let out as he came on the blanket underneath him.

‘You are so fucking perfect!’ He panted, wiping his mouth before sliding up her body and pressing his lips to hers desperately.

Y/n took his face in her hands and caressed his stubbly jaw. ‘I want to leave this house. This state, I want to go have a life with you away from all of this horrible pain. My father is…he’s a monster and if we don’t go I’m going to have to watch him kill you next. Tell me we can go, I’ll grab my stuff, go right now and-‘

‘Shh, Shh, Shh. Wait a second Princess. Yes, we can go but not tonight. I need to make sure everything is done in the house first-‘

‘House?’ She wondered and Klaus looked down, feigning embarrassment.

‘I uh…I already found us a place…I hoped I could convince you to go with me. It’s a great place in the woods in Washington state, far away from here and from your fathers reach. I will make you happy Babygirl, I promise. Just give me 2 days. 2 days and we’re gone I promise.’

‘You promise?’

‘Promise. Now let Daddy hold you before I have to go.’ He kissed her head gently, holding her firmly against his body and wishing he didn’t have to let her go. ‘First night in the house I’m holding you all night long, I will wake up with my Princess in my arms and never let you go again.’

‘I…I love you Nik.’ Y/n whispered, nuzzling into his neck to drift off with her Daddy’s arms around her tired body.

‘I love you too, Princess. You’re all mine now. Don’t you forget it.’

And she was. Klaus would never let her go now, no matter what he had to do to ensure it.

Klaus Mikaelson Masterlist

[the-devils-girl94]

Reaction To Hearing That MC Has Been Injured Or Wounded: Dateables + Luke

((I finished up the version for the Dateables and added Luke as a bonus! Hope you guys enjoy!))

Diavolo:

• His reaction is less than princely. He can't believe you've been hurt in his realm, his kingdom. He spares no mercy in whoever is to blame for your injuries.

• He's so furious, so angry, that Barbatos has a hard time calming him down, even with reassurance that you're okay. The Prince's ire isn't something that can be easily quelled.

• He's swift to make changes to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. You're much to precious to lose, having stolen his heart along with the others.

• Even when his anger has subsided, he's filled with guilt and grief that he doesn't even think he could face you. He does with a push and shove from his butler and right hand man.

• When he sees you covered in bandages, his heart shatters at how fragile and vulnerable you look. He wants nothing more than to protect you.

• He takes charge in visiting you almost everyday, not even Barbatos can really stop him. (But he also understands and allows it.)

• He brings flowers, gifts, chocolates, and more to your bedside. Your room is filled to the brim with his presents that they overshadow the brothers.

• He vows that when you're all better, he'll take you on grand trip where it's just the two of you.

Barbatos:

• He knows that he saw it coming, but he still couldn't prevent you from getting injured.

• Though he's not one to show much emotion, he's beside himself with guilt and shame at failing to protect you.

• He almost can't bare to see you lying unconscious in your bed, heavily bandaged and the faint scent of your blood still staining your skin.

• From the moment you're injured, he's there by your side, taking care of your wounds by dressing and repressing them.

• He even asks for a bit of time off from the Young Master to see about you. Its the only way he can atone for his sin of not protecting you.

• As he dresses your wounds, he always leaves a kiss after the dressing is done. He's super affectionate when he's caring for you.

• Even before he leaves you for the day, he kisses your forehead and always reassures you that he'll be back tomorrow though he wears a pained expression as he says so because he doesn't want to leave in the first place.

Simeon:

• Hearing the news, he doesn't want to believe it. He rushed to where you are to confirm that it's not true and that you're fine, but when he's met by the silent brothers crowding around you and finally sees your unconscious body, he's overcome with an overwhelming emotion of grief.

• He silently cries by your bedside, holding your hand as he waits for you to wake up and smile again.

• He visits you everyday til you wake up and even volunteers to care for you until you can move and depend on yourself again. He'll even have majority of your stuff moved to Purgatory Hall, if possible, and have you stay in his room. It'd be much easier to look after you that way.

• He makes you meals, feeds you, and bathes you (though you are embarrassed about that last part).

• Plus he gets to see you smile as you recover and Luke gets to visit you everyday which is a plus.

Solomon:

• As soon as he hears the news, he rushes to go see you. To have lived for over a thousand years and still fear the loss of those close to him, he just wouldn't bear it if he lost you too. You're the only human he's gotten close to, knowing that human lives are fragile and fleeting.

• To see your injured body wrapped up in so many bandages and gauze, he's angry, crestfallen, and wondering if he can bare to still be around you, knowing that he'll live longer than you.

• It's only when you're awake that he perishes that thought and knows it would be foolish to distant himself when he has so many memories with you. But the fear of losing you in the blink of the eye has him rattled. (He might threaten Death to leave your soul alone so you can be immortal like him.)

• He also visits you everyday, much to the displeasure of the brothers.

• He often comes bearing gifts and stays well past midnight, leaving through your window once you fall asleep.

• He doesnt even tell you that he doesn't fall asleep when he leaves. Instead hes staying up in his room to make a potion that will heal all your wounds and scars.

• He succeeds but gets heavily scolded by you when you notice the bags under his eyes. He hugs you, saying that he'd do it all over again if it's for you.

Luke:

• He couldn't believe it. The tears would not stop until he knew you were okay, but even when you regained consciousness, he still couldn't stop crying.

• He never knew there would come a day where he would see just how fragile a human life can truly be. To see you in bandages and your skin marred with more scratches and deep cuts, he had never felt such fear and sadness grip him the way it did when he saw you that day.

• In his fear, he didn't visit you for a while because he thought that if he touched you, you would break and he would never see you again.

• He would have nightmares where he'd wake up and go to Simeon's room to cry. Its only when Simeon convinces him to go see you because you're sad that your favorite angel hasn't come to see you. And he decides to be strong for you.

• He doesn't stay strong for long because as soon as he saw you, the tears bubbled up again and he rushed to your side as soon as you opened your arms to him.

• He promised to never leave your side again and that he'll stay with you until you're all better.

[bthump]

Although both characters absolutley hate being too vulnerable with each other, which of do the two do you think would end up open up about their feelings first? personally, i think it would be Griff but ahsdhs i still feel like it's not something he would easily let out unless there were specific circusmtances involved.

I fully trust your knowledge on Griffith, Guts, and their relationship in general so who do you think would open up about their feelings towards each other first? Of course, in a context where Guts never left the hawks lol.

Thanks for your interest in my opinion!

Personally my take is it would probably be Guts, because imo he's the one who's more aware of his feelings, and able to talk about them. I think Griffith didn't even consciously realize how important Guts was to him until he ended up in a torture chamber. He can't even admit to himself that Guts is his friend during the Golden Age.

Guts, on the other hand, at least knows he wants to be Griffith's friend and has told other people, so it's (slightly) less of a leap to imagine him telling Griffith how he feels.

But honestly a big barrier for me when it comes to either Griffith or Guts declaring their love is that I think they both have the kind of internalized homophobia that makes them see themselves as inherently evil/predatory for same sex attraction. The way both their backstories involve csa trauma while they're nearly canonically in love with each other and super repressed about it, and both hating themselves and seeing themselves as monsters in addition to that... it all fits together very well.

But yeah if one of them is going to a) recognize their own feelings, and b) talk themselves through it and work up the nerve to confess those feelings, I think it'd be Guts. Especially because he's in a pretty emotionally healthy place during most of the Golden Age, comparatively, while I think Griffith is more emotionally fucked up during the Golden Age, thanks to the pressure of his dream. Like Guts is getting a bit less self-loathing during the three years with the Hawks, a bit more secure in his own acceptance, but Griffith is still very trapped in a cycle of guilt and self-loathing and needing to believe his dream is the most important thing.

This is all assuming that Guts doesn't overhear the Promrose Hall speech, because I think if he did no amount of self-reflection would get him to confess his feelings to Griffith. As far as he's concerned after hearing that, Griffith has already rejected him.

That said, if there's some kind of catalyst I could pretty easily imagine either making the first move, though I imagine it more like an impulsive kiss that they're then forced to deal with, rather than a confession. Guts nearly dies and Griffith gives him a thank god you're alive kiss, or they're drunk and someone gets impulsive, that kind of thing. It's a lot easier for me to make the kiss/sex come first, and the talking/self-reflection come after for them lol. So yeah I could definitely see Griffith being the one making the first move, but like you said it def depends on the circumstances.

Thanks for the ask!

btw if you want to share what circumstances you think would spur Griffith to say something first, pls do, I'm curious!

[the-meadowlarks-cradle]

Aesop Carl Regressor Headcanons

First request of the blog! Apologies this has been a little slow to get out, life got pretty busy (ówò" ) I love aesop and these headcanons were fun to write, thank you anon who requested them!!

Theyre under the cut 🫶 hope you enjoy!

- I think Aesop would regress as a trauma response, first and foremost. It's involuntary, for him, and he finds a lot of parts of his regression to be rooted in his trauma - such as the loss of his mother and how bad of a caretaker Jerry was. As a result, I feel that it's a part of Aesop that he tries to keep hidden away, due to how hard it is to manage - and if he ever were to get a caregiver he would be very clingy toward them as they'd be trusted with such a vulnerable part of him.

- He would find most things tiring and would get super drained from most activities. He would also get overwhelmed by most tasks way easier, due to being autistic on top of being small, which would be another reason why he represses it so much. He would be afraid to ask for help though, he doesn't want to feel like a burden on his CG - and he would need a lot of patience and coaxing into realising he's allowed to ask for help.

- Nap time of course is his favourite time because of this. He would love to pick a story out for his CG to read, he loves being able to wear whatever clothes feel softest and best to him, and he finds nothing more comforting than cuddling up and falling asleep to the sound of his carer's voice as they read him one of his favourite stories... despite the fact he would be more prone to nightmares (but he'd love his carer calming him even more). He'd also really like bath time I think too! He loves being clean, and it's a nice way for him to deal with sensory problems - for some reason the water and bubbles make it easier to ground himself.

- I think Aesop would find talking the hardest thing to do while small honestly. He's already so shy that social situations tend to stress him out and he barely wants to interact with anyone - baby aesop would get so stressed and anxious trying to talk and most of the time it'd come out as soft babbling and fretful whining as he's trying his hardest to communicate. His CG would have to be very good at yes/no questions, they work the best as they require the least strain.

- I don't think Aesop's interest in death would lessen however, I just think it would manifest in more innocent ways. He would be more like a curious child - well, because he is - and I feel Aesop would enjoy still talking about it in a more child friendly manner. He would still like to learn and be told about embalming amd mortuary work, this is his version of learning about dinosaurs in all honesty.

- I also think Aesop is actually Less likely to stim as a kiddo, or show any autistic traits unless he's told that he's allowed to. Since Aesop got extremely shunned and bullied as a kid for his autism, it'd make sense he would be afraid of showing anything that would make him seem "weird" or "different" to other people. It would mean a lot for his caregiver to tell him that being himself is okay, and a lot of being his CG would be helping Aesop be himself in a lot of ways, shapes and forms.

- But once he accepts that help and love, tiny Aesop would be such a loving and close little. As hard as things are to do in his regressed state, he would really go out of his way to make his CG feel important to him - they would be more so shown in the ways of him opening up to them and letting his caregiver get closer, as that is the biggest sacrifice he feels he can give, but it is a gesture of thanks, and how much he appreciates he can trust his carer.

[punch-love]

I actually find it funny that you like writing wade soo much more than writing Peter because your wade is just soooo incredible. And I think it’s because a lot less people can write a character or the characteristics of someone like wade. Like it’s a pretty rare attribute compared to writing Peter. Peter’s characteristics is just easier to write in general I feel (idk unless u think I’m wrong feel free to correct me?) and it’s funny that the harder character to write is the one you find much easier and much more fun lol

Wade is by far the easiest and most enjoyable character I've ever written for, and it does delight me to no end whenever people think my work with him is good.

I think the thing about Wade is that you have to be willing to go there, and also accept that he's not a good person and that everything he does is a reflection of that. Wade is genuinely morally fucked, and you have to embrace that wholeheartedly. I never have to think when I'm writing Wade, I just write. There's very little brain to mouth traction happening to him -- he is a very intelligent character -- but he also lacks shame and fear, and that means you rarely have to think twice when it comes to what he's doing and why. There's a delightful selfishness that seeps in every aspect of what he's doing and how he's doing it. Also, he thinks all of his actions are justifiable and anyone that stops/limits him/critiques him is wrong and/or he's ignoring it regardless. Also, he's an extrovert.

I think of the two of them, I do relate with Wade more. I am extroverted and do cope with trauma through humor and so I think I use him as my voice-box to be funny. I can't actually live life as violently as him, but he's a really fun outlet regardless. His vulnerability that exists effortlessly alongside authenticity is something I really, really love. I like that he's a bad person who does good things, but not at the expense of losing the parts of him that are terrible.

That being said, PETER IS SO HARD TO WRITE. I think the reason so many people find him easy is because they don't actually understand his character/only see him as a foil and/or bottom for Wade! I've actually talked about this with some of my writer friends about how, technically, anyone CAN write Wade (with varying degrees of success) because everyone generally has some agreed upon aspects of his character but so few people understand Peter that he's almost always OOC or badly written in a lot of fan works. I very rarely read a good Peter, because most people do not write Peter they write twink with a Job, or Man who bottoms, or Nerd with little to no personality.

Peter, unlike Wade is always in a state of contraction. He doesn't believe in killing, but he's always repressing violence, he's a good guy at heart but a total asshole in every other regard, he's a wisecracker who isn't actually funny, he's a traumatized man who refuses to acknowledge that trauma, he's in 10000 levels of self-denial that he doesn't actually know what he's thinking or feeling 90% of the time. Peter doesn't know himself, and doesn't want to, so writing him is a constant layer of trying to tell the truth through the perspective of someone who doesn't want to even be in his own brain and lies to himself constantly. Peter is a puzzle that you have to solve blind and backwards. Wade is whatever you think he is, and then you crank it 9 more levels for the fun of it.

All that to say, I love the compliment and while I do disagree with you on who's the harder to WRITE (at least for me, and in my biased opinion, the majority of the fandom) I do think that I write Wade in a way that embraces all of his violence and amorality and complication without trying to justify or romanticize him, and it's always flattering when someone says. "That asshole! I like what you've done with the place." I do too. Writing him is truly its own reward.

[liyazaki]

the divine in me; the divine in you

break-ups are as varied as people: they can be explosive, resigned, bitter or filled with the blame game. let's be real, anger's easier- & sometimes, very much justified.

but more often than not, break-ups are less about right or wrong, & more about people not being right for each other. it still hurts like hell, but no one's at fault. no one's the villain- it just is.

a relationship's end can be mature, achingly honest- even kind. it's rare that I get to see one acted out so beautifully, but we were blessed with just that by Nara & Patts.

this show has established that some people believe in the concept of soulmates wholeheartedly, while others look at it as a scientific phenomenon they don't have an explanation for yet.

regardless of where Nara stands on the issue, knowing your partner will always have an intimate connection with someone else that you'll never be able to replicate or 'compete' with? it's enough to put the most stable relationship on rocky ground. she also gets that this wasn't Patts’ choice- it just happened to him, as much as it happened to her.

these are two people who had the best intentions for each other & their relationship…no deceit or asinine misunderstandings to be found here.

& technically, they've been broken up for awhile. Patts doesn't 'owe' Nara anything. but pain doesn’t stop just because the break-up is over, & Patts knows this.

he values Nara enough to want to make sure she knows how much he appreciated their time together. he's taking the time to honor their relationship, & the impact it had on both of them.

& Nara- oh, Nara. it takes an incredible amount of bravery to be vulnerable in front of the person who is the cause of your hurt.

there are valuable things to be found in our pain- things you'll miss for weeks, years, or even a lifetime if you choose to run away from them. the fact that these two chose to lean into the hurt makes it clear what their values are: honesty, connection- compassion.

Patts made sure that Nara understands how grateful he is to her, that it was never his intention to hurt her- while acknowledging the fact that they cannot be together. he didn't balk at her tears or make excuses- he met her in her pain with quiet understanding.

& for Nara to be held- literally, figuratively- & acknowledged by maybe the only person who knows exactly what she's going through?

I don't know if this was intentional, but as a queer person, this scene resonated with me on a whole other level, too. not so long ago, I had to tell a man I love that I couldn't love him the way he needed anymore.

I repressed who I was for so long, & I couldn't unknow what I now know about myself. I'll never forget the kindness & compassion he showed me in the midst of his own pain. at the end of the day, he just wants me to be happy- & I want exactly that for him, too.

it makes me think of the literal translation of namaste- "the Divine within me bows to the same Divine within you.” the love was real. the pain was real. this was real- it still is. it matters.

that's love. it just "exists in another way now."

[strangestcase]

honestly it was already obvious with Jekyll saying he can get rid of Hyde any time he wants, as if Hyde wasnt a person to him but an addiction he fails to realize he is struggling with, but Hyde very much symbolizes Jekyll's addiction (to the drug/to being a bad person/to the euphoria both give him, etc, compare and contrast with: cocaine, alcohol; remember how prevalent alcohol is in this book? how the salts on Jekyll's table look like powdered cocaine? that's deliberate!)

and later, when Jekyll gets to narrate and describes the abstinence syndrome (from taking the potion/being Hyde) as he attempts to quit cold turkey as Hyde struggling for freedom (Hyde the addiction), then compares himself to an alcoholic when he talks about how he eventually consumed again (Hyde the drug)... and later as he describes his constant fixes as Hyde struggling to be born, born of him, overtake all he is or can be.

Then, as the transformations become more unstable he needs more serum, now no longer to experience a high but to REMAIN "normal", to remain "himself", to avoid experiencing pain which in this case comes from the transformations (into Hyde, remember, Hyde the addict) taking on the role of that very same abstinence syndrome, pushing him to consume whether he likes it or not.

what's more, during the last chapter, it seems that Jekyll transforms randomly into Hyde, but he associates those transformations to moments of mental vulnerability: any sort of moral weakness, faltering, even falling asleep, when he's most in touch with the subconscious mind that Hyde embodies!

So. knowing Stevenson was an addict as well... he anthropomorphized addiction as Hyde as much as Jekyll did. He gave it a face and a name (Edward Hyde), and meanwhile, as an echo of his creator, Jekyll takes his symbolic addiction and casts it away from him.

Notice how at first, Jekyll only refers to Hyde as "he", as someone other, when he's specifically talking about Hyde as a persona alone, as a side of himself; by the end of the narrative, he does so because he's disgusted of what he has become, because Hyde can't be human, and eventually Jekyll reasons he also can't even be a living thing, just something that can mimic life, something that can mimic a person. Which starts making sense when you take that for an allegory of addiction, and not a literal description.

the more evident it becomes for Jekyll that he's addicted to his creation (again- Hyde as the drug), that he's losing his body and mind to it, that it is a disease that is killing him, the less he wants to accept he is Hyde (the addict), but can only fight to keep him under control, can't kill him. likewise, as the addiction metaphor becomes more and more evident, Hyde also becomes more self-destructive, attacking and tormenting Jekyll out of pure spite, regardless of wether Jekyll is Hyde or not at the moment, because the addiction is always there even when you can't see it...

when you start the narrative it's clear that Hyde symbolizes the addict in Jekyll and the substance he craves, what has killed him, eventually taking over so much time of his life..., but also, the pervasive nature of addiction itself, in its most abstract and painful form. substance abuse can't create, only destroy.

And as a result, the story becomes more powerful and terrifying. Hyde becomes a formidable monster when you come to realize, you could be like him. You could be forced to fight him, to outsmart him, every day of your life, just like Jekyll, if the right circumstances arose. The monster is addiction. Something many readers might be familiar with, or also struggle with. The monster is in you. And it becomes all the easier to pity Jekyll even despite the horrible things he's done and allowed to happen- because what else there is to do in that situation? Who wouldn't turn to consume, even knowing the risks, in an oppressive, repressive society that rewards you for doing so?

So, that's why Hyde works so well as a villain, in my opinion. Not only he is a metaphor for the reader to decipher, but a metaphor within the universe of the story itself.

[lacrimosathedark]

As an acespec person who is likely some kind of arospec too, Alastor ships give me mixed feelings.

Like, I'm extremely uncomfortable with people really sexualizing Alastor, especially in art. It feels...gross. At the same time, I see people staunchly against people shipping Alastor in any way that's not platonic, which...makes me frustrated.

Look, he is canonically ace, but 1. asexuality has levels, 2. Alastor has no idea what ace means, and 3. words are stupid.

I had no idea I was nonbinary or ace as a kid. I knew how I felt, but I thought it was within the range of "normal". I thought I was "just a person" and "a romantic". I thought I was "picky", and that's why everyone was having crushes while I was chill by myself or with friends. I thought maybe I was scared at the idea of being that vulnerable with someone as someone with anxiety, trust issues, and who grew up falling asleep to Law and Order SVU. And I'm a Zillenial.

Alastor is from a whole other century, in a much more repressive society. If I today needed the internet to figure out that my experience is abnormal and there's a word for it, back when the internet wasn't a thing and queer circles were trying to hide from sight, how the fuck is he gonna know? Especially when he loathes seemingly anything that's past his time, which the concept isn't but the term is as is the way he might find out about it. Fuck, we know he doesn't know what ace means.

He also has no reason to seek out an answer. I wasn't looking when I found my answers. I stumbled upon people who shared experiences who had words that clicked with me. Hell, it'd be easier to think it's normal with how much "waiting until marriage" has been historically pushed. He doesn't know there's even something to look for.

In all likelihood, he thought the "right person" might come along someday, but he also had other priorities and didn't care if he found them or not. Why would I go searching for a love I may never find when I can spend my time focusing on my career, dancing with friends, and plotting various murders? That sounds like a lot more fun and a more effective use of time, wouldn't you agree?

And look, in general "finding the right person" isn't a "cure" for asexuality anyway. Except it can look like that on the surface if someone is anything other than 100% sex-repulsed asexual. And (allos writing aces don't seem to know this) sex-repulsion can also be very spectrum-y too, and actively fluctuate.

I'm demisexual, and would actually consider myself sex-repulsed. I have never liked viewing sexual images or videos, it makes me borderline nauseous. I absolutely will not read pure smut. The concept of engaging in sexual activity myself makes me cringe. To me, sex generally brings to mind too much physical contact and gross bodily fluids. I'm disgusted by even getting other peoples' sweat on me. I'm okay listening to friends talk about their interactions only to a limited extent--I need to be able to have distance and not be given extreme detail.

But if I think about someone I actually like, or if I'm reading a story that has had a buildup in the relationship, it's...nice. It's a very different experience. It seems less like too much touch and gross bodily fluids and more like intimacy. It's...I'd almost call it pleasant? It's hard to describe, but it's a complete shift in mindset depending on circumstances. Most of my inherent reflexive disgust just goes away.

There's a chance Alastor could be like that. He is, quite clearly, some kind of sex-repulsed (thank you Angel Dust) but that doesn't completely block him out of sexual interest. But Angel is...excessive about that side of his personality. And that could be part of why the repulsion seems so strong with him. There are levels of tolerance. I can watch Hazbin Hotel and Angel Dust, but I can't comfortably watch Helluva Boss because the first episode Stolas is...very explicit. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit through. (this also isn't a judgement of whether it's a good show or not, it's just not for me)

And even if Alastor doesn't experience attraction, he could still have sexual engagement with someone for other reasons. I don't think we have solid confirmation that he's aro, but even then that is again a spectrum and Alastor has no inkling on the concept.

He could involve himself in sex because he has romantic feelings for someone and that outweighs his disgust. Or perhaps even intense platonic feelings, disconnecting the act of sex from romance entirely. QPPs can do anything they want and honestly I feel like those labels are super blurry anyways, because what denotes an action as romantic or sexual or platonic besides intent and perception? Like, friends can cuddle, happy lovers can sleep in separate beds, people joke about kissing the homies good night. Words are messy and nothing matters.

He could also use it as a manipulation tactic. Because if there's one thing we know about Alastor, it's that he's a manipulative little shit. And while the reward would need to be extremely high, I could see Alastor using someone's attraction to him against them in that way. Why would he not use every tool at his disposal?

And from personal experience, a lot of writing in the fandom is through the lens of Alastor being non-sex-repulsed asexual, or otherwise demi- or greysexual. And while I could definitely use more fluidity in the sex-repulsion category (cuz unfortunately a lot of people write it as either completely repulsed or not repulsed whatsoever), at least a good number of people are trying to be respectful. Just because they ship Alastor with someone doesn't mean they are being disrespectful or casting aside his orientation by default.

And while Alastor being enthusiastic about it is extremely ooc and I hate that with my very soul, people are allowed to play with fictional characters how they want to. They aren't real. Neither are the Barbies whose faces you smashed together as a kid. They aren't actively hurting real people, and don't necessarily think differently of real ace people.

I'm aware that I may be projecting my sexuality onto Alastor given that he has shown sex-repulsion that I relate to. Maybe I think the idea of him being romantically involved with someone is cute. Maybe I don't mind the idea of him doing sexual things for love or other personal gain like power or control. But who the fuck am I hurting by doing that? Who is anyone hurting by doing that?

And dude, you're watching a show about redeeming sinners, showing that some of the worst people can change and puritanical people are irrationally judgemental asshats. Someone portraying an ace character as not 100% sex-repulsed is a weird line to draw there.

If you're a 100% sex repulsed asexual who's uncomfortable with people shipping Alastor, that's perfectly fine. But not every asexual completely shares your experience, and life itself is uncomfortable. And for better or worse that isn't going to change. I suggest you simply avoid engaging as much as you can for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Blocking tags and accounts is actually great for that. Someone doesn't have to be a dick for you to block them, and you won't have to see their content anymore. Tumblr Savior is a helpful tool too.

This is my very longwinded way of saying just because Alastor is aroace doesn't mean he can't be in a romantic-coded relationship, a qpp that isn't specifically stated to be such, or engage in sexual acts. And writing him ooc is icky but also completely fine and people can do what they want.

[crushedsweets]

in your au, what kinds of people do the different pastas target?

HIIII ok omg im literally working on my little website w all the info rn so i love this ask..

operator targets vulnerable people he can use 2 get out of the forest

slenderman targets whoever the operator took control of so he can """save""" them (moreso redirect them..) tim, brian, toby, and kate focus purely on keeping cryptids within the forest + humans out of it. tim brian and toby will also seek out people in nearby cities/counties who are way too into the paranormal and will stalk them, scare them off, steal their evidence, etc. they only kill people if necessary (but toby and kate are guilty of getting carried away when its totally not necessary) natalie started by treating it as a form of 'therapy' and related it back to her childhood abuse, so prob wealthier abusive men/older boys.. but she's kinda having like a terrifying revelation of how fucked up she's making her life so .

jack doesn't kill (he takes what jeff and others bring him) BUT if they're not bringing him anything for a long time, he'd target grown/tall adults cuz. more meat.. bigger organs.. lasts longer. some weird logic (and he feels less guilty if theyre like middle age)

sally doesnt desire and isnt capable of killing, but she will sometimes haunt houses with newborn babies . jus cuz she likes babies and thinks shes protecting them even tho it scares the living shit out of the families

ben also doesn't kill but he HAUNTS THE FUUUCK out of people. usually kids/teens cuz its funnier that way and nobody believes them. he's literally just an internet troll jeff targets women and girls mostly.. he just thinks theyre more fun to chase plus ''''objectively easier to kill'''' and he isn't exactly the epitome of health and strength liu(+sully) jane and nina don't and haven't killed anybody. liu is trying to repress, sully is trying to get shit figured out, jane wants jeff in prison, and nina is just chronically online and got caught stalking liu so she got roped into their problems + eventually the operator

there's other characters i wanna put in like helen and dina and ann and whatever bc i feel like natalies really out of place in this story so i think more like her balance it out, but i don't want to clutter it too much so yk..

[2n2n]

Don’t you think Tsunene kiss is a bit early? Like Nene-chan barely KNOWS Tsukasa at this moment, she never questionned what happened in the Red House… I think I’d like to have seen it in volume 22 or later, when she was "more interested" in him. Nonetheless it’s freaking interesting because she knows he’s a Yorishiro, so maybe he will try to convince her to destroy him……: so many possibilities

Why does Nene-chan need to know much about Tsukasa in order to be kissed by him? He's a social reject undead 13 year old ... While I understand if it is outside of your taste, it makes typical sense for a pairing in this manga, specifically. I'm not sure how much you think Hanako knows about Nene-chan, early manga, when he begins flirting with her… ? Doesn't our manga OPEN with Hanako doing some quite out of pocket things, drawing Nene-chan into being confused & questioning of his intentions towards her? She questions his sincerity all the way up to the Far Shore ... the Yugi man... you're asking too much for any twin to do things in the right order at the right time.........

Hanako, day 1 meeting Nene-chan, asserts them as a 'couple',

and QUICKLY sets into AGGRESSIVELY flirting with her! He admits to not caring about her life at this point-- this is purely physical ... (the sincerity comes later.)...

Amane wastes no time "getting to know" or "becoming interested in" Nene-chan, he does not give her much time or opportunity to "get interested in" or "get to know" him.

Hanako, meanwhile, he is quite immediately captivated by Nene-chan at first sight…

and binds her to him quickly. And that is a beautiful/romantic thing for our fated lovers.

Not long into their friendship (which can only exist in the brief hours between and after classes, give or take some spare moments), Hanako is kissing her …

How much does Nene-chan know about Amane, here, in volume 2? Any more than she knows about Tsukasa, right now? Arguably less???

Amane at age 8 is flirting with Nene-chan and asserting she is his type in, oh surely only an hour at best, of knowing her… he's a kid, his feelings are simple…

This isn't bad writing or something, it's just AidaIro's preference for romance; quite instant. Sumire did not know anything about Hakubo, when meeting him, but he was a handsome guy, she childishly and immediately is in love, and is in love for good! Who is to say a quickly-and-stupid-onset-romance can't become something earthshattering and beautiful? Who is to say a childish, impulsive start, ignorant of each other, is sloppy or 'too quick'? That's just an odd criticism to me, as a fan of all the pairings in this manga. I think KouMitsu is THE slowest individuals out here, and legitimately it's so slow for me it's unromantic fkldsfjslgg.glkjkljl.... meeting someone, forgetting about them,, keep forgetting about them,, have other crush, is like, ough its a struggle for me. Not how MY romance worked LOL!

While it took a long time for HanaNene to kiss on the lips, that has a LOT more to do with AMANE's specific hang-ups about vulnerability, fear of being attached, avoidance to take things seriously… his concept of 'having no future' and etc !! THINGS TSUKASA DOES NOT HAVE… as Tsukasa is not repressed, like Amane! I think if Amane was true to his heart, he'd have kissed Nene-chan full-on much sooner, but he's naturally avoidant of confession and earnestness!!! Amane would wait for the other party to confess, rather than confess himself! Amane is defensive and rude!!! Tsukasa is simply the type to not hide anything he's feeling. So a mouth kiss is easier for him to, do.

By comparison to Amane, in some respects, Tsukasa has been quite slow and observant… lol. I would argue Tsukasa has offered her more information & background on both himself and Amane in his forays with her, leading her to the bookstacks, to nowhere, meeting her at the Red House... though he has had less two-sided conversation, less time. These are interesting differences. I don't see how one is worse or more rapidfire. Amane hides his truth & lies a lot. If not for Tsukasa, Nene-chan would not know enough about Amane to fall so hard for him, perhaps. Through Amane's romance with her, Tsukasa gets to see quite a lot of Nene's personality. HanaNene in this way fuels TsuNene, and vice versa.

I think Tsukasa has observed Nene-chan quite a lot, is childish, and has precious little social connections at all; I think Nene-chan stands out A LOT! We know Tsukasa observes a lot of what goes on, truly at an unknown frequency. I think he could know as much about Nene-chan as Amane does, though as mostly an observer ... though, we don't know what sort of development they could have when Tsukasa is 12 (: Tsukasa's timeline is funky ! Disordered !!! He can't act normal, haha.

Tsukasa is childish… for Tsukasa, I think the kiss makes sense. I'm only shocked that little guy can really just up and kiss a girl ... I feel like it's taken him quite a long time .... she made her first impression when he was 4 ... much to daydream about, that mysterious girl.

Nene-chan had been lost & confused the entire early portion of Amane's pursuing of her... I'm afraid these Yugi twins both have poor romantic candor. They're quite insistent, aren't they? You have no idea if they like you or not, you get harassed, you get grabbed and pulled around and kissed willy-nilly with no explanation at all, you get suddenly claimed as property and made to follow commands … ! I'm afraid both Yugi are like that to Nene-chan, so I do not see why Tsukasa is unbelievable or too fast with it…!

Criticizing the trajectory and then immediately thinking of the destruction... I'm not with you anon, as much as I think Tsukasa being open to Nene-chan destroying him is in and of itself huge and romantic of him, a beautiful display of trust, placing her into the same position he would place Amane in.... I would like them to finally talk, alone, especially given time is frozen, and Tsukasa has longer than the duration of a school day ... I hope he can take her someplace the frozen clock can't effect... she has so much to process hahahaha ... she just starts accepting one Yugi twin likes her, and here comes the other one kissing her without a proper explanation ....

[inscrutable-shadow]

Whumptober 2023 Day 10 - Coda

@whumptober-archive

No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”

Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you’d never leave.”

this... isn't canon lol. and i guess a form experiment is the "coy is running out of time for ideas" default XD

Luka is the Doc's ex-spouse/QPP that they would never talk about ever to anyone even if they hadn't forced themselves to repress the details. Have their last conversation before Luka walked out with their children.

contains: angst

also available on ao3!

“I’m leaving.”

“All right, then.”

“I don’t mean I’m going out. I’m taking the kids and I’m leaving.”

“All right, then.”

“And? Look at me, Rowan.”

“Best of luck to you?”

“You don’t even care that you’ll never see the kids again?”

“I believe that between the two of us, it is clear who is better equipped to care for them. My feelings on the matter are irrelevant.”

“That’s it? Ten years and your feelings are irrelevant?”

“What response would you prefer, Luka? If I were to fall to my knees, sobbing and begging you to stay, you would only see it as confirmation that I am cruel and manipulative and that you are right to continue on your course. You uncovered information that altered your desire to continue with the relationship. It would be futile for me to attempt to hold you.”

“I guess, but… don’t you feel any sort of remorse?”

“I make my choices very carefully, Luka. My only regret is that you had to find out this way.”

“So that you couldn’t smooth it over with lies.”

“Not lies. You are easy to distract with displays of vulnerability and professions of love. You would have forgotten key details and what remained would have been easily explainable. A few sessions of therapy would have been trivial to fake making progress in, and the matter would have dropped.”

“Oh, so you really are just a manipulative bastard.”

“That would be easier, wouldn’t it? To believe that the person you saw on those tapes, gleefully hacking through subjects, and the person with whom you have raised your children could not coexist, that one must be false and the other true. It is a lie I tell myself rather frequently as well. Is that what you would like me to say to you?”

“Rowan—”

“Is not my name, you know. An alias, like every other name I have used since adulthood. Everything I have told you has been a lie. I have never cared for you. I am not capable of that sort of emotional attachment. I found you useful and entertaining, nothing more. You were an experiment, and now the research is concluded. Does that comfort you?”

“... How much of it is true?”

“Ah, now that is the question. Not every falsehood has its root in ill intent. You told me when we were much younger that you would never allow me to push you away, no matter how hard I tried. Now look at us. Older, wiser, less idealistic. Seeing the world as it is.”

“...Goodbye, Rowan.”

“Live well, Luka.”

this is not what people on the doc's taglist usually expect to see but let's gooo: @athenswrites @i-eat-worlds @demondamage

[distortedsense]

Religion is generally a tool for hierarchical control but people become much less extreme when their material needs are looked after and they’re not being repressed. Access to good education naturally reduces peoples’ vulnerability to religion and makes people less likely to be bigoted if they do become religious. Railing against people for following one religion or another isn’t enough to heal the world, they aren’t dumb, bigoted and religious on purpose because they’re evil, they’re usually just very undereducated. The only people doing it on purpose are those in control at the top who create the conditions and promote religion to serve their desires for greater control over the people they make more vulnerable. Religion doesn’t alone cause people to become hateful, it’s just a wrench that makes it easier to turn people that way.

[sowthetide]

Before I clog up your comments on the last chapter, a few more observations from rereading:

1. Alyn and Oberyn should meet. It could go really well or really badly.

2. Baelor has been avoiding the main characters for a long time! What's he up to? He and Quen have so much in common, I really hope they get the chance to be friends.

3. Yuselen is not subtle about hinting about who his father is. Is Quen too self-absorbed to notice or so sensibly frightened of Euron that she is in denial? Both? Either way, I also hope that she acknowledges him as her cousin, preferably somewhere Jon can make a face about it.

A. Off topic, but Quen and Theon seem much more scared of Euron than Asha is. Asha could be stubbornly repressing childhood memories, but I suspect that Theon/Quen is so much like Aeron that Euron was deliberately recreating his Evillest Hits. And maybe it's more enjoyable for him to torment the most sensitive relatives.

#1: I won't spoil, but there will be some degree of overlap between the Orkwoods and Martells later on. In a non-soul-crushing context, even!

#2: Baelor has his own schemes going on with Harras- nothing nefarious per se, but Baelor & Harras are obviously going to conduct themselves differently from most other ironborn. Harras' mother was from the westerlands (House Serrett), so he'll treat Fair Isle (relatively) gently. Similarly, Baelor is probably doing the best he can to avoid going toe-to-toe with the Redwyne Fleet (given that he has a Beesbury for a mother). We haven't seen the last of either of them, though, I promise ;-)

#3: Yep! Euron's bastard & salt sons really stuck out to me in the books- how horrific their lives must be, what they think about Euron, about their mothers, about themselves, etc. Then I read dwellingondreams' Last Serving Daughter, and I was left even more fascinated by the potential of Euron's salt sons. Yuselen isn't exactly subtle about his parentage, but who pays attention to salt sons? They're basically furniture, beasts of burden, mindless foot soldiers for their lordly fathers, in that awkward/thorny limbo between common men and noblemen.

I considered having Yus be a vessel for Euron (in the same way Euron is suspected of skin-changing all of the members of his crew), but that's a big can of worms and honestly, I also liked the idea that Yus had simply been forgotten in the chaos. Euron has no regard for his salt/bastard sons:

[Victarion:] "They are of your body." [Euron:] "So are the contents of my chamber pot. None is fit to sit the Seastone Chair, much less the Iron Throne. No, to make an heir that's worthy of him, I need a different woman..."

And it's that disregard that allows Yus to escape him. It also worked out well with Wex, as Yus is really good at interpreting mute people (gee I wonder why...)

A. You noticed that, huh? 👀 I sort of buy theories about Rodrik and Maron (and even Asha) also being abused by Euron, but I think Euron is more... purposeful than that (yuck). It's not about sex, it's about fear and control, and I think you're right that Euron would probably get the most enjoyment/amusement out of recreating his dynamic with Aeron with Quen/Theon. In this fic, it was my intent to portray Euron as pursuing Quen not just because she's the most vulnerable target, but also because he wants to torment Aeron in particular. You can also imagine Quen/Theon as having received the least positive attention from Balon, so it's easier for Euron to use that to his advantage.

goddcoward is an Aeron scholar, and their thoughts about Euron-Aeron-Theon have got me climbing the walls of my enclosure tbqh. Once I get the Discord up and running, I can guarantee that they'll be chucking Aeron grenades at us.